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My faith gets renewed every day. It feels wonderful. The physical realm is limited and full of doubts and concerns. But this realm is liberating, a true definition of peace. ?.fecundity123 Finally it's like heaven is here. As above so below. Remove all dissonance and live in the spiritual world. Now I understand why people do drugs, because they want to escape and feel the spiritual. They are tired of the physical and its limitations. But in the spirit, it's bliss and peace. They want to escape and forget all the mess. This world is like a school that kids don't want to go to cuz they are too tired with all its weirdness and harsh truths. Now they wanna have some fun and escape this matrix. They are tired of the expectations and the demands and the judgment. They are tired of a world of false promises and betrayals. They are tired of working so hard that they lose themselves. And the happiness if any is so transient that it wasn't worth all the trouble. This is harmful because you want the cake and can't have it and finally when you do it tastes weird or the feeling doesn't last too long. It keeps you in a perpetual state of restlessness of either wanting more, or regretting what you got for yourself with extreme effort. In the end the boredom is terrible and the happiness has fled and it feels like "much ado about nothing" and all the pain and effort that went into creating the happiness wasn't worth it. So a lot of people seek comfort in spirituality which is stable and permanent and doesn't mess with your emotions and gives you a steady form of happiness devoid of all the physical limitations and imperfections. The question of boredom doesn't arise because the feeling is semi permanent and keeps you grounded. Physical happiness is like hunger you are going to get hungry again. Spiritual happiness is like a state of calm like a piano music lasting for hours and leaves you feeling relieved and peaceful. Spiritual happiness is like a wonderful dream. When you are on a spiritual plane, there are angels to guide you and you are lifted above the physical state and the physical state becomes less and less important. And it's like an escape from the physical world. It's an antidote to the physical world. And it's a healthy escape. There is nobody to destroy the happiness in the spiritual world. The need for love. This need is very painful. But spirituality fulfills it and keeps you grounded. It makes you feel full. Functions or benefits of spirituality :- 1. Escape from the physical world or distress 2. An antidote to the physical world 3. Peace and lasting fulfillment 4. Spiritual fulfillment. The soul or spirit has been pacified and fulfilled and no longer restless after death . Walk in the path of light. Not falling through the cracks. 5. Bridge between physical and spiritual 6. Breakdown of social and world illusions. Helps with attaining mental maturity. 7. Narrows down the focus to vital necessities of life. 6. Assistance to survival in the physical world through manifestation of desires and needs.. 7. Satisfies the hunger for love. 8. Powerful antidote to self esteem issues. 9. Source of Permanent long lasting happiness Follow God, worship and begin your deep friendship with him because he doesn't want you to fall through the cracks. He is your savior. And even if the physical realm failed you, God will keep you content spiritually. Thus you will face the consequences of physical limitations but you will die and it will be over however your spirit will continue to rest peacefully. If you do not follow the light and path shown by God, then your soul or spirit will continue to remain dissatisfied even when the physical suffering is over. That's why you need to walk in light.

@Joseph Maynor Great answer. I specially agree with the part where you said that Turquoise is attached with positively impacting maya. It's funny because whenever I mention this (that their attachment is yet another ego illusion) to Turquoise individuals they ignore me, much like how lower stages ignore advice that can shatter their own attachments. You seem to have the Sat (being-ness) and Cit (intelligence) aspects of the Self realized. Have you made any headways in realizing the last aspect, ananda (bliss)? I can't say that I have ever had to go through the dark night of the soul. I certainly did have to go through the dark night of the mind (which you called your first dark night of the soul) where I couldn't figure out what I was independent of the ego. Also, when realization finally dawned, it wasn't as shocking an experience as most people seem to have (judging by the "I am enlightened" posts here which are in abundance). But I guess that was because my ego had never had that tight a grip over me. I had always been doubting and seeking since childhood.

@MM1988 Not anymore, I wouldn't trade places with them. Satisfaction from having a family, experience with girls, sex, doing drugs etc. Those are all concepts and behind them, as a fundamental thing that you want is bliss, well being, positive state of the mind if you would now get infinite bliss - none of those concepts would bother you. You know what I mean If you're truly a nihilist. From the net hedonism perspective, spirituality wins. EDIT btw. why heroin? If you want to enter a low inhibition god mode do meth + benzos

