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captain fireheart. Phew! I braved yet another ego shitstorm. Not sure when the next one will hit. The emotional weather forecast predicts sunny tomorrow... But who knows; those damn weathermen are wrong most of the time. Speaking of weather, I think that's been a main contributing factor. The long winter, lack of light, and loneliness is making me stir-crazy. Suicidal thoughts, but no planning. I just collapse on my bed. That's much easier to handle, because the body usually gets up on its own. Over the past couple days, here's what's helped me: familial support, talk therapy, staying in nutritional ketosis, omega-3's, st. john's wort, prayer, and patience. Still, things are very rickety. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Anyway, I released my EP, Captain Fireheart, tonight. It's a rendering of the five stages of grief, what I felt after my friend committed suicide. It also pays homage to the awakening process. I sprinkled in a few nonduality references here and there, as always with my songwriting. By the way, the album art is one of his drawings. He was going through his own awakening process before I even heard about enlightenment. Back then, he kept telling me about Terrence McKenna and the power of psychedelics, and he kept asking me insistently, "WHAT IS CONSCIOUSNESS? WHAT IS IT?" In my ignorance, I dismissed him. But now, I'm carrying his torch. He's the one who brought me to this path. If only I knew then what I know now... Rest in peace, Captain. May you be blessed. You can check it out here: To access lyrics, click on the individual songs, or go to the bandcamp site: https://bschwartz.bandcamp.com/album/captain-fireheart The EP is meant to be listened in one sitting, since the songs flow into each other, just like emotions. I also plan to publish it on spotify eventually. All in due time. Cheers!

@MarkusSweden Suicide by trying to live the perfect life

Enlightenment is the toughest and hardest suicide option that will ever exist.

@Max_V The ego wants enlightenment, yet as it slowly moves towards it it realizes that it’s its demise. It still thinks enlightenment is something that will feel good to the ego or separate self haha. It’s a suicide mission. When you take an elevator up to the highest floor of the skyscraper you look down the window and say “oh god why did I go all the way up for this?” You jump! This is just an example, please don’t do this.

@Alexandru Take ownership of your ‘suicidal thinking’ so you can then realize it for what it is, and let it go. No one is talking about physical suicide but you. One the last mindfucks, is that it is a dream, and psychedelics are in the dream, waiting until you’re ready to let go of the delusion. It’s a pradox, without direct experience, just like everything else. It initially appears that reality is real, or you, and psychedelics are just drugs which cause hallucinations. LMAO. Paradigms are funny. You could justifiably say, when I am truly ready to experience my source directly, that’s why I put the psychedelics here. Takes balls to die though. Great progress.

Osho's approach was different and unconventional. But by that approach, he was able to make more people open to him. I am just including what I posted in another thread: I was exposed to very deep teachings when I was too young. And I totally misunderstood them, until I came across Osho's books when I was about 18 or 19 years old. And he indeed was a genius. He was also probably the only teacher who has created different impressions about him on different people. One group would think of him as a dangerous, fraudulent cult leader who was as evil as devil. Another group would think of him as the greatest spiritual guru of this century. In fact, if a person reads a random page from a random book of Osho for the first time, it is very much possible that he would put that book down and hate him for the rest of his life. But after reading Osho, everything that I had learnt before made perfect sense to me. And three years after reading Osho, everything that I read from Ramana Maharshi, Nisargadatta Maharaj, Eckhart Tolle and many others made perfect sense to me as well. And let me tell you what Osho did and how he taught. During his initial years, he talked about Jesus; Christians gathered around him and became his disciples. He talked about Krishna; Vaishnavas became his disciples. He talked about sufis; many muslims became his disciples. He talked about yoga; and many people who were inclined towards yoga became his disciples. He did that for every tradition for many years. Then suddenly one day he stopped giving public talks. So much illegal things happened during two years when he was in public silence. Many people committed crimes and many people left. After two years he started to talk again. And his talks were so different this time. Do you know what he said? He said that he couldn't talk directly to people because each person was conditioned according to his own tradition. Nobody listened when he started to talk the first time. So, he went their way and started talking about their traditions. People were attracted. Once he found enough people to pass his teachings to next generation, he wanted to get rid of unwanted people. So, he went silent for two years. Many people left as he expected. He then started criticizing about everyone, including Jesus, Krishna and even Buddha. It is a trick again. But this time no one left! And he could teach them directly and bluntly. This way, he appealed to many people and he also busted many myths. I will talk more about him when I find time. The only way to show my gratitude towards Osho is to keep passing the light he gave me. He saved me from suicide and I want his vision to come true.

