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It's always only ever you, so don't limit yourself. In my experience true excitement and thrill comes to you and demands to be followed as if it's not a choice. When I try to make it happen there's a lot of resistance, and when I do get the thrilling experience that means that backlash is always right on the heels of it. For example, you know how some people have to drink in order to have a good time socially? That's because the alcohol wipes out their resistance for a short time, then dumps it all in their laps latter. The same thing happens when there's resistance present no matter what choices you make. Follow what feels good and follow your bliss, but be wise enough to discern between wanting excitement without resistance and chasing excitement no matter the cost. Resistance dampens the heights of the thrill that you want anyway, so what you really want is no resistance. It's not the desire for thrill that ruins a thrill seekers life, it's all the resistance he has. Counter-intuitively becoming free of resistance usually means doing things that seem boring, like meditation. True excitement sometimes doesn't seem exciting at all, to the mind or from an outside perspective and that's what's so tricky. A lot of the work that's done in meditation is getting the ability to look at the sky or a little bird and have it move you to tears. We are heightening our sensitivity and the wonder of life becomes breathtaking. At the same time all the big thrilling things we really really want in life, we're often too scared of to let ourselves experience. By working through resistance we drop our fear and clear the way for big desires. Pay attention to the feeling itself of thrill and excitement, rather than trying to sort out with your mind what things are thrilling and exciting. Don't chase a future that will never come, excitement arises now. There's no difference between the feeling of anticipation and satisfaction, we only pretend that there is because we often add resistance to our anticipation. Abraham Hicks is a fantastic teacher for this sort of thing.

@MountainCactus Wow. This is very interesting stuff and I have got some researching to do. I will buy Yogananda's book on the Gita. Though speaking of Yogananda. For me personally, he is one of the greatest masters we've had. Yet he seemed to have no problem with energization practices. On the contrary. He reached so far that he willingly left the body. So what is your view on that? It is paradoxical to what wrote, is it not? Also if you look at Vajrayana and Tummo practice, it focuses on building up so much energy that it "melts" the upper centres into the belly which creates more and more bliss. Non-dual bliss as they call it. An extremely energetic technique that obviously has created a lot of masters if you look at the Tibetan tradition. So isn't it more fair to say that it depends on the individual more than anything? For some people, like Yogananda, an increase in energy was to their benefit. Whereas for other people it will cause suffering and there is not enough courage to resist the temptations it creates. Also, I would be interested in hearing your opinion about our center. You write that the limbic brain projects out the chakras in the body. And the term spiritual heart gets used alot, where our home and true seed is. Gamana writes about this too. But the spiritual heart still gets projected out to the heart from the brain. Or "brain". So is it fair to say that our true core and center is in the brain and this is where the eyeball (as Leo put it) projects out all of creation? And that it only feels like it's in the spiritual heart?

Actually @Esoteric I'm going to take a small step back here as I think by backing up a little bit I can paint a bit more context that will help you and everyone else connect the dots. The ultimate goal of Kriya, as I mentioned, is to unite your consciousness permanently with the non-dual. Kriya is an Advaita Vedanta technique at its core. Self-Inquiry is easy to get some initial experience, but it's hard to make that experience permanent. Kriya is an easy and natural way to make that non-dual state permanent into what is called a state of Nirvikalpa Samadhi. In this way I see both Kriya and Self-Inquiry as natural complimentary practices, but that's a tangent for another day. Advaita Vedanta teaches that to reach Nirvikalpa Samadhi you have to go through all 3 bodies, that are comprised of 5 total sheaths (or the 5 Koshas if you want to research more into this). The physical body Annamaya Kosha or physical sheath. The subtle body Pranamaya Kosha or energy sheath. Manomaya Kosha or the mind sheath. Vijnanamaya Kosha or the subconscious/intuitive sheath. The causal body Anandamaya Kosha or the emptiness/bliss sheath. And finally when you move beyond all of those bodies/sheaths you reach the non-dual state. Each of those sheaths is an illusion, hence the word "Maya" used in each name. Even emptiness/bliss is an illusion. Far too many people reach this point and think they've reached the end, but the truth is there is still another layer below that. If one can observe emptiness, there is obviously still something lower and more subtle than emptiness that is observing it. So what are the chakras and how do they fit into this model? Like I mentioned above, the chakras are where the limbic brain projects into the physical body. So what sheath is the limbic brain in? It is in the Vijnanamaya Kosha. It leverages the Pranamaya Kosha to manifest the physical body. In other words, the chakras are where the subtle body becomes the physical body. So by energizing these connection points, you are strengthening the bond between the body and the subtle body. This is the opposite of what we want. The goal of the first Kriya is to do the Battle of Kurukshetra that Krishna described in the Bhagavad Gita. For those not familiar with the Gita I highly recommend Yogananda's "God Talks With Arjuna" for a very western friendly and Kriya specific version. His teachings in that book came from Sriyukteswar's writings, which were edited and approved by Lahiri. So through Kriya, we perform the battle of Kurukshetra and go beyond the body and the consciousness settles into the subtle body. Then from there, through Paravastha, Yoni Mundra, and the higher Kriyas we completely win this battle, and we are able to release from the subtle body into the Kutastha which is the causal body. It is at this point where you finally are at a full state of Pratyahara. Then through continued practice, and much time spent in the Paravastha state, you can go from Dharana, to Dhyana, and finally Samadhi where you ultimately merge your consciousness with the non-dual. Then, by reaching Samadhi over and over and over again, you slowly start bringing it with you outside meditation until Samadhi is a permanent state. This is the goal of Kriya; Nirvikalpa Samadhi. To get here, one must sever the link between the chakras and the body. This is the first major battle that needs to be fought. By strengthening these bonds, you prevent yourself from going any further in the process I described.

