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A post I found while scrolling through Reddit. It is really comforting, to me. Is this related to self-actualizing? @Leo Gura: Would love your thoughts, if you get a free second. (Sorry if this has already been posted! and also for the length!) Enjoy! [Short Story] The Egg - By Andy Weir You were on your way home when you died. It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me. And that’s when you met me. “What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?” “You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words. “There was a… a truck and it was skidding…” “Yup,” I said. “I… I died?” “Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said. You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?” “More or less,” I said. “Are you god?” You asked. “Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.” “My kids… my wife,” you said. “What about them?” “Will they be all right?” “That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.” You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty. “Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.” “Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?” “Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.” “Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,” “All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.” You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?” “Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.” “So what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.” “Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.” I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had. “You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s no point to doing that between each life.” “How many times have I been reincarnated, then?” “Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.” “Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?” “Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.” “Where you come from?” You said. “Oh sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there, but honestly you wouldn’t understand.” “Oh,” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.” “Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s happening.” “So what’s the point of it all?” “Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?” “Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted. I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.” “You mean mankind? You want us to mature?” “No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.” “Just me? What about everyone else?” “There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.” You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…” “All you. Different incarnations of you.” “Wait. I’m everyone!?” “Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back. “I’m every human being who ever lived?” “Or who will ever live, yes.” “I’m Abraham Lincoln?” “And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added. “I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled. “And you’re the millions he killed.” “I’m Jesus?” “And you’re everyone who followed him.” You fell silent. “Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.” You thought for a long time. “Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?” “Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.” “Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?” “No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.” “So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…” “An egg.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.” And I sent you on your way.

Hi Leo, My name is Goutam ,i have two questions to ask .One is related to spirituality and other historical. 1.I have been following your wonderful work for a while , and somehow your work has confused me in a way. If the whole purpose of life is to seek truth and get enlightened what role does daily activities (family,job ,business,whatever)play in this. Are they completely different or is there a way in which both can co exist.Or are you directly suggesting to give up everything and become a sage?If they can go together please suggest a way(daily acitivty filled with people and situations very stressful hampering one's self transcendence work)? 2.From the eastern culture that i come from Lord Krishna is said to be called as A god incarnation.Do you feel this nothingness also called as god takes form once in a while to establish dharma.I heard and read that what buddha had attained to Krishna(Lord Vishnu)was born into it.Would love to know your comments.

@tsuki Yeah, the term short-circuiting describes this perfectly, I think. It's time to revise my very first post in this journal: We can surrender with humbleness and bravery! I keep observing myself and I realize in so many occasions how much my subconscious mind was brainwashed in my childhood and through society. I keep observing myself and I realize how brave I can be. I keep observing myself and I realize my infinite potential more and more. I keep observing and I realize that there are more people who are realizing this just like me. I keep observing and I realize that I don’t need to cling to my story or identity. I keep observing and I surrender with humbleness. I keep observing and realize that everything I just wrote above are just words = letters = language constructs = a thought story that is equal to nothingness. I keep observing and I realize just how much I’m still stuck in concepts of “trying to understand”. I keep observing and I realize that there is no infinite potential, but rather orbitals of higher possibilities. I keep observing and I realize that everything I have learned does actually matter! I keep observing and I realize how much our story and identity do actually matter. I keep observing and I realize that if I keep observing I can integrate what I have learned. I keep observing and I realize that I keep observing. The loop closed with some potential to grow bigger, but right now I’m totally confused and exhausted by the massive stillness I confronted. How much further does this rabbit hole go? And then what? (…. totally reorganizing ….)