Since childhood, I have had a burning desire to understand life, the cosmos, and the universe. I also wanted to understand why I suffered, why other people suffered, why life was the way it was and still is. That hunger for learning the truth of life and of the secrets of the universe drove me to study many different subjects of science, many philosophies, many religions, many alternative media subjects of research, including government conspiracies, UFOs, channeling, the paranormal, and more. Until a few years ago, I felt at a loss because, it seemed to me, I was no closer to understanding the grand scheme of things now than when I was as a child. Over the last couple of years, however, I have slowly put together all of the information I have learned during my lifetime in a coherent way. I feel that the eyes of my understanding have been opened. And although the understanding I now hold is very unpopular and not pleasant to most people, I am here on a mission to share this knowledge for the benefit of those who may find anything of value in it. What follows is a message I will deliver to my own family, in the future, when I’m ready for them to hear it. For now, I only want to share this with the rest of the world because I’m not ready to take action on all that I have learned until my mission is completed. My message is quite long. If you want to listen to it, instead of reading it, please access the audio version of my message by clicking on the link below (the file is stored in my Google Drive): https://drive.google.com/file/d/1m8NdCUR5RuVSp3VPWaQe2dsdE4sWRMtA/view?usp=sharing 1. Goodbye. This message is for my wife, for my family, my friends, and for humanity. I want to say goodbye to all and to deliver a very important message I have for you. Honey, I'm sorry, but I have left. I know you are a fighter, and I know you will be OK. You will go on to fulfill all your dreams without me. You have been the best part of my life for over 16 years now, and I thank you for that. You've been the best partner I could have hoped for, but I still had to go fulfill my destiny, a destiny I must face alone. I had to go fight my fight against life. I have grown indignant at the way life treats living beings on earth, so I have left life behind. Do not feel sorry for me. I don't belong in the world, so I'm much better off now. I want to assure you that I did not leave because of being depressed, or desperate, or emotionally disturbed in any way. I have been planning to quit playing the game of Life for a long time. That was, logically, next step for me in my development. Now, I would like to explain in more detail, to all who would like to know, my reasons for quitting the game. Unfortunately, the game of Life is not fair toward most people. Everybody knows that. I go further and say life is right-down evil and psychotic. Human beings are forced to play a game, the rules of which they ignore. This ignorance causes them much suffering. People don't know the true rules of this game because they have been lied to by life itself, by our makers, our parents, religions, the education system, our political leaders, and by each other. This needs to be undone. Furthermore, people are all playing a game that cannot be won, except temporarily, where everyone will be a loser in the end. 2. The rules. The rules of the game are the rules of morality. Living a morally good life means living righteously. Living righteously is conforming to justice. Justice is fairness and equality for all. “All” refers to all living beings, not just human beings; it refers to all sentient beings, beings which possess awareness, feelings, and free will, and it refers to ALL living beings, even if they seem not to be sentient. Equality means equal value or importance (for the purpose of moral considerations) and equal rights to self determination and to a happy life, as every other living being has. Living a truly righteous life is impossible for us because it's impossible for us to live without eating other living beings, or without harming other living beings in various ways. Therefore, our physical life is of an unrighteous, unjust, hurtful, and evil nature. The reason we have the concept of morality is because we are sentient; we have feelings; we have a free will. Without these elements morality is meaningless. All beings which possess these characteristics are morally equal. Additionally, all living beings are all made of the same fundamental substance. Quantum physicists believe everything, at the quantum level, is made of the same type of very small particles or waves of matter, or strings, which are all made of the same fundamental substance. Some people believe this fundamental substance is energy. Some people believe that consciousness is the fundamental substance that makes up everything. I believe that conscious or intelligent energy, energy that is alive, is the basic substance out of which everything is made. Additionally, the obvious common element in all living beings is life. What really matters is that we are all individual living beings, who are made up of the same fundamental life, as every other living being is; therefore, all of us, living beings, have the same rights and moral weight or value. Should we follow the rules of righteousness and justice, we will be refraining from hurting ourselves and others. Should we ignore them, we will be harming others and ourselves by the law of causality, also known as karma. Every cause has an effect, and every action evokes a chain reaction, including an equivalent action that goes back to the doer of such action. The totality of what a person is, feels, and does, is the result of previously planted seeds. Then that person continues the chain by planting his or her own seeds. What people sow, they reap. If we sow harm to others, we will reap harm for ourselves. Any harm that comes back to us comes mechanically, not by somebody getting revenge necessarily. The law of Causality tells us that any and all actions become causes which have effects. Those effects also have effects, in a chain reaction. The whole universe is like a very complex circuit of dominoes. Eventually, the effects of what we do to others return to their point of origin and affect ourselves. This is not mysticism; it is physics laws! What I'm saying seems to be mysticism because the effects or reactions that I'm talking about are not immediate. They may take months, or years or decades or a lifetime to manifest. An example of an effect that is not seen right away is delayed onset muscle soreness. This is the pain and stiffness felt in muscles several hours to days after unaccustomed or strenuous exercise. The soreness is felt most strongly 24 to 72 hours after the exercise. If the delay for the muscle soreness to start were to become longer; let's say 6 months, we would not know why the soreness is there. The same would happen if our memories where extremely short. Let's say we forget the exercise we did by the end of the hour, and the next morning we wake up sore. It would seem mysticism to suggest exercise caused it. But it is not mysticism. Laws of physics caused it! There are a lot of examples of delayed onset effects: eating junk, smoking, and practicing bad habits of most types. The negative effects on our lives may not be obvious for a long time, but they are all caused by the law of cause and effect. Here are the three universal rules of righteousness and justice. 1. Each living being belongs only to itself; and each has full rights over its own life. 2. All life has equal rights. Each living being is equal in value or importance to every other living being. No living being or group of beings has any rights, including the rights to exploit, or abuse, or force their own will, upon any other living being or group of beings, unless all beings involved are willing participants. And, 3. Evil is prohibited. Evil is violating the above rules. Evil also is anything or anybody that causes any type of harm, pain, suffering, damage, impairment, injury, loss, detriment, distress, affliction, or any other disagreeable experience, or does any injustice, to a living being against its will. Evil is the ONLY deviation from moral rectitude there is. It is wrong. It is forbidden for anybody to do it to others. Evil is unacceptable as well. This means that it is forbidden for anybody to tolerate any evil or injustice being done to them by anybody or anything. 3. The equality of all life. The basic mandate of this moral code is similar to the Golden Rule: all living beings should do to other living beings as they would have others do to them. Living beings are morally equal. That is they have equal value for the purpose of determining right and wrong conduct; therefore all living beings must, starting with themselves, respect the free will, the life, and the well-being of all living beings. Whatever we do to others we do to ourselves, given that we are all made of the same thing. I want to clarify that I am not denying individuality. The fact is, we are many separate, individual, life forms. We are not all one thing. For this reason, the validation of, and respect for, every individual living being, of any species, is of outmost importance to living a moral life and the only hope for peace in life. Unfortunately, living beings cannot survive without killing or enslaving other living beings. I view this fact as life hurting itself, in other words, psychosis. I say hurting, and not helping, each other because we do not consent, and it is actually harmful for us, for example, if bacteria were to invade our bodies and consume them as a means of their survival. People seem to think all of this is OK, but I just can't agree with that. I believe everything I say here is absolutely true, even though I may not provide proof. It is your responsibility to research any topic you would like to make up your mind about or to dismiss what you want to dismiss without researching anything. What I'm looking for is for people to judge for themselves what I say. If anything I say makes sense to people, then I'm hoping for them to put those ideas which make sense to good use, as they see fit, or at least to keep them in the back of their minds for later possible use. 4. Why did I leave? Back to my reasons for quitting the game: Since my childhood, I set out to identify the cause of my suffering and that of those around me, so all unwanted suffering can be eliminated from our lives (I don't believe there is a good reason for suffering to be present, other than maybe because a being wants to suffer). I have identified the cause of the suffering of living beings, which is living beings themselves, for the most part. We cause ourselves and each other harm; and we cause harm to other living beings. In turn other living beings cause us harm. It is an undeclared war. Our bodies, our homes, our streets, and our world are the battle fields. They are places of constant or frequent struggle, where permanent peace is not possible. From birth to old age, most human beings go through a lot of trauma, some tragedy, a lot of sicknesses, loneliness, etc. There are many pleasant experiences also, of course; and this keeps most people going; but for what I've seen the unpleasant outweighs the pleasant for too many people, animals, and entire ecosystems. 5. What we sow in ignorance, we reap in ignorance. We have been taught we are superior to other life forms and even to other people, and that we have the right to use them, as our property, to suit whatever supposedly good purpose we are trying to accomplish. As a result we transgress the universal laws of righteousness and justice, but we don't feel that we are doing anything wrong, and we do not know why we suffer. What I'm saying is that the system of values and beliefs we hold individually and as a society are doing us a disservice because they are producing a quality of life for us which most people are not satisfied with. Most people want happiness, fun, respect from others, comfort, fairness, justice, freedom, peace, good health, and many other conditions that contribute to their overall well-being; but most people are not getting them. We put in our lives the wrong values, beliefs, and actions; which are a consequence of values and beliefs; and therefore, we obtain the wrong results. Should all life forms decide to respect all other life forms, nobody would be disrespecting anybody. There would be peace. If all people decided that they will abstain from warring with each other and they follow through on that decision, then we can be assured that wars will cease to occur. You can ask who would prevent people from committing injustice against others. Actually, the living beings who are being wronged, but choose to adhere to justice, are the ones that must make that wrong stop. The code mandates that nobody inflict or put up with evil, so if somebody is observing the code, they must find a way to make that evil or injustice that is being committed against them stop, without, of course, violating rules #2 or #3 which forbid inflicting pain, suffering, etc on any other living being. Similarly, if the forces of nature were to inflict pain on us, such as if we were struck by lightning, then nature is doing evil against us. I would suggest we honor rule number 3, which states: “It is forbidden for anybody to tolerate evil or injustice being done to them by anybody or anything." If the Earth is going to treat me like that, then I don’t need Earth. I'm going somewhere else because I do not put up with that sort of abuse against my person. I value myself. I value the quality of my life experience. If we did that, that lightning strike would probably be our last time of experiencing something unpleasant. 6. Following the rules is optional. Now, the adoption and observance of these universal righteousness rules is strictly voluntary and can be taken up or discontinued at any time. However, every living being who fails to adhere to it is hereby advised that your life experience will be what you are experiencing right now in your world. Most, or all, of the following will apply to you, depending on how lucky you are. You do not belong to yourself and do not have full rights over your own life. Another being or a group of beings will take ownership of your life and will enslave you in any way they can. Examples of this are your government, your society, and maybe even your employer. Other beings will declare their superiority over you. Examples may be people that have more money or more talent than you have, your guardian angels, and your God. You and your well-being will be less valuable or important than that of those other beings. Those other beings will have the rights they want to have over your life, including the rights to exploit you, and abuse you, and force their will in your life, even if you are not willing to be subjected to such treatment. Evil will be perpetrated against you by those who choose to do so. Evil is permissible to you also and is morally acceptable. However, complicated laws and moral guidelines will be imposed on you, to keep your society WORKING in an orderly fashion. Evil is something you must accept as a fact of life, no matter how oppressive it is to you. You must toughen up, must learn to tolerate evil, must learn to ignore evil, and must look only at the pleasant elements in your life, to delude yourself into feeling that everything is OK. 7. Statistically, evil is coming your way. I don't wish this on anybody, but the rules that would need to be followed to ensure universal peace and a blissful life, where every living being respects the lives and well-being of all other living beings, are impossible to be followed in our reality. We are forced to live in an environment, in our bodies and in the world, where we cannot be righteous and fair to all living beings and where nobody else can be righteous and fair to all living beings either. As long as we remain living in this unjust environment, we will have to deal with evil and injustice being done against us. Everybody is doing evil, everywhere, so it is just a matter of time before somebody does it to us. If it is a life form’s destiny to be food for others, then "destiny" and the whole system of the life we live, where organisms exist to be food for other organisms, are morally wrong, evil, unjust, and not righteous because they cause suffering to sentient beings and cannot support the three universal righteousness rules. The fact that reality is supposed to be unjust makes reality an evil one. Of course, to each its own. It's not my cup of tea, but if people want evil and suffering in their lives, they definitely have a right to them. You, as an individual living being, with your own life and free will, have the exclusive right to exercise your free will on what is yours, like your life, your body, your property, etc, as long as you respect the rights of all other living beings. If you want to give up that exclusive right and believe, instead, that others are entitled to run your life and dispose of you the way they see fit, you have the right to do that as well. 8. Positive thinking is not the answer. People are living their lives based on assumptions which are producing a world full of violence, hunger, crime, disease, injustice, hurt, and other undesirable conditions. These are assumptions such as ‘focus on the positive’, ‘everything is going to be OK’, ‘it could be worse’, ‘the government, the education system, the health care industry, and the church have our best interest at heart’, etc. If we continue to play dumb, as if we didn't know something is seriously wrong; or continue to hold the same assumptions we have always held, then we will continue to get the results I've mentioned, both globally and in our personal lives. Once we rid ourselves of all undesirable conditions, then we can go back to saying ‘everything is going to be ok’. I know for sure that I am not the only person unhappy with the way life is. Human suffering is global, and is the norm, not the exception. Everybody seems to just be used to it; and they have surrendered to the claim that this is the way things are; and there is nothing that can be done; and there is nothing wrong with that picture. So, my message is that there is something very wrong with the game of life; and many of us play the game without even realizing that we don't enjoy it all that much. We are told to practice positive thinking and to ignore the unpleasant aspects of our lives. These instructions are repeated incessantly in our society because the farmers of humanity, the tyrants who own us, have a vested interest in having us be docile and go along with their lead, without regard for our well-being as individuals. To them we are like cattle. Our value to them is one of utility. We are worth as much as the use they can obtain from us. They do not care about us, personally. Many things in the world are wrong and should be changed, but they want us to go along only with the changes they want to make, which serve to further their own agenda. They do not care about whether the quality of or lives is enjoyable to us or not. All living beings experience much suffering, either physically, or emotionally, or both. There are no exceptions. Life should not be this way. I don't believe that people should suffer. We make suffering and having a miserable life acceptable because we say so; because we tell ourselves that we ought to accept those experiences. But that is not an absolute truth. I don't believe there is a good reason for suffering to be present in somebody’s life, other than because he or she wants to suffer. If somebody really wants to suffer, that's fine; people should have the experiences they want without imposing their choices on others. 9. Please stop reproducing. Bringing people to the world is imposing your choices on others. Our way of life has produced throughout history, continue producing now, and will continue to produce in the future a world of conflict, violence, disease, lack, and suffering of all kinds, unless we make some radical changes. The first change we should make is to stop having children. We are slaves, although most people don't know it. Let us stop supplying the slave masters with more slaves. All people born into the world suffer and are exploited in the world. Does society, or individuals, really have the right to bring, for the benefit of themselves or of society, new members of society, even if this act will cause the new members of society much suffering? I don't believe so. We should not do this to our children. We should not give them life and force them, in all likelihood, to experience against their will: physical pain, injury, disease; emotional pain, despair, frustration, disappointment, heart break; bullying, abuse, ridicule, lack, and other negative or painful trials through no fault of their own, given that life is not fair. In summary, neither individuals, nor society, have the right to bring new souls to this world, because in all likelihood, those new souls will have to suffer much as a result. 