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@Alex bliss Zodiac signs often give a decent generalization of potential personality traits. I ask most ppl I talk to their zodiac sign, for fun. My sign is the communicator of all the zodiac signs. I got in trouble for talking soooo much in grammar school, its not even funny. Ok, kinda funny. Now I can control it, mostly, but if I set my mind to it, I can essentially have a conversation with the most socially inept communicator known to man.

I’ve been realizing that I have spent my entire self-help “career” taking on others’ teachings blindly. My parents have always kinda been into this sort of stuff and I just took it on without thinking twice about it. Im at a sort of cross roads now, actually. Realizing this recently, I’m second guessing if I even want to be doing this work, as I’m suffering so much and I’m tired of not fitting in and everything is just horrible. I guess in a way I feel I’ve seen too much, and now there’s no going back. But I’ve been having inkings that maybe I do want to give up, and live a normal life, no more of this seeking. Ignorance is bliss, I guess.

I think this is a great question. It's something I've contemplated a lot myself. It reminds me of my first two Ayahuasca ceremonies. . . During the first ceremony, the whole story of "me" was deconstructed. At first, it was odd and a bit uncomfortable. Yet then I noticed that the deconstruction/transcendence of me was kinda cool. I was one with everyone at the ceremony. I was one with the music. I felt such deep love. I was fully in the moment. I walked outside and the mountains in the moonlight was so mystical and beautiful. I thought "How have I missed such beauty my entire life?". At the end of the ceremony, we all sat around eating fruit together. It was so beautiful, fulfilling and blissful. . . Two days later, the second ceremony was much different. As my story got deconstructed, there were lessons that appeared. Lessons about how my personality was created. For example, how hyper self-criticism during my life conditioned a subconscious insecurity complex. And how this subconscious insecurity affected my subconscious interactions with other people. This was uncomfortable to look at. I wanted to go back to the fulfilling, blissful realm of the first ceremony. I tried to steer things away from the insecurity to bliss, yet didn't have control. Then anxiety appeared. Overall, they were uncomfortable lessons to look at, yet they revealed insight into my subconscious programming. What had been subconscious was now conscious. One reason it was subconscious was that I didn't want to look at it. . . This expanded consciousness/awareness allowed the letting go of the underlying psychological dynamic. This allowed for a greater sense of liberation and wellness.

