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http://www.nondualitymagazine.org/nonduality_magazine.1.jamesswartz.htm This is an interview of James Swartz with nonduality magazine. He is who introduced me to Vedanta. He's been teaching Vedanta for 45 years. The 2nd question they ask him applies here. When the questioner says "awakening", it means the same as "Self realization". James changes the terminology half way through answering the question by saying "self realization/awakening". Here's the part- " NDM: What do you see as the distinction between Bodhi/awakening and moska/liberation? Ram: Awakening is an experience that happens to the mind, one that gives the individual some kind of understanding that there is something beyond the visible. It is not enlightenment although it is often thought of as enlightenment. Most modern teachers are simply awakened. The self is ‘the light.’ It never slept. It is not enlightened. Enlightenment is moksa, freedom from experience, including awakening, and the notion that the self is limited. It is the hard and fast knowledge “I am limitless non-dual ordinary actionless awareness…assuming that it renders all vasanas non-binding and cancels the sense of doership. Chapter 2 of my book deals with this topic in depth. There is a sub-heading in the chapter called Stages of Enlightenment. The second stage roughly represents self realization/awakening, where there is still an individual who has ‘realized’ i.e. experienced the self. There is still the sense of duality, a ‘me’ and the ‘self’ which appears as an object. It differs from the third stage, which is not a stage, called ‘enlightenment.’ The word enlightenment is not actually technically suitable because of its experiential connotations." ............. I'll have to get to the other aspects of your reply post in a bit.

@arsha As soon as the mind desires sexual pleasure, the body begins to make preparations for it. From the sex centre the ganglia begins pulsating another demand. The sex centre becomes projected outside. The science of Tantra says, if the sex centre can be made to project inwards and can be drawn within (which is known as sex-mudra), you will within two moments find that the body has ceased its demand for sex. But the demand was made and the energy for it was already awakened. It is possible to take this energy upwards. No sooner do we think about sex that our mind begins to flow towards the genital organs. One has to draw the genital organs inwards. All the doors going out from the genital organs will be closed. When the energy has already been awakened, we should close our eyes at that time. Having closed the eyes begin to look at the head from within, just as you see a ceiling from within a room. By constant practice you will find within a month that something from below has begun to rise up. This will be, in fact, your experience that something has started to rise above, something is going up. Some call it kundalini, some give in another name. It is necessary to pay attention to two points here. One is the muladhar and other is the upper centre sahstradhar. Sahastradhar is our centre at the top level and muladhar is our centre at the lowest level. Muladhar is contracted inwards. The energy created in it tries to find a way out. Now we should direct our mind to the higher direction or upper direction, because that path is open. The energy of the body starts flowing towards that direction in which the mind is directed. This is a small process in the transformation. If you experiment with this, celibacy will be achieved without suppression.

