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No, I don't believe he was, but your flippancy towards suicide is rather worrisome.

For the past few days, I have been struggling with the idea of 'choice'. How do you choose between two activities? Seems like a easy thing - but when you know that all paths lead nowhere, that death is inevitable, and more important, you can clearly see yourself feeling the things that you would possibly feel because you have played those roles in the past. For eg, you can feel a sense of accomplishment at doing something 'worthwhile', and before you do the activity, you remember this feeling. On the other hand, you can feel a sense of pleasure at doing something 'pleasurable', and you feel that before you do the activity as a sort of memory. And then you compare the two feelings - and you are lost. Because they both seem to go nowhere, mean nothing significant. Thus you cannot choose. So the decision of choice becomes arbitrary. But what kind of arbitrariness are we talking about here? Some things I will not go - I will not shoot myself with heroin, or commit suicide in the name of truth(at least not easily). So there is some criteria in my mind. These are the unconscious criteria. But you could have more definite criteria. For example, the kind of activity that I want to do could be based on what I want to achieve, if I want to have some theoretical understanding of my place in this world, then I would choose intellectually rewarding activities. But within those activities, there are some which are easy and some which are difficult. I would choose the difficult one, because I want mastery in what I do. https://medium.com/personal-growth/if-its-not-hard-it-won-t-be-rewarding-5a9f85b072d8 There aren't always paths that are so clear cut. Sometimes a choice is made for you and there is nothing you can do about it. The very idea of having choices goes against all manner of understanding of the self, if there is no you then there is no choice either.

@Leo Gura As far as I'm concerned, there is nothing to solve and nothing to escape right? Why all of the sudden the worry? Do you think actualized will get blame if someone here suicides? It's all just a dream, illusion, death is not real, nothing exists etc etc. I often thought about suicide myself. The only reason is didn't do it is because almost all philosophies and occult practices teach that there is punishment to the soul aka individual consciousness after this. I hope you can elaborate more on the suicide issue.

If you are talking about suicide, I hope most of these comments get through to you in time to see that there are people concerned about you. I don't know what is going on in your life to make you feel this way. We all have our own inner demons to battle, but if you kill yourself you aren't even giving yourself a fighting chance at happiness. You know what comes after the suicide? nothing, because you are no longer a factor in anyone's life equation, not even your own. There are people who live every second of their lives in pain and devastation all around the world, but they still find something to keep them going. There has to be something to keep you going. Even if it's just the support and knowledge that these strangers do care even if they don't know your name or even your eye color. However, if by "unplug" you mean to just disconnect from the Webb to allow yourself some quiet time of reflection, then I wish you the best of luck! I personally have not been apart of ANY social media network outside of Pinterest and Etsy and it can be very relaxing to get away from the screens. I hope you are still here to fight the good fight! But if we are too late, RIP...