A big thank you Leo for that one. I've requested it I guess 2.5 years ago. It was well worth the wait! Probably as important as your "most shocking truth you'll ever hear" video. Yes, the people concentrate on the no-self and think that they already know what love is... To me, love is easier to get you to no-self than the other way around. Practice it every day, like going to the gym, you'll get instant results! By expending love outwardly, the fear based inner dialogue vanishes and you become the infinite. What is Love ? “Real love is to love them that hate you.” Mahatma Gandhi “Accustomed long to contemplating love and compassion and I have forgotten all differences between others and myself” Milarepa What you think love is, is what you got from your culture, if you are a scientist or atheist, love is a romantic or sentimental emotion. But love is more fundamental than maths and physics. The universe is a giant mind, it has capacity to love. Love is a universal property. Just like intelligence, love is a facet of the absolute. Truth, consciousness and love are the three components of the trinity of the absolute, in hindouisme Sat Chit Ananda. It is really one thing, but you can discover them individually or collectively. Enlightenment is having the insight of no-self, but not only, you have to feel infinite love too. Of course you can have those emotions that are love based but what is love on the metaphysical level? Truth is love. Why is truth not neutral? Consciousness, intelligence and love are not accidental by-products of the evolutionary process. They are qualities of the univers. You are not in the universe, you are the universe. Love is infinite and unlimited. but the ego is in the way. Love is absolute acceptance of everything, it is to love all reality without exceptions, not being able to imagine what evil is, considering it as an impossibility. You don’t know what evil is anymore, you love everything so much, there is no more room left for evil to exist, because you have love the evil to death, you are conscience of the beauty of creation. It is the surrender of the self, the dissolution of all boundaries. The beauty of dissolving into infinity is greatest peace and bliss that you can imagine. Death is love, God is love. God meaning the univers or reality. A good way to think about life, is to take life as a love simulator, where the goal is to be the most loving humain being possible, becoming conscious of the beauty of creation. This is the most difficult thing to do. But why is there so much bad stuff going on in that simulation? Because the goal of the simulation is to love everything, even the bad stuff, like a computer game where there are obstacles in the way, you got to be at ease with them. That is the most difficult thing to do because the obstacles are actually to get completely over yourself, surrender yourself, die to the truth and then you can die happy and peacefully. Love cannot be purchase, their is no magic pill solution, you have to develop your capacity to love but also to the hard stuff. Most people love to love the easy stuff, like food family, people who love them etc… what about the rest? That what fulfills you.. Here is an exercice to open the heart chakra: Imagine something you love and magnify, expend out that feeling onto all of reality. Transmute that narrow love into universal love for all of existence for the privilege of being able to be here conscious and alive. Expend it out of your chest, like your are a fountain of love. Love means practice, you need to trigger it on command, you are a creator of love, don’t wait to get it from external sources. The true test of your love is the ability to love evil and all the stuff that is against you, so that your love is unconditional. To love is to be not judgmental. The universe loves itself unconditionally, you got to align with that love. Spirituality is the art of love. It is a set of practices and concept which helps you to increase your capacity to love with the ultimate aim to get to an infinite capacity to love. That is true spirituality! Loving stuff that serves the ego’s agenda is what most people experience as what love is. The ego only knows how to love conditionally. The ego is always afraid of dissolving the bounderies of the separation it has created towards the infinite. You or your ego feels confortable being small and finite. The opposite of love is: egotism, narcissism, fear, hate, judgment, unconsciousness, violence, intolerance, manipulation, tribalism, exploitation, ignorance, close-mindedness and division. You can’t love if you are preoccupied with food, status, sex, survival, success ideology, politics, money, addiction, drugs, religions or logic. Nobody wants to give up his ideology because we think we are right. That is what is in the way of being all loving. The religious people loves to hate the atheists and vice versa, white people loves to hate the black people and vices versa, christians-muslim, republicans-democrats and so on. What is hate? In a sense hate is not the opposite of love, as love is actually everything. How to account for hate and evil then? It is simply excessive love of the self, the ego. Hate is a form of love. Love can have different aspect like water, the solid form would be hate, the liquid form the egoic love, and gaseous form would be the unconditional, divine love. You love your family conditionally which means you love them because they serve you in certain ways. Every evil person acts out of love. Hitler acted out of love towards his ego. Hitler’s ego and Germany’s national ego which created this division between them and the world. Like a total narcissist. Because the ego is so fragmented, it is not able to love itself fully. A person who hates is incapable of loving himself, he denies and suppressed other parts of himself and then projects those out to the outside world. By rejecting the truth of unity in existence, a racist has to reject and demonize the people outside, and unconsciously, he also hates himself. What part of yourself do you deny or suppress, what part of your body of your personality don’t you like? We need to rise above the survival game of outcompeting the other, and being willing to die if necessary. The ego or the devil flips everything around. The ego or the devil convinces himself that by hating others, that he is actually doing good. And the devil has infiltrated all major religions, so that a lot religious people think that to hate others, non believers or else, is good and that to love their tribe is the point of religion. Closed minded, opinionated, judgmental, superficial, addicted, needy, ideological, success oriented, arrogant, and fearful people cannot love. Love in spiral dynamics: Stage purple: tribal form of love, they love their tribe would fight for defending their tribe Stage red: A twisted, a narcissistic form of love, which takes the form of violence, conquest, dictatorship, punishment, vengeance, power, which is not the opposite of love Stage blue: The orthodox & religious state. Love your country, ethnicity, community, a love to hate evil and evil doers, following rules, law and order, idol worship, the man in the sky, a love for one religion, not all religions Stage orange: Love of rationality, science, IQ, analysis, materialism, liberty, individuality, achievement and success, fun, money, sex, fame, libertarians… Stage green: Love for all people, animals, races, cultures, femininity, environment, community, social justice, willingness to sacrifice for the community. Green sees the importance of loving oneself Stage yellow: diversity of knowledge and system thinking, open mindedness Stage turquoise: Love all beings, the entire ecosystem, you understand that you are God, you have the power of true unconditional love, you are able to love suffering, ignorance, evil, unconditional love, you love ego, illusion and Maya, you’ve experienced the truth and you love that global community. To move from one stage to another: -Do the exercice to open the heart chakra, visualise your self being more loving, fill yourself with love as you would do with a mindful relaxation exercice, feel more love. -Suffering, strong determination sitting, solo meditation retreats, psychedelics including bad trips, facing your fears, every fear you have is roadblock towards you being infinitely loving, and the ultimate fear being the fear of death. -Practice acceptance, non judgment and surrendering, being more kind, giving, caring and vulnerable, especially being vulnerable will help tremendously, build unconditional self-love, love your body entirely, feel love in difficult times like when someone hurt you, study role models like Gandhi, Christ, Zen masters and many others. Being more loving doesn’t mean everything will go your way or that you will even stay alive, yes you can get hurt (Gandhi was beaten down). Allow yourself to cry. When some people have a dense level of love, which means that they hate, they are going to hate you for your love. Your love becomes a threat to them! A lot of loving leaders got murdered that way. As an orthodox, you don’t want to admit that love and evil, God and the devil are actually the same thing. Your orthodox religion is corrupted by the devil. You were told not to worship idols, that the kingdom of heaven is within, to love your neighbor as yourself… what do think that means? Make sure when you love, you never do it because you have to or because you should. You have to genuinely love reality, you don’t fake that. Be careful with the “fake it until you make it” approach, as long you have a sens of ego, you are not able to love unconditionally, the ego is by definition a division. The ego wants to build a protective castle and in doing so, you separate yourself from the world. You have to surrender all ideologies, beliefs, religion and beliefs in God, that is the cost. You can burn the candle from both end: -Pursue awakening on hand (self-enquirery, yoga, meditation, contemplation) -Practice to be more loving -Practice to have a real smile vs a fake one. Practice make yourself feel the joy and happiness. -Practice compassion. -Total acceptance for the ignorance of mankind. Evil is always created by ignorance. -Understanding that hatred is a form of love A common person use 5% of their love. You want to transform the quality of your life? Tap into love! You can’t really do it because you are too weak, narcissist, scared, selfish, left brained, wrapped up in ideologies, opinions, judgments, fighting for social justice, as that race, for that religions, you have ennemies. To be a powerful leader, you got to be a powerful lover, otherwise you become a tyrant and hated. Love requires the greatest courage, it is something you have to work for. There needs to be a commitment to transform yourself as a more loving person. Loving people have a great sense of purpose in their life, they don’t get abused and have strong boundaries so that they don’t let the egotism of others drag them down. To be loving you need to be up-lifting. Your homework assignment: Look at how and why your love is conditional, look how you cherrypick. Make a list of your fears that are holding you back to be more loving with this person, with that situation, political matter… Why aren’t you able to love more? What are you afraid of? Is it the fear of what others think of you? When you see how much conditional your love is, you will start to see opportunities to turn that around.

