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The real problems started when I got awakened to how much I was suffering after attending a meditation course. Haha. That’s when all this deep deep suffering began. Since then I’ve been clawing my way out slowly, and not without a massive fight. And I’m still not strong enough. Funnily enough, some of my most massive sufferings of late have been contrasted by huge feelings of bliss and happiness. Like, the work I’m doing is working, I’m catching glimpses of the light, but I’m still deep deep in the cave. I will look into the books you mention, I like the idea of running with my own kind of wolves, if I think I know what that means...follow my own path?

@Alex bliss you will get more clear the more you’re honest with yourself. Don’t underestimate how powerful being honest with yourself is. No one can give you an answer man. Only you can know you. Only you can know when it is you truly do KNOW. It will be apparent. It’ll only be intellectual so long as you’re hiding at that surface level place. Develop concentration and mindfulness, inquire for you - not the question, be honest with yourself about everything that comes up, and surrender. If it helps though... notice that wherever you put your attention, there’s a very subtle sensation/thought that there is one that is experiencing. Put your attention on that and wonder.

@Alex bliss

@Alex bliss i'm sure he'd be sad... or actually, very angry! but he will surely stop you or run away

The first insight I got at the doctor's stone foundation was that I was afraid. It was a pretty obvious insight, I was in the middle of the woods, I didn't know who or what was around or what I would find. But the significance of it the the benefits that could be on the other side of that fear really shone through. I quit drinking coffee and saw how it fueled my anxiety. The second was that, I was still afraid, but this time it presented in the way of feeling like I was unworthy to be there, trespassing on someone's property. I was exactly where I was supposed to be. I knew from the feeling of the insights that they were important. If I went back too soon for another, I wouldn't receive it. If I returned when I felt really drawn to go back, I would. The third insight was from a literal tree. It was an ash tree that was one tree until it had grown into two trees at about height of my chest. The trees were really damaged there and were splitting apart. It was a little windy and the tree actively made splitting sounds as I looked at it. Then I understand that nonduality also included duality. I've seen the same illustration from others before with the tree. I had been unconscious of how much I moralized spirituality and denied my own desires. In order to control my anger, which is the reason I found Leo's videos in the first place, I had also tried to kill the fiery passion I've always had. I had demonized and let a part of myself die. My mind had taken the present moment and made it into an ideal and a thought. The shadow work intensified and I lost the sense of doership. Revelations came in the middle of the night and strange connections were made between things. The best thing I can compare it to if you've ever read Harry Potter, it's like the conclusion of those books when this complicated interwoven story with at the time, seemingly insignificant clues from earlier in the book comes together and all makes sense in the end. It was like that with my entire life. Reality is stranger than fiction. Sometimes thinking back on my life, particularly turning points and times of major conflict, or events like how my parents met, I've thought about how it's too strange to be real. The shadow work showed me that my hunch had been right. Lots and lots of pieces came together. I realized that in a way I had always been awake. The things my kids and husband said to me were channeled and had deeper meaning. Everything fell together in a creepy magical nonduality. All this time I was just managing to hold me life together, dropping off and picking up my kids. If anyone asked why I had been crying (there was tons and tons of tears) I told them it was because my dog was dying, which was true. The dying dog was interwoven into the story. I hadn't asked for the dog, I took him as a favor for my best friend. He had always been a creepy dog, nothing like the purebreds I bought as puppies. Sometimes he would just stare and stare at me and sometimes I had the thought that he was possessed or had been human in a past life. I realized then, that he was more than just a dog. When things started getting intense he literally stared at me all day long. After the awakening, he got so sick I decided that week to have him put to sleep. I had to hire an excavator for some plumbing work, and I had the man dig a grave for me under an old apple tree. The very next morning he passed away on his own. There was a lot of shadow work dealing with the repression of my Christian upbringing. I realized that I was figuratively a whore all along regardless of how pure I had been and I realized the significance of Mary Magdalene being a whore. Verses I had always understood were understood on an even deeper level. Matthew 5:27-28 27 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. I had the insights of how psychedelics are themselves a trope, a thought, an element of the story and my reasons for judging them so harshly were gone. It couldn't really be possible to take something external when everything is you. How I had benefited from other's use of psychedelics! My bizarre experience of sort of tapping into Leo's "Enlightenment Experience Happening In Real Time" live video and having been in a near bliss state for hours after made sense. Months before this I had really started disagreeing with Leo's videos. A little part of me felt guilty coming to his forum and using his website when I so disagreed with his approach. I basically came to the forum to try to help set people straight because I was concerned that he was deluding people and I was concerned that people were ruining their lives with psychedelics. Whenever I saw his picture on the homepage I was disgusted. I finally understood how incredibly valuable and integral his work had been for me, how the forum had been. I had given Eckhart Tolle all the credit, but never fully appreciated Leo. I made the connection between Leo and the symbol of a lion. My shadow work started getting religious. I fully understood what the Devil was. He was truly part of me, part of my psyche, part of oneness. Leo had made me intellectually understand and accept this fact, but you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. I was Voldemort, I was the White Witch in The Chronicles of Narnia, the books that made me start believing in Jesus as a lion, as a kid and helped me reconcile Christianity and my deep love of nature. There's something associated with me, an area code that is 666. As a Christian I was always horribly embarrassed about this. Now I understood how fitting and how funny it had been. Jesus came back into my life. If my own life and memories were just a story what was Jesus? I understood communion, "you must eat the body of Christ." The hamburger I had for lunch became a "holy cow" and the body of Christ. Nonduality and oneness gave this a whole new meaning. Other smaller revelations and synchronicity fell into place. Then, on my 666th post, I was awake. My third eye had opened to synchronicity and insight before the awakening. Now my heart chakra was open. It felt completely light, like it had lost its physical substance. In my sleep I felt weightless. I started manically posting on the forum, professing my love for everyone. I was literally high on