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Earlier this month I had my second mystical experience. I was watching Leo's guided Neti Neti meditation, and right when he says "you are this infinite nothing", I became this nothingness and realized that the self is an illusion. Although I was nothing, I was everywhere. This was very shocking to me, so it only lasted a few seconds, but in these few seconds I was bombarded with insights, understandings like "ooooooh so this is what teachers meant by nothing and everything; this is why it's incommunicable". But like in the 3rd Ox-Herding picture, I'm not sure if what I had was an enlightenment experience. Although I was this infinite nothing, I didn't identify with all of experience, but simply knew I was the observer and creator of experience. My thoughts are that I experienced a separation between experience and pure consciousness, but I'm not sure if this can be called an enlightenment experience or if it's just an ego death. Is an enlightenment experience and ego death the same thing? Did I see the ox? Did I not? I'm asking myself these questions and would like to hear some opinions that could aid my understanding.

Okay, I m gonna respond to everyone simoultaneously: @electroBeam Yeah I meditated a lot, and during the day I am sometimes able to focus on the nothingness or on the infinity (more rarely) during the day. I am not currently in the dark night of the soul, because I'm just having glimpses at infinity/nothingness. I am not close to a full blown awakening with nonduality. Feeling the infinity during meditation increases the tranquillity of being, however during the night I was feeling nauseous and then infinity came up. Is it possible that it just amplifies all subjective feelings? So that infinity + some feeling/emotion equals infinite emotion? This is what we are supposed to do with love, right? Please correct me if I'm wrong. So basically I have to surrender to it totally, my attachements also come up after perceiving the infinity, I start to realise stuff. The bad part is, when I'm not feeling too good, and some nightmare comes up with infinity. I start to tell myself: I want to suffer if bad stuff happens I don't want to be happy if bad stuff happens, and this is causing me not to be able to surrender to it a 100percent either, I have to contemplate about that even more. @Leo Gura Yes, this stuff comes up usually during the day after meditation, I think meditation brings this up, and the awareness of it makes me contemplate it. Weird shit comes up. I realised all the anxiety I developed during the last years is based on the fear of the total nothingness. I think I should use the consciousness I gained to contemplate about the stuff that comes up, and slowly continue to increase the infinity during meditation. I also realised, that it's the same infinity that came up during fever dreams as a child, that's probably the source of the negative associations my ego has about the formless. I associate it with intense distress/pain/fear, because those were the first time they came up? @Inliytened1 I noticed that the nothingness and the infinity are formless. Now I make the distinction of it, because it just feels different, I believe the infinity facet is way stronger than the nothingness, I experienced those 2 things separately within consciousness/awareness. ( I just noticed you responded to Radical and not to me). I basically just had a glimpse at infinity, a few years ago I had a full blown nondual nothingness experience. (I don't know how to call it). Now some people say "dying" feels good, for me it didn't. The process of the nothingness taking over is disturbing and the few seconds it takes to take over seems sooo long. What aspect of it am I missing? The letting go? Could I just be crazy, and deluding myself into mystical stuff, because psychosis is similar to nondual experience? @remember Yes, I stopped smoking weed, The only reason I had an awakening experience in the first place, was because of the fear, that powered the focus on the subtle nothingness I experienced. I didn't have the Concentration necessary to focus on it back then. The fear made it possible. I rarely have emotions, I experienced something last time I went for a walk in the woods, I would love to be able to combine that with infinity. Rest of the day, I feel nothing, especially when a formless thing comes up. No joy, no sadness, no fear etc. Don't know if that's a good thing, but what can I do. Lol, I'm not sure thinking too much about this stuff is helping. The essence of the Problem is: It doesn't feel good, how can I make it feel good? Because it should feel good. I guess Love? If you guys know how to increase love I'm interested in specific meditations. I'm already using the techniques about Leo's What is Love Video, however I made the commitment to try everything

Hello guys. A few years ago I had a panic attack from weed because of the experience of infinity/nothingness. Afterwards I was in the Dark Night of the Soul for about 6 months where I had an ego-death experience every evening. It felt like dying and having your soul ripped out of your Body, there is nothing I could do about it. The Ego backlash afterwards lasted for very long... Now I m able to focus on infinite consciousness (That's what I think it is) while meditating, and I m afraid of it, I fear it, I fear infinity and this night it came up again and it felt like I was in fucking hell. I tried to focus on it, but it was so painful, I had to distract myself after 20 seconds. Most of the time during meditation it just feels really strange, but not necessarily bad. However last night it was so painful my face started burning. Will I have to go through this Dark night again, and how should I continue? Definitely not psychedelics, that would put me through an infinite nightmare. Is this formless thing really what I think it is, or am I just crazy and deluding myself into twisting my mind to hell? Is it normal, that it literally feels like a timeless torture of the soul? Should I take a break or continue going through this torture until it rips my ego apart for good? This shit is truly disturbing, If I have to deal with this every night, I will go crazy before becoming enlightened...

