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Beautiful. I have experienced a deep penetrating whiteness while on 5 MEO. A few times actually. Leaves you speachless and in pure bliss after "seeing" the face of god. (And being it, afterall) it most likely wasn't to the extent that you spoke about on your blog, but it was intense regardless

You see that car on the road over there? Completely still. Imagine the following scenario: You are sitting on the platform and thinking thoughts about that car, and then out of nowhere, a thought pops up: "move forwards", and the car moves forwards. Another thought pops up: "move backwards", and the car moves backwards. Another thought pops up: "blow horns", and the car blows its horns. etc.... Imagine that being the case for so many times, like a million times, until you get addicted and forget that your thoughts have no effect on the car, then actually start to believe that you control the car with your thoughts. You will create stories for how you control the car, and make scientific research on the visual field and its relationship with thought, blah blah blah. Imagine that, out of the same nowhere, the car stopped going in accordance with your thoughts. You think: "move forwards", and the car moves backwards, burns up, or does not move at all. You will be disappointed and shocked at why it doesn't obey your thoughts anymore (a little hit to your ego). Now imagine that your own body, arms and legs and everything, stopped going in accordance with your thoughts. You would go crazy and literally die, because thoughts won't seem to be in control anymore (so who is in control?). You will realise that the little control you thought you had was all illusory, that you don't own free will, and that it had you all along. Now, does that mean that everything is random and out of order? No, of course not. It's all planned. The little illusion of control is planned in order to keep you alive (as an ego). Because if you (God) go against yourself (thought/ego), you will die as an ego, and remain as God. So, how do things happen? How is reality alive? By God's will, of course. God does not need to think. God is before thought. You see? You started out life in accordance to God's will, you were pure bliss, you didn't even know you existed. And later on, you started clinging to things being some certain way and not some other way, thus ego was born, and so here you are. Welcome back!

tldr; ive spent literally 10-15 years of my life looking for my life purpose. I haven't found it and am depressed and exhausted. Should I continue looking or just accept doing a job I hate? I've got this idea in my head from an early age(since primary school) that if you find your life purpose, you will find something that will make you excited to wake up early every morning, something that gives you deep gratification, something where if you do it you get instant bliss, a flow state. In 10-15 years of searching intensely(searching to exhaustion, every day, causing my family, teachers and professors stress in the process) I have not found it. What keeps me going to this day is I know and can strongly feel there is happiness in this world. It exists. I can feel that if I do something(not sure what) I will feel that bliss and love I've always wanted. It feels immersive, expansive, beautiful, deeply joyful. I get images of a transcendent life form; a heavenly realm, ancient Egypt, the advanced complexity and lovingness of mother nature; awe inspiring, the hippy movement, plants, ecosystems, the greatest of the great of ancient greece like Pythagoras. Deep deep wisdom. It feels huge, like it would suffocate and swallow whole the entire universe im in and then dissolve into bliss. While I can smell and feel it, I cannot find it. Its like the sweet scent of a delicious cake, I can smell it but cannot find it anywhere. Summary of my journey Maybe its contained in science. So in middle school I ace my science exams. But for some reasons science feels mechanical and I get the sense that this logical mechanicalness removes that scent I'm looking for. So I try computer science. Maybe its computer science. I love building things that impact the world. Maybe the happiness is located inside of the satisfaction from building some really marvellous code. But as I do computer science, that happiness evaporates. It turns into suffering. Computer programming is highly myopic. I can't see the big picture, and even if I can its so rule based. Its dry and dead. So then I try biology. But you don't really build things in biology, and also it has this very horrible tendency to reducing living systems into logical, process driven units that interact with each other in ways that aren't inspiring. Then I thought, ahhh the scent must be in something inspiring. So then I go to mathematics. Maybe the scent is contained in the mathematical beauty of building an equation that is so advanced its transcendent, like that image I have of ancient egypt. Then I try and realize that mathematics is more about meddling with made up, completely dead rules that have nothing to do with the happiness I'm looking for. So then in haste I leave university and make a startup. Things are going much better but while doing the startup I'm a programmer and hate it. So then I think, how can I benefit the startup without using programming? I need more inspiration in my life, more liveliness. So then I try adding value by making meditation techniques and being sort of a company yogi. But the problem is, a large part of that work involves thinking. And there is no happiness (that im looking for) in thinking. Its in experience. So then I try visual arts. I spend 6 months learning how to draw, trying to feel rather than think. But then the intuition in my head says "No matter what you try, if you're trying to create something which is made of thought, by doing that you remove yourself from that thing you're looking for". So then in my last attempt to find that life purpose, I double down and for the 4th time do Leo's LP course. I love big picture thinking, beauty and wisdom. I dream of advanced cities. Maybe my LP is law and political governance. But as I attempt to spend heaps of resources in exploring that option, I'm reminded of the amount of times I thought I had found that happiness, my LP, but then after a while realized that there was some problem or misunderstanding, and withing a few months that happiness that I was looking for was gone. What should I do? Should I continue exploring and looking for my LP or just accept that I will have a job I hate, or try to be a millionare and retire early?

