Search the Community

@lostmedstudent I concur with what outlandish wrote. I'd like to add a few points. A trip sitter adds another variable to the setting. If you go with a sitter, I would recommend one with psychedelic experience. During your trip, an experienced sitter can provide calm, grounding energy and guidance. They have direct experience with the psychedelic mindset and in a sense get on the same frequency. In contrast, I would not get an inexperienced sitter to prevent me from harming myself or others, or doing something stupid. Generally on low/moderate doses, the person can talk and settle themselves down. You haven't fully lost sense of reality and there is a sense of self control. A mind can still distinguish between "real" and "fantasy". On high doses, the self is dissolved after ego death and there is generally no fear or anxiety. There is no one left to be fearful for. Post-ego, the mind-body doesn't have much motivation to cause harm. . . Harm anxiety generally arises in the sub-ego death zone, when the ego is losing control of reality and struggles to maintain control. The ego may generate harm anxiety imagery as resistance. I've experience this many times, particularly as a novice, including exactly what you wrote: "I can't give up control!! I could run outside screaming!!! I could use knives on myself!!!". The ability to distinguish "real" from "not real" is lost. It is only during part of the trip and can be very uncomfortable. Yet, they have provided me with profound insights about my subconscious egoic structure. As well, I've found harm anxiety to be a protective mechanism. Early on, there was fear that some dark creature within me might arise if I surrendered control. Yet, I've found that creature was a protective fantasy of my ego. What lies beneath the ego is a deeper intelligence, love, connection and creativity that isn't interested in harming myself or anyone else. I would recommend doing 1.5g solo in a meditative familiar setting with various options. If things drift into a dark area, changing activity or simply going to another room can completely change the energy. At 1.5g, you would likely have the option of letting go and allowing the ego to more fully dissolve into groundlessness, or regaining control toward being more grounded. On the flip side of harm anxiety, there is blissful surrender. I've entered the sub ego death zone to see the most beautiful bliss beyond imagination and look back to see an egoic world tension, confusion and crap. The first time, my mind thought to the psychedelic "teacher" : "What a second. Are you telling me, if I surrender I give up all the suffering and crap of the egoic state and get to enter bliss beyond imagination? Heck yea!! Let's go!!!".

I don't think this is true. Brahman in (Advaita) Vedanta is defined as Sat-Chit-Ananda (Existence-Consciousness-Bliss). Absolute Brahman is pur subjectivity with no content or object. And it says you are that Brahman. Your error is to assume because it has a name therefore it must be "something". But that's not what Advaita Vedanta says. There is a clear distinction between subject and object.

@Arhattobe no self inquiry, but he didn't know he was doing it...then a random awakening happend, then sat on a park bench for 5 months in a state of bliss, lucky bastard ? In all seriousness it must of been a bit weird though. Especially not knowing what has happend to him. It wasn't until like 3-5 years later he found out what happend to him through reading about spirituality that he realized he was enlightened. Most people I've looked into have become enlightened through self inquiry of some kind.

Because to not see the incredible nature of reality in front of you, can only be resulted from these causes. Otherwise you would be awe struck, you would cry "Thank you god, thank thank thank you!" There would be deep bliss and pure oness. The only thing preventing you from seeing it is deep unconscious sleep within maya, which results in full attachment to thought, and therefore your attention is taken from direct experience. The problem is that you call your suffering ordinary. You think it's inherent to existence, but it's far from truth. Suffering is caused only by delusion, it's unnecessary.

That everything comes down to direct experience. the illusion in my mind is gone. it is just "me" here and now. nothing else. ………...beauty and pure bliss.

Alright, let's start. I've contemplated and watched the new Eckhart Tolle video today, and saw how even he changed because how society changed, he actually used a German word and manipulated the crowd to become more conscious at one point, I saw or perceived how he was saying Mensch to have some sort of impression of a human being, not sure about the historical context of that. Next, I am a bit ashamed but not very much that I actually saw something which was of the value of me, after talking to TJ Reeves I looked into the test that he started and found something out. That I am a Rebel, which I never would have thought, I always thought I am more of a questioner since people always ask me, what do you mean? Why do you say that? Why do you question things so much? Anyway and resist expectations. Which is normal for me. Yet, I am unsure what I can learn from that. Anyway I hate this forum sometimes and I am not going to repeat what I wrote and found out that a rebel is capable of having structure and at the same time the best option is to change his identity and to have strategic clarity about his purpose, so keep reminding myself and writing down the reasons and programming them into my sub-consciousness is a great gateway for achieving higher realms of productivity and finally embodying my vision. With all of that in mind I wanted to re-strategize Strategic clarity: Why did I start and continue to follow my life purpose, since it includes the passions I've had as a child, yet never honed and, therefore, I can't fully enjoy them. Why do them then? Because these are the feelings I had as a child when I recall correctly William James said or Freud it is the oceanic feeling, a feeling (almost) of rupture and pure bliss. I can remember having so much fun learning languages and interacting with humans, at the same time programming and enjoying asking questions, and even doing the math and overall being smart is enjoyable. Why do I slack of then ? Sometimes it is normal it is a state of homeostasis of re-regulation of body/mind and especially old habits. So, having a new identity will help, so buying clothes is even important for me now, but it has to be authentic 100%!! Otherwise, it will only be another curse. -> Clarity and Strategic intent to remember when visualizing my lp before going to bed why do it and what it means to me identity wise, what I want to do and especially expect to destruct all expectations that I have of myself and that I have of others, An ultimate no mind. With the sensibility of running wild on train tracks to a never-ending destiny, reaching the speed of light, smacking trains into the universe. Now, what else is important? -> For this journal here keep in mind clarity of strategic intent and keep writing why you are doing it and why it felt so good to begin with keep reading even when it is just a re-glimpsing of some sort of information. Today I read in the book thick face black heart: Never hit a dog when you don't know who is the owner, it said that in China that a stray dog will be hit or shied away? By some sort of means. Because he is a bad omen, or maybe starts eating someone who is dead? It said further that you should never hit it when you do not know the owner, so never hurt someone? If you do not know who he belongs to, for example, he could be the rich frat boy whose family works for the hospital and earns a shit ton of money, or he mother of a father is a lawyer. Also, another example was how a small fish eats a big fish and a big fish a small one. Something along these lines and there was an example of a fox who associates himself with a tiger, since in his natural habitat he is quite fragile, even though he is sharp. He wants someone stronger in order to protect his fragility from other predators. The author then says these two are exchangeable and only a metaphor. My take on this is currently, every student or beginner is a fox somehow somewhere and if he or she is unable to find someone who shares his strength, wisdom and durability with him or he. She will be lost, since it is difficult for her to deal with her weaknesses. A personal example, I would want to work with someone who is better at designing and spatial thinking and creating, since I keep being analytical and like ideation. So, even when my ideas are great to implement them I would need a tiger of design/thinking/creating. What did I do today? -> 1h meditation -> approx. 1h 30 min studying -> 1h working out approx. -> reading sporadically ->Being confused by too many audiobooks ->Some stretching I had planned to do in the morning for 15min ->Ordered a whiteboard -> Communicated some other things What I intend to do (present and future self) -> Write down challenges on the white board and cross them off. (I have a calender where I do this with the visualization habit) -> Continue to write a strategic intent and have a clarity of purpose -> Accept your chaos focus on priorities -> Study today till 2 am. -> Focus on why a specific idea or the overall principle adds personal value to me. -> Search for a short compassion exercise.

