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Hey guys, forum noob here just wanted to post about my experience in the last week I kind of need somewhere to vent. I'm an 18 year old male just graduated highschool going to college next year. I'm on summer break and don't really have anything to do although I'm currently looking for an easy summer job for a little pocket cash. That being said, when summer began I thought this would be the perfect time to buckle down on real self actualization work. If I'm honest with myself I would admit that I'm on the verge of being a zen-devil (or inverse zen-devil?). I know so much of the theory, I've watched almost all of Leo's videos and understand them (at least I believe I do, intellectually lmao while being aware that you cannot have an intellectual grasp on reality). Despite this I rarely ever sit down and do nothing, I try to meditate every day but during the school days I would always end up falling asleep around the 10 minute mark and I would hate myself the next morning haha. So. It's summer, time to get it, right? Well it actually started out great... so great, in fact, I have so much free time that doing nothing is almost inevitable. In light of this nothingness, also, arises the inevitable feeling of boredom, the need to distract that the ego needs to survive. My first few weeks of the summer I faced these head on, recognizing these obstacles for what they are. I got my first real meditation sessions in, and also did some shamanic breathing (as described by leo) and it truly works. I wouldn't say I got any enlightenment experience, I'm way beneath that right now but it definitely altered my state of awareness and I considered that a huge success. I'm also really into athletics so I train every day to get physically stronger, I've also had a habit of eating clean for years. About a week ago, however this all changed... suddenly, for no reason, I found myself regressing harder than I've ever regressed in my entire life. I started playing video games (I haven't touched them in years) wacking off to porn (haven't done that in months) and eating cookies and ice cream (haven't done that in months) while neglecting all physical exercise. I also stopped meditation and my awareness consciousness went through the floor. Everything went 180 so fast and I don't know how to explain it to myself. While doing this, I (rather miraculously, honestly, because wtf) somehow actually managed to convince myself that everything was fine "just a little videogames don't hurt," "hey you haven't watched porn in a while look at these tits, yum" and before I knew it, I was actually playing video games for 10 hours a day. Yes. TEN HOURS. This spree lasted for about a week. I can tell I'm coming off of it although I'm not anywhere near as conscious right now as I was before my regression. Thank god it was just a phase, I feel so dirty and weak right now even though I didn't have these feelings while the splurge itself took place. This kind of stuff is stuff I'm not comfortable telling my friends and family but I wanted it to be written down somewhere for feedback or even just support/feeling of relatability. If you guys have similar experiences, please share them here. I am back on the path again, at least for now. Now I know not to underestimate the ego (though I'm actually expecting to learn this lesson the hard way again sometime down the road). I'm off to eat a salad and go for a run. Thanks for reading guys

There is no choice in eternity .. the human experience - the ego - will be dead for sure .. but your essence , the nothingness that all things appears in - the infinite consiousness - the knowing that only knows itself will be here forever.

Sometimes during meditation I notice that I am able to just block off my flow of thoughts. It feels like a similar mechanism to what happens when your brain muffles your hearing, due to a really loud sound like an emergency siren for example. It also causes different sensations in the brain that I can't really describe. Like pressure and/or pulling. Also its like I feel weight on different parts of the brain depending where I induce that "blockade". I became more interested in using this "skill" lately because it seems like an easy way to find nothingness. Am I fooling myself? Does anyone have experience with what I am describing?

And if your true being is everything that is, becoming that would mean accessing all experience within you, the infinite possibilities of nothingness. But it would require you to be both nothing and something, like one foot in the finite and one in the infinite. Like lucid dreaming, where you become aware that you are dreaming but remain in a dream that is now under your control.

@Nahm Yes of course. The seed and the tree are one and the same, and cannot be separated from the rest of the universe, as everything is contained in every part. And since everything is nothingness manifested in infinite ways, the seed nor the tree nor anything else is there, but is mere imagination. But if reality is illusion, then illusion is reality, and although everything is nothingness it is not nothing. Patterns arise, following lines of intelligent design, designing itself. So if one became enlightened to the degree of becoming the impartial creative force behind it all, in a way becoming the universe, then one would be able to see things happening before they happen, as everything springs out of nothingness or creative force or whatever we might call it. And if one completely surrenders to the source of all things, and every result lies within the source - IS the source - would that person that is no longer a person not be able to see everything without looking? I have not had much sleep and a 12-hour shift, i don't know if this makes any sense or if its just a dream.