The sensation of the universe is love. One infinite love, conscious, aware. Because infinite is infinite, infinite must forget ‘who’ it is, so there can be experience, or, finite. To “sin” is to speak against one’s self. “Original sin”, is the infinite must forget itself, to create the experience of being born. We are born against ourself. Because we veiled our self, so that we could be born. We weave an identity out of our experiences growing up. We believe we are that identity. We believe we are the body. We believe we are the past. We believe we are defined by our experiences. So our thoughts & perspectives orientate towards defending & protecting the identity. We do things that are hurtful to others, and to our own bodies & minds. We do these things in pure innocence. That’s tiring. Suffering. We begin to resent ourselves, and God. Misery, hell. We don’t want dualities, we want heaven. We become angry, furious, and begin to demand the heaven we so deeply yet elusively know to be our divine nature. It becomes unbearable. Anger becomes hate, and hate can go on for a long time, if we deny our true self. But eventually, one way or another, even if it’s old and dying, one does indeed let go. I sometimes imagine a person in such a predicament, upon passing away, asking God “Why?! Why with this infinite love, this eternal divine bliss - why did you put me through all that suffering, that anger, the hate, the evil?? Why!?” But then, there is no one to ask. And there is no question. No anger. No hurt. No pain. No hate, no evil. Just the love. The love we are. The sensation, the ‘having feeling’, the ‘aliveness’ - was the infinite love and guidance all along. It’s crystal clear. One can forgot who one is now & then, but one can not actually not be who one really is. “The Cosmic Joke” What we feared all along, was love. It was just our self. If we’d just let go of the past, forgive ourselves readily, love ourselves readily. @beatlemantis ♥️??

