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I've studied personal trainer and got lots of formation, because I love fitness but that have'nt make me successful in this area an I'll tell you why. Nowadays it doesnt matter how much passion you've got in sport. Being a coach or a trainer is being a salesman, persuade people, make them thing they need your service so bad, and that is against my principles. I hate sales and going behind people trying to trick their mind, I just want to coach people who are truely interested. If you are franchisee with a gym you have the pressure and stress to recruit lots of customers. And if you work for yourself the insurance is gonna kill you, and there are going to be months without benefits. It depends on the facilities which your country has for enterpreneurs. I live in Spain and here it's a suicide. You are right that it's hard to get credit when you are young with zero to little experience. Try to get a inferior job and when you got a full idea of how this world works go for it.

Damn. Well I don't feel at ease knowing that Erlend's advice here conflicts with everyone else's. Even if I gained complete independence from my parents, I am still not sure if entrepreneur ship could really become a suicide path for me.

That sounds like a huge change, but in the end there doesn't seem to be another opportunity. Honestly, I already considered going to a monastery or so. I believe in the energy of the presence of those people. In one week, I start studying industrial engineering, but I consider myself incapable of integrating, my reality is clouded. I cant even imagine learning because I am really blank most of the day. I've worked in a really boring job since August which was supposed to distract me, but after 8 weeks it left me much worse than before. Man before all this mental sh*t in February, I dreamt of studying, I looked foward to a bright future. But all I want now is definitely not the future. It would tear me down if I failed studying. But I've always been a massive worrier, therefore I considered DPDR to be my awakening. But I am still dwelling on this, on my inner voice that wants me destroyed since August and I dont know why. All I did was dwelling very much on the suicide of Chester Bennington and before I've always wanted to be cured BEFORE August, but it didnt happen and that was another thing which threw me off the track. I asked one, lets say awakened and very aware Dude who helped me through my anxiety times, and he told me that it isnt important to know, that I should let silence answer my worries. All I can focus on the whole day, whether it is during work or at home, is the inner mess, which distorts my perception of the past and the future. Sometimes I feel guilty, because I cant appreciate my life as I actually should. There are millions of other teens that would give everything for the life I'm living. One of the few things that keeps me alive is the appreciation, that my town isnt bombed 24/7, that I actually have everything, food etc.. what other people dream of. I also hate self-pitying and that I do it so often. But that all doesn't change much regarding my mental state. Whilst meditating I notice myself automatically believing those thoughts like "I shouldnt be here anymore". But how can I "disbelieve" thoughts that are already deeply embedded and believed? Does anyone have experiences with "the art of living happiness" program? Or more exactly Sudarshan Kriya? I think that would be a first step.

Here i am, after 1 week of binge on porn, drugs, procrastination, junk food, endless masturbation... still here, back to square one. Every time I want to get up my brain doesn't want to. Every time I swear to not doing it again, I find myself in the exact same opposite. I did this for 3 years... And I don't progress at all. I am again failing to remember my lessons at college. I fail to be able to solve problems. I am only capable of doing middle school stuff now. My brain has so much decayed for the last 5 years. My IBS is getting worse, despite all the precautions I am taking (betaine HCL, probiotics, L-glutamine). I know that my destiny is suicide. It is clear in my mind. Nothing as been more clear than that. I will soon quit college, find a shitty job (that's what I do best, doing things that I don't like and abandoning things that I like. But not everybody are suited to do what they want, this is life, survive of the fittest), buy a gun (seems very easy by the way even in France, even if media said that it isn't) and shoot myself in the mouth (near the cerebellum). This is my fate, I know it deep down. I knew a friend of mine (from a long ago), he committed suicide at 25. He was very smart but drugs took his life. He made the right decision I guess. His act was a message for me: suicide is the only option. He knew that this world will destroy him gradually and rob him of all his dreams and aspirations. He was clever than me and realized the nature of the horror of the world: I should have done as he did sooner. My life purpose is crystal clear: leaving this world. Because I am tired, because since my 6 I tried and tried and no progress at all. Because I am too sick, too damaged by drugs, IBS, anxiety, depression, constant pain in the teeth, countless failures that will never be compensated (my IQ is dropping like mad every single year), my wasted youth, my wasted time, my wasted dreams and my failure to invent the tetrality logic system. Hello Creator, look at what you have done to me, hello parents, look at what you have done to me, hello me, look at what you have done to me. Even if have worked hard to get better, I will never be able to get up. Things of the past haunt forever a human being (and saying the contrary is pure deny). Hello Creator, I hope to never see you, I hope to far far away from you, because you broke me, like countless others for your sadistic pleasure. Hello Creator, I will soon see you. Hello Creator, I hope to destroy you.

