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God doesn't exist, as an entity in existence. God is existence itself. Or Being, Reality etc, if you're an atheist and prefer a different name. What is prior to existence? Not Nothingness, emptiness, because those need existence to exist as well (that's a riddle ).

Main points (in bold) from Leo's video "The Dark Side Of Meditation" (... the rest) 16:28 Expect spiritual arrogance where you start to believe "oh yeah I've been meditating for a few years now, look at how unconscious everybody else is around me, look at all the unconscious stuff they do". And so you're going to develop that and you're going to probably go around and preach to those people and you're going to tell them "look you should do what I'm doing, meditate more and then you'll experience all this good stuff that I'm experiencing" but later you'll recognize that "oh, that's just me at an intermediate stage thinking that I'm at the highest stage but then later I realize that all that was just an intermediate stage, it wasn't nearly the highest stage". That spiritual arrogance was actually a function of my unconsciousness. 17:13 This whole list of stuff is all quite common stuff that you should definitely expect, don't be surprised at all if it happens to you, and not just once but repeatedly, in fact what you should start noticing is that it's a recurrent theme throughout long-term meditation, that this stuff starts coming up and some of it is very subtle, sometimes this stuff happens to you and you're not even making an immediate connection between you getting into a fight with your spouse and the fact that that stemmed from your meditation practice. Sometimes it's not an obvious connection, you only recognize it two days later after you've already gotten into a big argument because you went unconscious and you forgot about these warning signs that I gave you. 18:06 Now what's going on here? Why is there this negative stuff with meditation? Isn't meditation supposed to just make us spiritual and more conscious? Well it's a battle, it's a battle. Think about what's actually happening when you're meditating and when you're growing.To grow means you have to shed old patterns, old memories, old beliefs, old thought patterns. And how does that happen? Well your mind which is the entire collection of all that stuff, for it to grow, it needs to defragment itself and rearrange itself into a higher order smoother functioning system and how it does that is by purging and working through and defragmenting all the shit that's in your mind and if you're like the ordinary individual in mainstream society then your mind is filled with so much shit that you don't even know how much is in there. 19:25 It's everything you were taught since you were a kid, it's all the media that you ingested, it's all your religious scientific and political beliefs, it's everything your parents told you, it's everything your teachers told you, it's all the silly ideas that you thought were true when you were growing up, all the mistakes you've made, all the incorrect intuitions, all your fears, all that stuff and that's the deep core of your mind. You're not conscious of most of that stuff so when you're meditating you're actually forcing your mind not to consciously work through that but to unconsciously work through that, you are like literally defragmenting a hard drive. 20:08 But unlike therapy where you go to a therapist for years and you sit down on the couch and you talk and talk and talk about your problems that's logical, that's conscious. When you're meditating the exact same thing is happening as in therapy but it's happening automatically, unconsciously in your mind and the only signs of it that you're going to experience are these emotional swells, these mood swings, these reactions, this horniness, this depression, the sense of meaninglessness, that's how it's going to bubble up and you've got to be smart enough and vigilant enough and conscious enough to be aware that that's what's happening here in the bigger picture. 20:58 Always keep the bigger picture in mind, the best reframe you can have for this stuff is to see it as actually purging. This is actually called spiritual purification, you're purifying and purging all the toxic thoughts and emotions and that process isn't always pleasant but what's great about purification is that once the purification process completes itself then you're left with a relatively clean pure substance and then that is what is gonna be you 5, 10, 15 years from now, so you're not purified after a week of meditation, you're purified after a decade of meditation and the purification comes in waves. It's like you're purifying yourself for a few weeks, for a few months, and then some big obstacle comes in your way and you've got to really work through that and purge a lot of stuff and that's when you have your emotional freak-outs and mood swings. And then you purge that stuff after a few weeks and then you get back and things are going nice and smooth and now you're working at a higher level of consciousness until you hit the next obstacle, and then again there's going to be a few weeks of turmoil and then the next obstacle, and then the next obstacle, next obstacle. That's going to continue for years. 22:30 That's actually what you're aiming at with meditation. So the way that I reframe this in my mind is I tell myself when I'm experiencing something negative "oh this is actually a sign that I'm growing and that the process is working and I'm excited by that" and that is enough to mollify any kind of depression that I have or any kind of like self-doubt that I have about this whole process and that allows me to stay on track. Now you might think that that's bad enough, but actually I haven't gotten yet to the weirdest stuff. What I've talked about so far is I gave you a list of the common stuff. 23:14 Now let me give you a list of the really weird shit. Some of this stuff is incredible you won't believe it's possible until it happens to you so Here's some of the weird side-effects of meditation. 23:30 You can expect tingling, jerking, shaking and various pains throughout your body that feel very real. 23:39 You can expect to see lights and auras, bright lights of various kinds with your eyes open or with your eyes closed and they can be animated that can be very beautiful or very scary and menacing and they can look very lifelike. 