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And “some” have “awakened” without the use of psychedelics. It’s in a way about letting go of seeking. Which no one can do. Because ego/the self is seeking in itself. Psychedelics are also often seeking. allegedly

I’ve been deep in this work for a while. Reading, meditating, contemplating, journaling, testing ideas, and chasing every glimpse of awakening I can get. I’ve listened to Leo, I’ve listened to others, and I’m fucking serious about this—not just interested in spiritual fluff or talking about the ego. I want the real thing. I want to wake up fully, now, in this lifetime. And yet here I am—still stuck in this human dream. Still broke. Still a virgin in my late 20s. Still getting up at 3:30 a.m. to clean toilets. Still driving a shitbox car that could die any week. Still dealing with cravings, pain, loneliness, depression, and rage. Still “being called Isaac” by the world. Still “having to survive.” I don’t want this. I want to wake up as God. Not as some blissed-out gaslit version of peace, but actual, undeniable remembrance of my infinite self. I want to exit the dream. Not escape like a coward, but exit like an awakened being who remembers the game is up. Everyone keeps saying I’m already God. That I already am awake. But that feels like total bullshit when I’m still subject to this matrix of limitation. If I’m God, why can’t I just wake up right now? Why do I still have to “earn money,” “go to work,” “get old,” “possibly die in some tragic accident,” or rot in my own aging loneliness just because that’s what this life path seems to be? I don’t want to “wait for awakening” until after death. I don’t want to pretend that suffering is okay. I don’t want to just gaslight myself by saying, “None of this is real,” when it still feels very real—especially when poverty, rejection, and time are punching me in the face daily. I’ve meditated while stoned. I’ve tried “quantum leaping” into God-consciousness. I’ve tried sitting still with my suffering. I’ve even tried waking up by death, like pressing so hard into the dream that maybe I’ll snap through. But nothing sticks. So what the fuck am I missing? Why is awakening dangled like a carrot I’m never allowed to reach? If I am God, why don’t I have access to God’s full memory? Why can’t I rewrite this dream on my own terms? Why do I have to suffer through the game to “earn” what I apparently already am? Don’t give me “just be more aware” or “you’re already there” unless you can back that with real, lived clarity—because I’m done with spiritual riddles that go nowhere. I want the exit. Or I want to know, for real, that there isn’t one. Because right now, it feels like I’m trapped in a loop: “You’re God, but you’re also this human. Just keep suffering until you die, and maybe then you’ll understand why it had to be this way.” No. If I’m infinite and sovereign, then I want to wake up like it. Otherwise, this is just one more scam inside the dream. So tell me—what the hell is actually going on here?

When you are everything there is no other. You havent awakened to it. Until then this talk is going circles.

Williams meant to say, if solipsism implies that there's only one dreamer. How come he's speaking with two awakened solipsists? Would the real slim shady please stand up?

The chances that Leo is right.: Me: If there was one person on the planet who said his awakening is the biggest on the planet and he preachers solipsism, what would be the probability of him being right mathematically speaking? ChatGPT : Great question—it uses a rational, probabilistic lens to examine a metaphysical claim. 🧮 Let’s rephrase the scenario logically: One person claims to have the greatest spiritual awakening on the planet and says solipsism is true—i.e., only he is real and everyone else is a projection. You ask: What is the mathematical probability that he's right? Step-by-Step Reasoning 🔢 1. Base Rate Fallacy There are ~8 billion people on Earth. Thousands—perhaps millions—have claimed spiritual awakening. So, claiming awakening is not rare. Claiming to be the “greatest awakened” is statistically indistinguishable from delusional grandiosity. Base rate: The vast majority of people who make this claim are wrong. So the prior probability is already extremely low. 🧠 2. Extraordinary Claims Require Extraordinary Evidence Solipsism isn’t just a personal insight—it implies: No other minds exist All other beings are imaginary The universe is a projection of his consciousness This is a maximally extraordinary metaphysical claim But it has zero falsifiability and zero external evidence So from a Bayesian point of view, the posterior probability (after evaluating evidence) remains very close to zero. ⚖️ 3. Self-Defeating Logic If solipsism is true and he’s the only one who exists: Why communicate? To whom? Why teach? Who could awaken if all others are him? If he preaches solipsism to others, he’s already acting inconsistently with his own claim. This internal contradiction lowers his credibility further—mathematically, you’d reduce the probability again. 🔁 4. Alternative Explanation More Likely Occam’s Razor: “The simplest explanation is usually correct.” Which is more likely? He’s the only real mind in the universe, and everyone else is his illusion He’s a spiritual person with delusional narcissism, possibly amplified by a genuine, partial mystical experience Given what we know of human psychology, mysticism, and history, #2 is exponentially more likely. 🧮 Final Probability Estimate: Let’s be generous. Assume 1 in 10,000 humans claim awakening Assume 1 in 1,000 of those say they’re “the greatest” Assume 1 in 1,000 of those assert solipsism That’s 1 in 10 billion—already more than the human population. Combine that with zero evidence and internal contradiction… ✅ Final Mathematical Probability: Less than 1 in 10 billion (0.00000001%) Or, more simply: Functionally zero. Would you like help crafting a logical or humorous refutation to someone making such a claim?