@Truth Addict Thank you! I'm meditating first thing in the morning for a half hour. Besides that I try to be aware throughout the day and am bringing in a lot more body awareness than before. Leading up to my awakening I noticed that I was getting very non-reactive and that my depressive moods were getting more and more infrequent. The awakening completely threw me through a loop. An experience of no self causes ego backlash at first. When I think of ego backlash I usually think of anger, a depressive and nihilist state but this ego backlash was more complicated and complex than just that especially when bliss states are mixed in, ugh! It took months for my mind to slow back down again. I'm getting back to that "state" (nonstate?) I was trying so hard for before the awakening. At the same time I'm careful not to let my mind and ego define that "state" like it did before and try to dictate what it should look like.

@Shin excellent! ?? Some of us like to see how many traps we can fall into...it is imperative we fall as many times as it takes to find our bliss

@Mu_ No there is a simple fact about this whole forum, if all stage turquoise beings, including winter solider. were to move to stage coral and complete it into stage teal. It would align the whole forum in the correct way. And protect all of us from collective self-deception. That is the truth of why i do this. All the misconception of enlightenment will go away when you non-dual beings change, because you will show everyone else the truth. Still i can not force you, i can only abruptly put the argument of such a possibility right in front of your face. for you to decide what you want all i can say, is it will be more bliss than anything you've ever experienced. Simply put, I'm going to send the self-actualised.org rocket straight into the stratosphere before i leave infinity and that will be my contribution to humanity. I know the truth about absolute infinity because i know the most about absolute infinity lol well probably leo does, but its like i said he doesn't want the title. So i'll gladly take it. my life purpose since the age of 12 -"change the world"

@Aakash i think what you are doing here is good and revolutionary - because a common trap for enlightened beings - and yes - believe it not enlightened beings can still trap themselves - is once they experience the miracle of awakening they tend to forget about form/duality simply because the bliss and power of a non-dual state is beyond all words. That said until one becomes directly conscious of Oneness they will not see that duality is non-duality. I don't judge other's levels of consciousness - but i do see that Conrad grasps Oneness. He is just basking in non-duality and there is nothing wrong with that. It will bring a person to their knees crying like a little baby for days on end. So keep doing what you are doing by helping to map out uncharted territory - to evolve mankind. Let's hear more about your spiral dynamics mappings again.

@AlldayLoop What you are supposed to take from it is that you have a hard time letting go. When you meditate, imagine bright purifying light filling your body on the inhale. On the exhale, let it all go. Feel yourself dissipating into the nothingness. Accept EVERYTHING, including your own death. Initially you might feel like you are dying. that is your ego. Keep letting go and be mindful of the bliss, joy and freedom you are filled with when your ego dies. This is a critical lesson to learn on the spiritual path. Keep at it and stay strong. This is the biggest reason seekers dont reach enlightenment imo.

