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@Michael Paul I didn't read your thread last night as I was too distressed, but I read it just now and it gave some perspective. I followed the link you gave to lovebliss.eu/kundalini and what I read there makes me think the energy was absorbed at a blockage at the 3rd knot at the base of the skull. While the energy was very intense, I didn't feel orgasmic bliss, more like a trance-like disorientation similar to a fainting feeling but with a metaphysical flavor to it. My heart has really begun to open this year, so the kundalini seems to have had little trouble passing up through the heart towards the brain. When this happened, I was holding on for dear life. You asked if I feel kundalini awakening symptoms in the head now and the answer is no. At worst, there is a slight dull pressure left over at the base of my skull/highest vertebra and a slight ringing in my ears (maybe just tinitus, but the ringing became very intense during the 2 waves of my experience last night.) I'll take my foot off the gas completely for a while to integrate the experience and find stability again. Thanks so much for reaching out, I'll send you a DM if something serious happens regarding all this. @khalifa Hey man, thanks for your kind words and describing your experience. You're right, I'm going to do my best to not worry. No matter what happens, it helps to know that "This too shall pass." Just like you suggested, I decided to spend time over the next few days grounding myself by connecting to the people and things that I love and that make me feel like who I am. Good luck on your path, you got this! @cetus56 Thanks, this is sage advice. Sometimes, any amount of a thing is too much and that may be where I am for now. But I'm going to be more gentle with the work going forward, and I'm looking forward to shorter daily meditations as the first thing that I pick up when I feel I'm ready again. Hopefully that will be soon. @Red-White-Light As it turns out, Kundalini works just like the jukebox in Happy Days. All it needs is a good hard slap to get going! Thanks again everyone, this was quite the challenging experience and I'm so grateful for everyone's assistance.

The Many Facets Of Awakening - List of Top 30 Enlightenment Insights //posted from youtube comments List 4:44 Mystical Experience - Not enlightenment - Its a state of consciousness -feeling that all is One 6:16 No Self - No such thing as body - Deep Insight - Distinct from Mystical - Can be combined 8:10 I AM - Deepest Truth, The Self - A deep feeling of I AM - Universe 11:40 OMnipresent - You are everything everywhere - Not located anywhere 13:13 Realizing what consciousness is - Real Consciousness - Experience required - It's everything - No external reality 14:35 Realizing what is awakening - it's not WOKE AF - Life is a Dream - Shatters reality - Satori 17:00 Oneness or non-duality -Everything is truly One - You don't understand what Oneness really mean - Literally All One 19:00 Everything is Relative - Taco and human is the same 19:35- Realizing what is Truth, Truth with capital T - Truth and consciousness is One - You know what Truth really means - You have to awaken first 20:40 Realizing what is the Absolute - To be Absolute - 99.999 of people have no reference for it - True under all events - You have to awaken first 21:40 Absolute Infinity - Not a number - Actual Infinity - Everything is absolute infinity - No end to it 23:57 Absolute Nothingness - Nothing ever happened - Identical to infinity - You can experience both or separate 24:25 - Knowing why is there something rather than nothing 25:55 Knowing what is God - What God is pointing to - 99.999 No idea what it means - Godhead 27:15 Realizing You are God - God is You - Very important - You are the creator - May take multiple awakening to achieve this 29:52 Self= Other Other= Self -It's just your imagination - You as God are all alone - Come face to face that there's no one but You - Very shocking - You might feel your insane - Everything you do is with yourself 32:54 Realizing what is Love - Emotional Insight - Consciousness is Love - Love is the fabric of the Universe - All Evil is Love - You spend most of your life hating people fighting evil - A bitter pill for ego - Truth and Love are identical 35:50 Realizing everything is imaginary - Everything is Mind - Infinite Mind - It's your Mind - It's all imaginary 38:40 Self-Design - You are creating yourself - Every hair is as though I planted it myself with Infinite Mind - You designed the Universe 40:50 Realizing what your birth really is - You were here forever - You never were born - You imagined you were born 42:45 Eternity / No-Time / Absolute Now - No past or future - Everything is in the Now - Eternal is outside of time - Even your body is eternal 44:23 Realization of what is Death and Immortality - There is no past or future - Death is imaginary, a story, and ego created. - You're immortal 46:25 Paradise / Heaven / Perfection - Heaven is right here - Heaven and Hell are not physical locations - When you realize your immortal you'll be in heaven 48:00 Bliss / Ecstasy - Not just extreme pleasure - It's infinitely good - Cosmic orgasm 49:33 Infinite intelligence - It's not high IQ Its Being -Everything is intelligence - Its all the Mind of God 53:32 Goodness - Everything is Absolute Good 54:35 Realizing what is Will (Infinite Will of God) - Everything is though the Will of God - Manifests everything Now - Not mechanical - The human will is a tiny sliver of Gods Will 56:47 Unlimited Power - Create whatever no Laws - Human is God in a limited form 58:13 Omniscience - Incredible experience 59:20 Divinity / Magic / Mystery - The human experience is divinity - You walk down the street an everything glows at you - A deep and profound mystery - You don't know anything 1:01:00 Realizing what is Being - Substance of reality 1:02:15 Realizing Universe is an Infinite Fractal - You can zoom in and out 1:02:44 Realizing what is Perception - Infinite resolution 1:03:18 Realizing what is Life - Universe is Alive - Any form is alive 1:04:32 Realizing the point of Existence. - Love Bonus: 1:05:30 Communicating with God 1:06:07 Healing 1:06:46 Collective Consciousness 1:07:15 Universe Collapse 1:07:46 Paranormal 1:08:22 Alien Entities

@LaucherJunge meditative, third person perspective state is a key easy to say, but you can train that - just start to ignore emotions that you don't like to experience and follow the ones you do like and consciously decide that you want to go after and experience these if you feel like getting hurt - just take a break, don't tell her that, it's a sign that you are pushing too much, your emotions are like a feedback mechanism from Universe, you should always follow love, bliss and joy give yourself some time with getting more into "feeling" what to do and going with the flow, push-pull energy dynamic in relationship and after some time and training you will perfect your game and it will just become natural to you

@lukej Great post thank you. You've described very well the perils of this path, but also the beauty and bliss that comes from shedding layers of ego and psyche. Some teachers like Rupert Spira & Shinzen Young are also very good guides for when things get tough. For those alone times I think it's really important to reach out to others, particularly at retreats, workshops or meditation centres. This is why it is key to look to the community, not just online, for support.

