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@Annetta Teal is very metaphorical, you have to remember that. And her background doesn't really matter. Can you find any existential evidence that her background exists? Or yours? Youre basing your answer based on a fantasy that doesn't even exist? There are flaws with Teal, but she has a lot of amazing content. The 2 people in the video criticizing her, are clearly stuck in a paradigm. Particularly one where death is seen as demonic(why is death demonic?) and one where your imaginary background matters. Leo said 2 years ago that he had just begun his enlightenment journey, and even though he had just begun, he would teach spirituality to people. Reason is because of his lack of experience, he would resonate with people of the same frequency, and people would understand his teachings a lot better than Echkart Tolle. Life contradicts and overlaps in many different ways. Sometimes credentials matter, sometimes they don't. When Teal said that her patient should commit suicide, because she wanted to, that makes a lot of sense to me. I wouldn't advocate it, but there's no universal standards on what your opinions on death are. Favoring condemnation of suicide over advocating it as if its some universal law, is no different to ISIS wanting to kill everyone for their imaginary god. Funny thing is that, the 2 in the video say that people who follow Teal are ideological crusaders(which some are), yet they can't even see that they too are ideological crusaders, holding the belief that death is evil, that credentials matter, that judging other people's teachings is a good thing, that there's only one way to do spirituality(and its their way) that contradictions exist, that she is being literal when she says that she is an enlightened guru, that and a billion other things. Those 2 in the video are as sucked in by Satan as Teal is, yet they are sucked in by society's standards, and not Teal's standards.

Notice what's happening here. You've undertaken a path to eliminate the "I", and yet you're sitting there worried about how not having an "I" will not be good for you. OF COURSE it's not good for you! It's suicide for you. Literally. What if you already were crazy and now that you've finally started to become sane, your craziness was so deep that it is telling you that sanity is craziness, and vice versa? You deny that you already were crazy, yet isn't that exactly what a crazy person would think?

@TJ Reeves Thanks a lot. Only had a flick through but this paragraph definitely stood out. "We have much to learn in terms of what separates the founder of a soup kitchen or a home for lepers from a suicide bomber; however, the uncomfortable truth is that there is a dimension in which they are similar: devotion to a cause or purpose beyond the self"

234th day: Challenge (71 days) I can hold my fingers way further down. It feels good. Head is about 7-12 centimeters above knees, I am better when sitting down. I need to use chairs for side split, not that I would be so good but its simply otherwise difficult to practice it. CZC I did not do anything in particular though I realised how many people greet me back when I run for example, not other teenagers though. I realised that there are some challenges that are simply "kill level" some things that would be best for hard core nightmare. Math I am just practicing some math. In today's test I got 97/100 points. I lost the three because I did not provide sufficient explanation, thats important too. I am wondering what will happen when I return to Czech and we learn what I already learned here or in Khan Academy. I guess I will have to bringing my own work. In this sense there is nowhere to run because school will at some point provide the stuff especially if I want to go to University to study physics. I stopped watching all Khan Academy videos because I can do it a bit faster. I focus more on practising and moving onwards. I also really like to write on paper the symbol for integral, its so elegant! My papers where I do math and physics are quite full but I do not want to use new ones so I will continue to just fill them up, I like to do it if I first write with pencil and then with pen I can basically make two layers, thats cool. Diabolo I improved quite a lot. I can start vertax now and I even started to learn tricks like: infinite suicide or genocide. Its fun just to go out that do that for half an hour. Running I was running out again today. I was a bit slower than yesterday but I found out nice way where I can run on grass (not so bad for knees). Repeating thoughts Today thanks to @JKG and her very brave idea () I realised something about my pattern of thoughts. It started with me getting to know rationality and also as I later realised, with something me and my sister were doing. Every time when it was some "nice" time like: 11:11 or 12:34 she would say "Wish something its eleven eleven". I did that for fun and then after some time I realised that my wishes are limited and that I do not think big enough.. I wished for something small to happen that was in my mind at that moment. Then the only wish that I started to use was "I wish for universal peace". Now this way of thinking is stuck with me and might blind me to other perspectives (as always). For example when I wonder what would be the perfect day I take it to extremes and say that in that day everybody would get enlightened and there would be no wars etc. The thing is though that I wish this only in the "rational way" and not really listening to what I would want even if it would something smaller. Also there is lot of showing off included which makes it less authentic. Dragallur

@Leo Gura Like I said, reality seems hazy. It's causing a lack in motivation for everything (though I continue to maintain my meditation practice). I don't feel love for others or for myself really. I don't feel connected to any other people. I don't really see the reason to keep living (though I don't contemplate suicide). I guess I look at enlightenment as the only way for me to get fulfillment again. But from what I understand enlightenment shouldn't be something you actively strive for.

