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So I got pretty wasted, last night. I wanted to shut off my emotions. I was definitely not in my right mind. I'm a very chatty, flirty, silly drunk. I ended up hanging out with my roommate & his nerdy friend. They are 12 year old adult men lol they are super into building gundam models, it's kind of adorable but hard for me to act impressed when they ramble on about it. Oh & I ended up changing my pic to one of my stupid face lol. Although when everyone left, I found myself feeling intensely lonely. I had a hard time falling asleep, as I was consumed with thoughts of the meaninglessness of existence. I was googling the fastest, most painless, but lethal ways of suicide. Before I fell asleep, I rationalized the thoughts away. I reread some of the posts on this thread & I woke up feeling much better. I started reading a book today called Social Intelligence by Daniel Goleman. Really great, so far. I'm hoping it can give me a better idea of what I feel and why. Thank you. I guess I can be a little judgmental. I try not to be. I have gotten a lot better at trying to see other people's perspective & halt my impulse to criticize (especially because these are things my mother does & it does not do me any favors). So I guess I am a little scared of judgement. In the end, it doesn't matter too much what people think. Everyone views the world in such a different way. Yes to all of these. However, I am also thankful for all these emotions because they can be wonderful. Pain exists to teach you a lesson. It can be a guide. My feeling on my feelings when I am super low. Well... the voice in my head tells me I should know better. That I should get over myself. That I am too sensitive and a drama queen (mostly my mom talking, again). I get this tension in my diaphragm (which is probably what induces the panic) and I feel this enormous sense of guilt & disgust over feeling down. I really need to stop being so hard on myself. I advise this to other people but I often can't do the same. Growing up, my mother placed a lot of responsibility on my shoulders. She was a single parent struggling to raise two kids in a foreign country where she barely spoke the language. My little brother got special treatment since he was young because he had a heart condition (& also because my family is mostly females). I was babysitting him since I was 10 years old & had to grow up quickly. My mother was never home, offered no comfort or emotional support to me. She was either working or off having dysfunctional relationships with men. My brother and I are lucky that she was protective of us, and never allowed those men to bring us harm. Just made me responsible for my brother & subjected us to a lot of arguments. He never even had to do any chores & was spoiled to death. I forgave my mother a long time ago for this. Especially now, going through this personal development work. I understand her better (even though, honestly, I would like to distance myself from her as much as possible... maybe someday I'll be able to help her more than she helped me but I can't handle it now). She did the best she could with what she was taught & that is all anyone can do. I know that deep down, she does love me, and she is not a terrible person. She was also emotionally abused, as a child. I suck at this..I didn't even mean to go on about that but there ya have it. I'm extremely happy that what I'm going through is resonating with so many people like: @zasa joey @SAM B thank you so much for sharing. I appreciate you. You are beautiful and kind and valuable. We can get through this. If you ever need to talk please don't hesitate to message me. I have been dancing around my apt for the past hour listening to The Strokes & The Killers I'm about to go visit my cousin who just had a boob job lol. Have a lovely, stress-free week, everyone!

so you say that if i listen to jump by van halen i will commit suicide by jumping off a building? dont take these things too seriously, some of the music lyrics give me very good and interesting insights!

Well Leo the I that doesn't exist is impressed that what you thought would be an infinitesimal number turned out to be the population of a small African nation. This many people seeking is quite astonishing. I liked your video - like Papaji and Ramanana it is clear that there is no religion here just simple facts that aren't that easy to see. Without wading through all the thousands of other stuff - where is the path - the gun to shoot ego - the suicide pill to get rid of the illusion - I have been on the path for a while - neti neti so much of myself, but still I am there, here still the worries and the clinging to form and formless. When does the penny drop for me that - I am that - not the father, brother, friend, professional, blah de blah that I live day by day. There is only isness - being - whatever - I too feel close - but maybe my wanting is getting in the way. Would love to talk to people who nearly non existent.

