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I have almost been there, countless people have experienced it, it's more probable that it is real. But of course how it is experienced is far different from the concept of it. It can only be truly understood after experiencing it. But the ''i'' is not needed, existence can exist without the notion of an ''i'', it's just superficial language game. From my experiences, what absolute nothingness means is that the true nature of yourself is impersonal nothingness or emptiness, so much that you actually do not exist, you drown in the emptiness until you disappear then you become everything that is, at the end you stop identifying yourself as everything. Now only what IS is, alone. You can trigger this by being the observer yes, you can also trigger it with other methods, like introspection, self-inquiry, neti-neti method, etc.

what does this concept "absolute nothingness" point to, and how do you know that it exists? well, obviously you dont know if it exists, but lets be openminded and consider an option that there is some transformation of consciousness that does SOMETHING, we dont know what. how does that happen to an individual? how to trigger it? since we hit an intellectual ceiling, we cant think our way there. what can we do? according to material i've read and listened to all you have to do is to be the observer for a long enough time. what I guess would increase the chances of a consciousness jump even more is destroying beliefs, that means not to focus on "what is this absolute nothingness, i have to understand it", but to focus on "what do i believe and dont know that i believe", question everything in other words. do you agree?

You intellectually know that there is no ''I'' which I agree with but you have not experienced absolute nothingness (not me either) which is why we keep forgetting it. You say you are nothing but in fact you are non-existent. There simply just is what is. But you are not. What is simply is, but taking away a ''me'' from it can mean a lot. Space is created, existence is free to be the way it is, identification with existence perishes, but existence/awareness continues to be what it is, like it always have and always will. Existence is all there is, One and Alone. To say I am existence is to create separation, to say ''it'' is existence is to create another separation. No, it is undivided, One and self-existent, eternal without a second.

I have no idea. Its just silence without any discrimination. even the thought 'I am observing' is also gone. I think this is the state I need to familiarize myself more and more until a irreversible breakthrough occurs. That's not how I do self inquiry. I tend to release all sorts of notions about ego/whole/nothingness/enlightenment etc. I just observe my direct experience and I consider every single movement of perception, thoughts and ideas as experience. I think its helpful to let go of these notions if you wanna keep up the observation. Or else the all theories about ego,enlightenment etc keeps creating more thoughts and expectations which easily can lead to frustration. That sounds like an obsession with the physical body to me. I mean I feel boundless sometimes and why should I bother myself about this limited body? I feel like the only reason we have a physical body is to transcend it, not to make it a permanent abode. thank you

