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@OceanJjb Hello OceanJjb, I am 48, in 5 months 49. I have divorced two times. My second marriage lasted 9 years. When I got pregnant of his child, his behavior towards me changed completely. First he was that loving husband, and suddenly he was that evil narcissistic creature. I suffered physical en mental abuse on a daily basis. My alcohol consumption took on a whole other level, and every day I was drunk. Giving my husband additional justification why I deserved to be punished. Nobody was aware of this situation, his demon came out when we were just the two of us. After 7 years of marriage I was convinced that my only way out was suicide. But then something happened that changed my perception completely. On my 39the birthday I was diagnosed with AD(H)D. From that moment on, I stopped being the victim, and 3 weeks later I joined A.A. Me being sober and now defending myself verbally, I became useless to my husband. I didn’t fear him anymore. A few months later, my husband left me, already on the hunt to cash his next prey. Now, ten years later, I enjoy the love and company of my 3 wonderful boys. I am in a loving relationship (for almost 8 years) with a man who adores me. He is 8 older than me. And I have a successful carrier. Now why am I telling you my story? Because it is a school example of how miserable life can be, if we choose not to take our responsibility for our own life and our own happiness. We all have our demons from past experiences. But it is our personal choose how we deal with them in the present. Demons feed on fear. You overcome fear with love! If you want your demons to leave you in peace, you have to love yourself, your life. Nobody else but you is in charge of your life. So, if you are not happy with your current situation, move your ass, stop existing and start living!! I am grateful that I stopped choosing the easy way. Meaning: staying in my comfort zone by means of playing the victim, and blaming all my shortcomings, drinking and mistakes on my husband. OceanJjb, I care about you. I tell you my story, because I hope to open your eyes. If I didn’t care, I would be sleeping by now. In Belgium its 01:30 in the morning. Take care!

Well you could say you should try to use limited resources because most industries destroy the earth to make what you're buying. I mean kids have been caught working in Apple factories and the pay is obviously crumbs and plus the multiple suicides made apple put suicide nets up. And you're just going to keep buying a new iPhone every year when the old ones work perfectly fine? But that will just make them more mad. What approaches have you tried?