Story time. First I forgot who I was. That’s basically where all the trouble started. Discordant psychology & depression ensued, therapists & pills didn’t help. Gained 70 or so pounds, ate terribly, lost sex drive. Got a lot more depressed, hopeless. Meditation however, worked. I found some relief and clarity, so I did it everyday, at least once. I didn’t know about the path, awakening, enlightenment, etc. The content, or big picture & details, and spelling-it-out, wasn’t as available as it is now. Also, I started playing guitar around 15. Classical & different genres of pop / rock. In hindsight, this developed relaxation, concentration, focus & feeling. Working efficiently, honestly & intelligently felt good, and bettered my quality of life, so I did a lot of that. I excelled and created opportunities of every job. I liked making things more efficient, more fun, & easier for everyone, and I liked putting how everyone feels, first. In hindsight, that was more significant than I noticed. It was from meditation, from slowing the mind down, that I saw through the lens of the importance of attitude. It felt empowering. I started exercising. That felt amazing. Because I felt amazing, I wanted to feel more amazing, so I changed my diet entirely. I experienced energy I’d never experienced before. I became much more expressive, and started singing along with playing guitar, and I absolutely loved it. In hindsight, writing songs developed expression and transmuted suffering. Because of the meditation, attitude, work ethic, energy, expressing & having fun, I left am hourly job for a salary job, and then left that to start a business. I had learned a lot, and also, at the same time I had no idea what I was doing really, but I just happily did it anyways because it was desired & aligned. Meditation revealed the ‘secret’ of ‘now’, or, the actuality of presence, or, being. When I thought of too big of a slice of life, instead of getting overwhelmed, I’d realize it’s just this moment, never more. Meditation revealed the nature of overthinking; emotional repression & suppression. Because I was no longer overthinking (via meditation), and had some intuition going (via meditation and expression), and everyone else was overthinking, things got immeasurably easier & effortless. I realized meditation is naturally a leadership quality practice, so I did it more, often twice a day. I worked even more efficiently, trained a team, had maximum synergistic all-inclusive fun, and replaced myself in the operation. Then I opened another business, and in short, did the same thing. Then again and again. In meditation, I let go of a lot, had little thought chatter, and became much more open minded. Because I was open minded, I heard and started listing to Abraham Hicks, Wayne Dyer, Rupert Spira and similar content on YouTube. That helped open the mind up even more. I felt good, from meditation, enjoying work, having fun, and being present. I started reading about science, psychology, etc, and researching religions and quantum mechanics. I wanted to know about reality. I had no idea at all there was a Truth. One day I sat down to meditate like any other morning, and the instant I sat, oneness was viscerally realized. I was a blissed out fool for a week or two. It was wonderful, and also shocking, as ’no one knew this’. I couldn’t fathom how I knew this, was this, and everyone else in the world apparently did not know this, though they too were this. Everything was the same, and yet everything had changed, and I didn’t understand any of it. I loved it and felt absolutely amazing though. Took tiny doses of shrooms with friends, laughed a ton, and also started seeing this oneness in reality, more so than just feeling / knowing it within. I started taking solo retreats in nature; inspecting my beliefs and identity, playing guitar & singing, expressing, writing songs, meditating, walking, and tripping. Took progressively higher does over the course of about two years. Never had a ‘bad trip’, humbly & enjoyably learned a ton every time. Loa, QM’s, spirituality, and things I more deeply wanted in terms of career and life wise became clearer and all started to gel together. By this point I was married and had three kids. This also gelled perfectly with the path, as kids are perfect mirrors. They do what you do, not what you say to do. Difficult to stomach sometimes, and makes for speedy awareness of minutia in behavior, attitude, inflection & the repercussions / creation from /of the even the smallest of these actions and words. No more ‘hiding’ or ‘getting away’ with anything. The deeper learning & actualizing was of / with my family. I loved truly, actually, patiently creating space for them. Listening. Understanding. The deeper importance of intention, and awareness of vibration surfaced in marriage. It was revealed that all of what’s happening, is vibrational. At this point my life was chalked full of everything I love, and the ‘power’ of consciously creating was self evident. Still meditating everyday. More solo retreats, more practicing, higher dose trips, more insights & realizations, working even more efficiently, by putting people first more and more across the board. Then the breakthrough ‘to’ infinity. A Mind-visual ‘grand tour’ if you will. Total game changer. At this point, in hindsight, oneness was actually (experientially, relatively speaking) more of a shocking sudden and permanent no mind / knowing of absolute unity. Infinity is an inexplicable complete and total unbelievable unthinkable incommunicable mindfuck. My brain was literally re-wired, which felt very different but fine, kind of a warm activity / electricity activity sensatio, and as old thoughts and thought patterns arose, they met with the new wiring, and were ‘converted’, or ‘refilled’, aligned. That, and uncontrollable laughter in absolute disbelief & mind blow 24/7 lasted a couple months. Then in the middle of one day walking through my house, suffering & misery swirled in my head, very viscerally, like all of the false thoughts I ever had were being pulled by a magnet, in a circular spinning pattern, and like a toilet flushing, swirled into the very center of my brain and flushed. I was aware of this and felt this, and it was more disgusting and sickening then anything else, and nothing has every felt quite like that. It swirled down smaller and smaller until it just like ‘popped’ and vanished. I was very aware that I would never be able to see things again, in the manor which had led to depression etc, and I just sat in a chair for a few days as it sank in. Somehow it was crystal clear there would be no experiencing misery again, and that meant I would not be able to feel the vibration of someone else who was. I would only be able to relate by logical deduction, empathy & compassion, and not actually relating, not actually feeling suffering. Take that as you will, it’s nuts but it’s as accurate as can be said. Still meditating every day. So now there’s no perception of actual separation anymore, no fear, no self doubt, and everything is perfect and makes perfect sense, and every thing is experientially imperfect and makes no logical sense, and together that actually makes sense, as there is no separation. Reality, self, thought, emotion, the subjective & the objective, etc, me - revealed as pure perfect magical mystical ineffable being. All of that, which started with depression, & sitting down and meditating, had culminated into not being able to ‘physically hold’, or have the capacity for, infinite love. This was actually (joyfully & hilariously) kind of an issue for a couple years. Crying once or twice a day, purification cleaning house, sometimes blissful & beautiful, sometimes gut wrenching / ‘barfing it out’ via many tears, followed by deep & insightful more nuanced alignment of life / self realizations. Sensitivity mentally, emotionally, and physiologically was incredibly heightened. Conscience is more like an exposed nerve of love. Little things I said or did that never would have bothered me at all, would haunt me for days if not addressed. It took a while to understand and acclimate to this. Meditation changed entirely. There was no letting go of thoughts anymore, but very literally moving as awareness / sensation (unconditional love) through out, as, ‘my body’. “Experience” like it was, like it’d been thought it was, was gone. Inconsistent reality became ‘normal’, or rather there never was a normal as reality was always love / self & magical (ineffable). All kinds of delightful things that aren’t explainable began to transpire, and so to speak, I was now fully aware that I am creating the whole of reality. Not as ‘this guy’ obviously, but as ‘who’ or ‘what’ we all really are. The nature of being, the absolute & relative, the human condition, etc, all readily understood, which is to say nothing is known, which is to say, nothing is known. As far as “balance between spiritual and self actualization”, neither is actually describing any ‘thing’ (‘other thing’) at all anymore. All songs made anew, and music, playing & singing are only for the experience of it. More love & beauty than could ever be thought possible. Intuition is now the most primary sense, like vision used to be. Took reiki classes, many ‘sober’ and profoundly unexplainable mystical experiences ensued. Met some loving & likeminded people and learned a ton from ‘hands on’ direct experience together. Saw with much more ease & clarity how beliefs are the most important underlying factor. This made sense of how people can have such different and otherwise unexplainable direct experience with food, diet, medicines, ailments, disease & healing, “luck”, immunizations, etc, etc. Still meditating everyday. Started seeing “God’s plan”, and understanding how there can even be a “plan”, which yet is unconditional, spontaneous & without thought, inclusive of all thought(s). The common connotation of the word ‘plan’ doesn’t work / fit. Realized collective consciousness by seeing it directly outside of ‘reality’, the “how” this living of lives is orchestrated, and how co-creation ‘works’. Lost thinking / thoughts, to no mind & insights. That ‘led’ to ‘cosmic consciousness’ so to speak, seeing the entirety of the one off dreams, and how thinking & feeling works in terms of creation, in unison with the so called ‘universe’, white & black holes, superposition, entanglement, general & special relativity, etc, etc. Realized why almost everyone “tunes out” right here, and stopped mentioning it. Realized a simple dry erase board is a holon and is much more than it appears initially, and is not separate form intention, belief, emotion and the actuality of creator-creating-creation, or, ‘reality’. All of this realization goes hand in hand with the emotional scale, and of feeling in the body. When I first started, I did not feel inside of my body so to speak. I didn’t know that was possible / actual. Now there is a “cellular level” feeling / awareness / consciousness that is like a extremely refined ‘field’ of bliss. Realized this, when “amped up”, effects people and circumstances within “my” field of perception beyond communication with words, and that it is “powered by” love and purity of desire, intention, and an overall alignment and fundamental ‘acceptance’ of / with / as the actuality of being (ineffable). Started having awakening enlightenment conversations with people in person and through skype, centering around creating the life one actually authentically wants, involving the ‘extracting’ and developing of unique source-given gifts and desires, aka, the true power of love, or, reality, or, creator-creating-creation. Of course things with my family, friends etc have never been better. The depth and richness of love is ever present like drowning & floating in bliss, well being & a sort of perpetual never ending awakening. Though at the same time, I became only interested in assisting in whatever ways possible with collective well being & awakenings. I realize no one is awakening, and every one is awakening, and just love being a part of it as no one, or, nothingness. By well being I mean emotional, physiological & mental health, or simply, love. By awakening I mean inspecting & freeing ‘yourself’ of limiting beliefs, leaving the matrix of conditioning, overthinking, anxiety, depression, attention blockages, etc, and quite literally communing with source & every one, via intuition & true genuine intention, enjoying the deeper richer authentic magical experiential sensations available to be experienced, having & achieving everything you dream up for this life, and self realizing in a timely & proper manor along the way. I see clearly the most fundamental issues at play are the misunderstanding / collective belief that consciousness arises from matter, and the collective lack of distinction between behaviors & actions, or, preaching vs purifying and exemplifying with respect to the being each one actually is. Still meditating every morning. Attention on breathing, letting every thought pass. Nothing more. When it’s difficult, it’s because the nature of reality is purification. That is, source is unconditional, so any beliefs (conditions) held are naturally going to float right out the more one relaxes, breathes, & let concerns / discord go. Realized the elusiveness of anti-gravity at play here, in terms of the relationship between letting thinking go, and thinking about it. Mind blowing synchronicity, awe & wonder are the unending actuality of self / reality. Realized the critical difference between a ‘caring or not caring’ paradigm, and knowing each person is so powerfully unconditionally loved, that no one else can do any of this for them, or convince another to change a belief / and therefore their actual experience of reality if you will. Realized this arena / realm is what I’ll be doing from here on out. Realized it is why I am. Realized the “defilements” and “samsaras” are one’s truest character / deeply intention based, thus difficult to surrender, yet fundamentally are relative the same as food choices are relative to how one feels, one’s vibrational proximity so to speak with / as, absolute / source. A short term - long term thinking / believing of thoughts, feeling, & living, that stretches well beyond life & death, thought, perception & sensation. For example, when sitting and doing nothing feels better than sex, sex is no longer a ‘reach up’, to feel better. Paradoxically, sex then enters a whole new place that I think a whole book could be written about. Probably has already. The more belief / identity one surrenders, the more selfish & selfless collapses in terms of true intention & motives, and the more alignment is realized / empowered in creating reality. Sex, just as one example, reaches heights beyond the deepest trips, but then again, sex isn’t actually sex at all, and trips aren’t really ‘trips’ at all. Realized I’ve never actually experienced what concept like “done” or “failure” convey, nor will I ever. Experience is itself infinite intelligence, infinite mind if you will, which is love unconditional. Infinite can never be “done”, experience can never be “done”, purification can never be “done”. Love only loves and in intrinsically being unconditional, wants everything you want, and never judges the wanting, yet feels alignment & discord. Realized all which was ‘needed’ was to be well practiced in meditation, so ‘I’ don’t manipulatively utilize or weapon use thought, as self referential thought stories, to manipulate ‘others’ so to speak, because ‘others’ are me, and are in the same predicament, or, are experiencing ‘the human condition’. And now I’m going to do everything I can to shed the light that I am, on this place & this love that is.