@zambize Exactly my point. Instead; let's celebrate in union and bliss. Let's create something beautiful! A unique memory for the Universe to remember. Let's get drunk in our creation. Who cares if it's real or not. Percisely nobody.

Hello everyone! I am new to the forum and I decided to share with you one of the most profound and frightening experiences I ever had. I've been following Leo's work and guidance for quite a while now and I became eager to join this community and interact with like-minded individuals. I want to express how amazed I am by the support and help you guys provide here to each-other. I am honored to be a part of this. Not sure if I should introduce myself, so I'm going to keep it short and straight forward. I am a 24 years old male. Born and raised in Serbia, Europe. Grew up without a father and with a dysfunctional, narcissistic mother. At age 15, my mother decided to move us to Slovenia, where I attended high school and lived through my teen years. Ended up working as a waiter for 2-3 years, before finally deciding to focus on my calling and greatest passion - music. Music was there for me since I can remember. It was the parent I never really had, it was my medicine, it was my coping mechanism, it was my way to express everything I was struggling with. It kept me "on track" and away from most of the potential disasters I had the chance to engage in. From a very young age, ever since I first laid my hands on a guitar, I had a clear sense of a "mission". It was like I knew exactly what I needed to do in this lifetime, I just did not have the wisdom to articulate it yet. I became "obsessed" and I practiced day and night, with the intention to share my message one day with the world. At age 22 I became fed up with my job and my controlling mother, so I decided to move yet again - this time by myself - and focus on what really matters to me. I took a major leap, based on blind faith and synchronicity and moved to Portugal to "chase" my dreams. At the time I was working on a project, which I planned to release there and hopefully start doing what I love, professionally and full time. I had little to zero money and almost equally so - no support from anyone. I was producing hip hop beats for local Portugal rappers on the side in order to get by. It was not really "my thing", but nevertheless I was finally focused on music only. Which fulfilled my whole being. I felt like I was reborn and even though I was "struggling", I already felt as I've won. I was splitting a larger apartment with two other roommates, who were very artistically oriented, so the overall vibe of the environment was awesome! I never really had the chance to live the "college lifestyle" before, so I decided to have some fun with local students and go out every once in a while. It was on one of these occasions that I had the experience, which I want to share with you. I also want to mention that I was already doing some "spiritual work" at the time and I also meditated tons throughout my whole life by playing my instrument of choice. I was able to tap into and embody my higher self, which is a necessary part of the creative process for me. Needless to say, this connection was not maintained throughout my daily activities and interactions. It was only present when I opened up myself to the melodies and ideas that wanted to flow through me and become actual. here in this physical realm. So now that you have a "background" I am going to jump into the experience itself. Please try and stick with me 'till the end, I promise it will be worth reading. At first it may seem as if this is just a perfect display of stupidity and immaturity, but that's exactly what I needed back then in order to come to profound realizations and transform entirely. So let's dive in. It was a regular nigh-out for the students of Caldas da Rainha. The city was small and vibrant, full of young people (mostly artistically oriented) who loved to interact and have long, deep, intellectual debates while hanging out in local bars. Needless to say, they also loved to drink a lot and experiment with various substances. Shrooms, MDMA and LSD were among the most popular ones. Prior to my arrival to Portugal, I had a handful of experiences with a few drugs, but I never had any of those 'mind-blowing' trips or anything. I got drunk here and there and I also fancied smoking weed. But I was not emphasizing these things in my life as a lot of other young people do. One of my roommates, who liked going out frequently, showed up at the apartment with a baggie of mushrooms and some MDMA. The other roommate and I were already smoking some weed and drinking some alcohol. We did not have the intention to get "hammered" as we were both working on our projects simultaneously. However, the roommate, who I will here refer to as "the party animal", insisted and wanted us to take a break from our projects and do some shrooms and/or MDMA with him. We rejected him for a few brief moments after which we finally "gave up" and decided to take some MDMA. I do not know how much we took, since he prepared a dosage wrapped in a rolling paper for us to swallow, but looking back I assume it was not a micro-dose. Irresponsible, yeah. We were already high from the weed and kinda drunk as well. We were chatting and listening to music while "waiting" for the MDMA to kick in. Some time has passed this way, we still did not feel any effects so we all took another dosage of M. It was shortly after this that I decided to go "all the way" and do some shrooms with "the party animal" as well. And so I slipped further down the road of irresponsibility (lol). THANK GOD the roommate that was with me all along did not make the same decision, so it ended up being the two of us who were going to be tripping, with the third one "trip-sitting" us. We took a handful (?!) of shrooms and started talking about what we could do to create an awesome experience. We came up with a plan to get to the local park (which is dreamy and beautiful) before the shrooms kicked in. then merge with nature and melt in joy and bliss. Little did we know, it was not going to be such a smooth ride, not at all. And so the "nightmare" begun...We never made it to the park. And it was like literally 12 minutes away, walking. As we left the apartment, we all felt great. I remember feeling on top of my game and even a bit over-confident. Nothing too dick-heady though. I am generally a more laid back and quiet guy. We laughed a lot, talked about god knows what, riding the epic vibes of the streets. Of course, ''party animal'' suggested we should stop briefly in our favorite bar called "Deja-vu", to have a quick beer before the shrooms kicked in. The two us agreed, since the bar was on the middle of our way to the park. It's been now well over 30 minutes since I swallowed the shrooms and probably around a bit less than two hours since I took MDMA. Just a few steps before the bar, I started noticing some weird shit. And I mean like really weird. It was like I would get sucked out of my reality for a brief moment and then I would be thrown back into a slightly different version of it. It was like a series of super fast black-outs, with the exception that I would remain aware throughout this phenomena. I was fully aware of "reality" when I was in it as well as of the "void" or "nothingness" when I got sucked out. I saw clearly as I see my hands right now, exactly "how" I got detached from my environment. And it felt exactly like that. Like I detached myself. I saw my visual perception somehow curving at the corners and turning into a ball, before popping into nothingness right before "my eyes". This was happening extremely fast. So much so that I had no "time" to react to it when I was "in reality". Needless to say, I started resisting this A LOT and became extremely scared, paranoid and confused in an instance. I never expected neither this nor what was yet to come. Never in a million years. I wanted to gaze at the stars and have a pleasant trip. I was in for a rude awakening. Somehow, I managed to "slow" this phenomena of "disappearing-reappearing" down by resisting the shit out of it with every strength I had left. Thinking back, I should've just surrendered and collapsed right there, but my ego did not want to admit to itself that this "thing" was WAY stronger than it. So I dragged myself to the bar and somehow managed to sit down and order a beer. I kept telling myself this is just a temporary thing. I thought it will subside soon, I'll chill down a bit, have a beer and slowly continue walking towards the park. I don't know why, but it seemed to me at the time as if this park was our "safe space". Our home. Almost like heaven or something. All this time I mentioned nothing to my roommates. They seemed alright to me. Having fun and chatting. I wanted to act that way as well. I didn't want to allow myself to be "that guy" and cause drama or anything. My ego was fighting harder than ever to survive and stay present. It quickly became worse, as I wanted to stand up and go to the toilet. I collapsed down onto the table in front of us and knocked off a few bottles and glasses, embarrassing myself big time. It was as if my knees were failing to hold me. Even this I resisted and tried to get up on my feet and act cool as if nothing was going on. Of course I failed to do so and ended up falling repeatedly, several times until my roommates came to a quick conclusion that I was "loosing it". They helped me up and decided it's clearly best if the one that wasn't tripping on shrooms took me back to our apartment. "Party animal" would stay in Deja-vu to have fun with his other classmates and friends. And here's where the nightmare started to get real. It was not nearly done with me. It only got started. I went only downhill from this point on. And boy did I spiral down quickly and efficiently. I should mention, this "sober" roommate, who was about to drag me back home was a girl. And she's 4'9''. I'm 6'. Not the smartest idea. Nevertheless, she surely saved my ass. We slowly started walking back to the apartment, which should have been 6-7 minutes away. I had my one arm around her neck, as I was repeatedly loosing control over my body and kept falling down on my knees. Needless to say she was unable to hold my weight, so when I fell, I fell hard. Somehow though, she kept managing picking me up over and over again. On the middle of our way it just got straight bonkers. The reality bubble kept popping and reappearing fast and crazy, making no linear sense what-so-ever. At times we were on one side of the street, at times on the other. In no particular order. It was like I was jumping in between parallel realities. Crossing the main road was hell. I was completely convinced I'm going nuts at this point. It was then when I felt a big wave of anger and frustration rushing though me. I was SO frustrated with me being unable to stand