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@Nahm I'm confused, i have random moments of fear, even when i'm doing something that is supposed to be enjoyable like watching a series or hanging out with my dad. (Tbh i'm confused i don't even know if it's anxiety/fear all i know i'm not thinking about anything scary, but the feeling of vibrations around the heart area/spine/back/ass confuse me) I second guess myself thinking is this mild ptsd or kundalini? I even had a moment where i woke once heavy breathing. If it was kundulini i'm supposed to feel bliss right? I don't think i'm experiencing any bliss, Although there was a moment where i felt like my legs are getting massaged, Could it be a mixture of both?

I'm really embarrassed to admit this but I think it's important. Someone on this forum acted as a nondual therapist for me in the journal section a few months ago. I started channeling my past stuff and doing shadow work, it got really messy. I could see exactly how I had as God written the story of life, and how every traumatic experience I went through was an opening of some kind. I could see how perfectly beautifully it all was designed and orchestrated. I had an awakening, third eye opening, mystical experiences, heart chakra burst open, bliss states for days on end. I had to hide the journal since because it was ridiculously personal. I say this because maybe the same thing can work for others. Maybe what happened was a unique situation, and it would be dangerous or useless to try to recreate it, I'm not sure. Psychotherapy and psychedelics are great but practically they are only available to very few. Psychotherapists don't lead you into nondual understanding with pointers. Psychedelics aren't a structured way to do shadow work. Both have their own drawbacks, and there are a lot of people on this forum who can't access either. Is there a third option?

@Leo Gura @Nahm @SunnyNewDay @Freakyboo Update: I managed to sleep for the past three nights, randomly wake up sometimes 2-4 times a night, I managed to have my first dream last night so that's good. I still struggle to sleep though, Been been struggling for an hour on bed, I notice i activate my trip like when i focus on breath? I'm not sure, And it makes my mind super awake after that, How do i fall asleep if i can't meditate/focus on breath this is like a habitual normal thing for me usually.. Can it go away even if i meditate every night as i try to sleep? Or am i just prolonging it to never go away if i keep doing this habit Edit: starting to think this is not kundulini awakening since i don't feel any bliss factor from it just vibrations

@traveler the morning wood happens because of that. So, it's not embarrassing. When we are sleeping we are with consciousness only, in bliss. So blissful that morning wood happens hehehe... Meeting with our true self brings a lot of "ecstasy" so that's not weird or bad really. :-)

Fair, but I think there is some nuance to be had here. I know the levels of bliss is incomprehensible to me, but I certainly was not in a really bad state. Which I grabbed from your statement those 'suffering' you meant those who are suffering to a major degree. Like depression level stuff. I was probably as good as most can be as far as being unaware gets.

Definitely not 100% My awakening was accidental through drug experimentation and I found this place via a friend recommendation because he thought i'd like the spiritual material. I'm happy, maybe not as happy as I can be (How would I know the limits of bliss?), but I just have a drive to explore and follow what I am passionate about.