This is an account of my second Huachuma/San Pedro ceremony in Pisac (I realised now there is a part where I mentioned about describing something in the first ceremony which I'm yet to finish the report on but it's not too important). Friday night about 7pm I messaged the shaman to see if I could partake in another ceremony on Monday (he mentioned they usually run Monday, Wednesday and Friday). Shortly after I received a callback from him where he mentioned that there were only 2 people on for tomorrow (Saturday) and if I wanted to come along to this one instead (he speaks a bit of English and I speak a bit of Spanish so it kind of works out). I took this as an invitation from San Pedro and got to bed at a reasonable hour, setting my alarm at 6am as we meet at 730am in town (actually this is my normal routine for sleep anyway). I packed my bag (this time more prepared) taking a pure piri-piri fragrance (shipibo plant not the chilli pepper), some rapé, palma dulce (a herb that grows in high altitudes that smells real good, especially when burned like incense), suncream (so essential for a pasty whitey like me), 2 hats (one beanie, one sun hat as it seems to be cold and hot at the same time with the wind) and I then purchased some mapachos off the shaman when we met. I got to town about half an hour early, picked up some fruit and bread for the offering to San Pedro/mid-ceremony feast and grabbed a chirimoya, mango and pineapple shake before briefly meeting the shaman who was whizzing down the tight alleys of Pisac on a push bike, telling me he needed to get our taxi ready. Once he came back I went into his shop for the preparatory tea. I saw no other participants in there and it was at this point he told me that the other 2 ate bad food and were sick so had to re-schedule, meaning that this was a one on one session. We then made our way to the taxi, got in and headed off. The shaman told me that we would be going to a different location with a lake. It took about 45 minutes to get there, passing small towns and farmlands along with hoards of llamas and sheep that kept blocking the road on the way and dogs chasing frantically after the car. Finally we arrived at what appeared to be a man made lake, or man-adapted lake. The shaman told me we would be walking up to another natural lake. We began the stroll up the mountain side, with the path varying from grass, big rocks, small rocks that made you slip, flat ground but mainly steep inclines. I definitely slipped about 12 times throughout the journey up and down. After walking for about 30 minutes we stopped at some small ruins which appeared to be the remains of a house or small building. The walls were now only about 4 foot tall and there was an opening I assume used to be a door. This is where we sat down to prepare for and drink Huachuma. As before the shaman took everything out of his bag for the consumption; big and small flute/recorder, pan pipes, drum, a cloth/small thin blanket that contained lots of small artifacts to create a shrine/altar, a bottle of water (this time it looked flavoured, it was yellow/orange ish), the worn looking vase/urn containing the san pedro powder covered by a cloth and elastic band and a cup to drink from. With my previous experience I found the drinking very difficult, however this time I put my attention on my stomach so not to focus on the taste which made things much easier. I just felt it all hitting my stomach. Sure I gagged on the second cup but it was an improvement regardless where I could barely make it through the first cup before. I find it weird to drink as it's not like Ayahuasca where that sicky feeling travels from your mouth and seems to stay with you for about 10 minutes after. As soon as you've finished drinking everything is fine, and again I didn't purge throughout the duration of the ceremony. So I'm babbling a bit here but trying to recall as much information as possible. We sat for a bit then packed our stuff up and headed up the mountain once more where we stopped a few times to rest and the shaman played more music. I find that hiking is essential as it takes a while for San Pedro to come on, it also seems to get you in touch with nature and clear your mind prior to the effects kicking in. I've found this with acid in the past as well, a good walk and then sitting down for the full force seems to work really well and also seems to remove a lot of the apprehension, 'is it working, can I feel it?' etc. Finally we came down to an area past some Inca ruins (I actually picked up a cool looking stone here that caught my eye to add to my own altar) and then out into the view of the lake which was just like something out of a dream. The lake was huge, surrounded by large mountains that stretched up high into the sky. There was a long grassy wet path that lead down to the lake. At one side up a hill sat a small stone house, and at the other end by the lake there were a herd of llamas bobbing their heads about. We made our way down further to a suitable spot where we unpacked our stuff and the shaman began putting out all of the sweets/candy for the offering (San Pedro likes it sweet). He said some prayers/gave intention/respect before we performed a small offering with coca leaves. He then packed the parcel up with all of the bits and pieces in and sealing it by folding tightly. I wrote about this in my other experience but essentially it was just stuff like biscuits, real basic bright colours sweets, sugar, incense, real random, kind of like athe sort of goodies you'd get in a piñata. Once this had been completed we put the cloth out and began adding our fruit/bread for the food offering. We then took a piece of fruit to offer personally. I'm still not 100% here but I think you're meant to take the fruit and place it on the ground somewhere to offer to pachamama/San Pedro. Well last time I just carried the fruit round with me and this time I used a chirimoya that had gotten squished in my bag so I ate half and shared the rest with pachamama/San Pedro by intently pressing the remainder into the ground so that the juiciest bit went straight into the dirt. The previous sweet offering was then burned in a fire constructed out of dried shit (literally). It didn't smell bad though and seemed to burn really well (I did think earlier why was the shaman picking up shit but I knew he'd have a good reason). After this I took my shipibo blanket and walked up the hill slightly just to be by myself and in a spot where I could clearly see the lake and mountains. I placed the blanket on the floor using 4 large rocks to weigh down each corner. I find the blanket is essential as it helps create a sacred space wherever you are, also it stops you getting spikey plants all over your arse. From here the experience really begun to take off. I didn't feel as deep a connection as previously; I was able to meditate and go deep however it seemed as though I was somewhat spacing out or losing touch with this reality. When opening my eyes it was an amazing feeling to see where I was. I didn't mention earlier but the intention I held throughout was 'who am I, what am I?' which really helped to propel the experience towards this direction. So even though I've babbled on about the build up, the actual trip is sort of difficult to describe - the whole thing felt like a dream. I remember drifting in an out, listening to the shaman play music nearby and then also setting points of focus on my body and meditating on them intently. This worked but it seemed as though as soon as the focus progressed my state, I lost focus and forgot that I was meditating. I realized after that this should kind of be a goal of meditation, to stop doing anything and just be. Sitting there for a while I decided to have a spray of the piri-piri (I gave the shaman some as well) - I just spray it in my face then breath in once it settles a bit. It really seems to bring on more visuals, especially with DMT. Powerful plant and not too well known. I then sat back down, meditated for a while longer, again having similar states before pulling out the rapé and kuripe. I sat again meditating and forgot I was holding it. Eventually around 20 minutes later I carefully poured some onto my hand so to avoid the wind, loaded the kuripe and blew up both nostrils. Okay so I thought the experience couldn't get any deeper but I was not ready for the power of rapé with San Pedro. Jesus Christ. Talk about being careful what you ask for as you might just get it. Remember my intention of who/what am I? Well concentration can be a crazy thing. San Pedo, meditation and rapé mixed together seemed to give me the ability to push through into much higher states, I felt as though there was no higher that a human could go (I know this isn't true but this is what it felt like - it pushed me right to the edge). It felt like the states I reached on bufo, even the visuals were very similar. I've never broken through on bufo but have reached blissful feelings. I had to lay down on my back, open as possible, focussing on my breath as it moved in and out of my mouth. My breath really did feel automatic, like I was just an observer, almost as if the breath had control. It was bizarre and I kept concentrating to see if the experience would go deeper - this felt on the verge of ego death, I could feel my self slipping away, reality was dispersing. This wasn't a stressful experience really, it felt completely natural but now that I think about it it really did feel as though I was dying. The shaman then came over at this point and performed a cleansing using some rosemary we picked up from the market earlier. This felt good and was perfect timing for the state I was in, it added to the blissful, zoned out state of just feeling beyond normal consciousness. I have not experienced ego death on psychedelics but I am pretty sure this was very close, just the way everything felt so similar to bufo and the state my mind and body went into. All this time I kept observing, trying to find the perceiver and question who or what I was. I find that a bit of announcing these in your head then focussing seems to push mental states into the desired