on my own feet. Without any thinking I smashed my fist into a car that was parked right next to us. This scared the shit out of my roommate. I was also surprised, somewhere in the back of my mind. I never got aggressive before and I was proud of how "chill" I always stayed. At this point, my roommate concluded we're not going to make it to our apartment this way. She had an idea to drop me of at her friend's apartment and let me chill down there. It was literally a few feet ahead. She called him and asked him if he's okay with it, but sadly or gladly he wasn't home. He was also having fun somewhere else. So we sat on the streets for a while, she gathered a bit strength and picked me up again. We somehow made it to our apartment after god knows how long and had a scene waiting there for us. Right in front of our building, there was our other roommate, the "party animal". He was curled up with his eyes rolled back and had foam coming out of his mouth. Quite terrifying. To this day none of us knows how he managed to get to our apartment. Not only that, but he also managed somehow to completely avoid bumping into us on his way back. And that was nearly impossible. The only obstacle between me and my bed now were the 2 story stairs. My roommate picked me up once again and started dragging me up. There was no elevator, of course. I kept falling and hitting myself badly during our climb up, but nevertheless we made it. She did it. She delivered me to safety. She threw me onto my bed, turned off the light in the room (WHY?!) and left back down to try and help our "party animal". It was a few seconds after she left and I was left alone for the first time during that night, that I was about to face the absolute and loose all sense of self. I was about to die. And not the "nice" way. I remember getting out of my bed and just starting to scream in pain that was caused by the extreme level of my constant resistance. I started spinning around in my room, falling and hitting myself on every corner. I smashed a lot of objects and made a pretty big mess. It felt as if my reality was just one surface of a tiny little cube that is a part of an infinitely large, ever-changing Rubik's cube. I started experiencing my self as the whole room at this point. There was no "air" between me and the walls or anything else. There was no space in-between. I became everything and I experienced myself as everything. I moved as everything. I remember bursting into hysterical laughter just a split second before I smashed my leg into the table. It was as if I saw this would happen a brief moment before it actually happened. It was me becoming fully aware of the fact that I manifest everything into my reality in real time. Constantly. This realization led to tears of course and brought me down on my knees. I cant really tell why I was crying. But I was crying like never before. All the beauty and all the grotesque compressed down into a tiniest little dot. And this dot is all there is. It's all there ever was and ever will be. It is one. It is God. I am it. I "saw" and felt the presence of everyone I ever interacted with. As if they were in my room with me. And I mean EVERYONE. Even that random stranger that passed by me and never even looked into my eyes. Even the ants, even the birds, even the bacteria, even Buddha, even Jesus. They all were there with me. They all were me. I was all of these beings. I still am. The moment I'd start to try and embody this bliss I would become reminded instantly that I am also all of the things I was afraid of or was categorizing them as "bad" or "evil". I was the rapist. I was the pedophile. I was the serial killer. I was the politician. I was the Muslim terrorist cutting of a man's head with a kitchen knife. I was also all the other terrorists holding this man down. And of course I was also the man being decapitated. It was slow, messy and indescribably painful. I literally felt the knife cutting though my neck. I kid you not. I was also the guy jumping off a cliff into the water and smashing his skull open on a rock. Needless to say this was just WAY to much for my persona. I did not know what to do with this realization. It completely paralyzed me. Pain and suffering combined with bliss and infinity. My ego back-lashed every once in a while and when present, it was mostly convinced that it has lost his mind completely and gone insane. And I mean as insane as it gets. How could I ever function in this world after this? I was than sucked out my reality once again, merging with infinity. But this time it was very slow. My heart was going nuts, I was overwhelmed by the experience beyond any description. Until I literally heard my own heart go from very fast to very slow. I felt my pulse throughout my whole being. Even the room was synchronized with it. I slowly "ran out" of air, and my heart stopped beating completely. And there "I" was (wasn't). One with the endless nothingness. No thoughts, no emotions, nothing. Just pure awareness. And I was there forever. I still am, in a way. Explaining how I came back into existence is nearly impossible for me. Because it happened on a level way beyond my persona. But I can point to one word. INTENTION. And I mean the mother of all intentions. The strongest, most powerful, without-a-single-ounce-of-doubt-kind of intention. If I tried to explain how it is that I "came back", it was by the purest form of desire to be here and to continue this journey. And I am not being poetical. This is the most accurate description I can give. So I'm back in my room. At this point I can stand up and even walk without falling. I decide to casually go to the toilet and take a piss. I had little to no thoughts at all. I was calm. I was extremely present. I moved very slowly. I moved as I WAS every passing moment. I was no longer just "Ivan". I was God and it was so obvious to me now. The only thing I was not sure about was where was I exactly. Sure the apartment looked exactly the same as always, but I had this strange feeling as if I was experiencing the "afterlife". A though ran through my head: "This must be how it is. When you die, nothing changes. Everything stays the same. Yet that is heaven. There's no golden gate somewhere in the clouds. It's this. Heaven is right here!" Just a few brief moments after having this thought I heard a loud knock on the door. It was still not done with me. I was about to face more core fears and come to a realization that hell is also here. Always. I looked through the peephole and saw two officers standing in front of the door. I stayed calm, didn't panic at all. To me it felt like these two cops were the first two angels who came to welcome me in heaven (lol). Later I was told the neighbors called them because they heard me screaming and having a break-down. So this is kind of where my trip slowly but surely headed towards the hospital. Was I resisting it? You bet I did. I did a lot. But not yet. I was still blissful at the moment I opened the door. This was the first time, after what seemed like an infinity to me, that I opened my mouth and started talking to someone. I immediately became aware that I was somehow unable to tell a lie. Literally. I couldn't lie if my life depended on it. Every word flew right through me without any "approval" on my behalf. Ivan was not involved in this conversation at all. It was God speaking to God. How could it not be flawless then? I felt exactly like Leo stated in his live enlightenment video: "Every word is perfectly inevitable." Exactly everything that should have been said has been said. Everything that should have been done has been done. Effortlessly so. Without me having to do or say anything about it. The cops were calm, they were probably used to these kinds of events. After all, Caldas is a city of students. They asked me what kinds of drugs I was on. I instantly replied "mushrooms". They asked me what am I doing here and if I was a student. I replied "no" and stated that I was a traveling musician, and I came to Caldas to live here temporarily and work on my album. And as soon as I mentioned music I broke into tears once again. I was crying out loud, saying how music was everything to me, how I love it more than I love myself and how I just want to create, express and share every bit of it. This quickly became a bit too much for the cops and they decided to grab me by my arms and "take me away". Oh boy. I fucking lost it at this point. The heaven I believed I was experiencing quickly crumbled down to pieces and I once again entered full on resistance mode. The cops were not happy about it. I somehow managed to free myself out of their grip. The animal in me came forth. I felt like a fucking beast. Powerful and unstoppable. And I was fighting for my survival, again. They somehow left me be and I ended up backing into the corner of the hallway where I curled up in a ball and started mumbling something. I remember repeating that I was dead, that they need to contact my mother back in Slovenia, I even told them the exact address, name and phone number of my mother. In fact, I kept repeating those. I was not nearly as articulated and fluent as just minutes before. I struggled to breathe, I was swallowing words and my heart was pumping like crazy. They tried to calm me down and kept repeating: "help is on the way". I just kept mumbling. After a few minutes I noticed four more officers walking up the stairs and what appeared to be a few male nurses. I FUCKING FLEW up the stairs instantly. Getting away from everyone and reaching the top of the building. This felt to me like it happened in a split second. And it was three stories above our apartment. On the top there was kind of like a balcony within the building, overlooking the stairs. As soon as everyone got up and tried to approach me I moved towards the edge of this balcony and yelled on the top of my lungs: "I AM GOD! I CANNOT DIE! THIS IS ALL A GAME! THERE IS NO DEATH! I AM GOD!". I threatened to jump and prove to everyone that I cannot die. I saw on everyone's face they came to a conclusion that this has gone way out of control. They needed to capture me or else it wasn't going to be pretty. They tried to act even more calmly, saying to me that everything is going to be OK, as they slowly kept approaching me. Seeing them acting calm and kind calmed me down enough that they came close enough and jumped right on me. It felt like it was all of them, but it was probably three or four cops. They had one of those portable medical beds with them and they immediately started tying me down to it. I was raging. It literally felt like I was a psycho being dragged to the insane asylum. Our way down was taking forever. Those stairs kept going and going. I felt like I lived throughout numerous lifetimes before we reached the bottom of the building. I had tons of thoughts, raging emotions, visions and even realizations during the descend. As we exited