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By the way i noticed your Meshuggah avatar... I am a huge fan. Male speaking here, i have noticed very many times, if you really attain to some level of bliss and ferociousness, if you are genuinely listening to people talking to you and if people can see bliss in your eyes, if the people arond you seem to think hey this guy is always happy, the usually all look at me when i am not happy, because of how rare it is (internally it is very different, i think you all know how it is), and ESPECIALLY some women in my univerisity, i think they found out that i do all kinds of self development things, and i also think women are more sensetive to a persons vibe, even if i generally try to avoid them, not engage in post school activities, i get all these "hints" you could get from their body language. The more ferociously you are doing your own thing and not being needy, the more attention you are going to get. I don't know why they "hint" me, maybe its just for me to give my attention, i don't know, i don't think i care if im in good/average mood. Of course, maybe majority will not be interested in you, but some group of opposite sex will really enjoy your authenticity and the "weirdness and differentness of you". Ofc if you have better "game", or you just know how to interract, sociaize better, feel less fearful from experience of socializing, that will probably help you way better with a larger group of people, but be careful what you wish for, you may not be involved with the larger group of these people... because you are self developing and they are not. Even some girls with bf's (that know me for some good 1-3 years) have flirted with me by touching me, i am not sure what to think about that tho...

@Sombra Thank you very much for sharing. That is what we must go through to get awakening I think. Our deepest fears will come to fruition and because it is all love, these fears are just another representation of us or source that can be loved and accepted if we are willing to surrender to the experience. The problem is it's fucking hard af to surrender to something like ghosts or demons, or whatever else we fear at our deepest being. On the other side of this fear is love and bliss, i'm just not ready to cross it. I wonder what others think about this. Maybe we can learn to build ourselves so we can confront our deepest fears easier, but idk...

@Serotoninluv It is getting complicated, so I will try and make it as simple as possible and cut out the complexity. We are all One. There is but Love in this world, everything else is illusion. It is Love that binds us together and connects us. Hate and mistrust, on the other hand, separates us. When we Love, we unite and become One. In Unity, there is diversity, yet, there is no separation, because we exist in a continuum, all unique in our own way, but we also have points of connection, where we merge into each other and it is no longer possible to tell where one of us starts and the other ends. It is at these connection points that various forms of love manifest, depending on the kind of relationship we have with one another. This could be friendship, neighbourliness, kindness, familial love, romantic love, etc... But, the highest form of love is divine love, which is love for all. All other forms of love are pale reflections of the real thing and in our lives, what we ultimately seek is divine love, expressed through unity consciousness. All throughout our lives, we seek connection and meaning. Even our various addictions are a desperate search to find, meaning, connection and unity. What we ultimately all want is to love and be loved. The forces inherent in the illusory mirror world that we're lost in pull us away from each other. Our memory of our divine nature and what it means to be ONE is what draws us closer together. When we serve the forces of Unity and Love, we move the whole world closer together to its ultimate source. Fear of unity and the insecurities that come with it are what fuel hate and separation. Our ultimate destiny is to regain unity consciousness and to reintegrate our souls into a greater whole, from which we consciously separate ourselves every waking moment of our lives, even in our sleep and as reincarnation proves, even in our death. We are consciously resisting drifting back into unity by constantly building and maintaining barriers between us and others. Reversing that requires letting go and not doing, in other words, stopping the conscious and constant sabotage of our own happiness and bliss. When we let go of the ego, our fears, insecurities, hatred and all other separational emotions and consciousness vehicles, that is when the bliss of infinity and nothingness, of unbound love and unadulterated joy becomes our reality. Because at this moment, we are filled with light, some refer to this re-emergence of unity consciousness as enlightenment.