Dose: 15mg smoked Female, 28yo, have been actualizing for almost 3 years now, was religious most of my life, then atheist and now a believer of 5-meo hahaha, jokes aside, the experience happened two weeks ago and NO WORDS can describe it, what makes it very hard to write a trip report, but I do want to write because everything I’ve been seeking in the last years were all about this experience, the final destination, the void, the place we came from, the place we go when we die, the end of the world, the beginning of everything, god, the universe, Alah, Deus, higher power, the source, etc. “As above, so below, as within, so without” I smoked the substance and covered my mouth so the smoke couldn't come out, then every time my friend repeated, hold on! hold on! hold on! it was like I was passing a dimension, so many layers of it and so fast that it went on and on until my mind was dissolved into eventual nothingness I literally felt like a river of clear bright water was running through my body carrying all the blockages away, garbage, so many fucking things, social conditioning, traumas, beliefs, drama, so much shit, the more I relaxed and surrended to the experience the more my body was being cleaned, the more I let go the better I felt in my body, to the point my body dissolved into that nothingness and emptiness, and whenever I tried to make sense of the situation, whenever I tried to feel my body it was like I was having a full body orgasm, like every cell of my body was vibrating in that same warm frequency, wasn’t good, bad, strong or weak, it was pure perfection, I felt like my body was being embraced by that loving energy, a hug from god all I start saying from now on will for sure sound like a cult if you've never experienced it, and from this point I strangely started to understand how religion had began, how many people had experienced a glimpse of that energy, this is IT. Like my whole life, everything I’ve lived was just to bring me to that moment, that THING very very special, I’ve tried many psychedelics but this was by far my deepest and most important mystical experience, not close to any meditation or psychedelics I had tried, and I see how 5meo it's known to be the most powerful hallucinogen, actually not even hallucinogen cause it's really a sensation, no visuals or anything. I came back from the trip saying to my trip sitter (that btw is someone I met through the forum) eu, voce, voce, eu, that means I, you, you, me, in Portuguese and my first thought was to stop talking because the more I talked the more I separated myself from others, that oneness, interconnectedness was fading away, it was sad but at the same time I was glad to be back because having that feeling for a long period of time is for sure overwhelming and might be fucking hard, I understand how enlightenment comes with a lot of time, effort, meditation, stillness and understanding, my body and mind the way it's right now would not comport such thing, it's not an easy peasy thing, it's holiness. I apologize for my scarcity of words to describe the trip but most important is what stayed with me and below I try to explain the integration to normal life. Aftermath: My voice sounds much softer now, what made me realize how blocked I was before and how much more blocks can be released, I also was kind of addicted to weed, not addicted but I was smoking it very often, and like Leo says addictions are fear of emptiness, so I was smoking weed instead of facing my daily emptiness, after the trip I lost that necessity of smoking, not saying anything bad about weed, it’s an awesome tool when used properly, like psychedelics. How deep the rabbit hole goes: I have the feeling that I could’ve gone waaay waaaaay deeper, I know infinity has no depth but man, I wonder what this can do to me and my body if I do it often, like once per month, I’ve been preparing myself for this trip for over a year, I’ve snorted twice but didn’t breakthrough now I am very excited for what's to come. Theory DOES NOT DO justice: It’s crazy the amount of books I’ve read about 5meo, psychedelics, spirituality, psychology, personal development, science, and nothing, nothing, nothing I've read would prepare me for that, I had so much theory but 0 experience, I realize the trap now, all the theory if not applied is just mental masturbation, this was such a big thing for me, and I see the trap in religion too, how many people had experience 2% of this energy, this god, and created a whole spiritual ego, also given that 98% of those people have not experienced this oneness and claim the whole righteousness of religion just because of EGO, it's just crazy, my feeling right after the trip was to create a 5meo group haha but then I remembered that religion is this cult hahaah uhhhh so easy to join one of those groups, I'm not gonna go into the religion topic but all I can say is I feel them, I have much more compassion for religious people now, and I see how science is too limited to explain or even prove such thing, so in the religion vs science game, religion for sure embraces much much more of the mysterious, the unexplained unknown that is God. Many paths that end in the same place, many ways to reach the same goal, the trip brought me lots of understanding of how religion works and how people go so far because of it. Oneness: One thing is to say I’m one with all, we are all one, we are all connected and bla bla bla, another thing is to experience and really feel that interconectedness, I have this feeling now, whenever I look at someone, their suffering is my suffering, their happiness is my happiness, I AM them, they are a part of me, and this makes me feel an overload of compassion that I did not have before, we are all in the same roller coaster, all in this dream, every person with their difficulties, ours egos might be fighting but deep inside we are all gods experiencing itself subjectively in different bodies, also because I'm more aware of the role my ego plays I have a different perspective of my relation with people, when someone is being mean or evil, they are just showing me a little bit of what they are going through, what's going on within them, it's never about me like my ego likes to think. BIG BIG BIG joke: Until a couple days ago whenever my mind started fearing something or worrying I would burst laughing, it was kind of spontaneous and involuntary, god laughing through me about how small and insignificant my problems are close to HIM, I would just laugh out of sudden, super weird. It’s fucking crazy, it gave me a sense of “fuck everything” but in a good way, not in the I don’t care about anything, but in the sense of hurry up, live life, let go of fearing and enjoy life however you want, there is no right or wrong way to do so, a sense of freedom, so much freedom, extreme freedom, radical freedom, terrifying freedom, I realized that we are so encapsulated in our little lives, in our egos, in our little bubbles because in the end what we fear is THAT freedom, we don’t know what to do with so much freedom that we create barriers unconsciously not to experience all of it, we allow ourselves sometimes to feel it a little bit but the amount of freedom 5 meo showed me is extremely scary. Wow I also cry when I try to go back to the experience, I'm very sensitive now, also my meditation is much deeper, I sit for meditation and POW I'm right there into the void, swimming in the black hole, what enabled me to meditate even in the sauna, my body burns there for 20 or 30 minutes and my mind is far far away... very interesting. Relaxation: The biggest thing I've learned in the trip, the more I surrender to life (the same way I surrendered to the trip, where I had to let go of everything for the “substance” to work on me) it's just exactly the same with life, the more we relax and trust the universe (or god whatever you wanna call it) the more the energy of universe runs freely within us, and all the suffering we experience is a resistance for that energy, we want to do it our way, our ego wants it in its way, it’s that old saying, we get what we need out of life, not what we want, BUT every time (even if we consider our experiences as a bad) the universe is working to give us the best of the best, in order for us to grow and evolve, not as a person (ego) but as a group, as consciousness, as a whole, like Ram Dass says, the suffering comes from our attachment to what we think life should be, if we just relaxed life would be much much easier, I also thought about a video that he says we create THICK DRAMA out of nothing, I laughed hard, of how much drama I (the ego) is capable of creating, I SO understand that now, how rare that we exist, how beautiful life is, how magical everything can be if we just let go of everything we think we know and opened ourselves up to what the universe has to offer, but our ego wants to know everything, wants to pretend it knows, wants to find a logic, wants to find the right way to live life, wants to make sense of the unkown, wants to live like one has everything figured out hahaha we literally know NOTHING. State of Not Knowing: “Unaccustomed as we are to not knowing, we don’t understand the freedom that awaits us when we experience life beyond our beliefs.” Quote from The book of not knowing, Peter Ralston, that’s what enlightenment is, insanity, accepting uncertainty, so hard for the ego but liberating for the soul. Wow, I thought I could not write but man I could spend hours talking about IT, I’m super happy and feel lucky AF to have had this experienced, I can’t believe we found a toad that enables us to experience such thing, a TOAD, haha of course a toad, it's like a cartoon, we are living the fucking dream, I see all differently now, the sky is just a big screen we watch different channels every day, a dog barked in the neighbor’s house right after the trip, and the fucking dog was literally inside my head, I was creating the dog barking, the dog and everything around me, how fantastic and fascinating creatures we human beings are. PS: I’m deeply deeply deeply thankful for you Leo, I met so many amazing people here, actualizers are my faaaavorite Thank you if you made it to the end.. Till next time Miss Nobody "Good morning, and in case I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!" fucking Truman show..

