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HAHAHAHH I love the fact that after you wake up you still populate people who try to debunk the dream. It is freaking hilarious!!!! DUDEE!!!! I don't care what you have smoked!!! What you don't understand...is if you don't want to awaken...YOU WON'T. So you can argue all day long. I know for fact you are full of shit because....when you awaken you realize you can only awaken if you really want too. And I mean REALLY WANT TOO. The biggest barrier to awakening are the following things. Fear of Death, Fear of Insanity, Fear of everyone you love being imaginary. Until you are willing to accept THESE THREE THINGS. YOU WILL NEVER AWAKEN!!! So until you face these fears...YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT!!! You are just pretending you know what's going on and are too selfish to actually risk anything to find the truth. The part I loved the most is when you accused people of just parroting what they heard....if you haven't fully awakened...that actually describes YOU. The jokes on you. You are GOD DELUDING YOURSELF!!!! God made discovering itself a test of HONESTY!!!! The most dishonest people are the people who are asleep. Your TRUTH is CONDITIONAL. YOU CAN BE BOUGHT!!! At the slightest possible danger you will RUN AND HIDE!!!! Because you are not willing to give anything up. That's why awakening is the MOMENT OF TRUTH! And it reveals the TRUTH OF WHO YOU ARE. What kind of character you have raised...is this character a true seeker of truth? Or are they too self-absorbed. It's that simple. No judgment....but all it means is you care about your human self than you do about all of existence. If aliens created a bomb to wipe out all of existence, you wouldn't die for all of existence...you'd want somebody else to do it. Again no judgment...that is just the limit of your love and honesty and integrity. You have a price. Your a business man.

Entry: #014 Date: 31/10/2023 Time: 11:40 AM Subject: Various Topics I feel really good although I had some rough past few days as well as troubling dreams and nightmares. I am trying to wrap my head around my dreams and understand my subconscious mind. I'm not inspired that much to write about anything particular as the morning was never part of the they where I'm overflowing with ideas and insights but the nighttime always was. Vibration, Speed or Frequency of Thoughts Anyway, I'm creating some consistency in my life by doing what I love and writing some stream of consciousness down to digital paper. The thing that I concluded is that I like to write digitally for specific reasons, it's really fast, and even faster is when I record myself talking. My ability to formulate thoughts has a certain speed and writing down things in different ways has different speeds of course. When I write digitally or speak I feel like my writing or speaking matches my speed of thought. The Flow State, higher vs lower self That's a really interesting conclusion but the next one is that my speed of thought is not optimal and not constant all the time. At my peak, for example, during focusing sessions or deep work, while being influenced by the coffee, my mind can go at wild speeds and it gives a god-like feeling. It's feeling like everything is possible and that I'm able to do or understand anything. It's such an elevated state of consciousness that I'm integrated into the present moment very well. It's such an easy thing to do to stay self-aware or aware of my surroundings or to feel my body. It's the key. When combined with practices of semen retention and dopamine detox or better "practice of delayed gratification", it's god-like power. On the other hand, when I wake up, my thoughts are really messy and my state of consciousness is really low I have through the day with my efforts, elevated that state to a higher level. Somedays, it doesn't happen at all, I stay at the lower speed of thought all day and it's directly correlated to the addiction cycle as I'm prone on those days, to be less disciplined and eat junk food, being lazy, etc. I like the concept of lower vs higher self and I think that there is a lot of knowledge that is interconnected and needs to be extracted from those concepts. In my view, when it comes to the higher self, there is the elevation of consciousness, the ability to abstain from simple bodily pleasures, and the freedom to "be" and feel the higher emotions and the intellect that works at a higher speed and mental images as well as visual images that are pretty high resolution. Everything is high quality when the higher self comes. But, when it goes away, and all you are left is lower self, all human petty little problems arise. The mode of survival kicks in, the ego backlash kicks in. The mind becomes cluttered with thoughts that are lower resolution and kind of blurred in some way. Shift of consciousness happens, consciousness deescalates to the lower realms of reality and totally different kinds of desires arise from within. Sexuality becomes awakened in a primitive way, and addiction to foods, laziness, etc. becomes more likely. From god-like we downgrade to animal-like. We become different persons and we at those moments are usually controlled by our own emotions, we go as the wind blows. Sadly, many people live their whole lives in these primitive states, and this is even exploited by our society through various business that makes money by selling things that we crave, and we crave for the exact reason that we not living by our own deepest self, we are being manipulated and controlled by external events and circumstances. There is a lot of evidence and well-put examples as well as explanations of the previously mentioned mechanisms by P.D. Ouspensky on this paradigm. Reading, writing, speaking, and deep thinking I like to write, and I'm slowly falling in love with it as weeks pass by I find new ways to make it even more enjoyable and for now, it's great. I will continue to write and improve my English as I'm well aware that there is a lot of space for my English to be improved. Fast forward a few years or decades down the road, I will have the most valuable skills that one human being can have, and there are 4 of them: Thinking, writing, reading, and speaking. I deeply believe that they are lifelong learning skills and when you are highly developed in those 4, you can conquer the world, the internal feeling must be that you are unstoppable and I am not the only one who thinks this way. Even in Sidarta from Herman Hesse, there is a reference for what I mentioned about those skills. For example, Jordan Peterson, who is a 21st-century clinical psychologist and author, emphasizes the importance of those skills. Emotional Connection I don't know what to say, but my life is definitely going the right way as I feel it from the inside. My gut feeling never lies and it's usually 95% accuracy when it's intense. I think that introverted and extroverted intuition can be trusted as a string that connects are directly to reality. How to know what is true? Look deep inside of yourself and ask a question, the answer will be delivered at some point. When talking about emotional connection, this year is when I finally realized it. I was so deeply under self-deception because my brain from highjacked by porn and masturbation habits, that I didn't even have a true need for meaningful connection with people on different levels. I'm really grateful to the Universe for anyone who comes into my life either an ally, teacher, or my own student. I started to appreciate any and every conversation that I had in my life. When I am talking to a stranger on the street or just saying hi to a neighbor, the situation when I'm on a simple coffee with my mom, sister or father, or any other family member, talking with intelligent coworkers or talking with beautiful souls on social media or forum actualized.org. I really enjoy conversation and the moments of knowing that I have with other people. This all started really recently, maybe in the past month or so. I feel like I love people just by talking and caring for them in some fundamental sense. I feel like I just started to integrate some nuance of the green stage in the Spiral Dynamics model and it feels lovely and like a fresh breath of air. Many beautiful things start occurring in life when it happens that individuals transcend the lower-self state of consciousness and desires. One thing I can not say from this perspective is that more is better. Balance is the key in every sense. Actually, more is better, if desires are coming from higher states of consciousness. When there is nothing to do, just to be. It's wonderful how many things get done with great joy.

