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ESTJ ESTJ: The Director (Extraverted, Sensing, Thinking, Judging) ESTJs are often described as logical, take-charge kind of people. They are assertive and are very concerned with making sure that things run smoothly and according to the rules. They are committed to tradition, standards, and laws. They have strong beliefs and possess sensible judgment, and expect that other people uphold these same principles as well. David Keirsey, the creator of the Keirsey Temperament Sorter, suggests that the ESTJ personality type is the "Guardian Supervisor," one of four "Guardian" archetypes (Supervisor, Inspector, Provider, Protector) Key ESTJ Characteristics Individuals with this personality type tend to place a high value on tradition, rules, and security. Maintaining the status quo is important to ESTJs, and they often become involved in civic duties, government branches, and community organizations. Because of their orthodox approach to life, they can sometimes be seen as rigid, stubborn, and unyielding. Their take-charge attitude makes it easy for ESTJs to assume leadership positions. Their self-confidence and strong convictions help them excel at putting plans into action, but they can at times appear critical and overly aggressive, particularly when other people fail to live up to their high standards. People often describe ESTJs as predictable, stable, committed, and practical. They tend to be very frank and honest when it comes to sharing their opinions, which can sometimes be seen as harsh or overly critical. Strengths Practical and realistic Dependable Self-confident Hard-working Traditional Strong leadership skills Weaknesses Insensitive Inflexible Not good at expressing feelings Argumentative Bossy Dominant: Extraverted Thinking ESTJs rely on objective information and logic to make decisions rather than personal feelings.4 They are skilled at making objective, impersonal, and impartial decisions. Rather than focusing on their own subjective feelings when they are making judgments, they consider facts and logic in order to make rational choices. People with ESTJ personality types tend to be very practical. They enjoy learning about things that they can see an immediate, real-world use for, but tend to lose interest in things that are abstract or theoretical. ESTJs enjoy concrete facts as opposed to abstract information. They are good at making fast and decisive choices, but they may often rush to judgment before considering all the information about a situation. One positive side, this trait makes them good leaders, but it can sometimes lead them to being viewed as harsh or abrasive. Auxiliary: Introverted Sensing They are good at remembering things with a great deal of detail. Their memories of past events can be quite vivid, and they often utilize their recollections of past experiences to make connections with present events. Because their sensing function is focused inwardly, they tend to be less concerned with novelty and more focused on familiarity. They enjoy having habits and routines that they can depend upon. While this gives them stability and predictability, it can also make them stubborn and unyielding at times. Tertiary: Extraverted Intuition This aspect of personality seeks out novel ideas and possibilities. It compels people with this personality type to explore their creativity. As they process new ideas and information, they may explore the possible meanings in order to spot new connections or patterns. This allows them to look at incoming information and recognize that there may be more than one interpretation or possible outcome. Inferior: Introverted Feeling When this function is used, it may lead ESTJs to make decisions based more on feelings than on logic. These are often internal valuations that lead to "gut feelings" about some situations. While this function is not used as often, in some cases a person might allow their subjective feelings to override their objective interpretation of a situation. ESTJs tend to give much thought to their own emotions, so this function often operates on a largely unconscious basis.. Personal Relationships As extroverts, ESTJs are very outgoing and enjoy spending time in the company of others. They can be very boisterous and funny in social situations and often enjoy being at the center of attention. Family is also of the utmost importance to ESTJs. They put a great deal of effort into fulfilling their family obligations. Social events are also important and they are good at remembering important events such as birthdays and anniversaries. They look forward to attending weddings, family reunions, holiday parties, class reunions, and other occasions. One potential area of weakness for ESTJs is their tendency to be rigid when it comes to rules and routines. They take their own opinion quite seriously, and are often less inclined to listen to what others have to say on a subject. Career Paths Because they appreciate order and organization, they frequently do well in supervisory roles.4 When in such positions, they are committed to making sure that members of the group follow rules and traditions and law established by higher authorities In school and work situations, ESTJs are very hard-working and dependable.4 They strive to follow directions to the letter and show a great deal of respect and deference for authority figures. They are thorough and punctual about completing their work, and rarely question or complain about the work they have to do. ESTJs have a wide range of personality characteristics that help them excel at a number of different careers. Their emphasis on rules and procedures make them well-suited to supervisory and management positions, while their respect for laws, authority, and order help them excel in law enforcement roles.. Popular ESTJ Careers Police officer Military Judge Politician Teacher School administrator Business manager Accountant Banker Friendships People with this personality type are sociable and enjoy getting their friends involved in activities that they enjoy. ESTJs often value dependability over almost everything else. If you are a stable friend who sticks to your commitments, you will likely be able to forge a strong friendships with an ESTJ. Parenting ESTJs children tend to be very responsible and goal-directed, but be cautious to avoid placing too many expectations on your child's shoulders. They enjoy structure and routine. While they are good at being self-directed, they still need guidance and rules to give them the security they crave. Relationships ESTJs are dependable and take their commitments seriously. Once they have dedicated themselves to a relationship, they will stay true to it for life. They tend to avoid emotions and feelings, which can be difficult for their partners as times. While they may not express how they feel through words, remember that they will often convey their emotions through actions.

I'm taking Adya's "Fierce Love" course, and he's also saying that ultimate reality is beyond love, but that love is one of the first manifestations of ultimate reality. That's represented by the map of consciousness too. At the top of the map, you have pure consciousness, which is an infinite field of potentiality that manifests as peace, joy, and love. Ultimate reality is not indifferent; it's impersonal. The view of God as indifferent is at the level of pride. However, at the top of the map, God simply is. The point of life is to become more like God and manifest peace, joy, and love. To do that, you need courage. Courage alone is powerful; it's the foundation and it's connected to all of the other noble values of humanity: integrity, honesty, unity, truth, peace, joy, and love. When you listen to interviews with Rowling, she talks about her value of courage. And we all know the impact she had. Ramana's definition of enlightenment was "absolute courage in all situations."

