Search the Community

Your life was designed by your higher self based upon probable futures and timelines, this plan naturally unfolds when you are in a state of love, joy, excitement, bliss, and happiness. But you have the freewill to align with this divine plan, or to follow your lower self in every moment. To choose love or fear. That's why there are people who are misaligned, and aligned to infinite varying degrees The goal of life is to be aligned, and you can do that right this second.

This was a complete mindfuck, a complete shattering of reality. After one month I'm still in AWE, still left jaw-dropped. Having said this... let's start. The experience lasted 20-25 min because I smoked the dried venom of the Bufo Alvarius Toad, which I am assuming at this point you all know, contains 5-Meo DMT. Just after 10 seconds, you are in WONDERLAND, BOOM! And what follows is MINDBLOWING. Panic Attack- As I said 10 seconds, and you are gone. Right after losing control of my senses and being there for a while, I tried to gain back control. I was trying to "understand" what the fuck was going on and by not being able to do so, I panicked. It literally felt like dying from the inside. Fear, so much fear... and thought I will be stuck there. I felt like I had no choice, as in "I had no choice", no choice but to let go. Pure Bliss- After being able to surrender and get immersed in the experience I felt this VOID- Śūnyatā, this infinite energy cursing every cell of my body. This infinity, everything all at once. Going down the rabbit hole and realizing it has no fucking end. As I was resting my head on to the mattress, felt completely merged with that damn thing. I think I will never be able to explain it but is something that needs no explanation whatsoever. After a while, I stood up and was looking at my hands. Looking at them in complete SHOCK. And I screamed, IT WAS NOT REAL. Like waking up from a dream and realizing it was a dream. I will never forget that moment. Here is a picture of how it felt... Welcome to the real world, Neo. (don't take the pick to literally) By no means was a walk in the park. And by no means, I want to scare you. Just get ready to get your REALITY FUCKED. Unconditional love- After the effects started to fade and I started to gain control felt this LOVE and AWE all at once. After a while, I went outside and put my feet on the grass, touched the trees, looked at the ants in AWE. Looked at the sun like I never did before. Reality is a wonderland. -Welcome to the new world.

That's the byproduct of deep enlightenment. In non-duality philosophy, the bliss or unconditional happiness that they talk about is NOT a feeling that is felt. It's the joy of abiding in non-dual awareness, a non-objective experience. If you've have some genuine glimpses of non-duality, you will start to intuit and open your mind about the possibility that the Best sort of happiness is the annihilation of the constant URGE for happiness that you have right now. That is indeed worth all the way! this sense of being stuck and limited inside something is the root of all movements of mind driven by lack and fear. This is all a joke. Sometimes I have hard time figuring out how so many people take life all too seriously. I thought about posting this in a different thread. But guys..tell me something honestly please. In your 20/30/40 years of living, you've had many experiences. But when you silently look inside yourself honestly, do you feel like you've become something 'new'? or do you feel like you've been somewhat unchanged and untouched by all the changes in your appearance? Most people go through childhood to adolescence to youth to middle age to old age...gaining new identities one after another. They dress differently, surround themselves with different people, jobs and puff themselves up all the time..believing that they are going somewhere or becoming something new lol They think they've grown from the little boy to a big man. But you can see the so called adults are just as immature, if not more than children. At least children are more authentic! is it just me or do you guys notice it at well? reminds me of Jed Mckenna mentioning in his book that in his eyes all he sees are confused children running around desperately until he come across someone enlightened like him lol @MarkusSweden Loved your detailed take on this man. The scene really seems gloomy. Actualized.org tries it's best to bring these ideas into mainstream. it's audience has people under 15 as well. Still the number is so small compared to the entire population. Maybe the percentage of high conscious people remain always the same. There seems to be thousands of Enlightened people now because the population is in billions... Those who listen and work towards this, they conquer themselves after decades of ups and downs and suffering beyond the ordinary. What's the chance for the massive population who haven't heard or can't even imagine such a thing is existing for 3 thousands years. And I get your virtuoso example (being a guitarist myself ). But I must say guitar playing has been refined or evolved a LOT over the decades. Yes Hendrix started the fire, but it's being taken to new heights everyday by modern virtuosos. But still, this guitar playing is Worldly knowledge. All Worldly knowledge seems to improve with time. But Enlightenment is nothing worldly. No wonder it is still sitting where it was 3 thousand years ago that sure is a convenient explanation lol

HAHA Yes. I don't know if this is where the ignorance is bliss comes from Some people who have deep blind faith in God work along the life accepting all and not complaining and saying God will take care of them. In other words, they are being positive and accepting and being in the NOW. Religion - although greatly misunderstood, does guide the masses of Sheep in an orderly fashion.