@How to be wise Sure. I think it depends on how you want to define the term "science." Is Leo's work a science? What about in the broad sense of science? I think the biggest problem that Enlightenment faces is that people are so scared of death that they will never embrace death, which is what Enlightenment is: The death of the illusion of life. It takes a leap of faith to face-down our own Egos, and also a lot of courage and emotional-labor. What is the difference between science and knowledge? Maybe instead of trying to pidgeon-hole Enlightenment Theory as a science, we become ok with it just being knowledge. Or maybe we stop needing to label or categorize it in a meta way period. The theory works -- and at least in the way that Leo explains it, it is already rich in both breadth and depth. So, I think we already have what you think we need. It's just that Enlightenment needs (1) outstanding teachers; and (2) people willing to do the work. Those are the two key variables as I see it. On a separate note -- I think it's a fascinating question though about whether Enlightenment is a way to save the world. Think about it -- if the world is a dream, who are you saving? You are playing a video-game in your own mind. There are no Egos to reform. Instead of saving the world, you are just watching a dream unfold. See? Enlightenment goes deep. People don't want to believe this stuff. Enlightenment is basically telling people that their lives are not real. If you're stuck in the ego-paradigm this is gonna sound like death before death -- like killing yourself before you die, which sounds crazy. From the egoic perspective, Enlightenment looks like a life for losers who can't handle life and thus need to think it away. To the Ego, Enlightenment looks like the ultimate way to stick your head in the sand in life -- a systematic denial of reality. Like committing philosophical suicide. Egos might think that Enlightened folks are just people who want to die but don't have the balls or ovaries to take their own life for real. Or maybe they believe that Enlightened people are a bunch of losers: loafers who have conned themselves out of being successful in life through a kind of silly rationalization. And you wonder why more people don't pursue Enlightenment? Well, Enlightenment smells like poo to the Ego. It's like -- who would keep a bunch of mosquitoes as pets? Let 'em fly around the house? Probably not, right? You're gonna get ur ass bit badly! Same with Enlightenment. Ego-death hurts. Enlightenment is gonna be counter-intuitive by its very nature.