life. My vision changed, literally. It was like a scene in a movie when everything is enchantingly bathed in light, that's how I saw. The picture on Leo's homepage changed and I saw the honest love in his eyes. I could scroll Facebook and love and see the beauty in every single face I saw as if it were my child's. I went to the beach where you can find fossils if you spend a lot of time looking. I would have the insight to turn a rock over and it would be covered in fossils. As a normally extremely shy person, I lost all shyness and inhibition in conversation and I became magnetic and always had the right thing to say to strangers. My balance became perfect, and I could walk across any surface without tripping as long as I was focused. I had to drive somewhere in slippery dangerous snow and spent the entire drive in a bliss state knowing that I could never die. My mind had been blown open. It felt like there was space between my eyes that didn't exist. If I looked at a tree or my baby niece I would feel the space expand or tingle. I understood hidden meanings in symbols and signs. Things people said to me often felt channeled. I realized the importance of my dreams and how dreams had shaped my entire life, including dictating who I fell in love with. Devilry set in. Everything I had been repressing for so long was coming through. I had been very tight with money for years, and I bought myself a new wardrobe, books, tarot cards, anything I wanted without a second thought. My conversations with men online weren't considerate to my husband or appropriate. I had been repressing my femininity ashamed of all the girly things I'd always loved, letting society make me think they were silly or insignificant. At the same time repressing my own feminine power. I was very confused between believing that everyone was already enlightened and just had been waiting for me to catch up to them and feeling like "the chosen one." My American patriotism I'd had as a child hit me full force and I realized that I had repressed gratitude for my country in an attempt to be politically correct. Other insights came from this. After the devilry played out, I had a religious revival. I did not want to live a life of devilry and didn't know what else to do. I was scared of myself. I realized that people like Charles Manson had also been awake. So I said "Jesus take the wheel." Like with my lack of appreciation for Leo, I had not fully appreciated how far Christianity had taken me on my spiritual path. I even started praying again. Then I discovered Ramji and his understanding of levels of enlightenment. This explained so much, it explained the stages I went through, the devilry I fell into, and it fully explained my religious revival. "if you meet Buddha on the road, kill him." It's very easy to misinterpret realizations and how they should be embodied after the fact. As the effects of the awakening died down I started meditating and found that it grounded me. I continued to return to the place where the doctor's house had been and I dug deeply into his history. His house had burned down when my Grammie was 20. He died a few months before she was born. She died days after I found the remains of his house, a month before the awakening. Visiting her had always made me incredibly sleepy. I always thought that it was because she was boring but it was uncanny how strong the effect was. Her parents were buried two lots away from his grave, not one had ever told me that they buried in that cemetery. I found a piece of glass that had been part of the highest window in his house and made it into a tear shaped necklace. To this day I find little signs there and I enter states and places where everything is channeled and fits into place of a greater story. Over the months I made many connections between his history and symbolism. I met a woman at the place by the river and she had a very old pug dog that my daughter played with. A week or so later someone donated a photo album to the historical society and it had lots of pictures of the doctor's pug. There are several old apple trees on his property and just about every old abandoned place I go around town. Years ago when I first moved here, there was an active graffiti artist around. On a telephone pole they painted the word forever and right before the telephone pole was an apple tree that had been broken off by a storm. That summer the apple tree flowered and bore apples as if nothing had ever happened to it with the word "forever" in the background. In the winter before I discovered the remains of the doctor's house, a small fox ran across my path while I was running right by there. I discovered fox holes in the woods by the cemetery later. This summer I went up the steps to the platform and on the other side feet from me was the fox. We both ran away from each other. Later, when I went back I found the remains of a white rabbit, a huge pile of fur and just one foot. The white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland comes to mind. There have been too many signs and strange connections like this to mention, strange apple trees, mushrooms, trees with eyes. Time in nature has become like a psychedelic trip for me. If I get the inclination to go somewhere, I do. I looked a lot into the history of witchcraft and the use of poisonous plants including nightshade as a hallucinogens. The nightshade plant that the crows planted on the doctor's grave was purely symbolic. To me psychedelics and poison are a trope, a symbol, a pointer. Death without physical death. The color red became very symbolic and kept coming up again and again and again since the awakening. The story "The Scarlet Ibis" that I had loved from highschool came to mind. I read it again, understanding the allegory and symbolism and in the end was stunned that Doodle's body is found under a red nightshade bush. Elements of stories that I grew up with like the poison apple in Snow White, living in the forest, falling asleep and being woken up, all came alive in my own life. Everything is channeled. There are pointers everywhere. Just examine what you really love and have always loved or have feared. Write down your deepest desires and fears. Dig up childhood memories, dreams that you haven't forgotten. Write your own story. Hone your intuition and sensitivity. That's how you enter the rabbit hole. It's all up to you, how far do you want to go? We have free will, we ate from the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil and were kicked out of paradise. It's not just a story. We were split between male and female, God and the Devil, good and bad, past and future. We gained the ability to intellectually understand, remember and plan. We gained the ability to tell stories. Instead of living life with the heart we lived split between the heart and the mind. By opening the heart, you open your mind. Open your eyes and ears and understanding to the love that makes up this phenomenon of us. We are all born with unique gifts. Some are born with hearts open and some with sharp minds. Enlightenment is about combining the potential and duality of the two. The power of love was always fully awake and alive but I didn't have wisdom and I didn't know how to control or channel it for good. I read Proverbs as a kid and ever since I always prayed to God for wisdom. Passion and wisdom are the perfect match made in heaven. But one without the other creates a sort of hell. We live and write a story that never ends. There's no rising above the drama, only seeing it in a different light. It's not personal, it's not OUR story, it's OUR story. The show must go on. Embrace it, enjoy it, become it, savor it. It's beautiful, delicious and a tiny bit poisonous. Take the apple.

