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Egoless, that is a good point. And more generally speaking, what is the point in seeking enlightenment, because the YOU that is seeking the enlightenment is the YOU that is going to die. It's basically suicide, so why does it want that? Or does it? What does it think it will get out of it?

I feel like a prisoner in this world. I assume this is the reason why some choose to commit suicide. To escape the matrix. As the ultimate fuck you to whoever placed us here. I am not suicidal, nor depressed, but I admit that I do recognise some aspects of these conditions within me. I have adopted a non-seeking behaviour (or perhaps a passive-seeking behaviour). Why do I need to perform all these practices to realise something I didn't ask for? Why do I need to wake up everyday in a reality I didn't ask to be in, to follow a sequence of events that I don't believe in? It feels like groundhog day, except very very real. But I do admit I don't really know what real means. I don't have anything to compare it to. This realness just doesn't seem to give a fuck. It's indifferent. And for that reason I don't give a fuck about it... At times. At other times it seem to be one hell of an interesting place to be in, beyond beautiful. But this view is not pervasive. Is this an egoic mechanism at work, me trying to attack God, but only hurting myself in the process? Probably, but I can't seem to escape it. This perspective is persistent. The doubt and lack of trust I've experienced from the start of this journey has increased. It's like I'm trying to keep myself from knowing. Whenever I start to make progress in any practice, be it breathing exercises, Samadhi meditation, or psychedelic breakthroughs, I just seem to be pulled? back into complacency and homeostasis. It seems like I'm worse off than I was at the beginning. The frustration, wanting, needing, craving, desire is overwhelming. It makes my mind uneasy. Meditation does not help to lessen the uneasiness I'm experiencing. Neither does introspection. It makes it worse. For that reason I have considered giving up, or at the very least taking a break from all this. But I can't do that either. Not while I know that this path could lead to salvation. I'm feeling kinda lost at the moment, because I have no freaking clue what's going on, or what to do.

@Leo Gura I am on your side... I am not fighting you why don’t you understand. I want you to collapse the duality once and forever. If you had the biggest realization possible on 5 Meo as you say then why is your experience and perception still dualistic? I am only trying to tell you to be more skeptical towards those drugs... Openmindedness is good but there are lines. You don’t know what side effects these drugs could have on you in a long run. I just want you to be healthy and you take my wake up calls as an assault... I am on your side man! @kieranperez It’s not about what I like. You never know the side effects of the drugs in the long run. Especially such a powerful one as 5 Meo... It may drive you insane. Who studied them long run... there is so little known. And Leo uses psychadelics heavily as far as I know. I just want him to be more skeptical and careful not to hurt himself... Moreover sharing what he sees on drugs on youtube is dangerous imho. Because people who never experienced themselves can just turn it into a belief system which may lead to nihilism. There were some posts about suicide lately. I’m not saying it’s because of Leo... We don’t know what caused delusions... but everyone should be more careful when sharing perspectives... There is a reason why most Enlightened people don’t talk about Truth directly!!!

@SpaceCowboy Psychedelics in general should be highly effective for treating depression. The problem is, people misuse psychedelics because they don't do the research and refuse to follow proper protocol. If one is already on the brink of suicide then trying any solution is better than doing nothing.

It's highly controversial. Non-duality can be misunderstood, especially by suicidal people, resulting in even more damage. My deepest realization to this moment was when driving a car. I was intensly focused on the road and my thoughts had wandered for a second towards metaphysical question, then I saw that all is nothing and never existed. It was very positive, but to be honest, if there was a road accident going to happen then I probably wouldn't fight for my life, I would simply let it be. That's how powerful this realization is. I think it may be the same for depressed people. If they are already on the brink of commiting suicide, then Enlightment experience might be just a green light for that, with very high possibility of killing themselves during the trip. I don't know for sure, I am just guessing. So, maybe not 5-MeO, but low dose of AL-LAD would be more suitable?

A distant friend of our family recently took his life due to years of depression. Apparently, he saw his own suicide as the only possible solution. Hypothesis: Wouldn't it make sense to treat highly suicidal people with 5-Meo-DMT? I mean, if they are so depressed that they are going to take their life anyway, why not try to get them back on track with psychedelics?

You're right! But we should be aware of this behaviour for the future. Threads that suggest suicide shouldn't be exposed here at all. It doesn't give the forum the vibe we like it to have. As you said, his decision had nothing to do with spirituality or this forum. He made his mind up independently of spiritual teaching or actualised.org. Tragic anyway.

Yeah, I though the whole thread was satire, so I participate with my own made up contribution. But unfortunately it wasn't satire I guess. And now he is most likely gone.. We must raise a warning to young people that spirituality can be dangerous if combined with mental illness. We already had John Flores in the past, and now this "Vanish" guy. It's depressing to see how some people think suicide is a way out of duality and into timeless being. That's NOT how it works. That's a shortcut, and shortcuts don't lead anywhere.

He shot himself like 12 hours ago. That's why I think mods should remove his contents since it can inspire others, and that's not good! Please, take responsibility! This is the most alarming thing I've seen here. This community shouldn't be associate with suicide of any kind.