24:01 You can also expect to see vivid sexual fantasies, you might even see fantasies of the opposite pole of your sexuality so if you're heterosexual you might start to see homosexual fantasies and they might be completely lifelike, not just a little daydream but like fully lifelike and of course those will tend to seduce you off the path. 24:34 You might start to behave like an animal like literally you might start to scratch yourself like an animal or crawl around on your knees or even howl howling like a wolf. Oh can you imagine that? You're sitting there meditating for weeks and then one day you just have this uncontrollable urge to start howling like a wolf and as you're doing that your spouse walks in the door. Yeah that's pretty awkward and now you've got some explaining to do and they look at you like you're going insane. "What is this meditation thing you're doing? It's turning you into an animal!" So expect that. I'm not saying that it'll necessarily happen to you but if it does don't be surprised by it. 25:22 Also expect paranormal phenomena to happen to you. What do I mean by this? That means reliving the past, having past-life experiences or seeing the future, having weird deja vu experiences, having full out-of-body experiences where you actually leave your body in a totally lifelike way and you travel to some sort of astral realm or different parts of the world and interact with various kinds of entities. 25:55 You might see spirits or hear spirits. 26:01 You might hear weird voices in your head and they can be totally lifelike, not imagined but totally lifelike. 26:12 You might actually see angels and demons, again not imagined but like standing before you completely real, as real as I look to you now, but it's going to be an angel or a fucking demon like out of a movie. 26:30 You might see gods, deities, giant crawling insects, praying mantis people, spirit animals that talk to you, try to tell you things or maybe that try to kill you, try to claw at you. 26:45 You might see entities, you might see aliens, you might feel like you're being channeled by some sort of extraterrestrial or that you're getting abducted or probed and all these experiences are not just like mere dreams, like a nightmare. It can be a lot more realistic feeling and looking than that. 27:09 So that's pretty weird and it's pretty far out but all this stuff is possible. And the reason it'll blindside you is because your present model of reality, if you haven't meditated for a long period of time, is that all this stuff is fiction and it's not possible. I mean how could this stuff be possible? But see you underestimate the power of your limited consciousness. When your consciousness rises, weird shit that you've never imagined all of a sudden starts to become possible. You start to become a lot more open-minded than you ever thought you would be. 27:47 And when this weird shit starts happening to you, well if you have this kind of dogmatic insistence that it's not possible, this is not supposed to happen, then you can imagine the sort of shock that you will be in. 28:01Also you might have Samadhi States. These are quite common, usually quite positive, but also they might shock you a little bit. A Samadhi state is when you actually stop existing as an individual body and you actually merge with objects like you might be looking at a lamp and you might actually merge and become that lamp, you might be looking at a car and merge and become that car, you might be looking at your spouse or your children and actually become your children literally, and that might freak you out. But generally this is something that's positive and you actually should be anticipating that if you're doing serious meditation. 28:44 You can even have a samadhi experience of emptiness or nothingness where you merge not with an object but with nothing, nothing at all. 28:55 You might also experience a Kundalini awakening which can be a freaky thing. A Kundalini awakening is when energy in your body gets concentrated then it sort of shoots up your spine into your head and then it explodes out of your head and that can be a very powerful experience. It can be beautiful but also it can be terrifying because it might feel like you're losing your mind and you actually have this weird energy moving through you and you start to behave as though your body is being controlled by a puppet master like you're not even in control of your body anymore. Your body is just moving on its own and you have no idea what the hell is controlling you. It's almost like you've been possessed. 29:44 Also you might experience a total blackout or "the Void". In Buddhism one way that they describe attainment on the path towards enlightenment is something called "neither perception nor not-perception", which is a state where you're sitting there and you're concentrating and meditating and then there's like a total erasure of reality. Physical reality stops existing for a while. Now in physical reality time that might be just a few seconds but in your time as you're sitting there and experiencing this it might feel like an eternity, like the entire world has vanished and disappeared, including your body and including yourself, and you're just sitting there as the void. That might be pretty freaky. 30:39 Also of course expect ego death. If you're serious about meditation, that's probably why you're doing it in the first place, to experience ego death. This would be something to look forward to but also ego death can be scary, can be freaky because it's probably not anything you imagined it to be. Your sense of reality will get shattered and it will expand in ways that are beyond your wildest imagination and the question is will you be open to that? Or are you not expecting it (and then that will really freak you out). 31:14 And probably the worst thing that can happen to you is "the dark night of the soul" which is basically when you start to see that everything you've ever believed and known about reality is false and completely delusional and you start to realize that reality is meaningless and purposeless, has no purpose and it has no meaning and that all your old creature comforts and everything that you've attached yourself to, all the meanings that you assigned to your family, to your career, to money, to your marriage, to your children, even to self-improvement, even to meditation, even to the pursuit of enlightenment, when you realize that all this is completely meaningless and you start to interpret that as a negative thing, you can get into the spiral of depression. That can get very dark and it's called "the dark night of the soul". 