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Absolute Truth = Oneness= Nothingness=Infinite Inteligence=Eternity=Goodness=Love=God=Consciouness=Presence= Pure Being= THAT. You are That. Which answer do you like?

Humans fundamentally do not possess anything. We could say Free will is part of the condition of the Being of human, however that Freedom would have nothing to do with the Desire a human possesses. Free Will is Creativity, it is the Causeless Cause. It is the manifestation of Nothingness or Infinite Potential into Finite Form. It is not random. Imagine something that does not exist, in a world that does not exist, with rules and limitations that do not exist. Imagine that without having any knowledge of any kind of that which you will imagine. That process of imagination is Free Will, or Creativity. It is the Root of all Form. The closer a Form is to the root, the more "free" it is. Or in other words, the closer it is to non-duality and the further away from duality, the more potential it has to express in more ways. Full non-duality leaves room for full expression. The Human mind is already an expression and therefore limited in it's potential, yet where it carries the lose ends of non-duality is where it can express true Creativity. Free Will is Divine Will, and indiscriminate in it's expression.

Keep with practises. You get to TRUTH with becoming IT not philosophising about it. Nothingness is not realized with intelect. Are you into actual spiritual practises?

@Nahm ? From Maurice Nicoll TRANSFORMING NEGATIVE STATES “Sly Man. . .notices distinctly that he lies, for example. He observes it over a period and does not seek to disguise it to himself, to justify himself. He notices it, sees it, acknowledges it, accepts it, and so swal- lows this particular pill. Then he must digest it. It tastes biter in the mouth. But once digested it becomes sweet...It seems paradoxical to say that if you will accept what you disapprove of you reach a higher level. People imagine that by increasing their sense of self-merit and virtue, they get higher. On the contrary, they descend. This is worth thinking about.” V. 3, p. 1000 TRANSFORMING NEGATIVE STATES II “G once said: ‘One emotion can only be conquered by another emo- tion.’ . . . The feeling of helplessness and the feeling of nothingness that come from the realization that one is a machine have nothing to do with negative emotions. At the back of negative emotions lie an- ger, violence, suspicion, bitterness, internal accounts, and so on. But behind the emotion arising from the realization of mechanicalness lies peace. And it is this emotion that can overcome negative emotions.” V. 3, p. 1013 EMOTIONAL CENTRE’S LANGUAGE “What language does the Emotional Centre use? It uses the language of visual imagery. The Emotional Centre does not know any intellec- tual words or theories, but it understands visual images. For instance, if you are in danger and feel nervous, and you meet a man who is visibly quiet, it helps the horse—that is, the Emotional Centre. The calm man is a visual image and this affects the horse and calms him.” V. 2, p. 465

@Nickyy Yeah I think you are right. I recall just being there, thoughts barely noticeable and detached from the body. Probably the mind freaked out and got into this 'nothingness loop of thinking'. Anyway, I need to be careful with this if I don't wanna loose control and do stupid things while going through with the process liberation.

Writing the last paragraph of all the layers fried my brain. . . My mind then collapsed into nothingness. Lol.

Shaun, have look at this image which Leo put it on his blog, for a better approximation of what nothingness looks like. If you have not read the post yet, enter the blog and read it, you can find it there with this title “What Does Nothingness Look Like?” Try to give a name to that.How you name it.? That= Nothingness=Everything=Unity=Oneness ?