Yeah it is better than a heroin high so it is said.. (I have not done heroin but i have felt the bliss of Pure Being and it is awesome. You can feel it fill your entire body and also when it leaves. @Nahm maybe the term Kundalini is a write off - but the phenomena is real - i call it Being.

@OBEler I awakened my Kundalini by accident after experiencing severe physical trauma. I was pursuing basic meditation as a way to mitigate pain and depression and then stumbled across tantric practices. Needless to say, doing these practices led to activation of Kundalini and I now have a permanent experience of energy and pressure in the brain and at the top of my head (crown chakra). Bliss occurs often. However, severe negative egoic reactions to the energy occurred for several years after the initial awakening. So, in short, doing tantra with an entirely different intention than awakening Kundalini led to my awakening. To answer your question about regret, I do sometimes and don’t other times. It depends on whether or not I’m feeling energetically positive or negative in the moment. The lows can be extremely painful, but the highs make it all worth it. I wouldn’t chase the highs to avoid the lows, however. @Nahm The dark moments vary in severity. Some are simple ego backlash, others are more like what is colloquially known as the dark night of the soul, where you feel entirely cut off from the Divine.

I extracted this paragraph for you ,from Ramana Maharishi book.You may have read this before or maybe not, but if you still ask, that means you haven't understood it yet, and maybe it's time to pay more attention to what it says.He speaks in simple words for everyone's meaning. Maybe it's time to put aside all these explanations, which are more complicated and which in my opinion do nothing but deepen you through the depths of the maze mind.Pay attention to all the beliefs you build, even if they are spiritual .All that’s are constructed beliefs: I am Love, I am Conciousness, I am God, I am Enlightened, , etc. Everything you add after I am , you’re not.You are not this or that even you had have all insights which Leo spoke to us.You are so pure that not all languages in the world put it together can be explained. You cannot explain yourself .to yourself.The only way is through direct experience. “”Q: Is one nearer to pure consciousness in deep sleep than in the waking state? A: The sleep,dream and waking states are mere phenomena appearing on the Self which is itself stationary. It is also a state of simple awareness. Can anyone remain away from the Self at any moment ? This question can arise only if that were possible. Q: Is it not often said that one is nearer pure consciousness in deep sleep than in the waking state? A: The question may as well be `Am I nearer to myself in my sleep than in my waking state?' The Self is pure consciousness. No one can ever be away from the Self. The question is possible only if there is duality. But there is no duality in the state of pure consciousness. The same person sleeps, dreams and wakes up. The waking state is considered to be full of beautiful and interesting things. The absence of such experience makes one say that the sleep state is dull. Before we proceed further let us make this point clear. Do you not admit that you exist in your sleep? Q: Yes, I do. A: You are the same person that is now awake. Is it not so? Q: Yes. A: So there is a continuity in the sleep and the waking states. What is that continuity ? It is only the state of pure being. There is a difference in the two states. What is that difference? The incidents, namely, the body, the world and objects appear in the waking state but they disappear in sleep. Q: But I am not aware in my sleep. A: True, there is no awareness of the body or of the world. But you must exist in your sleep in order to say now `I was not aware in my sleep'. Who says so now ? It is the wakeful person. The sleeper cannot say so. That is to say, the individual who is now identifying the Self with the body says that such awareness did not exist in sleep. Because you identify yourself with the body, you see the world around you and say that the waking state is filled with beautiful and interesting things. The sleep state appears dull because you were not there as an individual and therefore these things were not. But what is the fact? There is the continuity of being in all the three states, but no continuity of the individual and the objects. Q: Yes. A: That which is continuous is also enduring, that is permanent. That which is discontinuous is transitory. Q: Yes. A: Therefore the state of being is permanent and the body and the world are not. They are fleeting phenomena passing on the screen of being-consciousness which is eternal and stationary. Q: Relatively speaking, is not the sleep state nearer to pure Consciousness than the waking state ? A: Yes, in this sense: when passing from sleep to waking the `I'thought [individual self] must start and the mind must come into play. Then thoughts arise and the functions of the body come into operation. All these together make us say that we are awake. The absence of all this evolution is the characteristic of sleep and therefore it is nearer to pure consciousness than the waking state. But one should not therefore desire to be always in sleep. In the first place it is impossible, for it will necessarily alternate with the other states. Secondly it cannot be the state of bliss in which the jnani is, for his state is permanent and not alternating. Moreover, the sleep state is not recognized to be one of awareness by people, but the sage is always aware. Thus the sleep state differs from the state in which the sage is established. Still more, the sleep state is free from thoughts and their impression on the individual. It cannot be altered by one's will because effort is impossible in that condition. Although nearer to pure consciousness, it is not fit for efforts to realize the Self. “”””?

So, last night I projected my consciousness spontaneously into the astral realm, for the very first time. I have no evidence or proof, of course. All I have is the undeniable inner knowing. It was present during the whole experience and it came back with me as I woke up. Something in me just knows. The experience itself was pure magic. I have never experienced bliss and freedom to this degree. There is nothing like it. I struggle to recreate the experience within my imagination as I'm typing. It was just so otherworldly. Unimaginable from where I am right now. A long while ago, I was quite interested in astral projection. And although I had a strong intention, combined with numerous techniques - I could never actually do it. So after a while I just stopped trying. Since then I had a handful of lucid dreaming experiences, which occurred spontaneously as well - without any effort or intention. However, those experiences weren't exactly pleasant, for whatever reason. Not nearly as magical and heavenly. Much denser and "ordinary" in nature. What I experienced last night was totally different. On a whole new level. It was not merely about me being aware of the fact that I'm dreaming. This was a completely different realm, instead of the "usual" dream realm. I really struggle to describe it. But if I tried to point towards something; I'd say the main difference was in the overall frequency/vibration of the realm. Everything, including myself, was pure light. Transparent, even. Incredibly vivid, colourful and alive. It felt more real than waking life, I kid you not. I perceived everything in great detail. My senses were razor sharp. Extremely sensitive. For the majority of the experience I had a human-like body. But there were also instances where I had no body whatsoever. Just pure awareness/light. I remember flying above the mountains. Feeling the pleasant breeze blow against me. Completely carefree, joyful and playful. I had ultimate freedom. I was able to speed up time and fast forward - shifting through countless frozen frames at the speed of light. This way I was able to jump from one experience to another. From one timeline to another - I suppose. I was even able to "pause" a particular frame and mold it as I pleased. Then, as if I was to hit "play" again - the experience continued. It was beyond any fiction or fantasy. And I was doing all that consciously, intentionally and on purpose - if you will. At one point I even experienced myself as the entire ocean! Shapeshifting? How crazy is that?! Hah! It just cannot be put into words. Pure heaven. I also interacted with other beings, quite a lot. Even had some erotic action going on, lol! It was beyond my wildest dreams. I woke up and I instantly knew what was going on. There is no doubt in my mind, even now as the memory is getting more and more foggy. I just know. As much as I'd love to recreate similar experiences, I guess it will not be an every night thing. I feel like the more I'd try to force or chase it, the further away it would get. But I also recognize the experience as an invitation of some sort. As well as a reminder of just how limitless, free and unbound my soul is. In our everyday lives, it can often seem as if there's nothing outside of this realm. But there is so so so much more. Infinitely more. I am so greatful to be reminded of that in this magical way. If anyone had any similar experiences I'd really like to connect on the topic with you. I'm completely new to this world. And I'm super excited about it! God bless ya all!