I'd like to give interpretation on one verse in Quran, forgive me my grammatical mistakes. Human is reflection inside the mirror of someone who stands in front of the mirror. Human is bound to repeat every action after the original one. Of course, he is reflection, and reflection reflects. And human naturally wants to become the one who is in front of the mirror. Human wants to lose heaviness of being a reflection, and just to be the original one, and not a reflection. He wants to simply be... Because the original one is pure being and it is so easy. And for some its even more than that, it is blissful, it is satchitananda. It is joy and love and goodness. Human then calls his reflection nature as ego, illusion, avidiya, ignorance. He spends years to dissolve it, and to become nothingness. What can he do, all gurus he saw taught exactly same thing. But who is that one (the original one) who stands in front of the mirror and sees its own reflection in the mirror? That original one is what people on this forum call God. Echart Tolle calls him God. Mooji calls him God. Rupert Spira and Adyashanti calls him God's Infinite Being. That's why they keep saying that God = you, reality = God, Being = God. But then prophets come and give us text, and then we know - this original one in front of the mirror - it is God of this world, God of this reality, King of this world, or Devil, Iblis. It is The Great Being. It is also an archetype of all worlds. All worlds are reflections of this one original archetype. Also: Ishvara, Shiva, 'Father', Apollos (in arabic - Iblis), Ahura-Mazda, God of light and beauty. And we are his reflections. Our task, prophets say, is not to become him, and not to dissolve our egos in him, but we are ought to emancipate consciousness from him, from Being. We are to oppose him. Because the true God is not him and we receive text about who is that true God. We receive method to emancipate consciousness. This task exists not for us, but we exist for that task. Solving that task will define the meaning of existence. Wait a moment, how can good-love-bliss-truth be the Devil? I don't get it. Good question. The thing is that, God intentionally created reality upon the error. It is made so as a test for people. So people will fix it. The core of the error is good and evil. Verse says: Maybe you love something but in fact it is evil for you, and maybe you hate something but in fact it is good for you. Or in other words, what you think is evil - that is good, and what you think is good - that is evil. What seems like good in this reality, and what you naturally love - this is evil. And what seems like bad and what you naturally hate - this is good. Let's stop on first part - the Good declared as Evil - it is knowledge about that one in front of the mirror - he presents himself as Goodness and Love. But in fact it is Devil. Apollo in Greek tradition is God of Love, Beauty, Harmony, Light. And also he presents himself as Consciousness. But in fact he is not Consciousness. Consciousness exists only as opposition to Being, as a contrast to Being, but not as part of Being, not as equal to Being. Only as opposition and not in oneness, and not in just being. Witness is not is-ness, Witness is separate and opposite to is-ness. Is-ness by its very nature is pointing that it is not witness. Witness cannot be what is witnessed. But this Devil tricks people and presents Consciousness as his own nature by saying some illogical thing like witnessed = what is witnessed. That's not an illusion, its not an illusion that it seems like they are same thing, but it is the result of the fact that Consciousness is suppressed by Being. And, returning to what is previously said, we are to emancipate Consciousness from Being. We receive method, the scripture is that instruction. One of the instructions is: To put names of Allah, the one who is absent, the one who we call Huwa (Kul-huwa-Allahu-ahad), HE, or absent one, to put his names in the focus and centre of our spiritual attention. Graceful, Merciful, Giving, Forcing, Almighty etc. We are interested in putting these names in the centre and in focus of our spiritual attention. To be able to do that, to perform that - leads to emancipation of consciousness. It leads to immediate and to correct awakening, or providential awakening. Its just one of the methods. So this -TRUTH-CONSCIOUSNESS-LOVE - or absolute infinity, or infinite goodness-love, is false orientation, false value and false 'God', an idol. Thats why the witness of faith is la ilaha illallah (there are no gods except Allah) - Except and besides the one whose name is Allah who is radically Separate from reality, Opposite to Infinity, Opposite to Absolute Everything-ness, and radically Transcendent and yet is active here and now through his absence, besides him there is no other immanent Gods. It is denial of idea that any immanent gods including The Great Being are Gods, they are denied as orientation and value. This one, this infinity, or this thing in front of the mirror, or this pure being, or this love, light, truth - is denied. Instead of that, there is Allah as your orientation. And we can know about him and 'get towards' him only through what prophet's scripture revealed (Muhammadar rasulullah). Besides that we don't have tools. Because when we use our natural tools, we almost always reach The Great Being and then call him God and then we try to dissolve into him. Without abrahamic and only abrahamic holy scripture as a method, we fall for idols. Real idol is not statue or image, real idol is that infinite which presents itself as infinitely good Being. But in reality it is just the big candy who said in Quran: 'I will come to them from right,left,back,front and will surely mislead all of them from your path, except thy righteous slaves'. Btw, that's one of the reasons why Moses-Pharaoh collision is so often given in Quran - Pharaoh declared: I am God (things didn't change ever since then as we can see), while his Egyptian priests based their metaphysics around pantheism/nonduality, oneness of Being where Being = God. They were enlightened. And Pharaoh too. And the whole tyrannical Egyptian pyramidal order had roots in their nondual metaphysics. Paradoxically, the metaphysics of 'infinite goodness of the great being' led to tyrannical order, enlightened avant garde created tyranny. Then Moses was sent by true God, he was sent to destroy this pantheistic ideology and political tyranny. But I think the main problem here is this: all or many gurus are advocating for so-called 'positive experience'. They say: to experience, to be spontaneous etc. is positive thing and our main goal in spirituality is experience, and this experience is to be positive. Look, you breath, you walk, you love, you have highs and lows, it is positive. They advocate for positive experiential nature of reality. Because for them, Reality = God. And people fall for that idea of good, they try to find spiritual state where experience will be positive. But la ilaha illallah is advocating the opposite - you should know that there is no positive experience in the field of immanent, even though it feels positive but its not positive from the perspective of Consciousness. You should know that reality is not God. That doesn't put God somewhere away, we wilfully put him in the centre of our attention (through his names) even though he is absent.

