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Thank you for the no-bullshit reply! If it were not clear from my topic, I consider myself an artist, and I am fully open to the possibility that I suck at marketing despite investing energy and learning and practicing. One part of what I feel is limiting me in this aspect is a notion that Oscar Wilde expresses the following way: "A work of art is the unique result of a unique temperament. Its beauty comes from the fact that the author is what he is. It has nothing to to do with the fact that other people want what they want. Indeed, the moment that an artist takes notice of what other people want, and tries to supply the demand, he ceases to be an artist, and becomes a dull or an amusing craftsman, an honest or a dishonest tradesman." I suppose it is possible that I am extending this principle into the realm of marketing where it may not apply, but it often feels like the very things that make my art genuine and unique are that things that differentiate it from the norms and wants of mainstream culture. This leaves me with the choice of either watering down my art and becoming a craftsman or seeking out the minority that could appreciate its value appropriately to justify a reasonably high price. I would obviously opt for the latter but how does one even go about achieving that pragmatically? Over the years I've accumulated a decent following of over 10k people on my Facebook page taking photos of mostly alternative girls, but unlike Suicide Girls my work is focused more so on portraits and aesthetics rather than nudity. This is obviously a significantly less viable source of income with everyone interested in working with me playing the "it's free exposure" card, including major magazines. I've had photos of mine with thousands of likes and/or becoming editor's choice at virtually all of the photo-sharing sites, including National Geographic's platform, yet when it comes to print sales the numbers tell a completely different story. I don't want to be another artist crybaby about it, I'm determined to get better, not bitter, hence my interest in joining the forum. I am certain I still have a bunch of limiting beliefs as well as an ego I'm unconsciously protecting so your input and suggestions are all very welcome. Thank you once again!
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Sallekhana OR Santhara OR Prayopavesa is not in Hinduism, it is in Jainism. Jainism is the most ascetic religion in the world. Jaina monks torture themselves so much that one wonders if they are insane. The idea of committing santhara, suicide, by not eating or drinking, is nothing but a very long process of self-torture. Your life here should be the days of meditation, love, compassion, friendliness, playfulness, laughter; and if you can do that, you will be rewarded by a conscious death. You cannot manage to die consciously without a long, meditative, conscious life. Only a conscious life is rewarded with conscious death — it is a reward, but only to the conscious man.
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Delinkaaaa replied to 0ne's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
Hello @One, if you are saying that you are not depressed, than be aware, because statisticly speaking - people who are depressed are not commiting suicides. Those are people who are not depressed. They have a clear mind to do such a bad desicion. It would be pity to lose live just because you fit into the stats, woldnt it be? Another statistics say, that in these days it is more plausible to die because of suicide, than because of murder. That means you are your bigest enemy. This forum is all about how to became your bigges friend, so to speak. Head up! And go to nature, that will help. Love, Delinkaaaa -
Prabhaker replied to YinYang's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
There are people who have lost their all hopes and finding life meaningless. There are people who are ready to suicide or are on their death bed. Can they choose path of enlightenment ? -
Leo Gura replied to 0ne's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@SC GM Ain't nothing "reasonable" or "logical" about your life. 99% of everything you do is emotional. Including any considerations of suicide. The problem is that you don't have sufficient awareness yet of just how powerfully your emotions control you. You are like a puppet of your emotions. And you are never going to change that with logic. Logic is the backwards rationalization you make for your emotional prejudices. -
After struggling today with my consciousness work, I felt disappointed in myself for not meeting my expectations. However, I was shocked at the compassion I had for myself. One year ago, I would have been toxically self-critical and would have identified as a failure. I was honestly shocked at how much better I handled this that I would have one year ago. I just realized, I've been following Actualized.org for over one year now. I had just been rejected by my first romantic love interest, and I was contemplating suicide back then. I noticed today was how this place really gives me hope. Knowing that I don't need to chase after unattainable materialistic goals to get the best life is probably what saved me from total and utter despair. Before Actualized.org, I had given up hope because I realized how ludicrous it was to aspire to certain things. I had done some deep introspection in High School and reasoned that the only way to truly get the most out of life would be to be God. I literally set that as my long term vision and planned on banking my whole life on transhumanism and the hope the science would master everything. I thought biological immortality and complete manipulation of reality would be the optimal situation. When I slowly became more aware of the inherent limitations of rationality, logic, and science, I entered deep depression and turned to pathetic hedonism as the best life strategy. I got into pick up, watched Leo's videos on how to attract women, and funny enough found that he was into the same philosophical/ intellectual topics that I was. I never even considered spirituality as a path to truth until I found that a person with a similar personality and history was serious about it. I didn't think it would lead anywhere but I gave it a shot. A year later. I've been doing this work consistently and I just have so much more hope. It's tough to believe at times that I actually can do something to create the best life for myself and my lack of talent, good looks, etc. isn't really an issue. By raising my consciousness, I feel so much more secure, as if God himself is embracing me and letting me know that no matter what happens, it will all be okay. You just have to wake up and see that is the case for yourself. I shed a literal tear of joy writing this.