Hi, I am 19 years old and my mental-suffering and spiritual journey started in February when suddenly Derealisation and Depersonalisation hit me out of the blue (probably because of prolonged stress). Very traumatic time, but I managed to get over it, graduated during my worst anxiety times, constantly felt detached from the world and people. It vanished when I let go of control and accepted it. I became more and more aware of my thoughts. Actually, I am a bit grateful, because this time taught me a lot about myself, but it definitely left its traces. Many people who recovered from DPDR say they have a much better life after it, but it somehow distorted my perception of the world, because I know that I was in this "movie/dream world" for a long time. But DPDR is over now, and I have to accept it as it is now. Well, my anxiety vanished more and more, I was just depressed sometimes after it. And I didn't know that it just would get started. During the second half of July, I developed a strange time anxiety/phobia, I just wanted the time to stop and I didn't want the future to come. It all climaxed in the beginning of August. You know, when you have DPDR, you have a warped sense of time and time runs. My time anxiety is based on the fact that I somehow don't have memories of the last months, I feel like I was thrown on this earth without a sense of time. I googled: "feeling trapped in time", "feeling stuck". This time thing just occured, it didn't bother me much before the end of July. I felt so lost, still feel like this a bit. I just continued living, I was sure that I was 100 percently over anxiety and panic. But slowly and steadily another thought creeped in, and it was the first time I experienced this incredible and terryfing wave of pain and panic, not really anxiety as I knew it. Automatic suicidal thoughts. I literally projected myself into the future that I will commit suicide if it becomes unbearable. The "funny" thing was that I was fine, not good, but DEFINITELY NOT FEELING LIKE MY LIFE WAS MEANINGLESS. Those thoughts were automatic and I was sure I wouldn't act on them, but my mistake was that I did all to prove them wrong. They soon ruled my life, and combined with time anxiety, I was trapped in a terrible cycle of depression and pain. I thought that I was determined to commit suicide and I was a victim of this feeling, not knowing what to do. It was really the worst suffering I have ever experienced, until my mind suddenly shut off all my negative emotions, it was a mild anhedonia, incapable to really feel something. I was in a total blankness. I am glad that it happened, because it offered me the opportunity to realize how fucked up my mind was. The time before TOTALLY distorted my reality and sensations. A really dark place with a constant “resistance feeling”. Now I am here, fortunaley I am doing better now, but thoughts about time and past still creep in and I feel like I walk on thin ice. Honestly, I sometimes feel like I shouldn’t be here anymore (although I used to love life and deep inside, I still do!) and I have many difficulties in making sense out of time. I look at the date and a strange wave, well a mixture of despair and confusion runs through my body and leaves me depressed, like really depressed. I’ve gradually lost all my interests during the last weeks, because I constantly reacted on the thoughts. My awareness faded too, to a point where I was in a state of deep unconsciousness, where I even felt detached from my breath, my mind was in a constant blankness. I was unable to meditate. Meditation was only a measure during my worst times, when I suffered very bad from anxiety to give me some relief, but it was never on a daily basis. So I started it now on a daily basis as well as exercising, but I am afraid to fall back in this dark place although I already see many benefits, and I am able to observe myself again, which I am really proud of. But still I have a feeling of being stuck between past and future and I really don’t have a sense of self. I read “The Power of Now” what didn’t give me more information than I already had. I also don’t know if it is really worth it to go to a therapist, because I cannot really describe how I feel sometimes. They would probably diagnose me with Major Depression or so… I think I have self-inflicted trauma because of my 24/7 brainfuck which ruined my life and got me to the rock bottom of my life. Also because I cant really accept that it is how it is and that I have an odd time perception. A monkey mind at its worst. I am able to work every day, but I am afraid that I will fail when I start college in two weeks, because I am in a constant daze. Any help appreciated. Sorry for my bad English, I am from Germany

@Dodo the point i'm trying to make is no one gives a fuck (excuse my language) just think about it morality (Whats good are or bad) has nothing to do with smoking. ..............I'm actual pretty calm I smoke because i find it beneficial .... beneficial equal Good THINK ABOUT THIS - Who decides whats good are bad........??? You do Your alcohol addiction is only good if it you truly believe it is. Bad if you truly think its bad. How would I consider something good: If your not hampering anyone or the environment at large at carryout their natural/desired function. And this is from a moral stand point. And Again if something prevents you from committing suicide personally i would consider it to be good. Would love to hear you response

@The Monk @Prabhaker nothing really has a meaning; bad or good. only the meaning you assign to it. I would consider smoking a good habit if it stops you from contemplating suicide. but one can consider it a bad habit if your a ten year old kid with your future ahead of you.

@Mad Max How have I fitted in?Well..I'm not that sure.I've recently found out that my father abused me physically one time in my earliest years of life and for a long period of time I was afraid to even come near him.Eventually,I started to become emotionally attached to him and started to love him..but I remember that most of the time I've had a kind of resistance feeling towards my father..Like..whenever I had to do something with him,I've felt a resistance..maybe it's because of the time he abused me.My bigger brother..I remember he didn't let me express myself..Like making noises when playing with toys or talking to my toys..or running around..things like this.And he did this most of the time.I remember that I became very silent at some point because of this..being afraid/annoyed when he showed up because he would forbid my self-expression and telling me that only retarded people talk to themselves.Being the first time I write and remember my childhood..I realize that this might have caused me to become so introverted....My mother was loving most of the time..Except the times when things were going bad(financial,emotional matters) and she was spilling her frustration on me by shouting loudly..Other than that my childhood was pretty dull .I don't remember doing anything exciting..the Kindergarten years were nice..even tough I don't recall that much I know that I truly enjoyed them..I think it was the best part of my life..I was having fun with the other kids..no one was stopping me from doing anything. Pfff...Now I realize how important would be to go to therapy..But heey..I'm 17,I have no fucking money,I can't get a job because my parents would not let me to,and most recently can't even study properly because of self-doubt/hate issues,low self esteem and anxiety.It's so damn hard to heal myself emotionally..I see that now.The worst of all,I don't even have hope for myself in any way..The only reason I am going forward is not to get more miserable than I am now..because if that happens I will most likely end up commiting suicide or living a very shity life.Not that I would care that much(I don't care about myself)..but I care about my mother.I can't stand the thought that she would see me how low I've fallen..So yeah,I am trying to get up for her..not to make her suffer. Life truly sucks and there is not a light at the end of the tunnel..not even a drop..God fucking dammit.