It sounds like you made a lot of progress. You were sexual with a prostitute. In a sense, you did "finish". You didn't back out or freak out halfway through and leave. You gave your all and were engaged through the whole process. Regarding "game". Be genuine. You may want to work on composure a bit. Nobody wants to be so nervous on a date that they start shaking and break down - spilling their drink as they babble about their masturbation habits. Yet, it doesn't sound like you are going to become some smooth guy that can sweep a woman off her feet and fuck her senseless until she is too sore to take anymore. If you learn a bunch of pickup lines and strategies - would they feel natural to you? Or would it feel awkward and forced? Is that who you genuinely are? Some guys have this idea that they need to steer initial dates toward sex and close the deal within a couple dates. There are plenty of women that are fine going on several dates and getting to know a guy, then spending some time just fooling around. It doesn't have to be a high stakes scenario like you are a basketball player on the free-throw line with down 1 point with 2 seconds left in the game. Find someone you feel somewhat comfortable with. After a few dates, if the topic of sex comes up in conversation - perhaps casually mention that sex is special for you and sometimes you get a bit nervous. Some women will appreciate that. If some woman judges you as a loser, do you really want to try and have sex with her? The pressure would be really high. There are women that are much more chill and supportive. When I was your age, I had the opposite problem - premature ejaculation. One time I was with a more experienced woman. Things progressed fast and after the second date I found myself in her bedroom talking about books. I had anxiety and almost came before my pants even came off. It was literally three pumps and a squirt. I will never forget the look she gave me as she said "Did you come already??!!! You did, didn't you? Are you fucking serious? That's it?". . . It was an awful experience. Later, I met another gal and mentioned prior to sex that sometimes I come quickly. She replied "Sometimes that's fucking HOTT!! When I turn a guy on so much he can't hold back it makes me feel like a sexy". She then suggested that we could always do it a second and third time - that I would probably last longer. And guess what happened? I came after 5 seconds the first time and she thought it was hot. The second time I lasted about 5min. and then gradually increased my stamina. I wasn't a dynamo with intercourse, yet I knew I could improve my oral skills. I told women I dated that I wanted to get really good at giving oral sex. They were thrilled to let me practice on them. Most guys aren't into oral sex. They flap their tongue around a few times as they are thinking about moving on to intercourse. I learned how to give oral as if I was playing a musical instrument. You can send a woman into absolute bliss with skilled oral sex.