@Emerald Wilkins Your second paragraph perfectly describes my condition and my own blind spots. Looks like we are dealing with same neurosis, but in different clothes. I have this fear of not reaching "ultimate self-expression" (c), I had these brief moments, where I could be able to see my full potential and how powerfull I can be, but then my identity overlaps "me", making me fearful and neurotic. And this phase of stagnation pisses me off, making me want to commit sorta "spiritual suicide", let go of myself. Last time when it was powerful enough, I had a breakthrough and since then I started learning about spirituality. But still my barriers are strong and resistance draws out all the joy from my life. Hopefully we will sort something out =)

I'm asking anyone who would like to comment on this to please first watch the video below before posting, so we are all on the same page. And we can all communicate using the same type of "language". I know it is lengthy, but please watch before commenting. Sorry if that request makes this seem like a country club discussion. Sorry if you are offended by that statement. Ha! The title is a fancy complicated way of playing with words to rephrase the question - can I become enlightened? - since there really is no "I" or free will then how could anybody become anything? - I know what you're thinking, and just so you know i'm with you, I agree with you, and "i" too want to become enlightened. Tony Parsons (video below) is enlightened. My pretend conversation with him would go something like this... Me - how can I become enlightened? Him - there is no you, so you can't become anything. Me - I understand what you mean on an intellectual level, but I want what you have Him - It cannot be understood, it is beyond comprehension. I don't have anything, because "I" doesn't exist. "I" isn't real, it is illusion, "me" cannot get what "me" thinks it wants, because that thing is the end of "me". Me - since I cannot say me or I, how about, illusion be gone! Him - illusion is not real Me - But for "me" it is real ! What can I do? Him - You don't exist. There is "no one" to "do" anything. There just IS what IS. And what "me" is asking everyone on this forum is - Can "me" commit psychological suicide, so to say. Sorry for the dark terminology, not sure how else to word it. His description of liberation using words is......"me", sense of self, illusion = constricted energy......liberation = when the constricted energy opens up and merges with the energy that IS (everything). Again, he claims there is nothing anyone can do. He says listening to the message itself is a way of opening the energy. Cheers!

You don't want to put your life to misery, sit in a corner and cry how the world is cruel, that you will die anyway. That's neurotic! Look at it this way... The life, this is not it. Im not talking haven or no haven... This life, until you "die". Its just the first level. To pass it you need to make a name for your self, make something in it, sure. A legacy, maybe of knowledge? When you die filthy ritch and intelligent you go to the next level... If you suicide, cry in a corner and become noone you'd just get reborn and restart the first level of life.

Just sit for many hours at a time doing absolutely nothing. Suicide will happen automatically after a few thousand hours of this. Don't ask how to sit. Just sit in a relaxed manner and be aware of reality.

This claim is unfalsifiable. I agree that decreasing activity in certain parts of the brain via meditation/drugs/surgery/disease will give you the feeling that you are the world and not the self but there is no way you can say anything further. If you are saying the brain is a filter then damaging it or committing suicide should be the fastest way to enlightenment, yet people aren't doing that. It seems to me that a feeling of nothingness requires an active brain with a specific part deactivated. The gain from understanding no-self is still as great as ever. You get the benefit of knowing there's no self to die, I just don't think you can claim that without a brain enlightenment exists. The room and actor exist only when the projector exists.

I am doing this journal because I get to be honest about myself. I can talk freely without any bullshit. So for opening this Forum, Thank you Leo. Let me tell you about myself a bit. I am a 19 Year Old living in the UK, currently studying at Sixth form in Year 13. Right now I should be in university but I retook year 12 since I failed all my exams the first time round. I barely got into Year 13 this time as well. I was only allowed in because no other college would take me in. You would think after experiencing 4 U's, I would fix up but no. Instead I got a D,U,D and an E. Honestly I felt shamed and disgusted. After results day I had considered Suicide many times but I never proceeded but I did do self harm once. My head was flooded with negative thoughts. I thought of myself as trash and worthless. Applying to University was a scary process because I had assumed all my Universities would reject me but to my surprise I got all 5 offers now I need to go from DDE to AAB. Earlier before my A-levels I thought myself to be a good student. I did everything and got better grades than I had expected for my GCSE. I have limited friends and I cannot speak to other people. When people come to my house, I hide in my room. I also tend to lie to my family a lot but I have no idea why I do that. As a young child I told everyone I wanted to do Medicine, made my parents happy, gave them the belief that I would do it but I didn't. I realised I wanted to do something else and after talking to my parents, I did however I feel guilt every time I look at my parents. Some stuff I do to improve myself: Reading Self Help book - As of now I am reading George Leonard's Mastery. I have had this book for about a month and its interesting but I lack consistency in doing things. Its something I want to improve on. Meditation - I have been doing this for roughly two weeks on and off. I cant decide on which method to use. Whether I use the technique in which I realise I am thinking of something and forget it or the Monkey chatter technique. Now the main reason I am writing this Journal is so that I can dedicate myself to learning just like the kids in South Korea. I know for a fact I wont be studying from 7am to 11Pm but I want to try. I want to do the best I can so that I can reach my target goal of AAB. I am not looking for perfect marks although that would be nice but I do want a minimum of 80% on every paper that I will do. No one thinks I can do it, there are already people talking behind my back about me getting 3 E's and I am not having it. As Goku said " I don't care if you're god, you don't get to tell me where my limits are." I only have to focus on Biology, Maths and Physics. Here in this journal I am going to record what I do so that I can hold myself accountable and if I slip up on the way, I hope you guys will help me. I only have 4 months to go. To summarise, My goals as of right now: Get my grades and prove every fucker wrong. Get to the Uni I want to go Get into the habit of doing things Regularly Meditate Every day for 20 mins Read a Self help book every two weeks Try the Korean Student lifestyle but live like Leo has advised.

