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I never said I awakened, more assumptions, you sounding like @Torkys

How is living life awakened? Tell me about emotions.

If you have awakened then why do u still read those books?

@WaterfallMachine When you are shown the true nature of God / Infinity / the absolute and have become it. If you have, you know when others have as well. But it is not the final step. Also, just as it's something one could attain, it is something one can loose if one isn't humbled. There are those who are awakened but go astray afterwards and loose it all.

Let me drop another bomb Any real awakened human being can sing professionally Because the harmony of the chakras will make you want automatically sing of joy.

Consciousness does not change, is the Nothing. The Awareness of each human being varies depending on the inner training. Because Enlightenment is infinite, an infinite expansion of the human being as a whole and its awareness. This is the reason one can only claim: "I have awakened (Buddha said), now is an infinite discovery"

There's nothing like watching your favorite childhood shows again as an adult with an awakened perspective. You'll be blown away but you'll also see the that the seeds planted within you from those childhood shows have sprouted to who you have become. You were always living a spiritual path, you just didn't know it.

A special journey entry I wanted to share, that builds upon itself as you read it, leading back to the importance of being in our hearts for spiritual growth and expansion on all levels, and in all dimensions. I hope this answers every question you have remaining about life I read this post by Lincoln Gergar a few minutes ago: *** QUESTION & ANSWER *** QUESTION: In Ramana books Be As You Are https://amzn.to/2uhweiQ (page 211) he says, “One suffers because of the idea that the body, which is never oneself, is I; suffering is all due to this delusion”. Going to the spiritual heart kind of feels like identifying with the body. What are you thoughts on this? MY ANSWER: You can find quotes by Ramana Maharshi about the Spiritual Heart (Hridaya) and it's location. He has been quoted as saying that the Spiritual Heart is located at the center (technically just a short distance off center) of the chest, while at the same time being everywhere - because it is a non-physical energy center that has a correlating physical location. By focusing on the location in the body, a person can perceive the Spiritual Heart's energy and thus draw the consciousness away from the physical body and physical dimension. Essentially, the consciousness's primary attachment in the body is in the heart area. By focusing here, the energy of the mind moves from the head to the heart area, and then finally into the Spiritual Heart. Because we start our awakening process already having our consciousness attached to / identified with the physical body, we must work to remove this attachment. My experience is that the person can perform this attachment removal one of 2 ways - focusing on the Spiritual Heart and "surrendering" into it's energy or by residing as the consciousness alone (also requiring the knowing that my true Self is not the body). I hope that my answer has clearly explained this concept and this process. Blessings and Love, ~ Lincoln Gergar This shows undeniably that surrendering to the heart will be my ultimate liberation; sitting with it in constant awareness is what I will do next. I thought about meditating on my heart while bathing in the sun, for when you don't shower like me, you don't get sun burnt, and the sun feels wonderful on my skin. I have booked an appointment with this man in the next few days to talk about my souls purpose because I don't know the first place to start in my life; to travel, or get a job, no clue. Ironically I know that by surrendering to the heart, this purpose will be revealed, so that's another win-win in loves favor. But my excitement has drawn me to Lincoln, and I believe that what he tells me will help me make the big lifestyle choices I want to make. I am in a very stagnant environment in terms of having very little contact with people at home, not many friends, with nothing to particularly do; so I would love some advice here. I know I will get this advice from my own higher self in as little as a few weeks or as long as a few years, so it's all good either way you know. But going back to surrendering to the heart, it is both the simplest and hardest thing I've ever done. To not be attached to my thoughts and emotions and focus relentlessly on the heart area has created many fears such as "How will I live without thoughts?", "Won't this give me permission to cause chaos if I'm not analyzing and judging myself anymore?". These too are just stories, stories that I respect and adore, but stories I must let be and turn my focus towards my heart. It's very challenging when for your whole life you've always been attached to thoughts. It's one of my most hard wired addictions/attachments. But ultimately, these thoughts and emotions too I must be surrender to my heart to become the enlightened master that I've always been. This makes me think (See, so hard wired) that other spiritual practices are all obsolete. But then I saw this from Lincoln: "The foundation of any genuine spiritual teaching system is heart-centered living." This means spirituality is all about awakening the heart, and letting the light in the heart transform everything for you. You don't have to be the one who changes your beliefs, let your heart do it for you. You don't have to find your life