Shams Of Tabriz Befuddled believer! If every Ramadan one fasts in the name of God and every Eid one sacrifices a sheep or a goat as an atonement for his sins, if all his life one strives to make the pilgrimage to Mecca and five times a day kneels on a prayer rug but at the same time has no room for love in his heart, what is the use of all this trouble? Faith is only a word if there is no love at its center, so flaccid and lifeless, vague and hollow—not anything you could truly feel. Do they think God resides in Mecca or Medina? Or in some local mosque somewhere? How can they imagine that God could be confined to limited space when He openly says, Neither My heaven nor My earth embraces Me, but the heart of My believing servant does embrace Me. Pity the fool who thinks the boundaries of his mortal mind are the boundaries of God the Almighty. Pity the ignorant who assume they can negotiate and settle debts with God. Do such people think God is a grocer who attempts to weigh our virtues and our wrongdoings on two separate scales? Is He a clerk meticulously writing down our sins in His accounting book so as to make us pay Him back someday? Is this their notion of Oneness? Neither a grocer nor a clerk, my God is a magnificent God. A living God! Why would I want a dead God? Alive He is. His name is al-Hayy—the Ever-Living. Why would I wallow in endless fears and anxieties, always restricted by prohibitions and limitations? Infinitely compassionate He is. The name is al-Wadud. All-Praiseworthy He is. I praise Him with all my words and deeds, as naturally and effortlessly as I breathe. The name is al-Hamid. How can I ever spread gossip and slander if I know deep down in my heart that God hears and sees it all? His name is al-Başir. Beautiful beyond all dreams and hopes. Al-Jamal, al-Kayyum, al-Rahman, al-Rahim. Through famine and flood, dry and athirst, I will sing and dance for Him till my knees buckle, my body collapses, and my heart stops pounding. I will smash my ego to smithereens, until I am no more than a particle of nothingness, the wayfarer of pure emptiness, the dust of the dust in His great architecture. Gratefully, joyously, and relentlessly, I commend His splendor and generosity. I thank Him for all the things He has both given and denied me, for only He knows what is best for me. Recalling another rule on my list, I felt a fresh wave of happiness and hope. The human being has a unique place among God’s creation. “I breathed into him of My Spirit,” God says. Each and every one of us without exception is designed to be God’s delegate on earth. Ask yourself, just how often do you behave like a delegate, if you ever do so? Remember, it falls upon each of us to discover the divine spirit inside and live by it. Instead of losing themselves in the Love of God and waging a war against their ego, religious zealots fight other people, generating wave after wave of fear. Looking at the whole universe with fear-tinted eyes, it is no wonder that they see a plethora of things to be afraid of. Wherever there is an earthquake, drought, or any other calamity, they take it as a sign of Divine Wrath—as if God does not openly say, My compassion outweighs My wrath. Always resentful of somebody for this or that, they seem to expect God the Almighty to step in on their behalf and take their pitiful revenges. Their life is a state of uninterrupted bitterness and hostility, a discontentment so vast it follows them wherever they go, like a black cloud, darkening both their past and their future There is such a thing in faith as not being able to see the forest for the trees. The totality of religion is far greater and deeper than the sum of its component parts. Individual rules need to be read in the light of the whole. And the whole is concealed in the essence. Instead of searching for the essence of the Qur’an and embracing it as a whole, however, the bigots single out a specific verse or two, giving priority to the divine commands that they deem to be in tune with their fearful minds. They keep reminding everyone that on the Day of Judgment all human beings will be forced to walk the Bridge of Sirat, thinner than a hair, sharper than a razor. Unable to cross the bridge, the sinful will tumble into the pits of hell underneath, where they will suffer forever. Those who have led a virtuous life will make it to the other end of the bridge, where they will be rewarded with exotic fruits, sweet waters, and virgins. This, in a nutshell, is their notion of afterlife. So great is their obsession with horrors and rewards, flames and fruits, angels and demons, that in their itch to reach a future that will justify who they are today they forget about God! Don’t they know one of the forty rules? Hell is in the here and now. So is heaven. Quit worrying about hell or dreaming about heaven, as they are both presents inside this very moment. Every time we fall in love, we ascend to heaven. Every time we hate, envy, or fight someone, we tumble straight into the fires of hell. This is what Rule Number Twenty-five is about. Is there a worse hell than the torment a man suffers when he knows deep down in his conscience that he has done something wrong, awfully wrong? Ask that man. He will tell you what hell is. Is there a better paradise than the bliss that descends upon a man at those rare moments in life when the bolts of the universe fly open and he feels in possession of all the secrets of eternity and fully united with God? Ask that man. He will tell you what heaven is. Why worry so much about the aftermath, an imaginary future, when this very moment is the only time we can truly and fully experience both the presence and the absence of God in our lives? Motivated by neither the fear of punishment in hell nor the desire to be rewarded in heaven, Sufis love God simply because they love Him, pure and easy, untainted and non-negotiable. Love is the reason. Love is the goal. And when you love God so much, when you love each and every one of His creations because of Him and thanks to Him, extraneous categories melt into thin air. From that point on, there can be no “I” anymore. All you amount to is a zero so big it covers your whole being. The other day Rumi and I were contemplating these issues when all of a sudden he closed his eyes and uttered the following lines: “Not Christian or Jew or Muslim, not Hindu, Buddhist, Sufi or zen. Not any religion or cultural system. I am not of the East, nor of the West.… My place is placeless, a trace of the traceless.” Rumi thinks he can never be a poet. But there is a poet in him. And a fabulous one! Now that poet is being revealed. Yes, Rumi is right. He is neither of the East nor of the West. He belongs in the Kingdom of Love. He belongs to the Beloved.

Until there is a cessation of the movement of thought talking about nothingness is of thought. Learn how to identify when thought is in motion. Learn the nature of thought. Its processes and structure. What im saying is until thought is understood you will not know when you are deceiving yourself or distorting what is. Until you do just assume every moment is a movement of thought. So actually to you thought is all there is. Do you understand?

