Search the Community

I would suggest DMT or 5-Meo if you want a more powerful experience that will blast your fears. Yes they will come up but shortly after you will know you either surrender and let go or experience extreme suffering which in most cases you will probably pass out if you hold on too long but something greater part of yourself always seems to take over and guide you that it will be okay. Or you could take some raw cacao high quality grade dark chocolate and eat half a bar or make a rich hot chocolate beforehand or when coming up into the mushroom experience. There's so many positive and bliss inducing/love chemicals in cacao it has been used with psychedelics and mushrooms for thousands of years. Some people with extreme cases of fear/anxiety use small doses of MDMA with Mushrooms. You'd have to research the most preferred timings for these kind of flips. Candyflip, Nexsusflips, Hippieflips ect..

Edit: Hello, people. I thought it would be inappropriate to post something long without an introduction. I'm BMOss, a relatively new member, currently lost and stuck. My main question here is "how do you start to improve your life?" Because currently I am so confused and at odds with myself I can't bring myself to do it. What follows is the train of thought that led me to this question. Thank you for reading, even if only up to this point. Thank you for your feedback, and thank you Leo and the moderators team, and the userbase for keeping this place alive. Thank you, have a good day. I didn’t know much about personal development (aka “self-help”) until about three years ago when I looked up material on self-esteem. In fact at that point I was at an all-time psychological low, but for the first time I had figured out at least part of my problems. Psychologist Jordan B. Peterson, whom I discovered later, and to some extent veteran consultant Jocko Willink spoke more about self-respect. After self-esteem and self-respect, I read about other aspects of psychology but also a little of philosophy, politics and religion. And while the new found knowledge appeased me (who would have thought I was creating my own issues?!) it only partially diminished my fears and self-loathing, and it certainly created new fears. For instance, I’m very resistant to the idea of change, main argument being that if “I” grow, I’m only benefitting the “me” from the future while replacing current “me”. Granted Leo made a pretty good point about “level two people coming against level eight problems, discovering they need more growth, strength and willpower to bust through”. I also am lucky enough to have successful people in my family (and they own most of their success to voluntary growth, hard work and discipline, and mental fortitude). However I don’t deliberately “surround myself with successful people” for reasons I’ll discuss right now. Putting aside the fact that I’m lonely, bitter, misanthropic and don’t have most of the things Jordan Peterson said a healthy human needs (no friends, no job, no intimate relationship, no real hobby, no schedule, no life purpose and personal values I’m constantly questioning). *Let’s assume that to live a full and exciting life a man (broadly, I’m also including women in there) must accept responsibility, believe in himself and that there’s good in the world, and then act out the leap of faith by voluntarily shouldering the burden of existence. This means to look for meaning, for purpose, while accepting that life is fundamentally suffering, and that tragedy is unavoidable. *Ideally (but that’s the end game), this man will also work on increasing his consciousness to the point that he becomes enlightened, understands concepts like non-duality, becomes one with his inner self and surrenders agency to live a life of bliss and unconditional love. Here’s my problem, or the first thing that comes to mind as of late: this is so unbelievably stupid. Emotions don’t matter that much. Or if they do, if a lack of sustainable, genuine daily positive emotion is all it takes to push some men and women “to the dark side” then that show how weak we are. The second reason this is stupid is because it is naïve. Since life is fundamentally unfair, to just accept it and look for meaning in spite of it is to agree to play a rigged game. Your bubble of happiness is a placebo effect, it’s no different from someone who takes psychedelic drugs daily to cut connections with reality. But here’s the second thing that comes to mind, and likely it’s another side of me speaking. Humans needs purpose because they are weak. And like Peterson said humans need a reason to move forward. If there is none, there is no reason to move forward. Also: to refuse to “play the meta game”/to live life just because the world is perceived as unfair makes me no different from radical social justice ideologues. From people who only complain, but when asked for what alternatives they want to offer have no clear idea, or one that is impossible to bring into reality without oppressing billions. I’m lucid enough to know I can not bully reality into giving me perks, and even if I extorted my next door neighbour, it would never protect me from getting cancer, erase my limiting beliefs or prevent me from getting older. In short we need all this complex apparatus of things in place in our lives (friends, a job, engrossing hobbies, schedules, life purpose, possibly even intimate relationships, values we honor) because otherwise we would see no meaning. We would not move forward. We could not tolerate life. Peterson had this idea that to live the ultimate life is to make the ultimate sacrifice. This means a) to picture a vivid image of reality as tragic and dangerous and chaotic and unfair as it could possibly be b) to conceptualize a counterweight, to figure out reasons to fight so that in spite of life being all that nasty stuff it was still worth it in the end. c) “To get out in the unknown and live forthrightly in the world” in spite of any limitation, obstacle, hazard, unfairness, etc… This is how many conceptualize heroes – people who “struggle with all their being against the tragedy of life”, people who are “a light rather than a blight”. However