@Fede83 In coming to realize the relationship of courage in asking questions, & self discovery, and given where this here life is, your question tapped into right where I’m at, and precisely what I’m doing from here on out. The response is long, comes off as self indulgent, but is written only for you. I really appreciate the question as I learned a lot and gained more clarity in the answer. Thank you very much. First I forgot who I was. That’s basically where all the trouble started. Deluded psychology & depression ensued, therapists & pills didn’t help. Gained 70 or so pounds, ate terribly, lost sex drive. Got a lot more depressed, hopeless. Meditation however, worked. I found some relief and clarity, so I did it everyday, at least once. I didn’t know about the path, awakening, enlightenment, etc. The content, or big picture & details, and spelling-it-out, wasn’t as available as it is now. Also, I started playing guitar around 15. Classical & different genres of pop / rock. In hindsight, this developed relaxation, concentration, focus & feeling. Working hard, efficient, honest & smart felt good, and bettered my quality of life, so I did a lot of that. I excelled and created opportunities of every job. I liked making things more efficient, more fun, & easier for everyone, and I liked putting how everyone feels, first. In hindsight, that was more significant than I noticed. It was from meditation, from slowing the mind down, that I saw through the lens of the importance of attitude. It felt empowering. I started exercising. That felt amazing. Because I felt amazing, I wanted to feel more amazing, so I changed my diet entirely. I realized a level of energy I’d never experienced before. I started singing along with playing guitar, and I absolutely loved it. In hindsight, writing songs developed expression. Singing at venues developed confidence. Because of the meditation, attitude, work ethic, energy, and the having fun, I left a salary job, and opened a business. I had learned a lot, and also, at the same time I had no idea what I was doing really, but I just happily did it anyways. Meditation revealed the secret of now. When I thought of too big of a slice of life, instead of getting overwhelmed, I’d realize it’s just this one moment in front of me, never more. Meditation revealed the nature of overthinking. Because I was not overthinking, and had some intuition going, and everyone else was overthinking, things got easier & effortless. I realized meditation is naturally a leadership quality practice, so I did it more. I worked even harder, trained a team, had maximum fun, and replaced myself. Then I opened another business, and in short, did the same thing. In meditation, I let go of a lot, had little thought chatter, and became open minded. Because I was open minded, I heard and started listing to Abraham Hicks, Wayne Dyer, and similar things on YouTube. That opened the mind up more. I felt good, from meditation, working hard, having fun, and being present now. I started reading about science, psychology, etc, and researching religions and quantum mechanics. I wanted to know about reality. I had no idea at all there was a Truth. One day I sat down to meditate like any morning, and the instant I sat, oneness was viscerally realized. I was a blissed out fool for a week or two. It was wonderful, and also shocking, as ’no one knew this’. I couldn’t fathom how I knew this, and everyone else in the world apparently did not. Everything was the same, and yet everything had changed, and I didn’t understand any of it. I loved it and felt amazing though. Then I found actualizing.org, and found that Leo, and other people that did know this. I started realizing I didn’t know anything, like not a damn thing about anything. After ample arguing and trying to be right, I started getting clued in about ego, conditioning, duality, psychedelics & spirituality. Took tiny doses of shrooms with friends, laugh a ton, and also started seeing this oneness in reality, more so than just feeling / knowing it within. I started taking solo retreats in nature; inspecting my beliefs and identity, playing guitar & singing, meditating, walking, and tripping. Took progressively higher does over the course of about two years. Never had a ‘bad trip’, learned a ton every time. Loa, QM’s, spirituality, and things I more deeply wanted career and life wise became clearer and all started to gel together, and reveal more of reality. By this point I was married and had three kids. This also gelled perfectly with the path, as kids are perfect mirrors. They do what you do. Difficult to stomach, and makes for speedy awareness of minutia in behavior, attitude & the repercussions / creation from/of the smallest actions. There’s no more hiding or getting away with anything. You learn or they eat your life alive. You love patiently & create space for them, or you pay for counseling and meet with parents, teachers, principals & psychologists about it. The deeper importance of intention, and awareness of vibration surfaced in marriage. It was revealed to me that most of what’s happening, happens at the vibrational level, and perception is of the outcome. Much more self awareness arose, in naturally balancing all these facets of learning & life, together. At this point my life was chalked full of everything I love, and it did start to dawn on me the power of consciousness, creating, choosing, and feeling. Still meditating everyday. More solo retreats, more practicing, higher does trips, more realizations, working harder & smarter, putting people first more and more across the board, and then the breakthrough to infinity. Total game changer. Nothing could prepare anyone for infinity. At this point, in hindsight, oneness was actually (experientially, relatively speaking) more of a shocking sudden and permanent no mind / knowing of unity. Infinity is an inexplicable complete and total unbelievable unthinkable incommunicable mindfuck. My brain was literally re-wired, which felt very different but fine, kind of a warm activity / electricity feeling, and as old thoughts and thought patterns arose, they met with the new wiring, and were ‘converted’, or ‘refilled’ by truth. That, and uncontrollable laughter, in a total state of absolute disbelief & mind blow 24/7 lasted a couple months. Then in the middle of one day walking through my house, suffering & misery swirled in my head, like all of the false thoughts I ever had were being pulled by a magnet, in a circular spinning pattern, and like a toilet flushing, swirled into the very center of my brain. I was aware of it and felt it, and it was more disgusting and sickening then anything else, and nothing has every felt quite like that. It swirled done smaller and smaller until it just like ‘popped’ and vanished. I was very aware that I would never be able to see things again, in the manor which had led to depression etc, and I just sat in a chair for a few days as it sank in. Somehow it was crystal clear there would be no experiencing misery again, and that meant I would not be able to feel the vibration of someone else who was. I would only be able to relate by logical deduction, and not actually relating. Take that as you will, it’s nuts but it’s accurate. Still meditating every day. So now there’s no perception of actual separation anymore, no fear, no self doubt, and everything is perfect and makes perfect sense, and every thing is imperfect and make no logical sense, and together that actually makes sense, as there is no separation. Reality, self, revealed as pure magic being. All of that, which started with depression, & sitting down and meditating, had culminated into not being able to ‘physically hold’, or have the capacity for, infinite love. This was actually (joyfully & hilariously) kind of an issue for a couple years. Crying once or twice a day, purification cleaning house, sometimes blissful & beautiful, sometimes gut wrenching / barfing it out style crying, followed by deep & insightful life / self realizations. Sensitivity mentally, emotionally, and physiologically was incredibly heightened. Conscience is more like an exposed nerve of love. Little things I said or did that never would have bothered me at all, would haunt me for days. It took a while to understand and acclimate to this. Meditation changed entirely. There was no letting go of thoughts anymore, but moving awareness through my body, and raising what I can only refer to as new tiers of feeling. “Experience” like it was, was gone. Inconsistent reality is ‘normal’, or rather there never was a normal as reality was always love / self & magical. All kinds of delightful things that aren’t explainable began to transpire, and I was now fully aware that I created myself, and “reality” of myself. Not as this guy obviously, but as who we really are. The nature of being, the absolute & relative, the human condition, etc, all known, which is to say nothing is known. As far as “balance between spiritual and self actualization”, there’s just the ineffable-ness. Neither is describing anything anymore. All songs made anew, and music, playing & singing are only for the experience of it. Intuition is a primary sense, like vision. Took reiki classes, mystical experiences in the “ordinary” state became “normal”. Met some great likeminded people and learned a ton from ‘hands on’ direct experience. Learned more clearly how we do create our own reality, and how beliefs are the most important underlying factor. This made sense of how people can have such different and otherwise unexplainable direct experience with food, diet, medicines, ailments & healing, “luck”, immunizations, etc, etc. Also developed more understanding of how big the full circle is, in terms of ego & oneness, and reachability vs lost in sneakery (denial, deflection, projection, etc) Still meditating everyday. Started seeing “God’s plan”, and understanding how there can be a “plan”, which yet is unconditional spontaneous & without thought, inclusive of all thought. The common connotation of the word plan doesn’t work. Realized collective consciousness by seeing it directly outside of ‘reality’, the “how” this