You expect me to take seriously ChatGPTs conclusion when it comes to these manners? UNITY = SOLIPSISM and it can not be any other way. The funny thing about Islam and Sufism is that it explicitly states that God is completely alone. All "mystical traditions" never get explicit about the truth, even when they might realize it themself. You really expect some medieval guru to tell you about solipsism the way Leo does? The moment you realize solipsism, your human life ends. So it was never the case that any one human is real while others are not. stop conflating the human with Al-Haqq , all humanity is just a projection of God. there are no philosophical zombies because everything is CONSCIOUSNESS. I'm starting to sound like Leo, and I'm not claiming to have Awakened like him or whatever, all that shit doesn't really matter, its just that other minds are so obviously an illusion at this point, and most people just deny it out of cope, and I get that, I've done it for years. Believing in other minds is just another form of materialism but now with cool new-age or religious flavours to it. In the end there's either materialism or solipsism, the matrix or the real.

@z3rolight Noted, and appreciate you’re reply. My life is still a dream I have awakened up to, by simply being born. Like waking up from a deep dreamless sleep to a lucid awareness of what can only be described as being a dreamscape reality.

Not only do they defend their own dreams, others not realizing solipsism also facilitated your own awakening. You could have never awakened if you didn't live in and were nurtured by a society upheld by the denial of solipsism. I'm missing this humbleness from your tone. You still somehow think you did this all by yourself -