You can even look at all the teachers that were leaving their bodies very early or developed severe diseases. Maybe that also doesn't fit how a "spiritual" person should be from peoples perspectives. There are at least 10 I can think of that didn't live 60 years or even comitted suicide. If you want to know the names, let me know. Edit: Yogananda, Chogyam Trungpa, Nathan Gill, Rama Tirtha, Thomas Merton, Radha Ma (suicide), Vivekananda, 16th Karmapa, Osho, Therese of Lisieux.

Hi @DrMatthewsausage I hear you. I know what it's like to be depressed and feel no one is taking you seriously. For me, it makes me feel like I'm not going to get any real help, if no one is taking me seriously. It's like I'm saying "I don't feel well" and everyone is like "Well just deal with it". - Never mind the fact that I could commit suicide if I just can't bear it anymore. Not that I'm in your exact situation, but it feels that way with some of the professionals I've worked with. Tonight a friend took the time to make me feel heard and it was so rewarding. I'm actually frustrated to hear you're not feeling heard or taken seriously by your family. I am a parent of an adult son, if he was going through what you are, I would be taking it very seriously. Please know that you are not alone, and I know how hard it is to deal with mental health issues.

<--[03-07-16]--> A FUN TIME IN COLLEGE LAND Monday again. Most of my time was spent in a college that I don't like, listening to lectures I don't care about because the only reason I go there is because this is the life my parents have built for me. Behind closed doors I'm slowly trying to build my skillsets so I can finally start living authentically. Even if I make a shitty living, I should at least have the freedom to choose that living. Right now, I'm unconsciously being quiet around other people about what I actually feel this whole academic game is like. The classmates I meet in this college are some of the most unaware and clueless people I know, just completely oblivious to all the different lies and manipulations other people have bestowed unto them that give them fuel to go through college without questioning it. Oh yes, and there was a report that someone at the college commited suicide recently because of issues in his/her (I don't know the gender) academic life. So that's fun right? Personally, I feel like this shouldn't really matter to me. Honestly, I really cannot decide whether I should or shouldn't feel bad about this. I openly told a fellow classmate that I don't really care about this whole issue so you know what? I'm just going to say "Not my problem. . ." There is a much bigger discussion to be had here about society's blind pressure towards academic excellence and how that's actually breeding a whole generation of clueless robots who have no idea what real learning and much less inner growth is like. But I actually want to leave that for future entries. Still, all these issues still don't distract me from what I'm actually supposed to be doing with my life: Stopping to smell the roses as much as possible. Also I realize I have not been making much entries about my past recently, I'll try to do more of that in future entries.

You have a lot going on around you. I'm wondering what your psychologist has to say about all of this. He or she ought to be giving you strategies and helping you build a skill set to deal with situations such as diet, communication, and your negative thinking pattern. It sounds to me that you're experiencing issues with, "learned helplessness'. Learned helplessness was first observed while observing animals. It occurs when an animal is repeatedly subjected to an aversive stimulus that it cannot escape. Eventually, the animal will stop trying to avoid the stimulus and behave as if it is utterly helpless to change the situation. Even when opportunities to escape are presented, learned helplessness will prevent any action. You seem to be taking action by see a psychologist but there is "seeing" a psychologist and, SEEING a psychologist. If you feel the psychologist isn't helping you need to express your dissatisfaction, what's working and what's not. Believe me, it's the psychologist's job to help you if he or she can't then they need to refer you to someone who can. I'd suggest looking for someone who specializes In cognitive behavioral therapy, that's an acton based and will help stop you from being so immobilized and disempowered. I have a question when you say you're not being taken, 'seriously" what does that mean? What should your parents or anyone else do for you do feel as if you're being taken, "seriously"? Perhaps making a list of things they could do would help them and you work together. And if you're not telling your psychologist you're having thoughts of suicide , that's a MAJOR red flag, it's very serious.It shows that you're not being completely open with your therapist. You're expecting someone to help you and you're not honestly expressing you feelings. Are you taking yourself seriously?