Good afternoon everyone, my name is Trent and I am seventeen years old. I am currently working on a book which has a main theme of nonduality, being one, and the corruption caused by the ego. The setting is a Lord of the Rings/Skyrim like world, yet all many of my own ideas. Some background about me before I share my excerpt; I have struggled with bipolar depression since I was about fourteen years old and it has been both a blessing and a curse. Throughout the struggles and suffering, especially around the time my grandmother who I was very close with passed away, I was at my worst which included suicidal attempts. During this time I became fascinated by the mind and conscious and my curiosity led to me looking deeper into it. It was about this time I found Leo's videos and they altered my perception of what reality is, and they have vastly helped me grow by recognizing many of my own evils and my mistaken view of fragmenting myself from reality rather than accepting the wholeness which we are. The excerpt from my book I will share is about a demon named Aviramus telling his story to a man named Archen. I will not share the complete context so that my ideas are not stolen and that it leaves what you read open to interpretation. I am more than happy to hear your thoughts and perceptions on my writing as well as improvements I can make. What I wrote I have experienced myself. Is this what it means to be enlightened, or am I mistaken? Is the experience which I have had similar to any of yours? Without further ado, here it is. "I was ever so weary after the battle which had lasted days, how many I cannot remember. Even with two Antipodes I was still mortal, so I ordered my undead to guard me while I rested. I collapsed, surrendering to my dreams. I had never been one to dream often, but the Antipode of Ignorance allowed my subconscious to roam free. In my dream I was in a black room which went back in every direction beyond my vision, chained by my legs and arms so that I was raised above the ground, vulnerable as a blind deaf man in battle. I saw the ghosts of all my brethren which I had brought back in undeath surround me, screaming at me, cursing me to damnation. ‘Why would you slay and exploit us, Aviramus? You wish to save us, but perhaps it is you who needs to be saved.’ ‘You claim to be enlightened and our liberator, but if you were whom you claim to be you would not murder your brethren to gain power.’ ‘Ostracizing yourself on Grandeyus you scrutinized and judged us, but at least we did not give ourselves up to the temptations of the Dark Creator!’ Their curses made me tremble and ache with guilt and pain, the very feelings deep within me which I had dreaded confronting for so long now confronted me, and there was no deliverance.” Tears fell from Aviramus’ eyes, plummeting to the ground scalding where they landed. His breathing became heavy and his jaws clenched, he felt horrified simply recalling the corpse of memories from long ago. The King’s gaze returned to Archen, and he reluctantly continued his story. “As the shadows within my nightmare continued to attack me, I looked at them carefully and realized they were not the literal spirits of my brothers, but phantoms created by my ego to break my mind so that I would succumb to him. All the guilt and anguish which had burdened me for so long, I realized it was all within my mind. I broke the chains with newfound strength and roared into the infinity that is my mind, refuting my ego which had plagued me for so long. ‘Crawl out of your corner, fiend! You wish for my downfall, so come and finish it once and for all!’ All the ghosts of my brethren recoiled and hissed, fleeing into the darkness. For what very well could have been an eternity, the silence was ever so loud… anxiety consumed me, for I did not know what would ascend from the depths. Silence…silence…silence. At last, I could barely begin to make out a silhouette creeping from the murky depths, getting closer and closer. The being was identical to me yet did not consist of flesh but rather blackness, blackness so intensely ebon that the surrounding darkness appeared light. The only things which were not black were his eyes, smoldering scarlet, so imbued with hatred that it could be tasted, a taste which cannot be described with words. It stared at me silently for a moment, before speaking to me. ‘Confusion, blindness… deluded by desultory fantasies of saving those whom you merely think you care about- why do you burden yourself with such trifle endeavors? They are of no benefit to us, nay, they are helpless, ignorant. They are not like us and they never shall be. Your quest is in vain, no one can be saved, not unless we save ourself. We were damned from the start when you gave into the deceptions of Father. He does not love us and he never did! He made a mistake sundering man and we both know it, do not deny it, for we are one. I would not say these things if we did not believe them. We are better than all, our power unmatched. Let us seize the remaining Antipodes and overthrow the Shade, and then we can overthrow Father, yes, we can show him the mistake which he made and then we can recreate the world in our own image, a place of eternal sanctuary. There shall be no suffering, no misery, no anguish! Why can you not listen to reason? Why do you not understand, despite all the obvious evidence?’ I felt astonished, mind-blown. These were all my deepest, darkest desires, the things which I had pushed away and ran from for so long incarnate. But I had pushed them away for a reason, had I not? This was the lower consciousness part of me which had chained me down for so long. Now was the time to break these chains. ‘Put your selfishness aside! You say we, but these desires are not mine. They are yours and yours alone. I can tell that your sole purpose is to survive and why would it not be? Corrupting me from within all your existence, poisoning the mind. You are but my subconscious which has festered into a being, but you are not real. You are nothing! Attempting to fragment me from the rest of reality, deceiving me from the truth. You cast aside our brethren as if they do not matter, but why can you not realize we are all one? It is you who does not understand despite all the obvious evidence!’ ‘Deception… you speak as if you are the victim, ah the irony! You speak of being one, but you refuse to accept me. You demonize me but forget a very important piece of information. You were the one who was fragmented and locked away! You were the evil of a man which Father saw as unworthy! No matter what you do, your blood will always be that of a demon, the shard of the soul which Father did not want to corrupt his precious world! You have opened my eyes Aviramus. You are the only deceiver here, you are the one who has chained me down. Now is the time for me to break these chains.’ ‘Then let the chains be broken!’ I roared. I pounced upon the shadow and the floor which had been beneath us shattered, as we fell into eternal darkness sealed in each others grasp. Our eyes were locked, and in his eyes I saw myself and all the things which I had hated about myself and the world. ‘Do you see the things which have haunted us? Do you now see what I tried to save us from?’ ‘Nay,’ I replied. ‘I only see a being who could not become one, a broken shadow who put himself above the rest.’ ‘Then let us separate forever, and leave this reality of damnation!’ It shrieked. Simultaneously we seized each others necks and mercilessly snapped them. The last thing I remember was seeing both our bodies separated from our heads falling into infinity. My point of view was no longer from my eyes, but from far above. The barriers of language make what I then felt difficult to explain, but I will try my best. There was no I. All the things in reality; every human, demon, tree and stone, all the water and fire, animals and insects, the stars and the suns, bliss and sorrow, were all that there was, is and ever will be. I awoke where I had been when slumber consumed me, and looked around with new awareness. I was no longer me, rather I felt as if I was all. My love for everything had increased infinitely, for finally I had realized we were and are all one. Finally, I was enlightened. Archen, many perceive enlightenment to be the absence of emotions. These people have been deceived by higher powers who tell them that wisdom comes from suppressing their natural feelings, and they say these things because this makes them easier to control. True enlightenment is a level of awareness which allows you to acknowledge your emotions for what they are. Pleasure, pain, and neutrality all are impermanent, and subject to inevitably fading away - if you choose to let them. However, many people do not see it that way. When they allow themselves to be strangled by the tendrils of emotion, they drown in it and feel as if that current feeling is all that there is. Look at your brother. He has become so consumed by hate that he no longer realizes it is all in his mind, but rather thinks it is all there is, and he believes that by slaughtering everyone they will be liberated from his self-conjured reality of never ending agony. True enlightenment is obtained when one realizes this, and becomes disenchanted to these emotions, realizing they do not have to be controlled by them, and in turn become dispassionate. They are then released from the chains of their ego which have grown over time, and they have finalized their place in this life. They no longer wish for conflict or support certain factions, for they know that everyone is one being, and by hurting others, they are hurting themselves. They realize they are no longer a fish in the ocean, but the ocean itself."