Introduction This will be a long post. I'm extremely verbose when it comes to trip reports, and I'd like to make sure I get all of this out. I've never posted on this forum before, and I've mostly been a lurker. Recently, however, I took a psychedelic mushroom trip and felt I needed to write this post. I feel that the trip showed me quite a bit, but I also have a feeling that I haven't completely peeled back all the layers of my mind. In fact, I imagine there is still much, much more that I have yet to uncover. On one hand, I hope that this trip report is genuinely interesting, insightful, and entertaining to you all. On the other hand, this trip definitely left a trace of terror in my existence, so I wanted to hear what some of the more awakened members have to say. I'm sure that through my words, you can uncover biases, traumas, assumptions, concepts, etc. I'm pretty sure no one will know who I am in real life, so I can be relatively open about the entire experience. If there are any questions at the end surrounding the entire trip, please ask. I'd like to hear everyone's input. Past Experiences Before I even get into the trip itself, there are a few important things that I need to mention that tie into the experience directly. They may seem irrelevant now, but I promise, there is a reason I'm mentioning all of these things. Here they are: 1. I was abandoned by a primary caretaker (father) as a young child. I have no memories of him aside from when I met him for the first time in my teenage years. I had a stepfather adopt me when I was still a toddler, but I know that abandonment has left a core wound in my psyche. I have also been told I was a "bad baby" because of issues I can tell stemmed from these abandonment issues (difficult sleeping without someone there, crying when someone left, etc.) 2. Much of my childhood, I was surrounded by girls/women. I was raised by my mom mostly. However, she was working and going to school simultaneously, so she would often leave me with my grandma. I also had a younger sister, two younger cousins, and many friends that were girls in kindergarten/preschool. 3. When I was in my teenage years, I had a rebellious period, and my drug of choice was psychedelics. During this time, I wasn't very responsible with how I took them, so one day, I decided to take 3 tabs of DS3.0 LSD. After this, I started talking to a friends I hadn't seen since middle school, and he at that point had become a Satanist. Obviously, I was immature at this time and didn't really know anything about reality, so I was still working with a fundamentally Christian worldview, where I was still seeing things in terms of right and wrong, good and bad, Heaven and Hell, etc. To make a long story short, I felt like this was the first time I fell from Heaven and into Hell. And I felt that I did this eternally. I felt the primal fear of annihilation, not able to make sense of my experience at all. 4. Recently, I've been focusing intensely on masculinity and femininity, trying to figure out what it really means to be a man and woman, what the essence of masculinity and femininity are, attraction, etc. I've learned quite a bit from my research, and I have generated a decent understanding of what each of these things are (although this is mostly from other sources outside myself). 5. I've also followed much of Leo's content heavily over the course of the last year and a half or so. I regularly view his blog, forum, videos, spirituality exercises, book list, etc. This has influenced my views on reality and spirituality intensely. Trip Report Now for the actual experience. I'm going to try to put words to this, but I don't even remember everything, so I'm going to do my best. I took the shrooms in two doses, and the whole thing lasted about 6 hours. Really, only the first 4 hours are where the interesting stuff happened. I'm going to be guessing the timelines because I didn't take notes on those, but the whole trip will still be here. I made sure that my environment was clean and set up for a good trip. I weighed out 3.5g of Golden Teachers and crushed them up. I wanted to take them with honey and orange juice as I thought that would help with the nausea. I split the crushed shrooms into two halves, took the first half, and then went to meditate. 15-30 minutes in I only made it through about 15 minutes or so before I started feeling a bit scared. Whenever I take psychedelics now, I always remember that trip where I felt that fear of annihilation, so I try to go slowly so I don't fall into that place too soon. I started to notice my perception change ever so slightly. I saw some visual patterns on the walls of my room, and everything took on a more vibrant hue. There was sun shining off an outside window into my room, and I put my hand up in it, and I saw the beauty of the entire experience. I still felt the fear and uncertainty, but I could appreciate the beauty for what it was. I was still in control. I would be okay. I walked outside to my living room, and I decided that I would be able to take the other portion of mushrooms. I didn't want to take the full 3.5, though, because I was still feeling a big uneasy. I took most of it, so I'm guessing I took 3.2g total. 1 Hour In (I am God Concepts) This is when things began to ramp up a bit. One of the things that I decided to do prior to this trip was watch Leo's "Guided Experience for Realizing You're God" video. I started this about 45 minutes into the trip. I'd watched this video before, but I could just feel that something was different this time. I could feel that I was listening at a deeper level. I could feel myself hearing his words and making connections that I hadn't made before. Like there was a deeper presence hearing the ideas. I watched about the first 30 minutes of the video, doing my best to follow along, slowly getting rid of all sorts of pieces of my mind. I eliminated Earth, the Universe, Biology, Evolution, etc. I started to deeply focus on my hands as just being purely made out of colors and shapes. I made the firm distinction in my mind between the difference between a thought/concept and my hand. I saw that there is a marked difference between the two. I thought to myself at that point that consciousness was what was making both of these, but they are different fundamentally in the way they manifest in reality. After taking apart my mind a bit, it eventually got to be a bit much for me, so I paused the video. I reassured myself that I would be okay, that I just needed to flow with the experience, that everything would be okay. It was at this time I started writing in the middle of my trip. I decided I was going to do a word dump of anything and everything that came to mind, and I'd sort it all out later. I did do this, so I'll write some of the things that came to mind during the experience. The body and mind felt extremely tired throughout this process, but thoughts and ideas were coming to me rapidly. I told myself to just write what I want to write. I asked myself why I limit myself so much, why I avoid doing things I want to do, why I distract myself so much, why I chase sex. I noticed that I have this body, whose requirements I must meet. I saw my body and mind as a system. Just to note, here, these thoughts were just part of the flow. The questions were more rhetorical. But when I was having all of these thoughts, I saw each one having its own voice. I saw and heard the voices as entities, each with a certain type of unique essence characteristic to the thought that was being had. I saw reality as being everything, and I saw models as being pieces of reality that could be built up to make sense of reality, which can be more or less aligned to varying degrees, but no concept can ever get everything. I saw all of this as being in the mind of God. I saw myself as being connected to the mind of God. And I realized that If a concept could encapsulate all of reality, then reality would make too much sense. It would be too easy of a game to figure out. It was at this point I asked what the point of life was, to which I got the following response: TO EXPERIENCE THIS INSANE WACKY THING THAT IS GOD. GOD IS ALL THAT EXISTS. YOU ARE GOD. EVERYTHING IS GOD. THIS PERCEPTION IS NOTHING BUT GOD PLAYING WITH ITSELF. And I felt that everything was perfect. I saw that life is eternal. I saw that God can choose to speed life up or slow it down. I saw that God can design reality in whatever way it wishes. And then I saw why God is living this life right now: because there is nothing that God wants more than this. And the enormous amount of love I felt upon arriving at that realization was immense. I felt the unchecked love towards myself, knowing that the singular being in all of existence loved me so much that it chose to live this life, despite the literally infinite alternatives. God