I did my kriya practice during the eclipse and I think I experienced a different quality of meditation. Quality of nothingness. But this could've been psychological, I'm not sure. Usually the quality of my kriya is joy and grace but today was emptiness very dominant quality.

You are Nothingness, but it’s not nothing, nor is suffice to refer to it as no-thing, even calling it infinite, or nonduality, is not “it”.

hi everyone , i've been following Leo actualized.org on youtube for almost 2 year , this is the first time i check out the forum, there are some question stuck on my head, appreciate if there's any expert able to shed some light as Leo mention in one of his video, self enquiry it's like using feather to soften the rock until the rock become disappear, by watching leo video and do the self-investigation work my ego willing to let go and stripe away most of the belief that i had before left nothingness and being at the present moment,i manage to disidentify myself with my body, i am not my body, the body its just a body, i am not the little voice, the little voice it's just a phenomenon , i am not my brain, the brain its just a brain. during meditation i am able to go into a state of nothingness+everything in the sense of no more belief system, 0 information and aware there's the only one existence of everything, no more distinction between big or small, inside or outside, bright or dark to me it's just sensation arise to my consciousness, it's only this phenomena of existence and that's it, the rest of it is fiction of reality even tho i've made some great progress on my spiritual journey, there are still a lot of trap that i fall into that holding me back so here comes a tricky question, if i am not the body, who is controlling the body? i notice that "something" able to control the body, what if that thing does not exist then the body supposed to paralyze right? so i assume the "thing" able to control the body existed, but what if i am not that "thing" then what am i?

