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Dear All, I've been to a beautiful ayahuasca retreat in Peru. Below I share my trip report. What I mostly came here for though is interpretation. Obviously multiple questions came up after the experience. There are some answers that I give to myself but I want to know if I don't fool myself, if it isn't my ego / my limited mind that provides concepts and explanations that it is familiar with but which might not necessarily be true. Those of you who experienced ayahuasca too / had a similar experience / just feel capable to, please help me answer the below questions: - What is that thing that I connected to / blended with when I was dropping my self? - Is this the experience that we are left with after physical death? - Is dropping the mind (that I needed to do in order to blend / connect) the same as ego death / physical death? As you can see in the below report, in short my answers are: I blended with universal life energy and experienced ego death. However I'm worried that those answers might not be true, that it's just a limited interpretation of my limited mind - and that's why I came here. Few words about the trip itself and the trip report: - During the session I did have references to Leo and his teachings, few times actually. The most prevailing one was that wow, much of the stuff that I experienced, Leo did talk about. I mean yes, I know his videos well but it seemed like only at that time could I grasp the meaning of the most profound of them. And I was really really impressed with how precisely they describe those insights. I could barely wrap my head around them for myself (or sometimes just plainly couldn't, with my mind at least), and Leo is not only able to dig into them deep enough to understand them for himself and put it into concepts and words understandable to the mind but also to describe it in a way that the public can understand. I mean only now do I realise that in some cases I really understood little until I experienced it, but Leo gets as close as possible, and in terms of technical precision and accuracy - possibly the closest of all that I've come across. Thank you Leo, it's a wonderful work that you do. - Yes, by now I know that I should have let go more - There was a bad trip as described but that's not where the main insight came for so from today's perspective, its not very meaningful - The below report was written in the morning after and slightly edited later for clarity. Please also note that I'm not an English native speaker. And here comes the report itself. Ayahuasca, 9.04.2019‌ - I felt like I understood everything, how everything works. I was kind of proud because all the research and contemplation and all the understanding that I gained throughout the last few years - it was right. It wasn't IT but it was a great foundation that I could refer to now, it was pointing to the right direction, to IT. - I knew I understood it but at the same time I was aware enough to know that I wouldn't be able to comprehend it once I'm back. (now I only remember mundane things that I understood : for example why John, my caretaker said that with vipassana experience, it might be easier for me to reach there. I can't recall what was the profound understanding of the world like.) - I laughed, sometimes quite hard. I thought to myself : haha dude THIS is the ultimate game! And I was enjoying figuring it out. ‌- Then I remembered that people say that once you get enlightened, then you only laugh. There was nothing else to do, I understood it but when I wanted to grab it, grasp it - I couldn't, it was beyond my mind's capabilities. Not to mention putting it into words. - I thought : this is what enlightenment must be like. It was pure bliss. I stopped worrying how to comprehend it later, transfer to lucid life. I just enjoyed it. - About 'this' life here : it seemed like a fun adventure but one to not take too seriously, which made it even more fun. - I had the multidimensional visuals that you see in related art sometimes.‌ - I was blending with something. When I got back from time to time [and I used the presence of my girlfriend to do that] , I thought : Maybe this is what death is like or what ego death is like? - And I think maybe it was, but the moment I grounded myself, brought back to here, the moment I had a thought, instead of just blending, it wasn't it anymore. It wasn't ego death anymore. - Why? Because how can it be ego / mind death, when just the fact that I THINK (about it) , means that I look at it from an ego/mind perspective. - It might not have been good to be grounding myself because then I was loosing IT. I was on and off. Sometimes I thought : 'let's check on that body here'. I was on and off.‌ - The singing of the shaman was very very helpful to be on. Few times I thought with excitement: ok, we are so deep already and know Mr Shaman is gonna drop in with his shit too hahaha. - Of my mind, I thought : thank you, my loyal and so helpful companion to bring me to this point. I will need to leave you now and go into the further journey by myself. - And in 'this' world, the love between me and my girlfriend was kind of the only tangible, worthy thing, the only thing worthy my attention. [there was more to explore here, I felt, but I didn't]. ‌ - At times / some point I thought : Hey, maybe this is not ego death if - again - I THINK of it from ego / mind perspective. How do I know that this is not actually my ego fooling me? [I remember that this notion came to me from a YouTube comment that somehow I remembered now]. - But again : I was on and off.‌ - I was curious what was on the other side and I had glimpses of it (bliss, blending) but I felt that in order to really reach that and truly explore what is there, I had to drop myself, my ego and somehow I convinced myself that it's impossible because how I perceive all experience and this bliss too is through ME and physically through my body (which is the host of the mind) so I can't fully drop it. I convinced myself that it's physically impossible. - Probably this was my ego holding me back. But on the other hand, I feel like maybe it wasn't ego death that I wanted to taste but death itself, and that obviously wouldn't be possible, while I'm still in this body - that's why I convinced myself of it.‌ - This was probably the very bad mistake that I made [convincing myself that it's physically impossible to drop my mind] that got me to the second part of the experience - the bad trip.‌ - I felt like I was reaching somewhere but couldn't enter. It was layer after layer after layer. I did have that sensation going in, and each time I went in, I came out from the other side. Can't explain it with this limited mind now, even to myself... However it brought to my mind one of Leo's videos, even though right now I can't recall which one was it - either the one about infinity or strange loop. At that time though, I knew perfectly.‌ - I thought : OK, this is supposed be the TRUTH and I want to get there but to do that, I have to drop my mind but to drop my mind is impossible because it is this mind / body that brought me here to this point. So I need to drop it but I can't (ego telling me that?). - I had this loop all the time. Exploring the TRUTH was the only thing that mattered to me. It was like I realised that my life here on earth is like a meaningless cartoon or TV show and I'm only a character in it. I really need to find the exit, come out of the TV screen and into real life. - In such circumstances, exploring the TRUTH was the only thing that mattered and each time I was trying to figure it out but each time I ended up in the same point: can't explore it with the mind but can't stop the mind. That was my realisation. But after I realised that, my mind was going the same path again and again - trying to figure the TRUTH and ending up at the same point that was impossible to cross. Like being stuck in a riddle that can't be solved. - At some point I realised that I always end up at the same point but couldn't think in any other way, couldn't get out - it was the same thinking process over and over again. That's when the worst time was, when I was asking Jhon how much longer, that I can't stand it, etc.‌ - I wanted to go back to 'this' world. I knew it was rather meaningless but I preferred to be here rather than in that fucking trap.‌ - What was helping me the most was holding girlfriend's hand and feeling her. With time, I was realising sooner and sooner that the riddle doesn't make sense and that I will end up at a point with no way out. Thats when I was always looking for my girlfriend and that was bringing me back here. Step by step, I managed to do it sooner and sooner in the riddle and this is how it gradually faded away and finished.