@mandyjw Yes, that is true. In reality we are not Christian and we are really nothing and everything. Sometimes I think about what Buddha said that if you meet the Buddha you have to kill the Buddha. I don't know if I can Kill Jesus really hehehe... because is always in the back on my mind. I think the indoctrination we get from church is crazy and in that sense is hard sometimes to not get attached to certain beliefs and dogmas. Yes, no problem. I will try to make it short, because I don’t want to hijack your thread. I will post in my diary a more detailed version of this experience, I will let you know if you want to read it. It was nuts hehehehe… But basically I asked in prayer to be “saved”. And I did it so intensely that something happened. I was not so sure about my beliefs so I wanted to know for once and all if I really was wrong or If there was any purpose to life, if Jesus was “the only way”, if Buddhism was wrong, etc. So, I read that Jesus said “Ask and it shall be given”, so I asked so much that one day it was given. I asked for salvation, I wasn’t sure if Salvation and Enlightenment was the same, so I did what it was safer for my beliefs at that moment, I asked for salvation, to be baptized with the holy spirit. And something happened, God listened to me hehehe... I was going to work and during my commute, I had an epiphany or as Jed Mc Kenna says I had T/R (“Truth Realization”). But it was partial. In the sense that I didn’t have any background about true spirituality, so I couldn’t understand what had happened. But anyway it was marvelous. And it was really Truth realization, the only problem is I didn’t know it at that moment. The first thing I had first of all Love for everyone that it was on the train. A super selfless love. And then I had a vision (or a shift in perception in reality) where I saw that everything is alive, and God was in everything. I saw energy all around me and I felt that all was connected. There was energy everywhere and it was running from one person to another, like if all of us were connected and one thing. I also felt like I was really alive, that before I was dead and now I was seeing really what is to be alive. But I still was in the old paradigm, that I was my thoughts, that I was separated from God, etc. In my arms I could see that energy running inside me, like if there was very brilliant water running through my veins. That made me remember what Jesus said that “He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, 'From his innermost being will flow rivers of living water.'" So one day I began to suffer the ego backslash. Now I know what it is, but at this moment I didn’t have any idea. And even today I was thinking about it and in reality the ego backslash was created by me, because it was what it was. IMO it was an awakening that my ego interpreted as something bad, but I will explain that in a moment. I lost control of my ego, the ego acted any thought that appeared or arose in me. And I didn’t know what it was me, what it was thought. So, I did funny things, I said a lot of truth but mixed with crazy stuff, like exaggerating, like I love you (but in a way that it seemed devilish). It was a psychotic episode. I went to the hospital and I ended up staying there like one week trying to go back to normal. I couldn’t think well, my memory was super bad. I forgot everything. And I had terrible nightmares. The nightmares where me going to die (hehehehe). What happened was that I become conscious of being in nothing, in a void. It was completely black, like in a blackout and I was conscious but I didn’t know what I was, I didn’t have any identity. And that consciousness began to fall into that black hole, at that moment I was consciousness but the ego was still there, and I was still identified with the ego. Now I know because of all the experience of ego death that I read, I know what it was what happened. But when it happened I remember telling my wife that it was the worst nightmare that I ever had. Now I know it was a blessing in reality!!! I was going to be awakened but I chickened out due to lack of knowledge! What I was trying to tell you Mandy is that you are right, what one person sees as bliss or tranquility other like me can see it as the devil, as hell. So I believe that we create hell, but in my opinion you with the knowledge that you have now, you are safe, you will never be in that “hell” hehehe… because you know is you who creates it so your mind will go to another place. That’s what I think. I watch with my wife a TV serie called Criminal Minds, and they write from time to time some quotes from famous people and I remember that they put in one of the episodes a quote that I think it has to do with all these, it said this: “Hell is truth seen too late.” ― Thomas Hobbes, Leviathan

