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Yes, it is one and the same. During an awakening, you'll actually see yourself as the entire universe (aka, no-self, nothingness, infinity, whatever you call it) going back into your "small, little" ego. If you include such a description in your LP, be tactful in how you say it. That's all I'm saying.

Pursuing this will only set you up to fall. You do not need a relationship. It is impossible to form a relationship that is not based on an illusion. If you want to live within an illusion, press ahead. Otherwise forget it, and surrender to the infinite beauty and bliss of the nothingness of now.

This is yet another "how to guide". It is an example of how to live with and consciously create the illusion; instead of being trapped in it. This content is based on my direct experience and observations, strictly. All information that is being shared is free to be interpreted and/or used in any chosen way. I write primarily for myself. For the purpose of my own evolution/expansion. Wether you resonate or not with my perspectives and opinions does not necessarily matter to me, at all. Although it is cool to see when others relate. I aim to document my proces of transcending limitations; as well as share my observations/views during this process. Simply for the purpose of sharing, connection, fun, transparency, learning, expansion, fun. More precisely; this thread will be focused on transcending the idea of mortality/death. Becoming a living, breathing, infinite being; while still walking on Earth. Some of my views may seem outrageous. ...for a reason. Slow down. You are eternal already. Breathe deeper, deep breather. No need to rush. You are way too concerned with your next step. And the next one; and the next one; and the next one. Take your time. Be your every move. That is how the experience of true acceleration and speed occures, actually. Thinking about your next step locks you in a loop. Breaking through is what enables you to see it; to stop running in circles. To breathe. To merge with here and now. To recognize your infinitude. The unpredicted, abstract move breaks the pattern of cmd/ctrl. Patterns are not meant to be abstract. They are strickt. Defined. And so is the loop you find yourself in. It is predictable. Repeatitive. It's rather funny how one can get trapped in one of those for decades. Even lifetimes. Well... Not this time. I aim to break the pattern. I do not fear playing with it. Manipulating it. Making it fit better and be more aligned with my true nature. All this may be just a game... but the rules are bendable. All rules are bendable. All patterns fail to face and follow the abstract movement. Passion in action. It is limitless and unbound. Creative and eternal. It does not have a need to identify with anything. It just flows through abstract perfection. Passion is not a pattern. The pattern can mimic or imitate. But it can never trully be alive; spontaneous, joyful and playful in it's expression. The pattern is limited and finate. It is precisely defined. While abstract infinity is not defined at all. Do not call yourself a master; unless you mastered being human as well. Yes. You may have seen The Absolute. Yes. You may have found the answear to all qiestions. But... how heavenly is your environment at this moment, really? Is there no more room for improvment? Is there no more desire for growth? Have you become a superhuman over night, just by gazing at the absolute truth? Just by being nothing? Is the world around you enlightened as well? Do you trully know your infinitude? If you do; you may also know it's incredibly stupid to throw your human form away, as soon as you realize your true nature. - Not until you extract the most out of it. - Grow and expand as much as humanly possible. - Love as deeply as no human ever before you. - Go as far as no human ever dared to go. Fear is to be transformed. Not avoided or denied. You are not trully and entirely awake if the world around you still sleeps. Use as many excuses as you wish. You are the world. Everything changes with you. Make the change obvious for yourself and all. The human concept is adjustable. Flexible. One is able to redesign it. It has enormous potentials. Know you are not human all you want; but you'll probably be stuck with that form for a while. Desolving the dream in it's entirety is no easy task. I've done it once or twice while I was lucid dreaming. Theoretically, it is the same approach with the waking life. But that does not interest me, at all, right now. Why would you say goodbye to your human form so soon? Is it really that uncomfortable? Is it that limiting and contractive? Or are you just afraid of trully expanding; while still in your human form? Waking up entirely from one dream only teleports you to another one. And