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What happened in Jonestown was absolutely Christian, but not even a single person in the world has talked about the fact that it was a Christian phenomenon, that Christianity was its background, that Jim Jones was a reverend, that he was a Christian priest, and the people who followed him simply followed according to the Christian ideology. Of course, they went to the very logical end. Jesus says to his people: ”After death there will be judgment day, and I will be there to pick my people. And only those who are with me will be saved; all others will be thrown into the eternal darkness of hell.” Reverend Jim Jones was continually teaching the BIBLE, Christianity, and of course he was teaching that real life begins after death. And if he convinced those fools, one thousand fools, it is nothing to be surprised at: they were all Christians. The gospel was Christian, and if he convinced them to die with him ... why wait for the judgment day? And on the judgment day there is going to be so much of a crowd – poor Jim Jones, how is he going to find his one thousand followers? It will be really difficult. The best way is: Jim Jones dies and with him his followers die. And they will reach the gates of heaven with God and Jesus Christ and all the apostles shouting, ”Alleluia!” This is far better, quicker. Other Christians have waited for two thousand years but the judgment day has not come yet. And if you read Jesus, his disciples asking again and again, ”When will the judgment day come?” and he says, ”Soon.” The whole indication is that it is going to happen within your life. Now, twenty centuries have passed; it has not happened. Nobody asks the pope, ”What about the judgment day? Jesus was saying, ‘Soon.’ What do you mean by ‘soon’?” At least it should be explained how many centuries, how many generations .... ”Soon” cannot be extended that much. But Christian bishops and cardinals and priests are comparing Osho with Jim Jones. In churches, sermons were delivered and it was said that Rajneeshpuram was going to become a second Jonestown. Now, who is going to say to these fools that this was the only place which cannot become Jonestown? The whole rest of the world can become – because Osho was not interested in the afterlife, he was only interested in life here, now. You will be surprised to know that in Jonestown, lovemaking among the members of the sect was not allowed. Celibacy was enforced. There were hard strict rules: the people were not allowed to go outside the commune, no contact with outsiders was allowed. They were living in isolation, they were all ascetics. And it is because of this asceticism that they were ready to commit suicide. Now people are searching for the causes. Somebody thinks that he hypnotized people, somebody thinks something else—a thousand and one reasons are being found. The simple reason is, he diverted their eros—that's all. And eros can be diverted very easily….just like in christian monasteries, where monks don't suicide but practice of homosexuality is well known.

battles are lost in the same spirit with which they are won. I cried last week. I do it a lot nowadays. What often happens is that something triggers a sad cry: for my friend's suicide, for my guilt, for life's vanity. But then, out of nowhere, I transition to a hysterical laugh-cry: for gratitude, for the love for everything, for being alive, for the big cosmic joke that is life. Strangely, I don't prefer one mode of crying over another. They're both beautiful and cathartic in their own ways. My man Walt Whitman once wrote that battles are lost in the same spirit with which they are won. I think I get what he means now.

@renegade_bee If this is truly it, the end, if you've given up; then you're truly free. If you have the money, get on a plane, go to Asia, go to a monastery and they will take you, free of charge. If you don't have the money, walk. Go to a homeless shelter, get a little job, save a bit of money for a flight and fuck off somewhere. Piss yourself whenever you feel like it, fuck it, who cares? You did it a lot when you were a baby. Go get a load of shrooms, trip your nuts off. You're talking about becoming a corpse soon. Fuck your parents, fuck your comfort, fuck it all dude. Seriously. Try being free before suicide, and if then you still want to leave. you're free to check out. Don't even feel bad for being suicidal, you don't owe anybody anything.

@renegade_bee Don't do it. Hope you're still here and I'm really sorry you're going through all. But it's not worth it. When I was going through a similar phase, prayer was the only thing that helped me. Life is hard but you are only 18, you have your life ahead of you. If you are worried about getting laid, your life is more precious than any girl/boy/friend in the world. We don't live only for romance and sex, there is so much more to life than stuff that you see other people doing/enjoying. Stop comparing yourself to others because comparison is the biggest self-esteem demolisher. Everybody has their own problems and their own stories to tell. There are millions out there who suffer, at least just like you if not more. So you are not alone. You got to find your own 'sea of hope' where you will find your inner peace. Even in the worst circumstances, life is still worth living because you get this chance only once. Suicide can never be the ultimate option. Even suicide has a big drawback and that is the risk of failure associated with it. Many people end up handicapped or permanently disabled when their suicide attempts fail. So it's extremely dangerous. Try to heal yourself emotionally and spiritually first. Your problems may either go away one day or they may no longer be relevant from an existential perspective. May you find peace in your hour of trouble. Take care. (plz don't do it).

