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@Alex bliss That’s the realization of the actuality of love / being.

@Alex bliss You speak as though you understand you are unreal, but this is just an idea for you. It is not a direct realization, so you're still speaking from a position of delusion. In this work it does not matter what you believe or think. What matters is direct awareness of what is the case. All others, including yourself, are imaginary. You're not appreciating how radical this is. You're intellectualizing it and treating it as a cool idea. That is not nearly good enough.

@Alex bliss Pure empty awarness just thoughts.... Who you are is beyong descriptions Dont just ask questions like parrot turn your attention to unchanging sense of being, that witch knows all bur cant be knowm and contemplate dont answer if you answet it or thought comes just see that ot is appearning to something In something And that something is always Now that something is all and nothing You cant see it you are it!

@Alex bliss There is no I. You still aren't getting that.

@Alex bliss the realization that you are pure awareness will not be a thought or a concept. it will be known. like taste of something you eat is known. so yes, you start by asking the question and in the end see that you were never the one asking the question, but only mis-identified as the one who was asking the question

@Alex bliss yes. That was the first awakening i had. Extremely profound.

@Alex bliss your life is spiritual journey. Always was.

@Alex bliss If I am pure emptyness then why don't I feel other bodies. There is ONE BIG BODY (Pure Awareness) This ONE BIG BODY feels every other mini-body (Alex Bliss, SoonHei, Ivankiss...) Right now, a mini-body is asking why it cannot feel the rest of the mini-bodies... The mini-body can only be/feel itself. This is like if PURE AWARENESS was your entire body. and Your Hand was asking the question If I am the whole body, why can't I feel the rest of the body It is because the hand can only feel the hand. If you step on a nail, you will not feel the pain in the hand, it will be in the foot. the pure-awareness (YOU) in the entire body will feel the pain in the hand and in the feet. as well, the pain will be felt in the hand and in the feet. But hand will not share the pain of the feet. In short, the one asking your question is the HAND (Alex Bliss) and not the ENTIRE BODY (pure awareness) PURE AWARENESS is ALREADY feeling all other bodies. Just as your body is ARLEADY feeling all the parts of your body. Don't be a hand... realize you're (always & already) the ENTIRE BODY! then your question will also be gone

100 years is nothing compared to infinity/bliss that you will be with real death if there is no reincarnation which I believe there is not when you are fully awake and do not want to return here... Why do you want to die now and not wait it out to see how it plays out?

I am a porn addict, and also a Youtube addict. Below are my thoughts - 1-2 hours after I cut off all major distractions. ------------ " This is about cleaning myself off of the toxicity I've been indulging in. I feel content without achieving anything. Now that is something one wouldn't expect in theory. And this is just one- two hours into the commitment to clean myself off of toxicity. While on this path, I'm naturally drawn to meditation, or in other words, being grounded in the now. I'm making more observations. Looking at a second's clock for a minute. That's something. Wow. Higher consciousness itself is the bliss, you don't need anything else. Omg. Things are trippy when you start being aware. There's a lot more to the world than what you were previously aware of. How can I even suggest her to marry and find a guy, that won't solve anything for her. Trust yourself to do something which will reduce her suffering. Just a 4 minute song and it felt like eternity. This is the way to live if not anything. With awareness, knowing that you could be god, Immersing yourself into the experience. I'm just looking at how mechanical my hands look while typing, are they really mine? I mean, who am I really. Certainly, these hands don't look mine, and this concept of ownership seems strange to me. Again, who is this me? It is something that I used to refer to myself even if I am not that very thing the reference is supposed to point to." ------ Questions to those who are not stuck on low consciousness, 1. Is there a feeling of strangeness about familiar objects, a strangeness which accords a depth to them, which you probably didn't notice before? 2. Is the experience richer, not necessarily in terms of pleasure, but in the depth of the experience? 3. What do you personally think is something I am blind to (in context of what I described) ?

This form is temporary. There is pain, bliss and in between... I would like there to be more bliss for sure but at least we have psychedelics for a temporary amount of time while having this experience which brings bliss in our lives that you can continue doing even if enlightened. I am satisfied with the answer from the trips and I'm only doing more trips for the giggles.