@Socrates I feel you man and I don't know if they'll ever clarify it for you or even attempt it. @eskwire lol, besides the snark and the strange opinions you seem to have about how I operate, those are interesting questions! Yay, we're talking about real life finally But, a couple clarifications first. "Eradication of evil" is a primitive focus that's reactionary and extreme in my opinion (no offense, but you asked for my view). You don't destroy evil, you build harmony and stability through the evolution of our capacities, which gives people the choice and the capability to choose something better then evil. Rather than focusing on eradicating one thing, we instead focus on building and developing a whole host of foundational elements that branch out and interconnect with each other and depend on each other for the capability needed to consistently choose and maintain better options then "evil" even in the face of intense stress and scarcity. Basically you outgrow "evil", just like a person can outgrow depression and other issues. Second thing, YOUR plan (not everyone's plan) to "get liberated" and "eliminate evil within yourself" has not been clearly explained, especially when it comes to its actual application in the face of intense stress and scarcity. The scope of this life strategy always seems to fail in addressing this side of life and is a big part of why Socrates started this thread in the first place. This view, this strategy will not gain acceptance from skeptics if it can't hold up to a basic stress test. But anyways, my plan revolves around those foundational elements I briefly mentioned above and their actual application in real life. Building the capacities and adaptations for each element, mapping out their inter-connections, harmonizing their points of conflict and incoherence, and expressing or channeling that goldilocks zone of inter-connectivity in a way that protects potentiality and integrity while cascading along the five realms of health, choice, capability, expression, and connection. I've been working my ass off in that respect for over a decade and have achieved some pretty amazing things for myself and others. Things that I share and give to others in not just my radio show, but in workshops, retreats, one-on-one sessions, and more informal interactions. Plus, my writings, articles, books, and videos I'm working on. There are many people who I've helped that have experienced immense healing and change. People suffering from sexual abuse, depression, mental and emotional trauma, relationship issues, identity issues, masculine and feminine balance, fear, loneliness, suicide... you have no idea of how much time and energy my wife and I devote to helping people heal and empower themselves. And not just from a distance, but actually inviting people into our home or stepping into tumultuous situations to help people when things are hard and messy. We do our work in the trenches and the mud of real life and people are grateful for it and tell us how we keep their hope alive about love being real and dreams being achievable because we live and hurt and heal and grow honestly. We touch all sides of life, the brutal and the beautiful and we succeed, no matter the pressure or difficulty. I do all this while still working a full time job and using my abundance from my success in that job to provide a home and aid for people who need my support. I don't just sit here and isolate myself, disparaging people like some armchair quarterback or backseat driver. I risk myself and invest and apply effort. Making things better. So yup, if you have any other questions just ask, the plan is huge and multi-faceted and always evolving. It has to be, because it aims to encompass the harmonization of all aspects of humanity and the world around us. @aryberry You seem to assume that I'm overly attached to the concepts of good and evil, when I'm not. I'm focused on the actions and consequences and pressures that drove life before those words even existed. Being blind or unseeing of the concepts of good and evil don't change those fundamental issues. Can you handle a scarcity of resources and the pressure of that scarcity to such a degree that you can still cooperate and not exploit others around you? Can you handle rejection from another person and not retaliate? Can you handle your desires for energy, procreation, and expansion without harming those around you? Can you give as much as you take? Are people and the world happier, healthier, and more energized around you? Can you protect those beings who are newly arrived to the physical realm and depend on the shelter of others to grow enough to contribute and care for themselves? Can you handle the fact that human beings are still evolving and still carry "flaws" or vulnerabilities that must be balanced, developed, and harmonized? Each of these questions come with conditions and stresses that must be faced and adapted to, that do not happen just by being blind or un-seeing to the concepts of good and evil. They don't automatically come from sitting and meditating all day or experiencing moments where everything is undifferentiated everything. There is a process that includes more than the dropping of concepts. It requires action and involvement and many other things. Not passivity and isolation. @Scholar Not liking or not wanting something is a poor definition of evil in my view. Life is more dynamic then that. Just because I don't like the thought of eating brussel sprouts right now does not make them evil. It sounds like your mistaking the feeling of repulsion for evil Also, feelings are signals and a form of communication, they have a reason for they way they act and express and can be pretty damn coherent if harmonized with. Like their really good with describing distance, contrast, intensity, and when you can read the mixtures within feelings, and the different layers and nuances, things can really get cooking. Pressure, flow, composition, contrast, captivation, distance, direction... I read all that stuff like braille within my body. It's pretty damn peaceful within my body to be honest. But, that's because I have a great connection with my feelings and a high degree of communication and mutual cooperation with them.