Well, today/last night were really tough. After I wrote last night's post, I broke down and I cried like I haven't cried in months, in sheer existential disbelief at what was so obvious yet so difficult to accept. I had the "epiphany" Leo describes in his video on fake growth - that pretty much everything I've been manifesting over the last 5 years (through recovery from deep, suicidal depression) has been masking the original problem. If you somehow robbed me of these external factors, I'd be down in the dumps again. This is evident by my deep-seated fear of loss, abandonment, failure and rejection. It's not pleasant to work for years and years, achieving the results you wanted, only to realize that you've been treading water and rearranging external circumstances. The truth of the matter is, I'm still highly neurotic. Out of the list of Leo's 40 signs of neurosis, here are the ones I self-identify as applying to me to some degree: Anxiety Obsessive thoughts Compulsive behavior Vague physical ailments (Insomnia, eczema) Depression Suicidal thoughts Anger/rage Social maladjustment (social anxiety) History of dysfunctional relationships Money problems (frivolous spending) Addictions (past: marijuana present: alcohol) Perfectionism Workaholic Stress Restlessness Preaching/moralizing (not doing this one as much anymore) Arguing/stubbornness (ditto) Narcissism Neediness/codependence in relationships Jealousy and envy Guilt and shame Keeping secrets Stiff, rigid body Nihilism Alcohol/drug addictions Obsessed with my physical appearance In other words, pretty much all of them. So why don't I have peace of mind? Deep down, I hate myself and I berate myself - that his how I've achieved such results in the external world. What I have is never enough and when I fall short, my inner critic goes on hyperdrive and I involuntarily start ideating about harming myself/suicide (even though deep down I really want to keep living and live an actualized life), effectively whipping myself into compliance. This has been the normal course of my life for well over a decade now. I don't accept myself, and will probably never accept myself in this state no matter what I achieve because the goalposts always move. The ultimate non-acceptance of myself is my non-acceptance of my non-acceptance. The costs are severe. I was thinking tonight, why do I fear rejection so much? I constantly see people out in the world I want to connect with, yet I say nothing to them out of fear of rejection. The sad truth is, my ego is so fragile it's terrified of the prospect of such rejection, fearful of the emotional state it may send me into, so it's safer to stay isolated. I can't accept the possibility that I might not hit it off with that person (refusal to accept reality) so I don't attempt. Starting today, I hereby resolve to work on this problem. Here are the commitments I made at the end of Leo's video: I am neurotic. I commit to discovering the roots of my neuroses. I commit to aligning to empirical reality. I commit to dropping all socially acquired beliefs. I commit to being more open to all emotions. I commit to loving myself and my life. I commit to dropping my "should" statements. I commit to gradual self-improvement. I commit to not being neurotic about my self-improvement. Next, I will privately write my top 5 neuroses and try to find the root causes motivating the behavior. More updates to come...