Thanks for sharing your experience. I think which states of mind are most conducive to spiritual insights and realizations is a really interesting area. Ime, a busy distressed mind is not optimal for insights/realizations to appear. I find anything that can relax the mind and body is helpful. Meditation, yoga, time in nature etc. It allows space of insights/realizations to appear. For me, the "space" is more important than "joy". Joy can be an expression of what arises in the space, yet for me joy isn't the key - it is the empty space. Yet, a happy mind-body is generally a better mindset for insight/awakening than an unhappy mindset. Yet I wouldn't say it's the joy itself, I would say it's more about attachment/identification, desire and distraction. When my mind body is unhappy, there is usually thought stories occurring in my mind and desire to change Now. For example, if the mind is worrying about making money there can be insecurities and desire to change one's state. We don't like being Now and want a better now in which we feel good. In a joyful mind-body there much less desire to change Now. This makes it easier to be Now, since we are not seeking a better state. We are happy with Now. Yet this is still within a pleasure/pain dynamic. As soon as the thought/desire to make the happy state stable and permanent - desire arises and a pleasure vs. pain duality appears. We may seek the joyful state and become motivated to stablize the joyful state. We may start chasing joyful states. Relative joy distracts from unconditional joy. For example, last year I was in an isolated area of Belize that was paradise. After a week, my mind and body was relaxed and joyful to levels I didn't even know exist. One day I was floating in the ocean and everything was perfect, I was in joyful bliss. No worries, no distractions, no personal stories, no me. Various insights and realizations appeared. There was no time. . . Then, there was a thought about how joyful this was. As soon as joy appeared, non-joy appeared. If I am joyful, then I am not unjoyful. This appearance completely change the energetics. There were know thought like "What if I become unjoyful again? I don't want that. I want this joy to be stable. What if I return home to work and become unjoyful? How can I make this joy stable?". Then appearances of desire and thought stories. There is a mixture of joy and unjoy. For relative joy to exist, it must contrast itself to nonjoy? How can we tell if we are joyful? We must contrast this to nonjoyful. . . This can be beneficial at the personal/human level, yet relative happiness is a distraction and resistance to unconditional / absolute happiness. Unconditional/Absolute happiness is not dependent on conditions. It is impossible to be unhappy because there is Happiness in all conditions. There is unconditional happiness during meditation, while cooking, while running away from a pit bull, while having sex, while worrying about work, while being angry etc. . . . Ime, relative happiness can be important at the personal/human level - relative joy/happiness is healthy to the mind and body. Yet I need to be careful, because relative happiness can be alluring, mesmerizing and captivating. It can distract from unconditional/absolute happiness.