I have recently gotten into Bradshaw's work on the "inner child," which has been more immediately transformative than a lot of what I've dabbled in psychologically and spiritually. If you grew up in a dysfunctional family (absent parent, addict parent, emotional/physical/sexual abuse), I highly recommend you look into this realm of psychology. Quick background on my childhood: Alcoholic father who went to rehab and dominated it when I was 16 (so 16 years of total insanity in my home, proud of his recovery). Suicidal mother (an attempt every few years, stopped by a random intervening force she wasn't expecting each time). Major Traumatic Events: 1. Attempted sexual assault at age 10 by my father, who was so drunk I believe he thought I was my mother while napping in their bed. I fought him off and no one spoke of it again. The rest of the family doesn't know about it - I don't think he remembers it. 2. Father broke into our home with a shotgun and threatened to kill us all while separated from my mother. We ran to the neighbors' in the middle of the night. 3. Some physical violence events. 4. Mother's suicide attempts, hospitalizations, escape from hospital on Christmas. Daily Trauma in the Home: Having to be quiet and not-annoying, parental screaming, anger, crying mother, being blamed for parental discord and separations, etc etc. Usual chaos in an alcoholic home. Inner child work operates on the premise that you were not nurtured and provided for appropriately at your various developmental stages. The energy of need is trapped physically and emotionally. The loss must be re-experienced, grieved, and another healthy adult must provide the nourishment (you, now). Effects of a fucked up inner child are addictions, dysfunctional romantic relationships, lack of self worth, neuroses of all shapes and sizes. Healing Techniques: Looking at photos of yourself as a child, writing letters to and from yourself as a baby/child (using your non-dominant hand to write as your inner child), guided meditations, group work. I haven't done a lot of work yet. I have written to and from myself as a baby and a child. I have looked at pictures of myself and imagined holding myself. Two Experiences of Note: 1. I listened to a hypnosis session on "Letting Go of Past Relationships" that I have listened to several times before with no real benefit. This time, I listened to it and imagined myself as a baby doing the hypnosis instructions - my adult self held the baby in the imagery. I noticed instant results and no longer felt the pangs and desperation of wanting to reach out to an ex boyfriend I have struggled to get over for a year. 2. After this hypnosis, I simply imagined my adult self holding, playing with, and kissing my baby self. This is the trip report. I have never felt so completely consumed by the feeling of love. I did this for perhaps 2 hours because I did not want to stop. It felt so good - it was a feeling of simultaneously giving and receiving a gigantic reservoir of love. I am reading more about family dynamics in dysfunctional families. I have learned that I was what is called the "lost child" - this is the one who stays quiet, stays in the bedroom, daydreams to escape, focuses on something else in life like school, people pleases, doesn't ask for or express anything out of fear, and ends up in codependent relationships as an adult. I will continue my work in this realm because I have already experienced big shifts. I wonder where the fuck my therapist has been at all this time, not telling me about any of this, but recommending Byron Katie so I could further shove my needs and feelings off to the side - an already unhealthy manifestation in the "lost child." Again, if you grew up in a dysfunctional home, look into actual psychological healing through these methods in addition to your other work.

Instead of just entertaining the desire to commit suicide, inquire the feelings and thoughts that makes you think you really want that. It's only scary the first few times, after that you will see it as a joke. If you don't, you will likely be sadder and sadder to the point you would actually, for real try to commit suicide, just like every people who fear to inquire within. It's just a perspective, as hard it may feels, it's a temporary feeling that will fade away in due time.

Enlightenment will take you far in the other direction from suicide. So, you are looking into the right stuff.

Trying to become enlightened whilst also dealing with my little addictions (Junk food, news, etc.) and stressful life situation is overwhelming me right now. I'm at the point where thoughts of suicide are starting to feel like a real option for me if I'm being honest. What keeps you following through with concentration practice, self-inquiry, and life responsibilities when you feel like you just wanna run away from it all?