LWAM, Season 1, episode 4 Disclaimer: the following story is a result of phenomena called purging on steroids. Symptoms include: shrieking, violent shaking, shifts of energy in the body and the sweet relief that comes after it. This is a full ( it's looong) version of Danielle's story. My first memories of being alive were connected to hatred and violence. My parents fought a lot and their fights weren't one of those minor quarrels that married people have, they fought with the intent to kill one another. I had this vivid image of my brother crying because of them for years playing in my head. I found peace in church of all places. Looking back, I had these weird experiences where I didn't know who I was and something about those moments intrigued me and I kept going there. I went there so often that everyone thought I'd become a nun. I spent most of my days playing on the street or in the mud. All my friends were boys and that effected my self image as a girl later on. My parents would buy me dolls and I'd tear them up beyond recognition. I might have looked like a girl, but inside I was a dude. Then middle school came. I could easily understand all my classmates, but very few understood me. Then that got me questioning: Why don't they get me? Maybe there's something wrong with me. It's like there's constant disconnect between me and most people. I began asking existential questions very early on, wondering about the nature of existence and myself and yet, nobody seemed interested in it.I couldn't understand why things seemed so crazy and everyone considered it to be normal. Why do they keep repeating actions that don't work? Am I really suppose to believe that this is normal? Everything they found meaningful, I found stupid and vice versa. The 'odd one out' narrative resulted in repression – I shouldn't think what I'm thinking, feel what I'm feeling and be so weird. My father was very emotionally abusive and my mother did the opposite – she killed me with love. My sister got married when I was 12 and I saw it as betrayal – she was my protector and i felt like she left me all alone to parent my parents. What was even worse, I saw her get into a shitty dysfunctional marriage like the one our parents had. Throughout all these years I felt like I knew too much, felt too much, was unworthy of love and not good enough to live. The belief in abnormality increased when i got deep into pubrety and realized I was attracted to girls as much as I liked boys. You can imagine how quickly my faith eradicated. From there, further repression and denial, hiding away of who I was from everyone while simultaneously soaking up people's emotions like a sponge and blaming myself for all of it. I was in so much pain all the time – I thought I deserved to suffer. I couldn't relate to my peers - felt too mature. It was like a cruel joke – i was born in the wrong family with reversed roles, in the wrong country whose medieval ideologies I could never buy, with a clearly abnormal personality which no one will ever understand. It always felt like I was backwards. I could have talked to my best friend, but he was so deep into gays are not okay paradigm, I didn't dare to talk to him about it until years later. At this point, I'm 14 and I just find out I'm bisexual, I lost all faith, I feel lonely and misunderstood and the pain is never ending. That was the first time I thought about suicide. It seemed like the most rational thing to do – I don't belong anywhere, I can't trust people and I'm uncapable of living, and the key thing - I can't fix everyone and everything, no matter how hard I try, I can't do anything besides feel their pain. Somehow I got through that year and found people who were like me in high school. Still, there was always this tendency to self destruct - to find a way to prevent what I want from happening. My logic was, I failed at being normal so I might as well try to succeed at being a misfit. I became a hardcore atheist and a social warrior, spending my time getting high, smoking and drinking. 2 edgy 4 u. How do you like that, mom and dad? When that failed, I tried couple of identities for size- the punk one, the nihilist one, the misanthrope one, the commie, the emo, the stoner, the liberal, the clown. Needless to say, none of them worked. And here comes the turn. After I've broken off a toxic relationship and went through that horrific healing period that only teenage heartbreak can bring about, hating people more than ever, I got tired of feeling so hopeless and I got into Buddhist philosophy. Still, reading about peace and compassion for mankind felt a bit dry until I stumbled upon the big E word, the promise land – to die without dropping the body – the thing I wanted to do for years. The quest began, or so I thought. My grandfather died and for the first time ever, I realized the significance of this work, it wasn't about being blissed out , it was about death. All those years of on and off depression was only a preparation for this death. Meditation brought back that peace I felt at church and I began to open up again. My personaliy is pretty much all or nothing, so when I heard about E, I got obsessed. I tried to create a new identity out of it so I can have all the peace and love without having to face my shit, but couldn't do it. It was too late - ups, the Pandora's box has been opened. For every release, dark night followed, up and down, from bliss to depression, from confusion to clearity. until I hit that breaking point. That breaking point build up over the years. And just when I thought that the pain couldn't get more unbearable, it got even worse and worse. I woke up one day, rather recently, realizing I'm going to die as a 19 year old and all of the things I i thought were true held no reality whatsoever. All I ever did was renew my story every step of the way, new layer of delusion, new ways to resist and to suffer. And that trauma and extreme suffering I endured for years was a perfect way to get me to surrender. To say: you know what? I can't do this anymore. I give up. I surrender. If I need to go through a this pain for another 10 lifetimes, I'll do it. I won't try to escape. From then on, it's like someone took off this enourmous baggage of my shoulders and dissolved the suffering. My body has been going crazy these last few weeks and that's when this trauma came to the surface. I was in a way protecting myself from those memories and feelings that were deeply burried for years and now they are free to come because I have no resistance. Most importantly, it's not only on a mind level, but on a body level. My family came to visit me the other day and the the first thing I noticed was the lack of tension in my body- it's amazing how I used to tremble when my father would touch me and now I feel open and welcoming. There's no need to protect anything anymore. Just a couple of months ago I wouldn't have even allowed myself to think about these things and now I fully accept them. If you're still reading this, good for you! Sorry I didn't make a dramatic coming out video like everyone else, guess i'm simply old- fashioned. End credits: And when darkness comes let it inside you. Directed by Bigger, Longer & Uncut.

Im quite aware. You mean OCD? If that is so, yes my arms would twitch, shake violently, i would have obsessive thoughts (even with me being mindful about them), my body would go from usual to really cold or hot, not as in a pleasant warm, my eyes would hurt. Now I live the same life and its all different. I dont know, I did some work such as meditating, disbelieving thoughts, contemplating, etc, etc. Nothing gave me this calmness, it all resulted in failure (which was very valuable because I could learn a lot, but failure is also apart of the progress which if you think about it, is it really that bad?). I watched a teal swan video, bla bla bla, pretty much said:"In the situation you are in (feeling suicidal) its either going to result in suicide or something else. So you have a choice, to quit this life or give your all". It had not reasonated with me yet. Then I watched some Douglas Bloch's videos about coping with with depression, I was feeling desesperate, so I decided to take a walk. da da da, there was the calmness.