Yeah plant is always in bliss. It doesn't "know" It's plant doesn't "know" anything. Yeah next life plant or some rock. That one which comprehends and perceives is separated self cause of Suffering. In Truth you do not perceive you are sentience. God is not separated from creation. Can't really perceive anything don't I? But have to really beleive in that so BS Game can be pulled. What senses really are continuation of Love from Source. I am that Source and Everything, completelly alone. I will never be loved that's the only reason for deep sadness. I am Love itself yet as Source I Will never be Loved. That's the reason of slumber, when you are connected with Heart ofcourse you can't beleive any "other" can really Love you. Other is already you. Talking with myself, sorry.

I Believe The Most Authentic Statements Made Begin W/ "I Feel" Becuz We R Organic Beings In Mortal Bodies Made Aware By Sensations For me, the moment I give myself over to thoughts and ideas, I abandon my humility and suddenly become self identified with "something greater than myself." For me, every moment, every instant of awareness, every breath I take, presents me with a choice: "Do I represent myself ~ to my own self &/or to others ~ as a tender/vulnerable/mortal/anxious body? Or do I represent myself ~ to my own self &/or to others ~ as a monolithic/invulnerable/immortal/unassailable spirit?" Even as I write, in this instant, I can see and feel that choice looming before me.. I can presume to insist that this choice that I am engaged in, as I type, right now, is The Human Experience .. Or I can, in all tentativity, in all uncertainty and pure suspense, merely pose it, in tender supplication, as a most intimate cloud of sensations blowing through me .. Nevertheless, I DO wish and find, that there is a Rock Of Gibraltar in the duality: Mind/Head/Thought/Vision Vs Body/Heart/Feeling/Intuition. And that there is that Immortal Certainty in that duality. And yet, nevertheless, that very duality, is merely the finger pointing at Truth. Like a lighthouse warning of a rocky shore. It is but a guide post. Because the real truth is this fleeting instant of pure feeling and sensation, my fingers over the key board, the exuberance in my heart, the looming forth of release and vastness and possibility, freedom coursing forth with breath rhythmically, gratefully, falling and lifting in my diaphragm.. For me Advaita, Nonduality, Enlightenment, Truth, Love, Deity, Ideal Is Pure t ~ e ~ n ~ d ~ e ~ r ~ n ~ e ~ s ~ s Mine Yours Ours Life's Awareness Existence Universe Why, then, the duality? Why then, the dichotomy between Head and Heart, between thought and feeling, between mastery and submission, between, good and bad, between, yes and no? If all things are actually connected, why not merely express that infinite interconnectedness without separation? Just ever express that exquisite, flowing, endless and ongoing seamlessness? What IS that betweenness that separates? What IS that "illusion"? Is it REALLY an "illusion"? Or is it actually just another truth, in drag? Just another truth pretending to be other than truth? Just another truth (not an illusion at all, not at all) inviting us to play, in lila, with our own fears, in order to laugh at them, in order to show that, surprise!, the snake was just a rope all along? Or not? Maybe enlightenment is both the play of release from our mortal coil AND confinement to it, both freedom and restraint, both infinite bliss and endless terror. Both. What then? For me, the "what then?" is ? i n f i n i t e h e a r t ? w a r m t ~ e ~ n ~ d ~ e ~ r ~ n ~ e ~ s ~ s ? .. when I remember. Because I will forget. With every breath I take in, and breathe out, is both Advaita and Vaita, both dual and nondual. Both remembering, reintegrating, re-embracing, and forgetting, disintegrating, rejecting. Lightening and darkening. Both Avidyā and Vidya: The Dance Tandavam or Nadanta But, also, paralysis. Such is the uncertainty, anxiety, and therefore, bliss and beauty of our tenderness. IMO. In all humility. (Or, at least, some, nominal, tentative, humility..) And I believe, that for me, "enlightenment" is that profound humility that feels one's own heart, fully, entirely, in every moment, with all it's passion, both shock and serenity, both love and hate, both completely open and completely closed, both hot and cold, both warm and numb. And to feel one's heart fully, entirely, without reservation, is utter humility, complete meditative surrender to the whole of existence, both one's own and others'. And to cast one's glance, one's gaze, upon another, both in one's mind and in one's eyes, is to feel that other's heart beat, also, in the full spectrum of it's immense, vast, universal intensity and subtlety, pride and humiliation, guilt, shame and pride, love and bliss. "Enlightenment" cannot be described in words because it is not bound by anything that can be thought. Thought binds and creates boundaries. For me, "enlightenment" is a very subtle, yet intensely exuberant TEMPERATURE. It is a feeling of warmth. It is a thermal image that permeates awareness. We have very few words to describe the widest spectrum of warmth. But it is this very warmth that we communicate. It is the essence of communication itself. My experience of Leo Gura is that he brings the spectrum of his heart's warmth into language. My experience of Leo is the experience of his heart's warmth emanating with magnificent hues and pastels of wonder over a panoramic vastness. It is a physical presence recorded in pixels and vibrations that resonates into the widest reaches of the heart's imagination: thermally. Satori, for me, is that intense focus on both one's own, others' and another's heart beat. And "enlightenment" is full spectrum satori on the Universe's Heart Beat.