living of lives is orchestrated, and how co-creation ‘works’. Lost thinking / thoughts, to no mind & insights. That ‘led’ to cosmic consciousness, seeing the entirety of the one off dreams, and how thinking & feeling works in terms of creation, in unison with the universe, white & black holes, superposition, entanglement, etc, etc. Realized why almost everyone “tunes out” right here, and stopped mentioning it. Realized a simple dry erase board is a holon and is much more than it appears to the senses, and is not separate form intention, belief, emotion and the actual creation of reality. All of this realization goes hand in hand with new levels of the emotional scale, and of feeling in the body. When I first started, I did not feel inside of my body. I didn’t know that was possible / actual. Now there is a “cellular level” feeling / awareness / consciousness that is like a field of refined bliss. It feels like a relationship feels in a big way and is hard to describe. Realized this, when “amped up”, effects people and circumstances within “my” field of perception beyond communication with words, and that it is “powered by” love and purity of desire, intention, and an overall alignment and fundamental acceptance of / with the actuality of Being. The ‘relationship’, or ‘it is the way it is because that is the only way it can be because infinity is conscious’, or finite is like this, infinity / Being is like this, was realized also and will probably make for a fun book one day. Been “channeling” a book, learning different models of living & reality from different teachers within the ether / self, developing the most ideal effective model of path progression I can, for one to implement. Started having awakening enlightenment conversations with people in person and through skype, centering around creating the life one actually authentically wants, involving the ‘extracting’ and developing of unique source-given gifts and desires, and the true power of love. Of course things with my family, friends etc have never been better. The depth and richness of love is ever present like drowning & floating in bliss, well being & a sort of perpetual never ending awakening. Though at the same time, I am only interested in well being & awakenings. I realize no one is awakening, and everyone is awakening, and just love being a part of it as nothing. By well being I mean physical & mental health, and self love. By awakening I mean inspecting & freeing yourself of limiting beliefs, leaving the matrix of conditioning & overthinking, connecting with source through intuition & true intention, enjoying the deeper richer authentic magical feelings available, having & achieving everything you dream up for this life, and self realizing in a timely & appropriate manor along the way. I see clearly the most fundamental issues at play are the misunderstanding / collective belief that consciousness arises from matter, and the collective lack of distinction between behaviors & actions, and the being each one actually is. Still doing meditation every morning. Attention on breathing, letting every thought pass. Nothing more. When it’s difficult, it’s because the nature of reality is purification. That is, source is unconditional, so any beliefs (conditions) held are naturally going to float right out of the body the more one relaxes, breathes, & let concerns go. Realized the elusiveness of anti-gravity at play here, in terms of the relationship between letting thinking go, and thinking about it. Mind blowing synchronicity, awe & wonder are the actuality of self / reality. Realized the critical difference between a ‘caring or not caring’ paradigm, and knowing each person is so powerful, that no one else can do any of this for them, or convince another to change a belief / and therefore their actual reality. Realized this arena / realm is what I’ll be doing “work / income” & “survival-wise” for the rest of this life. Realized the “defilements” and “samsaras” are one’s truest character / deeply intention based, thus difficult to surrender (ego finishing dying so to speak), yet fundamentally are relative the same as food choices are relative to how one feels, one’s vibrational proximity with / as, absolute / source, the full surrender of relativity. A short term - long term thinking, feeling, living, that stretches well beyond life & death, thought, perception & sensation. For example, when sitting and doing nothing feels better than sex, sex is no longer a ‘reach up’ to feel better. Paradoxically, sex then enters a whole new place that I think a whole book could be written about. Probably has already. The more belief / identity one surrenders, the more selfish & selfless collapses in terms of true intention & motives for the character and other charectors, and the more alignment is realized / empowered in creating reality. Sex, just as one example, reaches heights beyond the deepest trips, but then again, sex isn’t actually sex at all. Realized I’ve never actually experienced this concept of “done”, nor will ever. Experience is itself infinite intelligence, which is love unconditional. Infinite can never be “done”, experience can never be “done”, purification can never be “done”. God only only loves and in intrinsically being unconditional, wants everything you want, and never judges the wanting. All you need to do is be well practiced in meditation, so you don’t use thought stories as a means of stressing yourself out, and repressing the feelings, which source is cleaning out for you right now. Still meditating everyday. “Spirituality & self actualization” have coalesced transcending feeling, and transcending transcending. Nothing is not transcendable, and as such creation is unidirectional. I wrote the intention on my dream board to die into a dream of giving everything I have ‘learned and become’ to anyone interested in the path and in Truth. “I” channeled the following, and spoke it to the holon... “Universe, I am most thankful for this opportunity to express my desires. I am sincerely appreciative for the breath which gives me life, and for the thoughts which allow me to understand, to prefer, and to choose. I understand I am a chooser of things, as an extension of All That Is. I feel great joy in serving as a creator & expresser of these unique preferences. I understand my preferences have never been expressed before, and I am excited to create this most rare & exclusive dream together. I acknowledge you are the “how” of all things, the selfless giving miracle of life. I acknowledge the creation of me, for this purpose, to be here where I am now, to be who I am today, now, precisely as you have made me to be. I understand the gift, that no more, and no less, is needed. I acknowledge your mastery of creation, I am humbled by your presence in all things. I acknowledge I am not separate from you, and that my true power as a creator, is in aligning with you, within me, and in knowing you as my sensational guidance, my will, my conscience keep you in my heart & mind. I am thankful for this ever-present guidance, and I will do my absolute best. Truly, above all, my deepest desire is to know you through myself, and for you to express your divinity through me. I welcome & embrace all that you are, as all that I am. I find great relief in the not-knowing-of, in the discovery of, your means and your unconditional way. I have no complaints about the “how” of things coming, and I have no complaints of what comes. I acknowledge the power of my appreciation, and my truest power in trusting & abiding in your guidance. I know the joy within me as you, as our connection; our unification. I know there is no place on my path which you are not bring the earth to my feet. I feel you always, I am never without you, and I recognize that I am fallible by gift of your adornment, and in turn I set down my burdens that you purifiy me again and again. I understand I will learn a great many things about myself as the reality of my wanting unfolds. I understand I am humbled and reborn in the knowing and acceptance of my essential place in your grand design. I understand we are inseparable, in this magical co-creating, in this infinite unending & forever incomplete expansion of absolute love. I acknowledge, in your everlasting & infinitely unlimited nature, in your intrinsic potentiality to create anything - that you have created me in creating a self. I accept my infinite nature in kind, and appreciate that my work is never done. Above all else in my journey, I cherish and remain most mindful & appreciative of this gift, of this moment as it is, now, and of the infinite potential of togetherness. I ask for nothing more, than this small part of the eternal unfolding of love”. This was met by an energy I can’t explain, other than to say energy was always love, The Self. This was the second time I lost my mind for a few days. And there was no suffering this time. Almost immediately, yet again divine synchronicity played to a new tune, a new level, new impossibility. I received a text that day, from the Reiki Master I learned from a year or two ago. She asked if I wanted to meet for lunch and talk. Of course I did. I knew, and felt amazing. We had lunch, then she showed me her newly purchased, newly remodeled facility. I’d guess it’s around six thousand square feet, in the most quant and peaceful downtown area, just outside the most beautiful park on the water. There are now around ten to fifteen people working there with her, doing everything healing, massage, reiki, multiple yoga studios and degrees of classes, physical therapy, meditation coaching, etc, and many other healing modalities and classes. She said the place was reaching the vision she was given of it, a well being megaplex really, and wanted me to work there, as she didn’t have and wanted, someone for enlightenment coaching. So today, depression, meditation, and letting go has led me to a job I dreamed up, of “doing”, “nothing”. Things are transitioning patiently, and I’ll be there full time starting in January, doing skype calls, and in person one on one meetings, as well as evening group q&a’s settings she mentioned.

