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@Alex bliss Do you know you are you?

@Consilience @Alex bliss It is like if an actor is breaking the 4th wall during a film... Like imagine if Leonardo DiCaprio were to say this line in Inception where he would be speaking as his character Cob : "I remember when I was on the Titanic ship in my past life... My name was Jack" Imagination: from Cob's POV in the inception world time-line. Cob is only Cob. Real: from Leonard DiCaprio's POV. Leo was Jack in Titanic and is Cob in Inception. The POV where we look from determines if it's real or imaginary. Since both POVs are available and valid simultaneously it is both real and imagination, simultaneously.

@Serotoninluv I thought 5 meo dmt was not addictive. It is interesting that other psychedelics don't produce this craving. Maybe Dilaudid created a form of attachment to this profound mental state and when 5 meo-dmt at low levels reduced craving to a similar level, the mind has reacted with addictive behaviour, as occured with dilaudid. Maybe this can be one of the reasons why 5 meo was addicting to you? I can definitely get a sense of what you are talking about. Serenity, blissful joy, equanimity in the present moment. I'm pretty sure this is 1000 times deeper and more intense with Dilaudid, but meditative joy gets you these elements as well. Even though they are not on full awakening and nirvana levels of ecstasy, once they dominate consciousness on mid-levels, all negative states of minds go away and craving is radically reduced. The bliss is not subtle and is present in consciousness effortlessly with stability on significant levels. This also enables you to interact with people and do demanding tasks. You constantly walk with a smile on your face effortlessly. But I'm only a meditator with a few years of experience. I'm pretty sure a meditator who has spent decades of time with meditative joy can run with it, deepen it and get it to legit morphine levels with profound equanimity consistently. But we are only talking about the emotional aspects of this path. 5 meo gives you many more insights besides ecstatic emotions and unconditional happiness. Thank you for the comparison though

@Alex bliss amen <3

@Alex bliss There is a knowing that is a different type of knowing than your ego recognizing information. Sometimes it can be confusing and the ego takes ownership and makes things up just to make itself more interesting... to be a spiritual ego. But with that type of knowing, you just know, once you experience it you cannot doubt it. It's an inner, intuitive type of knowing, not a logical conclusion or a rationalization of any kind.

For me, the dosage of 5-meo stimulates different flavors of trips. I'm comparing a relatively low 5-meo dose to dilaudid below. My trips with dilaudid was when I was in a hospital with a kidney stone. The first was the most profound. The nurse didn't drip through an IV - she shot it into me all at once. There was a wave that overtook me and I was like "Whoa. . . what was that?". . . I immediately loved it. And not just for the cessation of physical pain. Everything was ok. No problems, no worries. No nothing. There was pure bliss in the moment. There was no place in the world I would have rather been than that hospital room. It was like taking a trip to Bora Bora and being on the beach getting a massage. Yet even better. The energy was peace, bliss and love. Time stopped. It was deeper than a simple feel-good pleasure. There was an essence of bliss, peace, love and Now. A few years later, I tried 5-meo for the first time - a low/moderate dose. After reading reports online, I had some anxiety about the impending ego death. Yet it wasn't like that at all. There was a little bit of resistance and letting go. Then there was a surreal peace, bliss, love and connection,. It was very different than any psychedelic trip I've had. It reminded me more of the dilaudid trip years ago. I thought "That's what heroin is like" (even though I've never done heroin). Then I got online and started reading about people's experience with 5-meo and heroin. There are actually forums with people talking about 5-meo and heroin trips that were using 5-meo in the same context of heroin. I understood. . . . Later, I watched a documentary on Janis Joplin and all her turmoils. There was a part about her addiction to heroin and how it was the only thing that could get her to "that place". I felt like I knew that place Janis went to. I would say there are similarities at low/moderate 5-meo doses. There is a presence of being absolutely ok in the present moment that is a form of bliss. Its hard for me to describe this essence of Now-ness. . . Differences: there was zero resistance, anxiety or discomfort with dilaudid. It was pure wonderful. As well, there were cravings afterward for more. Even after one exposure, my body wanted more and my mind was scheming to get more. My mind thought maybe I could convince them to give me a dilaudid prescription. And I was willing to pretend my symptoms were worse to get a script (I didn't get one). I think there is very high risk of dependency and addiction with dilaudid. With 5-meo, there was also a mind-body craving that I never experienced with psychedelics. This gave me concern. Yet the craving wasn't as intense as with dilaudid. I think because 5-meo wasn't quite the same type of bliss. 5-meo also a bit of physical and mental discomfort with it during the comeup.