This is basic thing to understand I believe. I don't know how to answer this question, but I think that it's a very good place to start your own enquiry, SA or whatever. By trying to dissect this question you will actually need to look at your early life and see why you do things the way you do. Basically any question can become a star with these five rules (probably we can boil them down but we can always do it later): inward - think for myself aka I am my own judge and I don't give a fuck about Eckhart Tolle/<put any guru/person you are looking up to here> because his words are not designed to help me, he just spewing his opinions and he is in no way superior to me. I don't care about what any teacher say because it's my life and CLOCK IS TICKING radical fucking honesty! the only thing I have is mine awareness no matter where I am and what I will achieve - sights, sounds, smell, taste, thoughts, emotions, feelings spirit of a warrior - I can die doing this and so the fuck what, I am going to do this anyway no matter what until I will get sense of it all question all the rules! Now having that we can do simple example: "I have an iPhone. Ok. Why do I have an iPhone? (start of SA)" Now I could easily spent a few minutes/hours in order to answer this simple question, no matter how many influences in my decision I include and describe blah. I could go on to let's say my affluenza syndrome or something like that. I believe this is not important at all and totally missing the point of SA because you don't have enough energy in order to make this process effortless so to speak! As I'm fleshing this out for myself here, I come to this conclusion - the point is to find the question/concept/topic/thought/emotion in us we actually fear of losing (attachment), which is also currently present in our lives and which is genuinely pissing us (insight) off so we will be able to achieve leverage point where we will go fight or flight and say "fuck it, if I'm bullshiting myself here I'm going to consider the following": change put myself on the line put my relationship on the line quit my job go for the whale! commit suicide (why the hell live fake life where I'm spending 20 hours on thinking about stuff and not experiencing it?/I can die any moment, why not pull the trigger? etc.) live in supermarket dumpster and fight with rats for scraps (stolen from Mckenna ;)) say to my mother/father/brother/sister/spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/friend 1/friend 2/... what I honestly think about them telling people about what I think about myself send out message to every girl/men I tried to date how I manipulated her/him - for example used abundance in order to get them and don't care here about repercussions and our "safe zone" I can always come back to go to super dark forest at night after watching horror movie while knowing that awareness is mine, universe is doing stuff for me so it can show actual hologram of a demon which will try to kill me blah anything else which will release enough energy in order to make our fearful inner child to jump of the cliff and release the teller/imagined controlled entity which believes that exists IMPORTANT - you gotta consider these things seriously. That means like you would really decided to do them without actually doing them So some can be on paper (you can write down what you would say to your friends without sending letters) and some you can actually do (going into the dark forest or saying how you were inauthentic towards someone). What actually comes out of it is out of your control because we cannot know if we can control ourselves. This is going to make it more serious. And of course I don't want anyone to commit an actual suicide! It's just stuff for grown ups. Now as you probably see writing this stuff is very useful to me! It's also a form of spiritual autolysis. I needed to think about my own life and where I can make progress and improve processes I'm implementing. That's why I found recently that being on any forums and spewing out opinions in concise manner might be very helpful. On the other hand it probably won't be helpful to you because it's my perspective and yours is completely different (see the rules)! Edited 16 minutes ago by mkieblesz I have to say by direct observation and experience thus far, by doing that self inquiry on why I did certain things and formulated certain belief structures, I could as you say, see why I defaulted to certain behavior patterns. Basically any question can become a star with these five rules (probably we can boil them down but we can always do it later): inward - think for myself aka I am my own judge and I don't give a fuck about Eckhart Tolle/<put any guru/person you are looking up to here> because his words are not designed to help me, he just spewing his opinions and he is in no way superior to me. I don't care about what any teacher say because it's my life and CLOCK IS TICKING radical fucking honesty! the only thing I have is mine awareness no matter where I am and what I will achieve - sights, sounds, smell, taste, thoughts, emotions, feelings spirit of a warrior - I can die doing this and so the fuck what, I am going to do this anyway no matter what until I will get sense of it all question all the rules! I wholly concur with you there. So I did this over the weekend. I thought I am literally creating my own sit and spin tring to create some literary genius work for external validation to attain validation for pain which in fact I then have to admit is for punishment on some level of those I feel wronged me. So writing, which was fun and healing became work. It became stress which meant not healing, which meant failure. I really had some core things going on related to being taught: ordinary = bad Average = disappointing Mistakes are punished Objectification Wanting was being selfish and selfish was bad. Anything less than perfection is bad. So I can't just write for me; I have to be Proust or I'm a bad writer. Talk about setting oneself up for failure. I still actually have to laugh when I really see how silly it all is. If I died tomorrow who cares I don't have a book published or that I wasn't Proust? It won't matter to me, but here I am like its the only solution to happiness. Therein lies the issue. Literally LIES. I used to do this type of sharing on Facebook and it was for healing and then others resonated with it. Then it became interconnected with my ex and animation, Facebook became a part of the triggers versus now a place of refuge with friends. This forum has actually helped me more in the past two days than most of the social media I've been engaged in for the past six months with the exception of one platform which just forces you to feel. That platform however is not interactive so I don't get feedback and there is not engagement so it serves a different function. Now that last thing you said? I don't get. I over personalize so I always try to put myself in the shoes of the other individual. I suspect however the flaw in my thinking is that I have also brought my compassion and empathy to the equation as assumptive which may wholly be lacking in the other individual. That's a boundary issue and not learning healthy boundaries due to early child hood sexual abuse. I do however find the views of others helpful which is why I like interactive threads like this versus just only expository journalism or poetry. I don't like to talk or write at as much as I like to interact with, thus learning becomes cooperative by sharing our experience and observations. So no, I don't see that in the rules equation but perhaps that means I am questioning the rules?LOL