17 Levels of Consciousness Description of Each Level of Consciousness from the book Power vs. Force , 2002 by David Hawkins I will provide a description of each level, starting with the bottom-most level. As you read this, think about the level that you resonate most with now: 1) Shame (1-20): Someone at this level feels humiliated, has low self-esteem, and is paranoid. Common feelings by someone at this level include feeling like he/she has “lost face,” wishing that he/she is invisible and feeling worthless. Some individuals react by becoming overly rigid or neurotic perfectionists. Vibrating at this level for prolonged periods leads to elimination (of self and others), such as suicide, turning into serial killers, rapists, or moral extremists who apply self-righteous judgment onto others. A person’s life view at this state is misery. 2) Guilt (30): Feelings of blame and remorse hover in this level. These feelings are used to consciously or subconsciously manipulate conformance to certain forms of thinking and behaviors. This level is dominant in governments who are high-handed and uses heavy public punishment; in societies with a blame culture; and in religious institutions with a preoccupation with “sin” and “salvation.” This level cultivates destruction. Hawkins cites the life view as evil, though I disagree and feel that condemnation is more adept. A person at the level of guilt is not necessarily evil nor does he/she see the world as evil, but rather focuses a lot on condemning self and others. 3) Apathy (50): A state of helplessness, despair, and despondency. Someone here is needy and dependent on others for help, such as the homeless and poor. Because this level feels “heavy” and is seen as a burden, many people usually avoid those vibrating at these levels. For example, in some countries, we see how the poor and less fortunate are segmented away from mainstream society. We also frequently see situations where the aged are abandoned by their own kin because they are seen as a liability. This level is associated with abdication, which means to give up one’s power to others. The life view here is hopelessness. Advertisement 4) Grief (75): Feelings of regret, sadness, and loss are abundant here. Many people vibrate at this level in times of loss — of loved ones, relationships, possessions, jobs, and wealth. The outcome is mourning, feeling remorse, regret, and being hung up over what has happened. Someone grieving feels despondent and bleak about the world and life around him/her. The life view is tragic. Grief is a higher level than apathy because one starts feeling more energy at this level, albeit energies of sadness and loss. 5) Fear (100): The energy at this level in anxiety. Common kinds of fear at play would be the fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of uncertainty, fear of challenges, fear of aging, fear of death, fear of loss, and fear of strangers. This emotion is often played on by marketers and politicians to achieve their agendas. Fear leads to paranoia and can turn into an obsession. At this level, one views everything uncertain as fearful and thus undergoes a state of withdrawal. Thus, fear prevents personal growth from taking place. Someone at this level sees the world as frightening. 6) Desire (125): At the level of desire, the emotion of craving becomes dominant. We have people pursuing money and status as end goals for a better life, lonely singles longing to be in romantic relationships believing that it will complete themselves, marketers conditioning ‘wants’ in people via enticing advertisements and promises of happiness with the consumption of goods, and fashion industry playing on people’s desires to be more attractive and wanted, just to name a few. Addictions are outputs of desire, such as the desire for food, video games, fun, sex, shopping, and money and power. One becomes looped into enslavement at this level because desire is a never-ending emotion. The life view is disappointing, which happens when one cannot obtain what one desires. Desire is a higher level than fear because the desire for something propels someone into action rather than withdraw into a corner. 7) Anger (150): The emotion at this level is hate. Anger expresses itself as resentment, frustration, even revenge. Common manifestations of anger in our society today can be seen in people’s irritable behavior, toxic conversations on the internet, arguments between family members, and at the worst end of the spectrum, murder and war. Because anger is a highly charged feeling, someone who channels this energy constructively will move up to the next level and create positive change — such as via activism (of animal rights, human rights, environmental causes, etc.). Such uses of anger have resulted in the liberation and great movements in society. On the other hand, people who use anger destructively such as to shame, hate, and harm others, create more destruction. The process one undergoes is aggression. The life view here is antagonistic, where one is hostile, unfriendly, and acts in opposition against others. 8) Pride (175): Hawkins cite scorn as the dominant feeling of pride, though I disagree. I feel dignity is a more representative emotion for this level. Scorn comes as a result of this dignity, though it may be too subtle for people to recognize. In our current society, pride is a level that is encouraged and seen as positive — for example, the pride of being part of a group, institution, company, nation, religion, and race. Advertisement But this leads to a duality, which acts as an invisible force to separate people. For example, nations exist because people identify themselves more with a geographical location rather than a common, universal identity. Religions exist because people attach themselves to their beliefs of god and values, which separate them from the “others.” On a personal level, people develop pride based on their possessions and career achievements, and this is dangerous because such conditions can be removed at any point in time. Pride results in denial and arrogance. At pride, one undergoes inflation (of ego) rather than see things objectively. The life view here is demanding. 9) Courage (200): Affirmation is the key emotion here. This is the separation point between Power and Force, where one starts to create change by using constructive uses of power rather than destructive force. This is the first waking point when one starts to wake from his/her sleepwalker status. At the lower levels before this, the world is seen as hopeless, tragic, frightening, demanding, and antagonistic; people below 200 see themselves as victims, at the mercy of life, and subjected to the forces of the external world. At the level of courage, one sees the world as exciting and filled with possibilities. One undergoes empowerment here. This marks the start of active pursuit of growth. When one sees a gap in their knowledge and abilities, they will act to fill it. For example, learning new job skills, embarking on further education, pursuing personal growth. The life view is feasible – anything is manageable since the person is willing to take action to deal with uncomfortable situations in life. People in levels of >200 recognize that their happiness lies in their hands. 