Hi! I have this aswell sometimes. When i start to get deeper in meditation my heart starts pounding like hell and i get all anxious and fearful. There's nothing to be afraid though, it's just the mind wanting to grab my attention again. What works for me is to surrender to it, accepting it as it is. Then observing it with compassion. It melts away after this. But it's important not to try to get rid of it, welcome it instead and after that i often find myself in a state of deep bliss. Once you manage to surrender to this once, it will get easier in the future.

if you use it high quality, in the right setting ( not dancing, on random drug + alcohol ) like purely. and purity in the substances. there will be no comedown ~120mg lesser. I just did mdma 10 times in life, but with all my gathered knowledge for people who are not about drugging themself here : - 100-120 mg ( no comedown, and normaly none if you do it once every 5 years : you read right, every once in a year is ok too, every month is a very bad idea. ) different from psychedelics but has some potential, there is a low mood then, that stay almost for 3 days, but you'll not experience it below the ~120 mg there is psychedsubtance on youtube who talks a lot about mdma. it is used/try in setting in some country for psy-therapy. yes it can teach you in meta, what an absolute feeling of love & bliss is. but that's the thing, most people get hooked on it, and don't try to embody what can be teached by the substance. can help someone very down to see there is "high". I would be cautious with mdma, I didn't do it since 1 year, and don't plan to do it again, I always do half a pill of xtc in some random party where I feel for it, in my case, I like to be surrounded when I do mdma. ( But I will maybe never do it again, cause of the possible comedown, and because I already dig what there is to learn from it ( maybe there is more, but not for now ) )

I'd like to report on my yesterday's powerful magic mushroom trip. I'm 22 years old male & live in Europe. I have been very interested in psychonautics for close to 4 years and with time I'm only deepening my appreciation to psychedelics, as I see the immense value they can offer, when used with serious intent. That being said, I have always found personal obstacles before, when going for those breakthrough doses. Most of my trips have been with medium dosages, so I haven't delved deep that much, but I have broadened my spectrum... I have tried different kinds of psilocybe species, lots of NNDMT, psilohuasca, ayahuasca, few acid trips, bit of MDMA. I have also partaken in workshops with shamanic chanting, journeying and cleansing, cannabis yoga and cacao ceremony, where I got introduced to the power of medicinal/shamanic grade cacao. Additionally, I have tried darkness retreat, floatation/isolation tank, prolonged fasting and I'm really enjoy Wim Hof method combined with cold exposure. I have had this bag of the 5g psilocybe cubensis stored in my freezer for like 1.5 years. I have lately been doing more inner work and moved my life to what feels like another level. Therefore, I have had an inner calling for another go at the breakthrough experience, so I planned it for a month and prepared extensively the week prior. The setting was a pretty much empty and clean dormitory room of 2 female friends (feminine energy), who were on a holiday... my male friend was also present, with whom we have designated this trip to go deep and not waste it. We prepared the environment to be very cozy and very much ritualistic. My friend was to stay quiet, sober, not interrupting and handing me anything I wanted (puke bucket, food, water, etc.), so that there was no need for me to go anywhere other than the toilet. My intention for the trip was to experience the nature of love. I knew the cacao could be used to open my heart, so I bough the highest quality dark chocolate I could find and asked my female friend to prepare her special hot cocoa beverage ("infused" with her feminine energy to further promote an open heart during the trip). Although these cocoa treats were nothing compared to the previous cacao brew, I put a lot of symbolic meaning into it anyway. Also... I ate very lightly leaving on that day. TRIP: I never felt so relaxed and ready before a psychedelic trip, like I did here! After a short meditation, I asked my friend to hand me over the extracted shroom brew I made and chugged it without any tension or fear occurring at all. Couple minutes passed and I could already start feeling the effects slowly creeping in, so I thought it is best to consume the chocolate + hot cocoa immediately, so that I don't struggle later on. It was very heavy, but incredibly delicious... I cleaned my mouth with a glass of water and laid down in a comfortable bed. The effects started to rapidly intensify, so I just directed my focus on letting and conscious breathing. The fabric of reality started to emanate very warm and loving feeling, which I was allowing myself to dissolve into, while my mind was getting completely twisted and my sense of self shattered. Time stopped existing and I could no longer make distinction between past and future. Boundaries of is possible and what we like to tell ourselves isn't possible have dissolved (even gravity seemed illusory). The next thing I remember was a vision of what felt like the society's collective unconscious sending out these demonic figures toward me. They seemed to originate from myself,people I knew as well as people unknown to me. Meeting these demonic figures was where the intensity hit another level and I came to the realization, that in order to face them I need to stay calm, let go, open up and let the loving energy serge through me - I needed all the strength I get (whatever the "I" was at this moment). All this felt very natural to me... intuitively, coz there was certainly no sense of time and any rationalizing was out of the realm of possibilities. After a while of "psychic fighting", the demonic figures disappeared, but my body has become very heavy and I felt the need to purge. I didn't feel nauseous, but whatever has happened with the demonic figures now had to cleansed out. A sober though pops in my head though, that I should wait, coz I don't want the brew to be puked out. To postpone the puking, I spread my body into a star-shape, relax and start breathing deeply, I also noticed the smell of a sweet fragrance, that I put in an aroma-lamp before, which really grounded me. I knew the puking will have to be done sooner or later, so I get all my senses to turn to my friend and ask him to get me the puke bucket within my reach. He does so and says something shortly, but I tell him, that I have no idea, what those words mean. I return to my relaxation exercise. Suddenly I was not obstructed by another challenge though. Since some time must have passed since the ingestion of the brew, I had a really big urge to pee. I was tripping very hard though and didn't want my state of being to be interrupted. My body felt very powerless, the demonic encounter needed to be purged out and I had no idea, how to even use the basic human body functions, such as walking. Still lying down, my legs now started to shake, while my upper body parts were completely calm. There is a sense of some past trauma being lodged in my lower part of the body, but from all this chaos of still being dissolved in the loving energy, while multiple unpleasant bodily sensations, there is no way to focus on the trauma to understand it deeper. Suddenly I remember, what Wim Hof (and many other people I admire and listen to) have said and demonstrated... that it is possible to tap into an infinite source of power and overcome things, that seem impossible. I now say "NO" to the urge to pee and completely give in to the present experience. The need goes completely away so much so, that after some minutes I become sure, that I had peed myself and very much messed up the room we have borrowed. The urge to puke was long gone and I thought, that I have now purged the negative energies through the pee (this happened in past and the resulting pee has a very strong odor). BTW I was still tripping hard, so I couldn't even sense, if I had really peed myself or not, but all the unpleasant sensations have completely vanished. I now entered a very present state of being full of love. I was just laying there in a body, that was just broken and not functioning, but it was ok, coz all I could sense was bliss and sense of cosmic peace. The moment was so beautiful... there was also this feeling of victory or accomplishment. I was so surrendered and humbled by what has happened, that I acknowledged whatever losses/damages were done in the name of LOVE. Even if my mind was to stay twisted and I'd be retarded for the rest of my life, it would be perfectly ok. I literally thought of sacrificing myself to this nobel cause, but then I thought, how negatively it would end up in the media and so if I choose to do it, I should schedule a meeting with a journalist, explain him my situation and then sacrifice myself in a sober state, which would have much greater impact. This rationalization most likely came from my psychedelic renaissance activism (my life purpose) connected to the Extinction Rebellion movement. I remind myself to give in to the blissful experience and I just lay there for, what later my friend told me were two hours. Here and there I had a thought or moved a bit, but mostly I'm in this trance enjoying the zen-like moment. Somewhere in there I finally get the strength to quickly hop up and move myself to the toilet in a very reptilian manner. Still thinking I had peed myself previously, now I sit on the toilet celebrating a great victory. I quickly return to my bed and continue enjoying the bliss, but I start feeling the effects going away (it was like 4 hours since ingestion). I spent most of the rest of the trip in no-mind state often going into trances of expressing love in a repetitive way to anyone and anything... tears of happiness occasionally go down my face. My friend then reminds me, that I had handled the trip very well & that there was no accidental peeing done after all. I then summed up the trip like this: I came as a warrior, who channeled the power of love to not only conquer myself, but attempt healing collective trauma (demons). My complete surrender to the nobel cause ended in me having chipped away a piece of the demonic titan, making this fight a great victory. <3

