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Hi, here are my unedited short summaries of the trips with specified date of tripping: (note: All trips were done alone (my room) during the night, except the third one. The 5th and 6th trip were reported the following day) (the 4 below reported in mid JAN) --- 06 DEC 2018 --- (1) 130ug of LSD = Very radical from expectations. Increased awareness of the "Game of Lights" projected upon "Being". Highly therapeutic effect. A lot of other effects. --- 14 DEC 2018 --- (2) 260ug of LSD = Complete dissolution of self. The mind divided into the divine self and the screaming ego from the depths of being. Ego constantly screaming "there is something important, you're supposed to focus on previous theory and make something out of it" and the Divine Self answering with compassion. Launched a Leo video and while I understood his words, they appeared to be of zero importance. --- 23 DEC 2018 --- (3) 470ug of LSD = While lying on bed the dose kicked in SUPER HARD. In like 15 seconds I was swallowed by the bed, then the entire reality + me collapsed upon itself. For at least 6hr I and the world were completely GONE, except for when I went to pee. Walking to the sink during those 6hr felt like being THE CARTOON (not in it, I was gone). I especially value the effects after 12hr (trip lasted 22hr) because mental clarity kicked in and the mind was exceptionally good at sourcing insights. There were 2 insights. --- 04 JAN 2019 --- (4) 220ug of LSD = Heard the Divine Voice. Somehow I still remember it but at the same time I can't replicate it in my head. Note that it wasn't a distortion of music playing, because when I removed headphones I was still hearing it. Saw how reality is similar to infinite fractals with the purpose of expressing God's beauty. (the 4 above reported in mid JAN) --- 12 JAN 2019 --- (5) (reported 13 JAN) 330ug of LSD = UNUSUAL TRIP (there was a strong sense of consciousness thru the trip, which was almost completely absent on previous trips). Experiencing the mind of God. Getting a decent sneak peak into how I exist within the fractal reality. Seeing how reality is striving towards union. Out of Love for Love. Hearing once again the divine voice. A very interesting experience on how I exist as a "creature". Once the beam of awareness beamed upon itself, asking what it is: Just God's Perception/Nothingness/Illusion. --- 25 JAN 2019 --- (6) (reported 26 JAN) 220ug of LSD = FAILED TRIP. 30 min after I took the tabs, the neighbor from beneath got his hanging clothes on fire because of the idiot neighbor from above. So just as the trip started to begin, I began to worry that my parents might wake up and interrupt me/catch me tripping during peak. Also I lit some candles which added the additional worry that someone from the street might think it was my fault (again, the idiot from above confirmed later that he caused the fire). This incident caused the trip to be by far the worst and least productive one. ### Below I'll go into more depth after weeks of integration and figuring out the blurry maze: The most fruitful trips were 1,3 and especially 5. Leo's latest vids and additional studying clarified the many insights and states I experienced. Let's start by describing the most beautiful 10 minutes of life: the peak of the 5th trip. (5) For whatever reason I was WAY more sensible to LSD on that day. After just 5 minutes (looked at stopwatch, not by possibly different time-perception) I started feeling it entering my body. Drinking 0,5l of strong tea just before the peak added additional alertness. During the peak I experienced a singular source which was giving birth to infinite/fractal like bubbles of perception, my ego was one of those bubbles. However during the peak I was the nothingness outside those bubbles. A week or two after the trip it occurred to me it was exactly like Leo's sponge metaphor in "What is Perception?" episode. The godly voice at 38:45 ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXhhpxt_OoI ) soaked into my mind so fucking hard, I was just hearing it in a loop without headphones (and labeled it the divine voice in my report above). During the morning I walked thru the city and saw how the stuff around me was just a "beauty fractal". Beauty leaking thru everything. I re-confirmed one insight which repeated almost in all trips: How absolutely everything was interconnected and moving towards one single union. It was very hard to logically process it (though experientially easy to bring back from memory) and put it in words, but over time it became more clear. (3) This one was so radically different from the rest. Changing the dosage just a little made exponentially more difference. Taking 470ug