Hello to all of you guys! I can provide some help to this forum and motivate myself into taking more action in my own life by doing that as well. I struggled to understand what spiritual autolysis is and couldn't wrap my head around this concept at all. I tried to do it but it was just as you guys described. As I progress my opinion will probably change but this is what I see now. Full clarity came after watching Leo Pickup Rant video. This is actually why I'm here in the first place. Yes, I was PUA with success and hopes to be successful in it as well in anything else. After I understood how inauthentic I was with my desires towards women I just bursted open. I had emotional breakdown which last to this day, though since a few days I see myself falling back to old ways with new understanding and permanent changes in my way of thinking and seeing things. This is simple conclusion I came to: you can't do spiritual autolysis without spending your discontent. Dissecting sentences to see all premises and falsify them etc. is a joke. This will never get you anywhere. You will be just spinning your wheels like meditation does for many. What's important is to find that one question, which will expose your inauthenticity in actions you are going to do/did/are doing. Basically what occupies your awareness most of the time. For me it was growth, business, dating and relationships, friends, family, travelling, masculinity, spirituality, hobbies and more and more. Now I had very specific goals for each of those and I was attaining them consistently. I'm moving forward, upward spiral etc etc and it's is all good, until this moment. Until the moment where I realize that I was bullshiting myself for the reason why I want to do those things. This is really PAINFUL. It's like spotting your spouse cheating, although I never was cheated on but can imagine. You see it very clearly. Sooooo many hours wasted watching videos, going to clubs, working on stuff to actualize, build business, calendars, The Secret Weapon, plans, scheduled dates, dreams etc. And why? <place for your spiritual autolysis > SA is a way to expose this inauthentic behavior, not only in us but in EVERYONE. Every person you look up to, including beloved gurus. You destroy them. Totally break up with them until you feel alone. Until you see reality of things - that the only thing we really have is your awareness. The only thing. No matter where you will be, no matter how many people you will meet, not matter how greatly you will self-actualize the only thing you will have is your awareness. And everything is UTTERLY POINTLESS. You do that until you will see that what you wrote seems obvious. You will notice that you are much more present and acting totally different. For me I stopped noticing differences between people and they all seemed ignorant etc. And now I see different perspective and a lot of what I wrote, even if I still agree with it, is totally over the line. Now my perspective is richer and the question becomes obsolete. Now I move on and waiting for the next pile of shit to appear and will do the same thing, the same thing on and on until I am done. I don't believe it will lead to my enlightenment but to simply happy life - Spiritual Adulthood as Mckenna say it. IMPORTANT NOTE: I believe in order to do SA properly you need to have very sophisticated intellectual framework because otherwise you won't find out what question to ask and how to make it obsolete. You need to exert so amount of energy that your life can go to ruin. You need to put yourself into situations seriously like being homeless, going to india, committing suicide etc. That type of thinking cuts through layers of delusion deeper so you can remove them faster. I also encourage to read Spiritually Incorrect where this process is more exposed (I read that few days ago). Edited 16 minutes ago by mkieblesz As a poet I have to agree. Most of the authentic work I do is just that, writing about my in-authenticity. It IS painful to be mindful, aware, flowing as one within the Universal flow and then "Whack" here's a nasty little mirror image of your intentions that are impure. "Ouch", small ego death. That said, that pain seems much easier to cope with than the avoidance of it. I have found my social media sites are like a glaring mirror for those very inauthenticities in addition to my writing. Every writer always knows you are writing to you as much as you may think you are writing to someone else so read backwards. LOL It actually hit me this weekend...why am I doing all this? Why am I building this virtual reality sit and spin life when I could be having fun, creating in my real life space. Where did I lose me? When did my inner toddler start ruling my adult? I had to examine some unpleasant truths, but now I can choose to bring those into my awareness and work to correct them. Today I was able to radically change my behavior. When I woke up at three rather than going to social media I went to Coursera and the creativity class. I wrote. I went back to sleep. Than I came here rather than going to social media. I may read a book, I may write, I may ignore social media all day today. To whom do I owe what, when and and why? I really agree it does seem to feel like a growing up process. Perhaps trauma gets us stuck in a early development cognition pattern? Any thoughts?