32:21 Now this isn't common but it can happen and in the worst situation it can lead to this depersonalization disorder where you actually start to feel like you don't exist as a person and you interpret that whole thing as negative but there are ways out of depersonalization disorder and there are ways out of the "dark soul". So again generally speaking, all this stuff that I'm talking about, you want to treat it as temporary phases, as just arisings or a bubbling up from your subconscious mind of stuff that you need to work through. so none of this is really ultimately negative. It's actually all very positive stuff but in the moment, for a few days, for a few weeks, it can feel very negative. 33:17 Alright so what do we do about all this stuff? What's the recommendation? Well if you talk to a serious meditation teacher or master or an enlightened master, their advice on this stuff is actually very simple. It's actually very easy to give good meditation advice. Here it is. Firstly just relax and realize that all this stuff is normal and that really it's no different than any other phenomenon that you're seeing around you. Seeing an alien is no different than seeing my face, it really doesn't matter, you're just attributing a different meaning to an alien because it's an alien, than to my face. And if you're seeing a demon or an angel, recognize that it's no different than seeing your car or seeing your mother or seeing a chipmunk at the park. It's really no different. The only difference is the meaning that you assigned to it and of course all your meanings are self constructed and a lot of them come from the ego. So as you start to unravel your ego this sort of weird shit will stop bothering you so much the way it does normal people. So just relax, that's step number one. 34:25 Step number two: remember, don't get distracted by this stuff. Remember what's going on here is that your ego is trying to maintain its sense of tyranny over your life. It's like you're trying to depose a dictator so when you're deposing a dictator what do you think happens? There's resistance, he fights back because he doesn't want to get deposed. Neither does your ego. Your ego and your mind and your brain are trying to maintain homeostasis so as you're pulling towards spiritual higher consciousness, it's pulling back in full force towards lower consciousness, towards egotism and the way that it does that is by sending these strong negative emotions at you, getting you to be afraid and by trying to distract you from your ultimate goal. And the only thing you got to do to stay on track, is just to keep meditating. That's really it, stay relaxed, keep your cool and just keep meditating. 35:31 If you start to break your meditation habits, that's when you know the ego has really won because that's all the ego wants. The ego wants to sabotage you, to get you to stop so that it can remain the tyrant in power. Remember that all this negative stuff is just a sign of real growth. Real growth doesn't always feel pretty the way you imagined. Newbies think of growth as positive stuff. Advanced practitioners know that growth is tough and that it requires emotional labor. That's what tells you that meditation is real and not just a fantasy because you are working through and it takes emotional labour to focus and to keep yourself on track and to not get distracted. 36:29 Remind yourself that this is a phase. Depression is a phase, seeing weird entities and aliens and demons and stuff, that's a phase, all this is stuff you will pass through. It's not going to last forever. Remember to trust yourself, trust your higher self, trust your original motivations for why you started doing meditation. If you have a thirst for enlightenment, trust in that. There's something there that will cut through all the bullshit, all the fear, all the egotism. 37:08 Also treat yourself with love and kindness on this journey. Meditation is not about disciplining yourself harshly and self-flagellation. It's supposed to be a process of self-love. You're doing this out of compassion and love for yourself so when you sit down to meditate, be kind be gentle on yourself, both mentally and physically. 37:34 It does no good for you to start to argue with yourself inside your mind, to start to create partitions in your mind where you say "oh this part of me is bad and this part of me is good, and the good part needs to discipline the bad part" No, all of that is just more ego games. 37:50 So a lot of times when I am very frustrated or I'm going through some sort of turbulent stuff during my meditation I just remember that "hey let me just calm down and relax, let me accept all this stuff, let me not resist any of it" because you know what, I know that in the bigger picture I have no control over it at all. All my negative emotions that come up I have zero control over them and when I'm meditating, well I have zero control over that. My only job is just to sit here and to be mindful, that's it, and the self love is so deep that if I feel like I need a short break, I will take a short break. I will meditate less. You could even stop meditating for a week if you really need to; like if you feel like this meditation is completely destroying your career, or your relationship, make a calculated strategic move to take a break for a short time, but then of course with always the intention to come back. Because the greatest failure you could experience is if you get fed up and disgusted with meditation that you never want to come back anymore. Then you've let the ego win. It's accomplished its job. 39:06 And the last thing I would suggest is to read spiritual books. Read books from people who have meditated for decades, who can give you some tips and pointers and they can keep you inspired, they can keep you connected with your original motivation for why you're meditating and they can point out the different traps to you and the different ways that you can deal with those traps so that if you do ever experience a "dark night of the soul" for example you know which book to go to, where there's going to be a bunch of advice that tells you how to deal with a "dark night of the soul". You don't want to get caught off guard by that. All right, that's it those are my tips. 39:40 Meditation does have a dark side but remember that actually the bigger the dark side the bigger the purer the spiritual purification that you will experience and the higher your consciousness will ultimately go so all this stuff is ultimately very positive so don't despair, stay on track and if you don't have a meditation yet, make sure you install it first thing starting today or starting tomorrow.