The moral of the story is that you should probably avoid things like Reddit and Twitter. Is it really worth getting drowned in the flavour of the month? I avoid popular culture because it's nowhere near as interesting as basking in my own bliss ?

@Alex bliss Zodiac signs often give a decent generalization of potential personality traits. I ask most ppl I talk to their zodiac sign, for fun. My sign is the communicator of all the zodiac signs. I got in trouble for talking soooo much in grammar school, its not even funny. Ok, kinda funny. Now I can control it, mostly, but if I set my mind to it, I can essentially have a conversation with the most socially inept communicator known to man.

I’ve been realizing that I have spent my entire self-help “career” taking on others’ teachings blindly. My parents have always kinda been into this sort of stuff and I just took it on without thinking twice about it. Im at a sort of cross roads now, actually. Realizing this recently, I’m second guessing if I even want to be doing this work, as I’m suffering so much and I’m tired of not fitting in and everything is just horrible. I guess in a way I feel I’ve seen too much, and now there’s no going back. But I’ve been having inkings that maybe I do want to give up, and live a normal life, no more of this seeking. Ignorance is bliss, I guess.

I think this is a great question. It's something I've contemplated a lot myself. It reminds me of my first two Ayahuasca ceremonies. . . During the first ceremony, the whole story of "me" was deconstructed. At first, it was odd and a bit uncomfortable. Yet then I noticed that the deconstruction/transcendence of me was kinda cool. I was one with everyone at the ceremony. I was one with the music. I felt such deep love. I was fully in the moment. I walked outside and the mountains in the moonlight was so mystical and beautiful. I thought "How have I missed such beauty my entire life?". At the end of the ceremony, we all sat around eating fruit together. It was so beautiful, fulfilling and blissful. . . Two days later, the second ceremony was much different. As my story got deconstructed, there were lessons that appeared. Lessons about how my personality was created. For example, how hyper self-criticism during my life conditioned a subconscious insecurity complex. And how this subconscious insecurity affected my subconscious interactions with other people. This was uncomfortable to look at. I wanted to go back to the fulfilling, blissful realm of the first ceremony. I tried to steer things away from the insecurity to bliss, yet didn't have control. Then anxiety appeared. Overall, they were uncomfortable lessons to look at, yet they revealed insight into my subconscious programming. What had been subconscious was now conscious. One reason it was subconscious was that I didn't want to look at it. . . This expanded consciousness/awareness allowed the letting go of the underlying psychological dynamic. This allowed for a greater sense of liberation and wellness.