https://www.disabled-world.com/artman/publish/article_2086.shtml Famous People with Aspergers Syndrome Adam Young, multi-instrumentalist, producer and the founder of the electronic project Owl City. Adrian Lamo, American computer hacker Carl Soderholm, speaker in neuropsychiatric disorders Clay Marzo, American professional surfer Craig Nicholls, frontman of the Australian garage rock band, The Vines Daniel Tammet, British autistic savant, believed to have Asperger Syndrome Daryl Hannah, actress Dawn Prince-Hughes, PhD, primate anthropologist, ethologist, and author of Songs for the Gorilla Nation Gary Numan, British singer and songwriter Heather Kuzmich, fashion model and reality show contestant on America's Next Top Model James Durbin, finalist on the tenth season of American Idol Jerry Newport, American author and mathematical savant, basis of the film Mozart and the Whale John Elder Robison, author of Look Me in the Eye Judy Singer, Australian disability rights activist Liane Holliday Willey, author of Pretending to be Normal, Asperger Syndrome in the Family; Asperger syndrome advocate; education professor; and adult diagnosed with Asperger syndrome at age 35 Lizzy Clark, actress and campaigner Luke Jackson, author Michael Burry, US investment fund manager Nicky Reilly, failed suicide bomber from Britain Paddy Considine, actor Peter Howson, Scottish painter Phillipa "Pip" Brown (aka Ladyhawke), indie rock musician Raymond Thompson, New Zealand scriptwriter and TV producer Richard Borcherds, mathematician specializing in group theory and Lie algebras Satoshi Tajiri, creator and designer of Pokemon Tim Ellis, Australian magician and author Tim Page, Pulitzer Prize-winning critic and author Travis Meeks, lead singer, guitarist and song writer for acoustic rock band Days of the New. Vernon L. Smith, Nobel Laureate in Economics Hmmmmm.....I'm seeing a lot of SUCCESSFUL people here. Oh wait.....there's more! People that most likely had Aspergers Syndrome! Abraham Lincoln,1809-1865, US Politician Alan Turing, 1912-1954, English mathematician, computer scientist and cryptographer Albert Einstein, 1879-1955, German/American theoretical physicist Alexander Graham Bell, 1847-1922, Scottish/Canadian/American inventor of the telephone Anton Bruckner , 1824-1896, Austrian composer Bela Bartok, 1881-1945, Hungarian composer Benjamin Franklin,1706-1790, US polictician/writer Bertrand Russell, 1872-1970, British logician Bobby Fischer, 1943-2008, World Chess Champion Carl Jung, 1875-1961, Swiss psychoanalyst Charles Rennie Mackintosh, 1868-1928, Scottish architect and designer Emily Dickinson, 1830-1886, US poet Erik Satie, 1866-1925 - Composer Franz Kafka, 1883-1924, Czech writer Friedrich Nietzsche, 1844-1900, German philosopher George Bernard Shaw, 1856-1950, Irish playwright, writer of Pygmalion, critic and Socialist George Washington, 1732-1799, US Politician Gustav Mahler, 1860-1911, Czech/Austrian composer Marilyn Monroe, 1926-1962, US actress H P Lovecraft, 1890-1937, US writer Henry Cavendish, 1731-1810, English/French scientist, discovered the composition of air and water Henry Ford, 1863-1947, US industrialist Henry Thoreau, 1817-1862, US writer Isaac Newton, 1642-1727, English mathematician and physicist Jane Austen, 1775-1817, English novelist, author of Pride and Prejudice Kaspar Hauser, c1812-1833, German foundling, portrayed in a film by Werner Herzog Ludwig II, 1845-1886, King of Bavaria Ludwig Wittgenstein, 1889-1951, Viennese/English logician and philosopher Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827, German/Viennese composer Mark Twain, 1835-1910, US humorist Michelangelo, 1475 1564 - Italian Renissance artist Nikola Tesla, 1856-1943, Serbian/American scientist, engineer, inventor of electric motors Oliver Heaviside, 1850-1925, English physicist Richard Strauss, 1864-1949, German composer Seth Engstrom, 1987-Present, Magician and World Champion Thomas Edison, 1847-1931, US inventor Thomas Jefferson, 1743-1826, US politician Vincent Van Gogh, 1853-1890, Dutch painter Virginia Woolf, 1882-1941, English Writer Wasily Kandinsky, 1866-1944, Russian/French painter

Here is a holistic answer. Book: Louise L. Hay - You can Heal your Life. Pg. 201 Problem: Suicide Probable Cause: Seeing Life Only in Black and White. Refusal to see another way out. New Thought Pattern (to meditate and focus on): I live in the totality of possibilities. There is always another way. I am safe.

@renegade_bee Don't think about suicide man. You gotta have the logic to know that you're only 18 and everything will change. When I was 20 I had severe manic depression. Dr's and pills never helped me, unfortunately. That all changed by age 22 and my life has just Gotten better and better ever since. I was where you are man. Please hear me - you are just getting started in this life. You don't know what the rest will look like. Just hang in there and keep trying things. I garuntee if you keep going and keep trying, you absolutely will find the cure for your UTI. You will. It could be only a month away. The right Dr often makes all the difference. If YOU DON'T GIVE UP, YOU WILL SEE THAT THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WILL BE THE SWEET LIFE OF SOMEONE WHO SURPASSES EVERYONE'S WILDEST DREAMS BECAUSE WHEN OTHERS GAVE UP, YOU DIDN'T. DON'T GIVE UP.

I've always struggled with my esteem, at one point my social anxiety was so bad that I couldn't even talk to my family and closest friends without experiencing physical symptoms. Recently I started appreciating myself and what I stand for and all of a sudden I woke up. I could see everyones insecurities, their intentions... It was extremely overwealming and I kinda freaked out. In any case, I drew a load of attention to myself and said a bunch of stuff that people couldn't comprehend and I guess my sanity is under question at the moment. I can no longer see auras at the moment and I don't think I would like to at the moment either. Although I've committed social suicide... my esteem is still quite high and I go through periods of not caring about judgement. However when I'm in my own corner I feel so energetic and act completely differently to the way I was before which only draws more suspicion. It sucks, I've formed such valuable friendships over the span of two years and now nobody really knows how to approach me. Everyone is walking on eggshells around me. I'm so glad I've realised my potential, but I kinda destroyed my place of belonging in the process. Tl;dr: How do you keep your inner child at bay and appear collected outwardly & how do you remain positive when your life begins to crumble around you.