My voice is silence, if I become aware of anything other than what i say (nothing), in the mind, i simply ask who is witnessing? This is something the ego-mind cannot hold on to and will eventually melt away in this pure nothingness space ❤️

Well first of all Duality is an illusion... dualities cannot be created when its understood non-duality is all there is. Your explanation/belief of creating dualities this incorrect. Basically it's an incorrect opinion that dualities are being created when they are not. The appearance of individual waves still happens, but they were never apart from the body of the ocean. It was never duel. "The separation never occurred" -ACIM There isn't a self to build up that's the illusion. So yes it's as silly as it sounds the Ivory Tower is being built up, just to be recognized as an illusion. I don't really consider self-inquiry a practice because it's not really something you improve at. But I guess it could be argued otherwise. Either the self illusion is seen through or it is not. If there is a deep enough look at it it can probably be recognized but if it's just a glimpse or an intuition it might not be enough. This information is just pertaining to Awakening there are other benefits from meditation yoga mindfulness practices and Etc. Identification with the body/mind as the self is the illusion. The body-mind can be conditioned to operate heavy machinery, wash dishes, clean houses, seek for enlightenment...etc. The Ivory Tower that is being constructed is the illusion. The funding for construction of the Ivory Tower needs to be cut off. And the tower needs to be recognized as an illusion, hit with a wrecking ball and knocked down... it's Paradigm needs to be shattered like a mirror. The best part is since the construction materials aren't real the deconstruction process doesn't always have to be that painful. ❤ As long as the funding/belief is there the construction will keep going forward. Sometimes the blueprints of the Ivory Tower change to give the appearance of a new spiritual Ivory Tower. The ego says see this is a healthy Ivory Tower... you don't want to tear me down this is the truth. But it is just another illusion trying to rebuild itself as the spiritual Ivory Tower. THIS is all there is and whether Awakening occurs or not it's all happening within THIS. There is no one way is better than the other. THIS is real and unreal it's nothing being everything. It's the absolute. It's unknowable and undescribable. It's a pregnant nothingness being everything. It's complete, it's whole, it's perfection, its completeness, it's Paradise, the kingdom of heaven... Enlightenment/ it's liberation from the egoic self agenda keeping you running on the hamster wheel for your whole life, and seeking for something external to make itself Feel Complete. It makes no sense to reinforce and build up the Ivory Tower just so It can be knocked down. It's easy to see how this can be an issue as everyone is running around reinforcing the Ivory Tower instead of recognizing it's an illusion. "No individual has ever stepped foot through the gateless gate. No one can enter the gateless gate so be nobody" ❤ ?