I believe it could be the success of an deeply rooted unhappy ego. Here's some words I've written down some time ago, for purpose of potential use at music composition. No name: "It's either you or me There will be one death Or two Which will it be. Kill yourself. Or kill the thought of killing yourself. Either way is fine Either way is fine You will cease to exist." Mental Suicide: "Commit suicide In order to survive Kill your --- self If you want to live The suicidal person you are Needs to be killed Or it will take you with it"

Hello there fellow self actualizer, I know what you're talking about, cause i've felt the same before. That's kind of a byproduct of self actualizing, from what i understand about it up to now. What you're doing with self actualization and enlightenment work etc. is basically fighting against the grain of your comfortable ego. As leo explaines in his ´homeostasis´-video, your psyche is just as well a homeostatic system as basically any other system. And shaking up this static state can sometimes be very horrifying. In his book ´Spiritual Enlightenment - The most damdest thing´Jed mckenna calls this the 'autolysis' of the ego. You're burning your ´self´to the ground, basically comitting suicide. And thats f***ing hard. What I found helpful is changing your perspective a bit, in how you look at life and your ego all together. When were saying ego, were talking about this thing that doesn't exist. So that means that anything that is coming from something that doesn't exist, basically doesn't mean anything, so CAN not have any effect on our reality... if you are commited to apply this Idea. When it comes to life itself, when I think about life, it's usually in a very simple way. Life is meaningless. And life being meaningless is also meaningless, which kind of gives the whole thing an eary but cool touch. Like Leo sais 'life is meaningless and saying life is meaningless is also meaningless, so you can basically do anything you want'... I know im beating around the bush. What im trying to say is take it easy, what is of the future is of the future. So you don't know. I imaginge being happy/fullfilled must be pretty f***ing awesome. Don't get yourself caught up with worry about what may be or what may not be. what you know, you know and what you don't know, you don't know!

My Story: I was in a relationship for 3 years that I settled on a bit too early on in my dating adventures. I ended up cheating on her about 3 or 4 times because she was not everything I wanted in a partner. We began fighting like crazy and it eventually got physical (she threw a phone at me.) I never touched her but at that point everything began to break down. We had an odd relationship. Booze often lead to us in some crazy situations. I feel I am a man who is made for two women or multiple relationships intertwined. There were time where my girlfriend and I would f*ck with one of my friends (she'd only suck d*ck) turned me on though. Maybe this was my way of making my cheating "ok" because I gave her permission to play with others. I decided to join the Navy as a means of getting out of the relationship and also a much more stable financial future. I got out of bootcamp into A school (Navy Tech School) and thought maybe I could make it work. Even though I wanted out of the relationship I still loved her and proposed like an idiot. Literally two weeks later I run into a Navy girl who also had a fiancé and we both kind of clicked. Over the course of a night we ended up skinning dipping at a beach and f*cked all through the morning. I didn’t tell my Fiance for about a week. I canceled the wedding after the invitations were out. I was an idiot. I fell hard for the new girl and she ended up cheating on me almost having a threesome with two other guys. Only ended up f*cking one of them. I was completely destroyed. I had left my fiancé to be with this girl and karma turned around hit me with a brick. I left and went to go see my ex-fiance who was f*cking destroyed and we ended up hooking up again… she didn’t look good physically or emotionally. I remember at one time I had my father in Pensacola. I picked up a random girl from a bar and brought he back to my hotel room and we had sex. Then I proceeded to drunk drive back to my A school and pick up my other partner and brought her back to the hotel. Proceeded to have sex with her. For the next 6 months I hopped between both girls destroying them both emotionally as I destroyed myself and drank heavily. I was officially scum of the earth. I ended up getting the new girl pregnant and she had an abortion. I begged to be back with my ex-fiance in a drunk phone call that I later decided was a terrible idea the following morning. I ended up getting stationed in Norfolk, VA. The “new girl” tried to commit suicide after I left A school. My cell phone died as I talked to her sobbing in my car in Virginia as she swallowed a bottle of pills. She finally got out of the Navy. My ex-fiance coasted with me a little longer us hooking up here and there but has since moved on. I still keep light contact with the other girl but she is now married. My Thoughts: What did I learn… I think I learned nothing and everything honestly. The abortion. The Suicide. The Tears. The Drama. The Uncertainty. I still feel like scum. At the same time I enjoyed the drama of it all. I have 0 intention of doing anything like that to anyone ever again. I want true profound love with a woman or women. No more surface level or extremely toxic relationships. At the same time even though my life was a living hell it was the most profound roller coaster ride of my life. Just so much pain, love, sex, drugs, and profound longing. I have never felt so important to someone’s existence as I did in those relationships. I felt powerful… I felt bad… I felt good. I felt like a psycho honestly. I have since evolved. Albeit a little. I still love the attention of women… my drinking is no longer a problem. I can choose to drink rather than have to. I think I thrive on drama. My mind goes in 10,000 directions. It is best I stay in the present moment and radiate love in all it’s forms. Moral of the story leave people better than you found them. Karma is a b*tch.