I had a similar experience with Lsd.I just called a friend and not my parents (they would have fucked me in the ass and destroy the trip if they learn I took psychedelics)Your brother was enough I believe.I had take 2 blotters and I was thinking I will suicide or become crazy but when the trip kicked in it was great.These substances are really powerful.Προσεχε

Forms of abuse 1 Gaslighting 2 passive aggressive 3 Codependency 4 domestic violence 5 Emotional Blackmail 6 suicide threats 7 Manipulation 8 curses and ill wishing 9 Guilting 10 Warnings 11 Stalking 12 Using past mistakes of the other as a way to cover up present misconduct or as a defense 13 Lying and Hiding 14 Pathological lying and compulsive lying 15 Use of physical force for restraint 16 Display of physical threat and intimidation 17 Abusive words 18 Discouragement 19 Obsessive Interference 20 Demonization 21 Systematic psychological degradation 22 Character Assassination and Witch Hunt 23 Targeting and Bullying 24 Slander 25 Cyber bullying 26 27 28 29 30

As long you do not suicide is OK.These feelings exist to teach you something.Observe the mechanism of the ego.It is the ego that make you feel that way.Accept everything that happens and feels.Try to isolate yourself from your family if this is possible.When you are getting angry with others your subconscious wins and you are out off control you can not be conscious of your feelings.Its challenging when you live with your family, you can reach a state that you are peaceful though.It is very early to change your feelings 2 weeks is not a lot of time.Continue and you will see results in a month from now maybe 2 or 3 it depends.Keep fighting I wish you the best!!!

Yes, this is a fragmented piece of reality defending itself . So come at me, myself . And I don't give a fuck about your linguistics about enlightenment. Again, if you feel it's time for the EVENTUAL experiencing of another dimension, go ahead Us rest on earth will chill out and try to enjoy the beauties, and not pussy out in trying to improve this reality of consciousness. We will all die eventually anyway. Not saying suicide is wrong, but not either saying its right .

After I have clearly seen the nature of non-duality in my experience, I get to verify the authority. As I said in my previous post, I don't go by authority; I verify if they are saying the truth based on my own experience. I quote people only when I know that they are saying the truth. But this can only happen when the dream is completely transcended. The dream still continues but you are really out of it.. And it is clear you don't have any idea of what I am talking about. So, I can only give you a warning; Don't fool yourself... That is all I can say... All nonsense about interactions with aliens and paranormal stuff is within the dream. There is really no difference between walking on a road and flying in the sky. Both of them happens within the dream of duality. What you have written is exactly how the mind interprets non-duality without transcending duality. For me, most of the posts that you have made shows evidently and clearly that your whole understanding of enlightenment and spiritual path is wrong. Ask any truly enlightened person, his response will be the same as mine. I am seeing a dangerous trend in this forum. It is walking straight on the road to become a delusional cult. Now, Ramana Maharshi can be wrong, Osho can be wrong, Nisargadatta can be wrong, Buddha can be wrong and every genuine guru that I have verified is wrong; But a 6 delusional people (whoever taught you this nonsense) is right! Good luck with that. Again, don't bring the authority bias in. I will be the first person to speak against authority bias; my authority is what I have seen as truth without a single iota of doubt; It is the truth that I have seen after about 25 years of seeking (starting from age 10, in reality) with tremendous suffering, extensive reading, tears, pains, suicide attempts, depression, mental masturbation, yoga etc, you name it! I still haven't seen one person in my life who has gone through whatever I have gone through. I have spent hundreds of sleepless nights when I was 15, staring at the stars, wondering about the existence and trying to make sense of it. I also know that you will interpret what I have said just now from your state of mind... But I have said all I can say. Your thought process clearly reflects that you are still a seeker. So don't fool yourself and wipe out the layer of arrogance that has formed in your mind.. And stop trying to figure out enlightenment by thinking and mental masturbation! That is never going to happen, even after having tons of spiritual experiences.. Because, as soon as the experience is over, you are back in duality, interpreting a memory through the filters of duality.

@Timotheus "Im tempted to commit suicide. Been struggling for like 15 years on that one." much love my friend. it gets better, keep fighting but most importantly keep applying! Many times when I get suicidal, I recognize that its "a thought"

I'm tempted to to drugs again. (Almost 2 years sobriety). And yeah this meat thing, I resonate with that too @Soulbass I'm tempted to commit suicide. Been struggling for like 15 years on that one. I'm tempted to go to jail and meditate my ass off (lots of time). ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The very same person who introduced me to Osho´s teachings one time said when we were discussing Ted: "To bad he got dragged in to a nasty cult and ended up killing himself" not knowing she talked about Osho and his people. Lol. Because of Ted,s suicide, Rajneeshpuram is widely and heavily demonized here in Sweden. @MarkusSweden Jepp Svensk.

@MarkusSweden Ted was on the edge of a meltdown many times, he often took antidepressants when performing. Probably 95% of the people in Sweden who knows about Osho, knows him as the cult leader of the nasty, dangerous cult in Oregon that led to Ted,s suicide.