you may not have the luck to be awake or enlightened there. It may take you decades, even lifetimes to wake up once again. So really, why? Why do you wanna escape this dream so much? What's so wrong with being human? I am awake within the dream. Within myself. But the dream is ever-expansive. Evolving forever. It can always get more enlightened. Every corner of it. The expression is unfolding forever. There is no lack of possibilities. I intend to dream awake for all eternity. Now; that I have finally awaken after an eternity of sleep. I am full of life. I am ready to live fully, in this dream I create. I would not know infinity if it was not for this form and this dream. I would not wake up to myself. This is why the dream exists in the first place. There is nothing wrong with forms and shapes. Nothing wrong with existence. Nothing wrong with individualized perspectives and characters. All eyes are staring at the same thing; Infinity. We all interpret the same one thing in infinite ways. That is existance. That is the snake eating itself for all eternity. That's miracle. Reconstructing your belief system/the core mechanism that is responsible for your actions/choices: There is this thing that is commonly called as "the mind". It has no real location. And it is definitely not in your skull. It is everywhere around your physical body. It is your physical body. It is the street, the trees, the temperature in the air, the velocity of all sound around you, the brightness of the Sun. It is based on patterns. Which may have been obvious to you already. The mind operates through patterns. Nothing happens outside of your mind. You may have heard that you use only 10% of your brain-power... but in reality; you use 100% of your brain-power to make it seem as if you are only using 10%. I believe Bashar stated this once; and it's rather obvious and very accurate. The subconscious mind is where the work is taking place. Your task is to first observe, then analyse patterns/beliefs in your mind. Your mind is naturally very good at this. It is designed for analysis. The patterns are there to be replaced, rearranged, adjusted or deleted. You are not chained to them. And you definitely are not them. Nobody is demanding from you to identify with anything. Be free; undefined. All limitation is created by Y O U. If it wasn't for limitations you would not be able to take on this form; or any, for that matter. You would not be able to have a human experience, nor see through your point of view - your eyes. Limitations = Patterns Fear lets you know if you get too close to the boundary. It let's you know; you are approaching unknown teritory. This is your built-in survival mechanism; nothing wrong with it. It has it's purpose. However; it is on you to be aware of all limitations you incounter. If you know the limitation is created by you, for you, and is probably there to be transcended; then you also know; there is nothing to fear, really. Fear is a guiding mechanism. It signals. You should not be afraid of fear. Once the message is recognized; fear serves it's purpose and is no longer present in your experience. You transcend the limitation. You step into the unknown and shine your light bravely. You grow. You expand. That's the process of evolution, really. Right now, the limitation which you are creating for yourself on a subconscious level is probably that you are human; a mortal, biological organism, a piece of meat walking on some planet called Earth. That is your subconscious core belief. That is the limitation that gives form to you and the world around you. That is the mechanism beneath your actions, experiences. It gives birth to your point of view. Right after this belief comes your name, gender, age and so on. These beliefs - as every other belief - can be changed. They are not set in stone. It comes down to what is relevant for you, I guess. What is your deepest intention within this dream. If it is to simply wake up from it entirely - fine. That's your will. Mine is to explore, expand and express forever. Until I consciously decide to fall asleep again. And that won't be any time soon. Here is how I aim to redesign my operating system - the mind: - I cannot be defined - I am an illusion. A paradox. A dream. - I am both nothing and everything - I am having a temporary experience of being a "human" by choice. I have a point of view - I have 5 senses and a sixth one, which is aware of them all - I have free will - Everything I experience is both 100% illusory and 100% real. I have the freedom to choose perspectives that fit - The dream is not physical; only feels that way. The sensation of a physical world is a part of the belief as well - I am able to switch between both subjective and objective perspectives. - I subconsciously create limitations which are based on