That's because he's not. I wasn't just being a troll with my posts. All this spirituality stuff is new for him coinciding with his wife committing suicide after knowingly giving her like 3 of his STD's. He's in a bad place and he's using it to cope. At least, that's the likely explanation.

I have concluded that I let my emotions control my actions. This is not good. Why I was considering suicide even though I decided against it already. The past few years have been really bad for me. Living in an abusive environment plus been unable to bond with other people. Parents divorced. Friendships starting and ending. Legal crap too. Unable to get a job as well. Best pet I'm ever going to have died.

I believe someone in the comments said it best: She opened with I heard your wondering the streets looking for a girlfriend/date after he's lost his girlfriend to suicide and instead of getting angry he remained calm and kept it real. Jim knows what's up and i know exactly what his doing and been doing, planting seeds

Hello, person who is reading this! As you may have already noticed, the title of this journal is named after Bo Burnham’s comedy special “Make Happy”. I watched it for the first time a few weeks ago and was oddly inspired by it. I really want to try to get happy, and that is primarily what my journey to self-actualization has been about. I started getting serious with self-help after a severe panic attack in February. For me, it was a personal record of hitting rock bottom. Since then, I have been spending more and more time seeking truth, learning about/trying to challenge my ego, and trying to love/forgive myself. Since childhood, I have been battling clinical, chronic depression. I often feel hopeless, lonely, and struggle with thoughts of suicide. I also have some social anxiety and issues with perfectionism. I have a long way to go. Still, I think I have been making (very) slow but steady progress with my inner work. I’m here for the same reasons as probably most of the others on this forum. Self-help and enlightenment are hard topics to seriously talk about with the people in my life. Many of the ideas that go along with these topics aren’t yet understood or even acceptable in the mainstream. Though I realize this life is mine alone to fight for, it is nice to have a support network and some guidance along the way. Maybe I’ll even be able to help others. This will be an all-purpose journal, but I will primarily try to post entries on the self-improvement and awareness exercises I’m doing. In documenting my ups and downs, I will be as brutally honest as possible. I, like most others, usually filter out the bad parts of my life online by omitting certain information. However, I will try to include the good, bad, ugly, tragic, and comedic in my own writing here as I try to “make happy” for myself. So, here we go. – zenjen

@CuteCornDog You know, you really should have a far more positive attitude. Funerals are actually very good socially stimulating gatherings! Hopefully you can see that you can be suicidal but still want a funeral. -------------------------- Okay okay, jokes aside. Suicide is a very serious issue. . . yadda yadda yadda. . . .should be an issue taken with careful understanding and genuine compassion . . . blalalala whatever who cares? -------------------------- Okay Okay, jokes really aside, now. Seems to me that what you really need is deep self-reflection. Really deep self-reflection. Ask yourself why exactly are you having the emotions and thoughts that you're having. Do you actually know why you're suffering? I mean REALLY know why you're suffering? Really, Actually, Literally, Existentially. Don't start with asking yourself how you can stop the suffering. Really all that will do is target the symptoms and not the root. It also helps to know that everyone suffers. I'm even willing to bet that I've had more suffering in my life than you've had but that's something I can't really know for sure. The only real difference is how we each deal with it. The question is: How effective are your ways of dealing with suffering? For example, I see suffering as completely unreal and always ego-based. I find that that helps me deal with suffering in such a powerful way. In summary, try to find the root of your suffering and try to think of ways you can improve your relationship with suffering. Also, eat fruit 'cause they're healthy and delicious Yum yum.

