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I would now, after reading that, liken the experiences to a samahdi-like state. And I'm not sure if it relates to the physical aspect but I can feel the body sensations occuring, but occuring on nothingness. I keep trying to conceptualise it as a substrate but that's a thing.

Trying to talk about Nothingness is difficult , as soon as you try to describe it you already trigger someone, as it can't be really described!

@purerogue I thank you for the peaceful response and willingness to discuss. I have found what you said to be correct as well. Nothing is the ground of anything. Absolute Infinity is literally groundless and limitless. So Nothing can be the ground of a groundless thing and Nothing can limit a limitless thing. It was this semantical type of ‘Nothing’ that I was trying to find words to refer to. I realize where my communication failed. I was defining emptiness or void as a thing when most people consider that Nothingness. So when I said ‘Nothingness’ most thought I was just referring to Absolute Infinite emptiness. But of course Absolute Infinite emptiness is still within Absolute Infinity. I guess a better way for me to describe what I’m referring to, is that it’s neither full nor empty. It has no fullness and no fullness is fuller than Absolute Infinite fullness. It also has no emptiness and no emptiness is emptier than Absolute Infinite emptiness. This is why I say it’s beyond Absolute Infinity.

@triadne Yes, Absolute Infinity can produce realities where 2 + 2 = 5. But the 5th item would have to appear from either somewhere or nowhere (something else or pure emptiness). This inconceivable “nothingness” that I’m referring to could not only make 2 + 2 = 5, but it could make the 5th item just be there... without appearing... not even from emptiness.

@triadne If you can conceptualize "something" that is neither fullness nor emptiness, than yes. What I've been calling "nothingness" for lack of a better term is fuller than Absolute Infinite fullness and emptier than absolute infinite emptiness. That's why it's neither full nor empty. It's outside of both extents. It could make the 5th object be there without appearing from somewhere or nowhere. So it wouldn't even need to pull the 5th object from pure emptiness! Isn't that insane!? I realize this is silly, but has its own "realness" beyond Absolute Infinite reality.

@Leo Gura Yes you got it. You said,” beyond Absolute Infinity is silly. There’s Nothing beyond it.” Exactly! That ‘Nothing’ that you call silly. That’s what I’m “experiencing” (non experiencing). Trust me, I only sound like I’m speaking in dualistic terms because it’s hard to speak without them. I don’t like how it all sounded either but I wanted to give verbal communication a shot. Believe me, I understand that complete and utter emptiness is still within Absolute Infinity. I also realize that Absolute Infinity is both Absolute Infinitely full and Absolutely Infinitely empty. It's everything that it is, and yet, everything that is not it (the negation or emptiness of itself). Absolute Infinity holds the set of all places as well as the empty set of nowhere and every combination of every set in-between. I was calling the emptiness a "thing" which is where my attempt at communicating failed. What I was referring to as Nothingness (for lack of a better term) can't be described with either emptiness or fullness. The best I could say was that it's fuller than Absolute Infinite fullness and emptier than Absolute Infinite emptiness (yes, "silly," as you said, I agree). That's why I tried to allude to it as illogical but I realize that wasn't enough to express it either. I didn't elaborate on what I meant by the 2 + 2 =5 example as much as I should have. Please, allow me to attempt to re-explain. This "nothingness" can allow 2 objects to be placed next to 2 others and the result will be 5 (without the 5th appearing from somewhere or nowhere). The 5th wouldn't even need to appear from pure emptiness! Of course, in Absolute Infinity, there are places where 2 and 2 objects can make a 5th appear from somewhere or even nowhere (pure emptiness). Yet this silly nonsensical "nothing" is just the "first" of a "line of concepts" beyond Absolute Infinity that I want to share with you for your enjoyment.

@Ethankahn The way you are speaking it strikes me that you have not directly experienced the Absolute deeply enough. Otherwise such questions and issues would not arise. Maybe you got a taste of it, but not the Full Monty. You need to go back and directly experience the Fully Monty. To say there is something beyond the Absolute is silly. The Absolute is Absolute and there is nothing beyond it because it is total. You are still holding Nothingness and Infinity as distinct things, which is a duality, which must be further collapsed, thus resolving this entire thread. What more is there to say if you are fully conscious of the Absolute? The Absolute is all there is. There is nothing but the Absolute.

Absolute is 0. Zeroness is oneness. Anything added,divided,multiplied or subtracted to or from it is still itself. 1+1is 2, but 1+0 remains itself, 1. 2+2 is 4, but 2+0 is 2 If we add 1 to 0,we get 1,but that +1 comes from the source or ground of 0. What comes from zero carries the "essence", of zeroness from which it came. Anything added,subtracted,divided,multiplied to 0 is of the nature and comes from the ground of 0. If 0 is the absolute reality,anything other than that is a manifestation from that, and not the absolute truth or absolute reality. What appears as a reality/or multiple realities is of the essence and/or nature from which it came. That of zero or nothingness. Just some musings floating around.

@triadne That’s a good example but it’s still not what I’m getting at. First, have you seen your example being done? I’m “experiencing” all of Absolute Infinity right now and nowhere is there a being who can put 2 objects besides 2 others and have 5 (without the 5th suddenly appearing). Your example still calls for the appearance of the 5th. Secondly, I didn’t say that illogic was only in the imagination. I said that imagination can never grasp it because you can’t picture 2 objects being put besides 2 others (without the 5th appearing). Now, triadne, there is a “space” where the illogical “exists.” But I said that it’s outside of infinity. Yet, when you ask the average person, “what’s outside of infinity,” they say Nothing. That’s why I call this illogical “space” Nothingness. Because Nothing is outside of infinity and Nothing can defy logic. I’m telling you that this Nothingness is “real” in a “reality” beyond infinite reality. I hope you understand what I’m getting at. I’m always happy to discuss if you have more questions.

@winterknight I’m not debating you, but I (not my ego, the “real I”) have found this to be the “answer” to why there’s Thingness rather than Nothingness. Thingness and Nothingness are only distinct to each other. But, there’s “another” state where they are unified. I call it Contra-Thingness because It’s a state of “being” both Thingness and Nothingness. That’s logically impossible, but not for Contra-Thingness. Contra-Thingness lies beyond logic because logic only applies to Thingness. So Contra-Thingness can overcome logic itself and make Nothingness into Thingness. I hope you enjoyed.

@triadne I have “experienced” such a “place” where 2 + 2 = 5 and I call it Nothingness because it is beyond logic, beyond Mind, beyond space, and beyond experience. Don’t you see? We actually agree.

