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The something that you are seeing right now, which is the world we're living in, isn't permanent. For example, no one stays in this world forever. So, we pass away one day and become "nothingness." But then, during our lifetime, some of us have this "awakening." That's when we see ourselves as "nothingness" becoming "somethingness" when we embody back into our ego (body) via singularity. And, we gain wisdom from that.

@non_nothing why? in case if i'd be scared when facing the Truth? But there will be no fears left when you had surrendered yourself completely to the Truth. Whatever that may be, It's a journey into the unknown btw, might as well give yourself completely to the infinite intelligence, than to be attached to impermanent/groundless 'thing'. Because whenever i had this mindset, it's more effortless, the answers will comes at me through everything else without me having to work hard to find it. From my experience, it will be effortless. What is the possible danger that you talk about? Do you mean the 'attachment' aspect of it? Or the God = Everything part of it? Or the nothingness?

@Leo Gura I'm not quite there, but getting there. My ego/mind has been very disgruntled with all of the shifts I have taken lately, and that has left me with a mindset that has been pretty bleak overall. The rest is very liberating. I continue to struggle with letting go when I know I will be left with nothing. I get a further glimpse of the true nature of things, and then I find a way to trick myself back into identification with that which I know I am not. It's like my mind does not want me to be free of the idea that I am the ego, and now I face a scary wall of nothingness that offers no reason to surpass it. I am told it is worth pursuing, but I have yet to fully understand why.

@winterknight I've been reading this giant thread for a couple of days now and I have 2 questions for you, I apologize in advance if they have already been answered, since I didn't read the entire thread. 1) I've been practicing self-inquiry after my Kriya Yoga practice and I just wanted some support to know if I'm getting a glimpse of the Truth yet or not, if I'm doing it right or not. I haven't done self-inquiry as you suggest yet - I'll be trying it in the following days. What I have been mostly doing is perceiving thoughts, emotions, sensations and etc, and asking myself "who's aware of this thought/emotion/sensation?", my mind usually answers "me" and I just go meta and stay aware that something is aware of the answer "me" or of the thought/emotion/sensation. What normally happens is that I try to abide in this place - and I notice that I am aware that I'm trying to abide in this place - there's always something prior to what I'm perceiving. I think I have experienced nothingness for very short periods of time, that which cannot be described, even though it's completely paradoxical to write this haha. But what always happens is that I'm quickly back being aware of another object - my breath for instance. And then I ask myself again "who's aware of this breath?"(intuitevely sometimes or in the form of a thought) and the process begins again. As is mentoned, I feel like "I" get to this point where my awareness is in this nothingness, but just for a few seconds or so. Am I delusional here or maybe I'm touching the right thing? Does this seems to be a good way of doing self-inquiry and that I should just keep on going in this path, and with time I'll be able to stay more and more in this "place" or would you suggest me to take a different route? 2)This one is just a question that poped in my mind: can you know with 100% certainty if another human being has realized the Truth by being in their presence? Hehe just out of curiosity! Thanks for your time! =]

Evil doesn't exist existentially. So, all morality is inherently relativistic on the existential level. Reality, on the absolute level, is empty of both good and evil. All things are perfect, as they are manifestations of an all-loving and perfect creator, regardless of how natural the tendency of human beings to label something evil is. So, good and evil come down to human interpretations and labels of events and realities that are beyond the human concept of good and evil or the human mind's ability to conceptualize in general. An example would be that a murderer is someone that people would label evil because they cause pain and suffering for their own reason without regard for the pain and suffering they cause. So, on the relative level of practical human functioning, they cause a lot of problems for people. But the murderer, on the absolute level, is empty of evil as it is part of the grand play that God creates from itself and for itself. So, the murderer is just another indistinguishable aspect of the field of consciousness which is divine and perfect as it is God. Just as in a painting of a murderer murdering someone, on the existential level all it is paint on a canvas. There is nothing evil about the paint that is used to paint the murderer in the painting relative to the paint used to create the victim or the background. It is only the human ability to conceptualize of an interpretation of the painting that makes us supply a meaning for it. It's an illusion painted by its creator and all of the creation is inseparable from the rest of the creation. And like the painting, on the existential level, all is an illusion. However, on the level of duality, there is such a thing as healthy and unhealthy. There is also such a thing as functional and dysfunctional. There is also such a thing as building up and breaking down. And there is such a thing as something that's constructive versus being destructive. There at also actions that produce pain and suffering and actions that don't produce pain and suffering. And human beings will often categorize this dichotomy by labeling it good and evil.... and may think there is even an existential reality to those labels, when they really only exist as practical labels. So, these dichotomies are all relative truths within the field of duality. But on the level of the non-dual, there is no dichotomies including the dichotomy of good and evil... there is only one which is also nothingness. For example, there is nothing inherently and existentially invalid about eating a diet consisting of only donuts. But objectively speaking, if your goal is health, then an all-donut diet is not conducive to the goal of health. But there is nothing existentially more valid about being healthy relative to being unhealthy. God loves both the healthy and unhealthy unconditionally and abhors nothing and no one. That said, on the human practical level, it is a mostly universal human preference to desire health and not desire illness. But God has no such prejudice. It loves all regardless of how beneficial or detrimental it is to human beings or other sentient beings in general. So, if we label something practically "evil" as being influenced by the destructive drive, then the practical term has the most efficacy in describing a situation that is unhealthy, dysfunctional, and focus toward creating suffering and breaking down. Evil is something that goes against harmonious human functioning. And on the practical human level we recognize that these practically "evil" situations cause us or others suffering, then it makes sense to avoid participating in and perpetuating these patterns. This is especially true if we realize the inherent oneness of reality and how others' pain is our own pain. But within the field of duality, there is a destructive drive and a constructive drive that can be noticed as phenomenological realities. They are there, and they can be observed as the fodder of the internal landscape. And they influence human thought and action. But there is nothing inherently good or evil about those two drives, as they too are just part of God's perfect creation and God loves them both. God doesn't abhor the destructive drive... it created it. And so, counterintuitively, the drives of both good and evil are empty of good and evil on the existential level just like everything else is.