I see some people here claim science is no different from every other perspective. But I want to ask you, what is your real motive for taking such a neutral position? saying that science is 'only' a perspective. What are you trying to achieve by bringing down science? Do you want to sit zazen 24/7 and "become the perception" like a tree? A mindless perception that just 'is' like a plant. Really? is that all you got? How about the universe that needs to be explored? How about physics and math, how about countless other solar systems we know nothing about. Are we actually putting the state of 'empty mind' above a rational/analytical mind that analyzes things, measures things. This state of nothingness-awareness you are all so proud of looks to me more like ignorance than self-actualization. I mean yes, the fundamental nature of reality indeed may be nothing. But it doesn't mean you have to give up your rational capacity and live like a plant. Because giving up on your rational capacity is a mental suicide. We are born with an intelligence that is naturally creative. Is naturally curious, and is fascinated by the world. And then people who are so dramatically focused on enlightenment say "Don't think. Don't use your reason! Contemplate nothingness." So the alternative to a rational mind is this.. mystical, spiritual model. And this destructive philosophy is designed to take what is the most basic about the human experience, which is perception and turn the perception into the identity. Totally DENYING the rational capacity that organizes what is perceived, and then interacts with it intelligently. You see, the world makes sense! We live in incredible times. A lot of the leg-work has been done. So what would you like to create? What would you really like to do here? But sticking with perception only and saying that nothingness is your identity... Seriously, Just imagine the difference between a culture that idolizes staring at a wall and not moving for hours, and a culture that idolizes thinking and rational capacity. Who built the world? It is the people who did the thinking. Measuring. Figuring out how everything works. Who built the airplanes? Was it the people thinking, or was it the people attempting to escape the existence by defaulting to perception? 'defaulting' to consciousness.. Because that's the invitation to spirituality. It is to give up your intelligence, give up your capacity to think critically and become a vegetable. And even though that vegetable is relaxing, it's suicide! And if you don't care about living then that makes sense. That's why spirituality exists, because existence is terrifying. And since you don't want to THINK, and Examine and investigate and use your intelligence to overcome and deal with the problems in life, then you look for some spiritual 'answer', to do that for you.. and it works! Because its suicidal. You don't want to exist anyway so rather than taking courage to kill yourself you go towards spirituality, so that you can live a mental death. You can commit mental suicide.. Perception is nothing. Life is literally nothing without this rational capacity. Your capacity to choose, remember, analyze. That is what creates the world. And the fight you are up against, is the continual attempt to trade your intelligence for some kind of solution. And yet you don't realize that your natural intelligence IS your solution! The only problem with that is... You HAVE to THINK. You have to put effort in it. spiritual: - I am the perception.... rational: - yeah but we need to fix the refrigerator. spiritual: - you'll have to call somebody else. rational:- well how are you gonna eat? spiritual:- I don't know.. I am the perception... food will just come.. rational:- oh the roof is leaking! spiritual:- well that's okay I'll just perceive the water dripping on me... rational:- But you're gonna get hypothermia! spiritual:- It's okay... I'll just be cold. I am perception. <--- Nobody actually lives this way! Because we're REALLY intelligent. So perception is already the case, you're here. You exist. Now, what do you want to create? What do you want to explore? what are you curious about. The only problem with any of these questions is that in order to investigate them you HAVE TO THINK.. And you can. You can sit down and figure anything out. It might not be easy at first, but that's what learning is. You can do anything you put your mind to, INCLUDING commit mental suicide.. Through spiritual ideas of 'perception is my identity. I am nothingness.' It's the simplest way to feel like everything's okay. And it doesn't work, unless you want to die. Because it is mental suicide.. So please say no more about how science and reason is 'only' a perspective. It is much more than that. Science and reason is the fundamental essence of our existence on this planet as rational, intelligent organisms. And by downgrading the importance of rational capacity you are destroying the very essence of what it means to be an intelligent human being. That's all I had to say. You are free to share your thoughts...

@turkeysub3000 , I do have a Psychology degree, I also worked (in real life as opposed to hotline) with suicidal people AND I have a close member of my own family that committed suicide. I have probably been as angry as you are right now until it completely exhausted me. It is from that place that I finally understood that my anger was all that was keeping me from being happy and helping other people from a place of love and acceptance. Start with yourself. Make yourself what you want to see around you.

Because he is a persona whose apparent intention is to help other people. He wants comments and constructive criticism for the sake of helping to improve his approach in helping others. Maybe his calling people a dick and a loser wasn't out of malintent, but that doesn't somehow absolve him of responsibility. Those are inflammatory, ad hominem statements that do not reflect someone who is loving and cares about the person on the other end of the video. I work on a suicide and crisis hotline and I can tell you that you will NEVER get a person to calm their anger by calling them names. You empathize, you put yourself in THEIR shoes, you feel the feelings with them, and you use your vocal tones to calm them back into a state of allowing. If they can't get there and they are getting angry with you, you tell them you don't appreciate being treated like that and you tell them to call back and you hang up.

To copy paste myself from that other thread about unconditional love: (PS. If anyone is curious I can go in to some detail about what Adam and Eve actually represent and their story) "Like and Love is not the same and Love is not what people think it is. Love is Truth and it pretty much have to be unconditional for it to be real, it can only be experienced when you move passed the ego and open up to the full infinity of who you are Now is someone is just straight out "evil" or whatever you'll see the condition they're in and you still love them but unconditional love does not mean (at all) unconditional fluff, anything but in fact. "If you love something set it free" right? you'll want to help in whatever way you can to break down their ego regardless of what people around you think of you for it. If you love your body you will take care of it, exercise (to break the body down), feed it well and rest it (to build it back up even stronger but also healthier), it is the same when you love everyone else, you don't want to go easy on them if you know it ain't gonna do them well in the end, beating someone down can actually be the same as stopping someone from committing suicide as you bring them closer to their true self and real life. A relationship in this case would be something you have with someone you fit well together etc but what you really 'love' above all else is the spirit itself (which in a way is everything lol) and this person that you spend so much time with you would't love any more than anyone else (or it'd be conditional love) but you love yourself enough to be with the one who make you the most happy and fulfilled."

