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@Truth Addict What do you mean you don't exist? Don't delude yourself. You are still identified with someone who has adopted the quality of nothingness. I made a post warning people of this misconception before. This is the path to depression. The point was never to disprove the ego's existence. The point is to dis-identify wit "I-ness". There is still I-ness identification with you, but this 'I' is no longer attached to objects so you see the world as Void. Don't see the void, be the void.

Here is what this fear is making me do: I am constantly trying to figure out what an enlightenment experience will be like. “would I hold on for dear life” Thinking of ways to develop courage to handle it Thinking of ways to prepare my body and mind to handle it: Already created a plan: Climb maslow’s hierarchy, Complete sadhguru’s hatha and beginner programs, get into Ayurveda, cover my base survival needs, reach higher stages in spiral dynamics. Will all this really prepare me for awakening or an awakening experience? What if I do so much consciousness work that I go crazy, or lose my mind, or cause trauma or be in excessive fear all day. What if I can’t let go of my attachments. What if I want my old life back? —————————————————— This fear isn’t making me really emotional about it or whatever but it is on my mind all the time. Am I being too OCD about it? Is there any way to tackle this? I used to be so excited about spirituality and awakening but constantly hearing that “it could be hard to stomache” “you reach a point of no return” “it is the end of your life” “absolute nothingness” All this is stirring up all kinds of negative emotions like excessive fear, self-esteem, doubting myself, lack of desire for spirituality (and even other desires of life), etc. Part of it is my lack of acceptance of uncertainty of the future. I just really sell myself on the idea that everything is going to be okay in the future, that life gets better, life gets more stable and balanced and happier. But how do I know? I could get killed before any of the good comes? I could be in even more excessive fear? How am I supposed to know? As I am writing all this I see that it is all just my fear speaking. And I am slowly accepting, and practicing acceptance. But what else am I doing wrong? How do I deal with this? How can I make this path more enjoyable and avoid experiences I can’t handle? Is “death” really that bad? How can I stomache this kind of experience when the time comes? I don’t mind even putting in 20 years to prepare myself for enlightenment, but is it the case that I put in 20 years doing everything to prepare my mind, body, and emotions and enlightenment still is scary and hard after those 20 years?

@legendary That is very difficult to assess in practice, especially if you haven't had multiple awakenings yourself. The challenge is that different minds talk about awakening in different ways, so just because two people talk different and emphasize different things does not necessarily mean their level of awakening is different. To be totally honest, I don't know anyone else's level of awakening. I only know what levels I have experienced. The rest is my speculations. It is possible to try to guess a person's levels of awakening by asking them various questions about the nature of reality. Depending on how they answer these questions you might catch some clues about how awake they really are. But again, you're still just guessing. You don't really know. It could just be a failure to communicate. Many awake people are just poor communicators. Some questions I like to ask people to determine how awake they are: Why is there something rather than nothing? What is God? How does God create? What is your true nature? What is non-existence? What is Truth? What is Infinity? What is Consciousness? What is Love? Have you become conscious of infinite intelligence? What is the deepest thing you've become conscious of? Do other people exist? etc. If they are not able to answer these questions clearly and satisfactorily, then I consider that they are not fully awake. Although it might just be that they don't want to answer such questions. It can be hard to tell. To me the highest teaching must affirm: 1) You are God, 2) Total nonduality, 3) Infinity & Nothingness Teachings which cannot answer the question of why there is something rather than nothing are incomplete in my opinion. Because I have clearly answered this question for myself. So I know it can be done. Teachings which try to emphasize emptiness or formlessness over form are also incomplete in my opinion since they fail to fully comprehend that form and formlessness are identical. Teachings which claim there is no God are also suspect. Since you can clearly recognize that you are God. I am also suspicious of teachings which never talk about absolute Love or which deny Love as an Absolute. I am also suspicious of teachings which do not ever mention the energetic aspects of awakening. I am super suspicious of any teachings which claims that enlightenment is binary and has no degrees. To me this is clearly false as my experience says otherwise. If someone cannot explain clearly what God is, why God is, and how God works, they are not fully awake in my opinion. Since I have been able to understand all that for myself. It can clearly be done. And not as theory, belief, or speculation. You can be totally conscious of how God works. Of course you can also evaluate a person's demeanor, energy, and vibe. But this can also be misleading. It can be hard to tell whether you are projecting your own ideas onto them. So in practice the best thing you can do is not to get married to any one teacher or teaching. Keep looking for deeper and deeper teachings and you will probably keep finding them. And also remember, just because someone isn't fully awaken doesn't mean you can't learn a lot from them. So don't get too perfectionistic trying to find the perfect teacher. The most awake people are often poor teachers. Teaching ability is not at all the same as degree of awakening. The best teachers will likely be less awake than the most awakened people: precisely because they spend a lot time teaching! In the same way that the best mathematicians are not the best math teachers. Whenever you are in doubt, just ask 5-MeO-DMT and it will tell you the truth -- assuming you're ready to stomach it. It will not lie to you. Your mind might lie. But 5-MeO does not. Every answer you want is there. You just have to dig it out a bit, which can take time. I will trust 5-MeO-DMT over any living master. Direct experience is king.