Solipsism is bittersweet. It's funny the first time I awakened to it I had no problem with it...then after awhile the backlash came...and I understood what Leo meant and why its bittersweet. For me the sweetness came first and the bitter came afterward. After realizing Solipsism...you understand that God is the amazing thing ever, it is absolute self-love but it has no other to share itself with...so it creates other to share itself. I can deconstruct and reconstruct Other at will...that is why they call it death...you destroy other...but you can now consciously delude yourself into other. I'll say words on a screen can delude me easier than a person in front of me can. That's just my bias though...I could deconstruct this bias if I wanted too... This is why Leo stated that Enlightenment is imaginary. Why is it? Because Enlightenment, Non Dual Baseline will still be experienced differently by every Enlightened Human. People who argue with him don't get what he is saying....because even though Solipsism is Non-Dual...it isn't the only kind of Non-Dual. For example...you could be aware there is no other....but also be aware that there is no death as well so much that all your dead relatives you experience them as still here. Now have I experienced this? No...but there are people who do experience that. I also know that if I desire to experience that.....I can just WILL IT. How do I know this? Because its the same with Solipsism...I willed it into my baseline experience.

I don't think so, It's just an action. For example, an idea is: reality is infinite love and you are that, and everything must exist since nothing is excluded because God is pure love and does not exclude anything. Those things Razard says. They are ideas that you add to the psyche, which is a software with many layers that is working continuously. Awakening is leaving the human psyche, and for this the first thing is to lighten it, and the way I see to lighten it is to realize that any idea is software of the psyche. But you don't realize it by thinking about it, or because someone tells you, but when you see it, and to see it you have to leave the human psyche, and for this psychedelics are very useful, also meditation. Without them what you do is add things to the psyche, and think that that is being awakened, that is what is called religion.

I don't know, for me the thing is to get totally empty of this kind of ideas. For example, to think: reality is love, it does not make any sense. If I am in an awake state, it is an awake state, then in a sleeping state, it is a sleeping state. to say: reality is this and this, it does not make sense because it is in a sleep state when you say that. so it's better not to think about it too much and try to open myself to awake states. Awakened states are not thinkable, you cannot grasp them from the sleeping state for the simple reason that you are in the sleeping state. and if you were in the awake state you would not be able to define anything because by doing so you would return to the sleeping state. When you talk about what reality is, it is clearly perceived that you are influenced by things you have heard or read, and you process them and translate them in your mind into images, they become reality by association with other ideas and create a real world. Awakening is just the opposite, it is getting out of there.