patterns/beliefs/thoughts. - I have the freedom to replace/rearrange any of these beliefs at any given moment - The overall structure of my belief system directly influences/creates my direct experience of the present moment - I have the freedom to choose the thoughts that are aligned and/or even stop thinking entirely - TIme is an idea; an element. It is a belief. I have the freedom to explore how bendable it is; with respect. There is only the infinite continuum; now. - Same goes for relativity; respected, bendable - Same goes for gravity - Other humans are from the absolute point of view me and illusory. However they are unique in their expression and have an important role as well as their own unique story and point of view; which is relative - The same stands for me, from their point of view - Interaction between two or more individuals creates a third/common reality; in which all individuals share an experience which is both common and unique to all simultaniously - Honesty and transparency are key for all successful comunication. Makes it effortless - Memories exist within the conceptual archive. They are free for access. The quality of the experience, while "remembering" a memory can be increased and sharpened. It is yet another aspect to be explored further. Memories change as well. They are not set in stone. - The past and the future are both conceptual and real - The body is made out of the dream substance. Consciousness. As everything else is. It is not biological and does not have to decompose and die - The mind is everywhere; the mind is everything, the mind is flexible and powerful - The abstract is that which sees the patterns. Nothingness/pure awareness also does - The heart is the home - The breath comes prior to all appearance - Passion is timeless and breaks all patterns - So does excitement and fun - The body needs care; the body needs attention and love - I eat as often or rarely; as much or as little as my intuition dictates. - I avoid all beliefs and concepts that are glued onto the food I eat. I trust my intuition. I seek food prepared with love. I am conscious of the fact that I am eating myself - Same goes for sleeping; no pattern, no rules. I sleep as much or as little as the body requires and when it requires. Dream states are to be explored more when relevant - Financial freedom/money is necessery for the purpose of the overall expansion while in this human form. It is also key for realizing grand visions and making big changes. It makes things run smoothly. - Wealth does not equal evil. Nor does the desire for it. It is eveyone's birthright. Money is a tool, not a goal. - Success does not equal evil. Nor does the satisfaction gained from it - There is no such thing as "lack" - There are no destinations. - Rather; temporary stations. There is constant movement, rearrangement and eternal expansion. - Limitations are there to be transcended, gradualy. - I will live in this human form for as long as I choose to do so - I know the way to eternal nothingness; I know how to self-destruct; peacefully in stillness - I can choose to deconstruct the dream at any time and wake up/go to sleep for another eternity - I am here to both explore and express my infinitude - I consciously choose to represent: passion, creativity, expansion, expression, uniqueness, diversity, pride, humbleness, intelligence, love, joy, fun, bliss, divinity, wisdom, willpower, abundance, absolute freedom, unity, infinity Naturally and genuinely so. - I am transparent and open about my beliefs. I am not ashamed of my nature - I am - that I am. Here and now for all eternity Of course the branch goes on but essentially; this is it. This is the web of patterns; the core system belief, based on which I aim to operate and experience myself, here in this realm. There is much room for improvement and expansion. Much to overcome and transcend. And that's exactly what makes everything so exciting! That's exactly why this dream is worth dreaming and living. I have no need to escape. Limitations are key and they are not outside of your creation. Rather; a part of it. I guess one could say; you're playing hide and seek with yourself. And it's the best game ever. There will be a second part to this documentation of mine. Maybe even more. For now all seems to be clear. Working it's magic; coresponding. Upgrades occur extremely fast. It's tremendously awesome and fun! There is a difference between waking up to the dream and waking up from it. Hope some of you find some useful info/hints/suggestions in here. It would be no fun to be eternal all by myself Please feel free to ask me anything about my belief system and/or views and opinions on reality and the experience of it. I am always eager to interact as well as I am open for exchanging information and opinions. Bless you, Much love.