Hi everyone, I have been listening to a series of Bonnie Greenwell interviews lately and one of the topics that keep coming up, is how in India, Kundalini is perceived as a goddess. Another one that has popped up repeatedly is the sexual nature of Kundalini. I have a bit of personal experience with both aspects, so whilst I wrote about this before, I would like to provide a more detailed and personal look at how the two are connected. This is going to get weird, so brace yourselves. So, I’ve hinted at my story here and there, with more details provided on my youtube, but I never really tied the different strands together and I feel it is important to do so now, as listening to these interviews have crystallised some concepts and connections that I only really felt intuitively before, but now I have become conscious of them. It’s always difficult to provide enough background information, without taking up too much space, but I’ll do my best. I am really uncomfortable writing about this topic, as it tends to ruffle so many feathers, but I feel it needs to be done anyway, as my own unique story could actually provide some clarity on topics that may have been unclear before. All of us, who have awakened Kundalini have such a unique perspective and we all arrived where we are from very different backgrounds, via different routes, and if we each provide our story to the spiritual community and the wider world, we will contribute to completing the puzzle, the greatest one there ever was, about the mysteries of the universe and the true nature of existence. So, it is often said, that Kundalini is a goddess, yet she is also Shakti, a cosmic, all-pervading force in the universe, but locally, she is also sex energy (libido as Freud would call it, having learnt about Kundalini from his friend, Jung) and as Bonnie Greenwell points out in her works, she is in fact the very creative force that creates life upon conception, it is root energy. The Hindus believe that Kundalini is what germinates life upon conception, it is what creates the blueprint for the organism to grow and is the energy and intelligence behind cellular growth and the creation of full-blown multi-cell organisms. This energy is provided by the explosive energy of orgasm upon conception and is usually drawn from the father, though the exact process is unclear. Ancient civilisations were well aware of the importance of this process and conceptualised the act of creation via orgasmic release through various fertility gods and goddesses. In India, the god of fertility is Shiva, and one of her wives, either Parvati or Durga is seen as the goddess of fertility. The former presents a more benign, loving, aspect, whereas the latter is fiercer and more warlike. Thousands of years before Hindu gods arrived on the scene, if mainstream archeological timelines are to be believed (and there is always some speculation and conjecture involved), in the first civilisation known to us, Sumer in Mesopotamia, the very first concepts underlying our current civilisation were being developed. Almost everything we associate with civilisation, whether writing, calculus, astronomy, agriculture, irrigation, architecture, calendars, timekeeping etc… was invented by the Sumerians, more than 6000 years ago. They seemingly came out of nowhere and developed all these high civilisational tools and achievements with no other civilisation to precede them. In their own records, they claim that the gifts of civilisation were bestowed upon them by their gods, whom they called Anunna, indicating that they were descended from the Sky God, AN , and were all various offspring of his marriage to KI, the Earth Goddess and mother of all gods (also known as Ninhursag), who, to honour this fact, were also sometimes referred to as the ANunnaKI. The chief God of Fertility was Enki, who was also associated with water and fish, whereas the goddess responsible for the sexual act itself, in order to create life and fertilise the whole of the earth, make plants grow, animals reproduce, etc… was known as Inanna (also Inana, later Ishtar) who was believed to be even more powerful than Enki in mythology, even though they had a familial relationship, where they often relied upon and helped each other. It was said that when Inanna descended into the underworld, life upon the surface of the earth would stop, plants would not grow, animals would not reproduce, her power over sexuality was seen as the fundamental force behind nature, which allowed its growth and replenishment and the cycle of life to continue. She had a dual nature to her as she was also the Goddess of War, riding into battle on the back of a lion, sporting an array of distinctive weapons and with various supernatural powers that have no doubt provided inspiration for the modern portrayal of superheroes. This has been acknowledged by the latest iteration of Wonder Woman, who carries her symbol, the 8-pointed star of Ishtar, representing the planet Venus (also a Roman Goddess heavily influenced by her mythology) on her forehead. If you thought that a fierce warrior goddess, riding a lion, slaying her enemies and being associated with sexuality sounded familiar, you’d be right, she has equivalents in many subsequent cultures, where some or all of her aspects and attributes were syncretised into local goddesses. Some, like Aphrodite, Venus or Astarte are no longer worshipped, whereas others, chiefly the Hindu Goddess Durga, still are. I bring up Durga here, because some scholars have established a link between these two very similar goddesses and have linked them both back to the Parthian Nana, who in the Indus Valley became known as Nana Devi. She is recognised as one of the 108 official forms of Shakti and now seen as an ancient form of Durga, from whom she inherited most of her attributes, including her fierce, war-like nature (she is the slayer of the demons of ignorance, symbolically) and her marriage to Shiva, providing the counterpoint to his role as the god of fertility and thus creation. Keep in mind, that in most strands of Hinduism, Durga is honoured as the primary form of Shakti and all this will soon start to make sense. So, apologies, if I had to get to my point in a convoluted manner, but it is relevant to the story I’m telling and it cannot be understood without this mythological and philosophical background. The point here, as often expressed in Shaktism, a major branch of Hinduism, that puts goddess-worship at the forefront, is that all these different names and forms for the Goddess are not what matters, for the force, the intelligence behind it, is essentially the same, different flavours of the same Shakti. And this Shakti is behind the creation, sustenance, rejuvenation and continuation of life, it is responsible for evolution, the creation of new species and allowing existing species to step on to the next rung of the evolutionary ladder. We may have different names and forms for her, we conceptualise her differently depending on our cultural background, but all of her different forms stem from the same underlying intelligence, she is the essence of all life and in this sense, the Divine Mother that gives life to all, not literally, but in a manner of speaking. This also explains, why Shakti has her own drive and initiative, her own goals and agenda, which is the continuation of life on earth and the evolution of all species, but on this planet, the human form in particular, towards a higher form, to reach its full potential and achieve self-realisation. That is why, when she activates in us as Kundalini, her primary goal is our transformation and evolution. There is no difference between her myriad forms, they all share one divine cosmic consciousness, we only perceive them to be different due to the limitations of our senses. So, you may ask, why did I bring the Sumerians into this, isn’t the picture already complicated enough without them? I had to do this, because it informs my own story and is of personal relevance to me. You see, when my Kundalini first started rising, back around 2010, I was an atheist, though I maintained a keen interest in spirituality from early childhood and had always known that subtle energies and souls were real, I also maintained somewhat of an on-again, off-again meditative practice. Living in London at the time, I visited the British Museum regularly and became fascinated with the Mesopotamian Exhibits, not least the Uruk collection, which was excavated from Inanna’s holy city and the Burney Relief, which is said to be a depiction of her. Concurrent to my visits and interest in Mesopotamian culture and mythology, my Kundalini started rising, first as heat at the base of my spine and then gradually cleared the first three chakras in a gentle and painless manner, bringing up the requisite past unresolved issues and memories, I was supposed to deal with. The problems started when the energy hit my heart chakra and was unable to clear it and break through. I felt chest pain and in time developed heart palpitations, anxiety, heavy breathing and neurological problems. Having been pretty much an atheist up to that point (I was brought up as a Roman Catholic prior to that, but also had some exposure to Hinduism, when I lived in India as a child), my only solace from the increasingly troublesome collection of Kundalini symptoms was during my regular meditative sessions in the Cathedral Gardens, next to St Paul’s, the river Thames in general and my frequent visits to the British Museum and the associated reading areas where I delved into Mesopotamian Mythology with growing interest. It was as if the artefacts from all those millennia ago were calling to me and I felt an energetic connection developing, particularly with the artefacts depicting the gods Enki and Inanna. In some myths, they are Father and Daughter, in others they are Husband and Wife, in yet others, they are Uncle and Niece, but their relationship is central to Mesopotamian mythology and they represent a very important male-female duality, where their strengths complement each other. One day, I was feeling particularly “unwhole” and suffering from Kundalini Syndrome. As I was walking towards the Cathedral Gardens at St Paul’s from my City office, it occurred to me, that these ancient gods I had been so intently studying, weren’t just myths, but perhaps they were very real beings and could be prayed to and applied to for help. I looked towards the majestic dome of St Paul’s Cathedral and thought, well, I have nothing to lose, if I ask for help, so I might as well. I closed my eyes and imagined the god Enki as depicted on a particular relief in the Museum and asked for his help. I told him, he was known as the creator and greatest helper of humanity, most gracious amongst the gods and most likely to take pity on any mortal that might need his help. I asked him to send any help he can and having read about the concept of guardian deities or spirits beforehand, even suggested he might send someone to assist me with my Kundalini issues in person. Immediately, I felt a huge download of energy. It was as if the skies had opened up (being London, it was grey and overcast) and some sort of beam or ray of energy descended from the sky, straight into my crown chakra and suffused my entire being. It felt like I was filled with light and had received a gift of divine grace. I immediately felt better and felt hopeful for the future. The next day, as I was washing up, a light appeared behind me, as bright and hot as a second sun and white in colour, accompanied by a sound of beautiful radiance. It had a female presence, immense intelligence, grace and emanated pure love. Within her energy field, time seems to have stopped or slowed down immensely, the outside world appeared like a mere shadow and looked unreal. Only she and I existed in that moment, everything else was a mere projection on a wall. Nothing has ever felt so real up to the point and so-called reality never felt so unreal. It was as if the colour, the flavour had gone out of it and it had gone pale and lifeless, so incredible was her shining and radiance, illuminating everything around her with the light of a thousand suns. Without words, this being of pure light energy floated towards me and communicated that she would like to heal me and touch me, in a way asking for permission, I suppose. She touched my back, at the level of the heart chakra and this touch felt real, like that of a human woman. She gave me shaktipat, which is what I later discovered, this transmission of energy is called, unblocked my heart and caused the energy to shoot up and flood all the nadis as it passed through the heart. I felt the need to lie down and allow Kundalini to do its thing, so I went to my room and that’s what I did. I started thrashing around and having various kriyas as the energy shot up, taking only a few minutes each to clear each of the upper chakras. When it got to ajna chakra and then past it, I felt a rhythmic thud at the top of my skull, towards the back part, as if the energy was trying to escape and break through, but couldn’t. This final knot, in