this way of living is incredibly hard. It requires a lot of humility. It requires a lot of courage. It requires to take responsibility at least for one’s own thoughts, actions, circumstances and wishes. It requires a commitment to learning and the acceptance of vulnerability, and the inability to ever study everything or achieve any “ultimate” knowledge. It requires a radically open mind. All of the above entails at least some level of personal exploration, both inner and outer. However most people, me included, are very much scared of this introspection. It usually involves accepting you could be willing to do some very nasty actions, take a very dark road. I’m afraid that I could never “go back” if I imagine the circumstances under which I’d be willing to. I like to think of myself as good, or at least good enough, but here are many wise men telling me I’m just naïve. Naïve isn’t “good”… In any case, my biggest question remains whether this is all worth it. I’m past the point where I won’t do it just because 99% of humanity won’t. However I’m left with some very deep questions that I absolutely must formulate: - If ultimately all this gives me is positive emotion, is it still worth it? - If ultimately all it gives me is happiness, is it still worth it? - If ultimately all it gives me some Truth I am uncomfortable with, namely the realization that I’m Ether, that I’m nothing, that it doesn’t even matter that I ever existed, is it still worth it? At this moment it’s not just about me. On one hand I could be looking for self-improvement and help out the community by “playing the best game I can”. Like Leo said it’s selfish behaviour that is ultimately unselfish. On the other hand I could keep slapping myself for even contemplating quitting college until I find a field I’m a little interested in, and honor the sacrifices my parents and grandparents, and… made my becoming a high status man. Quantitatively, won’t it be more beneficial to the world? Won’t it change the world for the better? You could make the argument that “I am the world” and all that matters if whether I’m happy. But it doesn’t sit right with me. Because I think I’m not worth it. I still think I’m not worth it. I still have the issues I had three years ago when I started to read about personal development. Bceause nothing changed much in the last three years, I just gained a little more awareness. But if I can’t find happiness even within the confines of my cage, how do you expect me to find it elsewhere, where it’s so vast? I’m too afraid to commit 100% to exploration because I’m afraid I might be just wasting my life. If all there is to life is positive emotion, I could get it through drugs or through videogames. I could even try to mindfuck myself into thinking that the world is beauty to be sitting at a bench in bliss, like the author of “the Power of Now” (scratch that, I know his circumstances were exceptional, and that it usually takes a journey to arrive to that point). But you see the idea. If a lifetime of wandering is what is takes to come back to point zero and “realize” that life is life and the world is love, how detrimental is it to “the physical world”, to society? What would I have accomplished? Raised a family? Founded a business? 1% of them would undertake the journey and live a ultimately meaningful life. Should I not care whether they do? Is it even ethical? Isn’t it more socially and religiously acceptable to encourage people to do better and wish they do? I’m confused. Many said that to start at least “baby stepping” problem solving one needs to know where he is and where he’s heading to. A ship needs a course. Well, I don’t know either! I still haven’t strategized as Leo advised, I still haven’t meditated because I’m constantly questioning it’s utility and benefits; I still haven’t introspected. Peterson’s Self Authoring program is collecting dust on my shelf even though I bought it last Christmas. “Twelve Rules for Life” had me think for a week but I scarcely remember any of it. All I faintly know is that Big Five wise I’m very neurotic, very un conscientious, very introverted, moderately agreeable and with a low-ish open-ness to new experience. All I faintly know reality-wise is that at twenty four I’m entering second year of college and am very un-interested in my combined English-Japanese course. I also know that I’m in college to appease my parents and myself, and play/pretend I am a college student. And to not have to work. That I could not bear. At least right now, and the reason is basically the same “why bother?” All I faintly know as far as the destination is concerned is that I’ll be more comfortable with a “safe” job, but one where I could speak in different languages (I speak four) and (a very “millennial” thing to say) make an impact. Call me a neurotic idiot, but I get the feeling I must be contributing to the betterment of society, at least somehow. Now, my problem is that I hate society 99% of the time, or at least some aspects of society. And I’m constantly making excuses to not take any sides, to not fight for anything, to not serve anyone, even myself. So, where am I now? In Hell. No. That would be too big of a world. I’m in a ditch. A spoiled brat in a ditch. A smart brat who won’t get out even though the ladder is here. So, where do I want to head? Correction, where do I think Iwant to head? I don’t know. Will this ever get published? Perhaps! I thought I’d ask you guys question, but by end of this diatribe the first words that pop up in my mind are “I’m doing this for myself” and the second words “why would I bother people with this?”. But heck, what do I have to lose. If this gets deleted, I still have it on my hard drive. If someone gets anything valuable out of this, good for them. If by any chance a good Samaritan helps me with a little piece of advice, I’ll be thankful. But I’m not asking for attention. No, wait, I am. I want to know what you guys think of this, how do you guys cope. And please don’t delete this the second you see this, Mister or Miss Moderator. I respect you and your job and I know the site rules. I don’t mean any harm, I just wanted to share my thoughts. That is all.