Again sorry for bursting your spiritual fantasies then when you AWAKEN you become God no oposite is the case you realize you are the devil. After awakening True work starts. Self actualization self-realization (notice word self/ego) most effective way to lure devils in. In search for bliss ?

Right! I'll abandon my bliss and keep seeking in order to.reach your enlightenment.. But wait, that's weird, because as awareness I know that's the end of the game. Seeking and awakening is part of the dream. Catch 22 eh?

@Aakash as you become more and more conscious you will embody Truth more and more. Part of this is love. Infinite Love is selfless. Now just because you are enlightened doesn't mean you have to necessarily help other people. It would not be wrong for you you to go live in a cave and bliss out 24/7. You could still be at stage turquoise and do that..but generally at this stage of consciousness you engage systems and holistic thinking and want to make a difference collectively and not just individually. That is not mandatory though.

Are we spiritual beings having a human experience or are we human beings having a spiritual experience Spirituality is like a potion that helps you to live to escape reality, to be in a mental rehab, to have clarity and have a better perspective on life and things and help the mind to be more peaceful. It's possible to further expand into that awareness. When you become aware that you are awareness itself then it's enlightenment. Now I have separated two concepts. Spirituality and Divinity. Spirituality is a freedom principle whereas divinity is a stoic principle. Spirituality is all about escape from reality and living in a different reality, field of awareness and feeling peace and bliss. Divinity is being strong, taking guidance and deriving strength from a higher source and using that to fight and survive through life. The constant battle between spirituality and reality is a spiritual war So there are 3 components here. Spirituality Spiritual struggle or war Divinity Two things happen on the spiritual journey You feel disappointment. You feel disappointed in humanity because you see all the chaos and all the illusions and you see all the mindlessness. A spiritual struggle or war between right and wrong and between material rewards and spiritual rewards. Spirituality is for the soul or the spirit or the consciousness element of ourselves. It's about a state of mind, it's about an ethereal experience. More like escape from life Divinity is for life, to live with great endurance, courage, stoicism, perseverance and to survive the assaults of life and to have the strength to carry on. None of these spiritual practices consist of miracles. The next thing is Alter Ego. I think it's important to have an alter ego. It makes perceiving things better or easier

