Search the Community

@zeroISinfinity Yeah but somehow, I was never able to experience what I intended to experience, Energy shots, nothingness, infinity, Kundalini. I was always offered something I didn t expect or aimed for.

I never suffered from social anxiety before my first awakenings, but after the 6 month period of regular non dual awakenings (nothingness) when I was fully back into duality, social anxiety started to come up and it got worse and worse. Probably the ego backlash. Now 5 years later an enlightened person (who can switch from duality to nonduality anytime she wants, so I guess that s close enough to enlightenment) told me that it is not social anxiety, but the "Self" perceiving all the energies from those people around and the ego tries to differentiate from them. When I stop trying to differenciate between me and them, and just focus on them the fear disappears for a moment, until my monkey mind thinks about me, me and me. Not nonduality, no mystical states, just the mind differentiating or thinking about ME. Little absurd story: I was also able to show her my light-Body and she told me which chakras were open and which ones were closed (which turned out to be true) and she made my light-Body bigger (I felt it) . Now I never tried any astral travel or something, I just had the intuition to try it, and she never did something like that "on command" either, said it was the first time that had happened to her. I would usually call that BS, but it worked. I don't know what a light body is and never astral travelled either, I just saw hers and then she tried to fix me and told me what was wrong. So now I am pretty open minded to anything. Any thoughts on those 2 things? Do you have any Idea how to explain it? Alternative explanations?

There are two possibilities, a) whatever “you” are, might continue, though where and in what way is uncertain, though, it won’t really matter to anyone else, it seems to everyone else, once you die “you” are gone, b) when you die, there is nothing, no you, no experience, no looking down on everyone else still alive, not even darkness, not even nothingness in the way that we know, essentially, from your perspective the universe will cease to be. beyond this, there can be many kinds of speculation, theories of the afterlife, etc, but nothing can possibly be confirmed.

mhhh light worker... getting a little bit nostalgic everytime i hear it - it’s a little bit like talking about harry potter... what i wanted not to use as an example as in some sense it’s already making the whole theme seem a little bit hogwashed ? but fairytale‘s aside, even if you are a „light worker“ there are still different schools and in magic we still talk about different styles of magica. being a light worker can confuse people massively about what is and is not white magic i would not say that you can devide white magic and black magic in two different schools even though you could say one side knows more about shadows and the other one about light - what might not mean that you could not say they are both devidable into shadow work and light work - i‘d say white magic would maybe more talk about ombra work and light work and then also remind that there is real shadow work. nothingness work has some black hole aspects definitely, i guess that’s the difference i would make - as we all have a tendency to magic. it’s interesting to find out about to which side our tendencies go towards.

@Raptorsin7 with regards to your question or concern about falling into a lifetime cycle of using pyschedelics to achieve insights or awakenings - do not worry....there are only a handful of key realizations or facets of awakening. And by awake i mean awake as God. The avatar does not embody them - rather there is an expansion of Consciousness in the form of the avatar. These realizations are in no particular order: 1. The direct realization that the fabric of reality is Consciousness and not made of matter. Bye bye materialist paradigm. All matter and all things are held within consciousness. Once that is realized directly via Being, it cannot be undone - you have seen reality to be a Mind. It is a dream and you have awoken from the dream. 2. That you are not the avatar - but that the avatar is an idea within consciousness...this can lead to a dark night because it can also accompany the "oh fuck" realization that you are nothingness. Everyone and everything is an idea within consciousness. The squirrel that got squashed on the road was an idea in the mind of God. 3. That you ARE Consciousness / infinity / reality / God. 4. A realization of Infinity - which is total Oneness. There is nothing outside of infinity. Infinity is everything and nothing. It is nothing and everything. And this can also lead to a dark night because it can accompany the direct "oh shit" realization that you are all alone - one giant mind imagining it all - and everything and everyone is you. 5. That you are pure Love and pure Divinity. God in its pure formless form is pure Love and Bliss, frozen and divine. Once you are conscious of these realizations directly, by the death of the avatar and thus being pure Truth directly, it cannot be undone. Further non-dual or mystical states would not be necessary for God to be awake. God has enlightened itself through your particular form. If the avatar is seeking more mystical states imo then it is purely for exploration purposes of consciousness as Infinity, not for waking up. God is exploring itself through form...which is what it is doing at all times anyway...