Have you ever woku up feeling like a braindead zombie, groggy, like your brain desnt work properly? In summer sometimes I take a nap, and if the temperature is excessive I wake up like this, that what happened me today. The reflexion I had was terrifying: I wope up and sat in a coach, turn on Tv but I was completey lost, my ego wasnt there, even the pure awareness, our deep essence wasnt also there. For some minutes I want conscius of anything, life was happening but I wasnt aware of anything, just like being unconscious, one of the lowest stages of awareness. I thought this is what experienced my grandma when had dementia, and most of old people who have brain attacks, staring to the infinite, you look them through the eyes and there's nobody in the other side. You talk to them but nobody is hearing or recognising you. I was terrified to the posibility that when we die we will experience this NO-consciousness. These minutes that took to recover the whitness condition, the perciever who I am, felt like a hell. I can accept the death of my body, the death of my character that I'm interpreting, but losing the awareness is pure anihilation and feels like being a leaf in the wind, powerless, nothingness. Leo talked in a amazing video about the Infinite Intelligence, when he experinced absolute infinity and absolute intelligence. How can we explain these low consciousness states with zero intelligence? Are these payoffs of being human? What about people with severe brain injuries that spend their lifetime being a vegetable without consciousness? Will them be liberated after death of their nightmare of ignorance?

@B_Naz There still is a difference in the process to get there though. I enforce it, like flexing a muscle. I am also wondering if that is a legitimate way to nothingness.

... After the Shamans sang our songs, I went back to my mattress. I could feel vibrations and the effects of the songs within me. They were working their magic. I started seeing and becoming one with the plant. The plant showed me that my mother is not a human. No ones mother is a human. There is no human. And everything starting going back in time. And everything became one simple plant. He/She said, I am your mother. You are me. Then everything started to go even further into nothingness. And all sensory systems disappeared. I started seeing the original fabric of existence. It was made of two linear lines. Floating and dancing, changing colours, playing with each other. Sometime after that the ceremony ended. I through up right before the last song at the request of the alien within, and it made me feel better. As i walked out of the spaceship, I was blown away by the stars in the night sky. For the fist time in my life, I could see the Milky way. My friend joined me soon after. We picked up bunch of blanket, went on the big porch balcony in pitch black, and slept under the stars for some time. Day 2: In the morning, we all gathered in the same room, cleaning up after our own mess, and cleaning our buckets. We all shared details of our journey to each other and to the Shamans. To my surprise, most people didn't have any visuals. Most people had physical and emotional insights. Some just had a hard night, throwing up violently. That somehow fed my ego. I was proud of myself for seeing so many beautiful things, whilst others didn't. I though to myself ( that's because I am an artist and I have a super creative mind). This ego backlash came to hunt me at night. On this day, I made couple of mistakes in retrospect. I slept in the afternoon, from 1 pm to 5:30 pm. Although the Shamans suggested that, it made me super drowsy. Also I think i ate more than I needed. So by 9 pm, i was still not hungry. I started running around the retreat, trying to burn some energy and feel more alive. Nothing really worked. I went in the ceremony not in a great mood. Like the first night, Ceremony started and everybody had a cup of the medicine. I soon started to feel the effect. However, no visuals. I wanted to see. I needed to see the visuals again i thought to myself. My ego took over, I was in so much control. I was so frustrated at myself. After sometime, the Shamans offered a second drink, no one went for it. So even though i wasn't really feeling high, i didn't go either. An hour later, two guys went for a second cup. It was then that the plant ( or the ego) asked me to for the second cup. I was in doubt, but i heard the voices in me, "i thought you are ready for this. I though you wanted an ego death. I though you wanted to know me. Why are you being a pussy now." So i went in front of the Shaman for the second cup. The Shaman looked me with doubt. But he offered me a little bit. I literally had a sip, half the amount the Shaman offered me. As soon as i got back to my seat, I started seeing visuals again. "Now we are talking!" I though to myself. But the visuals were in pure. They were forced. They were mine, not a gift from the plant. I accepted that and enjoyed my trip anyways. Sometime after that, the ceremony ended, and my trip didn't. I tried throwing up, nothing cam out. I was so dizzy. Everybody left the room. I went to my room to my friend. She had an amazing night. She had cried and felt so much love. And she had seen so many beautiful visuals. I hadn't experienced any of that. Jealousy took over. We went to bed, and my real trip started. I had heard about bad trips before, but i have never really experienced it. I now know what hell is like. I was in so much agony. Physically, emotionally , spiritually. I could see darkness taking over me. My breath became toxic. My blood pressure dropped. I was dying, but not in a nice way. I was fading away and joining the dark forces. Light was gone. And thats when i started getting a lot of insights. I told myself: You have brought this on yourself by being a control freak, you accept the responsibility. Face it all. Face this moment. And i faced all the sadness, hate, suffering. I faced my ugliest form: I am impure. I am weak. I am alone. My parents are dying. War is coming. No one likes me. I have no friends. I have no talent. I am such a mediocre artist. I am a failure. I dont deserve love. I dont know love. I dont deserve a good life. This is all fake. I am so fake. I am such a pity. Nothing matters. No one will save me.... I faced all of myself. I was dying. From inside myself, I called up thousands of Roman soldiers to come to my protection. All these gladiators surrendered me. But a powerful female entity appeared, and melted all the soldiers away. She said there is no escaping this. Face it. So i faced it all. It never got easier. This went on for an eternity. I though i am lost in this madness forever. To be honest, even now, i am still not sure if I totally got out. Sometime past. I was able to get out of the bed. I needed to get the alien out of body. My friend woke up as well. We went to kitchen, and i had gallons of water. Finally something came out. Still feeling dizzy and weak, we went to our room. My friend came to my rescue. She so full of love, lied beside me, gently cresting my hair, telling me it will be alright. I let her go to sleep, and i went back to my own darkness. Around 8 am, I fell sleep. I think i slept for an hour total that night. Around 9 I woke up. Feeling dizzy and weak. But I was reborn. I survived the night of the dark soul. I congratulated myself. Went out of the room. At 10 , we had breakfast and shared our night experience. Most people had a fantastic night. So many insights, so much love. So many beautiful visuals. My night stood out like a swore thumb. I cried and was shaking the whole time describing my experience. Both Shamans looked at me with their wise eyes and smiled. I was so humbled. I am just an old child. Thank you.