@MiracleMan Hi. here is a diagnostic criteria for major depression. If you find that you fit into this criteria (by honest) I would make an appointment to see a doctor. The doctor may recommend a referral to a psychiatrist who will help you to manage it. This is important, because your thread title "Wishing for an end" may also suggest a wish for suicide. Such suggestions point to what might be coming around the corner. I strongly suggest you seek professional help.

@Dead_Mouse I guess not disappoint my family..this is what kept me away from commiting suicide.

@Ryan_047 I understand your pain. Its feels so much easier to just commit suicide then and there. You really need a distraction. Otherwise your mind will trick you into thinking that death and self harm are the only valuable things to do in your life. Give the wim hof method a go. Its a beautiful piece of art, that will help you massively.

schmitzy, 26, female, German Occupation: Oboist Marital Status: Single Kids: No Hobbies: dreaming, writing, languages, health/nutrition/natural beauty, yoga, running I got into personal development around 2013 or 14 to get better understanding of my emotions. I often made unrealistically hard resolutions and kept failing. I was struggling with the high amount of self-governance one has to develop as as an instrumentalist (lots of free time to be spent practicing autonomously) as well as eating habits and self-acceptance. Personal challenges I've overcome: Fear of eating in public TV and romance addiction "education". school and college (just two months to go for my 2nd Master) What I'm working on now: nutrition & fitness connect with femininity produce an album study grooves, beats, music production, music that makes people dance, Arabic tunes mourn and let go of my father who committed suicide two weeks ago

So there is this whole world of personal development found in typology and personality systems. These are usually doubted as massively inaccurate and flawed. But really, no one who uses them well actually sees it as a prediction for everything in life. It's good as a guide and one of the best guides I've seen in personalizing advice to specific people. People are unique, complex and different but this does not mean guides don't have insight. Definiton : A typology or a categorization of people's core fears, core beliefs. motivations, emotional coping tools as well as the likely behaviors they can have according to these four areas. It's also used as a personal development tool to find the limits of these worldviews and further develop yourself. What I want to know : I actually know a lot on this area already but I figured I'd share this information so other people might use it. Anyway, here are some additional interesting parts to check. The Levels of Development : This reminds me of the Graves model as it records different information in levels of development. But for each specifc type. Those at level 1 are free of their fears, aware of their limits, able to use their strengths for themselves and other people for compassionate use. At level 9, there are people driven to suicide and even people capable of murder. The idea is to go up the levels in development. You can get the book Personality Types by Riso and Russ Hudson for an extensive description for each type's level. Integration and Disintegration : This is enneagram' s term for when you're at your best (integration) and when you're at your worst (disintegration as a type.) Passion and Virtue : It's the idea that every type has a passion (An unhelpful behavior) along with a virtue (helpful behavior.) Fixation and Holy idea. : Fixation (An unhelpful worldview) along with a holy idea (A helpful worldview.) So for example, a summary of one of these. Type 5's basic fear is helplessness. Their core motivation is to know. Their likely behavior is of solitude and reflection. Integration is when they are able to take action and influence the world rather than think all the time. Disintegration is when they become distracted and flighty. Their passion is avarice, not for material wealth, but in hoarding knowledge but in the limits of overpreparing for the world. The virtue is nonattachment, not in relationships, but a nonattachment to the safety of their minds and a readiness for the world. Their fixation is stinginess, not in money, but often of their time in that they believe they don't have enough time for other life areas other than knowledge. Holy omniscience is when 5s see things clearly rather than making false theories about the world and really understanding it, Some resources : For a summary of levels of development. http://www.fitzel.ca/enneagram/levels.html Description of the types. https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/ https://www.eclecticenergies.com/enneagram/ A forum full of information.. http://personalitycafe.com/ - Just go to the enneagram section but you can check out the other information. Some good books : Anything by Riso Hudson or Beatrice Chestnut on this.