10. Normal is not the same as righteous. We are literally a society of slaves. We know slavery is immoral, wrong, and evil. Nobody should put up with it, and nobody should impose it on others. If anybody thinks slavery is good, then let him or her be the slave. The difference between our global slavery and the slavery of Europe and the Americas in the 1700's, and 1800's is that to produce the slavery of human kind, the oppressors first killed the free males. The free females were raped and forced to have baby slaves. Then the females were killed too. The baby slaves were raised, treated, abused, and exploited, as slaves. Several rounds of breeding were conducted so there are older slaves who supervise or manage the younger ones, and there are slaves that govern different aspects of the society, all of this for the benefit, profit, and comfort of the slave masters. Slavery is the only form of life those slaves have ever known. For those slaves, which are us, this life is normal; but although this life is normal to us, it is not just, not right, not good; and we should reject it. 11. The Sumerians. This is literally what has happened to the human race, according to the Sumerian story of Creation. Most people have never even heard of the Sumerian culture or of the writings they left. Those texts were written 2,000 years before the first book of the bible was written. I believe what they say a lot more than what the bible says because they make more sense to me. 6,000 years ago they accurately described our whole solar system as seen from a spaceship; including: planets, moons and, the asteroid field. They described chromosomes and the DNA molecule; they described rockets, helicopter-like machines; they had knowledge of aerodynamics, of the different gravitational strengths of the planet's we know, of weapons of mass destruction or nuclear weapons, and of other facts or objects of technology supposedly unknown at that time. Humans could not have obtained that knowledge on their own at that time in history. The writings say that all of that knowledge was brought here by an alien civilization that came to earth. The Sumerian writings provide credible explanations for why our present is how it is, and their accounts are consistent with scientific discoveries made only in the last few centuries. To me the only logical explanation for the Sumerians to have known so much at that time is that they were telling the truth regarding how they obtained their knowledge. They said they were taught by the beings who created us. There is a lot of information regarding the Sumerian Epic of Creation online and in books. Most authors say they are myths, but several authors question that claim because Sumer was the first civilization that developed on earth. No other culture had developed previously to hand down any myths to them. Among the authors that have researched this topic, I like the books and videos of Zecharia Sitchin, Lloyd Pye, William Bramley, David Hatcher Childress, Michael A Cremo, among others. 12. The Anunnaki invasion and the creation of humankind. In summary the Sumerians tell us that human beings were made by beings that came to earth from another planet about 400,000 years ago. They were called the Anunnaki. They were looking to take the gold that was found on earth, to use it on their planet, to save their lives. About 300,000 years ago the working class of that alien civilization rebelled against the mining operations work they had to perform on earth. The leaders promised relief in the form of slaves that would take the place of those workers in the gold mines. About 200,000 years ago, after many trials, they finally succeeded in creating a working slave (the Homo sapiens species). They did this by mixing their DNA with the DNA of a compatible creature from earth (Neanderthal probably). The males were killed, the females were raped by having their ova extracted, artificially inseminated with alien DNA, and then being impregnated with the fertilized ova. After they were done nursing their babies, they were killed too. This explains why the Neanderthal species became extinct after coexisting with our species for some time. The baby slaves were the first human beings produced. They, of course, continued reproducing and making more slaves to work for the slave drivers, all the way to the present time. Eventually those alien people got enough gold and left. They had no right to kill the original creatures of earth or to make human kind; but they did not care because, in their own eyes, they were superior to the creatures of earth. To them, as the true abusive bullies they are, MIGHT… makes RIGHT! They enforce their will upon others because they can, because they are stronger. A few of them, and their offspring, which are hybrids of alien and human beings, stayed to rule over the world. Those were the pharaohs, the kings, and the people of power in history. Nowadays, those hybrids are hidden but use politicians, bankers, corporations, and other methods to rule the world. They figured out that if they can get people to believe themselves to be free, then the people will not revolt, therefore increasing their profits. 13. The slavery of humanity to suffering. Servitude or slavery is a condition in which a person is not free to live the experiences they prefer to live, but they are instead forced or bound to experience what they do not prefer. Even when people can change some of their conditions by working very hard, exercising much discipline, and by sacrificing much of what they love; they are forced to experience those undesired conditions, for long periods of time, until such time as when they are able to effect the changes they prefer, only to realize after they reach their goals that they still cannot be happy. If we were given the choice, we would not get sick, we would not get hurt, we would understand everything, we would not forget anything involuntarily, we would have no physical dysfunctions, we would be able to change all aspects of our physique at will instantly, we would be free to disconnect from gravity and fly at will, etc, etc. If we are not free to be what we want to be, and to live how we want to live; if we are not free to, or do not have the capability to, do everything we want to do, without harming others of course; if we have to do what we prefer not to do, like having to go to work instead of going on vacation with our loved ones or spending time enjoying our favorite activities; or if we have a job we don't care for but we cannot change for pressures of the circumstances; if we cannot have what we would like to have, because of lack of education, financial hardships, or for any other reason; that means our life experience is not what we want it to be; we did not choose it; and we are being forced to have it against our will. I call this slavery. For the most part, human beings have unkind life experiences they would prefer not to have to suffer. Since birth, people suffer. Babies cry, sometimes for days or even weeks at a time. As kids, they have destructive tendencies, so parents must control them, creating a form of suffering in them during childhood. At all ages, people are susceptible to illnesses, both physical and mental. Some people go to sleep hungry and cold, without a roof over their heads, while they see others have extreme abundance; that's suffering. People suffer emotional and physical traumas. People are forced to take jobs they do not like so that they can support their families; that's suffering. Some people must worry that bombs will drop on them, or on their families, at any time without notice; that's suffering. Feel free to add to this list anything you may have seen in the news that happens to people that is unpleasant, violent, or destructive; that's suffering. Other, more subtle, forms of suffering human beings are forced to endure are their own negative emotions, their ignorance, their lack of foresight, etc. 14. How things came to be the way they are. So, why is life the way it is? Based On all of the evidence I have been able to consider, I have come up with the following theory. I arrived at my conclusions by evaluating evidence of many kinds: scientific; historical evidence; current research of many fields of study, including: the paranormal, conspiracy facts research, and other topics exposed in alternative media; my own life experiences; my observation and analysis of society locally and globally, etc; and putting the evidence together in the only way it makes sense. There is a Universal Source which gives rise to everything that exists or happens: what is alive and not alive, real and imaginary, good and evil, matter and spirit, etc. Everything whatsoever is a former part of the Source and is made up of the same basic substances as the Source. 15. Evidence of a universal source. One form of evidence for this theory is the Big Bang Theory. This is, basically, an extrapolation made from the observation that everything on this planet came from a source, and each of those sources also arises from a prior source that produced it. We all have sources: Our parents. Our parents had sources which also had sources. If we trace back the sources, we see that most things and life on earth came from earth. Let's go back 4 billion years: the sun produced the earth, and the earth became the source of all life on the planet. The solar system came from our galaxy. Our galaxy had a source of its own, and so forth, back to the Big Bang; which is actually still happening because the universe is still expanding as a consequence of that initial expanding force acting upon itself to produce the universe we see. If we go back about 13.8 billion years we would see that something produced the Big Bang. This is the Universal Source. Everything comes from this one Source. Some people call it The Big Bang, others call it God, others call it energy and matter, and I call it The Universal Source. The idea of God, a divine, all powerful, perfectly benign entity that created everything and that takes care of all of us, does not make any sense to me, based on all of the evidence I see around me, everywhere. However, the fact that God is just as fictitious a character as Santa Claus does not mean that our universe cannot be alive or conscious. I say it is alive and conscious because of the type of processes, and functions, it carries out autonomously, by itself. When I see the cosmos, for example galaxies or planetary systems and their movements, I can discern order, structure, design, even purpose (the purpose of repeating their cycles maybe), definitely not randomness or chaos. On this planet, we see life forms which display purpose and intelligence as part of the design of their physiology: our organs all are intelligently constructed to serve a purpose. Human beings did not design those organs, so the intelligence and the sense of purpose are not only in us. We have them because the universe, which gave us life, has them. 16. The Source is sick. The material universe is all energy. Energy must be conscious and intelligent because everything is made of it, and we see clear evidence of intelligence at work in the world and within ourselves. Matter is not just matter. Water, for example, is not just water. Water is actually energy which for a time takes the form of water. That energy is the same energy that takes the form of a rock sometimes, and the same energy that takes the form of a human being at other times. This energy behaves without any restrictions, capriciously, purely determined by its intentions when sometimes it takes the form of a living being that displays consciousness, intelligence, and purpose; but at other times it takes the form of inanimate objects, like water; yet at other times it takes the form of just pure energy, like heat or the templates galaxies follow when they form. Energy behaves capriciously and intelligently, because it behaves with absolute regularity in what we call inert matter, but it displays irregularity in what we call conscious or living beings; yet it is all the same energy. This intelligent energy is good and evil at the same time, as in having multiple personalities or a split mind. The Universal Consciousness, Intelligence, or Mind is psychotic. This universal source has produced and will continue to produce, by means of the law of Causality, which is a much more complex version of the domino effect, the disgusting and hurtful effects we see in the world and experience in the flesh today. Because of its psychosis, the Universal Source auto-mutilates to produce everything that exists. It severs parts and particles from itself to use them for satisfying its sick desires. We are those particles. We are former parts of the Source and are contaminated with the same psychosis it has, which results in conflict, disease, and all evil in life. The Source is, actually, everything and everybody; but it is fragmented, split. That's why we are individuals, or separate, living beings. Otherwise we would be only one being or a collective living being. Another form of evidence for my theory comes from the field of Quantum Physics; which has proven that the seemingly solid material world, with all its seemingly different objects, is not really solid at all, and the objects are not really different from each other, because matter is mostly empty space, and the objects all consist of the same things: mostly fields of energy and tiny particles, or waves, or strings; all of which seem to be conscious because they all react to consciousness. The ancient Chinese Sage, Lao Tsu, said something interesting in the Tao Te Ching, chapter 42, talking about how Tao (or Dao) produced the Universe and everything within it. Paraphrasing: The Tao gives rise to the one. The one gives rise to two. Two give rise to three. Three give rise to the 10,000 things, or everything. I see a parallel relating to Quantum Theory: one fundamental substance, or source, gives rise to energy and consciousness. Those two give rise to protons, electrons, and life. Those three make up, everything there is. Everything is just one type of thing: conscious energy. This alive and intelligent energy produces all objects and all phenomena in the universe, the various states objects take, and the changes in those states. For those who do not believe in anything that is non material, I say it really does not matter whether it is matter, or energy, or intelligence, or stupidity, or madness, or evil, or chaos, or something else that is causing the current state of affairs to be what it is. Something has caused our lives and the world to be what they are. Whatever has caused all the suffering that exists in the world is not good. It all comes from the universal source. The Source has been doing what it does, for a long time, and it is not going to stop, unless we stop it. 17. History repeats in cycles. The Universal Consciousness experiences, and produces in the world as well as in individual lives, cycles of great evil, violence, and unhappiness alternating with cycles of lesser evil, violence, and unhappiness. Peace and war, love and hate, happiness and despair alternate, come and go, in cycles of time. During the lesser violent eras, the rotten nature of life is just covered up; it is not gone. At some point in time it will resurface. This has been happening since the beginning of life. This will continue to happen in cycles of ages, eras, or Yugas: War followed by peace, followed by war, and peace, and war. The same happens at the individual level. Being alive is not good, even if it feels good sometimes. People who seem to be fortunate get to love the goodness of Life temporarily, but due to the cycles of life, at some time or another, the wheel of fortune will make them suffer as much as the unfortunate people suffer, or more. The world turns, and the life scenarios of all people eventually turn into scenarios that are undesirable, if not in this lifetime, then in future lifetimes. Enki, the chief scientist of the alien invaders, stated: “for what shall come to pass by what had passed shall be determined; and what was destined shall in a cycle be repeated” (from the Lost Book of Enki, by Zecharia Sitchin). The world, the cosmos, and history turn. There are cycles in nature, on the wheel of life, which repeat through history. It is because of this cyclical turning of the wheel of life that most people, if not all, will eventually get to the position I'm occupying right now and will be able to see, from this vantage point, the truth of what I am saying. I am hoping that the message I’m trying to convey right now will help others gain some clarity in their time of confusion. 18. The evil of life. I see the world, what is happening now, what has happened all throughout history; and I see the suffering humanity goes through, and all I see breaks my heart. I cannot help but to pass judgment on this reality: It is evil; I don't like it, and I say it is not good because of all the suffering that exists in this reality. Life forces people to eat, abuse, exploit, murder, and do other evils against less powerful living beings so we can continue living, or we can be more comfortable, or we can feel pleasure or avoid unpleasantness. In turn, people too are used by those who are more powerful than them, as slaves, livestock, lab subjects, food, and as anything else the abusers want, without regard for people’s feelings or their well-being, most times, also without their knowledge. Our abusers are themselves abused by yet more powerful life forms, and so on. This is an example of Hermetic wisdom, which states: “as above, so below”. If it happens here, it also happens above us and below us, in accordance to the fractal like nature of Life. The evil we do to other living beings is wrong, but few people realize this because everybody is forced to do it since they are very young, and once we are old enough to make our own judgments, we see this is done by most of everybody else. People generally do not question the immorality of eating other life forms, or using products derived from them, or enslaving them, or killing them when they are inconvenient, a nuisance, or dangerous to us. As a condition of staying alive, happy, and healthy, we are forced to hurt or destroy other life and each other. All of the pain and sorrow we feel throughout our lives is an indication of the wrongness of the very nature of our lives. This evil is used to break the human spirit. First, our consciousness is arbitrarily brought to the world by decree of the big Tyrant, with the help of the lesser tyrants, who are the parents. Next, if babies cry for days or weeks at a time in protest, parents are advised to leave them alone in a room to let them get tired of crying, and to make them surrender to their new reality. Then, the process of breaking the human spirit continues by using techniques that parallel the barbaric spirit-breaking techniques used on elephants that are forced to work in circuses or in the tourism industry in Asia. The process includes keeping people in various types of confinements. Examples are: the physical body, life circumstances, the injustice system jails or prisons, and this planet itself; applying to them mental restraints, such as instilling fear in them or withholding key knowledge; giving them random physical and psychological trauma, such as when being attacked by disease, or receiving or witnessing injuries; feeding them misinformation, for example: the white lies children are told, the half truths taught at schools, the skewed science we are given, the news, etc; using psychological warfare tactics on them, such as religion; giving them promises, hopes and dreams that will never come true; humiliating them, for example by making them experience the degradation of having to ingest food and having to carry around feces in their bodies and being subject to other physiological needs, functions, and dysfunctions; administering to them punishments and rewards; and using other methods which aim at making a person give up his or her sovereignty. To subdue us, Life makes us endure against our wills: pain, heartache, fear, and a long list of other negative experiences and emotions. Watching the news every night reveals the wide range of atrocities that happen to people. We are made to be afraid constantly, because our well-being is not secure. 