Never thought about that, haha. Yeah it makes sense when you see it from that perspective A friend told me her motivation came also through her suffering. Because of self-worth and because of the way she behaved in previous relationships which was the result of her low self-esteem. So the suffering was that man(society?) treated her poorly and she didnt wanted to accept this. Definitely, for me at least. Truth and understanding where a bigger motivator than bliss. I guess that realization that it all leads to bliss came far later for me. Although there is a certain gratification/fulfillment in deeply pondering reality by itself.

@Nondescript Welcome to the forum. You’re at the right place. Lots of people here sharing very similar experience, trying to make sense of things, and helping each other out. I relate a lot with what you shared. Specifically the ‘inconsistent reality’ of electronics. I agree with you, there is a higher power, and I suggest it is showing you the possibilities of tuning into the subtleties in ‘everyday reality’. In my experience, there is infinite intelligence, infinite love, at play. This infinity appears as objects, people, etc - everyday stuff. But it is not everyday stuff, it is a miracle. Sounds like you were fortunate enough to experience a big phat dose of this. We’re all a little jelly. ? Perhaps what you experienced, is at the least, on the fringe of nonduality, or maybe, a strong inclination of it. That will probably be confusing af for a bit, but ultimately, it is the most worthwhile discovery, and relationship possible. There is an ‘impression of me as an individual’ which gets purged, or purified, as the delusion of this begins to be noticed, and eventually realized. Doubts & fears will be triggered, because none of them are true, nor were they ever true. Love is true, you are true, all is well - is actually true. The brain’s gonna try to hang on to perspectives to the contrary of this. As it does, use everything at your disposal, meditation, exercise, videos by nonduality teachers, clean eating, and be as open and honest as you can - make use of the forum. As you’re continuing to wake up, careful with what you share with people who are deluded with duality, they will think you are crazy. You are certainly not crazy. This is going to lead to things so wonderful, that you can’t even imagine right now, and most people, unfortunately, will never relate or investigate for themselves. The forum is a fine community for sharing these things. Don’t suppress or ignore, share. Give Jim Carrey a search on Youtube. He’s done some ‘fractal outbursts’, etc, and it might be comforting to see someone else going through the phases of waking up. It’s not happening ‘in your head’, you are not psychotic, there is most definitly God ☺️. A book or two, and some videos on nonduality will reveal to you much peace. Meditation also. That is why this is happening. Because you’re ready, and you can handle it. You’re waking up, to the adventure of a lifetime, follow that tease, those breadcrumbs of bliss. All is well. It’s supposed to be fun - but that will always be up to you. This kinda sums of life nicely, doesn’t it?..... “physical manifestations along with mystical experience”