the Brahmarendra, just below the crown is the last one and again I was getting the constrained feeling like I did when the energy was stuck below the heart. However, Inanna was still there, in the kitchen and as I was having this experience, she gracefully floated into my room, emanating this white-silvery light everywhere and giving the impression that she had tendrils of light extending from her in all directions, with which she was able to caress and touch me. She then floated on top of me, as I was lying in bed and started enveloping me in her light and I even felt like someone sat on me, with not much, but still noticeable weight, which to be honest, felt rather sexual, as is often the case when kundalini is involved. I have since seen many depictions of tantric goddesses sitting atop devotees in an act of tantric union in Buddhist art, especially in Tibet, so I’m guessing this is pretty universal. Not for nothing is Inanna known as the Goddess of (sexual) Love. In this tantric union, which really felt like an act of divine lovemaking, our beings slowly merged and became one. She gave me her energy and I felt my Kundalini finally shooting up with such force that it broke through the last knot and it felt like, my actual skull, with an audible crack, which sounded like a bone breaking. I have only recently discovered, that this moment is known as the breaking of the cosmic egg (Hiranyagarbha), which is accompanied by the release of the yolk, known as Amrita, which floods the body. The way I experienced it, was that after the breaking of the cosmic egg, the serpent finally escaped and as it exited the skull, it felt like it was peeking out from just above me, eventually coming to rest its neck, just below the head, and keeping its head raised up, the way it is often depicted in Egyptian art. Concurrently to this, amrita started flooding my brain and this felt like a rush of liquid light with again an audible sound of rushing water, like a stream, or even a waterfall. As the Amrita flooded me I experienced incredible feelings of bliss and joy, as well as downloads of profound truths, which is known as sat-chit-ananda (truth-joy-bliss) in the vedic literature. I received great realisations moment after moment and my whole being was being suffused with light, brighter than anything I have ever seen. Each subsequent stage of this awakening was more joyful and blissful than the previous one, even though I always thought, surely, it cannot get better and more intense than this, but until the final stage of Nirvikalpa Samadhi, it always did. At this stage I was already in some state of Samadhi, though still within my body, with the opening at the top back part of my head, known as the Mouth of Heaven in the literature, giving me constant access to a higher, infinite and non-dual realm, which I can only refer to as Heaven, as we really have no other or better word for it. However, my experience had not yet culminated at this point and I was to experience the greatest bliss of all, as my consciousness exited the body. My body fell away and became increasingly small as I extended into a black, spaceless, timeless and dimensionless void. I was all alone, it felt, but I was also everything. I started experiencing everything being part of me, the whole cosmos and everything within it and my expansion seemed never ending. I filled everything, suffused and pervaded everything with my being. I was in my own universe, not knowing if I was the only one with his own expanded universe, or whether there were others parallel to me, but ultimately, it did not seem to matter, because in this place, I was whole, loved and loving, both the object and the subject. It seems like a paradox in hindsight, because how can you be loved or love, when you are alone, but in fact I was pure love, nothing else really existed, everything was made of pure light, the ecstasy, the knowledge, the happiness, the love, the joy, the bliss, all of it was way more than any human being could possibly bear, so I had to be in this universal form, encompassing everything there is, to bear the majesty and brilliance of it. This was a state of non-duality, where all opposites, even subject and object ceased to exist and there was only the One, the Absolute, the Self. The Self was universal, omniscient and all-loving. In this state, everything was already understood and known, past and present were no longer mysteries, they were all occurring simultaneously, everywhere and there was no limitation of any kind, just pure expansiveness. I must have been in this state for about an hour, though during that time, I had no concept of time at all, it simply did not exist. The same thing for space, everything was within me and I was within everything, with no separation. Ditto for dimensions, they extended infinitely in all directions and I was part of each dimension of existence. My vision wasn’t confined like it is now, it was also in all directions and saw everything there ever was or will be, everywhere, simultaneously. All knowledge simply “was”, already there, instantly available and there was nothing that wasn’t known to me. In hindsight, I understand why ancient Rishis described this moment of realisation as “I am that”, because really, that is all there is. In that moment, you are that and that is the only thing that exists, so you realise the unity and oneness of everything and everyone, different manifestations of the same “One”, seemingly different in the illusory, dualistic world of Maya, but ultimately stemming from the same source. Once I have grown tired of existing in my infinite, universal state, I started shrinking again, until I was small enough to fit back into my body (it felt like falling back into it) through the same route I exited it. Being back in my body, I felt incredibly constrained and my muscles were sore. I knew this was a profound experience I’ve just had, but it also felt rather disappointing to be back in my same old body and to have lost that full immersion into truth, bliss and joy, though I have carried back the memory of it. Since my crown was now opened up, the mouth of heaven provided a constant link to Heaven and I was able to interact with heavenly beings, beings of light from then on, depending on the needs of those that exist in this shadow world of illusions. The state I have just come back from is known as Nirvikalpa Samadhi. I have been able to go into Samadhi states and rest in them subsequently as well, though none were ever this intense, this seems to be a one-time deal, to show the Jiva or Soul what awaits it once its task has been completed here on earth, as a motivation to keep up the work and lead others towards union with the divine (Brahman). So, there you have it, that is my own unique take on Shakti being a goddess, one of many names and forms, which are largely made up by humans, but the intelligence, the force, the power behind it is unchanging and always the same. In fact that reminds me, the Goddess once showed me a vision of herself when I admitted to being confused about all the different forms and names that are associated with her and how she could be all of those things when to us, they may look so different. In this vision, I saw her as a Hindu Goddess in a four-armed form. Like I said, names and forms are for us, for her, they are all the same. She was alone, in a black, dimensionless void, like the one I have been to in my Nirvikalpa state, sitting cross-legged, two of her arms raised up in meditation and the other two manipulating reality. In front of her, was a loop, donut-shaped. As I looked into the loop, I realised it contained all the time and space of the universe, condensed, and as you “zoomed in” individual faces and lives started appearing though from her perspective, they were all flat or two-dimensional. She could reach into any one moment or any one life and make adjustments as she deemed necessary. She explained to me (in thought, not words), that this is how she reaches into manifest reality to keep the loop running as it should be and both time and space circle back into each other and start again, over and over, but to her all points in space, time and various dimensions are equally accessible and visible. She also explained to me, that when intervention is needed, she might incarnate in a certain form along a particular point of the timespace loop. All she need to do, is “pinch” that particular point in the loop-movie, for her, no time will have passed, but in the movie, in the physical play-out reality we inhabit, an entire avatar or incarnation may have been born, lived and died, completing the missions she was sent there for. I’m not going to speculate on how this relates to other gods and goddesses, I am simply reporting what I was told, or rather shown and you can make up your own mind about what that might mean. I have also “seen” her (specifically in the form of Inanna, but also as others, including Buddhist forms, as reported by friends who were visited) manifest in physical reality and “reach into” it, manipulating events, or performing healing on someone. The events were reported by friends or people who have asked me for assistance, remotely, but I also saw them in my minds eye, in the form of visions, so to me they were as real as if I was really there, even though I was thousands of miles away. If that sounds weird, keep in mind this is known as remote viewing and is reportedly how the Mahabharata was written, so that events could be seen by the author remotely. When the Ajna chakra is activated, these things become possible, though I have never sought them out, they only happen spontaneously, when the situation calls for it. In conclusion, I realise I have thrown a lot of weird, hard-to-digest stuff at you and it may not make much sense now, but perhaps in time, it will. I know it took me many, many years to get a sense of what’s really going on and understand at least the basics of it. I cringe at the thought of how many people will be upset by this story and I have plenty of experience with that, believe me. I’m not bothered by the criticism, which is predictable and I have noticed always comes from the point of view of which cherished part of the ego feels most threatened by it. Some will be upset by the mixing and matching of religions and philosophies, to some it will be new-age, to others way too religious, polytheists will decry its monotheism, monotheists its polytheism, non-duality its dualism, dualists its non-dualism and so forth. This story does not fit into any neat category and neither do I, I am literally in a minority of one, so it has the unique advantage of upsetting everyone at the same time. It may also seem unfair that such profound spiritual experiences would occur to someone so undeserving as myself (and that I very clearly am) and all I can say to that is that we live in a different age now (some would say, the tail end of the Kali Yuga) and as things get darker, one advantage of being here now is that we have to put in so much less effort to progress spiritually than only a few decades ago. A lot more people are waking up and having spiritual experiences of a profound nature, whilst simultaneously, those that refuse to grow and evolve with the changing times are growing ever more demonic and hateful, as has been predicted by the Puranas all those millennia ago. So for you, my advice would be this: keep doing whatever you’re doing and work on it, because there has never been another time in human history, when it was easier and quicker to achieve spiritual liberation than it is today. Don’t listen to mean-spirited critics (teachers and gurus who know what they are doing excepted), instead, follow your own heart and your own intuition, listen to the guidance of the Goddess and she will manipulate events in such a way as to give you maximum opportunity to develop and grow. Also, pray to her, talk to her, plead to her if you have to and she will find a way to communicate with you. Do not be bothered by the differences in outward appearance when it comes to her many forms, work with whatever form works best for you, whether it is the more impersonal and universal Shakti / Mahashakti, her more localised form as Kundalini Shakti or one of her more personalised forms appearing as various goddesses in different parts of the world all throughout history. If you feel more comfortable with the male aspect of God, then do that and apply to that aspect for help, that is also what I initially did, when I prayed for help almost a decade ago now. But, you’ll find, that in most religions, it is the female aspect of God, that is most active in this reality and is most likely to step in, whereas the male aspect tends to remain somewhat distant and is generally outside of the created world, rarely taking an interest in it or intervening directly. I hope that helped you and I encourage others to share their personal stories of awakening in a similar manner so we may all learn from them as a collective, because in the end we are one consciousness, having the same experience, but from myriad different points of view.