It doesn’t matter who you are, or how conscious and awake you are, the laws and rules of this reality apply to all humans. You can “touch” nothingness, “touch” God consciousness, have out of body experiences, travel to other dimensions and dream states, but you will always return to the laws and rules of this physical reality, period. You can delude your self all you want thinking you can escape your historical and present thoughts, beliefs, emotions, traumas, physical and mental behaviours, patterns, needs, wants, desires, diseases without doing the work. The work doesn’t mean just using psychedelics, teacher plants, meditation, and yoga. Once you have experienced and touched nothingness, the void, realized that this is all an illusional, that you are all alone, a state of pure and complete silence you will eventually realize this is just the tip of the iceberg. You are here in this physical reality not only to reach higher levels of consciousness, but also to master the 5 aspects of this physical reality which are the mental, physical, emotional, spiritual and your sexual life force energy (Chi). Being present in the now, fully conscious and awake, enlightened every nano second in this reality of time and space is almost impossible to do without mastering the 5 aspects I have mentioned above. Eckhart Tolle may have mastered the mental and emotional aspects, but he, in all likelihood, has not mastered his physical body, as an example. Osho, Eckhart Tolle, Dalai Lama, Leo, and all the countless other gurus are just as human as you and I are and they must all “master the 5 aspects of physical reality” to be free of any and all attachments and effects of this physical dream state. Anyone that tells you, or leads you to believe that they have “FULLY Embodied God consciousness” is full of shit and is delusional. Just a few thoughts and beliefs!

It's the ego doing the thinking It's the ego doing the writing It's the ego doing art It's the ego posting on instagram It's the ego doing meditation It's the ego breathing in deeply It's the ego trying to find itself It's the ego looking outwards It's the ego perceiving It's the ego looking back It's the ego going being tired But who is the ego What is the ego Where is the ego I don't know who what or where ego is But it's actions are observed By who? By what? What is this? What is this experience? What is this empty Ness? Something, someone is aware I am aware Who is aware of this body? There is only a body perceived By what I don't know There seems to only be perception Or experience, happening That is only when I focus attention on the actual experience The empty place feels more pure I can switch between both of them // link retreat // I cannot identify with this nothingness because there is nothing to identify with. Mind attaches with form.

Leo's video about addiction is just BS. what it consists of is: >70%fear of nothingness and how we will die and live with this 'nothing' for an eternity,thing that I'm sure he changed his opinion about >Meditate,either do mindfullness meditation or do nothing tehnique or idk what. He said that all addiction is based of fear of nothingness,which is BS. Addictions don't have anything to do with fear of nothingness per se. If you want to put it this way,survival is rooted in the fear,but this means that even if I fart I fart because of the fear of nothigness,because me farting is related to me surviving. >How to really get rid of a hardcore addiction? The rood of a hardcore addiction is based on you wanting X despite the negative consequences. And X can be Drugs,porn,alcohol. You have to ask yourself if you really want to live in the truth,the truth being that X is fucking up your life.It did fuck up your life and it always will,no matter if it is 5%X, 20%X or 100% X. Your past is a proof of this. You either live a lie or live a truth. Make it black and white. There cannot be a gray area. Ask yourself this everytime when you have an urge: "If it's fucking up my life why do I want it?" Stop making excuses like "dadadada........so I'll just get high". Meditation is not the foundation of sobriety,but your priorities are. Because meditation is a distraction, you're running away from your urges by meditating. I'm telling you how to get rid of urges if there is any which pops up from your subconscious mind,just ask yourself "If it ruins my life why would I want it?" and when you have an urge you make a choice,you either relapse and will regret it,or abstain and stay sober and live in the truth. You have to have a stoic mindset,Pain,anxiety,they are your friend. DO not run from the withdrawal symtoms. My point is that meditation doesn't work as a foundation because it doesn't tackle the urge per se,it's just makes a delay,but you still want X,even if you meditate or not. The bottom line is this: If you want to get rid of a hardcore addiction you have to keep this in mind: You cannot lose sight of the truth,X will always ruin your life. X is just a lie,you're denying the consequences of your problem.. You want X so bad but you want it without the consequences. SO when you have an urge ask yourself "Will I accept the truth and live a life based on the truth or I'm going to tell myself a lie and belive and live a lie?" The problem is not your mind(your subconscious which comes with urges), but it is you. As long as you desire X,you crave X,you lust for X, you won't be able to get rid of it,you'll just come up with an excuse to do it. You can run from it as much as you can,you can meditate for months,it won't change anything. Last time when I relapsed I meditated for 2 hours straight and I binged even more because the usual binge+reward binge for my meditation. What I'm telling you is simplier than you think: Ask yourself why you desire something that ruins your life. Why do you value getting high? Instead of coming up with an excuse to do X,come up with an excuse to do no-X Gabe Dawg made a video about it,kindalong but you can 2x it and it can be applied for any addiction,just replace PMO(porn masturbation orgasm) with your hardcore addiction. link: Also Porn is really a problem,I don't know why Leo dismissed it in the past. But a lot of people are getting hooked by this shit and it's hard to quit because it hijacks your mind. I'm telling you,this shit makes you very low,it makes you physically weaker and dumber.It makes you dull brothers.