If I was never raised in the Christian Church (My Denomination was Seventh Day Adventist one of the most strictest denominations of the Christian Church) I would have never awakened. From my youth the story of Jesus touched me on a deep level and made me want to emulate him. I unlike most Christians took the story of Jesus seriously and his belief that we could be like him seriously as well. I also took the story of Solomon seriously as well. In the Bible when God asked Solomon what he wanted he prayed to God for wisdom, at the age of 16 I got on my knees and prayed to God for wisdom. I realize that God gave me exactly what I wanted. This is why life is absolutely fair, because you will be given exactly what you want, your true heart's desire. The issue is most people do not know what they really want and are running in circles. When I went through my trials and tribulations growing up, the story of Jesus and the other characters in the Bible were a symbol of how I could respond. The deep wisdom found in the Bible was illuminated and given to me. At the age of 16 I spent an entire year and read the Bible cover to cover and at the age of 20 I placed the Bible down never to own a Bible again. Why? Because I got the message. Study to show thyself approved, approved by what? Yourself. The message is just Self-Love. From the finite to the Infinite. Without the power of religion I could have never awakened, with that said I'm not saying religion is the only path for the youth to discover love. We have many great movies and t.v. shows and leaders both past and present who can teach the beauty of love. But for my path, my journey, religion was a core piece that was needed. It gave me strength, it empowered me both through its stories, but also the people I met in the Congregation as well. It gave me structure, and a model, a lens at which to look at life. Without that foundation I could have never awoken, without the devotion that religion instills in you the path of surrendering to love would be difficult. Religion is a perfect form of training wheels for the young, its a great form of laying the foundation needed to experience and understand love. The only problem? Many of the preachers....do not understand what Love is really at the deepest depths so they cannot speak it. But this is okay, because everything is always as it should be. All of life is always moving to greater and greater expressions and acceptance of what it is, and this too is why religion is so beautiful. People are dropping religion more and more because religion needs to rid itself of its judgments and understand what the story of the tree of knowledge of good and evil was really saying. Because the story literally tells you that everything God created was good and you only see evil through your human knowledge. Why did they call it fruit? Because the purpose of your knowledge is to digest it.....when your body digests food it takes what is needed and discards what is not needed. So the story is just telling you, take your knowledge and use it to survive, but expel any notions that anything is evil. There is no evil but anything that threatens your self-interest, and self-interest is just BUSINESS. When you create a world based on BUSINESS then you create a world based on self-interest and as a result that world becomes a competition for who can be the best at getting their own interests served, which is a competition for who can be the most selfish. As such....you make selfishness good, and selflessness evil. Thus you never digested the fruit, you never took a dump. What happens to people who cannot expel their feces? They get sepsis. So the world is septic because they never understood the point of survival, they never understood why eating the fruit caused the fall of man...it caused the fall of man because you never took a shit!!! LOL. Anyway religion is a fun way to use symbolism, epics, tales, to teach lessons. Like Aesop's Fables is a good story to teach lessons. I love religion even though I am not religious, because religion helped me awaken. With that said...I find it funny how Atheism and Religion are both right about God in their own way are secretly in agreement and also could both learn from each other. Because of the corruption in Religion, Atheism is borne. It is interesting how corruption always gives birth to a movement against it, it always divides and creates something new. I wonder how Atheism is going to birth a new Religion? How will religions change world wide...and what new religions are going to emerge from this conflict?

T What brings me back to contracted states, as you say, is the need to think about reality, the need to think about the material future constantly and to talk with people. To reach awakened states I need a lot of meditation time and sometimes some weed or LSD low dose. the entire afternoon in a park for example, with some stops to look at this forum. In the end sometimes I achieve states of total amplitude, something incredible, maximum. nothing is comparable, that's why I look for them. Also with 5meo dmt, but short and deep, not for stable openess, openess is with meditation. but then I return to my normal life and it is inevitable to return to a normal state, with my mind in constant movement. Living in a non-dual way seems impossible to me, bringing that to normal life.... how do you relate to people? The moment I interact with someone i fall into a mental state, talking, spinning thoughts. In the moment that i work or start to think about work, the same. Now thinking all time about society, the war,the human condition, how the humans are. That absorb the mind, it's like: ok, open states are wonderful, but first I have to understand what is a human

@Princess Arabia Haha dont you dare to assume that I did not think of that when I created this profile;) I assume myself to be sound asleep until, or if it becomes obvious that I ain't. To many people love to say how awake they are, but little of that shows in the way they speak or behave. That is the average of the so called awakened human.

Chat gpt say Eternity and Immortality: The snake, often depicted in a coiled form, is a symbol of eternity and immortality. This is because it sheds its skin, representing the cyclical nature of life, death, and rebirth. Kundalini Energy: The snake is closely tied to the concept of Kundalini, a dormant spiritual energy believed to lie coiled at the base of the spine. When awakened, this energy is said to lead to spiritual enlightenment and self-realization. Lord Shiva and Naga Devatas: Lord Shiva, one of the principal deities in Hinduism, is often depicted with a serpent around his neck or as a seat. This serpent, known as Vasuki, represents control over ego and desires. Additionally, Lord Vishnu is often shown reclining on the cosmic serpent Ananta-Shesha, signifying his omnipresence. Protective Guardians: Snakes, referred to as Nagas, are considered protective deities in Hinduism. They are believed to dwell in the subterranean realm, guarding treasures and providing shelter to serpents. Shesha-Naga: Shesha-Naga is a prominent serpent deity, often depicted as a multi-headed serpent on which Lord Vishnu reclines in his cosmic sleep. Shesha-Naga represents cosmic balance and support. River Goddess Ganga and the Serpent: According to Hindu mythology, the river goddess Ganga descended from the heavens onto Earth through the coils of Lord Shiva's matted hair, which was coiled like a snake. Creation and Destruction: In some Hindu creation myths, the serpent plays a pivotal role. For example, in the story of Samudra Manthan (the Churning of the Ocean), the serpent Vasuki is used as the rope to churn the ocean, leading to the creation of various divine gifts. Nag Panchami: This is a Hindu festival dedicated to the worship of snakes. It is celebrated on the fifth day (Panchami) of the bright half of the lunar month of Shravana. Devotees offer prayers, milk, and various offerings to snakes to seek their blessings and protection. Basically snakes are aliens I hear sadhguru say snake can hear your brain activity. Thats why you need to be calm and have no thought when handling them cause a loud mind will cause them to strike