@Flowerfaeiry You need to find a way to do this work so that it feels organic and at least somewhat enjoyable to do. Don't turn this into a chore. The point of seeking truth is because you genuinely care about it. Don't forget that living "ordinary life" is horrible in itself. Going back into ignorance is not going to be the bliss you imagine.

Trauma, experience; event unfolds, that I am; not stories I’ve told. I must be that - this surely is this, I weave that hat; ‘right’ of the bliss. Never once more, never such pain, unbreakable vow; again and again. World full of fools, heads in the clouds, lucky, unscathed; fortunate clowns. Yet that feeling - it won’t seem to let go, this here will numb it, this much I know! That feeling is gone; safe - it is best, fall into line; sleep like the rest. Why do you hurt me, why persist? Notions of grandeur, of slitting of wrists. I can not take it, that feeling is wrong! Drowning as birds, choking on song. I’ll build my castle, no entry you’ll see, send every monster, witch, demon, & being. None shall enter, none penetrate, and I will be happy; and I will be great. Built ever sturdy, concrete and bricks, high above mountains, my heaven exists. King of my kingdom, I need not a one, nothing can touch me; thus - I have won. Yet, ever so sweetly, a breeze between trees, whispers profusely, my love and my dreams. Wind of a stranger, yet one that is known, my castle it crumbles, like sand it is blown. Again is this feeling, I can not escape! It’s power my healing; it’s strength is my gate. Within every meaning; it’s kindness my fate, ever revealing; this love was my hate.