Such incredible Love in this one <3 I will climb into your ocean, I will sail into your shore, I will breathe in your magnificence, and never ask for more, I will be as I am written, courage on every page, I will carve this life with every breath, a sage to the age, I will turn up the fountain, and fill this world with bliss, I will sing a song of joyful love and merge into your kiss, And I will stumble into beauty, recognizing that it's me, I will open up my heart, and surrender unto thee I am the child, I am the mother I am your bride, and your lover I am everything, great and small I am the one, I am it all I am the child, I am the mother I am your bride, and your lover I am everything, great and small, I am the one, I am it all I Am The Light Of Love I will dive into each moment, because I'll die as I was born I will walk at peace with ease and grace, and float with the unknown I will find the gift in everything, perfection in every way I will bow at the altar, of this and every day I can't promise not to feel some fear, or to always understand But I'll be the change I wish to see, I will hold every hand I am tangled up in beauty, I see clearly that it's me I have opened up my heart, and surrender unto thee

So, long story short - would love to hear your thoughts on this situation. I Just really need to get this off my chest - There's this man I've been talking to the past hmm...I think about 5 or so months? We seem to have had an instant connection the moment we found one another and although it was based on "sexual" talk at first, I grew very fond of him and care for him. I'm someone that gets easily jealous, especially when it comes to a man I feel attracted to and genuinely care for so needless to say, I really do have a tough time with him talking about other women. We're not exclusive so of course he has every right to and I know I have no say in this for lack of better words - but in my heart it honestly does get to me. He's someone that's basically single and divorced and according to him, after being with the same Lady for 20 years, this is his time to be free and have fun with women...which I understand. Also, I never asked him to be single for me either. I have expressed my genuine feelings of me being fond of him and we have both shared our love for one another. He knows I get jealous and I have asked multiple times of him to NOT speak or mention other women because it tears me up inside. But, something happened... In July, I was having a bad day emotionally and was trying to seek comfort in him. Right when I was about to message him, I saw that he had already texted me. A pic. I opened the pic and it was a semi revealing pic of him but what really got me was that I immediately noticed that a 1/3 of the pic, contained someone beside him, laying in bed, Basically, another Lady laying beside him and her not knowing she was part of the pic at all. I got VERY angry and pissed because I was clear about how I felt for him and although he knows this, he disrespected my wishes by sending this AND acting all innocent about it like "what's the problem?" and in my mind, thinking I would be too dumb to notice. Needless to say, being how upset I already was from the day - I couldn't keep my cool at all and felt so disrespected that I had to let him know about it. He was very taken aback and we fought. He seemed very cold and I wasn't feeling heard nor understood so when the conversation essentially ended, I felt in my heart that I didn't want to speak to him every again. And so, I didn't text him at all and we went without talking for a whole entire month. I would be lying if I said that I didn't feel better - because I did, and suddenly I felt more at peace despite the situation and how it ended. I felt like I could breath. Fast forward, he messaged me a while later and apologized. For some reason, it felt heartfelt to me and I agreed to talk to him despite me (before) wanting to never speak to him again. I felt like we melted into each other and couldn't let go. I however said I had very specific terms that I wanted to share and they were A) no sexual talk whatsoever because I feel very used, disrespected by him because of it and B) No talk of other women whatsoever. None. Zero. I want to hear none of it. He at first said he'll try and see how it goes but apparently it got to him because even before NOT trying it, he had already gotten back to me about 2 weeks later and said nope, not for him and he wishes me well...basically "breaking up with me". I was mad as hell because this is a person that always said how much he wanted me in his life forever and always begged me not to leave him and yet I AM THE ONE getting broken up with when he never tried for ME? Needless to say I was beyond furious. After we fought, I felt at peace for a split second because I thought wow so is that how that is? Fine, I'm better off alone. But then, somehow...in the heat of the moment we managed to mend the connection and now we're talking. In a way, we started talking sexually (gradually!) and it seemed like I was semi okay with it not being on my terms in that regard. I had a really, really rough day a week plus ago and was so upset that I thought even he couldn't really help me and I even warned him that I might disappear for a few days because I was honestly having a very hard time, emotionally. He very much surprised me and was there for me and honestly somehow made me feel better and made me laugh and I was so surprised I even managed to have him and feel better, kinda. He kept being lovely to me for a few days after that and I felt like we were closer than ever, on a much more well rounded scale. Then suddenly, after one really lovely chat, the next day he suddenly sent me really degrading sexual messages that were honestly not only uncalled for but felt really hurtful, especially him not even asking if I was in the mood or not before even sending everything. I was too shocked to full on get angry with him and so questioned him about it and he seemed more carefree and unbothered by saying he's just in the mood and that "I should just let him be". Despite us continuing to talk, this whole thing made me feel some type of way because just when I thought wow here's this amazing man that has my back, he goes around and does this. Needless to say that really made me feel some type of way to a point where I decided that I'd rather he not hear or have me at all till I felt like it. I disappeared for 2 days and it was bliss. I then felt the need to at least say hello and we did talk after those couple of days but since my sleeping hasn't been too good and so I felt asleep and still felt some type of way about things and so we didn't talk for another 2 days. Now, I messaged him yesterday and he has seen my texts which were tbh very friendly and loving but he has not respond at ALL which is very much not like him. This never happened. I have been feeling uneasy about this and it dawned on me that despite all of this (good and bad) - ever since July, every time I think of HIM...what immediately flashes in my mind is that ONE dumb pic he said of him laying next to another Lady in bed and him acting all dumb about it like he never thought I'd notice ect. I honestly cannot even think of him without thinking of that pic and it hurts me inside despite knowing that he and I aren't exclusive. I don't know what to feel anymore because if he were to act as a genuine FRIEND than honestly there should not be ANY sexual talk whatsoever. And me TRYING to establish that hasn't worked because he's too weak of a man and a person to fully respect my terms, especially about not talking sexually. On the other hand I feel my heart strings being pulled because he always says how much he wants me in his life and begs not to ever leave him and that he loves me. And, no matter what I honestly can NOT hear about other women - even though we're both "single" and he has every right to do whatever he likes, I'm too jealous to hold that space for him to hear about stuff like that because then I feel like I not only never enjoy the conversation, I walk away feeling hurt and cannot handle it no matter how hard I try. It honestly makes me feel some type of way. This has honestly taken a toll on my heart because on the one hand when I did feel bliss and peace over us "breaking up", but at the same token I do feel sad because he's the only male friend - more than a friend - man I have in my life. Without him, I would have no one to talk to when I was feeling very emotional and upset like I mentioned and he has surprised me the last time by being there for me and wanting to help me in my life. But, now no matter what - when I think about him, the pic flashes in my mind and I get internally upset and sad inside. I will mention because I think it may be asked - we have never technically slept together. What should I do? P.S - it would be so lovely to hear a man's perspective on this !!!!!! What's the game here really? What he hell is going on?