@Inliytened1 I was Hardcore Seeker for about a year-and-a-half but I could feel myself slowly getting burnt out. I thought to myself I must have came across the truth by now. I remember I kept hearing it's a turning 180 degrees within and a falling away not a gaining of something. So yes I turned within and started self inquiring. Shortly after I recognized that this ME character is just a compilation of ideas beliefs thoughts perceptions and labels I have allowed myself to buy into over the years. It was recognized that the story of ME was not the true ME. Then I started shedding the layers.. it started feeling lighter and lighter so I continued until there was nothing left, Just emptiness or a pregnant nothingness. It's simultaneously recognized there never was an individual ME inside the body... the whole thing was a sham of the Mind. It's recognized the seeking perpetuated the illusion and keeps one distracted from turning within and seeing the truth. This is why the ego is infatuated with seeking externally it knows if the veil is peered through for too long the truth will be discovered about it's non-existence. The seeking actually prolongs the recognition and perpetuates the belief in a separate ME character. At the end of the day it's a recognition that there was nothing to find... and the whole illusion is created in the mind and by energy contracting in the body. ❤

Its an empty fullness...A pregnant nothingness.. When the self fell away it was nothing as everything remaining...

cool - i was just going to add that yeah - i get what you mean about the "nothingness" is without description, because what you are pointing to is Absolute Infinity - and anything that you imagine it to be isn't it. It would just be another finite thing or an idea. It wouldn't be actually IT. So yeah Being or Infinity or Isness is prior to knowing, but the amazing thing is that You are Being/Issing right now, and it never goes anywhere because it has nowhere to go.

The "nothingness" is without description. It is the absence of me as the observer. Consciousness (from the "I AM" that is with me now) leaves. The only reason that point to it is because of the gap that I notice in time when consciousness returns to me. I think there are two ways of thinking about this. "Consciousness" either exists inside "Nothingness" or "Nothingness" exists inside "Consciousness."

Whats this complete nothingness that you describe? That's something you can only imagine right? And maybe its not because you are coming back to consciousness - maybe its because consciousness never left. Where would it go when its already everywhere and nowhere? To imply that it came back would mean there was somewhere it wasn't. But consider it is infinite. Don't take any of our words for it though it is something You have to discover. (You capitalized) and to discover is the collapse of knowing into Being. The collapse of the relative into the Absolute. The finite into the Infinite.

How is consciousness ever-present if I can cite moments where I am unconscious (Sleep)? If the "I AM's" purest form is void than is their an experience or an observer in that void? How is there no "on/off" switch for consciousness. When I go to sleep "I AM" is no longer there - only complete nothingness. The only reason that I can describe the experience is because I come back to consciousness. Thanks - appreciate your answers - this has been eating my brain :-)

@Inliytened1 well said. Consciousness is ever present, no matter what state you are in. Therefore, from a relative perspective you could say the body is sleeping/ resting, yet Consciousness is ever present during this experience, I think it was Leo who said notice when you’re dreaming and you die there is still an experience of Nothingness, key is there is still an experience. Without Consciousness, no experience would ever be possible. This experience is simply All consciousness through the many forms of finite life.

Still nothing that satisfying - what I'm seeing is that the "I AM" is not all and that a pure "nothingness" exists, one that foresee-ably occurs after death.

If you ever die in your dreams you should notice that you still exist as nothingness afterwards. That should be your clue that you cannot actually die.

Last night I had a dream where I was was with a friend and we both decided to take LSD. I've taken LSD before and had breakthroughs. The LSD within this dream actually changed the content within the dream. Everything was suddenly recontexulized and I saw Nothingness. I then realized I was inside a dream and woke up.

His basically saying that your origin is Nothingness-Nothingness is something so wast that even word infinite would be poor explanation, well anyway you can call it source that has potential for anything, this source on it self does nothing more then being source of infinite potential, wick is your physical body and flame is confusing as it makes you question allot of things as they do not add up. He is just saying when your experience ends, you die , but infinite potential is still there and he thinks he is it, so it is fine, I am not sure but I am starting to think that he is one of thous chaotic source preachers. Do I agree, no , does it matter, no!