Tricky subject to talk about. But ask yourself how there is something rather than nothing, and go extremely deep. With no preconceived notions, beliefs, etc. Was there pure nothingness out of which things popped out. Have there always been things. What could possibly ground those things' existence. How can their existence possibly be explained (it can't, cause whatever reason you give what grounds that reason?) Or, does it just appear that there are things, when really there aren't. Science tells us at least that chairs are made of atoms, which are made of subatomic particles, which may be made of strings, which are vibrating "energy", which may be identical to "information"... Are there 1s and 0s on a sheet of paper somewhere out of which arises the world we see? A chair does not look like a chair, the way a human sees it. Consider what an ant sees, or other animals? What does the chair objectively look like? Does that even make sense, "objective" means regardless of any interpretation. Also, look at a computer game. Mario doesn't have actual physical existence, though it appears he does. He is made up of information. Similarly with reality. (Though it goes even deeper than that)

Once again I am seeking some advice from you guys. Lately I get a very strong sensation in my head/the whole brain area. I am wondering if I do my meditation practice wrong and if this might be dangerous, although I feel quiet certain that I am doing it right, using intuition and just letting go of everything. I am not forcing anything. My meditation consist of letting go of everything. Letting go of all interpretations of any sensations that are happening. When I am doing this I am quickly sinking deep, very close to "nothingness". The sensation I am worried about is first feeling like if I was wearing a hat the whole day and took it off but it still feels like I am wearing it. Another description might be that it feels almost tingly but it doesnt tingle. Or like a white noise, or pressure, or weight. Its really hard to describe so I am hoping someone can relate. The more I stop thinking and interpreting things the stronger the sensation feels. It feels as if something is pulling on my brain, and then going deeper it feels like its going to explode or collapse. This is probably in correlation with my ego or reality collapsing because there is almost nothing left to hold on to. Of course, existencial fear is coming up in those situations and keeping me from finally letting go. I have had those close to nothingness situations many times now and I am almost getting used to the existencial fear thats coming up. But these head sensations are new and I am worried that I could seriously harm my brain by further letting go. I have never studied anything about chakras/kundalini/energy work and I dont intent to do so. My goal is awakening/disintentification of the ego, finding the true self, nothing and everything without "wasting" time with any mystical stuff or deluding myself with beliefs. And I guess someone is gonna say that this is just another sensation to let go of and stop interpreting it. "But Leooooo", this feels like I am gonna break my whole psyche and I dont want that. I just want that little tiny shift in perspective from dual to nondual Jokes aside, I have read stuff about people who suffer from serious mental illnesses/psychiatric disorders after doing long term mediation/energy practices. That worries me.

i‘m thankful for this empty space here, where i could squeeze a part of myself in - i would never have told it to just myself. the feeling of talking to this space or to everyone who wants to read gave me the opportunity. i would never have written here if i hadn’t had an existential crisis and an autoimmune disease. i also wouldn’t have written without having a near death experience in my youth experiencing nothingness shortly after - without shaving my hair at the age of 15. i wouldn’t have written if i hadn’t had all this symbols and pictures appearing all the time during writing and not without the mini experiments with challenging chaos i had in the chaotic parts of berlin. i even have a small dimple on my forehead, where i ran into a tube at the age of 5 hahaha, so many coincidences. wouldn’t have written if there wasn’t something greater than me. i now feel part of. thank you for that, all of you, blanc papers

Several thoughts and questions. Unpack them as you will. Cheers. Even openminded people are missing information solely for the reason that they haven't come across some idea yet. (Approaching the limits of time? The void? Nothingness as a blank canvas?) Could you please talk about what is happening in the mind as you approach more efficient stages of open-mindedness. When the mind begins to shed the ideas attached to belief and begins to see everything as updates to the mental algorithms of being. (A sort of continual state of unbelieving or searching for hidden beliefs so as to eliminate them? Is this just a never-ending game that the mind is occupying itself with, or are there really changes happening?) What is new information? In relation to mystical awareness, every "new" piece of information that comes into awareness begins to be a sort of message or foreshadowing of insights to come. (Is "new" the recognition of a strange loop?) Is the mind attempting to open into a state of complete newness? What happens as the mind becomes more efficient at finding new information or recontextualizing old information? What are the systems in the mind that act as a sort of "software engineer", at the forefront of new pattern recognition, that build new technologies and systems for older systems in the mind to use for innovating themselves? (A snowball effect or branching effect.)