@Fede83 In coming to realize the relationship of courage in asking questions, & self discovery, and given where this here life is, your question tapped into right where I’m at, and precisely what I’m doing from here on out. The response is long, comes off as self indulgent, but is written only for you. I really appreciate the question as I learned a lot and gained more clarity in the answer. Thank you very much. First I forgot who I was. That’s basically where all the trouble started. Deluded psychology & depression ensued, therapists & pills didn’t help. Gained 70 or so pounds, ate terribly, lost sex drive. Got a lot more depressed, hopeless. Meditation however, worked. I found some relief and clarity, so I did it everyday, at least once. I didn’t know about the path, awakening, enlightenment, etc. The content, or big picture & details, and spelling-it-out, wasn’t as available as it is now. Also, I started playing guitar around 15. Classical & different genres of pop / rock. In hindsight, this developed relaxation, concentration, focus & feeling. Working hard, efficient, honest & smart felt good, and bettered my quality of life, so I did a lot of that. I excelled and created opportunities of every job. I liked making things more efficient, more fun, & easier for everyone, and I liked putting how everyone feels, first. In hindsight, that was more significant than I noticed. It was from meditation, from slowing the mind down, that I saw through the lens of the importance of attitude. It felt empowering. I started exercising. That felt amazing. Because I felt amazing, I wanted to feel more amazing, so I changed my diet entirely. I realized a level of energy I’d never experienced before. I started singing along with playing guitar, and I absolutely loved it. In hindsight, writing songs developed expression. Singing at venues developed confidence. Because of the meditation, attitude, work ethic, energy, and the having fun, I left a salary job, and opened a business. I had learned a lot, and also, at the same time I had no idea what I was doing really, but I just happily did it anyways. Meditation revealed the secret of now. When I thought of too big of a slice of life, instead of getting overwhelmed, I’d realize it’s just this one moment in front of me, never more. Meditation revealed the nature of overthinking. Because I was not overthinking, and had some intuition going, and everyone else was overthinking, things got easier & effortless. I realized meditation is naturally a leadership quality practice, so I did it more. I worked even harder, trained a team, had maximum fun, and replaced myself. Then I opened another business, and in short, did the same thing. In meditation, I let go of a lot, had little thought chatter, and became open minded. Because I was open minded, I heard and started listing to Abraham Hicks, Wayne Dyer, and similar things on YouTube. That opened the mind up more. I felt good, from meditation, working hard, having fun, and being present now. I started reading about science, psychology, etc, and researching religions and quantum mechanics. I wanted to know about reality. I had no idea at all there was a Truth. One day I sat down to meditate like any morning, and the instant I sat, oneness was viscerally realized. I was a blissed out fool for a week or two. It was wonderful, and also shocking, as ’no one knew this’. I couldn’t fathom how I knew this, and everyone else in the world apparently did not. Everything was the same, and yet everything had changed, and I didn’t understand any of it. I loved it and felt amazing though. Then I found actualizing.org, and found that Leo, and other people that did know this. I started realizing I didn’t know anything, like not a damn thing about anything. After ample arguing and trying to be right, I started getting clued in about ego, conditioning, duality, psychedelics & spirituality. Took tiny doses of shrooms with friends, laugh a ton, and also started seeing this oneness in reality, more so than just feeling / knowing it within. I started taking solo retreats in nature; inspecting my beliefs and identity, playing guitar & singing, meditating, walking, and tripping. Took progressively higher does over the course of about two years. Never had a ‘bad trip’, learned a ton every time. Loa, QM’s, spirituality, and things I more deeply wanted career and life wise became clearer and all started to gel together, and reveal more of reality. By this point I was married and had three kids. This also gelled perfectly with the path, as kids are perfect mirrors. They do what you do. Difficult to stomach, and makes for speedy awareness of minutia in behavior, attitude & the repercussions / creation from/of the smallest actions. There’s no more hiding or getting away with anything. You learn or they eat your life alive. You love patiently & create space for them, or you pay for counseling and meet with parents, teachers, principals & psychologists about it. The deeper importance of intention, and awareness of vibration surfaced in marriage. It was revealed to me that most of what’s happening, happens at the vibrational level, and perception is of the outcome. Much more self awareness arose, in naturally balancing all these facets of learning & life, together. At this point my life was chalked full of everything I love, and it did start to dawn on me the power of consciousness, creating, choosing, and feeling. Still meditating everyday. More solo retreats, more practicing, higher does trips, more realizations, working harder & smarter, putting people first more and more across the board, and then the breakthrough to infinity. Total game changer. Nothing could prepare anyone for infinity. At this point, in hindsight, oneness was actually (experientially, relatively speaking) more of a shocking sudden and permanent no mind / knowing of unity. Infinity is an inexplicable complete and total unbelievable unthinkable incommunicable mindfuck. My brain was literally re-wired, which felt very different but fine, kind of a warm activity / electricity feeling, and as old thoughts and thought patterns arose, they met with the new wiring, and were ‘converted’, or ‘refilled’ by truth. That, and uncontrollable laughter, in a total state of absolute disbelief & mind blow 24/7 lasted a couple months. Then in the middle of one day walking through my house, suffering & misery swirled in my head, like all of the false thoughts I ever had were being pulled by a magnet, in a circular spinning pattern, and like a toilet flushing, swirled into the very center of my brain. I was aware of it and felt it, and it was more disgusting and sickening then anything else, and nothing has every felt quite like that. It swirled done smaller and smaller until it just like ‘popped’ and vanished. I was very aware that I would never be able to see things again, in the manor which had led to depression etc, and I just sat in a chair for a few days as it sank in. Somehow it was crystal clear there would be no experiencing misery again, and that meant I would not be able to feel the vibration of someone else who was. I would only be able to relate by logical deduction, and not actually relating. Take that as you will, it’s nuts but it’s accurate. Still meditating every day. So now there’s no perception of actual separation anymore, no fear, no self doubt, and everything is perfect and makes perfect sense, and every thing is imperfect and make no logical sense, and together that actually makes sense, as there is no separation. Reality, self, revealed as pure magic being. All of that, which started with depression, & sitting down and meditating, had culminated into not being able to ‘physically hold’, or have the capacity for, infinite love. This was actually (joyfully & hilariously) kind of an issue for a couple years. Crying once or twice a day, purification cleaning house, sometimes blissful & beautiful, sometimes gut wrenching / barfing it out style crying, followed by deep & insightful life / self realizations. Sensitivity mentally, emotionally, and physiologically was incredibly heightened. Conscience is more like an exposed nerve of love. Little things I said or did that never would have bothered me at all, would haunt me for days. It took a while to understand and acclimate to this. Meditation changed entirely. There was no letting go of thoughts anymore, but moving awareness through my body, and raising what I can only refer to as new tiers of feeling. “Experience” like it was, was gone. Inconsistent reality is ‘normal’, or rather there never was a normal as reality was always love / self & magical. All kinds of delightful things that aren’t explainable began to transpire, and I was now fully aware that I created myself, and “reality” of myself. Not as this guy obviously, but as who we really are. The nature of being, the absolute & relative, the human condition, etc, all known, which is to say nothing is known. As far as “balance between spiritual and self actualization”, there’s just the ineffable-ness. Neither is describing anything anymore. All songs made anew, and music, playing & singing are only for the experience of it. Intuition is a primary sense, like vision. Took reiki classes, mystical experiences in the “ordinary” state became “normal”. Met some great likeminded people and learned a ton from ‘hands on’ direct experience. Learned more clearly how we do create our own reality, and how beliefs are the most important underlying factor. This made sense of how people can have such different and otherwise unexplainable direct experience with food, diet, medicines, ailments & healing, “luck”, immunizations, etc, etc. Also developed more understanding of how big the full circle is, in terms of ego & oneness, and reachability vs lost in sneakery (denial, deflection, projection, etc) Still meditating everyday. Started seeing “God’s plan”, and understanding how there can be a “plan”, which yet is unconditional spontaneous & without thought, inclusive of all thought. The common connotation of the word plan doesn’t work. Realized collective consciousness by seeing it directly outside of ‘reality’, the “how” this