was by far the most mentally exhausting 22 hours of my life. And yes the trip lasted this long))) I took the dose early morning. So I took the tabs and the waiting for the kick-in was as usual. However at 1hr+ the dose kicked in super hard and super fast. It felt like enjoyable dying. For 5 minutes nice visuals, then I was literally falling thru my bed (not physically) and then the whole fucking world collapsed onto me and VANISHED (all in a few seconds). It was the only trip where I completely lost my shit (self-control). For example, 6hr after vanishing I was running thru the apartment like a wild animal (thank god didn't hurt myself or jump from the window, really should have trip sitter at this high doses) having absolutely zero idea what the fuck was going on. My mind was shattered into hundreds of pieces and at 8hr I was trying to literally construct my ego back from those broken pieces. And I was so incredibly conscious of the ego reconstructing process. Note that I did open my eyes while going to pee between 4-6hr, but it wasn't done by me. Hard to explain, but it was literally a dreamy/euphoric cartoon and my body was a part of/controlled by it. I invited my friend over at 12hr to bless him with some LSD. I was trying to cook pasta when he came but my sense of space was completely fucked (felt like my left arm was floating thru the room) so I handed the task to him. After nourishing my body with energy, I blessed my friend (waited 1,5hr for his belly to digest the food) with his first ever trip (gave him 220ug so he would have a break-thru, he's well developed so no worry). He had radically different trip then my trips, proving that it all differs from person to person. At around 16-18hr it was extremely easy to source out insights, because the LSD still had strong effects but I had some mental clarity. One big insight was experiencing the infinite sphere which contained all possible forms inside it. It's like a block of sand, which contains lots of forms depending on how you look at them. Talking with my best friend while both under LSD was one of a kind experience. I regained self-control when his peak kicked-in. At 20hr I tried to sleep but couldn't because effects were still strong. For example at 21hr while watching Blade Runner 2049 the image was 3d and sounds really heightened. (1) https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/28760-insane-results-from-my-first-ever-lsd-trip/#comment-331316 ### Conclusions: LSD is an incredibly powerful tool, and I'm extremely happy I didn't listen to guys telling me to not do it weekly under my second trip report (which I deleted because it was too honest for them and too toxic for me). What really motivated me to write this post is to confirm Leo's words that yes, you can realize God and go really deep with stuff like LSD (and it's WAY easier to get then 5Meo). However you need a very healthy mind. Before doing those trips I've been doing self-development for 4-6 years and worked on my psyche pretty good. For example my friend (which did way less work then me) had worse results on both of his trips. He experienced a lot of regret and ego resistance while I had none of these. I listened to my intuition and glad that I did it! Overall the trips were like going thru a blurry yet intimate psyche-maze . With the exception of the 5th trip (and second half of third trip), which all of a sudden was soaked with consciousness and zero confusion. By confusion I mean when most of your brain is activated it's very hard to concentrate only on one part of it which responds for talking or memory. Example: on 4th trip I was looking at the stopwatch (counting from taking the tabs) after peak and making very hard effort to remember what was the purpose of it. Setting "goals" before LSD trips proved completely useless most of the time. These trips made lifelong changes on my mind. Wish everyone could experiment (starting small doses for average folk and below) with LSD, because it's highly therapeutic and hard to not benefit from it. Even my 6th "failed" trip did had it's purpose. (One other insight I had during all trips is that everything has it's purpose) PS. Has anyone tried Modafinil/Armodafinil + LSD (so they'll peak at the same time) ? I'd like to recreate the sudden presence of awareness during the 5th trip by combining the two. PSS. The reason I specified the reporting dates so clear is to highlight how many insights have a lot of similarities with Leo's 13 awakenings latest vid, especially the fractal parts, even though I reported that long before watching his latest vids. (It's very easy to fall into the trap of confirming other Guru's words, instead of sourcing out the Truth for yourself) Out of Love for Love!