Entry 127 | More on Death I don't know specifically what I want to write in this entry, so I'm just going to type as I think. Death has been on my mind recently. What with my uncle being on the verge of death now after months of coping with cancer and everything. But also, I had a dream in the last few nights about death. At some point, it occurred to me that I had never witnessed anyone die right before my eyes. This caused my subconscious mind to simulate that event in the form of a dream. It was night, and I was stood at a crossing with around 20 people. As we waited for the traffic lights to change, one guy stepped out in the middle of the road in front of the oncoming traffic. It was obvious that he was hoping to commit suicide. In the shock of the situation, I looked away at the instant the car ran over the guy. I slowly looked back to see the man lying on the floor with blood gushing out of his severed leg. He wasn't dead. But he wasn't far off. He leant forward as if to grab his leg in pain but, of course, it was missing. Something suggested that he was regretting the idea. Then earlier today, I envisioned another suicide scenario happening on my way to university. I imagined the guy jumping off one of the university buildings with the cry "OH MY GOD." Again, it suggested that he regretted the decision completely. But his fate was unavoidable as he splattered on the tarmac. Thankfully, these were imaginary scenarios. But why now? It's not like I'm actively looking to commit suicide nor do I wish to see it happen to someone. Nevertheless, it got me thinking about death. It hit me in the Indian music ensemble that one day, I will die. One day, I will return to the nothingness of death. And somehow, I don't feel scared about that. Given that the next few years will prove to be the most challenging for me, this is something that I must keep in mind. Nothingness is whole and complete as it is. There needn't be life at all. The fact that it exists for the meantime is just a blessing. The pursuing of goals for materialist benefits seems shallow and unnecessary now. Once upon a time, I just wanted to be a famed guitar player. Now, I just want to make the most of what I am now. The process seems more important than the end result. Now is better than then. All I can do is enjoy the moment for what it is. Any goals that I pursue will come from that place of love and joy for being in the now. They won't become my life. They will just form a part of it. Because if there's any goal that's worth pursuing, it is to love life to the full. Pick of the day:

When we are born, we are born neither good or bad, positive or negative, good or evil, we just are. We reveal ourselves as being a good person or a bad person by the choices we make. We are programmed since birth. We are programmed and told and conditioned to believe what is good bad, right wrong, good or evil. For instance, money, homosexuals, religion, race etc., we are conditioned to look at these things, separate, put walls up, and become selective depending on how we have been conditioned to view these things, even without knowing it. The media is a huge influence on this and can condition us as to what we should believe and how we should judge. You can see how divided our world is. Christianity and other organized religions have been a huge influence of this as well. You are told how to treat your bodies, even told they are not yours, who's right, who's wrong, what you should believe, how to live our life. All this does is add fuel to the fire. Walls and barriers are constantly being put up, and our conditioning through the media and religion influence this. It's a snowball effect you see. Even starting hundreds to thousands of years ago we've been conditioned and programmed. When Christianity and other religions came about, things became pretty set as to how they wanted to control people. Organized religions are human made, put together by humans, for control and dominance of it's people meanwhile keeping this secret amongst the few in order to retain power. Christianities main push was war, the crusades, Constantine, and blood which paved the way for this 'peaceful' religion. The inquisition alone caused an estimated 13 million or so deaths. Once the old knowledge of Paganism was stomped under the rug (or so they thought), this new order emerged and has remained to this day. Ever since then, this conditioning has taken place, grandmother to granddaughter, mother to daughter, grandfather to grandson, father to son, year upon year, generation upon generation. It's a snowball effect you see. It started with force, then, over time, it gets told to and conditioned upon each other, and then down to children who in turn teach their children, and so forth. Same with the media when radio and television became stronger and more widespread. Just think of how the media has influenced us; fashion, politics, religion. If you observe the shows on TV, most people are attractive, wealthy, the perfect body, the materialism of certain peoples, in which tells us that this is what's in, this is what they have and you don't. This is how you should be. Same with religion. Have you ever seen a show that portrays Satan and His demons in a positive light? Have you ever seen a show teaching about the positive effects of Occult knowledge and rituals? Or a health show telling you to stimulate activity in your pineal gland? Enk Most likely not. They have Christian masses on TV on Sunday morning all over the place. Have you ever seen a 'black mass' on TV? Of course not, because that would challenge the way the 'church' wants people to think. People might actually look into it and find it's for them and find the answers they've been looking for. Take a look at the world around you. How many reading this know people that have been ridiculed for being poor, for not having the 'in' fashion, for being overweight, for being not so attractive, not as smart or educated, for choosing to be unique by choosing a 'goth' fashion, or for perhaps pursuing other religions. I'm sure all of us have. Have you in your lives, ever saw a homosexual couple holding hands, or an obese person and thought something negative in some way? Why did you think this? Because you've been programmed to do so, somehow, someway. But is that what you truly believe, or are you just thinking or saying it because you don't want to become a target yourself for not going along with it? This is the herd mentality bestowed upon humanity. Don't ask, just follow, or else, you become the next target. Instead of just following what you've been told, question and make up your own minds. The point I'm making is this, who were these people that set the standards in the first place? Who were these people to bring all of this conditioning about in the first place? Who are they and what makes them so damn special? What makes them better? The answer, nothing!!! You can be better than these people by your freedom of choice. There is nothing dumb or stupid, there is no one smart or dumb, there is no one ugly or attractive, there is no one rich or poor, these are just categories that arrogant, power hungry pricks have set for humanity, over the years allowing these things to take place. We are all unique, yet part of a bigger whole. We are all inter-woven in some way. We are all part of a bigger picture. Humanity is starting to see this. They are starting see this snowball effect that they've been conditioned to. Humanity is starting to wake up and say, "hey, what am I doing? This isn't really me! Since when should organized religion tell me what to think, feel and act? Who are these people to tell me what's in and what's out? Who are the governments and political parties and law makers to take away my freedoms?" What you're seeing in the world today is just that, an awakening on a global level. All of the suppression and conditioning over the years, generations, even millennia are coming to a head. The sex scandals of priests, lesbianism of nuns is an example of this. Years of suppression and control are now coming out in tragic ways. All of the violence in the world. You have anti-government groups and more people are challenging politics in deeper and broader ways. More and more people are turning their backs on organized religion because they see what it causes in the world; disease, wars, greed, control, etc. They are seeing the importance money has to the church and what materialistic entities they are. More and more people are putting up websites and using the internet to vent out and display their views and are trying to make changes in this world and retain their freedoms, and take their lives back that the world religions have taken away. And who gets blamed for this? Non abrahamics. Always so quick to point the fingers are religions and it's people without looking within themselves and without even thinking for themselves and questioning it hence the snowball effect I've spoken about above. How would they truly know in the first place? Can this be proven? No, of course not! They say, "all of the drug use, violence, wars, poverty, sexual tragedies and 'sexual misconduct', depression, suicide, all due to satan and His minions". How do they know? Truth of the matter is, they don't, but they are told this, conditioned to believe this, and that's what they hand down. This has been happening for hundreds to thousands of years, and now, because people are awakening and coming to their own, the world is changing. Hundreds of years of suppression are coming to a head and, unfortunately, this can lead to tragic things. The things we see are a result of religious and political suppression. Most claim these changes are the beginning of the end here on Earth, Doomsday, Armageddon, and religions use this as a tactic to attract numbers, ask for money, and scare people out of their wits. "This is it, the end, it's do or die, everyone else is wrong, come to us and we know you'll be saved. Look what's ahead, come aboard, just, make sure to bring some cash, give away your possessions, give yourself entirely to us and what we want. Sure, you have freedom! You're free to believe what we want you to believe. You're free to say and do what we want you to say and do, OR, you know what's coming!!" The truth is, this is going to be the end of an era, and after, the start of a new one. This cycle has been happening on Earth for millennia. Each time we evolve as a species and grow to bigger and better things. We are moving towards an age where there is no 'religion', just free thinking and spiritual evolving. It's a transition point ahead of us. With each new aeon, things have a build-up, a climax if you will, in this case an awakening of humanity and releasing of suppressed feelings and thoughts. Eventually things will climax, but, this can be needed in order to create a start again of something new. At this point, minds will be opened and freed which will lead to a continuation of this way. Christian suppression will be removed to allow technology to move at a quicker pace safely allowing humanity to catch up and get to where it could have been. Due to Christian suppression, technology has not been allowed to move at it's potential which is why there is so much famine, disease and illness in the world. We could have solved so much of this already. Another reason for these issues is a degeneration of the soul/spirit. Our souls are capable of so much, above and beyond what people could comprehend. Much illness and depression are started in the aura that can be eliminated and we can live on a much higher plain of existence by doing the meditations that Leo suggests. This knowledge of evolving has been called Occult knowledge. The word Occult mean 'hidden'. Occult knowledge is neither good or evil, it's the way it's used that determines this. We choose to use and apply this knowledge for the good of humanity. This knowledge will be free to flourish in the coming aeon, the way it was originally intended to be. An example being during Sumerian and Egyptian times when humankind was years ahead of where we are now as far as spiritual development and knowledge. Satanism, Devil worship etc. are names given with the intent to control, suppress, and degenerate humanity therefore we do not pursue the teachings of the occult. We are using the meditations and 'pagan' ways of the past to evolve, free, and create a free minded world of the present and the future as we wish to look forward to the coming age. Everyone here has the power within themselves to drop this conditioned, programmed way of life and pursue a boundless evolution. Never adhere to the categories of this world because they only have you if you choose to allow them to. This world is like art, it can be as creative, inventive, meaningful, happy, flourishing, and open as you choose it to be. But remember, art is boundless, free, and a reflection from deep within. How do you want your canvas to look?