I did a 7 day retreat earlier this year and felt 5meo like effects on and off from like the 5th day on. Mostly it was during dreams, I had one very brief non-dual experience when waking from a dream (became the whole screen so to speak) and other than that i felt some 5meo like bliss (albeit subtle) during/around sleep at the end of the week. Apart from that I definitely had strong visions that begun on the 5th day (not sure which psychedelic chemical would be responsible here as apparently dmt doesn't get released till 10 days in the dark but who knows), sort of like scenes including figures/creatures moving around and also projected a full cave onto my apartment (no auditory hallucinations but they can appear after a bit longer i have read). It like created a space for this cave sort of encompassed within the perimeter of my apartment but of course not perfectly accurate so it made it hard to move around. then a cave ceiling that seemed to be 10m high with sharp rocks hanging from the top. I was pretty blown away that it was happening to me and it was just getting more and more intense as the days went on. I am hopefully going to do 10 days in September (still got the black garbage bags over my windows) because then I am sure I would have had some more 5meo like effects along with more vivid visions as colours and density was getting progressively more intense. It is very gradual though. The first 4 or 5 days all i got was the dark flashing white strobe like lights and weird pixelated light energy type stuff. Then all of a sudden things appear in the peripherals and from there it opened up for me. Probably the hallucinations are all just a distraction from the meditation etc but it was a bizzare experience i feel not many humans will ever have. Not taught this stuff at school about the brain haha. The figures were pretty creepy and often reaching out at me, but nothing too overwhelming as it still seemed just like a fake projector. It didn't have like a presence in the room if that makes sense. It was pitch black for me. I cooked in the dark (all i eat is meat) and wore a blindfold to cover my eyes from the flame and used a timer. You could somehow prep other sort of food im sure. Then i covered black garbage bags over windows, but be careful with this because some of the paint is ripped from it, think you can use some sort of attachment sheet for the wall. Covered every bit of light (even fire alarms etc) because your eyes become so adjusted that even the slightest dot makes a difference. It was quite an effort doing it in my own apartment but still much better than paying to do it away. Was nice knowing my bearings around the apartment as well. It was bloody tough though of course, don't even have sight to distract you haha quite uncomfortable like you're entombed.

Although I don't wish to get too lost in diet, it is such an important part of awakening. My new "regime" is to eat 3 small meals a week while drinking urine, and some herbal teas. This may be taking it to far, but I wasn't born to play life safely e.g. I love until it feels like my heart explodes, and I constantly focus on it 24/7. I am not relenting until I experience the bliss of God every second, to feel so loved by myself, that my child-like heart expands and engulfs anything unrepresentative of God. I've been receiving these moments of euphoria for existing in this world in times where I surrender into the heart whilst in this fasted state. It happens more and more while fasting, it's as though it amplifies the love I have for life more expansively. I get these moments too where I become aware of how "thin" my identity of myself as a human being is, of how easily and how in any moment it could crumble, making me become no thing. This fasting, and prayer of love, and purity has created a new life for me, and it will keep growing the more I surrender to this moment. I can surrender much more than I am. I know my potential is much higher than what I believe. I live in a world of people who are disconnected from love, reconnecting myself to love. When you have no example of a person who is all-loving and kind, it just makes this awakening all the more rewarding and personal. I am on the first wave of ascension, so I'm the one showing people what it means to dare to be love. I am hurt, heartbroken and shattered for no reason I can find; and in response, I trust my heart further, and surrender deeper and deeper and deeper. Because anything that arises is only here to make us surrender into the light, which looks a lot like nothingness. The kingdom of heaven is.