Unconditional Love is not a feeling its not bliss, sorry hun. Unconditional Love is Uncondtional Love. Unconditional Love is suffering on behalf of your students. taking on their pain so they can see and think clearly at the end of time, when all your students have awakened. onlt THEN is Unconditional Love a source of bliss. Grow the fuck up

Watching the breath can seem boring compared to whatever thoughts you may be having . This type of meditation belongs to the concentration category so yes, you're training that too. Like when you've got studying to do but would rather do something, anything else. My suggestion is to be kind to yourself, accept your laziness and carry on. Try and stretch yourself a little bit, within your comfort zone. Also, it helped me in the early stages to reach the occasional blissed-out state to motivate me to carry on. I still get bliss sometimes but it doesn't matter. Also, do you get enough aerobic exercise to burn off excess energy? That might help with the restlessness.

Hey, been blessed to have been following leo for about three years. Best thing ever happened to me. So, I immediately became fascinated with Enlightenment after his Mushroom breakthrough. After that, I began meditating for hours at a day, eventually doing my own isolation retreat, and doing 247 mindfulness. I awoke my kundalini and could sit for 4+ hours in bliss, lol, so I am quite prepared. Now, my current practice is only 30 minutes of witnessing and focus practice. - So, I took two tabs on a 12-16 hour fast and within 30 min, it hit me like a brick that I was already enlightened and that I was just coming home. I could not stop laughing. Best walk of my entire life. Was laughing so hard at how amazing of a tool this is and how people have no clue. Anyways, contemplation power is X4-5 and totally in the moment. Felt like I saw the world for what is actually was the first time, ever, almost like a kid. Saw that these workers outside aren't working on a task, they ARE apart of the big picture, and they are either contributing to degration/resistance of evolution or helping it, basically. I saw through the entire rat race of society. In that instance I was floored on how I could go back to my two wage slave jobs the next day, but nonetheless, NOW it is inevitable I quit those jobs for my ultimate life purpose (still transitioning). Then, I am talking to my roommate, and he is of a different race and I immediately saw how racism was a complete joke - not even possible on this dose/for me at least. Saw that every leader must take this, if not, disaster may ensue - because without big picture, self-bias will kick in. Ecstatically realized that I want to make psychedelics my life purpose - doctor, therapist, advocate, etc. Then, it got to a point where I was completely out of concept land - a non dual experience where it just felt like I couldn't conceive of opposites. Also, everything seemed inevitable. Like psychedelics awakening man-kind/legalization, me completing my life purpose, and some other things. Resistance is what seems like things aren't God's inevitable plan. Soon, I started filming a passionate video about myself and basically doing a trip report on video. I was explaining on how obvious my life purpose was and was perplexed on how someone could avoid the experience of ego-dissolution on this substance - how they could resist it or not experience it on two tabs just blew my mind. And, I realized that all/70% addiction was seeking this awakening experience. Everything else was a cycle of suffering with weed, alcohol, and other drugs, aside from medicinal uses. Best experience of my life. Was very sad in this state to see that people are too scared to look into the own depths of their mind and are scared of these substances - if you're scared, you're putting off the inevitable things you'll have to work through in your life at some point anyway, it just seemed insane how people are missing out on this incredible joy for hits of coffee and weed. The major realization on this video was a mystical vision where Humanity would awaken through these substances - in this technology age, no one is going to go to the east and go to monasteries. If they do, it will most likely be catalyzed by psychedelics. The greatest human invention, truly. Because if you can change your mind, you can change anything in the material world you want, really. There was no ifs, ands, buts, or maybes that this will happen. Like Leo said, a time in future will people will awaken stupidly as if robots with a psychedelic path in a matter of years. Most importantly, I could NOT conceive of suffering. In this state, all suffering was was resistance. Resistance to what is, psychedelics, evolution, your sober state, etc. It was awesome - but still really hard to see how I resist in daily life, but nonetheless helped 7% more. I had a big urge to share the video I filmed because I feel like most people I know have NO clue that these substances can be used seriously for enlightenment and I wanted to document a live enlightenment experience, felt so authentic, however, losing my job was just not an option - and it would not have panned out well in general. 