living of lives is orchestrated, and how co-creation ‘works’. Lost thinking / thoughts, to no mind & insights. That ‘led’ to cosmic consciousness, seeing the entirety of the one off dreams, and how thinking & feeling works in terms of creation, in unison with the universe, white & black holes, superposition, entanglement, etc, etc. Realized why almost everyone “tunes out” right here, and stopped mentioning it. Realized a simple dry erase board is a holon and is much more than it appears to the senses, and is not separate form intention, belief, emotion and the actual creation of reality. All of this realization goes hand in hand with new levels of the emotional scale, and of feeling in the body. When I first started, I did not feel inside of my body. I didn’t know that was possible / actual. Now there is a “cellular level” feeling / awareness / consciousness that is like a field of refined bliss. It feels like a relationship feels in a big way and is hard to describe. Realized this, when “amped up”, effects people and circumstances within “my” field of perception beyond communication with words, and that it is “powered by” love and purity of desire, intention, and an overall alignment and fundamental acceptance of / with the actuality of Being. The ‘relationship’, or ‘it is the way it is because that is the only way it can be because infinity is conscious’, or finite is like this, infinity / Being is like this, was realized also and will probably make for a fun book one day. Been “channeling” a book, learning different models of living & reality from different teachers within the ether / self, developing the most ideal effective model of path progression I can, for one to implement. Started having awakening enlightenment conversations with people in person and through skype, centering around creating the life one actually authentically wants, involving the ‘extracting’ and developing of unique source-given gifts and desires, and the true power of love. Of course things with my family, friends etc have never been better. The depth and richness of love is ever present like drowning & floating in bliss, well being & a sort of perpetual never ending awakening. Though at the same time, I am only interested in well being & awakenings. I realize no one is awakening, and everyone is awakening, and just love being a part of it as nothing. By well being I mean physical & mental health, and self love. By awakening I mean inspecting & freeing yourself of limiting beliefs, leaving the matrix of conditioning & overthinking, connecting with source through intuition & true intention, enjoying the deeper richer authentic magical feelings available, having & achieving everything you dream up for this life, and self realizing in a timely & appropriate manor along the way. I see clearly the most fundamental issues at play are the misunderstanding / collective belief that consciousness arises from matter, and the collective lack of distinction between behaviors & actions, and the being each one actually is. Still doing meditation every morning. Attention on breathing, letting every thought pass. Nothing more. When it’s difficult, it’s because the nature of reality is purification. That is, source is unconditional, so any beliefs (conditions) held are naturally going to float right out of the body the more one relaxes, breathes, & let concerns go. Realized the elusiveness of anti-gravity at play here, in terms of the relationship between letting thinking go, and thinking about it. Mind blowing synchronicity, awe & wonder are the actuality of self / reality. Realized the critical difference between a ‘caring or not caring’ paradigm, and knowing each person is so powerful, that no one else can do any of this for them, or convince another to change a belief / and therefore their actual reality. Realized this arena / realm is what I’ll be doing “work / income” & “survival-wise” for the rest of this life. Realized the “defilements” and “samsaras” are one’s truest character / deeply intention based, thus difficult to surrender (ego finishing dying so to speak), yet fundamentally are relative the same as food choices are relative to how one feels, one’s vibrational proximity with / as, absolute / source, the full surrender of relativity. A short term - long term thinking, feeling, living, that stretches well beyond life & death, thought, perception & sensation. For example, when sitting and doing nothing feels better than sex, sex is no longer a ‘reach up’ to feel better. Paradoxically, sex then enters a whole new place that I think a whole book could be written about. Probably has already. The more belief / identity one surrenders, the more selfish & selfless collapses in terms of true intention & motives for the character and other charectors, and the more alignment is realized / empowered in creating reality. Sex, just as one example, reaches heights beyond the deepest trips, but then again, sex isn’t actually sex at all. Realized I’ve never actually experienced this concept of “done”, nor will ever. Experience is itself infinite intelligence, which is love unconditional. Infinite can never be “done”, experience can never be “done”, purification can never be “done”. God only only loves and in intrinsically being unconditional, wants everything you want, and never judges the wanting. All you need to do is be well practiced in meditation, so you don’t use thought stories as a means of stressing yourself out, and repressing the feelings, which source is cleaning out for you right now. Still meditating everyday. “Spirituality & self actualization” have coalesced transcending feeling, and transcending transcending. Nothing is not transcendable, and as such creation is unidirectional. I wrote the intention on my dream board to die into a dream of giving everything I have ‘learned and become’ to anyone interested in the path and in Truth. “I” channeled the following, and spoke it to the holon... “Universe, I am most thankful for this opportunity to express my desires. I am sincerely appreciative for the breath which gives me life, and for the thoughts which allow me to understand, to prefer, and to choose. I understand I am a chooser of things, as an extension of All That Is. I feel great joy in serving as a creator & expresser of these unique preferences. I understand my preferences have never been expressed before, and I am excited to create this most rare & exclusive dream together. I acknowledge you are the “how” of all things, the selfless giving miracle of life. I acknowledge the creation of me, for this purpose, to be here where I am now, to be who I am today, now, precisely as you have made me to be. I understand the gift, that no more, and no less, is needed. I acknowledge your mastery of creation, I am humbled by your presence in all things. I acknowledge I am not separate from you, and that my true power as a creator, is in aligning with you, within me, and in knowing you as my sensational guidance, my will, my conscience keep you in my heart & mind. I am thankful for this ever-present guidance, and I will do my absolute best. Truly, above all, my deepest desire is to know you through myself, and for you to express your divinity through me. I welcome & embrace all that you are, as all that I am. I find great relief in the not-knowing-of, in the discovery of, your means and your unconditional way. I have no complaints about the “how” of things coming, and I have no complaints of what comes. I acknowledge the power of my appreciation, and my truest power in trusting & abiding in your guidance. I know the joy within me as you, as our connection; our unification. I know there is no place on my path which you are not bring the earth to my feet. I feel you always, I am never without you, and I recognize that I am fallible by gift of your adornment, and in turn I set down my burdens that you purifiy me again and again. I understand I will learn a great many things about myself as the reality of my wanting unfolds. I understand I am humbled and reborn in the knowing and acceptance of my essential place in your grand design. I understand we are inseparable, in this magical co-creating, in this infinite unending & forever incomplete expansion of absolute love. I acknowledge, in your everlasting & infinitely unlimited nature, in your intrinsic potentiality to create anything - that you have created me in creating a self. I accept my infinite nature in kind, and appreciate that my work is never done. Above all else in my journey, I cherish and remain most mindful & appreciative of this gift, of this moment as it is, now, and of the infinite potential of togetherness. I ask for nothing more, than this small part of the eternal unfolding of love”. This was met by an energy I can’t explain, other than to say energy was always love, The Self. This was the second time I lost my mind for a few days. And there was no suffering this time. Almost immediately, yet again divine synchronicity played to a new tune, a new level, new impossibility. I received a text that day, from the Reiki Master I learned from a year or two ago. She asked if I wanted to meet for lunch and talk. Of course I did. I knew, and felt amazing. We had lunch, then she showed me her newly purchased, newly remodeled facility. I’d guess it’s around six thousand square feet, in the most quant and peaceful downtown area, just outside the most beautiful park on the water. There are now around ten to fifteen people working there with her, doing everything healing, massage, reiki, multiple yoga studios and degrees of classes, physical therapy, meditation coaching, etc, and many other healing modalities and classes. She said the place was reaching the vision she was given of it, a well being megaplex really, and wanted me to work there, as she didn’t have and wanted, someone for enlightenment coaching. So today, depression, meditation, and letting go has led me to a job I dreamed up, of “doing”, “nothing”. Things are transitioning patiently, and I’ll be there full time starting in January, doing skype calls, and in person one on one meetings, as well as evening group q&a’s settings she mentioned.