It seems like every time I need just the right video from Actualized.org it always comes up at the right time... This was a very relevant episode for me. I'm right at the End Phase and also in Limbo. This is what I'll be addressing in this journal log along with the lessons I've learned. The End Phase: Right now I'm wrapping up the phase of living at home. I'm about to venture off into a hardcore door-door sales program @Robby hooked me up with from mid-May till August 30th/mid-September in Arlington, New Jersey. Joaquin is about to graduate from high school at TL and will be moving down to Santa Barbara to attend the city college there at the end of Summer. Abuelo seems to be moving towards the final days of his life since I'm hearing how he's starting to not be able to eat or drink anymore and has pretty much lost his battle to dementia. I'm starting to get ready to make amends to let go of running as a pursuit. I'm starting to cut ties with mom and I'm about to leave the protection of dad. I was even told by dad that he's planning to give Ellie away to maybe Ellen & Jerry. Although someone on the outside can easily point out the positive of how this is perfect timing for me to start my next chapter, I would be neglecting my own experience if I said it feel this way even in the slightest in my own experience (which of course is rationalized by those outside as "totally normal"). It's easy to say that and also address in language all the obstacles I'm going to face and blah blah blah. Though on paper, yes, they are most certainly correct in their linguistic analysis of my situation. However, that doesn't mean shit. From the ever evolving collapse of my family since May 22nd, 2006, to my ever increasing decay in emotional, psychological, overall egoic stability, to dropping out of college the 3 semesters I went to participate, to having to get an incomplete Junior year of high school because I was such an emotional train wreck and went to counselor saying how I thought I was going to kill myself, to quitting every single running training cycle since high school, DNF-ing the majority of races I went into after high school and the ones I did race I pretty much bombed 95% of them, to quitting dozens of workouts, to feeling more and more inferior to other peers killing it in one domain or another over the years, to never having really had sex with a girl I found truly attractive, to crashing multiple cars wasting tens of thousands of dollars of my parents' money... do I really need to go on? I feel absolutely emotionally drained. Crying has become almost a daily thing because I have so much anxiety that I'm like a pot boiling and eventually blows out steam because it can't take the pressure being held inside. I've lost so much self-esteem, personal integrity, and the willpower to sustain even the most minor endeavors like meditating for 15 minutes. With the closing of this "End Phase" I feel a lot of anxiety and a lot of fear. I also am desperately holding onto what fate I still have within me. As much as it doesn't feel like it when I'm going through one of my daily emotional bad patches, reminding myself after I let what I have out of my system that I can get through this, that I do have more, that there is light at the end of this tunnel, that this is (in a sense) normal and other people too have made it through this and worse does help because that helps me emotionally regather myself and "put back on" the right perspective of how I can use this summer to move out fully be in the "Limbo Phase" where I can spend deliberate time healing, soul-searching, really regather myself, change my environment by moving to Denver/Boulder, camp, be in the mountains, etc. As drained as I am, I know I have to close this chapter with all I got and finish it. Right now I'm running down the last bend about to make it onto the final home-straight where I have to give everything I have this summer. I'm usually pretty good when I gather my inner strength and pulling myself back up and letting everything I have out in the final 100-200m of a race and claim every scalp I have in front of me with authority. I think I can do that here this Summer. I have it in me. The Limbo Phase: I've been trying so hard racking my mind on the Life Purpose Course. I feel like I've exhausted the amount of mental and emotional effort I can possibly put into that course since purchasing it back in June 2017. Though I have 8 Solid Top Values & My Top 5 Strengths locked in and starting to really be able to intuit what my real Zone of Genius is, I really have to pull the plug and give it a rest and come to terms with the fact that I just don't know. Though I had great insights and intuitions from my 1st ever psychedelic