10) Neutrality (250): The emotions at this level are trust and safety. Here, people are non-judgmental, objective, and able to see things as they truly are. They are not attached to possessions, situations, results, and can roll with the punches in life. If they are not able to get something, they are equally happy settling for something else. This is NOT the same as apathy – the power of neutrality comes from a positive place, where one recognizes his/her power, ability, and worth, and does not feel the need to prove anything to anyone. On the other hand, apathy comes from feeling forsaken, resulting in nonchalance and jadedness toward the external world. The process is one of release (of everything). The life view is satisfactory, where anything goes. These people are easy to get along; however, they are difficult to engage toward causes and visions because they are detached toward everything. 11) Willingness (310): Optimism runs high here. At Willingness, the individual is open to doing anything and everything – he/she is not bounded by others’ judgments or limitations. For example, he/she is willing to take on menial jobs if he/she cannot get jobs elsewhere. The difference between Willingness and the levels below it is that at Willingness, one is passionate about doing things well rather than just doing things. Someone at Willingness can readily bounce back from setbacks, is easily moldable, and is genuinely open to everyone. Success follows them easily. The process one undergoes here is of intention (to do anything). The life view is hopefulness. At this level you have people who perform extremely well in their careers in corporations, startups; however as they develop great skills, the question comes to whether they are investing their energy in the best way. 12) Acceptance (350): In my opinion, this marks the second waking point for an individual, where he/she is fully awake from his/her sleepwalker status. Here, one realizes that he/she is THE creator and source of his/her life, as opposed to having relegated part of his/her power to someone else or a different entity. He/she (1) is aware of the social constructs present in one’s life, whether family, society, nation, religion, or work, (2) is able to discern against (limiting) beliefs, viewpoints, and social conditioning, and (3) can consciously craft his/her life above and beyond these social constructs. The behavior at this level is acceptance vs. rejection, seeking for resolution vs. judging whether something is right or wrong, having a long-term vs. short-term view, engaging in life harmoniously based on its terms vs. resisting it, and striving for excellence and growth. Forgiveness is the dominant emotion. The process one undergoes is transcendence (above what one faces in life). The life view here is harmonious. 13) Reason (400): The emotion is understanding and rationality. One seeks out huge amounts of information and analyzes them to infinitesimal detail before reaching a conclusion. This is where the noble prize winners, leaders of science and medicine, and great thinkers of history are at. However, someone at the level of Reason falls into the trap of over-intellectualization in concepts and theories. When theories clash and each argument is sound on its own, we reach a blockade, leading to the inability to resolve discrepancies. This leads to the process of abstraction or preoccupation with data. The life view is meaningful. 14) Love (500): This represents unconditional love – love that is pure, unfaltering, unwavering, not subjected to any external condition. It is not the same love commonly portrayed in mass media, which is rooted in lust, desire, pride, control, addiction, attraction, jealousy, and possessiveness. While the media often establish love and hate as opposites, hate is actually rooted in pride (desire for control/possessiveness), not actual love. Reverence is the main emotion in this level of (unconditional) love. At this level, duality becomes an illusion; the feeling is one of entirety that rises above separation. Unconditional love is inclusive of everyone and expands beyond self. While reason deals with data, love deals with entirety, thus giving rise to the capacity for instantaneous understanding. This aspect is often linked with intuition. The process one undergoes is revelation. The life view is benign: there is no separation, fear or negativity. According to Hawkin, only 0.4% of the population (1 in every 250 people) ever reaches this level. 15) Joy (540): The dominant emotion is serenity and compassion. This is the inner joy that arises from every moment of existence rather than from an external source. This is the level where saints, advanced spiritual students and healers dwell. At this level, one is characterized by enormous patience and an unwavering positive attitude in the face of harsh adversities. The world is seen as one of perfection and beauty. Individuals are motivated to dedicate themselves to the benefit of life rather than for specific individuals. Here, transfiguration occurs, where there is an inner serenity and emanating of radiance and compassion for others. The life view is completeness (of the world). Near-death experiences have the effect of temporarily bumping people into this level. 16) Peace (600): The emotion is bliss. At this level, there is no longer any distinction between the observer and the subject. People here become spiritual teachers and great geniuses in their field to effect great contribution to mankind; they transcend formal religious structures and replace it with pure spirituality which is where religions originate. Perception becomes one of slow motion, suspended in time and space. Everything is perceived as interconnected by an infinite presence. The process one undergoes is illumination. The life view is perfect. Hawkins claims that this level is only attained by 1 out of 10 million people. 17) Enlightenment (700-1000): The emotion is ineffable, in other words – inexpressible. This is the pinnacle of the evolution of consciousness by mankind. The greatest people in history have attained this level, such as Krishna, Buddha, and Jesus. Here, the body becomes recognized as a tool to project consciousness. One’s existence becomes all-encompassing and transcends time and space. The process is described as pure consciousness. The life view here is simply ‘Is‘. As we achieve our highest potential and live our best life, we should strive for the highest possible level of enlightenment.