@Outer I am already doing aerobic exercises: HIIT for 20 min approximately each 2 or 3 per week. And besides, it is not physical exercises that can improve my mood or IQ or solve my problems. I am already doing plenty of it and nothing changes. I don't think that you know who screwed up people can be: doing the same shit everyday, without realizing that you hurt everybody around you, that you have made bad choices in life and that you are paying the price every day for it, that you destroy yourself enough to be unable to get up in your head, that society, your parents and family is doing massive mind pollution unconsciously and you can't do anything about it. That you can't escape your situation. That my "middle age crisis", like Leo said in his recent video, I had it already when I was 8, then 17 and 20 and now 27 AND NOTHING CHANGED ABOUT IT!! All those fucking "spiritual growth" are fucking bullshit that a few try to persuade others so that we can make money and so they unconsciously push those group to behave like zombies so that this fucking society don't collapse. There are people who are made and have the capabilities to live. Me...no. So what, after my crisis at 27, I will have another at what...30 or 35 and it will be so strong that I will have enough courage to suicide? I will not wait that time. I have always been a coward and this is not going to change soon. I should have died when I was 17, I should have died when I was 17,I should have died when I was 17,I should have died when I was 17,I should have died when I was 17,I should have died when I was 17,I should have died when I was 17,I should have died when I was 17,I should have died when I was 17,I should have died when I was 17,I should have died when I was 17,I should have died when I was 17. This brain will never let me, never. And I will never going to be detached from judgement of people. This is my fatality. You should resign to help me, I am helpless. THe only thing that this reality can offer me is death. Soon I will be strong enough to kill myself. My parents have no idea how closed I am from death. Fear, doubt, regret, guild and death were the only emotions in my head since my childhood. I know now that it will be like this forever.

Life has decided to KO me these days. I find myself more and more intrigued by this... The thoughts in my head are looping the cathartic events that happened to *me* recently, looping Mooji, Eckhart, Rupert wisdoms that help me investigate what is happening/drop/let go of past&future and mainly, looping reminders of my *belief supported by own investigation* that there is no free will - therefore it's illogical to beat myself up for my own mistakes (?) and I should just accept what is happening fully (but then I go into why am I not accepting of suffering, so I give myself room to burst with anger, tears, etc... The thing is, sure I do the inner investigation, but this doesn't stop this story thought is weaving from being so real and true. It is so real that I am the one in the middle of what is happening, like me, some creature that is in so much pain right now because shit is falling left and right. I do feel good when I drop the thoughts and the loop ends, but my immediate circumstances remind me very quickly and the pain continues. It's not like when you forget you are without legs for example (just an example) that you magically grow legs or are ok with not being able to walk. Today, while I was having suicidal thoughts, the following peculiar thoughts while I was lying on the grass in the park: "The not me wants to commit suicide", "The not me is in pain and wants to die because he's not made for this world", "Why is the not me even alive as this if I am not supposed to be this??" Thankfully I have one good friend, a mother and a sister, without whom nothing would really be stopping me, death looks very promising tbh, but I can't inflict such pain on those who are close So how does Ego drop Ego really? It's impossible right? How does a ball drop itself... Am I the Ego or am I awareness? If I am awareness big whoop right? Everyone is addressing me as the Body, I feel the body's every pain, I feel the story's pain. I feel so much different than everyone else. I get angry at people who say they want to be different than the rest, because for me I would be so happy to just blend in and not stand out as the "weird guy" with a name nobody outside my own country can pronounce or get from the first try... I don't know really where im going with this post, mostly wanted to get it out, not that anyone will read this, I know I am a joke anyway in most people's eyes, just a mental masturbator. I need the 30-day no mental fap challenge..

I will soon begin my 8th years at college, in the same cycle...again. I just missed the train of success years ago. I know that many great discoveries and mathematical progress was made by young geniuses. They all finished their PHD or began to make a significant discovery under 23 or 25. And they were all good at school and at mathematics. Maybe not in auxiliary courses like language or history or others but all were significantly smart at a young age. Me, well I have failed my high-school, my college and wasted so much time, years at doing nothing but working for mindless jobs. At 27 years old, it is impossible to catch up all the mathematical knowledge of those gods. Plus, I am interested in a subject (tetrality) that is of the level of those geniuses. Needless to say that I can't do it. Even with 50 years I will never be able to crack that problem. I am too slow and lack a critical amount of abstraction. There are those who are born to do great things in the domain that they love, I don't belong to that group. I will endlessly do what I don't enjoy to do because I suck in what I want and love to do. That has always be my life, and because I understand more and more this universe and its laws, I will ever be my life. Nobody who has failed so many years at college and at high school has made great discoveries in science, this is well known and the person who is telling me the contrary is unadvised. Next week, I will begin college. Will I fail again? Will I be able to have the courage to suicide, finally? Will I be able to surpass my emotional barriers, to push my limits, to transcend my current condition? I am very sick to be obligated to make superhuman effort just to pass my exams and college. This is the sign that my life will never be in my control. I have too much fear, i can't feel it...I am watching porn, watching 9gag and binge on junk food. This has always been my life. And nothing will change. @NatashaYes, I am listening Ecktard Tolle youtube channel. It is very interesting and profound but many of his teachings have the same material than Leo Gura. But it is a complement and he speaks simply about the practice of mindfulness.