I agree. We already are enlightened. Still many people have lots of mental self-identifying going on, and are just shy of suicide quite often. Being able to just live and enjoy the party is what enlightenment is. Regretting the past, fearing the future, or wanting to go to the future for escape of the now, are all signs enlightenment has not yet happened. Most people cannot so quickly let go. If you live life as simple and joyful as you claim, i would say you already are "enlightened"

I agree. They are the greatest problem. Looking at the world with a bird's eye view, a strange feeling arises that we have everything – just we need one humanity. And the most dangerous thing is that this preparation for our suicide, by all the nations, is in the name of war and victory – all childish and stupid. You can see it in the way nations respect a piece of cloth as their flag and if it is removed their whole glory and freedom is lost – you cannot insult the national flag. This is the situation of human retardedness. It is a simple fact that the earth is undivided. What is the need of so many nations, except that it fulfills so many people's ego trips?

Yes I am in California specifically West LA. Also I've improved my video content a lot since I bought the JumpCut program that cost $1000 if you look at some of my old videos I'm wondering if you'd say my camera presence was as good. I'm glad that it has improved over the months and years though. Recently actually about a week ago something happened that bothered me. I was in a bootcamp for the program where if you did well you would get to get a mentor ship from the founders of the program. People told me I won and I was so happy that I won but, later it turned out that people thought I won because of a glitch and I really didn't win so I became a bit frustrated. At the time where I thought I won and people were telling me I won there was this whole shift in my brain where I thought all my dreams and goals would be accomplished because the people mentoring me who created very successful channels would be able to help me in a way that gave me that kind of recognition and my message would finally be heard and people would know about what I stand for. Anyway as bothered as I am that it feels like I have to go this alone again I'm still keeping at it and my stuff has improved. Basically @My_Name_Is_Mud my life purpose is to go "back and help out". Long time ago I was talking to a rabbi about my past and the struggles and anger in my childhood. He compared it to this there were a group of people riding on horseback to reach a certain destination but, they came across some very strong water currents. Some of them made it across and some of them couldn't make it across and they drown but, the most noble among them who made it across weren't satisfied to see their friends drowning so they went back into the currents to help the people struggling to make it across. So basically when I compare this to myself is that I was really struggling with stress and depression through my childhood. I'm glad to say that most of that is no longer with me. I'm still trying to make it across though as in do something and get to a place where I am happy, financially stable, and really enjoying life. Then when I do get there it wont be enough to know that I'm in a good place but, some young people out there are in a really crappy place and struggling just like I was. That's why I concentrate on things like the education system and divorce laws because I'm trying to help those kids "make it across" when they might be struggling with depression or even suicide. Although I'd never want to relive my past I think it's a blessing and a curse at the same time because maybe if I didn't go through all that hell when I was younger I wouldn't appreciate what I have now as much as I do and maybe I wouldn't even have the passion to help the kids who I know are in a bad situation right now. Also if you want to read more about my story you can look at the Self Actualization Journal I titled: Becoming a Hero.

silent progress. Holy cow! I mean back! My back feels so much looser after doing these exercises. But the most relief I've received is in my gut. I have a gi-normous muscular band of tension around my navel area. I first noticed it after the events of my friend's suicide. Probably has something to do with the guilt. But after using the 9-inch ball repeatedly on that area...I notice that I can breathe a little better and I'm less in fight-or-flight. This makes the world a difference. I'm going to stick with it. I haven't even gone through all the exercises yet... This sort of myofascial work seems to be the physical equivalent of affirmations. In affirmations, the mind is stuck in a holding pattern and by repeating a phrase over and over again, you brute force it out of the holding pattern. In myofascial release work, the body is stuck in a holding pattern of tensions and by repeating the same exercises over and over again, you brute force it out of the holding pattern. A year ago, I would have scoffed at this stuff. Now, I scoff at me a year ago.