Hmmm Damn yeah, that sounds likely... Being grounded into nothingness as they are already at that level of "base consciousness" to begin with

Yes, they will experience hallucinations. Their perceptual system will get scrambled but their sense of oneness will be unfazed (if they are deeply enlightened). I know an enlightened master who took 1000ug of LSD. He could no longer distinguish if it was night or day. But he was still grounded in Nothingness.

After watching Leo's new video, I thought of starting a list of radical recontextualizations, so that one can start to orientate his experience of everyday life in the context of these profound insights. And by that I do not mean to just take them on blind faith (like a new belief system), but to sit down with them and contemplate the shit out of them. Personally, I had great success combining my kriya practises with transmission work and additionally supporting my current experiences with the conceptual framework of these recontexualizations. Sometimes it seems you are right on the edge to another realization and these recontextualizations can work as pointers to push you over the edge. Here is what I got so far from Leo's episodes and my own realisations: - Everything is God and you are IT - Reality is an illusiion/dream - Reality = (is equal to) nothingness = everything = infinity = consciousness = God = Self = emptiness = Nirguna Brahman = Mu = formlessness = form = awakening = Abolute = being - Everything is made out of consciousness - Past and future are an illusion, everything exists as an eternal singularity. In that sense, eternity (or reality/God) uses finite mind to experience itself gradually. - Life & death are identical, everything just exists. Therefore non-existence is just a concept in existence. - Everything = nothingness and therefore absolutely nothing ever happened or all is ever happening. - You (as the Self) created the whole universe, including your very self. - Every object is infinite in itself. - You (as a human) is a concept, therefore you have never been born, neither will you die. Nevertheless the experience itself of you as a human is real. - There is no perception that is happening to somebody, perceptions just exists in itself to itself. Like a movie that plays itself to itself (aka strange loop). - Inner and outer are identical. There is no you looking at an outside world, in a sense there is just outside world (appereances) in itself looking at itself. - Everything is infinite in scale. For every object you can zoom in and out into infinity (talking about radical recontextualisation, think of carrying the whole universe inside you) . - Everything is infinitely connected and correlated to everything else. You carrying a penny has to do with every other possible event in existence and is infinitely correlated with these. Those are the ones I could come up with so far. Every one of them has many layers of depth and can get further recontextualized the more you ponder each of them. Spiritual practise is key to bring any of those realisations into being. Let's keep adding to this list, either from breakthrough experiences, mind fucks or any other profound epiphanies.

What good it will do if a enlightened master start teaching about fruits of enlightenment and all the psychic powers you can achieve, and starts demonstrating them ? He will attract wrong people. Buddha talked about nothingness because we are greedy and our greed and lust for power will become a hindrance on the path. He is interested in your transformation.

@Leo GuraFirst of all, i have not posted something in a long while because I needed to clear my head. Nothing worked anymore. I was just thinking and spinning instead of focusing on being. So when sat down this afternoon I didn't have any intent of finding or really doing anything. There was just plain curiosity inside of me. And...I cant really describe it here. Of course not. There was nothing! But as soon as I "touched" on it if you will, emptiness was "gone". It is strange I can't explain it. It must sound like I'm talking around some BS. When it was gone there was really nothing gone...

This is very hard to digest for the ego, who search enlightenment. He says there is no god, no director of anything. Life is total meaningless, it just is. You never will experience enlightenment, because there is no one who experiences anything. There is no free will, even no NOW. This all is not happening. There is just aliveness but again no one experience this aliveness Edit: I think this old man is a typical NEO-ADVAITA. He misinterprets some aspects of the truth too radical. He say some things about reality, he says these thoughts he has come directly from nothingness, but I think these thought of nothingness are not deep enough.