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Prabhaker replied to 0ne's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
The more intelligent you are, the more the idea will be coming again and again: Why go on living? For what? For this same rut? Only a very very mediocre person can go on living. Otherwise, one day or other, the idea arises: "What am I doing here? If this is the way life goes, I have lived for forty years repeating the same thing, I may live forty years more, repeating the same things again - then what? This is the beginning of intelligence, although not the end. And by committing suicide, nothing is changed. You will be born again, and the whole nonsense will start, from ABC. That is pointless. When you are thinking of suicide, that simply says you are thinking that this life that you have lived up to now is not worth living. But there are possibilities in it which you have not tried yet. I say to you: This life can become a great joy. It became a great joy to Krishna, it became a great ecstasy to Christ, it became a jubilation to Buddha. The life that you have lived is not the only alternative. It can be lived in a thousand and one ways - there are other ways to live it. You may have lived a life without love. Why not try love? You may have lived a life obsessed with money. Why not live a life unobsessed with money? You may have lived a life which hankers to possess. Now live a life which is not worried about possessing anything. You may have lived a life of respectability - you may have always been considering what people think about you, what their opinion is. There is a life to live without bothering what others are thinking about you; there is a life to live individually and rebelliously. There is a life to live which is of adventure and not of social conformity. There is a life of meditation, of God, of search, of going within. You may have lived an outside life, chasing this and chasing that. There can be another life of not chasing anything, but sitting silently, disappearing within your being. A life of interiority. And you will be surprised - the whole idea of suicide will disappear, and you will stumble upon a life which is eternal. -
Suicide is the desperate and paradoxical attempt to fully live, to release and free oneself of all suffering/hopelessness/despair/pain. In that sense it's the ultimate lie. And obviously because there is no such thing as death
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Because I don't see the point. Your second statement doesn't make sense to me - life contains suffering, death would end it, it would seem logical to commit suicide.
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I am not depressed. In theory, death is perfection - so why live?
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JustinS replied to Hanski's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@Hanski I can totally relate. This happened after a couple years of daily meditation and just a few weeks after a strong dose of psilocybin. I've noticed that it was highly due to the fact that I stopped meditating, taking more breaks/shortening my sit times for each day after. I fell into an endless loop of all hopelessness, fear, depression, and a feeling that even suicide wouldn't even make a difference. As soon as I read more about this "Dark Night of the Soul" I became more aware. Check out "End Of Your World" By Adyashanti (about post awakening and how to deal with life) I found it very relatable and helpful. I see it as a process of 'ego confusion' as if the ego realized it's own emptiness/essenseless and it's kinda thinking twice about things. As soon as I picked up my meditation practice, micro-dosed every few days, took ashwagandha here and there, most if not all have cleared away! I am confident in saying that after this "hurdle" life will become clairvoyant and evermore magical! Keep your head up and be aware. -
Enlightenment and dealing with it As far as I understood Jeffery Martin there are 2 ways people react to the permanent non symbolic experience or enlightenment...( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azYF3EFpZ4g). 1. There are those who feel free and at the peak of pleasant and 2. Those who feel desperate, fall into deep depression and maybe even commit suicide. I guess that is why Leo once said something like: If you want to get enlightened and then kill yourself, then fine. We can´t know in which category we´ll fall, or do we?