purpose, let your heart do it for you, on your behalf. The heart represents your higher self, and that has a much greater perspective than our egoistic minds, so letting it run our lives will set us up for the most bliss, happiness and peace that we always have been, always deserve, and inevitably will embody in this lifetime or another. It's the ultimate test from God in each moment: "Are you focused on your heart?", "Do you meet everything in life with heart-felt embrace?". That's all the higher self asks of you, but for your soul which is below the higher self in terms of integration, it has lessons it wants you to learn, so these two "things" are the same but different. The higher self being an expanded version of the soul. It is so pure that it has no desire. It is us in our most expanded state of awareness. But knowing the soul is all loving, knowing the higher you go the more love there is, knowing the higher self is love, letting my heart be my guide and surrendering into it is as such the most logical, direct and powerful practice to do. It will answer every question, heal every suffering, balance every chakra, unify the mind and the heart, allow your higher self to enter into this reality, and create a life of endless joy, happiness and synchronicity. All that has ever been required is trust in my heart, that focusing there will change my life, will expand my awareness beyond beliefs. Simply trust, and the discipline of focus. All other fears of not knowing what to do I trust my heart will answer for me. And these fears really do seem silly now when I you know that focusing on your heart will lead to infinite happiness, like what i there to fear when this is fact? What exactly am I missing out on by surrendering everything to the heart? Yet however logical I am with this, highly illogical and powerful deeply rooted fears are sure to arise when I least expect. And when they do I will know to keep focusing on my heart. I will know that the reason anything arises is to help you focus on your heart. This life isn't a mistake, everything arises for this purpose, to make us more heart-centered than ever before. God didn't just make anything random, it all has a deep meaning to return to the heart. Your actions aren't restricted as you can be heart-centered no matter what you are doing. That's why there is no right or wrong choice, it dosen't matter what you do, just how much you stay grounded in the heart throughout whatever you do. All excitement tells you is; "Here is an action you can take that will arise the most darkness in you to heal in the shortest amount of time". SO excitement is like the fast pass at Disney land to becoming unconditionally loving. It helps arise all of the unresolved pain in you very quickly to feel in your heart, thus creating fast evolution. But even when not excited there is still unimaginable amounts of pain I've found to feel in each moment, so it's okay if we aren't excited. We aren't missing out, that's just ego. Again, staying in the heart is the foundation of it all, let your heart take exciting actions on your behalf naturally on its own time. Let it happen naturally by first being heart-centered. Even just this one practice is challenging as I've said, so why create more things on your spiritual checklist to do that will only distract you when you keep thinking about them, and when you don't get results emotionally. The heart is the answer. If your awareness is on your heart, you're doing everything perfectly, and you are in the greatest state of oneness you can be in for that moment. There is literally nothing else to do or change. Know that even if it dosen't seem perfect, everything is perfect when heart-centered. It's all God wants. Perhaps your soul wants something more specific, perhaps not, but you couldn't avoid it if you tried when you're in your heart. That's why those who are awakened to a certain degree are also living their souls purpose naturally. No need to force it with our limited minds that will never know it, let the heart do it. Trust in it's love. I'll try my Godly best to be more in my heart. I know deeply that this is what I'm called to do, and this is the answer to every question I'm looking for. I commit even greater to surrendering to it's almighty love that I am already, but unaware of at this vibration I perceive reality at. I surrender to my heart throughout even my deepest fear of death, to the fear of missing out on life, and to the fear of unworthiness of receiving the love in my heart, cause I am that love, and all is that love I speak of behind any appearance. All of my love goes to those on the journey, I know the pain you're in, and I wrote this for all those who are in that deep stage of suffering like me who are searching desperately for a way out of it. The heart is the doorway to heaven you always wanted to find. Peace, and oneness is already here. Thank you for being here to read this. And know that it's okay to feel pain, that's how we evolve the fastest, by diving into the pain head first, and not looking back at the thoughts telling you that there must be another way. And so we are free to relax knowing this, relax knowing you also have infinite lifetimes to master this if you're not ready now. You have so much time to do this, so relax. If you want out of suffering, then slowly integrate focusing in your heart first in meditation then in every moment. Every answer is found there, every desire fulfilled, every thought quietened, and all that's left is an empty infinite vessel of love. Here is the video I watched that talks about trusting the heart in great depth