I binge watch and read non-duality and have insights I have also been getting into Vernon Howard lately which has been given me a huge blow to my ego. My mind is still really busy but I can quiet it within seconds now. And I can tap into feelings of insane bliss within seconds too - through my focus. I am also able to see that everything I am saying here is B.S. and a part of the illusion. But I still don't know if that counts as yellow. Because I am still super neurotic at the same time.

@Mirror of Confusion , yes, there are so many. Several in Rishikesh should be avoided. The ashram, whose Guru may have passed on, may presently be led by egotistical, dictatorial heads. Sri Aurobindo's ashram in Pondicherry as well as Auroville are well worth visiting. I have been there briefly, but know many followers of Sri Aurobindo - he was a great intellectual and that spirit lives on coupled with one of service and eco living. People are happy to discuss, debate, explain while remaining firm in their allegiance to him and the Mother. If you would like to meet a living Guru with a large following then do visit Amma's ashram in Kerala. Amma (Mata Amritanandamayi), also known as the hugging mother, has amazing powers to move people along their spiritual paths. Her first hug, according to many, bestows wonderful experiences if one is in a state of readiness. I personally felt healed, and a deep calm and contentment - there was nothing more that I needed or wanted to do. People report going into a deep meditative state or experience bliss. However, I disagreed with some practices of her Ashram: I found that non-Indians, i.e., white people from abroad, were given preferential treatment. They did not have to queue along with everyone to receive a hug. The had their own area with just a few people and were right up close to Amma most of the time. Their eating areas were also separate where they could buy (very cheaply) western style foods. Really?!! Why go to India then. The ashram shouldn't have pandered to their tastes. The Indians felt they couldn't venture into their dining areas or sit with them. It became a kind of apartheid.

As I listend to different enlightened people I see a pattern. Some seemed to have reached a state of profound peace and contentment, but other say that there is more and that if you dive deep enough, you can get to "out of this world bliss and love". My question is: Is there someone here who experiences constant bliss?

Total Integration/embodiment is the result of seeing the futility in moving in accordance to time. To negate any movement whatsoever in seeking psychological security. To live with what is, which implies the ending of fear. It’s only when fear is not, that there is bliss. It’s only in virtue-order, that there can be bliss. Only in bliss can there be complete action, holy action.

Indeed, bliss cannot be cultivated. And thought is one and the same movement/process as cultivation...Any movement of thought prevents bliss.

How can you be bliss when you are that which is looking for bliss? How can you be bliss if you are that which doubts if you are blissful? Thoughts can take us to the locked gate, but the seizing of thought is the key.

Ultimate Bliss is only in the cessation of experience as the i A movement not bound by time(thought) A dynamic stillness

bliss is shared and reflected among friends and brothers and sisters it is my opinion, a matter of collective

It does depend on whether an enlightened person is still meditating on a daily basis and maintain Śamatha, a state of equanimity, joy, love, bliss which is associated with more gamma brain waves, otherwise they have no self, non-dual perspective but still quite dull mind, and because of it no constant love/bliss feeling.

@okulele I’m currently working towards it. I feel far more bliss than I did just two months ago. I’m confident I’ll make it to constant bliss by a year or two. If you’re thinking about getting to constant bliss through meditation, you can forget about it. You won’t get it.

Thank you all for your responses. It's really interesting to hear your experiences, although I underatand we can never convey to each other what we exactly mean. I mostly created this topic to remind everyone that there could always be more to your awakening than where you are at. (I was inspired by Jan Essman's interview on BATGAP where he talks about very physical bliss he is experiencing all the time and where he states how easy it is to get stuck at experiencing pure peace and thinking that's it.)

Like taking off a costume you didn’t know you were wearing, the costume is not blissful, the bliss was wearing the costume.