With the energetic practices/meditation that you describe one can generate states that are awakened and boundless/nondual. But as soon as the energetic practice stops, the separate-self Gestalt/structure "kills" the nondual boundless blissful state when it comes back after practice. One can literally feel it contract back in the head. Its like applying medicine to a disease. Relieves the symptoms, but not the source problem (separate-self contraction. Literally contraction, creating contraction/location/center in the head and body). There are practices that dissolve the separate-self-contraction directly (the root-cause, or the source problem, and not just its symptoms, no nonduality and lacking bliss), in a way that the whole flow of I-thoughts/I-feelings is cut off in real time fast enough (Trekchö in Dzogchen for example, certain Mahamudra practices), That (dissolving all me-thoughts/concepts and -feelings) fast enough in real time (needs a lot of training) then leads to dissolving the sensation of being centered in the body (the contractions and localizations), and also leads to "hard" nondual/infinite Awakened states (then also off the pillow in daily life), including the "solidity" of the "outher" world being replaced by mere lucid appearance hovering in infinite Nothingness/Reality/Ones True Self as expressions of it, "seeing itself". Without these two shifts towards truly nondual awakened states (loss of center and mere appearance instead of solid external world), most of the talk/writing about it is just wishful thinking and conceptual speculation. It is not just thinking differently, these are "hard" awakened states. Only in these awakened states can the real state of Reality be realized, and the separate self slowly dissolved. Without these hard awakened nondual states, there is only illusion/duality/separate-self, and no chance to really realize what the underlying nondual Reality beyond the illusion/ignorance really is. I have the impression that is an important point for you, since you are among the rather few that actually practice and not just engage in conceptual speculation, but in generating these awakened states. And I agree fully on that. I have written extensively about these practices of Dzogchen/Mahamudra. If that is done proficient & fast enough, the mechanism of creating a separate-self and a localization & center stops, and one has these awakened boundless/nondual/infinite states of Infinite Nondual Consciousness in daily life when getting up from the pillow. I can confirm this from my own practice. It is too good to be true. Yet, it is true, and at that stage of practice always available. From that basis and in these states, one can dissolve the last remnants of the separate self contractions/localizations/lenses of perception in the burning of ones own infinite and impersonal True Being. The contractions that were the separate-self/ego melt like ice in the sun. I can only invite to try these techniques. In my experience, they are way superior to any standard concentration/energetic sitting meditation/practice. Exactly because it attacks the root-cause, and opens up Awakened Nonduality States in daily life. Mahamudra uses extensively concentrative sitting-meditation and energetic practices (Tummo for example) in the beginning, but goes beyond it as soon as possible. Off the pillow. Water by the River Here a description of the practice system I mainly used: https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/92467-god-fucking-damn-it-another-meditation-rant-thread/?do=findComment&comment=1309816

the work the journey the process ... IS indeed isolating nobody understands nobody has been there nobody can possibly relate ... since you are doing you and nobody will ever do you like you do you this is the price of admission, you discard all the consensus thinking constantly thrust your way and you pledge to plunge into the beyond unaided when you reach the goal then you will be able to join the crowd in the market place and live life from this awakened consciousness you might throw in the towel since the pain is too great but eventually you will remount your horse since you see that's the only game in town so it can be two steps forward one step back sometimes one step forward two steps back no two are alike i bless you and thank you for being here and i send you love and light

"One" can act and communicate totally normal in these awakened nondual states (of infinite consciousness) after a certain time of getting used to them. Peak to plateau to permanent. Reality acts and communicates with itself then. Communicating with "somebody" not aware of the underlying nondual unity of Absolute Reality is then just communicating with an appearing perspective/being (although that is then most often confused and ignorant, believing to be separate) within ones nondual boundless visual field/Being. Loosing ones awakened nondual infinite state of consciousness while communicating with other "beings" gets less and less with ongoing practice. But it is then totally clear and intuitively understood (in these awakened states) that empty infinite Awareness is looking through the eyes/perspective of all beings. And it is the same as the empty impersonal Awareness of any being, or "of" Absolute Reality. Although in most other beings/perspectives this empty impersonal Awareness is mightily confused and covered with clouds of ignorance/separate-self-arisings/I-thoughts and I-feelings preventing this realization in that being/perspective... The most funny and endearing ones by the way are those that think they have realized Ultimate Reality/Empty Impersonal Awareness while doing their conceptual solipsistic gig. Selling Water by the River