Perceiver's choice to look at a text and see it as spiritual narcissism, or to see the love, time, effort and diligence being put in by the writer. Sometimes it's actually so impersonal, the text being written; as if the writer is processing the information for themselves - that it almost becomes personal for the reader/audience. If you feel like it's targeted or being too much, try to look at it from a different perspective. It might not be so personal after all (relative) You can also take it to the next level, go a bit more meta, and realize that whoever is writing and reading these posts, is the same perceiver. But you would have to open your sense of Self more and more, and realize the Love behind Everything. That it is all you (absolute) Same thing with this text above, you can look at it being narcissistic and trying to be "better" than you. Or you can realize that it's an Invitation for you/me, to expand our perspectives and realize the Oneness/Togetherness that is permeating all of it, Right Now

3 Thinking vs. Feeling The Thinking (T) and Feeling (F) Preference pair refers to how people make decisions, either by objective logic or subjective feeling. Thinking and Feeling are opposite Preferences. A person’s natural tendency toward one will be stronger than the other. This isn’t to say, however, that Thinkers don’t feel emotions or that Feelers can’t use their heads. Here, this concept is a matter of instinct. If faced with a situation, Feelers would be more inclined to react emotionally or empathize with the feelings of others, contrary to Thinkers, who would take a more pragmatic and logic-driven course of action. If the situation calls for it, Feelers can push their nature aside; however, this wouldn’t be an easy thing to do. The same applies to Thinkers; they can consider emotions and examine how their actions influence others, but it can take a bit more effort. Thinking (T) Thinking people are objective. When they have to make a decision, they focus on facts and concrete information. They are people who are ruled by their head instead of their heart. In many cases, Thinkers value truth over tact and can easily identify flaws. They are critical thinkers and oriented toward problem solving. To them, knowledge is the only tool for coming up with the best course of action. When they interact with others, they are driven by effectiveness and fairness. This can make them seem distant to those around them, but don’t be fooled – Thinkers aren’t emotionless. They simply aren’t that comfortable with emotions, which are out of line with their usual rational path. They are able to feel deeply – just not when a decision needs to be made. Thinkers have the ability to put their feelings at bay and handle any situation with objectivity and logic. Thinking Characteristics Logical Objective Decides with head Wants truth Rational Impersonal Critical thinkers Thick-skinned Firm with people Thinking Personality Types ESTJ – The Administrator ESTP – The Daredevil ENTJ – The General ENTP – The Debater ISTJ – The Archivist ISTP – The Tinkerer INTJ – The Mastermind INTP – The Logician Feeling (F) People with the Feeling Preference are subjective. They follow their hearts more than their heads – sometimes even without realizing it. Although the visibility of this Preference may show up in different degrees from person to person, Feelers often are caring, warm and empathetic. They are very concerned with the wellbeing of their loved ones and will likely go out of their way to help them, should the need occur. This might be an admirable quality but it’s easy for Feelers to neglect taking care of themselves, which can lead to burnout. Additionally, Feeling people are driven by their strict principles and values, which can cause them to be too self critical and hard on themselves if they don’t live up to their own expectations. As much as these people are invested in keeping the balance and harmony in every aspect of their lives, this doesn’t mean there is no logic in their actions. To them, emotions can’t simply be disregarded and instead should be embraced. Feeling Characteristics Decides with heart Dislikes conflict Passionate Driven by emotion Gentle Easily hurt Empathetic Caring of others Warm Feeling Personality Types ESFJ – The Caregiver ESFP – The Entertainer ENFJ – The Guide ENFP – The Optimist ISFJ – The Defender ISFP – The Adventurer INFJ – The Sage INFP – The Mediator 4 Judging (J) vs Perceiving (P) The Judging (J) and Perceiving (P) Preference pair refers to how a person interacts with the world outside themselves, either in a structured or in a flexible manner. Judging and Perceiving are opposite Preferences. A person’s natural tendency toward one will be stronger than the other. These Preferences aren’t only concerned with day-to-day tasks or work related activities. They can also reflect how people deal with the various options in front of them. Judging and Perceiving preferences give answers to questions such as: “Do I feel comfortable making my bed in the morning or should I keep it messy?”, “Do I need more choices or fewer?”, or “Does chaos motivate me, or do I thrive in structure and order?” Judging (J) Judging people think sequentially. They value order and organization, and thus feel best when they have a clear course of action ahead. Nothing is more important to them than following a schedule and establishing a structure in their lives. They would prefer to come up with as many backup plans as possible to avoid facing uncertainty in any shape or form. Judging people see no point in going with the flow and instead seek closure and enjoyment in completing tasks. To these people, deadlines are not to be taken lightly. If they are not careful, however, they may appear too rigid in the eyes of others. Yet, Judging people can adapt to their environment when they need to. If they encounter a high demand for flexibility and uncertainty, though, they will likely be left stressed and frustrated. Keep in mind that the Judging Preference does not mean judgmental. Rather, Judging refers to how a person deals with day-to-day activities. Judging Characteristics Decisive Controlled Good at finishing Organized Structured Scheduled Quick at tasks Responsible Likes closure Makes plans Judging Personality Types ESTJ – The Administrator ESFJ – The Caregiver ENTJ – The General ENFJ – The Guide ISTJ – The Archivist ISFJ – The Defender INTJ – The Mastermind INFJ – The Sage Perceiving (P) Perceivers are adaptable and flexible. They are people who thrive when the unexpected strikes, and they are adept at spotting unexpected opportunities as well. They are random thinkers who prefer to keep their options open. Instead of trying to control their environment, they react to it accordingly, which helps them manage whatever may come their way. Perceivers believe the world is full of possibilities, though this way of thinking does have its faults. People with this Preference can easily be overwhelmed by the many options they see out in the world and can be prone to impulsive-decision making. Their “gray” mentality prevents them from thinking in black-and-white extremes but also makes it difficult for them to commit to anything. This avoidance of commitment shows in their work as well, as they are very good at starting projects but not so good at finishing them. To Perceivers, deadlines are often merely suggestions. Perceiving Characteristics Adaptable Relaxed Disorganized Care-free Spontaneous Changes tracks midway Keeps options open Procrastinates Dislikes routine Flexible Perceiving Personality Types ESTP – The Daredevil ESFP – The Entertainer ENTP – The Debater ENFP – The Optimist ISTP – The Tinkerer ISFP – The Adventurer INTP – The Logician INFP – The Mediator

This looked like a great share opportunity ❤ "I’ve found it interesting to notice and get curious about the undercurrent of restlessness or dissatisfaction that shows up sometimes in my experience and I suspect in that of most other human beings as well. We may find that this is sometimes quite strong and overt, and at other times, it is a very subtle, barely detectible undercurrent—a slight tension in the bodymind that is perhaps almost always there to some subtle degree, even in moments of pleasure. It often manifests as the attempt to manipulate, control, change or understand experience. It might show up for some as an effort to identify as awareness and not as a bodymind, or as an effort to be mindful (to “be here now”) all the time. It might be the sense that something needs to happen, shift, clarify, drop away or be found. It might be a feeling that we can’t stand being here in this mind or this body or this situation. It emerges from a sense of separation—a sense of fundamental lack, of not being okay, of something missing or something frightening or threatening. Nisargadatta described consciousness as an itching rash that comes upon us. Consciousness seemingly divides up the indivisible wholeness and freezes formlessness into apparently separate forms, giving rise to the sense of being an encapsulated separate self and the inevitable feelings of dissatisfaction, lack and endless seeking that follow from that. Buddha called it suffering, the delusion of being a persisting, separate somebody, driven by fear and desire. Adi Da, a controversial America guru (about whom I have very mixed feelings), often posed the question, “What are you always doing?” He was pointing to what he called the self-contraction. And he said, "Your suffering is your own activity. It is something that you are doing moment to moment....You will continue to pursue every kind of means until you realize that all you are doing is pinching yourself. When you realize that, you just take your hand away. There is nothing complicated about it. But previous to that, it is an immensely complicated problem.” He also said, “The self is just like this clenched fist. Relax the fist and there is nothing inside... We are never at any moment in the dilemma we fear ourselves to be." We often think so-called spiritual awakening is about getting something or finding the Truth. But it’s more about seeing the false as false, seeing through unnecessary mental activities, noticing and relaxing that metaphorical clenched fist in the bodymind. And we can’t actually “do” relaxing—that would be a contradiction in terms. In the seeing (i.e., awaring) of the tension, there is a natural relaxing that happens by itself—the storylines begin to lose their believability and their grip loosens. The clenched fist opens. It isn’t a willful efforting—it’s a relaxing, a letting go, an opening, a surrendering. It happens spontaneously. And it rarely, if ever, happens once and for all. It’s always about right now. And sometimes, relaxing doesn’t happen. And then, it may be possible to notice that even the contraction or the tension is never really a problem—it is simply an impersonal energetic movement of this aliveness, a momentary dance that presence is doing. Taking it personally, giving it meaning, viewing it as “The Obstruction Standing Between Me and My Awakening” and then trying really hard to get rid of it, is all only a new meta form of the very problem it is trying to cure—a problem about the problem. This efforting to get rid of effort, or trying to stop trying, is a common unintended side effect of otherwise potentially helpful pointers and practices such as recognizing ourselves as boundless awareness or impersonal presence, or “being here now,” or even attending talks by someone like Tony Parsons in which we are told that there is nothing to do and no one to do it. All of these things, when slightly misunderstood, can inadvertently feed into the very problem they are designed to expose or undermine. The medicine that we need to cure a physical illness often has unintended but unavoidable side effects. For example, radiation treatments successfully and blessedly dissolved a cancerous tumor in this body that would have killed me, but it also caused some secondary collateral damage that continues to unfold (as they knew it would, and as I was told about in advance, and which was a price I was willing to pay). In a similar way, spiritual practices and pointers can also have unintended collateral side effects or potential pitfalls. They can inadvertently reinforce the sense that “this isn’t it,” that “something needs to happen,” that there is someone here who needs to do something to finally be okay or complete or happy or enlightened. They can reinforce a dualistic sense of success and failure, okay and not-okay, a striving for future results, an endless evaluating of how we are doing, comparing ourselves to others, and believing that the speaker at the front of the room or the author of the book has something the rest of us don’t. As with the radiation that cured my cancer, this doesn’t mean these pointers and practices are terrible and should not be used. It seems to be part of the journey from Here to Here that we inevitably stumble into various misunderstandings and their associated pitfalls (or unintended side effects), and then eventually (with luck), we wake up from them—or we don’t, and that, too, is simply how this dance is dancing. Often different teachings serve as antidotes to the unintended pitfalls of other teachings. Thus, in my own journey, Toni Packer helped to dissolve some of the pitfalls inadvertently induced by Zen; radical nonduality helped to dissolve some of the pitfalls inadvertently induced by Toni’s approach; various Buddhist teachers and more encounters with Toni helped to dissolve some of the pitfalls induced by radical nonduality; and so on and on. In one moment we need mindfulness meditation, in another moment we need Rupert Spira or Gangaji or Adyashanti, in another moment we need Karl Renz or Jim Newman or Peter Brown, and in another moment we need Robert Saltzman or Shiv Sengupta. It’s not about one being right and the other being wrong. It’s about pulling the most recent rug we’re standing on out from under us again and again and waking us up to THIS, right here, right now. The mind is infinitely skilled at turning rug-pulling and rug-less-ness into an imaginary new apparently solid rug upon which we can stand. Thus, waking up is not once-and-for-all, but always NOW. So, you may find it interesting to give open nonjudgmental attention to the persistent sense of restlessness or dissatisfaction—feeling it in the body, that subtle or not so subtle tension, agitation or unease, and also seeing the thoughts and storylines that generate and sustain this unease. Not trying to fix or undo it or get rid of it, because that’s just more of the same efforting, but simply being aware of the whole thing—not thinking of it as a problem, but SEEING it as the neutral and only-possible expression of reality at this moment. This can be an interesting exploration, and if it invites you, I suggest approaching it lightly, with curiosity and interest, not in a goal or result oriented way. Allow it to do you, rather than you trying to do it—which is actually always how it is. And remember, we are never really in the dilemma we imagine ourselves being in. The whole story of being lost, bound, incomplete, etc. is all imagination. There is no separate, independent, persisting person to be any particular way for more than a nanosecond. There is ONLY flow and nothing IN the flow. And paradoxically, the ever-changing flow never departs from the immovable instantaneous timeless immediacy of HERE-NOW." - Joan Tollifson