Dude, there's no paradise. If someone kills himself he's going to disappear forever. And lose all life opportunites. There's no paradise and no female virgins awaiting you in the afterlife. I'm the same age as you and I was very hopeless and demotivated a few years ago. You can do it. Reconnect with nature, find bliss in just taking a break in the park with a bicycle, or walking. Feel the connection with pets, if you have one; bond with friends. You are just reinforcing the negative beliefs and this pattern is making your ego TRICK you into believing that suicide is good. It's not good, dude. It's just your ego subjugating you, and enslaving you with pessimism. This will help a lot. WATCH IT.

interesting, I'm female and I am definitely more interested in people, I actually make people so I need to know a lot about them lol I became interested in enlightenment because of people at first I just needed to fix my life which was mainly problems (suffering) with certain people, it was not spiritual at first at all, but it led me there I'm also very interested in reality and how things work and in finding what is true and what is not true but I'm not interested in those things just to know I'm interested in them because of what they lead to which is bliss, that's what I want is some of that the same for men?

Having a purified heart is a necessity for living in divine bliss. Many have guarded hearts and that blocks their spiritual progress. I wholeheartedly recommend this.

The trickery of the mind is of no concern. My mind is silent and in bliss for the most part. I call upon it if i need to do something practical. I have gone past the "I-am" state. Alas this is how we communicate in English.

@yawning_ Thing is my dude, stuff happens when within samadhi. Gems are seen and doors are opened, figures approach you and share their truths. Sometimes they merge with you and sometimes they don't. So yes, things can be said about samadhi. I am strictly speaking about higher states of enlightenment. Of course many neo-advaitans tell me that once you are self-realize, there is nothing more to it. They vehemently reject the notion that there are stages to enlightenment and that there is more to it than just void. I'd say in response that unless you are living in bliss, then you haven't gotten the full package yet. If all you have is void, then you have seen Shiva but not the Shakti. My question to all of you is this: Do you wake up in the middle of the night as your true self, in a dreamless void, brimming with bliss? Have you had all your identification mechanisms utterly crushed, so utterly that someone had to tell you what your name was? Can you follow the trail of your memory to ages past? These are all achievable. So when I ask what is after turquoise, what I meant was at what level of enlightenment does it end and coral begin? Self-realization? God-Consciousness? Shiva Consciousness? Moksha?

I thought I write this because its helpful to those of you here who have active Kundalini but not much knowledge about it: Short Description: Siddha Yoga is the Kundalini Path of enlightenment. Kundalini is divine energy which has manifested and upholds your current state of ignorance. In Siddha Yoga, truth or reality is described as having two aspects (which really are the same) known as Shiva, which is unmanifest potential (often described as pure void), and Shiva, dynamic creative energy which manifests the world within/from/as Shiva). Now after manifesting an individual, the Shakti resides as Kundalini within the body and lies dormant. In special cases, whether through divine grace, or the grace of a guru, the Kundalini can become active. It then works within your system and rewires it so your body can uphold higher and higher states of enlightenment. It will eventually leave its resting place at the base of the spine, reaches the top of the head, and merges with Shiva. The state of enlightenment is described as Sat (being-ness), Cit (Consciousness), Ananda (Bliss). Stages of enlightenment There are several stages of enlightenment (Consciousness) within this model: Ignorant - Self-explanatory Awakened - A person who has "awoken" to the spiritual path, and has begun to question the nature of reality (his own nature). Turyia - A transitory stage before self-realization. The person has begun to seriously doubt and dis-identify with the ego, but is helpless in doing so thanks to subtle identification mechanisms that have not been crushed yet. Dark night (or years) of the mind often happens right before/at this stage as the mind frantically search to find its true nature but cannot come up with an answer. Self-realized - He who has lost all identification with the body/mind/emotions/ego and moreover has lost the identification mechanisms bring about ignorance. God-Consciousness - The person begins to see the divine in everything around him but himself. He has achieved non-duality within, but there is still a duality between him and the outside world. The dark night (or years) of the soul begin here as the person sees (projects) god in everything but himself, and this makes him miserable). Unity Consciousness - The person unity between the inner and the outer. Duality stops here. Shiva Consciousness - Happens within Blue Consciousness where the individual soul merges with the blue being (Krishna, Mary, Jesus etc.) Practices A seeker in the Siddha Yoga path uses many methods to assist him. He can receive Shaktipat to arouse Kundalini. He can use self-inquiry to silence the mind. He can contemplate the nature of god as Sat, Cit, Ananda (which is called Dhyana, the true form of meditation). He can use kriyas and pranayamas to arouse more and more shakti within him.