To tell someone mind is real or unreal is meaningless. It is actual in the sense that it’s experienced to them and it is an actual process taking place. It may be correct or incorrect but it is still actual. So one must go into mind/thought. That is conscious work. Then once you understand its nature, structure, processes then you have a basis to observe ”consious work”..Otherwise one will remain caught in the matrix yet attributing certain thoughts as being independent of the matrix. Classic deception/illusion. Until one sees ”actually” for themselves the unreal will remain real to them. This realization in the form of an idea won't help anyone see. They have to see it in themselves as a fact. This is why not gathering theories, conceptualizations is important. To say you are nothing to one who is not no-thing, ”empty of the conditioned consciousness” is an abstraction to them. If one's mind is not free then they are not nothingness. Until consciousness is empty it's all theory, non fact. Part of the matrix. But If one disregards all the conditioned content that has been accumulated from the stream of thought ’past knowledge’ and sticks with the fact of ones own conditioned inward content, then one will avoid all the illusion and deception. The point is to empty the mind not fill it. Only an empty mind ”consciousness empty of it's conditioned movement/content” can see what is.

I assumed understanding and spiritual gowth would be towards enlightenment. I don't know much about automatic writing, but from my own deep insights in meditation, there is nothing to write, I can feel my brain reconnecting, the intelligence is beyond thought and mind. Whats the difference between automatic writing and an writer being in "Flow"? When a writter is in flow they write without thinking much and they say the thoughts came to them they say from a higher place or their muse. But it seems the success of the book grealty impacts whether the writer will say it came from their muse. It's like "How did you write such a fantastic book!?" "I don't know it came to me." The matter of fact is that everything arises from nothingness.

You've totally missed the point of self inquiry. The whole point of self inquiry is to keep you looking/observing until you break free from delusion. What you call 'me', 'reality' are layers of stories glued together. They can only sustain if they are unexamined/unobserved. The moment you look, shit start disappearing like empty air. Doesn't that ring some bell? maybe you and your whole life stories and constructs are just a house of cards. What is the purpose of Self-inquiry? Its to deconstruct yourself, your beliefs about being a human/alien/nothingness and your world. Observation is the only direct spiritual practice and self inquiry is just a technique to keep you oriented and focused. There are other techniques like spiritual autolysis, mindfulness with labeling, Guided Neti Neti, staying with the I AM etc which basically facilitates the same observation with slightly different spin. Until?? Until all that can be deconstructed is deconstructed. And what is left? That which is Real. The unreal never existed and the real can't be destroyed.

I’m not surprised, in the beginning spiritual work is all exciting fun and games, everyone thinks they gaining something by doing it, no matter how much you tell them it’s not about gaining anything but breaking the illusion of the self they still think they gaining something that’s why 99% even pursue it, if I was to sell you a bag of air you wouldn't be interested would you, there is nothing for the "you" who is even comprehending this statement. Some people get stuck at this stage, they do their yoga, exercise, mental masturbation exercises, meditation etc. they feel a little relaxed and good about themselves and go on with their days, no spiritual progression at all here, just a boost to the ego and a self-pat on the back for doing the exercises, feels good don't it to make an illusory progression, just like it feels to do it in a video game where you know for 100% that it's illusory progression. Some people start to get heavily into spirituality, utter confusion, utter bullshit of guru's who honestly are just trolling you and pointing you at different directions to nothingness, they know the joke, the seeker doesn't, it’s like their whole purpose is to contradict everything and play devil’s advocate and see how long they can make you chase your own tail. At this stage thing get very difficult. Nihilism creeps in, you theorize everything it seems everything is pointless and you start to turn into this black hole that’s creating chaos within yourself, or having the dark night of the soul. You basically having insanity as you shift through both worlds of logic and mysticism, so I can see how it can create negative side effects. Then there is the positively enlightened, the surrender and being, these people experience life as it is without the illusion, this is a difficult stage because you must be able to feel the illusion and stillness at all times. For example, having glimpses of Samadhi and utter peace and realization of nothingness is quite simple but when you come back into Maya and people are pissing in your soup you will find it difficult to stay in the stillness. I honestly think when your truly enlightened you will appreciate the body and everything but you won't care about dropping all of it, it would be no different than getting your video game character killed and starting a new character.