Meditation is a lifestyle, not an activity To be asleep means to live a life in which awareness has no place. You are doing something, but your mind is somewhere else. You are walking along the street, your body is there in the street, but your mind is having a conversation with your wife, or may already have reached the office ahead of your physical arrival there. Your mind is already making arrangements in the office while you are still walking along the street. Mind in one place, body in another, is the characteristic of lack of awareness. Mind accompanying body is the characteristic of awareness. You are here, listening to me. In these moments of listening, if your hearing is all, if only your hearing remains and your mind wanders nowhere else but is here and now, if hearing is the only thing happening, as if the rest of the world has disappeared, as if nothing else remains. Here, I am the speaker, there, you are the listener and a bridge is created between us. Your mind does nothing else, it falls silent, utterly silent; it hears, only hears. When only hearing remains, you experience awareness. For the first time, you discover what meditation is. Meditation means being in the moment, not leaving this moment. Someone asked Buddha, ”How shall we meditate?” Buddha replied, ”Whatsoever you do, do it with awareness; this is meditation. Walking, walk attentively, as if walking is everything; eating, eat with awareness, as if eating is everything; rising, rise with awareness; sitting, sit with awareness; all your actions become conscious, your mind does not travel beyond this moment, it remains in the moment, settles in the moment – this is meditation.” Meditation is not a separate process. Meditation is simply the name for life lived with awareness. Meditation is not an hour-a-day affair where you sit for one hour and then it is over till tomorrow. No, if twenty-three hours are empty of meditation and only one hour is meditative, then it is certain that the twenty-three hours will defeat the single hour. Non-meditation will win, meditation will lose. If you are living twenty-three hours a day without awareness, and only one hour with awareness, then you will never attain to the state of buddhahood. How can this single hour triumph over the other twenty-three hours? There is something else that also has to be understood. How can one be aware for one hour if in the remaining twenty-three hours one is not aware? How can you be healthy for one hour if you are sick the other twenty-three hours of the day? Health and sickness are the result of an internal flow. If you are healthy for twenty-three hours of the day, you will be healthy for all twenty-four hours, because the internal flow cannot suddenly be broken for just one of those hours. The current that is flowing goes on flowing. Meditation cannot come about just because you visit a temple or mosque or gurudwara.. If you were not awake in the shop, in the marketplace, or at home, how can you all of a sudden be awake in the temple? Nothing is going to come about suddenly, when it is not part of an internal flowing. This is why Buddha has said that meditation can happen only if you are meditative for twenty-four hours a day. So understand well that meditation is not just one of life’s innumerable activities. It is not just one link in the chain of man’s endless doings. It is like the thread on which all the flowers of a garland have been strung. Meditation is a lifestyle, not an activity. If one is meditative in everything one is doing, if the thread is running through each of the flowers, only then a garland is created. The thread is not even visible, it is hidden underneath the flowers. Nor can the meditator be seen; he is present, but hidden behind all the activities being done through him. An individual is awakened the day when he begins to live meditatively. While he lives nonmeditatively, he sleeps. Someone asked Mahavira what was the definition of a sadhu. Nobody else has ever given the answer that Mahavira gave. He said, Asutta muni, sutt amuni– the one who is not asleep is a sadhu, the one who is asleep is no sadhu”. Who is not asleep? The one whose every action is meditative is not asleep. Religion, liberation, is an experience that happens in such a wakeful consciousness Source – Osho Book “Nowhere To Go But In”

@Toby Animals see reality as is and most of them even have no self-awareness, yet they still run on their natural (and some on predatory) instincts - survival mechanisms. Those Zen masters who operate on low conscious psychological patterns are not much different from a predatory animal. A psychopath won't turn into a saint as the shift occurs. It all depends on which stage of psychological development one was at when they awoke. That's why I'm such a proponent of shadow work following self-realization - we all have issues we need to resolve, be one awakened/enlightened or not. Osho collects women and expensive cars and Buddha was known for occasionally indulging in too much alchohol, while both enlightened. Their natural instincts and conditioned behaviors were preserved even after awakening. And the list can go on. A tough bullet to swallow, but It is what it is.

The mind is just doing what it does...same with the ego, so don't be 'minding' what those will be doing, they can't be anything other than what they are. The mind just covers things with concepts and labels, that's what it does and the ego will try to convince you to endorse those concepts and labels the mind conjures up since that what it does. In those moments that the ego goes about cajoling and manipulating you in an attempt to have you believing the concepts and labels the mind builds just stay at peace. Instead of agree with it's machinations continue to affirm the perception you have in awakening awareness, let the peace of that awakened perception be the guide for consciousness. The mind and ego will do what they do though sometimes it may seem too unbearable to endure the constant undermining but continue to affirm the awakened perspective without trying to fight them. Fighting them isn't affirming from peace, let them dance around with their natural behaviors and peacefully observe without endorsing it the best you can. Eventually the mind will retain the impressions given it from the awakened perception and will reflect that in it's paradigm so the ego will in turn go about getting you to endorse those concepts and labels of an awakened mind. In this way our awareness will guide the whole of our consciousness into liberation.

I've done weed quite a lot in my life and i can say Ive gained most insights on cannabis especially after my spiritual awakening everytime i got high was like i became awakened/enlightened all over again until i started to abuse it more often. Now i do it maybe 2-4 times a month and its Enlightened me all over again but when i do it more often it seems to drain that connection away and deplete/disrupt spiritual balance. It has become like a stronger psychedelic nowadays and also became more powerful after DMT or other psychedelics but the psychedelic boost fades away although when i am more spiritually centered it does come back. I've had rapid glimpses of ego death as well but this is when i usually am more spiritually focused and pure. Cannabis is one of the most beautiful substances when used properly and respectfully. You can learn so much from its teachings if you train yourself to tap into its roots. I also had a time where it felt like weeks went past, i did so much, i learned and gained so much which was only few hours i couldn't not believe what just happened and how was this possible. When you gain access to this intelligence you will see how it all works and plays out allowing you to understand how less often is better but from time to time can be used to amplify whatever you desire far ahead of most sober possibilities. Balance <3