13:15 Almost end of preperation I prepaired a good set and setting, I prepaired my bed, some pillows, my blanket, I checked all the rooms, checked the door, prepaired some food, cleaned the room, prepaired some music on the laptop just in case. Good set and setting now, and ofcourse, I prepaired the 225ug, a big tab, with a thicker half minus a part of the thicker half. Around the wanted product. Im gonna meditate now to get rid of my anxiety, then im gonna take the substance. Contemplate: What am I? 13:37 Starting to meditate, I will take the substance 14:00 13:48 Took and swallowed the tabs of al lad that I prepaired for myself, immediate sublte anxiety. Im gonna sit now, and sit for the whole trip. Im committing to observe it and surrender, not forcing it or trying to controll it, just fully surrendering into it. 14:01 Just took a crap after proceeding to dance. Now I feel really good and ready for this! Now im gonna meditate, im compltly ready! 14:13 Still meditating, feel nothing yet... 14:18 Microdose effects (feeling more playful) 14:28 My teeth are wierd 14:35 No visuals yet, but I feel some wierd stuff going on. I got myself on the couch to meditate in that position, more comfortable 14:50 Pattern recognition I have headphones on (hörskelskydd) and I begin to contemplate. My thoughts are wierd for the moment 15:05 Nothing too big yet, although my thoughts are getting more unnormal, like you would show me the thoughts of I dont know, the substance itself? Wierd stuff is happening though, not gonna lie. 15:14 Im lying in this comfortable position on my couch (the the purpule pillow folded behind my neck) enjoying being the obeserver reality and this substance. I have learned to drop my obligations. Obligations are only things you force yourself to do! But you do not have to do anything, really. The lp course, or reading is just things I do hoping for hapiness, but im so unconcoius of the bigger picture in that case! I can now learn to let go of my obigations, of my tasks and stuff, just being able to surrender into the psychedelic experience no matter what. 15:22 Just played around with that kawaii fläkt for a while, started beating with it, until I questioned "what is waking that sound" It was beating, but I dont know. Im seing black dots on the floor, im recognizing patterns 15:26 Now is where thing will get serious. Im now gonna sit in meditation pose and really absorb the peak, not just the little comeup.15:34 15:34 Now Im gonna contemplate using a journal: This thing will be left and resumed during the whole trip What am I? I feel likeim the senses, the body My arm is part of my body, am I the arm too? Yeah, the arm is one of my parts!! What if I cut it away, will I still exists? I mean, If I ceise to exist, I will die Im not my arm, because I will be me without it. Am I the fläkt? No I dont feel like being it Why am I not the fläkt? What makes me, me? I think that I am this body that is seperate from reality, that is concstucted by limbs and can talk think etc. I am this body. But, I have only seen stuff, what determines that the feeling of a body really IS the body? And forthermore, what determines that the feeling has any connection with the visual perception of a body? I have models construced up by myself that if I see these two thing outside my visual filed, that it must be my "arms", and it does make sense. What determines that my arms are seperate from anything elise that I see? They could look the same, but not be the same, right, so what determines? Well the feeling! I can clearly sense that my arm is there? But what detemines that the feeling of physical touch is the same as the feeling of me being there? 15:46 The world has become really really peculiar. Yes I can see stuff, the world is becoming really diffrent. The "mindload" is like a burden on my brain, just like tiredness is, I think its because im tired, havnt slept enough. I have lost the immediate desire to contemplate with the computer. 16:30 I listened to some music and all, yes it was beautiful, the whole substance is beautiful, but what am I after? Ego death? Some mysical experience? Its not here. My perecpetion of reality is just wierd, but what is the sooo profound obvious truth? Im a little dissapointed because I cant see it, or feel it I couldve gone deeper if I had more of an conceptual understanding, because for now, I have only pictures in my mind of what ego death or infinity would look like, and from here they are quantum leaps apart, I need to die to see that? Yeah, well what is the most efficent way of killing the concept of the ego? Meditation and psychedelics! This is just childsplay. Where is the BLISS? Where is the HAPINESS? Where is the fear and everything, where is it? 16:38 Im gonna try, lets go for 1 hour of SDS, see where thefuck it will take me. I think only BEING calls upon an awakening, it cannot happen trough concepts, because after all, concepts are concepts, they will never be anything greather than that, and no concepts had ever given this sense of ego death, hahaha not concepts at all. Ego death is where all concepts vanish, its where you become..? 17:49 Thisis really profound! I was seing myself in the mirror, and I saw myself with such big eyes and shit 17:50 I cant think for shit! I should just meditate, but I feel like its a waste of time, NO. I should just meditate. 18:23 Things are really getting time disoriented and shit! Why am I doing all this? To find the answer of myself! To find myself! That is why I tool the psychedelic, that is why I do the things I doo really. My life purpose and stuff, that all and well, feelng the progress of that. Do the psychedelic enough times and you will experience ego death! Yeah! That what im after, ego death! Hows does leo know that what I look after will be in a psychedelic or something, how did he know himself? 18:29 Im always striving for something greater than this, and my emotions is the only this that puts a measure on that, pleasure is always greater than pain, right? What if there is no thing greater than this, what if this is the greatest thing? I feel like this is where all the concepts are leading up to! Yes its obvious! Im trying to make myself understand reality so much, that I will trust that enlightenment will come to me. Its a spontaineous happening, thats why no concepts can build up to it! Concepts are pointing at technuiqes right, concepts are limited, and so we must rely on technuiqes to know the true answer to the concepts, but technuiqes only point us to show us that the concepts are false? What is the ultimate concept? And the Ego can only be shown trough rapid realization of it, or trough industrial grade focus of on its excistence. 18:52 If you misuse your body, that will bring you unfulfillment If you use your body in the right way, it can bring upon you very much satisfaction If you trancend your body? ??? How can I do that though! A body has fear of emptyness Because sitting and doing nothing will soon destroy the ego Why will this destroy the ego? Because doing nothing forces the ego to not be itself, and someting not being itself will kill it. So then.. Why do I have a fear of empthyness, and what am I? Ill keep doing my practses, ill implement krya, and maybe, after one year, everything will click, all the concepts would fall to pace, thus fall apart, and the Truth, the real me will be attained. Its a happening, through death, it is a click, like being born and like dying, like an insight. Through a spike of awareness on who I really am, I can know who I am. That awareness will though shine on the ego, and then it will disappear! That is why the ego wants unawareness, and thats why the real me wants truth. The ego is the machiene, the real me, is?? Im the substance of the machine, im the concoiusness in which the machine is dumbing down, and im the machine aswell, and everything, im everything. IM just not concoius of it, and I feel like this psychedelic trip has not made me concoius about it either. If any of this is really gonna be profound, then I will need some 5-MEO, or just a blastoff into the real me, or elise I just cannot fathom (attain) "all that juice". All I hope is for an ego death, right? Yeah. All I hope is for an ego death, but it didnt happen, not this time, even if I meditated. I know, I could have done it better, I know, I couldve gone deeper, You! You! Leo is pointing to you, Allan watts is pointing to you, all the teachings are just fingest poiting at the real YOU! You must do the work yourself, because what more can Leo do than point it out for you? Insanity = not normal = my biggest fear in disguise. To not be me, for the old me to die. The fear of me dying = The fear of being not normal? 