direction. But again, be careful what you ask for or make sure you're ready for it! I don't want to say that concentration is a scary thing but it might show you the truth, or part of it, if you try hard enough. After the cleaning was done we started to make our way down to the lake, I was slightly relieved as this seemed to ease off the intense feelings, however I found for the remainder of the experience that as soon as I sat down again it all came back and kept pushing and pushing. Whenever the shaman played music next to me I felt the intensity rising, my breath automatically got heavier and it felt as though I was releasing or bringing a lot of stuff to the surface. I worked with this the best I could. I then released the rosemary into the river upon the shaman's instructions. This felt very ritualistic (as did the experience as a whole) and I felt as though I had been somewhat cleaned, with a lot of dirty energies collected on the rosemary. We sat there for a while longer before moving along again. With every few footsteps I would look at the floor, watching the shaman's feet energetic trails swishing around, turning around to look at the mountain (which was incredible, I couldn't believe what I was seeing) I saw that in all its beauty I could see colours that looked similar to those from 80s/90s computer graphics. The feeling of the universe being a hologram starting becoming clearer and clearer to me and as I focussed more I saw how it all moved around, no solidity, only perception of solidity in the normal state. This was the same when looking at the floor when static; stones and rocks I stared at moved around and bended/warped, which reminded me of the spoon in the matrix. My mind was just blown time after time and I tried to imagine what the world would look like if you could see through or into the hologram, to see what actually lied beneath. I'm not sure what point this happened at, but I remember seeing an inner light. I kind of moved my eyes around a bit and opened them slightly to check to see if I was just seeing the sun through my eye lids, but the sun was way up in the sky and the inner light seemed to come from down below. It didn't last long but for me was another progression in self inquiry. I focussed on it for as long as I could but it just ended up fading. This however did give me the feeling that happiness truly does lie within - the light will never go out, you just have to observe and tap into it, unlike external factors which are a) constantly changing and b) very likely to be all illusion (based on this experience and previous, also with comparing to other trips/meditative states that others have reached). So anyway, we continue walking along down the mountain, stopping periodically to just stare in awe at the moutains, lake, just everything. Again, this was all very dream like, this place is like a fairy tale. Eventually we reached the location where we had to wait for the taxi. We spoke to some of the weaving ladies who looked very hard working and worn down. I bought 2 bracelets and gave them the rest of my change, as well as some bread (the shaman gave them bread first so I followed his lead). I remember trying to get the change out of my wallet and I got so consumed in the task that I forgot what I was doing. I believe I was just fumbling around with the coins, slowly moving them out of my wallet and around my hand, struggling to count them. I'm not sure how much time passed but it felt like an eternity. I then looked up and saw the lady looking at me, she was probably thinking 'this gringos out of his fecking mind' - and that I was. It seems to be when returning to civilization/normal society that you realize how far gone you are. After buying the 2x bracelets, I just sat cross legged on the floor in front of the weaving ladies and watched as they talked amongst themselves, smiled at me, all made 'shoosshhing' noises as chickens kept coming over to peck at their goods, watched their children roll around on their products and saw the shaman talking amongst them. He was probably dying for a chat all day. I sat and thought how these people truly have nothing and work all day, every day. The children looked equally worn down, and already part of hard lives at such an early age. Regardless they all kept smiling and playing with what they had. Another cool sight was the moon on my right, with children playing underneath it on a hill, and the sun on my left, with the mountains in the distance. Crazy views. Taxi time - this part is always pretty interesting. Moving around in a vehicle still high as a kite, seeing amazing sights all around that are constantly changing, wild animals, herds, children playing, dogs chasing the car (again). I really could not stop watching and think again how this play is like a fairy tale, kind of like the shire in Lord of the Rings but somehow more magical. I then closed my eyes, begun focussing on my breathing and noticed the sensations returning heavily. I kept bringing up negative thoughts and trying to release them. I wondered if the shaman could feel what I was experiencing or even know the thoughts through their frequency. Either way I was astounded at how much more at peace and even more interesting it was to keep my eyes closed, even with all of the amazing sights to behold around me. The taxi then pulled up in Pisac town, I went to the shaman's shop, paid him and then left. Oh god was I high. This was not a gentle landing as it felt as though it may have been earlier. It just seemed to keep coming back and back, even getting stronger. I think the new environment also brought on new levels, so much more going on, new faces, animals, cars, just hectic (and Pisac is a quiet town). I had no money now and think I needed water, also I wanted food but really could not deal with going into the town plaza and into the jewelry shop to take money out. It may not even have been open. I began weirdly walking back to the hostel, trying to act normal - I did not feel of this planet and it was funny at times but my mind was just between the states of feeling the experience and wanting to get back, eat some bread and avocado and lay out on the grass, staring at the stars, smoking a mapacho. Eventually I made it back in one piece, went straight to the bathroom and saw there were some light red marks on my face (raw skin from sunburn) and some rapé remnants in and around my nose and on my upper lip. This in combination with a spaced out look and dinner plate pupils had me feel that anyone who saw me and gave me a peculiar look did so for good reason. I looked a state and that didn't settle me down too much. I cleaned up and went outside with a mapacho. I smoked it as intently I could, staring at the stars, looking for answers, feeling the experience and trusting the grandfather Huachuma, announcing this trust in my mind. This really seemed to help the experience. So from this point I can't remember too much, it was more so just the same as earlier - huge waves of energy coming over my body, all of my energy moving upwards as if attracted like a magnet and my eyes rolling upwards to accompany the feeling. It was a sort of uncomfortable bliss. I put this down to my body just not feeling balanced. It felt like there should be some energy in the lower regions (I actually felt some anxiety with people around this time so I'm assuming this is related). I tried meditating on my root chakra (well my stomach at the lowest point - I didn't really think in terms of chakras, I just think, stomach, heart, head etc) whilst breathing in deep and exhaling with a low tone as if it cause deep vibrations. I feel like this could have worked if I wasn't scared to do it loud enough to have an effect. Outside it was quiet and the hostel was very close, as were houses, so I didn't want people looking out the window and then seeing me stroll into the hostel after doing some weird troll cleansing. I then started to think that all of this was inside my head. If I just thought and imagined that I was balanced and that Huachuma was working on me, then everything would be okay. This did work but it was hard to keep focus, making me think it wasn't in my head (I don't think it was) or that my brain is just too strong with the conflicting thoughts to creation confusion. Who knows! To me it just felt like all of my energy had shot up and there was no way I could physically get any higher. Wow so almost done here. After the mapacho I came back in, had 2 bits of bread with avocado (struggle to make and struggle to eat) then I smoked 2 mapachos, continuing with breathing exercises. All of this time I was just thinking I need help here, I need to learn about what to do and what not to do. I feel as though my instinct went and I started getting confused with what I was doing. So for example, I was trying to bring energy down by dragging it through my breath into my stomach - I then thought, hang on, what if this is dragging energies that need to be out, into my stomach? You get the idea so this is why I kind of gave up and put my trust in Huachuma, however this only helped temporarily. I think I got into bed about 21:30, got up for tea at 00:30 as I couldn't sleep, then seemed to drift in and out of consciousness all night. So this was a long experience and to be honest it almost felt as though I was learning too much too quickly but either way I put my trust into Huachuma. My work now is trying to find some more knowledge on energies, or even if I should ignore that altogether and just trust. My brain seems to be conflicted - I've been learning loads over the past few months and I'm not really sure what path or ideology to follow. I guess it will come with time. Congratulations for making it through and if I think of anything else that comes to mind here I will add it on. P.s if anyone can offer me some advice, then please do. I've got mixed thoughts of whether my ego is just trying to protect me and I was on the verge of a breakthrough, that my energies shot up so high I couldn't bring them down, that I should ignore all that and trust in Huachuma etc etc. All seem to be valid in my mind but I can't quite put my finger on 1 for sure.