Thank you everyone. ~40 mg did the trick, got mind fuxked. It was short and pure bliss about 30 mins. all can say, this is way better than sex!

@Commodent Your personal intelligence is meaningless when you can have a relationship with god aka infinite intelligence, infinite love, infinite truth, infinite bliss. If you take some uneducated man with a totally average intelligence, who through only love deepens their relationship to god so far that they realize themselves to be one permanently that person is basically omniscient and yet you may mistake him as simple because their is no need for them to be otherwise, a thousand years of effort and your personal intelligence would still be dust by comparison. But being intelligent is fine just turn it towards god and away from division from others. The path of knowledge is nearly impossible isolated, some element of devotion or love is almost always needed or intelligence tends to get lost in itself. Set your intelligence upon realizing love and the path will be much sweeter. But you dont have to give up or lessen the value of intelligence or knowledge

@Alex bliss Same here.

@Alex bliss for Alex, no. For YOU, yes.

@Alex bliss Isn't that a desire per se?

You underestimate how manipulative megalomania narcissists can be. It’s not that people are just so stupid they blindly fall into it. They fall into it because cults play off of human needs, desires, and base level human psychology. They use techniques that work in such a way that people get bought into. There’s a reason cults happen so much in spiritual circles. What is that reason? Everyone wants to stop suffering! Become a god! Save the world! Develop superhuman powers! You know how inviting that is to people whom are suffering and lack a sense of direction? Then you throw in a really charismatic guy who knows very well how to appeal to you, seem 100% genuine, empathize with you, talk about bliss, unconditional love, etc. Right there you’d be caught by the short and curlies. Everybody wants those things!

@Meditationdude If I don't work, I will put my energy in learning Photoshop or something other creative thing. I like to learn new skills. But that is the next problem, I like a lot of creative things, but if I see it as a job it doesn't feel creative anymore. It feels like I need to adjust to a certain degree to our society. @ivory Thank you for your recommendation I did this. I have followed my bliss. But every job has a part which is less enjoyable. And that part you can't escape. There is no way I could fall in love with that. Uhh... I don't know about this, I have a very creative job. I really enjoy this part of my job. How can one work to hard? Isn't life to be enjoyed in contemplating, walking, meditating, connections in stead of work? I only work part-time because I don't really see the point of 'all of us in the world' working so hard for no reason. Yes, great point. Working on it, but this takes years of work. I can't rush this process. Is it? Really? I know I need to work for basic survival (you need to shower to be clean enough for no infections). But all the excess? Why the hell should we all want to work 40+ hours a week? @mandyjw I will, thank you! Thanks to all of you, for taking the time to respond to my post. I really appreciate it!

@Alex bliss You will never know.We have a solipstic mind. Can you ever feel if a psychopath suffers or not ever feels guilty or fear shame guilt or moral remorse ? All we know from their statements is that they derive sadistic sense of pleasure of others suffering.They are addicted to that craving of sadistic pleasure.They don't feel guilt remorse.Its a thrill.Not sure if they even have fear of death or punishments. It's just the same question of why evil exist and why it's not punished annihilated then and there. It is again pointing to the same - purpose of creation. Just accept the fact that we cannot have answers to all our infinite questions about Infinity. Good people can suffer too miserably with disease,accidents,poor inspite of all their good deeds. Bad people can live long rich powerful with name and fame inspite of their evil deeds. We don't know why ? All we know is It is God's play-Game.We don't have any control over external events. It is the very same God's manifestation acting as psychopath. Blind,dumb,deaf,physically challenged,mentally challenged,drug addicts.Many more. Children die of disease many die due to malnutrition.Violence,murder,attrocities,cheating,theft,corruption. By awakening people to Reality Truth Enlightened saints try to help people transform the mind to make the world a better place. So we all have very great responsibility on our shoulders.Lets awaken,Actualize and serve the humanity and all living beings to what ever extent possible ???