@Flowerfaeiry You need to find a way to do this work so that it feels organic and at least somewhat enjoyable to do. Don't turn this into a chore. The point of seeking truth is because you genuinely care about it. Don't forget that living "ordinary life" is horrible in itself. Going back into ignorance is not going to be the bliss you imagine.

Trauma, experience; event unfolds, that I am; not stories I’ve told. I must be that - this surely is this, I weave that hat; ‘right’ of the bliss. Never once more, never such pain, unbreakable vow; again and again. World full of fools, heads in the clouds, lucky, unscathed; fortunate clowns. Yet that feeling - it won’t seem to let go, this here will numb it, this much I know! That feeling is gone; safe - it is best, fall into line; sleep like the rest. Why do you hurt me, why persist? Notions of grandeur, of slitting of wrists. I can not take it, that feeling is wrong! Drowning as birds, choking on song. I’ll build my castle, no entry you’ll see, send every monster, witch, demon, & being. None shall enter, none penetrate, and I will be happy; and I will be great. Built ever sturdy, concrete and bricks, high above mountains, my heaven exists. King of my kingdom, I need not a one, nothing can touch me; thus - I have won. Yet, ever so sweetly, a breeze between trees, whispers profusely, my love and my dreams. Wind of a stranger, yet one that is known, my castle it crumbles, like sand it is blown. Again is this feeling, I can not escape! It’s power my healing; it’s strength is my gate. Within every meaning; it’s kindness my fate, ever revealing; this love was my hate.

When the ego bound me is all alone that is loneliness. When the infinite I am all alone that is pure Bliss.

@MusicalPotato Assuming that I am infinite everything and nothing, I should be able to identify with what I choose or with nothing. If I won't identify with let's say love or bliss or well being or peace or rest as nothing, then why would I identify as loneliness or despair or powerlessness. Is it easier to identify as lonely than as whole, complete love? Am I pure love that knows no loneliness or am I bound to seek love? What other is loneliness than a desire for more love Why must I seek love instead of being it? What keeps me from being it?

There are times when power flows through you strongly. They are judged by the mind as either intense joy, bliss states or intense pain, depression or anger. The mind perpetuates the state but if you can surrender right there (literally feels like you're going to die and you will watch the mind come up with all kinds of objections), take a belly breath, go into the body and feel the energy as just that, energy, something amazing happens. It's a kind of alchemy. Suffering is an opportunity, but it's always a missed opportunity because as soon as you take it it's not suffering anymore.

I use this as well, since I don't really have any mobility to do the half lotus. I have a question: can different people have their chakras in different locations ? In most of the books and videos about chakra locations they depict the solar plexus chakra as being in the level of the navel but I feel that mine is way above the navel, as in for the sacral I still can't locate it cause i keep trying to feel at the base of my spine but I feel nothing there. Also do any of you know of any practices that will improve mental pranayama (enjoying the bliss of feeling into each chakra), it's the part of kriya that I used to enjoy the most when I first started but now it doesn't feel like it used to, as in I can't reallyyy feel into the chakras anymore

Ignorance is bliss

@Harikrishnan the way i see it. There are degrees of realization... To him. His was such a total annihilation that initially he did not take care of his body and it was rotting as he sat in bliss. The larger dream always unfolds on it's own... He had let go totally, not even Caring about what happens or not. So his cancer was just what happened... He maybe could have gotten treatment for it as the primary concern and it would have been likely healed fully. Anyhow, one can be Enlightened and still care how their haircut looks and one can also not care about their haircut.

If you want the answers to the universe you must first silence the mind. Meditation is very important and one of the most used words among spiritual and conscious communities for a reason. This will also help you be more present during experiences in life so the more present and "in the moment" you are the more you will feel, experience, enjoy things because when you are busy in mind, you miss out on the beauty, the bliss, the orgasm of life itself. Affirmations help but you have to really believe, feel, embody them to make them work properly and with a busy mind it won't be easy.

This is a sign of growth, a paradigm shift. It means you really felt deeply these existential insights and of course your ego is going to battle against these things. These raw emotional energies being released is you processing what you know and beginning to integrate it. Beyond the fear of difficult experiences like these is bliss and the next chapter of your life beginning to unfold.

@ShaunDuring some awakenings - for me - there was a window after awakening or a non-dual state in which i lingered between perspectives. Between your Egos perspective and the universal or God's perspective. I drifted between a non-dual state and duality for a few days because consciousness was elevated through the roof. It did feel like i was going insane for a while. I had to really work to focus on something of form because i would still be between states and defaulting to a formless or non-dual state. (Which was complete bliss) So for me there was a window or period of time like this. Also following days of total bliss there was some depression. The ego has died and was reborn so to speak so there is some backlash. Mysticism is serious business. But i will say that it completely passes. At least for me. Consciousness returns to a human level after a time. That time may be different for everyone. I wouldn't trade being awake for anything. Some people may not experience these things at all i can only speak from direct experience.

I attended an Ayahuasca ceremony last weekend, which was my second time drinking Ayahuasca tea. It was a religious ceremony so there was some chanting and question/answers periods, but I was so totally absorbed in my trip that I wasn’t able to pay attention to any of those. This trip was a TOTAL MIND FUCK. I was so mind-fucked I do not even know where to begin, or how to put anything in words. I remember during the peak of the trip, I kept repeating in my head: what was seen cannot be unseen, and ignorance is bliss. I had a bad trip last April during which I was sent to the hospital. In that trip, I was not sure whether I was alive or not. I felt that I was everyone and anyone at the same time. It took me months to overcome that bad trip. The reason that I am mentioning that is because as I began to feel the effect of the tea, it connected right with the last trip. The two trips merged and became one. It made so much sense how it connected and how this is the obvious path down the road. I felt stuck in this loop, the loop of trying to pursue the truth. I was then hit with the feeling that EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE. I cannot even tell you what made sense exactly, but I just kept repeating of course, of course.. But of course… of course I drank the tea to experience this, of course I had the bad trip, of course! I understood everything, EVERYTHING. Or so it felt. I understood what Leo has been saying all along. I understood every awakened trip reports I have read. I felt the circular nature of life. I realized that I HAVE NEVER lived. The realizing felt SO REAL, so convincing and life as I knew felt like a joke. I thought of my boyfriend and my parents and how they did not really exist. There really is only me. I saw it SO CLEAR that I can only repeat: but why, what ? Why? How? Ok but why? I wished I did not know. I wished that I did not take that tea. I also felt clairvoyant. I knew I wouldn’t believe what I experienced once I "come back" and I would be posting on the forum and asking questions but the answers seemed so obvious to me at the moment. And I knew there was NO WAY to explain this to anyone. That’s what I have been doing all my life, and that’s what ill keep doing, and that’s what everyone will keep doing, one way or another : pursue the truth. Once I was "convinced" that It has been me all along and all will merge with truth eventually, I saw life as no point. I felt that there was no point in doing anything at all. Nothing matters in this game called life, it literally , truthfully did not matter. Theres no point in asking any questions because I have all the answers in that moment, no point in judging, no point in hating or helping. The comedown was surprisingly smooth. However, I had this intense burn/hot/warm/energetic sensation in the perineum that was slightly uncomfortable. As expected, as the trip subsided, my life felt more real than that "experience". I only remember how convincing those realizations were, but they did not stick, and I am already doubting if that was just a dream. I did not feel being one with the universe or awakened. I think I was mindfucked more than anything. My main questionning is: how do I know if those realizations are absolute truth (as they undoubtingly were during the trip) or another belief/idea? Because it seems like they are highly influenced by what I have been fed such as "this is all imaginary" or "life is a loop" or "I never lived".. How come they felt SO REAL , and now I can barely remember it? any other pointers for me ? Thank you all for your help.