@Joseph Maynor The paradox is fully there. Then again, paradox does not really exist. Paradox only exists within the realm of mind, when mind tries to articulate infinity. If you just sit and look at reality as it is without thought, there is no paradox. So the paradox is that there is no paradox, until you start to think about it "=" has nothing to do with math. It's a way of saying two things are one. For example, I could say: you = me. That's not math. It's a nondual truth. I could say: I = God God = Love God = Intelligence God = Nothingness God = Infinity Ego = devil Fear = illusion Nonduality = Oneness Infinity = Zero Truth = Love Form = Formlessness God = Creation Etc. And these are all highly worthwhile realizations to have. You are not going to realize all these identities in one shot. This is why having multiple awakenings is so important. The above is actually a very elegant way of communicating the highest truths. In fact, I'll be doing a whole episode about these "equations". My formulations are just one way of expressing/communicating Truth. There are many other ways. Each way will be partial and emphasize different aspects of Truth/God. If you want the full Truth, then you must go beyond the words. The point here is: never take my words too literally. Always leave some leeway. Read between the lines. Grok the intention behind the communication.

no, form is shaped by nothing, form is an illusion and it is not. form exists in a relationship with meaning and meaninglessness. meaning=nothingness and form are interconnected in an endless conversation.

What you must realize is this: Something = Nothing Infinity = Zero Form = Formlessness Illusion = Reality This is one of the deepest awakenings you can have. You will not understand this logically. Only at the moment of awakening. Asking if God cannot be without form assumes that form and formless are two, but they are in fact one. God is simultaneously without form (the Godhead) and all form which has ever occurred anywhere. It is both! It is ALL! The ultimate realization of nonduality is the unification of form and formlessness, so you see them as one. In this way, the everyday material world becomes nothing, like a divine hologram. Your body starts to feel light, like it is a ghost, like you are etherial. Etherial = ether = 5th element = nothingness = consciousness = love = God Ta-da!

@Aakash @Highest @now is forever The way I've taken it as a hypothesis is that, forms are just an appearance. But the essence or substance of form is nothingness. Just like a human body is made of blood, water, carbon and other substances but it appears as a body. We can reduce everything like this. Nothingness/enlightenment is the ultimate reduction. You cannot go any behind than that. The essence of a form is nothingness and ONLY nothingness, so much so that it really doesn't matter if there is an appearance of form in the first place or not. Nothing real or essential comes or goes when a form comes or goes. It's like a video game stored in the computer. The essence or reality of that video game is the 10 GB raw data. But it appears as a stunning video game that looks nothing like ''10 GB data''. Also notice that nothing essential or substantially matters whether that video game is ever played or not or how many times it is played. The reality or essence of that 10 GB data remains ever the same. I'm bringing this up because few days ago after waking up in the morning, I viscerally felt that the waking state is nothing but the deep sleep; it only 'looks' different now.