@Leo Gura Thank you very much for responding. I’m very happy to finally be able to discuss with you. Please don’t take anything I’m about to say as disrespect. I’m just trying to establish a common form of communication about these concepts. Yes, I realize there’s a “state” where logic and the distinction of nothingness vs thingness is relative. I am continuously “experiencing” that “state” as well. However, that’s not the “state” I was discussing in this post. What I was referring to as Absolute Infinity is only Existence itself, and therefore, not as powerful as this Nondual “state”. You have to understand that we have different definitions for our terms. What I call Absolute Infinity is Absolute Anythingness and Everythingness while what you call Infinity includes that AND nothingness. This post was about discussing my definition of Absolute Infinity so as to gauge your’s while laying a foundation for the “insights” that come later. There are “things” that are not even able to be labeled. Not even in Nondualistic terms. By the way, you’ll see me use a term called The Absolute Magnitude. It expands upon what you were talking about with the various forms of logic/illogic. Yet, there’s still “more” (in quotes because ‘more’ is a magnitudinal term) “beyond” The Absolute Magnitude.

I'll start off with "The Mirror Exercise". It's something I've came up with not a long ago. What do you do? Stand in front of a mirror; right before going to bed or early in the morning when you are feeling the most honest about yourself. Stare into the mirror for 15 minutes, thoughtless. That's it! What I found was surprising. I gazed into the eyes of the human being on the other side, then I focused on the whole picture, then on the eyes again. And suddenly, the barrier between the two melted. My face disappeared in a way that I could not tell the difference between its surroundings and it. Results: I realized where my life purpose lies. As inspiration for the others here, I would like to share it. It is: To feel as one with The Universe. ... and show people the beauty through art. Long before this I started working on an adventure book mainly for youngsters of my age (15-18). It's a story of a mountain pass, and beneath the mountains lies what I literally called Nothingness. Two dragon brothers once stepped in and forgot who they were. The book is meant to make the reader more open-minded by the time they finish reading it - while keeping it all subtle and hidden behind metaphors and typical fantasy book elements. I also started to learn photography. I've been looking for a job for the past 6 months, but didn't find any (I live in the Czech republic). There's literally nothing within a 40 km radius during the school year; that's why I can't afford a digital camera, but at least I can learn the theory. If you've got one spare, I wouldn't mind, haha. I'm serious. Go try the mirror exercise and see for yourself. It might not work for you, but it certainly did for me. See you all in another life!

Like all questions about the experience of the enlightened one, it cannot be answered. Yes and no, in other words, or rather neither yes nor no. Well, it's some sort of a glimpse. But the real thing is not that which can come and go. Any experience which comes -- like yours did -- and then leaves -- is not the final thing. Indeed, enlightenment is not an experience at all, of voidness or nothingness or otherwise. I was always a vegetarian. For the other three, no. Felt no need. No need to avoid these things, but for certain people it can be helpful. The question is whether it increases mental peace to abstain or not. That must be determined on a case-by-case basis. It's fair to say that enlightenment is the realization that there is no waking state and no one to become lucid in it.

I thought I'd share my journey with this mysterious substance. About 3 months ago I acquired 500mg of 5-meo-dmt HCl. I don't really have a history of doing psychedelics or any other substances for that matter. My first introduction to psychedelics came from Leo's video about 5-meo and Enlightenment. My main focus was doing Spiritual work, and I decided to cut to the chase. I used 5-meo as a prescribed medication. I followed up on my trips almost every week. I forced my ego into doing it as a practice, despite resistance. It really helped that I don't have a full-time job and I work from home. I had so much free time to introspect, that there was no excuse to not partake in this spiritual therapy. I've posted a couple of reports from various trips I had. I've done 11 trips for the past 3 months. They were all powerful and contributed to my growth, but not all of them were breakthroughs. Here I want to give a short summary of the two major breakthrough trips, and some results from doing this practice. For some reason, I needed much higher doses to get the same experience. Maybe substance purity or body tolerance is to blame, but ultimately it doesn't matter. Consuming the substance does not produce a "standard" mechanical response. Each trip is a going inwards towards self-discovery. There is no way to accurately predict what will happen on any dose. Many times I went on a trip expecting reactions based on doses and previous experience, I was surprised every single time. I don't generally like to discuss spirituality. Every discussion is pointless and ends up fueled with spiritual Ego. It's just thoughts that go around and to create more thoughts. Ideas trying to deconstruct other ideas, how silly. It's all conceptual and none of it is Truth. It's easy to get lost in that and mistake it for actual experience. I will still write some spiritual Mombo-jumbo nonetheless, just to illustrate what 5-meo can do for somebody who never tried it. The first breakthrough - "Ego death" A couple of trips in, I experience ego-death. With me dying, the whole external world collapsed on itself. My body/mind mechanism disassembled completely, and what remained was indescribable. There are really no words to put this experience into a category. It was not out of this world. I merged with pure consciousness itself in the infinite void of existence. It was an extremely powerful and life-shattering experience. I can't recall any memories, because all of them are things, and this was no thing. I don't even know what happened to my body while I was gone. I do remember how I came back though. Suddenly I felt a loud pounding in my veins and in my head. I felt my heart pumping blood through my body really hard. It was as if my heart stopped and later restored by an electric shock. Maybe I wasn't getting enough oxygen, as I found myself lying face down on the bed. Either way, there was no external existence, so my death didn't really matter. This was a powerful NDE trip. It left me in a complete state of shock, awe, and maybe a touch of PTSD. My previous self died on that trip, together with all my materialistic believes about reality and myself. It was an extremely powerful Samadhi experience. My brain rewired and my awareness expanded significantly. Two weeks after the trip, everything in my visual field occurred as though it is made out of glass. I felt every sensation as though for the first time, and it was amplified by a thousand. I would stare at people intensely. I was constantly alert and aware of my surroundings. All of that accompanied by strange tensions in my head and a feeling of euphoria. The second breakthrough - "Being God" This trip happened quite recently. It was my last trip, and I gathered every bit of substance I had left. It wasn't that much. I've done much higher doses on other trips. The catalyst for this trip was the process of self-inquiry. I've started a more serious introspection practice after Leo's "How To Do Self-Inquiry" video. It also showed me that there is much more to learn on the spiritual journey, so my mind was open to it. As soon I closed my eyes, after a period of the typical come-up sensations, I became aware of true Self. I was there just swimming in an infinite sea of awareness, and out of the blue, I was shown my existence as God. There is really no other way to put it more softly. You created yourself and this reality... It is impossible to conceive from the human perspective. You can't really see it being in a human form, as we are right now. But as soon as you step out, it is obvious. It's like me saying "I just held a thought in my hand" or "I just walked on water". It doesn't make sense as long as you are in this objective reality. Yet even then, I can say "I walked on water in my dream", and you think "okay that is possible". The same thing happened here, as I'm writing this, I am me - the person. But when consciousness goes to another plane, I am God, and so are you. You created millions of distinctions and points of view to experience them all. It's truly all your Karma. For me, the key that opened this door was the realization that there is no external reality. Everything happens within me and my awareness. But even then, it is not really "my" awareness, as it is impossible to monopolize awareness. There is only consciousness and it can shift and morph. One moment it can manifest this entire existence, and in a split second, it can go back to nothingness and infinite void with no recollection. It's kind of similar to when you were born, it just happened in one snap. Except that you weren't born into the external world, the external world was born within you. Aside from any spiritual insights, 5-meo cracked my mind real good. I've experienced immense psychological maturity. Just for that reason alone, doing this practice was worth it. I look at things very differently now. My ideas became more holistic and systematic. I have a better understanding of where other people are coming from. I see everything as a part of a bigger body. Nature, people, politics, technology, everything functions and exists of its own accord. I'm less arrogant about my knowledge, thus, I invite the state of "not knowing". This openness is usually followed by a true understanding and deep insights. Thanks for reading my post. Right now I want to shift my focus away from spiritual discoveries and more towards life purpose. I want to say a huge thanks to Leo and his work. Seeing the effort and contributions of somebody like Leo, drives me to pursue a meaningful life purpose. After all the gems and growth I've received from Actualized.org, it is really unfair to not work on giving true value to others. I think everybody should consider working harder to provide practical results. The cost of all the knowledge we receive from Leo, is working on ourselves and helping others. As Uncle Ben once said - "with great power comes great responsibility".