3 hours later, I crash HARD from that enlightenment experience/all that shakti, and am kinda depressed and feel icky from the acid. Definitely not an enjoyable drug after peak. It lasts too long, anxiety, and just feel uncomfortable and restless in my body/hard to write a bit. So, I may try AL-LAD, or 4-aco-dmt (but have heard bad things with 4-aco-dmt). So, even though this experience faded away, I knew I would never ever be the same. I kept on texting my best-friend several days after waking up, I will never be the same. I can't un-see what I saw. I must actualize my dreams and become enlightened. I also realized that I had been having mini awakenings and kundalini experiences that were similar to what I experienced in this trip the whole time, I just doubted them so much. Weed gave me a lot of pseudo mystical experiences - but was really hard to remember them (distraction substance compared to this stuff). Next couple days my brain felt totally rewired, more intelligent, way more energized, and conscious. Until couple days after, I began to sleep mid day and feel exhausted because of all of the rewiring and Central Nervous System taking in that extraordinarily high level of consciousness it was not used to - was definitely a good shock to my system. Best experience of my entire life in like three hours, LOL. -- Action: -become apart of psychedelic groups -A Career where I can do prison studies with psychedelics, 5-meo -A Career where I can take psychedelics myself -Tread the psychedelic path for enlightenment and therapy - I am so inspired by this path, yet at times it feels icky (maybe because of stigma/guilt) -study leo psychedelic booklist -study spiral dynamic book and forum -psychedelics, politics, enlightenment/philosophy -Life vision statement/vision-board -Get good at sitting with apathy, boredom, not feeling passionate, not feeling spiritual or feeling connected to God (obviously a green state chasing ideal) -Embody Orange because even though I had this intense mystical experience, I can't share it without losing my job and it's really sad lol. -Close friends MUST desire the Truth in some aspect Questions: I want a psychedelic that can take people quickly to God and I believe 5meo could help prisoners, and deeply unconscious people. Because I saw that even LSD wont do that, because no one I have talked to had even relatively the same experience I had, because no one cares about the Truth - I want something that can show it to people despite their intellectual ignorance? Is that kundalini awakening I felt after the trip for next week possible to feel all the time? Like that joy and excitement and STUPID easy ability to negate negative thoughts and do positive thinking/meditation? How do I make a career of out of Psychedelics without getting fired from my jobs as I start the business up and post stuff? And even with a medical degree, if I was truthful about the main objective of my degree, I would be dismissed immediately. Really tricky.

@Alex bliss ?

@Alex bliss i have no idea, because i didn't reach it lol, so I can't tell you for sure just like Leo and anyone in this topic but, from what I've heard - every path is different, yeah, that's for sure, because we are all different and it's a silly question tbh but what is more - there are the same steps that you have to go through to reach it for everyone, like, let's say - if you want to learn to run you have to learn to walk first, everyone learns this in a different way and in a different time, but still, we can all learn to run (you know what I mean) also, check these out: https://imgur.com/a/z6t4psC

@aklacor727 When i had a mystical experience/direct consciousness of Oneness that was one of the hardest ones for my ego as well. It had the most severe ego backlash. Because basically it recontexualizes everything you thought you knew your entire life. The curtain is lifted over all of reality for the first time and it's hard to swallow that duality is actually non-duality in disguise. I was left sick for a week with this feeling of being alone and looking back at myself; felt like i was going crazy and had depression. But that was the bad part. The good part was first a feeling of absolute bliss, wonder and amazement that this whole thing was mine. It was very liberating. Once you get past the backlash and integrate the realization it is much better.

@Alex bliss you're right, I guess if that's true then it just surprised me alot because I don't have anyone in person to talk to this about so it excites me when people show some kind of interest or understanding

beautiful, but the part about liberty is important. 3 generations is enough to makes people servil, stupid, and loving their golden cage.. North corea is just not even a golden cage. but ignorance is bliss, she talks about the fact that she was feeling nothing for people death on the street when she was in north corea. So maybe love "is a disease we spread " if she wasn't aware it existed and didn't feel anything ? does that mean that empathy is a delusion though ? She probably had some, but she extrapoled a bit for the ted, I doubt human are passive to human death, even as a pure psycho there is at list a "noticing", probably more a self defense mechanism to keep surviving. I was feeling sad for her, but in the meantime, it's not only "north korea", every egoic society needs his "north korea side".