Im 24 years old. My sister is having a baby today. Nothing phasing me. Being totally honest with myself, I don't have an enthusiastic bone in my body. This extends to every single aspect of my life. Booking a fantastic holiday? Nope! I don't care or get excited. New job promotion? So what! Everthing I do? Still nothing. I feel like the only thing that feels half good is pure escapism. A great video game, movie or tv show. This kills my relationships too as I feel nothing but the same old nothingness. I remain productive but I feel my productivity could sky rocket if I could just feel something. Does anyone have any thoughts or theories or advice to give my life some shine to it? Could this stuff be simple biology with little neurotransmitters in my brain? Thank you.

The symbolism of breath in yin prayer: Inhalation/expansion: the body becomes receiving, spacious, it signifies infinity, boundlessness, emptiness, nothingness Exhalation/contraction: the body becomes creative, begetting, it signifies finitude, separation, multitude In the yin prayer the subject (the person) is symbolized by the mind and the object of the prayer (God) is symbolized by the body: In the first tact (1,2) of the prayer, the focus is on expansion and contraction of the body. Here, the body signifies: (1-expansion) Nothingness/infinity/boundlessness that (2-contraction) begets/em-bodies the Living God. Then, in the second tact (3,4), the focus is on movement of the air in and out of the lungs. Here, the body signifies: (3-inhalation) the empty vessel (soul) that is being filled with God's mercy/love and (4-exhalation) is relieved of sins. The yin prayer is suited for ordinary activities. It is silent, repeated in thoughts. It symbolizes Nothing that loves everything.

In the yin version of the prayer, the progression of breaths is following: [Breathe-in]: Lord, Jesus Christ, (the great divine Nothingness, empty space, that is the pre-condition for air) [Breathe-out]: Son of God, (Nothingness begets/exhales the incarnate God, word-made-flesh, embodiment of LOGOS) [Breathe-in]: have mercy on me, (as "I/me" become the empty space, your Grace fills me) [Breathe-out]: a sinner. (the final breathe-out is a relief from sins/wounds). AM-EN

"We are angels with a Siamese twin, who is a monkey, growing out of our chest." - Terence McKenna I posted the song An Innocent Man by Billy Joel this morning in the music thread as a possible expression of Self Love, contrasted to self love which Maurice Nicoll speaks of. I didn't claim innocence this morning. Specifically, I wrote- "This song to me is a good expression of Self Love. Seeing self love at work vs. Self Love. A DESCRIPTION “I well know as a medical psychologist the awkward point where I had to say to the patient: ‘Yes—I can see you have been badly treated, never appreciated, never properly understood. You have told me all that very clearly. But do you think that it is possible that you are not quite the ideal person that you seem to imagine yourself to be, and that there may be some quite serious faults in yourself?’ Now you can all imagine the haughty look, the frozen smile, the magnificent rising from the chair—and the slamming of the door—without, of course, the fee being paid. Yes—but what has happened. . . What has been touched? What would you call it? Whatever you call it, it is this factor that prevents self-change...If he sees for himself something of this factor in him, which is so formidable and the source of so much violence, then it is not aroused antagonistically. He sees himself: he begins to accept what he would never have accepted from another. It is in this way that the Work deals with this otherwise intractable fac- tor in Man.” V. 3, pp. 1165-1166 PRIDE AND VANITY “You must study Pride and Vanity in yourselves and all their different gradations. Do you know your own forms of Vanity and how much they occupy you? Do you know where your Pride lies? Where do you feel that you love yourself, that you admire yourself? Where do you most feel that you are utterly different from other people? Where are you most conceited? What do you boast about? What are you silent about? Vanity is frequently very talkative, whereas Pride is silent. Which is the deeper wound, wounded Vanity or wounded Pride? What is it you cannot forgive? You know that if you cannot forgive it is because of some form of self-love which, ideally speaking, has to be smashed out of you.” V. 1, p. 360 SELF-LOVE “One can feel very startled when one realizes that it is always this thing called oneself that is being comforted, exalted, tittilated, soothed, flattered, satisfied, and that when it is not, it begins to whimper like a baby. And it is always this odd restless thing that is being offended, upset, negative, indignant, downcast. Cast down from what? From its centrepoint of self-love.” V. 2, p. 472 SELF-LOVE II “Ask yourself sometimes: ‘Why am I doing this?’ or ‘Why am I saying this?’ or ‘Why am I behaving in this way?’ or ‘Why am I writing this?’ Whatever imaginary robes of self-righteousness we clothe ourselves in, these questions tend to undress us again...When we have gone more deeply into self-observation and self-knowledge, we simply have to give up a lot of the manifestations of the self-love, disguised as something genuine.” V. 2, p. 476 LAUGHING AT ONESELF “Now one way to attack the self-love is through self-observation. . . . It is wonderful to catch a glimpse of your self-love and be able to laugh at it. One loses the former highly-explosive over-sensitive feeling of ‘I’ more and more. That means more balance. That means becoming softer.” V. 5, p. 1604 ENDURING DEVALUATION “It would be impossible to catch a glimpse of one’s level of Being unless one could endure it. Now the only way you can endure it is by having something else you can hold onto. If you have something else that you value and that you can hold on to and trust, you can then endure a certain amount of devaluation of yourself.” V. 2, p.509 ENDURING DEVALUATION II “When you begin to feel your own nothingness you begin to receive the help of the Work to replace that nothingness by something. So you have to go down a long way before you begin to go up.” V. 3, p. 878 From - https://inner-world-books.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/Gems_of_Wisdom.pdf Arnold Keyserling once framed it another way as the objective capacity to 'know the kind of shit one is' in reality, as opposed to lofty conceptual ideals.