Go watch the documentary it shows her true colors. Teal Swan believes she is the most awakened person on the planet. That's fine that is actually quite normal. The problem is she believes she cannot be questioned, that she is infallible. That is dangerous. Teal Swan also struggles with empathy in relationships which can be seen in how she treats her closest friend. As you watch the documentary put yourself in the shoes of her friend and you will realize through those lens what it would be like to deal with her. Teal also puts business over everything, as such in her mind she makes a distinction between her business, and those her business interacts with. Basically when you watch her she has a well-developed Masculine but an underdeveloped feminine. Teal is ANTHING but nurturing. Now with that said she is very intuitive and she teaches some good stuff for people but there are gaps in her embodiment and some gaps in her teachings. Now I'm not trying to be too hard on her because it is actually VERY TOUGH to stay spiritual and run a highly successful business in the public eye. Why? Spirituality draws in depressed mentally ill people who will project onto you on autopilot. It will also draw in people who want the power you have and will attempt to try to co-opt it for their own. It will also draw criticism as most societies do not understand what you teach. So Teal is under a lot of pressure and if you watch the documentary you will see that she had a close friend who she could talk about these things with but eventually pushed them away. Also Teal is VERY judgmental, and full of bias without the accountability that comes with it. That accountability is acknowledging your own faults. After you watch the documentary notice you will never hear Teal talk about her role and failures to show up in the lives of the people she deals with. She always portrays it as a fault or weakness on their part. Everything is about maintaining and portraying an image both inside her head and the eyes of others as her being this unflawed mirror but instead there are cracks. In short Teal Swan is corrupted by her celebrity status which is an interesting thing to behold, it shows that without constant due diligence on your own part you will become corrupted. This is why personal accountability, self-honesty is at the core of Conscious living, as such Teal actually proves through her own documentary she is NOT the most awakened person on the planet. Why? Because she believes she is infallible which is no different than say someone like Donald Trump. If you ever elected someone like her in office, LOL.....she would behave in a similar manner when critics emerged. P.S. She also has unresolved trauma from her childhood in regards to men. As such she has a shadow that leaks out, a deep resentment for MEN that spills out every now and then. Unfortunately she passes this hatred/shadow onto her students. Her shadow shows up in her always assuming someone's issue with her is because she is a woman. That literally is her first assumption.

Very True. Allow me some musings (in general, not specifically to your answer), since this is an important point. The Absolute Reality can only be described/approached with a) what it is not (in-finite, silent, Abyss, Nothing-"ness"), via negative (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apophatic_theology), Nagarjuna Madyamaka https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Śūnyatā). Although Yogachara/Consciousness only school (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yogachara) extended that to Infinite Consciousness (which is true), we are already on a slippery slope here giving the Absolute limitations and (relative) properties. b) pointers showing a path to practices (actual practices, not just concepts) that can generate certain nondual awakened states in which the realization of it (Reality itself and ones True Self) can happen by itself ("Enlightenment"). By removing the filters/clouds of the ego and BEING infinite reality itself. Why? Because all these pointers appear WITHIN Absolute Reality. Can an infinite ocean define and realize itself fully using only water as pointer in an infinite "mass" of water? So we can describe the waves of the ocean and what the ocean does, and how it confuses all the waves to think they are waves. But we can never describe the infinite ocean fully with concepts. For that, one has to be it and realize it. And for that, the ego/self-contraction has to truly die and get truly transcended. Not just wear new cloths (I am God/facet a/facet b/.../n+1). Which is the same as the wave declaring it is the ocean. Deep Identity Level change. How does one spot it? Wave=psychological suffering. Ocean = potential for no more psychological suffering when the wave is truly dead/transcended, having been seen through and fully being/living as the ocean. Quite a task, but nothing else to do for eternity... Selling Water by the River