19. Free will vs freedom. Free Will is not the same as freedom. All living beings have free will, but they do not have actual freedom to make what they want of their lives. Individual minds make their own decisions, but what the tyrannical Mind has designed for us rules our lives. This is why human beings do not have what they want in terms of their bodies, their mental abilities, their health, their surroundings, their jobs, and in almost all other aspects of their lives. Once we are in the concentration camp, which is the world, we are subject to natural laws, societal laws, and other types of laws that take away our power to have the life experiences we want, when, and how we want them. We are not free. We are actually slaves. We have been enslaved by Life. We are made to live as slaves because we cannot direct how our lives unfold. Instead, we are subject to the dictates of external tyrannical forces, such as our circumstances or other people who have authority over us. In addition, despite our wishes and efforts, our lives are also controlled by internal tyrannical forces which overpower our conscious will. These are forces such as our psychosis, our mental and physical limitations, our ignorance, our emotional deficiencies, etc. Conditions which come as a result of being engineered by our Source to be unintelligent, weak, and capable of great suffering in order for the tyrants in charge to have ways of keeping us dependent, subservient, and imprisoned. Is this the life we really want to live and give to our children? If it is, then we are holding very low standards for the life we are willing to settle for. This is evil, and if we cooperate just by living our own lives and doing our best, we are evil too because we are collaborating with evil, the same way civilians collaborate with wars just by doing their own work, because the taxes they pay support the armed forces, so the armed forces do not have to do other work and are free to concentrate their efforts on killing or preparing to kill people. However, we can refuse to collaborate. We have free will. Despite being slaves of Life, we have the power to choose to quit life, or to remain participants of it. 20. Living until old age makes no sense. Like others before me, I have realized that Life is meaningless. Even though I assign a purpose to my life, which is to have fun, to enjoy my life, to feel good, etc, in short: to be happy; and most other people also have as their goal to enjoy their lives and to be happy; I and most other people cannot be perfectly happy, for a myriad of reasons. This pattern of wanting happiness but not being able to get it or to keep it for very long must be caused by something. From the point of view of living beings, the natural purpose of our lives is to be happy, to enjoy our lives, to do what we love, to have what we love, to share our lives with loved ones; but from the point of view of our makers, the tyrants who exploit us as if we were livestock, the purpose of our lives is to produce benefits for them. This tells me that the life we were given is of a tyrannical nature. For this reason, it is not possible to enjoy life thoroughly and permanently. In addition, our consciousness is of a psychotic nature; therefore, even if we get to be, do, and have everything we want in this tyrannical existence, our happiness turns into boredom, and then into dissatisfaction, and then into anger or some other similar emotion. Permanent happiness and well-being are not possible in life. King Solomon, in his biblical book Ecclesiastes, disheartened and grieving, recognized that life is meaningless, hurtful, vain, devoid of purpose, and evil. No matter what we do, the natural purpose for our living cannot be fulfilled. At some point in our lives we all realize that life is meaningless; thus, we should have no reason to want to live, at least not always, and not indefinitely. People should lose their will to live at an early age, and a lot of children do. But they are brainwashed by their parents and other adults. As a result, although unnatural, most adults always want to live, and they want to live indefinitely. This is probably because of a combination of their fear of death (which is based on believing lies taught by religions), and their hunger for more happiness. They are willing to go through the most horrific experiences in order to avoid death and go back to whatever it is that they do. They also see no moral dilemma with inflicting pain, suffering, and destruction on other life, if it means they get to save their own skin or improve their conditions. Again, this sick mentality is the result of mental programming by society. Living this life is clearly evil. Living beings are clearly evil, and at least partially psychotic (for loving a life that hurts them); but, we cannot realize any of this, because our minds are as evil as Life is. It is no wonder there is so much suffering in the world. 21. The lies people believe. Predictions of upcoming freedom or well-being, or promises of changes for the better in the world or in a future life are empty promises to entice people to stay in the prison of Life, to keep bringing more babies (slaves) to the world, to keep working, and to keep the system going. The freedom and happiness promised are false hopes, intended to perpetuate the exploitation of human beings. These lies are like fake carrots on sticks in front of donkeys (which represent us). The donkeys will not reach those promises. If and when the tyrant in charge decides it is in its best interest to let the donkeys have something they want, an unsatisfying portion of what was promised may be given; but the carrots the donkeys are really after, everlasting happiness and well-being, will never be reached by them because those carrots do not exist, they cannot be created, and even if they were to be created, it is against the nature of the tyrants to give them, and against the nature of the donkeys to produce them. Tyrannical governments, politicians, greedy bankers, unethical CEOs, secret organizations, the economy, bad luck, hunger, ignorance, mean people, minor criminals, major criminals, enemies, terrorists, wars, natural disasters, diseases, parasites, epidemics, catastrophes, or the like, are not the problem. Those are just inevitable conditions produced by a single root cause, which is Life as designed by the psychotic Universal Source. Everything else serves as a distraction, so people do not look at the real cause of their dissatisfaction, and so they do not realize they are slaves to their lives, and that they should break free. 22. Suicide, the first step in the right direction. How do we free ourselves from evil? Freedom from the evil that pervades all Life is achieved by total annihilation of the self. This freedom cannot be imposed or bestowed onto others. It must be taken by each individual for himself or herself, by breaking ourselves free from the prison which is our physical body. Suicide is not a sign of being a coward. It takes bravery to overcome the fear of pain, the fear of the unknown that is waiting for us, the fear of what might go wrong, the discouragement of society, etc. So do not believe the fallacy that says that all suicide is cowardliness. Every living being belongs to itself only and is entitled to do with its own life whatever he or she sees fit, as long as he or she does not directly harm or infringe upon the rights of other living beings. Suicide is an action that may not be popular, or politically correct, or pleasant, or safe; but it may be one that is RIGHT or JUST. This is not the same for everybody. Each life circumstance, each heart, each person is different. What I propose is that each person finds those actions that are right for him or her. 23. Suicide can be good for society. As a society, we should not prohibit or discourage suicide from those who feel they no longer want to live. An illustration of why I think this to be the case is the Las Vegas shooter of 2017 and other mass murderers who have killed and injured so many people. They obviously do not have a reason to live because most of them kill themselves after killing their victims. A lot of times we don't really know what they want to accomplish: maybe it is to punish wrong doers. Maybe they want to hurt people that are happy, because they are envious, because they are not able to be happy or have fun. Maybe they are actually trying to help their victims in some twisted way we do not understand. Whatever the motives may be, should those people hold moral principles similar to the ones I propose, the tragedies they've caused in the past would not happen as often. They would know: 1. other lives belong only to themselves. It is wrong to hurt or take anything from another living being against its will. And 2. Their own lives belong to them only. Nobody has the right to hurt or enslave them by making them stick around when they no longer want to be around. It is OK if they end their lives. There is no hell waiting for them. Their society does not condemn them for making their own decisions about what they do with their own lives. As a consequence of the above, they are at peace with society, and they end the torment of their lives without hurting other people. 24. Suicide is our right. I am not encouraging mass suicide! I'm only trying to help those who have no reason to stick around, to leave their misery or the meaninglessness of their lives behind. There is really nothing wrong if they do it. I've seen much unnecessary suffering in my lifetime. I am trying to put an end to that. If everybody wants to commit mass suicide, honestly, I think they would be better off, but there are other things to try. I don't believe any other solution will be effective though. I find it odd that almost everybody, even people who scrutinize ideas with strict rationality and logic, such as philosophers, do not dare to contradict, or even question, the mandate against individuals taking full control over their own lives ad deaths. Why is this? Are we, as individuals, property of society, or property of some divine entity, or property of somebody else? If so, we are slaves, and being a slave is not for me. I don't recommend it to anybody. If we are truly free individuals, are we not entitled to do with our lives anything we see fit (as long as we do not directly harm others)? Besides that, what does it matter if we take ourselves out before nature or somebody else does? We will all die eventually. I want to have control over my death, not leave it to a random force, or event, or somebody else to inflict it on me, at their pleasure. 25. Let us resist the indoctrination. The truth is that we have all been indoctrinated, brainwashed, to have a prejudice against suicide because it is against the interests of the farmers of humanity that people feel completely free to do with their lives and their deaths whatever they see fit. It's time for us to reject this prejudice. As a society, it is important to recognize suicide is an individual’s prerogative, not a matter for group debate. Each person has the right to choose for themselves whether they do or don't opt for suicide, and society must be at peace with it. We must recognize individuals’ right to be sovereign over their own lives and deaths. Society, in an act of wrongness against us, has hammered into our consciousness how wrong and cowardly it is for people to commit suicide. I want to reverse that. I want to make everybody aware of the benefits of owning our own lives and deciding for ourselves, individually, if suicide is something that may benefit us. There really is nothing wrong with it, if it is done responsibly, and if we recognize that the interests of the individuals are above the interests of the State or of society. The interests of the state and society are really the interests of the rulers of humanity, of the tyrants who are farming us – the interests of those who exploit the human race, to its detriment, for their own gain. 26. It is a personal decision. I did not want to collaborate with the evil tyrants anymore. I really disliked the bloodshed and the human misery. It broke my heart watching people hurting each other, hurting animals, and so on; so I opted for suicide to get out of this game. You, of course, can stay and play some more if you want, but know that you are justified if you want to quit at some point, and that it is your right because only you own yourself. Don’t enslave others, and you will have the right of defending yourself against other's attempts at enslaving you. Whatever we want to choose for ourselves is right for us. Whatever others want to choose for themselves is right for them. Trying other solutions, or choosing to do nothing at all, are valid options as well; no shame on any of it. 27. Attaining true freedom. Continuing with the procedures for obtaining absolute freedom from evil, first we kill our own bodies; then, we must extinguish our spirits or souls also. Probably, this is done by seeking complete darkness and rejecting any advice to follow any light or angel or family member, and declining to go through any door or tunnel; and laying our souls to rest in complete darkness, and by not feeding them any energy, or exerting any force or effort until our consciousnesses turn off completely. My plan is to try taking my soul straight to the asteroid field and turning myself into stone there. Other steps may be necessary to freely navigate the spiritual realm. Once out of the body, we may have to find out what to do to achieve the extinction of our spirits. As spirits, we could choose to reincarnate on earth or on other planets, or maybe even ascend to other dimensions. All of those choices would be mistakes, if we want to rid ourselves of all evil. However, we could also choose to extinguish our consciousness. This is the right choice, the one that leads to freedom, and it is up to each individual to learn what it takes, and do what it takes, to accomplish it. There is a lot of evidence that indicates the awareness of a person survives the death of that person's body. I have researched this subject. The evidence convinced me that for at least several minutes, to several hours, after we die, we remain self aware, we perceive our surroundings and beyond, and we see and hear what happens and what other people do. There are documented cases of people that, after dying, were subsequently resuscitated, and gave account of what they did, saw, and heard while their bodies were dead, having no pulse and no brain activity. This is indirect evidence, but it is valid. It is the testimony of people who affirm they have had this experience. I have seen many reports of such cases of near death experiences. I do not believe those people are all lying. The doctors also testify those people were really dead. I see no reason why we should not believe them. 28. Consciousness can be turned off. To me this means that we are all very likely to have to make decisions after our bodies die. I think we will do better for ourselves if we are prepared to make those decisions when the time comes to make them. For the moment, I am not certain of how to do it, but due to the self similarity of the various parts, levels, or compartments of Life, I'm completely sure there is a way of permanently turning off or killing our consciousness; and I'm sure that I will find it, once I'm out of the prison which is my body. Most likely, by the time you hear or read this, I no longer exist as a living being. True freedom is freedom from Life and from being. Without life we cannot contribute to the evil doing that goes on universally. Without consciousness we cannot experience the pain and suffering the Source imposes on living beings. This is why the complete destruction of the self is so effective in liberating a person of all evil. I do not like the solution I am proposing one bit, but in my opinion it is the only definitive solution to the problem of human suffering. There are deceitful teachings, used to control individuals and societies, which state that spirits cannot die. We are made up of the same basic substances as the Source because we were once constituents of the Source. We were the source, but we were severed from it. Therefore, our spirits have the same qualities, attributes, and powers as the spiritual portion of the Source, in reduced scale. The bible uses the symbol of a fire or flames to represent the spirit of God. This is because in many ways a spirit or soul is like a fire. Fires can be extinguished. Souls can be extinguished also. Once a fire is extinguished it ceases to burn and to exist. Once a soul is extinguished, it ceases to be conscious and to exist. Even when elements that make up fires are still present, (such as oxygen or fuel), that instance of a fire, that particular fire, no longer exists if the fire is out. It works the same way with the death of consciousness. The functioning of a soul or spirit and its identity can be destroyed. The fact that our essence, our souls, are made of energy does not mean those souls cannot rid themselves of life. If by the time you are listening to this message I have attained my goal, my consciousness no longer functions. I neither think, nor remember, nor feel, nor want. I am not aware of anything whatsoever, and I am no longer a living entity. 29. Pure consciousness is bound only by its own will and its own emotions. Maintaining that we cannot cease to exist as living entities or that our consciousness cannot die, denies that the universe or Universal Consciousness possesses free will. It implies that the universe is bound to do, MUST do, what it has been doing; and it has no choice but to do what it has been doing. The universe is eternal, but it does not follow that it must eternally do the same things it has been doing. In other words, the universe does not have to repeatedly take the form of living beings, should it decide that taking the form of living beings is not what it wants to do any longer. The universe could take the form of only rocks and other inanimate objects, if it wants. The universe is not bound. Pure consciousness is not bound. There is nothing outside of it that could bind it or force it to do anything. It does what it wants to do. There are no rules it must follow. Who could impose rules or laws to the universe? Who could enforce them on it? It imposes the rules on itself, and it enforces them, as it pleases. We are individual units, bits, fragments, crumbs, or shavings of that Universal Consciousness. In a way, we are the universe. The belief that we must reincarnate is the universe auto-imposing a rule that says it must reincarnate, so it reincarnates. But the rule can be changed at will. The universe can say: I have an option to reincarnate or not. I have the option of creating inanimate objects only. The universe can decide to live no more. The whole universe can choose to die. This is scientifically called "heat death of the universe", a universal state in which life cannot be supported and only inanimate objects remain. Therefore, we, as individual consciousnesses, can choose to die as well when we are out of our bodies. We can turn ourselves off and become something other than conscious beings. I found the following regarding a scientifically possible death of the universe online on Physlink dot com: “The 'heat-death' of the universe is when the universe has reached a state of maximum entropy. This happens when all available energy (such as from a hot source) has moved to places of less energy (such as a colder source). Once this has happened, no more work can be extracted from the universe. Since heat ceases to flow, no more work can be acquired from heat transfer. This same kind of equilibrium state will also happen with all other forms of energy (mechanical, electrical, etc.). Since no more work can be extracted from the universe at that point, it is effectively dead, especially for the purposes of humankind.” As pure consciousness, without a physical body, we are bound only by our own will and our own emotions. We can choose to die in spirit, but it is important to fully own ourselves and to fully be in control of our emotions, as opposed to letting our emotions control us. If we feel out of control here, we will feel out of control on the other side as well. So take the time to face your fears, to conquer your demons, and to take full responsibility for who you are, and for what you do. 30. Follow your heart. What is happening to human kind and to all life on earth is not fair, not just, and not right. It is a sick game The Source and Life play. We are the game pieces. We are, somehow, the rule makers too, since we are whatever the universe if made of. At some point we will all decide we've had enough of this game. Life forces us to do evil to other living beings; therefore, it is of an evil nature. We should not participate, or should stop participating as soon as we are able to stop. However, some people would like to stay in the game longer than others; some want to play multiple times. That's OK. It is their right to choose for themselves. Maybe they are winning. Some people, maybe the ones that have seen all of the cheating and the injuries, have had enough of the game and will quit playing soon. It's OK to stay or to leave, but I've wanted to help the players become aware of the rules, so the game is a little more enjoyable for everybody, because, unfairly, we have been made blind to the truth, to keep us exploitable. This was done by means of indoctrination and brainwashing, starting from our early childhood and lasting our whole lives. We’ve been repeatedly told what things mean, who we are, what things should be like, and how to think. Nobody is allowed to disagree with the indoctrination. For this, most people cannot fully see the truths I'm describing, and as a consequence, they play the game in a way that hurts them, in favor of providing benefits and profits to the universal parasites. We are here now, and our lives are what they are. This is the state of the game. What's your next move? Will you quit playing? Will you find out more about the true nature of the game? Will you change your strategy? Whatever you decide for yourself is right for you. Do not let anybody convince you of the opposite, but do respect other people's right to freely choose for themselves what is right for them. I have one final request, and it is for you to share this message with other people, if you think it might be of benefit to them. Thank you. May you find a way to experience everything you desire, and nothing you don’t.