Bliss/joy/peace are one experience for me. From one point of view, it is calmness/stillness. The emotional pond is still, without anger/fear/guilt/shame, etc. From another point of view, the peace is blissful. It is a feeling of being completely dead inside, like nothing would ever move me. It is a pleasant feeling! I do feel emotions, but because the pond is mostly still, I can easily identify and direct them. They are not negative, but neutral. This redirection from, lets say, anger to negative thoughts is conditioned into movement that reinterprets the experience into something more positive. There is a tension during aggravating moments, but this tension is internally resolved through equalization in thoughts. Feelings are being let go, automatically.

The mind is a movement of wanting. Bliss is found where wanting is not. Try to become aware of the fact that you are resisting bliss constantly through the mind’s desires. Feel what happens when you state: “I want absolutely nothing.” Really feel it out. Suddenly a peace arises. That peace can turn into bliss when all resistance to it collapses. As it turns out, when you stop wanting anything, you are open to absolutely everything. That is the paradox. And that is the space from which a human being can truly be authentic. Now every move you make comes from a place of fulfillment. Or bliss. And being blissful isn’t even a big deal. It’s not like this insane constant feeling of ecstasy, (though it can be) It simply means you don’t mind whatever experience you’re having. You can’t be more satisfied than absolutely satisfied. There’s no measurement for happiness anymore. I’m definetely not blissful all the time, but I can see what’s in the way of it very clearly, and that has now become my meditation. And what do I want from this meditation? Nothing at all.

Well, if you ask me, this "constant bliss"-thing isn't really what it seems to be to most people. Many report that after their enlightenment, or total release and/or surrender to put it in different words, they experience that state of total bliss which has a non-defined duration that is individual to everyone, but for some it may last weeks or even months. It is very rare and uncommon to hear that people are abiding in that state for years on end, because in the end, it is always safe to say that it will slowly become less and less pronounced and you will take it on as your default state, more or less - unless you totally dissolve in it and.... die (I don't know for sure, but I'm quite certain that it does have something to do with achieving a conscious death, but there's surely a lot more to it). IMO though, the bliss that is often mentioned over time actually just transitions into pure love and compassion which is the absolute source of the deepest bliss you could experience anyway.

Ayahusaca Trip report : June 2018 I arrived in Lisbon, Portugal on a Wednesday and met up with my friend who has flown from Canada. We had lots of fun exploring the beautiful city of Lisbon and catching up. Next day, we rented a car and drove three hours to our retreat. We met with all the other super interesting people who were there for the ceremony. There was a total of 12 of us. I had an interview with one of our Shamans. She asked about myself and my intentions, as well as any previous experiences with any drugs or psychedelics and all the other important details. Around 9 pm, we all gathered around in a beautiful glass room called Spaceship for obvious reasons. We had our Purge ceremony. Basically, you drink a horrible Tobacco medicine, and after some time, you drink gallons of water, until you throw up. It is not pleasant, but after you are super clear and you have this amazing sensation. Bunch of us gathered in the backyard, and talked about ourselves and intentions and experiences. I made couple of lovely connections which i will never forget. Next day, we had a very healthy breakfast. No salt, no suger,.... We had an even simpler lunch at 1 pm. Around 3 pm, me, my friend and bunch of other people went to a beautiful beach near by, high above the cliffs. The beauty was mesmerising. I sat on top of the cliffs, and meditated and contemplated for a while. Once we got back to the retreat, I found another glass meditation room and just stayed there by myself, trying not to get tangled up with conversations with other people. Most people were doing the same thing. We were all preparing for our journey. Around 9 pm, everyone gathered in the Spaceship. The Shamans told us were to sit. The had paired people up for based on some sort of logic. The Shamans who are a couple, had a very interesting of singing their Icarus songs. They each sing a different song with a different beat. At first it was very confusing, but soon it made my brain do a funny thing. It would split my consciousness and brain activity in two. I got to love it by the end. After an hour of taking the medicine , I still couldn't really feel anything. People were already throwing up, so I though something must be wrong with me. I was getting frustrated and thought maybe i am not worthy. It was then when the Shamans called for anyone who wants a second cup. Almost everyone got up. I managed to go as well. This was quite surprising to me, since i had a very hard time last year. It seemed that my body and mind have become much more tolerant and stronger. Within minutes of having the second cup, the plant started talking to me. I started shaking and feeling pain all over my body. I felt an alien going through my veins. It was a horrible pain. I realised this must be how a heroin addict must feel like. And I learned compassion. The plant told me if i can't take it, I am allowed to through up. I told he/she I am ready, so Bring it on. Right away, a light burst out of my chest, and I saw a portal opening, and the alien entered my being. It took control. I started seeing a lot of visuals. Beauty, destruction, death, life, horror, pain, fear, love. Everything was visual and sensual. I was in bliss and pain at the same time. I asked her what is my purpose in life? He/she said why don't you become a Shaman? And i said no way. Im not strong enough. And she said fine, then i'll give you an easier purpose. Just draw me. Just paint me. Show people my beauty, and that will alone will bring light. And he/she showed me all her incredible beauty ( which i m already starting to forget) . She also told me that she is not only light, but the opposite as well. And all this dark forces appeared. So powerful and masculine. I was terrified. But she said accept. So i did. There is beauty in horror. He/She has no preference, and so I should learn not to have a preference either. And then I here the Shaman calling my name. I walked in front of him, and my friend was called by the female Shaman. Then they Sang a song specific to each of us at the same time. I was blown away. Sharing this experience with my friend is priceless. To be continued ...