Name: Martin Age: 19 Gender: Male Location: Sweden Occupation: School Marital Status: Single Kids: No Hobbies: enlightenment, meditation, skateboarding, skiing, trailrunning, nature, reading, eating healthy I got into personal development after I had a hard time in school, I'm bisexual and I have always denied it and when i realized I juts had to tell someone I got depressed, started smoking, drinking, got fat. My "friends" started to leave me out when I told them and eventually I tried to commit suicide. One day i found Leos videos on depression, I started to clean up my shit and have not been looking back ever since. Personal challenges I've overcome: -Suicidal dispair -Depression -Shyness -Low self-esteem -Bad confidence -Cleaned up my diet, became a vegan aswell and I really enjoy it -Stopped smoking, drinking, eating unhealthy food, eating candy, playing videogames -Got into shape again by skiing and running -girls What I'm working on now: -enlightenment -meditation -school -preparing to become a Zen monk for a year or two after I finnish school -self-expression and honesty (I am a dirty little liar) -girls -realized I am a Highly Sensitive Person and adapting to this by trying to be a little more like a monk

Like and Love is not the same and Love is not what people think it is. Love is Truth and it pretty much have to be unconditional for it to be real, it can only be experienced when you move passed the ego and open up to the full infinity of who you are Now is someone is just straight out "evil" or whatever you'll see the condition they're in and you still love them but unconditional love does not mean (at all) unconditional fluff, anything but in fact. "If you love something set it free" right? you'll want to help in whatever way you can to break down their ego regardless of what people around you think of you for it. If you love your body you will take care of it, exercise (to break the body down), feed it well and rest it (to build it back up even stronger but also healthier), it is the same when you love everyone else, you don't want to go easy on them if you know it ain't gonna do them well in the end, beating someone down can actually be the same as stopping someone from committing suicide as you bring them closer to their true self and real life. A relationship in this case would be something you have with someone you fit well together etc but what you really 'love' above all else is the spirit itself (which in a way is everything lol) and this person that you spend so much time with you would't love any more than anyone else (or it'd be conditional love) but you love yourself enough to be with the one who make you the most happy and fulfilled. This is mostly actually bullshit because when you're in a relationship it's so easy to get stuck in their ego instead and especially if you spend time with only one person. It'd be very difficult to break free from that but only secluded meditation and no social interaction may or may not be the best idea either. How you act around other people is probably indeed the real test but you can get very angry very easily without the ego in this world lol (or at least seam like it but you'd never get sucked in to it, it'd always just be a tool at your disposal), like I said earlier, you might need to break shit down before building it back up again

Not being able to kill my self if I would so choose I recently finished up reading Seneca and he pointed out that as long as you are able to commit suicide you don't have to worry about being a bad person thus living a bad life ( the essence of stoicism), you also shouldn't fear death because that is what everyone will get someday anyway. Sure I have all the "normal" fears, not living up my potential, life-long injury, not seeing the world etc. but those are all rather meaningless as in you are going to die in any case. I do fear those bigger than life bees though (hornets or something), seriously fuck those.... they're huge.

Even though I have surrendered, I find the ego a necessity to interact, with the benefit of not being emotionally attached to my interactions. I sometimes feel a tug toward a more ascetic lifestyle and being more withdrawn. As a friend said, ' letting go sounds an awful lot like suicide, if you're no-thing why would you bother to eat or do anything,'. I found that the breaking point myself, yes you could just let go completely and stop being, but there's too much adventure, learning and life to appreciate. So slip back into the ego and observe the adventure as it unfolds.