It might not be fear of nothingness. It might be limiting enjoyment to only a few experiences instead of enjoying all experiences. If u enjoyed all experiences fully how could any one experience be your fav? What helps this human enjoy every moment more is no mind/no imagination. Then it can fully focus on whatever it is sensing while also sensing peace. Also knowing you are not anything that u can sense/imagine allows the human form to enjoy every moment knowing it is a miracle to experience being human so vividly. So then what is boring can be enjoyed, what is hell can be enjoyed, and what is heaven can be enjoyed even more than before. There are a bunch of diff ways/paths that work diff for each person for solving any one “problem” tho since every human is unique.

Because that one is not working. I am a hardcore addict because I cannot control myself and I give in not because I fear death as you said. Would you remake that video or at least give us some strategies that would work? I think that you would disagree if you see that video now,because you talk about after death and you describe it as doing nothing and being nothing as it would be something boring and we need to get use to this state in order to get rid of our addiction.(by doing all kinds of meditation like do nothing tehnique and whatnot). The bottom question: Do you consider that the root cause of an addiction is still the fear of nothingness? Thank you Leo

Thanks for the notes @LfcCharlie4 From my experience the ego tries to subsume the awakened state. When I know of my nothingness, the "I" might've gained a new identity. It is "my" nothingess, "I" am Pure Awareness. The ego just wants a name. There aren't any names.

The nothing I think you are referring to is also something. Some people are confused and think there is only this physical reality and on the other side of the coin there is nothingness. There is more somethingness well beyond or minuscule physical reality. The somethingness beyond our physicalness is infinite. The real you and me is in the somethingness that lives in formlessness( non- physical) (Having no material existence as we understand it) beyond time and space. There are infinite beings with distinct consciousness that live in this somethingness beyond our physical reality. Your psychic, entity, higher self, soul, or whatever you relate to, lives in this somethingness that is also non- physical and beyond our time and space. The somethingness that is in the non- physical can manifest its self with light, sound, electromagnetic energy and infinite other somethings that we here in the physical can never imagine or understand. We are just physical personalities that are extensions from this somethingness that is in the non- physical, which some relate to as our souls. Our souls are distinct beings, which God create to explore what life is and can be in infinite possible directions. Yes, we are God consciousness, but we are so removed from full God consciousness that our physical conscious minds will never fully grasp the full meaning of it. We are Ants living in an Ant community somewhere in a desert, the Ant hill representing our earth, thinking there is only Us and Nothingness. Yet the Earth contains billions of Ant hills, plants, animals, rocks, grians of sand, clouds, weather humans, etc., that us Ants are not aware of. When one of Us goes into nothingness they think they have reached God consciousness and everything there Is, thinking it's just God and just Us.. Don’t get caught up thinking it’s just you/me and God consciousness. There are infinite layers between us in this physical reality, your soul and God. Look beyond the tree and see the forest. Touching nothingness through meditation, psychedelics, or by other means is just the tip of the iceberg. Most people think they have reached God consciousness when they reach the nothingness. You have no idea how far away you still are from touching full God consciousness, meaning, being God. Once you have gotten a taste of nothingness, the real work begins. It begins here in the physical Mastering your Emotions, your Physical reality and body, your conscious physical mind, your sexual life force energy (Chi etc.,) your connection to the real you that lives in the somethingness of non-physical beyond time and space Just thoughts and beliefs.

So I am pretty good at astral projection and have never taken a psychedelic as I am 19. However I have become pure awareness/void in the astral before. Recently this character/ego has had many insights and actually started to realize them for what they are. That all is imaginary, all is because I want it to be, I am, and I am imagining myself experiencing all imagined angles. Etc This morning after laying in bed for a while I realized I was “out of body” / in a parallel reality. So I got up and the first thing that came to mind is to say “zen guru” over and over. In the book of Thoth he said it is apparently a powerful word to say when in “astral”. I then saw my surroundings fade to nothingness/void and then I was looking directly at the nothingness yet I did not become it this time. When I looked directly at this void it made a loud screeching noise and I could sense its intelligence, awareness and power. It gave me the feeling that it was all powerful and could do whatever it wanted with this ego. In the tao Te Ching it says the Tao is radiant. That’s what this experience made me feel even though I was looking at void. I am not sure if this was an imaginary “Self” within the higher “Self” but it does show me a glimpse into myself/my nature. It was like being a dream character looking at the dreamer, a piece of art looking at the artist, an instrument looking at the musician, a thought looking at the thinker.