Is somebody here while doing self inquiry and becoming conscious of formlessness nothingness true self or however you wanna call it having a sense of peace and serenity while being it? Cause I sometimes become conscious of it but lose it later and offcourse like Leo said in the video mind cannot grasp what I was conscious of and doesn't even remember but this sense of peace is in my case a signal I m doing it right or at least I hope so

@Neptune2020 You didn't get actual Nothingness, you got an idea of nothingness. The two are unrelated. Enlightenment is life-changing, but you didn't even come close to it yet. Keep trying. But drop your idea of nothingness. That ain't it. Also drop your expectation of fireworks. Your intention should be on "what is true". What are you? Not theortically, but ACTUALLY! Find the pure raw TRUTH. Not some idea.

Hey pluto, I did some self-inquiry from the neti neti method and I just ended up depressed. I looked for everything I could be, but just ended up finding nothing and then Leo said that nothingness is enlightenment and that I am nothingness. That just got me bummed out because isn't enlightenment life-changing? Maybe I didn't do the technique right but this was the video:

Watch more of Leo's videos and do the self-inquiry work. You and everyone in your family are the same thing, which is consciousness, which is nothingness. You are you family and they are you. For you to hurt your family, is for you to hurt yourself, and vice versa. Coming from this perspective, there is nothing to fear, nothing to worry about. When you are with your family, think of it as like watching a movie. You are the observer, that has no stakes in what your watching. The objects and people on the screen are not real, they are just light projected on the screen. You (your ego) is also one of the characters up there on the screen. You too do not really exist and are the same thing as the other characters, which are all just light projected on the screen. You, the observer, wouldn't get angry, or offended, or hurt, by what the characters on the screen are doing and saying. So come with this perspective. Nothing anyone says or does in your family has any meaning. They're all just light projected on a screen, as are you, and it's all just light (consciousness), which is meaningless. Just sit back and enjoy the show you're watching