trip on LSD back on March 29th this year, I really need to put my focus into just closing up the last bit of the the End Phase before I can really go into a more soul searching process. If all turns out well this Summer I would like to spend as much time investing in my own soul-searching process, finally heal and regather and integrate my self, and explore new avenues of Bliss. I feel so destroyed internally that, even if I really found my next path in life I wouldn't be able to follow it because inside I feel like I'm a tube of toothpaste that's been so mauled and crumpled up for that last bit of toothpaste that I won't have enough for the net endeavor. The amount of internal willpower I have left is virtually empty and I need to recognize, honor, and respect that. This is why healing is going to be important and honor my inner muse. I completely disagree with people who telling me otherwise after this 4 month sales program is up that I should put in the hard work to improve socializing, my dating game, make more money, how I need to press even harder on the gas, etc. I'm willing to listen to feedback but I'm also willing listen to when I know what's right for me and when to tell people to stop giving me advice. I really need to hit the reset button once I wrap the End Phase up. I know what my heart needs while still needing to address practical & logistical matters. I believe this phase is going to consist of time backpacking, camping, traveling to different countries alone, going to some workshops & seminars, meditation & enlightenment retreats, meeting sages/saints/mystics face-face, reading, actually exploring new paths of interest (whatever it may be) and doing so full-heartedly, therapy, volunteering, a lot of journaling, going to new events, and contemplating. This episode really helped me reconcile the perfectly normal reality of this very phase and that this a phase worth honoring and really working through at whatever pace I need to take it at. Also because it helped really give myself the permission to acknowledge and be okay with accepting that the last cycle I'm now wrapping up was a failure with tons of valuable lessons that and that, all because it totally blew up in my face like a lab experiment gone totally wrong doesn't mean I can't be okay with it, make amends with it, and move on from it. I'm very eager to wrap the End Phase and finally get into the Limbo Phase. Lessons Learned: Following one's Bliss is so important. It took me up until this episode that that was actually how I even got into running in the first place! Look where that took me! I seriously need to heal Soul-searching cannot just be a mental process. I actually need to go out and explore. Travel to new cities, states, countries, forests, etc. I am extremely impressionable. This is a huge habit I'm going to need truly to shed in order to unearth a new authentic path and chapter in my life. Since I was less than 2 years old I've had this habit. From Michael Jordan, Steve Prefontaine, all the runners I've ever looked up to in some way, Sadhguru, Leo, other sages, etc. I always base my visions based on the lives of other people and unconsciously try to mimic them as much as possible. This comes from the deep seeded vow I made since I was probably even a toddler of like 3 or 4 years old that I really feel like I need to be different, special, and stand out amongst other and also the belief that I'm not good enough so I compare myself to others and cling onto them because I don't have enough self-esteem to really carve my path independent of anyone I may admire and look up to. Really being okay with just doing me and no one else. It's my path and my path alone and that that's just fine and how I'm going to be better off owning and living that. I quit and give up a lot. I need to focus on rebuilding integrity. I lie a lot and I'm going to really need to focus on making a daily commitment to fix that in order realign myself with my experience and integrity It's okay to really not know not just on a metaphysical level but when it comes to life issues to. Embrace not-knowing not just in direct contemplation but towards life situations in general and be will to let go into not-knowing and some real exploring. I have more in me I can turn this around I need to learn to really love myself I need to trust my drive for full enlightenment but I can't go fully into it when I'm this broken inside emotionally. Enlightenment is going anywhere. Again, I don't need to be Buddha, Jesus, Sadhguru, Leo, Ralston, etc. I need to be me and walk my path. I could probably jot more down but this is longer than I thought it would be and I'm a bit tired of writing... I think that's good for now. Signing off for now.