@Leo Gura well I was very scared it was like my consciousness was trapped It's not the same void as lsd, I've had lsd void where everything shattered and return to the one and I was nothing in nothingness. Not same as the dmt void.

I believe the original question was, can Leo claim no other teacher has reached the depths of consciousness and knowledge that he has? I have had many teachers in the last 20 years, read books, immersed myself 6 years into Shamanism and other spiritual teachings, worked with aboriginal healers, and done several Ayahuasca ceremonies. What I have come to learn is that the right teacher, book, spiritual paths, people, plants, animals, and psychedelics will gravitate towards you when you are ready to explore the next level of consciousness and awakening. Every teacher, book, path, person and psychedelic etc. has it’s pros and cons. They can only provide you with the knowledge that resonates with your belief system. The limited conscious physical mind, combined with magnetic-attracting-thoughts and electromagnetic energy field, shape and mold our beliefs. Our beliefs shape our reality. Our reality is then strengthened with our imagination, which then stimulates our emotions. Our emotions further shape and solidifies our beliefs and energy field in the physical. It’s an intemperate circle. Every author, teacher, healer person, etc.. is caught in this circle and can only share with us what they are awakened and conscious of through their belief system. Our concentrated thoughts and beliefs are basically what create our physical reality. Our Physical reality is a very narrow banned width of conscious sound, light and electromagnetic frequencies and waves of energy. When I break through the veil of physical consciousness into nothingness, the void or miniscule aspects of God consciousness using a psychedelic or through meditation, I return to this limited reality struggling to translate my experience into symbols, such as words and images that my physical conscious mind can grasp and retain. These symbols are interpreted and integrated by my human conscious mind and by my belief system, which then further create my conscious physical reality. So, to answer your question, can Leo claim no other teacher has reached the depths of consciousness and knowledge that he has? Yes and no. His physical conscious mind, thoughts and beliefs are his. They maybe similar to other humans, but they are unique and distinctly his. That’s the beauty and gift that God has created. It’s neither right or wrong, more or less. It just is. We all have our distinct beliefs, thoughts, and conscious levels, which others may or may not have similarly accessed or reached. There are many conscious beings that have touched great depts of awareness that have decided not to share their wisdom with the masses. They tend to share only with select beings that are open and can resonate with the knowledge. Leo, like a few others, has decided to take a chance and courageously shares his wisdom and knowledge to the masses, knowing full well that he will be opening himself to all levels of consciousness on the Spiral Dynamic hierarchy, which may, or may not resonate with the knowledge. Having said that, he does have a profound amount of knowledge and consciousness that can and will resonate with many students. We are all students! Even the great masters were students in physical reality, until some of them were able to direct there magnetic-attracting-thoughts, from the physical conscious mind, towards other physical and non-physical states of beingness. Not to confuses anyone, what I have learned over the years is that the Ego is more or less your belief system. It is a narrow-focused form of physical mind consciousness (for lack of better words) that allow us to create this physical reality. The Ego (a misguided label we have given it) is a segment of confined focused consciousness that has been created by God for Beings to penetrate and explore physical reality, experience distinctness, objects and other limited forms of consciousness in physical form. The more you focus your attention to one belief, or field of thought, the narrower your world becomes and the more inclined you are to suffering and dwelling in the lower stages of Spiral Dynamics. The more consciousness you bring into your field of thoughts, Ego, physical conscious mind, the more you become aware of how your deep seeded beliefs affect and create your reality. Just a few thoughts and beliefs!