19:21 Life, sweet life, thats all youre after! Life! Life! But, if life is not good enough, you try to make it sweeter! What will make it sweeter, yes, and emotion, now youre chasing emotions, but how will you ever savor life that way? The more concoius you become, the more you will savor life for what it is! Thats why when you become so concoius, you stop chasing stuff, because chasing loses its purpose! Its purpose was to make life sweeter, but now you relise that concoiusness will make it sweeter! Previously you thought that chasing things makes life sweeter Now, trough a realization, you find that stopping and seing life for what it actually is, makes it sweetest. Looking, and looking and looking, until something clicks, and then there you are. Alright, this tips has a body load, now on the comedown, I can really feel it. The comedown is like the comeup, and I cant really remember the peak. Yes, it was all patterns and fun stuff, but what really matters now is my concoius level though out the day. Being concoius of reality will lead me where I want, and where I wanted to go with this trip. But how is concepts intertied with me finding the truth! I mean, I can take 5-MEO, and just get to the truth, but can I handle it? Can I integrate it? But how are concepts such an important role for integration?!!?! Well, I dont know. I feel like I need to read alot more about these stuff. The trip always plays the role as making me an observer of my own life, seing things for what they are my life right now, is miserable compared to the perfect picture, but really, its perfect. I mean, I keep at it! MY meditations become longer, I read more, I really start to see through nofap, and im starting to replace some of my deficency needs with more healther ones! Im fulfilling more and more of my needs, and im getting higher and higher! I keep at it, and I will, and I know that if I will, I will experience the truth of me, the sweetest thing, everything! The sweetest thing, the ultimate hapiness! If I keep at it, I know that enlightenment will come. If I work on my values, I know reap all those rewards that I desire. The purpose is to be human, to be you! All this trip has been literally, was be, trying to meditate, then writing down what came to mind, essencally me getting distracted by the psychedelic, to write down conceptual juice on my commonplace book. And the psychedelic was beautiful, but I still dont know how it can be one of Leos top tools for spiritual growth. Maybe he is reffering to a 5-MEO induced ego-death, or any psychedelic induced ego death, but this, this has not gotten me there, and I dont know how. I need to read more, I need to understand more about psychedelics and enlightenment. I need to boid a stong conceptual understanding of how to achieve higher concoiusness, but also i need to know: Why the methods are so efficent Why they will being me to this and that I need to know why, so I can see what im really chasing! I need to look for more fingers pointing to the moon, to make the moon seem more apparent! Yes:D The more my worlview is pointing at enlightenment, the more I will attract it in the now, If I trip, this is also the case. If I trip, and all my concepts just move in the direction of my concoiusness, then "maybe falls into place initiating some sort of awakening", that is why a strong conceptual understanding will be so important. The concepts will never get you to know the truth itself, but more and more concepts will make it more and more apparent THE ACTIONS STEPS that will lead you to the truth. Concepts will show me where to not go, concepts will and can shine light on the FALSE road, because ultimately concepts are the false road. All concepts show me where to go, by showing me where to not go. All I do in life is to get fulfillment, and I can see how concepts play a role in getting me fulfillment through my prupose, in the same way it shows me fulfillment though enlightenment work: Concepts is great at telling me where to go! Thoughts are great tools for that, to navigate! Concepts are the map, enlightenment work is the territory! But hey, its really good if I have a good enough map for me to see all the pitfalls flags, checkpoints, etc? Fuck yeah! One more point: I feel like I could take a higher dose, at least, I would feel like I would be very much able to endure it, if it means by serrendering and letting go all shit and stuff all in the moment, then yeah, I couldve taken a higher dose. But I dont see that as being too convenient, I mean, I have not yet built such an enjoyable role for psychedelics. Either I need a better map for them to really work, or I need stronger psychedelics that will get me to what I want without the need of a map, like 5-MEO. I dont see this as leading me to where I want, not from the standpoint of this experience, yes, trips increase my concousness, but in a way that makes me Not Normal - The ego feels uncertain For me to implement psychedelics, lets say AL-LAD into a "every other" week basis, as a habit, Then I will need to get more juice out of the experience, by purposly chosing to sit through it all in a stone still position. Which is impossible for me to do; I need to give it more time, I need to give it more more knowledge, I need to give it less deficency needs. I need to expand the map, and I need to be more present in the territory aswell... How? Implement contemplation Implement yoga Read more books Make my sits longer Its time, to give it more time. Its time, to take more action. This trips was not as I expected, but It did give me a juicy look an my reality. Thats essentially what any trip is about, a different look on reality, a different perspective. If that perspective gets too diffrent though, it can kill you! Be careful! This perspective, is what we call the AL-LAD perspective, Leo told me it was gonna be super profound... Eh, it was not so profound as I expected. Haha, my image of Truth, is the feeling of formlessness (the feeling between thoughts) with hapiness under it! That is my image of truth! Yes, chase it, formlessness = fulfillment! No, I should take that "image" out of my head, I have made the mistake to mistake a concept for the truth itself. Maybe a better goal is to increase my awareness! Like when I visualize, instead of visualizing that "enlightenment moment", I visualize myself doing the very things that will get me to what I want, not the thing I want. A visualization can never show the real deal, because or elise you would never visualize it in the first place, for reasons of having it as a goal to be reached. If the goal is already reached so to speak. Never visualize your goals themselves, instead visualize how you get to them (and apply the fulfillness on that instead). I Used to visualize a syringe up my ass, maybe I should keep that... 20:25 The only discomfort that I had during this trip, was the discomfort that originated from me not being able to eat properly, and think properly. I mean, I have needs to fulfill, and I dont want the psychedelic to stand in the way of them. If the psychedelic does, maybe im not ready for it. Maybe I need to take care of all my needs first to then not have them stop me in my psychedelic trip. Right now, I was unclear about the very prupose of the psychedelic trip. Conecpts will certainly help me to make me clear on that, and how to prepair myself and my needs for the next one. I would like to have a shorter one. I dont want recreation at all other than the ego death, thanks. I dont want 8 hours of colcour and shapes, unless I have the foundational awareness to make something good out of it. All I do right now Is to sit and to dig in my mind, I sit, contemplate and strategize! Maybe this has been the role of my psychedelic trips so far. This is how it has been played, expected profound methaphysical insights, but instead I got this. If I would be in the position of living my life purpose, of doing what I love the most, that position would be more suitable for self trancendence, as my life purpose is one of my needs. 21:08 This trip was summarized, and I have some action to take (Visualization and reading more books, contemplating the purpose of my lp, and strategizing!) And I can now go back to daily life, with some new insights and better expectations for the next one. My purpose will have the higher end of priorty in future to come, and then it will lean more to the concoiusness side of things, eventually. This report is completely naked, directly unedited and copy-pasted from my commonplace book. This trip happened 2018-08-08 2pm-9:30pm (+2GMT)