Happened to read a book dont delay Enlightenment by a person called Bagavath Ayya. I am posting the link of the free ebooks authored by him. Basically his teaching is understand that concious mind cannot control the unconcious mind. And what ever concious mind experiences the thoughts emotions feelings etc comes from the conditionings of the subconcious. So dont try to resist what ever thoughts emotions feelings come. Let there be free flow of thoughts emotions with out resistance. This understanding is called enlightenment he claims ??? He discards all the traditional self realization, Nothingness, ego death or complete identity lessness. Http://www.sribagavath.org/ebooks/ Request people read the book don't delay Enlightenment and comment leisurely. ???

The word faith is not the best to use because it is often correlated to the religious faith as a blind belief. The faith you talk about is indeed very important. But instead of belief I would rather call it trust. Before you have direct experience of truth, there can only be belief and curiosity. Curiosity is good. But as soon as you are having a mystical experience, whereafter you see directly how your ego gets restructured you can actually understand this process. This is why psychedelics are so powerful. Yes you get back to ground zero. But you KNOW from direct experience that there is a higher truth. For example you can experience love as the absolute, nothingness, or some other facet. Most importantly, you experience truth in comparison to illusion. And you notice how illusion works. From then on, it's important to remind yourself of this higher Self which you are. Paul Brunton has an amazing book centered around this idea called "The Short Path to Enlightenment". Yes the title sounds off-putting but it's a really good book. Adyashanti highly recommends. I think he was the first bringing Ramana's teachings to the west. So faith for me is these two things: Trust in the perfection of existence and remembrance of your true Self. It is only possible once you have seen it.

@Paul92 People are not illusions. Please get your understanding right. Real means that which is ever present. Rest all come and go meaning the physical bodies dont have permanant existence. So it is not an illusion. But it is not real. And again " they" say they are nothing as well as everything. Though i don't understand what that means. Again 99.9999% people are living as individuals normal human beings. It is your own creation that individuality is not valued I can't love another person. You need some serious help. Meet some therapist. And please don't bring enlightenment here. You say you are not enlightened but keep quoting nothingness etc. Offcourse you cannot take the help for yourself. Tell your parents friends about your mental state they will help you. Ending the life is not a solution for a small issue like a breakup. Be a man.

I would say Nothingness=Everything. Non-existence is imagination of the mind, no such thing exists. @Truth Addict Only you yourself can know and understand if others are talking from dual or non-dual states. It all depends on your current state of mind, awareness and consciousness.

The I sensation is non-local. You are on the right track. You will find nothingness, formlessness, emptiness. Your true nature. It's non-local too but you can become conscious or aware of It.

I didn't make it, God itself became aware through "me". And instantly I knew all this. I created you and myself. Only I exists. I am Apsolute infinity and Apsolute Nothingness. It's none other than I.

Yes, I keep a journal and wrote stuff down already. I have to organize it. Are you doing a life purpose? I like to call it life's calling. 'Life purpose' as a term sounds like Leo's term. (I use terms such as Nothingness instead of No-self to be understood better in here.) A life purpose doesn't have to involve no-self or any kind of spirituality. At first, my life purpose included only art and bilingual studies, but then I decided, ok, I will include spirituality and non-duality. I will plan it like this.

That’s a metaphor for you. Before you came into this embodied perspective, aka your self or ego, you were one with God (Nothingness). Then you split from God confusing yourself for this separate character. Confusing the true nature of everything that is nonduality with duality. Of course you’ve been God this whole time. Just unknowingly. Start learning to read in between the lines with these very apt metaphors.

@now is forever I said it before in previous threads/posts. The best I could describe it is: You become nothingness / no-self. You don't have a body, no embodiment. There is no phenomenon, no external world or universe. And, all in all, you're aware of it, fully conscious of it. Then, you make a transformation into the entire universe, and you're aware if it. You are it--everything / everythingness. Then you transform back into your body (ego). You realize that the entire world is also you. When you make this transformation, it's called Riding the Ox Backwards. You're this massive black hole from an ego's perspective. See, if you want me to explain further, it'll be a booklet. I don't want to write a book here. In my explainations, I'll also have to include how I came to know about this--my detective work. I rather tell this in 3rd person.

a) so when you sleep are you aware your sleeping in a visual, or did sleep never occur? b) so when you are eating are you aware that you are a human eating or are you god eating god in nothingness c) when you are watching a video are you aware of a human watching a video or aware of the eye visuals behind watching a video

That's cute. Sunglasses. ? No, you don't need sunglasses. When you become the light, you are the light. Massive light!!! From the ego's perspective. In reality, it's not grandiose. You're not embodied. You are the light. That's why they call it Riding the Ox Backwards back into your ego. Anyway, that's another aspect of enlightenment. Enjoy wearing sunglasses and doing something positive on earth. Other lessons must be learned. Don't forget the lessons; otherwise Nothingness/No-self may not come. Things have to be balanced. Everything is interconnected.