Below is an essay written by a helicopter trained in poor-weather. He seems to have a lot of knowledge and experience. He integrated all the facts so far with his personal experience to create a plausible story of what may have happened. In particular, I find the end of the story very interesting. To me, there are aspects of self actualization. A brief summary: -- Shortly after takeoff, there was a thin haze and the pilot decided to fly under "Visual Flight Rules" (VFR). This means the pilot must fly under the dense fog/cloud layer. The alternative was to fly via "Instrumental Flight Rules" (IFR). This would have been the safer route, however the downside is that it takes a lot longer. The pilot must wait for controller instructions. The instructions may create much longer circuitous routes. And they have had to wait in line to proceed. Kobe Bryant's notoriety is a nonfactor for waiting times. The waits and circuitous route can add hours to a trip - it is unknown how much of a delay there would be. So, there was an early decision waying risk and reward. At the start of the trip, there was a thin layer of haze, so the risk may have seemed small and they decided to go VFR rather than deal with unknown delays with IFR. As well, if the conditions worsened (which they did), the pilot can fly very low along highways that cut through mountainous territory. -- As conditions worsened. The pilot flew very low along highways. The highways are in valleys between rising hills and mountains. So the pilot can fly low along a highway and they are safe, even if he can't see rising hills/mountains flanking the highway. -- There were two small airport spaces, they had to wait for clearance. I find it interesting that the air traffic controllers did not tell the helicopter pilot to land. I don't know air traffic control regulations and who has authority. Perhaps the air traffic controllers did not have authority to tell the pilot to land. Alternatively, the conditions around the airport were not not bad, and the helicopter later encountered a small niche of very bad conditions. -- They got within 15 miles of the destination, yet they needed to veer off the highway. The two main factors are: 1) they had to leave the underlying highway that they were using as a reference point. As long as they flew along the highway, they were safe and 2) they entered a pocket of low dense fog. The pilot likely knew that there were hills/mountains rising around him, that he could not longer see. He gained elevation, yet by doing so he lost his reference point. This is the most interesting part to me: without his visual reference point, they enter a "groundless" state. Not groundless in the sense of being in the air. Groundless in the sense of no reference point. . . They were now in a groundless Nothing. They couldn't orient/ground themselves in reality. The pilot knows hills/mountains are around yet is in groundless Nothingness. . . . A pilot may feel like they are veering left, or right. Or the pilot may feel like they are rapidly gaining altitude. This can lead to anxiety and panic, even in a trained pilot. . . The pilot veered to the left and made a rapid decent. The author speculates that the pilot panic and needed a reference point. Fearing a mountain ahead, or wanting to circle back to retreat, he may have veered left and down. . . He flew into a hill/mountainside. . . The author wrote that the pilot could have vertical descended, yet due to instrument malfunction or panic took a rapid left word decline. I don't have this type of helicopter direct experience, yet it sound eerily similar to the groundless state entered with psychedelics. And how the human responds: there can be an intense anxiety/panic with an intense desire to get out of the groundless state of nothing/not knowing - and to desperately grasp for a point of reference to give a sense of grounding in reality. http://nymag.com/intelligencer/2020/01/kobe-bryants-helicopter-likely-succumbed-to-common-danger.html

Nothingness guided me well. Or effortlessness. For me the intuitive sense of the guru's guidance is the most powerful