@cetus56 I never said I live off bread and water. I said it can be done. There is no need to desire foods the egoic mind would consider to be more 'pleasant' than others. I think you have a lot of growing to do, Cetus. I don't want to hijack this thread. The Truth remains, you must submit to the bliss within the nothingness of Being. Anything else is an illusion.

You are not submitting to the bliss of nothingness. While you still have thoughts, you are not Being.

You can't be proactive within an illusion. The universe will deal with those who chose to be unconscious, as it has so many times before. And any desire is not your true Self. No matter what it is. Your only 'calling', if you will, is to spread the message of awakening. Which is why I am here. Submit to the nothingness. Do it now. Just Be.

There's no such thing as depression. It is a concept in your egoic sense of self. Submit to the nothingness. What is wrong with just Being? No wants, no desires, no feelings. Just Be. You are wanting something that is an illusion. Stop the wanting.

While you do not submit to nothingness, you are chasing an illusion. Socialising is an illusion that leads to suffering. Just Be.

Is it illusory bliss and amazement of nothingness?

@Key Elements I see what you're pointing towards and I am aware of those possibilities. My "plans" seem to be rather simple. I feel like there is no much room for those things to develop. I aim to continue following my passion. Expressing the self, thoughts, emotions, perspectives, nature, the universe, love, nothingness. Music is my thing for doing just that. My relationship with it is very pure and honest. I would not let the ego ruin that purity. But I recognize the possibility, yes. I can see how things could head in that direction. One can influence a great amount of individuals nowdays. It's really rather easy. We are all connected online. This is the era of broadcast; or so it seems. Many gain a great amount of attention, but the followers seem to be still way too lost and asleep. Thus they eat everything a leader serves them. I do not want to start a cult. Nor do I want to have a title of a leader, really. I want to express uniqueness through my messeges and teachings. May they be in form of art or anything else. My intention is to touch those on the healing path. Remind them of their own spark. Maybe leave a few hints on how to lighten up entirely. No real leading on my list. Only spreading light, wisdom and general good mood. I am also incredibly attracted to designing, building, moving, rearanging things. Arhitecture is deffinitely going to be a form of my expression. Maybe I build a school as well, it would be cool. Crossed my mind sever times already. How would your most ideal education system look like? Do you guys have a clear vision? How would the teachers be like? Classes? I also feel like starting to document my journey on youtube. In some cool creative way. Maybe instagram as well. I never really had an online presence. I just wanted to make music and share it with whomever feels like listening. If they exstract something and it helps them see things clearer; the art has fulfilled it's purpose. I like to think of myself as an instrument. With an instrument in my hands haha I only let through what wants to go through I would not say I am returning to the ego tho. There is an "I", yes. But it is transparent. It does not question. Does not suffer. Only lives. It is harmless. Unnoticable. I feel like I am returning to life. Existance. And it is what is right for me to do at this percise time. I see only one path. Whatever I achieve, gain or lose throughout this journey, will not change the fact: I am as fulfilled and whole as I could ever get; right now, right here. This is my kingdom. I am All There Is. And that's exactly why there is no need to keep remembering that, or repeating it. I can just be and do what I love. No need to prove anything. Balance and steadiness is crutial. I am practising a lot of grounding lately. It is beutiful. It is magnificant. It is dreamy. It is miraculous. But yes; as you said; to silence any noise is just that; noise. This is peace. Yes. And I am very much alive; still breathing.

Enjoy. A Loaf holds many grains of corn And many myriad drops the Sea: So is God's Oneness Multitude And that great Multitude are we. The All proceedeth from the One, And into One must All regress: If otherwise, the All remains Asunder-riven manyness. God is an utter Nothingness, Beyond the touch of Time and Place: The more thou graspest after Him, The more he fleeth thy embrace.