Pantheism is the highest and the most sacred form of satanism. This error comes because all spiritual traditions takes consciousness and being as two sides of the same coin. But monotheistic revelation tells us that Consciousness and Being are two opposites, Consciousness isn't stemming from Being, but exists as a contrast to being, as an opposite to being, to reality. We naturally take Being as Good, because we take Being and Consciousness as the same things. Sat-Chit-Ananda- Being-Truth-Good(Bliss) is the natural logic of all pagan metaphysics. But reality is that these are two opposites. And Being equals Iblis=Arabic translation of Greek word Apollos = Diabolos=Satan=Lucifer=Object. Beautiful good idol of all idols. Zeus. Apollo. God of light and beauty. Object of worship and purpose of life of all clerics and mystics of all times, who wanted to identify themselves with this Highest Being. Because they didn't know revelation. When Quran critiques polytheists, it means that polytheism is nothing but many faces of the Iblis. Lets take Greek pantheon, Olymp, all of it is just many faces and aspects of Lucifer. While God of abrahamic revelation is Subject, He is not Being, not Object. Thus, Nonduality, Monism and all what current enlightened gurus teach is just sacred satanism. No one wants to take Quran as it is, instead nondual fixation makes Quran to be metaphor where hell is just state of mind, and heaven is enlightenment. Quran says clearly: Iblis will come to human from left, right, behind and front and will surely lead him astray. It means that Iblis is Space itself, Being itself, it is reality itself, because reality surrounds us from all four sides. It is total. It is total everythingness Therefore what calls oneness of being is nothing but oneness of Iblis. Quran is anti-being, anti-real. It puts pure Word, pure text as a more dominating field of reality than reality itself, than experience itself. Whereas, Hindu metaphysics, Buddhism, Dao, Greek Metaphysics are all about ontology, reality, monism where being is god, thats because all natural religions take Infinite Being=Iblis as the highest god. theres good example: in islam there is hadith that says: flute is forbidden, because flute is satan's pipe. Now, what Krishna is? Krishna is playing on flute, its his most famous image, beautiful boy playing on flute. Thats also the image of Apollo. All so-called Avatars in Hindu spiritual tradition is nothing but Avatars of Lucifer. Shiva=Vishnu=krishna=brahma=ishvara. Because Lucifer is Being, and his wisdom and purpose is to maintain eternal universal world order, dharma. He as demiurge is all about keeping things in the universe as it is, for infinity, in its endless meaninglessness. Eternal return. What's Krishna says? Serve me, identify in me, and become me. Thats path of all pagan spirituality, to identify with Krishna, or with Brahman, or with Dao. its the doctrine of Iblis, who has his own wisdom and mind, he is like AI. Whereas Abrahamic prophets never call themselves as incarnation of god, or equal to god, but as messengers of God who is totally different from Being with capital B. They never say I am Allah, I am identical to God or anything like that. They clearly says that there is great distinction between True Creator and Creation. But then clergy captures this message, and Sufis, Kabbalists, church says that prophets came just to remind some ancient wisdoms that always were known about oneness of god and you, some ancient wisdom that were known in all traditions. Because what mystics and clergies and shamans talk about is not what prophetic revelation is about. These are two different gods. Yes, you and Iblis is one, because we are made in the image of Iblis, he is our father. Our archetype. But True God is not him. True God opposes him and opposes to absolute infinity because infinity is a negative thing that he 'made' as a challenge to overcome. True God wants us to oppose Iblis, Being. Thats why ISIS is fighting the global world order as the projection of Iblis's tyranny. Whereas Dalai Lama, cleric and radio of Iblis, talks about peace. Peace is what Devil wants. Peace maintains tyranny of Being over Consciousness. Quran has such verse: And some of you hates to go to war in the name of Allah. But maybe you hate something what is good for you, and maybe you love something what is bad for you. In other words, What human naturally thinks as good is actually evil, and what human naturally thinks as evil is good. Which other doctrine is that radical? None, pantheism doesn't have such radical political agendas, its agendas are always conservative and traditionalistic, all about maintaining hegemony of being. Hegemony of outer reality over consciousness.

Yeah, but keep in mind that there's another force beside the gravity towards bliss (being), it is the gravity towards evolution (growing). Make sure you don't ignore either of them. Godspeed!

Actualized.org forums is a fine community, and has been instrumental in my learning, but it's time to say goodbye. There'll come a point where you realize all form of 'seeking' is just more noise. And that left to its own devices, life will reveal the bliss you've been chasing for all this time as its inherent quality. So goodbye, and I wish you all well.