I will tell you about some of my past experiences that radicly changed my life but only for a month or two each. When i was 14-15 (23 now) i discovered a book called the way of the peaceful warrior by Dan Millman after i watched the movie and it was great so later i bought a book called wisdom of the peaceful warrior and it blew my mind at the time, It was like a map for life. Anyway i found the core of the teaching in two sentences: '' here and now i accept my thoughts and emotions instead of fighting to change them and i act responsibly, constructively and kindly either I FEEL LIKE IT OR NOT''. This was my mantra and i kept repeating it in my head every second, more so when i went to sleep. It was like hell at first confronting my thoughts and emotions and fighting inertia. I don't know why i stopped but i remember that in that month i have done more things than in a year. I think it's also important to know when to rest and have some time for fun to prevent this mantra make you a workaholic (better than lazy but still bad imo). When i was 18 it was a very difficult period of my life because of my family's financial problems and a lot of other stuff. At that time i discovered Eckhart Tolle and i read the Power Of Now and A New Earth. These books shattered my ego to pieces really. I still remember that moment at my balcony that i realized that all i have to do is to stay in that moment and not drift away. It was like commiting suicide inside my head. The world changed everything changed i knew what everybody felt or even thinking at some times, people were fighting and in my presense they were calming down, music was stupid at most cases i felt energy bursting inside me and it was like nothing could touch me or bother me. I believe that everyone that is a little crazy to try and kill his ego and read both of these books can reach that state. Eckhart Tolle tells you exactly how to do it. I did it while i was trying to be aware of the ''space'' inside everything. For example between breaths there is a space as you become aware of it the longer it becomes. I don't know if that was enlightment but it was pretty close i think. Well that was a radical change. It's not that i changed my habits i was still smoking for example but it changed my whole worldview so i suppose it counts. The think is that after two months or so i got stoned. The experience was great at first but then i lost control. The next three years i was ''high'' almost everyday. One of two things happened, either i lost that "egoless" feeling that i had and tried to relive it with weed or i felt something like "what's the point? Everything is a joke anyway". In these 3-4 years i managed to find the love of my life, ruin my life and lose her, get fckd by society etc. So another radical way to change your life while lowering your awereness: abuse weed every day! (after a 2 year break i smoke once per month and it's ok) I was always passionate about fitness. When i was 12 all of a sudden i had this urge to become ripped. Without reading anything about habits i chose an exercise (something really difficult) and i did it every day for 30 days (it was above painful). After 30 days everytime i was adding a new exersice. Anyway after something less than a year i was a monster for a 13 year old and i kept exercising until some years ago What i'm trying to say is that i wanted something badly enough to exercise very hard every day, i had a vision and i realized it by having habits and do them everyday no matter how difficult it was and how many excuses i had. From that i learned how important patience is. After 8 months or so i stopped those exercises but the habit remained. I was exercising almost every day until i was 20 (i still do but not really). So this was the method that was most successful. Slow and steady. I tried to change many habits the last years but i didn't put the effort, i wanted immediate results but that rarely works. Many times i'm thinking what would happen if i changed only one habit every two months the last 5 years.. I would be superhuman by now. So to recap, from my experience: you can change your life right now by repeating that phrase i told you every moment until it get easier but that takes some balls and it is difficulty: ultimate. You can try to do some spiritual work but that doesn't necessarily mean that will make you successful in the real world (because we all need an ego in this world). Drugs are bad. The best way to change your life is one habit at a time slow and steady because the habits add up over time. I know that i got carried away but this was the best answer i could give, good luck!