the building, there was a scene out of a crime movie laid before me. Two police cars, the hospital van, neighbors watching and wondering what the hell is going on and finally my two roommates on the left side of the building. "Party animal" was still in the exact same pose and condition as I saw him before entering the building earlier. He was now surrounded by officers and nurses as well. The other roommate was crying hysterically right next to him. I remember shouting out to her, asking for her help, as if she could explain everything to everyone and save my life, my sanity. There was no response from her. She never even looked at me once. I instantly took this as a sign and confirmation that I indeed went way too far and lost my mind completely. They imported me into the medical van where I remained alone with two male nurses who were watching over me. I immediately received a shot of something into my arm. I assume it was a sedative. I was not resisting anymore that much at this point, but I started noticing the weirdest sensation in my body. Mostly in my arms. It was as if some "cubes" were constantly turning and rearranging within me. As if I was made out of these tiny cubes. It was an incredibly cold and machine-like feeling. Scared the crap out of me. It was then that I started questioning free will. Everything felt cold and automatic to me. Like this whole thing is a machine. A precisely built simulation. Merely ones and zeros in a specific order. It was just so damn cold and "heartless". I remember mumbling to myself as we were driving: "I will wake up and I will tell nobody about this. I will wake up and I will tell nobody about this." As if this information was not supposed to be shared. I felt like I was going to be punished If I ever tell anyone about these insights. Or instantly classified as a nut-case. I was terrified. Another HUGE mind-fuck to me was when I focused on what the nurses were talking about. I swear to God they were speaking in my native language; Serbian. I understood every word. And I KNOW there is absolutely no way these people were Serbian. I also understood no Portuguese. Like, at all. So I have no clue how I was able to understand these people. And not only that, but also how my mind translated their conversation into Serbian. Just weird. We finally arrived after a long ride. I was at the hospital. Except that I did not know that at the time. To me it felt like they were taking me to their mothership to take me apart and figure out why this malfunction has occurred. Whatever was going through my mind, somehow became experiential for me in some way or fashion. My mind was constantly looking for confirmations in my reality. And it kept coming up with explanations for what was happening. It felt like my mind was a computer on fire operating way to rapidly and being extremely close to reaching "fatal error". (lol) They then delivered me into a room inside of the hospital, where more nurses/doctors waited for us. They transferred me from the portable bed to a regular one. Tied me down again. I was calm at this point and did not resist the process. I remember looking up and seeing a room full of cops and nurses. The cops probably followed us in and stayed for a while, just in case if I decided go "beast mode" again (lol). As I turned my head to my right, I saw a guy tied down to the bed next to me. Face down, lying on his stomach. Who was it? "Party animal", of course. This filled me with anger and rage again. I couldn't do anything, being tied down, but I sure gave my everything into trying to free myself. I am not sure why seeing my roomette got me so aggressive, but I assume it was because I felt incredibly guilty for the situation I brought upon us. Remember, I still was not thinking this was just a hospital. To me it was completely alien-like. My roommate was unconscious and still had some foam around his mouth. Maybe I though he was dead. I don't know... In my rage I started screaming for and demanding a nurse called "Maria" to come and see me. As if she was on my side. As if she was some kind of an angel that could save me, nurture me. Indeed a nurse came and stood by the left side of my head. I doubt her name was Maria, but she was willing to play along in order to calm me down. And down I calmed. She talked softly to me and told me she was going to give me something that will help me. I received another shot in my arm. I slowly surrendered my self to these "aliens" and gave up fighting for my life. I blacked out a few times and started loosing track of everything. This time I was not aware of the nothingness when I was in it. It was just nothing. A hole in memory. I remember being in the hallway for some time, still tied to the bed. My roommate was also there. Then I was moved to another, smaller room where two nurses watched over me. At times when I was present, I was slowly able to come to the realization that this in fact was just a regular hospital. Somewhere in the middle of Portugal. And that this was indeed "just a trip gone wrong". I half-consciously, slowly started putting back the shattered pieces of my reality. I was still feeling the little cubes turning inside of me and it was very unpleasant and annoying. I guess that was the last thing I wasn't able to explain away. I even remember asking the two nurses if this sensation was "normal" during mushroom trips/overdose. They laughed at me. I was mostly "back" at this point. I remained tied to the bed 'till 8 in the morning, until I finally convinced the nurses that I am fine and sober and that I will behave. As soon as they released my arms and legs I started walking towards the hallway, where I last saw my roommate. And there he was. Still tied down, still sleeping. As I approached him and started softly calling his name, he started waking up. A few moments of confusion followed by a smile on his face. He was alright and fully "back" as well. We just laughed silently at each other and exchanged a few brief words, both still in total disbelief about what just happened. There was no way that we could've fully grasped what went down. It felt like we came out of a decade long war. And we survived. That was our victory. Soon I asked for my personal belongings and for a permission to head out for a quick cigarette. They hesitated, but did not seem way to concerned with me. So I went and did not come back. "Party animal" remained on his bed in the hallway. He stayed in throughout the day and went under numerous examinations. As I was leaving the hospital behind, I remember being grateful for my life. Grateful for the opportunity to continue this journey. A rush of love and unity blasted through my being. But it wasn't overwhelming or anything. It was just the right amount. I was avoiding thoughts about "me" being God and every other that pointed in that direction. I needed a break. I wanted to be just human. Just Ivan. At least until I recover. As I was walking back to our apartment everything still looked extremely dreamy. It felt very lucid. Like my barriers between the "waking life" and "dreams" have been destroyed. It was one and the same now. I called a girl I was in love with, and still am. She was back at Slovenia at this time. I told her briefly about everything that went down and we both laughed out hard. It was exactly what I needed to ground me a bit more into my human form. After a long, sobering walk back to the apartment, I found the "hero of the night", my other roommate in her room. I immediately started apologizing to her and also expressing my gratitude for dragging me home and not leaving me on the streets by myself. That could have been a much worse scenario. She was kinda angry with me and also just tired due to the whole circus that went down. She barely slept and spent the night worrying about the two of her idiot roommates. After this event I spent most of my time indoors, thinking about what has happened, trying to express it through art and just gaining some sort of comfort by watching spiritually-themed Youtube videos and reading articles/forums on those topics. Of course the rumors spread, as I said, Caldas is a very small town. Everyone knew that I had a break-down. And no-one really cared about the profundity of my experience. It was almost as if everyone was scared of me and suspiciously careful with me. Soon after the arrival of my girlfriend, we decided to move on and started a slow journey across the south of Spain, heading towards Morocco, mostly by taking buses, hitchhiking and simply walking. Needless to say, I am still integrating the lessons of that night. I dived deep into consciousness work and went through a two year long period of the "dark night". Facing all the fears and limitations I was presented with during my trip. And many more, of course. I tripped a few more times on LSD and once on shrooms after that particular experience, but I did so a lot more responsibly. My girlfriend and me only, indoors in a pleasant and safe environment. With proper caution and preparation. Emphasizing my state of being prior to taking anything. Meditating and surrendering to the present moment. So what did I learn? Where am I now after two years? I am still on the never-ending journey. I opened myself up as much as I could to infinity, to God. I am able to embody my higher self a lot easier and more frequently. I am also able to do so while not creating art. I could be just simply cleaning the dishes and I'd be doing it as God. As all that is. I am aware most of my "waking hours" that this is a dream. And that this character named Ivan is a necessary part of it. I don't feel separate anymore. I "got rid" of most of the programming from my childhood and teen years. I am able to be here and now and have no need for anything else. I am able to simply admire the perfection in every moment. My musical skills went through a massive upgrade and I even discovered new, smaller passions that I had. I embraced the rational, logical and analytical part of my mind. I resisted this for a long time. I was always an abstract, creative thinker. I also came to have a dream-like relationship with my beloved one. Our communication is nearly flawless, often telepathic and highly synchronized. I still get mad, frustrated, sad or bored at times. I still go "sleep mode" here and there. But it never lasts long. And I never "walk away" without learning the lesson. When I go to sleep at night I am ready to merge with nothingness again. I am peaceful. I am at ease. Because I know that this is just a game, just a dream. And I am that dream. I am the container for everything that is. Forever. As you are too. So there you go. That's my incredibly irresponsible yet profound trip report. I hope I did not make it too long and I won't "scare away" potential readers Feel free to leave a comment, share your opinion or just ask me anything you feel like asking. Stay awesome! Much love and respect.