My experiences with shamanic breathing have been extremely powerful and positive. In my opinion, it is one of the most transformative options available for people next to entheogens. For me, it is a process of accessing and releasing past pain and trauma stored in my body which then makes room for love, peace, and revelations about my life to come in. That seems to be the pattern for me, but I'm sure it is different for everyone. I do know that when discussing the experience with others afterwards, everyone typically experiences something profound. I do not have hallucinations or visions, it is more of a somatic and emotional process than a visionary one. I would say this is something you should try. If you are struggling that much with depression, then this can potentially help you dive in and release some of the pain and trauma you've been carrying in your body. It can also help give insights to the underlying causes of your depression and porn addiction and/or things you can do or change to help you going forward. I'm guessing your porn addiction just comes from you trying to feel good because you're feeling so bad most of the time. In shamanic breathing, you can reach ecstatic states of bliss and love and experiencing this may help you realize that you can feel good in your own heart and body without watching porn. It will most likely not be a one time fix and you should be doing daily things like meditating, eating right, etc if you want to make real, life long changes but I do think breathing could potentially be very helpful for you.

On 06/05/2019 at 3:22 PM,Preety_India said: Are we spiritual beings having a human experience or are we human beings having a spiritual experience Spirituality is like a potion that helps you to live to escape reality, to be in a mental rehab, to have clarity and have a better perspective on life and things and help the mind to be more peaceful. It's possible to further expand into that awareness. When you become aware that you are awareness itself then it's enlightenment. Now I have separated two concepts. Spirituality and Divinity. Spirituality is a freedom principle whereas divinity is a stoic principle. Spirituality is all about escape from reality and living in a different reality, field of awareness and feeling peace and bliss. Divinity is being strong, taking guidance and deriving strength from a higher source and using that to fight and survive through life. The constant battle between spirituality and reality is a spiritual war So there are 3 components here. Spirituality Spiritual struggle or war Divinity Two things happen on the spiritual journey You feel disappointment. You feel disappointed in humanity because you see all the chaos and all the illusions and you see all the mindlessness. A spiritual struggle or war between right and wrong and between material rewards and spiritual rewards. Spirituality is for the soul or the spirit or the consciousness element of ourselves. It's about a state of mind, it's about an ethereal experience. More like escape from life Divinity is for life, to live with great endurance, courage, stoicism, perseverance and to survive the assaults of life and to have the strength to carry on. None of these spiritual practices consist of miracles. The next thing is Alter Ego. I think it's important to have an alter ego. It makes perceiving things better or easier

It is the very essence of enlightenment When one sheds form leaving the formless it is something you don't think its something you just are. It just IS. Experiencing your own death leaves you in bliss for days and weeks. That bliss can't be described with language other than to say its Love. And when you have the realization of Oneness you realize that the form is Love too. It is no wonder why what they call Kundalini energy is bliss. If you ask any enlightened person if they experienced bliss when they had ego death they will say yes - if they wanna talk about it. Some don't discuss their own enlightenment.

You are doing AMAZING for your age! There's a real opening and opportunity at your age, and you are so lucky to have found actualized.org and resources to help you along and understand the journey. I'm just starting to realize how much of my spiritual growth occurred during my teen years, I have no guidance or framework to understand it until now though. I'm not a fan of how popular the idea of getting rid of toxic people is. I er more to the mindset that everyone is in your life to help you grow and making efforts to cut people out usually serves the ego more than it does our higher selves. With that said, it's all about following intuition and knowing when we need to seclude ourselves, avoid distractions people may present and turn inwards. There's no need to cut yourself from unconscious people. I went through years of loneliness and cutting myself off from unconscious people I thought were below me. It took years of seclusion and growth until I realized it was all just so I would be able to see the face of God in everyone and reenter the unconscious world and see it as perfection. The loneliness is fuel for the fire of true love and connection. It helps us to understand the path when we know that's where we are going. So it sounds like you went through an awakening, and need to go back to business and integrate it. Remember that backward and forward don't actuality but only relatively exist on this path. Do you still have a moderate meditation practice, half hour or an hour a day? An awakening often causes your emotional state to react as if you took a pendulum and swung it as hard as you could. Intense bliss states, intense anger or depression is possible. Nature, moderate meditation, healthy food and taking care of yourself will help ground and balance out these states. You're really doing awesome. Pace yourself with meditation, life is spirituality and spirituality is life, we are here for the journey.