Very well said, that was pretty much how it happened for me, similar ups and downs, confusions and darkness before a rise to light but like you said its not like one big DMT trip and your now awakened its just there, always been there but you never notice it and when you do notice everything starts to make sense and every step can be traced back to a synchronicity that occurred every step of the way. You did it yourself but you don't notice because you just become more of who you really are. I had so much energy, information and downloads flowing through me it took me several months to noticed for myself. I had completely forgotten i was seeking enlightenment to begin with and how i got here well goes back to that. If you seek you shall find

Is there any point to awakening besides making life more carefree? Buddhists and Hindus say you must awaken to escape transmigration. But from many "awakening" experiences I read of people these days, it sounds like it doesn't matter if you awake or not in the end. So either these "awakened" people have gone further than the Buddha in experiencing the truth, or haven't gone as far as the Buddha.

@Azrael Very inspiring post my friend! I guess, we're all waiting for the grand final step in your process of awakening: What will your new spiritual awakened grand master name be? I like where Azrael is coming from, we need some more role models from "the dark side" of the force. Darth Azrael would be even more appealing to mythology and mass culture.

I just wrote this in response to no thing, and was like damn, that is some good shit I wrote haha jk. In all seriousness. I think the following advice can make the post awakening process smoother fo those who have recently had an awakening. "Not sure if you have recently had an awakening or not. I will just share a story with you. Once adyashanti was speaking at his sangha. One of his audience members who hd an awakening walked up on stage. Grabbed tge mic from audio and started babbling truths. like he knows everything and adya does not get it like him. Upon awakening one does feel like that. Most also become very opinionated on the path. Enlightenment and etc. I personally did shit like this for a long while, but the more you process the realization one has upon awakening. The humbler you become, and the more you understand that although you are truth. You do not understand it and the infinite ways it can express itself. My point? Chill bro. You are at the begglinning of something great. Dont let ego hijack your vehicle and drive you off course though. Gl"

When I listen to music, sometimes I hear a line which sticks in my head and I am almost forced to think about it. I will share the two lines I contemplate on. The first line comes from a Hungarian song, the first line of this song caught my attention: "Be kell csuknod a szemed / úgy láthatsz meg engemet", which roughly translates to "You need to close your eyes, / that way you will see me". What could this thing be? It does not matter that the next line is "To conquer my heart, / you need to know my soul"... Could this be Nothingness, God, both, or something completely different? The second line is from Kygo's and Selena Lopez's It Ain't Me. It is just a fraction of a line, but it sounds very paradoxical: "Who's waking up to drive you home when you're drunk and all alone?". You can exchange waking up with awakening, and get "Who's awakening?". If this refers to spiritual enlightenment, it means that "you" awaken when you realize that there is no one to be awakened. Kinda freaky and paradoxical. What do you think about these? Do you have other lines like these?

I am so excited I found this technique. As many of you probably know fears/suppressed emotions come from negative conditioning/experiences (that form the foundation for the negative ego), and they are all stored within your body. I knew muscle stretching and massage could help you face them and release them sometimes (which is almost never focused on in massages ), as can happen in healing sessions sometimes, and during darshan ((eye contact) transmission from an awakened human). But this technique completely nails getting deep emotions out properly consistently, it's quite simple and can be done with anyone that's somewhat open, sensitive and not stupid. The technique: -Scan the back for tense points, most people should have plenty, the muscles along the spine are usually targeted by this practitioner, but it can be done on any muscle (just be careful when pressing down hard on the front of the body in some areas or sensitive rotational areas,), but just using the back seems to be enough. -Push/massage the muscles over the bone rather harshly, obviously talk with the partner as to what is right/endurable. The one lying down does their best to stay with the sensation and the emotion related to it, by feeling it and by taking deep breathes. - Comfort the person by laying your loving hand on the used area.. Go with your feelings/institution. That's it. Optional is doing inner child therapy as described as shown in the videos. Try at your own risk (though there shouldn't be any).

That you can claim only when you know 'what is enlightenment'. If you are not spiritually awakened, you can't even imagine 'what is enlightenment'.