@Serotoninluv The deep all encompassing happiness is what i'm after. Not necessarily the peak experience of joy, bliss etc. I think of it like if you could go meta and observe your life from somewhere else, is the totality of your experience happiness. Are you living a good life? Of course if you are mid yoga and your body is throbbing you may not be "happy", but this all part of your happy life. I don't like going into theory too much because i feel like the truth i'm seeking is the opposite of theory, i guess i'm just hoping someone will say something that clicks and produces a change in me. But i just gotta keep going.

To me, it seems like this is beginning to transcend "suffering". In addition to inquiring "who is the one who suffers?", one could inquire "what is suffering?". Without a "one who suffers" is there suffering? A big part of inquiry for me is allowing empty space and observing what arises. When I am actually suffering, what is it? What the heck is the substance of suffering in my direct experience? What you wrote about re-directing attention can lead to insights, ime. It is taking the view of an observer. When there is observation, what is revealed? When my mind and body is experiencing suffering, what does a detached observer view? One dynamic is a very strong desire not to be experiencing what is being experience Now. That isn't necessarily a "bad" thing, yet it is a dynamic. There is a strong desire to not be Now-ing in the Now-ness of Now. A desire to make it stop, a desire to change it, a desire for relief. This can manifest in many ways. The mind-body may feel anxiety. It may want escape. It may lash out at others. Ime, it is extremely difficult to enter a transcendent awareness of Now when the mind-body is in suffer-mode. The last thing my mind-body desires is Being Now. . . Yet if one can access it, there is a very deep realization of absolute Peace. Unconditional Peace. It's deeply profound, yet super hard to access ime. My mind-body is more oriented toward conventional feel-good peace. The type of peace that comes when the body is relaxed, feeling bliss and loving now. Thats an awesome space, yet that is a conditional peace that is dependent on circumstances.

Dude, you don't need to block her or disable your instagram. Just hide her profile from your feed, stop seeing his story, just close your eyes. Ignorance is bliss, the less you know the better. If you keep to pay too much attention you are just going to get hurt, nothing good will come out of that. And if you really "consciously let go of the girl I loved" you wouldn't be making this thread. You really let her go when you close your eyes and stop watching. If you don't do this, you'll just knock your head against the wall until you start to hate her and things get really ugly without no turning back. I know it's hard, but you can do it.

I have done psychedelics, mostly LSD and mushrooms but I never had the full blown different realm sort of experiences like on mushrooms or N,N-DMT. I seem orientated into having satori/non duality experiences and the satori feature to my LSD trips has only become more prominent from doing meditation. I am curious about the disembodied astral worlds that people speak of. These things are higher orders of samsaric experience but certain traditions like Tibetan buddhism make use of them because you can loosen your attachment/hang ups on the physical plane but going into these other planes. However, they can be huge traps and distraction from following this through to the Ultimate/liberation because these realms can be filled with such light and bliss and far outness. I am asking about these things but they don't seem to really examined by most people who do psychedelics or it turns into some sort of logic/philosophy thing. And the people who really know these things, yogis/lamas/zen masters/etc will not speak of them openly nor in public. Zen has almost no concern for anything short of the ultimate which differs from the Tibetan tradition which makes use of the visionary realms in the continuum as a means for attaining liberation also

I have extreme sensitivity to psychedelics and I noticed after several satori experiences which were all with LSD and ALD-52 that I do not seem to have as much visuals when I take these substances like I did years ago. Like I recall LSD having more of a pronounced visual expression whereas now it is more clarity and more lucid than before. I have also been meditating and delving into the works by Chogyam Trungpa, Dilgo Khyentse, Gurdjieff, Taoist masters, Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj, Ramakrishna, Nityananda, etc. There was one LSD trip in particular from like two years ago where I only took 3/4 of a tab and tab was not crazy in dosage but I had the most pronounced satori experience and I left my body(it was very difficult/impossible to remember this "peak" of the trip more so that anything else I have ever gotten into from psychedelics) and think I glimpsed the clear white light or some astral analogue of it I don't know. It was such a "feelling" of no reference and pure bliss/being at home and like everything existed simultaneously and like the heaven of heavens. Intuitively right when I came out of it I felt that this must be what enlightenment is or is a bit further up the continuum than what I glimpsed. I recall somewhat having spherical vision(It was like I was not seeing with my physical eyes and I remember Yogananda mentioning this feature to cosmic consciousness when Sri Yuktweswar granted him the glimpse in the book about the notion of spherical vision?). I don't have really anyone to speak about this with. Leo, would like to hear from you about this One of the "warnings" the Buddha gave was about not getting caught in the jhana states. The higher jhanas are sort of astral analogues of nonduality/enlightenment/omniscience/etc. I remember Ram Dass going into this on his latest Be Here Now podcast Here and Now episode recently posted called "asral fun" I think. So psychedelics are jhanic experiences in the vast majority of cases it seems

I've taken dilaudid twice. Dilaudid is the strongest opiod and similar to heroine. Ime, dilaudid was a mystical experience of bliss (even in a hospital setting). Yet it is extremely addictive.