Of course. What I'm talking about here is the symbiotic relationship between duality and non duality. Of course theory is limited, of course confusing theory with God causes suffering and you will hit a wall. But why did god allow that to happen? That's what I'm answering here. I'm not talking about HOW to get enlightened. I don't care about how to get enlightened in this post. I'm going meta or beyond the desire to enlighten. I'm talking about WHY the HOW exists. I'm talking about WHY god created theory, rather than not. What the function of theory is. I'm not talking about its limitations. I don't care about its limitations in this post. I'm talking about why its there. I'm not even talking about what it does, or what it can do. I'm talking about the 'structure' of structure itself. What I'm saying is the function/structure of theory is designed to divide you from God, so that you can experience God. Without theory, you cannot experience God. You can only Know god (and there is a massive difference between Knowing and Experiencing God). As a relative example: if you theorise about an airplane, then you can actualize that airplane and then EXPERIENCE flying. But if it was not possible to theorise about an airplane, you could not build an airplane and EXPERIENCE it. God <-> Theory is the exact same. To Experience a certain facet of God, you need to absorb some spiritual theory, then actualize that theory, then experience that theory (or realize god through that theory). There are many different facets of God: voidness, love, energy, passion, bliss, goodness. Why is that? Why are there so many different sides of the same coin? BECAUSE OF THE THEORY! THATS WHY THEORY IS IMPORTANT! You will experience god as love, if you have absorbed a lot of theory about how god is LOVE (say some christian beliefs). You will experience God as voidness, if you absorbed a lot of zen theory. etc etc etc. That's what I'm trying to say. And physical beings will keep producing theory for infinity, and facets of God will generate forever, enabling God to have infinite facets. This has ramifications for knowing WHAT you should create and WHAT life purpose you should have.

When I sit down to meditate, I feel heat in the right side of my chest. It scares me as I don't know whether it is safe to continue with the meditation, Tara Wells' book says "heat without bliss can be dangerous", but it doesn't say how. I get really scared, and then I get up and eat a whole bunch of weird food. I don't really know what to do. Perhaps I could start by deconstructing the beliefs that I have around it, and do more contemplation on the topic of Leo's survival video.

@Mikael89 Sure I have a sense of self and experience negative emotions. I agree with what she says in the video. I never said anything to argue against anything like that in this thread, I only pointed out some realizations I've had that are wonderful. If you want, you can focus on things that make you feel amazing. That's all I'm doing. Sometimes I don't feel like doing the things that make me feel amazing, like going out for a run when the temperature is below freezing, but I've learned what my mind says feels good and what actually in my experience feels good can be very different. I can be the witness of how I feel, and in the witnessing I change my feelings. That's what emotional mastery is, I suspect anyway. I wouldn't want to feel bliss all the time, because it would no longer be bliss. I enjoy the drama. I'm not liberated, so to be honest sometimes I do NOT enjoy the drama. But what I have realized is that I have incredible power to create, and what I choose to focus on is one with what I create.

I agree with you. We need substance to our lives, we need art, poetry, self expression, meanwhil higher state of consciousness is just a way to connect even more with the world, so it's also worth it to achieve it, it is not necessearly a loner track. I do understand that a higher state of consciousness is like "I don't need anything else in my life", but that would take a permament state of pure bliss and non attachment with the external world that for me is currently in my POV impossible to grasp. Just be your friend and understand your own limits, enlightenment is not a rat race

All your favorite childhood stories and dreams are real. You can be or do anything you want. You are never alone, angels, God, spirit guides, source, whatever you want to call it or form you imagine is takes is always there. You can tap into all the happy memories or future bliss anyone ever had or will have, now. Source/God/Oneness has infinitely different flavors and resonances as it comes through to us, it's not just like having one boring flavor of ice cream all the time. You imagine your reality so you have the power to guide and hold your focus toward the most beautiful visions and feelings you have, and in doing so guide the manifestations of reality towards that. A chipmunk in the woods eating a pine cone is as important an event as a meeting of the world's most powerful leaders. What do you have to add?

Just the feeling or experience of Divine bliss and Love :)❤?. And paradoxically a realizaton or two. As God. One of those can be that you ARE God! But i knew what you meant by your post. Don't wanna mislead newcomers though with the title.