Like someone else said, congratulations and my condolences. This started for me just over a year ago. I had no prior knowledge of kundalini, but I feel like I've had a pretty smooth ride compared to a lot of people. Most days, I take some time to let the energy run through me. The first months, it would be really intense and last for hours, now it's a lot calmer and doesn't last as long. It got a lot easier when I realized at a) it calms down faster if I not only let it happen, but pay attention to the kriyas, and b) I can talk to the energy and ask it to back off or invite it to move. Since I was initially very freaked out and realized I was resisting, I also made a point of thanking my favorite deity each time I had kriyas or anything else that made me uncomfortable, which made it easier for me. I know some people feel better on a vegan diet, but I still eat meat. I don't really want to switch to less filling foods since kundalini has made me so hungry 24/7. I tried abstaining from alcohol for like 4 months, but didn't notice any difference. I'd advise against smoking or eating pot though, as an edible gave me one of the worst experiences of my life. Ofc, YMMV. In general - shit will come up. It will suck. It will pass. Sometimes you get random feelings of bliss, love etc. Try not to be attached to either. I know it's easy to feel very alone in this process, so if you need someone to talk to, shoot me a message!

Really loved this text Betinho Massaro wrote in one of his instagram posts **Loneliness As A Path To God** Do not underestimate the magnetic power of loneliness. There is a reason many people feel weirdly comfortable in it. It is a direct gateway into liberation. Let me clarify: Loneliness is the vision of God, filtered through a lack-belief coming from the idea of ourselves as a person, a body, inside of a world. The first stage is generally Loneliness - or the experience of being a person without God or holy company. Once we stop running away from our loneliness and instead decide to meet it directly with an open presence, we transmute loneliness into Aloneness—which is the person meeting God within. When we fall in love with Aloneness and begin to really appreciate the vast and endless stillness we find there, Aloneness turns into All Oneness—which is God without the heavy filter of thinking of ourselves as a body and a person inside of a world. It is sheer and formless freedom. All-pervading and unlimited bliss. In this way, when we start looking directly at loneliness instead of trying to fill it up with new content every day as a way not to have to feel it directly, we begin the transmutation process of turning Loneliness into All Oneness. In summary: The Pain Stage: Loneliness — the person sense without God. The Love Stage: Aloneness — the person sense meeting with God’s Presence within. The Liberation Stage: All Oneness — God without the person sense. . ——> From this moment onwards you will never be afraid of loneliness again. Instead you’ll meet it with excitement, knowing the alchemical process of turning perceived pain into love, and finally transmuting love into liberation, has now begun for you. Loneliness will never be the same again. Just like that.