@QandC The ultimate perspective is that there is no such thing as holding a perspective and that by in of itself, all perspectives are actually truth. No matter what perspective you look at it holds a curnell of truth. I THINK what your trying to say is that you want the whole perspective to be 100% and not like only 2% or 3% if this is the case you will literally be saying cliches to people nothingness infinity oneness etc... yes or no ?

Posting as well as self indexing this for myself. As you know or have heard of the idea that you are not your body, mind/thoughts, senses but are the perceiver of them and thus free from the association/suffering with them. Then, if you'd like to discover yourself, here's how. As this question: Who Am I? Then wait, and allow whatever *answer* arises in your awareness. Now, whatever that *answer* was CANNOT BE and IS NOT *YOU*. The *ONE* who "saw" / "became aware" of the *answer* is who *YOU* are. Notice how "what *YOU* are" cannot be grabbed or grasped in any way... Just slips out instantly from whatever tries to grab. You are the only weighing scale in existence... Able to weigh everything but Yourself. Only *YOU* can know yourself... not in a conventional sense where there are TWO things. For example, an object which is known and a knower of that object. You can be known only via a deep knowing sense and that is self-awareness. That knowing sense is very directly accessible. When you ask the question: Am I aware? Whatever feeling/knowing your attention goes to after which there is the response *YES, I am aware* is what YOU are - self-aware. Simply that. That blank empty space of nothingness is what YOU are. In that space all vibrations of energy arise. Those vibrations are interpreted as sounds, images, tastes, senses, feelings, sensations which all combine into ONE experience. Notice how that sense of knowing isn't like anything else in your experience which only can include sights, sounds, sensations, thoughts, feeling, taste and smell. It's because That knowing sense is not an experience... That knowing sense is *YOU*.

I feel like this might be an issue for many. It may as well be the reason why those who are enlightened, metaphorically speaking, are unable to leave the concept of enlightenment and nothingness behind. This is where purpose comes in. This is where passion takes over. Creativity. Meaning. Connection. Expansion. Expression. Love. This is the birth of The Creator. The end of victimhood. The recognition of will. It is living in the here and now. It is following your excitement without questioning a thing. It is the ultimate fulfillment. It is that which gives meaning to the meaningless. While seeking, achieving this should be one's highest motive. You did not start walking this path to run in circles. You started it to wake up to your totality. To become it. Not to be stuck on philosophizing about being it. You are the master. Show it. Express it uniquelly. Don't use limitations in order to describe your infinitude. Be infinite here and now. Play the game of being human. Do it in a most loving and accepting way. Respect this journey. You did not create it to spit on it once you become aware of it. Do not deny the sleep. Simply be awake; now that you've awakened. Love.

Everyone is at different stages and "what is" or GOD shines through the lens of our belief systems differently for everyone. Detachment is a strong lesson to learn, take one sniff of the implications of that can get you far. My understanding is..All that LOVE is, is pure acceptance. Willfull participation with what is. Integrating our shadows is a game we can play on this plane but on another level it isn't happening at all. And this is where I, or my ego loses understanding. Because for all of my positioning in life when face to face with the true realisation of nothingness brings forth a rude awakening of sorts. Seeing the game of spirituality when face to face with GOD the path ceases to exist. And i don't really know what to do with that.