@Shin Pain kicks in at about 30-45 mins for me until it is quite annoying at around 55-60 mins. I usually stop at 60 min as the pain becomes unbearable around the knees. However, if I am sitting on a chair, then the SDS goes more smoothly (can easily go over 60 mins), but there are less 'mystical' insights in a way when I am not sitting cross-legged on the floor. By 'mystical' insights I mean feelings of nothingness, being without a location or simply kundalini type of energy flows, sorry for the sloppy use of the term 'mystical'. I have no idea whether it is a causation, a correlation, a coincidence or whatever - just sharing my experience.

@Jack River If you want to go to the absolute level, then there is nothing / everything. Simply One. That’s great. Yet from that Nothingness is also a relative existence. That One consciousness is expressing itself relatively. And that relativity is evolving. Everything is absolutely perfect as it is in the Eternal Now and is evolving relatively. Some beings in that relative workd want to help increase the relative consciousness of that One absolute consciousness.

From where you stand that might be so, but you were not the one to ask the question so how are you to be the judge of that? The unchallenged master is no master at all. I merely asked some questions to he who claims to see all paths up the mountain. I did not expect some answer that would blow my mind, just what would seem like an honest inquiry into a very fundamental challenge of preaching the way he does. Sure it might be a distraction for those who might learn something from him, but blindly following self-proclaimed gurus and believing in apparent truths (those that make sense to the mind but not the heart) is perhaps the biggest trap there is. From where you are, he makes a lot of sense. Of course, you are a moderator of a self-inquiry forum centered around the teachings of Leo. But to tell those who are not just blindly following the advice of some enlightenment-idol on their screen, but challenging who may as well be causing more confusion rather than undoing it (not much separates truth from illusion), makes me question whether this forum is a sort of cult rather than a place of genuine exploration of Self. Of course you could argue that it is all just one big movement and it happens when it happens regardless of what is said and done, but this is a misconception about non-duality. It is like if all 'realized' no-self and the lack of free will or whatever we may call it and just were like 'oh well, nothing really matters so I have no responsibility for anything, I can do whatever I want!', the world would quickly fall apart. Just because all is one it is still two, and these two are in a sort of eternal game of hide and seek. If all these ideas are feeding the part of the one that is illusion, then in his attempt to provide guidance he is actually causing more confusion and prolonging the way back to center, stillness, nothingness.

@Emanyalpsid Have seen him before, just watching the Part 3 right now. Quite incoherent and self-contradicting description of things, mingled with a lot of assumptions which are not explained further - especially the ones about substance dualism. Also, he takes a few Ramana Maharshi quotes out of context in order to strengthen his argument, where what Ramana was trying to point out was the transcending of the I AM to nothingness Comparing Leo and this guy, the latter rings a lot more of my bullshit radars and contradicts more of what my direct experience is Since this is the only thing I have, I will probably stick with my direct experience rather than this guy's concepts. Thanks for sharing though, it is always good to have ideas challenged. The guy is not too bad, he has a point about people being lost in concepts and mentions a few good thoughts about free will. As with everything, take it with a pinch of salt - he even mentions this with his eat the grape, spit out the seeds analogy

Enlightenment to the Buddha was waking up from the dream of existence. He understood that what is perceived as separate is an illusion but what is infinite and the whole is not. The all, wholeness, infinity or nothingness (unified indifferentiable being). He also understood that all things arise from the mind as we project purpose and meaning to those concepts the self interacts with. We do this to define ourselves and orientate in the world of things and survive. Without self, identity ceases to exist and you and the whole be one, timeless, beyond time, beyond being born or dying. He understood that "we" will all return to this state as impermanence is in all things. As a result, one will see that suffering is due to attachment to the self, and this suffering will cease when the mind is empty and disidentifies. Disidentifying from the illusion, understanding that he is infinite and not confined and that he is nothing as a thing compared to everything. Human-life is suffering as we attach ourselves to many things due to what we love and pursue and suffer when we cannot attain those things. Key is to understand these attachments are something to strive for but should not makes us suffer and when they do make us suffer we should take responsibility as it is us we clings to those. Nirvana is selflessness, Samsara is ego (I must).

@Barna Mindfulness meditation throughout the day, which you eventually come to accept as 'just being'. I do about 30 min -1 hour of 'drifting' meditation (no thought, which evolves at some point into a sort of floating in an nothingness feeling) at some point during the day and a small session before sleeping, though usually nowadays this wakes me up so much I have too much energy to sleep then... I naturally want to once I close my eyes so not sure how to change this. Eventually I drift off, usually by doing visualization mediation of calming oceans. Walking meditation is simply amazing, feeling every fiber of your body in unity and it's expression.. so I do that as well on way to work and after.. I mean it's just a part of my whole day, eyes open eyes closed.. I don't even think of it as 'meditation' perse really, I'm just being in with some variation.. very quiet mind... sometimes at lunch if I have time.. I do some self-inquiry then I let my mind wander, but as time has gone on much fewer thoughts seem to pop up as I fully integrated or resolved them into myself. Lately I started bit more.. it varies through week on week. I don't plan it much anymore, just go with the flow, hope that answers your question. - granted Modafinil or Waklert are so much easier and much less work, just remember everything has a cost. Not as dramatic the side effects of Limitless and overall compared to things like cocaine, or whatever it's so much more positive. But you will simply outgrow it at some point, I don't regret using them though! It opened my mind to how you can just flip a switch and boom you're there, fully there with nothing in between, it led me down the path to meditation eventually (that and my natural curiosity''what else is positive' what can be achieved naturally etc').