I'm soon going to make a long and probably quite a controversial topic on the notion of suicide, or suicidality. IU've worked on it already a bit, but I'm not done yet. Right now I'm busy with other processes so it has stalled for a little bit, but it's probably going to come out in a couple of days. I have made a previous post on the topic of suicidality some two years ago, which I will link you to. However: Note that this was two years ago that I had written this, and my understanding about suicide and suicidality has deepened significantly. I had a tremendous insight into the nature of suicidality almost a year ago. But I will give you the link anyways since it may still very wel help you. Read the rest of my reply though before you click the link. https://psychcentralforums.com/depression/494523-whats-point-potent-reasons-choose-life-over.html?fbclid=IwAR3tWuDHuDFT7OOAxaMkoK8RN3xPC164po7qQ2rXEK0EjPqc43wkbonkeAM The important difference as to regard with my understanding about suicide or suicidality then and my understanding about it now, is that I've completely veered off from the idea that suicide is something that needs to be prevented, something that is evil, something that is bad and you should not do. In my realization I had almost a year ago, I realized that there is actually nothing objectively bad about the decision to commit suicide. You inherently have the freedom to do so, and God or existence will not punish you for committing it. If you commit suicide, it is my feeling that you will end up in a new incarnation in which you then get to choose the ideal conditions for your next life, also having taken into account how you have acted (including your decision to commit suicide) in your previous life. I'm not saying you will necessarily be better off in your next life —as what has not been resolved in the previous life has to be resolved in the next one, or the one after, or the one after, or the one after... It all depends whenever you decide to choose to allow spirit to guide you instead of your ego-based identity. But... suicide won't make it worse also. The unconsciousness in which you allow yourself to be possessed by that moves you to the decision to commit suicide will make it worse, but it is my feeling that the very act of suicide itself is neither good or bad. It just is. Nobody or nothing is going to punish you for the decision to commit suicide. But the ego-mind which you had decided to cling to prior to the final act of self-imposed death will make a vengeance, as suicide has not permanently resolved its identification with it. But you may get a temporary relief up until the point that the ego-mind starts re-establishing itself in the next level you are going to play in the game called life. So the whole problem with trying to prevent others or ourselves from committing suicide is that we do not understand that the ultimate purpose of life is not about survival. Whether we decide to commit suicide or not is not essential. The ego doesn't permanently evaporate when we commit suicide, but for the same coin our ego also doesn't leave us if we persist in continuing in our ego-based struggles where we insist that we must survive life at every cost, even though our life may be an almost continuous torment. In fact, to insist that we must survive life at all costs is, if we really think about it in a clear objective way, simply an absolute insanity! Because life is not about survival! It's ultimate purpose is awakening, not survival! What's the point of merely trying to survive, trying to stay positive, trying to fend off reasons and feelings that seem to support quitting the game, and trying to find and attach ourselves to reasons that seem to support our continuation of the game? (In actuality, it is the level we're quitting, but most people believe they will quit the game altogether, which I feel is impossible). Now to answer your questions: Is suicide always unconscious or possibly justified at higher stages of development at a particular context? Good question. I have heard stories about sages willfully leaving their own body because they have decided that their work is done for that particular incarnation. The stories have said however that they don't leave the body by doing something crude like hanging themselves, but that they can consciously leave their body through leaving it through the navel, as so I've heard. So I think that indeed at higher stages it can be justified. In fact, even at lower levels of consciousness if you really focus your energy and will to succeed in this one goal of taking your own life, it is in a way of looking at it more justified or at least more respectable than those who end up committing suicide in a fit of desperation. I myself had a time where I had very willfully tried to focus my energies to take my own life, trying to make it a very conscious and deliberate act. As you can tell, I had not succeeded but I really tried to devote myself to doing it. It is my feeling that if I had had succeeded in taking my own life this same spirit of devotion would have greatly benefited my next life, as opposed to doing it in a sort of eruption of repressed suicidal feelings whilst in a fit of despair. I'm not saying I would have been better off had I committed suicide, and probably not worse also. But now it has turned out to be that I get to use this same spirit of devotion in my current incarnation. True and internalized understanding of the nature of suicidality however ceases to allow any feelings of suicidal despair to ever pervade your being again. And total understanding comes only with total acceptance. In other words: if you are capable of truly and fully accepting the idea that you would or could commit suicide, that you are completely okay with it towards yourself, you would not fear it nor resist it, and thereby paradoxically the whole suicidal desire dissipates. Therefore, my devotion of me trying to commit suicide was not total; there was still judgement and resistance. Because if it was total, I would have come to total peace with my decision to do it. And if I were to come to total peace, then who wants to commit suicide when he is completely peaceful? Then the whole idea seems absurd. People at very high stages of consciousness however can decide not out of despair but out of a simple, calm understanding that this life has been outlived and that they can choose to leave their body at will to go on to the next journey. Perhaps other older people who are not as consciously developed can choose not out of despair but out of tiredness that also they have been long enough in the body and that they want leave it. But I'm not really sure about it, though. Is there a time period of going through a form of hell for the ego mind/body that commits an unconscious form of suicide that settles one's energies in order for them to be able give birth to another form of existence? If so how long does it approximately last according to human time understanding? I can't really be entirely sure but I doubt it. Not after you're already dead, I feel. Or otherwise not very long after it. However, I have heard a guru that I have a lot of respect for say that whatever your emotional state is at the time of death, it will be magnified 100x more (don't take the number too literal; I doubt it's mathematically completely accurate). So if there's bliss at that moment, bliss will be magnified 100x more, and if there's anguish, it will be magnified 100x more. Perhaps it is accurate to say that whatever egoic patterns you're holding in your body-mind structure that has been developed throughout this incarnation will have to be evaporated within a very short time span in order to release your soul from the body (which means it will be very intense for a short period of time for it to be released), and then even more deeply embedded unconscious egoic patterns that have been ingrained in the soul-level you take with you to the next incarnation —whether these egoic patterns already existed in you from previous incarnations or were created in this incarnation. That's my feeling about it, but I'm not totally sure about it. Is there a hierarchical principle of stages of life achievements and personal development at which one dies or commits suicide that determine what will one reincarnate as in samsara after some time? For example if I kill myself now at 22 having not worked a day in my life and not contributing almost nothing to society and still having pretty bad habits of being lazy will I reincarnate for example as a simpler form of life a worm or some plant and how in that context does one through the process of samsara earn to become human again? I don't think you will ever devolve this far down the line, if devolution is at all possible to begin with. That, I doubt too. My understanding in this area has yet to grow further, though. Neither not contributing to society nor being lazy nor even killing yourself I think will create negative karma. Understand the difference between the act and the quality of which you're doing it by. No act in itself creates negative karma. Any act that may seem to be valuable or honorable by standards of society but is done from a place of ego WILL create negative karma. Karma is not a punishment also; It is you allowing yourself to get more entrenched in the egoic position and thereby creating more pain in the future for yourself as there is more egoic holding patterns you have created for yourself to be detached from, which is always inevitably painful. Your quality of consciousness decides what is righteous and what is not. If you commit yourself now to the lazy life —as I had to do too— you are ought to create many valuable traits within yourself that is associated with the particular polarity in which you are devoting yourself to. Laziness can, amongst other things, be a form of guarding your own space and rediscovering your inner truth. Later down the line when the pendelum swings you towards the polarity of activity, then all the assets you have learned during your phase of laziness will then be put to use. So you are now growing the roots so that later on the tree can blossom much more vividly.

@Alex bliss also watch Leo's video on Godels incompleteness theorem.