I think self love plays a huge role in forgiveness. Without self love you may not find it worthwhile to forgive. Self love is so foundational to so many things. I remember watching an interview with Brene Brown and Oprah and they were discussing how rape victims can get over a one time event , but the thing that cripples them is that they believe that they are unworthy of love. Which is Brene Brown's definition of shame, The belief that you are unworthy of love. She also contends that shame is one of the major causes of violence, suicide, drug addiction, and more. So how do we love ourselves? How do we affirm that we are worthy of love just as we are? One way that has been working for me is a Kamal Ravikant style of affirmation. Where you just affirm over and over again "I love myself" for as long as you possibly can. It helps to put your hands on your chest when you do this. And I have to say that it actually works. I'm still a beginner to this practice, but the love flows and if feels really really good. But trust me when I say that I have much work to do in the area of forgiveness and self love All the best, - Colin

"These tiny enclosures, these boundaries and fences, have troubled man too much. In three thousand years, five thousand wars have been fought. In the past when they fought wars with bows and arrows it was okay, there was not much harm done; if a few people died there was no problem. But now war is total war. Now, it is the suicide of all of mankind. Now, the whole place can become a Hiroshima - any day, at any moment.. Consider the horror of such a war and think of how much energy is going into it. This same energy could fill the entire earth with greenery, could fill it with prosperity. For the first time man could dance absorbed in bliss, could sing songs of ecstasy, could follow the quest of meditation. But this will not happen. Your so-called patriots, these nationalists.." ~OSHO I don't think people's nationality matters to me more than their haircut. What does matter is if they're dogmatic in regard to any subject: religion, race, philosophy to the point of manifesting it to me by agression, placing judgement and trying to make me act against my will. Like some meme says: Belief is like penis - It's perfectly fine to have one and it's fine to be proud of it, but please don't whip it out in public and start waving it around. Waving might be not that harmful, but if I make a drawing and say it's a Mahomet or let's say the flag of my country - I may suffer physically, because in some person's perception I profaned sacred/national symbol of the virtue he/she sees in it. All these symbols are protected against criticism and making fun of one is judged by big part of the society as immoral, etc. That is double standard.

I believe actual suicide does kind of co relate. in terms of Eckhart tolle. The ego couldn't take it so it killed the mind form by himself. Where other most people who actually do suicide..... wants to protect their mind form.... so they kill the real body instead in order to protect the mind form (thoughts). the most scariest thing is... thoughts are left. Suicide is actually, I think, is the success of the ego.

While I completely see the validity of your sharing Leo, my new point of view in life is a bit different. I have practically lived in a Psy Hospital (Godmother was a Psychiatrist and took me with her all the time). I have seen people with depression all my life, starting with my ex husband who committed suicide, and with me actually ending up with a deeply traumatic depression that put me in (sometimes under) my bed for 8 moths... What scared the S*@T out of me is that I saw, both in my own practice and in my godmothers - people coming to us for years and years and years... I did not want to live my life like that! I think that at any level one is, if they had someone helping them to interrogate. to probe, to inquire, to really dig deep into 1. who is this "I" having the depression (is meant to alleviate the pressure of this happening to ME me me me me me.. who is this me? ) 2. what it actually feels like in their body as opposed to what they are thinking... (get the person in touch with their own trauma stored in their physical body and help them live it with no judgement ( words, labels, concepts, etc) Anyway... this is how I got myself out of it