Need to get this off my chest and would really welcome some advice. I'm going to be all over the place here. Apologies in advance. This is probably gonna be a long story, so sit tight. When I was 10 years old, my entire family went to our home country to attend a wedding. It was awesome at the start. I loved going with my family to another country. All of us together. It was the first time in my life that I felt like I belonged with my family and it was great. That happiness was short-lived. The night before the wedding, a lot of the beds were taken up at the home we were staying at, and so we shared beds. It was me, my mom and the groom. My mom was in the middle of me and the groom. I woke up in the middle of the night. I did not move. I heard some noises. I opened my right eye. And saw my mom on top of the groom. She was fucking the groom. And she was fucking the groom, while I was in the same motherfucking bed. I mean, what the actual fuck? What sort of bitch would do that? Holy shit. I managed to get back to sleep. I woke up in the morning. The groom was leaving to get ready for his wedding. I heard him say "you're a home wrecker" to my mom. Later that morning, I saw my dad. He asked me where I slept that night. I thought it was really weird that he didn't know where I slept. I told him I slept with my mom and the groom in the same bed. He asked who was in the middle. For some reason, I knew this question to be important. So I answered "I was in the middle". I lied to my dad. And I knew I lied to him. And I lied to him to protect my family. Even now, in my twenties, I have a huge amount of respect for my 10 year old self for doing that. Top kid. I knew that had I said my mom was in the middle, he would know something was going on sexually. I was scared my family was going to break up. I didn't want that to happen. Later in the day. I plucked up my 10 year old courage and confronted my mom. The balls on that kid! I asked her about what happened last night. She lied to my face and said that the groom and her were "just talking" and gave me a hug. Fucking whore. She made a cuckold out of me and my dad. My mom is a rather volatile person. My dad is bigger and stronger than her, but she beats him and slaps him. Last year, after she slapped him a few times, he came to me in tears saying he was ready to "kill her" and rip her head off. I had to calm him down and tell him that isn't the right thing to do. And just to get a divorce. He's still with her. He's a big wimp. A big pussy. Always has been. He's a broken man. My mom slapped him up a few months ago, and he came up to my room and told me about it. What the hell am I gonna do about it, if he's not willing to do anything about it? I've been living with this secret my entire life. Only now am I telling it, on actualized.org, because I need another perspective on this. Ive blocked this memorry out of my mind for most of my life, but I've remembered it as I've started meditating and working on personal development. I'm unsure on my course of action here. I can't tell the truth of this to my family. It will rip and tear the family apart. It might even drag my dad to suicide. Like I said, he's broken. I'd rather keep this secret than tell them of it. For sure my mom never told my dad. Worse is that the groom and my dad are best friends. I saw the groom a few months ago at my grandma's funeral. We played cards. Ugh. One of the worst things is that, everyone thinks we're a normal family. But I've seen shit that tells me that we're fucked up. Everyone thinks we're the perfect family. But man, we've got some skeletons in the closet for sure. Everyone sees her as a holy religious person. But deep down she's a psycho. I regularly think about just disconnecting from my family. I think it will be healthier for me. Too much baggage. Way too many shitty memories. Not enough good memories to stay. Do I need to give them a reason for leaving them if I choose to? Or should I just do it? My heads all over the place atm. She's so nice to us now. She was horrible before. Used to lock me up the basement. Used to beat me. I was scared of these Halloween masks when I was a kid, and she knew that, so whenever I did something she never liked, she put on the mask, held me down, and made me stare at the mask. Fuck man. That was scary as hell. Then this? Putting me through that? I guess seeing her fucking the groom was my first ever sexual experience. Ugh. What would you do? Would you just carry on with life with these people as if nothing had happened? Thing is she's so nice now. Of course she is. I'm now 6 ft 2. She can't pin me back anymore. Plus, I think she's realised that she'll need people to look after her when she's old. She's super nice now. But the real side of her comes out when she's with my dad. Abuses him and everything. My dads a broken, broken man. I will not talk about this with my family. I won't reveal all this to them. I won't do that to my dad. I don't like family get togethers. Because I know I'm the only person in the room to know that this is all a lie. That this family is broken. And only I know this. Christmas with them is bullshit. My extended family look at me like "what's wrong". If only they knew the truth. But I gotta hold it in. I can see that this whole family dynamic is a complete sham! A mirage! Holding it in and staying connected to the family is harsh on me. Holding it in and leaving the family will be more just and merciful on my soul, I feel. More likely to forget about it that way as well. So should I just forgive and keep living on with them as if everything is cool. Or forgive, and then leave and go on my own? Don't wanna go to no therapist or shit. Need a course of action. Stay, or leave? They are family, though. What would you do? (If you've made it all the way here. Thanks. I realise this post was just everywhere and jittery. My apologies) Thanks in advance

I did for a long time in my life repeatedly eat very little. I was kind of in a war state against myself. This is a miserable way to live. It is basically an inconsequent way of suicide. The only way out is to find something you like about life. The thing is: If you would consider suicide then you basically find, life is worthless to you. So it wouldn't be of any harm to just stick around a little longer and try out a few things that could possible be fun. While you're doing that, you better brush your teeth. A full set of natural teeth is very valuable. If you live long enough, you might regret spending money for less perfect artificial teeth.

Nowadays, the most sane person is the most liable to commit suicide! He is the one who will do great things though, because he realizes the ridiculousness of the fake reality that is lived by. Lots of enlightened dudes were some of the most hardcore people in history.

@Tanuj You could commit suicide without 5-meo. Many people do.

@Leo Gura If I try this substance and I cannot surrender is it possible that in fear or panic I commit suicide? Do you think that would be possible on 5-Me0? Do you recommend a trip sitter and did you have one?