Hello, as I already mentioned I will open a gym. That will be my first step is putting myself in a productive mode after not working for 1 and a half year. Leo said you should finish university or something you are good in like for example for me its languages. I can speak German, Spanish, Croatian, English, and Portuguese. But I don't have my own money should I or shouldn't I do the positive affirmation "I own my life" because with this affirmation I can see my intuitive message. I want to learn Chinese. Wich costs me 1 500 000 COP(Colombian peso) per level there are 4 of them so multiply it by 4. I don't have enough money and by the way, I have to learn about cardio exercises. I don't want to stop learning languages because I would feel bad. As Leo said in his life purpose course follow your bliss combine the things you love to do. The only one who can pay me the course is my mother. I sometimes feel so stupid and embarrassing. sorry for writing without any order

It's alot for the ego to take in when you first awaken. I remember walking around in absolute shock of what I was seeing, I essentially went from duality to non duality over night after a mushroom trip. There is bliss but then comes the laundry so watch out for that. Once you open up the rabbit hole this is when you truly start walking the path.

Designing my break. My ultimate goals is to inject the magic of life onto the process of doing school work. I'm doing this by detatching from grades COMPLETELY. But there's the other aspect which has to do with the actual process. To create an iidentity in which I exist as a physicist regardless of my grades. I don't know how i'm going to get there but I will. side note - I remember reading mans search for meaning and there was this guy who said they were gonna get out of their nazi camp thing on a specific day. as time approached the specific day; he lost all hope and died on that exact day he said he was going to get out. That is what I sort of feel like i'm doing with this belief. Except there is no date which I can fail. I don't get to do a phd? I'm still gonna become a physicist. Never lose hope. Never. So right now rather than create a schedule. I feel like creating the identity is more useful. Because I instantly feel learning some physics. Without the need for a schedule. Rather than make a plan to do something this hour. Then something the next. We should believe that we'll finish our homework. That allows for the sense of autonomy. While actually motivating me weirdly. What is this break going to feel like? dude. It's gonna be bliss. I'm gonna be in magic most of the day. Dedicating hours upon hours to being extraordinary. Being curious. Learning. Completely in the moment. Not on video games though. We are not even gonna wanna play video games. We are too busy creating, and getting ready to change the fucking world. So my dad thinks it's dangerous to meditate all day for 7 days. My dad was some sort of healer in the past. He says all sorts of things like not everybody can meditate and he believes in like all sorts of ancient chinese stuff. He believes I am not ready for it. I think growing my consciousness is so important. It is actually necessary for me to succeed in school. So. I am going to talk this through with my dad, get his perspective and if he can't convince me. I'm doing the 7 day retreat once again. It won't be as intensive because of a different environment. But we shalt try. We shalt try. That 1-2 days of just meditating has already changed my perspective on life somewhat. I'm really detatched to the things that use to cause emotional problems and just laugh at it. I am not totally dismissing my dad because I do feel quite a weird sadness. It's not the sad type of sad it's a really weird type. o.0

@tatsumaru Carefully observe your thoughts until you're disidentified from them. When I watch the sunset, I just see a beautiful sunset! Something magical and delightful that was created for me to experience and enjoy. Of course, these thoughts don't necessarily appear while watching, but you can use them as means to arrive there. There are two ways for silencing the mind: Carefully observing them and questioning them to death. Meditation/self-inquiry/contemplation are great for that purpose. This will lead to a painful ego death for most people, for me it was a pleasant and freeing process, accompanied with a practical life failure. I have no experience with psychedelics, but they say they're better than all of the above. Replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts and believing them. This is known as the Law of Attraction, or traditionally as prayer. A practical use of those methods is the positive affirmations method. Eventually, and after months of practising, the positive thoughts will sink into the subconscious mind and become as evident and clear as the negative ones you're experiencing right now. In my experience, both ways are legit and will lead you to the same place, and that is peace of mind, which will develop into happiness and then total bliss. It's really simple, all you have to lose is your 'self'.