Entry: #011 Date: 14/10/2023 Time: 11:50 PM Journal: General I'm super excited as it's time for updates! I will write on a couple of different dimensions in my life and I am excited to write as the new chapter in my life begins, symbolically, batman's main theme in the first movie was from my childhood, the most inspiring thing I ever seen in the screen, it was always my calling. When I get inspired by Batman, it usually means majestic grandiose changes in my life and my spirit. What will I write about: My clearly redefined purpose in life My declared mission Maybe some of the visions that I currently cultivating Current progress that I have made with PMO addiction, my new knowledge, and my strategy on how will I proceed with addiction Life Purpose In some sense, the core of my life purpose that I have discovered in my past is staying the same. The core of who I am and the potential as well as qualities that I possess and will possess, remains fairly similar to the last evaluation. But the roadmap to actually get there, to my destination is very different. In the past, before discovering certain qualities and potentials, my life purpose was to find life purpose and reveal who I am. To be honest enough, I am still doing shadow work and gathering data, researching the depths of my mind, and the deeply buried archives of my personality and ego. Who I am in the ego dimension. A lot and a lot of fucking work is left to do. But... Now I have a strong desire to unveil all the messy stuff that's wrong with me and to be brutally honest with myself and others, but especially with myself, because all the farther work is impossible if one is not honest and if one thinks that he possesses the things that are the most desirable, the qualities and the knowledge as well as the principles and tools. If I'm honest, I'm really a few drops of water in the fucking ocean of life, ocean of knowledge and consciousness. I'm so small, but I'm part of the whole and I'm conscious of it. I now know that I have multiple life purposes, not just one, and I know that this process is supposed WILL be slow. It tests me in new ways. It requires me to build patience to be able to, just like David Goggins, be able to look at how slowly the grass grows. My new purposes Consciousness - Elevating my levels of consciousness to the higher realms for higher possibilities Love - Expanding my capacities of being loved by myself and expanding capabilities on loving others, not being judgmental Ego Dissolution - Eliminating distractions in life, eliminating addictions both soft and hard, reducing and reducing to the point where my Ego disappear Pure Joy - Living in the present moment and enjoying life in simple moments Pragmaticism - The thing that my ego hates and runs away from the most, my lower form of life purpose which in the past I considered the main one, will be to ace the university with the highest possible grades, integrating stage orange all the way up. In combination with the job that Im currently doing, it's really a great combination of both. Making money and studying the thing you are working on. Preparing the right environment for the stage yellow that will one day come to be integrated. I can not skip this stage. I got tired of running away, and I will deal with it for the one super big reason. I will enroll in post-graduate school for psychotherapy as the thing that will most probably be the most enjoyable thing to do as I think my personality is built for therapy BUT, first I need to heal myself fully, to fully overcome obstacles in my life and mental problems, as well as ego barriers, to deeply understand my own psychology so that one day I can be really good at what Im doing with other people, healing them from practical experience I acquired in my own life struggles and mental health problems. As soon as I give myself the ultimate goal of enrolling in postgraduate studies of psychology, that very moment I got a strong desire and inner motivation to pursue the current degree as that all will be very fucking beneficial to my future self. Why run from things that have been hunting you your whole life? Why not accept the present moment, feel those emotions, and go through the transformative process? It will change my life. I have a lot to say, but for lfie purposes, this is enough to prove the point. Mission I do not know how other people or people in general define mission while defining things like goals, purpose, and similar stuff. But I understand that it is not just the end goal, it's the journey, not just the destination. It's the set of problems that are there, that need to be solved with certain tools in certain environments in a certain way. It's far from the simple way. far from a simple thing. The transition from men no. 4 to men no. 5 - I want to become self-conscious most of the time. I want to be constant. I want to have a permanent "I". I want to have self-control. I want my mind to be submissive to my soul, to the core of my being, to the center of my conscious experience. I want to bring the Tao on the earth for myself, I want to join the union of oneness and to radiate love and energy as well as consciousness to people around me. I must conquer myself first. I must conquer my desires. Methods: Meditation, Deep Breathing, Sexual Transmutation, Semen Retention, Hardcore training, Harcore studying, Cold Showers, Connection with people, Connection with my girlfriend, Connection with nature, Connection with myself, Eating Healthy foods, Living a Healthy Life. Being balanced. Discovering my deep true God nature and awakening - I felt through dreams and through glimpses of consciousness in certain moments which implies being awakened but I do not have enough consciousness in my life and my energy field is not strong enough as well as my ability to concentrate and focus. I will need to build stronger concentration, and a stronger energy field, to rediscover new ways to awaken, to discover new concepts and new techniques which will apply to my life and result in elevating consciousness levels. Methods: Meditation, lucid dreaming, deep or shamanic breathing, contemplation, self-inquiry, living more consciously the ordinary life. Listening to spiritual teachers, reading books on certain topics, and doing the practices will definitely help in raising consciousness to the point of reaching the absolute, the God, the objective, and unified collective consciousness - oneness. Experiencing ego death and ultimately accepting myself - Living on the edge, in the least comfortable places and activities where ego has the most probability to die away, to be honest as long as I am alive I think we might be bound to have ego backlashes and setbacks but I strongly believe that they can be reduced to the minimum so we can bounce back to the game in no time. I will need to go full circle on this, for sure. From somebody that is one big 0 in the ability to "do" as my natural ability to go-get, failed me, to someone who is mastering the game of go-getting. This will take a lot of work, the method: eliminating hard addictions as a top priority, eliminating soft addictions as a second priority, living in the present moment, practicing self-acceptance, and suffering through emotional labor. Learning how to live in discomfort, learning how to be miserable, and to