4 hours? That is nothing. Do you know how hard South Korean students work on a daily basis? They literally have school from 7pm until 11pm including homework generally speaking and they work 6 days/week - not 5 days like in European countries. Which explains the high suicide rate in South Korea among teenagers, but you get the point. So don't tell me you cannot even work concentrated for more than 4 hours per day? For what; because your mind "tricked" you into believing in what some authority figure told you? I think you may fear hard work and you gotta set higher standards for yourself and put things into perspective here.

nah I find it imperative that we reconcile the social nature of humanity with our goals of self-actualization. it is like the wind eroding sharp edges. the form we take is the stone. eventually the wind brings us back to dust, but throughout that journey we have form, and the wind smooths the minor edges of the form, but does not destroy the form. Our natural behavior is to be social - in some, we do discard the social for pursuit of authenticity, but for most we hold the form of social interest. the wind flows around that form without disruption, and in fact for most of our life emboldens that form by removing the flaws which disrupt it - the anxieties and addictions that make us behave poorly. Perhaps the wind shifts where our existence rests, moving our form from one position to another. Some reach the form of monastery work, but most do not. this is all natural. we individually find various ways to pursue authenticity. as a group, we find stronger methods of that pursuit. but this does not mean we should all as a species discard our natural form in order to erase it so the wind flows without disruption. if this were what should happen, we would simply mass suicide. but the wind would not care if we did that, or if we held our most jagged form. mindfulness work is nothing more than allowing the wind to smooth the ruggedness of our form. ps. perhaps the better analogy is the formation of snowflakes. the wind puts us into form by chance, and that form builds upon itself until it crashes into the ground. Desert sands would show both these anologies actually - the wind forms a dune, and shapes it throughout its life. eventually the dune becomes one with the desert again.