@mandyjw said: “I still really really want enlightenment to be available to anyone and everyone. “ Enlightenment is for everyone, but there is no one to be enlightened. Just You are. Christians and Muslims ,Heaven and Hell, Yin and Yang,you and others etc they are just beliefs.When there is no identification and no beliefs to cling to, only You are The True One.Do not attach to any beliefs ,let them go , this is real freedom.You are Pure Bliss, Here and Now.❤️

@ROOBIO The state of now knowing anything. What a fucking bliss that is. Not recognizing anything, but just observing, just being. The full beauty of life unravels in those states.. I remember the time I was there, I looked at my feet ant I didn't even know what Socks were LOL. Another being awakens to it's highest form.

@Alex bliss. The only way you are gonna get these answers is if you start doing the work for yourself ??

@Alex bliss You won't get everyones love and respect.

@Alex bliss Does Love not love hatred or judgement? True Love is all-encompassing. It leaves nothing out, including hatred, judgement, and fake love, just like Being. Love is Being. Be. Love. Be.

@Michael Paul Thank you for posting this. So firstly, I never practiced yoga, but when I do the strong determination sitting technique I sometimes experience these moments of pure joy where I seem to enter a trance of pure bliss for a little bit. I’ve done two littIe solo retreats this year where I did 4x 1h of SDS a day. And especially during the last sit I would experience this pure bliss and laughter towards the end of the hour. Could this be a little taste of it? And secondly, ever since starting a regular meditation practice, I’ve experienced a big shift in my value and a sort of ever growing rift started to manifest itself between me and my old life. It’s become increasingly harder to relate to people. The superficialities kind of turn me off in a way. And make me wonder if I’ll ever come back from this sense of apathy towards doing what is considered normal.

@Alex bliss One does not need enlightenment to feel love. You see the light of the sun, and feel it’s warmth, wether you realize you are the sun or not. The experience of realizing you are the sun, of being the sun, is not the same as the experience of the light & warmth from earth, but it is the same light & warmth. It is the same sun.

@Preety_India Oh, they're just the sanskrit terms for the lowest and highest of the seven chakras. Sorry for assuming you would know them, haha No, I certainly would not recommend total renunciation, especially for a young girl. Normally you're only supposed to do this once you've had a family and your children can take care of themselves. I did not consciously choose it, but it happened anyway. It was probably meant to happen. I believe the rough shape of our lives, our fates are already written well before we're born and we agree to it, before we take a human body. Only some of the details need to be filled in, as we go on with our lives. It may sound unusual, but I am very happy and content with the way things are. I have given up certain things in life, not consciously perhaps, but by making certain spiritual choices. By giving up what most people would consider the highest goals in life, materially speaking, I have gained it back a thousand fold on the spiritual side. The bliss and contentment I experience on a daily basis is indescribable.