Hello everyone! I am new to the forum and I decided to share with you one of the most profound and frightening experiences I ever had. I've been following Leo's work and guidance for quite a while now and I became eager to join this community and interact with like-minded individuals. I want to express how amazed I am by the support and help you guys provide here to each-other. I am honored to be a part of this. Not sure if I should introduce myself, so I'm going to keep it short and straight forward. I am a 24 years old male. Born and raised in Serbia, Europe. Grew up without a father and with a dysfunctional, narcissistic mother. At age 15, my mother decided to move us to Slovenia, where I attended high school and lived through my teen years. Ended up working as a waiter for 2-3 years, before finally deciding to focus on my calling and greatest passion - music. Music was there for me since I can remember. It was the parent I never really had, it was my medicine, it was my coping mechanism, it was my way to express everything I was struggling with. It kept me "on track" and away from most of the potential disasters I had the chance to engage in. From a very young age, ever since I first laid my hands on a guitar, I had a clear sense of a "mission". It was like I knew exactly what I needed to do in this lifetime, I just did not have the wisdom to articulate it yet. I became "obsessed" and I practiced day and night, with the intention to share my message one day with the world. At age 22 I became fed up with my job and my controlling mother, so I decided to move yet again - this time by myself - and focus on what really matters to me. I took a major leap, based on blind faith and synchronicity and moved to Portugal to "chase" my dreams. At the time I was working on a project, which I planned to release there and hopefully start doing what I love, professionally and full time. I had little to zero money and almost equally so - no support from anyone. I was producing hip hop beats for local Portugal rappers on the side in order to get by. It was not really "my thing", but nevertheless I was finally focused on music only. Which fulfilled my whole being. I felt like I was reborn and even though I was "struggling", I already felt as I've won. I was splitting a larger apartment with two other roommates, who were very artistically oriented, so the overall vibe of the environment was awesome! I never really had the chance to live the "college lifestyle" before, so I decided to have some fun with local students and go out every once in a while. It was on one of these occasions that I had the experience, which I want to share with you. I also want to mention that I was already doing some "spiritual work" at the time and I also meditated tons throughout my whole life by playing my instrument of choice. I was able to tap into and embody my higher self, which is a necessary part of the creative process for me. Needless to say, this connection was not maintained throughout my daily activities and interactions. It was only present when I opened up myself to the melodies and ideas that wanted to flow through me and become actual. here in this physical realm. So now that you have a "background" I am going to jump into the experience itself. Please try and stick with me 'till the end, I promise it will be worth reading. At first it may seem as if this is just a perfect display of stupidity and immaturity, but that's exactly what I needed back then in order to come to profound realizations and transform entirely. So let's dive in. It was a regular nigh-out for the students of Caldas da Rainha. The city was small and vibrant, full of young people (mostly artistically oriented) who loved to interact and have long, deep, intellectual debates while hanging out in local bars. Needless to say, they also loved to drink a lot and experiment with various substances. Shrooms, MDMA and LSD were among the most popular ones. Prior to my arrival to Portugal, I had a handful of experiences with a few drugs, but I never had any of those 'mind-blowing' trips or anything. I got drunk here and there and I also fancied smoking weed. But I was not emphasizing these things in my life as a lot of other young people do. One of my roommates, who liked going out frequently, showed up at the apartment with a baggie of mushrooms and some MDMA. The other roommate and I were already smoking some weed and drinking some alcohol. We did not have the intention to get "hammered" as we were both working on our projects simultaneously. However, the roommate, who I will here refer to as "the party animal", insisted and wanted us to take a break from our projects and do some shrooms and/or MDMA with him. We rejected him for a few brief moments after which we finally "gave up" and decided to take some MDMA. I do not know how much we took, since he prepared a dosage wrapped in a rolling paper for us to swallow, but looking back I assume it was not a micro-dose. Irresponsible, yeah. We were already high from the weed and kinda drunk as well. We were chatting and listening to music while "waiting" for the MDMA to kick in. Some time has passed this way, we still did not feel any effects so we all took another dosage of M. It was shortly after this that I decided to go "all the way" and do some shrooms with "the party animal" as well. And so I slipped further down the road of irresponsibility (lol). THANK GOD the roommate that was with me all along did not make the same decision, so it ended up being the two of us who were going to be tripping, with the third one "trip-sitting" us. We took a handful (?!) of shrooms and started talking about what we could do to create an awesome experience. We came up with a plan to get to the local park (which is dreamy and beautiful) before the shrooms kicked in. then merge with nature and melt in joy and bliss. Little did we know, it was not going to be such a smooth ride, not at all. And so the "nightmare" begun...We never made it to the park. And it was like literally 12 minutes away, walking. As we left the apartment, we all felt great. I remember feeling on top of my game and even a bit over-confident. Nothing too dick-heady though. I am generally a more laid back and quiet guy. We laughed a lot, talked about god knows what, riding the epic vibes of the streets. Of course, ''party animal'' suggested we should stop briefly in our favorite bar called "Deja-vu", to have a quick beer before the shrooms kicked in. The two us agreed, since the bar was on the middle of our way to the park. It's been now well over 30 minutes since I swallowed the shrooms and probably around a bit less than two hours since I took MDMA. Just a few steps before the bar, I started noticing some weird shit. And I mean like really weird. It was like I would get sucked out of my reality for a brief moment and then I would be thrown back into a slightly different version of it. It was like a series of super fast black-outs, with the exception that I would remain aware throughout this phenomena. I was fully aware of "reality" when I was in it as well as of the "void" or "nothingness" when I got sucked out. I saw clearly as I see my hands right now, exactly "how" I got detached from my environment. And it felt exactly like that. Like I detached myself. I saw my visual perception somehow curving at the corners and turning into a ball, before popping into nothingness right before "my eyes". This was happening extremely fast. So much so that I had no "time" to react to it when I was "in reality". Needless to say, I started resisting this A LOT and became extremely scared, paranoid and confused in an instance. I never expected neither this nor what was yet to come. Never in a million years. I wanted to gaze at the stars and have a pleasant trip. I was in for a rude awakening. Somehow, I managed to "slow" this phenomena of "disappearing-reappearing" down by resisting the shit out of it with every strength I had left. Thinking back, I should've just surrendered and collapsed right there, but my ego did not want to admit to itself that this "thing" was WAY stronger than it. So I dragged myself to the bar and somehow managed to sit down and order a beer. I kept telling myself this is just a temporary thing. I thought it will subside soon, I'll chill down a bit, have a beer and slowly continue walking towards the park. I don't know why, but it seemed to me at the time as if this park was our "safe space". Our home. Almost like heaven or something. All this time I mentioned nothing to my roommates. They seemed alright to me. Having fun and chatting. I wanted to act that way as well. I didn't want to allow myself to be "that guy" and cause drama or anything. My ego was fighting harder than ever to survive and stay present. It quickly became worse, as I wanted to stand up and go to the toilet. I collapsed down onto the table in front of us and knocked off a few bottles and glasses, embarrassing myself big time. It was as if my knees were failing to hold me. Even this I resisted and tried to get up on my feet and act cool as if nothing was going on. Of course I failed to do so and ended up falling repeatedly, several times until my roommates came to a quick conclusion that I was "loosing it". They helped me up and decided it's clearly best if the one that wasn't tripping on shrooms took me back to our apartment. "Party animal" would stay in Deja-vu to have fun with his other classmates and friends. And here's where the nightmare started to get real. It was not nearly done with me. It only got started. I went only downhill from this point on. And boy did I spiral down quickly and efficiently. I should mention, this "sober" roommate, who was about to drag me back home was a girl. And she's 4'9''. I'm 6'. Not the smartest idea. Nevertheless, she surely saved my ass. We slowly started walking back to the apartment, which should have been 6-7 minutes away. I had my one arm around her neck, as I was repeatedly loosing control over my body and kept falling down on my knees. Needless to say she was unable to hold my weight, so when I fell, I fell hard. Somehow though, she kept managing picking me up over and over again. On the middle of our way it just got straight bonkers. The reality bubble kept popping and reappearing fast and crazy, making no linear sense what-so-ever. At times we were on one side of the street, at times on the other. In no particular order. It was like I was jumping in between parallel realities. Crossing the main road was hell. I was completely convinced I'm going nuts at this point. It was then when I felt a big wave of anger and frustration rushing though me. I was SO frustrated with me being unable to stand on my own feet. Without any thinking I smashed my fist into a car that was parked right next to us. This scared the shit out of my roommate. I was also surprised, somewhere in the back of my mind. I never got aggressive before and I was proud of how "chill" I always stayed. At this point, my roommate concluded we're not going to make it to our apartment this way. She had an idea to drop me of at her friend's apartment and let me chill down there. It was literally a few feet ahead. She called him and asked him if he's okay with it, but sadly or gladly he wasn't home. He was also having fun somewhere else. So we sat on the streets for a while, she gathered a bit strength and picked me up again. We somehow made it to our apartment after god knows how long and had a scene waiting there for us. Right in front of our building, there was our other roommate, the "party animal". He was curled up with his eyes rolled back and had foam coming out of his mouth. Quite terrifying. To this day none of us knows how he managed to get to our apartment. Not only that, but he also managed somehow to completely avoid bumping into us on his way back. And that was nearly impossible. The only obstacle between me and my bed now were the 2 story stairs. My roommate picked me up once again and started dragging me up. There was no elevator, of course. I kept falling and hitting myself badly during our climb up, but nevertheless we made it. She did it. She delivered me to safety. She threw me onto my bed, turned off the light in the room (WHY?!) and left back down to try and help our "party animal". It was a few seconds after she left and I was left alone for the first time during that night, that I was about to face the absolute and loose all sense of self. I was about to die. And not the "nice" way. I remember getting out of my bed and just starting to scream in pain that was caused by the extreme level of my constant resistance. I started spinning around in my room, falling and hitting myself on every corner. I smashed a lot of objects and made a pretty big mess. It felt as if my reality was just one surface of a tiny little cube that is a part of an infinitely large, ever-changing Rubik's cube. I started experiencing my self as the whole room at this point. There was no "air" between me and the walls or anything else. There was no space in-between. I became everything and I experienced myself as everything. I moved as everything. I remember bursting into hysterical laughter just a split second before I smashed my leg into the table. It was as if I saw this would happen a brief moment before it actually happened. It was me becoming fully aware of the fact that I manifest everything into my reality in real time. Constantly. This realization led to tears of course and brought me down on my knees. I cant really tell why I was crying. But I was crying like never before. All the beauty and all the grotesque compressed down into a tiniest little dot. And this dot is all there is. It's all there ever was and ever will be. It is one. It is God. I am it. I "saw" and felt the presence of everyone I ever interacted with. As if they were in my room with me. And I mean EVERYONE. Even that random stranger that passed by me and never even looked into my eyes. Even the ants, even the birds, even the bacteria, even Buddha, even Jesus. They all were there with me. They all were me. I was all of these beings. I still am. The moment I'd start to try and embody this bliss I would become reminded instantly that I am also all of the things I was afraid of or was categorizing them as "bad" or "evil". I was the rapist. I was the pedophile. I was the serial killer. I was the politician. I was the Muslim terrorist cutting of a man's head with a kitchen knife. I was also all the other terrorists holding this man down. And of course I was also the man being decapitated. It was slow, messy and indescribably painful. I literally felt the knife cutting though my neck. I kid you not. I was also the guy jumping off a cliff into the water and smashing his skull open on a rock. Needless to say this was just WAY to much for my persona. I did not know what to do with this realization. It completely paralyzed me. Pain and suffering combined with bliss and infinity. My ego back-lashed every once in a while and when present, it was mostly convinced that it has lost his mind completely and gone insane. And I mean as insane as it gets. How could I ever function in this world after this? I was than sucked out my reality once again, merging with infinity. But this time it was very slow. My heart was going nuts, I was overwhelmed by the experience beyond any description. Until I literally heard my own heart go from very fast to very slow. I felt my pulse throughout my whole being. Even the room was synchronized with it. I slowly "ran out" of air, and my heart stopped beating completely. And there "I" was (wasn't). One with the endless nothingness. No thoughts, no emotions, nothing. Just pure awareness. And I was there forever. I still am, in a way. Explaining how I came back into existence is nearly impossible for me. Because it happened on a level way beyond my persona. But I can point to one word. INTENTION. And I mean the mother of all intentions. The strongest, most powerful, without-a-single-ounce-of-doubt-kind of intention. If I tried to explain how it is that I "came back", it was by the purest form of desire to be here and to continue this journey. And I am not being poetical. This is the most accurate description I can give. So I'm back in my room. At this point I can stand