@okulele Thank you, our light will heal everything in us, soon, just growing pains while this happens. Every bit of encouragement is greatly appreciated by me right now I read this post by Lincoln Gergar a few minutes ago: *** QUESTION & ANSWER *** QUESTION: In Ramana books Be As You Are https://amzn.to/2uhweiQ (page 211) he says, “One suffers because of the idea that the body, which is never oneself, is I; suffering is all due to this delusion”. Going to the spiritual heart kind of feels like identifying with the body. What are you thoughts on this? MY ANSWER: You can find quotes by Ramana Maharshi about the Spiritual Heart (Hridaya) and it's location. He has been quoted as saying that the Spiritual Heart is located at the center (technically just a short distance off center) of the chest, while at the same time being everywhere - because it is a non-physical energy center that has a correlating physical location. By focusing on the location in the body, a person can perceive the Spiritual Heart's energy and thus draw the consciousness away from the physical body and physical dimension. Essentially, the consciousness's primary attachment in the body is in the heart area. By focusing here, the energy of the mind moves from the head to the heart area, and then finally into the Spiritual Heart. Because we start our awakening process already having our consciousness attached to / identified with the physical body, we must work to remove this attachment. My experience is that the person can perform this attachment removal one of 2 ways - focusing on the Spiritual Heart and "surrendering" into it's energy or by residing as the consciousness alone (also requiring the knowing that my true Self is not the body). I hope that my answer has clearly explained this concept and this process. Blessings and Love, ~ Lincoln Gergar This shows undeniably that surrendering to the heart will be my ultimate liberation; sitting with it in constant awareness is what I will do next. I thought about meditating on my heart while bathing in the sun, for when you don't shower like me, you don't get sun burnt, and the sun feels wonderful on my skin. I have booked an appointment with this man in the next few days to talk about my souls purpose because I don't know the first place to start in my life; to travel, or get a job, no clue. Ironically I know that by surrendering to the heart, this purpose will be revealed, so that's another win-win in loves favor. But my excitement has drawn me to Lincoln, and I believe that what he tells me will help me make the big lifestyle choices I want to make. I am in a very stagnant environment in terms of having very little contact with people at home, not many friends, with nothing to particularly do; so I would love some advice here. I know I will get this advice from my own higher self in as little as a few weeks or as long as a few years, so it's all good either way you know. But going back to surrendering to the heart, it is both the simplest and hardest thing I've ever done. To not be attached to my thoughts and emotions and focus relentlessly on the heart area has created many fears such as "How will I live without thoughts?", "Won't this give me permission to cause chaos if I'm not analyzing and judging myself anymore?". These too are just stories, stories that I respect and adore, but stories I must let be and turn my focus towards my heart. It's very challenging when for your whole life you've always been attached to thoughts. It's one of my most hard wired addictions/attachments. But ultimately, these thoughts and emotions too I must be surrender to my heart to become the enlightened master that I've always been. This makes me think (See, so hard wired) that other spiritual practices are all obsolete. But then I saw this from Lincoln: "The foundation of any genuine spiritual teaching system is heart-centered living." This means spirituality is all about awakening the heart, and letting the light in the heart transform everything for you. You don't have to be the one who changes your beliefs, let your heart do it for you. You don't have to find your life purpose, let your heart do it for you, on your behalf. The heart represents your higher self, and that has a much greater perspective than our egoistic minds, so letting it run our lives will set us up for the most bliss, happiness and peace that we always have been, always deserve, and inevitably will embody in this lifetime or another. It's the ultimate test from God in each moment: "Are you focused on your heart?", "Do you meet everything in life with heart-felt embrace?". That's all the higher self asks of you, but for your soul which is below the higher self in terms of integration, it has lessons it wants you to learn, so these two "things" are the same but different. The higher self being an expanded version of the soul. It is so pure that it has no desire. It is us in our most expanded state of awareness. But knowing the soul is all loving, knowing the higher you go the more love there is, knowing the higher self is love, letting my heart be my guide and surrendering into it is as such the most logical, direct and powerful practice to do. It will answer every question, heal every suffering, balance every chakra, unify the mind and the heart, allow your higher self to enter into this reality, and create a life of endless joy, happiness and synchronicity. All that has ever been required is trust in my heart, that focusing there will change my life, will expand my awareness beyond beliefs. Simply trust, and the discipline of focus. All other fears of not knowing what to do I trust my heart will answer for me. And these fears really do seem silly now when I you know that focusing on your heart will lead to infinite happiness, like what i there to fear when this is fact? What exactly am I missing out on by surrendering everything to the heart? Yet however logical I am with this, highly illogical and powerful deeply rooted fears are sure to arise when I least expect. And when they do I will know to keep focusing on my heart. I will know that the reason anything arises is to help you focus on your heart. This life isn't a mistake, everything arises for this purpose, to make us more heart-centered than ever before. God didn't just make anything random, it all has a deep meaning to return to the heart. Your actions aren't restricted as you can be heart-centered no matter what you are doing. That's why there is no right or wrong choice, it dosen't matter what you do, just how much you stay grounded in the heart throughout whatever you do. All excitement tells you is; "Here is an action you can take that will arise the most darkness in you to heal in the shortest amount of time". SO excitement is like the fast pass at Disney land to becoming unconditionally loving. It helps arise all of the unresolved pain in you very quickly to feel in your heart, thus creating fast evolution. But even when not excited there is still unimaginable amounts of pain I've found to feel in each moment, so it's okay if we aren't excited. We aren't missing out, that's just ego. Again, staying in the heart is the foundation of it all, let your heart take exciting actions on your behalf naturally on its own time. Let it happen naturally by first being heart-centered. Even just this one practice is challenging as I've said, so why create more things on your spiritual checklist to do that will only distract you when you keep thinking about them, and when you don't get results emotionally. The heart is the answer. If your awareness is on your heart, you're doing everything perfectly, and you are in the greatest state of oneness you can be in for that moment. There is literally nothing else to do or change. Know that even if it dosen't seem perfect, everything is perfect when heart-centered. It's all God wants. Perhaps your soul wants something more specific, perhaps not, but you couldn't avoid it if you tried when you're in your heart. That's why those who are awakened to a certain degree are also living their souls purpose naturally. No need to force it with our limited minds that will never know it, let the heart do it. Trust in it's love. I'll try my Godly best to be more in my heart. I know deeply that this is what I'm called to do, and this is the answer to every question I'm looking for. I commit even greater to surrendering to it's almighty love that I am already, but unaware of at this vibration I perceive reality at. I surrender to my heart throughout even my deepest fear of death, to the fear of missing out on life, and to the fear of unworthiness of receiving the love in my heart, cause I am that love, and all is that love I speak of behind any appearance. All of my love goes to those on the journey, I know the pain you're in, and I wrote this for all those who are in that deep stage of suffering like me who are searching desperately for a way out of it. The heart is the doorway to heaven you always wanted to find. Peace, and oneness is already here. Thank you for being here to read this. And know that it's okay to feel pain, that's how we evolve the fastest, by diving into the pain head first, and not looking back at the thoughts telling you that there must be another way. And so we are free to relax knowing this, relax knowing you also have infinite lifetimes to master this if you're not ready now. You have so much time to do this, so relax. If you want out of suffering, then slowly integrate focusing in your heart first in meditation then in every moment. Every answer is found there, every desire fulfilled, every thought quietened, and all that's left is an empty infinite vessel of love.