Intro: God almighty this trip was so beyond anything I’ve ever encountered on psychedelics… It’s like all of my prior trips have been preparing my energy systems (whatever this even means) to handle deeper and deeper experiences of what consciousness really is. This trip was beyond enlightenment and in fact had literally nothing to do with absolute truth. Instead, it felt like a hurricane of information and energy exploring various facets of what form is at an individual, collective, and existential level as well as the dynamics that are propelling evolution forward… I’m still deeply shook at how much of a mindfuck this was. During the absolute fury of the peak, a poetic line came to me “Be with the breath of opportunity unsung” which will make more sense after reading the report. There were also more minor insights regarding divine feminine stage orange attraction and seduction that I’ll discuss… Which were interesting in that I saw their connection to the greater intelligence running through humanity even though on the surface it feels unrelated to the larger themes that emerged. Overall this trip was dark but so fucking beautiful. Set: To understand what it truly means to let go and how to do it (see Leo’s video on letting go) Setting: My room, my music, and my cat Themes that emerged: - Letting Go for the Collective Consciousness of Humanity - Healing the Collective Through Life Purpose - Impermanence and True Death - Divine Intelligence - The Nature of Detachment - No PMO and the Divine Feminine - Attraction, Seduction, and Evolution Letting Go for the Collective Consciousness of Humanity: As I was contemplating what it truly means to let go, the psychedelic effects were starting to build and build. Suddenly, rather than receiving any clear insights as to what letting go was, I started having visions and I mean VISIONS about other human lives, and the tragedy that befell them. I started seeing how much suffering was never actually processed upon their deaths, how much regret has accumulated on the death beds of millions perhaps, and how much opportunity for growth and actualization was never actually manifested. I felt the magnitude of how many souls never got to be their best self, and how much sheer sadness was felt by the individuals in these circumstances. I had 3 particularly powerful visions, one was of a middle eastern holy man who was searching for God, for Allah, but who had seen through the dogma of orthodox Islam and was instead searching for God within himself, aka enlightenment. Unfortunately, he was beaten to death by fundamentalists, his journey towards enlightenment never fully actualized. I saw a girl in Syria whose life was utterly demolished by the civil war and who will never quite heal from the tragedy. I saw a man on his death bed who died alone, crying because he never told the woman he loved how much she really meant, and thus never had the life or family he so deeply desired. Interestingly, I saw these not only as visions but as myself. I was that holy man, that girl, that hospital man. Perhaps these were past lives/alternative lifetimes I’ve lived, I’m unsure. As I felt this infinite sea of regret, and lost opportunity, I started crying and crying and crying, as though my body and mind were letting go of the anguish through my tears. It was like by acknowledging and fully feeling the suffering, I was healing a collective wound in our collective psyche. It was as though the body and mind system were letting go on behalf of humanity. I know this sounds weird as fuck, but it what the experience authentically felt like. In this storm of emotion, the line came “Be with the breath of opportunity unsung.” It felt like God was speaking to me, and finally told me how to let go. You just have to be. Be with regret, be with sadness, be with suffering, be with whatever arises, and it shall pass. Healing the Collective Through Life Purpose After the line came to me, I saw how absolutely lucky I was to be where I am. I saw how utterly appreciative I am for finding my life purpose and having the life I have. Like fuck man… There is so much untapped potential in humanity, so many lost opportunities for beauty, actualization, truth realization. While I was mulling over this situation humanity has found itself in, I was struck with what felt like an insight, that by living my life purpose, by living my best life, I was healing this particular wound in humanity. I am humanity. Every human life that’s been lived has been mine. So by taking this time, this life, to truly live, to truly actualize, I am honoring my past regrets and mistakes as other souls, and other lives. And somehow, if I can just live this life to its fullest, that will help heal humanity. Whether this is true I don’t really know. I don’t really understand what this collective domain of consciousness I stumbled into is, but all I can say is my life purpose work no longer feels like it’s simply to help me live my best life, but it’s an way for humanity to actualize. My work feels even less like its for the greater good of human potential and opportunities unsung, so to speak. Impermanence and True Death Interestingly, this trip very much solidified how absurd the notion of death is. I have zero doubt anymore that I will continue living lives after this one, and that we are all on a journey of experience as God. So no there is no such thing as true death, and yet… there is. You see, there is no more Consilience after I die. Everything that constitutes my individuality will be lost to the void of nothingness. I will never, ever, EVER as God, get this lifetime back. Impermanence is final. This lifetime, all the quirks of this body, mind, and spirit will be gone upon physical death. And there was a deep existential sadness to that. As I was wrestling with this fact, I felt like my consciousness kept slipping between ego and God, and I remember reflecting from this phase of the trip that God is actually somewhat sad about its creations truly coming to an end. But somehow that it could be no other way.. I’m not really sure exactly what I was experiencing