For a long time I've been trying to understand my atypical sexual expression and polarity, which seems quite unusual. Despite having always been super attracted to the feminine, I was often assumed to be homosexual based on my interests and lack thereof. And while I don't feel like a woman trapped in a man's body, the way I relate to men and women is often described as more like a female than a straight male would. Now I have no attachment to being masculine, willing to accept by true nature whatever it is. So here I'll list some of my experiences, in the hopes of getting a clearer picture of what is going on: I've never had any interest in watching sports or other competition. Instead I get deep emotional enjoyment from love dramas, I'd be bored out of my mind watching a football game, but found shows like The O.C. and Dawson's Creek deeply entertaining and satisfying. Likewise in real life, I am extremely averse to competition, and never felt the drive to achieve or accomplish anything in typical masculine fashion. My bliss is to be in the flow of life, experience the feminine, and enjoy sensual experiences. I don't ever seem capable of caring about anything beyond myself so much that I feel deeply driven and passionate about it. I see men at large as being the disposable gender, human doings only valued for their work, selflessly committing to being a utility. I never felt this way about myself, always considered myself equally valuable and worthy of comfort and protection as much as any female. I seek out sensually satisfying experiences through the 5 senses, and this is that gives me the most physical pleasure in life. Like eating food, smelling aromas, feeling textures, looking at women, listening to music. To me life isn't meaningful, it's sensual. I love to get swept up pop music with soft, sweet sensual feminine vocals. Often find myself listening to stuff like Britney Spears, Kylie Minogue, Vanessa Carlton and Mandy Moore songs from the early 2000s, which make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I never seem to fit in with other guys, never felt comfortable in groups of men, can't hardly relate to them. Talking to women is easy and relaxing for me, talking to men often feels brash and makes me uneasy. Also making eye contact with unfamiliar men is very uncomfortable, or even scary. I often find myself crossing the street to avoid walking directly towards another man on the sidewalk, especially if it's a large or aggressive looking man, it's like my body goes into fight/flight mode so I remove myself & just stay relaxed. But I have no problems making eye contact with women. In fact I very much enjoy looking deep into the pupils of an attractive female, which comes easily and natural to me when doing no-fap. The few male friends I have become close with seem to be more 'tame' than typical men, not the roughhousing, one-upping, prank-pulling, sports watching bro guys, they don't smell, are open to talking about their feelings, aren't egocentric, and don't judge me. I am very drawn to the sent of women, but repulsed by male scent. This alone makes me not want to be around other men much. My ideal experience of intimacy would be to just cuddle endlessly with a beautiful woman, embrace, touch and caress her all over, but not actually having any sexual acts with her that involve my own genitalia, just being in intimate contact without leading to orgasm and ejaculation. Sexual release feels like inferior low-consciousness pleasure, which leaves me feeling numb and depleted afterwards, and this activity is something I don't want to do anymore, whether alone or with women. I have never had sex before but was very addicted to masturbating for most of my teens and 20s. I mean an extreme addiction, fapping 5-10 times a day, often for many hours. This year I have finally broken that addiction, and it seems permanent. I can experience much more pleasurable vibrations from breathwork, meditation and other practices, and these leave me more awakened and energized afterward, the complete opposite of ejaculating. But despite overcoming and transmuting sexual urges, I still gravitate towards sensuality, and very drawn towards female bodies as objects of desire. There seems to be nothing more captivating to me in life than the wish to touch, or look at beautiful women, and it seems unavoidable that my focus is on pursuing that drive, or finding ways to cope without it. Just trying to figure out what is going on here with this unusual energy polarity and atypical gender expression, and how to deal with it. Nothing left to hide and no ego to protect.

Get ready because that bliss is going to end and you are going to be left with an expanded consciousness which is a double edged sword and must be respected

Even Leo knows this. The shakti speaks within him: retire. Leave this business. Come and live forever in bliss. When will he listen, I don't know.

There was no goal to begin with. You flow with Karma. The rest is illusion. Find out which layer of your ego came up with that and annihilate it. There's nothing you should do. Or sleep and be lazy. These were all serious answers btw. I said the same thing to Leo: If you realize your existence as Sat Cit Ananda, the rest is illusion. You don't have to be a saint. You don't have to be moral. You don't have to be productive. You don't have to be anything. Who am I talking to? The ego? You are helpless. Deal with it. Shiva is sitting within you, idly looking at me. It is not touched by concepts. It is eternally in bliss. It has by its unknowable power, manifested ALL THIS. It certainly doesn't need the ego to tell it what it should or should not do.