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Prabhaker replied to The White Belt's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
What happened in Jonestown was absolutely Christian, but not even a single person in the world has talked about the fact that it was a Christian phenomenon, that Christianity was its background, that Jim Jones was a reverend, that he was a Christian priest, and the people who followed him simply followed according to the Christian ideology. Of course, they went to the very logical end. Jesus says to his people: ”After death there will be judgment day, and I will be there to pick my people. And only those who are with me will be saved; all others will be thrown into the eternal darkness of hell.” Reverend Jim Jones was continually teaching the BIBLE, Christianity, and of course he was teaching that real life begins after death. And if he convinced those fools, one thousand fools, it is nothing to be surprised at: they were all Christians. The gospel was Christian, and if he convinced them to die with him ... why wait for the judgment day? And on the judgment day there is going to be so much of a crowd – poor Jim Jones, how is he going to find his one thousand followers? It will be really difficult. The best way is: Jim Jones dies and with him his followers die. And they will reach the gates of heaven with God and Jesus Christ and all the apostles shouting, ”Alleluia!” This is far better, quicker. Other Christians have waited for two thousand years but the judgment day has not come yet. And if you read Jesus, his disciples asking again and again, ”When will the judgment day come?” and he says, ”Soon.” The whole indication is that it is going to happen within your life. Now, twenty centuries have passed; it has not happened. Nobody asks the pope, ”What about the judgment day? Jesus was saying, ‘Soon.’ What do you mean by ‘soon’?” At least it should be explained how many centuries, how many generations .... ”Soon” cannot be extended that much. But Christian bishops and cardinals and priests are comparing Osho with Jim Jones. In churches, sermons were delivered and it was said that Rajneeshpuram was going to become a second Jonestown. Now, who is going to say to these fools that this was the only place which cannot become Jonestown? The whole rest of the world can become – because Osho was not interested in the afterlife, he was only interested in life here, now. You will be surprised to know that in Jonestown, lovemaking among the members of the sect was not allowed. Celibacy was enforced. There were hard strict rules: the people were not allowed to go outside the commune, no contact with outsiders was allowed. They were living in isolation, they were all ascetics. And it is because of this asceticism that they were ready to commit suicide. Now people are searching for the causes. Somebody thinks that he hypnotized people, somebody thinks something else—a thousand and one reasons are being found. The simple reason is, he diverted their eros—that's all. And eros can be diverted very easily….just like in christian monasteries, where monks don't suicide but practice of homosexuality is well known. -
battles are lost in the same spirit with which they are won. I cried last week. I do it a lot nowadays. What often happens is that something triggers a sad cry: for my friend's suicide, for my guilt, for life's vanity. But then, out of nowhere, I transition to a hysterical laugh-cry: for gratitude, for the love for everything, for being alive, for the big cosmic joke that is life. Strangely, I don't prefer one mode of crying over another. They're both beautiful and cathartic in their own ways. My man Walt Whitman once wrote that battles are lost in the same spirit with which they are won. I think I get what he means now.
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@renegade_bee If this is truly it, the end, if you've given up; then you're truly free. If you have the money, get on a plane, go to Asia, go to a monastery and they will take you, free of charge. If you don't have the money, walk. Go to a homeless shelter, get a little job, save a bit of money for a flight and fuck off somewhere. Piss yourself whenever you feel like it, fuck it, who cares? You did it a lot when you were a baby. Go get a load of shrooms, trip your nuts off. You're talking about becoming a corpse soon. Fuck your parents, fuck your comfort, fuck it all dude. Seriously. Try being free before suicide, and if then you still want to leave. you're free to check out. Don't even feel bad for being suicidal, you don't owe anybody anything.
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@renegade_bee Don't do it. Hope you're still here and I'm really sorry you're going through all. But it's not worth it. When I was going through a similar phase, prayer was the only thing that helped me. Life is hard but you are only 18, you have your life ahead of you. If you are worried about getting laid, your life is more precious than any girl/boy/friend in the world. We don't live only for romance and sex, there is so much more to life than stuff that you see other people doing/enjoying. Stop comparing yourself to others because comparison is the biggest self-esteem demolisher. Everybody has their own problems and their own stories to tell. There are millions out there who suffer, at least just like you if not more. So you are not alone. You got to find your own 'sea of hope' where you will find your inner peace. Even in the worst circumstances, life is still worth living because you get this chance only once. Suicide can never be the ultimate option. Even suicide has a big drawback and that is the risk of failure associated with it. Many people end up handicapped or permanently disabled when their suicide attempts fail. So it's extremely dangerous. Try to heal yourself emotionally and spiritually first. Your problems may either go away one day or they may no longer be relevant from an existential perspective. May you find peace in your hour of trouble. Take care. (plz don't do it).