up and even walk without falling. I decide to casually go to the toilet and take a piss. I had little to no thoughts at all. I was calm. I was extremely present. I moved very slowly. I moved as I WAS every passing moment. I was no longer just "Ivan". I was God and it was so obvious to me now. The only thing I was not sure about was where was I exactly. Sure the apartment looked exactly the same as always, but I had this strange feeling as if I was experiencing the "afterlife". A though ran through my head: "This must be how it is. When you die, nothing changes. Everything stays the same. Yet that is heaven. There's no golden gate somewhere in the clouds. It's this. Heaven is right here!" Just a few brief moments after having this thought I heard a loud knock on the door. It was still not done with me. I was about to face more core fears and come to a realization that hell is also here. Always. I looked through the peephole and saw two officers standing in front of the door. I stayed calm, didn't panic at all. To me it felt like these two cops were the first two angels who came to welcome me in heaven (lol). Later I was told the neighbors called them because they heard me screaming and having a break-down. So this is kind of where my trip slowly but surely headed towards the hospital. Was I resisting it? You bet I did. I did a lot. But not yet. I was still blissful at the moment I opened the door. This was the first time, after what seemed like an infinity to me, that I opened my mouth and started talking to someone. I immediately became aware that I was somehow unable to tell a lie. Literally. I couldn't lie if my life depended on it. Every word flew right through me without any "approval" on my behalf. Ivan was not involved in this conversation at all. It was God speaking to God. How could it not be flawless then? I felt exactly like Leo stated in his live enlightenment video: "Every word is perfectly inevitable." Exactly everything that should have been said has been said. Everything that should have been done has been done. Effortlessly so. Without me having to do or say anything about it. The cops were calm, they were probably used to these kinds of events. After all, Caldas is a city of students. They asked me what kinds of drugs I was on. I instantly replied "mushrooms". They asked me what am I doing here and if I was a student. I replied "no" and stated that I was a traveling musician, and I came to Caldas to live here temporarily and work on my album. And as soon as I mentioned music I broke into tears once again. I was crying out loud, saying how music was everything to me, how I love it more than I love myself and how I just want to create, express and share every bit of it. This quickly became a bit too much for the cops and they decided to grab me by my arms and "take me away". Oh boy. I fucking lost it at this point. The heaven I believed I was experiencing quickly crumbled down to pieces and I once again entered full on resistance mode. The cops were not happy about it. I somehow managed to free myself out of their grip. The animal in me came forth. I felt like a fucking beast. Powerful and unstoppable. And I was fighting for my survival, again. They somehow left me be and I ended up backing into the corner of the hallway where I curled up in a ball and started mumbling something. I remember repeating that I was dead, that they need to contact my mother back in Slovenia, I even told them the exact address, name and phone number of my mother. In fact, I kept repeating those. I was not nearly as articulated and fluent as just minutes before. I struggled to breathe, I was swallowing words and my heart was pumping like crazy. They tried to calm me down and kept repeating: "help is on the way". I just kept mumbling. After a few minutes I noticed four more officers walking up the stairs and what appeared to be a few male nurses. I FUCKING FLEW up the stairs instantly. Getting away from everyone and reaching the top of the building. This felt to me like it happened in a split second. And it was three stories above our apartment. On the top there was kind of like a balcony within the building, overlooking the stairs. As soon as everyone got up and tried to approach me I moved towards the edge of this balcony and yelled on the top of my lungs: "I AM GOD! I CANNOT DIE! THIS IS ALL A GAME! THERE IS NO DEATH! I AM GOD!". I threatened to jump and prove to everyone that I cannot die. I saw on everyone's face they came to a conclusion that this has gone way out of control. They needed to capture me or else it wasn't going to be pretty. They tried to act even more calmly, saying to me that everything is going to be OK, as they slowly kept approaching me. Seeing them acting calm and kind calmed me down enough that they came close enough and jumped right on me. It felt like it was all of them, but it was probably three or four cops. They had one of those portable medical beds with them and they immediately started tying me down to it. I was raging. It literally felt like I was a psycho being dragged to the insane asylum. Our way down was taking forever. Those stairs kept going and going. I felt like I lived throughout numerous lifetimes before we reached the bottom of the building. I had tons of thoughts, raging emotions, visions and even realizations during the descend. As we exited the building, there was a scene out of a crime movie laid before me. Two police cars, the hospital van, neighbors watching and wondering what the hell is going on and finally my two roommates on the left side of the building. "Party animal" was still in the exact same pose and condition as I saw him before entering the building earlier. He was now surrounded by officers and nurses as well. The other roommate was crying hysterically right next to him. I remember shouting out to her, asking for her help, as if she could explain everything to everyone and save my life, my sanity. There was no response from her. She never even looked at me once. I instantly took this as a sign and confirmation that I indeed went way too far and lost my mind completely. They imported me into the medical van where I remained alone with two male nurses who were watching over me. I immediately received a shot of something into my arm. I assume it was a sedative. I was not resisting anymore that much at this point, but I started noticing the weirdest sensation in my body. Mostly in my arms. It was as if some "cubes" were constantly turning and rearranging within me. As if I was made out of these tiny cubes. It was an incredibly cold and machine-like feeling. Scared the crap out of me. It was then that I started questioning free will. Everything felt cold and automatic to me. Like this whole thing is a machine. A precisely built simulation. Merely ones and zeros in a specific order. It was just so damn cold and "heartless". I remember mumbling to myself as we were driving: "I will wake up and I will tell nobody about this. I will wake up and I will tell nobody about this." As if this information was not supposed to be shared. I felt like I was going to be punished If I ever tell anyone about these insights. Or instantly classified as a nut-case. I was terrified. Another HUGE mind-fuck to me was when I focused on what the nurses were talking about. I swear to God they were speaking in my native language; Serbian. I understood every word. And I KNOW there is absolutely no way these people were Serbian. I also understood no Portuguese. Like, at all. So I have no clue how I was able to understand these people. And not only that, but also how my mind translated their conversation into Serbian. Just weird. We finally arrived after a long ride. I was at the hospital. Except that I did not know that at the time. To me it felt like they were taking me to their mothership to take me apart and figure out why this malfunction has occurred. Whatever was going through my mind, somehow became experiential for me in some way or fashion. My mind was constantly looking for confirmations in my reality. And it kept coming up with explanations for what was happening. It felt like my mind was a computer on fire operating way to rapidly and being extremely close to reaching "fatal error". (lol) They then delivered me into a room inside of the hospital, where more nurses/doctors waited for us. They transferred me from the portable bed to a regular one. Tied me down again. I was calm at this point and did not resist the process. I remember looking up and seeing a room full of cops and nurses. The cops probably followed us in and stayed for a while, just in case if I decided go "beast mode" again (lol). As I turned my head to my right, I saw a guy tied down to the bed next to me. Face down, lying on his stomach. Who was it? "Party animal", of course. This filled me with anger and rage again. I couldn't do anything, being tied down, but I sure gave my everything into trying to free myself. I am not sure why seeing my roomette got me so aggressive, but I assume it was because I felt incredibly guilty for the situation I brought upon us. Remember, I still was not thinking this was just a hospital. To me it was completely alien-like. My roommate was unconscious and still had some foam around his mouth. Maybe I though he was dead. I don't know... In my rage I started screaming for and demanding a nurse called "Maria" to come and see me. As if she was on my side. As if she was some kind of an angel that could save me, nurture me. Indeed a nurse came and stood by the left side of my head. I doubt her name was Maria, but she was willing to play along in order to calm me down. And down I calmed. She talked softly to me and told me she was going to give me something that will help me. I received another shot in my arm. I slowly surrendered my self to these "aliens" and gave up fighting for my life. I blacked out a few times and started loosing track of everything. This time I was not aware of the nothingness when I was in it. It was just nothing. A hole in memory. I remember being in the hallway for some time, still tied to the bed. My roommate was also there. Then I was moved to another, smaller room where two nurses watched over me. At times when I was present, I was slowly able to come to the realization that this in fact was just a regular hospital. Somewhere in the middle of Portugal. And that this was indeed "just a trip gone wrong". I half-consciously, slowly started putting back the shattered pieces of my reality. I was still feeling the little cubes turning inside of me and it was very unpleasant and annoying. I guess that was the last thing I wasn't able to explain away. I even remember asking the two nurses if this sensation was "normal" during mushroom trips/overdose. They laughed at me. I was mostly "back" at this point. I remained tied to the bed 'till 8 in the morning, until I finally convinced the nurses that I am fine and sober and that I will behave. As soon as they released my arms and legs I started walking towards the hallway, where I last saw my roommate. And there he was. Still tied down, still sleeping. As I approached him and started softly calling his name, he started waking up. A few moments of confusion followed by a smile on his face. He was alright and fully "back" as well. We just laughed silently at each other and exchanged a few brief words, both still in total disbelief about what just happened. There was no way that we could've fully grasped what went down. It felt like we came out of a decade long war. And we survived. That was our victory. Soon I asked for my personal belongings and for a permission to head out for a quick cigarette. They hesitated, but did not seem way to concerned with me. So I went and did not come back. "Party animal" remained on his bed in the hallway. He stayed in throughout the day and went under numerous examinations. As I was leaving the hospital behind, I remember being grateful for my life. Grateful for the opportunity to continue this journey. A rush of love and unity blasted through my being. But it wasn't overwhelming or anything. It was just the right amount. I was avoiding thoughts about "me" being God and every other that pointed in that direction. I needed a break. I wanted to be just human. Just Ivan. At least until I recover. As I was walking back to our apartment everything still looked extremely dreamy. It felt very lucid. Like my barriers between the "waking life" and "dreams" have been destroyed. It was one and the same now. I called a girl I was in love with, and still am. She was back at Slovenia at this time. I told her briefly about everything that went down and we both laughed out hard. It was exactly what I needed to ground me a bit more into my human form. After a long, sobering walk back to the apartment, I found the "hero of the night", my other roommate in her room. I immediately started apologizing to her and also expressing my gratitude for dragging me home and not leaving me on the streets by myself. That could have been a much worse scenario. She was kinda angry with me and also just tired due to the whole circus that went down. She barely slept and spent the night worrying about the two of her idiot roommates. After this event I spent most of my time indoors, thinking about what has happened, trying to express it through art and just gaining some sort of comfort by watching spiritually-themed Youtube videos and reading articles/forums on those topics. Of course the rumors spread, as I said, Caldas is a very small town. Everyone knew that I had a break-down. And no-one really cared about the profundity of my experience. It was almost as if everyone was scared of me and suspiciously careful with me. Soon after the arrival of my girlfriend, we decided to move on and started a slow journey across the south of Spain, heading towards Morocco, mostly by taking buses, hitchhiking and simply walking. Needless to say, I am still integrating the lessons of that night. I dived deep into consciousness work and went through a two year long period of the "dark night". Facing all the fears and limitations I was presented with during my trip. And many more, of course. I tripped a few more times on LSD and once on shrooms after that particular experience, but I did so a lot more responsibly. My girlfriend and me only, indoors in a pleasant and safe environment. With proper caution and preparation. Emphasizing my state of being prior to taking anything. Meditating and surrendering to the present moment. So what did I learn? Where am I now after two years? I am still on the never-ending journey. I opened myself up as much as I could to infinity, to God. I am able to embody my higher self a lot easier and more frequently. I am also able to do so while not creating art. I could be just simply cleaning the dishes and I'd be doing it as God. As all that is. I am aware most of my "waking hours" that this is a dream. And that this character named Ivan is a necessary part of it. I don't feel separate anymore. I "got rid" of most of the programming from my childhood and teen years. I am able to be here and now and have no need for anything else. I am able to simply admire the perfection in every moment. My musical skills went through a massive upgrade and I even discovered new, smaller passions that I had. I embraced the rational, logical and analytical part of my mind. I resisted this for a long time. I was always an abstract, creative thinker. I also came to have a dream-like relationship with my beloved one. Our communication is nearly flawless, often telepathic and highly synchronized. I still get mad, frustrated, sad or bored at times. I still go "sleep mode" here and there. But it never lasts long. And I never "walk away" without learning the lesson. When I go to sleep at night I am ready to merge with nothingness again. I am peaceful. I am at ease. Because I know that this is just a game, just a dream. And I am that dream. I am the container for everything that is. Forever. As you are too. So there you go. That's my incredibly irresponsible yet profound trip report. I hope I did not make it too long and I won't "scare away" potential readers Feel free to leave a comment, share your opinion or just ask me anything you feel like asking. Stay awesome! Much love and respect.