Self inquiry Who am I? The minds modus operandi is to find the answer in memory. Makes sense, because that’s the life I’ve been living. That’s the familiar story. Actually the question is “who was I”? But that’s not the question. The question is who am I, now? Again, silence. sight seems to be the most tricky. The world is full of sight and visual stimulation. Also, feeling. The feeling of my body, sensations. But what happens if I turn them inside out? There seem to be two world. The world of nothingness, and the place of objectivity, sights, sounds, everything. And I can switch between them. Habit is to have the objectivity switch on. Of course. All the mind can know is objectivity. There is a tendency to avoid the question Who am I. It’s so simple yet so complicated. From egos perspective the question is silly. But also unfamiliar. Like wtf are you doing? You crazy? Mind makes it complicated. Obviously. This question cannot be answered with thinking so I should stop writing. What is memory?

Yes, you exist. But existence is also a dream so existence is equal with nothingness

I had very severe social anxiety in the past. When I would cross people on the street, my energy would rush to my head, I would lose all connection with my body - my feeling. While the person on the street passes me, I would look down, I would compusilvely take my phone out, look at it without something on the screen and pretend I'm busy on it, just so I don't have to think about being judged at that moment. And a lot more of different compulsive behavior for escaping the feeling in my body. You have to practice grounding your energy into your body. If your anxiety is really severe, practice feeling into your body, feel into your legs, your arms, your chest, feel it. And relax into it. Relax all your muscles. Let the tension flow away into nothingness. Do this while walking down the street and passing strangers. Then go to shopping malls, busy streets, and stand there, still, completely still, while 100s of people pass you. Try to put all your feeling into your body, focus on breathing, and let your energy ground into the earth, like you're a tree and it roots go into the ground. Visualise your energy going down into these roots. After this, while previously if you would stand there in the middle of a street, completely still, you would think about what people are thinking about you, that you look stupid, standing there, or weird, or anything else. Now you find yourself standing there completely relaxed, with a still mind free of anxiety and worrying.. . you're just really present. Then practice this while walking in these busy places. After a while, your nervous system adapts, and being grounded will be your natural state. After that, you can practice talking to people. Your energy will most likely escape to your head again, and that's normal. You have to challenge yourself, and adapt the technique of feeling and relaxing into your body, and grounding your energy. Place yourself in new situations, ask directions, ask for stuff, ask for cigarettes, ask questions, talk, go into sales, go do improv theater, and relax into your body, always. After a while, you will notice that your anxiety is gone because your nervous system has adapted. This worked for me.

You do not focus on nothingness, you just do not focus on anything , to do it your body needs to be able to breath comfortable when you are relaxed and have as little interference as possible, if you are new to this you will have long way to get even close to being able to do it, but it will be good training to stop your mind jumping around.

@purerogue So I can meditate in any way as long as I am focusing on nothingness?

@Nahm So what I got from that video is experience is dependent upon the experiencer, and what we see is only "there" if we are here. Does this mean that I am my experience? If nothing is real, then doesn't that mean that real is real but it is nothing? And all of the things I've experienced are not real because they are all things and i have never experienced nothingness truly? How can I experience nothing if experience isn't real but nothingness is? Seems paradoxical

How about @Schahin crystallised out of god/nothingness/infinity? The medium the crystal grows in is consciousness. The nature of consciousness is to get more twisty and knotty and self referential as it becomes more and more aware of itself - the crystal expands and gains more and more structure. But the power of consciousness is unlimited and it can disolve that crystal whenever it wants to and poof! You're gone. God carries on.

The very fabric of reality is Love. Love , consciousness and nothingness are synonymous. Divinity is synonymous. That's why if you ever become consciousness itself (you already are, but by becoming directly conscious of it) you will become Bliss/Love/Divinity.

@Leo Gura Love. ? "To share itself with itself" is a way better description of my interpretation of "spark" and "interaction." How do you define illusion? Why did these specific illusions manifest as such? Towards love? Would you describe Love to be synonymous with Harmony, and Balance? Or an entity alone? Is Nothingness PURE Love? *Also, thank you for your time, collective thought, and input. I really enjoy the "illusion" this forum brings as I share, and everone else shares there parts (Basically God/Universe be Sharin' collectively). It helps me get a deeper understanding of Love and feel more connected to the whole. ❤?