I have taken the lessons, both the old ones, and I'm currently going through the newly redone ones, I'm about 2/3 done with the new ones. The new ones especially are very well done and I think any Kriyaban would benefit from them, even those like me that are not in the Yogananda/Sriyukteswar branch of the lineage. My teacher specifically told me that other than the altered Kriya techniques and some suspected exaggeration in Autobiography (some of the stories he tells in Autobiography are very different and more extreme than how they have been passed down in my branch), that all of the other content that SRF puts out is solid. I also think the new lessons are on discount for half price until the end of the year if I remember correctly. The general information on metaphysics and spiritual matters is wonderful, especially for a westerner, as there's not a lot of good info on this stuff in the west. Also Hong-Sau and AUM are good techniques. I still practice both on occasion, even though they are not in Lahiri's teachings. If my mind is feeling very energized and unsettled on a particular day I will practice Hong-Sau for a few minutes as a warmup to Kriya to center myself. And, if I have a really good Yoni Mundra, which is practiced at the end of my session, and I want to sit longer and absorb myself in the bliss, I will practice AUM for a few minutes while my hands are already up there. I can hear all the astral sounds except the rushing water of the 5th chakra easily without plugged ears, but if I want to absorb myself in the rushing water most of the time I need to plug my ears and formally practice AUM.

I just needed love and acceptance in life. I have come to realize that that's all I needed. That will set me free. I have understood that the root cause of evil is abuse. Lying, stealing, cheating, craving, everything comes from a relationship of fear, demonization,deprivation, dismissal, judgement, violence, abuse, punishment, threats, humiliation, shaming etc.. A good person becomes bad when they are exposed to fear. God protect me from evil and sin Weird and neurotic behaviors are also a result of narcissistic abuse The weird behavior was a coping mechanism to the narcissistic abuse. I want to talk about this emptiness syndrome. A psychological dissonance. Like if I come back from work, I don't feel happy at all, I feel very empty, like there is nothing fulfilling about success, money, power, status, fame like these are just artificial elements inserted into the life that don't make it full. It's a spiritual emptiness. You feel like these are not relevant. And on top of it, you feel like they are a waste of time, and also a distraction to your spiritual objective and therefore you feel like you are constantly missing out on something while you are in that rat race and while you are in it, the frustration only grows. We all have a child within us that wants to be free, wants to experience Bliss, some candy, we all want that freedom, that purity, that innocence that liberation and unconditional comforting love. That peace that acceptance. I'm looking for the following things ?Happiness ?Healing ?Security ?Peace ?Unconditional love ?Acceptance ?Fulfillment and purpose ?Comfortable growing space and not a toxic space I was thinking about the next concept which is the most important thing to me. This concept is about life. It's about how there are major complexes that are important to be considered. One thing I noted is that life is the experience of both physical and spiritual. After death spiritual is not relevant and physical does not exist. So only life is important. In life its the Fusion of both physical and spiritual and this is the only chance to experience it. The complexes are Socio-psycho-biology complex Psycho-biology complex Psycho-emotional-mental-spiritual complex Psycho-emotional-mental complex I will call these energy molecules or energy pathways. Development of all these complex or pathways is important. Now the spirit has a disposition but this disposition is also impacted by the Psycho-emotional-mental complex. Now life consists of aspects The psycho-biological and the emotional-mental-biological and psycho-emotional-mental-spiritual complex and Socio-psycho-biology complex. And psycho-emotional-mental aspect. In spiritual there are 2 psycho-emotional-mental-spiritual complex psycho-emotional-mental complex In physical there are 3 psycho-biological complex Socio-psycho-biology complex emotional-mental-biological complex If you don't water a plant then the plant will die. Therefore only spiritual aspect is not the only important aspect, it's also the physical or biological aspect that should be considered. But if you forget the spiritual aspect there are problems like depression and mental illness and degradation of the spirit. Therefore both need to be considered. You have a physical journey as well as a spiritual journey. The term engineering. This term has a special meaning. Every word, statement, action you make or do should be engineered lifeward. Different types of abuse Mental - cursing, name calling Emotional - mocking at emotions, passive aggressive tactics Physical - violence and slaving many hours Psychological - changing their natural perception about something by gaslighting. Like telling a wife that cheating is okay and she shouldn't bother Spiritual - making a person believe they wil go to hell if they didn't do so and so. Extortion. Making a person do evil or encouraging a person to be evil. Provoking a person to evil

@pluto you didn’t really answer my questions regarding blood tests and making sure your body is running optimally. for example studies have shown starvation can actually begin to cause bliss states, so maybe that’s why these sort of practices have been associated with spirituality for so long?