@Leo Gura Just as a small nitpick, what Angelo can talk about, directly on the scene, is utterly beyond nonduality. I recognize it essentially as what you might term something like absolute impersonal solipsism. If you don’t see that, you pretty much just haven’t seen enough of his stuff. It’s definitely not set apart from God either it just has no need to be called as such.

"Suicide and Attempted Suicide: Methods and Consequences" by Geo Stone https://b-ok.cc/book/947188/2871ec Denial gets nowhere. My starting point is to honestly admit that I don't want to die. But despite the fact I don't want to die, I may commit suicide anyway. That's the extent of my personal feelings, and to say anymore would be fluff. With that out of the way, some notes Part I —As far as statistics go, there is much data which falls into three different categories: sociology, psychiatric + psychological and biological - Sociological tells very little about any given individual, but I disagree with this slightly. People can be the product of economic factors, and these factors are impersonal in their descriptions. - Hopelessness about the future is a great predictor of suicide, as opposed to depression - Adoption data supports biological basis of suicide due to prevalence of suicide in biological relatives being a stronger correlative factor than suicide in adoptive relatives {one would have to question what sort of suicidal folks are carrying out adoptions, but nonetheless} —Although only 1% of suicide survivors successfully kill themselves within one year, it is still a fact that about half of the people who make a suicide attempt will attempt another one (at some point in time). e.g. A Swedish study with a 35 year follow up found that 10.9% ultimately died of suicide Part II —Drug/chemical/poison suicides have a success rate between 1.2 to 11.4%. -People are often unaware what a lethal or safe dose is, and neither is there a guaranteed safe dose or guaranteed lethal dose due to biological individuality. -Another con is that they are very painful sometimes, and that some may cause permanent damage if survived {although I see this being the case much more with hanging and other methods. The damage after is a non-factor or heavily depends on the method chosen} -It will therefore be highly dependent on the exact poison or drug used —Hanging; con is possible brain damage if interrupted -another minor con is appearance of the corpse afterwards —Hyperthermia is a method, but it's uncommon, and seems very hard to pull off. -It can cause brain damage or severe injury if failed?{"The neurological injury may manifest in several ways, including cognitive dysfunction, agitation, seizures, unsteadiness, or disturbance of consciousness from lethargy to coma""} —Jumping; Jumps from over 150 feet on land or 250 feet over water are almost always fatal. -However, if you do less than that the rate of success is variable. Permanent injuries, paralysis, amputations, etc. -I am almost certainly not going to do this method ————— In conclusion? The best way to go out would be an (accidental in some cases) OD when fucking around with drugs, in my opinion. My choices are between hanging and drugs/poisons. Poisons/drugs are my most preferable route to take. This would be the best way to go out, but there are a few problems. Sourcing poisons is extremely difficult, sourcing drugs is extremely difficult, and illegal. If worst truly came to worst, I could see myself doing a hanging to get the job done of a suicide. That or some other bullshit in the vicinity of asphyxia. Pulling off hypothermia seems tricky; you'd have to be in the right area, take a massive swig of alcohol, and pray you get lucky to scrape a death after several hours. And then you might have heart or brain complications, (probs short term), in the event you fail. --- Research ain't over, suicide squad still going strong. So many potential options to choose from, but the number of viable ones are fewer

@Mjolnir I've dealt with the same pelvic floor tightness and lack of feeling for years. I read a lot of anatomy and stretched most of my tight muscles. I had so many tight muscles in my lower body. I especially had to stretch my hip flexors because I'd been sitting all day for years. I had to strengthen my muscles because I was too weak to hold healthy posture. It helped me at first but my problems continued because there was more I had to address. Almost my entire body was weak from sitting for most of my life and my lower body muscles were very tight from running on a treadmill years ago, having the habit of running every day on a weak body without stretching, and I stopped doing that when my problems started occurring, but I didn't know anything about anything so I couldn't fix it and everything kept getting even tighter and more painful for years until I learned enough about the mechanics of the body. I don't know if you necessarily have a history of running but it's not really the point. These musculoskeletal problems occur because the body reacts in the way it has to, to whatever forces are placed on it at any time, whether sitting all day or something else. It was common when I searched for help online to find articles say it could be caused by holding your body in a tense state all the time due to psychological stress, but I found this to have nothing to do with my problem and not help me even though I've been stressed. Maybe that alone does it for some people. But there are also impersonal mechanisms of causality going on in the body that have to be understood and fixed, usually coming from our lifestyle. I spent so many hours thinking over my past years and reading articles to try to understand. I had severe pain, and it was coming from inadequate circulation for the cells to survive, and the cause of that was fascial adhesion. I didn't feel much pain at first, but I kept making it worse. I also read about nerve compression and scar tissue, and I probably have both to some degree, but reading about it wasn't helping much and I found out it wasn't the problem. The problem is that my fascia became so constricted while I was going through it that even after stretching and strengthening my muscles, the condition didn't go away. It will become tight if the lifestyle is sedentary. I stayed in bed for most of a year while struggling to figure out my muscle situation and I think that's why it became such a problem for me. By the time I rehabilitated my muscles it was too late to fix the problem with only that, because it had created a new problem. On my entire abdomen and underneath my ribcages, the fascia is almost like a bulletproof vest. I have to decompress it for 2 hours each day and it's steadily working. I haven't fully healed yet, but in feeling like I finally figured it out I already got my feeling capacity restored to some degree. I don't know how severe your situation is, but it's probably going to require the same things - stretching, strengthening, and fascia decompression if it's tight. Here are some of the videos that saved me... https://youtu.be/8OYMx_aw8E0 https://youtu.be/K-CrEi0ymMg https://youtu.be/smG9qvVeMNM I think you would benefit if you searched for any or all stretches that your body could use and work on balancing the whole system out. Our modern lives make us so tight. And I noticed if I'm doing a stretch with complex movements, it doesn't stretch what I'm intending to stretch unless I get the stretching position almost perfect, so I have to follow the instructions I find meticulously. And sometimes I read articles about stretches that I end up not really understanding, and I have to look for another person's explanation of it or try a different stretch. And I heard someone say asymmetrical tightness creates some harmful torque inside the body, so I paid attention to if on one side I was tighter, and I actually was on most stretches and I tried to balance it all out to stay safe. There's a lot that I've learned slowly over the months that allowed me to finally get improvement, and what I did was frequently search the internet with my problems and hope to get lucky. I still don't understand some of it, and we may have different situations, but I hope you can figure it out and get better and understand what happened to you.

In the Absolute sense you are just revealing things to yourself yes. But that fine. I would just suggest a meditation practice - self inquiry specifically. Really dig in to what you think you are.. You say impersonal awareness but notice this could be dogma and not realized directly which is enlightenment - its enlightenment because you become awareness - which you have not. So what do you really think you are? An entity or soul residing behind the eyes?

I am questioning that too all the time. I found the "seeing", call it "space" but this understanding deepens. Impersonal awareness.

@Michael Jackson maybe I'm not totally awake. Well, Maybe no, sure, because i feel that there is still a final opening to the divinity that I block. even with 5 meo I still have the feeling of...yes, god, anything, but I still resist. total infinity terrifies me. the total absence of limit is unbearable for me beyond a few seconds. Well, what I wanted to say is that in your definition of omnipotent, intelligent, etc, the fundamental word is missing: infinity. what we are is infinity, and the rest is implicit in infinity. but on the other hand infinity is so impersonal, so opposite to "I" that it is absolutely terrifying. it is death. educating the self to accept the infinite and to be able to become it, is the true awakening. the rest are limitations of the ego, call it god or whatever you want.

