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wonderful! I can relate so much to that. reading it through 'your' perspective makes goosebumps arise all over again. dying has also been the most horrifying and the most wonderful experience in 'my' life <3 I have many anchors as well. I guess the first step to letting go of them is to become aware of us having them. then seeing their true nature: nothingness. it hurts to realize that those anchors are hollow and only constructed by ourselves in a desperate attempt to give meaning and purpose to our existence. nice healing experience <3 it hurts so much to let go of people we fell in love with ..I know that very well. but it's time to realize that illusion. it will open the gates to true, unconditional love! happy for you, nice report <3

So, LSD whooped my ass to say the least. I decided to take a breakthrough dose because I had taken 100-150ug doses before and handed them without a problem, even tho 150ug was starting to get difficult. So, I took the 200ug and instantly I felt as if I was dying literally. I began panicking and trying to hold on to myself but I was dying out really fast. As time went on reality started breaking down and eventually that is when death came. Reality turned into nothingness and I went back to nothingness. It was shocking, I died and left my body and went to the place where I was before I took this human body. There was just complete nothingness, and it was terrifying until the death swallowed me whole. This death period lasted probably around 10-20 minutes and then I slowly started regathering myself as an ego and it was the scariest thing that had ever happened to me but it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Ironic isn't it? My death was the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life. It felt like God grabbed me and tore me to shreds! Here is some of the insights that came up shortly after I came back from death. As an Ego, I try to put an anchor in reality to create a meaning in life and a purpose. There is no place to put the anchor How could you place an anchor where there is nothing there On the anchor I put my deepest sense of self on for me its: My ex GF, other unconscious beliefs/values adopted, my brother But there is no where to put the anchor because reality does not exist and the anchor doesn't even exist! Because nothing exists, I try to make something exist so I adopt beliefs and reinforcements to make myself feel that I exist I was struggling and desperately trying to find an anchor before i even met my ex gf Then later on used her as the anchor Now shes gone and there is no anchor Even though the anchor is illusory and was never there to begin with I used my ex gf to deepen my illusion Unconsciously But my brother as well I used many others as an anchor Anchor that is illusory and non existent My brother and mom made the basis of the anchor then everything else added onto it Of course each thing added on which proportioned differently My ex gf became a huge proportion of the anchor And i used her to make the anchor feel more real than ever but then she was stripped away and now my anchor feels hollow and empty again But she is an illusion she doesn't even exist i just tried using another ego to fulfill me as an ego Sports teams, video games, and many other hobbies Were also thrown onto the anchor the ANCHOR IS ILLUSORY AND DOES NOT EXIST! used my ex girlfriend's appearance as an appeal to my ego's anchor I also noticed that there is no difference between atheist and religious person. atheist : no god is my god religious: god is my god Unless I full go into the empty void and die, I will continue to use people on my anchor the brain itself is a hallucination 'Other' people are hallucinations 'Life' is a giant hallucination Overall, I understand that even though it was the most terrifying experience I've ever had, I must die again. My goal is to surrender myself fully to death without any resistance. Of course, this will take years and years of consciousness work but I know I can do it.

To make a point to previous comments, I will make point because it might help to someone who wants to progress beyond nonduality: salvation and enlightenment are not the same things. And Jesus didn't teach oneness and enlightenment per se, he taught faith and obedience to one God and salvation through being born into Holy Spirit (which is miracle that can be in this life, but it's not coming from this world/from this existence, its not some mystical experience or awakening). Although he defo was enlightened and one with everything, but that's not what he meant when he said that I am one with God. Have you ever heard Buddha saying such words about Holy , about god or anything like that? Of course no, because Buddha and Jesus taught different things. God in Christianity (and in Islam/Judaism) is not everything/nonduality/Brahman/nothingness/infinity/being/existence/consciousness/dream/reality/absolute oneness it is none of this being, it transcends this being. That's why revelations, meaning, miracle, holy, prophets, beliefs and faith, while enlightenment doesn't need any of that, has no meaning, need no faith, no god, no scriptures, and no teachings ! rabit hole goes very deep, seek and you shall find Leo is correct when he intuits and says that there can be more than just absolute truth, infinity. When you might think what can be more than infinity and absolute truth? Leo doesn't know what it is, but his intuition is correct