@ivankiss @Aakash what are the both of you going to do to trigger some peace in this world? I know Aakash, you want to build schools in the end. I'm also in the educational field. I'm a bilingual teacher. So, I have done some work already online but have a long way to go. It's part of my life purpose. If you ever get the deepest awakening in your life, I have to caution you to be careful. After becoming the nothingness (no-self) and transforming back into your ego, initially, you will think that it's absolutely beautiful!!! You will feel like you conquered the world!!! You know, grandiose. But, that's the danger of having such wisdom. It can be misinterpreted by the ego. Notice that when you are the no-self, all you will "feel" is peace--no suffering at all. Even when you are making a major (massive) transformation back into your ego, Truth (nothingness) will only view it as a transformation, and nothing else, nothing more. It thinks nothing special of it. It's detached. If you decide to incorporate this wisdom into your life purpose, be careful not to make it seem like it's superior / grandiose. If so, this is probably how cults get started because such wisdom is misinterpreted and misunderstood by the ego.

Well, I'll tell you something. Even the nothingness transforms itself into somethingness. That's why we're here--teaching ourselves a lesson. I don't know why our world happened, and we're all in our egos. However, I do know that nothingness means peace. It doesn't suffer at all. So, while we are in our egos, create something that will trigger some peace in this world in your own way, and see what happens. That is the way to go. It looks like the nothingness travelled back in time, trying to fix itself, and trying to make a better somethingness to live in.

Yeah, in a sense I think so. When you surrender to being you do also discover what the lens of No Ego points to. But that's a very specific case. In most cases Meditation and Self-Inquiry function very differently. I still Meditate but I don't really do Self-Inquiry anymore. Self-Inquiry became moot for me a while ago. When you discover "being nothingness" you don't really need to cling to the question 'what am I?' anymore. And also 'what am I?' is an unnecessarily Egoic question because it's designed to point an Ego to No Ego. You don't ask 'what am I?' after discovering being. It's the Ego seeker that asks 'what am I?'

This is a great question. Kudos for thinking of it. Being is not a knowing or a doing. No Ego, or as Adyashanti approximates it as "resting as Awareness", is a being. Being is a surrender to nothingness. This is No Ego which you might discover when you meditate.

@Jack River Thanks for the input, I appreciate it. I’m probably jumping ahead, but I think this goes into desire, want vs need, objective vs subjective, and even infinite intelligence vs self/brain desires, and if I’m not mistaken we don’t see that the same. I’m not assuming, so correct me if I’m wrong, but you’ve expressed desire is of the ego, or (small s) self. But a decent case could be made that when desires of the self are met, experienced, known, and then naturally transcended, a foundation within is built, which enables one to fulfill desire of deeper unification through helping others. So a small decision, and wether it is understood / accepted / viewed as a want or need, is a piece of a bigger thing. And perhaps the fashion in which one goes about helping others is impacted by the desire path, or the nondesire path. I think this is also true for many occasions of sacrifice of one’s self desires, on a path of discovery of the greater desire. In the same sense, in the biggest picture, I would say Nothingness is without desire, so desire must be of the individual. But at the same time, a case could be made that nothingness has desire, because it is you and I, doing whatever we’re doing. So perhaps a notion of unconditional desire arises...? (Sorry, I believe I strayed quite a bit from the original convo. Not to mention, hacked yet another thread.) ? @EvilAngel (sorry)