When the ego bound me is all alone that is loneliness. When the infinite I am all alone that is pure Bliss.

@MusicalPotato Assuming that I am infinite everything and nothing, I should be able to identify with what I choose or with nothing. If I won't identify with let's say love or bliss or well being or peace or rest as nothing, then why would I identify as loneliness or despair or powerlessness. Is it easier to identify as lonely than as whole, complete love? Am I pure love that knows no loneliness or am I bound to seek love? What other is loneliness than a desire for more love Why must I seek love instead of being it? What keeps me from being it?

There are times when power flows through you strongly. They are judged by the mind as either intense joy, bliss states or intense pain, depression or anger. The mind perpetuates the state but if you can surrender right there (literally feels like you're going to die and you will watch the mind come up with all kinds of objections), take a belly breath, go into the body and feel the energy as just that, energy, something amazing happens. It's a kind of alchemy. Suffering is an opportunity, but it's always a missed opportunity because as soon as you take it it's not suffering anymore.

I use this as well, since I don't really have any mobility to do the half lotus. I have a question: can different people have their chakras in different locations ? In most of the books and videos about chakra locations they depict the solar plexus chakra as being in the level of the navel but I feel that mine is way above the navel, as in for the sacral I still can't locate it cause i keep trying to feel at the base of my spine but I feel nothing there. Also do any of you know of any practices that will improve mental pranayama (enjoying the bliss of feeling into each chakra), it's the part of kriya that I used to enjoy the most when I first started but now it doesn't feel like it used to, as in I can't reallyyy feel into the chakras anymore

Ignorance is bliss

@Harikrishnan the way i see it. There are degrees of realization... To him. His was such a total annihilation that initially he did not take care of his body and it was rotting as he sat in bliss. The larger dream always unfolds on it's own... He had let go totally, not even Caring about what happens or not. So his cancer was just what happened... He maybe could have gotten treatment for it as the primary concern and it would have been likely healed fully. Anyhow, one can be Enlightened and still care how their haircut looks and one can also not care about their haircut.

If you want the answers to the universe you must first silence the mind. Meditation is very important and one of the most used words among spiritual and conscious communities for a reason. This will also help you be more present during experiences in life so the more present and "in the moment" you are the more you will feel, experience, enjoy things because when you are busy in mind, you miss out on the beauty, the bliss, the orgasm of life itself. Affirmations help but you have to really believe, feel, embody them to make them work properly and with a busy mind it won't be easy.

This is a sign of growth, a paradigm shift. It means you really felt deeply these existential insights and of course your ego is going to battle against these things. These raw emotional energies being released is you processing what you know and beginning to integrate it. Beyond the fear of difficult experiences like these is bliss and the next chapter of your life beginning to unfold.

@ShaunDuring some awakenings - for me - there was a window after awakening or a non-dual state in which i lingered between perspectives. Between your Egos perspective and the universal or God's perspective. I drifted between a non-dual state and duality for a few days because consciousness was elevated through the roof. It did feel like i was going insane for a while. I had to really work to focus on something of form because i would still be between states and defaulting to a formless or non-dual state. (Which was complete bliss) So for me there was a window or period of time like this. Also following days of total bliss there was some depression. The ego has died and was reborn so to speak so there is some backlash. Mysticism is serious business. But i will say that it completely passes. At least for me. Consciousness returns to a human level after a time. That time may be different for everyone. I wouldn't trade being awake for anything. Some people may not experience these things at all i can only speak from direct experience.