@VioletFlame I think it depends on the context. In Tier2, the self has been mostly transcended. A Tier2 being sees the bigger picture that this illusory self is within something much more expansive. There isn’t a strong identification to beliefs and perspectives. Someone at Tier2 is not attached to being identified as “I am Yellow”. They are comfortable with the notion that there are Yellow/Turquoise level concepts and experiences that arise, yet no “me” to take ownership. Yet, when communicating with people at Blue/Orange level development, Tier2 concepts and language are misunderstood. It can cause confusion, frustration and even conflict in the person. A Tier2 being is very good at going with the flow of relativity and can “meet a person where they are at”. If a Blue/Orange person asked what my experience of being a Yellow level thinker at my job is like - I would speak as if I identify as Yellow. And then, if Turqoise beings were conversing about the relative nature of Yellow which takes form as formless nothingness, identification with Yellow is dissolved. I think the key is whether they are conscious that they are identifying with a stage for ease of conversation and can let go of identification when appropriate. Or, is the person attached to the identification and can’t let go. That type of egoic attachment is a delusional trap. And it gets sneakier as one evolves up the spiral. I’ve had to face it many times. Each time I entered a new stage, there was some sense of egoic attachment with identifying with that stage.

I m far away from englitment but I had a weird experience. So 3 weeks ago I had the following experiences. I felt like I was awerness itself an awerness is nothingness, its like a "negative space" where you experience everything in your life. Awerness it's like a invisible bubble that it's around you it's the only thing that it's constant in your life. Right now in my head it's like this. The body is a pc and awerness it's a program when you look at the pc you can't see the program running on components but the program it's there. What do you think guys? Is this an insight or just dissociation?