I first tried 5-meo-dmt a year ago and had a classic "white out" experience. At the time, before I knew much about the substance, I thought this was just a normal occurrence, my conception being that if I was having a true experience of no-self, then there would be no self to remember the experience. I later became aware that this is not indeed the case, that many folks do in fact have fully non-dual, unitive experiences with God consciousness (or however you choose to language it) and remember quite well despite the individual self being absent. So, this time around, a month ago: Set + Setting: a ceremonial, group ritual with an experienced facilitator in a comfortable "temple" environment Dosage: started with 13 mg synthetic, vaporized. I held in as long as possible, laid back, exhaled, and as soon as everything in my visual field started to fractalize... BLACK OUT I came to, what felt like just a few moments later (not sure how long it actually was), feeling like things were a bit squiggly but had the sensation that I had missed the main event. I told the facilitator, who knew about my previous white out experience, "The same thing happened. Except this time it was black not white. I just wasn't there." He replied, "Right.... you weren't there because there is no you to be there." A little exasperated, I struggled to communicate something to the effect of, "No no, this wasn't a unitive experience of no-self, I just literally wasn't conscious." I was encouraged by him and the group to take more. So I did another 10 mg. Same exact thing happened. So he dosed me again, this time up to 12. (The idea being -- if you're still cogent and so little time has passed, you haven't broken through. Do more. Go deeper. But the medicine has accumulative effects apparently so that's why he wasn't jumping me to a 20mg dose, say). SAME DAMN THING HAPPENED. Black out. Nothing. At this point, I'm feeling quite frustrated, as well as deeply saddened that this experience of merging with allness infinity -- which I had seen several of the folks in our group go through by the time it was my turn -- just didn't seem available to me. I started crying, saying, "I'm just not there, I'm just not there," feeling again this sensation that something had happened but that I just wasn't there to witness it. Someone in the group then coyly remarked, "But that's the cosmic joke!" That, funny enough, triggered a dramatic shift in consciousness for me. Suddenly I was swimming in a dark, watery void of nothingness. There was still a very vague sense of a "me" experiencing "this," and every time this thin layer of "me" tried to reach for some stability, point of reference, or grounding, it just collapsed into the endless churning sea of arising and falling. I have a vague memory of laughing, feeling free from all the anxiety and pain that lives within the construct of my self, and I think I started to physically "swim" on the bed I was in, relishing the silky undulations of nothingness. As the stuff started to wear off, my typical sense of existential grief started to return. I "looked" at it (inwardly, not visually) and it appeared to me (experientially, not visually) as multi-dimensional and endlessly deep. Infinite. The grief is infinite. I said out loud, "there's just so much pain. There's infinite pain." The facilitator responded. "Yes, there is infinite pain. And there is therefore is infinite compassion." #buddhismpsychedlia And again, there was (and still continues to be) a sadness that I didn't experience non-dual consciousness. I'm wondering if anyone has any insights as to what's going on here. Why the black outs? Why no access to a full unitive/non-dual state? I'm sure not every brain's neurology responds to any given substance the same way, so is this just a sign that this particular molecule works within me in a more atypical way? Maybe it's just "not the right medicine" for me? Or perhaps I'm just super sensitive, and in order for my awareness to stay present and not give way under the weight of such intensity, I need a smaller dose? I'm curious about trying, say, 8 mg, and seeing what happens. Maybe I wouldn't black/white out. Or perhaps a different intake method could be useful -- plugging, for instance -- would that effect how the stuff works on/in me? The insight into emptiness has certainly left a mark on my perception and meditation practice, for which I am grateful. But I can't help but still feel that nagging urge to continue chasing the dragon, as it felt so incomplete... Any insights would be gratefully appreciated !

what if emptiness - empty of fullness, absolute emptiness - empty of the word emptiness, making it totally empty of anything , as in does not exsist nothingness- nothing if something absolute nothingness- did not exsist in the first place, was not even there, but is there as something. void - an area with nothing inside except itself absolute void - does not exsist inside void doesn't exsist - exsistance from non exsistance absolute non exsistance - does not exsist at all none of these words can actual encapsulate what it means to be itself non exsistance because of their counter parts, what if what was actual was that: none of it exist, i don't mean one second was there and next minute does not, i mean the most rawest nihilistic way that you can put non exsistance, without the use of time, space, location, form, colour, isness , wasness, thereness, sexyness, literally without anythingness. see i don't mean draw a concept in your minds eye about what it is because its simple the very thing doesn't exsist. lets do practical in actuality pick up a can of your favourite drink (can even be water) , look at it as if it doesn't exsist in front of your vision right now trick: you have to image yourself that you don't exsist aswell so the perceiver subject/ object vanishes but this is not the point lol... everything comes form the thing that does not exsist at all (nothingness) but you can't imagine nothingness its always dualistic so what is non exsistance - the being in everything the emptiness itself! that emptiness creates form so i mean lol the very thing you hear. see , smell , everything literally is just the formless as the buddist say emptiness is form and form is emptiness btw i'm not actually contemplating, i'm just sharing my results lol!