Hey. I would like to say a few things before I start this topic. Enlightenment is not one thing as most believe. There are two types of non dual experience, with a various depths and stages. The types? Void stages and God stages. Void stages include diving deep into the great unknown self. The faceless god, Without quality. God stages include experiences of the face of god. Bliss, love, compassion and etc. Void and god stages also come at varying depths. Mooji for example is in a void stage yet he definitely does not have the same depth that sadhguru or Ramana maharshi have. How do I know this. Asides from experiencing many of these states. I can read energies. All these experiences and states happen due to energetic changes. Normally ones energy becomes more and more subtle, more refined, and dives into pure stillness and then nothingness. There is a qualitative change. A rebirth. Another stage. This process then repeats. How do psychedelics relate to any of this? As I said I am an energy sensitive, and very familiar with these changes and processes. Psychedelics have extremely coarse energies. The consumption of said coarse energies can indeed greatly alter ones experience. Even permanently. These experiences might even be mistaken for true non dual states. They are not. They are static filled simulations. Loud simulations. That although are very flashy. Lack the depth. The maturity, and the clarity of the real things. This is because psychedelics (which I have done a lot of) overpower the system. Damage it. Damage the Nadis or energetic system. Halt the refinement process that leads to true enlightenment. If that was it though. Who cares. Go for it, but that is not it. When psychedelics damage your system and your auric field. They create literal holes in your energetic self. These holes then make you vulnerable to negative energies. Once cognized by mystics as demons and entities. These. Entities then latch onto you, and if you don’t stop. More will come, more will come. Eventually you become so fucked up. You won’t even know what hit you. Deluded. Thinking you are in a non dual states. Because of a psychedelically induced altered state. Some flashy simulation that lacks depth. While bark like a dog and act like a moron like martin ball. You can destroy your life and system. Beyond repair, and gain a ton of karma by doing this shit. Especially in short intervals. Please listen. I say this for no one else will. Nor do they know about he amount of damage these drugs can do. The damage can be undone, however, good luck

Love Hoffman's take on reality. Brief summary: We have evolved to see reality in such a way that we survive, not in such a way to see truth. (As we all know, if we saw reality as it really is, it would kill us / Mu). We have representations for external objects that are not what they intrinsically look like, but instead the way we've evolved to perceive them in order to survive. Just like a recycle bin on your desktop isn't really a trash can, a car doesn't really look like how we perceive it to (really it's pure Nothingness I mean Mu). Yet still, if you get run over by a car or drag an important file to the recycle bin... you're gonna have a bad time (but not really). Reality is made up solely of "conscious agents". The way they interact determines our shared perceptions of reality, and indeed all of our physical laws. Theory is still a work in progress but I think there's a lot of truth to it.

Oh hehe Well I was attempting to communicate free of perspective which is difficult because thought “communication” is a movement of perspective. I do not mean to express myself in a sarcastic way or reprimand although I feel this seems the case sometimes in my communication. I’m fairly new to communication so I can see my writing coming acrossed as so. I’m working on it. By yes I am no a beat around the bush type. what I wrote above on love-beauty-truth-nothingness.... does that resonate with you?

I have read a lot of posts of spiritual seekers and allegedly enlightened people who did not like this eternal now, oneness with everything, enlightenment, but could not go back. If somebody experiences non-duality, oneness, emptiness, nothingness, beyond time and space, but not bliss, on the contrary, agony, why is not it called enlightenment?

True self doesn’t need development. only the ego/self seeks that. Only the ego/self seeks wellbeing psychologically. Seeking security Psychologically, there can not be love. Beauty is love, and love is nothingness “true self” as some people like to call it. Love/beauty are not perspectives at all. Success and meaning are movements of the the ego. Manifestations of measure. Love and beauty are immeasurable. Love/beauty are when measure ceases. Love is truth Yeah you can’t touch truth as truth is only when the little self/ego you is not? It has no opposite. Opposites only exist in mind. Truth is the underlying substance of all things. Love is when “want” is not? Thought can never touch LOVE love is truth and truth is not when thought is in movement. Nice topics @MarkusSweden?