I can elaborate, the Logos we call the second person of the Godhead, Logos is the power shaping creation. We can try to use some imagery, The Father is the end all be all, there is no one before or after, which eternally creates its own perfect image which is the Son, who the Father shares his power and life with. And also the Spirit which proceeds from the Father. The case is that the Father is absolutely infinite and completely unknowable in his essence, we can tho recognize and see God through his energies and activities. But the Father has infinite power and produces the Son, the first born, the Logos, the Divine Mind who is more logic/thinking/structure/order/laws So the father creates matter, the son shapes it, and the spirit perfects it so to speak, making it come alive. God is not some impersonal void of nirvana, he is the Living God which we can have a relationship with. Everything that has been made was made through the Son, because without him everything that was made was not made. The Godhead is non dual fundamentally, but also distinct, and the relationship between Father and the Son and Spirit is Love, Oneness and distinctness comes to together as a perfect Trinity in Unity thats why it can be both and still remain a Person. We could develop a deep relationship with God but at the same time let God be God and we keep being humans trying to bring that Love to others in this wonderful creation. Nothing is impossible for God. If you follow me now and keep an open mind i want to share where this Logos Theology is fufilled, it is in Jesus Christ, he is the Logos incarnated, taking on a human nature knowing full well how his own would recieve him, they would kill him, but then he would rise again. He says in the Gospel of John to the priests that, tear this tempel down and I will rebuild it in 3 days, they thought he talked about the physical tempel in Jerusalem which had been in progress for 46 years and still was not finished. He meant his body, Christ defeated Death in order so we could be liberated from the chains of death and impermanence, because you are free to cease to exist when you die if that is what you want, but if you want eternal life, he says we need to follow him, because he says he is "the way, the truth, and the life, and no one comes to the father except through ME" Jesus is the Light which lightens every man that comes into the world. And this process, that God can take on human form and still be 100%8 God, he has two natures, and thanks to that we can also become God, not in essence but in activities and his energys, this is called theosis in Eastern Orthodox Christianity. We have ALOT of enlightened monks, priests, bishops which is living a life in stillness, hesychasm is the name for it. Philokalia, and The way of a pilgrim and Holy hesychia the Stillness that knows God is EXCELLENT books to read if you are interested in reaching theosis, and cultivating inner stillness and a emptying of one self so that God through grace fills it up with his presence. Sorry for this long and probably unrelated answer , I feel that, there is a treasure chest of deep spiritual life and experience in Orthodox. There is alot of Saints who we would consider enlightened and also did good works in the community and a few of them performed miracles where there is thousands of eye Witnesses, one of them is St Paisios the elder and St John Maximovitch just to name some modern fathers.

@Kksd74628 I like to share with you a thought which came up when reading this thread, and I'm curious how it is for you. I project this dynamic on your interaction in this thread, and perhaps it's true for you too: Just today I let go of helping a former friend of mine. I hold her close to my heart. I wanted to support and guide her in recognizing the self-destructive stories she believes. It came from good intentions. I thought I wanted to help her to alleviate her suffering, but it was about me putting my agenda and will on her. It was me putting my desire on her for her to change. And she doesn't want to change. In fact, she views any attempt of me to "help her" as an attack because I put my agenda on her. My unwanted help is like me slapping her. Do you notice that in this thread? To clarify what I mean: What you write with good intentions (your first post in this thread) can be interpreted as pushing advice on someone. When one has a particular lens, one can see every good intention as condescending, manipulative etc. That is okay. We all do that every time when we read, interpret and understand any writing. The thing is that when viewing your post through this lens it then changes its form. The good intention comes with an energy of "I want you to change to feel better myself" which wears the clothes of "I am here to help you to feel better". Here is a quote which can be seen as "I want you to change": ^ In this context these questions are not coming from curiousity but from judgement. I don't like the name askholes for it and yet, these are not questions to get unknown information. ... I don't think that you are a bad person. Only the way you wrote makes it seem so. Here are some assumptions: Of course, assumptions are the only way to form a picture of someone. And still, the quote above has a charging energy to it which is accusatory. I made the parts bold which are assumptions and carry the accusatory energy. Any writing like this can easily be interpreted as coming from a perpetrator who wants to make the addressee a victim. Especially the "you" has a lot of perpetrator energy in it. In non-violent communication the "you" is replaced by "I". "I think", "I assume", "From what I read it seems to me..." etc. It takes the charge out and makes it more impersonal. It's then not the person itself which gets criticized, but it's the specific actions of the person. When speaking from personal experience "I", it then is much more connecting. Speaking from "I" is sharing one's inner world and making oneself vulnerable. When the inner world is projected out onto someone (with "you") it then has a quality of putting the person into a box. It is putting the person into one's own inner world, and that can feel like abuse to the person. It's more vulnerable, connecting and caring when writing, "Hey, just wanted to check in because I am worried about you and I see that you might be not living up to your potential. My worry comes from reading all the stuff you write, which I think is negatively impacting you and is unhealthy." This is not how I think and advise how you should write. It is just to make the vulnerability point more clear. ^ This shows your good intention. And yet, it can be also perceived as a mask to hide behind in order to veil attack or abuse. I am curious for your answer and how you see the dynamic @Kksd74628. I too like to see how much stuff I project on you (e.g. the story with my former friend) and what you recognize as true for you.

I think that part of me felt like an asshole with regards to the conversation with my peer for the following reasons: I am sensitive to insults, criticisms, suggestions, disagreements. The environment that I grew up in didn't seem to like it when I voiced my opinion and so I was kinda encouraged to stay quiet and not say anything that I thought. Or at least I didn't get good feedback when I would do it..? The environment that I grew up in would say lots of things that I interpreted as insults, criticisms, suggestions, disagreements, or unhelpful..? Maybe I need to change the way I think about comments and stop labelling things as insults, criticisms, suggestions, disagreements, positivity, support. Maybe these labels can be inaccurate and when inaccurate, can be misinterpreted and cause conflict, confusion, disengagement, etc. If I just take everything as bits of information instead of putting it into categories of, oh this is mean, or oh this is pushy.. maybe that would help? Maybe I am too quick to judge something and when I put it in the category of judgmental, arrogant, aggressive, whatever, I quit listening, interacting, considering. Maybe I am saying I am the asshole because I am still not used to telling people my opinion and I feel weird about it but also because I was conditioned to not do it. Maybe I need to find a way to be more mature and care less about how I sound and how the other person sounds and more about the content? Like, to stop making things so personal and try making things much more impersonal? Like, okay we are talking about the idea here, not us? Ah this is really tricky stuff. I am not sure if the stuff I have come up with is right still. I guess like I will say, oh I don't like it when people tell me how to live but yet, I do that sometimes. So I am being a hypocrite. But sometimes when someone tells me how to live, it is super helpful. So maybe I need to change my attitude on that? I don't know!! One step at a time! I feel like it can be helpful to make an initial label as that is an initial guess though but then that guess can be wrong and we can be using the wrong filter for quite a long time... but is it even possible to not have any filter at all? Part of me thinks there will be a filter no matter what. Okay so people are talking.. blah blah blah. They talk about their day blah blah blah. They talk about their ideas and thoughts blah blah blah. We then hear something we disagree with, think is off, or doesn't have enough nuance. The siren starts going off. We then think, do I say something or do I stay quiet? Sometimes there is no thinking and we just do it. Sometimes we think, "I TOTALLY DISAGREE" but we stay quiet. Maybe we stay quiet because we have spoken on it before and that DID NOTHING it seemed. Maybe we don't think and we just react instantly. Maybe it is better to do the following. When we see the red siren going off and we say we disagree, don't insult them or question them... maybe just try to get them to elaborate some more? But we have to be super careful with this because again, we could end up insulting or questioning them. How does one do that? "Hey I am getting off my meds. They healed me." My alarm went off because I thought - meds don't necessarily heal. They may buy one time to learn to cope and get new skills though. I could have either said that or said, what do you mean by heal? Saying "what do you mean" and then repeating whatever they said is then not posing any insults or questions necessarily - it is getting them to elaborate on what they already said. Maybe that method will help and then I won't feel the shame/guilt. So by replacing my comment of "but did you get the right skills so that when the symptoms that got you on the medication come back, you can handle it without having to go on medication" with "what do you mean by the medication healed you?" This replacement switcharoo then helps me to avoid sounding like I am doubting her ability to have skills and be able to do what she is doing - something that I do not like when is done to me when people are doubting my abilities. I don't know... I am still not sure. Maybe I am obsessing over something that doesn't matter because I am not super busy. I guess the issue is that I have asked people "what do you mean" or "can you elaborate on" before and it didn't go well either... but that will vary with every person. Ah I still don't know. Um maybe I am just obsessing over a detail and we all make mistakes with what we are saying. I think I need to just let it sit and see what else my mind comes up with, if anything at all. I guess part of me feels like when I get someone to elaborate on something, I am being sneaky because I already have a thought about it and should just jump straight to the thought. But then my thought could be basing it off of incomplete information and then they may react to my thought when I could have just asked for more info FIRST before giving my thought. Like, okay if we are talking and everything is fine, I could just say what I think but if I am sensing a complete disagreement, that is when I ask for more info before I give my opinion?

the form is empty because the forms are ideas made of nothing and it is you, with your mind, who creates the distinctions and establishes the limits. if the limits dissolve, the infinity remains empty. the empty infinity is "you", but you are not alone since it is not you, you are the empty infinity. but being empty is pure joy, love, intelligence, and that you are, but completely impersonal, nothing with which "you" can identify. you are that, but that erases any trace of you