I’m not sure about the exact context of your trip, but I can speculate that your body and mind were being purified, and you probably couldn’t handle it. The psychedelic was probably trying to cleanse you of all the blockages in your body that happened to be a core of your identity. Again I have no idea how your trip actually went - just speculation. Also it’s possible that the psychedelic you consumed was not good meaning it had corroded or wasn’t pure. Chances are, it’s the first possibility. You probably were fighting the experience, “trying to get back to the illusion” as you say. Here’s a nugget of perspective for you: You can be grateful that the trip’s over, right? in fact it might help you to just look up at the sky, close your eyes, touch your thumb to your index finger, feel your heart beat, and say, “Thank you.” Say it multiple fucking times if you have to. As for the future of your path: You are doing great! This is perfect. For some reason for me at least, once you go across the threshold of death, there is no desire to go back. In fact the desire to go back only comes back as a form of temptation. A wishful wanting to go back to living in unconsciousness. It’s much more productive and conducive to a healthy life to live from Truth or Nothingness rather than chase meaningless phantoms. The fear, anxiety, sadness, and depression - all of it temporary. Meaningless as well. In fact you might come to eventually enjoy the life threatening states this work will induce in you, much like a passing cloud on a clear sunny day. Keep a wide perspective on life. Focus on details only when necessary to confer Truth to your fellow human beings. Don’t get caught up in bullshit, ESPECIALLY YOUR OWN! Or mine in this case Eventually you’ll get to a point where it feels like reality is breaking down and while your mind is going crazy and trying to cling onto whatever it can, there is a deeper, more silent understanding and satisfaction that you get from doing this work. The best thing you can do now is to stay really fucking vigilant. Watch out for self deception and ego traps. You’re on the right path, just stay the course. Trust that things will work out, just like you trust your legs to work (if you have legs at least. For all I know you could be a wild intelligent octopus with access to a computer and is trying to self actualize). You don’t think, “OKAY HOW DO I TRUST MY LEGS TO WORK? FUCKKKKK!!!” *anxiety attack* lol.... No you simply just let your trust, “take over.” No need to overthink this. It’s as simple as it sounds. Your thoughts are like travelers passing through a toll booth. They move, you are still. You are that toll booth and the guy operating that toll booth. So you can waste time and be a dick to those travelers or you can just let them pass on thru and have no worries about them. Sometimes the same thought (or traveler in this analogy) will show up twice or three times even after you let them go. Just keep the faith, hold the knowing that you’re the toll booth guy, and not the travelers passing through. It’s a silent faith that keeps you going. Start meditating or investing time into a spiritual practice if you haven’t already. Ground yourself with a solid foundation. Do some meditation, yoga, etc. tons of resources out there to get started. No excuse not to be doing this.