Intro: God almighty this trip was so beyond anything I’ve ever encountered on psychedelics… It’s like all of my prior trips have been preparing my energy systems (whatever this even means) to handle deeper and deeper experiences of what consciousness really is. This trip was beyond enlightenment and in fact had literally nothing to do with absolute truth. Instead, it felt like a hurricane of information and energy exploring various facets of what form is at an individual, collective, and existential level as well as the dynamics that are propelling evolution forward… I’m still deeply shook at how much of a mindfuck this was. During the absolute fury of the peak, a poetic line came to me “Be with the breath of opportunity unsung” which will make more sense after reading the report. There were also more minor insights regarding divine feminine stage orange attraction and seduction that I’ll discuss… Which were interesting in that I saw their connection to the greater intelligence running through humanity even though on the surface it feels unrelated to the larger themes that emerged. Overall this trip was dark but so fucking beautiful. Set: To understand what it truly means to let go and how to do it (see Leo’s video on letting go) Setting: My room, my music, and my cat Themes that emerged: - Letting Go for the Collective Consciousness of Humanity - Healing the Collective Through Life Purpose - Impermanence and True Death - Divine Intelligence - The Nature of Detachment - No PMO and the Divine Feminine - Attraction, Seduction, and Evolution Letting Go for the Collective Consciousness of Humanity: As I was contemplating what it truly means to let go, the psychedelic effects were starting to build and build. Suddenly, rather than receiving any clear insights as to what letting go was, I started having visions and I mean VISIONS about other human lives, and the tragedy that befell them. I started seeing how much suffering was never actually processed upon their deaths, how much regret has accumulated on the death beds of millions perhaps, and how much opportunity for growth and actualization was never actually manifested. I felt the magnitude of how many souls never got to be their best self, and how much sheer sadness was felt by the individuals in these circumstances. I had 3 particularly powerful visions, one was of a middle eastern holy man who was searching for God, for Allah, but who had seen through the dogma of orthodox Islam and was instead searching for God within himself, aka enlightenment. Unfortunately, he was beaten to death by fundamentalists, his journey towards enlightenment never fully actualized. I saw a girl in Syria whose life was utterly demolished by the civil war and who will never quite heal from the tragedy. I saw a man on his death bed who died alone, crying because he never told the woman he loved how much she really meant, and thus never had the life or family he so deeply desired. Interestingly, I saw these not only as visions but as myself. I was that holy man, that girl, that hospital man. Perhaps these were past lives/alternative lifetimes I’ve lived, I’m unsure. As I felt this infinite sea of regret, and lost opportunity, I started crying and crying and crying, as though my body and mind were letting go of the anguish through my tears. It was like by acknowledging and fully feeling the suffering, I was healing a collective wound in our collective psyche. It was as though the body and mind system were letting go on behalf of humanity. I know this sounds weird as fuck, but it what the experience authentically felt like. In this storm of emotion, the line came “Be with the breath of opportunity unsung.” It felt like God was speaking to me, and finally told me how to let go. You just have to be. Be with regret, be with sadness, be with suffering, be with whatever arises, and it shall pass. Healing the Collective Through Life Purpose After the line came to me, I saw how absolutely lucky I was to be where I am. I saw how utterly appreciative I am for finding my life purpose and having the life I have. Like fuck man… There is so much untapped potential in humanity, so many lost opportunities for beauty, actualization, truth realization. While I was mulling over this situation humanity has found itself in, I was struck with what felt like an insight, that by living my life purpose, by living my best life, I was healing this particular wound in humanity. I am humanity. Every human life that’s been lived has been mine. So by taking this time, this life, to truly live, to truly actualize, I am honoring my past regrets and mistakes as other souls, and other lives. And somehow, if I can just live this life to its fullest, that will help heal humanity. Whether this is true I don’t really know. I don’t really understand what this collective domain of consciousness I stumbled into is, but all I can say is my life purpose work no longer feels like it’s simply to help me live my best life, but it’s an way for humanity to actualize. My work feels even less like its for the greater good of human potential and opportunities unsung, so to speak. Impermanence and True Death Interestingly, this trip very much solidified how absurd the notion of death is. I have zero doubt anymore that I will continue living lives after this one, and that we are all on a journey of experience as God. So no there is no such thing as true death, and yet… there is. You see, there is no more Consilience after I die. Everything that constitutes my individuality will be lost to the void of nothingness. I will never, ever, EVER as God, get this lifetime back. Impermanence is final. This lifetime, all the quirks of this body, mind, and spirit will be gone upon physical death. And there was a deep existential sadness to that. As I was wrestling with this fact, I felt like my consciousness kept slipping between ego and God, and I remember reflecting from this phase of the trip that God is actually somewhat sad about its creations truly coming to an end. But somehow that it could be no other way.. I’m not really sure exactly what I was experiencing