What do you think spirituality is all about? It's liberation from this kind of pain. Self-inquire. Who is experiencing this pain? That is the ultimate solution. But in addition: a) write, draw, or otherwise artistically represent your feelings in as much detail as you possibly can. do not stop till you feel like you have captured how you are feeling exactly b) try, with the above, to understand what exactly you want to do about the situation... maybe you want to take some action. try that c) as I always say, get therapy Yes, first understand your true nature through Ramana Maharshi's self-inquiry, and then you will be in the best position to understand how to help with the problem of physical pain. It turns out that physical pain cannot affect your true inner peace. The enlightened may yell and shout and scream just like anyone else when in pain, but their inner experience is different. In truth, they are untouched, because they know who they really are. The world seems terribly unjust. When you understand your true nature, you will find out that all this pain and suffering and injustice is only an appearance. Your true nature cannot be affected by it. And if you do want to help the world, there is no better way than by finding your own peace -- then your mind will be in the best position to help the world find it. There's only one layer of the matrix. Don't confuse yourself with distinctions between so-called "nothingness" and "non-duality." The question is simple: are you in a state of clear, calm, peace even with your eyes open and you go about your life? If so, then stay there, whatever you want to call it. And if you leave that, come back to it. That's it. That actually is your true nature right there. Some day you will stop leaving that -- at that moment you will understand you actually never left it and never could leave it. As above. If you feel dissatisfied in any way ("Is there still an I?") then that is not peace. Continue the "doing nothing" or else the self-inquiry till you get to that vast, spacious peace that can be maintained with open eyes. Then don't bother to leave. 1. This is a misleading question and it'll be a misleading answer, but: 20 years that I was on the path. There is no longer a path. 2. Yes, it seemed that way. 3. Another misleading question. There is no "becoming" enlightened because we are all already that. The mind stopped searching, you could say, last year, after those 20 years. 4. After months of intense self-inquiry, and before that, decades of spiritual and psychological work on myself. 5. It is not possible. 6. Aligning myself with my true desire. Ramana Maharshi's self-inquiry.