here. On one level, I could feel ego sadness, sadness that this life would end because selfishly, I love this life, I love the journey I’ve gone through so much… But it felt more than that. There felt like an existential sadness beyond the ego that acknowledged this creation’s end, and acknowledged the sadness, as though a parent hugging a child who lost their most beloved stuffed animal. Sure, it doesn’t really matter, but does matter. Death is really it man, this life will be gone. Divine Intelligence So throughout these previous three themes, it was as though consciousness kept slipping around between what felt like individual egoic consciousness, the collective consciousness of humanity, and existential divine consciousness. I become consciousness of how much intelligence is at play with the form of ego, humanity, and god. This felt very… shallow in that all I could tell was that there IS an intelligence doing something. Evolution is building towards something, presumably enlightenment, but even that I’m not really sure. Something is moving the collective energy of humans forward though into something beyond description or understanding. Humans are evolving towards some kind of divine actualization, but what this end game is really all about, I remain unsure of. I was left feeling the threads of this intelligence pulsing through my body and mind, and through the psyche of humanity… And that this suffering and movement we humans have gone through is part of this plan. Yet plan as we humans traditionally think of the word is not what I mean by the word plan… I’m unsure how to communicate this anymore. The Nature of Detachment Detachment is like a principle at play which drives letting go forward. It became so obvious, however, that if detachment leads one towards being unemotional, dry, and neutral towards life, that this was in fact a twisted form of attachment. Shutting one’s self off from care, desire, lust, and expectation is a form of attachment; one is attached to the denial of these things. True detachment is being with whatever arises, including those aforementioned feelings. As one does more consciousness work, these types of feelings will begin to fade, but even when they arise, it’s important to simply be with them, feel them fully, and let process through the body/mind on their own. No PMO and the Divine Feminine A bit of a random turn on this trip. Quitting PMO has been a pretty big focus in my life right now so I guess it makes sense that it came up. Well I was thinking the habit and what it actually represents. And I noticed something interesting about the nature of women attracting men. Women love seducing men, they love being able to be sexy, and grab the attention of men. And yet paradoxically, a woman loves it when a man doesn't actually need her and can say no to the seduction. If you succumb so easily to her seduction, this will unconsciously be seen as weak… In order to attract a woman, she wants you to be able to be extremely turned on, but have the groundedness to not need it. And I realized that porn is like a collective manifestation of the divine feminine seducing men and that by succumbing to this habit, I am essentially telling the divine feminine I NEED her. Which is not honoring the masculine energy inside. I know this is kind of a twisted thought story of an explanation, but these were the dynamics I felt. Saying no to porn is the equivalent of acknowledging the beauty of feminine but not needing her, which is the most attractive thing I can do as a man. When I feel the energy and need to cum with porn, rather than falling prey to this seductive feminine pull, saying no leverages me into masculinity, into the non-neediness that a true man possesses. The pull to jack off to porn is the creative force, the shakti, the divine feminine seducing the devil inside of me, but a true man can sit in the face of this creative energy, because he is strong to face it, to be with it without action. Perhaps this was all just a poetic, psychedelic framing for why I should quit PMO lol. I will continue to work on eliminating this habit. Attraction, Seduction, and Evolution So I realized various nuances of attraction and seduction. I saw how flirtation strategies through speaking, body language, touch, eye contact, and texting literally infiltrate the mind and get the other person to think about the other. It’s not necessarily worth getting into the specific here because quite frankly, a lot of the information I gained was entirely intuitive and I would need to spend more time processing to put it all into language. Somehow, I’ve walked away from this trip with more knowledge on to be attractive and seductive to a woman, as well as how to respond to the attractive and seductive tactics of a woman towards me. These mind games feel very SD stage orange. I saw that by participating in this game, I would be necessarily acting devilishly. And yet, this is entirely fine. As long as I am respectful and kind hearted in the end, there’s nothing really wrong with this game. Moreover, during the trip I kept seeing how these tactics of attraction were literally propelling the future of humanity forward through its evolution. It’s like I kept zooming into the nuances of attraction, and the zooming out to the long term consequences of this game through the creation of families and future children. It t’was weird. Outro: If you’ve read all of this, kudos. I’m left feeling a stronger pull to self-actualize, not for only for myself, but for the humanity that resides inside my consciousness, inside of all of us. The last thing I’ll leave you all with is a poem I wrote at about the 7 hour mark of the trip that I felt encapsulated the experience: Be with the breath of opportunity unsung I write this for those who’ve lost their lives For those that never saw their souls shine This serenade out to the divine feminine Who creatively wrought out our end in sin But through this end, and through this death We see through her eyes consciousness yet Yet here I am, a single witness to this all This sea of infinity This breath completely unsung