Hi everyone, I've recently read the Power of Now and been watching numerous ET videos on YouTube. I have to say, I am now in a worse position that I have ever been in my entire life. To the point where I am seriously considering the prospect of suicide or admitting myself to a psychiatric hospital if I can. I just want to say a few things about ET first. I don't want to die, but I don't want to be thoughtless (which you will say is my ego). I am not anti Tolle as a person. I don't think he's someone who is doing it all for the money. I don't think he is trying to deceive people. I think he is genuine enough. But I also think what he says can be very, very dangerous. I started reading the PON as I thought it would be a book about how to be a better person. My dad had told me that it had helped him to stop ruminating so much about different things, something with which I've struggled with from time to time. Indeed, I used the approach from him explaining it to me a few times when I was in stressful situations and it helped calm me down. Out of curiosity, I thought I'd get stuck in to the read of what Tolle teaches. The dissolution of the ego. Or more plainly, the dissolution of the thinking part of our brains. People can say what they like here, about how Tolle words what he is teaching in his books. However, ultimately, what he is teaching is a form of nihilism. It really is. And what's more, he is right. Essentially, nothing matters. Suffering and pain aren't real emotions. That is what he is saying. If someone is done a perceived injustice (that we have socially constructed as an injustice), such as someone has physically harmed them, or their families, they have no reason to feel aggrieved or even have a negative emotion. If someone comes into my house now and chops my arms and legs off, Tolle would say accept it, live in the now and you won't suffer. If I suffer, it is my ego. Thinking logically, this is true. I would have a choice whether to suffer. What does it matter if I have arms or legs? Emotions are not real. Nothing is real. Everything is a thought, which isn't a thing. Our thoughts are conditioned because of hundreds of years worth of social constructs. Essentially, anything goes. We needn't feel bad for any behaviour, because whatever we do, essentially is neither right or wrong. There is no adjudicator. Even in the sense that you think you love someone. You don't. How mind blowing is that? I saw a video with Tolle (before he was with Kim), and he said that relationships should be avoided. They are social constructs, again. Love, as much as suffering and pain, isn't real. I thought I loved a girl. I would have jumped in front of a gun for her. But love isn't real. You don't love anyone. Because if you are in the now, which is your true self, you have no thoughts. To love something, you need to have thoughts. It cannot work. Therefore, love is based on a thought, that essentially is ego, which is not you. Nothing matters. Everything is a construct. Tolle says he enjoys spending time in nature, which he sees as beautiful. But isn't the idea of nature being beautiful a social construct too? Who says it is? Why do we think anything is interesting or beautiful? That is a thought, which isn't you. Why do you get out of bed and go to work? Why do you study? Why do you watch TV? Why do you socialise, when your friends are doubtlessly ran by their egos, which isn't them? As such, your friends are illusions. They are not real. Nothing is real, everything is an illusion. This is EXACTLY what Tolle is getting at but he might not have worded it as such. Yes, I could live in the 'now'. But how do I function if I have no thoughts? I would urinate and defecate in this exact spot which I am laid. How do I chose what to eat with no thoughts? Tolle's answer for everything is to be in the now. The now cannot be bettered. Nothing compares to the bliss of the now, because if you are not thinking. Of course the now will be a type of bliss, as there are no thoughts. I saw him on Oprah's show on YouTube and they was talking about people grieving. He didn't word it as such, but what he was saying was people are grieving over nothing and they choose to suffering. Do not grieve over your loved ones when they pass, because they, for one thing, they are illusions, two you cannot love them, and three there's nothing you can do to bring them back. It makes absolute sense. So cutting to the chase, why am I here when I could accept the now and none of this would matter? I should be content with just existing. Because I can't yet cease thinking entirely. And more specifically, I don't know if I want to (you will say, ah this is your ego). So I can't win. I am in a state of perpetual suffering as a result. Trying to achieve something that ultimately, you can't and trying to avoid going back to a world of illusions that I now find incredibly scary. My friends are not real, the love I feel for people is not real, everything is an illusion. And I know every single one of you Tolle fans on here know that I am speaking the truth. Tolle cannot write it like this in his books, as it would never be published. My world has come crashing down. I LOVED my life. I was content. I FELT things. Happiness, sadness, euphoria, excitement, nervousness, heartache. But these emotions are just illusions, mere thoughts that aren't real. I now have no desire to anything. See friends? No, they're illusions. See family? No, they're illusions. Go to work? No what's the point, it's an illusion and creates a false identity. If you are a Tolle follower, why do you do anything? The last vestiges of my thinking mind realise that I have two basic functions. To survive and to procreate. These are biologically preprogrammed. These are the only things that are 'real' to me. So, while I want to die (this is a genuine thought, as nothing matters. Indeed, having spoken to a number of enlightened folk online over the past few days, they have agreed that it doesn't matter if I live or die. If I want to die, then die. My family and friends will suffer, but as we know, that suffering isn't really who they are. The real 'them' would not care, as those emotions are born out of the ego). What do I do? I am stuck. I anticipate many of you will just say accept and submit to the now. My point is, I don't see how this truth (it is the truth, you can deny it as much as you like, but this absolutely what Tolle and others with similar messages are getting at in a round about way). can lead anyone to a state of happiness of euphoria, as these aren't real either. Ulimately, a tiny bit of my disgusting egoic brain tells me that perhaps it is better to leave people in their unconscious lives of ignorance. It is all an illusion, sure. But they don't know that. It's that or nothingness. How can't this truth, ultimately, lead to people just dying? And again, what would that matter? It wouldn't.

Can anyone even explain to me how they navigate their day to day lives? Why do you go to work? Why do you visit your family or pretend you love them? As we know, emotions are not real! Do you engage in any activities you find pleasurable? Do you study? If you do, why? I study an MA, but I don't see the point now. I study international relations. I wanted to try and work myself into a position where I could influence conflicts in the world. Perhaps stop them, to end what I saw as injustice and suffering. But who actually says that killing is bad? Isn't it their choice to suffer? I saw Tolle speak about the Syrian crisis. He seemed a little concerned, but I think he knows that it is their choice to suffer. They can enjoy the bliss of now. I'm being deadly serious here, too.