Although I don't wish to get too lost in diet, it is such an important part of awakening. My new "regime" is to eat 3 small meals a week while drinking urine, and some herbal teas. This may be taking it to far, but I wasn't born to play life safely e.g. I love until it feels like my heart explodes, and I constantly focus on it 24/7. I am not relenting until I experience the bliss of God every second, to feel so loved by myself, that my child-like heart expands and engulfs anything unrepresentative of God. I've been receiving these moments of euphoria for existing in this world in times where I surrender into the heart whilst in this fasted state. It happens more and more while fasting, it's as though it amplifies the love I have for life more expansively. I get these moments too where I become aware of how "thin" my identity of myself as a human being is, of how easily and how in any moment it could crumble, making me become no thing. This fasting, and prayer of love, and purity has created a new life for me, and it will keep growing the more I surrender to this moment. I can surrender much more than I am. I know my potential is much higher than what I believe. I live in a world of people who are disconnected from love, reconnecting myself to love. When you have no example of a person who is all-loving and kind, it just makes this awakening all the more rewarding and personal. I am on the first wave of ascension, so I'm the one showing people what it means to dare to be love. I am hurt, heartbroken and shattered for no reason I can find; and in response, I trust my heart further, and surrender deeper and deeper and deeper. Because anything that arises is only here to make us surrender into the light, which looks a lot like nothingness. The kingdom of heaven is.

A while back I created this thread, asking about your tips for Darkness Retreat Strategy: Some of you warned me against using psychedelics in there. Well, me being a crazy person ended up taking 100mcg of LSD in there "just in case I feel confident". Darkness Retreat Basically I went into a completely light-proof room (almost completely sound-proof) and stayed there for 7 straight days. The room was well prepared for this. It had a bed, a mediation cushion, a shelf for some stuff, space for exercise and a bathroom. The retreat staff came in once a day bringing food and some herbal tea. It was VERY dark. Most of the time I had no idea if my eyes are closed or open. The First Days I decided I would like to try out fasting while in the dark. The lights went off and I went to sleep. I slept for a long time and I slept well. After I caught up on all the sleep I ever needed, I started meditating and hanging around. Time is very tricky in the dark, there is nothing really to orient yourself according to except for the once a day visit by the food-bringers. That was one of the factors that started bringing up a lot of anxiety, another one was the hunger pangs from the fasting. Soon I was going in and out of intense fear, survival mode and deep helplessness. As if my first chakra decided it was time to clear all that has ever been clogged up in there. Fear of the dark, fear for my body and health, fear of nothingness, fear for my life. Fear, fear, fear. It usually came in waves. It came in, I panicked for a bit, I let go. Repeat. It was tough and I decided to end my fast on day 2, which helped me a lot. Befriending the Darkness With something to fill up my belly life became much more bearable. The fear was getting milder, and although other emotions started coming up, I seemed to develop strong mindfulness, which helped me overcome them with more ease. I started working out, using EFT, and mediating more deeply. Most of the time I sit in Strong Determination Sits with awareness in my body, which helped tremendously with the constant floods of emotions coming up. I had a lot of time to contemplate what an emotion is and found out that it is basically a feeling in the body + a though saying "this feeling is terrible, I can't stand it". With my attention in the body and looking at the feelings as they were, it was hard for me to be fooled into an emotional crisis again. The LSD Experience By the time day 5 came I felt very confident with myself handling the darkness (and by that I mean the emotions the darkness brings). After my food arrived and I ate a little I decided to give the LSD a shot. With the LSD up and running I got into a very deep meditation. All the emotional hustle from before was gone. I was gone. I was transparent. Experience was flowing very smoothly and soon I decided to lay down with open arms and legs and give myself away fully.I was lying in blissful emptiness and with every moment I was surrendering deeper. And just like that terror came. A thought came telling me I was under attack, I was in danger and it was believed in. At that moment I understood how seriously I underestimated the depths I was getting into with darkness and LSD combined. It was as if the mind let me relax sooo much, just to be able to hurt me at my deepest core. And I was hurt. I was hurt deeply. I will not be explaining exactly what happened, it should be enough to say that never have I realized such terror, fear and anxiety could be experienced. I was helpless, there seemed to be nothing I could do. I was thrown into hell and I was burning. There seemed to be no hope, until I remembered the words of an amazing teacher - "Whatever arises, love that". And there seemed to be nothing else I could do. I put my hands as into prayer and started whispering "I love you". Over and over again. These words made a change. Where there was nothing but darkness and horror just a moment ago, a spark of light lit up. And with every repetition of this phrase, the spark was getting brighter and brighter. And it did not come from out there, it came from inside of me. The next couple of hours were one of the most horrifying once in my life. As if all the suffering of the world came into the dark room to be lit by the light of my love. And I got overwhelmed, I got hurt again and again I found the light inside me and loved the horrors. Over and over again. I could try to explain the horror , but I really don't have the words for it. But one thing became clear. Love is what matters. Love is what is. Love is what all of us crave, what every part of us craves. There seems to be nothing else. Love is my gift to the world. It is not a thing I have to develop. It is my nature and it is here to be given to everyone and everything. After these horrors, I realized one thing. I was loving. I was loving the good and the bad. The beautiful and the ugly. The pleasant and the unpleasant. It made no difference at all. My heart burst open. And in the darkness, it shone. Obviously not illuminating the physical world, but it shone nonetheless basically blinding me. The Final Days I was hurt. I was scared very deeply. But from an infinitely deeper place still I was loving. And I am. The days after were a mix of my person being traumatized and my Self loving it in every moment. And the last day I finally got that the mystics are right. It IS one. There is one experience. There is no more. And finally even the person was in peace. Out In The Light The light hit me hard. And it revealed infinity. It revealed beauty. In every place, in every moment there is an infinite happenings going on. And it is all beautiful. And it is all one. What a mind fuck, right?