Free will is something you probably need to be awakened to understand. I’ve spent hundreds of hours contemplating it and have concluded that I can not conceptually understand it, and just trusting that I am the creator of my reality, doing what I need to evolve with ease and grace

I think the pixel is the building block ... If you zoomed in yourself (your body) ifinitely what you would discover is empty awareness... How do you point that out? I dont think that will ever be an instrument so sofisticated to do that cause it would be against the rules. . . Nor the less every religion and philosophy points that out in metaphores. Generally speaking most of humanity calls the same thing in different names like god, brahman, allah, consciousness, the great self, ecy but what leo refers to "rasing your consciousness" is grasping the essence of these metaphores. I dont think that awakening leads to pointing at the pixel i think it leads to knowing you're made of pixels, you're made to play so dont get to serious about it. Is like having a lucid dream, what you do if you know you're in a dream? Dream more and dream better.... Usually you enjoy dreaming more and more because you have some sort of control. Now imagine the dream lasts 80 years (in avarage) and you get awakened (like knowing you're dreaming) i bet your life or the experience of life gets 100.000.000 times better just because you're not caught in small neurotic feedback loops inside the great consciousness but you have the feeling you're all of that in a place called here and now. With that said we have a specific orgsnism which right now cannot allow us to look it ... Just feel it