This retreat was at least 10 times more profound and powerful for me. Maybe more. Words can't do it justice. The degrees of awakening and understanding are hard to capture in words. So to an outside observer it might all sound the same. "Leo, how many times can you say that you are God/nothingness/infinity? Haven't you said all this 2 years ago?" Yes, but the degrees of it are lost in the communication.

the answer to this is yes and no. you know that - there can’t be another answer. as form and illusion coexist in endless meaning and meaninglessness. meaning/nothingness and form are interconnected in an endless conversation.

The nature of experience is simply God. Experience IS God. It's substance is itself aka God. Since God is Nothingness and formless one can only become aware or conscious of God. There is nothing else.

It all exists as nothingness/emptiness. It exists sort of like a hologram in Star Wars. Here it is, but its substance is nothing. What I was describing was how the infinite hologram works. The illusion does exist. Otherwise you wouldn't see, hear, or feel anything. Form exists. It's just that form and formlessness are one. And form is always changing from the human POV while formlessness does not change.

There are not two different things, there is only God. And God is Nothingness. That's all true, far from crazy. It's a totally misguided question that misses the essence of what God is. But if you want to play this game then what kind of God would allow access to divine knowledge to a person that is sitting and doing nothing for 1000 hours?

@oMarcos It's just like a first person shooter video game. God is playing a human. Of course God's true form is nothing. So a human is occurring within nothingness, nowhere, nowhen, nohow.

Amazing things that happened in the last few days: I went to study to the park!! And since a picture is worth a thousand words, here is a picture: While there I finally started grasping the sense of Swiss health insurance system too!! Crossfit, always a great experience!! When I arrived I also met the owner's wife, I think she's 6 months pregnant now, she's soooo beautiful!!! I'm sorry I won't get to see the baby, she'll be certainly wonderful too!! I'm (finally) writing here!! I was told that a nurse who works with me at the emergency ward (they didn't want to tell me who she is though..) said that I am skilled, fast and competent.. I may not always be that way but it's definitely what I aspire to, especially with this physical medicine and rehabilitation thing... I came up with a first answer to the question "who am I?": a happily messed up person!! This actually answers to the question "how am I" but it's a start. "Happily" because after the breakthrough of the other day I haven't felt any kind of anxiousness in situations that used to make me such.. My mind was kind of ready to deal with it but it wasn't there, no trace of the sensation I used to feel in my chest. At its place there was NOTHING (nothingness??), nothing in particular, just me trying to solve the problem or talking to someone.. Incredible, right?!?! It's actually possible to go through life without being anxious for every little thing.. As Leo once said "worrying is un-necessary". Who knew?!! I also realized that while I may not know who I am, I do know what I like and this can better inform my choices than mechanically doing what I think I ought to do based on the model of the world I decided to adhere to.. So here's what I noticed that I like by far (I already knew all this, I just didn't give it weight..): dancing, I like it waay more than Crossfit!!; doing research on things; cooking AND eating. How could I have made the last few days even better? Waking up earlier. Here's how I like to view it right now (rather than the old "I should do this and that, I'm so lazy" etc): "I love myself enough to do the effort to wake up early so that I have the time to do the all the things I like doing". It's just a matter of remembering it in the moment, when the alarm goes off... Quote/thought of the day: "The key is to commit to doing things from a place of genuine desire instead of out of obligation and guilt". "It doesn’t make sense to be a perfectionist about being a recovering pleaser". "No flower blooms all year around". These come from my research on anxiety & co.. This truth telling thing isn't easy AT ALL!! I'm working on it, putting off the mask every time I can.. But I still have some resistance to it.. Is it ALWAYS best to tell the truth?? Of course yes, but... There's always a "but", an exception in which I think that it would be better to withhold the truth, if not utterly lying... I can easily tell the truth about facts but I'm definitely not used to expressing my emotions, I wouldn't know where to begin.. Right now I'm at the chapter of "Radical Honesty" that talks about anger.. I don't know though.. Hopefully I'll find a way.. Here are some quotes from the book: "When we do get in touch with unity, the vastness of our being, we usually run away, we feel as if we're about to loose something. We are: we are about to loose the protection and safety of the limited definition of self we have come to think we are. We are afraid to loose who we are, which is special, and we are afraid of becoming who we actually are, which is not special." This one came to my mind and also made me laugh at Crossfit when the trainer paid more attention to another girl.. It's actually pretty liberating knowing that I am not special.. The only thing I have to do is my best and it will be more than enough!! (at the end of the wod he actually said that I was the best at doing box jumps so I WAS being paid attention to even if my mind made me suppose otherwise AND I had the proof that focusing on the action rather than thinking too much about the result creates the opportunity to do more and maybe be more..) It is not doubt but certainty that drives you mad. (Friedrich Nietzsche) --> From rules to rules of thumb, because the truth changes.