@Shin That's so beautiful, thank you for sharing! Those are special moments of awakened mindfulness, purity, and peace. I often see the world around me like that too

Good to hear you're feeling balanced. Sounds like you've shed some layers of unnecessary pain and suffering. That being said, it's good to keep perspective. You've studied, meditated, done psychedelics, and have generally followed Leo's direction. Now, you're on an internet forum detailing your 'Awakening' story, as if you've reached some permanent state of consciousness that makes this story significant and / or a point of reference. This, of course, isn't your first post of it's kind proclaiming you've reached some new heights. Outside looking in, it looks a lot like ego masturbation. You do all this 'work' and here is the payoff, writing this long detailed post on the internet with the cliche "I was once just like you..." - all while your teacher validates you in front of others. I'm sorry if that was a bit harsh, but I want you to know you're a 19 year old kid without much life experience and most of the issues you've dealt with up until this point have been fairly simplistic. You aren't there yet, inevitably life will smack you upside the head and make you re-think everything you think you know about how balanced and awakened you are. Be ready brother.

@Azrael What a fantastic write-up, thank you. I'm curious about that initial "crack" in your head that you noticed, which you felt paved the way for what was to come. Do you have any further insight on why this occurred? It could be that the technique you were using was especially well-suited to this purpose... Perhaps years and years of meditation may prove fruitless without that initial crack? Is this a well-known thing that other awakened people have talked about?

Thank you for sharing @Azrael , I enjoyed reading it. When we cease believing in what the ego produces in our consciousness it will do whatever it can to get back the power of our attention. It will even let us think we are losing our minds just as long as it results in us restoring our belief in it's constructs. When we awaken we are seeing reality as it is without the constructs of the ego in the way and to stay awakened, what is called enlightenment, we continue to view reality through the prism of presence by being in the moment. The ego will try to distract us from seeing reality as it is and instead for us to believe what it tells us it is through it's constructs built on the past. The substances we would take to help awaken are merely a temporary chemical neutering of the ego but it has to happen naturally to stay awake in what's called enlightenment.

I know an awakened guy who shared with me he also got sore balls , so go figure.