Hello everyone! I am new to the forum and I decided to share with you one of the most profound and frightening experiences I ever had. I've been following Leo's work and guidance for quite a while now and I became eager to join this community and interact with like-minded individuals. I want to express how amazed I am by the support and help you guys provide here to each-other. I am honored to be a part of this. Not sure if I should introduce myself, so I'm going to keep it short and straight forward. I am a 24 years old male. Born and raised in Serbia, Europe. Grew up without a father and with a dysfunctional, narcissistic mother. At age 15, my mother decided to move us to Slovenia, where I attended high school and lived through my teen years. Ended up working as a waiter for 2-3 years, before finally deciding to focus on my calling and greatest passion - music. Music was there for me since I can remember. It was the parent I never really had, it was my medicine, it was my coping mechanism, it was my way to express everything I was struggling with. It kept me "on track" and away from most of the potential disasters I had the chance to engage in. From a very young age, ever since I first laid my hands on a guitar, I had a clear sense of a "mission". It was like I knew exactly what I needed to do in this lifetime, I just did not have the wisdom to articulate it yet. I became "obsessed" and I practiced day and night, with the intention to share my message one day with the world. At age 22 I became fed up with my job and my controlling mother, so I decided to move yet again - this time by myself - and focus on what really matters to me. I took a major leap, based on blind faith and synchronicity and moved to Portugal to "chase" my dreams. At the time I was working on a project, which I planned to release there and hopefully start doing what I love, professionally and full time. I had little to zero money and almost equally so - no support from anyone. I was producing hip hop beats for local Portugal rappers on the side in order to get by. It was not really "my thing", but nevertheless I was finally focused on music only. Which fulfilled my whole being. I felt like I was reborn and even though I was "struggling", I already felt as I've won. I was splitting a larger apartment with two other roommates, who were very artistically oriented, so the overall vibe of the environment was awesome! I never really had the chance to live the "college lifestyle" before, so I decided to have some fun with local students and go out every once in a while. It was on one of these occasions that I had the experience, which I want to share with you. I also want to mention that I was already doing some "spiritual work" at the time and I also meditated tons throughout my whole life by playing my instrument of choice. I was able to tap into and embody my higher self, which is a necessary part of the creative process for me. Needless to say, this connection was not maintained throughout my daily activities and interactions. It was only present when I opened up myself to the melodies and ideas that wanted to flow through me and become actual. here in this physical realm. So now that you have a "background" I am going to jump into the experience itself. Please try and stick with me 'till the end, I promise it will be worth reading. At first it may seem as if this is just a perfect display of stupidity and immaturity, but that's exactly what I needed back then in order to come to profound realizations and transform entirely. So let's dive in. It was a regular nigh-out for the students of Caldas da Rainha. The city was small and vibrant, full of young people (mostly artistically oriented) who loved to interact and have long, deep, intellectual debates while hanging out in local bars. Needless to say, they also loved to drink a lot and experiment with various substances. Shrooms, MDMA and LSD were among the most popular ones. Prior to my arrival to Portugal, I had a handful of experiences with a few drugs, but I never had any of those 'mind-blowing' trips or anything. I got drunk here and there and I also fancied smoking weed. But I was not emphasizing these things in my life as a lot of other young people do. One of my roommates, who liked going out frequently, showed up at the apartment with a baggie of mushrooms and some MDMA. The other roommate and I were already smoking some weed and drinking some alcohol. We did not have the intention to get "hammered" as we were both working on our projects simultaneously. However, the roommate, who I will here refer to as "the party animal", insisted and wanted us to take a break from our projects and do some shrooms and/or MDMA with him. We rejected him for a few brief moments after which we finally "gave up" and decided to take some MDMA. I do not know how much we took, since he prepared a dosage wrapped in a rolling paper for us to swallow, but looking back I assume it was not a micro-dose. Irresponsible, yeah. We were already high from the weed and kinda drunk as well. We were chatting and listening to music while "waiting" for the MDMA to kick in. Some time has passed this way, we still did not feel any effects so we all took another dosage of M. It was shortly after this that I decided to go "all the way" and do some shrooms with "the party animal" as well. And so I slipped further down the road of irresponsibility (lol). THANK GOD the roommate that was with me all along did not make the same decision, so it ended up being the two of us who were going to be tripping, with the third one "trip-sitting" us. We took a handful (?!) of shrooms and started talking about what we could do to create an awesome experience. We came up with a plan to get to the local park (which is dreamy and beautiful) before the shrooms kicked in. then merge with nature and melt in joy and bliss. Little did we know, it was not going to be such a smooth ride, not at all. And so the "nightmare" begun...We never made it to the park. And it was like literally 12 minutes away, walking. As we left the apartment, we all felt great. I remember feeling on top of my game and even a bit over-confident. Nothing too dick-heady though. I am generally a more laid back and quiet guy. We laughed a lot, talked about god knows what, riding the epic vibes of the streets. Of course, ''party animal'' suggested we should stop briefly in our favorite bar called "Deja-vu", to have a quick beer before the shrooms kicked in. The two us agreed, since the bar was on the middle of our way to the park. It's been now well over 30 minutes since I swallowed the shrooms and probably around a bit less than two hours since I took MDMA. Just a few steps before the bar, I started noticing some weird shit. And I mean like really weird. It was like I would get sucked out of my reality for a brief moment and then I would be thrown back into a slightly different version of it. It was like a series of super fast black-outs, with the exception that I would remain aware throughout this phenomena. I was fully aware of "reality" when I was in it as well as of the "void" or "nothingness" when I got sucked out. I saw clearly as I see my hands right now, exactly "how" I got detached from my environment. And it felt exactly like that. Like I detached myself. I saw my visual perception somehow curving at the corners and turning into a ball, before popping into nothingness right before "my eyes". This was happening extremely fast. So much so that I had no "time" to react to it when I was "in reality". Needless to say, I started resisting this A LOT and became extremely scared, paranoid and confused in an instance. I never expected neither this nor what was yet to come. Never in a million years. I wanted to gaze at the stars and have a pleasant trip. I was in for a rude awakening. Somehow, I managed to "slow" this phenomena of "disappearing-reappearing" down by resisting the shit out of it with every strength I had left. Thinking back, I should've just surrendered and collapsed right there, but my ego did not want to admit to itself that this "thing" was WAY stronger than it. So I dragged myself to the bar and somehow managed to sit down and order a beer. I kept telling myself this is just a temporary thing. I thought it will subside soon, I'll chill down a bit, have a beer and slowly continue walking towards the park. I don't know why, but it seemed to me at the time as if this park was our "safe space". Our home. Almost like heaven or something. All this time I mentioned nothing to my roommates. They seemed alright to me. Having fun and chatting. I wanted to act that way as well. I didn't want to allow myself to be "that guy" and cause drama or anything. My ego was fighting harder than ever to survive and stay present. It quickly became worse, as I wanted to stand up and go to the toilet. I collapsed down onto the table in front of us and knocked off a few bottles and glasses, embarrassing myself big time. It was as if my knees were failing to hold me. Even this I resisted and tried to get up on my feet and act cool as if nothing was going on. Of course I failed to do so and ended up falling repeatedly, several times until my roommates came to a quick conclusion that I was "loosing it". They helped me up and decided it's clearly best if the one that wasn't tripping on shrooms took me back to our apartment. "Party animal" would stay in Deja-vu to have fun with his other classmates and friends. And here's where the nightmare started to get real. It was not nearly done with me. It only got started. I went only downhill from this point on. And boy did I spiral down quickly and efficiently. I should mention, this "sober" roommate, who was about to drag me back home was a girl. And she's 4'9''. I'm 6'. Not the smartest idea. Nevertheless, she surely saved my ass. We slowly started walking back to the apartment, which should have been 6-7 minutes away. I had my one arm around her neck, as I was repeatedly loosing control over my body and kept falling down on my knees. Needless to say she was unable to hold my weight, so when I fell, I fell hard. Somehow though, she kept managing picking me up over and over again. On the middle of our way it just got straight bonkers. The reality bubble kept popping and reappearing fast and crazy, making no linear sense what-so-ever. At times we were on one side of the street, at times on the other. In no particular order. It was like I was jumping in between parallel realities. Crossing the main road was hell. I was completely convinced I'm going nuts at this point. It was then when I felt a big wave of anger and frustration rushing though me. I was SO frustrated with me being unable to stand on my own feet. Without any thinking I smashed my fist into a car that was parked right next to us. This scared the shit out of my roommate. I was also