Preliminary: I want to preface this by saying I have no intention of disrespecting the established decorum of abstaining from ideological debate. For the purpose of allowing a thorough analyses of nondualism, I do not believe the following pursuit of transcribing complicated nuances into simplistic facets to dissect as I will attempt, to be at all contrary to the overall goal of actualization, rather this should serve to reaffirm one's justification in personal investment towards such a contentious worldview through an intellectually rigorous approach. I respect the work Leo has done, and I am frequently using his knowledge to gain a better understanding of non-duality, however it seems that his communicative style lacks effectiveness towards rational minded people. Non-duality as described by Leo happens to correlate very well with some credible scientific/rationalist models of reality, and unfortunately if this correlation were not so, I can say certainly that someone like myself would have confidently dismissed teachings such as Leo's as religious nonsense, and for good reason as I see it, which is ironically rather sick. I also believe people with like-minded sensibilities to my own regarding rationality are best equipped to truly decipher reality, yet these sensibilities typically do not allow receptiveness to teachings such as nondualism as described by Leo. Therefore there needs to be a thorough accounting of any intelligible pieces of evidence pertaining to this worldview, and a careful dissection of what the evidence means so that people like myself can be reasonably convinced. This is 100% an attempt to conform nondualism with a rationalist's paradigm, despite Leo's assertion that such a thing is invalid. If multiple plateaus of understanding for this concept exist, I can credit my rationality for leading me as far as I am currently, and I see no reason to forego a rational process when trying to further decipher reality. If such an epiphany presents itself that rationality is in conflict with true understanding I will reconcile this appropriately, but for now I can only rely on the mechanisms of thought which I am familiar with. What is Nondualism: As I see it, Nondualism is the ontological position that reality is ultimately a unified whole, and a "spiritual" theory of undivided/shared consciousness. This worldview is given credence by a variety of discrepancies between logical plausibility and the traditional materialist worldview. Materialism is the belief that objective physical matter is the basic building block of reality and that consciousness is an inadvertent consequence of physical processes. A nondualist's worldview entails the exact opposite in that all experiences must come from a singularity that encompasses all conceptual possibilities within, which would mean that there is no actual "self" because all is one. People claim that a "spiritual enlightenment" is possible through surrendering to the truth of "no self". Enlightenment is said to entail an awakening to the true nature of being and freeing your consciousness from the illusory nature of "self" which thus eliminates all suffering. When explaining this nuanced topic I don't find it helpful to immediately frame non-duality in a "spiritual" context. I'd prefer to address non-duality as it is described in scientific models such as Robert Lanza's Biocentrism or Chris Langan's Cognitive Theoretic Model of the Universe. Until a belief for nondualism has been rationally justified it will be referred to as "dualistic monism" to avoid conflating the two paradigms of mysticism and rationality. Dualistic monism has profound existential implications such as the infinite nature of consciousness and how it transcends your biological lifespan, as well as the eventuality of living all possible experiences. A careful examination of such a worldview is indeed warranted, there is a lot at stake. Evidence for Dualistic Monism: There is a limitation with how far you can reason to demonstrate such a worldview. Thankfully there happens to exist a variety of factors we can use to inductively reason with strong confidence that consciousness exists monistically. Deductive reasoning will never be possible of course, but the inductive reasoning is so strong I would argue it serves as equally compelling. The Double Slit Experiment, which proves spacetime and consciousness to be interconnected can be interpreted as strong evidence for dualistic monism. The experiment famously shows electron particles alternating states between "wave" (light) and "particle" (physical matter) positions which mysteriously depend on whether someone observed the act or not (mind-fuck). If the experiment was being recorded the electrons acted like physical particles, but if no recording was created the electrons would behave like a wave (which is strange enough in itself since electrons are small matter particles, let alone the absurdity of realizing the outcome was dependent on conscious observation). Here is a video if you are unfamiliar. Double Slit Experiment - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwXQjRBLwsQ I can't imagine being so naive as to intake this information and not come away thinking this experiment changes everything. If you aren't totally hapless you should realize that the nature of reality is completely up-in-the-air after witnessing this experiment. Such a phenomenon should only be possible in a digital world, or a video game. If tiny matter particles can be systematically demonstrated to have properties that react to awareness then it completely precludes the necessity for a materialistic worldview. When you are immersed in a digital world you are not surprised when objects impossibly teleport elsewhere because you know this occurrence was not really impossible since the physical world is only being represented through illusory means such as pixels, which do not need to conform to physical laws. The Double Slit Experiment undeniably demonstrates this