Well, yesterday night I got a message from @Leo Gura - while watching the 5th season of House of Cards - in which he asked me how much 5-MeO-DMT trips I needed to wake up. After answering his question I shared with him a short version of the story how it all happened -- how I woke up. He suggested then that I should share this with you guys to inspire and educate you. And although it's still strange for me to talk about it in detail, it's the right thing to do. Just a year ago I had one wish and one wish only: To know exactly how it is like. And I will give my best shot in trying to articulate it. Before I start though, I will give you some perspective where I'm coming from at this. What my background is, because that's utterly important if you want to understand how my journey took place and how the dynamics of the awakening worked. +++ My Background: How I Got Introduced To Self-Actualization / Enlightenment +++ So let's go back two years. I'm 19 years old, sitting in my old room in my parents house in the night watching Leo's first video on enlightenment. At that time, I moved to Berlin, began my studies and I felt completely fucked up. I mean, my life in general worked out. My studies were going great, I moved to the city that I wanted to live in, ... . But I was feeling just shitty and insecure. I got bullied when I was 12-14 years old for making crappy rap music and it seemed that all that fear and insecurity from that time started to bubble up. I had a chronic feeling of being overwhelmed with my life, being anxious because of that and I didn't have the courage to speak about it to someone because I was deeply convinced that it would make me seem weak and like a victim - and I could not allow that. So, if you asked a friend of mine at that time, he would've described me as this charismatic, confident dude whose life is going pretty well. That's what I pretended to be on the outside. I am pretty charismatic and confident - so that's not a lie - but I used it as a shield so that people wouldn't notice what is going on with me. Coming back to the night in my parents house where I watched the first enlightenment video, I'm just like: "That's my last chance. I have to try this, if this works (and I just believed Leo at that time because I resonated with his style of teaching) I can live in peace." I hated myself at that time, hated who I was and how my life went, so it seemed like a good idea to kill this guy called Azrael. Also, I was fascinated by the idea that this could be possible. I had never heard about the concept of enlightenment before and although I was deeply interested in psychology / philosophy and naturally way too curious about this world, I had kind of given up on ever really knowing what is going on here. This seemed like a solution to that as well. So, I started to meditate the next day. +++ My Journey: How I Made It Happen +++ I have one big advantage over other people and that is: I get fascinated with stuff pretty deeply. Like, when there is a topic that I'm interested in I melt into that. I will research everything that there is about it, look at all the experts in the field, fall platonically in love with them, mimic how they talk and think, what they are interested in. I will live in that dream of that fascination. I will think about it all the day, associate everything that I do with it and make it my thing. That's basically me. That's why I am so young and so old at the same time. Because I live that shit. And as you can guess, I did the same stuff with my journey. I meditated, self-enquired, contemplated and tried to wrap my head around it. In the first year I was just very motivated and tried to get it all in. I knew nothing about it and I wanted to "get in there". So what happened? I actually began to feel better. I had my first realizations, I had cool meditations, began to experience my first mystical experiences and started to do psychedelics - mostly LSD and DMT. So, a year goes by and I'm sitting at home. I moved a few months before that to a new apartment and Leo just released his video on "Free Will". Still, one of my favourites of all time. After I watched the video I meditated on the question "What is going to happen next?" for an hour. In that meditation a very strange thing happened. It felt like something cracked in my head and a lot of thoughts came up. I finished the meditation, began to cook something and noticed for the first time that I am able to listen to my thoughts while knowing that I don't say them myself. Looking back at that, I think it was the point at which my unconscious opened a gateway to my conscious awareness and started to really process some shit. After that, the most horrifying year of my entire life started. My anxiety increased to a top, my unconscious thoughts increased to a top and just hypnotized me all day long. I just couldn't stay mindful. I was scared to leave the house because I was hyper-sensitive about everything. I was a mess. I was so fucked up that I doubted that this is still purging and I sometimes assumed that I am just mentally ill. That I'm a schizophrenic, with PTSD, anxiety disorder and paranoid. That's basically a good description on how I felt for most of the days. At that time, I had probably the deepest realizations. Funnily, if you are in such a bad state you grow a lot and pretty fast because you are meta-analysing yourself all the time (because you are so fucked up) and through that you naturally have a lot of realizations and crazy experiences. From time to time it would stop for 1-2 weeks and I would have deep moments of bliss and clarity. Then the roller-coaster would start all over again and it would get worse. Just a big fucking mess. Needless to say that this was also the time in which I tried everything. Every kind of meditation you know, every kind of teaching that is out there, any psychedelic that I could get my hands on. I was on it. I tried it, analysed and tried to use it to get me out of that horrible state. As I will later state, this time was the time in which my mind began to awaken. I just wasn't really aware of that because simultaneously it was flooded by so many disturbing thoughts and my body was fucked up with so many tensions and bad emotions. This cycle basically kept going for the whole year, intensified and lowered, intensified and lowered. In the summer I got tired of it. I got tired of feeling so bad. I even had suicidal thoughts sometimes (which then freaked me out even more). So I stopped seeking. I still committed to the practice, still did my thing but I just gave up that this would ever stop. I just couldn't see how. In the autumn and winter of that year I started fucking around with 5-MeO-DMT and shrooms. I also started using HoloSync. At that time I had some interesting changes happening. After my first 5-MeO-DMT sessions the tensions in my head completely vanished. That was nice but I was still in pain, still in fear. I also didn't have the nice blissful phases any more, I just felt mostly tired and sick of this shit. That was basically my journey. A big fucking mess. A lot of trial and error, a lot of dedication and fascination. +++ The Awakening of The Mind +++ In the summer of this horrifying year my mind awakened. I had a few awakening experiences before that but non that lasted. In the summer I had one Kundalini awakening. I just sat on my couch, was pretty exhausted and tired that day and thought about a girl that had rejected me at that time. Suddenly this ball of energy came shooting up my spine and into my head where it exploded. The first thought I had was: "Fuck, am I going to die right now?" It was pretty intense. After that I took a walk and was just completely shocked and fascinated with what happened and how I felt. All the anxiety and attachment was gone for this evening. And I could recognize the source. I could recognize where everything is coming from and who I am. I went to a buddy later that evening and it felt