In hopes of inspiring people trying to discover their life purpose, I wanted to share my story. This is the story of someone who went into college for the money. He tried, under pressure, to turn his major into a passion, instead of turning his passions into a career. My situation: I'm finishing up college at a computer science major. I went into the field because I thought there'd be a lot of money in it, and that from going to school, I'd get my ass kicked into high gear and be able to get a good job. I was into PC gaming, like a lot of other CS majors, and chose the career because of that. I didn't think about being a creator, or the huge impact I could have or anything like that. From at least 5 years back, I started really getting into anime and Japanese culture. I started studying the language 2 years ago, and I started to actually see the potential of what I can do with it. I enjoy reading and writing, and I enjoy a well translated manga or visual novel. I think that in a way, translation can be a form of art. A good translation of a translated manga can literally make or break the impact of the work. In this sense, as a translator, you're interpreting the original story and conveying it to an English (or whatever 2nd language) audience. It's a tireless and meticulous career, working on translation, but I also mastering the language will be viable long-term. I worry a bit for betting it all on mastering a language, but I don't believe that prose in Asian languages can be translated into English prose by AI in my lifetime. The written language is so contextual and requires a real brain to determine what's going on in context. Mastery: Whenever Leo talks about the mastery process and coming to enjoy the work itself, it just rung so true with my casual study of Japanese over the past 2 years. I started to actually enjoy looking up individual Japanese words just for the sake of knowing them well, and for the sake of mastery. The reason is fluency, but Japanese is something that I didn't angrily dread pouring hours of frustrating and dread into. I started to enjoy the process itself, and when I have the time, I would slow down to be more thorough studying. Through the law of attraction, I started to get more interested in the culture, in cooking, I started meeting people at college who are into Japanese culture, and I started to look for mentors. All the sort of things that you're supposed to do when you enjoy something and want to master it, I was beginning to do with Japanese before I knew anything about self-actualization. Struggles, details (you can skip to the next section, but it has some specific details on my thoughts about the different career/life purpose prospects: My main difficulty now are some conflicting ideas about how to use the language to become a creator, outside of doing translation. I trust in the mastery process to eventually take care of my needs years down the road, so that I can become so skilled that I can translate, because my literal purpose for living is Japanese, but I've discovered my values and strengths, and I'm reviewing them daily. My life purpose statement I previously made was about programming, because I didn't even consider that I could turn my main hobby, the study of this language, into a career. I thought it was too impractical, and that programming was the logical, safe choice to quickly get that $40-70k job as a coder, as I let my years spent on interests just die completely, in hopes of discovering passion for programming. Some other fundamental issues I have with Japanese - it is largely escapist fantasy. For any Redpill readers here, a lot of this content is pretty much "The Ultimate Blue Pill Fantasy." But I think that by focusing on the creative aspects on the medium, and by translating material that inspires people is ultimately a good thing. Movies and TV shows are also escapist fantasies, but not everyone takes the same thing out of a movie. From Leo, I learned that you can watch a movie with the goal of being inspired from it, like with Jodorowsky's Dune. It's a bit complicated, because I got into Japanese content through escapism, but I feel like studying the language and changing the mediums I consume (more visual novels now than anime) has reduced the dopamine spiking and raised my consciousness a bit. There's plenty of depraved Japanese content that gets associated with anime, and this parallels all the addicting software and social media that's out there with programming. There's pretty much no creative medium I enjoy that doesn't have cons to it. You can even use classical music and fine art as distractions from doing work. Some interesting aspects of Japanese - I find the mediums of manga and visual novels to be especially moving. They're not the same sort of quick, instant gratification experiences that you could get in video games. You'll often a dozen hours on a single story arc before any major climax happens in a visual novel. My highest emotional peaks and peak interests were hit when I was reading visual novels. I think that by spreading this medium to the West, gamers and people who enjoy anime will learn to enjoy the calmer, slower paced aspects of entertainment, and of life itself. Some issues I have with programming and technology: The impact that technology has had on our society, lowering our attention spans, lowering people's consciousness, and all these little quick apps, I feel have actually fucked over my generation in a lot of ways, and now people are dealing with heavy procrastination with all the free dopamine everywhere. Men don't have enough positive male figures in their life, and porn and entertainment is so easily accessible that technology leads to escapism. Of course, technology is a tool and this is a huge negative generalization of it. Mark Zuckerberg might've had a positive creative vision with Facebook and creating his company, and a lot of these companies might actually have great intentions. Being connected with tons of your friends online sounds great in theory, but the anxiety, the fake posts, the instant gratification and dopamine, the distraction element, the attention span and motivation reduction, and all these other side effects are just killers for me. Rather than working with social media or making some game apps, I would want to create some meaningful software, and to spread self-actualization ideals through the software, but I spent years trying to program and never came to really enjoy the process. I'm annoyed that I was so unconscious when building up all this resistance, and didn't understand how I could ever possibly come to WANT to program. I spent every day of my life for years comparing myself to others, thinking about the money, programming under pressure, all before I grasped these self-actualization fundamentals, that made me really believe that I could catch up to and even surpass these friends of mine who are going off to work at Google. Career counselors at my college told me "Not everyone can be like him, but you can still get a good job programming." I think now that if could even make some productivity-related software, it would be really beneficial for people, and it would convey things like discipline through usage and support of my software. I also think that programming will become really chaotic, and in order to gauge the marketplace, I have to really stay plugged in. I would end up being a problem solving sort of career rather than a creative one, at least for some years until I become good enough to gain career capital and creative control. My entry into a programming career could be be too rigid for too long before I can create anything that I feel is meaningful. They say programming is just problem solving, but I don't want to be some reactive problem solver for a company. The solution to this that I came up with was working with Startup companies, and focusing on the creative aspect of programming. I'm definitely capable of becoming an excellent programmer, I believe, but with my conflicting passion with Japanese, and my low consciousness resistance towards programming that I built up from coding under pressure for my classes, it's not right. 10 years down the road, I think programming could be the better option, and I think in the near future I'll start doing it as a side hobby, so I can enjoy it and burn through my resistance. 10 years from now, it could become a new life purpose, or be combined with Japanese once I've become a master and have some economic security. There are other aspects of my life like health, fitness, and relationships that I need to work on, and having two exhausting mental hobbies, Programming and Japanese, isn't going to work out if I want to achieve those goals. My Big Fuckups: (choosing what was possible as a career) I didn't TRULY consider using my years spent on hobbies AS my career. I didn't believe I could do it. I didn't pitch the idea to my parents, even though I knew that I have a good 3-4 years of financial saving saved up. How was I going to tell them that this language I study for fun could actually become a career? Until last summer, I didn't have the confidence to speak up to my mom much at all, until I found TheRedPill and read No More Mr. Nice Guy and started building up my confidence. With learning Japanese, I sometimes guilted myself for spending too much time on it, instead of on college and my career. (NEVER GUILT YOURSELF). I went through Leo's Life Purpose Course and partially preselected Programming as the medium, though I had 3 or 4 other big ideas based on other interests and skills. I had Japanese as an idea on that list, along with writing, but I thought my parents wouldn't allow it and I don't have the financial freedom right now. There are a lot of other psychological investments I've made with Japanese that my ego won't let go of. I have friends of over 10 years that share the same interests as me. Trying to cut my ties with Japanese is equivalent to mental suicide at this point. At the end of my semester in college, I started having so much fun with people of similar interests, and I suddenly felt like "holy shit, I belong with these people." and was doing a lot of meta-analysis of the experience. I felt really overly attached to these people, because I felt like I would have to give up Japanese and sever connections with them next semester to transition into a programming regimen and career. When the semester ended, I felt extremely awful, worse than when my best friend died. I didn't even know that I could ever feel that level of emotional despair. I spent years repressing my hobbies and avoiding people with similar interests, investing into shallow one-sided friendships. At this point, I truly understood the inherent bias of having friends with similar interests - they actually care. Yes, it's a biased, neurotic, cliquey sort of caring that Leo talks about, because they value you because of your shared interests, but this leads to a real tight friendship. It's hard to find people who will be as egalitarian as you try to be, and will appreciate your interests the way you appreciate theirs. Sever attachments from people who don't love and support you, because life is too short to maintain so many shallow friendships. Investment is probably why Leo chose to combine his Sage advice with Actualized.org, rather than leave and become a sage himself, because he's become really invested in helping us, and he'd be abandoning the life purpose he adopted. On the other end of my own ego investment, I have a ton of negative ego investments against programming. I projected all my pain and anxiety towards it, by feeling like it's taking away time from my hobbies, and is creating all of my anxiety and unhappiness. I'd overeat just to be able to program more and get past the pain. I exhibited pretty much every neurotic behavior in the book to many extremes, when it came to programming. I would talk shit behind people's back because they were successful at programming and I wasn't. I thought that since these guys didn't do anything besides programming, they "didn't have a life," because they didn't have other hobbies. In reality, these programmers who enjoy their work and understand the mastery process are actually the happiest people I've ever met. Understanding the mastery process and my own potential to master anything, I feel that my biggest regret was pouring so much negative emotion into something that I actually always wanted to become good at. I felt like I wasn't talented, that it didn't come natural, or that I would lose myself and my hobbies if I dedicated all my time to programming. I realized that these beliefs are something your mind has built, especially with things you've attempted over and over again before learning about self-actualization, and so even with newfound objective information on the hours it takes to master something, and a path to doing it, it will still feel like we sometimes inherently can't do it. tldr; Basically, I see the beauty in Japanese culture, spreading it, focusing on lower dopamine mediums in Japanese, using translation and the written word as a medium, and I've got some intrinsic motivation for mastering the language. Hour for hour, the money will probably come later with Japanese for me, and I might be working slave wages until I'm truly excellent. I'd rather master Japanese and translate, starting at slave wages, than go into programming for the money like everyone wants me to. I'd rather "waste my degree" and follow my bliss, because it lights my fire. I recognize my own bias towards people who share the same interests as me and the connection I feel with those people, and my bias towards anything Japanese. I enjoy plenty of things outside of Japanese, even moreso thanks to self-actualization, and I enjoy talking with people who don't share my interests at all, thanks to mindfulness. I'm utilizing this subjective and biased reality of mine in order to master Japanese. I can't realistically do both programming and Japanese to a high degree, and Leo explained this. The mind subconsciously homes in on ways to optimize learning and retention when you have a singular purpose. It's like a heat-seaking missile, as he says. You start finding the most optimal methods, and because your purpose is so important to you, you see the longterm payoff and invest in those better methods, because of the long-term payoff for the effort in advance. Your time becomes precious. Being married to your life purpose and being disciplined to it gives you the freedom to relent to it. I have to redo part of Leo's Life Purpose Course with Japanese in mind, as I work towards mastery. My recommendations for those seeking their life purpose: Look for what you've done the most in life, something where you feel like you've gone through steps of the mastery process, and have begun to enjoy. Truly forget the money. Get a part-time job or some financial security (refer to Maslow's Hierarchy and what Leo says about supporting yourself first, and then going on to be a creator). Don't go to college until you're ABSOLUTELY sure about what you want to do, and I recommend dedicating hundreds of hours on your own into working on your skill you plan to Master before majoring in that field in college, so that you don't fall into the traps of working for the money. See what other people are doing with your productive hobbies - look at the creators on YouTube. Look at the people who teach your hobby, if it's something like that. Ideally it should be a hobby that's somewhat productive. You can even combine 2 things you enjoy, like watching movies and writing reddit replies --> into doing some sort of meta-analysis of movies as a video career or something. I think that if you've taken one of your hobbies so far that you find yourself saying "I can't live without this," you may find that you have already selected your life purpose. Tap into that, and go all in and see how much energy you can summon into working towards that hobby every day. See how confident you feel when you imagine "I can just utilize this one main hobby of mine, increase the priority to the top, and I can let the other ones go." Also, as a general thing: Watch Leo's Foundational videos on YouTube. They helped give me a clear picture of self-actualization. Also, don't fall into the trap of settling for a shitty life purpose or career simply because of having the goal of Enlightenment and enjoying the Now. The whole point of Actualized.org is to become the best that you can be, not become some enlightened guy at 7-Eleven. The Maslow's Hierarchy video was also really helpful in this regard, since I was actually debating between mediocrity + enlightenment. Also, not to sound like a shill, but the Life Purpose Course helps a lot of things click together. I think I learned to some extent like 50-70% of the theory from Leo's videos. I think a key to taking the course is to do it when you feel you're financially stable, or if you're in high school or college. The confidence you get from having a more complete picture, though, is worth the $250. You have to think of it as an investment in yourself, just like the food you eat, the house you live in, the books and video games and coffee mugs and crap you buy. Don't be afraid to invest in yourself, especially for the long-term. You only get one life. I can finally proudly share this video from Alan Watts, because I feel that I'm living it now - And if you still want to convince me how easy it is to become a programmer, I'll check some resources you send to try and do it on the side, but my life purpose is to master Japanese and become a creator with it.