In order to understand what I was talking about quietly and not identifying with your own thoughts, I did some research and extracted for you information about an important technique for meditation iand transcending the mind afterward .In my opinion, following the consistent practice of this technique, during of my spiritual journey, practically, we cannot say that we are really meditating.After reaching an advanced degree in the practice of this technique, we can plunge into the infinite field of consciousness through meditation , and from this point the implementation of the question "Who am I" will show its true strength, revealing the answer. “. When the mind is silent and peaceful it becomes very powerful. It can become a receptor of bliss and wisdom enabling life to become a spontaneous flow and expression of joy and harmony. However…this inner silence cannot arise while there is a continual stream of disturbing thoughts and emotions. All this inner noise of thoughts and emotions has to be removed before one can truly experience the soundless sound of inner silence. — Swami Satyananda Saraswati. “ The name of this technique is Antar Maouna. or simply Maouna. This is definition: Antar mauna is a Sanskrit term that means “inner silence.” It refers to a yogic meditation technique that involves transforming and controlling thought processes through self-awareness and mindfulness. By internalizing the senses through this form of meditation, the yogi observes the inner and underlying structure of the mind and thought processes. The first three stages of antar mauna meditation should be mastered before the yogi attempts the more advanced fourth, fifth and sixth stages. For most people, the first three stages provide plenty to work with, and in order to obtain the full benefits, a considerable amount of time should be spent practising and perfecting them before attempting to move into the more advanced stages, which will only be touched upon in brief here. By the sixth stage, the yogi reaches a state of dharana (concentration, which is the fifth of the eight limbs of yoga) or even dhyana (deep meditation, which is the seventh limb). The six stages of antar mauna are: 1-Becoming aware of external sensory perceptions. 2-Gaining awareness of spontaneous thoughts. 3-Creating and disposing of thoughts. 4-Refined awareness and disposal of spontaneous thoughts. 5-Creating a state in which there are no thoughts. 6-Acute awareness of the yogi's chosen personal psychic symbol. Stage 1: Awareness of external sensory perceptions Stage 1 of antar mouna is concerned with the sensory perceptions of external stimuli. The awareness is consciously directed to focus on the sense of taste, then to witness any smells nearby, to observe the sensations of touch, body against floor, clothes or air against skin, then to move the awareness to all the different available sounds within the vicinity, without analyzing or naming them, simply witnessing the quality of the sounds. We are told this is a pratyahara technique, so externalizing our awareness may seem like a paradox at first. Why do we do this? Because if we try to internalize our awareness directly, what happens? Instantly the monkey mind jumps outside and becomes distracted by the outside sounds, or smells and the sense of touch etc. So first, there has to be a full extension of awareness to all the sensory inputs. We have to know what they are and how they affect us, or how we react to them. Three factors are involved: (i) the external object of perception (smell, taste, sound, sight and touch); (ii) the external organs of perception (the jnanendriyas: skin, nose, ears, eyes and tongue), and (iii) the internal perceiver – the witness awareness – which knows it is observing; “I know I am listening to the outside sounds and I know that I know” is the form this awareness can take.A by product of stage 1 is that it raises the awareness of all the sensory perceptions, allowing the sense of hearing to become like a radar for example, picking up the most subtle sounds as well the obvious gross ones, enabling us to become more aware in daily life of our surroundings. However, the actual purpose of this stage is to reduce the influence of the outside impressions on our perception. It is a case of familiarity breeding contempt. The conscious and intentional perception of the outside world automatically leads to disinterest. The mind becomes bored having checked out all the possible distractions and thus ceases to be either interested or disturbed by its environment. We develop the capacity to remain centred, detached, completely undisturbed and unaffected by anything going on around us. Therefore, stage 1 induces the first level of pratyahara, i.e. dissociation of the senses from the outside world, which prepares us to go inside for the second stage. Stage 2: Awareness of the spontaneous thought process In stage 2 of antar mouna we leave the outside world and turn inside to work with