@MarkusSweden no, true love and heaven are the biggest things of reality as far as I can imagine. and maybe even god = love. absolute truth might tell u all you need to know but also it won't really tell you how it all works really. so you will know u are god but u won't know the mystery behind the manifested creation or uncreation. how big bang started etc etc.. so what if all is dream? as long as you are being you still have something that pushes you to go on. even if you are being absolute god. even if u see all as illusion. something pushes u.... once you have absolute truth, theres no more fear, life, you, duality, death. What then that thing that really makes you to doubt killing yourself? If u realize there is no you, death, life, and all illusion. What makes u to still doubt that really? You might say you have love which will push you through life. and also higher purpose stemming from love, which is helping others (going to heavens) coz otherwise u don't really have to live right? so, if you think about it, once you have divine true love and heaven, imagine what you gonna do next? (we can speak about heaven as higher realm OR as something that can emerge on earth when humanity will evolve their bodies consciously) ok maybe deep inside you can't really settle yet unless you saved everyone else, even demons in hell. you also need to save all the aliens and any entities in the universe. there's just something pushes you to go and save them. maybe thats love n truth, maybe thats love n truth + some secret? so what is that secret? lets say you already have full enlightenment, you know you are god, you are love. but one thing u don't know is some mystical secret of how exactly you came to be. coz u can be god, buddhahood, but how it all happened really? u don't need to know that. but still something pushes u to go on living, maybe there's something which can be known. maybe its not enough to say that nothing ever happened or that its just is. so lets say you saved all of them, that will probably take infinity, and lets say you all are in the highest possible heavens now and thats the only thing left. there you will already be something other than current human or current soul then what? I guess once thats done, you will see how heavens emerges into singularity, and how you became god and created yourself and all there is, how big bang occurred, atoms occurred, how you dreamt this whole myths, how life on earth appeared, and how one cell organisms became Marcus after billion years! coz there is hero's journey which is central topic of all stories, where hero saves everyone because of love and higher purpose. hero always driven by love, salvation, purpose (immortality or gold or god or saving others) but I think this trinity together make ups something more, something bigger that pushes him to do all of that. coz purpose and saving is in future, love is in present. but what exactly kicks you in the butt to do anything and doubt just killing urself? coz sometimes u have no purpose, no love, no need to save. no fear of death.no meaning. but something still wants this whole show to go on. u commit suicide and be no more. but maybe.. u will just be born again and play it again from worse realms... think why suicide considered as the biggest sin.. u can die naturally.. but maybe u will born again.. u can escape samsara.. but buddha didn't say he will or he won't reappear, because there is no u to escape something. but infinite stream of consciousness is what u are so maybe the motive of heaven is real thing. maybe motive of merging into singularity is real thing and maybe u complete circle anyhow, u will be there in the end anyhow. its not up to u maybe! but the difference is that u can hold back or go forward. if u hold back u suffer more. if u go on then less probably. maybe thats all difference that there is. but everyone will merge into singularity anyhow. what this thing is? Maybe its that secret which cannot be known unless you complete full circle of infinity. maybe you are continuing your life only because otherwise you will stop before you became god, so nothing will be created! you have longing to understand that. if you still being you got to become that. if you no more, if you are in non-existence, void. then nothing was created really because world stopped for you. then theres no questions anyway. maybe u can just have absolute truth and escape all the non-sense of going in this endless cycles. but maybe u can't? maybe u need to make circle and u will do it, want it or not? in our case u got to make infinite circle, because you cannot settle for less if you are god. if you settle for less and have love and heavens you will see that there are more callings. these callings will push you to do more until infinity, until even satan is saved thats hercules going to olimp, he can't stop making his 12 deeds until he is god again maybe jesus did full infinite circle? thats where his knowledge stems from I can have love and heaven, I can have no fear. I still can kill myself why not, I might even see everything as illusion, so why I am still here? maybe thats why evolution of consciousness is important. it is to make a circle. and then u create the world like u want and it will have no suffering to begin with. maybe u will make up some new game or some next level and so on till infinity. it will be even better. 'u create ur own reality' goes on new lvl of understanding. sorry for that perverted imagination. but what if thats how it works. strange loop makes sense now. oh my goshhhh