surprised, somewhere in the back of my mind. I never got aggressive before and I was proud of how "chill" I always stayed. At this point, my roommate concluded we're not going to make it to our apartment this way. She had an idea to drop me of at her friend's apartment and let me chill down there. It was literally a few feet ahead. She called him and asked him if he's okay with it, but sadly or gladly he wasn't home. He was also having fun somewhere else. So we sat on the streets for a while, she gathered a bit strength and picked me up again. We somehow made it to our apartment after god knows how long and had a scene waiting there for us. Right in front of our building, there was our other roommate, the "party animal". He was curled up with his eyes rolled back and had foam coming out of his mouth. Quite terrifying. To this day none of us knows how he managed to get to our apartment. Not only that, but he also managed somehow to completely avoid bumping into us on his way back. And that was nearly impossible. The only obstacle between me and my bed now were the 2 story stairs. My roommate picked me up once again and started dragging me up. There was no elevator, of course. I kept falling and hitting myself badly during our climb up, but nevertheless we made it. She did it. She delivered me to safety. She threw me onto my bed, turned off the light in the room (WHY?!) and left back down to try and help our "party animal". It was a few seconds after she left and I was left alone for the first time during that night, that I was about to face the absolute and loose all sense of self. I was about to die. And not the "nice" way. I remember getting out of my bed and just starting to scream in pain that was caused by the extreme level of my constant resistance. I started spinning around in my room, falling and hitting myself on every corner. I smashed a lot of objects and made a pretty big mess. It felt as if my reality was just one surface of a tiny little cube that is a part of an infinitely large, ever-changing Rubik's cube. I started experiencing my self as the whole room at this point. There was no "air" between me and the walls or anything else. There was no space in-between. I became everything and I experienced myself as everything. I moved as everything. I remember bursting into hysterical laughter just a split second before I smashed my leg into the table. It was as if I saw this would happen a brief moment before it actually happened. It was me becoming fully aware of the fact that I manifest everything into my reality in real time. Constantly. This realization led to tears of course and brought me down on my knees. I cant really tell why I was crying. But I was crying like never before. All the beauty and all the grotesque compressed down into a tiniest little dot. And this dot is all there is. It's all there ever was and ever will be. It is one. It is God. I am it. I "saw" and felt the presence of everyone I ever interacted with. As if they were in my room with me. And I mean EVERYONE. Even that random stranger that passed by me and never even looked into my eyes. Even the ants, even the birds, even the bacteria, even Buddha, even Jesus. They all were there with me. They all were me. I was all of these beings. I still am. The moment I'd start to try and embody this bliss I would become reminded instantly that I am also all of the things I was afraid of or was categorizing them as "bad" or "evil". I was the rapist. I was the pedophile. I was the serial killer. I was the politician. I was the Muslim terrorist cutting of a man's head with a kitchen knife. I was also all the other terrorists holding this man down. And of course I was also the man being decapitated. It was slow, messy and indescribably painful. I literally felt the knife cutting though my neck. I kid you not. I was also the guy jumping off a cliff into the water and smashing his skull open on a rock. Needless to say this was just WAY to much for my persona. I did not know what to do with this realization. It completely paralyzed me. Pain and suffering combined with bliss and infinity. My ego back-lashed every once in a while and when present, it was mostly convinced that it has lost his mind completely and gone insane. And I mean as insane as it gets. How could I ever function in this world after this? I was than sucked out my reality once again, merging with infinity. But this time it was very slow. My heart was going nuts, I was overwhelmed by the experience beyond any description. Until I literally heard my own heart go from very fast to very slow. I felt my pulse throughout my whole being. Even the room was synchronized with it. I slowly "ran out" of air, and my heart stopped beating completely. And there "I" was (wasn't). One with the endless nothingness. No thoughts, no emotions, nothing. Just pure awareness. And I was there forever. I still am, in a way. Explaining how I came back into existence is nearly impossible for me. Because it happened on a level way beyond my persona. But I can point to one word. INTENTION. And I mean the mother of all intentions. The strongest, most powerful, without-a-single-ounce-of-doubt-kind of intention. If I tried to explain how it is that I "came back", it was by the purest form of desire to be here and to continue this journey. And I am not being poetical. This is the most accurate description I can give. So I'm back in my room. At this point I can stand up and even walk without falling. I decide to casually go to the toilet and take a piss. I had little to no thoughts at all. I was calm. I was extremely present. I moved very slowly. I moved as I WAS every passing moment. I was no longer just "Ivan". I was God and it was so obvious to me now. The only thing I was not sure about was where was I exactly. Sure the apartment looked exactly the same as always, but I had this strange feeling as if I was experiencing the "afterlife". A though ran through my head: "This must be how it is. When you die, nothing changes. Everything stays the same. Yet that is heaven. There's no golden gate somewhere in the clouds. It's this. Heaven is right here!" Just a few brief moments after having this thought I heard a loud knock on the door. It was still not done with me. I was about to face more core fears and come to a realization that hell is also here. Always. I looked through the peephole and saw two officers standing in front of the door. I stayed calm, didn't panic at all. To me it felt like these two cops were the first two angels who came to welcome me in heaven (lol). Later I was told the neighbors called them because they heard me screaming and having a break-down. So this is kind of where my trip slowly but surely headed towards the hospital. Was I resisting it? You bet I did. I did a lot. But not yet. I was still blissful at the moment I opened the door. This was the first time, after what seemed like an infinity to me, that I opened my mouth and started talking to someone. I immediately became aware that I was somehow unable to tell a lie. Literally. I couldn't lie if my life depended on it. Every word flew right through me without any "approval" on my behalf. Ivan was not involved in this conversation at all. It was God speaking to God. How could it not be flawless then? I felt exactly like Leo stated in his live enlightenment video: "Every word is perfectly inevitable." Exactly everything that should have been said has been said. Everything that should have been done has been done. Effortlessly so. Without me having to do or say anything about it. The cops were calm, they were probably used to these kinds of events. After all, Caldas is a city of students. They asked me what kinds of drugs I was on. I instantly replied "mushrooms". They asked me what am I doing here and if I was a student. I replied "no" and stated that I was a traveling musician, and I came to Caldas to live here temporarily and work on my album. And as soon as I mentioned music I broke into tears once again. I was crying out loud, saying how music was everything to me, how I love it more than I love myself and how I just want to create, express and share every bit of it. This quickly became a bit too much for the cops and they decided to grab me by my arms and "take me away". Oh boy. I fucking lost it at this point. The heaven I believed I was experiencing quickly crumbled down to pieces and I once again entered full on resistance mode. The cops were not happy about it. I somehow managed to free myself out of their grip. The animal in me came forth. I felt like a fucking beast. Powerful and unstoppable. And I was fighting for my survival, again. They somehow left me be and I ended up backing into the corner of the hallway where I curled up in a ball and started mumbling something. I remember repeating that I was dead, that they need to contact my mother back in Slovenia, I even told them the exact address, name and phone number of my mother. In fact, I kept repeating those. I was not nearly as articulated and fluent as just minutes before. I struggled to breathe, I was swallowing words and my heart was pumping like crazy. They tried to calm me down and kept repeating: "help is on the way". I just kept mumbling. After a few minutes I noticed four more officers walking up the stairs and what appeared to be a few male nurses. I FUCKING FLEW up the stairs instantly. Getting away from everyone and reaching the top of the building. This felt to me like it happened in a split second. And it was three stories above our apartment. On the top there was kind of like a balcony within the building, overlooking the stairs. As soon as everyone got up and tried to approach me I moved towards the edge of this balcony and yelled on the top of my lungs: "I AM GOD! I CANNOT DIE! THIS IS ALL A GAME! THERE IS NO DEATH! I AM GOD!". I threatened to jump and prove to everyone that I cannot die. I saw on everyone's face they came to a conclusion that this has gone way out of control. They needed to capture me or else it wasn't going to be pretty. They tried to act even more calmly, saying to me that everything is going to be OK, as they slowly kept approaching me. Seeing them acting calm and kind calmed me down enough that they came close enough and jumped right on me. It felt like it was all of them, but it was probably three or four cops. They had one of those portable medical beds with them and they immediately started tying me down to it. I was raging. It literally felt like I was a psycho being dragged to the insane asylum. Our way down was taking forever. Those stairs kept going and going. I felt like I lived throughout numerous lifetimes before we reached the bottom of the building. I had tons of thoughts, raging emotions, visions and even realizations during the descend. As we exited the building, there was a scene out of a crime movie laid before me. Two