Day 4 and day 5 : What kind of life would you like - A life full of distractions and comfort but no freedom(you wouldn't even know what freedom means), or a life of freedom but also a degree of discomfort, pain, and madness/psychological dysfunction(you might even commit suicide from the emotional trauma)? Huxley's society was the former. There is of course no need for spirituality. People only seek spirituality when they want to end their suffering or find a way to cope (or find meaning, which is basically the same). If you can simply consume drugs to take a journey to the moon, you don't need to take notice of the present. Things i did - 1) Started "Introduction to mathematical thinking" 2) Started reading molecular biology, started MITx 7.28.3x 3) Meditation (1 hour) per day Distractions - 1) Spent time with friend - 6 hours 2) Finished reading "Brave new world" by huxley. Great book, especially the last few pages. 3) Listening to Noam Chomsky on life, linguistics, psychic continuity, politics(is the tall man happy) Things i want to do - Online courses, revise notes, finish application statement Random trivia - The glucose transported in neurons (GLUT3) transports glucose 3 times faster than other glucose transporters. In tumours, glucose transporters suffer from something called "Warburg effect" where there is a overexpression of these transporters because there isn't enough oxygen available for the cell to produce enough ATP (it only produces 2 ATP in the absence of oxygen).

Hey there. My brother was recently diagnosed with obsessive compulsive personality disorder. He is around 27 years old and as far as I can remember he was always acting problematically. We have visited several psychiatrists with my family except him, because he does not think that he has a problem and so he blames and accuses us for making him miserable. He said once to my father "if you don't do what I want I will commit suicide". Every month or so he has anger explosions. He grabbed me and my father from the neck and once he threatened me with a knife. My mother has depression that is cause by him and my father is constantly worrying and gets angry. I am keeping him a distance. We are living in the same house by the way. And we may talk once every 3 or 4 months. His behavior is really toxic, he wants us to leave according to his expectations. He is constantly anxious and occupies himself with cleaning the house almost all day. He does not go out or have any friends. So, my question is how to deal with it, because I know deep down myself I am suffering. Thanks

Please everyone, grasp that 'Complete'/'Ultimate'/Finished Enlightenment is an imaginary goal that can never be completely reached. Yet, it's viewed as something you can fully achieve in order for you to start going for it. You can approximate it, sure. Jesus Christ, Buddah, Mohammed - these dudes are viewed as the "highest" you can get to. Truth is, even Jesus were not fully enlightened. This reflects that: Truth is enlightenment is a never-ending-path. Or it ends when you die. But physical death itself has nothing to do with enlightenment. There is always more to enlightenment than just "becoming" enlightened. With that said, it's not unthinkable that many people have had sad lives, then gotten an 'epiphany' that the whole shit including enlightenment is just one big game, and then choosed to commit suicide because they realized it doesn't matter at all. Is that enlightenment? I guess it is sort of, but for me it lacks the part of mastering human life, which I at least enjoy trying to do.

Update: no need to wait for gun license, I found a better suicide method. Charcoal briquettes. I will lock myself in an enclosed space while they burn, and the carbon monoxide gas will deprive my body of oxygen. It'll be a painless, peaceful death. I'm going to attempt this tomorrow if I'm able to. This may very well be the last post I make. Thanks Leo for all you've done. Bruzzix.