@winterknight Am I right in saying that enlightenment is about this nothingness that I don't think I've been aware of yet, rather than non-dual being? If it's true, how do I then go from non-dual being to nothingness? Do I just bask in the non-dual being until the shift just happens? Just like it happened when I went from dual to non-dual. I see this as a first and second layer of the matrix.

Since my not-punching bag is getting upset, I'll publicly admit that the limit of movement is stillness, not touch. Touch is an inner movement that is confused for stillness. The Ego's wet dream therefore is: Darkness Silence Saliva (tastelessness?) Air (smelllessness?) Stillness Nothingness (non-existence) The inner and outer spheres of the gross senses are what I call the inner and outer world. Subjective and objective. The boundary between subjective and objective is the "-lessness" : the paradox. The sense of being is, however, problematic. I can approach it in two ways: Treat it as a gross sense and claim that there are 'private' and 'public' beings. That I can agree and disagree about the existence of things with other people and treat it as the basis for experience. Observe that the very partitioning of senses into inner and outer is grounded in the sense of being. Subjective and objective worlds themselves are entities that form relationships with other senses. This way, I can see that the sense of being itself cannot be partitioned into inner and outer, because the possibility of partitioning is grounded in it. The first option creates one stable conceptual system in which there is "I" and "other". I will call this conceptual system Egoic perception. The second option creates another stable conceptual system in which there is "I=you=we". I will call this conceptual system Nondual perception.

Boom, progress. I was wondering about this question right here: and it got me curious and a little bit depressed. That is because everything that is obvious is unitary. There is nothing inner and outer about it. In fact, innerness and outerness are beings themselves so they have to somehow point back into the sense of being. This got me depressed because it ruins all of the beautiful dual symmetry of the 5-simplex. (Or maybe it doesn't? I just figured something out). Anyways, here's another clue: That thing right here is the Ego's wet dream. Paradoxes in the gross senses seem like manifestations of nothingness.

All of the senses contain paradoxes. What is the 'paradoxical experience'? Darkness Silence Saliva (?) Air (?) Touch Nothingness Isn't that basically the experience of death? The total sensory deprivation?

I wonder if nondual perception is a category? All senses seem to have singularities, which are the points between inner and outer spheres: inner sight / darkness / outer sight inner hearing / silence / outer hearing inner taste / ??? / outer taste inner smell / ??? / outer smell inner movement / touch / outer movement inner being / nothingness / outer being ??? - there seems to be no obvious word for these singularities. They are like the taste of saliva and the smell of air. I'm still having difficulty talking about the sense of being. I can only describe its short-circuits with other senses. From the point of view of short-circuits, it is the ability to recognize entities out of sensations. When the phone rings, I move in such a way that I can see the phone. Sense of being is what 'glues' the sound of ringing, motion of the head and shape of the phone into what I perceive to be the entity called phone.