@Cuzzo I come from a Pakistani family and was raised Muslim, but I'm not a Muslim myself. My post might go off at a tangent at times but I'm just trying to paint a picture for what the religion is as best I can in a short-is time. My knowledge of Islamic history isn't superb but I've been exposed to a lot of it as a child in religious school. Islam as it is practiced today by the majority of followers is based upon a fundamentalist interpretation of the quran. The Quran is believed by the vast majority of Muslims to be the uncorrupted words of God. And it is because of that belief that Muslims will be fundamentalist in how they interpret the Quran. To disagree with the Quran is therefore to disagree with God. That is the view many Muslims hold. After the Quran, the second most important source for Islamic teachings are "Hadiths". Hadiths consist of traditions and sayings of the prophet Mohammad which have been recorded by his followers. Hadiths are very important, as they can shape to a significant degree the Interpratation you take of the Quran. It is from hadith that some nasty things can come into play. For example: Muslim (1:30) - "The Messenger of Allah said: I have been commanded to fight against people so long as they do not declare that there is no god but Allah." Bukhari (8:387) - Allah's Apostle said, "I have been ordered to fight the people till they say: 'None has the right to be worshipped but Allah'. And if they say so, pray like our prayers, face our Qibla and slaughter as we slaughter, then their blood and property will be sacred to us and we will not interfere with them except legally." Different schools of Islam follow different hadiths. Hadiths are not the words of God in Islamic theology. Muslims recognise they have no guarantee that they haven't been corrupted. It is because of this that Hadiths are often rated and reviewed on how reliable they are by looking at the source of the hadith. I think that there is a realitively consistent strict vetting process for which hadith are considered "authentic" and which ones are not. On top the sayings of Mohammad, Islamic figures who lived around and shortly after the time of Mohammad have their sayings recorded. Sunni Muslims will follow the sayings of whom they deem worthy and Shia Muslims follow the sayings of whom they deem worthy. I can't be bothered to go into it now, but Islam split into being Sunni and Shia after Mohammad's death and there was an internal dispute among Mohammad's followers. I've went on off on a massive tangent. Now time to focus on the main questions you were asking. Why is Islam associated with violence, and why is there such a clash in social values between East and West. Even if all Muslims agree to take interpret the Quran literally, there will still be room for disagreement amongst Muslims for how to interpret the Quran. There will be verses in the Quran which talk about violence against disbelievers. However, most Muslims believe that these verses are not what they seem on face value because of context. For example: Surah 9 Verse 5: "And when the sacred months have passed, then kill the polytheists wherever you find them and capture them and besiege them and sit in wait for them at every place of ambush. But if they should repent, establish prayer, and give zakah, let them [go] on their way. Indeed, Allah is Forgiving and Merciful" Now, most Muslims will say that this verse is only applicable as instructions to the followers of Mohammad in the situation they were in however many hundred years ago. The verses are instructions to Mohammad and his followers when they were in war with a particular tribe they lived around, and you might then go on to talk about why such actions might be justified as you analyse the exact historical situation. But on the other hand, terrorist groups and extremists will interpret/use this verse as an instruction from God for Muslims in all eras to apply in all situations they find themselves in life. Now even if we are put the murder of disbelievers aside to one moment, you still get Sharia Law from Quran and Hadiths which a very significant portion of Muslims in the world support ( but they will not use violence to impose these laws). Shariah Law isn't this monolithic set of rules, there are many variations to it. However, the set of "nasty" laws you get in the set