I love freedom more then anything else. Is it ok to break social contacts with family and frends to cultivate This longing for freedom. When I'm in contact with pure sourse, I feel too happy to defind myself as a son, Brother etcetera. I like to be present in the now, without obligations to others. I Love people though, always friendly and loving. But I hate to be defind or defind myself or others. Osho Said at one point that he had been nothing for 23 years, I Love that qoute. I touch This feeling and insight of being nothingness every now and Then. I would Love to be total free, and rest in intuition and nothingness, transcendending oneself that is. Many of you can probably combine This with close connection to friends/family. But I Love integrity, I Love to live "secretly" where no one knows what I'm up to, not even me "myself" Can anyone relate, and is it ok to break contact because you Love solitude and Love to go with intuition at all moments in life with a minimum of aspects that can interfere with that. Or is it ego? Despite I want to arrange my life to be in a state of no ego. It's tricky, But I like to really minimize mundane stuff in life and purify and rest in love/happiness every single moment.

I just watched Leo’s blog. I was crying the whole time as he described my greatest vision of reaching so deep into reality that everything is absolute nothingness without time and space. He was so humble about it too. I’ve updated my spiritual practices above to be less restricted, so that I can personalize how long to do each technique each day. Leo’s inspiration made me connected with my own intuition such that I am no longer going to hold myself back anymore through wasting my time on anything but that which will lead me to nothingness. I’m going to practice so “hardcore”, because that is my destiny, that is my greatest excitement and where my heart is ultimately leading me. I think I know my 18th birthday present: 5-meo-dmt!! I just have absolutely no clue of where to find a good source, like no clue, so I’ll be so grateful for some help there (and I’ll start trying to find it now for it could take months ). Enlightenment is possible. Leo showed me it’s not just exclusive for a few people, but those who truly are dedicated to their vision will get there. ? I’m not as scared anymore to die. My path is a mixture of 4 spiritual beings: Matt Kahn (Love), Master of Earth (Pineal Gland), Leo Gura (vision/psychedelics/inspiration/grounding) and myself. I can feel/sense/know that this regime will be effective. There isn’t an emptiness in me that I’ve had for weeks as if I’ve been living under my potential, and I remember Matt Kahn said that this happens when your future self is so evolved. He said that your subconscious mind can see your evolved self, and so the criticism in your mind is from this comparison which proves how brightly you are meant to shine.

I like the ball of yarn metaphor in this video. The way Leo described it, it reminds me of the movie, Interstellar. Life and all the other realms in Absolute Nothingness is just a "movie" / "story," that came out of nowhere. It's like, if a person actually passes away from this life and has achieved nirvana, they could "watch" life and all the other realms like a movie. They could even participate in it without being involved in it, and sometimes vice versa, and they are also one with the Absolute Nothingness, but that's not their "natural" state, to interfere with others. They may give hints to teach, and we're very awed by this, but it's all peace and no suffering for them. It's nothing unusual for them. They already "grew-up" and learned their lessons. What they have over there is not what we have over here.