there is a slight difference between the one that is awaken and the one that dreams, not for the better, not for the worse (of course!). the awakened one is aware to the fact, that what he is calling "i", and what he is calling "reality", are only a simulation (a model, if you will), where awareness(or consciousness, if you prefer) is simulating itself.

2 awakened beings, don't take offense, they joke about IT.

This is not the only place I share my experience. I'm done searching, I came here to have fun and challenge those who claim they are awakened. Why? But Because. Apparently, people here think they know stuff, but only from other masters, books, drugs and very little from personal Air experience. I'm legit, all that I share and shared here is my personal experience. Had no master. I guide myself Flying. Maybe some see me arrogant, that is not the point. In conclusion, the unspeakable does not give a damn about feelings when it comes to < i don't know>. Leo Gura is an inspirational human being.

Would be an awesome conversation indeed except for the fact that people in general would not get anything out of it.. since they only accept science as a legit source of insight.. which is sad. If leo was to describe that he got his answers form psychedelics and meditation, people would dismiss it as religious nonsense. However, Jordan seems open to the idea of getting any value out of psychedelic trips, which is good. @Leo Gura After you have awakened and got what you wanted, I hope to one day see you out there having these kinds of conversations. Not because it’s fun, but because it is important. It will be hard.. But Humans need to reach higher states of consciousness as AI´s soon will go beyond our mental capabilities.

@CreamCat A real psychopath is someone who through no fault of their own was born with an irregular brain which doesn't develop in the same way as a neurotypical brain. https://www.quora.com/What-is-a-psychopath-in-simple-terms "Psychopathy is a condition that is present in the brain at the time of birth. Psychopaths have marked brain differences from a neurotypical brain. Our amygdala alone is around eighteen percent smaller, as well the same showing/damage to the orbital cortex, the frontal lobe, and also the insula which is located deep in the cerebral cortex. Psychopathy being characterized by low fear is consistent with abnormalities in the amygdala, since detriments in aversive conditioning and instrumental learning are thought to result from amygdala dysfunction, potentially compounded by orbital frontal cortex dysfunction, although the specific reasons are unknown. The orbital cortex regulates impulsivity, and the frontal lobe is the damage to the ethics and morality section of the brain. All of these areas will show a pattern that is present and distinctive for a psychopathic brain." If a psychopath meditates and does consciousness work,the way they grow and express their true selves is going to differ from someone who is neurotypical. Psychopaths manipulate people a lot because they simply lack empathy, and I don't know if this will change for them after spiritual growth. The spiritual growth of a psychopath would express itself differently to the spiritual grown of a neurotypical, and so it is possible that behaviours which cause misery and unhappiness for a neurotypical will not have the same effect for a psychopath. What I'm hypothesising is that its possible for a psychopath to be healthy and awakened whilst being "evil" being neurotypical standards. But the existence of "evil" is ultimately an illusion that can be seen through by consciousness work.

True. Martin Ball and Octavio Rettig probably the most well known figures in the 5MEO community beside yourself, Leo. Seems like being awakened to the Absolute Truth includes also human dramas and nuances?

Don't take studies or examples of today's society. They are wrong. What I meant that the awakened ones are more competent in IQ than scholars, I mean it literally. Once you awaken and use your 6th sense you can memorize things 10x times magnitude at least, and have a cognitive potential much greater. But the successful people who know this will never disclose the secret: they will tell you they worked very hard. The most successful people simply don't work hard. Others work hard for them.

External success comes as a competition to family and society. Because families and society, in general, view the good in us only if we work hard, as they do. So, you can pursue the above, but you will lose yourself and in the process becoming someone else. In Self Actualizing there is no middle way. Ask Leo, he is having trouble with the thousands of minds who think about him. Love is the greatest bad in society really. Those who Love too much, and are not awakened, they simply stop the growth in the Loved Ones. So, you choose to go with the current or without. Both sides have their own suffering. There is no middle way in this.