@Harikrishnan No of course not, because that isn't everyday reality lol. This is kinda the issue with psyches you can get caught up in states and bliss instead of realizing this is it, this very moment is it.

@Alex bliss No need to give up your desires. They will fall away by themselves once you realized what you are.

@Alex bliss Your flooding the forum with mental masturbation and inviting others to join you.

@Alex bliss Do at least a bit of work in your threads. Express your distinctions, a “here’s where I’m at with this”, in hopes they may be uncovered & unified. Otherwise, you prime yourself to add more, to believe the distinctions of others, to unfortunately, increase your suffering.

14-Day Dark Room Retreat On the first night, I entered around 7 pm and after getting comfortable with the space blew out the candle. Darkness. I will struggle to talk about how long I did anything for as I lost a clear sense of duration or time passing. I managed to maintain a day/night cycle though. My primary practice was contemplation, after a while of focused contemplation (and particularly in the second week) I found the contemplation fading away into meditation. The not-knowing became natural and blissful. I could sit effortlessly in love or fulfilment for hours. Generally, after a period of bliss, love, or samadhi I would experience mini ego-backlashes of fantasising and boredom. I found myself accepting this after a while. Expansion... and now I'm a person again. My fantasies got strange. I started dreaming of work, success, and business. Thinking about the intricacies of burgers. Childhood memories of certain places and foods. Food was a big one this time around. I would often realise I'm doing this and it's all occurring in my mind. It's imagination, not real, it's not actually here and I'm the one doing it. On day one I got hit with all of my hallucinations. I slept a little during day one, after that it became hard to sleep so I just had to keep contemplating through the night since there was nothing else I could do and if I lied down I would be more likely to fall into fantasising. I had hallucinations of a friend sitting on my bed, I could see him clearly. I hallucinated leaving the room, going outside and speaking with people. I realised this was a dream and started speaking with people conscious of this. I started being able to see the room as clear as day, without light. I was hallucinating this. I experiencing the room turning into an orchestral symphony, and realised I was composing an entire song unconsciously with my mind. Lyrics and all, like I was listening to it through stereo headphones. I did not do this for the hallucinations, I had come for the Truth. From day two onwards, there were no more of these. The first 5 or 6 days weren't too tough if I recall correctly. Days 6 - 8 were the hardest, knowing I had another week to go. On day 8, I got a nice hit of effortless sitting, bliss, love. This was a confirmation of trust and surrender for me. I could feel presence giving me the consciousness, almost whispering to me: I'm always here, just trust, you really think I would ever do anything but love you. The second week my contemplation got more fluid. I started contemplating: What is invention What is mind What is innovation What is technology What is love What is eternity What is reality What am I What is life What is self What is another What is death I'm experimenting with my contemplation style. I had just worked on a single question for 2 weeks in a Contemplation Intensive. This time I would switch a lot more. I also found that I was by far the most conscious in the early afternoons through evenings. And felt the least conscious shortly after waking up. I also made some new distinctions in my experience based on Ralston's consciousness work. I didn't lose myself in Nothing/Love/Truth. I expanded my sense of self, purged some resistance. I didn't have what I consider a full non-dual awakening. But I can be lightly conscious of God, perhaps somewhere between catching and taming the ox (or maybe not, just my intepretation). When I departed I didn't know what to expect. I felt pretty normal in the darkroom, sober and not all that conscious at that moment an hour or so after waking up. I opened the door at sunrise. I took a few steps and then had to sit down because I was so conscious, so high, I couldn't stand. I couldn't walk more than a few steps without losing my balance. Reality was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, colours, form, sound. Life. I could feel myself in the plants, I marvelled at my hands, how amazing it all is. It was divine, I had no idea I was this high in there. It was stronger than any acid trip I'd ever done, barring a 600ug trip. It was akin to a light 5-MeO microdose. And, it can't be compared. There is an unfathomable beauty in being that conscious and being completely sober. It feels so right, that reality is actually this good, actually, not with anything else needing to be there. I have some signs when I'm going deeper, guidances. The presence of a dog, or what I can only describe as guiding Sam-energy. Within seconds of stepping out, a beautiful dog came and sat with me. There was a love between us, he licked me, I stroked him. I did a meditation that morning, and then stood in the sun. The sun was a warm loving bliss. I'd never appreciated the sun this much in my life. I've come down a bit since then. I can still see God in the trees if I focus. My baseline has been significantly upped. I was offered a little weed a few days after getting out. I had a very small amount and it was perhaps the most insightful and blissful yet intense experiences with weed. I feel so much more purified now as well, I can sit with people in a deep not-knowing without much fear, letting myself be authentic without much fear. I will keep becoming more God, truly appreciate life and reality more fully, what I am. Live in not-knowing and no-mind. I am able to be more comfortable operating in no-mind now, there is less fear in me and more trust. It didn't solve everything. I'm still worried about survival concerns, what to make my career out of, to pursue business or spirituality. I struggle with this one a lot. I still get sadness and existential emptiness at times. The journey has only just begun. Peter Ralston Fall Series I did the entire fall series workshop, ending in a 2-week long contemplation intensive. This is (I believe), the only time that a 2 weeker has been offered at the Cheng Hsin centre. It was perfect, I would have struggled much more with the darkroom had I not just done this. The consciousness work itself was great, Brendan Lea was our primary facilitator. I had concerns about the work not being led by Ralton, but they were completely unfounded. Brendan was great to work with, and it was work. It wasn't easy, long days and deep work. I didn't grasp a lot, of course. The seeds were planted and my ability to do consciousness work effectively has increased. My only suggestion to those intending to do it, expect to also NEED to get the audio courses and eCourses afterwards. There is too much and it goes fast, you won't get it all and will need to do the work ongoing. This consciousness work is pretty advanced, so I wouldn't go to the centre without some prior consciousness. Just a little bit should be fine, who knows, go and see for yourself I guess. I wasn't a big fan of the Enlightenment Intensive format. I feel I can go deeper by myself, without a partner. The partner is there to help focus and not get so lost in fantasy. I definitely get lost in daydreaming or losing the question when I'm alone, it's more fluid. If reality starts to feel beautiful, I go into the beauty for a bit. The CI was not like this. There is an appreciation for life that I have when getting out of these intensives. It is so beautiful, so entertaining. It's hard to imagine a better place to spend my time, I'm so happy to have this life to deepen consciousness. Learn and grow. Please ask me about the experience, I would love to answer any questions or help clarify my experience with Ralston, Brendan and the Cheng Hsin centre or the darkroom. ❤️Thank you, much love, and I wish all of you courage and determination on your own journeys. It's worth it. ❤️