Friday 04/03/2022 18:55 It's been over 4 weeks since I've started mirtazapine, 15mg dose. Nothing has changed and I'm still confused. Why can't I help but get the feeling I have nothing? It's not even that. I'm just so dissociated I don't know how to feel anymore. I feel emptied out of mental and emotional contents, but I'm still in this hell and I suffer. Before I used to talk about things as if I had been split in two, but now I don't know. I feel like I've really gone mad but no one can get it, and all the psyches can do is give some meds. They don't even think I'm psychotic so what the use. Still in this torture chamber. Normally I can't even cry, only when I feel like I'm on the absolute brink like I am now can I. And I can't think anymore either. Fear upon fear upon fear. I don't journal because I don't think or have a functioning mind anymore. I talk to others online through text but that's different. I need new glasses, these are broken, and I need to spend less time away from my phone and computer. I'm scared of what will be left of me if I drop my computer. I feel like I'll die. And the last time I was outside and exercising, all I could think about was unreality and feeling like I was dying. I'm still split in half and idk what I'm doing. One way up and one way down. I have to be mad, they just couldn't tell or couldn't be bothered to go deeper into it at the time, I have an appointment next week anyway. I think it's possible I went through all this suffering for nothing. I just want to die, and anytime I get in touch with my emotions and feelings again I just want to die. The past 4 weeks have been terrible. Somehow I got even worse. What more will be stolen from me? Language escapes me, to even say Im already dead feels like a stale repeat. I've dissociated my entire life and never knew what was real, so I have no salvation. All I can do apparently is try to relax, enjoy and get comfortable. But is even that true? Can I even do that much? I've lost more and suffered more than I ever thought was possible, so what can I possibly do or say to that? I've never felt normal, and all the dominos culminated to here. And then when you get to here there's no prize. What a bloody joke. And now I'm left here stranded and lonely, hungry yet full, thirsty yet hydrated, mad yet crazy. I have no hope for my existence after this. I keep clinging to this digital entombment in trying to cover my self in sheets and return to the womb. I'm out of the womb and I want back. Quite literally, I don't known who I am anymore. Using what memory I have, at least for the past few weeks this sense of self is completely alien to me [it's been much longer than that]. My thinking AND emotion are both gone yet present, present in whatever schizophrenic (I don't have a better word, urban dictionary 4 chan sense of the word) mess to best torture me. I've hidden from myself even deeper out of the raw fear I get when self awareness hits. I don't have the language anymore to write how I feel when I'm alone, it's in another dimension of dissociation. If we go with this metaphor, "dissociation" is only the key to enter the door to this place, but the actual place is full of so many rooms and furniture. But i cant describe these things, only the word "dissociation" exists as the concept for me that I can use, but I'm so aware now that it doesn't communicate. I use the word fear when not even fear fits (MONSTERS WHO EAT EVEN THOUGH THEY'VE NEVER EXPERIENCED HUNGER, MONSTERS WHO STUDY EVEN THOUGH THEY HAVE NO INTEREST IN ACADEMICS, MONSTERS WHO SEEK FRIENDSHIP EVEN THOUGH THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO LOVE) — It's as though I was an android crafted from the foolish experiments of my human self. It's as though I was a self-eating parasite designed to eat itself into oblivion, like some sort of time-travelling computer program terminator, and I'm but a sacrificial lamb on an alter of sacrifice I don't comprehend. Now that would be dark. The artificial creature has already shed its skin and its first limbs have sprung forth. The digital dystopia has begun "Fear", "dissociation". The past month I've literally lost all verbalising or emotive ability and become an animal. Only thing which can happen positively is that I get enough of my mind, emotions and self back to want to kill myself. Because right now, I'm so dissolved in the aether I can't formulate or be aware of a thing. But it's clear as day to me now, I want to die. The "will to live", that blind omnipresent thing is ever present. Like a devil he whispers your ear, to no avail. I thought I understood myself, but I don't. I'm sick and tired of myself all the time. People who are solipsistic will feel that too. When my lucidity scarcely returns to me I'm unhinged. Lucidity escapes me, and when lucid I will go all the way. AM I DEALING WITH A PARASITE OR INFECTION? I DONT KNOW. Why am I asleep? Attempts to recussitate the emotions gone are what you called artificial. The insights I had on lsd in regards to my situation make sense to me now. I used to feel like my mind was a whirling tornado, and what I became now was but one unit-cell in the tornado/crystal which was amplified and zoomed in on for no reason. It existed for no other reason than itself. It exists for no reason other than itself; that is what selfishness means. -- But what's been up with me the past several weeks? The simple description was right. "I have zero mental or emotional contents to work with". First it giveth, then it taketh away. Music used to make me feel something, now it does nothing. Everyone but me isn't amnesiac about the past few months and year.*BULLSHIT*, no one remembers the past that well, more bullshit you try to pull. *See the split?* AFTER THE BRIEFEST OF GLIMPSES OF LUCIDITY, I see its alright. Its alright if I die, it's alright if I live and nothing happens. ARTIFICIAL ARTIFICIAL Artificial Artificial ; what lies here? A fake is always inferior to the real thing, and no smart quotes can fix that. At the deeper level I've just been desperate, hungry, to feel something again and get a story going. But I've been running dry and it makes me so grumpy and moody. Is it possible I'm a defunct sociopath of sorts? But do I want just any story? No. I want the story of my own triumph and victory. Alas, no such story exist. Nothing exists besides appearance, all is empty. Hah. Fuck you, anti-life vermin. If I entertain the hypothetical that I'm an android, maybe real hypothetical, what would you do? Is there a possibility that I'm an android and that human behaviour generally isn't robotic? I couldn't say. My friend asked me why I'm cynical and jaded about human nature, and I said And I think this is the belief. This is my general skepticism, upon seeing that humans and my own nature is layers upon layers. Layers are impersonal and mechanical, sometimes cruel in my case as a sentient-android thing that wants to feel. If disrupting someone's possessions and needs is enough to make people discard morality, then that shows it wasn't real to begin with. Therefore I should limit test people to see if they're truly moral. On the other hand, maybe you should make conditions optimum for people to be moral, by using the fact it's deterministic? See, it's funny you can take those two different angles on the topic of it. What one should make of that fact isn't determined at least, lmao But the general idea is right. Reverse The Hierophant. Whatever cannot be destroyed is the only thing which can be true. Therefore it's alright whatever happens, but it's not alright for me now is it? It's not alright. Still an incel, no life, in mom's basement type of thing ————— Take that inference far enough and it would say my life and experiences "untrue". Hmmm. Nothing lasts and all is in flux, so that would mean nothing is true by that standard? "Destroyed". Hmmm. Truth is that which exists and untruth is that which doesn't. Does truth exist? Yes. How do I know? Because I say so. But does saying so make it true that truth exists? Cue self-references. Ugh. Whenever I answer yes or no questions , "no" to me is the absence of a yes. It isn't a positive quality. Some people see all dualities as the changes in one variable. I don't know why this technicality should help anyone practically, but this small detail could be the tenth of a hair width between heaven and hell to some. That's a tangent from truth, but idc to think about truth that much now. NÎGGER NÎGGER NÎGGER NÎGGER NÎGGER NÎGGER NÎGGER NÎGGER NÎGGER NÎGGER NÎGGER NÎGGER NÎGGER NÎGGER NÎGGER.

I'm just not sure how you define suffering. There can definitely still be inconveniences or apparent bad situations like your brother getting hit by a car or getting mugged. But yes like you said there is no longer anyone left to create a dramatic personalized story to dwell upon or resist. Yep, emotions and feelings still arise....it's not like an emotional detachment/denial or something like that. However the emotions do feel impersonal or completely raw and unfiltered. Guilt free. Nothing physically changes in the appearance of reality. But it's recognized nobody is experiencing it. Apparent existence becomes very dream-like or unimportant. The illusion of self doesn't create reality....it seems to distort it, which is why it's referred to as the Dream Story. ❤

Well, what do you truly want? It sounds like you're not sure if you want to go into the personal realm or the impersonal one. If you want Truth, you have to give up the personal, and just surrender. Of course, that might happen regardless. Ayahuasca, in my understanding, is wise and gives you what you are ready for at that moment. Have faith and let go. You'll be in good hands.

something similar happens to james than to you. you see that the self is not real. it is an entity created by thought without real substance. if you eliminate the thought, the emptiness remains, impersonal. okay. so james says, reality=nothing, before birth. you say: the self does not exist. ok, but those two things are said by the self. clinging to those two ideas is limiting, like clinging to any idea. what is intended is the total liberation of the apparent entity that tries to go to the bottom of reality, in truth, enlighten itself. you can say that entity does not exist, but existence exists. imo you have to let go of any idea, and the current present will be able to manifest itself for what it is, beyond any definition. existence, absolute, god. this is an experience, not a word

How would you know that if you were'nt the awareness that isn't moved? You are that immovable, impersonal, unaffected awareness.