OK I'll start first with some VERY destructive childhood vows that I've created and the extreme damage it has caused me. I don't regret anything that I've done since it has really helped me progress spiritually. I've learned so much on my life journey. When I was 6 years old my dad started becoming verbally and physically abusive to me. I was in kindergarten and they discovered that I had some type of learning disability. (I suspect that it was Asperger's Syndrome, high functioning autism) My parents never actively pursued it nor was I placed in special education but it led to my dad calling me "stupid" and a "dumb ass." So I really started to believe that I was worthless and I was not good enough. <=== my childhood vow. My mom gave me a contradicting belief completely the opposite of my dad telling me that "I was practically perfect in every way" <=== another childhood vow which caused me to become a perfectionist. Which lead me to perfect everything I was doing so I would be deserving enough of love. This escalated as I grew older and I started distancing myself from my dad. I pretty much rejected him as my father and started looking else where for masculine and fatherly companionship. This led to very abusive dating relationships. My last relationship was in college where I dated my bf for four years and broke up with him because of his verbally and sexually abusive tendencies. As you can see we create patterns and we learn things from our parents. We learn how we should be treated, whether that is right or wrong. I learned that I should be treated with low self worth, and abuse. I accepted that belief because I didn't know there was anything better, nor did I know how to differentiate or to tell between someone that would be abusive or not. My ex used to tell me I was a terrible girlfriend for no apparent reason, and he used to yell and go into rages of anger. I ended up filing a 6 month restraining order and moving away just so I could be safe. He stalked me and left me long phone messages and emails begging me to come back. I haven't dated anyone since in a long term relationship. It has now been 9 years. I created a new belief/ childhood vow when I was 24 that there was no good men out there to date, and they only wanted me for sex. It's amazing how far the rabbit hole goes. I started to dig deeper into the destructive vows I've made since I watched Leo's video last week. I made a new discovery and I broke down in tears on New Years Eve. The childhood vow that I made when I was six years old even effected my lifestyle and my career choices. When I was very young I got very heavily involved in video games. The video games became a literal addiction and I used them to cope with every day life. Because I had low self worth I was often picked on and bullied at school so I would bury my sorrows into video games to keep me sane and happy. It even kept me from thinking about suicide when I was 13 years old. Final Fantasy 7 was literally my life in junior high..... After I graduated high school I decided to go to college to study video game design. I thought it would be a fun career, plus I thought it would be cool to help other people escape like I did by creating them. But deep down I also used this video game career so I could attract love and relationships. It was a very male dominated career, where I was often the only girl in my class. I wanted to feel loved, I wanted someone to like me. But it didn't work because I didn't believe that about myself. I over looked the guys that were good matches and were interested and instead attracted the abusive bf. After I graduated from art school and studied video games, unfortunately it was around the time the economy crashed in 2008. Game Companies were completely shutting down and going out of business and many were not hiring. I couldn't get a job and I looked everywhere. I couldn't even get a normal job at a grocery store! The employment opportunities was just so slim and non existent. I should have gone home to live with my parents at that point, but I was afraid to go home, and I wanted to stay as far away from my dad as possible so, I got involved in adult entertainment. I thought it would be fun to have beauty and all this attention, but it left me feeling even more empty inside and attracting even more abusive relationships. I ended up living with two room mates that took complete advantage of me financially. They were also verbally abusive. I was so stuck financially that I couldn't leave. They had me paying all of the bills in replacement for their help in getting me into adult entertainment. It was horrible. In December of 2014 I finally had a huge mental breakdown in conjunction with being drugged at the bar I was dancing at. I ended up in the hospital for over a week and finally came home to be with my parents and started my life over. I went back to school to become a hypnotist, reiki practitioner, and a life coach. My dad also passed away in October, 2016. I got to reconcile to some extent with him, but I also felt a lot of emotional freedom because of his passing. I forgave him for what he did, and I Love and miss him so very much. A friend of mine that happens to be a spiritual medium told me that my dad was Bi-polar. I also went to see my guidance counselor and she confirmed that my dad definitely showed signs of being Bi-polar so it was very possible and very likely that he was. This gave me a lot of closure because I knew it wasn't all his fault. I also thought about the way he was raised, and how my grandfather treated my dad. My grandfather was also abusive and played favorites. My dad was never good enough for him, making him also a perfectionist. My dad not knowing any better just passed on the same pattern of destruction and what he knew to me. Knowing this made me feel a lot better, and really escalated my healing and personal growth. I've started creating some new affirmations to replace these old destructive childhood vows. I really like the one that Leo talks about in one of his videos..."Not giving a shit what other people think of you". His Affirmation: I am completely independent of the good and bad opinions of others. This is great for my perfectionist attitude that I created. A new healthy vow to replace the old one. I found one for creating new loving relationships and to deal with my self worth: Love is everywhere, and I am loving, and lovable. Everyone deserves a healthy and happy relationship, no matter what they have been through. We all deserve LOVE.

I prefer being in control, even when it comes to life an death matters. If I'll get untreatable disease diagnosis and I'll still be able to move and work - I'll design a wonderful suicide machine which will end my life in a great explosion, evaporating my whole body to steam in a matter of milliseconds. Before that I'll make a series of videos, talking about things I seen and learned during a human lifetime. It won't be all gloomy, I don't see anything bad in death as long as it's painless and no crucial info being lost after you gone. And there'll be plenty of music, no way I'm going without it.