want to align yourself with god? align yourself with whatever you love and are passionate about, WHATEVER that is as your individual sense of self. case solved when you become god you will be working on behalf of all creation, until then do what you feel like doing as you discover your LP it will unveil like a layer of onion, because you will be aligning it with true unconditional love and therefore your life purpose will expand without even thinking about it WHY? BECAUSE ITS THE PROCESS OF CREATION LOL. want to live the best life? simple .... expand your consciousness and it'll take you to love and that will take you to happiness and joy and eventually bliss get lost in anything of restriction , money, sex it's okay to do these things, but they will limit your overall projection what is possible its up to you really its all unconditional LOVE the force of nature yoda was wise

expanding to unconditionally love itself by design, that means the whole point of creation is LOVE. lol wtf THAT'S ACTUALLY INSANE. love = existence love = everything and nothing so love = truth the inefferable is love existence is love, the point of existence is for it to love itself by discovering its true nature is love it creates duality (expansion) ,so that it can love itself (re-unite/ collapsion) that means nirvana is true unconditional love and that means nirvana is the biggest bliss/ enlightenment / anything that you can feel as a human being because its becoming god LOL but that still doesn't excuse you from taking part in the process of love and expansion because you are still existence/ineffiable/ love itself case solved, time to grab a beer to redifine, nirvana is true unconditional love god is infinite love ahaha the end.