of different versions Shariah Law are believed by most Shariah Law advocates with little variation. Muslims on the more fundamentalist end of the spectrum have a huge obsession with gurading their religion from heresy and moral corruption. They see their religion as the only true path, and have an extremely low tolerance for changes to the religion. These very fundamentalist Muslims are on guard from Bid'ah, which is Arabic for "innovation" in religious matters. They don't want "innovation" for their religious laws. It is important to note that the essence of the word "innovation" will differ from that of "Bid 'ah". Each of the two words will different connotations in the two languages. If you ever read the Quran from a literal point of view, there are a few messages which are repeated over and over again. The Quran emphasis that the believers will go to heaven, and more importantly, the disbelievers will go to hell. I've read 80% of the Quran, and it gets very boring to read. It's just God saying in 101 different ways that disbelievers are vermin. The overall tone of the book is one of intolerance in my opinion. I believe that from a fundamentalist lens of the Quran, the argument that extremists make for their interpretation is very strong unfortunately. Now, as for a non dual take on the Quran I'll copy and paste what I wrote on a previous topic I made The Quran likes to talk about how those who commit themselves to God are ultimately on the right path and will be rewarded, and those who reject God will only find misery in hellfire. If we take "God" to be the "absolute" (or whatever word you want to insert here) , the nothingness from which everything comes from in your perception, then a take away from reading the Quran might be the idea that those who make a commitment to connect to the absolute (whether it be through yoga, meditation, devotion and etc) will reach heaven, a peaceful state of mind. However, those who are not mindful of and are ignorant of God will ultimately end up going through unbearable suffering (hellfire) as a result of them not connecting to the absolute. People will be trapped in suffering as a result of them not connecting to the absolute. I don't have many thoughts as to what the morality preached could mean. Perhaps the Quran is also trying to say that being charitable and doing other "good deeds" is a way to connect to the absolute, whilst doing "bad deeds" like adultery distances you from the absolute. However, the worst sin you can do in Islam (from a non-dual intepratation) is to not acknowledge that the absolute is there, and to not try to connect to it. A fundamentalist would call this sin "shirk". Shirk is the rejection of the fact that God exists, and that there is only one God. You could interpret this as meaning that the chief sin you can commit is to not recognize that all is one and that there are no boundaries between things, an ultimately non-dual teaching. Provided we are going with a "non-dual" intepration of the Quran, then we ultimately find the Quran is just repeating the same message, over and over again, since it keeps on talking about heaven and hellfire.The Quran likes to emphasise heaven and hellfire to tremendous degrees, more so than the Bible on a whole in my opinion (depends on which part of the Bible as well as though). Whether or not my intepration is separate from the authors' intent or not is unknown to me. Whatever the case, it was entertaining to read. My take away from the Quran is this: those who make the effort to connect to the absolute will find peace, and those who don't try to connect to the absolute will find misery. This is why it's important to set practices in place to connect to the absolute (Muslims like to pray for instance). So what do you make of religious scriptures? I feel as though that the Bible and Quran can only be seen in this light if you already have non-dual ideas about reality. The word "God" has different meanings to people, and it's ultimately a verbal semantic game when it comes to what you make of it. Given the fact that from a non-dual intepratation the Quran repeats the same message over and over game, it perhaps stands to reason that the Quran was written to be interpreted in the way that fundamentalists do so. But an argument about that would ultimately require an examination of history