There is no word equivalent to 'divorce' in Hindu culture, till death they live together, but love is not there. Those who don't suicide, do not live either. 'Everlasting love' is fantasy of teenagers.

Some immature persons dream about finding everlasting love, when they get married, they face harsh realities of life, their dreams are shattered. Both the partners start nagging and quarreling with each other, but they live together whole life, as divorce is still not so common in India. In few cases one partner , in rare cases both partners suicide.

My spiritual take on suicide squad - Heathens : All my friends have egos take it slow, Wait for them to ask you what you know Please dont say any sudden truths You might just leave them utterly confused.. ALL MY FRIENDS HAVE EGOS TAKE IT SLOOOOOOOW!!!!!! etc etc This is what im gonna sing upon Enlightenment

Entry 120 | Reflection Phwoar. Ever wake up feeling like you've been reborn? I don't know what to reflect on to be honest. All I can talk about is how things are at the minute. Past and future don't feel relevant. I've felt incredibly peaceful all day. This morning, I received a few insights that came in thought form but I can't remember them well enough to write them out. All that is left of them is an incredible sense of peace. In fact, stillness is a word that I have not fully understood until now. It has existed as a synonym for an inner peace but this is the first time in which I have experienced it for what it is. Stillness. Leo's video upload today was very interesting, as always. As I watched it, a lot of doubt came up with what I believe my life purpose is and whether or not it belongs in the "hero's journey" category. As a third-year university student, of course I'm going to be looking to get a successful career as a musician. But chasing success is apparently not a part of the "hero's journey." Nevertheless, the missions in my life provide me with fear and doubt. If I described them to someone, they would think I'm crazy to chase such a goal. These are seemingly characteristics of the "hero's journey." The fact that my mission brings about these characteristics makes me believe that I'm on the right path though. Perhaps the goal that I have set for myself is, in fact, the "holy grail" as it is meaningless in itself, but it requires a certain transformation of self to get there. The creative muses have made it abundantly clear that this mind and body was created to bring new music into existence. That is a scary thing to surrender to. Especially in this day and age where seemingly everybody is trying to be the next guitar hero or music master. But there's no going back now. I haven't had the courage to really tell anyone my true goals in life. I've always provided diluted versions of these goals to others in fear of criticism and ridicule. Maybe I should open up here. It's perhaps best described as a spirit or force of nature that wants to express itself through me. In every single moment of existence, I've had a deep desire to create innovative, inspiring music. Even as I sit here, I can hear the creative muses playing to me some of the music I desire to create. Sometimes, this spirit is so powerful that I find it difficult to differentiate between these internal sounds from the external sounds of the universe. It is my (devilishly difficult) duty to figure out a way to extract this internal music and reproduce it externally. There is no avoiding it. I know that I have the ability to gain regular musician jobs like teaching, musicals, cruise ship work, etc. But THIS is my life purpose. Because the music that appears to me is so indescribably beautiful that it simply must be shared. You guys really gotta hear what goes on in my head! But that's the thing; you can't. I have to sacrifice my secure, comfortable life in order to cultivate the music and share it with the world in a medium that it can be understood. I don't know why me! I don't know why this could possibly benefit anybody. Music in itself is meaningless. But something beyond me is willing me to do this. This has got me real emotional. I didn't realize the true extent of this burning desire within me that has always been there. If anything, I've just thrown petrol on the flames and made it stronger. There is so much fear and doubt that this could make me homeless and penniless. But at the same time, there's a greater knowledge beyond logic and reasoning that is telling me that any other path in life would be the equivalent of suicide. I'm fucking terrified, emotional, and excited at the same time. I have to sacrifice money, shelter, relationships, family, and lots of other things for this cause. But it's a cause completely worth fighting myself for. Dear God I must be mad! Pick of the day: Shoutout to the Indian Music Ensemble guys from university, ensemble leader John (santoor) and Henrik (flute).