Thank you all for the encouragement. The condition here in this forum is conducive for growth and exploration, which makes the possibility of expansion and actualization more favorable. The play although is filled with characters but there is no actor or doer behind the masks, there is nothing behind this Michael character, who's pulling the string, the Michael character is itself, with all his thinking, stories he made up, preferences, physical .body, a part of this one whole impersonal purposeless manifestation; it's just all one thing doing its own thing, but the many arise out of it due to our own mental distinction and labeling. Beingness as @cirkussmile has mentioned, can also be experienced, but the Nothingness that is "identical" to Infinity is still not a truth yet, plus I still can't wrap my mind around "nothing happens" yet. Nothing needs to be different when the illusion of self is seen through. It's not special like a personal achievement, because whatever ALL the dream characters are doing with all their personal beliefs simply can't be otherwise, I will have to remove myself from the infinite whole to be the cause of my own action, which is impossible. Will continue to seek help and advice and pointers on this fun trip. The whole journey is more like a play now, so I can play intensely, because even the idea of "I don't understand this" or "I need further growth" all falls under the desire of the Ego. It's not right or wrong, it's just the momentum that keeps driving this drama forward, and this illusory character assigning made up stories, meanings, and even values to this one arising.

One must be aware about the crucial difference between God in pantheistic, monistic and nondualist sense as = absolute/oneness/Brahman/nothingness/everything/infinity/void/emptiness and God in monotheistic sense

This vision/thought came to me last night after hearing Leo talk about the double-sided coin of reality, how on one side it has nothingness and on the other side infinity. Let me know what you guys think. I was thinking that maybe what's going in every day normal life is this sort of oscillating wave between form (what we perceive all day in the 'physical world') and formlessness (the source of all form). I was picturing this oscillation happening so fast and outside of 'regular perception' that it sort of stabilizes into a 'continuous' thing or things, which we may call every day perception or Maya or form. I dunno if any of you guys are into audio, but when you have a particular sound grain or wave that is being played or oscillating at a fast enough rate, it sort of takes on a different form (like a tone or a continuous note with pitch). Another example is when a wheel or a fan turns at such a rate that you stop seeing the individual spokes or boards on the fan and it takes on a new, different image. This is sort of how I was picturing this 'wave' which goes back and forth between form and formlessness in such a way that creates the illusion of the 'physical' or human world of perception. Anyways I just wanted to hear what you guys think about this little conceptulization that appeared before me lol

Synchronicity is real. I recently had an ego-death experience performing kriya yoga. Several nights later I had a dream (if that is indeed what it was) where I was "walking in nothingness". Suddenly I heard an intense high pitched ringing sound, felt like I was about to die, surrendered, and heard the word "Upanishads" whispered to me. I had briefly heard the word before but didn't consciously know what it was. It turned out to be group of religious Hindu texts full of insights I had recently had and been thinking about (Atman is Brahman... Or the ground of your self's being is the same ground of all reality). It seemed really crazy to me, and more and more synchronicities have been occurring sense. Bottom line, Kriya Yoga gets you woke af (done properly and with good meditation foundation).

I can only answer the second question as my awakening had nothing to do with drugs (they're very illegal here). My awakening was indeed a state similar to nothingness. If one lacks sufficient understanding, could easily confuse with nothingness the perfect stillness, the absence of time and thoughts. When I came back from that, it seemed indeed that for a moment outside time my self had vanished. I didn't jump to the conclusion that there is no self, instead I kept asking questions. As a result of that awakening, I was immediately overcome with love and a sense of well being, that everything is all right. That loving state has been replaced with feelings, as I'm working through my emotional hangups. Like yourself, I'm eagerly awaiting the explanations of those who are convinced and telling everyone else that there is no self. My best guess is that they mean there is no ego, as in ego doesn't really exist.

@MarkusSweden forget names and concepts. It’s all about knowing yourself as the source - unmanifested - infinite nothingness - formlesness. You consciosness are the door between manifested and unmanifested yet you are one with both.

There can't be infinity without nothingness, like good and evil. They are like head and tails of a coin. Both points to the same thing.. the coin. From the universal perspective they exist together in balance. But in our matrix you should search deep so you can see the balance..