I attended an Ayahuasca ceremony last weekend, which was my second time drinking Ayahuasca tea. It was a religious ceremony so there was some chanting and question/answers periods, but I was so totally absorbed in my trip that I wasn’t able to pay attention to any of those. This trip was a TOTAL MIND FUCK. I was so mind-fucked I do not even know where to begin, or how to put anything in words. I remember during the peak of the trip, I kept repeating in my head: what was seen cannot be unseen, and ignorance is bliss. I had a bad trip last April during which I was sent to the hospital. In that trip, I was not sure whether I was alive or not. I felt that I was everyone and anyone at the same time. It took me months to overcome that bad trip. The reason that I am mentioning that is because as I began to feel the effect of the tea, it connected right with the last trip. The two trips merged and became one. It made so much sense how it connected and how this is the obvious path down the road. I felt stuck in this loop, the loop of trying to pursue the truth. I was then hit with the feeling that EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE. I cannot even tell you what made sense exactly, but I just kept repeating of course, of course.. But of course… of course I drank the tea to experience this, of course I had the bad trip, of course! I understood everything, EVERYTHING. Or so it felt. I understood what Leo has been saying all along. I understood every awakened trip reports I have read. I felt the circular nature of life. I realized that I HAVE NEVER lived. The realizing felt SO REAL, so convincing and life as I knew felt like a joke. I thought of my boyfriend and my parents and how they did not really exist. There really is only me. I saw it SO CLEAR that I can only repeat: but why, what ? Why? How? Ok but why? I wished I did not know. I wished that I did not take that tea. I also felt clairvoyant. I knew I wouldn’t believe what I experienced once I "come back" and I would be posting on the forum and asking questions but the answers seemed so obvious to me at the moment. And I knew there was NO WAY to explain this to anyone. That’s what I have been doing all my life, and that’s what ill keep doing, and that’s what everyone will keep doing, one way or another : pursue the truth. Once I was "convinced" that It has been me all along and all will merge with truth eventually, I saw life as no point. I felt that there was no point in doing anything at all. Nothing matters in this game called life, it literally , truthfully did not matter. Theres no point in asking any questions because I have all the answers in that moment, no point in judging, no point in hating or helping. The comedown was surprisingly smooth. However, I had this intense burn/hot/warm/energetic sensation in the perineum that was slightly uncomfortable. As expected, as the trip subsided, my life felt more real than that "experience". I only remember how convincing those realizations were, but they did not stick, and I am already doubting if that was just a dream. I did not feel being one with the universe or awakened. I think I was mindfucked more than anything. My main questionning is: how do I know if those realizations are absolute truth (as they undoubtingly were during the trip) or another belief/idea? Because it seems like they are highly influenced by what I have been fed such as "this is all imaginary" or "life is a loop" or "I never lived".. How come they felt SO REAL , and now I can barely remember it? any other pointers for me ? Thank you all for your help.

So I've been meditating very consistently for the past two months and a half. An hour every single day, mostly alternating between focusing on my breath and "Do Nothing". Some really strange things have started to happen, and although I think they're good, it's kind of confusing. These are the changes I've been noticing: No sex drive whatsoever: I used to be addicted to fapping, all I would think about was sex. I used to masturbate around twice a day on average. Since at least the past month and a half, I have had no sexual cravings whatsoever, I don't feel motivated at all to pursue sex, and the times I have masturbated (like 3 times in the past 50 days) have been merely to "remember" how it felt, and it felt kind of forced to do it when I didn't feel like it... I know it sounds really weird. I've started noticing how messed up the people whose attention and validation I so much craved before really are. I used to be so invested into going out, hanging out with "cool people", meeting girls and hooking up, etc. Now I see how screwed up and unhappy many of those people are behind the shining facade of superficial happiness. I still care about my appearance and how other people perceive me, but my concern for this has decreased very noticeably. This point relates to unhappiness more broadly. I have come to look at the world through this very bleak outlook. Noticing how unsatisfied and miserable people are in every facet of life. Disconnected from their jobs and what they do, unable to sustain even unconscious relationships, living paycheck to paycheck, needing someone to "complete them", being carried away by advertisements, meaningless fads, and trivial trends like a leaf in the wind, having corporations dictate their interests (e.g. "OMG did you look at the new Iphone?!" "Did you watch the new movie that came out? It was awesome!") etc... Feeling at times so inspired by life that tears are almost dripping down my face, and also, at other times, hopeless at the utter meaningless of existence. As arrogant as this may sound, I say it with complete honesty- I've just started noticing how low the lowest common denominator really is. How mediocre the average person is, how much failure is the norm. And deep inside myself, I've noticed a fear of becoming this way, and a growing negative motivation to work hard to not end up divorced, overweight, with an alienating job, etc. Feeling very lonely, like no one really gets me or shares my vision for life. Things that haven't changed My Neuroticism has pretty much remained the same. Although I have episodes of satisfying emotional stillness and bliss more frequently, I am still pretty anxious and stressed a lot of the time, and I still get triggered by pretty much the same things. I haven't lost ambition in the least. It just seems to be that the objects towards which I channel my ambition have changed. I contemplate with more frequency the impact I want to have on the world, unprecedented and extended discipline in fitness and nutrition, contemplation on my life purpose, etc. So my question is, are these things normal? Are these feelings and shifts of attitudes a sign that Im on the right path, or mere delusions and rationalizations?