be okay. Challenging myself to the core and to the point where I become the most uncommon amongst uncommon people at least in my environment, life space, etc.. Learning how to use healthy coping strategies and how to BE OKAY WITH NOT BEING OKAY. Accepting that fact and that energy in that moment. Learning to like all aspects of life. Work and career, becoming a go-getter, result-maker - This too will require me to live on my edge constantly, not just living through negative emotions while doing nothing, going through emotions while doing hard stuff, and challenging myself to the core. This is rooted in questions like "How hard you can work? But I would dismiss any pure physical expression of this statement. It's a lot deeper than that. I mean it in a couple of different dimensions. How hard can I work while working intelligently, in a smart way, with a great decision-making process, how much can I take on myself, and suffer through while doing all of that? Method: Smart Hard and Deep Work. Challenging myself to the core. Executing tasks, day in and day out. Completing stuff and getting good grades at university. Making good results while dieting and working hard at the gym. Making good results in relationships. Making good results at XYZ. Real viable and measurable results. I need to be proven, that I'm capable of realizing my potential. Contribution to the world through the play, love, and connection - This will be maybe too challenging for now, but anyway, it may come to me next year or in the next 5 years most probably. As I'm rising to the singularity point on the Maslow pyramid of needs, straight at the top of self-actualization. I'm going to need to integrate the green and yellow stage. It will be my contribution, my legacy to this world. This is why I'm currently building skills for that. I'm preparing myself for this challenge and will continue to prepare for a long time. Im strongly confident that my area of expertise will be developmental psychology and the role of spirituality in modern psychology. Most probably I will be writing blogs, shooting videos and maybe writing even books on the themes of psychology, but there is a massive amount of work that I need to put myself through to be able one day to contribute to psychology. It will take at least 8 more years of academic schooling to achieve that level, to be able to contribute on a broader scale. Method: For now it can be as simple as shooting self-improvement videos of the knowledge I acquired in the past decade of personal development. Not presenting it like science, more like presenting it like a public option that might help somebody, anybody. The second way, I have piano skills, and I can forge them even better, even more. Playing piano was always a kind of self-expression where I was in direct contact with my soul through music. I bet there are people that could and would like my music. It's worth trying anyway. In the long run, a lot of creative output will be needed in the future, in the next 15-20 years. Be prepared. Forge skills. Helping and loving - I think this is my favorite hobby. I'm really proud to say that I'm thankful to my parents as they taught me how to love myself and others. I like to care for other people and to do small things for them especially when those people are my close ones and family. This one won't have any special method but to love people for being people, to communicate and listen to people and their problems. To love them unconditionally. Still, It takes lifelong practice. But I know deeply inside that life is constantly testing me. It's giving me challenges to overcome myself and it's putting me in certain environments and situations to see if I'm going to do the right way, to help, to love. Experience, play, joy, and happiness - Life is definitely to be experienced, I'm certainly grateful for the life I'm living right now. PMO Journey so far So far so good. I'm much cleaner and much more able to be in self-control than the first month of quitting anything porn related. The results are: No porn sites, no cam websites, no masturbating to any sexual digital material for 60 fucking days (today) I masturbated in total for the past 30 days: 8 times (with bare hands and no digital help) and in the first 9 days it happened 5 times so for the past 15 days Im pretty clean even from my masturbation habit as I masturbated only 3 times I got 2 periods of 7 days without PMO absolutely, totally clean and they happened also in the last 15 days Urges to flash, or better to say, urge to get excited while somebody else is watching me was reduced to the minimum in the public places In the private space, there were a few instances where I was home alone and desired to be watched by neighbors from the open windows in the situations where I was naked after or before showering, but those fetishes I believe are fading away with PMO slowly. It will take some time to heal and rewire the brain I got exposed 8 times to the sexy digital stuff on my phone or PC, the good thing is that I didn't act out on my urges and I feel proud that it is the way it is Lusting in the past 15 days, only 2 days were critical at the beginning of the month, everything else was good. The start of the second month was critical, it's just worth mentioning both. A total of 6 sex encounters with my loving partner so far, slowly getting our lives together, and living clean of Porn with my partner is currently a very liberating experience although I still regret doing much bad stuff behind her back in the past with my compulsive masturbation habit. Even though I was been honest with 95% of the stuff, even those 5% I feel guilty and I guess I will need to live with it, to accept it or leave it be that way. Im absolutely certain that the past can not be changed, but the past does not define who are we in the present moment, or what are cultivating ourselves in the future. This is a big and painful lesson for me but a necessary one. Now I now how good things are and I'm not letting anybody including me, destroy what I have now, I do not want hell on earth anymore. I'm living in peace, understanding, and love right know. Now I'm aiming for the next 30 days to be really clean so I can be even more proud of myself. Even now I'm astonished by the benefits I'm experiencing for the last couple of weeks(2-3 weeks), so I'm curious to ask, what next? What if I'm 100% clean in every way? How much will I be able to focus more? What great ideas would I have? In what fundamental or profound ways would I change myself? To proceed, I would need to make a detailed and redefined plan with certain strategies and tactics that will lead me to success in the fight against PMO. That would be all for now. I feel really fresh after I wrote down all that was stuck in my head for the past few days. Not to say that I do not have anything left to write about, it's enough for now. I will write about tools and habits in the upcoming writing sessions. The main problem now: I need some structure, routines, and habits in my life. I need to build that in the next 30 days. What else do I need? I need fucking goals. They need to be set. It will be done. The idea for the next journaling: "I want to write about the tools and practices(habits) that I want to embody in my life and their probable impact on my life."