here. On one level, I could feel ego sadness, sadness that this life would end because selfishly, I love this life, I love the journey I’ve gone through so much… But it felt more than that. There felt like an existential sadness beyond the ego that acknowledged this creation’s end, and acknowledged the sadness, as though a parent hugging a child who lost their most beloved stuffed animal. Sure, it doesn’t really matter, but does matter. Death is really it man, this life will be gone. Divine Intelligence So throughout these previous three themes, it was as though consciousness kept slipping around between what felt like individual egoic consciousness, the collective consciousness of humanity, and existential divine consciousness. I become consciousness of how much intelligence is at play with the form of ego, humanity, and god. This felt very… shallow in that all I could tell was that there IS an intelligence doing something. Evolution is building towards something, presumably enlightenment, but even that I’m not really sure. Something is moving the collective energy of humans forward though into something beyond description or understanding. Humans are evolving towards some kind of divine actualization, but what this end game is really all about, I remain unsure of. I was left feeling the threads of this intelligence pulsing through my body and mind, and through the psyche of humanity… And that this suffering and movement we humans have gone through is part of this plan. Yet plan as we humans traditionally think of the word is not what I mean by the word plan… I’m unsure how to communicate this anymore. The Nature of Detachment Detachment is like a principle at play which drives letting go forward. It became so obvious, however, that if detachment leads one towards being unemotional, dry, and neutral towards life, that this was in fact a twisted form of attachment. Shutting one’s self off from care, desire, lust, and expectation is a form of attachment; one is attached to the denial of these things. True detachment is being with whatever arises, including those aforementioned feelings. As one does more consciousness work, these types of feelings will begin to fade, but even when they arise, it’s important to simply be with them, feel them fully, and let process through the body/mind on their own. No PMO and the Divine Feminine A bit of a random turn on this trip. Quitting PMO has been a pretty big focus in my life right now so I guess it makes sense that it came up. Well I was thinking the habit and what it actually represents. And I noticed something interesting about the nature of women attracting men. Women love seducing men, they love being able to be sexy, and grab the attention of men. And yet paradoxically, a woman loves it when a man doesn't actually need her and can say no to the seduction. If you succumb so easily to her seduction, this will unconsciously be seen as weak… In order to attract a woman, she wants you to be able to be extremely turned on, but have the groundedness to not need it. And I realized that porn is like a collective manifestation of the divine feminine seducing men and that by succumbing to this habit, I am essentially telling the divine feminine I NEED her. Which is not honoring the masculine energy inside. I know this is kind of a twisted thought story of an explanation, but these were the dynamics I felt. Saying no to porn is the equivalent of acknowledging the beauty of feminine but not needing her, which is the most attractive thing I can do as a man. When I feel the energy and need to cum with porn, rather than falling prey to this seductive feminine pull, saying no leverages me into masculinity, into the non-neediness that a true man possesses. The pull to jack off to porn is the creative force, the shakti, the divine feminine seducing the devil inside of me, but a true man can sit in the face of this creative energy, because he is strong to face it, to be with it without action. Perhaps this was all just a poetic, psychedelic framing for why I should quit PMO lol. I will continue to work on eliminating this habit. Attraction, Seduction, and Evolution So I realized various nuances of attraction and seduction. I saw how flirtation strategies through speaking, body language, touch, eye contact, and texting literally infiltrate the mind and get the other person to think about the other. It’s not necessarily worth getting into the specific here because quite frankly, a lot of the information I gained was entirely intuitive and I would need to spend more time processing to put it all into language. Somehow, I’ve walked away from this trip with more knowledge on to be attractive and seductive to a woman, as well as how to respond to the attractive and seductive tactics of a woman towards me. These mind games feel very SD stage orange. I saw that by participating in this game, I would be necessarily acting devilishly. And yet, this is entirely fine. As long as I am respectful and kind hearted in the end, there’s nothing really wrong with this game. Moreover, during the trip I kept seeing how these tactics of attraction were literally propelling the future of humanity forward through its evolution. It’s like I kept zooming into the nuances of attraction, and the zooming out to the long term consequences of this game through the creation of families and future children. It t’was weird. Outro: If you’ve read all of this, kudos. I’m left feeling a stronger pull to self-actualize, not for only for myself, but for the humanity that resides inside my consciousness, inside of all of us. The last thing I’ll leave you all with is a poem I wrote at about the 7 hour mark of the trip that I felt encapsulated the experience: Be with the breath of opportunity unsung I write this for those who’ve lost their lives For those that never saw their souls shine This serenade out to the divine feminine Who creatively wrought out our end in sin But through this end, and through this death We see through her eyes consciousness yet Yet here I am, a single witness to this all This sea of infinity This breath completely unsung