Why don't you go in nature? Walk while you listen to the breath as much as you want. Just sitting and do nothing is for the advanced awakened ones. Don't get trapped into forcing things.

@Nahm Are you awakened?

@Saumaya I thought awakened being didnt shared hatred? EXPOSED NR.2!!!!!!!!!!!!

@Arkandeus Np, I love Buddha's stories. @Prabhaker Oh ok, thanks Have you awakened? Or at least had an amazing "experience" with it? I once experienced inner peace but that is it. Been pursuing it since that moment.

@Spinoza I guess a better way to put it is that you seek universal harmony Anything outside of harmony is of no interest to an awakened understanding.

Hey guys, I wanted to share this powerful Ayahuasca experience that happened to me about a year ago that I'm just now starting to integrate.... On the third night drinking Ayahuasca with a group of about 8 people, in the cabin out in the forest with Ms. A, I set the intention and asked the brew to show me my deepest emotional trauma and reveal my biggest fears. This is exactly what I ended up getting and this is where my subsequent psychedelic experiences started developing in more stories based on fear. There is a couple of points during the experience where my thinking ended up leading the process in the wrong direction. The Opening of the Heart The first powerful experiences was when I was having very strong visuals, the usual visuals of the mosaic pattern kept growing in size, until I felt like I was a tiny being navigating myself among these gigantic, stunning visuals saturated with the most beautiful colors, and my body was buzzing with very powerful energy. There was a drum playing at this time and eventually it lead to my heart, I knew the purge was coming and quickly grabbed the bucket. I started purging out what felt like dark energy coming out from my heart, it felt really good and relieving. I then started sobbing and I saw the emotional trauma I have accumulated over a life time by not being true to my heart and I saw how much pain there was and for me to release that pain I would need to go deep into that, and this is the point where I started hesitating and resisting. Self Importance & Super Powers At this point I also got dragged into the narrative about my super powers that I always experience on mushrooms and Ayahuasca, I always feel much stronger, all kinds of martial arts abilities open up and I get super intuitive and sensitive to people's body language. So this lead me to creating a story about what this awakening process is about. I started creating a story of "the most powerful man being awakened right now", all these people here have gathered for this purpose, all eyes are on me and everybody knows exactly what I'm going through, everybody is waiting for me to go deep into my heart and release my emotional trauma. I realize this is what I have to do to become that person that I keep seeing underneath layers of fear and blockages, I know the drum and Ayahuasca are both leading me back to the heart even though I keep trying to distract myself. The whole scene felt like I was watching a movie play out where the main actor was myself. At this point I was overwhelmed by all these realizations and I I said out loud: "How do I do this?", then Ms. A, the facilitator, came up to me and told me to just breath, I tried moving my hands and breath using QiGong movements. I knew that if I was going to dive deep into my heart space I would start bawling like I've never done in my life due to the extent of repressed emotional trauma coming to surface. Though I think what ultimately prevented me from going deep within, wasn't the fear of the trauma itself, but rather the self pity, self contentedness/arrogance and fear of expressing my authentic self in front of other people. I intuitively knew the release was going to be also pleasant because I would finally be dropping all of the heaviness from my heart and turning into the authentic person I've always wanted to become. Self pity dialogue when something like: "poor me, I have so much trauma in my heart, nobody has a clue how much misery I've accumulated", arrogance: "I'm the most powerful man in the world because of all these super powers I keep experiencing, nobody I know in the whole world has these powers, you have all gathered here specifically for me, to witness the awakening of the most powerful man in the world, I know you're all expecting me to go deep inside my heart right now" and fear of expressing myself in front of others: "I've been repressing these emotions most of my life, what's going to happen to my body when I start releasing them? Are others going to be judging me for being so loud? Will they tell me to be quiet? Will I disturb other people's experiences?" (this narrative about being afraid of disturbing other people comes from my social anxiety and fear of expressing myself, but what added more fear to releasing my emotions was a previous ceremony which took place about a week earlier. At that time, my heart also started opening in a similar way and I started making loud noises. I was then quickly surrounded by the whole crew of 5 people who lead the ceremony, they put flashlight right in my face and broke my concentration and I was unable to tap into that space afterwards). Unable to Release the Shame After resisting the heart space, I was then shown the shame part of myself which is my manhood, it's as if I was sitting in front of the audience of people and was naked and I had to accept myself the way I was in front of all these people, I think I was covering my penis