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https://www.disabled-world.com/artman/publish/article_2086.shtml Famous People with Aspergers Syndrome Adam Young, multi-instrumentalist, producer and the founder of the electronic project Owl City. Adrian Lamo, American computer hacker Carl Soderholm, speaker in neuropsychiatric disorders Clay Marzo, American professional surfer Craig Nicholls, frontman of the Australian garage rock band, The Vines Daniel Tammet, British autistic savant, believed to have Asperger Syndrome Daryl Hannah, actress Dawn Prince-Hughes, PhD, primate anthropologist, ethologist, and author of Songs for the Gorilla Nation Gary Numan, British singer and songwriter Heather Kuzmich, fashion model and reality show contestant on America's Next Top Model James Durbin, finalist on the tenth season of American Idol Jerry Newport, American author and mathematical savant, basis of the film Mozart and the Whale John Elder Robison, author of Look Me in the Eye Judy Singer, Australian disability rights activist Liane Holliday Willey, author of Pretending to be Normal, Asperger Syndrome in the Family; Asperger syndrome advocate; education professor; and adult diagnosed with Asperger syndrome at age 35 Lizzy Clark, actress and campaigner Luke Jackson, author Michael Burry, US investment fund manager Nicky Reilly, failed suicide bomber from Britain Paddy Considine, actor Peter Howson, Scottish painter Phillipa "Pip" Brown (aka Ladyhawke), indie rock musician Raymond Thompson, New Zealand scriptwriter and TV producer Richard Borcherds, mathematician specializing in group theory and Lie algebras Satoshi Tajiri, creator and designer of Pokemon Tim Ellis, Australian magician and author Tim Page, Pulitzer Prize-winning critic and author Travis Meeks, lead singer, guitarist and song writer for acoustic rock band Days of the New. Vernon L. Smith, Nobel Laureate in Economics Hmmmmm.....I'm seeing a lot of SUCCESSFUL people here. Oh wait.....there's more! People that most likely had Aspergers Syndrome! Abraham Lincoln,1809-1865, US Politician Alan Turing, 1912-1954, English mathematician, computer scientist and cryptographer Albert Einstein, 1879-1955, German/American theoretical physicist Alexander Graham Bell, 1847-1922, Scottish/Canadian/American inventor of the telephone Anton Bruckner , 1824-1896, Austrian composer Bela Bartok, 1881-1945, Hungarian composer Benjamin Franklin,1706-1790, US polictician/writer Bertrand Russell, 1872-1970, British logician Bobby Fischer, 1943-2008, World Chess Champion Carl Jung, 1875-1961, Swiss psychoanalyst Charles Rennie Mackintosh, 1868-1928, Scottish architect and designer Emily Dickinson, 1830-1886, US poet Erik Satie, 1866-1925 - Composer Franz Kafka, 1883-1924, Czech writer Friedrich Nietzsche, 1844-1900, German philosopher George Bernard Shaw, 1856-1950, Irish playwright, writer of Pygmalion, critic and Socialist George Washington, 1732-1799, US Politician Gustav Mahler, 1860-1911, Czech/Austrian composer Marilyn Monroe, 1926-1962, US actress H P Lovecraft, 1890-1937, US writer Henry Cavendish, 1731-1810, English/French scientist, discovered the composition of air and water Henry Ford, 1863-1947, US industrialist Henry Thoreau, 1817-1862, US writer Isaac Newton, 1642-1727, English mathematician and physicist Jane Austen, 1775-1817, English novelist, author of Pride and Prejudice Kaspar Hauser, c1812-1833, German foundling, portrayed in a film by Werner Herzog Ludwig II, 1845-1886, King of Bavaria Ludwig Wittgenstein, 1889-1951, Viennese/English logician and philosopher Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827, German/Viennese composer Mark Twain, 1835-1910, US humorist Michelangelo, 1475 1564 - Italian Renissance artist Nikola Tesla, 1856-1943, Serbian/American scientist, engineer, inventor of electric motors Oliver Heaviside, 1850-1925, English physicist Richard Strauss, 1864-1949, German composer Seth Engstrom, 1987-Present, Magician and World Champion Thomas Edison, 1847-1931, US inventor Thomas Jefferson, 1743-1826, US politician Vincent Van Gogh, 1853-1890, Dutch painter Virginia Woolf, 1882-1941, English Writer Wasily Kandinsky, 1866-1944, Russian/French painter
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Here is a holistic answer. Book: Louise L. Hay - You can Heal your Life. Pg. 201 Problem: Suicide Probable Cause: Seeing Life Only in Black and White. Refusal to see another way out. New Thought Pattern (to meditate and focus on): I live in the totality of possibilities. There is always another way. I am safe.