@erik8lrl Absolute Love --- isness itself Need more awakenings around here to Absolute Love. When you actually become it (you already are of course but in it's purest form) you're body will shake and tremble with uncontrollable bliss and Love as the essence of your Being fills you completely to where you implode with Divine Love :❤

In my experience, seriousness arises from incomplete knowledge. Why did I underline "incomplete"? Because to have all the knowledge (you are fully aware) means to be enlightened. And to have almost zero knowledge means to be completely ignorant. "Ignorance is bliss.", they say. It's the journey from knowing to not-knowing (even in reverse if you will) where all the seriousness arises. There is no enlightenment really, because reality is infinite and always changing, so we aren't capable of knowing/learning/being aware of everything. However, the more knowledge one acquires, the closer they are to enlightenment. The only difference between enlightenment and ignorance is that ignorance stems from spiritual bypassing, i.e. something like: "problems only exist when you think of them", "there is nothing but direct experience", "your car doesn't exist unless you look at it", etc... While enlightenment stems from observing reality, through mediation, and through those 'spiritual bypassing' lenses as well as through anything else. However, there's nothing wrong with being serious. I think that it's a requirement for a healthy growth. I like to think of it as a spectrum of seriousness vs. non-seriousness. One should not attach themselves to one side of the spectrum. Just my mind monkeying around.

Sorry in advance for any grammar mistakes, English isn't my native language Okay so... It's been about an hour+ since I took 25mg DPT(plugged) I'm feeling really happy I must say. Generally it reminded me a lot of 5meo which I tried yesterday for the first time. But I felt it more gentle that 5meo(same dosage) Maybe because I knew what to expect kind of... Only thoughts in my mind right now are that I love my life sooooo much. Like soooo much. And old school trance music. Probably not exactly what I should be doing right now. But this music calmed be down so much, I feel literally in a state of bliss. Music with headphones on psychedelics is really something...and this uplifting music, I'm feeling so alive, such a weird dejavu feeling. It's also really nice that I can type with no problem right now. Random facts about yesterdays 5MeoDMT experience: I was having the most random thoughts possible, non stop until I got a feeling that I was losing my body and then I just fell asleep and woke up about 10 hours later, one of the deepest sleeps I had. In the beginning all I was thinking was "this is nuuuts" haha I can definitely see how "death" can happen on higher dosages. Random thoughts also are that I just wish I had company for all this experiences, It's hard to find like minded people my age(I'm turning 22 12th January) that are interested in spirituality awareness psychedelics etc... Much love to everyone <3 Listened on repeat for almost an hour https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EM2dsZf1oKg

@Surfingthewave I think i'm expecting a certain level of bliss and happiness from my meditation. So when i sit and down and meditate, I can recognize that i'm not there so i guess that disturbs me. There is also just a physical sensation or feeling that my mind uses as evidence of my non-enlightenment/ non-happening.