God/Oneness/Consciousness/Nothingness/Infinity is Love God is creation itself. God is selflessness itself. God is Love. No, ego is the prism which polarizes God's Infinite Absolute Love into limited, finite, material love. Absolute Love is like pure white light. Once that Love materializes into some formed thing, or through some finite creature, that Love is made finite and selfish. It is exactly like shining pure white light through a prism which polarizes it into many lesser discrete colors. The love shining through all humans is like the color blue or red or yellow. But God's Absolute Love is white, containing all the above, being the Source. So when God's Love shines through a dirty prism like Hitler or Trump -- that's what love looks like in its finite form. When God's Love shines through a pure lens, it looks like that of Jesus or Buddha. Ego is the lens/prism. When you realize that ego isn't real, its like removing all prisms from the path of the light, allowing it to shine white. The clearest telescope is one which has no lens at all. The clearest lens is Nothingness! When your lens is Nothingness, you are Truth, you are Love, you are God. You stop looking at things, you BECOME the things you used to look at. Yes, God's Creation is completely selfless. Since all selves are imaginary.

Find the one who is asking the question (you) and watch him until you realise that he who is seen cannot be the seer, and that what is being watched, is not you. And allow yourself to drift into the ocean of silent nothingness (only when it feels natural) Intuition is so fucken important

I am here until all of humanity awakens, then my mission is complete and i return back to nothingness.

So yesterday I had my first 5 meo dmt experience. And boi it was intense. My first thought when the effects started was "what have I gotten myself into", then really fast everything turned into infinite perfection and nothingness. When I came back I found myself looking in the mirror telling myself how much I love everything. And earlier that day I also had my first awakening expereince from meditation that was deeper than my previous experiences with regular dmt. And two weeks earlier I also had a dmt experience where I got the insight that I should try 5 meo dmt. And now I know why I had that insight. Seems like it all hangs together XD.

I initially just intended to do this trip for fun before I put aside enlightenment to totally set my mind for financial independence. But ironically this trip spoke for itself. I'm not bragging but this final trip of mine could possibly (to some degree) be compared to Leo's ego collapse trip. I tripped on this substance for 7 times before but never expected it to be this fucking scary and so powerful that it made me create room for changes for my normal daily life Preparations and Settings: I did not eat anything for the whole day. I did the trip at night to not be disturbed at all. After taking the substance which is unique ( I had to put in real effort to persuade my uncle doctor (- not real uncle but I love him like an uncle) to provide me this substance on one condition: I would not overdose on it. Unlike other psychedelics which take at least 30 minutes to take effect this one takes less than 5 minutes to give me the trip. The amazing thing about this substance is with enough mind training you can keep your ego's self when tripping if you want and the trip's quality is not hurt. You can even choose to pause the trip at any stages of the trip. My theory is with enough training I can choose to keep the substance in my body forever. But I'm not that damn good yet. It leaked out anyway@@ First 3 hours of the trip: I became conscious of my own psyche plus shadow side plus the MIND so thoroughly to the extent I could read myself and I DID. I read myself to every minute detail. Every detail of my character was exposed. Not a single minute detail escaped the substance's power. All sexual cravings I suppressed were taken out. Had it not been for the mind training I did with this substance before I would have masturbated. Stage 2 is when a real monster comes. I willingly surrender myself psyche and and my MIND completely. I don't know where they went to. I just knew I could surrender them. The moment my MIND was taken away my body felt it, very clearly. Almost felt like I was thrown from outer space to my bed Less than a minute the MIND was taken away, I felt like I was my father!!! Not totally but my right hand felt to me exactly like his hand. I guess after the MIND was got rid of all left in me was genetics. Yet this was not the scariest part My body parts started to vibrate and talk to each other@@@!!. Some parts wanted to be dissolved into nothingness like the mind some did not. But I lost the control. My body kept shaking inside out and finally a scary silent mode occured. I got informed by some mysterious source that If I continued this way my entire body would be dissolved. Luckily my MIND was not totally killed. I finally managed to send the stop order to the whole body system. My sexual cravings have been increased too much by the trip, to the extent I quite regret taking this trip. I live in Vietnam where the cheapest price to have an intimate bodily relationship with a pretty massage girl is at least 30u for 1 hour!

@DreamScape If I focus on it, it makes the sensation stronger and very slowly move up, I can probably force it up with some breathing technique, but focusing on it might do the trick. Lets meditate for a few hours then. Since I have meditated on infinity, ALL my fears went away the next day because I realised the fear was rooted in the nothingness, I wonder what the Kundalini will do to me if it is actually going to happen. I am so curious...