When you say you awakened to Solipsism. Unpack that for me. What was the nature of that experience. Also its not just about having the experience in a moment, can you stabilize it. Can you make it your default experience. If you cannot then you still have some attachments to get rid of, you still have some resistance.

Hey Leo, thanks for the reply. Up to this point I had couple mystical experiences in a dreams that was quite astonishing but what troubles me are the emotions associated with it. Is there going to be point where I will experience love instead of fear as this emotions are on the opposite side of spectrum. Is that my character(ego) that's not ready or prepared to experience what awakened state feels like? What I can say from my last experience in a dream is that I become aware of reality or true nature of the present moment. My mother that I was directly looking was still there talking to me, just I was feeeling reality as hyper-hyper real, like I got to the core of what reality is, to the core of what present moment is, the core of the dream of life. You are definitely right about that those are just the glimpses and are were shortly afterwards lost. To keep and to live in the present moment for prologned period of times is the uphill battle, it's really hard to maintain high levels of consciousness for a long time. I really do like how for example, Osho was living 24/7 in the present moment, his face and his look in the eyes, are telling it all, how deeply awakened he was. By the way, if there is any chance that you can recommend me any content/source that might be realted to this topic?

Dreams are more mysterious than the awakened state of mind.

Osho was one of the most awakened guys to ever live. Many pearls of wisdom. But don't forget that no one can be as awake as you can

To me, awakened ones are not those who experienced oneness or ego dissolution or some other fractional experience. It is a state of mind, many times temporary and sometimes permanent, where you are equinamous with everything happening around you, maintaining an expanded sense of ego ( the bigger, the more awakened) and accepting everything happening to you and around you with love and compassion. There is no absolute state in Spirituality, only the experience is absolute. When you are absolute, the concept of Spirituality itself becomes meaningless.

@blackchair Precisely because I'm honest abot that I'm writing this. When those kind of experiences happen, it lets me see how little work I'm doing. How little I have gone. Honesty is important. I don't see this in this forum that much. @Princess Arabia the point I'm trying to make is that Awakened individuals do not exist. Leo won't like this. As I have said several times in the past, Awakening is not a chunk of knowledge you can one day "achieve" and save it on your closet for ever, so later you can say you are an "Awakened Being". No such a thing. I have touched increible states of being and lucidity but they do not matter if one can't hold them for more than a few minutes or a few hours at most. Only when you know how to manage your energies and state of consciousness at will you will be an "Awakened individual", since no person will choose to be asleep if having an option. We all being there ? @Breakingthewall amen

I’m aware that philosophy isn’t a substitute for direct consciousness. I want to work up the courage to trip again. with a purpose. to awaken to the nature of infinity. becoming aware of the hard problem of consciousness and the reality of the paranormal hasn’t totally shattered my materialist experience of life. I still go through life totally identified with the body. The last time I did DMT I had maybe 2 day experience of living in an awakened state where I was aware this reality is my imagination. got a lot of acid waiting to be taken, my last trip was super unpleasant because I did not set an intention. actually my intention was just to not crave weed, lol.

Maybe the word autism has been co-opted by introverts. Maybe it is hyperbole. On first dates some people claim to be autistic or on the spectrum or introverted. They are trying to broadcast their future expectations of a relationship in some weird way. The word autism is shorthand for damaged or needy. Maybe autism is a code word for OCD. I notice a lot of mental health issues on this forum more akin to schizophrenia or psychosis. But their presence here makes perfect sense and I suspect may be very similar to the awakened state. A lot of artists suffer these ailments. There might be a ven diagram of mental illness and spirituality. Those of us with mystical psychedelic experiences are more willing to listen to mentally ill people. Their stories sound like "trip reports." The question is if mentally ill people are on the spiritual path or simply psychotic. Leo claims he never had friends or girlfriends in high school. It is a little weird. Could be a defense mechanism to intimacy. Leo's whole life could be a defense mechanism to intimacy. Solipsism could be a defense mechanism to intimacy. The quest for awakening could be a defense mechanism to intimacy. In the same way Trump created an empire and a Presidency driven by massive insecurity, maybe Leo created all this to avoid intimacy. Personally, I have been jokingly accused of being autistic. I do feel I am on the spectrum or a little socially awkward. I am the oldest child but a black sheep for sure. Maybe incels are autistic? Proud boys? etc?

Mohammad was a tribal political leader in addition to a mystic. Mohammad was not really Awakened, he was a mystical channeler, which is different. I have met very mystically gifted spritual people but they were not Awake. Don't confuse the two.

One has nothing to do with the other. Awakened individuals can still have weaknesses and get their hearts broken. Einstein had a few. He married his cousin, smoked a lot and failed some college exam. Not saying it's the same thing but people can be masters at one thing and suck in another part of their lives.