Sometimes you are just born knowing how things work. Once the information is presented you are flooded with the lost memories and core understandings you once had. Every single person is part of one eternal consciousness, whoever lived, is living and has yet to live is all you in another stage of life thus all the Buddhist monks and other forms of life that understand the process. Life is a school where we learn and grow, continuously but if we don't learn and pass our grades, we only recycle the same experiences until we do. Its simple universal understanding and function. Suicide is the only thing that continuously recycles the experience and is the only thing that inhibits growth. @youngshinzen Hope this helps

Hopefully its only 2c-b because suicide will only lead to being reincarnated in the same dimensional reality and life lifestyle patterns until you learn your lesson and grow from it. There is no escape, freedom comes from within.

uhh... specifically, how? depending on the answer, maybe you should consider calling a suicide hotline first

That's good commitment. But eh, in the case of actual suicide, you'd be probably going into another body (or have be it a failed attempt t for what ever reason), because there's still too much attachment of self. If you really want to let go, you can already do so right now, your body is not preventing that, your mind is.

Ok! I like this part, especially what you said about person A and person B. I have mentioned the person B type here. However, you talked about karma in your video and your blog. https://actualized.org/insights/understanding-karma And, that life is a school and everything is interconnected. You said that somewhere in your blog. That means, you can't just accept the fact that your leg is being sawed off and then you are happy and fulfilled, and you'll become no-self after you die, and you think that's how it works. Nope. The chances are higher to get closer to the no-self (after death) if you start to learn all your lessons in life. There has been reports of ppl experiencing hell phenomenon of some kind (a dimension of it) after a suicide attempt. They took it as they have not lived their life to the fullest.

What is "life purpose", "good" and "benefit"? Who decides what is "beneficial"? These are abstract concepts with many different view points. What if someone started personal development and became depressed for years with an attempted suicide. Would this be "good" or "bad" for them? Now imagine that person reaches complete despair and has an awakening. They clearly see the underlying truth of their depression/suffering and can let go of their attachments. They experience deep liberation and creates a program to assist depressed people toward awakenings. Would the personal development that caused years of depression be considered "good" or "bad" for them? Who decides what is good or bad? The individual? The community? A mathematical algorithm? A stage blue perspective would be more like: Everyone is born with Original Sin. Only God can forgive sins. Going to church confession to ask God for forgiveness is *good*. Sinning without confession is *bad*. . . This was the messaging I received in a Stage Blue strict Catholic upbringing. Every time I questioned these beliefs I was told The Bible says so and the Bible is the word of God. Black or white. There was no room to discuss shades of gray such as: is a *little sin* without confession just a *little bad*? What is the threshold "badness" for something to be classified as a "sin"? A white lie? Lusting for a secretary? . . . Why are some proclamations in the Bible considered sin (lying to your parents) but others are not considered sin (wearing clothing with mixed fibers)? How can a sin be absolute if different denominations disagree on whether it is a sin?. . . NO ONE in my upbringing wanted to engage in these questions. They kept coming back saying that I either believe in God and His teachings or I don't. Don't question God - he can work in mysterious ways. The bible says so. . .

Maybe you’ve already noticed that our life is a battleground between various forces and entities. Before ego is fully gone, forces of light won’t grant us full protection, and we are mostly powerless puppets in the hands of dark forces and also many other forces. One of them is Satan or He-who-must-not-be-named because why grab his attention. It is just one name of very very ancient spirit who rebelled against the Source. As far as various mystics concerned, his main purpose is power over Earth and every other worlds as much as possible, he doesn’t limit himself. Little things that HE makes you to experience through sending his demons to you: fear sufferring doubt Tic disorders worries about future bad or useless thoughts related to self any kind of ego’s thoughts and desires swearing anxiety engage in pleasure-seeking activities engage in useless addictions Emotional criticism Clinging to materialist paradigm and blind atheism Thoughts like: ‘nah, such things do not exist’ also come from him, yes such thoughts are good for him not for you, because it will leave you asleep without being aware that your life is not under your control and prevent you from growth Being afraid of him is also not good. It’s better to be aware but without paying emotional attention. There are also big things: depression, suicide, self-destruction, anger, violence, power-seeking. All These things are his food just like banana is yours. he will do everything to prevent your soul from growth. I guess it’s better to use word prevent him instead of fight him because we can’t really fight or resist him if we have ego, fights or resistance are only beneficial for him in this way, we can only try to prevent him. Heres things that I do to prevent his little victories: Rubber band on a wrist to hit yourself whenever you-know-who is around forcing you to eat that junk food or indulge in pleasures or think about your self’s future and past Heart prayer against him, or listening to prayers (Islamic prayers against Jinns, Shaitans are very powerful, also Chrstian ones) Observing yourself without reacting negatively or positively to his commands what do you do to prevent him? Any techniques? Besides obvious ones like meditation and being aware. I’m asking only coz it’s getting diff, spiritual growth correlates with increase in his attacks, hope you already noticed that.