@Maximus Sounds like kundalini arousal. Bliss states come and go, it’s best not to be attached to them. Some people are determined (meaning, you can’t avoid it) to experience the darkness at certain points in their journey. This is completely normal, don’t be afraid of it. However, the light will return when you continue to meditate and seek higher truths. When it does, you realize it had been there all along, you just couldn’t detect it.

This is what I am going through at the moment. But fuck what they think, they like to indulge in the shallower aspects of life. They don't care about depth, they care about fitting in and surviving. That is perfectly fine. Each to their own. You do you, enjoy what you do, let the passion of life flow through you. Follow your bliss, my passions are spirituality and wildlife medicine, I have other hobbies but generally, my focus' are limited. I have this as a grounding and in generall it allows me to connect with people more. Every person has a unique story to tell, be interested in what they have to say. You don't have to dismay other perspectives because yours is so different. Also, surround yourself by people who have similar values, this means you don't feel like the odd one out. Sometimes you can feel very isolated when you only interact with people as stage orange or below in spiral dynamics. Find people who are at your level and above so you have some ideal to work towards and that can guide you. Maybe get a new girlfriend/friends

When I merge with reality it feels SO fucking weird. To literally not be a human. The confusion was what worried me at the start, always trying to make sense of things, work it out, understand it. I'm only now starting to see with authentic seeing, that I am what witnesses confusion and clarity. I am that which witnesses the mind and thoughts. It's such a bizarre sensation, it feels like I get pulled out of my body and warped into what I'm looking at. I become Everything. For the first time ever today I felt my suffering release for about an hour and I entered into bliss it was after I heard a girl singing beautifully. Then i felt like all floaty and stuff and heard the word "awaken" in my mind. So coooooooooollllll haha

So, I woke up with INTENSE energy in my brain and restlessness - racing thoughts Ran, took a nap and almost fainted in my dream and then woke up in complete access concentration. Yet when I took a walk and everything was HD I was contemplating what is God or what is Truth and I get nowhere. Also, I get kind of attached to the bliss of no thinking and dont want to do thinking contemplation. Is there a way to reach absolute by just no thought and not doing self-inquiry? It takes away the peace and feels like I am just thinking more Now that I crashed from the peace, great suffering came and I just don't know how to discover that PERMAMENT joy in between the two states of joy and depression. Help, please

@Mo Grand If ignorance is bliss then to each his own.

@Michael Paul I didn't read your thread last night as I was too distressed, but I read it just now and it gave some perspective. I followed the link you gave to lovebliss.eu/kundalini and what I read there makes me think the energy was absorbed at a blockage at the 3rd knot at the base of the skull. While the energy was very intense, I didn't feel orgasmic bliss, more like a trance-like disorientation similar to a fainting feeling but with a metaphysical flavor to it. My heart has really begun to open this year, so the kundalini seems to have had little trouble passing up through the heart towards the brain. When this happened, I was holding on for dear life. You asked if I feel kundalini awakening symptoms in the head now and the answer is no. At worst, there is a slight dull pressure left over at the base of my skull/highest vertebra and a slight ringing in my ears (maybe just tinitus, but the ringing became very intense during the 2 waves of my experience last night.) I'll take my foot off the gas completely for a while to integrate the experience and find stability again. Thanks so much for reaching out, I'll send you a DM if something serious happens regarding all this. @khalifa Hey man, thanks for your kind words and describing your experience. You're right, I'm going to do my best to not worry. No matter what happens, it helps to know that "This too shall pass." Just like you suggested, I decided to spend time over the next few days grounding myself by connecting to the people and things that I love and that make me feel like who I am. Good luck on your path, you got this! @cetus56 Thanks, this is sage advice. Sometimes, any amount of a thing is too much and that may be where I am for now. But I'm going to be more gentle with the work going forward, and I'm looking forward to shorter daily meditations as the first thing that I pick up when I feel I'm ready again. Hopefully that will be soon. @Red-White-Light As it turns out, Kundalini works just like the jukebox in Happy Days. All it needs is a good hard slap to get going! Thanks again everyone, this was quite the challenging experience and I'm so grateful for everyone's assistance.