@zeroISinfinity Yes bro, i have carried this suffering around with me for 12 years. Wary of people's inabilities to see how beautiful the world is. I'm telling you as the king of hell AS GOD (me) to GOD (you) that suffering one last time, to reach nirvana will solve all problems. I see your suffering and wish to give you a gateway out I do not lie, i can only tell truth. you are me, i only wish to see you suffer one last time to complete your journey to unimaginable bliss. have faith in me (god), not aakash to show you there

@fridjonk @Inliytened1 BECAUSE you can't understand the absolute without relativity ahahaaha it needs to be done otherwise, people get trapped and stop looking up. i mean inlytened talks a good game, but he was one of those stuck at stage turquoise and now transitioned to stage coral, after he left his bliss and accepted everything as truth aswell. Now he stops, why? because he thinks it's the end. but what about stage teal? can he lift a flower to rub it against a babies cheek? YOU ARE THE ABSOLUTE AND THE ALL THE RELATIVE Accept that you are god and start making distinctions, its perfectly fine... its absolute truth! so "de-enlightenment"/ "stage coral" / "stage teal" are infact true

Follow your bliss, your strengths, and what works for you.

@Mikael89 ??? Mikael is always having this question ? If self realisation is a brain stuff ? Does it matter if it is a brain stuff or not. Let scientists bother about that ??? Science can propose theories on evolution from single celled org blah blah but how single celled org came cannot be answered by science ? Can it. Whats the intelligence behind that single celled org ? Science cannot prove the existence of formless spirits ??? but mantriks do control them. Can scientists create a single celled org ??? -------------------------------- Even otherwise I am not pursuing self realisation to claim I am Dog ??? I am not pursuing self realisation for knowing about or gaining knowledge about reality omniscience Dog Infinity ??? to gain supernatural powers ??? For me it is about transcending the mind and be at peace leading a healthy (bliss - peace of self,mental health,physical health and a disciplined life ??? @Preetom

Yes. I agree with you. But there are more effective ways like psychedelics if the purpose is to get 'interested' in spirituality. Taking a psychologically and physically demanding 10 day retreat is not the best method to get 'interested'. The opposite is more likely to happen. People tend to break down and experience challenging traumatic experiences, dark night of the souls more often than experiencing this impermanent 'bliss' sporadically in a 10 day retreat which motivates them to meditate every hour from then on. Skill is required to deal with the challenge of retreats and beginners are not well equipped to deal with them. Again, we should think of a 10-day retreat as a serious mental marathon. Just as you wouldn't recommend a fat person to do a marathon, nor should you recommend a beginner meditator to do 10+ sits a day. They won't get the essence of spirituality that way. Ease down on the intensity. Focus on daily practice, consistency, fundamentals, and strategy. These should be the core values for a beginner.