There's a quote that goes something like this, "if you keep wanting to enter the spiritual realms, then life becomes pointless." I agree. I could relate to this quote. In Leo's blog somewhere, in an article somewhere, he said that life is a school. True. I agree. Yes, learn all your lessons on earth, do something positive in this world, and then move on to something else after passing away. Life being a school was one of the lessons for me when I saw that family member again. To me, it goes out of balance if you keep wanting to enter the spiritual realms too many times, including non-duality, becoming one with the No-self (Nothingness).

Nice music. It's detective music. I like music too. Well, it depends on what kind of music. So far, to me, this one is a lovely song for enlightenment: It may sound like a song for an intimate relationship, but I could understand why it could be for enlightenment too. Btw, there is a love ("bliss") aspect of enlightenment. I don't understand why Leo has to experience enlightenment a few dozen times via 5meo. Looks like that strong bliss from the Nothingness (No-self) is making him cry tears of joy in his "Becoming God" video. I don't know for sure. I'm not Leo. I could only guess. If 5meo does produce enlightenment, I don't understand why he needs to experience it that many times.

no, i’m not, you are confusing darkness and emptiness. you are confusing nothingness with darkness.

Well, nothingness is not something. And also it is (sorry for the Zen-speak) Nothingness is existence itself. If you just sit with a quiet mind in silence you can sort of "feel" existence. Although feeling is not quite the right word. You can be conscious of existence. Try this: just sit and focus your attention on the raw fact of existence itself. I don't mean on the existence of any particular object, but existence itself. Try to "lock on" to existence itself. Notice it has no shape. It has no form. It is not an object. Yet here it is! But WHAT IS IT? What is existence? Try to just sit and be "locked on" to that for 15 minutes with a very open mind. Don't theorize or speculate. Just observed what existence is. Have a very open mind free of any ideas, models, images, or theories about what existence is. Whatever existence is, it's right there in your direct experience. if you can't realize what it is using your direct experience, you will never realize it (not through books, videos, or teaching). Can you sort of "feel" that existence is nothing? It is empty. Good. Now just sit with that. Focus on that emptiness. That is enlightenment, that is the True Self, that is the I AM, that is the Godhead. Also notice that anything you say about pure existence itself is not accurate. Any description or qualification of it is not true because it is empty. It is so empty that even calling it "empty" is untrue! So what do you do? You just sit and observe it silently without too much thinking. Let it captivate you. Rather than being human, become it!

@Leo Gura So how do you know something exists if it's impossible to comprehend? Assuming nothingness is something, of course.

@Javad In your analogy, the I AM/True Self/Witness/Consciousness/Absolute is the vacuum of empty space in which the car is located. The mind is NOT the I AM. The mind will try to make itself feel and think that it is the I AM, so watch out! You must detach from all mind activity. That doesn't mean all mind activity must stop, it just means you must not identify with it. What you are looking for is Nothingness. But it cannot be found using the mind. So how do you find it? There is no way, no method to get to it. A radical leap in consciousness is required. That comes naturally with lots of practice witnessing and observing your direct experience. You must throw out all analogies. Enlightenment/Nothingness cannot be accessed via an analogy AT ALL. Every analogy is not it. You must become the Nothingness directly! It has to be totally direct. You cannot form an image or idea of it. Any idea you have of it is not it. This is why it's so frustrating and difficult. Closest you can get to Nothingness via a technique is just sitting in silence with a very still mind.

Isn't it just so complex for human mind, especially tear one, that it feels like God is a-logical? I mean, for me even car or oven is pure magic, because I don't know shit about it mechanisms, but my gaming experience and using a lot of cheat-codes and trainers saying me that it's very logical that if God is Fromless Nothingness, which has unlimited abilities, that everything what he's create is perfect. I think, that even craziest mindfuck can become very logical, when your defenition of world logic a recontextualized.