What comes to mind for me is “Being Now” I often notice my mind a try to manipulate an environment to achieve a result. I may manipulate a “meditation environment” to achieve some state - no-self, attention, peace, insights, bliss, relaxation. This has it’s benefits, yet also it’s downside because this orients meditation. Orientation isn’t necessarily bad. If I want to travel to Mexico, I better orient myself south. Yet with orientation comes a price. . . Some of my best meditations are spontaneous. Just me sitting on my couch staring at the window and just Being Now. No bells or whistles. Just Now-ness.

@Average Investor At your end, it will lead to emotions, and some outpouring & healing... as a starting place here..this is what stands out to me. (Also, not to feed into the story but...you might wanna get a good night’s sleep before reading this.) The separate self only exists in thought. It is perpetuated and kept “alive”, only in the nuances of our thinking. In thought alone, there is an idea of me, which is believed to be me, and feeling will never align with this belief as the idea of me, is of the past, and feeling is only now, and is of the true self. It’s important to make the distinction between when one is unconscious, and conscious. Not unconscious as in sleeping, or passed out. We can walk, talk, live, and even somewhat thrive - completely unconscious. Again, it’ll “open some wounds”, but that is the beginning of the deeper healing desired. When we feel a way we would not choose to feel, we are unconscious. No one would consciously choose to feel ‘not good’, so when one does, one can deduce one is actually unconscious. When the suppressed feelings come up, either they are allowed to arise and pass through, or thinking is utilized to construct a thought story of the emotion. The thought story will have “the separate self” in it (thoughts of you), and will transpire in the past or future. There will always be another person in the thought story. Here is the critical difference. You’ve got to catch the mind assigning the feeling, in anyway whatsoever, to the past, future, and or other person. In this way we can remain present, and then the emotion empties out freely. That can be rough, but there is soon a very deep, yet very subtle sense of peace present. From then on the purification is easier in terms of feeling / relief / release (though it still looks rough as heel to any onlookers). Who do you believe has depersonalization disorder? You must believe you are an individual, a human, the one who has a “disorder”, etc. Maybe they are one and the same. The “disorder”, and the “separate self” are never actually seen or found, but kept going via the patterns of thinking dancing around this fact. If you look for, or try to go to the “disorder”, or “the separate self” - it can feel scary - but it results in relief, because neither can ever be found. But one must look, with the genuine desire & intent to find. This is “facing the fear”, resulting in the visceral realizing there is none. Have you practiced writing, journaling, and scrutinizing your writing, marking the nouns / pronouns, etc? When it’s in front of the eyes, the mind can ”identify“ the separate self as only in the words, and the realization then happens. There is an epiphany that sounds sort of like “holy cow..I’ve literally been speaking & writing about a second self, as if I was not the one speaking & writing”. This is the ‘getting down to it’, meeting the mind at it’s incredible sneakiness. Notice, there is an assumption that there is a difference. This is in and of itself a protective barrier. Because there is no separate self, there is no disorder - therefore, there also is no difference that could ever be found. The level of scrutiny required is highly detail oriented. The word “it” is being used as a write off - notice there is not an “it” at all, but notice how this slips right by us in our speaking / writing, and this reveals the slipping by in our thinking. “My ego” is a write off. There’s no such thing as an ego. Supporting that there is, in thought, speaking, writing...is how this situation is perpetuated and kept going. It’s that sneaky. That single action, or rather, unchecked action, of thought - is this.. “The Devil”. It’s been sneakin people for thousands of years, the majority of the population is deeply under “it’s” spell. But the separate self, the write off, the devil, the disorder, and the idea of me - do not exist as entities, or even as any thing anywhere in the world, but in your thoughts. I would wake up every morning and outright admit, “I am the sneakiest entity which has ever, ever, existed”, and then meditate. It is common for a couple weeks of meditation to be pleasant and relaxing. One is stating in an unspoken manor - “I am done with this suffering, I am done being a separate self, I’m slowing down and doing something about this”. And adopts the practice of meditation. The body response in kind, “Well fuck ya man, let’s do this thing. Here comes all the shit you innocently shoved down up in this place, it’s coming out and we’re healing, let’s rock this.”