This draw I tried to recreate the most mindfuck experience I had. I was the form of life draw as a human being, but GIANT, as big as the whole universe, trying to hold nothingness ( draw as the line cracked and entering my body ) and I realize I was this "NOTHING" and if I could cease this explosion of nothingness I would disappear as I am this nothingness, and I was crying all the time, felling my tears as feeling of "I AM SORRY, I dont want to disappear right now and because of that, you must still exists and I know that this hurts you"

i think to explain this is we are the infinity space of consciousness(nothingness) that host the reality (everything) that's is the end of it in , one experience of presence that includes subjective experience. maybe i could be wrong, pls correct me if i am wrong

Life and nothingness are the best loop At the right side nothingness wanting to exist at the left side existance trying to hold up nothingness But if the left side could handle nothingness back it will stop existing as it only exists to HOLD nothingness

@Saumaya The context bring the content to life. The content without the role of the context is meaningless. The unprogrammed state you mentioned is it Nothingness? I mean sometimes I come close to this experience during my meditation, after that what stays with you is a realisation, for me a temporary change in perspective because I will always think about the world in terms of stories, I guess there is no way around it. so basically every experience that is turned into a story becomes limited and this takes out from the experience's value, all experience behold the same value I guess, and it's up to us on what we observe. although this seems lonely for me, but it totally makes sense, we are urged and it could be an obligation to share half the truth with the other.

@11modal11 @Mikael89 There are people that need to feel like the life is a struggle in order to feel accomplished. To them, happiness has to be deserved and earned the hard way. By practicing, discipline and hard work. The fact is that you can be happy regardless of your circumstances, and it is a valuable skill that outshines any practice in existence. It is the greatest practice and the hardest work. To dedicate your life to be happy, no matter what. That is the path of totality. In a sense - hard work that betters your circumstances is the easy option to those people. They simply cannot fathom the idea that they can do nothing and still be content. They call it laziness, half-assing life and other names. Don't let those names stick with you. Or do let them, but understand that unless you do the hard work, your circumstances will not improve and may even deteriorate. That is the opportunity to practice your happiness on a new level, or grind yourself to improve. @MarkusSweden can you relate to @11modal11's story? @Mikael89 If love Kahn talks about is truly infinite, then it is nothing other than nothingness. Everything speaks enlightenment if you know how to listen.

We are our most authentic selves after enlightenment. The stories are just not who we are, any thought based idea cannot describe who we are. Your individuality is a quality of your I AM Presence/God self, so you still know yourself as a unique expression of consciousness in form once you realise yourself as the God self. You don't just become nothingness, you still have a personality (so to speak). Lots of love.