Yup. Thats the very function on Maya. Creating an infinite chain of meaning, name and form out of absolute nothingness. It's very function is to turn the impossible into possible (creating something out of nothing)

So, I got myself involved in 5-MeO-DMT. But before I start this post, I'd like to point out that if you wanna know a little bit about my psychedelic background and another fun trip report, you might wanna read my report on shrooms first - if you haven't. There I describe my background with this etc. You can find it here. +++ Research, Planning And a Fun Experiment +++ So, how did it all start? Let's go back in time. Roughly two months ago when Leo released his mushroom videos I wrote with him here on the forum about my experiences with psychedelics, told him about one bad trip that I had and so on. In this conversation he said I should checkout 5-MeO-DMT and that nothing really compares to that. I gotta say I was kind of skeptical at first. I had done regular n,n-DMT and thought that this would be as "high as it gets". Little did I know. So I did some research over the weeks into MeO, asked some friends who had done it and read a lot. After a few weeks I forgot about it mostly because I had exams to learn for and interesting projects at work. Then Leo released his video about becoming God. I still remember how I listened to that in the morning while eating breakfast and I'm like: "This can only be MeO." So I waited a week until he made his video about it. So I thought, I better get involved in this. This sounds transformational and scary and I'm up for super-charging my progress. I did some more research and got me 250mg of 5-MeO-DMT, lab-tested with a minimum of 98% purity in HCL form. Don't ask me where I got it, if you can't do the research, don't do it. Onions might have been involved in this process, one rumors. So, I basically set up an experiment that I was going to undertake. The question I want to solve is: "Can a habitual use of 5-MeO-DMT used 1-2 a month raise my awareness permanently if used for 6-12 months?" This is the question I wanna investigate with this. To do that, I will do the tripping and document what happens with me. I plan to release I'd say at least 1 post per month here on the forum on my experiences - but more importantly on the development that happens in me. This is why I do this. I am actually thinking about making this in a video form (me telling this to you instead of writing). I might do that if the changes that occur are as deep as I expect them to be so that the cost of exposure and the investment in time and effort will be worth it. We'll see. If you like this whole experiment, like the posts and comment, ask questions and so on, so that I see that you guys are interested. If not, I'll document this just privately for me or later purposes. So, I got all this down and last Thursday, the 6th of October was the day it should all begin. So let's jump right into it. +++ The First Two Dosages: Light and Medium +++ How do you prepare to die? That's the question I asked myself before I did the first trip. And you really can't. You can just try to be at peace with whatever happens as much as you can be. This is rather difficult, because your mind can simply not come up with any framework that brings it at peace with non-existence. You have to let that go. I was pretty scared and nervous before the first trip, to be honest with you. I did all the stuff I had to do on that day, so that I had time to prepare, to do and integrate the first experiences with this beast of a drug. Before I started, I laid on my bed, closed my eyes and went deep inside. I talked to my unconscious and asked it whether it really wants to do this kind of experience and whether I could accept to die into it, so that it could become everything. I listened to my intuition that was in for it. That calmed me down a lot and was the basis for the surrendering I had to do here. I would've quit the whole thing if something in me would've not wanted this authentically. The following is a sum-up of three light-to-medium trips I took on Thursday and Saturday. They are based on 1x 15mg and 2x 20mg of MeO and had similar effects. I weighted the dosage on my scale, made two halves out of it, turned on my tripping music very quietly and snorted the powder in with a third of a straw. You basically wanna sniff it in with the least energy to get it inside, so that it stays in the nostrils. Then you hold a finger on the nostril opening, do the other nostril, cover that and sit down on your couch / bed. I sat down on my bed, tilted my head upside down and massaged the MeO into my nostrils. It burns a little bit but not very much in my experience. After 3-5 minutes my reality would get wanky and I would lie down on my bed very openly. I tried to focus on my breathing that got slower and slower while my pulse would be shooting through the top. And I mean through the the motherfucking top. You have not experienced this kind of pulse ever before in your life (if you weren't confronted with a death-like situation). I knew this would be coming, but man. You begin to worry a little bit if you can even physically take this. Then my bodily tensions and pressures slowly vanished, I closed my eyes and all I could feel is my pulse, a feeling of terror in my abdomen and a very slow breath. I mainly focused on keeping my breath going because it felt like it would stop any second if don't consciously breathe. (This is a known feature of the MeO-experience that it feels like your breath stops, however it doesn't. One does not have to be afraid of this. However, if you feel this the first time it is very heavy to say the least. Me whole body gave me signals that I'm going to die right now and it felt like I was on the edge for a good twenty minutes. So what did I do? How do you face such a situation? With eyes closed I just tried to get in contact with this force that birthed me into life and that makes and shapes me every moment. I actually kinda got hold of this and it felt very much like home and that I could just surrender into it. I was on the verge of psychological death. I totally gave in. In these 20 minutes it felt like I purged 10 years of emotional baggage. Every fear and every fight that I ever had with myself just vanished and disappeared as I faced my own death here. It is - to say the least - transformational and scary. After 30 minutes the terror kind of went away, I opened my eyes and was just bathed in this clearness. I laid on my bed for I don't know how long and was just there. No thoughts, no interpretation, no worries, no hopes, no fears. Just stillness and clearness. It was sick, I gotta say. After it, a lot of the heightened awareness actually stayed and is still present. It cut out in the last couple of days a lot of unnecessary thoughts. My meditation practice feels super-charged and my unwanted desires mostly went away. I'm not in a meditative state, but just really grounded and authentic. I don't resist myself anymore - at least in the last few days - and every kind of conflict or negative association just melts because of what happened there. Like, you don't have to do anything to stay grounded and aware, you just are because even if a earthly worry would come up it just is not equipped to hypnotize you anymore, because you have faced your own death. And nothing is greater then that. You faced your personal ever-nearing apocalypse - and nothing else compares. That's it. But that should just be the beginning. +++ The strong semi-breakthrough dosage +++ For Saturday evening I had planned the last initial dosage. 