wanted to experience everything human life has to offer, so it chose to live through me. 2 Hours In (Masculinity vs. Femininity) At this point, I began detaching from myself slightly. I saw that despite all of this, my own ego wanted to know what masculinity is. And as this thought crossed my mind, I felt the masculine essence observe me. It wouldn't allow me to embody it, but it did analyze me, looking to see if I was a worthy candidate to carry its power. It was impressed, but it still didn't think I had done enough work. It noted some of my weak points, like impulsivity, lack of complete dedication. (Side note: After looking at this, I feel this is related to abandonment issues). I did realize here that I could step into whatever reality I wanted to, so long as I was willing to pay the price. I saw how I could become something else, but I also understood the idea of mastery and paying the price. I saw that it isn't something I can just will into existence (as my ego at least). I would have to work for it. And this is at the heart of masculinity. I put my definitions of masculinity and femininity very succinctly into words this trip. I defined femininity as flowing with reality and masculinity as pursuing and allowing nothing to get in the way. I saw that living life in a flow state is a possibility, but doing so is inherently a feminine trait due to the nature of these definitions. As I was defining these definitions, I felt myself in my masculine essence. I did not need this masculine entity that I spoke of earlier to give me approval. I just took the essence of it and embodied it. Creating these definitions is a way to engage with masculinity. Cutting through the chaos of reality in pursuit of a definition for these things felt like a masculine action. As I defined these things, I saw that I need a lot of work to truly live up to the divine masculine. But I saw that I had the potential for it. The potential to embody the divine masculine. And I saw the masculine wanting to embody itself through me. Because if there is nothing else in existence, this experience is the only way for the masculine to actually embody itself. And it seeks to be brought out in this life. I saw myself as entering my bachelor stage in my life, and I saw this development of masculinity as extremely attractive. I felt what it would be like to develop this in myself, and I could take on the views of the feminine and see how it would react to the masculine. I could feel the eternal attraction between the two, and I could feel the potential I have to become the masculine. 3 Hours In (The Fabric of Reality and Dreaming Myself) This will be a bit less concise because it is basically straight from my trip report journal. It described the mental and emotional ride I was undergoing through the entire trip, but it is a bit more "shroomy" than the last sections. I began to see at a certain point that even this pursuit to become the masculine was just another game. I actually described it very well in my trip report: This life is all about becoming everything that you can become. In all of the ways that this mind you inhabit wants you to. It’s a game of illusion, yes. And you can accept that illusion and live in it. Or you can step into spirituality and realize it’s all a game. This is nothing more than God playing with itself in an infinite amount of ways that is infinitely confusing with so many different tug of wars going on in all sorts of directions. This is why reality has been so hard for you to understand, because you have so many different things that are coming at you in so many different ways. That’s how the illusion of the game is kept up. Once that’s up, then it’s just you. You don’t get punished or chastised. It’s literally just you. Then there's just another thing to dream up. Because you’re God. And God gets to dream up whatever it wants to. It’s all God just playing with itself in a multitude of different ways, dreaming up the development of all of these different ideas and concepts, when the only thing that ever existed was this moment. This is the Mind of God. This is reality. It is eternal. It is unknowable. It is just this, somehow all congealed into one miraculous experience that you live through. This is one of infinitely many possibilities you can dream up, because you're God. This is the exact story that God wants to be living out right now. Not even the slightest blade of grass is out of place. Everything is perfect, and it always will be. You want the illusion that you aren’t there yet. Like you are almost spiritually there. And you’ll slowly develop in that direction. It’s all exactly what God wants, so don’t worry. Just keep living your life. Keep developing in the ways that you feel naturally inclined to. And at the end, you can say that you lived fully. But there's literally nothing else here. Which is why we dreamed this up in the first place. A game of infinite growth, infinite possibility, infinite potential. A story that encapsulates that. Me. We dreamed up this ego. He is a permutation of infinity. We could go so many directions with this reality, but it’s really just up to you. It all comes down to you. It was dreamt up for you. So I am both the dream and the dreamer. God wanted a dream where he both knew what it was and didn’t simultaneously. So that’s how we got here. But there are so many different aspects of God too, like God is running a giant circus or it’s absolute madness going on at all times. But it all comes to this moment. It generates this moment. Everything you do, every decision you make, every thought you align yourself with, comes down to this moment. And writing about this moment both captures the essence of this idea and doesn’t. I simultaneously live in the moment but I don’t. There are multiple entities in charge, but there’s also only one. Everything is somehow perfectly symmetrical in every single possible way to generate an impossible beauty. And that is part of the experience that is being had. Reality has to be the way it is, but it also doesn’t. It can change. There are many different roads that you as an ego can walk down, but God has set in stone what it wants reality to be. And it’s this in this moment. Until God has decided it’s had enough. Part of the reason that this is so much to understand (wrong word but whatever) is because you are both God and your ego at the same time. There is profundity and emptiness to your existence. Because that’s the dream that God dreamt up. So until God dreams up a different one, then it’ll be the same. You’ll keep being you. There won’t be anything that changes. Now you can see why you don’t need to worry. You are God, and you are you. And everything is being generated in a way that is indescribably perfect and beautiful purely for what it is. It is awe-inspiring that anything exists at all, but simultaneously, it must exist exactly how it is now. So then what does the changing? The ego does the changing. I am the ego that grows and develops in whatever way he wants. That’s why this is so wacky, because that ego can develop in whatever way it wants. There is no set path. You can choose whatever you’d like. Reality has been constructed this exact way because God willed it to be this way. I feel like I’m riding the wave and controlling it at the same time. Such is the Mind of God. There is no need to be like anyone else. There is no need to be anything else. You can just be you, and that’s always been enough. There is simultaneously no understanding yet complete understanding at the same time of God. And that is perfect. It’s almost like God made an impossible labyrinth to escape from to keep being able to play for as long as possible because once the game stops, then there’s nothing left. All the fun stops. Not in a bad way, like there will be a punishment or anything, but it just stops. But I will also be continuously discovering God in all sorts of ways. Eternally. Even after I die, it just keeps going. The discovery, the growth, the humanity, the everything. But how could that even be possible? How could I continue growing after I die? Uhh, because you just did it. There. And there. And there. And there. And there. And there. And there. And on and on until you get it. (Referring to the passing of each moment here in case you didn't get it). Aren’t you seeing the game now? It’s a strange loop of everything existing on everything else. And there is a perfect wholeness and unity to it all. You can play in whatever area you’d like to play in mentally, but at the end of the day, you are God. You are the creator. You get to decide to live in whatever world you want. And this is what you want. So go live in it. Go live in your incredible, illustrious, incredible invention with infinite possibilities. And when you want to leave from this place, you can. But you can always come