the mind. We sit in a relaxed manner and start to observe the mind 'screen' in front of the closed eyes. The aim is to view and exhaust the samskaras, the negative thoughts, experiences, phobias, old memories, emotions and fears, i.e. the useless debris, which arise from inside the subconscious mind. Regular practice of this stage cleans the mind of old dross and prevents the accumulation of more rubbish. Stage 2 has three requirements: The first is to allow the mind total freedom to think anything it wants, without any restriction. Letting all thoughts bubble up spontaneously to the surface, being aware of any corresponding emotions or feelings, especially fear, panic, greed, lust, guilt, hatred or anger. There should be no control, judgement or criticism of any thoughts – they may be about work, home, food, sex, friends, enemies, likes, dislikes; trivial or lofty, sublimely beautiful or violently murderous. Some may be connected, others will be random. Sometimes there may be a torrent of thoughts, at other times there may be just a trickle. No matter, what is important is the second requirement which is that we maintain absolutely vigilant awareness of the spontaneous thought process. Aiming constantly to develop our capacity to witness, just as though we were watching a TV or a video screen, like an uninvolved observer or spectator watching a stream of images, thoughts and events with detachment. During the practice of stage 2, we will start to observe the different tendencies of the mind. Seeing how we suppress. When we do, we can be certain that the thought or impression will come up again with even greater force at a later time (this can be likened to pushing a rubber toy under water). Witnessing how we hold onto other thoughts, discovering how easily we can lose ourselves within our own mental process, observing that perhaps we have some repetitive thought patterns. The mind can be extremely tricky. It loves a good painful movie, for example, and may tend to replay a particular traumatic 'video' over and over, knowing it will get a good emotional reaction each time. By observing the play of the mind with the attitude of a witness, these thoughts start to lose their emotional force and even the most painful experiences can gradually be eradicated. After some time with this stage, by giving the mind this freedom to spontaneously express, the torrent of babble starts to thin out a bit. The mind starts to become a little quieter. This should not however be confused with either silence, or sleep which often occurs, especially with beginners. A tendency to sleep when practising antar mouna is a classic form of the mind suppressing something it doesn't want to confront. It is as if the mind recognizes that something different is happening, that you are taking control by asking the question: “What am I thinking now?” and all of a sudden the mind goes quiet. There are no thoughts at all! Do not be fooled into thinking this is enlightenment, rather it is just another form of subtle suppression. Just wait patiently for a short while, imagine you are looking at an empty road and soon enough the mental chatter will continue again! The third requirement is courage, openness and honesty, for deep, hidden and suppressed parts of our personality will be revealed to us with antar mouna. This may be some beautiful, loving part of ourselves that has been dormant, or perhaps some ugly dark side that has equally been hidden. We learn to understand the nature of our mind and its multifarious activities, to befriend it and to become aware of and observe our emotional reactions to the different thoughts. This process enables us to accept ourselves fully, not as we'd like to be, but as we really are. Stage 3: Creation and disposal of thoughts In stage 3 of antar mouna we consciously create and dispose of thoughts at will. It is the opposite to stage two. Here spontaneous thoughts are not allowed. Rather a particular theme or thought is chosen at will, then reflected upon for a while, generating as many connected thoughts as possible related only to that theme. Looking at the issue from all angles, pondering on it, if another person is involved, considering things from their point of view and so on. After a few minutes, this theme or thought is then thrown quickly out of the mind, like a film director giving the order to 'Cut' when a scene is finished, and another theme is chosen. This can be repeated several times, choosing a different issue each time. The practitioner is requested to choose confronting, difficult, negative issues and themes, rather than inconsequential thoughts which will tend to be a waste of time. In stage 3 it is really possible to work at a psychotherapeutic level. Although stage 2 helps to release mental tensions by allowing them to erupt without inhibition, many of these subconscious thoughts are deeply embedded in normally inaccessible regions of the mind, firmly fixed and rooted through habitual