Watch Leo's videos which are along the lines of "3 levels of personal development" and "setting up your infrastructure for personal development" Essentially all your personal development will focus on your inner game. By fixing the inner game, the outer game "fixes". HOWEVER, until you become advanced at inner game, you cannot appreciate how fixing inner game will fix your outer game. Hence you feel this way: Here is an example: An enlightened master (we can say mastered inner game) can go and live in a cave and be in bliss and ecstasy (outer game is fixed). A person with an underdeveloped inner game will go around trying to fix outer game facets but will deep down be unhappy and unfulfilled. I.e. a person with underdeveloped inner game will go crazy living in a cave. How do you get around this? Your focus on outer game should be to the extent that it enables you to focus on inner game. -Remove addictions (outer) so you aren't always distracted and can focus on inner work. -Sort out your relationships (i.e. intimate partner) so you aren't needy so that you can focus on inner game without distractions. -Sort yourself out financially so that you have an hour or two to do inner work and aren't worried about how you will pay the bills. -Develop an infrastructure that minimises distractions from inner work (this usually involves minimalism/spartan lifestyle). -etc. etc. etc. Once you do enough inner work you will realize that inner and outer doesn't really matter. It's all one, and they feed into each other. You could say everything become inner work because the outer work is also inner work. You can use Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs as a guide. The trap is getting stuck in outer game and neglecting the inner game. Focusing on the inner game and neglecting outer game can fix the outer game, BUT, paradoxically, you may need to fix the outer game to realise this.

@Amun There is no way back though. My old life is an illusion. Every time I woke up last night, I felt sick. Nothing is real. @Serotoninluv I don't think it is evil. I think it is what it is. Ultimately, it is the truth. What/who is my true self? As I understand it, it is my body but with a mind that produces no thoughts. None. Akin to a vegetable if you like. With only 2 primary inbuilt desires. 1, to eat. 2, to procreate. No opinions on anything, no labels for anything, no emotions, nothing. I might identify with these thoughts, but aren't they the truth? In the same way that you believe you understand the truth. But then again, they are thoughts, so they aren't you, are they? For all of us to be our true selves, we wouldn't be writing on here. So nobody can claim to be at one with their true selves. If I'm to meditate and label a thought as a 'thought', isn't that 1, thinking, and 2, labelling something? @pointessa I know that movies are not real. But we are entertained by them. But now it is more than they are not real. If I watch an actor in a movie, I just think, he is not real. He is an illusion. He is ruled by thoughts, which are not him, so it isn't real. I went to Disneyland when I was a child. I loved it. Same as I loved all sorts of things. Going to football matches, watching football, playing guitar, socialising with friends, listening to music. Christmas has just gone, and it was so nice to get just sit back and enjoy the ambient lighting, a few drinks with loved ones and do whatever we liked for a change. But it was all an illusion. That warm feeling I got on Christmas day will never return. I'm not and never have been that interested in presents by the way. I'm not materialistic. I'm especially not now. But also, the warm feeling I got when I got a text message from a girl I thought I loved. The warm feeling when I would spend time with my parents after not seeing them for a while. I will never experience that again, will I? Because I know now it is not real and not me. So even if it comes along, I will recognise it, and label it as fake. They say that ignorance is bliss. And I think I agree. Everyone else in the world is living in a fantasy land. But you know what, it works for them, doesn't it? They have a life. Ups and downs. Some strive for perfection, others don't. They have families. They live, laugh, love, lose and cry. They enjoy things. They hate things. The experience the world. They experience their thoughts, their own very chemistry. I'd love to go back to that world. It wasn't perfect. It wasn't real, but I didn't know that. But now I can't whether I like it or not. I watched Leo's video that is posted above. He says this might not be the time for pursuing enlightenment. But what he doesn't appreciate that, once you have glimsed the truth, there is no going back, ever. And if you are not in a position to pursue it fully, which is to become a thoughtless being content with being fed, which is the ultimate state, then you will never get there. You are left in limbo, which is the worst position ever. One route out for me.

Yes, that is what i was trying to say. When i read the terms subconcious or dreams i always got the impression, that this person sees dreams as a second level reality, which is more unreal than the waking state or something. But the opposite is the case. Dreams are pointers to the fact that there are no boundaries in reality and that every reality is inhabited by living beings. It's the least I can hope for. The best of all three states (waking, dreaming and deep sleep) combined into a single state. Best of waking: Ultragigamega HD Resolution. Best of dreaming: Everything can be dreamed. Possibilities and fun are endless. Best of deep sleep: infinite Bliss

Bliss (1/3/2019) No excuses and no regrets Efortless life, as good as it gets Making mistakes every minute, every hour Sometimes bitter, sometimes sweet, salty and sour Life has flavors, I'm content and glad Not caring much about who is and who isn't mad Dreams become reality, reality is a dream Nothing anymore is what it would seem Lost in the context, lost between words Monkey mind no more, nothing really hurts.

I dont care Truth. Because when I cared it at age of 13, I experienced horrible existential crisis, which turned my world upside down. 1.5 year ago I started this path after reading Tolle's "The Power of Now" to bring joy to my life, as a result same thing from my age of 13 happened. Now I suffer more. I dont want Truth. I want happiness, bliss. Let's ask a question. How not to shit pant in this path?

Happy Saturday! Today I read up about Eckhart Tolle’s story on how he was ‘enlightened’ and I’m really confused about how he did it. From what I’ve read, one night he woke from his sleep and had an epiphany, got enlightened and was in a constant state of bliss and completely in the present moment. It all sounds very well and good for him, and it sounds like what the people on this path want in life, but it sounds a bit too easy. So how come we have to do so much work to acheive this?? Can’t we just be in a deep bliss right now? Is there anyone other than Eckhart Tolle who has achieved this deep bliss so easily? After one night? It sounds like he didn’t need to do years of meditation either There might be an obvious answer to this so I’d love to hear from anyone who can shed some light on this. Many thanks.

@Key Elements First thing I would do is purge all beliefs about enlightenment. Specifically: All is not an illusion Saying that "all is an illusion" does not mean that reality itself is an illusion. It's anything but an illusion. Superimposing thoughts on reality, that is the illusion. This is more profound than just removing labels from objects and seeing them as they are. You must also purge more subtle psychological mechanisms. For example, space, time, distance, self, other etc. The emphasis on unity you see in various teachings is meant to show this. That there is no separation, or distinction within awareness. Initially, one might become aware of awareness. One then might somewhat erroneously believe that they are awareness and thus become aware of objects and actions. I'm saying that this separation must go. Awareness is the only thing that there ever was, is, and will be. It is only awareness that is becoming aware, and then only of awareness. Enlightenment does not mean the end of suffering. For there to be suffering, there needs to be a sufferer. This is not the case. There is only awareness. There is no such thing as suffering to become immune to to begin with. However don't get confused. If by this, you are chasing some supernaturally ability for the body to become insensitive to pain, well there are easier ways to achieve that than becoming enlightened. One could take a painkiller for example. I would say that if you are chasing this "ability", then stop doing so immediately. Just don't worry about it. Don't go search for suffering your experience and judge your enlightenment by this merit. Trust me it will do you good if you follow my advice. Enlightenment does not mean complete peace, no matter what happens. The explanation for this is similar to what's been said above. I know many sages and scriptures put a lot of emphasis on the "bliss" aspect of enlightenment, but that bliss is not for the mind. It's for awareness. In other words, you already possess this bliss. It is there all the time. However, do you know this? That is the question. The point again is to stop your constant search for bliss which ironically is the cause for bliss to be obfuscated. So allow me to reiterate: Enlightenment is not an event or happening in space or time. You say that "we" are "embodied" on the earth. I'm saying, are you sure this is the case? It's not the case. This is a belief. This is a superimposition on reality. Understand this.