Tip: We ride the EGO to make sense of what we feel, see, hear etc. Getting rid of the EGO is physical suicide, it is death in a literal sense. <3

I have been chasing truth for years, I have had enormous insights, my life became amazing after this process, I live in total peace and contentment but at this level where it feels like the next step is enlightenement, which is like physical suicide...

You see the world with your own eyes.If you are in peace then you will see others in peace.It is OK not wanting letting go.I am chasing truth and power.They come through the death of the ego and you are even more happier.I guess you don't refer to physical suicide!

* Carlos Castaneda. He wrote "The teachings of Don Juan" as his dissertation for his anthropology study. He claims it is all true, but there are theories that he was a con-man who mostly got his ideas from other books that were in libraries at that time. The book "Journey to Ixtlan" (mentioned above) is one of his later books in the series he wrote. He had a whole cult-following. Including 4 women that lived with him in a big house he bought with the money he made from The teachings of Don Juan. "The teachings of Don Juan" is mostly excerpts from his other books, and is difficult to follow (in my opinion) without reading his other books. I loved the first few of his books. The later books seem to get less interesting. - The teachings of Don Juan - A separate reality - Journey to Ixtlan - Tales of power - The second ring of power - The eagle's gift - The fire from within - The power of silence - The art of dreaming - The active side of Infinity * Also interesting to read are some books of the women he lived with: - Florinda Donner: "Being in dreaming" - Florinda Donner: "The witches dream" - Taisha Abelar: "The sorcerer's crossing" * Also good to watch the documentaries that talk about the cult phenomenon: * In the 90's, he and his "witches" started the Tensegrity company. When you search for Tensegrity videos on YouTube, you'll notice that the instructor women seem kind of drugged or emotionless. After his death, many people were disillusioned. The women went out in the dessert to commit suicide. Only Taisha Abelar was later found. The others are still missing. http://sustainedaction.org http://www.4missingwomen.com

Is enlightenment better than non-enlightenment? Could taking psychedlics be considered a form of spiritual suicide? If not, what preparation should be done before hand? Wondered if it might be like changing gears on a car without the clutch.

@Thanatos13 It’s not something that is learned or understood. It just “IS”. It is repulsive to the self. It’s no-thing and every-thing. Every idea and thought you have just “IS” and has no more relevance than any other thought. The self and all it’s thoughts is all WITHIN it. For my self, moments of awakening came with self dissolution. Everything I thought and believed was stripped away. Early on, the loss of mental control was so terrifying my self wanted to commit suicide since that was the only way to regain control. If one is immersed in debating and “figuring it out”, they haven’t even encountered the rabbit hole yet. As the self dissolves, there are not the same highs and lows. The character still goes on, but there isn’t the attachment to the story or the chase for completion. The self gains nothing, it gets jack squat. The self gets exposed and loses all. There is no way to sugar coat it: the process involves brutal and terrifying moments to the self. Yet, its also beautiful and liberating. With that said, there are some beautiful duality teachings. And a reminder to all: dual vs nondual wars are against the TOA - so keep it civil.