I've just had some profound and yet weird experiences. I wanna share and hear your thoughts. When I sit quietly in a restaurant ( I always eat alone) suddenly something went through me. I felt blissful. The whole world seemed to me like a dream ( I don't know if I deluded myself or not because to be honest I already watched Leo's video: Life is a dream). And all the desires for sex, power, money did not interest me anymore. If I had a wish at that moment, I just wanted to be nobody and stay in that moment for ever. I sat quietly for hours and came home. I meditated. Something strange happened: I remembered my weird dream. I was clear to me that the person being conscious in the dream was LITERALLY me. When that dream happened I identified myself as that man in the dream. My mind immediately contemplated: Could it be that in my awakening state I feel conscious and able to think but ACTUALLY there's a higher being that has that feeling and I'm just a vessel. I became conscious of all the irrational and stupid things I had done in the past. I felt every thought I had was not under my control. Moreover, I realized the mind was just a concept. I realized the difference between we (ordinary human beings) and geniuses is the latter not only have strong personality but also they're bestowed with more intelligence. The thought that comes to a genius's mind contains more insights and ideas than ours. 2 days after an insight came to my mind: Everything is unique in its own way. The Buddha is the Buddha, Einstein is Einstein. The Buddha cannot become intelligently at physics and maths as Einstein, simply because the Buddha is made out of certain elements that make him the Buddha. Albert Einstein cannot meditate because he's made out of certain elements that his mind always receives crazy insights. That insight feels a bit sad to me because it means we cannot change anything. The universe runs on its own accord. We're just the vessel. About EXPECTATION: In the way I see, people view enlightenment as something like super power. Honestly, Enlightenment is just an awareness-base pursuit. It does not make you as intelligent as Albert Einstein if the universe does not bestow you with that. I have a feeling enlightenment is not only not for everyone but also for people who are exceptionally gifted like scientists who have push their brain to the absolute limits and now they meditate as a way to surrender themselves in order to receive insights from the universe. The second type of people that are suitable for this path is the people who are not so creative. Their mind is quiet and that's why they can just sit and meditate. After hours meditation they receive insights about the nature of life and reality. It's clear to my that enlightened people are wiser than an average person. It's hard for enlightened beings to do stupid things because they're closely connected with their true feelings and they do not lie to themselves. However, enlightenment can make you lazy and passive. What would you expect from a person who has realized life is just a dream and he's got no control over anything? Do you really thing the person who has realized that has the motivation to go out there and compete with other people? I honestly don't see any chance for that. Take an example: Osho. He's no doubt enlightened. But what did he do through his life? Just meditate and bliss out in nothingness.

"The basis of Buddhism is a doctrine known as the Four Noble Truths. The First Truth is that all life is suffering, pain, and misery. The Second Truth is that this suffering is caused by selfish craving and personal desire. The Third Truth is that this selfish craving can be overcome. The Fourth Truth is that the way to overcome this misery is through the Eightfold Path." "Despite the fourth luminous jhāna’s many virtues, it doesn’t result in the complete absence of craving, or in the perfect equanimity that would entail. However, through experiencing the bliss of equanimity in the fourth jhāna, you begin to understand the possibility of perfect bliss and perfect equanimity." "Perfect equanimity and the complete cessation of craving are called Nibbāna in Pali (Nirvāna in Sanskrit)."

@SoonHei The thought of feeling good is a thought of feeling good... it’s still thinking / efforting though. Whereas bliss is without “feeling good”? You sayin that kinda pointer so to speak?

@Salvijus Oh man Im getting super excited for this. I used to be thirsty for spirituality, but recently I’ve been turned off. I want to reconnect with that love, adventure and bliss. Your words are truly inspirational. I hope we can share our experiences with each other and the forum on Isha yoga

I had similar problems in the past. In my experience, it was that my being focussed too much on the head/mind. Start meditating and focusing on the opposite side of the body (south). Pain will rise but it will get into bliss after the drama. Best of luck!