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Discussing torrenting, warez, or cracks SPAM, including but not limited to: affiliate links, mass marketing, clandestine promotion, SEO, promotional PM Harvesting member contact information Links to pornography, graphic violence, religious/political propaganda, etc. Hacking the forum Viruses or malware of any kind Recruiting members for chat-groups outside of this forum, including Skype, Discord, chatrooms, etc. Starting new spiritual communities, private groups, or cults Mass messaging or abuse of the PM system PMing members with pitches or promotions or recruiting PMing members to share copyrighted material or do "group buys" of self-help products Duplicate-posting: posting the same thread in multiple locations Posting AI-generate content like text, images, or video without disclosing that it was sourced from AI Posting Deepfakes without disclosure Verbal abuse Verbally abusing moderators or administrators Threatening or blackmailing other members, moderators, or administrators Hijacking threads Hijacking the community, mass manipulation of the community, sabotaging the community, leeching off the community Excessive or repetitive creating of new threads or replies Hate speech: racism, sexism, homophobic slurs, threats, harassment, or excessive profanity Ganging up on other members, starting factions that splinter the community Sharing private logins to Actualized.org products or services with other users Reproducing or posting content from Actualized.org paid products Calling members names like: stupid, idiot, moron, asshole, retard, etc. Trash-talking, trolling, chronic criticism, blaming, and finger-pointing Political activism (this is NOT a political forum) Religious activism or dogmatic promotion of any religious belief system Threads about which religion is the best Debates about whether enlightenment is real. (If you doubt enlightenment this forum isn't for you.) Conspiracy theories (like Illuminati, Reptilians, 9/11 inside job, Flat Earth, Jews running the world, pedophilia rumors, etc) Spreading rumors and gossip Asking how to source drugs, psychedelics, or prescription pharmaceuticals Attempts to undermine or damage Actualized.org, staff, or employees Excessive thread bumping ALL-CAPS messages Impersonating Moderators, Administrators, Leo, or Actualized.org staff Threads about Actualized.org billing issues, refund request, bugs, or technical support. (Contact tech support for that.) Using images of Leo or the Actualized.org logo for your profile picture Offensive, grotesque, dirty, or sexual profile images or usernames Posting personal information such as address, phone number, or email Doxxing What IS Allowed: All standard forum functions Expressing strong opinions in a thoughtful, non-hateful, non-violent manner Moderate use of profanity. But do not direct profanity at members, staff, or people in an inflammatory way. Discussion of psychedelics for spiritual development (no sourcing questions) Linking to useful resources for non-commercial purposes Relevant, non-spammy signature links. (2 sig links max) Embedding acceptable videos and images Contacting forum members through PM - - - - - - - - - - Limitations: You can only edit a post for 48 hours! This is to prevent abuse. So post with care. Usernames cannot be changed. Your account has a file upload limit to save server disk space. So don't upload unnecessary files. There is a limit to how often you can use the search function, to save server resources. - - - - - - - - - - Be careful with posting sensitive or personal information. It will be visible publicly and you may not be able to edit it or remove it after 48 hours. How Warning Points Work: Users are issued warning points by Moderators for violations and infractions of the above rules. A minor violation typically incurs 1 to 5 warning points. Warning points accumulate on your account and never expire. If your account reaches 20 warning points total, you are automatically banned by the system. You will never be able to access this forum again, so please mind what you post. Try not to take warning points personally. Just correct your behavior. - - - - - - - - - - Participation in the Actualized.org Forum constitutes agreement to the following guidelines, which apply to posts, profile information, avatars, signatures, any other content on this site and participation in general. This includes private messages, which we have the ability to read, but only do so rarely to prevent gross exploitation and hijacking of this community. Because of the live nature of the discussions on this community, it is not possible for us to review and/or confirm the accuracy or validity of a message before it is posted. The views expressed in this community do not necessarily reflect those of Leo Gura, Actualized.org, or any other member of the Actualized.org staff. If you believe that someone has violated our User Guidelines please report the violation to a Moderator with a link to the content and a brief description of what you believe is wrong. If a user violates our guidelines and shows a disregard for the staff or the community, they run the risk of losing their account. We reserve the right to deactivate any account and to edit or remove any content without warning. These guidelines are subject to change at any time without notice. By posting on the Actualized.org Forum, you agree that neither Actualized.org nor it's employees make any guarantees to protect or safeguard your content or data. You understand that your content may be moderated, edited, moved, or entirely deleted at any time at the discretion of Actualized.org staff and the moderation team. Please help us keep this community on-point and productive. Welcome to the Actualized.org Forum, and enjoy! -Leo