police cars, the hospital van, neighbors watching and wondering what the hell is going on and finally my two roommates on the left side of the building. "Party animal" was still in the exact same pose and condition as I saw him before entering the building earlier. He was now surrounded by officers and nurses as well. The other roommate was crying hysterically right next to him. I remember shouting out to her, asking for her help, as if she could explain everything to everyone and save my life, my sanity. There was no response from her. She never even looked at me once. I instantly took this as a sign and confirmation that I indeed went way too far and lost my mind completely. They imported me into the medical van where I remained alone with two male nurses who were watching over me. I immediately received a shot of something into my arm. I assume it was a sedative. I was not resisting anymore that much at this point, but I started noticing the weirdest sensation in my body. Mostly in my arms. It was as if some "cubes" were constantly turning and rearranging within me. As if I was made out of these tiny cubes. It was an incredibly cold and machine-like feeling. Scared the crap out of me. It was then that I started questioning free will. Everything felt cold and automatic to me. Like this whole thing is a machine. A precisely built simulation. Merely ones and zeros in a specific order. It was just so damn cold and "heartless". I remember mumbling to myself as we were driving: "I will wake up and I will tell nobody about this. I will wake up and I will tell nobody about this." As if this information was not supposed to be shared. I felt like I was going to be punished If I ever tell anyone about these insights. Or instantly classified as a nut-case. I was terrified. Another HUGE mind-fuck to me was when I focused on what the nurses were talking about. I swear to God they were speaking in my native language; Serbian. I understood every word. And I KNOW there is absolutely no way these people were Serbian. I also understood no Portuguese. Like, at all. So I have no clue how I was able to understand these people. And not only that, but also how my mind translated their conversation into Serbian. Just weird. We finally arrived after a long ride. I was at the hospital. Except that I did not know that at the time. To me it felt like they were taking me to their mothership to take me apart and figure out why this malfunction has occurred. Whatever was going through my mind, somehow became experiential for me in some way or fashion. My mind was constantly looking for confirmations in my reality. And it kept coming up with explanations for what was happening. It felt like my mind was a computer on fire operating way to rapidly and being extremely close to reaching "fatal error". (lol) They then delivered me into a room inside of the hospital, where more nurses/doctors waited for us. They transferred me from the portable bed to a regular one. Tied me down again. I was calm at this point and did not resist the process. I remember looking up and seeing a room full of cops and nurses. The cops probably followed us in and stayed for a while, just in case if I decided go "beast mode" again (lol). As I turned my head to my right, I saw a guy tied down to the bed next to me. Face down, lying on his stomach. Who was it? "Party animal", of course. This filled me with anger and rage again. I couldn't do anything, being tied down, but I sure gave my everything into trying to free myself. I am not sure why seeing my roomette got me so aggressive, but I assume it was because I felt incredibly guilty for the situation I brought upon us. Remember, I still was not thinking this was just a hospital. To me it was completely alien-like. My roommate was unconscious and still had some foam around his mouth. Maybe I though he was dead. I don't know... In my rage I started screaming for and demanding a nurse called "Maria" to come and see me. As if she was on my side. As if she was some kind of an angel that could save me, nurture me. Indeed a nurse came and stood by the left side of my head. I doubt her name was Maria, but she was willing to play along in order to calm me down. And down I calmed. She talked softly to me and told me she was going to give me something that will help me. I received another shot in my arm. I slowly surrendered my self to these "aliens" and gave up fighting for my life. I blacked out a few times and started loosing track of everything. This time I was not aware of the nothingness when I was in it. It was just nothing. A hole in memory. I remember being in the hallway for some time, still tied to the bed. My roommate was also there. Then I was moved to another, smaller room where two nurses watched over me. At times when I was present, I was slowly able to come to the realization that this in fact was just a regular hospital. Somewhere in the middle of Portugal. And that this was indeed "just a trip gone wrong". I half-consciously, slowly started putting back the shattered pieces of my reality. I was still feeling the little cubes turning inside of me and it was very unpleasant and annoying. I guess that was the last thing I wasn't able to explain away. I even remember asking the two nurses if this sensation was "normal" during mushroom trips/overdose. They laughed at me. I was mostly "back" at this point. I remained tied to the bed 'till 8 in the morning, until I finally convinced the nurses that I am fine and sober and that I will behave. As soon as they released my arms and legs I started walking towards the hallway, where I last saw my roommate. And there he was. Still tied down, still sleeping. As I approached him and started softly calling his name, he started waking up. A few moments of confusion followed by a smile on his face. He was alright and fully "back" as well. We just laughed silently at each other and exchanged a few brief words, both still in total disbelief about what just happened. There was no way that we could've fully grasped what went down. It felt like we came out of a decade long war. And we survived. That was our victory. Soon I asked for my personal belongings and for a permission to head out for a quick cigarette. They hesitated, but did not seem way to concerned with me. So I went and did not come back. "Party animal" remained on his bed in the hallway. He stayed in throughout the day and went under numerous examinations. As I was leaving the hospital behind, I remember being grateful for my life. Grateful for the opportunity to continue this journey. A rush of love and unity blasted through my being. But it wasn't overwhelming or anything. It was just the right amount. I was avoiding thoughts about "me" being God and every other that pointed in that direction. I needed a break. I wanted to be just human. Just Ivan. At least until I recover. As I was walking back to our apartment everything still looked extremely dreamy. It felt very lucid. Like my barriers between the "waking life" and "dreams" have been destroyed. It was one and the same now. I called a girl I was in love with, and still am. She was back at Slovenia at this time. I told her briefly about everything that went down and we both laughed out hard. It was exactly what I needed to ground me a bit more into my human form. After a long, sobering walk back to the apartment, I found the "hero of the night", my other roommate in her room. I immediately started apologizing to her and also expressing my gratitude for dragging me home and not leaving me on the streets by myself. That could have been a much worse scenario. She was kinda angry with me and also just tired due to the whole circus that went down. She barely slept and spent the night worrying about the two of her idiot roommates. After this event I spent most of my time indoors, thinking about what has happened, trying to express it through art and just gaining some sort of comfort by watching spiritually-themed Youtube videos and reading articles/forums on those topics. Of course the rumors spread, as I said, Caldas is a very small town. Everyone knew that I had a break-down. And no-one really cared about the profundity of my experience. It was almost as if everyone was scared of me and suspiciously careful with me. Soon after the arrival of my girlfriend, we decided to move on and started a slow journey across the south of Spain, heading towards Morocco, mostly by taking buses, hitchhiking and simply walking. Needless to say, I am still integrating the lessons of that night. I dived deep into consciousness work and went through a two year long period of the "dark night". Facing all the fears and limitations I was presented with during my trip. And many more, of course. I tripped a few more times on LSD and once on shrooms after that particular experience, but I did so a lot more responsibly. My girlfriend and me only, indoors in a pleasant and safe environment. With proper caution and preparation. Emphasizing my state of being prior to taking anything. Meditating and surrendering to the present moment. So what did I learn? Where am I now after two years? I am still on the never-ending journey. I opened myself up as much as I could to infinity, to God. I am able to embody my higher self a lot easier and more frequently. I am also able to do so while not creating art. I could be just simply cleaning the dishes and I'd be doing it as God. As all that is. I am aware most of my "waking hours" that this is a dream. And that this character named Ivan is a necessary part of it. I don't feel separate anymore. I "got rid" of most of the programming from my childhood and teen years. I am able to be here and now and have no need for anything else. I am able to simply admire the perfection in every moment. My musical skills went through a massive upgrade and I even discovered new, smaller passions that I had. I embraced the rational, logical and analytical part of my mind. I resisted this for a long time. I was always an abstract, creative thinker. I also came to have a dream-like relationship with my beloved one. Our communication is nearly flawless, often telepathic and highly synchronized. I still get mad, frustrated, sad or bored at times. I still go "sleep mode" here and there. But it never lasts long. And I never "walk away" without learning the lesson. When I go to sleep at night I am ready to merge with nothingness again. I am peaceful. I am at ease. Because I know that this is just a game, just a dream. And I am that dream. I am the container for everything that is. Forever. As you are too. So there you go. That's my incredibly irresponsible yet profound trip report. I hope I did not make it too long and I won't "scare away" potential readers Feel free to leave a comment, share your opinion or just ask me anything you feel like asking. Stay awesome! Much love and respect.