A few other good ways to look at all of this: If you realized you are the Creator of all that Is, all that was and all that will be (even if both of these things can only be what Is), how would the chimp mind respond to it? How would it look at itself and the world if it new that it was the origin of all of it and that it deemed all of it Perfection? Now add the realizations that you are Infinte and that you are all of it. You are all the rapists, you are Hitlers. And not only that, you have commanded for there to be Infinite rapists and Hitlers. Now add to that the realizations that all of you will return to the Source, that all that Is is necessarily impermanent. That all Creatures that exist will return to the Infinite Source of Nothingness. What would that do to the chimp mind? What would it do to the ant mind? What would it do to the lions mind? What would it do to the dolphines mind? Additionally you will realize the dharmic nature of reality. That all that Is has it's place and that it is placed perfectly. That there is no an inch of misplacement in all of Infinite existence. This is Dharma. It means that all Creatures, all Things and all Non-Things serve their Purpose perfectly. The lions purpose is to eat the gazelle. The gazelles purpose is to suffer as it is eaten. That all of them are playing their role perfectly. That the carnist is seeking to remain carnist. The vegan is seeking to abolish animal exploitation. All of them are playing their part perfectly. If it is your purpose to look at yourself and your authentic expression, you will realize you are one or the other and either way you will be playing your role. You will be the Leo justifying selfishness or you will be the vegan criticizing him. It all is perfect and it all has it's play. Evolution will take care of the rest, by itself. We are not seperate from Evolution, we are the process of Evolution. This is inescapable, although similar to Psychological Self-Acceptance there is Psychological Dharma. Psychological Dharma will lead to Sukha, which is one of the ways Reality manifests it's Will. It manifests it by Suffering, and you shall suffer if you do not follow your Dharma, even if it is not possible to not follow it. Psychological Dharma, much like Psychological Self-Acceptance, can be the case or not be the case. It's like you will follow the laws of gravity no matter what, however you can jump. Just expect gravity to pull you back if you resist it. Psychological Dharma is a problem for humans not so much for animals. Animals in the wild are usually in perfect accordance with their Dharma. A bird will not contemplate why it needs to make new babies and raise them. An owl will not contemplate the morality of it's action. Both of them follow their Dharma perfectly, their place in the world. Enlightenment is strange in that it hijacks this psychological dharmic system as the insight leads to a realization of Absolute Dharma, meaning that as I have described all Things in the universe serve and cannot help avoiding to serve their purpose. This can in the chimp mind lead to a great motivation to fullfill ones Psychological Dharma, but it can also lead to a great indifference due to the realization that there is no such thing as more or less dharma. This will be determined by the form of the mind. There is no reason for why we should prepare our psychology before enlightenment or why we should seek enlightenment in the first place. A reason is not necessary, for it is the case anyways. This is the difference between a dharmic understanding and a moral understanding of the world. From a perspective of morality we must justify everything in some way, a dharmic understanding will realize that the existence of it is it's justification. Why expoit animals? Because it is so. Why criticise the exploitation of animals? Because it is so. Not who is right, nor who is wrong. Simply evolution taking place. Reality will conspire to aid you not if you follow some rules of morality, but rather if you follow your dharma. It's interesting because talking and realizing Dharma leads to an alteration of Dharma. It seems to generate a very transrational dynamic, like the Observer vs the Observed. Some people for example will use dharmic concepts to justify their actions. So they will use dharmic concepts and translate them into morality. That itself is in a way dysfunctional, but at the same time it is perfectly functional because it is the dharma of dharma to make people translate it into morality and create religious systems out of it. It's very difficult to put it into linear and casual terms.

@Dylan Page Yes, the ground is Nothingness/Consciousness. The home base is YOU! But it's empty. There's nothing there. There is no better grounding than Absolute Truth.

Earlier this month I had my second mystical experience. I was watching Leo's guided Neti Neti meditation, and right when he says "you are this infinite nothing", I became this nothingness and realized that the self is an illusion. Although I was nothing, I was everywhere. This was very shocking to me, so it only lasted a few seconds, but in these few seconds I was bombarded with insights, understandings like "ooooooh so this is what teachers meant by nothing and everything; this is why it's incommunicable". But like in the 3rd Ox-Herding picture, I'm not sure if what I had was an enlightenment experience. Although I was this infinite nothing, I didn't identify with all of experience, but simply knew I was the observer and creator of experience. My thoughts are that I experienced a separation between experience and pure consciousness, but I'm not sure if this can be called an enlightenment experience or if it's just an ego death. Is an enlightenment experience and ego death the same thing? Did I see the ox? Did I not? I'm asking myself these questions and would like to hear some opinions that could aid my understanding.

Hello guys. A few years ago I had a panic attack from weed because of the experience of infinity/nothingness. Afterwards I was in the Dark Night of the Soul for about 6 months where I had an ego-death experience every evening. It felt like dying and having your soul ripped out of your Body, there is nothing I could do about it. The Ego backlash afterwards lasted for very long... Now I m able to focus on infinite consciousness (That's what I think it is) while meditating, and I m afraid of it, I fear it, I fear infinity and this night it came up again and it felt like I was in fucking hell. I tried to focus on it, but it was so painful, I had to distract myself after 20 seconds. Most of the time during meditation it just feels really strange, but not necessarily bad. However last night it was so painful my face started burning. Will I have to go through this Dark night again, and how should I continue? Definitely not psychedelics, that would put me through an infinite nightmare. Is this formless thing really what I think it is, or am I just crazy and deluding myself into twisting my mind to hell? Is it normal, that it literally feels like a timeless torture of the soul? Should I take a break or continue going through this torture until it rips my ego apart for good? This shit is truly disturbing, If I have to deal with this every night, I will go crazy before becoming enlightened...