If you are to know then know this. It's not that you should stop asking questions when there are still questions to ask. But to speed up the process of self-realization you just have to be that process of self-realization. Instead of seeking the right path up the mountain, stopping at every turn to contemplate which way to go, take a seat mentally and listen to the birds on winds of mind. In every moment of your every day the answers that lie between you and You are presenting themselves when you point your conscious attention the right way. What is the right way but the way that begs your attention? What keeps causing you unrest is naturally what bothers, moves, drains you the most, and when you embody stillness it is what is naturally drawing your attention out of meditation. Be honest with yourself as you inquire into what is going on, why you are caught up in whatever you are caught up in doing whatever you are doing contemplating whatever you are contemplating. Self-inquiry is crucial for finding one's way back through the maze of mind as it was self-deception that caused one to get lost in the first place, but as it is part of the self-same structure that attempts to keep itself alive by perpetuating itself it can easily lead one further astray. I am amazing at deceiving myself so better listen for signs. Some times I may believe that something is something it is not, and so I fool myself and suffer by going in circles or separating myself further from the truth into wider, wilder circles. If you recognize non-duality, although you may not have realized its depth(and isnt there always more to discover ?), then you realize. in some way, that the world as you experience it is one side of the coin of I. Letting go of those things that doesnt really matter and solving those that do is a form of re-allignment of the self. If truth is one that is nothingness then you are as of now truth hiding from itself in itself by itself. You are that you are looking for. In a way it does not matter where you look, but if you are to look in a certain way, be it with honest eyes, stillness of mind and purity of heart. It is a process of letting go. You are not climbing a mountain as much as returning to your resting position, holding on to whatever you cannot let go of on your way down until you are ready to let it go. Let go of anything and it returns to rest after having carried out whatever energy was put into it. As of now you are holding on to something keeping you stuck till you figure out what you need to figure out on this part of the journey. Depending on who you are, you may believe to find most use of either self-inquiry or surrender. One is primarily masculine energy the other feminine energy, but really they are one, and choosing one over the other leaves out half the fun. Secondly, if the 'problem' that keeps you in unrest is that you are separated from your authentic self, from truth, then how can you know that you are not fooling yourself into chasing down the wrong road? By listening to whatever presents itself and inquiring upon it you can unriddle yourself of your unrest and become one with truth once again. As soon as you start picking sides, you always leave something out, and ignoring certain parts of I that keeps calling for your attention is what separates you from truth. Any road is the way, so if this sounds like gibberish just toss it out the window. If something sounds like bullshit it probably is, and if you are on a nice flow in a direction that feels right, then don't let this alter your course. It is easy to get stuck believing in fancy words just because they sound fancy. Or discard wisdom by its strange appearance. Some times truth hits like lightning from a clear blue sky. Or it can be building up like a storm for a period of time until the pressure is released. Trying to single out a lightning in a storm shelters your attention from all the rest, and believing there are no lightning to be found when the sky is clear shelters you from the possibility of it arising. While you are busy taking notes on what the teacher is preaching at the board, the truth is smiling at you from across the room. While you are looking down at your phone on public transportation truth flys by the window but you are too preoccupied to notice it, let alone catch it. If you can embody stillness in action and search without searching then you are already there. If you believe truth to be found in some specific places and not to be in certain others, then try to be attentive to the road and look for signs of going in circles.

Thanks for your info, feeling much more calmer now. I have had ego dissolutions before (one on 5-meo-dmt and one on lsd), but the dissolution came in naturally and without friction, there were no negative emotions, just peace and nothingness, and plain awareness of it. So yeah, yesterday took me by surprise. I am glad it happened tho, I needed this scare.

When I was done dying, my conscience regained So I began my struggle, a nothingness strained Out a flash made of time, my new form blasted out And it startled me so and I burst out a shout At which my legs ran frantic like birds from a nest And I ran until drained, leaving no choice but rest So I fell asleep softly at the edge of a cave But I should have gone in deeper but I'm not so brave And like that I was torn out and thrown in the sky And I said all my prayers because surely I'll die As I crashed down and smashed into earth, into dirt How my skin did explode, leaving only my shirt But from shirt grew a tree and then tree grew a fruit And I became the seed and that seed was a brute And I clawed through the ground with my roots and my leaves And I tore up the shirt and I ate up the sleeves And they laughed out at me and said "what is your plan?" But their question was foreign, I could not understand When then suddenly I'm ripped up and placed into a mouth And it swallowed me down at which time I head south I said hey ya ya hey ya ya hey ya ya hey ya ya hey ya ya Well I woke up to see them, these two mighty steeds With their mouths grinning wildly expressing my needs As they stood there above me, being flanked on each side I felt no need to fear them, no reason to hide So I reached up to touch but they faded too soon Yet their mouths still remained and stacked up towards the moon How that ladder of mouth waved so soft in the night And I looked up in awe at that beautiful sight And I dreamt about climbing into the night sky But I knew had I touched them they'd mouth back "Bye-bye" So I got up and walked down the path in the dark And there deep in the distance my eye caught a spark Of a crab twice my size with incredible strength Oh, it greeted me kindly and then we all drank And we drooled out together right onto the ground And the ocean grew up quickly right up all around And the earth looked at me and said "Wasn't that fun?" And I replied "I'm sorry if I hurt anyone" And without even thinking cast me into space But before she did that she wiped off my own face She said better luck next time don't worry so much Without ears I couldn't hear I could just feel the touch As I feel asleep softly at the edge of a cave But I should have gone deeper but I'm not so brave I said hey ya ya hey ya ya hey ya ya hey ya ya hey ya ya

@Samra that’s a very difficult question. how do they feel for you? maybe they just describe different relations you have to nothingness, voidness emptiness or however you want to call it. like the inuit have different words for white. if you look long enough you’ll see there is not much difference.

Can anything be separate of any other-thing? Can there be anything other? Can there be otherness but illusion itself behind is oneness? EDIT: I had talked somewhere in the forum about the point(S ,separate points) are merely an illusion of one point. It can even be described with mathematics and we can generate a function where we can iterate on illusion of points i.e. f(x) would yield you a Y where you can start building your points (y, x) and there recurse this function to itself to generate many infinite dimensions of points. actually at the bottom, there's only one point that has many illusions of itself. Now the thing is, when we have one dimension i.e length, i.e infinite many points, i.e 1 to 1000, or to inf, yes there exists many unique f(x) that would map x to y, and another g(x, y) that map (x, y) to z, etc etc... the question you might ask is how one would go backwards from one dimension to one singular point? Answer: simple, there exists a function that would always yield z(x) = 1 + a.x where a is not 0 but illusion. The illusion is the functions itself, functions as human thoughts. One point is being observed as to create illusions of many. F, G and many dimensions are just illusions that exists. EDIT: Oneness is when existence of illusion of A in z(x) = 1 + a.x discovered hence now whole reality collapses into nothingness a.k.a zero in math. If one takes illusions granted then there exists many A that will create the illusion of first dimension. There you can generate any OTHER thing.