I think what Osho is trying to say is that try more diferent things. Just meditating wont get you far. For example in Oshos movie there is a part where he learns to play perfectly a flute and then drop it because the love/passion for music is blocking us to grow. @Viking You asked that is it possible for you to enter blissful state without preperation, ofc it is, by accident. Some people plan it. Both work! but consciously working on it saves you a life. Like you dont want to let accident to guide your life. So investigating your stage that you are in at this moment is super-important. Lets say its "bliss" it can be very state like and enjoyable, but its still a stage. You let insight guide you and not states. Alot of people make that mistake when they try hold on to that state of bliss for forever and not earn insights. Take your time on it. Let loose, take a adventour or make things okay again like they used to be with your fam. etc. just a little courage needed to get going. Every stage will give you exactly that, that this stage offers. Higher stage you are in then more it offers about yourself. Your whole life is a meditation. Every part of it can be meditated. Your being that runs automatically can become meditative. This means that your attention that is used to go into illusions automatically, will now become -> attention moving into reality automatically. That should slowly get into meditative actions and reprogramming from illusions that lead you to bigger understanding.

Today has been filled with many strong emotions that have been contained deep inside me. I felt hopeless, and sad, and frenzied. My practice is to focus on the love in my heart, the rising and falling of my chest through out the day, but these emotions far overcame the subtle feeling of love I had. I just couldn’t focus until I remembered a beautiful teaching I had learnt by Matt Kahn called Loving whatever arises. As soon as I started complimenting and blessing my wounded heart the emotions became less intense allowing me to again focus on my chest. I’ve learnt that a synthesis between the two teaching of loving whatever arises and focusing on the spiritual heart is necessary when such emotions arise to calm myself down With my increased sensitivity I saw how technology had been effecting me. Just by taking a few hours off, those strong emotions would arise again. It showed me how dependent I was on circumstances for happiness, but my question is, how come I can’t be happy under any circumstance? Why can’t I feel bliss or peace in every moment? These questions have me a deeper appreciation of the true power of the subconscious mind. While my soul is unconditionally loving, my subconscious mind was hurt in the past by people and so created patterns that when triggered caused these strong emotions and self-defeating thoughts to arise. I’m very conscious of this now. That’s why loving whatever arises has so much power in rewiring the subconscious mind in oneness, and to release all beleifs in separation. The same effect, but even deeper and subtler is found by focusing on my chest, it’s most effective however when I’m calm. It makes me fall asleep, making hours of meditation turn into hours of napping ? I trust that love will purify all of my subconscious beliefs that dominate my life. I trust that everything is perfect, and that everything will work out, and that I am worthy of more love not less, now and forever. The most important practice is to bring more love into every moment. Every second is another opportunity to anchor love ❤️