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@renegade_bee Don't think about suicide man. You gotta have the logic to know that you're only 18 and everything will change. When I was 20 I had severe manic depression. Dr's and pills never helped me, unfortunately. That all changed by age 22 and my life has just Gotten better and better ever since. I was where you are man. Please hear me - you are just getting started in this life. You don't know what the rest will look like. Just hang in there and keep trying things. I garuntee if you keep going and keep trying, you absolutely will find the cure for your UTI. You will. It could be only a month away. The right Dr often makes all the difference. If YOU DON'T GIVE UP, YOU WILL SEE THAT THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WILL BE THE SWEET LIFE OF SOMEONE WHO SURPASSES EVERYONE'S WILDEST DREAMS BECAUSE WHEN OTHERS GAVE UP, YOU DIDN'T. DON'T GIVE UP.
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I've always struggled with my esteem, at one point my social anxiety was so bad that I couldn't even talk to my family and closest friends without experiencing physical symptoms. Recently I started appreciating myself and what I stand for and all of a sudden I woke up. I could see everyones insecurities, their intentions... It was extremely overwealming and I kinda freaked out. In any case, I drew a load of attention to myself and said a bunch of stuff that people couldn't comprehend and I guess my sanity is under question at the moment. I can no longer see auras at the moment and I don't think I would like to at the moment either. Although I've committed social suicide... my esteem is still quite high and I go through periods of not caring about judgement. However when I'm in my own corner I feel so energetic and act completely differently to the way I was before which only draws more suspicion. It sucks, I've formed such valuable friendships over the span of two years and now nobody really knows how to approach me. Everyone is walking on eggshells around me. I'm so glad I've realised my potential, but I kinda destroyed my place of belonging in the process. Tl;dr: How do you keep your inner child at bay and appear collected outwardly & how do you remain positive when your life begins to crumble around you.
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Need to get this off my chest and would really welcome some advice. I'm going to be all over the place here. Apologies in advance. This is probably gonna be a long story, so sit tight. When I was 10 years old, my entire family went to our home country to attend a wedding. It was awesome at the start. I loved going with my family to another country. All of us together. It was the first time in my life that I felt like I belonged with my family and it was great. That happiness was short-lived. The night before the wedding, a lot of the beds were taken up at the home we were staying at, and so we shared beds. It was me, my mom and the groom. My mom was in the middle of me and the groom. I woke up in the middle of the night. I did not move. I heard some noises. I opened my right eye. And saw my mom on top of the groom. She was fucking the groom. And she was fucking the groom, while I was in the same motherfucking bed. I mean, what the actual fuck? What sort of bitch would do that? Holy shit. I managed to get back to sleep. I woke up in the morning. The groom was leaving to get ready for his wedding. I heard him say "you're a home wrecker" to my mom. Later that morning, I saw my dad. He asked me where I slept that night. I thought it was really weird that he didn't know where I slept. I told him I slept with my mom and the groom in the same bed. He asked who was in the middle. For some reason, I knew this question to be important. So I answered "I was in the middle". I lied to my dad. And I knew I lied to him. And I lied to him to protect my family. Even now, in my twenties, I have a huge amount of respect for my 10 year old self for doing that. Top kid. I knew that had I said my mom was in the middle, he would know something was going on sexually. I was scared my family was going to break up. I didn't want that to happen. Later in the day. I plucked up my 10 year old courage and confronted my mom. The balls on that kid! I asked her about what happened last night. She lied to my face and said that the groom and her were "just talking" and gave me a hug. Fucking whore. She made a cuckold out of me and my dad. My mom is a rather volatile person. My dad is bigger and stronger than her, but she beats him and slaps him. Last year, after she slapped him a few times, he came to me in tears saying he was ready to "kill her" and rip her head off. I had to calm him down and tell him that isn't the right thing to do. And just to get a divorce. He's still with