with my hands at this point and being very embarrassed, unable to fully accept myself. I'm not exactly sure what happened next, but I think the intensity of the experience and my resistance got a little too much, I think I was also contemplating who I really was at this point and what all these super powers mean, this is where I started experiencing ego death, as if all of these things were designed just for me and this is the awakening of a God. I started freaking out and yelled "what the fuck is going on?" At the same time falling to the floor, I knew this is going to be the end of me and from the top of my lungs and from the bottom of my heart I screamed in sheer terror, it was the scream of death, the last action that I was going to do. At that same moment, I remember all the social boundaries about what people might think, anything about being afraid of expressing my authentic self and any other inhibitions fell apart, I truly did not give a fuck about any of that in that moment, this was the act of true authenticity. Dying and the Terror Loop After that, it felt like I was out of my body and it felt like I was this one being this entire time, I was shown my deepest fear over and over again as if dying again and again, and though there was this sheer terror of the mind, my body seemed to be okay, though I wasn't aware of it. Then other people in the group all got freaked out by my screaming and were trying to "bring me back", I was really confused what was happening at this point, there was a lot of noise around me and the sensations throughout my body which didn't register as sounds and sensations that are "happening to my body", I've had some glimpses at this time of coming back to my Ego and thinking to myself that "I just need to let go" and kept trying to relax into it. There was a sense that all of these sounds and sensations are not real and I needed to let go deeper into that fear that I was experiencing to reveal the Truth. So for a while, I was stuck in between dimensions, of what seemed like going out of my body and then coming back to the sensations and it felt like a loop that I couldn't get out of, I told myself "You're fucking dead now, you did it this time". Then there was a glimpse of me coming back to my old senses and which point I checked with the body and felt okay, I got somewhat calmer knowing that my body is not in any pain. The whole time while this was happening, there was still this narrative going on about "awakening the most powerful man in the world". At one point they succeeded in bringing me back, and I remember Ms. A saying, "you're at an Ayahuasca ceremony, you drank a little too much Ayahuasca", and I said: "Oh!" making other people laugh and happy that I was finally okay. I then stood up and felt all the anxiety, body stiffness and fear around Ms. A, I was super sensitive to her body language, I gave her a hug, feeling every tension point in her body, she resisted but eventually was able to relax into it. She then tried to sit me back to my chair, I fell into it and shortly after I was out of my body again and into the one mind, though this time there were no screams, it was like the continuation of the terror loop I was experiencing earlier. I also remember stories of my life being flashed in front of me, especially memorable was the story about "Clever Techie" which is my channel on YouTube and some thoughts about how all the events in my life have lead me to this moment and how I finally "got what I was looking for" since I started on this self development and healing journey. I was dragged upstairs and put in the the bathtub, they then started giving me cold showers and putting acupuncture needles in my face, all the while I was in this place with all kinds of swirling colors and shapes, it was like an infinite, never ending carnival ride and there was a place there of sheer terror, a place of being completely alone and it had also some associations to Hell like fire and heat and burning in some kind of horrifying oven for eternity. And I was realizing that I would eventually need to accept this horror because it was all me, there is nobody else here but me. Even though I was creating this story in my mind, I wasn't experiencing any pain and at some point I checked with my body again, and my body wasn't suffering so I kinda laughed and reassured myself that I'm still okay, it's amazing to me that I was able to laugh at this point despite having to face sheer terror just a few moments ago. It Was Just Me this Whole Time The confusion continued, as my body was still being tampered with, cold showers and acupuncture needles kept bringing me back to the body for a while, at some point I remember opening my eyes, there I was being surrounded by white light and it felt like I was operated on in a hospital, I thought to myself: "this is what human death is about", it's the sacrifice for humanity for the all the creation to exist, for everything to exist I need to "accept everything" including that terror that I was experiencing and I felt like I needed to go deep within my heart to fully embrace all of it, otherwise I felt like I would be stuck in that loop forever. This is an important point for me because I think this thought created a lot of fear and confusion about what this process is about. I've been stuck in my mind since then thinking that I would need to "experience all that Hell and suffering" by opening my heart to it all, and that this is the only way to heal my heart in full. I think this was an unfortunate situation of being very vulnerable and