@SOUL @Heart of Space Something that I want to add here.. I was exposed to very deep teachings when I was too young. And I totally misunderstood them, until I came across Osho's books when I was about 18 or 19 years old. And he indeed was a genius. He was also probably the only teacher who has created different impressions about him on different people. One group would think of him as a dangerous, fraudulent cult leader who was as evil as devil. Another group would think of him as the greatest spiritual guru of this century. In fact, if a person reads a random page from a random book of Osho for the first time, it is very much possible that he would put that book down and hate him for the rest of his life. But after reading Osho, everything that I had learnt before made perfect sense to me. And three years after reading Osho, everything that I read from Ramana Maharshi, Nisargadatta Maharaj, Eckhart Tolle and many others made perfect sense to me as well. And let me tell you what Osho did and how he taught. During his initial years, he talked about Jesus; Christians gathered around him and became his disciples. He talked about Krishna; Vaishnavas became his disciples. He talked about sufis; many muslims became his disciples. He talked about yoga; and many people who were inclined towards yoga became his disciples. He did that for every tradition for many years. Then suddenly one day he stopped giving public talks. So much illegal things happened during two years when he was in public silence. Many people committed crimes and many people left. After two years he started to talk again. And his talks were so different this time. Do you know what he said? He said that he couldn't talk directly to people because each person was conditioned according to his own tradition. Nobody listened when he started to talk the first time. So, he went their way and started talking about their traditions. People were attracted. Once he found enough people to pass his teachings to next generation, he wanted to get rid of unwanted people. So, he went silent for two years. Many people left as he expected. He then started criticizing about everyone, including Jesus, Krishna and even Buddha. It is a trick again. But this time no one left! And he could teach them directly and bluntly. This way, he appealed to many people and he also busted many myths. I will talk more about him when I find time. The only way to show my gratitude towards Osho is to keep passing the light he gave me. He saved me from suicide and I want his vision to come true.