Wednesday March 27. The power of goodness changes everything. From good emerges God. Where there is no God, there is hell. Hell continues till the destruction is complete. God compensates for the lack in you. God brings comfort where there is pain. God brings solution where there is a problem. God creates possibility where there is none. God creates opportunity where there is no hope. God carves diamonds out of stones. God gives a gift where there is a deficiency. God fulfills where there is nothingness. God creates greatness out of emptiness. God builds the broken ship and heals the broken heart and recovers the lost soul. God creates fish in the sea. God creates gold out of clay. God has infinite empathy and his lamp burns till eternity. God is goodness, empathy, love, peace, freedom, compassion.

science. Science, recite me The gospel of chemistry Science, come fill me With facts of the pleistocene I trust you wholeheartedly Science, please save me From this terrifying timeline Science, please spare me From the nothingness inside Just take my pills, go bye bye Science, please save me from noetic hacks Those flat earthers and chiropractic quacks Subjective is unverifiable Objective is unverifiable But at least we have some peers to review what’s undeniable Science, don’t tell me Who funds your incredible feats Science, berate me Please tell me it’s all in my genes Absolve my responsibility Science, please save me from superstition And crusade against intuition Subjective is unverifiable Objective is unverifiable But at least we have some peers to review what’s undeniable Like neutrons and bosons Are cooler than protons The Big Bang makes perfect sense Trimethylglycine, meet fluoxetine Neurotransmitters need some caffeine AI our savior, like Jesus with amperes Come forth, singularity Three hundred years of newtonian scripture Yet the mind/body problem persists Forget all about the New Testament tales From the Einstein and Wheeler times ‘Cause surely we don’t need to hear that The universe does not exist

Ooohhh. That one has me contemplating. So the other night my gf and I were doing eye gazing. At times I there was a something being communicated. Then I went balnk. There was nothing. She became confused and uncomfortable and asked “What’s happening? What?” I think this nothingness through her off. Perhaps it was “hidden” from her. Is that the essence of the saying?

This is from a habit of negative self talk. And there is nothing you need to understand. Stop insisting there is, or pull it together and do some research, or write down how you’re feeling, so you can see it and make sense of it. That’s the easy & efficient way. Don’t be stubborn. Unstick and go write down how you’re feeling. Thoughts have no power at all. It only seems like the thoughts are the trouble. The actual trouble is misunderstanding the sensation you call “anxiety”. What’s actually going on is the nothingness you keep blaming is loving the shit out of you. Your thought about nothingness is not actual nothingness. Actual nothingness is Love. It is You. But you insist on ignoring the sensation, and thinking. Making the sensation out to be the bad guy, the cause of your troubles. It just isn’t. This is what Freud called “Smarty Pants Insistence”. He discovered the cure for this is to repeat “I don’t know” a few times, or until you feel the relief. That heart you mentioned, which is beating inexplicably, “freaking you out” - that’s big love beating that heart. The higher self. You’re up in your head, thinking. You’re supposed to meet big love in the middle, at the heart. You do this by taking that unconscious breathing (big love is doing right now too)...and meeting there - conscious breathing, from your stomach, deep and slow. Let the focus, the attention, of awareness sink down, from the thinking, to the heart...by breathing slowly and deeply from your stomach. I can guarantee you big love is already there waiting for you. Just relax and meet at the heart. Let it be that simple. Whatever you mean or are worried about with regards to “real”, no matter which thoughts arise - it will be the same. Look around you and notice the thoughts aren’t actually doing anything. You’re fine. Everything in the room is fine. Regardless of what you think. If you let it be humbling enough, that might even strike you as funny soon.