is how we should perceive reality, such that if a tree falls in the woods with nobody around, not only does it not make a sound but there is not actually a tree, as conscious experience defines what reality is. Reality is best described as a network of every consciousness that exists rather than a physical universe that exists independent of conscious agents. Now that we have inductively established that consciousness is fundamental to reality we can investigate further. The fundamental role consciousness plays in reality should bring to mind some discrepancies or 'existential plot-holes' so to speak pertaining to life as you've been led to believe it exists. For myself, this evokes the obvious fact that average people are alive for 80 years, and the universe has existed for around 13.7 billion years. If what we are led to believe is true, that we live once and that's it, this would suggest a 1 in (at least) 171,250,000 chance of being alive presently. Your relatively insignificant existence should either [A: have passed ages ago] or [B: not be set to occur for eons]. In a materialist's paradigm, probabilistically, you should not exist. But we do exist, suggesting that consciousness is in fact infinite and not limited to our biological lifespans. Considering this probability alongside the double slit experiment gives an undeniable credibility to the idea of infinite consciousness. Even if you disregard the lifespan probability and the double slit experiment there is yet another way you can reason that your consciousness is infinite. Regardless of whether your consciousness is infinite, some careful reasoning would dictate rather unambiguously that infinity must be inherent to the structure of reality because the universe that we occupy is insanely improbable. In other words, there needed to be an infinite multiplicity of 'attempts' if you will, to get reality as it is. If you are a programmer like myself, you know that the intelligibility of any working system hinges upon factors upon factors and factors which just could not have accidentally aligned themselves unless there were unlimited tries. The fact that we have any observable universe whatsoever let alone the insanely intricate one that we have, is itself akin to having a working operating system with no software or interface installed, which obviously could not have come about accidentally, yet what we have can be likened to a fully configured operating system with profoundly intricate software and a multi-dimensional interface. This could only be the work of infinity, or an intelligent design. Regardless of whether there is an actual intelligent designer, we can reason that such a designer itself would be within the realm of infinity, possibly negating the need for a distinction. Because infinity must be fundamental to the structure of reality we can reason that whatever the case needs to be in order for your awareness to emerge, it must be happening infinitely throughout some facet of infinity which can never cease to exist nor cease to actualize new potentialities for your life to come about. To illustrate this, it's helpful to visualize imaginary code that theoretically equates to your existence in relation to the universe. Say that your birth is the following binary code: 010101101001000010010000010101000101011010010100001101010000010111101001000100010000110111100001010001011100100111110000100101110000010101011100001000001111 The true math/code/binary that equates to your actual existence is obviously much more complicated, but it is easy to imagine how after so many attempts it is inevitable that your numbers will eventually come up so to speak. It is undeniable that such a process of infinity is responsible for our universe, as there could not possibly be a working system of this order without infinity. We can therefore conclude that our own existence will always be present somewhere in infinity because anything that occurs once in an infinite span occurs infinitely so. It is thus required that a worldview of reality be adopted that accounts for the infinite nature of consciousness. Obviously when trying to decipher the true nature of reality we must start from absolute nothingness. Anything that exists can only be the consequence of that which already was, so starting from nothingness we can reason that nothing was even needed for reality to manifest, implying that all of reality is manifested within an inadvertent property of nothingness which must be indistinguishable from infinity itself. You do not need any universe or thing at all for certain things to be true. We can all agree it is true that 1 + 1 = 2 regardless of there being a universe or any thing at all. However this is an extremely simple "truth". In the realm of nothingness, there must exist an infinite multiplicity of truths, some of which are so intricate that they literally manifest entire realities within themselves. As a human being we can only imagine very simplistic truths, but when you're dealing with the nature of infinity, obviously this introduces more possibilities than we can comprehend. To continue, you need to be familiar with the definition of a tautology. A tautology is that which is true by necessity of it's form, or something that could not possibly be untrue. For instance, if a glass of water is half empty, it tautologically follows that it is half full. Similar to the unconditional truth in the number 2 which tautologically follows from 1 + 1, the truth that follows from "This statement is true." is also a tautology, albeit simple. Regardless of the language we use the sentiment will always be true, but we used English here, which is extremely simple relatively speaking. There are only 26 letters in the alphabet, and with these 26 characters we can convey just about anything. Now imagine a language that isn't just a finite set of simplistic characters, but imagine the language is made of every single stimuli and sensation you have ever perceived. Such a language could