Hello @Phocus I do appreciate that you are looking out for people's health. Genuinely. I can understand that, from your perspective, and from the outdated science you're invested in, that it may appear as if the dangers you're describing are accurate. I do understand that it may seem as it would be "cause of death: suicide by food", if the old narrative was to be true. I would probably have thought the same as you, before I acknowledged all the new data that's in. We might probably disagree a lot. We have different perspectives, certain dogma, certain preferences, perhaps different body types.. (idk bout that last one though ) So, even if it may be easy for both of us to become frustrated, I don't really have an interest in conflicting. Not saying you can't call me out for being outrageous or smth like that, I will do the same for you But what I would like, is that in the end, if we can't yet find mutual understanding, that we can at least agree to disagree. That the phocus should be on arguments and not on the person. It is more powerful to construct friends of people then enemies And when other members read the conversation, it's good demonstration to show that engagement can be without motivation from a personal emotional crusade, that it instead is one that is held in respect to sober discussion. Not saying you weren't interested in that from the beginning, it's just reflecting my thoughts. So, let us begin. 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... FIGHT jk (= "JAMA. 1981 Aug 7;246(6):640-4. Effect of ingestion of meat on plasma cholesterol of vegetarians. Sacks FM, Donner A, Castelli WP, Gronemeyer J, Pletka P, Margolius HS, Landsberg L, Kass EH. Abstract In a controlled trial, 21 strict vegetarians were studied prospectively for eight weeks: a two-week control period of the usual vegetarian diet was followed by four weeks, during which 250 g of beef was added isocalorically to the daily vegetarian diet and then by two weeks of the control diet. Plasma high-density lipoprotein-cholesterol did not change during the study, whereas plasma total cholesterol rose significantly by 19% at the end of the meat-eating period. Systolic blood pressure (BP) increased significantly during the meat eating by 3% over control values, whereas diastolic BP showed no major changes. Plasma renin activity, prostaglandin A and E levels, and urinary kallikrein, norepinephrine, and epinephrine excretions were within normal limits and did not change notably throughout the trial. The study suggests an adverse effect of consumption of beef on plasma lipid and BP levels." Impressive. A study done 1981, with a whole of 21 test subjects! With a time period of two months, and no follow up. Really need to say more? I'm usually way too retarded to interpret studies, but this one screams uncertainty. According to people who are more educated as to be able to correctly internalize scientific data however, I think science has come a long way since the eighties. The suggested correlation in the study turned out to be inaccurate. If you'd like to see some of the research that this is based on, have a look at the results that science is concerned with now, in the timeline that we're currently living in. While it is indeed correct that unmanaged levels of LDL cholesterol can be unhealthy, it is necessary to keep a balanced amount of LDL cholesterol in your system - you do need LDL too. I feel decently informed on the very superficial level regarding cholesterol, if you'd like to you can check out my current understanding of this matter: Link to my comment about cholesterol In short, HDL cholesterol, so called good one, is increased by natural saturated fats, such a eggs or butter. In short, LDL cholesterol, so called bad one, is increased by a diet of carbohydrates. This is especially true for the refined one: sugar. But also the other slower carbohydrates: potatoes, pasta, bread, rice. Did you know that these actually become slowly processed to sugar in your body? http://www.dietdoctor.com/low-carb/science I suggest revising your perspectives as so they are in accord with the latest reviews in science. --------------- Damn, I was going to ask you virtually the same thing. How is it even possible that you could come to the conclusion that we are designed to eat a diet that is so new to our body, it is comparable to the last day of an entire year? We have NEVER eaten this much carbohydrates. The age of our species is the first point, the age of agriculture in second: 3 200 000 years ......10 000 years What we are, what the human body evolved as, is hunter-gatherers. Also, the fruits you see today in stores are Nothing like they were back in the day. Again, consider updating your knowledge. I don't recommend relying on outdated science. The China Study, released 2005, has been debunked long time ago. It's bad enough that the study was based on observational data, which cannot prove causation, however, it is even worse: The numbers are cherrypicked. Example: We do see eye to eye regarding sugar. I think most camps, despite faction, agree on this. Sugar is fucking terrible for human health. I think that might be one reason as to why many people are experiencing positive results from changing from the worst diet, the standard western diet, to a less bad diet, the vegan diet. The direct sugar intake is mostly cut out in vegan diet, correct? However, as I said before, carbohydrates becomes sugar in your body. So, it's good that one is not consuming the poison in its direct form, which is the worst, however one is still being filled with sugar in a slower way as carbohydrates are consumed. Who'd figured. Now I'm not following you. Are you talking about the website www.dietdoctor.com? If so, then you don't have to speculate anything, just check your eyesight for failing vision. They clearly state how they are financed: by paying members. This is one of the first things you see when you go to the main page on the website. More outdated science. Neverending. A joke about flat earth is in place. Incorrect. This is a retarded oversimplification. As we both know, there are different types of cholesterol. Not only fucking one. ------------------------- I've read that you can play a funny game with people who insist that cholesterol is dangerous to eat. The game is to simply ask for a single study that shows this. so can i haz study 4 dis pls ------------------------------ Wow, okay, so you survived the wall of text. Glad you made it out alive. I'd like to close with the statement that while it may be tough to do this as a vegan, it's actually perfectly possible to eat LCHF as a vegetarian.

I don't know if somebody here experienced something outside of meditation. But 2 weeks back I had a weird experience. My roommate's financial and status life is improving while my is going pretty slow. So one time some of his friends gifted him a lot of stuff because he was moving out of the country. So I got really envious , like couldn't even have an eye contact with him at that moment. That day i couldn't just go to sleep because inside i felt like life is so unfair and I was thinking about stuff like - if I know there is god, I would just commit a suicide and go beat the shit out of that asshole piece of shit. And after 3 days, I was talking with my roommate and he really likes to talk about how good his life is, sometimes I swear to God he is just trying to drill into my eyes how big he is, so I felt small...but then I noticed that envious feeling in me....it was there, but it was like 10 times weaker and it just didn't hurt anymore. After that envious night i noticed that there is much more peace inside me. I was wondering maybe someone have similar experience...and has something to say. It would be very interesting to hear. Last days I even have some masochism inside me for some mental trauma...because I know those strong emotional experiences have some power. P.S...Sorry for my English, there must be a lot of mistakes in post. And I know that I m ego that doesn't exist, that is fiction.