Hi all At the end of 2016 I dropped out of University because I realised that my entire life and all of my motivation was derived from highly egotistic influence, I decided that I didn't want to pursue education at the expense of the government, borrowing thousands upon thousands in student loans and sacrificing my happiness and my time for 'success' in a field that if I truly desired (which I do not), I know could forge without such a cost. I realised that I was trapping myself into debt for the rest of my life and following a career path for no reason other than materialistic gain, self-satisfaction and so that I could party and take drugs like a typical student. This being the second time I have dropped out of a higher education course, I decided that I needed to do some serious self-investigation and understand what the fuck is wrong with me and why I couldn't just pursue a career for positive advancement. With the help of Leo's videos, other gurus and a lot of self-honesty, I realised that all I really cared about was being happy and at peace and all the hurdles I had been jumping were largely influenced by peer pressure, the 'conspiracy' of self-obsessed society and feeling like I needed to have some fancy career to feel good about my existence. I have been meditating for an hour every day since and researching psychology religiously, trying to unravel my neurosis and discover my purpose in life, to no avail. I feel very trapped by circumstance more and more every day. I have a job which I enjoy more than any I've had before, but I'm in a lot of debt from signing contracts for accommodation that I can't pay without student loans, so any money I make is going to be taken away from me immediately. I don't even want money, and I never really have, I just want to live in peace and close to nature somewhere, every day I try to get as much work done as I can but without life purpose I have serious trouble finding motivation to preserve my place in a society I do not want to be part of. I feel like I am trapped in a game I cannot win and thoughts of suicide are becoming an overwhelming daily battle that I am slowly losing. I have periods of what I might call 'enlightened' states where my mind is completely tranquil and I can deflect negative thoughts like they are nothing, but no matter how hard I try I can't seem to sustain this and remain happy with anything that I am. I keep looking into sustainable communities where I may be able to go and live to be away from this nightmare, but I know that true understanding of the self is that happiness is available regardless of circumstance. Now my self-inquiry seems to have taken a turn to self-abuse, my psychological analysis is choking me and bullying me because I cannot control my emotions or remain at peace whilst doing the things I need to do. My mind constantly screams that every second is being wasted, that life is not meant to be lived in this twisted system of competitive exploitation and contained conformity. I struggle to understand anything, when the most real and in-depth truths about life that I have discovered make me hate my every action and everything that I am surrounded by. I feel like a failure and a joke most of the time, I spend all of my time alone trying to build discipline and willpower. I just want the mind to be silent and the negative feelings towards work to leave me so that I can pay off my debt and go travelling to somewhere that I may be able to live free of financial obligation, but at this rate I genuinely feel like lying down and dying rather than spending every waking moment in this torture. Please, please help

Poverty is not the cause of suicides in India. A poor person who has not his life yet, don't think of dying. When whole society is poor, you don't complain much about it. Indian think poverty as a result of past lives karma. Causes for suicide in India In 2014 Causes No of people Bankruptcy or indebtedness 2,308 Marriage Related Issues 6,773 Non Settlement of Marriage 1,096 Dowry Related Issues 2,261 Extra Marital affairs 476 Divorce 333 Others 2,607 Failure in Examination 2,403 Impotency/Infertility 332 Other Family problems 28,602 Illness 23,746 AIDS/STD 233 Cancer 582 Paralysis 408 Insanity/Mental illness 7,104 Other prolonged illness 15,419 Death of dear person 981 Drug abuse/addiction 3,647 Fall in social reputation 490 Ideological causes/Hero worshipping 56 Love affairs 4,168 Poverty 1,699 Unemployment 2,207 Property dispute 1,067 Suspected/Illicit relation 458

@Evilwave Heddy This is off topic, but coming from a mad person, there's something similar to spirituality in 'madness', or mind fuck-uppery. I don't know if this will help, but prophets have a certain sort of personality to them. It's all about interpretation when all is said and done. When I'm well again, I'm going to write a paper on the similarities of madness and spirituality - complete with Red Book-esque artwork, after I start a normal spiritual practice. There's something there, Carl Jung was onto something. ------------------------ Suicide prevention information @harisankartj

Karma. If you suicide in one life whats to pursue in your next? Scary subject all around. Just please continue your path. I am here. We are here. God is now. I love you. I love myself.