Why does the infinite imagine itself as a trillion finite selves to make creation? Does it? Would it not create without this illusion, in and of itself? I almost feel as if you are assuming the illusion of the finite. (Not accepting it, but assuming it) There are no finite selves at all. The illusion does not exist. There instead seems to only be observation and momentum. The whole observes itself in every aspect of itself expanding. I, the whole, observe myself as "you," and myself as "me" happening as interactions. Moment. Moment. Moment. CONSTANTLY. "I" simply am what I am. Forever expanding observation. Not illusion. Illusion implies falseness. Illusion: "a thing that is or is likely to be wrongly perceived or interpreted by the senses" What is happening as the infinite in it's observations is not false..it simply IS as the whole. (I think that's how duality and non-duality debates begin. Duality is not interpreting falsely. Duality is simply the observation of the non-duality. Both are observation and moments.) The Infinite purely seems to be growing, and as it grows it simply fills itself with observation of what it has now become. That observation appears and expands into many, many, moments. Time. You are not you, and I am not me, we are simply moments of the whole. We are evolving time. We are the universe. We are happening as one whole entire energy. Observation of the infinite flow IS the forever expanding spark of nothingness.

@V-8 Yes there are different levels of awakening. Awakening from mind. The realization that you are nothingness. Awakening of the heart. The boundries of separation dissolve and you realize you are everything. The awakening from gut. The realization of being something. The awakening to the body.

One curious difference between my model and what Leo has been saying is that in my model consciousness is a property of difference observing itself. And Leo's explanation, if I have understood it correctly, says that difference is a property of consciousness. If so, which explanation is correct? Maybe they are the same just like how left and right define each other. If not, then I prefer my explanation because Leo's brings in the concept of nothingness which is redundant in my model. Difference observing itself is a platonic form/structure/principle or a "no-thing", but not nothing.

This is a very helpful conversation that you are having; I have been exploring these thoughts for some time. After having done several Ayahuasca trips and touching the space/void of non-duality, nothingness and several different dimensions, I have struggled to make sense of the oneness/God consciousness and how that relates to human consciousness, awakened or not. I have been toying with some of the thoughts that entered my awareness the last few months on how God has divided his consciousness in a hierarch of sorts, that allows for different levels of awareness/consciousness to explore infinite forms/non-forms of beingness. Whether the forms of beingness are 3D,4D, 5D (or whatever forms of beingness there are), it is still God consciousness, but it is intentionally partitioned, separated into distinctions from other forms of consciousness within each layer/level and from the partitioned/separated/distinct begins within. The 3D experience we are currently experience is just one of an infinite 3D worlds and dimensions experienced throughout the Cosmos. Each one is connected with ours within the greater consciousness, but with defined laws, boundaries and firewalls to preserve the integrity of Gods creative consciousness to explore itself. We are purposely partitioned, separated, distinctions from each other and the world around us to explore the meaning of life in the physical realm. We are in this small video game with defined boundaries, rules and firewalls, but with some freedom to determine and create our personal, cultural, collective and universal dreams and conscious levels. To think otherwise, would be to believe God is limited, and has limited power to separate itself into fractal/partitioned spaces of conscious, and to believe God does not have the power or creativity to allow fractal/partitioned spaces the ability to have contained conscious freedom to explore and create experiences of beingness……. When I did touch the space/void of non-duality, nothingness and several different dimensions or existences, I was not granted the full and complete access to the main hard drive. In other words, I received an infinitesimal small taste of God consciousness, not the full meal deal. I think a lot of humans fool themselves believing they have gain full consciousness and awareness of God. This video game of Reality we are in is not designed for full God consciousness, but it is designed for us to become conscious of ourselves, conscious of this reality/game, and a taste of the greater consciousness beyond this reality that has many more levels for us to play in, explore and create. Having said that, my life purpose, with the awareness and consciousness I have obtain thus far, is to embody the consciousness of who and what I am, to embody duality and non-duality, embody the oneness of the everything, and most importantly to Explore and Co-create within this reality with more Gratitude and Love… Just some thoughts! Row, row, row your boat Gently down the stream Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily Life is but a Dream…

The point, for me at least, is not to kill or even transcend the ego, it's simply becoming conscious of what it is. You will find ultimately that it is not. You are pure nothingness, pure emptiness, pure formlessness. That's one aspect of yourself. You are also total awake awarness. Totally conscious. Dissolve any possible seperation between yourself and The One, all this is mind-created. The One aka God is none other than YOU. You are none other than The One. But becoming conscious of this requires that you first get a direct connection with your Self/God. Follow the process of Self-inqury and meditation, let yourself show itself the way ? As God told Bayazid Bastami, "Leave yourself and come." There is one distraction and that is the mind. Become conscious of this fact, become conscious of how it literally creates falsehood, entire realities. The remedy is to empty your mind, empty it until nothing is left. Become the Supreme witness and observer of the mind, not attached to it, not identified with it. Simply observing it's creations come and go, being completely neutral to them, letting them come and go, for you are not your mind. You are not your body, you are not your personality. You are Nothing=God.