open during my heart healing process and then quickly being thrown into facing my biggest fears at the same time. I also realized I have very "black and white" thinking which I've been doing all my life and I set unrealistic expectations on what it takes to achieve great things like completely healing myself after years of emotional trauma, depression and social anxiety. Also the super powers and the super Ego that I kept clinging to and assigning meaning, created the narrative that I need to experience everything from that Ego's physical body perspective, instead of realizing that I'm not the body and nothing bad can happen to it during this process. At some point I opened my eyes and looked at one of the women who was trying to bring me back, I saw visuals around her face and thought that she was just an illusion, I also remember having trust issues and thought that she was trying to harm me, so I went back into the mind. Eventually fear and terror subsided and it's like I got lifted into the heavens, I remember thinking I was dead, and I started hearing people talking to me as if welcoming me to heavens, I started feeling peaceful and happy and glad that this horror ride was over and that I was going to be okay now. Coming Back to Myself I then opened my eyes, realized I was tripping this whole time, felt huge relief that I was going to be okay and didn't immediately remember how I got into the bathtub, but I started recalling things that happened to me and the whole thing started to seem very hilarious and I couldn't stop making fun of the whole story and especially about my screaming. I couldn't understand what I was fearing this entire time. I was also seeing my authentic self come out, I was very sensitive to people's body language, everything felt so natural and in the flow, my personality completely opened up and I felt like my true self. I was able to connect with the people who were taking care of me instantly, the atmosphere in the bathroom lit up and eventually other people joined us, I could feel everybody's energy, and it was like I was at the center of creating this party and dragging others inside of the bathroom with my mind and energy. Upon cleaning myself up I went back to my bed and contemplated the process and what happened, I could still feel the whole energy of the house and it's as if I could telepathically sense what people were talking about, the narrative of "celf centerdness" continued to play out and I kept creating this story of people talking about me which seemed very real at the time. I realized that Ayahuasca is very powerful, it can help us truly heal, it can show us how the mind constructs narratives based on how we see ourselves and reality, it can show us our depest fears, and it can show the Truth by reuniting us with our true nature which is the entire Universe and existence, we are truly all one. The way to realize this Truth is to literally let go of everything and conquer this fear with unconditional love. I have to be very careful in how I approach healing this body and not go too deep by contemplating existence because I'm not ready to face the Truth yet. Also to shut the mind off and stop it from creating any stories about what the experience means and how my Ego fits into all of it. I have to remember to concentrate on the healing process and the journey rather than the ultimate goal of having to face my own death in the end. Lessons From this experience I learned about my emotional trauma and deepest fears just like I set the intention for in a way that was not expected. I learned a lot of negative aspects about my personality that I'm going to change like that I put myself above other people and I'm self centered. I learned that I'm afraid of expressing my true self in front of others and I've been seeking approval most of my life, which eventually developed into me creating a mask and fear of other people which is the source of all my social anxiety problems. I also learned about my self pity and victim mentality, as if I have gone through more trauma then any other person alive. The victim narrative also played out and revealed itself during the reunion with the "ONE" where I felt like I needed to experience all the suffering and pain for all of humanity, because I'm that special one victim. I also realized just how dangerous and distracting clinging to the "super powers" can be which leads to self importance, and that's the least thing you want to do during Ego death and surrendering. All these are great lessons, what seemed like a traumatizing experience is turning into the most powerful lesson of my life. It's kind of unfortunate that it took me a year to come back to it and fully understand the experience, I really wish I had done this right after it happened, instead I ended up going to the jungle in Peru and somewhat repeating the experience. This has taught me another great lesson, it's that I'm way too hard on myself and I need to approach things in a gradual, strategic way, especially when it comes to such delicate process as healing deep emotional trauma and facing my biggest fears. I really hope this story will help someone navigate the experience more effectively by avoiding similar traps of the mind. We need to be very careful going into such powerful experiences with a lot of emotional trauma and limited understanding about reality. Concentration, breath and setting up a safe and comfortable environment where it's okay to be vulnerable and you are able to release powerful emotions are probably the most important things in this process.