@zeroISinfinity @Shaun ummm..actually when you come face to face with your own death its pretty fucking terrifying. I don't think its fair to sugarcoat True Awakening...its serious shit at least in my own experience. You are right its amazingly beautiful and the Bliss is just insane. But also there is the dissolution of you. That part is an Oh Fuck moment. And after the experience you don't come back immediately. You are kind of in between still in God mode as you come out of the mystical experience. My wife was trying to figure out what was wrong with me because i was walling around like prophet. She didn't like it at all neither did my older son. But it was truly amazing and i wouldn't trade my experience for anything. And you can too. Once you break thru you can break thru again.

@Shaun your right about that its both terrifying and beautiful at the same time. But just the fact that you are saying this means your Ego is strong enough to come back after a non-dual experience. So do not get lost in that and miss out on unimaginable bliss. Bliss that will change your life forever. The Ego backlash will be severe but even if you experience it just once in your life you will never be the same. You will be Awakened.

@Jkris and you are dead on. When you have a mystical experience you will dissolve from the ego into Being and its pure bliss. But of course once AGAIN these are just words. We can't escape it as form. But you have the concept down... now go BE it!

I was born a Muslim, and for 18 years of my life I was a very devout one. The last 4 years of my life I've done much introspection on my beliefs and I type to you now as an agnostic. I am not publicly agnostic but my close friends are aware of it, and when on rare occasions we talk religion one of my friends always says something that makes me question the idea of theism altogether, he says "My parents are ignorant and they're so happy, why can't I be happy and ignorant as well?". When he says that, it makes me think of all the sleepless nights trying to accept the fact that "Allah", this being that I had built an intimate 18 year long relationship with, did not exist. And it makes me question whether the entire journey of truth (specifically in religion) is worth it at all. Should each person just follow what their culture teaches, regardless of its external validity, because that is what allows for the least suffering and the most happiness? Does ignorance = happiness? Thoughts?

@Onecirrus it gets a lot more beautiful actually. The moment of liberation is unimaginable bliss but at some point there is the facing of your own death which is terrifying and causes Ego backlash. But to understand your true nature is just beyond words and everything after that becomes pure Divinity and beauty. A deep sense of inner peace accompanies the liberation. Yes all goals can continue stronger than ever as your consciousness has shot thru the roof.

this is where a lot intellectual nitpicking can take place but they are rarely helpful for a sincere seeker. There are teachers like Nisargadatta who made distintions like abiding as the ''i am" and going beyond the "i am" into the absolute which he marked as prior to Consciousness. There are teachers like winternight who talk about the Self, but it doesn't feel like a conventional I - and yet, you are still you! You haven't become a new thing all of the sudden or your substance hasn't vanished. In fact you are now more really you than you've ever been! And on the other hand there are statements like "i am that i am", i am is all there is, Consciousness is the sole Reality etc. This also boils down to Consciousness vs Unconsciousness debate. Like, is Consciousness really the Absolute or is the Absolute prior to consciousness? Basically we can see that these people are really talking about the same thing. It just seems flat out contradictory due to how these words like i, i am, consciousness, absolute etc are defined in those particular contexts. So a seeker engaged in self inquiry doesn't have to entangle in that confusing debate. The investigation will end in seeing the rope clearly. Then it doesn't matter if you call it a rope or fooking lion lol. And I agree with you on this one. Bliss or one's own subjective realization is the only test of enlightenment. Thats why it's impossible to really know if other beings exist or not, let alone deciding if they are enlightened or not haha

@Preetom No sorry, can't agree with what you wrote. That is still one step removed from the real thing. The "I am" itself merges back into its source and effortless grace replaces it. Of course that might be the case in your experience, can't tell from text, but if you are still searching, then you still got that one last step to take. If not, then great! Enjoy the bliss.

@ajasatya @Nahm Its been some time now. Ive snapped out of those thought patterns, but know I would like to ask a couple questions. Why was it so terrifying? I was expecting it to be euphoria and bliss, but instead I got the most fearful and horrifying experience of my life. My sense of self was split into many and I was sure I heard the what was suppose to be the devil himself speak to me. He said I would regret enlightenment. He made believe enlightenment = awakening = hell, that it was a trap. And so before I could go higher I stopped myself. It was just too much. Had I not stopped it I would have gone insane. (I grew up catholic and became atheist later in life, is this some manifestation of some unconscious regret?) The existential horror was immeasurable. This experience really put me in the hole spiritually. I am afraid to meditate, and I can't sleep unless I'm drugged. Ive been meditating for years, I never would have thought this was the way my journey would end.