her. He's a big wimp. A big pussy. Always has been. He's a broken man. My mom slapped him up a few months ago, and he came up to my room and told me about it. What the hell am I gonna do about it, if he's not willing to do anything about it? I've been living with this secret my entire life. Only now am I telling it, on actualized.org, because I need another perspective on this. Ive blocked this memorry out of my mind for most of my life, but I've remembered it as I've started meditating and working on personal development. I'm unsure on my course of action here. I can't tell the truth of this to my family. It will rip and tear the family apart. It might even drag my dad to suicide. Like I said, he's broken. I'd rather keep this secret than tell them of it. For sure my mom never told my dad. Worse is that the groom and my dad are best friends. I saw the groom a few months ago at my grandma's funeral. We played cards. Ugh. One of the worst things is that, everyone thinks we're a normal family. But I've seen shit that tells me that we're fucked up. Everyone thinks we're the perfect family. But man, we've got some skeletons in the closet for sure. Everyone sees her as a holy religious person. But deep down she's a psycho. I regularly think about just disconnecting from my family. I think it will be healthier for me. Too much baggage. Way too many shitty memories. Not enough good memories to stay. Do I need to give them a reason for leaving them if I choose to? Or should I just do it? My heads all over the place atm. She's so nice to us now. She was horrible before. Used to lock me up the basement. Used to beat me. I was scared of these Halloween masks when I was a kid, and she knew that, so whenever I did something she never liked, she put on the mask, held me down, and made me stare at the mask. Fuck man. That was scary as hell. Then this? Putting me through that? I guess seeing her fucking the groom was my first ever sexual experience. Ugh. What would you do? Would you just carry on with life with these people as if nothing had happened? Thing is she's so nice now. Of course she is. I'm now 6 ft 2. She can't pin me back anymore. Plus, I think she's realised that she'll need people to look after her when she's old. She's super nice now. But the real side of her comes out when she's with my dad. Abuses him and everything. My dads a broken, broken man. I will not talk about this with my family. I won't reveal all this to them. I won't do that to my dad. I don't like family get togethers. Because I know I'm the only person in the room to know that this is all a lie. That this family is broken. And only I know this. Christmas with them is bullshit. My extended family look at me like "what's wrong". If only they knew the truth. But I gotta hold it in. I can see that this whole family dynamic is a complete sham! A mirage! Holding it in and staying connected to the family is harsh on me. Holding it in and leaving the family will be more just and merciful on my soul, I feel. More likely to forget about it that way as well. So should I just forgive and keep living on with them as if everything is cool. Or forgive, and then leave and go on my own? Don't wanna go to no therapist or shit. Need a course of action. Stay, or leave? They are family, though. What would you do? (If you've made it all the way here. Thanks. I realise this post was just everywhere and jittery. My apologies) Thanks in advance
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I did for a long time in my life repeatedly eat very little. I was kind of in a war state against myself. This is a miserable way to live. It is basically an inconsequent way of suicide. The only way out is to find something you like about life. The thing is: If you would consider suicide then you basically find, life is worthless to you. So it wouldn't be of any harm to just stick around a little longer and try out a few things that could possible be fun. While you're doing that, you better brush your teeth. A full set of natural teeth is very valuable. If you live long enough, you might regret spending money for less perfect artificial teeth.
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Nowadays, the most sane person is the most liable to commit suicide! He is the one who will do great things though, because he realizes the ridiculousness of the fake reality that is lived by. Lots of enlightened dudes were some of the most hardcore people in history.
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@Tanuj You could commit suicide without 5-meo. Many people do.
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@Leo Gura If I try this substance and I cannot surrender is it possible that in fear or panic I commit suicide? Do you think that would be possible on 5-Me0? Do you recommend a trip sitter and did you have one?