Hello. My name is Grant, I'm 20, and I'm from Vegas. I've been meditating daily for over a year, and practicing Kriya for 3 months. My psychedelic experience includes over a dozen trips mainly on LSD or 2-cb. My family owns a cabin in Utah situated on an acre of lush woodlands next to a large flowing creek. It's beautiful and serene- the perfect place for meditation, contemplation, relaxation, and tripping. Being my first retreat, I just wanted to get a taste of solitude, longer periods of meditation, take a break from marijuana, think about life, and relax into being. I used my phone for an audiobook (Frankenstein for an online class), to record some song ideas (I sing), and to take some pictures of flowers (I study herbal science/naturopathy). I read a dream-hacking booklet and a bit of a kriya book. Took a few notes. Fapped once mid-retreat. Practiced hatha yoga daily. No other distractions. I ate once a day at 9pm. I think this helped encourage that feeling of emptiness throughout the day, and idk about you guys but I can't meditate for shit after I eat. Techniques: kriya 3x a day, vipassina, and a novelty of mine: espresso shot then blindfolded reclined dark room meditation concentrating on nothingness. *** 4-aco-DMT trip report on Day 7 Day 1-3 Meditated a total of 5-6 hours a day Monkey mind slowed down a lot by the third day. It was really funny seeing how addicted I am to just doing things. "Grant go work out, go watch a movie, Grant ask that cashier out and fuck her, go find some weed, go read that entire book on bird identification". Many semi-mindful breaks wandering the property or wildlife watching. I was pretty exhausted with meditation by the last sit of each day. Day 4 (July 4th) I woke up feeling dull and empty as hell, sat down for vipassina, but couldn't be fucked meditating at all. I just rolled over on the carpet, stared at the wall, and fell asleep for a nice long depression nap. Then I had a lucid dream I was giving Leo a ride somewhere around Vegas, that actually brought my spirits up lol. In the dream he was taking suggestions so I said make a trippy video game and host workshops in Vegas. That reminded me of a crazy telepathic dream I had before.. Which inspired me to look into a dream-tripping booklet I brought. I'll be testing some "oneirogens" soon. If you're interested: http://oneironauticum.com/oneirogens/ Lots of insights and ideas about my life today. I took a couple notes. The day before leaving for my retreat I met a really amazing girl, so I couldn't help thinking about her. ***I practiced only Nadi, Ujjayi, and Talabya Kriya until this day- where I finally started pranayama. I think this was integral to my breakthrough 3 days later. That night was 4th of July, and in Brain Head they put on a huge fireworks show. I was going to go see it, but took a wrong turn on the way there from my cabin... I was feeling out of it... I ended up pulling over next to a lonely lake, where I decided to just sit and eat on the quiet shore. I remember pondering existence as I watched billions of stars explode the sky above. This contrasted deeply with the distant festive commotion and colorful lights from parties across the lake. I can't quite describe how I felt, but I'm glad it turned out that way. Day 5 Dosed 15mg of 4-aco-DMT. I allergy tested this substance a week prior, but this was my first real trip attempt. After about an hour of coming up and squirming around Martin Ball symmetrical-style on the floor/couch, trippy thoughts, slight visuals, I then leveled off and realized this was a small dose for me. Spent the rest of the day giggling and being grateful as hell for my life. It was wonderful to just enjoy doing nothing, smiling and laughing from realizing I can be perfectly happy by myself, without requiring anything or anyone. Being grateful for self-actualization/consciousness and how I could of just as easily been completely ignorant to this work, living an entirely different life. Walking around appreciating flowers, trees, deers and squirrels, balancing on the smooth rocks in the creek, being in the moment, doing whatever I want. Day 6 Kriya sessions, not much other meditation. Lots of life contemplation.. Time passes so slow. Every 3 days feels like a week. Went on a beautiful hike around a lake. I've never felt this lucid/peaceful in my entire life. I felt extremely healthy. ***During one of my Kriya sessions I noticed my hands involuntarily tense in a certain way but I thought it was nothing. Day 7 (Trip Report on 7/7)** Today I tripped again. I wanted to account for tolerance plus add a little more. 4-aco is one of the few psychedelics I don't get nauseous on. Also from memory of my one trip on shrooms, I can concur that 4-aco-DMT gives a similar or even identical flavor to that of mushrooms. 12:00- I drank 50mg 4-aco-DMT with some tea inclusive of lions mane, and took a hit from a CBD vaporizer to help with pre-trip anxiety. After dosing, I did my first Kriya routine of the day. It was pretty half assed because of anticipation of the trip. 12:30- I go outside and throw a big blanket out on the grass in the middle of the property. I lay down spread eagle, with the intention of coming up while watching the clouds and in nature. I lay in symmetry. Now unfolds the most amazing experience of my life to date. And I have had many beautiful psychedelic experiences, also scary mindfucks that I got a lot out of, but nothing compared to the awe and delight I got out of the next three hours. 