Nothingness vs infinity It's like Martin Ball VS Sadhguru There's a video how Martin Ball takes 5meo dmt and uses EEG brain scan. Results showed that a lot of brain wave activity, lightnening like a Christmas tree. And there's also a story that sadhguru shares when he was tested by one of those things. What's interesting is that his brain showed zero activity. his diagnosis was either brain dead or dead in general. So this got me thinking. Maybe infinity and nothingness is not the same. Lol I leave this to descide for yourself.

The Never Ending "I Love You" until I have reached enlightenment For a week I have placed my awareness in the centre of my heart. Now I'm moving to the next level, the constant "I Love You" stream. My ego is on the edge of a cliff leading down into infinity, and I want it to make the leap, and jump into the void. I've had dreams of this void, and felt as if I was going to die, only to wake up in my bed still here This is the fastest way I know. I will do this. I have tried many times, but only lasted one day. And even that one day was the best day of my life. I want to be my authentic self again, I want to experience the openness I felt when I was a child. I want to be so overwhelmed by self-love so the ego can return to the light, and become one with reality. As I have said, enlightenment is all emotions, for in order for kundalini to reach your crown chakra you need to remove emotional blockages. Love is the ultimate healer for that. Sometimes I cry for no reason, and pain is always inside my heart. This is the perfect signs of awakening! Hopefully I don't have much karma/emotional debris to feel from my past and present lives, but I'm prepared to take this leap for the wellbeing of all who I touch. What follows will be the proof of the pudding, and it's my deepest pleasure to have anyone reading this come for this ride with me to infinity/nothingness. I'll start as soon as I finish the next sentence, and will not stop saying "I love you" until 'I' die. That is: Right Now. Important Update: For the past hour I have compared saying "I Love You" to just feeling my emotions. When I say "I Love You" my attention can easily be focused on those words rather than the emotion. I feel it is a disservice to my emotions because I'm more focused on constantly saying these words which are really just another distraction, just another sneaky ego thought bubble when used without focus and intention. Just feeling my emotions however resulted in a empty and relaxed mind/muscles around my skull. I could feel my emotions much deeper, and experience my surroundings from a connected state. I feel like this is the more heart centred practice and I'm so grateful that I compared the techniques before diving in. In small doses throughout the day, saying "I Love You" authentically at an experience (rather than blindly in the air) is absolutely wonderful to do. However, when I just feel my emotions though it is more painful, I instead breathe into them; the breathe being a silent form of "I Love You". So the never ending I love you will continue! It is exactly the same but instead of saying I love you in my head, I will use the breathe to focus my attention on my emotions as the eternal silent I Love You that permeates the universe in each moment, and your heart knows this well. The silent I love you starts now, and so with it I will take no thoughts with me as Jesus so said two thousand years ago. Peace, and love to all hearts, including those that are and aren't loved like they deserve to be. We all deserve more love, not less.

It is hard to interpret the words of spiritual wisdom, especially when they paradoxical in nature, and contrary to even themselves. Death is the end of the biological human body you're experiencing right now, in your direct experience right now, are you not experiencing the perceptions of a human body right now? Isn't it so? Hello? I'm speaking to you (in sadhguru's voice lol) This human body like all life strives to survive, if you cut it, it will start to heal itself it doesn't care about your conscious effort to heal it, it will do it on its own, it will pump blood around the body, fight off viruses and diseases, digest your food, keep you breathing, etc. etc. Depending on what sort of information you soak into your mind you can become dysfunctional and violent towards the body. I would suggest not to get stuck in the "illusion" stage in the world of spirituality once you figure out the substance of everything is nothingness because if misunderstood it can become a negative vibe and nihilism. It goes full circle, “everything is nothingness, I am nothingness, I don't actually exist, oh but this is all I know, this is all I am perceiving right now, oh everything is me, everything is within me, I am all of it, and all of it is REAL as far my direct experience goes”. What you are is already perfect, this thing cannot change, it cannot be worked on because it does not have a human mind or an ego, it is not a person, it is not concerned with human mind-sets, it's like an ant entering a human body state and realizing what human experience is compared to ant's experience, big fucking difference. You are always on, it is there when you're stressed out, when things are not going well, when you think there is something wrong with you and that there is more to gain, that you're not awake. There are two very popular things you can say in any moment to instantly wake up consciousness "Am I aware?" and "Is existence taking place right?" and a little enquiry to what existence is in the moment can help too. Here’s a geeky analogy. The monitor is there all the time, the monitor is not responsible for how fast the PC is, whether it can run the latest software, if the software is installed, what is being portrayed on the screen, what videos are being played, it doesn't care if someone is playing a productive video or watching child pornography. If the computer's life span is up and it fries up and burns out, the computer gets replaced and the monitor starts to displaying a whole new set of information pumped out by the new computer. You are the monitor, and as Matt Khan says, “you’re not on a spiritual journey, the body is". your true nature is always there, it's never off, you can't lose it. And so it is violent to say to the body “pfft you don't exist, nothing exists”, it is non cooperation and denial. I think the illusion analogy is only good for the beginner who has never considered an alternative reality or dream like existence, where they think everything is real and written in stone, 1 reality.