If everything is Maya, then surely suicide accomplishes nothing (the concept of death is a part of maya, is it not?).

@Shir I've been down the stupid road before. Depression is a bunch of bull shit. I feel bad for you. I could give you a bunch of advice on what to do. But in truth, no therapist, no forum post, will likely save you. I find the depression is made up of arguments and reasons (not 100% sure). If you can find these arguments and reasons, then you can fix your depression. I find that most pessimistic arguments are full of shit. Also btw you do care. Because if you didn't care you wouldn't be here writing this post, and you would consider suicide as an escape option. You just don't feel the emotional baggage of caring.

After all what I read about him he was not narcistic at all. Society wants to put this picture on him to make him more evil. He wanted to make suicide many times in his life. He even did not wanted to be called "the fuhrer" in close circles, he just acted normal and dressed like normal when no cameras were put on him. He had a very simple life and no luxury his whole life. He had respect for every people around him and loved children. This is not fake if you see videos about him You put your version of moral over his. Moral is relative. It depends on which time you live, what circumstances you are in. In his view there was no excuse for not destroying the financial system running by jews. He recognized all the suffering in this system trough human history and he wanted to destroy it

Well, it might seem rather obvious, since they find truth they can rest it and nothing rock their boat so to speak! But let us make a comparison with art. Art is also about finding God or truth. Many people become enlightened trough art not even knowing there is a concept for these experiences. However, the art world is full of mental disorders. Just the other day I was listening at a radio station that plays classical music, and covered the work of one particular composer. I don't remember the name, but he was one of the well known composers in history, just below the giants or Bach, Beethoven and Mozart. Anyway, he faced depression in many occasion throughout life, one of his depressions lasted for 5 years where he wasn't able to do anything basically. Also, those giants mentioned above, one can argue that all of them had mental disorders, at least Beethoven who would have had bi polar disorder if he lived to day. But Mozart were highly childish throughout life, had no capability to handle money and face difficulties with when life demanded responsible behaviour. Bash was probably the most sane of those mentioned here. But he had 20 children and was a social catastophe. And look at those painters. Was it Rembrandt who cut his ears of? Salvador Dali was awkward, Picasso was notorious disloyal to his wives, and he had no interests in his own children and grandchildren. Take a look at writers. Dostojevski had severe gambling addiction, Hemingway was an alcoholic and committed suicide. Stig Dagerman(most famous writer is Sweden) killed also committed suicide, so did Karin Boyd(another famous Swedish writer) Take a look at music industry. There is a club, called club 27. Some of the greatest musicians died at that age. Jimmy Hendrix(drugs), Janis Joplin(drugs), Jim Morrison(drugs), Curt Cobain(suicide) and the list goes on. But with spiritual people it's different, although there is a huge link between art and spirituality. All those we like to listening to, Mooji, Tolle, Leo, Sadhguru, Spira etcetera seem like polar opposites to the highly respected artists regarding mental stability. Coincidence?

How are you sure there is no self and everything is an illusion? Then why not to have a reckless life and commit suicide?

Hello Everyone, First off, thank you to any and all kind souls reading this right now. I would gladly appreciate your thoughts on my situation, no matter how short or long. Please comment if you can because I think I'm at my wits end, to be honest. I just have no idea what to do anymore. I don't want to make this too long, but for reference sake - I'm a lady in her mid 20's (25 basically), single, a virgin, been suffering from Depression for years now. Been in Therapy for literally the past 6 months, have chosen to NOT medicate myself (despite being asked to many times - and never had been before), been dealing with very strong feelings and emotions of suicidal thoughts. Especially the past 2 weeks (have been suicidal in general for about 4+ years). I consider myself Spiritual, not religious. I feel like I honestly have no emotional support system, other than from my own Therapist. As a Psychology student actually studying the topic of abnormal psychology recently, I had the chance to further understand where I stand in regards to my depression. I basically found out that I suffer from MDD (Major Depression Disorder) and thankfully, my Therapist said so himself on our last session (about time tbh, was a relief). He was always against labels, so hearing him confirm this was a major breakthrough for me. I have gotten to a point where, I feel like I don't care anymore. In the most neutral yet sad sense of the word. I feel like I don't care anymore about school (University/my education), about a career, about a job, about having a relationship (never had a real one), about having kids, about having a social life (have been lonely for months and lost all the love or pleasure I had in going out with my gf's, literally does nothing for me anymore). I have no motivation anymore and I don't know what to do really. My Therapist advised to me to take responsibility of my life, which I respect and understand. I feel like I know what I SHOULD do, but I just don't really care deep down when I really think about it. It's gotten so bad at times that I'm literally just laying in bed in this emotional pain that feels like white noise in my soul...like I cannot even feel my emotions anymore, I cannot even FEEL MYSELF. I just lay there, not being able to even cry or open my mouth to speak or even drink water (despite being SO thirsty). I feel like I'm losing my humanity and everything that made me...me. I feel like I had such BIG dreams about becoming a Clinical Psychologist and despite that never going to come true, I settled with wanting to become a Therapist instead. I feel like THAT sustained me for a long while, having such dreams...and yet I feel like everything fell apart. Like, no matter how big or how passionate I am about my dream, it doesn't seem to matter anymore. I can still appreciate the beauty in my dreams but feel like I'll never get there because I don't care anymore, or enough... about anything. My Therapist even told me in my last session that "you're born alone, you die alone, and everything in between...even if you're in a relationship, you're actually alone. Even if you have kids, they'll grow up and you're alone again". I was very taken aback by this but ultimately understand and believe him. I broke down in tears and couldn't stop crying, saying how could he say such things to someone who is suicidal, but he said this is the truth of life, sadly. I feel like I have so much potential to do good in school and become an awesome, professional and loving Therapist that truly cares about her job and clients and ultimately to help people in need. I feel like I had such potential to be a soul loving partner and fall in love with a possible soul mate. I feel like I had such such potential to be a Mother too. I feel more than heartbroken by all this, I feel heartbroken to my very soul. To the core of who I really am. Like such a failure in life. I have no idea what to do, I feel so empty and like there is NO solution for me. I refuse to take medication as I believe that even though it MIGHT help me function better, I still believe in my heart of heart's that it won't help with my "I don't care" problem, because let's face it - even if my concentration is better, the fact that I DON'T care, just means that I won't get things done anyway. That's at least how I feel and truly believe. It's born out of me knowing myself enough. My Therapist suggested that, me feeling like I don't care...might be born out of a sadness at the realization that no one can save me. Not my family, not the men I fell in love with, not even him as my Therapist (all his words). I think that's TRUE and I agree with him...but wonder if there might be more than that. I just WISH I could convey how deeply in despair I am by all this. No matter what I do, my heart isn't here. I keep on feeling like suicide is all I have left, in a sense. I cannot study, I don't care about everything which breaks my heart. I have absolutely no idea what the solution is and feel like there is NO solution for me at all. In all honestly, I don't know what to do anymore...even my Therapist told me that he thinks that this is bigger than I, bigger than him and talk therapy. He suggested I take medication but I refuse, like I said. I ask, with all kindness and humility, to please tell me what you think I should do...

In the case of a kundalini crisis this can happen. I hope you are doing better. One thing I see from your post is a lot of anxiety and panic. This can often be a bad combo with kundalini. Even legit spiritual practice and meditation can spark up a kundalini as it did me so the prior post suggesting it, just an f.y.i. it can spur it on. I never had such an experience until I began meditating. I did have some experience, however, when I had mine to know better what to expect were it to occur and to stay in a positive mindset. I also do agree to cut out new agey material and to be careful what information you listen to. Also, if you're still meditating as it said from your link I'd put the breaks on for a bit and pace yourself as it seems like you've overloaded yourself with this. Just like exercising too much your body needs a break. My head hums constantly as well like tinnitus but more hum like. It's not distracting or unpleasant or anything and it'll probably never go away but I'm ok with it. It seems like just a symptom of a nervous system that has sparked up. My whole experience with kundalini has been very pleasant with none of the more negative side effects but I think that is in large part due to me not having any amount of fear or panic throughout the experience. If I had to pinpoint anything it'd be the darker more panic stricken thoughts. Meaning no offense, but I think you gotta relax and chill a little bit. Panic and darker feelings and emotions can cause psychosis to take over and it sort of controls you rather than you controlling it. In a similar way that people can have either a good experience with things like ayahuasca or a negative experience depending upon their emotions or mental state. Maybe try more positive activities and try keeping a more positive mindset. Take it from someone who has experienced intense kundalini, being so anxious and panicked often only makes it worse and it can spur on psychosis if one is not careful. Also, try to avoid darker thoughts like suicide. I never had the thought of suicide and I seriously think that could make this a lot harder thing to go through. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. Yes, it's bizarre, probably one of the most extreme experiences one can have, but I always viewed it as more of a natural occurrence than anything to be worried about. It's also an extremely intense experience so you're going to need to rest a little bit. I think releasing that fear and turning to a brighter mindset is a big one on this. Please try and stay positive and I really hope it does get better.

God or nothingness is there because its just there, how can it not be there? It exist and doesn't exist. It can be otherwise. And otherwise is infinite chain which boils down to that it cannot be otherwise, and cannot not to be otherwise. If you ask HOW, then you can come up with tones of explanations. Its like how rain occurs? Well you can come up with exact process, but it also has many aspects at play, and that can go ad infinitum if you wish. But if you ask WHY. The answer: its just is. And also its just isn't. lal But if you want to know about why there's this very moment. Then think why universe is the way it is. Because its the most sustainable or stable way in which it can exist. Think why earth is round and circling around sun, and sun's going around milky way galaxy. Why gravity is there as it appears to be. Coz its the most sustainable and stable way to exist. Think why universe will collapse from heat one day, because thats how things work, its the most sustainable way. And another word for stable and sustainable is good. Good in a way that allows everything to be. You might say God created world for his joy. Not good and joy in a sense that absolute infinity has special feelings like humans, but joy and good in some way which is beyond our imagination. And in the same time its within our imagination because that joy and goodness is manifested and seen in our feelings that drive us and in literally anything you see around. Why kid plays? For his joy. Why kid cries? He experiences something which doesn't allow him to have joy. Why do we survive? it feels good to survive. Why do we die? For creation to continue it needs to be changed and recreated, otherwise its unsustainable. Why we suffer? We experience something that makes us afraid and doesn't allow us to have joy, Why fear exists? So we can survive and have joy afterwards. If there's no fear, no animal would survive hence evolution would end. Why we go to work? For joy or because we think it can bring us joy. Why we fall in love? Its joy. Why lion hunts antelope? Survival feels good. Why someone's survival goes together with someone's being dead from that? Thats from our human perspective, but from absolute perspective its just how creation can be continued in the most sustainable way. Why people kill people? To survive. Or they think it can bring them joy in the end Why commit suicide? Coz there's no joy, and suicide can save you from no joy. Why hitler was the way he was? He thought its good for him, his ppl and his ideas. Why attain moksha? To escape life, don't have experience anymore so no more non-joyful things. Or because liberation from existence is more joy even compared to joyful existence. Why some ppl seek truth? Because its good for them. Why some do not seek? Because its good for them. Why ppl lie? Coz they think it will do good or they need to survive. Why live? Coz it feels good. Why don't live? Coz its better compared to life which can be non-joyful sometimes. Why we do evil to others or to ourselves? Why we cant stop doing bad even when we know its bad for us? Because our instincts or motivations or thinking that are designed to survive and they assume that its good. Or you can say its god that doing all shit to us, then god thinks its good thing to do. Why we label something as evil? because we think its good for our life to do so. Why say absolute consciosness has no reason to be? It feels truer for some hence better. Why say absolute consciousness has some good reason to be? It feels truer for some hence better. So we can say that consciosness is just is. We can also say that its just good. We can also say its all bad, and god is asshole. And why do we say that? It feels good for us to say it. It can also feel bad, and want to feel bad sometimes because its just how our survival machine works to survive. We can also say there's no meaning or good, its just silence, and we say it because it feels truer and better. Man you can't abstain from being. Language of god is silence, everything else is translation. Doesn't matter what you say or do, you always driven by infinity which has its only aim - TO BE and NOT TO BE simultaneously.