......and thought says “yeah right, I don’t think so. We’ll make this about someone else, somewhere else, and or some other time...and we’ll label the feeling of the whole charade....”bad”. And that’s the end of that. Instead, to expedite this, try daily practices like yoga, and anything oriented towards ‘moving awareness’ through out the body. This results in a ‘safe’ inner body reassurance, and a reconnecting with now, feeling - presence. The theme is sneakery. States of consciousness - “ I “ - was “ in “. I understand the semantics, and again I don’t mean any personal offense. Consciousness is absolute fundamental. There can never be a “you” which is “in” a state of consciousness. This is the thinking which perpetuates the belief that there is a separate self. It happens ‘right under our noses’, in thinking. Also, the reference is a comparison to what would ‘normally occur with depersonalization’ which does not exist whatsoever. There is not a “you” which was a person, and is “becoming” not a person. There is no separate self which is “depersonalizing”. That is entirely, only, a thought story. The separate self (thought) supports the disorder (another thought). Claiming (just a thought) the disorder (just a thought) perpetuates the separate self (just a thought) who has “it” (just a thought). It is not uncommon for experiences to ‘get one half way there’, and critical scrutiny to ‘bring us home’. An obstacle comes to mind -“but everyone, Nahm, Leo - everyone - talks in this same way - “me”, “I”, “you”, etc.” It has to be acknowledge & realized, that difference between relative linguistic communication, and the clarity of the actuality within, by one. A good feeling is a good feeling, and I’m not at all knocking that. However, this also jumps out at me. There is a thought pattern at play, which supports the separate self, in the perspective it is good to separate from the body. I would suggest seeking in the opposite direction, detaching from the believing of thoughts, and going into the feeling in the body. “Anxious” is a write off. It’s a very popular one, but it is a write off. In removing the write off, the label or term - one is then forced to see what the feeling actually is. The true I has is never “anxious”. The true I is the unconditional love, which is being suppressed, by choosing the thinking instead of the feeling of the message. It is slippery sneaky, but these are the nuances in thought to uncover, to root out the separate self. “I am _________” is the most profound life experience shaping thought / words that could ever be uttered. The true self is not identifiable, only know to itself. I would pause indefinitely before finishing that statement, and allow it to be lost into silence, the true I am. Being, is a reference which gets confused. The “experience” of being, is not like “unbelievably relaxed”, nor “profound peacefulness”. Being, is literally an infinite being knowing only, itself. When the chair is you as much as “you” are “you”, being is known, and only Being is known, there is no chair anymore, there is literally no self anymore. No notions of a self, no inclination, no belief there is a self, nor any beliefs that there ever was a self. One can not be experience, as this is sneakery at play, supporting & perpetuating that there is this “separate one” who could be something (experience). Not to mention, the self referential thought, “I think”. (Pointing out nuances in the name of helpfulness here ??) There is not an I which possesses an ego. Again, there’s no such thing as separation, a separate being / entity, or an ego. “Matter” arises appearing as “objects” of infinite being, pure potentiality, and never isn’t infinite being. In truth, “objects” never even “appear” as separate objects. A thought that a thing is separate arises, and is believed...and be indirect default, there is the belief I am also a separate object - separate from the “object” I am believing is separate. The “objects” body, perception, thought, and sensation, all arise simultaneously with what gets referred to as, “objects”. There is no separation in any of this. Thought is known, a separate “object” - thought - is never known. Perception is known. A separate “object” “perceived” is never known. Sensation is known. A separate “object” “sensed”, is never known. In science terms...if there seems to be a “hard problem of science”, a difficulty in finding the answer of how the quantum world meets the atomic world, the answer is there is no you. “You” are the “reason” there seems to be (but isn’t) a “hard problem of science”. It is because the entirety, every “thing” that could be named in direct experience, arises simultaneously - combined with the belief “I am a separate self”, that there seems to be this problem. One of, perhaps the greatest tool of sneakery, is time. Time does not exist. There is not actually “7 years of depersonalization”. What there actually is, is a belief right now, in seven years of depersonalization. This is how the separate self, the ego, and the “disorder” “stays alive”, how it is perpetuated. It is no more than a story being retold, reinforced, re-believed, again and again, right under our noses. Really take a minute and contemplate - there is no past. Nothing “happened”. There is no future “coming”. These are just thoughts. Feel the truth in this. Feel the liberation in this. You are not bound by a damn thing. Nothing. It will never feel good to believe you are, to think you are, to write that you are, to hear that you are, or to speak that you are. This is the deeper meaning, the true wisdom of these very symbols...???. To sin, is to speak ill against The Self. You are That True Self. To repeat ill against The Self, is to believe one is ill, and to sustain that belief. Likewise, this symbol...