Chapter 206 April 4 You can take something perfect and just destroy it and reduce it to nothing. Or you could take something imperfect and turn it into a very valuable asset. It's all about intentions. The clay of physical reality can be molded into anything that your mind wants. This is the basis of intention and outcome. The outcome will forever be beautiful if the intention is right Anything that is abused and taken for granted degenerates over time You don't have to feel bad that you are not perfect because even the most perfect people in the world make mistakes and degrade over time. It's not like if you are perfect you have hit the jackpot. Nothing is decided. Everything is fate. To think that perfection would have been this ultimate ticket to a better life is just wishful thinking. Things don't work that way. Focus only on what good can be created. Rest is just a thought of what would have been could have been. And life is paradoxical. Because people who don't have it wish they had it and people who have it waste it. In effect everything good or bad cancels out and comes to equality. It is life's way of doing justice. Its all about intentions, character and outcome.. There is nothing to be jealous of absolute perfection. Because when you have something you have the fear of losing it. When you don't have something you are desperate to have it.. The best state to be in is a state of rest fulness. In this restfulness state, everything is calm and beautiful. You become neutral, more like an object rather than a person. The narcissism disappears. This state is more important. In this state, it's nothingness, and nothing matters, good or bad. You don't even think much about yourself. You think about what can be done. You think more about the art rather than the artist. Its like you look beautiful and you still don't do makeup. You hardly care about anything. You become selfless. You care about doing things.. Taking care of others, let's say animals. You don't stand out, rather you become one with the whole creation.. There is so much humility in you. You are focused more on what good you can do. You become very matured and very selfless. You reach a different plane. You are more worried about bigger things in life than yourself. This is where you graduate from self centeredness towards oneness with creation. You become one with universal love. You might think of this as flower child philosophy. But it's really the truth of existence. One person's life is not worth the whole ecosystem's existence. The whole system has to flourish. And when you have that kind of empathy in yourself, you begin to serve a broader purpose, extended towards others and eventually you feel that love and you create brotherly love like a sense of community love and when such a community love exists, all competitiveness and jealousy disappears. The love overcomes jealousy,hate, self centeredness,narcissism, self righteousness, and you begin to feel an enormous feeling of joy and happiness and warmth and love and suddenly it doesn't even matter whatever imperfections you have because you only think about how much you can contribute rather than receive. You become a giver rather than a receiver. You become like God. Its a state where all your negativity has seeped away and you feel a tremendous sense of calm, peace and maturity. You don't even have one percent of jealousy or hate or anger or envy or passion. Because all you want to do is give. You become extremely empathetic. That ego disappears. You try to see what purpose you can serve and how you can give better. You are only focused on your duty and purpose, not on yourself anymore. You just start to use yourself out. It's the highest point of maturity and intelligence. And of course love. Everything becomes immaterial when you feel that much love. You feel like even if you suffered or lost something or gained something it doesn't matter. All things begin to appear small and irrelevant. Everything appears very superficial and pointless. You are able to let go a lot of what you were always holding back as very important. You will start to focus on bigger things. The possessiveness goes away. You will be much less affected by anything that is concerning yourself. You will not be affected by your imperfections or perfections. You will have the "it doesn't matter" attitude. You will feel more free. Thoughts about yourself will not bug you anymore. You won't feel consumed the way you used to feel once.

@JakeR If you actually study quantum mechanics you will notice there no particles actually. Particles are pure mental abstraction. What is really there are infinitely entangled qunatum wave functions. Particle never existed. That was a cute story told to you in grade school because the reality of the sub-atomic world is infinitely complex and impossible to model perfectly. There can be nothing more fundamental than nothingness and infinity. No form is fundamental. All "particles" come and go, born and die -- as QM tells you. You must interpret QM very carefully. QM does NOT support materialism or realism at all.

Hello, My question is regarding the bolded sentence. I'm not a buddhist. I use the term awareness vs. using the term nothingness, but do you mind eleborating on what you mean by "getting rid of identification altogether"?

Inquire into this "I" you believe in so thoroughly. Is it actually there? Can you find where it comes from? How certain are you that this sense of being an "I" is actually founded in reality and not an illusion? The point is not to identify with nothingness, the point is to lose all identification - which is surrender.

Specially since the pursuit of enlightenment (if done improperly) can lead to depression. All it takes is for a person to mistakingly identify with nothingness instead of getting rid of identification altogether. That is the recipe for depression, nihilism, and potentially suicide.

@Iksander Imo Leo says 5meo gives the ego death nothingness experience and saves lot of time for the seeker in progressing as otherwise it takes lot of time to understand believe the teachings and do the practices sincerely. It clears away the doubts inner unwanted resistance mechanisms of mind of the seeker. Most of the people in the forum who used physcadelics agree upon that. And more than that leo says its the deeper non dual insights which 5meo gives. But 5meo by itself cannot give one enlightenment. This is my understanding about physchadelics so for.