The urge to figure out who experiences this, following it and getting a feeling of unexplainable nothingness is making me sick. Like seriously. Yes I can let it go, but still I KNOW, it can always come back again and will make life bad no matter how good I feel without this feeling, it will always feel "worse" than awakening feeling "good". Shouldn't awakening kind of be "logical", making me automatically satisfied? No it is just leaving me brainless, selfless, wanting to jump out of the window more than ever. I would prefer everything than feeling and thinking like I am doing right now. No, like I have felt the last 1,5 years, there is no "I" experiencing, creating a self, recapitulating those years just DOES NOT make sense in my head. There is no past me, no future me, not even a present me. I am overwhelmed, thrown into this world, into this moment, feeling like I am zooming out, going out of this body any moment soon, dissociating, seeing my hands typing this, reidentifying with them, being me again, thoughts come making me seperated again.....I am overwhelmed.

I was thinking recently about philosophical issues and I came up to following "paradox" (or maybe there are just some false assumptions in it): Is it true that nothigness exists? (with objections) 1. TRUE -> Nothingness must exists, because the sentence "nonexistence of nothigness" is internaly contradictory (-> nonreality) . 2. FALSE -> Nothingness implies nonexistence, so there cannot be an option that it exists (-> reality) My conclusion is that 1) there must be reality as well as nonreality, 2) following with those assumptions there was a reality before the big-bang. However I don't know if there is not any error in it. What do you think?

@Patok If you try to grasp nothingness with the mind it will forever elude you. It is everywhere and nowhere. See what I mean

the thing is it doesn’t work out because nothingness never implied nonexistence it implies only the absence of thingness. would you say space is inexistent because it’s empty? would you say chaos is inexistent because it’s logic?

You gotta look at what you're calling selfish or not at first. This type of statement shows lack of scrutiny. Each and every act we do, however altruistic they are, are 100% for our own sake aka totally selfish acts. Acknowledge that first. You think helping the world is an unselfish act, but you'll go mad if you don't pursue this project. You are doing this so called unselfish act to stay sane. So whose agenda are you fulfilling? There is no shame in acknowledging that. Actually it is more aligned with Reality of non-dual Self. There is no other to help or to work for. Seeing and acknowledging this will already bring you more clarity and decrease the false pretense and our habitual lying. I read in a book that Abraham Lincoln once saved a little pig from a hole. From doing that, his hands, clothes and shoes got dirty. People asked him why he did such a petty, insignificant thing in spite of being the president. He replied that he didn't do it for the pig. He did it for himself as he couldn't bear the sight of the little pig struggling. He did for his own peace of mind. This is actually what the state of affairs is. All that being said, are you somehow guilty of still having desire to help the world? Where did these limiting beliefs come from? Just because you blasted into nothingness, is there any rule set in stone that you can't have natural inclinations to do certain things? Please don't think you've failed somehow because you have desires. Go fulfill those desires, go out and help the world. See if that deep insatiable lack you feel right now gets fulfilled or not. If it does, then great! If not, then you can think about alternatives

I watch his video about 5 years, then I realized there is a huge work I need to improve. The stage where I am on. I think is about video on 2014-2015, now. People on the different stage meanwhile all people catch up his video every sunday. its like I still study 1+1, but I watch the final exam video. then its more confused me. I personally think my problem is very common and everyday stuff. If I have same question as you ask, I would start to do what I have to do right now (I mean boring stuff). Boring? then seek fun, then seek stable, then seek peaceful, then seek nothingness. For me, its process.

@yangmilun Thanks for the long response. I appreciate your effort but I watched that video the day it came out. Basically watched all the videos posted in the last 2 years which is when they started talking about metaphysical topics rather than how to make a girl squirt and I’m still confused about many things. Still dont have this sense of relief. I’m still seeking something. Videos are good for increasing open mindedness but I’m still missing something. I’ve taken psychedelics and blasted my mind or whatever this experience is into nothingness but I still have a strong desire to help people and the planet because what the fuck else am I gonna do? Anything else is selfish from what I’ve seen. Maybe @Preetom can help with this one? Haha I don’t know. Do appreciate everyone’s help