contain trillions of "characters" and these characters would be far more dynamic than a mere letter "A". Whether a language is a verbal one or it isn't, we know there exists an infinite multiplicity of syntactical arrangements for that language regardless. So throughout the entirety of infinity there exists an infinite amount of tautologically true configurations of linguistic logic, some of which undeniably give rise to complicated realities, as we are here to observe. Considering the nature of our universe and the complexity of life around us, it begs the question why does our existence (or our facet of infinity) happen to exist as it does? Why is it so sophisticated? If it were so that we are just experiencing some random possible instance out infinity why would our experience be such an intelligible one? Surely out of an infinite multiplicity of reality-manifesting tautologies most of these configurations do not reach the level of comprehensible intricacy seen in our universe. For instance, surely for every reality such as ours where intelligent awareness is created through even more complicated means of the environment, there must exist an onslaught of realities wherein the tautologically true configuration for what makes awareness consists only of that awareness itself, all alone, hardly able to discern up from down if at all, rather than an awareness spawned in a convenient world with what appear to be other conscious agents in it. Despite every unpleasantness people fail to comprehend how conveniently reality is structured. To put it simply, in a dumb-luck reality it would make a lot more sense to exist as a much less sophisticated being than how we currently find ourselves. It follows that the existence of infinity can be described as an infinite realm of potentialities contained within a spaceless/timeless singularity that inadvertently equates to an infinitely intelligent mind due to the interconnected state of nothingness separating all of infinity. Considering the unconditional truth of the number 2, which can tautologically follow from an infinite number of equations ([1 + 1], [2 + 0], [1/4 x 8] etc...). The infinite number of equations that allow for 2 to follow truthfully demonstrates that literally anything you can imagine must have not just one, but an infinite number of intelligent means of arriving at its tautological manifestation through infinite intelligence. This can only mean that the actual distinction between existence and non-existence is an arbitrary distinction being made by an infinitely intelligent mind capable of processing infinity by means of its boundlessness, and that the mind must be us, and we must each be one another, as we all must be derived from the singularity. This corroborates dualistic monism and explains why you exist as yourself, and not someone else. Because your current self is only a single facet of infinity, which is being intelligently cycled through. Implications of Dualistic Monism: It seems that in order to derive a positive outlook on life from this worldview a lot of faith is required. Does the infinite intelligence that imagined us into being truly care about it's own well-being? If it did, it would make sense to exist in absolute comfort, yet we find ourselves in a pain-filled reality where we can only hope that the spirituality teachers claiming it is possible to transcend suffering are not delusional. I would really like to somehow see it further substantiated that it is possible to live enlightened & without pain in this reality. It seems like sort of a sick joke that such a thing would be said to be possible. Why even bother becoming "enlightened" if it takes such rigorous devotion and would only take place for the remainder of this short lifespan? You would supposedly return to being an unenlightened plebeian for eons again after your death. Yes it serves reason that an infinite intelligence would give itself a means of transcending into paradise, but it makes even more sense for that paradise to already be present and not requiring some immense journey. I feel it is questionable as to whether this infinite intelligence is truly out to do good, or if it's an uncontrolled intelligence seeking to maximize its potential manifestations with an arbitrary goal in mind such as diverse spawn possibilities in a world that negates solipsism (the sense that no other consciousness entities exists). That seems to me to be the only goal of this infinite intelligence. When I first discovered Actualized videos, the correlation of spiritual enlightenment with dualistic monism made me very excited to find an actual worldview with mysticism that makes sense with rationality, I was not dismissive towards the spiritual aspects at all. However I am now beginning to find it questionable whether there is merit to spiritual development. I would like very much for it to be true that one can attain enlightenment and free themselves from suffering, but as I discover more people who claim to have had awakenings I encounter people who do not perceive it with the anticipated positivity it should warrant. There is an interesting web page accounting one "awakened" guy's interpretation of reality that got me to doubt whether enlightenment is worth pursuing. http://bergytheiceman.co.uk/ Very dark stuff, but it is well worth the read since he explains his "theory-of-everything" with much more simplicity than what can be found in Chris Langan's CTMU, which is also a good conceptualization of nondualism. My Intentions Here: If Leo is the only person you learn nondualism from it is easy to assume that his experiences must be credible. But when you see a lot of different perspectives it creates ambiguity in the validity of certain facets. I would really like to see as many perspectives as possible come together so that it can be most accurately discerned whether spiritual development is truly divine with unworldly benefits or if this is a delusion facilitated through use of psychedelics.