Hi all, Recently, I went to a 10 day silent, samatha & vipassana retreat at Big Bear Meditation Center in California. The course was taught by Sayadaw U Agganna, who is a teacher in the Pa Auk tradition. My previous experience with vipassana was at two Goenka centers in California. In the Pa Auk method, it is taught to first develop your concentration and later to start vipassana. They do give a separate method if you want to go straight to vipassana. For the majority of the retreat, I ended up focusing on concentration- anapanasati, which is mindfulness/concentration on the breath. As one develops focused attention to the breath, the body becomes pain free, calm, bliss like and a “nimitta” will appear. With closed eyes, nimitta are lights that appear around the nose and face. As it develops it becomes more stable, brighter, and usually white. After one achieves this and is able to stabilize the nimitta, one will then proceed to the jhana states. They teach that after the jhanas are mastered, the meditator has the choice to further develop concentration with other meditation objects (10 kasinas, skeleton meditation, etc) or go on to vipassana. My experience: The first few days were difficult because I was accustomed to the Goenka method of watching sensations. Here, you are taught to have one pointed concentration. So the meditator picks one spot in the nose or upper lip area and focus solely on the in and out breathe right at that point. It doesn’t matter the type of sensation nor how intense it is. After day 3, I started to get the peaceful feeling throughout my body and I started seeing lights. It was kinda cool and felt like I was getting it. During day 4-7, I was able to further develop my concentration. The bliss, peaceful feeling that I experienced was incredible. It almost felt orgasmic in a way. At times, I would get so sweaty and my breathing would become fast, then the breath would slow down to barely perceptible. The lights I saw were blue, purple, and moving. When I was in this state, sometimes thoughts would cease and at times thoughts would appear but would be softer somehow. Maybe I was in the jhana at this time because I was totally absorbed. With all these good feelings, I realized that I was reaching and trying to recreate this peaceful bodily feeling constantly during my sits, making it into a craving. I developed a very bad constant headache too. After I recognizing that craving for bliss sits, I decided to back off on forcing anything and solely focus on awareness of the breath and ignore the bodily sensations (which is what I should have been doing anyway but the bodily sensations were so pleasant). The last few days were easier going and not as intense, however, my concentration/ focus continued to improve. The nimitta lights became more stable. In between sits, I felt more present to whatever I was doing. The most distracting thing I experienced was, is, and maybe ever will be - thoughts. At first, I was just trying to ignore, squash, and redirect them back to breath. Later, I realized that ignoring was making it worse, so I just tried doing metta meditation for myself and/or would acknowledge thoughts and try not to follow them, then gently redirect attention back to the breath. We also experienced the earthquakes as we were located about 2hours30 mins from the epicenter. This had the effect of worrying about outside concerns- worrying about families, our safety, etc… so last few days were odd. Overall, I enjoyed my experience and a few things to note: Pa Auk method- this method lays out what to expect along the journey. It gives a map to enlightenment or arahatship. If you are more analytical or appreciate the roadmap ahead, then you might like this method versus the Goenka style retreat. I don’t know about the longer Goenka retreats, maybe they give you this information. But I really liked learning that about the path. I found it immensely helpful to have a teacher that you can talk to. At Goenka, I haven’t found that the assistant teachers were very open about the path. You can also find about these maps/paths in Dan Ingram’s book and many other sources. When difficulties arise or thoughts become too much, metta meditation is the best. Learning to accept where we are at is so key and that takes love of oneself. Not to beat oneself up or judge oneself is hard, metta can truly help. I wouldn't even do metta for anyone else, just myself. I enjoyed working on my concentration in a way that I hadn’t before. I see now the value in doing anapana meditation in order to prep oneself for vipassana. For those having difficulty with sitting due to pain, it might be worth it to learn this method. Truly, once my concentration developed, the pain would disappear. I have a lot of knee pain and right leg pain due to a pinched nerve. I was able to do strong determination sits without trying to. Since I’ve returned home, I haven’t reached the high level that I did while there. Maybe that is expected. I have noticed that during retreat and since, my dreams have become so real that I find myself moving a lot at night. Like I woke myself up two nights ago and I had my arm up in the air, swiping at something. While on retreat, I would have these like energy jolts that would also wake me up. For those looking for a long, free retreat, there are several Pa Auk centers in Burma that do not charge. Our teacher said you could even go for a year. They offer private kutis, washer/dryer, doctors that visit… all free. If you want to read about this method, the book Knowing and Seeing by Pa Auk is great. Its available as a free download.

Based on my readings and experience with people, Extraversion is a personality trait where people want the company of others. These are the people who are depressed when they say - I feel so lonely, I have no friends. They feel like people not liking them is the worst thing in the world. These are the people mad about not having a girlfriend by x age, wanting to look cool compared to their social circle. For me, frankly, I am not lying, these are completely foreign emotions to me and at the same time ridiciously illogical. I have never understood the phrase " I feel so lonely, I have no friends" . Also, having such cravings , from a spiritual/buddhist point of view, is lack of development, because that means you are attached to the appearance of this 'life dream' Introverts, do not have such impulses to talk to people ( cannot say for every introvert, but I don't have these, and I am an introvert, so this is what I think) I used to be friends with an extroverts. I didn't used to talk much , but my friends used to talk about all illogical shits- Who is dating whom, comparing people, criticizing people, spreading rumors about people. I used to be in relationship with a girl, and for no reason they would start talking about her and with no evidence or any logic at all would say things like she doesn't like you, she is dating other guy. They would love to criticize each other, trying to get reactions out of each other and me, for no reason. Then I did some studying about personality, and read that one of the traits of extraverts have more tendency to engage in confrontations , extraverts are more aggressive (again, a sign of low development, since high morality and control of aggression is associated with the prefrontal cortex of the brain (Medical physiology Guyton and all) like wise Peacefullness , Blissfulness in solitude is ofcourse associated with higher spiritual development). It's like it is an 'itch' for extraverts to perform all those drama. It is an impulse.They do not feel happy without doing all the shits that they do. If they are alone, they panic, they immediately try to mingle with 'the herd'. I have observed this 'neediness' in countless of occasion. Observing that, I can say that it is like an impulse within them, a panic response. And for most people, this is the case , based on my observations of many many people in the course of my life. And yea, there is something opposite also. There is also a psychology where such need is absolutely absent. There is just very deep , holy bliss in silence and solitude. And that evidence(best evidence for me) is me. I have deep, peaceful kind of silence within me that gives me peace when I am alone in tune with nature. I don't need the company of others, but I can entertain a butterfly if it comes flying and sits besides me and enjoys nature with me.