You know my story bro! I had to LEARN how to judge again! Can you imagine what a hell that was? When you see how incredible Beautiful and perfect every being is. And you must find a way to look upon Those in a critical way again, just as I Did many years ago. I tell you, that is a Journey of hell raised to the power of hell. Not only that, This is how twisted it is, please try to follow me, and sorry for my broken english btw, I know it's a drag to read. Some of it you are familiar with already, but I try to explain it better. Anyway, imagine you have a perspective of life/reality in such a way that that everything is beautiful, in a way that reality and everything in it contains so much beauty your heart can almost not handle it. You see how every being is so perfectly complete, a formation of Love. And you know that Everyone feels and experience the same. But you start to find out that it only happens when you are together with others. Somehow you have the psycic power to let others to see the world as you do when you interact. You shake them psycologically in an infinite way. You become a figure of light where everybody notice your presence and are madly drawn to it. You notice that there is something really special about your perspective, that it is really rare, infact you are the only one having it, with the power to share it when in interactions. However, there is another perspective, the Collective consciousness perspective let's say. You know there is that other perspective, But you have no clue what it's all about, you have since long forgot. You only know that it's something dark, at least darker. But you can't get a taste of that perspective, because you elevate others to your perspective. And you know you can't really move in society, other Then casual interactions with people. Because, if you go to a workplace let's say, you will elevate the whole workplace to your level of awareness, at the same time all the structures of that workplace are build upon and sustain upon structures of This other perspective. You see how you run into a syntax error? Finally you understand that the world is not build around your perspective at all, even though everything you come in contact with transforms into your consciousness. But again, you can never let your perspective become a big movement because of This syntax error since the world spins around This other perspective. Ok, so now you try to transcend This state of love, bliss, perfect understanding to adopt to that common perspective of others. You really have to create anger, fear, hate out of thin air constantly for years. Those two perspectives are really two completely different realms. You can't allowed yourself any happiness. Let's refer to Those states or perspectives as absolute and relative perspectives. You transcend the absolute to get back to relative again. Let's say This absolute perspective, the perspective of Love, beauty understanding, truth was a deluded state, just for the sake of reasoning. And that the relative perspective that others have(when they are not affected by your presence) we suggest that it is the sober one, the real true perspective. So you Cure a mania one Could say. You go from a deluded state of heaven to a true state of "hell". Now that is ofcourse difficult, years of literary hell on the Journey back to hell, in order to come back to ordinary relative perspective. But This is not the case. That's why I Said the Journey back is not only hell, But hell raised to the power of hell! Because you don't leave a deluded state of heaven to travel to a true state of hell. It's the other way around. You travel back from the true state of heaven to a deluded state of hell, and you know you must do it. Because This world doesn't spin around that heavenly perspective/consciousness. somehow the world has to get rid of you otherwise. But it's not really accurate to put it like that, it's more at stake, not just your life. MUCH MORE. I remember one time when I was in between Those states, my Brother was visiting me, and since he is my brother and since I was on my Journey back, he wasn't affected to that state of awareness that still had residues in me. And I remember he Said something judgemental about a person, nothing special, he just Said someone was a bit wierd. And I remember what a chock that was. It was impossible to comprehend, I thought he was joking. Again, a syntax error happened in me. How can one judge another, it's impossible, Everyone is perfect! That was First time I met This relative perspective again face to face. @tsuki You know you were the First one I told, only you and faceless know my story, hehe faceless, he couldn't care less, Love him for that, just as much as I Love you Listening. ? For some reason I couldn't have telled anyone earlier, all the residues had to leave, otherwise I don't know what would have happened, there is so much power and responsibility to that state of awareness I had. Maybe the universe would have imploded or something just by mention it, now it's just a Buch of words. Also, now, when I find myself in the relative realm again. I Could see how infinitely naive I was. I mean really infinite naive. Isn't it ironic? You are naive when you know the truth But don't know how to be deluded is a certain way. You don't know how the world looks like from one eye when you have two eyes. You must find a way to carve out one eye so to speak to be able to function in society of one eyed humans. The whole of language is more or less a one eye phenomenon, if you get the metaphor. I was infinitely naive because I saw that Everyone was perfect, beautiful. I saw who they truly were. But they themselves didn't know who they truly were. And I didn't know that, because it was the most obvious thing in the world to see who others as Well as myself was. And they only get glimps of that in my presence. It was First after I start my Journey back when people didn't lose their deluded self and tasted their true self in my presence any longer that I really saw face to face how they didn't know themselves. And now I am one of them.. What to say? Shit happens, hey. It's a little bit Sad though that my life mission didn't work out. It just started with a desire dig deep into leadership and it put me on the greatest Journey ever, it was personal development at its best not knowing I Did exactly that. Guided by my intuition for years, it was crazy.