30mg. Boy, I wouldn't have dreamed in my wildest dreams that 10 godly milligrams could do such a difference. I had expected that I would go from near-death to a kind of void and that this is it. Yeah, think again. So I followed up on the normal procedure I described above, sat down on the bed massaging my nostrils. 3 minutes in the reality would get wanky again. So I laid down on my bed and expected the upcome to take at least a few more minutes. I don't know how long it actually took but I suspect 5-10 seconds when I laid down and opened up I was just gone. My mind just started collapsing in on itself. Indescribable. Pulse through the top, breath on the verge of being existent, bodily tensions and feelings not there unless a big, mother... god-fucking big existential terror in my abdomen. It felt like my whole nervous system collapsed in on itself, my mind tried to wrap its head around it and just every frame of reference vanished. You don't even remotely suspect how deep your ego shapes your perception. Every experience you have, everything you take in and make sense out of is combined with your web of beliefs. Even the most little thing like taking a breath is carrying years and years of your ego in it. Every little cell in your body. And now imagine all of this goes down to zero, nada, nothing. Just collapses in on yourself. It is by far the deepest kind of transformation you could ever experience. You are just blown away and every tool that your mind uses to come up with a calming solution of "you can handle that in a certain way" just isn't there. You're basically going insane while you are dying while it feels like every two seconds you are flushed with the doubled amount of awareness you just had. Very, very intense experience, guys. Very intense. This is such an physical experience that I actually thought I gotta vomit. It felt like my body would explode and implode every few moments. So I ran to the toilet, put a finger in my throat and tried to vomit. Nothing happened. And I'm like: "What the fuck?" I never in my life was so certain that I gotta vomit and I never put my finger so deep into my throat to get me to do this. But I just didn't. So I laid back down in my bed for about 10 seconds and then got up because I thought I gotta vomit again. Didn't happen. The second time hanging over the toilet I realized that I'm completely transforming right now and that this is probably the cause of me thinking I gotta vomit. This was one of the only thoughts I had in these moments. Dear, dear thought. I was happy that you were around, buddy. At least a little calm. So I got back to my bed, laid down again, opened up, massaged my navel a little bit (which a friend of mine - a Qigong practitioner - recommended to me to get my awareness from my head into my abdomen which calms you down) and closed my eyes. In that moment all tensions, the existential terror and the complete shock I was in just exploded in this ever-still moment that expanded in all directions while not moving at all. I was that for a brief time and then were birthed again into my ego, were ripped out of again and then were the stillness again. This occurred for some time. God is a beast, man. A fucking beast. After having this for some time I managed to surrender into this birthing and dying every few moments and flowed with it for a few moments. It was the most majestic, horrifying, loving, still and moving I don't know what to call it that I have ever seen. Completely impossible. In the process I actually thought I died because there was no indication left that I was alive. Having done that it birthed and destroyed me for some more time, like 10 minutes and I opened my eyes and surrendered to the process. I merged with everything I could see, I was the room, the thing itself and the viewer of it. I was still being pumped with tremendous amounts of awareness every few seconds. Fuck me man, this is nuts I thought. By looking at the things in my room they changed their boundaries like every few seconds. Like the shelve and the wall would now be one thing, then everything would blur out and then they formed a different object again. No hallucinations, but just every kind of way you could perceive an object in like 30 seconds. I didn't even try to understand this. After 45 minutes I slowly came out and by that time didn't even care anymore whether I was breathing, my pulse was going through the top or whatever just happened. I was completely wiped clean, bathing in this stillness and nothingness and slowly saw how my ego began to put my world together again. After that I smoked a cigarette and took a walk. My head was surprisingly still and cool with what just happened and was happy to have even greater amounts of awareness and stillness, no bad thoughts coming up, feeling very authentic. I asked myself whether I wanna do this again for 6-12 months on a bi-weekly basis and my intuition was still in for it. Why do I call this a semi-breakthrough and not a genuine breakthrough? I think that if I do this a couple of times and increase the dosage 3-5mg I would be leaving most of the terror behind and bath more consistently in the absolute. I was kind of going in and out here the whole time which was kind of crazy. So we'll see next time. +++ The Aftermath +++ So, I guess you read all of this and just think: "What the fuck, how could anyone ever do something like that to himself?" Let me tell you why. In this moment of complete shock, terror and then dissolving into the absolute you are shown your own birth and death. You actually see how you die every few moments and then are born again a moment later. You see how you are this collection of thoughts, perceptions and emotions and how they spontaneously arise out of an infinite pool of possibilities. I'd guess that if you do that for a few times you can surrender so deeply into it that most of the terror dissolves and you just die into the beauty and majesty of it. Of your own divine nature. I also guess from the aftermath that I experience right now that your own mind has to rebuild itself in a higher order after these experiences because it has no framework to handle it with your limited view. Besides that, I guess that this will lead to the most mature emotionality a human being can have because you learn to accept dying here. That means that over some time nothing really can bug you anymore, because you have experienced and surrendered to your death and have seen beyond it. This I would conclude can lead to tremendous psychological changes that could cause an permanent awakening because nothing else can really handle such an experience. No framework of a normal sleeping mind can do that. Also, the feeling and awareness you get after these experiences are amazing. It feels like being reborn again, clean. It feels like I have done 3 years of daily meditation in 45 minutes, 3 years of talking and fighting and adjusting myself. It is that powerful. I think that it just gets more powerful the more you do it, although it is scary and horrifying to a degree. But you also see that there is really nothing that can really destroy you. And that itself is transforming. So yeah, that's my take on the first experiences. If you are interested in me posting more of this and documenting my journey here on the forum, like this, comment and let me now. I'll go through that and see where I end up. I think it's gonna be a good place. The last few days were the most exciting, refreshing and calm days I had in my entire life. Cheers to 5-MeO-DMT, Azrael