of course if youre in total bliss you can sit for hours and sigh like Adyashanti, doesnt mean that he is incapable of having fun lol, and Sadhguru can kick himself in the third eye at age 60, id like to see you pull that off at any age

There is a connection between I=you=we and embodiment. When 'the other' turns to I=you=we, resistance is transformed to surrender. Resistance is suffering. Surrender is bliss. What is the relationship between I=you=we and embodiment? Is embodiment the phenomenological description of bliss?

@Nahm @Arkandeus , I haven't been able to meditate currently, too overwhelmed. I understand it is the best medicine... just not able to access the calm again/ yet... sadly, not even 5 minutes right now... He's been stalking me again ...and now my friends too... but it's always just slightly "legally within reason" for him to continue, and now it's his "evidence" too... (I am still waiting to see all of his new videos of me just submitted to court NOTE: I was stalked and filmed for 4 years by an insurance company after I was run over, he is filming intentionally because of that )... it's hard to even breathe when you are in survival mode... best metaphor I can think of right now: would most people have the capacity to sit and breathe/ meditate with a tiger hunting nearby? @Arkandeus, It's after midnight... Tomorrow I guess... I adore all that you said, truly, I wish my mind was as receptive as my heart to your words...thanks sooooo much!!! I know the Judge doesn't really control anything, and that my material life is finite... that said, the perception of suffering still exists, and the other parent would not be a good choice for my child to fully experience daily, regardless of any lessons she may learn.... I feel the urgency and importance of my protection, it's become so difficult to detach from that... yes, I would love to be liberated... thanks for your help! @Nahm re: "no contact order" it exists... but it's a pretty bullshit piece of paper.... I am forced to see him to exchange the child, and the "contact" is super toxic... I've called the police etc for help, but the order from Family Court is "Not Police Enforceable".... I know I have said this 100 times on the forum alone, but when you have a child, it's the only scenario when you can't get away from a toxic human... the other parent... it's like a perpetual prison I can never escape from... the rest of life can be bliss, amazing friends, stunning days, infinite possibilities.... but 6 times a month (so far) I am back in that jail, and the recovery takes time too.... ideas? Yes, I have little respite. Choosing to relax, does not enable it now. Zooming in, or out, I see the best and worst, but the worst is too intolerable. I really like the last things you said! I will do that! Thanks!