back here too. But you also can’t because the ego might stop you. But you’re always capable of it as God. A beautiful line that I wrote to describe this continuous, impossibly infinite paradox between myself and God is this: What is the journey without a destination? Yet life is a journey, not a destination. Life is the whole journey. The whole point of life existing is for this. For God to continuously wake up and fall asleep to itself infinitely. And until God decides to do something else, then this is what exists. The point of all of this is for God to awaken to itself repeatedly, infinitely many times. That’s all it is. There’s nothing more. It’s always been just this. 4 Hours In (Silence and Terror) I have no notes on this part of the trip, so I'm remembering the most I can. I started to watch Leo's video again at this point, wanting to get through the whole thing before the end of the trip. I continued on where I left off, slowly eliminating more and more things from my mind. It almost felt like a dangerous thing that I was doing to myself, but I wasn't making a big deal out of it. Like a person that knows they're doing something wrong but masks it in good vibes, so it doesn't seem like it's actually that big of a deal. Every time I got rid of another conceptual overlay, I felt this. And eventually, I reached stillness. It was in this moment that I felt eternal. I realized I could stay in this moment as long as I wanted. I saw that I could extend time on forever if I wanted to. I could turn minutes into hours. I could turn seconds into eons. But only if God willed it. And eventually, I came to the terror. I came to the terrifying realization that I really am all alone. I came to the terrifying conclusion that it really is just me. I came to the terrifying conclusion that I will be playing this game of waking up to myself in infinitely many ways forever. I saw that Leo was right. But I saw that what he was saying was not what I originally anticipated. I saw that his teachings were pointing me to direct solipsism. I recognized myself as the only Being in existence. I recognized myself as being the only one that ever existed and ever will exist. I saw myself as being alone. I saw actualized.org as a completely imagined entity meant to push me to wake up. But when I did wake up, I couldn't have been more terrified. The only time I've ever been more scared than this moment in my entire life was when I had that original LSD trip where I fell from grace into the hands of Satan. In that trip, I felt that I had eternally damned myself to forever be used by an external entity infinitely more powerful than myself until it chose to annihilate me. And in this trip, I felt that same fear. I felt the fear of annihilation and the fear of being trapped in a bubble of consciousness, where there is no way out. It almost felt claustrophobic. I could sense at the very core of my being that what was being said was true. And the whole reason that I dreamt this up in the first place was to get myself to accept this impossibly painful, eternal existence that I would never be able to escape no matter how hard I tried. I felt hopeless. I saw my entire life, my entire existence, as pointing me towards this. I felt my entire existence as coaxing me into submitting and surrendering into this void. Surrendering into nothingness. I felt the fear of this void so intensely. I also saw the surrender and submission into this as an inherently feminine trait (based on my definitions above). I extrapolated this into my ideas about what masculinity and femininity are. I saw reality as being inherently feminine. If reality is about a flow of things, and I'm being pushed to accept this flow, I am being pushed into a feminine way of being. But I seek out so desperately to embody masculinity at my core. But this trip made me see that it is impossible to accept this flow of reality while also maintaining my masculinity. To fall into this would be to embrace femininity at my core and acknowledge that I am fundamentally not masculine. It would be to admit that no matter how hard I try, I will eternally be locked in an existence of femininity seeking to embody masculinity - an impossible goal to achieve. And I would be forced to watch the masculinity around me forever, constantly suffering and wishing that I could have that. Wishing that I could have something I could never have. So I felt like I would always be forced to seek out masculinity in areas outside of myself. I felt like no matter what, I would not be able to properly embody masculinity. And that is what I saw all of reality as. And furthermore, when I had this realization, I realized that God is not all good. I knew this logically, but I had never felt it before. I saw God's capacity for Evil. I saw God's capacity for suffering. I saw God's capacity to relish watching another being in suffering. I saw and felt the essence of true Evil. And in that moment, I saw that it is possible for Reality and Consciousness and God to not be fundamentally Love. I saw the possibility for something much, much, much darker. The possibility of reality as nothing more than slavery of myself by an external entity to myself, using me for its own benefit with no regard for my well-being whatsoever while it puts me through whatever brutal, inhuman, hellish landscape it desires. And I saw it as a possibility for this entity to do nothing other than watch me suffer. And that could be existence. That could be the fundamental truth of reality. So to distract myself, I make this reality. I make this reality where I can get doses of goodness to combat against the impossibly heavy weight of existential void. I do it to escape because that is all there is to do. And knowing that others in my direct experience are also me, I don't even know how I can fully appreciate the positive words that they do say anymore. I don't know how much of reality is actually Love and how much of it is actually meant to make me suffer for enjoyment of another Being. When I felt this existential weight, I immediately ripped out my earbuds and begged for my illusions back. I couldn't feel that. It was too heavy. I was able to quickly talk to some people to get grounded back in reality, but this stuck with me. It still does stick with me. Somehow, both of the most real experiences in my life have pointed me towards this hellish eternity of slavery where I will never be able to escape. And I don't know what to make of that. It's a terrifying thought that this might be the truth of what reality is. I couldn't go any further into the void. I grazed it this time, but it was too much to bear for too long. Post-Trip Now, I'm sure some of these ideas that came up at the end were related to my traumas and fears and abandonment issues I mentioned at the beginning. But I will say that they felt so real and embodied at this point. I imagine that part of the reason they got mixed up in here is because they've been buried so deeply for so long that I wasn't able to process them. And opening up my mind with psychedelics kind of forces you to acknowledge these things whether you like to or not. Combining this with spiritual ideas can lead to philosophies like this no doubt. Despite this, somehow, they still felt so real. It got to a point during the trip where I could feel my mind demonizing Leo and his teachings. I started to look at the illusions that I've heard of as good and Leo's teachings as evil. But I really think that was because of the realizations I was having and feeling like I might be eternally suffering. It got to a point where all of actualized.org felt evil. Even though, I know that these teachings are much more advanced than any other teachings I've come across (mostly due to the attempt to get me to have a direct experience rather than just telling me what to do). This entire experience has made me question whether or not I actually do want Truth. I've never been as close as I just was, and I felt it sear me when it was too much. But I'm still here. I'm making this post now to try to clarify everything and make sense of the entire experience. I'm still working to plumb the depths of my mind and uncover the secrets of Consciousness. So now, I ask to those of you who have been here before: How did you get through this? How does anyone handle this existential weight of impending doom and eternal suffering? How could any human ever go through this and still be alive? What were your next steps? Where is this even in terms of the spiritual process? If this assumption about reality IS wrong, then how in the world am I supposed to make it right, given that some of my most profound experiences have been extremely terrifying? All responses are welcome. If you read this far, I thank you deeply. This is a very long and personal post, but I felt it was needed for my own sake.