I played around with the machine elves for a bit but you eventually tap into your higher self and realize oneness, there is only one of us here and they all vanish in that moment of realization into nothingness and you are only left with yourself. One infinite energy. Machine elves are there to help those who don't truly know themselves as fundamentally as others, as for when you truly know the SELF, all illusions regardless of dimension of space/time cease to exist and oneness is experienced directly as yourself, through yourself. I guess you could say the superconsciousness creates them as guides and assistance for those who are more integrated within the human mind/complex, to believe in something when it appears as a higher power or energy thus becomes more easily acceptable to surrender to a higher divine energy but when one knows his own divinity there is of no need for any extensions or distortions to manifest. That's how i see it at least, i haven't delved in a long while because i got the message so i am enjoying the playfulness of life because at the end of the day, there is no escaping the eternal self. I find more growth and gradual integration in milder doses of mushrooms and cannabis from time to time and especially in nature paired with meditative, trance and spiritual practice. Its all for play nowadays Infinite Love.

@MNR Mackey If he is texting you or calling you, don't respond anymore. Remove him from your contact lists. Disable notifications for his contact on your phone and social media. He should have nothing to do with you anymore. If I were in your place, I'd have been very angry and reasonably so. He has no right to talk to you anymore. Do not give him this privilege. Totally ghost him. Him being in your life will only make things worse. It will impact your self esteem and cause you despair and distress. There are people in our lives that always cause us sorrow. Best is to cut them out. They dont deserve our attention or affection. They deserve nothingness. Put him out of your life immediately.

Maybe I will see you Maybe I will see you from the other side of the door Maybe I will know you by the edge of the shore Maybe we'll meet In the sky among the stars Maybe we'll just be a flower in the sod And when my hair flows on my skin And when the wind lightly blows on my face I see the sky with purple and red and the fire dancing on my eyes and I sing and feel all my beings and others are whispering into me and I feel your love into heaven on earth and I know my life is complete and I see you standing by the fire with the light blowing on your face and your rope that cross in the yellow and the gold in the fire with warmth and you flow with the wind as life passes you by and when time gets you down you go up and you smile and your beauty your grace took me away into a land of unknown and a song I embrace and I dance moving my head my hair flowing wild and free and I feel your presents under the stars and the moon I know you are I know who you are and this moment of time will never begone eternally present forever and ever and as we grow up and grow old and die we will look back and see the fire and the sky and when we sing the song of life and love forever and ever without a breath then we will dance in that divine void forever and ever until we are all one and when I feel my love for you I know I know I know and when I feel your love for me I know I know I know I am here with you and forever and ever without tears and as the stars align as the universe stays we'll both be in each other's arms much to one perhaps you see the fire that we're in the beauty and grace of this life and when you feel the wet tears down your face as I know your love in my heart and maybe it will rain and maybe it will snow and maybe the sun will never comeback and maybe we'll die and maybe the sky will become so so so! so real...real- reality reality! reality!! as love and you and me and all reality our reality in god! is infinite love is just you and me and all the things and we dance and we cry we laugh and we fight through the eternal soul and perhaps today you can look me in the eyes and tell me the words that you are here to say so that I can remember who I am so I can be of your love and in that nothingness we sing of this song of us of life of death and when we say the words the truth we say we say we say we say we sing we sing this song of life and we know that we are all just one and we know we are we love and live we die we cry we sing this song of life

Every word is a pointer to something. The word car for example. Perhaps a picture popped into your mind? That's because your mind knows what a car is. It can relate the word car to the actual thing. Now take the words Infinity, nothingness and non dual awareness. What is being pointed to here? Whatever these words point to is prior to the mind. The mind does not experience it but it experiences the mind. And yet the mind is used to describe it. And the mind is used understand the description.

Ive studied NDEs in depth in an attempt to determine their validity. I believe that to dismiss them as physical process in the brain would be an epistemological error - a violation of Occam's Razor. Someone that believes that they should just awaken, and exist in their awareness of the present moment until physical death dissolves them into nothingness is going to live their life very differently from someone that believes that they must learn and grow as much as they can in this life time, with no time to waste. For this reason, I think its an important consideration. I like this podcast. The host has a wide, balanced knowledge of both Eastern Esotericism and Western Esotericism. The woman he interviews was walking into her synagogue with her family one day and got struck by lightning. She describes here NDE, the absence of linear time, etc. She says that she found that all people have a "guide", and after one has learned what they need to learn in physical incarnations, will become a guide themselves. This echos what many mediums say that spirits tell them. She also explains why people from different cultures have different experiences depending on their cultural expectations. She does state that she feels her "mission" is to tell people that they dont need to fear death. My rationalist part of me tends to reject this due to the delusion by our tendencies to believe what makes us feel good BUT from her perspective, she is just relaying what is true. I have never posted a video before but for anyone interested in the subject, they might find this interesting:

Part 1 Footprints to Ox's tail ☯️ Part 2 Riding the Ox Backwards Part 3 The Cloth Bag Monk This is what I got from those clips: God (No-self, nothingness, no external environment, no embodiment, the absolute, Truth) --> Everythingness (You literally become everything.) --> Godhead (Singularity, white/black hole, Riding the Ox Backwards, flow) --> To love realm --> Ego: embodiment in mind, body, world, universe (The arrow means transformation. When this is occurring, there is no distance between you, the absolute, and everything else. There are no dimensions. Everything is one all the time. I said "white hole" only because everythingness came together and formed a singularity. So, it looks "white.") God's Arrow Going from God, to singularity, to ego. Always happening. Always going through us. Traps What is interesting to me is, he mentioned the Power of Realms trap. To me, this means being hooked on pursuing anything in the "everythingness realm," or being obsessed with it. Realms are phenomena. They are infinite. There are just more and more. If there's no realm, then that's God because everything is one. God is not a realm. In one ear and out the other...this is one of my favorite. How are you going to pass on the message once you get it? The other yous will not listen. Too woo-woo for "them." Even Shinzen Young is using metaphors to describe it. Once you become one with everything, everything is you. While you are God, you will understand that the experience is not grandiose. How can it be grandiose? It's just you, and only you, God, exists, and transforming into yourself by yourself without separation. It's only when you embody back into your ego that you'll think that it's grandiose. Initially, you may think that the experience is "big" and you're "small." This is the mind misinterpreting the experience. The experience literally has no separation or distance. Please share insights.

Hello, About 1 month ago, my girlfriend and I had an LSD trip, quite a low dose (125 micro-g). But this time it got really far. While we were lying down in bed (+- @ T+3h), I totally passed out from this reality for some minutes. (I totally understood how karma “works”, how everything has a consequence and so on, how consequences are “formed”.) Then, some minutes later I came back, a little panicky. I looked at my girlfriend an I saw myself in here. I told here “you are me and I am you”. I often had some kind of this feeling, but this time it was much different, this time it felt that the whole “reality” had “collapsed”. I asked her for a hug, and we hugged. It felt strange (for both of us), it was like hugging some kind of “nothingness”. Like that the only thing which exists would be nothing more than some “line”, the line which represents the separation between my inner world and my outer world, the rest all an illusion. This time I totally felt the meaningless of everything, that it’s no point in hugging someone, no point in having sex, no point in drinking water, no point in doing what so ever. That I was never born, that there are no parents, that there is only me. I talked to here, she felt the same. What now became really strange, after this I totally knew how she would move, what she would reply to my questions. Again, she had the same impression. We came to a moment when it felt that we both were talking exactly the same thing (like a mirror) to each other. It felt like all of “realty” had collapsed. I started to panic a little more. I had the feeling that now because I have “understood it all” it will stay this way, I wanted my “limitations” & “separation” back. After some time, the boundaries started to come back, somehow, I felt like I’m going totally crazy. I told my girlfriend that I want to take a benzo to come down, even if I know that it doesn’t change what I’ve seen (I was 100% sure it wouldn't change anything at all, even my girlfriend was like “you can take some but it will not change anything at all, we now have seen what ‘is’, and nothing can change this”.). Ok, I took a benzo, it didn’t change anything, it just took some of the fear away. (1 week later I took about 12mg 5-MEO-DMT, it showed me “unconditional love”, some kind of a “orgasmic feeling” in the whole body for about 30 minutes. I again knew everything is “ok”,) Now, some weeks after the trip I became a little more “normal” again. I still remember what I’ve see, but I don’t feel it so much anymore. I still know that everything “was” one, but don’t feel it all the time. What I find really strange after this experience I think “reality” has changed somehow. There are strange synchronicities happening to my girlfriend and me. We see more “instant-karma” happening, in such moments we feel quite deeply again what we felt during the trip. We still have problems integrating this experience. She fears that there is “something bigger” having control over her (like she’s a “brain in a box”). My ego has problems integrating that I’m somehow “all alone” and I’m asking myself what this “reality” is. If there is just my perspective and the dualities are “inner world, outer world”. Or that those people around me are “people like me”. (My ego would prefer the second one.) (Yes, it’s somehow “funny” writing about this here, feeling that it’s quite possible that everything is one/me.) Maybe some of you had some equally “extreme” experiences. How have you positively integrated some of this? Right now I’m contemplating if I have to go deeper, if I need some time or if I should stop. I feel attracted by the search for the “Truth”, but I also have a lot of fear about what can happen (what I can “see”). Greetings, C.