like he was a creature - not a human. It was crazy. The days after that experience the state completely vanished and I went back into my fucked up mode. However, my sense of self was now completely rooted in source. I could - if I wanted to - know who I truly was. It was clear. But at that time, I still thought that this cannot be it, because I still felt so damn bad. I didn't know that my body had to awaken as well to be completely rooted in it and to feel the peace and calmness of the awakening. +++ The Awakening of The Body +++ The awakening of the mind is basically realizing who you really are. Being able to recognize source. That's great, but only half of the deal. You can be able to recognize that with your ego still intact raping you like nothing changed. And you won't be able to realize what really happened because your ego is still there. The daemon is still there. Now, here is the story of how my ego integrated and how it brought me into total balance. Roughly two weeks ago, I'm laying in my bed waking up (normally). It's a regular morning in Berlin. I'm still a little bit tired and dreamy, thinking about my daily meditation. And I'm like: "Ah, I don't wanna meditate. I just wanna sleep today." I'm pretty grumpy in the mornings btw. This is not the first morning that I think that way and so I begin to think a little bit. Why do I don't want to meditate any more? This is my favourite and most intimate thing I do every day. And then I'm thinking about the last couple of weeks. How do I feel? How do I feel? I feel pretty good. Wait a minute, I felt good for a pretty long time now. Why am I not thinking about spirituality any more? I used to think about this every day 24/7? Why am I not thinking that much any more in general? I'm pretty relaxed all the time. Where are my chronic tensions in my abdomen? I haven't felt them now for ... Wait a minute. And it goes on like this. That morning I realised that I had awakened. It was the strangest thing. I wasn't able to tell for some days what really changed, I just knew that I didn't feel bad any more and that all my motivation to do my practice just disappeared. (I still did it of course - gotta be disciplined with this and not listen to your thoughts.) After some time I began to think about myself again because I wanted to know what changed. A few nights ago I skyped with my good friend @Huz and I came up with a metaphor that describes it pretty well. +++ The Metaphor: How It Feels to Wake Up +++ So, in the normal non-integrated state of egoic consciousness - wow that's a phrase that sounds pretty evil just writing it - it's like you have an invisible suit that you wear at all times. This suit has one property and one property only. It makes it hard for sensations, emotions and feelings to get out of your body. So now with having this suit on, when you have a sensation or an emotion that goes through your body it will naturally be resisted by the suit and so ping back into your system. It's like there is a resistance through that invisible suit. So that sensation or emotion will go another time through your body and by that amplify the effect it has on you. Because it cannot get out easily. It might get out after some time, depending on how strong your suit is, but it's hard for the poor little thing. Through that you tend to "attach" to what is going on with you. Even more, you begin to identify with what is going on inside yourself because the effect is so strong and always repeats because of the resistance. The same thing is happening with your thoughts. You have a thought and it cannot get out because of your suit. It gets back. Makes another round, triggers other thoughts that cannot get out that trigger even more thoughts. Through that a constant chatter of thoughts is made possible. As you start your practice you begin to unconsciously work on your suit. As you purge more and more shit its resistance gets weaker and more thoughts can go out of your system at first. Then, as this happens a lot of the repressed thoughts are now able to release themselves and your system is flooded by them. Because your suit is weaker they can get out but because of the volume of the repressed thoughts that are now set free it seems like you are regressing - although you are not. Through that process you might be able at some time to recognize who you really are because so much changes inside of yourself. That's great and that's what happened when my mind awakened - however the suit was still on - although weakened. When the body awakens what basically happens is that the suit looses its last resistance and falls off. Through that your body is now able to think and process emotions naturally without unconscious resistance of the suit. This of course implicates that you loose most of your inner tensions and that the volume of your thoughts go down, because they are not amplified any more. It also implicates that you are able to recognize who you are much easier because the strong identification with your sensations, emotions and thoughts is released and really everything that you are aware of finds a perfect balance. This also explains why I did not instantly recognize what happened to me. My meta-analysis, my pain, my tensions, my thought stories just left like a daemon that raped me and through that I just was and am in a state of peace that is not questioning itself all the time and is not trying to get away from itself. I hope this makes sense. +++ The Aftermath: What Now Then? +++ Well, I don't now, to be honest. Right now, I am pretty relaxed. I still do my normal day to day shit, I still have all my preferences, dreams and desires. I don't want to get away from myself any more and I know who I am. I am quite empty. I guess that's a phase in the beginning. I will see where it takes me. I will commit to my practice and see what comes next. I hope that I am able to find a lot of more metaphors in the future about this and I'd like to write more about it to help you guys and make me understand it on an intellectual level. One thing that is very important to understand here is the following: In all my seeking, non-seeking and whatever I did I always made up this picture in my head of "how it would be if I'm there". And that's natural in the non-integrated state of egoic consciousness - oh I love this phrase. I think that this transition took place because when I chased this picture of "how it would be" I was at the same time doing all the work that unconsciously set up all the dynamics and mechanisms to transform my whole being. It took the time that it needed and it didn't give a fuck how I felt about it. When it was time it first awakened my mind and then later awakened the body and when that happened and both came into balance it was just like the picture dissolved and I was shot from my path into a big fucking ocean in which I have to now find out how to swim. It's like I just completed this level and am now at square one again - just in a different world. Well let's find out what's going on in here, right? Because the levels never stop. That's the fun of the game, I guess. I'm thankful to all the members on this forum that I had and have great conversations with. Especially I'm thankful for @Leo Gura who introduced me to all of this and is a constant inspiration, source of education and a fucking pain in the ass to be more committed, @jjer94, @Ayla and @cetus56 who made me realize so much with their beautiful writing and lastly @Huz my great good friend from the UK with whom I have the best conversations about all of this and who is always listening and responding to my crazy voice messages. Cheers, Az P.S. Feel free to ask me whatever is on your mind about all of this. I'm happy to help and to further clarify what I stated here. I will - in the future - post a lot more about the techniques that I used, about more of the dynamics of the process, new trip reports and all the other good shit that we all love to talk about.