I think pro-social behavior and attitudes (kindness, compassion, generosity and gratitude), just like wisdom, mindfulness and concentration, are not only the results of awakening, but also skills to be consciously cultivated as part of the journey. These skills will not be perfected until awakening, but still needs to be cultivated to a certain point for awakening to be plausible. It's true the Buddha himself didn't practice compassion as part of his journey to enlightenment. He practiced samatha/jhanas , yoga and asceticism, which were the main spiritual practices in India at his time. There are, however, good reasons why he didn't advice his students to copy this path. These common practices often resulted in profound mystical experiences, but not to any significant, permanent changes. The Buddha reached awakening by coincident/luck, combined with having an unusual talent for meditation (supposedly, he mastered each Jhana faster than any of his peers and surpassed all the Jhana masters he studied under in short time) According to the Sutras: The Buddha considered pro-social behavior and attitudes as a foundation of the most reliable path to awakening. In his later, mature teachings, after decades of teaching/mentoring experience, and after gaining a solid understanding of how different practices worked for the thousands of students he had guided, he kept increasing the focus put on compassion. He even declared compassion as one of the two "wings of the dharma", alongside wisdom. His answer to examples like the "compassion" of George Bush is: the two wings of wisdom and compassion have to be balanced. If one wing is overdeveloped compared to the other, the "Bird of Dharma" will not fly. Pro-social attitudes constitute three of the four Brahma Viharas. When aspiring practitioners ask the Buddha which practice they should start with his typical answer was the practice of generosity. As one progress towards stream entry, one has to pass through the dukkha nanas. Practitioners following mechanical/technique-focused paths, downplaying the importance of compassion, often have to suffer through prolonged, painful dukkha nanas. Many give up the path at this stage. Some even commit suicide because they can't handle it. On the other hand, practitioners from the Tibetan schools, which heavily focuses on compassion, rarely report problems with dukha nanas. One typical explanation given for why these practices are so central is that without them "spiritual" practices tends to be subtly ego-based and ego-reinforcing. The practice becomes a tool for serving the interests of the Self: A pursuit for my Self's enlightenment/equanimity/mystical experiences, so that my Self will be enhanced. Focusing on other people tend to have the opposite effect: It reinforces feelings of interconnection and weakens the sense of a seperate Self. Next time you act with compassion or freely give away something, try to be mindful of how it feels. You will most likely notice a mild, warm feeling of connectedness, and a subtle temporary weakening of the sense of Self.

Hello everybody, I'll try to keep it short, I already started topics of this, and started gaining distance from my parents but something occurred. My parents got attacked by their dog which sent them to the hoapital in bad conditions, right now my mother has her arms messed up and her husband is much worse, he is in a coma and lost one arm, I don't know if he will survive, right now Im taking care of everything because they are too messed up. The dog trainer blamed them for what happened so I'm trying to save the dog and he will start rehabilitation soon. I'm afraid if I just disappear from their life my mom will comit suicide, should I keep going through this thing or should i just dissappear because it's been years of trying without any succes?

dude I'm the same way. I haven't let myself suffer in so long because of the newfound hope i've gotten from self development. but I suffer once every two months. and this suffering feels GOOD. SO GOOD. I remember back in my super high suicide days a year ago, I would intentionally hate on myself and pity myself and just keep doing it and it felt good to do that. I could see myself hating on myself yet I would still do it.... If I have a small problem I would be like FUCK IT I WANT TO DIE. and that feeling of self-pity and victimhood would feel good. It's like I preferred to suffer over being happy. Christ... I too would like to thank Leo for saving my life though. Without him and another youtuber, I don't know if I would be alive.

Huge belly laugh! ...I knew that!! 2 yrs to realize my true nature. ...naturally. No, I didn't spend all day in meditation. I had tried suicide prior, do to extreme suffering...the OD wasn't strong enough, after 5 days in a coma and on life support... I survived. To my suprise. So, I was highly motivated for a change!