♥️...is profound and wise. What arises to the top, is duality, twoness - all thinking is such. What this symbol points to, downward, is where this love comes from, but as the symbol reflects, it can only be pointed to, never symbolized. The om symbol (not emoji available ironically) points to the fact, that what the heart points to, can not be named or spoken. Symbols are important to grasp, as they undercut words, and reveal that all words are too, symbols. Not feeling fucking awesome is not something to be considered normal or managed.It is not something to ‘get used to’. It is something to be inspected and released. Right now is all there is. Look around, smell, feel, breath, hear. That’s it man. That’s “everything”. That’s infinity. That is it. Notice how sneaky thinking is, so easily slipping into a “past” and using it to justify it’s own leaving of the now. This is the sneakery which perpetuates the story of the separate self, the “one” who is “moving through time”. You are the infinity, the entirety - you are not the body, or the person, in the story of time. You are the time. That’s a good sign, and I would hone in on it. Why doesn’t it feel good typing that story? I suggest it’s because none of it is true...because you are the Truth. Enlightenment is much more pleasant, but why is that? Probe deeper. Enlightenment = the actuality of unconditional love, infinite being - the true you. When we are threatened, abused, etc, we block the feelings, to protect our true self, the inner being. This was never needed, but of course nobody could be expected at present, to know or understand this, especially given an environment of people who are very far from wisdom. There is a yin to all yangs though, and it is you, rising like an ignorance crushing Pheonix out of all this, and paying it forward so other to come will benefit from the wars you survived. This is your Shaktipat, your opportunity to know and live the greatest love, the selfless giving of your love. The more you give, the more you embody. Everybody “wins”. This is the supreme existence incarnate. This is where you’re headed, the greatest height of life, what you have been through, and that you come out of it a renewed and yet untouched pristine love, will speak volumes in presence. Notice the relationship between inspecting the nuances of the thoughts in words, and never actually needing any to convey what is real. Thought searches to no end, never finding feeling. Feeling, reconnection, extinguishes the “apparent needs” of thought, and it ceases. Focus, concentration, attention, sky rocket naturally, like a cork released from being held underwater. Also, this is a very contemporary perspective. Enlightenment is not sought, attained, and correcting of feeling. Thought is properly inspected, emotion is cathartically releases - and the end “result”, is enlightenment. When it does “occur”, it will take at least a year to even connect the dots, that this was that thing you referenced. It is that profound. So don’t imagine it. Stay true to yourself, to feeling great, to inspecting and releasing. This, even more so. Infinity is unmistakable, earth, life, space, time, shattering. Unspeakable, ineffable. Blow that up! Expand it. Go try some new to you healing modalities. Make dream board, and dream the impossible life - and actually live it. Someone does not notice you have a disorder, because you do not have a disorder. There is nothing wrong with you, sans the belief itself, that something is “wrong” with you. The “prolonged feeling of detachment” is only from feelings. It is through feeling, sensation, love - that all is connected - that all is One. You are The One. “Ego & identity” are not present. Thought to that tune are still being believed, so it seems so. It is like holding a filter at the end of a flashlight, it skews all that is seen on the wall. Thoughts, are “on the wall”. Don’t believe what is thought or seen, inspect the flashlight. Notice the sneakery at play. Again, it seems semantically, but their is no such thing as “my awareness’. This is like a cell phone claiming “my wifi”. The wifi is the wifi. You are awareness. Scrutiny your direct experience, and notice you can never find this “sense” “awareness”. It brings to mind the example of that there is no nonexistance, nor is there such a thing or state as nonawareness. If you imagine someone claiming that there is, you could ask them - what was then present, to make such a claim. Surely, only in being aware of “nonexistence” or “nonawareness” could someone make such a claim. But in making the claim, they reveal they were aware, they existed. Inspect that to complete satisfaction - and there is enlightenment. Hold it in a future thought story, and such a “future”, of course, never “comes”. This is where it all heads to...ultimately the beliefs and perpetuation in them sustains the veiling, the living in thought as “a separate self”, which one day dies. But death is a belief, again, a popular one, but a belief in total nonetheless. (Watch Leo’s death video if you haven’t, it’s phenomenal) Death is Actual You - Unconditional Love. Do you see the correlation yet? The feeling of bliss on the mountain, which represented the ‘facing of the fear’, of death = cutting away at the stories of the separate self, at it root - at death. ?? Again, I know this is harsh and critical. I hope it is all taken as an offering of love.