@Leo GuraJust thought of something else that I would like to mention to you. I thought you can't get beyond the absolute. The absolute means that "you" are God. When "you" become God, that means that you're the No-self; then you make a transformation into everythingness, and then you ride the ox back into your ego (& world) with bliss, indicating that this world is the "to love realm." You can't get beyond this. That's what I thought. Once you are back into your ego, you have to observe your surrounding circumstances. Are you in adversity? Because I noticed that ppl who report the absolute without inducing it were in an adverse time in their lives. I was. I realized this. A war was taking place outside of where I lived. I was hiding while ppl outside were being stabbed to death. In my case, it reminds me of a metaphoric saying of Jesus, "Jesus, it's nice to finally meet you. Tell me something. When I look at this map of my life, you were always walking beside me. Why is it that in the most difficult time in my life I'm all alone? I can only see my footprints on this map? You're not walking beside me anymore." Then Jesus replied, "those are not your footprints. They're mine. That's when I carried you." The last line of the Jesus quote reminds me of Riding the Ox Backwards, when "you" are carried back into your ego by "yourself" because you're still one with God while making that transformation. And Leo, I'm also wondering, since you mentioned these things in your videos... What does experiencing the absolute have anything to do with brain chemistry? What does it have to do with being more spiritually "blessed?" To me, it has to do with a lot of factors. Maybe one of them being the decisions you make in your life.

There is profound truth to this statement. Conventional 'life' as we know it is 100% ignorance and delusion. Yet the paradox is when one wakes up, it is realized there was no veiling in the first place. Such a sick joke ? be Echart tolle and wonder at the middle of the night "wait a minute. How many me are there? Am i one or many?" While listening to the distant passing train. Then sleep while being sucked into a vortex without resisting. Next morning, wake up enlightened as fuck. Seeing oneness in everything and wandering in the streets. Then spend 2 years in a park bench in bliss while occasionally people poking you about the secret of your happiness. Then write a bestseller book regarding power of now and all that good shit, make millions and spend the rest of your life in affluence while living the game of a successful guru in the satsang circuits

I've heard this before. It doesn't make sense to me. You're suggesting that I do something. Who are you speaking to? Awareness or lister? Because awareness cannot do anything. It does not follow. It is choicless and is ever present and still. So the entity that is going to follow IS the mind itself. I've heard David Godman say a similar thing, and even he doesn't seem to understand it. Secondly, the mind or world need not disappear for me to feel the bliss of freedom. As soon as I was able to discriminate between awareness and the objects I was free. The world and mind continue to be there, and the mind continues to create it's turmoil and doing. But it now knows it's in a dream and has no control over the dream (phenomenal world). So it is relaxed because it's coming to terms with its destiny.

@Lister None of that. All this occurs in the waking hours. When you are asleep, the world, the body, or mind does not exist. There is no subject nor an object for awareness to exist either. Yet you remain, wide awake, immersed in bliss. Why is it that you don't have access to that bliss now, during the waking hours? What has occurred?

@Jkris Thought “separate” of infinite emotion (Love/Truth) will continually attempt resolution 24/7. Thought can not resolve thought. All thought is relative, and can go on in circular fashion making distinctions forever, because thought’s unknown underlying true nature is infinite. All thinking is false, relative & groundless - a ‘cover story’, or veil, to actuality; because finite can not encapsulate infinite. The basis of emotion is Love / Truth. Infinitely self aware. Imposing finite onto actual will never feel whole. Thinking, observance of separate, can go on forever. You are Love, Infinite & Truth. Awareness is infinite, creating the appearance of relative / finite, in forgetting this. The deepest, or final illusion is, “breathing sustains ‘alive’”. Meditate, go to this breathing and stay there. Thought will organically purge, emotion also will purge. Infinite awareness will purge all finite thought & emotional falsity & misinterpretations. Love is always loving you. Truth is always you. Purification is always happening. This happens to completion upon ‘death’, but there is no need to wait. “Waiting” is resistance, subtle and suffrage. The collapse of alive and death is Truth. Meditation is the Way. All finite (thought) which you have “applied”, or over-laid upon Self (infinite), will be purged, and you will be purified (Truth). The best of both worlds, is no world. The best of no worlds, is this world. Meditation is the Way. Bliss is not either, but the middle.

Ego is not an intrinsic part of being human. Ego is much more like culture and language. Like culture it is transmitted to 'you' through other people. Like culture it's self perpetuating; 'you' will in turn transmit 'your' ego to others. I can imagine it starts as a baby. People point at you and hold you and give you a name - and in this way you are given a boundary, which is the beginnings of an Ego. There's a 'you' and then there's everything else - 'not you'. So your question is like asking: 'Why do so many people speak English?'. Are English speakers deluded? Probably. There are so many other languages, or you could speak no language at all and live in bliss!