@Alex bliss a lot of self inquiry has been mistranslated and can be over complicated. i think Rupert Spira teaches it really well when he says simply- “Ask am I aware” then find out the answer for yourself, you don’t need to constantly repeat who am I for 30 mins, Ramana taught self inquiry for those not ready for the silent teaching and those who needed a bit more to help them reach the absolute. From self inquiry, becomes abidance in the Self with a capital S, abidance in the absolute, at first this may sound boring but jeez does it become amazing.

@Alex bliss All love is the same love.

@Alex bliss My whole life was leading to that realization, and so is yours, whatever you experience. In other words, there is nothing to do, just beingness.

@Alex bliss True love doesn't always require being enlightened. You can love truly,honestly and deeply at any time you decide without even enlightenment because love is always present right here and right now. You may even get enlightened after starting to love deeply. Simply get connected to your emotions and open your heart to give more love and you'll for sure receive it in some other unknown way.You got to trust the power of the universe.Good luck ?

@Alex bliss Love just is.

@Alex bliss Yes there is nothing but love now. This is not my first awakening but it is the most total one. An awakening that ends all awakening. Only beingness left. It no longer matters if the awakening lasts or not. Just live, just love.

@Alex bliss indeed. gotta run the race on a circular track. the starting point is the ending point.

@Surfingthewave I'm hoping meditation will bring me a mental state of peace and equanimity that i can access throughout my day. Then when I go to yoga or play basketball, I can use this acquired mental state to push myself to my absolute limits and try my absolute best, which will allow me to access the bliss and happiness available when we push through suffering. I don't believe it will take "years and years" that is a limiting belief imo. I have been practicing meditation for 2 hours in the morning, and an hour at night over the past few days and I feel like a different person already. I'm not "there" yet, but I am getting glimpses of what it will take to be happy. For example, last night in yoga for the first time I went as deep into the suffering and pain as I could go, rather than my usual aversion and mental chatter waiting for it to end. It was my best practice to date. It's not about living my life in this state. It's about increasing the amount of time in this state slowly but surely. I don't need to be in flow 1000% of the time, I just need a bit then it will grow. I am seeking advice right now from all of you guys lol (: @Nahm and @Synchronicity have been a huge help me to so far, and I will continue to post asking questions. But I also need to be mindful that some of my questions are just resistance to me doing the actual work, but I will continue asking questions until people tell me to fuck off. I have been depressed before. But my general unhappiness/ dissatisfaction with life is distinct from my episode of depression. I was raised very spoiled, and my parents just kinda let me do whatever I wanted. But not in a push my limits, be whatever I want to be kinda way. If i wanted junk food I got it. If i wanted a video game, I would throw tantrums until I got it. I never pushed myself out of my comfort zone, or pushed into the pain to find out who I am, because I had everything handed to me. I always felt like I wasn't living up to what I could be. I wasn't as happy as I felt I could be. I wasn't as good at sports as i felt i should be. My chemical balance has come from the way I live my life. And there a million ways I could have improved my life, but I always afraid of the pain and suffering (or resistance). I'm hoping meditation will give me a mental state to overcome pain and resistance in my life.

@Alex bliss keep in mind. it's not that you're not the body / mind it's rather that you are the body / mind... AND everything else. You're not just the body/mind.

I am a 23 male, and i have been a masturbation addict, not a porn addict, however. I always avoided girls even tho i have female attention, but i do have this virgin type fear of approaching women and whatnot, tho after years of meditation and more intense benefits of meditation i am really starting to contemplate whether i even need sex or intimacy as some powerful cognitions relax me and makes me look trough the big picture (death is god and its always beside you, you are eternal if you want you will take many births and experience whatever you want, and my seeking is very much triggered by fears and what not). I would like to hear your experiences what is your story and what would you do? I mean dont get me wrong i adore women and i think i am very naive about them, but over time i really take my free time for granted in thst case, because of the reason i didnt go out i spent alot of time with myself and got to this point where i feel bliss my sahasrara daily.

@Alex bliss Then go live in a monastery, just know that whatever you are running away from is you, and it is love. Infinite love.