Last November I had a rather odd experience while driving that I can only catergorize as a brief 'awakening' experience. Last year was a very trying time for me in my personal life (working two jobs to save up for my wedding, sleep loss, demanding work at my primary job). Despite my circumstances I maintained a daily practice of meditation. There were some days I would awake extra early to do 2 hours of meditation. I believe maintaining a consistent practice is what 'opened' me up to have this experience. One day on a particularly stressful day I was driving (more like racing) to my second job after work in heavy traffic. I became very frustrated and angry with circumstances of my life. I began to mentally curse out the slow driver in front of me. My mind became a cesspool of all these negative and self defeating thoughts. I felt myself going over the edge. And in that moment the mental dialogue had abruptly ceased and I took a long look at every other driver around me. It then occured to me that most of the drivers were in the exact same sort of misery I was (beeping their horns, risking their own safety and others to get ahead of each other etc). It all looked so vividly ridiculous that I began to laugh hysterically. Any onlookers probably thought I had went insane. We were all racing to get 'somewhere'. The epihpany I had at that moment was that this 'somewhere' didnt exist. All that was, was just the present. I went deeper and began to question more. There was no 'I' that existed. 'I' was a complete and utter fabrication. The 'I' that 'I' identified myself as was a complete sham and so were all of the things 'I' stressed out about so much. Every concept. Every notion. All of it was a complete sham. 'I' felt like an actor in a lifelong movie who forgot he was a just an actor on a set For the rest of the evening I was in total bliss. I appreciated every moment in heavy traffic and complete the task at my 2nd job with joyfullness. The following days afterwards I had very intense meditations. During these sessions I would feel an unconditional sense of love and compassion for everything that made me weep tears of joy. Whenever I saw my wife, dog , or anything for that matter it was as if I was seeing them for the very first time. The world felt mystical and mysterious again. It wasn't too long before I found myself getting more and more enveloped in the world around me. I had what you may call a major ego backlash. I was exhibiting the same unconscious behaviors as I had before....but with slightly more consciousness. I have been struggling to feel that sense of union I had those days last November and often find myself confused about where I go in my practice from here. For one I am not sure if this was an elightenment or awakening experience to begin with. I know I must go further inward but present circumstances in life make the possibility to do so very limited. Has anyone ever been in the same boat? Have you ever had an awakening experience only to go unconscious shortly after? Thank you for reading all of this. Your advice is greatly appreciated.

@Tistepiste There are good moments and bad moments. Bliss, Happiness, Sadness, Anger. No matter what the experience is there is an underlying peace.

I will break my statement to not write again, because it occurred to me how I can explain to you all the difference. First you are ignorant, as everyone is at first. Then you go look for meaning to explain everything you experience. If you then so happen to stumble upon enlightenment, and I mean the Western definition of enlightenment here, formed to you by Leo and many others, you might start to believe it. You see Leo's movies where he achieved multiple 'enlightenments,' to finally become absolute infinity and god himself and he created everything. Then you start to believe this, just like Leo did before he turned to psychedelics. Although Leo also read or heard about 'enlightenment' from someone else. Then you try psychedelics yourself, if you take a big enough dosage or a strong enough psychedelic like 5-Meo-dmt, what happens is that your neurotransmitter (serotonin, dopamine, noradrenaline, etc.) activity in your brain is greatly enhanced and the balance of them is distorted. As input from the senses through these neurotransmitters forms your consciousness, your awareness of your senses, and therefore reality, gets distorted. Therefore it seems like reality is falling apart, but it is only your consciousness, which is so fucked up that it can not process input from the senses anymore. It might lose connection to the senses as a whole, causing a blackout. This of course, makes sure your ego dies. After you come back to your senses, you think that you created reality, because you believe you do, based on your believe in enlightenment or absolute infinity etc. Your consciousness however is just getting back to normal. Because you believe you created reality, are god, absolute infinity etc., you are disconnecting yourself from reality. Of course the non-duality experience is real, but how it came to be, the nature of it, becomes related to your believe. A child is ignorant, people tell the child about santa, the child believes in santa. The child sees someone who looks like santa, the child believes he or she saw santa. Now, Buddhists learn that the ego consists purely out of desires and believes, formed by your ignorance in thinking that the universe and reality exist on their own. So they dissolve the ego by learning the mutual dependent origin of the universe, which means that the universe does not exist on itself. Therefore opening their minds for the experience of non-duality. This does not mean you are totally lost or wrong. You are just disconnected from reality. Therefore, a lot of you experienced this disconnection, thinking it is a stage you have to go through. You are not completely lost, you are actually already halfway there, you just miss understanding. If you understand, your believe and disconnection will go away, filling your heart with compassion. Everything is explained on http://www.foundationsofhumanlife.com but I believe our generation is tired of reading. But I don't blame you, there is so much shit written. Everybody who thinks they created a fart, starts to write a book about it. Selling it to the gullible. Take 'The power of now,' for example. Why take the time and effort to read and meditate, when one can take some psychedelic substance and buzz your tits off. Leo seemed to have a good time, so it must be right. What it does to your body and mental state, with frequent use over time, nobody knows. But who cares; cause you already smoke, drink alcohol, eat sugar, refined carbohydrates and Fetts, sprayed vegetables, etc. Not saying you do, but you might. But suit yourself, a lot of Christians and Catholics are perfectly happy believing in god. Ignorance is bliss in some way. @Nahm so I ask you, do you take the blue pill, or the red pill, and find out how deep the rabbit hole really goes? Hope this will reach everyone in a good state and may it help you on the way to feel enlightened. And don't forget, sharing is caring.