The issue I have with "No brain " and pure self is if I drink a beer it should have no effect on anything. But it does. And so do drugs. Therefore the nothingness would appear to be a state of mind. That ultimately there is no control over

But they will invariably read and contemplate what you write, as you have come really far compared to many others on this forum. With power comes responsibility. The more you embody nothingness - no-seeking - the more people will seek you out, and look towards you for words of wisdom. You cannot avoid people looking for answers, so why not provide the answers that are questions?

Thoughts and desires are tools, and as with any tool its goal is to become obsolete. If the I is a collection of thoughts and desires, it has to create a self-perpetuating loop to stay alive. I require thoughts and desires to exist. If I did not constantly create problems and goals, I would quickly perish into nothingness. But as my true self is nothingness, by perishing I flourish.

still chewing on this video.. I've had a couple of existential crises since watching it for the first time, also after some trips. and I feel like it was not my last one yet.. I gotta bite the bullet, again and again, deeper and deeper. will it ever end? I love it, bringing Nihilism full circle. nothingness becoming everything <3 me too, I'm so thankful, every day

PRACTICE 2: 10 MINUTES Asking myself what is Knowledge: -Curiosity, ability to change quickly, seeing gaps in one's thoughts. Using the past appropriately and correctly. Listening to cues without superstition. Listening without coming to conclusions. Being patient. Missing out. Who cares. Not ambivalence, but seeing clearly. Not having or needing a choice. Not being distracted. Focusing. Listening. Challenging, when needed. Allowing for Knowledge or itself to arise. Not saying anything. Complete silence and stillness. Brightness openness clarity fearlessness. Love. Discovery. Revealing. Dancing. Pattern. Time. Space. Synchronicity. Luck. Coordination. Management. Savings. Library. Something else. Not repetition. Change. Stillness in change. Unity. Unitariness. Infinity. Zero. Nothingness. Selflessness. Elseness. Something else. How to See. How to Know. How to Hear. How to Listen. How to Learn. How to Know. How to go. Activation. Power. Amazement. Lack of stimulation. Honesty. Compassion. Ability. Adaptiveness. Intelligence.

To me, dreams do not depend on thoughts. It is even a bit too arrogant to suggest so, since the origin of dreams is the same as the origin of the Big dream we are currently experiencing and also the origin of thoughts themselves. It's God, that which cannot be seen, the subconscious that projects to the Atman, the consciousness that you are. And ultimately it's the same thing, because the subconscious is 1 and the Conscious is 0. And the Conscious goes around the subconscious and makes it shine. Maybe due to this belief the subconscious has blocked your consciousness the projection of your dreams, which I can only describe as Gifts. Free lessons if you like. Free experiences, from the Self, messages everywhere to be decoded. It's nice to not have dreams too, means you're dreaming nothingness

Monday, June 25, 2018 Woke up from a dream that involved being abandoned. It brought to my experience an immense amount of pain, I spent a good half hour letting it all out. (relaxing my body as best as I can and sobbing my eyes out) It made me realize that my fear of abandonment is driving a lot of my ego. It likely has for years and years. While non-duality and getting past the ego and a recognition of nothingness are appealing ideas, I haven’t let go of enough yet. I’m still hanging on and I sense that the only way through is to keep letting go. I’ve searched all my life for God, for the Holy Spirit, for a Higher Power. People from various walks of life have commended their own paths. I want this for me. I need to discover for myself. Even if this runs somewhat counter to the ideas presented here, I want to tell myself that I will never leave myself, nor forsake myself. I feel like that is God’s voice. Not God as in a separate entity, but the divinity inside me all along, inside everything.

Leo shares some really amazing practical tips! Been applying them for a while and the results are obvious. My perspective on life and the way I see everything (including the illusion of self) changed big time. Thanks, Leo! I usually combine these guidelines with "The Present", a text that expands a bit more on the nature of self (nothingness), the mental distractions, etc. Very powerful combination; I'd definitely suggest it to everyone.

Everytime I meditate, I can get to a state where thoughts are almost gone very quickly. Then I feel a slight bliss inside, I think I feel the taste of the essence of being, my body starts to feel lighter. I start to slowly let bit by bit of myself go to be consumed by nothingness. Then fear arises, the heart starts to go faster, anxiety crawls up, i need to breath, I cant let go any further. Am I really on the edge of ego death? Is this really the reason why fear comes up? It sure feels like just fear of losing myself.

Bufo revealed my voice "aha, Aha, AHA! Of course. Of course. Yes..." These are the words that appeared in my consciousness as I was slipping into Nothingness. It was the last thing I experienced. I said them in my own voice! A deep deep voice that I don't use usually, but which was so much me. Today as I was stretching I let out a sigh which came in this voice again. My true voice. And I remembered Bufo again.