It's always only ever you, so don't limit yourself. In my experience true excitement and thrill comes to you and demands to be followed as if it's not a choice. When I try to make it happen there's a lot of resistance, and when I do get the thrilling experience that means that backlash is always right on the heels of it. For example, you know how some people have to drink in order to have a good time socially? That's because the alcohol wipes out their resistance for a short time, then dumps it all in their laps latter. The same thing happens when there's resistance present no matter what choices you make. Follow what feels good and follow your bliss, but be wise enough to discern between wanting excitement without resistance and chasing excitement no matter the cost. Resistance dampens the heights of the thrill that you want anyway, so what you really want is no resistance. It's not the desire for thrill that ruins a thrill seekers life, it's all the resistance he has. Counter-intuitively becoming free of resistance usually means doing things that seem boring, like meditation. True excitement sometimes doesn't seem exciting at all, to the mind or from an outside perspective and that's what's so tricky. A lot of the work that's done in meditation is getting the ability to look at the sky or a little bird and have it move you to tears. We are heightening our sensitivity and the wonder of life becomes breathtaking. At the same time all the big thrilling things we really really want in life, we're often too scared of to let ourselves experience. By working through resistance we drop our fear and clear the way for big desires. Pay attention to the feeling itself of thrill and excitement, rather than trying to sort out with your mind what things are thrilling and exciting. Don't chase a future that will never come, excitement arises now. There's no difference between the feeling of anticipation and satisfaction, we only pretend that there is because we often add resistance to our anticipation. Abraham Hicks is a fantastic teacher for this sort of thing.

@MountainCactus Wow. This is very interesting stuff and I have got some researching to do. I will buy Yogananda's book on the Gita. Though speaking of Yogananda. For me personally, he is one of the greatest masters we've had. Yet he seemed to have no problem with energization practices. On the contrary. He reached so far that he willingly left the body. So what is your view on that? It is paradoxical to what wrote, is it not? Also if you look at Vajrayana and Tummo practice, it focuses on building up so much energy that it "melts" the upper centres into the belly which creates more and more bliss. Non-dual bliss as they call it. An extremely energetic technique that obviously has created a lot of masters if you look at the Tibetan tradition. So isn't it more fair to say that it depends on the individual more than anything? For some people, like Yogananda, an increase in energy was to their benefit. Whereas for other people it will cause suffering and there is not enough courage to resist the temptations it creates. Also, I would be interested in hearing your opinion about our center. You write that the limbic brain projects out the chakras in the body. And the term spiritual heart gets used alot, where our home and true seed is. Gamana writes about this too. But the spiritual heart still gets projected out to the heart from the brain. Or "brain". So is it fair to say that our true core and center is in the brain and this is where the eyeball (as Leo put it) projects out all of creation? And that it only feels like it's in the spiritual heart?