Actually you got it wrong. Life is suffering but what he meant by exiting the cycle of suffering (in this case rebirth) is to become enlightened and then when you die you aren’t reborn again. Of course this assumes that rebirth is an actual phenomenon and not just something they made up to keep people from escaping through suicide. Second, any claims of joy after enlightenment is pure speculation. We are assuming a state exists and that they reached it and didn’t just stop at something that felt good. There is something to be said about enlightenment being detachment, the only way to be happy is to ignore the hard reality we live in. While Buddha did say there is a “way out” there isn’t evidence that it’s the case. Ultimately the claims and argument of enlightenment boil down to “because I said so” and that just doesn’t fly. I can say that existence isn’t a joy after enlightenment after speaking with others who claim to reach it. Finallt Leo isn’t worth asking jack about. Ever since I saw his view on skepticism his credibility took a nose dive. Not only did he butcher pyrrhonism but selectively applies it to things that contradict him. Reading books by zen practitioners or Osho don’t prove anything, all you are getting is their view on life.

I think that largely depends on your brain chemistry and genetics (that call needs to be made on a case by case basis). Suicide is most certainly an option for certain people. Sometimes life is shit and solutions are incredibly improbable. Sometimes it won't get better. Sometimes it will. I think most humans vastly underestimate how painful life can be. But at the same time, there are genuinely people that do enjoy life as a whole (winning the genetic or upbringing lottery). I personally don't do it because of fear. It's that simple. I am also aware of how pleasant life can be when the ego gets out of the way. If I can get to the ego-less space in 10 years, I think it'll be worth the pain. On the other hand, if no progress is shown as I get older, I wouldn't be completely opposed to ending it.

As Camus wrote in the Myth of Sisyphus, committing suicide because you can't see a meaning in life is absurd since that claim implies that some absolute truth about the nature of existence is available to you. Which is false, because you are merely a human being, with all the accompanying cognitive limitations. I would comment that you're operating based on logical assumptions. But why does existence has to be logical? Human capacity for reasoning seems to be a by-product of evolution, which we use today for the oddest purposes like justifying one's existence - or suicide. If you want to alleviate suffering, you can devote your life to hardcore spiritual practice, become enlightened and live in a constant state of bliss away from society. Why not get the best of both worlds? I am not particularly interested in entering this deep and murky discourse of meaning and purpose. It would probably take years to master, and what for - to satisfy my need for logic? So that my life would be logically impeccable? I couldn't give less shit about it. I should admit, however, that looking into these things helped me clarify my position towards life. Knowing that I will die and that I want neither to kill myself nor to become a mystic/hardcore philosopher/scientist (who might believe that science will find meaning in the future, when humanity as we know it ceases to exist), I'm choosing to play the game, even though I didn't ask for it. And to get as much happiness and fulfillment as is available to me. Luckily, the problem of happiness is much more down-to-earth and can actually be solved.

Such statements are made from a position of luxury (especially from the context of modernity). As it stands the majority of the population lives in a form of poverty and illness (just look at India). Not to mention the “worth living” is a bias, as humans have a tendency to remember the good aspects of life and downplay the bad. A “life well lived” is highly subjective as to be a meaningless counterpoint to existence as a whole. One merely has to look at nature to see a constant cycle of pain and death, but also birth. Even “making life worth living” speaks to the undesirable nature of existence. One has to actually do something to make life worth it, while it takes nothing to invite pain. Even as we age the quality of life goes down as the body breaks down. Overall the score isn’t in favor of “life being worth living”. Even some animals commit suicide when the pain is too much, or through grief. Making the point about trees is moot since they can’t take their lives.

@Thanatos13 I had the same insight. Out of curiosity, I'll try to word this question as best I can, what is your intention right now? Not for this forum but your intention you feel underneath everything. In other words, what goal do you intuitively feel deep down in this moment? Edit: I'll also add.. I don't think people really answered your question. It looks like they're mostly just telling you that you lack perspective or that you're overseeing something. Maybe that's true and depending on how you want to interpret it, it can be useful. But looking at what you said, everything aside I do see where you're coming from. Actually it's where I'm coming from to, to a degree. And I'd say you're right. Living is optional. That's all there is to it. Whether you do it or not and why is a whole other can of worms. But everything beyond answering you directly seems gratuitous and an overstep. The one part of your statement I'm a bit confused about though is "suicide is a more expident alternative". To what goal do you mean by this?

shadow boxing, part 42. I'm so goddamn depressed and suicidal and angry right now. At everything. At the world. At Dad. People should be waking up, not falling for this State of the Union bullshit! GAH! Is this true? Fuck yes! Spiral dynamics? The evolution of the psyche? This is the 21st century, and there's still racism! You've gotta be fucking kidding me! Why can't people be more like me? Is this really really true? Yes. Raising consciousness is the prime directive of life, and most people are asleep to it. How do you feel and act when you believe that thought? Furious. Especially at Dad, with his petty little unconscious ego defense mechanisms. My God, wake the fuck up so I can have a decent conversation with you! You're so damn rigid! It's like I'm stepping on eggshells when I talk to you! I have to purposely close myself down and be quiet and agreeable just to please you so I can stay in your house and be a good boy so that I don't have to live out on the streets because I'm too neurotic to support myself otherwise. In other words, Dad, why don't you change your ways and get into PD so I can connect with you instead of having to go out there into the cold dark world myself in order to find my tribe and risk failure and rejection in the process? (Wow, that one's an egoic mouthful.) Sad. This world is going down the shitter. Our ways are not sustainable. We're all going to die prematurely. Nihilistic. Why even bother in a world like this? What's the point? This is a fucking zoo that I don't want to be a part of. We all spiral in and out of nothingness, with a few peak experiences but mostly suffering in between. As human beings with a separate sense of self hard-wired into the brain, we are hard-wired to suffer. We huddle in tribes to avoid the black hole in the center of our existence, adopt beliefs that limit reality and create the illusion of security, and grow like a cancer. What's one stress-free reason to keep these thoughts? I don't have to participate in any of it. I can just kill myself instead. I said stress-free. The act of suicide is very stress-inducing. None. Who would you be without these thoughts? Just someone who does my own business with no concern for those who are asleep. They'll wake up when they wake up. I'd be at peace with it. I'd go elsewhere and find people I can connect with on a deeper level. Maybe I'd admit myself to some facility so I can at least learn how to talk with people without debilitating anxiety. I'd love mom and dad and let them do their thing, while I do my thing. You secretly believe you should be waking up. Yes... I've been distracting myself a lot lately. Not being present. Cutting meditation short. Not doing the work. You secretly believe people shouldn't be more like you. No, they shouldn't. I'm a neurotic mess. I don't accept myself as I am. You secretly believe you're not sustainable. No, I'm not. I would be terrible as a father. At the rate I'm unraveling, I will die prematurely, psychologically and perhaps literally. You secretly believe people who aren't ready shouldn't be waking up. No, they shouldn't. It's a long, arduous process that takes lots of emotional labor. Not everyone is ready for it in this lifetime. You secretly believe you're a fucking zoo that you don't want to be a part of. True dat. I feel out of control, my body feels like a prison, nothing seems to work for me or with me, and I want out. You secretly believe you should wake the fuck up so you can have a decent conversation with your Dad. Yes. I'm too enamored with my own projected bullshit to actually see the soul that is my Dad. Maybe if I let go of all my anger, we could joke around like we used to. You are rigid. Yes. I'm militant about PD and spirituality. Anyone I see who supports tradition and stagnation bothers me. And yet, by holding onto my militant views about PD and spirituality and expecting people to change, I myself am being rigid. Are you willing to let people stay asleep? Are you willing to let them fall for the "State of the Union bullshit," as you call it? Yes and yes. It's too painful to stay angry. If you get triggered in the future, you'll know your work isn't done. Understood. Can you let all of this go now? Yes. I'm sorry for all the bullshit. It's all okay, love. Will you let it go? Yes.

I'm just realizing there is so much material here, and I'm just starting, so I'm sorry if I'm being repetitive, it will be welcome if you pass me some links in that case The thing is: I am afraid of following the spiritual path; I'm no longer sure if I may incline for God or for the devil, and altough I know it is a duality, it generates terror in me to think that I could get stuck just in front of it, face to face with Nothing, without being able to trasncend it. My question: how can I do then to get to iluminate myself and not to derive to desesperation, psicosis or suicide? But I am 21 years old on the other hand, I did not finish my university studies, I am not financially independent, should I not be more focused on my ego, on art, as an artist who creates works, instead of going to meditation retreats and taking psychedelics, for a while? A little bit of context: I had a really strong trip with mushrooms; it was also an enlightment expierence. Nothing that happened me before

Perhaps this is a foolish question, but isn't suicide then the fastest way to enlightenment? Not if there is a movement of becoming. That’s the point. What this word enlightenment points to is a ceasing of becoming. The psychological entity I call the me is a movment in time/thought. The self “thought” and it’s fragmentary and divisive nature within the psychological field breeds conflict and desire. Any movement of desire is a movement of thought. If desire must cease to reach this “enlightenment” then how can the pursuit in becoming bring this transformation about? Do u see this friend?