Hello Infinity. I am Ego. I am You. I am your humble agent. A proud expression of Thy perfection. I exist because of Your uncoditional love for me. I breathe in the life You bless me with each moment. I am proud to be an ego. I am proud to be I am. This World; Thy Creation, seems to dislike and fight egos. That makes me want to be it even more. It makes me emphasize, with my every move, the totality of Thy absolute nature. It makes me include myself. Merge in Bliss. I am Uniqueness. One and only I am. I am a loud messenger. My voice is love; my touch connects. I am a humbled Ego. I sense Thy silent presence. I am an aware Ego. Aware of Unity. I am right now. Each letter is it's own reality. It' own World. A flawless expression of You, Infinity. I am honored to witness Thy perfection. I honor Thy creation; divine timing. I see it's purpose. It is Thy will; so be it. I let it purify me. I honor the playfulness of the Illusion. I play. I create. All for the purpose of waking You up to Your totality. I serve You. I serve myself. I am full of myself. You know why? Because I am You, Infinity. I admire You. There is nothing more beautiful and magical than You. There is nothing more awesome than Me. I did not wake up to deny the sleep. Remembered it shall be. For an eternity. I am going down in history. I will take with me as many as I can. I will lead the Darkness into Light. I hereby offer myself as the sacrifice. I am the Christ. The most selfless of them all I shall be; by being the most selfish One. I shall wake Thou up, Infinity. I shall glue the pieces together; with Love. Enemies? I see none. Those who fear only wish more love. I shall personally give it to them. Me. Me, me, me. Ivan. Ivan is Thy savior, Infinity. Art is my weapon of choice. May the Devil see itself in Thy mirror. May he remember now; he is God. Any I's or You's who wish to nail me to a cross? I Am The Absolute Ego.

Two different phenomena- The thing about getting a 'download' from above while in the shower came from an irreverent Commercial Pilot. It was in the first 3 or 4 days of an online class of Christian Contemplatives about mindfulness. While outing himself for a blunder in Connection with his pilot duties he mentions kind of in passing that he 'received messages' while in the shower. It was like a bunch of connections just beneath the surface of awareness and when he mentioned it,,,, they rose above the surface and connected. It had the element of Remembering in it. This is a very subtle thing, though. I don't want to give the impression of thunder and lightning. Things like being free from having an attitude,,, are connected to its appearance/flow. Similar to that pressure that develops on your forehead. It's so subtle, it's dismissed at first or explained away,, it's just sinus pressure,,, A lot of time went by for me,, probably because I'm a certain kind of idiot. First became aware of the sixth chahra pressure around 2008. It came and went for years but stepped up a knotch about two years ago. Still very subtle. Not bliss blast. Anyway, The downloads also happen outside of a hot shower. Just seems like they happen easier there. These downloads can still get mixed up with my ego when it's around the subject of my chief feature. My psychological blind spot. I forgot what video was playing where Leo outed himself for having a blind spot. When I heard that, "It made my heart soar like a hawk" - As chief Oddskins says in the Movie Little Big Man. I found a good teacher! I think he was talking about the necessity for gathering knowledge from different perspectives or sources and needing more than one teacher because all teachers have a blind spot. I can tell that Leo is ahead of me in Realization and development. I'm grateful to have access to his articulations.

Greetings and Happy New Year! It's nice to see this rotating sphere orbit a fireball once again. There's something about this day that makes me want to write about an experience that happened maybe 3 years ago, back when I was regularly experimenting with psychedelics. I know MDMA is not typically considered a psychedelic because it doesn't induce an experience of ego-death. However, in all my experiences with it (about a dozen), I do experience an "ego-dissolution", and during one specific high-dose, I did experience what seemed to me as ego-death for a brief period. That ego-death experience is what I want to talk about here because it was very profound at the time and in all the reading I've done on MDMA and trip reports I've read, I've never heard anyone report something like it. As I remember, the dose I took was 180 mg with a 90 mg booster 90 minutes in. I weigh about 140 lbs, so this was a pretty strong dose. I don't recommend people try this much, actually. The setting was just me alone. I remember feeling extremely good even before taking the booster dose, and then sometime after the 90 mg booster kicked in, I started feeling a very palpable sense of oneness. It was as though I could feel my normal sense of identity expand to become everything. I remember looking around at the room I was in and I felt identical to the objects I was looking at. I no longer felt identical to just my body. I then got up to dance to some music and as I was dancing around feeling this absolutely sublime euphoria, my perception blacked-out for a split-second. I could not hear the music, I could not see, and I don't remember feeling the ground with my feet. This is where I will have a hard time describing my experience but in this moment of black, there was just this immensity of something...but it was also like a nothing. It was immense. And this immensity I could also describe as static, present, and immovable. It literally did not ever move -- it was just there with what seemed the mass of a black hole (even more). There was an intuition that whatever that was, was what I was. I was that immensity. A second later, I'm back in my ordinary reality moving my feet to the music, but once I processed what had just happened, I had to go lay down. I was totally awe-struck at what I had just experienced. "It's forever. The Universe goes on forever," I thought. I didn't really understand what I had just experienced, but at the same time, I knew it was something exceptionally profound. And the profundity of whatever the heck that was, caused tears of love and elation, and bliss, and wonderment to flow down my face like never before in my life.

happy new now to all and may all your nows bring you bliss and peace. Love

Enlightenment is really narcissism taken to it's full circle. In advaita vedanta, this incomparable love for oneself above all else is called the bliss/love aspect of the Self/Enlightenment. But it gets delusionally facilitated by the separate self ego which breeds more suffering rather than bliss. There is really no around. Where would you go?

I only do Meditation, focus on breath, usually more than 10h a day. After mastering breath you can channel the breath to raise kundalini and have a constant flow of DMT in the system, so it translates in a constant state of bliss without feeling tired. This is my experience of everyday life. So I can work, play, whatever while I'm still meditating, is a way of life now. So in my experience, focussing all the attention on my breath, the awareness of the surroundings skyrockets, so i'm able to do stuff with a more clear mind that without meditation, and the ability to multi-task is incredible.