@Leo Gura have you read the 'discourses' by Meher Baba? I have not yet but I've opened it at random and he seems to lie in the direction that you are taking with your teachings - more 'feminine' and with care and love for humanity as a whole. He also emphasizes God as Infinite Love. As an excerpt, p.399: "Those who try to understand God through the intellect alone arrive at some cold and dry concept that misses the very essence of the nature of God. It is true that God is Infinite Knowledge, Infinite Existence, Infinite Power, and Infinite Bliss; but God is not understood in His essence until He is also understood as Infinite Love."

@Jkris Actually, that is a great and precise explanation. Ego is the fake identity, which when completely dissolves, all suffering ends. That's the beginning of the enlightenment spectrum so to speak. It starts with the end of suffering, and ends with infinite levels of bliss. On the other hand, complete permanent no-self is impossible while being alive. The less one becomes attached to survival, the more happy they become. The less one tries to manipulate and control things, the more blissful they become. But there has to be a limit for that, because otherwise it will inevitably lead to physical death. Physical death is 100% God consciousness and bliss, while maintaining a 99% God consciousness in my opinion is the permanent no-self that enlightened people talk about. And actually, death is the ultimate goal of life, both metaphorically (conceptual) and literally (physical).

Or you could simply click a certain part of any video and see what it has to say, i do this often with books, randomly open a page and read the first thing i see, it usually is quite insightful and synchronistic with whatever i am doing at that moment. For example: I randomly clicked the video with the blue shirt at the 30:10 mark and the next few minutes were very refreshing and insightful for me - All the 'trying' in the world is your way of saying i am not yet ready to actually change. You are always divinely guided and in flow with divinity but you are not in the complete present moment to notice it cause in reality, we get caught up in the mind thus slightly in the past/future ect.. we do not notice that everything is perfect here and now. We can enjoy the ride however we wish, the mind will just get in the way of creations infinitely intelligent flow, when we finally become present, we will notice we've been enjoying and were enlightened all along but due to our attachments of the mind and of time past/future we chose to experience a very limited and narrow perspective of the ride. I noticed this on a psychedelic experience i had a while ago, the whole time i was caught up in thought, that the moment i let go completely, i realized i was in bliss the whole time but due to the attachment of thought, i was experiencing a very narrow and limiting reality of the whole that when i finally came back to the present, my past of that whole night had completely changed and i remembered a whole new experience rather than the one i thought i was experiencing.

Hmm ok I see what you're saying I suppose but I still don't see why I see things this way and why it is the way it is if I have this true nature or whatever underneath. Do you understand why there is good and evil in the world? Doesn't make sense to me why many people would go unconscious their whole life and do bad, I mean I understand how it happens but I don't understand why it exists in the first place if God is good. Is it possible to be a bad person and do terrible things and be enlightened and full of bliss? Or is there a phenomenon of being conciousness and doing good because to be concious is to be good?

@possibilities LOL. You gave me a chuckle. Not a bot or a hot chick just trying to provide wisdom with love. @kieranperez perhaps i was too high level but bullshitting you isn't gonna help you either. From a pragmatic POV which is from where you asked the question i will say this. Suck it up! There is no magic pill. You are gonna have to survive while you figure yourself out and there will be suffering involved. But there will also be bliss and good times. Embrace both and NEVER ever give in or give up. That's how you win in life. By losing so many times that it hurts. And then you win.

There is a difference between no-ego and no-self. No-ego means enlightenment (ego-death). It's like becoming a baby, instinct leads the way. Full authenticity mode. It works very well for survival. It can be permanent. No-self means actual death. It's a dangerous state. If you ever happened to glimpse it, you wouldn't even care about survival, and you wouldn't mind dying. You would have the strength to absorb the pain of the whole world and you without even breaking a sweat. It's pure bliss. Luckily, it's a temporary state, and you will go back to normal after a little while, unless you decide not to.

@Grant NZ well remember in order for something to have a form it will ultimately suffer. Purely because it is finite and also because It needs to maintain that form to survive - which ultimately cannot be sustained. The formless is Infinite, Absolute Love, Bliss/Nirvana and infinite Intelligence. Both form and formless - finite and infinite are still God and God loves all of itself. It is One. Awakening to yourself allows you to see this and to see that in fact everything is nirvana! That's God's intention and you are it!