to add: I can usually enter samadhi/no self through regular meditation and thats the end of the road for me, theres no going beyond that state. I'm just trying understand how to incorperate those experiences in other facets of life and functioning as a human doing everyday stuff. But i think it's doing something to my brain in terms of neuroplasticity. It's weird but its like you can sense/feel rewiring. I'd never call myself enlightened tho, seems like a sham to say that, if my true self is the no self, and everything in my experience is forever changing, what is that is that is enlightened? it's nothingness, I cannot center it or pinpoint it. I don't listen to any guru's or people who claim directly to be enlightened, indirectly to explain something is fine though. (The same way I don't put rotten food into my mouth, don't want to catch diseases and have mental diarrhea). There are a lot of scammers out there and they won't hesistate to touch the spiritual world, and theres also a lot delusional mentally handicapped people, not all brains work equally, but consciousness does, consciousness doesn't speak, it is the what it is in it's own entirety. And the lastest samahdi movie made a lot of sense to me when it said "strictly speaking, there is no enligthened people, only enlightened activity".

If you, like me, were like wth is Leo going on about with this MU talk... What tf is he s̶m̶o̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ butt-plugging, (I want some!!!), well I recently came across some talk of MU in Gödel, Escher, Bach (see section "Mumon on MU")... So clearly MU is shorthand (or is it longhand?) for this ineffable truth of Nothingness we're always going on about here. And perhaps the "drinking a hot iron ball which you can neither swallow nor spit out" is what he was going through in Hawaii, and what happens when you surrender your life to Truth. Apparently the method for realizing it is to stop all thoughts, forget all teachings, and focus only on MU. Anyways, thought I'd share this sick excerpt on Enlightenment. Remember to always do what's right and have a good time.