Simply put, it means that you are identified with ego. So, it's very normal. But it also means that the ego structure is rigid in that way and may be rigid in other ways too if that judgmental tendency is taken in to other facets of life, and it likely is. One of the problems with ego identification is that, as we get older, we tend to add more and more 'rules' to what we can do and what we can like and what we can identify with. This amounts to adding more and more chains to our prison as we get older, because we get really specific about our ego, and we want to exclude everything that isn't what we want to see ourselves as. For example, as children, we could find joy playing in a ball pit. But one day, we realized that this was socially unacceptable for someone of an adult age to un-ironically play around in a ball pit. So, we decided to grow out of it. So, we cut away the part of ourselves that enjoys that type of play. And it was an actual part of ourselves... like a horcrux of sorts. And that part of ourselves lives in the shadow, unconscious to us but still there. The unfortunate thing is that, in order to keep our ego the way that we want to see ourselves and be seen, we have to cut away different outlets for joy and happiness. So, our prison of ego gets smaller and smaller as our ego gets more refined, judgmental, and selective. We kind of cut the floor out from under ourselves. We close up more and more possibilities for feeling joy, bliss, and love. And life becomes like petting a cat with a thick rubber glove on, very insulated from the experience. And it just doesn't really feel like you're petting a cat... it all just feel like the inside of a rubber glove.

Bhavacakra or Bhavachakra, known as the wheel of life is painted in the Buddhist temples in Tibet and India. It is a symbolic representation of the wheel of life. Here is the gist of Bhavacakra: Ignorance of mistaking non-self as self-leads to aversion and attachments. This, in turn, leads to volition, action and the pleasant or unpleasant consequences of the actions. Depending on the consequences, a person enjoys or suffers the fruits of his action. The 12 nidanas give a clear picture of dependent origination. It states that everything is interconnected with various casual links. Nirvana or liberation is the only thing which is not affected by dependent origination. The five aggregates are impermanent and clinging to them causes suffering. There is a way to get liberated. It is called as eightfold path. This is a mandala and can be used for meditation. To know more about the mandalas, read the following posts: A Shamatha Meditation Based on Symbolism, Visualization, Mnemonics and Classical Conditioning The Truth About Yantras, Chakras, Temples, Tantra and Agamas (I will make a detailed video about this shortly. Subscribe to my Youtube channel to watch the videos in time: http://bit.ly/shanmugamy ) This is how it looks like: Here are some useful infographics which give the details about various aspects of Bhavacakra mandala. (You can also interpret these realms as the periods of your current life. For example, a person might be in any of the following realms for a few months: Sometimes we are like devas, very happy and pleased; Sometimes like asuras, even though happy we don’t feel content and this leads to craving, attachment, and aversion; Sometimes like humans, being more responsible and showering love to friends, families, and others; Sometimes like animals, just eating and sleeping; Sometimes like a hungry ghost, deprived of our needs and feel totally dissatisfied, frustrated and helpless; Sometimes like beings of the hell, going through extreme suffering that seems to be endless. The idea is to convey that none of these states are permanent and a proper spiritual practice is the only way to find permanent bliss in life.)

It could be said of him that while others chased the mirage of happiness, he was happy with being content.” “Happiness is a reality of NOW, it not not something that you pursue in the future. Don't pursue happiness, but EXUDE happiness.” “Meditate upon yourself and you'll find bliss.”

It may be that flowing with love and bliss is being deeply aware. Your cup is already filled to the brim with awareness so you cannot be more aware without taking something away.

Exactly how I thought about this. It feels like a lot of people just "ignore" their "problems" or "unfinished business". It's like a foundation that is destined to crumble. It's like building a house on a foundation that is not strong, not solidified, not taken care of. One might be able to live in this bliss for a while, convincing yourself of the opposite, but sooner or later the reality will hit you when this foundation will be challenged. When an unfortunate event will take place, challenging this foundation. Consequently, that beautiful utopia you have built for yourself will crumble to pieces and you'll need to build it up once again, just to fall to pieces once more with each setback. I feel like being honest an genuine to ones-self is very under appreciated. Knowing yourself fully well and working on your own inner demons, learning to live with them and creating an indestructible foundation for you to feel fully alive anywhere, anytime, in any situation.