suppression, and therefore do not necessarily arise spontaneously. In stage 3 the posed thoughts stir up a train of associated thoughts. These consciously created thoughts incite and attract deeper thoughts and memories. The analogy is that of fishing. The mind is baited with a thought. The bait is put into the water (the subconscious mind) and attracts other fish (deeply embedded sub and unconscious thoughts or impressions) which are caught, brought up and then released. This releases psychoneural knots and blocks. As these memories and thoughts are confronted, they lose their force and emotional weight, which leads to greater understanding of oneself, clarity and powerful inner healing. Stages 4, 5 and 6 Stages 4, 5 and 6 are at a much more advanced level, and it will be a waste of time to attempt them if the first three stages have not been practised extensively first. Stage 4, awareness and disposal of spontaneous thoughts, is a refinement of previous stages. By this time much negativity and many disturbing thoughts will have been cleared. The mind is calmer by this stage. The thoughts will be of a different quality, arising from a deeper or more subtle space. A new dimension of one's being can be indicated or revealed here, the psychic level. One should not become attached to what arises. Detachment is required in order not to become distracted. When one is heading inwards, into uncharted territory, the witness must be strong. Gradually the mind becomes more refined and lucid. In stage 5, the aim is to create a state of thoughtlessness. No thoughts, the mind has to become blank whilst alertness or awareness is still maintained. It is like a mental vacuum, but it is not sleep. It is shoonya. This stage leads to actual antar mouna and should arise almost spontaneously as a result of having practised and perfected the previous stages. Suppression takes place here sometimes, but the thoughts have become almost insignificant. When stage 5 is easy, then one is instructed to move on to stage 6, otherwise the mind can become lost in laya, unconsciousness or sleep. Stage 6 is awareness of the psychic symbol. Here constant awareness of the chosen psychic symbol is required, in order not to be side-tracked by other psychic scenery. At this stage one can slide towards the state of dharana and even dhyana. Benefits of antar mouna Antar mouna is a powerful psychiatric tool with which we learn to understand and befriend the mind, its tendencies and reactions that arise due to thoughts. It enables us to train the mind, to focus the monkey mind on one point which many of us have trouble with. Most importantly, we can learn to develop and strengthen the drashta or the witness, the observer of all that happens. This allows deep-rooted tensions, long forgotten painful memories, fears, hatreds and phobias to arise in a relatively controlled manner and to be eradicated. The practice provides a basis for clearing all the mental dross and rubbish – it is a form of mental shankhaprakshalana. Antar mouna is designed specifically to eradicate mental noise and to induce a state of peace, tranquillity, one-pointedness and calmness in the mind. We can even consider antar mouna as a tool to move from darkness or a contracted state of awareness into the light of an expanding awareness. We can transform our negativity in this way. From that stage of ignorance or negativity we can eventually come to a meditative point, a neutral position of no action, no engagement, just being. This leads to automatically to steadiness and calmness of mind, in contrast to our usual oscillating state of mind, or vikshipta. Practice in daily life Antar mouna should not be considered as a passive sitting practice only. Stages 1 and 2 are active practices that one can aim to incorporate into every situation in daily life. Antar mouna is one of the most helpful tools around to learn about yourself, your hidden sides, your mind and to see how you are reacting to life's situations, in a clear and honest manner. Practise stage 1 when you next enter a crowded, noisy room or railway station, as you eat your food, when you shower, as you are getting dressed. Practise stage 2 daily, often, in any situation by repeatedly reflecting on the question “What am I thinking now? What is happening in my mental or emotional sphere?” Becoming aware of what is taking place, without identifying with it. Remind yourself, “I am not these thoughts, I am not these emotions, I am the observer”. In this way the witnessing process starts to become an automatic occurrence which shows you who you are, what you are doing here, where you are going, how to fulfil your potential and develop true peace of mind. Now after you read this one carefully , be so honest with you see for yourself what level you reach.This way you will see where you need to practice more and what you are going for, or why not maybe you pass through all the stages and feel ready to really meditate and transcend the mind.