Actually @Esoteric I'm going to take a small step back here as I think by backing up a little bit I can paint a bit more context that will help you and everyone else connect the dots. The ultimate goal of Kriya, as I mentioned, is to unite your consciousness permanently with the non-dual. Kriya is an Advaita Vedanta technique at its core. Self-Inquiry is easy to get some initial experience, but it's hard to make that experience permanent. Kriya is an easy and natural way to make that non-dual state permanent into what is called a state of Nirvikalpa Samadhi. In this way I see both Kriya and Self-Inquiry as natural complimentary practices, but that's a tangent for another day. Advaita Vedanta teaches that to reach Nirvikalpa Samadhi you have to go through all 3 bodies, that are comprised of 5 total sheaths (or the 5 Koshas if you want to research more into this). The physical body Annamaya Kosha or physical sheath. The subtle body Pranamaya Kosha or energy sheath. Manomaya Kosha or the mind sheath. Vijnanamaya Kosha or the subconscious/intuitive sheath. The causal body Anandamaya Kosha or the emptiness/bliss sheath. And finally when you move beyond all of those bodies/sheaths you reach the non-dual state. Each of those sheaths is an illusion, hence the word "Maya" used in each name. Even emptiness/bliss is an illusion. Far too many people reach this point and think they've reached the end, but the truth is there is still another layer below that. If one can observe emptiness, there is obviously still something lower and more subtle than emptiness that is observing it. So what are the chakras and how do they fit into this model? Like I mentioned above, the chakras are where the limbic brain projects into the physical body. So what sheath is the limbic brain in? It is in the Vijnanamaya Kosha. It leverages the Pranamaya Kosha to manifest the physical body. In other words, the chakras are where the subtle body becomes the physical body. So by energizing these connection points, you are strengthening the bond between the body and the subtle body. This is the opposite of what we want. The goal of the first Kriya is to do the Battle of Kurukshetra that Krishna described in the Bhagavad Gita. For those not familiar with the Gita I highly recommend Yogananda's "God Talks With Arjuna" for a very western friendly and Kriya specific version. His teachings in that book came from Sriyukteswar's writings, which were edited and approved by Lahiri. So through Kriya, we perform the battle of Kurukshetra and go beyond the body and the consciousness settles into the subtle body. Then from there, through Paravastha, Yoni Mundra, and the higher Kriyas we completely win this battle, and we are able to release from the subtle body into the Kutastha which is the causal body. It is at this point where you finally are at a full state of Pratyahara. Then through continued practice, and much time spent in the Paravastha state, you can go from Dharana, to Dhyana, and finally Samadhi where you ultimately merge your consciousness with the non-dual. Then, by reaching Samadhi over and over and over again, you slowly start bringing it with you outside meditation until Samadhi is a permanent state. This is the goal of Kriya; Nirvikalpa Samadhi. To get here, one must sever the link between the chakras and the body. This is the first major battle that needs to be fought. By strengthening these bonds, you prevent yourself from going any further in the process I described.

The sensation of the universe is love. One infinite love, conscious, aware. Because infinite is infinite, infinite must forget ‘who’ it is, so there can be experience, or, finite. To “sin” is to speak against one’s self. “Original sin”, is the infinite must forget itself, to create the experience of being born. We are born against ourself. Because we veiled our self, so that we could be born. We weave an identity out of our experiences growing up. We believe we are that identity. We believe we are the body. We believe we are the past. We believe we are defined by our experiences. So our thoughts & perspectives orientate towards defending & protecting the identity. We do things that are hurtful to others, and to our own bodies & minds. We do these things in pure innocence. That’s tiring. Suffering. We begin to resent ourselves, and God. Misery, hell. We don’t want dualities, we want heaven. We become angry, furious, and begin to demand the heaven we so deeply yet elusively know to be our divine nature. It becomes unbearable. Anger becomes hate, and hate can go on for a long time, if we deny our true self. But eventually, one way or another, even if it’s old and dying, one does indeed let go. I sometimes imagine a person in such a predicament, upon passing away, asking God “Why?! Why with this infinite love, this eternal divine bliss - why did you put me through all that suffering, that anger, the hate, the evil?? Why!?” But then, there is no one to ask. And there is no question. No anger. No hurt. No pain. No hate, no evil. Just the love. The love we are. The sensation, the ‘having feeling’, the ‘aliveness’ - was the infinite love and guidance all along. It’s crystal clear. One can forgot who one is now & then, but one can not actually not be who one really is. “The Cosmic Joke” What we feared all along, was love. It was just our self. If we’d just let go of the past, forgive ourselves readily, love ourselves readily. @beatlemantis ♥️??