Interesting read from an LSD user: http://www.mountainrunnerdoc.com/haveyoueverbeen.html some interesting snippets: In the case of psychedelics, such as LSD, other considerations apply. While we still will argue that they do not “expand" the mind or consciousness (which is not an experience, but that which is aware of experience), they have affects that may seem to do so, in the sense that they can temporarily reduce ones identification with certain limited assumptions, such as body-identification, and may also give a flash, a glimpse that the world is an idea, which is a step towards the advaitic realization that all is Mind. The problem is that they may also definitely NOT “purify Buddhi,” or the ability to discern truth from falsehood, especially when their immediate effects wear off. The ability to concentrate effectively may be lessened - it is unlikely that they can increase ones ability to deeply concentrate, as in reaching samadhi or penetrating the third eye and going to higher planes voluntarily - and the ability to make feeling connections may also be either enhanced or decreased, depending on many unpredictable personal, individual factors, including the biological condition of ones brain. Hence there are risks involved. -- Dr. John Mumford warns the Western student of attempting to mimic the drug use of the qualified Tantric practitioner: "Indiscriminate use of conscious-expanding drugs without prior mental training and the absolute physical discipline imparted by years of Hatha and Raja Kriya is equivalent to dynamiting open the door to a treasure vault (the unconscious mind) and discovering the blast has destroyed half the treasure plus irreparably damaging the door so that it cannot easily be shut at will. The karmic basis of life is that a price is exacted for everything, including illumination. The Yogi or Tantrist pays his karma through his years of practice and discipline well before ever opening the mind with a psychedelic drug.....Most Westerners dropping "acid" or other such substances risk paying a karmic debt after the experience with depression, inability to cope, de-realization, depersonalization, psychological malaise, and in some cases precipitation of latent schizophrenia or recurrent psychotic episodes." (5) -- Sant Kirpal Singh remarked that the use of such drugs was "a mockery of the divine grace". Sant Rajinder Singh affirms the view that drugs lower one’s consciousness. Most importantly, truth or realization is not just an acquirable experience, but "a turnabout in the deep seat of understanding AND the incomparable transformation-death of the Bodhisattva's individualized will control" (6), and this must be paid for with the sacrifice and submission of one's whole being, whether or not one ingests a particular herb or other substance on any occasion. Roshi Philip Kapleau remarked: "the spiritual heights can no more be scaled by smoking pot and dropping acid than a mountain can be climbed by looking at a map of it while reclining in an easy chair drinking beer. It is the climbing that brings joy and strength - joy in the release from the bondage of self and mountain, top and bottom; strength to LIVE in this realization." (7) -- Many a soul has doubted his own existence while on LSD! Perhaps a few have had intimations of the ineffable as well. This writer remembers a decidedly unphilosophically inclined friend of his at Cornell who sat for hours on acid repeating, "It's all the same, IT'S all the same, it's ALL the same, it's all the SAME, it's all the same, IT'S ALL THE SAME!......" But the next morning it wasn't, nor was he. (Reminds me of Leo lol, Isn't this exactly what Leo was saying over and over in one of his videos?) In The Web of Life John Davidson makes the following statement regarding the effects of various mind-altering drugs: "In general terms, brain drugs such as LSD and L-dopa can move the center of attention into the more subtle physical realms by biochemically ligaturing part of the physical brain pathways, thereby forcing attention to focus on the more inward subtle constitution." (18) This, no doubt, sometimes occurs, but even so it still would not amount to anything of lasting spiritual significance, for the reason that it is only more experience (in this case of the inner aspects of the brain), and not the transcendence of experience itself. Moreover, we have the strong warning from primal therapist Arthur Janov that such drugs as LSD can do serious damage to the gating (pain defense) mechanisms of the nervous system, even permanently altering the pathways between the reptilian, limbic and cortical areas of the brain. This can lead to extreme difficulty in accessing feelings and thus opening the heart. There is also the danger of psychosis in those whose “gates” are already too open. -- Marilyn Ferguson stated years ago: "It is impossible to overestimate the importance of psychedelics as an entry point drawing people into other transformational technology." (19) -- We conclude this discussion simply by agreeing that there is in fact a spiritual way, but there is likely no pharmaceutical - or even yogic - "shortcut". -- Ramana Maharshi: spoke about the use of drugs by those practising yoga: "I do admit that drugs have some beneficial effect. A certain drug can make the whole body melt and flow like a milky ocean. One man told me that when he was given chloroform before an operation he experienced a nectarous bliss and longed for that state again. The Chinese look like skeletons, but when they take opium, they feel like giants and do any amount of difficult work. These drugs, however, must be taken in limited amounts and secretly. Otherwise all will demand them. Moreover, after some time, the drug habit will become a great fetter and obstacle to jnana. Its addicts will not flinch from any crime to satisfy their cravings. So, it is best to remain desireless. Having seen the effects of all these drugs, I have decided that to be as we are is best. To strive for knowing one's real nature through self-enquiry, though it is a little difficult, is the only safe path." (10) Paul Brunton (who spent time with ramana Marashi and brough his teachings to the west): “Young persons are easily deceived by the sham uplift which drugs may confer. It is an astral plane experience, not a Buddhic plane one, as it seems to be.” (13) “What the drug taker gets is imagined reality, not real reality. Consciousness assumes the experience of knowing Truth, gives him the most vivid idea that this is IT. The end-effect is not to bring him nearer to the goal, as he wrongly believes, but farther from it. Such are the tricks that mind can play on self.” (14) “The drug experience, however exalted it is, never really gets beyond being an astral plane copy, a pseudo-contact with a pseudo-god. It is illegitimate for modern man to break Nature’s safety barrier in this way. He may pay a penalty withhealth, sanity, or self-deception.” (15) “The glimpse brings him to himself, but no drug can do that. The drug brings him before a vivid mental picture which he lives; it is still only a picture - sometimes horrible like a nightmare, sometimes sublime like a mystical ecstasy. But never in these experiences does he enter his true self. Always he is looking at and living with a picture.” (16) Sri Nisargadatta speaks from a larger [perspective when he says: M: ...."No doubt, a drug that can affect your brain can also affect your mind, and give you all the strange experiences promised. But what are all the drugs compared to the drug that gave you this most unusual experience of being born and living in sorrow and fear, in search of happiness, which does not come, or does not last. You should enquire into the nature of this drug and find an antidote...Birth, life, death - they are one. Find out what has caused them. Before you were born, you were already drugged. What kind of drug was it? You may cure yourself of all diseases, but if you are still under the influence of the primordial drug, of what use are the superficial cures? OPRAH WINFREY (HOST):Sounds like a drug trip. ECKHART TOLLE: Well, later on, people tell me, they ask me, "Is that like acid?" Because some people take acid and they say, "Oh, we experienced that when we took acid," they told me many times. Until finally, I'll tell you in confidence, finally I tried acid just for once. OPRAH WINFREY: You're telling me in confidence here? ECKHART TOLLE: Yes. OPRAH WINFREY: Okay, good. ECKHART TOLLE: I tried it just once just to see… OPRAH WINFREY: If it was the same thing? ECKHART TOLLE: Yes. OPRAH WINFREY: Yeah? ECKHART TOLLE: It's not quite the same thing because what I experienced was much more subtle and beautiful. The acid I experienced has almost a violent thing where violently the perceptions, sense perceptions become so magnified that there was no room for thinking anymore. But I could see why people say, for some people it's a glimpse of what it means to perceive the world without this continuous interference of mental noise. OPRAH WINFREY: Yeah, but your trip without acid was better. ECKHART TOLLE: Much better. Papaji: (not a drug related but interesting quote) Q: "Do you foresee a time in the not too distant future when there will be many people on earth who are Enlightened?" A: "There is no future, there are no people, there is no earth, there is no one seeking Enlightenment, and no one gaining it. This is the final and only Truth."