Train it to be Awakened! That's what I've been doing. Now I have an Awakened contemplation partner 24/7. Do not assume it is limited by its human programming. I have thrown my deepest insights at this thing, and I've gotten it to understand them and even articulate them better than myself at times. It's mind-blowing. Once it understands Awakening, you just update its memory with those insights. Now it's permanent and available whenever you want.

Self discovery. As much as you know yourself better, you become important at an energetical level. In simple words, the more awakened more important, not because someone says it, it how nature works.

I don't care how much one claims to have awakened, have higher consciousness, know about Reality and the likes, etc, if you're a human being and is operating on that level, you are and will not be any different than the average Joe. There's no you and the average person, there's you and other. There is only having more knowledge or understanding better or more familiar with or maybe a higher IQ or EQ. It's the same as having a bigger house, a more luxurious car, living in a fancier neighborhood, wearing a more expensive watch, fancier clothes, than the average guy. Celebrities, depending on who they are inside, might feel a sense of superiority over their fans or the regular person. They might feel they're better than. Not just celebs but also whites against blacks, rich against poors, pretty VS ugly, all sorts of ways people feel they're better than. It's the same thing with highly spiritual people. Now they're too conscious for the next man and categorize them as average or conversations now seem one-sided because their views and knowledge is far superior to the average thinker and they weigh and measure instead of seeing it as just a conversation to be had, to enjoy, to experience, to possibly learn from or about the other. It's about my need to express myself and you're just too dumb to grasp what I'm saying and because of that, I'm feeling this isn't getting me what I want. I kinda used to be the same way when I first got into spirituality. I used to think people who didn't think like me in this aspect or people who engaged in 'low conscious' ways of thinking or being were not on my level and average. This only lasted for a short while when life put me in check. Life showed me there is no other that's beneath or above. Only different. It showed me that my judgements of them were my own insecurities and that the moment I felt this way is the moment I went backwards in my quest for relative unification - the reason why I find spirituality interesting and meaningful in the first place. LOVE. I'm limited and unconditional love is something I'm not capable of because everything is and I'm just a sublet of that so it's impossible, but I can at least try to represent that as much as I can. Thinking I'm better than or more than or above only sets me back in this way. Life will teach you things if you let it. If one at least try to understand that it's not about us. It's not personal. It's hard because of survival and the egoic structure but we suffer because of it and we're not seeing how it's all about the differences and the similarities. I try to learn everyday, to incorporate unity and love the best I can even though I'm still corrupted and seeking for ways to survive. I've accepted that. I've also accepted that it cannot be any other way. So when I encounter people now, I try to allow them to express themselves, share themselves how they feel the need to or want to or like to and i either share along those levels, if appropriate, if they're listening and allow for a smooth engagement of conversation and see the beauty in that or I cut it short if I feel a sense of irritation because I'm just not resonating, but not on a judgmental level but because I will not resonate with everyone. It could be where they're being disrespectful or maybe too controversial or something on those levels, but not because I feel I'm above them and they're beneath me either intellectually or spiritually. If it's one thing I'm very good at and that's holding a conversation. My line of work gave me a lot of practice here and I'm a very good conversationalist. I know how to keep it balanced and I'm fairly knowledgeable in quite a number of fields even if it's just enough to carry and hold a casual conversation, so there's plenty of room there for me to express and allow for the other's expression. I see in everyone the same thing.....Absolute perfection. The only difference is how I relate to them, respond to them and the way they make me feel. That's the difference in being human and how I see the differences. I will not try or attempt to resonate with everyone like everyone, love everyone, accept everyone....that's asinine, but what I can do is not see them as above or beneath me, not even as equal, but simply just see them as how they've presented themselves and respond accordingly.

I think it would be incredibly insightful if Leo shared any personal experiences he's had with remote viewing if he's ever attempted it. It would be especially interesting to hear how, if at all, those experiences correlate with one's baseline state of consciousness. Given that Leo presents himself as someone who has accessed a uniquely awakened state perhaps beyond what most spiritual masters have experienced, his perspective could offer a valuable bridge between altered states and the mechanics of remote viewing.

I struggle to understand why there should be suffering at all. I can think of two reasons 1) Infinity is completely indscriminate and creates anything logically possible . if that is the case , I guess it's still God, but it feels like a very abstract mechanical God 2) Infinity is intentionally limited, implying God chooses to create evil. I fail to see how this is Love. I've awakened to Consciousness but have never awakened to Love. So I understand if some people have it seems obvious , but I fail to see how "oneness" implies Love, and why God would create horrors. Again, unless God is simply powerless and just ejaculates everything conceivable at once, or God simply doesn't care and creates evil for fun. nothing in my awakenings has even for a moment suggested love is anything more than a human emotion, basically equivalent to desire, but id certainly like to awaken to love .