To go on vacation and have fun is Always good if you are sick, but if you read the works of Dr Hulda Clark "Cure and prevention of all Cancers" There could be a verry important and Lucky coinsidents besides the fun. In short she says all cancers start at the same organ that is the hypothalamus. Due to our food these days we get chlorogenic acid in our bodies. This goes directly to the hypothalamus and does do much harm but some cells detouch themself from the hypothalamus because of it. They will floot around in the blood vessels and will not be attacked by whitebloodcells because its not seen as a tread. Now the hypothalamus is the organ which is the commander of body Household so to say. He orders and the pituitary executes. Pituitary cells get loose because of phloridzin also comming in the blood steam. When they meet those cells will hookup. Than there must be a fluke present which is called fasciolopsis buski with four other bacteria. If they catch the 2 cells they use them to start a tumor because one of the bacteria can activated the cel of the hypothalumus and make him order to cells divide. Normaly cells will suicide if they are beyond repair. But the parisites prevent that they make him a slave he cant die and hes a hostage. Because the Buski is an anarobic fluke and needs protection from our defence systeem it creats a tumor there is practicly no blood flow. So no oxycen and no white bloodcells. Healty people have no problems cause chlorogenic acid and phloridzin will be attackt before it can do harm. Now people with lower immune power cause mainly because of the water they drink. Water out of the tap in the US contains aluminum, chlorine bleach, pcb's, 20 different heavy metals, malonic acid, benzene, isopropyl alcohol, azo dyes, asbestos, oil, grease from the pomps. These can more or less paralize the immune system. Not everywhere in US it is this bad but the futher you live from the water cleaning plant the worse it gets. Even if you dont drink the water washing yourself and wareing clothes washed in it, rubbing all day against your skin. Is damageing enough. Plus if you have a lot of stess and unhappy it all adds to it. So because she went on holliday she had a different water source and in good spirit the body is capable of healing a lot. Well this is in a nutshell what she discovered, healing 5000 cancer patients with a 99% succes. Verry interesting stuff in case you have a close one suffering from it.

I guess for me, it's like 3 states of being. Not being in a state of happiness, and getting off track with my life purpose, and stalling everything makes me feel like "Oh well, I could walk out my door and get shot and that'd be pretty ok with me. I wasn't going to do anything big, anyway." Or "I could kill myself now and it wouldn't really matter. Nothing big's going on right now." If I start to get on track and realize my potential, then I start to get more realistic about it, and think more about my own safety. I re-ground myself, and I'm more careful about going out at night. When you're on a mission, you don't want it to end abruptly. But when I'm in a state of total acceptance, you really feel like "If I were to die right now, I'd be happy." When I go for walks, I usually think much about the past or future, but I sometimes flash forward to the idea of "What if I died, or wanted to commit suicide. How would I feel about it now?" to gauge how things are for me at the moment. If I'm eager to die, it might be because I'm avoiding work I need to be doing. We have to build up my ego and attachments to accomplish big goals with life purpose, so naturally I'd think you'd want to die less. But if you pair it with acceptance, you're literally ready to face anything, even death or intense suffering. The "feeling better" that you're experiencing is probably coming from a place of acceptance. Maybe you haven't thought about death as a means to escape suffering (suicide). Until we get into a near-death experience where someone puts a gun up to our head and we're forced to react, either afraid or unphased, we might not really know how deeply prepared we are for death.

I just came from my first cold shower. I saw a YouTube video of someone doing the 31 day cold shower challenge (video below) and was convinced to adopt this habit after hearing of the benefits it has on willpower. I turned the temperature to its minimum, ignored the bullshit excuses my brain was trying to come up with, and jumped in. Oh it was a shock to my body! But I adjusted. I aimed for 3 mins. I got out after 4. I began to enjoy the shock. In the morning my mum took me shopping for clothes. I was being a complete cu**. I was tired and fucked up on vyvanse. I emptied a portion of my 70mg capsule into a glass of water. I'd estimate I took 50mg. Still too much for day to day purposes. Anyway my mum asked how many hours of driving Ive done. To which the answer is 0. I put myself into a terrible mood, thinking only about how my dad never took me driving and how a lot of people my age already have their licenses yet I don't. I obsessed over this thought and fell into a pit of self-pity. I acted like a baby the entire time we were at the mall. I got home and cried like a bitch and considered suicide. After the crying session, my brother's asked me to have a nerf gun war with them and I said no. I promptly resumed crying and thinking of ways to kill myself. I decided that anything is better than suicide, so I should stop giving a fuck about everything and then I won't feel pain anymore. It doesn't matter if I'm a cu** to other people because now I don't care, was the attitude I espoused. Latser, my brothers came into the room and I just completely let go and did and said whatever I wanted without any filters. I did some weird shit. We get called downstairs for dinner and I'm still in I don't give a fuck mode and basically being an idiot. Shaun snaps and yells at me after I be a smart-ass to mum. I wouldn't have cared but he threatened to kick me out of the house and I had no where else to go so I settled down a bit. At the dinner table I was tweaking out and still being a cu**. Mum then snapped at me and started yelling. She said I'm not acting like myself and I'm really edgy. She asked if I took drugs. I had previously kept my ADHD-PI diagnosis a secret from her, but now I spilled the beans. She basically said that the diagnosis is bullshit (which I actually agree with) and that I use it as an excuse for bad behaviour (I disagree). She ranted on and on and actually made some good points. She was especially pissed off because she thought I wasn't listening. I actually was but I was tweaking real hard. She said some pretty hurtful things to me. It was a wake-up call. One thing she said that stuck was "stop the self-pitying. Stop it. Just stop. Stop self-pitying. Stop it". I really wanted to just walk away and go self-pity more. I had a decision to make; self-pity or man up. It was really fucking hard to do in the moment but I chose the latter. In her rant, mum was complaining that I was spending all my time reading self-help books and not being with family. I decided that I should spend time with family while I'm at her house to appease her. We calmed down, and watched the A-team. Good movie by the way. Liam Neeson fucking rules. I was tired as fuck but stayed awake so it looked like I cared about family time. After the movie I did my push-ups, had the cold shower, and now I'm here writing this. It's already 1am and I'm fucking dead tired. I promise one day there'll be an entry that's actually decent to read... One day. I'm writing these mainly for me now so I just spew words onto the page as they come to my mind. I'll cater to readers soon (I doubt there are actually any). Night.