Suicide comes up a lot here, and understandably so, our lives are often difficult and unnatural as well (no living community, we even work more than we did back in our hunter-gatherer days, we live in cities/small boxes) etc. And suicide is even the goal you could say, but not of the body, but of our attachment to ourselves as a separate body. So here's why the body/physical universe from my understanding has a purpose: - It exists. - You cannot kill the mental body (www.evidenceforthesoul.weebly.com) - In a physical body you can experience the collective human path of transformation/awakening, live a unique enlightened physical life and help and love others. - If you kill the physical body, you will be faced with the still unresolved subconscious: like the potential you still have for bad dreams: So you will then be faced with yourself, a mind reality composed of the mental tendencies of bodily/mental identification of attachment and fear. So if you cannot let go of yourself, you will probably reincarnate anyways. Not as a judgment or punishment, but out of your choice to resist the fullness of God/Self, and you'll come into another body to complete your growth process. (I once asked before I went to sleep about why I shouldn't kill myself with the intent to learn more on this: I had a realistic nightmare of being in a cathedral. Yet I knew it was also a mental realm, so I could use my power to alter the dream. Though I didn't like it there all together, the cathedral reminded me of the fear of God I think, and the raw stone of the raw reality. Then I saw a guy, and I got scared, I thought maybe he would kill or hurt me. So I tried to burn/freeze him with my mind to scare him off/kill him. I got spooked by that realization of me being a killer and I tried to run, and the people came after me imagined. Then I chased women to have sex (though I never have to rape for it in my dreams), for pleasure and it was unsatisfactory because I was still not at ease/afraid.. When I asked this again later, I also had a dream of a grown man in a baby's body, but the man was looking unconscious and a bit dumb, bewildered, frozen in unconscious fear. Which explains why some children are born very bright, and some are not. and of course Buddhism/Hinduism also talk about reincarnating depending on your level of consciousness). One last thing, a teacher I trust based on direct experience as well, namely Bashar, also says that physical life has the purpose of shaping your spirit. You have the physical life experiences under your belt after the life, and that grows you into a unique being, 'like fire to solidify clay'. And so after the physical shaping you can live forth as an (evolved) human spirit. -- Here's a cool excerpt from an awakening and of really amazing life story: And I just heard: 'For this, you're born.' I think btw suicide is different if the body is like old and sick and stuff and you do it with consciousness, you can say your goodbyes and love properly too. After all, everything is Self created, there will never be an outside source judging you. Peace

Day 2: @Charlotte @egoless It is now the following day I started the day full of energy at a much earlier time than before. Although I didn't have the longest sleep I fatigued a little since then but my muscles feel much more relaxed, breathing feels more synchronised and my chest has this amazing feeling. My chest feels more open, warm and loving really. My morning meditation felt like a breeze and feel like many blockages have opened up. I have felt some minor purging such as I felt like having a good cry last night but didn't quite get to that point and just felt some fear when walking around in the dark which I haven't felt since a child. Did have minor thoughts of suicide when driving but I was very conscious of the fact they were simply thoughts similar to those I recall from about 3-4 years ago. Overall this feeling of love in my chest is nice, I'm sort of just relishing in that therapeutic feeling throughout my mind and body.

@Applejuice You may have lived a life without love. Why not try love? You may have lived a life obsessed with money. Why not live a life unobsessed with money? You may have lived a life which hankers to possess. Now live a life which is not worried about possessing anything. You may have lived a life of respectability - you may have always been considering what people think about you, what their opinion is. There is a life to live without bothering what others are thinking about you; there is a life to live individually and rebelliously. Don't commit suicide! Let your past commit suicide. Start living afresh, moment to moment. Don't live in desires, but live in a kind of desirelessness. You have lived a life of strain, effort, struggle. Now start living a life of relaxation, calm and quiet. And you will be surprised , you have been missing life, not because life is worthless. You have been missing life because you have been taught to live a worthless kind of life.

@Applejuice It's important to understand that it's ok to commit suicide though. It can be a stressful thing to carry if you have thoughts that it is wrong! Remember, you are free! You can't be happy until you understand that. Paradoxically, when you understand that you are free and perfectly allowed to commit suicide, then that option often falls away. The same with ego. When people think they are a solid self, then comes responsibility, and often what follows is that you don't take responsibility, since it's viewed as a burdon or a fear of screwing up. On a contrary, when you understand that there are no responsibility or a self, then "you" often start acting responsible.

@LastThursday Yeah you raised some good points there. I'm not going to kill myself, it's not that I am depressed or have a miserable life, I just see it as better than life because the ego is gone and I'm not chasing shit forever and ever like I am now. But When there is no body there is no more ego as it is there to keep the body alive. When the body leaves the ego will dissolve and not be relevant. I think it will end suffering yeah. I mean that's what enlightenment is all about right? killing yourself but not your body so you're no longer constantly in survival selfish mode and so you're no longer suffering. I understand now that enlightenment is really what I need to do and not suicide. But I'm saying if there are no organisms to play this survival game there will be no ego and no suffering anywhere. When we are not alive, there is noone to survive and there is no ego we are the ultimate nature of reality always. I see life as sort of a prison we come into and end the suffering when we're dead. But we are wired to reproduce so that there are organisms that will be stuck in this cycle forever until extinct. When there is no life there is no suffering. All that remains is enlightenment.