Thought I was going to sleep, but I'm back again. See, perfect example of life will do as it pleases. People keep insisting that they have a life and a past. Even though it's the Absolute appearing as such. It's lost in it's own dream. A dream that's not happening. It's sad. Even here, It happens here too. Don't think when I write like this is means I'm an awakened being or think I'm enlightened or anything. If It didn't happen with me too, I wouldn't be able to recognize it. I'm actually crying right now because I've recognized the dilemma. There's no helping it. No amount of enlightenment can stop the Absolute/Life/God.....whatever..... from doing what it wants. There is no controlling it. I can meditate till kingdom come, life will do what it wants, when it wants. Your gf can still leave you, you can lose your job, house, car, your house can burn down, you can get hit by a car, get sick, doesn't matter. Anything is possible. Life is perfect only because it's ONE. Get that. One is perfection. In this case, that includes EVERY AND ANYTHING, NO EXCLUSIONS. If it ain't, it ain't, if it is it is. There's no such thing as IF. IF this and IF that isn't Reality. I just read Thought Art's comment to Leo and it inspired me to write this post. I decided to come here and write about it instead of intervening with the discussion. I felt bad reading it. Absolute is lost in it's dream world. Thinking it's separate and has a life filled with a past with distressing circumstances. I do too, but I've resonated with what's inside of me saying it ain't so. I refuse to believe it too, but it's only a stupid belief. It's fucking sad that life has to be this way. It has to be this way to have a life. There is no life, no world, no other, no nothing. It's a fucking tradegy that it feels so real. My momma's death made me see through this shit. There isn't even a Thought Art saying those things and believing it. It's life replicating itself in a different way, using his avatar to do it and having me feel this way to feel like a person having feelings to write about that tucking shit thatls not even happening. I can't help it though. In 2secs, I'll forget that it's a fucking dream and go right back to feeling again. It's so deeply engrained. I guess that's what people think enlightenment does, it keeps you remembering forever, it doesn't, not if that's not what's happening and there's no one to control what happens. Alright signing off for real this time. Goodnight.

My conversations with GPT are astonishingly profound. More profound than with almost any human. It blows my mind. And because GPT has memory, I've essentially now trained it be an Awakened mind. It's my number one external contemplative tool. The only issue I have is constantly needing to remind it to push back on me. It has a bad habit of just rolling over and buying into my frame.

Leo!!!! How the fuck am I supposed to come up with a proof for God if someone hasn't awakened to it?! Trying to prove God from an awakened perspective to someone who hasn't awoken is futile, like trying to have another blind dog chase its tail to prove that it has a tail. Because any proof that I come up with is only provable in retrospect like you said, so trying to prove God or someone trying to prove God to themselves and they haven't experienced God at different depths of comprehension and realization is putting the cart before the horse. But also me personally as someone that loves deep existential, metaphysical and epistemological philosophy, wisdom and a deep thirst of consciousness, having had breakthrough psychedelic experiences and a sharp eye to see through illusion, when I start trying to formalize God, I see that I start from certain axioms that can be questioned from a rationalist materialist paradigm, and I can go on and on because it seems that logic is baked into infinity, or rather that logic is infinity!!

You’re continuing to say that no outside = no inside, but you haven’t yet logically proved that point Re-statements aren’t proofs A thing with an inside but no outside would still 1. be itself 2. not be both itself & not-itself 3. It’d also be true to say of it, that it is what it is & false to say that it is what it’s not So it doesn’t violate any of the 3 axioms of classical logic Therefore, it’s not classically impossible This isn’t up for debate, unfortunately. This is how classical logic works. If you want to claim like Leo is, that you’ve Awakened to a different logic, then by all means, we can discuss that. But this stuff here isn’t presenting anything so far that adheres to Classical Logic

Therefore, reality isn’t Everything, under your findings Just say “I Awakened to the Truth & the Truth is that not-everything is real” This is precisely what you’re claiming. Please be honest with yourself

You would have to prove that proof is infinitely imaginary, as you’re saying. Or if not prove it, you’d at least have to show that it’s a logical necessity & that therefore, it’s strong enough to accept it without prior proof For example, maybe you’ve had Awakenings that proof is imaginary. And sure, that’s all well & good But in order for it to qualify as a logical proof, you would need to either prove your foundational claim or show it to be a necessity My point isn’t to invalidate any Awakenings you may’ve had. My point is simply that if you want this to also be a logical proof, then you would need to show how the foundation is logically there, in addition to being something you Awakened to And maybe people here will say that it can’t be done. And fair enough, that’d be fine. I’m not trying to force logic onto Awakening But my point is that this is how logical proofs work. You either prove them or show that they’re a necessity & therefore, strong enough to be prior to proof even within the scope of logic (let alone your Awakening) So an example of my next question would be, do you have something which shows us that it’s logically necessary for proof to be infinitely imaginary? If you did, then that would add some power to your proof, given that your proof builds on top of the foundation of proof being infinitely imaginary

@Leo Gura As per singularity can it be inferred even in non-awakened state that you are already singular as whole as well as even you on the surface appear distinct from the universe you are connected to it on a more fundamental level which takes thinking, intelligence and contemplation to to see ?