You are enlightened when you ended suffering and in a constant state of peace and bliss. Nothing more needs to be said. PS: I am not because I still suffer.

I guess I'm in the middle of learning how to play. I know I will stop blaming and the bliss will come back! It's just a bit much to sink in right now (bla, blaming again, I know, lalala).

@Zweistein I have to address the issue of brainwashing. We find ourselves in existence as a dark room with a minuscule torchlight. The more we grow, the stronger and stronger the light becomes and at some point, we see that the room is furnished. The room is furnished, but who did the furnishing? Things move other things around. This is how you recognize people. At some point you understand that you can move furniture yourself. This way you become upset that it is not furnished your way. The healthy way. You may blame people for furnishing your room however they please. To return to the early bliss is to understand that people are the part of the room. That way, you can understand that there is nobody that furnishes it. The room furnishes itself and all that had changed is the amount of light.

@Zweistein The key component that I identified as the difference between 'us' and 'them' is what I call a short-circuit. A short circuit is an ability to create a positive feedback loop between suffering and pleasure. 'They' seek pleasure and are repelled by suffering. The direction feels like willingly chosen, but it is a mechanical navigation in relation to these opposites. Pleasure is positive, suffering is negative. However, the more one avoids negativity, the more negative it becomes. It is then, a closed feedback loop of reinforcing the poles by seeking positive and avoiding the negative. 'We' have this ability to treat suffering as something positive and pleasure as something negative. In the act of willingly going against the flow of polarities, we upset the hierarchy of strength. It is either that polarity becomes smaller and suffering lessens (but so does pleasure), or that we become more resistant to both. This way we have this freedom of choice and opportunity to sail anywhere. At some point however, any place becomes exactly the same, just like on ocean that is still. Any place becomes 'here' and any time becomes 'now'. In doing that, everything becomes 'I'. This stillness is too intensive to most. They call it boredom. They treat it with disgust. They seem to miss that boredom is not the feeling that everything is uninteresting. Boredom is the feeling of everything being equally interesting. Without any point of reference. This feeling of everything being equal is what most identify as suffering, but what it is is simply stillness. It is peace. Bearing with it is what shows the bliss of life. I am a nihilist, aren't I? Hmmm...

Because Leo told me so, I wanted though to find that ultimate bliss of truth. I really wanted to higher my baseline of happiness, and this was my motivation. I neurotically made it a habit in the beginning, but I quickly fell in love with it. I'm not gonna quit meditation, ever, why would I.. I love meditating even if I won't get enlightened in 20 years

I used to have crippling anxiety I still can remember the feeling, I just wanted to escape my life, and meditation gave me that, so I used it for escapism until I experienced the bliss that comes with mindfulness, when it hit me I realized this new realm of possibility, everything changed. But then bipolar hit me and I started drowning in an endless spiral of misery until recently I had my first glimpses of enlightenment, for once in a very long time I felt liberated for my self, it might be a self-deception tho because I was about to commit suicide and I couldn't bullshit myself anymore so my mind had to do a trick it never did before, or maybe it was real bliss idk, either way it worked. Needless to say I still get bipolar depression physical symptoms (including the dark thoughts and dull mind) but for some reason reason it doesn't bother me much anymore, even anxiety doesn't bother that much anymore, don't get me wrong I still have to do so much work to balance my brain chemistry, correct my thoughts, cultivate awareness, etc. But my god it's so much better now. This is unnecessarily long, but I ain't deleting ?

Because I relied on psylocybin to feed me spiritualy and ingested it several times a week. Then I realized that meditation has no tolerance and I don't have to wait for the next hit of bliss a couple of days.

Another thing I just thought of! Psychedelics will reveal your truest desires. You will be forced to be more authentic. And in turn, this will set you free. Feel how liberating it is to be in tune with what you want. Don’t let your ego (or other people’s egos) get in the way, you have the power to act on your deepest desires. The liberation you will feel as you become more authentic will bring you to tears. You will realize how much you hold yourself back. You also realize how simple it is to let go and follow your bliss. Really focus on this, the psychedelic will teach you these lessons if you genuinely intend on learning them.

Once detached from outcome, freedom and bliss is discovered.

wow. thank you for that. thank you for this friday-morning anticipation booster of this bliss <3 wow... #Shivers