Does this cause an issue? As all terminology surrounding these words reinforces the idea of a self, as opposed to impersonal words like "infinity", "nothing", "the Tao" etc, which leads further away from the egoic view of reality. I am God, appears to moreso give people strong ideas of their ego being the controller of reality and thus the idea of being able to manipulate reality at a whim. No me, no I, no God... Just reality.

?This book will teach you how to write better: This book is short and sweet. First Big Copy Lesson: No one cares about you. People only care about themselves. If you go only talk about you and your business people will not care. EX: "Welcome to Ace Tenis Coaching. We are dedicated to serving our customers. We have been focusing on quality services for years and have dedicated staff to help fulfill your tennis needs. Our team is focused on quality coaching and delivering great training. We aim to serve our customers' needs." Boring. I immediately shut off and retain 0 information. "Every amateur tennis player has the exact same problem with their tennis swing: They don't bend their elbow at the proper angle for their height. Sounds simple, but we see it every day.. chances are you bend your elbow incorrectly also, and we're going to show you how to hit the ball harder simply by changing the bend of your elbow. This little body hack will let you: Hit the ball harder, without swinging harder. Hit the "sweet spot" of the ball on each swing. Increase the speed of your serve by 20%. All these improvements come from simply bending your elbow in a slightly different position! This is just the first thing we teach you at Ace Tennis Coaching. Our advanced training will improve your game beyond what you thought possible. Our professional coaches have helped over 800 people like you take their tennis game from amateur to professional. We'll spot all the small things you're doing wrong and work with you individually to correct them and crush adversaries. Come by for an analysis of how you can improve your tennis swing. It only takes 20 min, and we'll identify all the tweaks you can make in your game that will take you to the next level." Lovely. I'm going to make an analysis now. Every amateur tennis player has the exact same problem with their tennis swing: TARGET: AMATEUR PLAYERS THAT ALREADY PLAY TENNIS AT LEAST ONCE They don't bend their elbow at the proper angle for their height. ATTENTION GRABBER USING A PAIN POINT Sounds simple, but we see it every day (INTERESTING FACT)... Chances are you bend your elbow incorrectly also, and we're going to show you how to hit the ball harder simply by changing the bend of your elbow. WHY YOU NEED US This little body hack will let you: Hit the ball harder, without swinging harder. FACT N1 Hit the "sweet spot" of the ball on each swing. FACT N2 Increase the speed of your serve by 20%. FACT N3 INTERESTED YET? All these improvements come from simply bending your elbow in a slightly different position! This is just the first thing we teach you at Ace Tennis Coaching. Our advanced training will improve your game beyond what you thought possible (BENEFIT N1). BROADENING THE TARGET BY REFERRING TO ADVANCED PROGRAMS FOR ADVANCED PLAYERS. Our professional coaches have helped over 800 people like you take their tennis game from amateur to professional (BENEFIT N2). CONCRETE NUMBER OF CUSTOMERS. HELPS BUILD SOCIAL PROOF. SPECIFICITY CREATE TRUST. We'll spot all the small things you're doing wrong and work with you individually to correct them and crush adversaries (BENEFIT N3). THREE EASY-TO-READ AND DIGEST PARAGRAPHS ABOUT US. REAL CONCRETE VALUE THEY CAN PROVIDE. Come by for an analysis of how you can improve your tennis swing. It only takes 20 min, and we'll identify all the tweaks you can make in your game that will take you to the next level. CTA AND BENEFIT N4. So, Attention Graber using a pain point, Why you need us and some interesting facts + bullet list of more facts, About us that focuses on how we can help YOU. Concreteness and specificity win, Benefits, CTA Remember to let people know the benefits they're gonna get! Casual Copy We've established people don't care about you, they only care about themselves. So the first angle you should present is the problem your product solves for them. And then, what also matters is the way you present it. No one likes to read a boring chunk of text. Do you know how to turn any subject into something immediately boring? To get all corporate and impersonal. If you do this no matter if your topic is very interesting. No one is going to read it and the message will not be spread. Casual Copy is the biggest secret to engaging people. The way you turn every copy into casual writing is to write like you're talking with a close friend, eating lunch and you're explaining to him what you’re trying to sell, without boring him. Try these simple steps to make copy more casual: Grab your phone, or anything to record your voice. Start recording. Pretend you’re in that same booth having dinner with your friend. In your own words, between friends, explain to him why what you’re selling is so amazing. Stop recording, and transcribe exactly what you wrote. Err’s and Umm’s included. What you wrote is probably already a lot more clear than genericboring-copy. You can take-n-grab the parts that sound interesting, and cut the boring parts. But don't write too wacky. The point of your copy is to get the reader to take action. Don’t use jokes SO often that they disrupt the effectiveness of the message, making it useless. If an email is useless and annoying it is called Spam, and people will unsubscribe from it. Ultimately ask yourself: Is this adding people's knowledge? Am I helping them get through this by adding this in? How to capt people's attention? People respond to what is New, Novel, or Helpful. NEW: Being “new” wears off quickly. Can’t always depend on this. NOVEL: You can dress like a clown at a business conference which will get you attention, but it might not give you the right attention. Attention is good, but only if it results in buyers. HELPFUL: If you’re helpful to people, they’ll want to listen to you, they’ll want to subscribe to you, and they’ll want to pay for your services. AIDA Formula Use this formula when writing to someone (if it’s a group of people, pretend it’s just one person). Attention Grab their attention in this section. This will get them to at least read what you have to say. Interest Interest them with interesting facts about it. You have their attention already, so get them to slide deeper down the slope by getting them genuinely interested in what you’ve gotta say. Tell them interesting facts and interesting things it can do. Desire Make them under-their-own-will want to either buy your product or take whatever action you want them to. Show them what life could be like with this. Tell them how much faster a problem would be solved with this. Show them how someone’s life was greatly improved by it, and how they can have the same results. Action Get them to go and buy it! Or click a link. Or take whatever step you want them to. Tell them when and how to do it. Also tell them what will happen after they do it. Hold them by the hand and describe how everything will work. Headlines Easy headline formula: [End result customer wants] + [Specific time period] + [Address the objections] EX: [triple the conversions on your ecommerce store] + [in 3 days] + [or I’ll refund your money] [wipe away your debt] + [before your tax return is due] + [so the IRS won’t call] Or, reverse [I’ll refund your money for this conference] + [if you don’t get 7 real estate leads in one week] The “Three Lenses” for headlines: Competitive: This an aggressive headline that shows people “how to beat others”. Ex: “Download and steal all your competitor's profitable keywords.” Benefit Driven: This simply shows the benefits of what your product/article/service does. Testimonials also work well here. Ex: “Within 2 weeks you’ll be playing your favorite Beatles song on the guitar!” “I couldn’t believe after only 2 weeks I was playing guitar at the Christmas party!” Inspirational: Shows that “even you” can do something. Paints a picture of the user getting some benefit from your product/service. “You can teach your children to read by the age of 2 just by following these DVD’s....all from your home.” Real example: “Hassle-free WordPress hosting”. But now let’s run it through our “three lenses”: Competitive: "86% faster than regular Wordpress.....means more pageviews and better SEO" Benefit Driven: (this one is simply using a testimonial): "My site loads ridiculously fast, my pageviews are up, and my business is seeing the results!" Inspirational: "Even non-computer nerds can have a Wordpress site, with zero technical hassle" Using those “lenses” as a framework will help you crank out completely different headlines quickly Know your market Who's the composite average customer you’re trying to sell to? Gender Age Matrial status Kids or no kids Consuming habits Whats their day like Biggest fear Profession Yearly income How can you help them Imagine you're trying to sell high-end golf equipment. Your ideal customer is Bob. Male, white for 17 years, married with 2 kids, watches CNN, business owner, between 40 and 65, a dentist has his own dental practice, makes about 280k/year, and owns a home in a gated community with a golf course. Imagine what his problems are. Imagine what his goals are. Imagine his desires. For example, since he’s a business owner and a dentist, he’s likely an A-type personality person that’s really competitive. What do competitive people want? To win and beat their friends! With this knowledge, you can try to appeal to Robert’s deep desire to gain an advantage over his friends. Long or Short Copy It depends on what you’re selling. If it’s a difficult or expensive product, then longer is better. If it’s a simple and cheap product, then short is fine. Long copy but as long it’s not long-winded. Now if you can convince someone to take an action quickly, then fine. Imagine signup for like this: "I will send you an email with a healthy breakfast recipe, every morning at 4am. This will help you eat better, have more energy, and hopefully lose some weight. Just signup for your email address here." (You can add more info) But most importantly, make it simple and easy to read. If you read something, and it requires “extra cycles” in your brain to process that information, scrap it. Get straight to the real point so everyone is crystal clear on the message.

IMO- This guy has the heart of a good veterinarian. IMO- This is what Love looks like. It displays courage and isn’t paralyzed with fear. It seems impersonal. It acts deliberately and does so with a certain kind of intelligence.

@LastThursday @Nahm Some people have honestly debated whether computers have souls, but I don't think this can be possible. A computer is a machine that is constructed from all sorts of hardware, and it is certainly an amazing invention, but I don't think it has the capacity to think and feel the way a human does. It is, after all, a product of technology, and therefore, it cannot reason and feel like a human being does. That's not to say that computers can't accomplish great things. Like I said before, it is a marvelous invention, but it is an impersonal one. It spits out information, but not does not care about how we respond to that information.