Story time. First I forgot who I was. That’s basically where all the trouble started. Discordant psychology & depression ensued, therapists & pills didn’t help. Gained 70 or so pounds, ate terribly, lost sex drive. Got a lot more depressed, hopeless. Meditation however, worked. I found some relief and clarity, so I did it everyday, at least once. I didn’t know about the path, awakening, enlightenment, etc. The content, or big picture & details, and spelling-it-out, wasn’t as available as it is now. Also, I started playing guitar around 15. Classical & different genres of pop / rock. In hindsight, this developed relaxation, concentration, focus & feeling. Working efficiently, honestly & intelligently felt good, and bettered my quality of life, so I did a lot of that. I excelled and created opportunities of every job. I liked making things more efficient, more fun, & easier for everyone, and I liked putting how everyone feels, first. In hindsight, that was more significant than I noticed. It was from meditation, from slowing the mind down, that I saw through the lens of the importance of attitude. It felt empowering. I started exercising. That felt amazing. Because I felt amazing, I wanted to feel more amazing, so I changed my diet entirely. I experienced energy I’d never experienced before. I became much more expressive, and started singing along with playing guitar, and I absolutely loved it. In hindsight, writing songs developed expression and transmuted suffering. Because of the meditation, attitude, work ethic, energy, expressing & having fun, I left am hourly job for a salary job, and then left that to start a business. I had learned a lot, and also, at the same time I had no idea what I was doing really, but I just happily did it anyways because it was desired & aligned. Meditation revealed the ‘secret’ of ‘now’, or, the actuality of presence, or, being. When I thought of too big of a slice of life, instead of getting overwhelmed, I’d realize it’s just this moment, never more. Meditation revealed the nature of overthinking; emotional repression & suppression. Because I was no longer overthinking (via meditation), and had some intuition going (via meditation and expression), and everyone else was overthinking, things got immeasurably easier & effortless. I realized meditation is naturally a leadership quality practice, so I did it more, often twice a day. I worked even more efficiently, trained a team, had maximum synergistic all-inclusive fun, and replaced myself in the operation. Then I opened another business, and in short, did the same thing. Then again and again. In meditation, I let go of a lot, had little thought chatter, and became much more open minded. Because I was open minded, I heard and started listing to Abraham Hicks, Wayne Dyer, Rupert Spira and similar content on YouTube. That helped open the mind up even more. I felt good, from meditation, enjoying work, having fun, and being present. I started reading about science, psychology, etc, and researching religions and quantum mechanics. I wanted to know about reality. I had no idea at all there was a Truth. One day I sat down to meditate like any other morning, and the instant I sat, oneness was viscerally realized. I was a blissed out fool for a week or two. It was wonderful, and also shocking, as ’no one knew this’. I couldn’t fathom how I knew this, was this, and everyone else in the world apparently did not know this, though they too were this. Everything was the same, and yet everything had changed, and I didn’t understand any of it. I loved it and felt absolutely amazing though. Took tiny doses of shrooms with friends, laughed a ton, and also started seeing this oneness in reality, more so than just feeling / knowing it within. I started taking solo retreats in nature; inspecting my beliefs and identity, playing guitar & singing, expressing, writing songs, meditating, walking, and tripping. Took progressively higher does over the course of about two years. Never had a ‘bad trip’, humbly & enjoyably learned a ton every time. Loa, QM’s, spirituality, and things I more deeply wanted in terms of career and life wise became clearer and all started to gel together. By this point I was married and had three kids. This also gelled perfectly with the path, as kids are perfect mirrors. They do what you do, not what you say to do. Difficult to stomach sometimes, and makes for speedy awareness of minutia in behavior, attitude, inflection & the repercussions / creation from /of the even the smallest of these actions and words. No more ‘hiding’ or ‘getting away’ with anything. The deeper learning & actualizing was of / with my family. I loved truly, actually, patiently creating space for them. Listening. Understanding. The deeper importance of intention, and awareness of vibration surfaced in marriage. It was revealed that all of what’s happening, is vibrational. At this point my life was chalked full of everything I love, and the ‘power’ of consciously creating was self evident. Still meditating everyday. More solo retreats, more practicing, higher dose trips, more insights & realizations, working even more efficiently, by putting people first more and more across the board. Then the breakthrough ‘to’ infinity. A Mind-visual ‘grand tour’ if you will. Total game changer. At this point, in hindsight, oneness was actually (experientially, relatively speaking) more of a shocking sudden and permanent no mind / knowing of absolute unity. Infinity is an inexplicable complete and total unbelievable unthinkable incommunicable mindfuck. My brain was literally re-wired, which felt very different but fine, kind of a warm activity / electricity activity sensatio, and as old thoughts and thought patterns arose, they met with the new wiring, and were ‘converted’, or ‘refilled’, aligned. That, and uncontrollable laughter in absolute disbelief & mind blow 24/7 lasted a couple months. Then in the middle of one day walking through my house, suffering & misery swirled in my head, very viscerally, like all of the false thoughts I ever had were being pulled by a magnet, in a circular spinning pattern, and like a toilet flushing, swirled into the very center of my brain and flushed. I was aware of this and felt this, and it was more disgusting and sickening then anything else, and nothing has every felt quite like that. It swirled down smaller and smaller until it just like ‘popped’ and vanished. I was very aware that I would never be able to see things again, in the manor which had led to depression etc, and I just sat in a chair for a few days as it sank in. Somehow it was crystal clear there would be no experiencing misery again, and that meant I would not be able to feel the vibration of someone else who was. I would only be able to relate by logical deduction, empathy & compassion, and not actually relating, not actually feeling suffering. Take that as you will, it’s nuts but it’s as accurate as can be said. Still meditating every day. So now there’s no perception of actual separation anymore, no fear, no self doubt, and everything is perfect and makes perfect sense, and every thing is experientially imperfect and makes no logical sense, and together that actually makes sense, as there is no separation. Reality, self, thought, emotion, the subjective & the objective, etc, me - revealed as pure perfect magical mystical ineffable being. All of that, which started with depression, & sitting down and meditating, had culminated into not being able to ‘physically hold’, or have the capacity for, infinite love. This was actually (joyfully & hilariously) kind of an issue for a couple years. Crying once or twice a day, purification cleaning house, sometimes blissful & beautiful, sometimes gut wrenching / ‘barfing it out’ via many tears, followed by deep & insightful more nuanced alignment of life / self realizations. Sensitivity mentally, emotionally, and physiologically was incredibly heightened. Conscience is more like an exposed nerve of love. Little things I said or did that never would have bothered me at all, would haunt me for days if not addressed. It took a while to understand and acclimate to this. Meditation changed entirely. There was no letting go of thoughts anymore, but very literally moving as awareness / sensation (unconditional love) through out, as, ‘my body’. “Experience” like it was, like it’d been thought it was, was gone. Inconsistent reality became ‘normal’, or rather there never was a normal as reality was always love / self & magical (ineffable). All kinds of delightful things that aren’t explainable began to transpire, and so to speak, I was now fully aware that I am creating the whole of reality. Not as ‘this guy’ obviously, but as ‘who’ or ‘what’ we all really are. The nature of being, the absolute & relative, the human condition, etc, all readily understood, which is to say nothing is known, which is to say, nothing is known. As far as “balance between spiritual and self actualization”, neither is actually describing any ‘thing’ (‘other thing’) at all anymore. All songs made anew, and music, playing & singing are only for the experience of it. More love & beauty than could ever be thought possible. Intuition is now the most primary sense, like vision used to be. Took reiki classes, many ‘sober’ and profoundly unexplainable mystical experiences ensued. Met some loving & likeminded people and learned a ton from ‘hands on’ direct experience together. Saw with much more ease & clarity how beliefs are the most important underlying factor. This made sense of how people can have such different and otherwise unexplainable direct experience with food, diet, medicines, ailments, disease & healing, “luck”, immunizations, etc, etc. Still meditating everyday. Started seeing “God’s plan”, and understanding how there can even be a “plan”, which yet is unconditional, spontaneous & without thought, inclusive of all thought(s). The common connotation of the word ‘plan’ doesn’t work / fit. Realized collective consciousness by seeing it directly outside of ‘reality’, the “how” this living of lives is orchestrated, and how co-creation ‘works’. Lost thinking / thoughts, to no mind & insights. That ‘led’ to ‘cosmic consciousness’ so to speak, seeing the entirety of the one off dreams, and how thinking & feeling works in terms of creation, in unison with the so called ‘universe’, white & black holes, superposition, entanglement, general & special relativity, etc, etc. Realized why almost everyone “tunes out” right here, and stopped