@mandyjw Hi Mandy Well i have had Pure OCD my whole life..obsessive thoughts and mental compulsions. Those of us wired like this tend to get lost in too much thinking and concept. But in some crazy way (no pun intended lol) i noticed that at the time we are deeply spiritual and sensitive..and loving. When our OCD isn't giving us monkey mind on steroids we actually can be quite spiritually gifted. Its a very interesting paradox or duality if you will. That said...when i had my enlightenment experience as I've talked about a lot on this forum it was pure certainty. OCD melted away. It was pure bliss. So i would say that yeah it's in our nature to be pulled away from actuality (spirituality which includes meditation) to getting lost in concept whether for good or ill. So i think there needs to be a balance and i would encourage you to try and not lose that balance between actuality - Being with a capital B - ie formlessness and form. There needs to be a sort of unification of the two which of course requires the spiritual work. So keep on chugging Nice to talk to you as well i will check out your actualize me post on the other section as well..it looked interesting.

This is a good place to be in. The same bliss that is prevalent in dreamless sleep is present in the waking hours, only one doesn't notice it. So the question is not how to replicate this bliss, but WHY you already don't notice it? What occurs in waking that doesn't in sleep? The answer is the "I-thought" or thoughts in general. You only have to realize that you are not the "I" who you think you are. That will grant you enough clarity to recognize the bliss.

@tecladocasio On absolute Love. . . This is the type of thing that is conceptual candy for my mind. I hear a lot of spiritually advanced beings speaking of awakening / enlightenment / beingness as Love. The closet I can describe what has arisen from deeper absolute / nondual is “nothing”. The closest I can describe the experience at the human level is a sense of “ISness”. When I call it love, peace, bliss etc. my sense is that I am taking one step away from that ISness. Yet that step away feels very good to my mind-body. Regarding love. . . rather than using the term “absolute”, what resonates better with my mind-body is the term/concept of “trans-personal” love. This is an essence of love that transcends a psychological self. That description feels right to my mind-body at this time and what my mind-body is embodying. I feel a strong pull toward exploring that beingness. . . That’s just where my mind-body is at now. Who knows, maybe new insights will arise in this area as life unfolds. ?‍♂️

No it's doenst. You're not grasping what I'm saying. Let me try a different pointer. When enlightened masters like me and nahm say that everyone is enlightened or that there are no enlightened beings, we mean that everything that exists is enlightenment. All people are the enlightened mind at whatever level of mind or state or delusion they are. This means that life itself is God, the movement, the struggle itself, the delusion, the growth, going to work, striving to survive is enlightenment. Chop wood, carry water. Only this time it's basking in the background knowing that it's all perfection. Don't confuse enlightenment with a self improvement state where there are no problems or death or issues or highs or lows. That's what you are doing, you're waiting for IT to happen and be in absolute bliss. It doesn't work that way. But ironically bliss comes with the realization.

I've been giving this a lot of contemplation. This is in reference to post eniightenment in which a new duality is created. The spiritual realm, or formlessness (Being) and the form. The 2nd part of the journey, as Leo has pointed out in his Self inquiry episode as well as his most recent episode on dualities Is to achieve a permanent non-dual state by embodying both the dual and the non-dual simultaneously. In other words being fully conscious all the time in your everyday mundane life of Absolute Truth (Non-duality) and that you are God. That everything is Divine and that you are everything. Achieving this state however is easier said than done. You can be fully woke but easily fall back into your dualistic perspective as you go about your everyday life. As was the case for me recently. This takes work to fix. And it is more nuanced than that. When i first awoke the spiritual realm was Total. As that began to fade over the next few weeks i was walking around with one foot in the spiritual realm and one foot in the ego, metaphorically speaking. I was me, but everyone and everything i saw i was completely conscious that was God itself looking out and experiencing itself. And that i was in the mind of God which i created. It was pure bliss because a part of me was still in the spiritual realm..it wasn't just me consciously telling myself this as a concept. And yet i was still me. That state was IT! That state of fusion! That's where one needs to be permanently! For a combination of Ego backlash and time eventually brought this state to an end and over the past few months i have beek kind of wandering around..doing the work but not enough to get me back to this state. So this is where i am in my journey and I'm going to be doubling down on my work to get back there. I just wanted to get Leo's and anyone else who is at this stage's input on this if you can share if this is the state you are referring to. You see there has to be a fusion - not one or the other. Because with just the spiritual realm that is death itself - your ego is totally dissolved at that point. Cannot be in this state alone permanently without death. Amd when you come back your back in the ego and then you have a duality. You have to be in both simultaneously.