Just to pick on one thing you said, I hope I'm not being too harsh: So - you invented a story for yourself that logic equates to suicide? You should ask yourself some deep questions about that statement. Firstly. Why did you invent this story about suicide? What was the purpose for you exactly? Was it for attention, or self satisfaction, or to make yourself feel bad, or you think it will end suffering, or some other set of reasons? Meditate on that, question the hell out of it. Secondly. What is your definition of logic? To me logic is where you start from a set of assumptions, then through a step by step process you reach a conclusion. What assumptions are you starting from? For example is it: life = meaningless = suffering = negative, death = meaning = peace = positive, therefore death is prefereable to life? Thirdly. Have you ever been dead yourself? If not, then how do you know that death is peace or preferable to life? You don't. And lastly. Suicide is not a thing or an object, it is a process. It has a beginning, a middle and sometimes an end. So what exactly does this process mean to you? Does it always end in death? Or is it possible it could end in life full of misery instead? You should really be asking yourself: 'I will keep asking myself if I can really use logic to justify starting a process called committing suicide which may go very wrong and end in a miserable life instead?'

So for the past couple of months I have been really considering the pointlessness of life. I realised no matter what things i achieve or experience i have i will always seek more. And I think this is what comes with being born and being an animal. So I lost interest in everything, because what else is there to do. I can do stuff but I won't be satisfied with it and its only for short term excitement. If I was dead I wouldn't have to worry about having a house or eating food or maintatining relationships. Those things are cool, they keep me alive but that's a bit shallow. There is no purpose that can fulfil anyone. There is nothing to do. I kept telling myself that its logical to commit suicide. Not like a depressed sort of suicide but more in the sense that if you look at death and life objectively, death is much better than life as you are at peace and there is no suffering. Then I looked into leo's videos about enlightenment and it was like, ooh so i do need to kill myself to find fulfillment, but not my body, just my sense of self. But then what about everything else? All the birds and insects and fish and other sentient beings. Nature is really cruel and life keeps on living and feeding off of other organisms and dying and I think all organisms are stuck in this trap of chasing survival all the time. It's all we do, trying to avoid death, when it is the only thing that will free us from suffering ( apart from enlightenment ). This led me to thinking maybe the earth is better off with all life extinct so there is no more suffering for anyone. Like if nuclear war or some other disaster just wiped out all life on earth and made it inhospitable for any life. I mean I can become enlightened, but what about all the animals and other humans which will live their whole lives trapped in this ego dopamine chasing machine. Any thoughts on this? Does this make sense? Anyone else thought like this?

I'll just throw this little fact that I have sitting around in my head out there https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2013/07/drinking-coffee-may-reduce-risk-of-suicide-by-50/