Hello everyone. I hope youre all having an amazing day and know that if youre reading this you are loved and adored milion times over. Thanks to a post @Shin shared earlier today including Adyashanti´s video about awakening mind, heart and gut. It reminded me about what Matt Kahn once spoke of and what @Leo Gura today shared in his video where he spoke of his consciousness descending from his head to his heart and then having the head-less perception. :-) So which one are you going to awaken? If I had to guess, this is a pointer I would use. Who do I resonate with the most? Rali, Leo´s first enlightenment videos, Rupert Spyra - awakening of the mind Matt Kahn - awakening of the heart and gut Yes Ik im sorry I have no idea who else to include into the awakening of the heart and gut. The only thing I can say is that I cannot describe on how deep of a level I resonate with Matt, and if I had to guess my awakening is happening on the level of the gut - meaning I have had for more than a year energetical purging from my gut, as if my whole ego-structure and its energy were located there. That is the place that I am rooted in and hanging onto. So once again... which one is being awakened in you? (Its not a competition hahaha dont worry. Or is it? :o) xD)

Here are some of the written notes I jotted down from the Book The Leap: The Psychology of Spiritual Awakening In the book, the author gathers notes from interviews with awakened/enlightened people around the world in order to answer the question what does it mean to be enlightened or spiritually awakened? Over the past year or so, I have noticed the characteristics of permanent wakefulness in my cognition for days at a time and then dropping off for another few days before coming back at a higher intensity. I used to think I was bipolar, but I'm glad to at least realize it was a cycle of wakefulness and sleep. But now, after taking 5-MEO, I have had a period of about 2 weeks where my wakefulness has been consistent. I can't unsee the connection to the world and I enjoy simply being -- I hang out in the park behind my apartment slacklining or just kind of sitting there. But I don't know how to come back to regular life at all. All of society looks so ass backwards and I have no clue how to integrate myself once again. I say that both worried and not worried at all. (My ego is worried that I don't worry but I don't feel connected to my ego's worry?) Language seems fucked up. It's the weirdest goddamn thing -- but its exactly what I signed up for. I took the life purpose course and I'm so glad I did because I found an awesome career path in terms of my values and vision. But now I feel like I have to go back to square one because I find that career path does not line up with being cognition very well. This is not a problem -- if anything its really good to recognize now as a 23 year old. But damn it's frustrating, and its hilarious and exciting. @Leo GuraI have never experienced so many contrasting emotions in my life -- my question is how do I handle all of these new mixtures of emotions that I've never felt? There are like 5 mixed emotions that I feel that go with any one concept I try to express and I feel like I'm either all over the place while talking or totally lying. And while I have all those new, intense, contrasting emotions, I feel this connection to a rock-hard, undisturbable part of me that cannot get upset about anything or do anything other than exist happily. Thus I feel both intense emotion and intense detachment from the emotion - which I have absolutely no clue how to express. Perhaps it's like Gay Hendrick's "Upper limit problem" on steroids... I feel like the only valid form of communication is total silence.

You'd have to see for yourself. Personally, I found that the NoFap reports are over-exaggerated: I simply became hornier and as a result ended up fucking my girlfriends more - which is cool, but it's wasn't some sort of a magic pill the way i've seen it described. Know your personal values and then see if masturbation interfere with them. My top ten personal values are Truth, Growth, Courage, 100% Responsibility, Unconditional Love/Happiness, Non-judgment, Non-Attachment, Purpose, Benevolence, and Mastery. Does masturbation get in the way of those? That's up to debate within oneself. There are 233,048 Fapstronauts according to the webpage. With any number that large, I'm sure can find some awakened person in the crowd. Also, if you think that Ralph Smart/Infinite Waters became awakened because he did a NoFap challenge, you're kidding yourself (CAN I GET A HELLOOOOO). Beyond that, since you mentioned him, I did some research and it took 3 seconds for me to find one of Smart's own videos where he specifically says that masturbation is not bad. But on the whole, many of the posts on from the NoFappers are low consciousness freakouts about how people started NoFap and then stopped. My Final point: Pick your battles wisely. No one will give a flying fuck about the fact that you went 60 days without masturbating. You won't make money nor will you help the world nor will you raise your consciousness all that much solely by NoFapping.