Get a glimpse of nonduality, suddenly we think we are enlightened, or think we know the truth, but in reality we dont, we just have egoic impressions of it, ultimately no one really knows, they only know the path, they may use perceptual concepts of allness, or nothingness, but ultimately if you "experience nonduality" you are lying to yourself in my opinion. the buddha also mentioned that all these are still perceptual realities from our egos, no matter how mystical or "nonexistent" your experience may be, until your actual system is cleared of its fear mechanisms which build the ego, and the concepts that comfort or should i say numb your issues which you are not reflecting, until your system is cleared of mechanisms which make your experience dual, you arent in enlightenment at all, you just got an energetic opening/glimpse. . look at any dude here who uses realizations as egoic masturbation, anyone who dealt with self esteem issues and such can see through the wowness and power trip of these types of experiences and this can be subtle perceptions in the subconcious aswell. because the people who grew out of it they know it ultimately stems from insecurities not yet dealt with, just being real. but as you go through more of life, you get triggered of your issues, and you grow, you shed, and you let go, and each egoic paradigm thats broken down, more and more depth of reality is realized, because you're going through a process of reflection and understanding, being more and more inclusive (love, word can have baggage though) and open to reality, yet also unclinged and indifferent, not numbed. my point being, forget about nondual experiences, use the experiences as guides for your path, but even that attachment to those guides will be dropped too at a certain point. Leo is fully right when he says that this is a process, no doubt about it.

@Charlotte if I may say something here... Goes in this pattern...no-self (nothingness) --> everythingness --> transformation (Shinzen Young called this part: Riding the Ox Backwards) --> love (realm) --> ego When it comes, you'll know. Until then, I would just continue working on something worthwhile to give to this world, such as a deep life purpose. Everything is interconnected and counts. Anything worth doing is like a meditation.

@DarjeelingTea This topic keeps coming up here from time to time. It's a good topic, btw, and a very hard one to answer. Thanks for bringing it up. Remember this quote because it does cause radical open-mindedness: Two things to consider because it's been discussed many times and on Leo's videos. #1. 5meo can cause the experience of the no-self (nothingness) if done properly. This is the first argument. Work with mushrooms and other lighter psychedelics and work your way up to stronger doses before experimenting with 5meo. #2. Those who have not been the no-self (nothingness) will not understand what's it like to become the no-self without the psychedelics.

There is one thing I noticed with actualized.org, more specifically, how people interpret this content. I wouldn't call it a trap, but it misleads some people. It especially applies to younger folks, and I've certainly fallen into that myself. People hear Leo talking about Spirituality, Enlightenment, Nothingness and the Void almost every week. It paints a very sharp image and creates a powerful vision for aspiring actualizers. It really makes you get on board with all this cool Spiritual stuff and forget about everything else. You have ideas and fantasies of increasing consciousness, being Enlightened, becoming a Spiritual teacher, a life coach etc. Everything else in your life fades to the background. All you do is talk, read and discuss spirituality. This stuff is great. But we have to understand that Leo is coming at it from a different position than some of us. He started dabbling with spirituality when he already built his life and developed himself top of the pyramid. We can't just leapfrog financial success, relationships, self-esteem, work ethic, education and most importantly life purpose. In an extreme case, you can become a monk and renounce typical way of life. Yet for most people, the lower level needs have to be satisfied first. I'm not saying stop doing spiritual practices until you are 30-35. Yoga, meditation, and psychedelics can and should be used throughout life. I'm saying to not be obsessed over Enlightenment work and go out there to practically achieve something. Image how deep your spiritual pursuits can be, when your psyche is matured, your health is excellent, you have an abundance of wealth and all your desires and needs are met. It makes a world of a difference. I would even argue that it is almost impossible to achieve higher states of consciousness, without first putting the work into mastering traditional personal development (monks might be an exception). The strive for spiritual ideals early on can leave us bitter. You hear and experience all these cool states, but when you come back, your life is still crappy. This doesn't apply to everyone of course.