mentioning it. Realized a simple dry erase board is a holon and is much more than it appears initially, and is not separate form intention, belief, emotion and the actuality of creator-creating-creation, or, ‘reality’. All of this realization goes hand in hand with the emotional scale, and of feeling in the body. When I first started, I did not feel inside of my body so to speak. I didn’t know that was possible / actual. Now there is a “cellular level” feeling / awareness / consciousness that is like a extremely refined ‘field’ of bliss. Realized this, when “amped up”, effects people and circumstances within “my” field of perception beyond communication with words, and that it is “powered by” love and purity of desire, intention, and an overall alignment and fundamental ‘acceptance’ of / with / as the actuality of being (ineffable). Started having awakening enlightenment conversations with people in person and through skype, centering around creating the life one actually authentically wants, involving the ‘extracting’ and developing of unique source-given gifts and desires, aka, the true power of love, or, reality, or, creator-creating-creation. Of course things with my family, friends etc have never been better. The depth and richness of love is ever present like drowning & floating in bliss, well being & a sort of perpetual never ending awakening. Though at the same time, I became only interested in assisting in whatever ways possible with collective well being & awakenings. I realize no one is awakening, and every one is awakening, and just love being a part of it as no one, or, nothingness. By well being I mean emotional, physiological & mental health, or simply, love. By awakening I mean inspecting & freeing ‘yourself’ of limiting beliefs, leaving the matrix of conditioning, overthinking, anxiety, depression, attention blockages, etc, and quite literally communing with source & every one, via intuition & true genuine intention, enjoying the deeper richer authentic magical experiential sensations available to be experienced, having & achieving everything you dream up for this life, and self realizing in a timely & proper manor along the way. I see clearly the most fundamental issues at play are the misunderstanding / collective belief that consciousness arises from matter, and the collective lack of distinction between behaviors & actions, or, preaching vs purifying and exemplifying with respect to the being each one actually is. Still meditating every morning. Attention on breathing, letting every thought pass. Nothing more. When it’s difficult, it’s because the nature of reality is purification. That is, source is unconditional, so any beliefs (conditions) held are naturally going to float right out the more one relaxes, breathes, & let concerns / discord go. Realized the elusiveness of anti-gravity at play here, in terms of the relationship between letting thinking go, and thinking about it. Mind blowing synchronicity, awe & wonder are the unending actuality of self / reality. Realized the critical difference between a ‘caring or not caring’ paradigm, and knowing each person is so powerfully unconditionally loved, that no one else can do any of this for them, or convince another to change a belief / and therefore their actual experience of reality if you will. Realized this arena / realm is what I’ll be doing from here on out. Realized it is why I am. Realized the “defilements” and “samsaras” are one’s truest character / deeply intention based, thus difficult to surrender, yet fundamentally are relative the same as food choices are relative to how one feels, one’s vibrational proximity so to speak with / as, absolute / source. A short term - long term thinking / believing of thoughts, feeling, & living, that stretches well beyond life & death, thought, perception & sensation. For example, when sitting and doing nothing feels better than sex, sex is no longer a ‘reach up’, to feel better. Paradoxically, sex then enters a whole new place that I think a whole book could be written about. Probably has already. The more belief / identity one surrenders, the more selfish & selfless collapses in terms of true intention & motives, and the more alignment is realized / empowered in creating reality. Sex, just as one example, reaches heights beyond the deepest trips, but then again, sex isn’t actually sex at all, and trips aren’t really ‘trips’ at all. Realized I’ve never actually experienced what concept like “done” or “failure” convey, nor will I ever. Experience is itself infinite intelligence, infinite mind if you will, which is love unconditional. Infinite can never be “done”, experience can never be “done”, purification can never be “done”. Love only loves and in intrinsically being unconditional, wants everything you want, and never judges the wanting, yet feels alignment & discord. Realized all which was ‘needed’ was to be well practiced in meditation, so ‘I’ don’t manipulatively utilize or weapon use thought, as self referential thought stories, to manipulate ‘others’ so to speak, because ‘others’ are me, and are in the same predicament, or, are experiencing ‘the human condition’. And now I’m going to do everything I can to shed the light that I am, on this place & this love that is.