And this is where Awakening comes in: See we believe we are separate programs on an infinite computer until Awakening occurs and we realize we were never separate and that duality(aka separate program) was actually a self made survival program(aka ego) created to maintain homeostasis whether it's positive or negative for the organism. And since duality is illusory, Non-duality, aka: God, Collective consciousness' conscious awareness, absolute Infinity, pregnant nothingness, pure potentiality is what's TRUE. This is basically what Leo is saying, he refers to it as God dreaming itself. I refer to it as existence experiencing itself. Maybe Rupert says Consciousness being conscious of itself. Everything is connected everything is one we just think it sounds different because we use words. Notice this!!

@arlin a pregnant nothingness!!

Hello everyone. Recently I, during the holidays as a matter of fact, decided to spend hours with no distractions. Just there, in plain boredom. What I have discovered over the past few weeks is that I always feel terrible after having some kind of terrible thought. For example: I think about killing myself and afterwards I feel terrible. Or when I think about old times and afterwards I feel really bad and want to go back in time. Back when stuff was ''better''. Usually these thoughts used to come up and I would gladly join the path, with no ''taking a step back and look at what is actually going on''. Meditating has helped me see this. Helped me see my thoughts for what they are. Thoughts. Ever since I haven't really dealt with my own build-up anxiety, depression or loneliness, but did try to process, mostly sadness, in case they randomly came up without my own ''contribution'' so to speak. Now during this long boring session I noticed how many times those negative thoughts would try to come up. I didn't stop them, I just watched them. Without giving them much of my own energy, they quickly faded away into nothingness. Of course, me not being that experienced, I cant keep up ''watching my thoughts'' for longer than a view minutes. This made me think: Are it those thoughts that cause the way I feel? And if I wanted to control my emotions, all I would have to do is learn to control my thoughts? Your ''thoughts'' about this? Do you think I'm right? Bonus: If I could somehow influence other people's thoughts, could I influence their emotions too? Sounds like devilry when I put it like that... Sorry if this may come over as dumb for some people. I feel like I made a great discovery about my own emotions.

I think the more useful notion of Ego is attachment and identification, and in a metaphysical sense the Structure attempting to uphold it's Structure. That way, all of existence is an extention of Ego, the very atoms which struggle not to fall apart into nothingness are in essence Egoic. Ego is not Good and Bad, however Ego is the attempt to hold onto Good and Bad.

@JustThinkingAloud I'm also sorry if I made it sound like an argument I'm working on my social skills every post. ❤ It just seemed like this was a very large misunderstanding that could easily cause confusion and possibly damage. With the ego you don't want to ignore or entertain you simply see it for what it is and it will fade into the nothingness where it came. This is the middle path ?

But nothingness implies no observer, no form, no "right now." Consciousness is in fact a thing

Pure consciousness, from the relative thought based perspective, is “nothingness”. It’s not that the I is an illusion, it’s that the I is real, pure consciousness. It’s not that experience is illusory, it’s that experience is real, pure consciousness. A thought about an I, is a thought about an I. Awareness of the thought, is awareness of the thought. The pure consciousness, pure awareness...vibrates, to form itself, as the form we call, a thought. The same pure consciousness, pure awareness, because it is pure consciousness pure awareness, is also aware of the thought, conscious of the thought. You are what is aware of, conscious of, the thought. And, you are the thought. Why can’t that “click”, why can’t that “make sense”? Because you’d first have to believe the thought, is not you, but a separate thing, called a thought. Then, you’d have to believe the thought - is about you. Now, in this position of believing the thought is about you, you forget that you are the awareness of the thought and the thought, and you believe the content or implication of the thought, is you. But wait just a dang second here...I am this body thought! I have a past, and that makes me who I am!! I can’t be my thoughts, because they are MY thoughts!!! (Those are examples of thoughts one might believe) ...and it mother f’ing does MAKE SENSE...because “Makes sense” = Makes Sens-ation, makes feeling. “Makes Sense” does not equal “Makes more thoughts”, nor “Makes Understanding”.

@arlin you are conflating nothingness with meaningless. Reality is Infinite therefore it must be formless. But it is Infinitely loving and Infinitely intelligent. And infinitely Good. That is your truest nature. Your truest nature is also Oneness. So your ego and God are in fact One. You can have direct experience of this - i am not just regurgitating what another teacher has said - i have had direct experience / consciousness of it.

I don't get it either although I have had multiple awakenings into most of the things you talk about in your 'facets of awakening' video. So if reality is the formless and the forms. The nothingness in and behind the forms, what even is the substance of that nothingness? What even is formlessness being formless and how is it generating consciousness......?