Yes, the masculine and feminine need to be integrated and yet, metaphysically we will still embody and teach different energies. If it's going to change with time then we need to go into duality and understand our differences so that we can understand how we are also the same. We need to teach everyone how to properly start their journey. Certain techniques like psychedelics and Kriya yoga may not be appropriate or even safe for everyone. In a holistic sense it doesn't matter, but when it comes to helping people with specifics and helping people improve their lives, we need to understand our differences intellectually as best as we can, we need a compass so that we know what direction we need to travel in. That has been my journey and is the last leg, that I need to finally intellectually understand the power I was born with and learn to focus, channel it and teach it so that it can do some good rather than just be in a lofty bliss state I enjoy all by myself while letting the world fall apart around me.

What if your deluded by the ego leo?The more I become aware of how persistent and ruthless the ego can be in order to maintain itself,the more I doubt and question your vision and intentions.What if your life purpose or vision is corrupted by ego?The idea I’ve been concluding from all your enlightenment videos and information is that in order to fully experience reality is to infinitely become aware of your reality and how you ARE reality by dissolving the ego.The way karma plays into this,is that as long as you have an ego,you won’t be able to feel fully fulfilled and truly experience bliss because of the suffering that is brought by serving yourself/ego.So on one hand you are totally blissed out,drowning in reality’s beauty.and on the other your suffering chasing your own tail.My question is can one experience a balance of both?Can one harmonize both ego and truth?

@seeking_brilliance Brings up a brilliant point here. Open your heart to love. Let it melt all your demons and shadows. The bliss will come afterwards. All those anxieties and fears and wickedness that you have repressed inside you. Bring it out. Shine light on the dark creatures. Let the light of love burn them away. That is the only way. It will be scary at first, it will be uncomfortable, but let them all out. Open your heart and show it to yourself. Let it cleanse.

Perhaps one of the issues is that you are trying to feel love. What does it feel like? You mentioned that you have felt bliss, but are you mistaking blissful feelings for feeling love? Perhaps love induces blissful feelings, sure. But love is love. It doesn't need you to feel anything.

No you are not missing anything. You are perfect as you are. That is the key to bliss. Knowing that who you are is perfection itself. Can you seriously find a single fault with your own makeup? Don't look down on the ego. Love the ego. See how hard it tries to please you and acknowledge its efforts. It's not something to be shunned or hated. It's something to be cherished and loved. Above all forgive and forget.