What term for Consciousness, God, Brahman, Being, Nothingness, the Tao, etc., resonates with you and your level of understanding? I tend to like Witnessing Presence or what Adyashanti calls Conscious Spirit. How about you?

I'm still running away from it. It's becoming clear to me. I'm highly distracted, my subconscious keeps dragging me away from that nothingness psychedelics forced me to face. it's ridiculous, I've faced that emptiness with AL-LAD, twice. and it was heavenly. it ended up being divine. what am I afraid of? I keep running, being busy, being distracted.. I'll use anything. books, the forum, eating, my phone, studying, socializing, sports.. it's all just running ways. I can't keep my focus on that nothingness inside me. my subconscious drags me away again and again..

Anyone did this for 90 minutes - 3 hours? without a sitter? how did it go? I can do 60 minutes easily, I get the tingles, curling of hands, loss of logical consciousness but nothing weird, no dark shit, no crazy, fantasy/imginary or scary stuff, sometimes I do get overwhelmed with energy or inability to sit still so I do raise myself up and shake off a bit of that energy haha yeah probably does look like some exorcist shit. I wanna see how far the rabbit hole can go if I do 3 hours but kind of worried, is it worth doing long sessions or better to stick to 30 minutes? Some of you guys have some bizarre weird experinces but i never ever get anything from my meditations and shamanic breathing beyond no-mind, intangible nothingness, and inner peace. Probably need psychedelics for that weird stuff but those effects are actually expected from drug use so its not really me as much the chemical chaos in my body causing that experience.

Haha! There is no contradiction at all! The Absolute I -- not to be confused with the self you presently think you are -- is Nothingness. It is formless. So all forms occurs within formlessness. But it gets even weirder! Since everything is totally nondual, there is no difference between form and formlessness. They are in fact identical. Everything is Beingness. But I, the Absolute am not that. AND I am that! What you are missing is: From a totally nondual perspective, nonduality and duality are in fact identical! Because everything is relative. Everything is simply a matter of perspective. Everything is consciousness, everything is one. But oneness includes manyness. Oneness includes every form of separation possible. One = Many Many = One Unity must include infinite disunity. Freedom must include infinite types of oppression and limitation. Love must include infinite types of hatred. Everything must come full-circle. Paradox here is not a bug but a feature. P.S. It is impossible for an ego (you) to understand this. This understanding only comes AFTER the ego's annihilation. The ego's annihilation IS this understanding.