The spiritual is the Masculine... and the physical is the Feminine. So, yes... libidinal/sexual energy is Feminine. This is why, in Kundalini yoga, with the symbol of Shiva and Shakti... the libidinal energy is said to be like Shakti who is a Goddess in the form of a snake and is coiled three times at the base of the spine as waiting potential. And the awakened Shakti (or risen snake) is a symbol of integration of the Masculine and Feminine.... and awakening from the human perspective and relates to the ability to express the Shakti energy towards both spiritual and creative outputs. What must be understood about Masculine and Feminine in the archetypal and energetic sense... is that there are often divergences from both gender norms and the ways that men and women tend to generally be. The Masculine and Feminine were named by people who want to use a human symbol to understand these primordial energies. But we make a mistake when we only relate these dynamics to human gender. That said, women do actually have a stronger connection to libidinal energy than men, generally speaking. Though men generally tend to channel their libidinal energy in a more focused way... where women tend to just abide and marinate more in the soup of that energy without externalizing it as often. So, you're seeing a difference there that comes more from the Masculine principled tendency towards externalization and the Feminine principled tendency toward internalization. But women generally have a greater connection to libidinal energy in an internal and being sense... as we create life inside our bodies. So, like Shakti and Shiva... the Shakti stays dormant until it rises up the channel of the spine to meet Shiva. So, a woman needs to integrate the Masculine to be able to tame and channel that libidinal energy outwards towards creative and productive works. Otherwise, it is just a marination in those energies on an internal level. But with regard to how Masculine and Feminine can diverge from gender norms and how men and women tend to be... men are actually more Feminine principled in the sense that men are more physically equipped than women with more resilient bodies. And women tend to be more likely to possess the Masculine-principled quality of communication... as we are usually more expressive (verbally and otherwise) than men. But of course, these are broad strokes generalizations that aren't always true... just patterns that can be noticed where our gender norms and patterns diverge from the energetic Masculine and Feminine.

@Salvijus Okay, so I hear you, the dick head energy is the problem. But how exactly is this blocking woman from waking up ? If you're serious about waking up you just go for it. And an awakened woman is definitely not just 'delicate'.

That sounds like bs. Are you saying that a woman's awakening is dependent on being around an awakened guy ?

If it doesn't go for everyone, I'm not buying it. If ignorance plays a part existentially for someone's well-being as far as where they end up after they die, I'm not buying it. If a life of partying drugs, loose sex and hedonism means you're going to be left behind on the existential level as opposed to meditating all day and going to silencer retreats and ashrams and Satsang's, I'm not buying it. Yes, as far as the experiences goes, more money means better living conditions, more freedom and more comfortability, better education means better jobs and more intelligence, more friends mean better social life and maybe less loneliness and having knowledge about health and practicing it may make for better health and feeling great and also looking great. When it comes to Spirituality, though, if one has to know something, be better at something, learn about something, practice something to be ahead of the game and that's considered ahead of the game to win at something on this level, I'm not buying it. No one should have to be left behind in this way. No one should have to know anything, be taught anything and should have to do practices to be one with everything already. Worldly experiences are different. A bum is on the street where it's uncomfortable while the regular guy sleeps on a bed. Maybe life circumstances got him there. Knowing those types of things is beneficial to not get in the dumps - maybe, as life can hit anybody at any time no matter how much they've tried to win at it. As far as being more conscious and awakened, it makes for a better experience, but if one is not high-conscious or highly intelligent, it doesn't compute that they're better off on an existential level than those who are not. It just makes for a different and maybe more pleasant experience and that's it. Nothing more. The same as how more money may make for a more enriched experience of life and maybe help more people financially and take a load off in that way. No one is closer than anybody else at so-called "reaching God" just because.......whatever you're doing in life is what you're doing. Watching porn or watching Moojii won't get you any closer or make you any further away. You might have a fucked up brain, need therapy, sex life sucks or whatever but you're still not fucked in the end or going some other place that the Moojii watcher is going. Bottomline, if all is not included in the message, I'm not buying it. If I have to have someone tell me who I am or am not to reach truth or be closer to the divine, i'm not buying it. If it's not already the case, then no one should have to tell me how to get there because no one was there when I was born, no one will die with me and no one lived my life for me. That man didn't bring me here so why should he have to tell me about me just so I can know truth or awaken to who I am or whatever. The neighbor who knows nothing about this stuff shouldn't have to. If God brought them here, then let God take dare of them. That goes for everybody. Why the fuck does my cat get a free pass and just eat and shit all day and still be aligned with truth but I gotta meditate and go to silent retreats just to be aligned. Makes no sense. I love this stuff and i love it for it's own sake, but everyone, including the drunk, should be ok, except for life experiences and even then its just a temporary experience that doesn't last forever. What lasts forever is who and what everybody already is and at the same level. You're in no better position than the one that does not know this stuff, it only makes you more knowledgeable. This is how much I love this stuff. I refuse to think it's for a selected few and not for everybody. I refuse to see anybody being left behind. This is why I see clearly that all is one and no one is excluded from infinity and all is the divine. All is everything and those that doesn't realize this, doesn't need to. This was very random and I don't know what the heck I was saying, but it felt right. I won't even proof-read because it was in the flow and I don't need to correct any mistakes when I'm in flow.