So before i explain my problem, i want to start off by saying that I have had the awakening experiance. It was after smoking pot with some friends. Suddenly, i felt like everything was being projected from my mind. Then it felt as if the whole universe was seeing through my eyes. My ego suddenly and without warning completely dissolved. Of course, i could never have expected this to happen after smoking WEED of all things so it caught me completely off guard and ihad never researched things like awakening prior. Meanwhile, my friends turned on something chill and funny to watch because they knew i was tripping the fuck out. While they were doing their own thing, i was convinced id finally woken up from life, that everything was somehow an illusion. That my entire life did not actually exist and id only imagined it. Not only this, i was barely aware of the things around me. I could see, yes, but it was like there was no distinction between me and the environment, including my friends so it was as if i really couldnt see because i couldnt register things were different from "me". I felt as if i were one with everything, i was everything in existence but i was for some reason localized in this "human" body. I could barely register physical feeling. I knew i was "sitting" as a human but its like it wasnt really happening. The entire time however, i kept thinking "how come my friends and everything else is still going on when i feel like im the one really in control?" I felt as if i could blink everything out of existence if i wanted too. It was incredibly scary. In fact, scarys an understatement. I dont think theres a way that language can describe what i felt. I felt an indescribable connection to nothingness. I dont know how to explain it but ill try. It felt i could be nothingness but i can also be something. But i didnt feel in control of such a thing, at least not in human form. It almost felt as if i BECAME nothingness. Anyway, over a few hours, i came back down, convincing myself as the high wore down that what i experianced didnt make sense. But it felt like the absolute truth. FYI: Before this weed experiance, i had been questioning reality and existence non stop and obsessively for like a year after my dad passed away. Now to my problem. I had depression for years before my dad died. Once that happened, i started questioning life and existence and found that there is no such meaning and that existence is utterly absurd. I became seriously nihilistic and ive had suicidal ideation since. Recently, ive discovered Gurus, philosophers like Alan watts and of course, i discovered Leo on his youtube channel and his videos have seriously helped me make sense of my experiance and that i wasnt alone (thanks Leo). Heres the issue : No matter what i do, i cannot get the idea out of my head that FEELINGS (such as happiness, peace, whatever) mean nothing. Nothing would ever be able to fulfill me because i literally do not think happiness is valid in anyway. This developed in me after discovering existence is meaningless. Of course, im still CAPABLE of happiness but everytime i feel it, i lable it as a meaningless emotion that occures within life in meaningless existence. All existence seems to be just an amalgam of BEING and so it seems that anything inside it is just being, nothing more. I am in NO WAY saying this is the truth. This is just how ive been experiancing life and im posting this here because something in me is telling me feelings mean more than that because truthfully, i find it very hard to get through each day feeling that every action and feeling i feel is meaningless. Because when i look around, people around me feel connected or at least feel that any emotion they feel is important and valid when i simply dont. So, to all the more enlightened people here, is this a problem? Should i change my outlook? Would it matter if i just laid down and died? It does, right?

This was a really interesting answer! How is nothingness the essence of consciousness.

Very subtle we couldn't figure out by the mind, I don't know how you gonna explain it. Surrender becomes your ego, nothingness becomes your ego.