@Alex bliss Their own cravings for violence and sadistic practices are already strong forms of suffering.

A while ago me and 3 other very open minded friends of mine all did 200ug of acid (not that the dosage really matters). The setting was the four of us sitting in a circle by golf course lake, the idea was a picnic sort of vibe. And my set (mindset) was one of “ive got nothing to lose and I’m just gonna let go and let the flow take me”. During the come up it felt as though my emotions were completely based on the position and body language of my friends. At one point I was feeling bliss, and then, I looked to one of them and he was looking very worried and sad. And somehow it felt as if that emotion was suddenly “transfered” to me and our emotions swapped. I was now sad and he was full of smiles. As the trip become more intense, there came a point at which it seemed as though.... my own feelings (and the visuals that correlated in my head) were being expressed through my friends mouths as words. I would feel it...and they would describe it in words, but they seemed to be in trance. An example of this phenomenon was: I began to think of some bad/dark thoughts, which was coupled with a feeling of inner heat. There is no way my friends could have had access to these thoughts, however the very next thing that they all verbalised was the fact the they were feeling a sudden sense of heat. “I feel really hot all of a sudden”. To summarise... I was feeling...and they were describing with their words my “own” emotions( they’re in what seemed like a trance state). after this had stopped, it felt as if I was God, and anyone that tried to talk to me was doing so in an attempt to lead me to my death. Any suggestion they made of what to do next, felt like they were trying to deceive me, like I was being set up.

I'm going to incarnate the most irresistible Leo Queen to Blast open his Heart and show him the TRUTH Too late, i sent the seed Leo, Not everyone craves sex, the higher you are on a vibrational scale, the more satisfied by just being in your own bliss you become. In a more Enlightened state(so to speak), even breathing satisfies the hell out of you. I remember i completely lost all craving for physical needs at one point which lasted several months. I was in awe, in bliss, in joy and in love 24/7. Do some psychedelics with a girl, see if sex interests you. You will notice things like sex and similar frequency activities only start to arise when you are coming back down. At the peak, you are fully satisfied with just your own beingness. Listen to Osho, he explained these things best.