1:00- After casually laying out enjoying the environment for about a half hour, I start coming up and notice the clouds start to swirl. I'm expecting a trip similar to my other outdoor experiences. Then just for fun and curiosity I start doing some spinal breathing, visualizing energy rising up through my chakras, ujjayi breaths. I focus on my third eye a little bit. I am ultra relaxed and have a strong intention to surrender and just be present. Within 2 minutes of doing this, my arms start to tense, my fingers start to situate into a certain mudra, and my eyes and awareness LOCK onto my third eye. There's no way I can accurately describe my amazement with what starts to happen. My hips suddenly start involuntarily shaking and bouncing, and I feel a lot of energy flaring from the bottom of my spine. As this begins to happen, I'm overcome by this wonderful feeling of awe and bliss. I mean BLISS!!!! Like I've never felt before- I start to laugh from amazement at the fact that my body is just moving by itself!? I have read about energy purges that psychedelics or kundalini activations can induce, but I've never experienced anything of the like- so it was really like WHOAAAA WTFFFF YESSSSSSS!!!!!!! My tongue involuntarily curls backward, and as this happens I start doing the most exorcist looking shit on the ground. I do all these symmetrical stretches: with my legs, arms, back, neck- all the while I am laughing my ASS off and CRYING tears of joy. Definitely looked possessed. I was very concerned with the chance of one of the neighbors (which were probably in earshot) disturbing me. But with that fear, I just surrendered more, and the more I let go of fear, the more energy would just geyser up from my abdomen. I experienced these EPIC HUGE yawns, where it would start at the base of my spine, then I'd feel an electric current go up through my neck at the top of the yawn, and my entire head and skull would violently vibrate as it felt like all the energy collected there. I have rudimentary experience with Kriya, kundalini energy, chakras, etc. and so during this time I really just kind of let my body do it's thing and intuitively went with the energy. Whenever it would sort of calm down, I would voluntarily breath into my abdomen, and the waves would start again. I didn't feel like I was tripping, which was odd- I felt very primal, but very myself, very centered in my nature it felt like, wild, ancestral, like being compelled by something "beyond me" even though it felt 100% me. In general my thoughts felt very integrated with my body, and my mind wasn't in control. It was observing, still commenting, but not distracting or compelling. Very very cool. I can see the appeal of being in a state like that all the time. Fractal CEVs At some point it starts pouring rain, but I didn't give a fuck, it felt great and completely in sync with the trip. I've never had a full body orgasm, but I would imagine it would be something like this haha. This went on for the ENTIRE trip - 3 hours straight of just blissful shaking, stretching, breathing, RELEASING. It was exhausting yet energizing, like sex. At some point I was compelled to sit up in full meditation posture, and the process continued. I did dozens of mudras, which blew my mind. I was also compelled to shove my tongue up my nasal pharynx with my fingers, and the instant it touched behind my uvulae an orgasmic wave surged up through my neck. Some spontaneous spitting and burping. Enormous feelings of release- I even noticed insecurities and odd childhood memories coming up. I just felt myself letting go of anything inauthentic and like zooming into my core. It was like I was letting pent up energy crack out, arise, then release and die. ***I've never felt so liberated in my life, but I should mention that all of this was completely in duality. I've never had a non-dual experience. But I am definitely looking forward to one. I am now extremely motivated to dive deeper into Kriya. 4:00- I finally stood up, and was hardly in control of my body. I pronounced this very regal posture, and my hands were guiding me and moving by themselves. I felt like I had just went through 100 therapy sessions, 100 spa sessions, 100 yoga sessions, and meditated for 100 hours. So freaking good, the best I've ever felt, like floating on clouds. 4:20- I went back to my cabin, noticed the time, and to my amazement my "hands" chose a tea and made it by themselves! My doing-mind was completely absent, I was just watching in awe. 4:45- I returned to voluntary control of my body, back to baseline, but still glowing with amazement. My evening Kriya session also engendered the same shaking energetic waves, and my eyelids fluttered upon focusing on my third eye. Day 8-9 Kriya Trip/K-activation integration Went on a couple beautiful hikes Clarity on some important life decisions, purpose, relationships Preparation for my return home the next morning, July 10th Overall there were many moments of extreme peace, tranquility, and lucidity. There were also many moments of restlessness, emptiness, and anxiety. I kept Kriya up everyday but gave up on other meditations after day 5. Definitely dicked around just wandering the cabin and property a lot, but I don't think that was a waste. This was a great introduction to retreats. It was very cool to get some actual results from this stuff. After all this was my first breakthrough experience I've ever had with anything energetic or spiritual. I'm happy it was such a positive release. From Leo's descriptions I assumed all of this work would be just a whole lot of shit dying and suffering to get results- and I'm sure that's especially true when it comes to non-dual things, which I know I am naive to, but I feel like this really grew me a lot and it wasn't like I had to kill myself for something to happen. But speaking of killing my self I really wanna try 5-meo now. Ever since that experience, my Kriya practice has been feeling powerful and looking really promising. I mean I JUST started with pranayama, but every session now I get involuntary movements and blatant awareness of energy that was absent prior to this experience. I also recently started Maha Mudra and am refining my routine through Santana Gamana's books. It's interesting that I didn't want weed at all on the retreat, but now that I'm back home I'm starting to want it to counteract stress from school and fam (my parents just told me 2 days ago they're getting divorced). I think keeping up kriya/meditation will be important for the coming future as I want to support them while keeping up with everything else I'm doing in life. Lastly, I now notice that throughout the day and especially during emotional experiences, my third eye just tingles a lot more. It's a very sensitive area that I become aware of all the time now. I would appreciate any advice, feedback, recommendations, criticisms, all that jazz. Would you call that a Kundalini activation? Thanks everyone!

That's why they call it Riding the Ox Backwards from the No-self (Nothingness), huh?