Non-dualism is a belief untill you experience it, so any thoughts about it just sits superficially on top of your feeling of emptiness. True spirituality is not just about love and kindness and all the positive, it's about facing EVERYTHING head on. Admit that the feeling is there, and allow it to be there. Ground yourself in things that you like, take a walk outside. I literally beat my depression by taking long sad lone walks. During one of those walks I just realized that i choose to identify with a feeling, that comes and goes. You too can realize that your feelings and inner commentary of your feelings come and go, and you can choose to identify with them or not. Im not suggesting more mindfulness, more like acceptance and cobtemplation. We all want to face and know the bliss because its easy and pleasant. The hard and painfull is there so that you can know the good and the blissfull. "Im not mature enough" is a thought. You dont have to become anything to recognize it as such. Good luck!

I'm on the first day of a urine fast today. I am excited to remove the deepest toxins stored in my toxins. I want to reset my metabolism so that I can maintain my low calorie diet without those emotional cravings throughout the day. I learnt today that food need not be "raw" or solely fruit as found in the extensive sciences of Chinese medicine and Ayurveda, that actually maintaining a balanced diet of whatever is in season is more important for wellbeing. Fruit overtime when not in the tropical regions can cause imbalances for some organs in the body which need hot food to function at their best, the carbohydrates in fruit also can cause candida, and other unhealthy bacteria to grow. It's certainly interesting, although it does confuse me a lot, when I also have evidence that fruit is what makes the brain function optimally, and how it is the highest vibrational food to consume. And to integrate this with urine therapy too, how the urine is the highest vibrational food I know of (save for pure love, and sunshine) would be helpful in developing this understanding. Although, my diet currently has been highly panic, the physical aspect is becoming less and less necessary as I surrender into the love of my soul, especially after this fast. I also want to experiment with the Ketogenic diet versus the carbohydrate based fruitarian diet to see which works best. In either case, the wisdom of the body is the best teacher to maintain the ideal balance I will go over 7 days for as long as my body tells me. I am very curious about the high states of consciousness that may happen which as described by John St Julian feels similar to tripping. I haven't really had huge experiences before, just the usual feeling bigger than my body in meditation, and the feeling of being one on a more superficial level so I just would love to see what a true enlightenment experience is. I'll meditate for most of the day as well upon the rising and falling of my chest, to connect more with my soul of pure divine love. I intend to realise myself as this love on the deepest level possible, to accelerate my spiritual journey into the infinite, harmonious state of bliss; of eternal natural meditative awareness. In this time I will not be actively exploring more concepts because it gets me back into the conscious ego mind, triggering many subconscious thoughts and emotions too. I am grateful to have this time to go deep into myself. I want to know myself as divinity, and I trust that by focusing on my heart more than the stories that arise in my mind, that this realisation will happen. The stories are grounded in the conditioning of the subconscious mind, rooted in the groundlessness of separation. I choose to focus on eternal love in every moment instead, cause I trust that will naturally release all beliefs in separation, and allow my soul to express itself through me perfectly instead of in fragments. We all are a gentle and loving soul having a human experience, to evolve ourselves by finding our true nature, against all of this separation, as the oneness. And so by focusing on the core of my oneness in my spiritual heart, in every moment this is my silent vote for love. When rooted in the heart I also trust, and know, that following your highest excitement is always happening, for the soul is fully expressing itself, the programming and fear no longer stops the soul from this. This is why I choose to spend up to 6 months in deep meditation, because of the life of love, synchronicity and excitement that I will create for the next 100 or 200 years (and I also love meditating, I wouldn't force it if I didn't). After these months there will be no question of what I want to do, for I will be the soul incarnate. I wish you all love in discovering who you truly are! This is all of our life purpose on Earth, to realise this one simple Truth, that we are truly one, like it was always meant to be. There is lots of beliefs in separation in my mind, which has left me to embrace my spiritual heart as the ultimate purifier of this "mess". It is there I will rest, and embrace all of life just as it is. As a side note, I will be off the internet for a bit, I'm doing a technology fast as well to help me focus. Love is greater than knowledge. I will give my life to it, and dissolve into the love forever. I see the possibilities there, and I'm ready for it