@Sahil Pandit Thank you for the signiture line. I clicked on it. http://www.musicforeverysoul.com/listofpositivehighervibrationswords.html These are good messages. Abundance Ability Acceleration Acceptance Acclaim Achievement Accolades Affirming Amazement Ambition in Balance Appreciation Ascendency Ascension Assistance Attunement Authenticity Awareness Beauty Beneficence Benevolence Betterment Blessings Bliss Bounty Calmness Caring Celebration Certainty Cheerfulness Choice Cleanliness Comfort Concern Confidence Congratulations Constructiveness Consciousness Consideration Constancy Contribution Cooperation Cosmic Quantum Salve Courage Courtesy Creativity Decency Decisiveness Delight Desirable Desire Determination Ease Ecstasy Efficiency Elegance Encouragement Endearment Endeavor Endorsement Endurance Energized Energy Enhancement Enjoyment Enlightenment Enlivenment Enough Enraptured Enrichment Enterprising Enthusiasm Equality Esteem Ethics Exaltation Excellence Expertise Exulting Faith Fame Fellowship Financial Freedom Forgiveness Friendliness Fulfillment Fun Generosity Genuineness Gentleness Gifts Giving Glorious Goodness Grace Gratefulness Gratitude Guidance Happiness Harmony Health Heaven Helpfulness Honesty Hope Hospitality Impeccability Improvement Increase Incredible Ingenuity Innocence Inspiration Intelligence Involvement Integrity Intelligence Joy Jubilant Justice Kind-Heartedness Kindness Laughter Lavishness Learned Liberation Life Light Light-Heartedness Liking Listening Love of God Love of Life Love of Men Love of Women Loyalty Luck Lucrative Luminous Luxuriant Luxury Magnificence Majesty Manifesting Marvelous Mastery Mediation Mercy Merit Miracles Motivation Money New Nirvana Notable Noticeable Nourished Nurtured Open-Minded Openness Opportunity Optimism Order Originality Outgoing Outstanding Paradise Pardon Passion Patience Peace Perseverance Perspective Pleasurable Plenty Poise Polite Possibilities Potentials Praise Preciousness Productivity Proficiency Progress Promotion Prosperity Punctuality Purification Purpose Quantum Source-Light Love in All Its Forms Quietness Radiance Rapture Readiness Reassurance Receiving Receptivity Refreshment Relaxation Release Relief Remarkable Responsibility Respect of Self Respect from Self Respect for Others Respect from Others Restful Restoration Results Reverence Reward Rewarding Rich Richness Sacredness Safe Satisfaction Self-Assertive Self-Awareness Self-Control Self-Confidence Self-Empowerment Self-Esteem Self-Love Self-Respect Self-Forgiveness Self-Preservation Simplicity Sincerity Smart Sobriety Soul-Salve Special Spectacular Strength Success Supportiveness Sympathy Succinct Sufficient Tact Thanks Thorough Thoughtfulness Thrive Timeliness Tolerance Tranquility Transcendence Triumphant Trust Truthfulness Trustworthiness Ultimate Freedom Unconditional Love Understanding Unfettered Unflagging Upbeat Upgraded Uplifted Upstanding Usefulness Validated Valuable Valued Versatile Vibrant Virtuous Vitality Vivacious Warmth Welcome Well Wellbeing Wholeness Wholesome Will Willing Win Winner Wisdom Wonder Wonderful Wonderment Worth Worthiness Worthwhile Wow Yea! Yes Youthfulness Zeal Zestc Manning-Kogler, Michelle (2012-11-12). Quantum Soul Clearing: Healing the Scars Life Leaves on the Soul (pp. 104-105). BalboaPress. Kindle Edition.

@Alex bliss I read it somewhere and I could also recognize in one of his answers that he was already highly advanced before he met his guru. So he was very advanced and he met a genuine guru who knew exactly what Nisargadatta had to hear. That's a great recipe for awakening. So try not to compare yourself with him and, as Nisargadatta would say, 'earnestness' will get you there too.

@Alex bliss Because there isn’t one, because there is One. @Ibn Sina ?

He's talking about seeking pleasure before enlightenment. Not living in bliss after enlightenment. It's possible, though, to be at bliss without having to suffer. Suffering is optional. I don't agree at all that the ultimate way to live is by sitting still in meditation, at least not until many more thousands of years of delusion.

@Alex bliss Magic Mushroom - codaikanal tamilnadu Cannabis - I guess anywhere. But both wont remove the i or me even temporarily if not permanantly - i guess so whats the point ?

@Alex bliss because god is still something.

@karkaore yes everything perfectly contradicts itself and ends back at zero. Between nothing and everything is. Or take the middle path. When I say "nothing really matters", what I mean is there is no one way to live your life or goal to reach unless you give yourself that goal. Existence is the good and the bad stirred into one. The value of life = The value you give it. If everything matters gives you absolute love and Bliss you are home. The best way I can explain enlightenment on an emotional level is, it's the end of resistance and suffering.

@Alex bliss ...And that One forgot itself on the ‘way in’, rather, forgetting is itself the way “in”, the very means to there being something to be in.