I liked jed's work when i read through his books really loved the poetry aspect and his no bullshit teaching style, I have a notepad where I kept lots of his quotes/poems, will post some copy paste of it since it's too long. We do get stuck into the spirituality pamper sometimes for too long with it's dogma, yet it's for the faint of heart that gradually lifts us, although i see a loop of getting stuck in it forever even after an awakening experience just as leo mentioned. “Wake up first. Wake up, and then you can double back and perhaps be of some use to others if you still have the urge. Wake up first, with pure and unapologetic selfishness, or you’re just another shipwreck victim floundering in the ocean and all the compassion in the world is of absolutely no use to the other victims floundering around you.” “All fear is ultimately fear of no-self.” “The one and only truth of any person lies like a black hole at their very core, and everything else – EVERYTHING else – is just the rubbish and debris that covers the hole. Of course, to someone who’s just going about their normal human existence undistracted by the larger questions, that rubbish and debris is everything that makes them who they are. But to someone who wants to get to the truth, who they are is what’s in the way. All fear is ultimately fear of this inner black hole, and nothing on this side of that hole is true. The process of achieving enlightenment is about the breaking through the blockage and stepping through the hole.” “Maybe you think death is the opposite of life, or that all this death-awareness stuff translates into the end of happiness and good times, but this is not the case. Death isn't morbid, fear is morbid. Death doesn't oppose life, fear opposes life. To close your eyes to death is to close them to life: what could be more morbid than that? From your perspective, death and suicide are horrific and unthinkable. From my perspective, they are empowering and lifeaffirming. and I would look at any person that doesn't have an open, honest relationship with these subjects as themselves nine parts dead.” “I watch the group as Lawrence speaks. Its not always easy to remember that these people aren't like me: they look and sound awake, but they're not. They are asleep and dreaming. sleepwalking and sleeptalking. Their words make sense to them. inside their dreamworld, but from my perspective it's mostly mumbling. They seldom express a lucid thought or formulate a coherent question. In several minutes of uninterrupted discourse on Zen. Lawrence has not said anything that I recognize as being related to the topic of awaking from delusion.” Die while you’re alive and be absolutely dead. Then do whatever you want: it’s all good. Bunan You are dreaming that you are unenlightened. You are dreaming that you are awake. The question is: Why? The answer is: Why not? Jed McKenna The battle for truth Is waged upon untruth. When the flames have consumed all, and the smoke has cleared, Only truth remains. Destroy everything. Burn it all. Incinerate even your heart. Throw your soul into the furnace. This is the Great Conflagration. Nothing false will survive. Nothing true will perish. This is the process. This is the war. The battlefield is you. The battle is absolute. If you don’t like it, don’t do it. It will always be here, waiting. ~Jed Mckenna I am He. I am The Sage. I am The Superior Man. I am the Crown of Creation. I am daft, clouded, obscure. I eat when hungry, sleep when tired. I move with; not across, not against. I rub my chin at the appointed hour. I see only patterns. I have no eye for detail. I don’t go. Why go? Go where? It comes. I don’t try. I don’t do. Nothing goes undone. I don’t take sides. I have no preferred outcome. It’s all me. It’s all mine. Otherless, what’s to want? I have amazing powers! I get good tables in restaurants. I haven’t stubbed a toe in twelve years. I can destroy the universe with a thought. Jed McKenna The great path has no gates, thousands of roads enter it. When you pass through this gateless gate you walk the universe alone. Mumon The universe is the unity of all things. If one recognizes his identity with this unity, then the parts of his body mean no more to him than so much dirt, and death and life, end and beginning, disturb his tranquility no more than the succession of day and night. Chuang Tzu The sword is an ugly, meaty tool. Not one for pageants and ceremonies, not one for a collector’s wall, not one to show the grandkids. It has no scabbard, no tassel, no craftsman has left his mark. The handle is cracked and dry, the metal has lost its shine. Dull and dirty, pitted with age, dried blood caked at the hilt. Once it held a razor’s edge, and shone with the light of the sun. But now it sits unused, forgotten. When beheading time comes, I know right where it is. But beheading time is over. Why read about another’s sword? It’s your head that’s still attached. Jed McKenna As for the average sufi muslim that actually gets the oneness with god is quite different from the rest of what's practised right now, infact if i were to talk about onenessss with the muslims here at bahrain or UAE/kuwait/saudi arabia/qatar/oman etc any of the g.c.c countries, 90%+ would reject the idea of nothing and infinity true self and wouldn't even consider us as muslims. The same as how some muslims here reject ISIS as muslims even though they are muslims just in their own different distinction of what islam means to them.

I held back from joking about his name, I noticed this as well @Truth. @Joseph Maynor What else could you find that make him seem like a troll? That suicide post was so stereotypically evil to me it's hard to believe. Repeating that one idea over and over - letting thyself die - could be another sign but this is so @Etherish that I wouldn't be surprised if he really believed it

Nobody has wired their brain exactly like you have - so that makes you a FREAK. As for labelling, the universe is infinite. Thirdly, if this guy committed suicide the police would be all over his laptop and this forum asking Leo questions, so the fact Leo hasn't closed this thread just about proves this guy is a Troll IMO.

I think it could go either way. Regarding the suicide note Vanish left, when I was suicidal a few years ago I pretty much had a very similar thought process. Granted, I kept pushing forward and things eventually changed for me but I know from experience that that thought process really can come from a place of actually "wanting to be heard." I really agree with @aurum. However, if what he's saying is actually true regarding his stories leading up to that suicide note, e.g. that 25 day starvation period and meditating so intensely, I could see that also as an act of that shows his level of Zen Devilry. Overall I think this really does show the magnitude of what enlightenment work can cause and the importance of understanding what Zen Devilry is and how this path is not to be half-assed. Really shows that you are in a metaphorical sense really are playing with fire. I think this was especially important for me because I have a lot of emotional issues that I definitely could relate to with this kid in some ways and now I know just how those inner demons don't just automatically go away as a result of an enlightenment experience. If you're going to pursue Truth, do so with diligence and understanding of what it is you're actually doing.

@Truth All of this is relevant to what @Torkys means for the intro to this thread. That being said, might I suggest also considering kindness directly towards the "vanish" archetype (meaning suicidal people). How would you answer his questions? What we can do is have patience and not use egotistic impositions or advice about depression or suicide, except that advice as general as is possible for you in your current state. The more general, the more enlightened.