Correct. To try and understand non duality “teaching” has no meaning. This is why I don’t recommend any accumulation of of nondual teachings. To accumulate such knowledge is a movement of the center which inevitably seeks permanence and is always a movement of self sustainment and fragmentation. When thought ceases to attribute to itself it’s mechanical movement “conditioning/effort” then that is an ending of the movement of time/self/ and the content/responses of ones consciousness So we are not trying to gain/add a nondul understanding but rather end the dualistic/thought/center which is the self. I never accumulated any non dual teachings nor was there a movement of effort/time. In this time dissolved and what remained was the timeless “nothing” Non experiencing is “what is” You can’t do anything to achieve truth/nothingness. All you can do is deal with things ‘res’ , the dualistic mind. To empty/end that the other is uncovered and becomes realized. A total perception “Unbound by conditioning and therefore whole” distilles the essence of every movement the center takes. Therfore all movements of self which includes fragmentation/psychological time/thought/efforts end. All that remains is nothingness/what is. It’s always there, it is just covered up by the conditioned mind. You “the center created by thought” is the barrier. Don’t add “accumulate” to the barrier deconstruct the barrier. Consciousness empty of its conditioned movement sees with clarity.

Noticing the nothingness where my face is supposed to be.

Without the experiential seeing ‘as’ nothingness there is no creative observation, joy, beauty, and compassion. And without that ??‍♂️

I've thought about that as well. The consistency of the "waking dream" is what makes it feel so real and gives you the impression that you're "awake" and "actually there" in reality. Night time dreams don't have this consistency and therefore, we like to draw the distinction between them and attribute different values and meanings to them, for the "waking dream" is certainly the "more important" or real and relevant dream for many people. As for identity, what would you then suggest to be a reliable basis for identity ? I think that memories are indeed a valid basis for identity, even though it is surely just conceptual. But at the end of the day you simply have to identify as something, right? Running around and merely saying that you identify as consciousness/nothingness/awareness isn't that practical I think.

@Mikael89 The thing is to not worry about nothingness “direct experience” as that can not be invited. If one is still in the the position of being bound by the conditioned mind “time” one can not touch upon nothingness “direct experience” without that conditioned mind ceasing all together. Being the cessation of psychological time “fragmentation and the dualisitic compulsion to choose between the opposites.” This is a consistency that takes place as a movement of self/thought. This consist of not adding anything but constantly removing/dissolving “ the knower/the know”.. or the conditioned content of your current consciousness. Not being influenced by all the contradictory desires, pleasures, escaping of fear, seeking psychological security, and so on....all that is fueled by the known/knower. All that is preventing direct experience “nothingness” or “what is” or preventing the now from being seen without all that blocking the direct view. Be aware of your current content of conciousness. You can’t do anything about the other, “Direct experience or nothingness/truth” until the current conditioned content has ended Also one can not apply that conditioned movement to end itself. It’s to give diligent awareness without the imposition of the self/thought that leads to the cessation of thought/the knower. So the key is to learn the nature/structure/processes/substance of thought/self and to maintain scrupulous attention without thought/self trying to change it in any way. The subtle thing is that by being aware of that movement, yet not moving in any particular direction to change or alter it. To engage in any such movement is applying the very mechanism that prevents direct perception of “what is” form being seen. I would start by exploring/understanding psychological time/thought. For now. This is what I am constantly aware of now. After a while it becomes very simple. Mainly I am aware of the movement of reaction to seek security in the illusion of psychological time. But after a while those movements just fade away. It becomes effortless and I don’t even notice. Anyway just wanted to share how I do things. May seem difficult but it is actually very simple in action. To simple. It’s simple yet difficult. It’s difficult because it’s so simple Anyway I feel we gotta read the manual to the self/thought if you want the mechanism of thought to work for you instead of against you. After all it has been said somewhere that the mind is a great servant but a bad master. This is true. Mind is a tool. If that tool takes over and you identify your self with it, ultimately you will suffer and live a confused, contradicting, and conflictual life. I understand if you this is not for you? Maybe someone else will either way right

@How to be wise Very apropos for this moment within my direct experience. The G-F and I were getting into a bit of a tiff just now. Things are a bit "distant" at the moment. I applied what you said here to that situation. What a wake up call! I wonder if I could get her to see this and we could laugh it all off at the nothingness of it.