So we might say that fundamentally the ego is that kind of skepticism. The skepticism is it's own life-form and seeks to survive as long as possible. This will eventually lead to the skepticism to attempt to somehow solve the issue of mortality, so that it can be forever skeptical, or alive. So in essence the skepticisim is like a structure which seeks to uphold it's own structure. Maybe, in a metaphysical sense, that is in some shape or form what biological life-forms themselves are. There is a skepticism in the structure of the brain or mind, but the very organism itself, namely the body, the bacteria, any structure which attempts to uphold itself, is in essence skepticism. The physical form of skepticism is biological life, as it seeks to remain it's form as is, it seeks to perpetuate itself, to create more versions of itself, to basically uphold it's own structure for all of eternity. Maybe this is even what the atom is. A structure struggling to uphold a certain state, but susceptible to an eventual deconstruction or death. That would mean that the skepticism or ego in a more fundamental sense is embued in the fabric of what we call the physical universe. It would bridge the gap between "physical" and "biological" as both would fundamentally be one and the same. The complete dissolving of the universe into nothingness would then be what the dissolving of the human brain is on a smaller scale. It would explain why the physical material of the universe struggles to create ever and ever more complex structures. By that design, life is inevitable as it is even part of the very substance of the universe. The ego in the human sense would be simply a more complex structure attempting to uphold it's own structure, while atoms would be the same thing on a more fundamental scale. Thus the entire Universe is basically just Devilry. Duality attempting to remain in duality, but eventually collapsing into one. The genius of the design is that there can be something that self-perpetuates, a structure that in it's very essence structures itself. It is completely circular, it should be impossible. A structure which by the nature of it's structure creates it's own structure. Yet there is a fundamental weakness to that structure, which we can observe in the very fundamental particles of the universe and which scales up to all forms of life that exist. Imagine how smart you would have to be to create a design that works on such a small scale and yet works perfectly well on a greater scale. A design so smart it by it's very nature designs itself. It designs itself so well that it not only creates structure, geometry, consistency but also contains completely different aspects of reality, like colors, sounds and feelings, and which can create a being that by these different aspects can grasp the nature of geometry. A design so ingenius that it inevitably creates a being which can look at that design and grasp it's nature. A design in which all of these aspects are not seperate instances, but interact with each other in impossible ways. It's so funny how I thought intelligent design was an absurd argument, but at this point arguing against it seems the most absurd thing ever. This is akin to us designing an AI and then the AI forgetting that it was designed. It would look at all of the intricasies of it's own nature and explain those intricasies with the intricasies, like the physicist is explain physics with physics or the evolutionist evolution with evolution. They completely fail to see how much intelligence it took to create the physics, the evolution or the intricasies of the AI in the first place. It is so genius, so well designed, that we do not even realize it is a design. "Evolution is the way because that's just how reality is! There is no design behind it, the rules of reality create the designs." lol It's not even intelligence. This is like create a Tree by creating the rules that will eventually create a Tree. This is beyond problem solving, you create the Tree by creating the problems that will eventually lead to the creation of the Tree. Whatever that is, calling it intelligence is insulting. It is not mere intelligence, it is Intuition. It is true Creativity.

That's still true that all around is nothingness. Mental méta building. I think that believing in no god is equal to believing in god. That's a point of view' some humans mind are able to create powerful A.I. they need to be smart in a first case.

Money is a third order construct since it is a creation of us humans who are a second order construct. "In this world, you believe you are sustained by everything but God. Your faith is placed in the most trivial and insane symbols; pills, money, “protective” clothing, influence, prestige, being liked, knowing the “right” people, and an endless list of forms of nothingness that you endow with magical powers." - https://acim.org/workbook/lesson-50/ So how can the love of money be the root of all evil? It's because as it says in the ACIM quote, the ego sees only second and third order power and completely misses the first order power which the ego is unaware of. Everything the ego does become twisted, distorted and leads to conflict because of failing to understand that by itself the ego has zero power and all second and third order constructs have zero power.

Ever since I had my big awakening experience, I haven't had a single day of not pursuing enlightenment. It's like everything is so dry and lifeless when you're in duality. When I meditate and get in touch with my self it's better, and I feel in some of those moments that I am enlightened or that my conceptualizing mind has seen through its tricks. But yesterday I got a taste of the depth of what all of this is about again. I had a quick glimpse into a state of samadhi. These glimpses reminds you how absolutely mind blowing and insane this enlightenment thing is for the person, the person would never pursue enlightenment they knew what it really meant. Passing through the gateless gate is terrifying, it feels like you are leaving EVERYTHING behind. Your family, your friends, your body, your mind, humanity, the world. It is the death of you! You know that it has to be done though, so when you can't go through with it, you descend to maya the endless circle of life again. In some ways that feels good, because it's safe, but the urge to be free will come again and you'll do the same thing over and over again. That is the reason that truth never is in the future truth is now! The ego will always have an great excuse to stay in maya when you are at the edge of oblivion. The excuses will be so convincing everytime. My mind often uses my family as an excuse: "I will turn into an insane person, starring into nothingness, not recognizing my family and I will hurt them so much by doing that" that's an example of a thought. It seems irrational but in the moment the thought is insanely convincing. Too pass there has to be a complete surrendering to god. The absolute test of your faith.