Just like in Leos video about becoming infinite, what does it feel like on a practical level being infinite in infinite dimensions all happening at the same time- I understand it’s probably overwhelming and you have to experience it to truly know, but I mean like do you literally feel as though you become or embody literally everything simultaneously? And instead of a sequence of events you just experience it all at once in the now? Or is it a nothingness experience and within that you’re able to imagine all scenarios at once? What’s the first person experience of infinity? How is the infinity being “perceived”? What happens when you just become directly aware of infinity?

I've been feeling kind of depressed recently during the day. At night it's ok because i do yoga and then smoke weed and meditate, but throughout the day I just feel off and I think it will be good to express my feelings fully here. I am starting to feel more comfortable expressing myself on this forum, and I think i need to some sort of mind dump to get everything off my chest. I'm going to do everything in bullet form basically and try and express the feeling as concisely as i can. I hate law school. Ok, it's not that i hate it it's just i don't like being there and i feeling like i'm wasting my time. I know i don't want to practice law, and it's hard to motivate myself to do the work and try my best. I literally don't give a fuck about the law at all, i want to start a business and do what i want. I also don't know if this is just my resistance to doing the work. Am i just fucking afraid of sitting down and studying?? It's not hard to pass in law school, and i can probably get by barely doing any work, but then why the fuck am I here. I have exams coming up, and 5 of the 6 are help not hurt so it literally doesn't matter how i do on them. The ONLY reason i care about these exams is because i don't want to tell my friends i failed exams and have them think down on me. But at the same time all of this shit is just in my fucking head so who cares? I love my lifestyle outside of law school though. My fucking life is funded, i can do anything... I can go anywhere.... But i'm still not happy and content. I'm making great progress with meditation and i feel like i'd literally be happier if i was sitting in a cave all day because I know i can just keep coming back to the nothingness inside that i'm uncovering. But that's fucking bull shit. I know i can be happy here, but i'm not. This is the main motivation for staying in law school, my life outside law school is very conducive to spiritual progress. I can literally spend all day meditating and ordering take out, and do whatever I want. I'm so blessed, but why don't i feel fucking blessed. My parents are so generous to me because they don't want me to be a loser, like my brother. But i feel like i'd be making so much more progress if i was working with them part time, and pursuing online businesses and spirituality in my spare time. They won't accept that. And honestly i don't even accept that, i'm afraid of people calling me and thinking of me as a failure or a loser for dropping out. But who cares? There opinions mean nothing. I feel like i have the answers here, but my family is too blind to help me uncover it. Why can't my family just say hey that's a great idea you can self actualize and work a bit, and we will support you. I am too dependent on my family. I should be supporting my self. That's what they truly want is for me to be self sufficient. But that gets me back to law school. I am not going to be a fucking lawyer. I told them this. And they just get nervous and say keep going because they think i will change my mind and say no mom and dad i fucking love being a lawyer, my dream is to work 50 hours a week for someone else's law firm while i do busy paper work all day everyday. That's so fucking awesome right guys? That's the future you want for me? I can't even blame them at all, my dad's a fucking farmer he works 100 hours a week in the summers. Like hard fucking work. How would he understand what i'm going after with spirituality. The guy has no clue. I think i'm ready for a girlfriend. But i just don't meet girls i'm super attracted too. Today on the bus i saw a really pretty girl, she made me a feel a certain way. I get a certain feeling from some girls and i want to meet someone that gives me that feeling. There are some girls in my yoga class that i think are interested in me, i notice how they wait for me after class because i always take the longest to leave. But idk i just don't find them that attractive. Do i just try and date them? Will i learn to love them over time? I'm afraid i'm going to get in a relationship and then meet someone better in a few days. I have such high expectations who can live up? I want to find her really attractive, i want her to be somewhat smart, kind, rich, well put together. Anything else i feel like i would be wasting my time. I'm just waiting for her to come to me, but at the same time i need to take responsibility. i have no idea what to do in this space. I'm 24 and i've never had a girlfriend. It doesn't bother me, but it's obviously a sign something is off with my ego. I have a major issue with taking responsibility. I do not feel in control of my own life. It's always about my mind, my family, my fucking problems. But what is personal responsibility? When i think of taking responsibility I feel so much resistance and pain. When i go to meditate it feels effortless and feels right. Shouldn't responsibility come naturally and effortlessly? I'm going to be working with Nahm soon. I know he's going to stress the importance of personal responsibility. I'm very excited to work with him. I've always thought life coaches were stupid and only hippy losers did this is as a job. But Nahm is the man. He started business before doing this work. That is my goal too. Become financially independent and then come back here and help people like Nahm is helping me. I was very resistant to the idea of life coaching only a few months ago, i think it will be very beneficial to me. i hope anyways.