Whether you call life a spade, a void, nothingness, whether you call life eternal love, an illusion or a godless atheist evolutionary world.....life is what it is, throughout all these concepts, life simply is what it is There could have been thousands of humans before us each and everyone of them describing what they believe life is, each in their own unique way with their own definitions and stories and workings.........in the end they are talking about the exact same thing, in the end they are describing the same thing The truth is not debatable, the truth is not discovered, the truth is not agreed upon, we live in the truth of what is, what is now is what's here, life is what it is One can continue debating concepts but know that that is a merry pastime, no concept will change what life is, those who seriously want the truth, it is here now, you are living it, and I do not condemn the hobby of debating because here I am taking part We are gods, and we jest

since i have exhausted all my techniques i used to get here, i've find of realised that i have to start back at the bottom if i want to have life long practises - self inquiry, journalling , contemplation, kriya yoga are all tecniques used to question but i have never done a technique that has to do with simply being in nothingness do you have any lifelong techniques i can build and develop?

indeed. any such infinite never ending loop of logic ultimately must collapse and it does, and when that's the case. YOU stand revealed. but very true. words alone always needs further expansion and it goes on forever metaphors / ideas come close but only the actual seeing hits the final nail in the coffin what ends the seeking is the realization... not a finding of an object in the normal sense. not sure where i read this example but it was kind of like this the light rays coming out of the flashlight is searching for it's source... but it's searching outwards. in the end, it cannot bend/flip back and point to itself to see/find itself. it cannot know itself like it knows phenomena. it knows itself by being itself. the rays of light just realize they are the source themselves. that's out dealio here except we are NOTHINGNESS