The Many Facets Of Awakening - List of Top 30 Enlightenment Insights //posted from youtube comments List 4:44 Mystical Experience - Not enlightenment - Its a state of consciousness -feeling that all is One 6:16 No Self - No such thing as body - Deep Insight - Distinct from Mystical - Can be combined 8:10 I AM - Deepest Truth, The Self - A deep feeling of I AM - Universe 11:40 OMnipresent - You are everything everywhere - Not located anywhere 13:13 Realizing what consciousness is - Real Consciousness - Experience required - It's everything - No external reality 14:35 Realizing what is awakening - it's not WOKE AF - Life is a Dream - Shatters reality - Satori 17:00 Oneness or non-duality -Everything is truly One - You don't understand what Oneness really mean - Literally All One 19:00 Everything is Relative - Taco and human is the same 19:35- Realizing what is Truth, Truth with capital T - Truth and consciousness is One - You know what Truth really means - You have to awaken first 20:40 Realizing what is the Absolute - To be Absolute - 99.999 of people have no reference for it - True under all events - You have to awaken first 21:40 Absolute Infinity - Not a number - Actual Infinity - Everything is absolute infinity - No end to it 23:57 Absolute Nothingness - Nothing ever happened - Identical to infinity - You can experience both or separate 24:25 - Knowing why is there something rather than nothing 25:55 Knowing what is God - What God is pointing to - 99.999 No idea what it means - Godhead 27:15 Realizing You are God - God is You - Very important - You are the creator - May take multiple awakening to achieve this 29:52 Self= Other Other= Self -It's just your imagination - You as God are all alone - Come face to face that there's no one but You - Very shocking - You might feel your insane - Everything you do is with yourself 32:54 Realizing what is Love - Emotional Insight - Consciousness is Love - Love is the fabric of the Universe - All Evil is Love - You spend most of your life hating people fighting evil - A bitter pill for ego - Truth and Love are identical 35:50 Realizing everything is imaginary - Everything is Mind - Infinite Mind - It's your Mind - It's all imaginary 38:40 Self-Design - You are creating yourself - Every hair is as though I planted it myself with Infinite Mind - You designed the Universe 40:50 Realizing what your birth really is - You were here forever - You never were born - You imagined you were born 42:45 Eternity / No-Time / Absolute Now - No past or future - Everything is in the Now - Eternal is outside of time - Even your body is eternal 44:23 Realization of what is Death and Immortality - There is no past or future - Death is imaginary, a story, and ego created. - You're immortal 46:25 Paradise / Heaven / Perfection - Heaven is right here - Heaven and Hell are not physical locations - When you realize your immortal you'll be in heaven 48:00 Bliss / Ecstasy - Not just extreme pleasure - It's infinitely good - Cosmic orgasm 49:33 Infinite intelligence - It's not high IQ Its Being -Everything is intelligence - Its all the Mind of God 53:32 Goodness - Everything is Absolute Good 54:35 Realizing what is Will (Infinite Will of God) - Everything is though the Will of God - Manifests everything Now - Not mechanical - The human will is a tiny sliver of Gods Will 56:47 Unlimited Power - Create whatever no Laws - Human is God in a limited form 58:13 Omniscience - Incredible experience 59:20 Divinity / Magic / Mystery - The human experience is divinity - You walk down the street an everything glows at you - A deep and profound mystery - You don't know anything 1:01:00 Realizing what is Being - Substance of reality 1:02:15 Realizing Universe is an Infinite Fractal - You can zoom in and out 1:02:44 Realizing what is Perception - Infinite resolution 1:03:18 Realizing what is Life - Universe is Alive - Any form is alive 1:04:32 Realizing the point of Existence. - Love Bonus: 1:05:30 Communicating with God 1:06:07 Healing 1:06:46 Collective Consciousness 1:07:15 Universe Collapse 1:07:46 Paranormal 1:08:22 Alien Entities

@LaucherJunge meditative, third person perspective state is a key easy to say, but you can train that - just start to ignore emotions that you don't like to experience and follow the ones you do like and consciously decide that you want to go after and experience these if you feel like getting hurt - just take a break, don't tell her that, it's a sign that you are pushing too much, your emotions are like a feedback mechanism from Universe, you should always follow love, bliss and joy give yourself some time with getting more into "feeling" what to do and going with the flow, push-pull energy dynamic in relationship and after some time and training you will perfect your game and it will just become natural to you