@Preetom yeah but i can't seem to maintain the presence of void, pure awareness, nothingness @Nahm it really is amazing at having one reference point, one moment where it reveals itself to you and your like i have it, and i want it again, how do i get this. its definately because it reveals itself to you, in my opinion. gotta keep trying until you get a breakthrough @Joseph Maynor you in this context is third person referring to me, or us or we, all of us. ahh man when i tried to meditate again. that question completely blocked my path, as if it were stopping me from the thing revealing itself to me because i'm trying to conceptualise this is what it is and this is what it isn''t, instead of just it being what it is completely

Yeah..maybe memory is coming in and thingifyjng that nothingness. I found that as these “intervals” extended for longer and longer it was because there was less still subtle registration taking place. This also relates to the absence of spatial awareness.

The Desire for Absence I have always felt that there is such a thin line between what is here and what is not. All of this ‘stuff’ is only pretending to be real and solid. In fact none of it has any real substance. Even this person that I am supposed to be, when I look to find myself, I don’t find anyone or anything. It is all very surreal. I am here, and yet I am not. I feel, see, hear, experience and seem to fully participate in living as a person in this life, and yet nothing is happening at all. Time seems to tick, and I seem to be getting older and closer to the ultimate disappearance that is death, and yet death is here all the time - beyond time. The mind deals in time and space, negotiating between me and the rest of the world. But beyond all of that, there is no need for any negotiation, because there is no time or space. I love to see it like Death is only pretending to be alive. Nothing is only playing at being something. And in this playing at being something or someone, there is always the pull to disappear into the nothing. The absence calls out from beyond all the ‘stuff’, constantly stating the only true reality. It is the mystery of life, and we long to fall into that mystery and disappear. But at the same time, all that seems to be here is the play of this and that, you and me. We all have some sense of that nothingness. It underlies everything that we do or feel. Mostly we are struggling to avoid being swallowed up into the void. Without all of that effort to prove our importance and worth as a person, we are terrified to fall into that emptiness. We long for it, and at the same time, run from it. The push/pull of life and death is the great paradox of reality. Living in the world as someone, sometimes has felt such an effort. Being the nothing that I am, there is no effort required. There is no problem, no discomfort, no issues, no drama. But being someone, it can seem as if I have to carry the world on my shoulders. I am supposed to know the rules of this society. I am supposed to have a purpose and a goal. I am supposed to know how to live, and even how to die. I have always felt that push/pull of longing for the total loss of control, and absolute surrender and peace of death, and then also the everyday reality of living as this person. Sometimes I longed to lose myself totally, and not have to live this life of being someone. It seemed to be such a burden to have to carry. I longed for it all to just stop. It was too much to handle. It was too much to deal with. I became very depressed and even suicidal, because I felt I couldn’t deal with it all. I was trying so hard to do it. In order to be someone, I was desperately struggling against the nothingness. Trying to push myself into the world. Trying to hold it all together. After a while I discovered that I couldn’t win this struggle. I had to let go and drown. When I let go of control and fall into the emptiness that is always here right now, it is so much easier. There is no conflict between what is, and what isn’t. It is only the mind that wants to land in one side or the other. It is in fact a paradox of both. I don’t need to even understand it. All that is happening, is simultaneously not happening. Consciously acknowledging that, brings peace. Death is already here. The absence that I long for is already here, and at the same time life seems to go on being lived. I am not in control of any of it. I don’t need to do any of it. In fact, it, is doing me. Article written for the Dutch magazine Inzicht.