So often we find ourselves at the crossroads of life, unsure of which turn to take. How to make that next step. Where to shine our light. Seeing the vast ocean of endless possibilities can be overwhelming at times; instead of liberating. If you happen to feel this way, I want to let you know; it's fine. You're not alone. It's only natural. All big picture thinkers go through this phase. The ocean can make you feel like a tiniest little dot; drifting at the mercy of winds. That is why you must learn how to navigate yourself through. How to read your inner compass. You are the captain of this ship. You are the one who decides where it goes. Choose the most exciting direction. That's right; excitement is the heart of your navigation system. It let's you know where your next biggest adventure is. Your highest joy and bliss. Your greatest opportunity for growth and expansion. It just so happened that I felt excited about creating this thread. I followed that nudge and now my eyes are already smiling. I was facing indecisiveness and uncertainty many times throughout this journey. It is not a pleasant spot to be in. No one likes that sense of being stuck. Precisely because things are meant to flow. Naturally and effortlessly. Yet no matter how much I'd try to hide and deny it; somewhere deep inside I was feeling unworthy. And that sense of unworthiness was responsible for my insecurity. It was the reason why I could not stand my own ground and be confident and certain about my decisions. I did not know myself truly. I did not recognize my own value. One could argue bad parenting is the main reason behind it all; but I'm not here to play the blaming game. Pointing fingers will not help one heal their wounds. Instead; one must find a way to recognize their own light. To show the love to themselves that they were not shown to by their parents or others. And that can be a process. But it is the biggest gift one can give to themselves. It is worth it. You are worth it. No matter how many times you were led to feel otherwise. No matter how many times you were not heard, seen or understood. No matter how many overlooked your spark. Your gift. Your light. No matter how insignificant you were made to feel. You are absolutely worthy of it all. Of everything you feel your heart is pulling you towards. You are worthy of creating your own paradise. Your own piece of the divine. Your dream life. Your kingdom. Only you can declare your own worth. Only you can recognize your own value. Only you can acknowledge the beauty of your gifts that are meant to be shared with the whole universe. Do it for yourself. Do it for your past, do it for your future. Do it for us all. Do it now. Be certain. May your fire burn unlike ever before. No one will dare to dim your light again, I promise. You will simply notice no shadow. You will be too busy admiring the perfection of your every step. The beauty of your every move. The art you create by simply daring to be who and what you are; doing what you're best at. Following your heart. You will shift from feeling unworthy to being priceless. So that the next time you find yourself at one of those crossroads; you will dare to choose the path that feels the most exciting; knowing you are worthy of making your own choice. Worthy of choosing your own path. Your own life. You are the cure.

So I've been meditating very consistently for the past two months and a half. An hour every single day, mostly alternating between focusing on my breath and "Do Nothing". Some really strange things have started to happen, and although I think they're good, it's kind of confusing. These are the changes I've been noticing: No sex drive whatsoever: I used to be addicted to fapping, all I would think about was sex. I used to masturbate around twice a day on average. Since at least the past month and a half, I have had no sexual cravings whatsoever, I don't feel motivated at all to pursue sex, and the times I have masturbated (like 3 times in the past 50 days) have been merely to "remember" how it felt, and it felt kind of forced to do it when I didn't feel like it... I know it sounds really weird. I've started noticing how messed up the people whose attention and validation I so much craved before really are. I used to be so invested into going out, hanging out with "cool people", meeting girls and hooking up, etc. Now I see how screwed up and unhappy many of those people are behind the shining facade of superficial happiness. I still care about my appearance and how other people perceive me, but my concern for this has decreased very noticeably. This point relates to unhappiness more broadly. I have come to look at the world through this very bleak outlook. Noticing how unsatisfied and miserable people are in every facet of life. Disconnected from their jobs and what they do, unable to sustain even unconscious relationships, living paycheck to paycheck, needing someone to "complete them", being carried away by advertisements, meaningless fads, and trivial trends like a leaf in the wind, having corporations dictate their interests (e.g. "OMG did you look at the new Iphone?!" "Did you watch the new movie that came out? It was awesome!") etc... Feeling at times so inspired by life that tears are almost dripping down my face, and also, at other times, hopeless at the utter meaningless of existence. As arrogant as this may sound, I say it with complete honesty- I've just started noticing how low the lowest common denominator really is. How mediocre the average person is, how much failure is the norm. And deep inside myself, I've noticed a fear of becoming this way, and a growing negative motivation to work hard to not end up divorced, overweight, with an alienating job, etc. Feeling very lonely, like no one really gets me or shares my vision for life. Things that haven't changed My Neuroticism has pretty much remained the same. Although I have episodes of satisfying emotional stillness and bliss more frequently, I am still pretty anxious and stressed a lot of the time, and I still get triggered by pretty much the same things. I haven't lost ambition in the least. It just seems to be that the objects towards which I channel my ambition have changed. I contemplate with more frequency the impact I want to have on the world, unprecedented and extended discipline in fitness and nutrition, contemplation on my life purpose, etc. So my question is, are these things normal? Are these feelings and shifts of attitudes a sign that Im on the right path, or mere delusions and rationalizations?

@Maximus Sounds like kundalini arousal. Bliss states come and go, it’s best not to be attached to them. Some people are determined (meaning, you can’t avoid it) to experience the darkness at certain points in their journey. This is completely normal, don’t be afraid of it. However, the light will return when you continue to meditate and seek higher truths. When it does, you realize it had been there all along, you just couldn’t detect it.