@Leo Gura Thank you for a concise recommendation based on your own personal experience. I appreciate it. It's less frustrating than Nondual teachers like Tony Parsons who just keep repeating, "there is no one here, nothing is happening, there's nothing you can do to achieve it". Some enlightened teachers keep emphasizing that "nothing ever happen." Is it just play on words are they truly mean it that even though we're seeing a lot of activities and movement in the phenomenal world, there surely is something here. They are very adamant that "nothing ever happens, nothing is happening, nothing will happen". As for LSD, the most intense experience with it was as fellow, based on my imperfect recollection: I was in a blank space, and I was in very intense state. There was an inner instruction telling me if I want to proceed, I need to be brutally honest, be as honest to yourself as you can ever be. So as I admit that I was fearful, a layer of myself peeled off. I have to keep proceeding with all the emotions, energy, and thoughts that arise, and honestly admit I have them. Layers and layers of me keep dropping off as I'm honest with myself. Eventually, I come the center of this process, as I've finally shed every ounce of myself, and it was nothingness at the center, there was no I, neither, and I've dissolved into this nothingness which I intuitively called "God", even though I'm following any religions in particular. I did Ayahuasca in Peru, with a very strong brew that might have some 5MEO DMT. I supposed to purge out the excess brew, but I was so gone that I couldn't physically even throw up. The first ceremony is like 100X more intense than any LSD experience. There were so much information, and collapse of time and space, that I could process much. There were period that there was just complete silence, and I just know I'm in this silence with nothing else. The second ceremony, I think my mind couldn't take it anymore. I spent a few hours in what I can only call complete VOID. There is just nothing like a black hole, pure nothingness. Flickers of lights started manifesting, and the Shaman and his Icaros finally brought me back to this stable reality. I was so thankful to be in this solid linear reality, because that other reality either with manifestation that is too fast too intense, or just absolute complete silence and nothingness. I regret not taking up Martin Ball's offer for a 5 EMO one-on-one consultation, because now that I'm ready to do it, I heard he's no longer doing it anymore. I'll keep doing there work and hope could one day realize and reconcile all duality in waking consciousness. After coming across your materials, I've been watching a few of your videos over and over again, especially "Reality is a Strange Loop". I also bought the book list and read a few of them already including the top 5 stars ones you recommended. I've personally met and spent time with one individual whom is undoubtedly "enlightened" to me. One moment he can reply my questions with the most profound answer, another moment he's deep in samadhi and can't even function, another moment he's be mesmerized by his own hands, or a leaf. I'll stop now. Hope you would do some retreats or visiting cities in the US, so people like me can interact directly with you, @Leo Gura. Thank you very much again for providing this platform for kindred spirits to share their experience and help each other.

@Matt8800 No, you are tricking yourself. Having a worldview of any kind is false nihilism. True, realized nihilism is total nonduality. You ain't even close to that yet. All ideas about reality are basically false. So start dropping them. Reality is Nothingness. This cannot be understood using the mind. It requires a deep awakening out of materialism and duality.

@AlwaysBeNice When it comes to the theory and questioning the nature of reality, the self, society, religions etc., no, I'm not a beginner. When it comes to taming the mind, yes. I may know a lot about philosophy, psychology, spirituality and meditation, but when it comes to the actual practice, I'm just a newbie with advanced concepts that scare the ego mind. Haven't meditated that much in reality, and my sessions are usually short, because that's what I can currently handle. Had short glimpses of nothingness many times, and they were only scary as fuck, not blissful. Had many experiences, but I wasn't chasing them. It's like they were chasing me. I made the most progress and felt the most stable when I didn't know anything about spirituality and I was just meditating, observing my thoughts and getting into peaceful states. Also, the samadhi states I was getting into weren't scaring me. They were just intriguing at the time. Now, with all the conceptual knowledge I had gathered, I feel as though my mind is on guard 24/7.

Going through the panic and seeing you are untouched nothingness is like the end of the path, so by that standard, I wouldn't say you're a beginner.

@Dodo It's one facet of the larger jewel. I've had awakenings which were far more profound than infinite love. But infinite love is great. The most profound awakening I've had so far was pure Nothingness, pure Mu. It was beyond love.