You awakened from the dream. Now comes the difficult part. You will feel a split within yourself. Sometimes your conditioning ego structure will be in the foreground and sometimes you will just be still. Everyday you will realise how full of shit you were yesterday and that you are probably still full of shit today. There is no turning back anymore. The best you can do is to just surrender and point the flashlight of your awareness onto everything that goes on in your life. You might want to research the dark night of the soul. Don't make any radical changes in your life too quickly. Don't drag others into your stuff too much. Don't seek the absolute too heavily and get one sided. Enlightenment doesn't have a preference for either form or the formless. About your fear of infinity. I had the same just a couple of days back. It is just your ego making a story out of it. Everything is just as it is. It is what it is and everything is exactly as it should be so thinking, oh it is me alone forever and ever is just your ego thinking it is Truth but it's not. Don't deny your negative emotions. Allow them to be just as everything else. Don't think, oh in need to release them to become enlightened. Look at them and just see what they are without a story. Go further as Jed Mckenna likes to put it. Further! But at the same time, realise that there is nowhere to go and you are it already. Just don't make the mistake of thinking you are enlightened. The you that thinks it is enlightened will never be. The you that doesn't care about enlightenment is it already. It was and will ever be it which is a stupid sentence because it is outside of time.

Entry 151 | Psychedelic Dream Report Last night, I experienced a dream like no other. Although I've never taken drugs or psychedelics in my life, it seems as though I "tripped" in my dream last night in a monumental way. The specific meaning behind this dream remains a mystery for the time being as I'm bewildered by it completely. A good 95% of the dream was humanistic and believable in many ways. It was a hot day and I was chilling in the entrance to some sort of temple or old building with members of the Indian music ensemble. Although most dreams give the illusion of appearing realistic, this one felt unparalleled in that remark. The gorgeous heat of the sun beaming down on my skin, the appearance of my musician friends, the passage of time, even my state of consciousness within the dream felt completely real. My thoughts and emotions felt identical to what they do now. As far as I was concerned, it was real life with no question about it. Much of the dream occurred in this scenario, which felt really good but perhaps not as noteworthy as what happened right at the end of the dream. Remembering that it was a hot day with no clouds in the sky, I felt a spot of rain hit my skin. And then another. The sky began to darken and as I looked up, I saw the ash clouds of a gigantic explosion and a turquoise nebula shining through. I slowly came to realise that it must have been a meteor or something similar hitting the Earth, meaning the end of the world. As I spoke words along the lines of "is the world going to end?", time began to slow down before I managed to finish the sentence. The people around me, including myself, began to fall to the ground. The sound of my voice distorted like a record being slowed down. The colour schemes transformed from normal "everyday" colours to highly saturated, intense colours. My thoughts and emotions began to revolve around fear and terror. Instead of hitting the ground, I seemed to fall through it. The entire scenario, now in bright luminescent colours, began to zoom out of perspective until nothingness remained. My thoughts and emotions became the equivalent of that of a dying person. Once wrestling with life, now just peacefully letting it go. Remember that it felt like real life to me. It genuinely felt like death had finally come. All that remained of the nothingness was just pure awareness. It remained for a few more seconds before I "woke up" in bed to discover that it was all a dream. I checked my watch and I had only been asleep for 3 hours in all of that time. The most intriguing thing about this dream for me is the maintained awareness from the dream world to the awakened world. It left a great big question in my mind that can't be shaken off: what if I'm still dreaming? What if the dream never ended? I was so certain that the dream world was reality. Just like I have been so sure all of my life that the waking world is real. Now I really don't know. One thing is for sure: that was the most beautiful experience I can remember. Pick of the day:

Consciousness is the source of all. Consciousness is the stuff existence is made of. And consciousness has always been here, is here, will be here. It can be asleep, it can be awake, but it is consciousness all the same. Matter is consciousness asleep, not yet awakened. A rock is a sleeping Buddha. Matter is totally unconscious; a Buddha is totally conscious. Man is somewhere in between. Your thoughts are things, thoughts are not conscious, we can be aware of thoughts.