I want to share 2 insights I learned from 2 videos of Ralston, which I have linked at the bottom, and something I’m quickly and rather rudely being awakened to in my own contemplations is the following: all because something isn’t metaphysically or existentially true, doesn’t mean it’s not useful. You can learn FOREVER. This insight is piggybacks off of the deep realization I had yesterday in my own experience of how existence is difference or “this and that”. However, I still have only see the little drop of this giant iceberg of an insight. Everything you learn, in a sense, is a distinction. Whether it came from you or not is another matter but regardless, everything you learn you create... and this was a helluva mindfuck (my hand was over my mouth when I realized this). For example (and this was what I brought to mind when I realized this), since we’re on the actualized.org forum, bring to mind everything you know, feel, have learned, your story about Actualized and of course @Leo Gura. Now... get where all of that is arising. What is the nature of all of that? It’s a thought. You and I literally created this whole narrative and story about Leo and actualized in the form of a thought that, likely, you didn’t have conscious awareness of that whole story and all the emotions that come with that story (or any example, doesn’t matter). Notice how that’s not actually true and if that’s not actually true, Leo really doesn’t exist for you... think about that. Notice this mechanism in your own experience. Notice that this mechanism, distinctions, are not thoughts per say. Now, become aware in your experience that you not only create these distinctions and worlds (unknowingly or not) but also notice that if you pay close attention, if you were to eliminate that distinction, it wouldn’t be real for you. So what that means using a tangible example, if the concept of logic never was introduced to you, logic wouldn’t exist. Which is to also say, you created this world and “thing” called logic since logic itself isn’t something floating out there in the ether. Also notice though... that these distinctions, stories, and concepts have still served you though. With that last point and example in mind let’s look at some examples of powerful distinctions despite them not being existentially true: Logic The Subconscious or Unconcious Mind Morality Gravity The Laws of Physics Mathematical Laws Your life story Death Sentient Rationality Symbols Language Success Failure Pain Society The ego Now... realize that this list can not only be exhausted to infinity but also that, each of these things are all different relative distinctions that are going to be interpreted differently in some way by each and every one of you because you all are going to have different relationships to these distinctions given the difference between all of your own individual upbringing (notice what I had to do there too? ). I invite you to also grasp that this is also creativity at work. Creating worlds & learning for infinity, this power is available to you. Notice the power here. You can literally learn and create forever. Imagine creating a distinction like “the subconscious mind” that, yes isn’t true in the real of absolute truth of Nothingness, but becomes true in the relative world. For instance... what if you created a new world for how we become enlightened and explore the nature of consciousness and create a whole new spiritual practice?... I think this is why I’ve always been attracted to different athletic coaches, sages, etc. They literally created this world from scratch by (unknowingly and unconsciously most likely) using the power of distinctions.

Ohh boy where do I start okay? Problem – the problem is even after full enlightenment and one realises everything Is indeed an illusion, it is in itself is freedom from bondage as you understand yourself as the big self. Continuing along this notion even realising full enlightenment does not garuntee one thing. It is how to live life after this must be done according to adhering to the strict disciplines of methods and techniques one used to get to where they are now. The problem that continues to follow is there embodiment. If we consider non-duality. It means one … there is no need to go out there and solve problems and raise other you’s consciousness as you have declared that everything is beautiful and perfect. ON THE other hand, the problem I proposed above has not been solved. Let me continue with an example through method 1) Look at your watch or clock 2) Notice the tick moving in the actual present moment 3) Observe the illusion that is time 4) 1s 2s 3s 4s 5s 6s … 1m 2m 3m 1 hour 2 hour 3 hour 1 day 2 days 5) This Is direct experience and observation 2nd example 1) Look at the mcdonalds sign or your favourite food 2) Notice that it is just a pixel on a screen or the very thing infront of you 3) Observe the illusion that is what you are looking at colours, shape, etc.. etc. 4) Question what is the illusion that my mind is psychologically producing 5) This is the self-deception that leo is talking about 6) This is direct experience and observation You see the part that is missing for full buddahood is the that saying everything and nothing is an illusion in your conceptual direct experience Example … I see illusion , I see illusion, I see illusion is what your mind is probably conducing in these states of very high conscious levels that you are currently at. However, there are still millions of levels higher to go within your direct experience. The method I am talking about is the method of observing something for thousands of hours to see the illusion itself. Once you see the illusion , it gets embedded in your awareness completely and not conceptually. Yes it is true we are one thing but there are still alternating levels of seeing the present moment that is now To express this mathematically My consciouslevel I---------------I--------------------I--------------------I---------------------------I LEO’s current level I------------------------------------------------I------------------------------------------------I Yousefs current level I-----I----------I--------------I-------------I--------------I-------------I------------------I-I-I-I Nahms current level I----------------------------------------------------I---------------------------------I------------------ Ivankiss current level I----------------------------I----------------------I------------------------------I------------------I Anton current level I------------------I------------------------I------------------------I------------------------I------- Pretoms current level I-----------------------------I--------------------------------I----------------------------- (don’t take them personally, I have no way to actually state what they are, they aren’t even assumptions. Just merely using names for demonstration purposes) What this shows is that our conscious levels are varied even though we all know the same truth and are at the same exact place, I personally feel in our embodiment Buddah current level ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- These I signs represent the now, we are all in varying degrees of now. The path to buddahood itself requires you to continue to break illusions by directly observing the illusions for hours on end until every self-deception is embodied at a cellular level. THIS IS DEVELOPMENT the stage after enlightenment- which we all know is not the final thing so per say. This is what it means by raising your consciousness daily - Eating 1 or 2 times a day - Sleeping at 10pm and waking up at 5pm - Continue meditating and self enquiring into nothingness This is one type of buddah because they are increasing all of consciousness by their very own practices, this is what true non duality means. There is no need to produce life purposes like the one I have chosen for myself to build schools in third world countries as some of you may have read. This is contradictory to true non-duality. BECAUSE you can do the exact same thing by being consciousness itself and raising your own consciousness. You will be going into a deeper now. What you will find is you will start to develop psychic abilities by definition of not knowing what it is but really it is just different levels of consciousness through development of self and direct observation of illusions. Consciousness is infinity and so is nothingness. But separating what is actual now from psychological nows will raise your consciousness higher and higher and higher and higher. Until well I can only hypothesis the more you let go and do this life long practice by yourself. You will discover consciousnesses that are not even currently available to humanity and be able to explain them as illustrations through your direct experience. My point or solution is: the road is infinite there is no end what ever stage you think you are at now, there is always a greater now to observe. Observation is awareness and the only tool by which direct experience can arise. So I conclude: it is a choice that one must wake. Dive into infinity or stay at their currently level to fulfil their life purpose. Some may even create the life purpose to attain buddah hood which is a term for the highest possible state that one achieved in this lifetime. The unfortunate thing is that if you stop, this is a self-deception you are implying on yourself. Enlightenment was seeing past the illusion Development is diving into the dark without knowing what to expect This is indeed the deepest insight I can give YOU guys, I have decided that I have gone as far as I need to complete my life purpose. But imagination is infinite, this is truly and is only the start of the road to infinity when you have broken the barrier to an enlightenment. There is always one more step you just have to keep inquiring to find out what it is ? happy new now. i can't help you past this point, its just down to your radical openmindedness and direct experience to see if its correct or not! aswell as the path you wish to take in your lifetime. ALL I KNOW is were all in this together by definition ahaha :') i love you all