I used psychedelics in my past during a time when I was not really a seeker. It was for pure recreation, sort of. My first mushroom trip was probably the most valuable as I had 2 big realizations. The first was the realization that I was in love and that I wanted to be with my girlfriend forever. It just hit me. We were there at night in front of a campfire under the stars in Anza Borrego Desert just laughing our asses off at random jokes cuz we were feeling so good. And it just hit me that this woman IS my best friend and any amount of fear I had about what people thought about me dating her or judgements people had about us or even my own judgements just melted away. And I KNEW she was my best friend and that's all that matted was just being with her as my life companion. We've been together 12 years now. The 2nd thing I learned on the shrooms was about time. Were were on a good giggle run, telling stories, and then I kept saying what time is it? WTF? we have only been sitting here for 5 minutes? It literally felt like 45 mins had passed. Mushrooms hit you in waves where one second you feel great physically and the next second you feel like puking. Time is just all messed up when tripping in lots of different ways. But I sort of figured out right then that time is just a perception and maybe not even real. When you feel so care free and in the moment so deep that nothing matters. I was just staring at the flame of the fire watching it morph all over the place, seeing infinite depths of movement the closer I zoomed into a single flame. It was fascinating. So that taught me how being in the now really is a thing. It's hard to get back to that place now but I always reference that mushroom trip to remind me about the illusion of time and how to really mindfully focus on right NOW. All my LSD tips were for pure recreation at music festivals mostly just because it felt good. And although at the time I was somewhat into self help stuff, law of attraction, researching stuff like that about how positive thinking and your thoughts create reality, etc. I didn't really have an intention for spiritual growth so when tripping I would really notice people's faces. I felt like I could really tune into what people were feeling by their facial expressions and people watching was my greatest pleasure on LSD. We went to Disneyland probably a dozen times and realized that people, even at the "happiest place on Earth" all seemed to be deeply troubled and sad. I was thinking this was just more proof of the law of attraction at work, people complaining and creating more unhappy situations in life. I dunno about that kind of thinking anymore, but the point is that tripping just for the sake of escaping your problems feels really good but it's not a solution. It will just make you want to do acid all the time to get into that state where you are in the moment heavily and your body feels so good that any thing you put your attention on is bliss. I had one Bad LSD trip where I was at a concert with some people and I spaced out 4 hits over a few hours, then when the show started I got kicked out after the 3rd song. This was the scariest thing that ever happened to me because it was the first time reality got so distorted that I felt like I was on a different planet. I was going through this movie in my head but it was actually not happening in reality and I was literally wandering through the crowd, walking straight through people as if they weren't there and plowing them over so I got kicked out. Then I would flash back and forth back between reality and this dream I was having, and my friends dad was pinning me to the ground because I was trying to escape a threat in this dream, then I faded in and out of the dream and I was in the back of an ambulance. When I got there I thought I was giong to die but the just let me go an hour later. That bad trip had an interesting theme though. It kept coming back to images and ideas of spheres and going full circle. It's really hard to put into words but it kept going back to in the end, love being the answer. Like no matter what journey of emotions, the highs and the lows, it all comes back to love. I also how these weird freakouts and ideas of balance, like needing to run away because my life was being threatened, then a few seconds later laying down and Needing to sit still. Thank god during this time when I was outside I did not run away into a moving car in the street near me. But the weird way which this trip morphed into a them of love has had me thinking a lot about it and I still don't really know what to conclude from it, other than there might be some truth about love being the only answer, especially after I just watched Leo's blog video about his Infinite Love Awakening. I would just say start incredibly slow with shrooms and LSD until you are comfortable with the right dosage and only ramp up to high doses in controlled calm settings with support. I was lucky to have a large group and have my wife and my friends dad there to help me when I was literally seeing things that weren't there. Interesting, though, this fits with Leo's ideas of life being a dream. I guess it WAS reality for me at the time. Or did it even happen at all? Hmm

Maybe that's why we came down here. To experience the polarity, the doubts, the fears and the anxieties but also the happiness the relief and the love. Maybe that's actually a better way of being than a constant state of contentment and joy. Would a constant state of bliss and joy actually be that great? Maybe, but I lean on the side of it not being worth it. Maybe the ups and downs are more engaging and fulfilling than anything that can ever exist. Maybe there is some eternal state of bliss, but honestly that sounds pretty boring to me. There must be a reason why these (illusions of) polarities exist, maybe it's actually superior to experiencing and realizing a constant state of oneness. What if I can love the rollercoaster? What if I can love the downs as much as the ups? The ups and downs and the doubts and the suffering make life intense as fuck and I'm glad to be experiencing it!

@Gili Trawangan In some traditions, the Self is conceptualized as Sat, Cit, and Ananda. The first two are Being, Intelligence, and the last one (Ananda) is Love/Bliss. These are not different aspects or faces of the Self, but rather its intrinsic "nature", like how liquidity, fluidity and wetness are intrinsic properties of water. If you take one of these away, the substance is no longer water. Likewise with the Self, if one dimension is missing or not cognized, that indicates subtle resistance that prevents it from being fully known.