Glad to hear its been working man. Just read this earlier today: Questioner: Namaskaram, Sadhguru. Whenever I try to stop any negative emotion like anger, it only becomes stronger. How can I get a grip on how my mind works? Sadhguru: If you try to stop what you don’t want, only that will happen. This has always been the nature of your mind and the human mind as such. The whole system of yoga is about experientially exploring the nature of your body and your mind. When you get up in the morning and do your asanas, it is not because it is a stretching exercise, as a whole lot of idiots across the planet describe it. Yes, you have to stretch to do it, but fundamentally, it is an exploration of your body and your mind. Because the biggest problem in your life is, you are trying to live here without having a grasp of the two basic vehicles without which you cannot go through this life – the physical body and the mind. Understanding the vehicle How comfortably you travel through life depends on how deeply you have grasped your body and your mind. For the journey to be comfortable, the vehicle has to be good, and you must understand the vehicle – how it behaves, what it does,and why it does what it does. This is not enlightenment – this is necessary even if you only want to live an ignorant life. They used to say, “Ignorance is bliss” – if that was true, the world should be blissed out by now. An experiential exploration Even if you have chosen to be ignorant because you think it is blissful, to walk through this world, you must have a grasp of this body and this mind. Otherwise, doing anything is a problem. I will not go into this further intellectually, because then you would get all wound up. That is why the yogic system is an experiential exploration without trying to go into it intellectually. When you do your asanas, you explore the nature of your body and your mind. If you move your fingers in a certain way, your mind will function accordingly. Everything that you do with your body does something with your mind. You will not come to this understanding by reading a book. It will come to you only by exploration. If you close your eyes and try to forcefully remove something from your mind, you will never be successful. This is the most basic and at the same time the most important realization that everyone needs to come to. Without this realization, you will make a complete mess out of yourself. If you are not so sharp in your head, it will be okay. But if you are sharp, you will cut yourself all over, and before anyone can save you, you will be mutilated. Every day, such mutilated human beings come to me and say, “Sadhguru, I’m interested in enlightenment.” First fix the wounds, or at least stop causing further wounds, because you have a very sharp knife. Exploring the fundamentals Even to shave themselves, a whole lot of men cut their faces. I have seen people bleeding in the face because they want to cut themselves close and it gets closer than planned. Understanding the fundamentals, grasping as to how your mind functions, does not come from an intellectual analysis – it is an exploration. What you need to do is, hold your body in one posture, and see your mind functions in a certain way. Hold your body in another posture, and see your mind functions in a different way. When you do your asanas, you explore the nature of your body and your mind. Hatha Yoga is preparatory If you stay in an asana and breathe properly, as you go through this process, the mind will go into various states. This exploration is the most fundamental aspect of yoga. Hatha Yoga is not the peak – it is preparatory. If you try to go to the peak without that preparatory step, you will probably crash. At least 80% of humanity will not be able to do any kind of meditation in their life unless they do some kind of physical preparation. The very way they sit, the very way they move their body, it is clear that they cannot meditate, no matter how hard they try. Some amount of physical preparation is needed, because body and mind are not two separate things – or is your brain outside your body? What happens to your little finger happens to the brain. What happens to the brain happens to the little finger. It works both ways. The brain is not a separate entity by itself. Doctors have learned about the body by dissecting dead bodies – if you open a dead body and cut out different organs and keep them in different places, it is all separate. But that is not how your body is – it is all one. Only to a discriminating scalpel it is separate, but for a living human being, it is all one. That is why the yogic system is designed the way it is. What you resist will manifest As an experiment, try to resist the things that you want. You will see they will manifest strongly within you. If you want something to happen, try to not make it happen. It will definitely happen. That is because you are in a state where when you want to put your mind in first gear, it goes into reverse gear. This is not the best way to do things, but you could try this to understand that this is how it is right now – if you resist something, only that will happen. Doing your sadhana – It works! From tomorrow, get up at five o’ clock in the morning, have a cold shower, and start your sadhana at 5:30, every day. After some time, so many things which were a problem in your mind will be gone. Just do your hatha yoga for an hour a day – it works. But if you want to understand how it works, what the mechanism and the process are, it takes a lot of effort and time. To make it work does not take much. But if you want to know the whole intricacy of what makes it happen, why it happens the way it happens, why a particular asana has a particular effect, then it is lifetimes of study. Those who want to benefit from the technology should simply learn to use it. For those who want to know the basis and the science behind the technology, it is lifetimes of work. It took me three lifetimes to understand how it works. I am assuming you are smarter than me because you have come to me, and after all the things I do – no sweetness, no promise of heaven, no miracles, not even a pleasant word, no hug – you are still here. So, assuming you are smart, it is a lifetime of work.

Pitfalls on the Path This is a summary of some obsticals we might encounter on our journey toward supreme consciousness. We are each a spectrum of various degrees of the pitfalls that make up our shadow side. The shadow playing into the light and the light playing into the shadow. Love-consciousness would be the light side that is half of who we are, would it not? The darkside would be the recalcitrant neglect of cues from body-mind-soul-muse regarding the appropriate care and love-consciousness for self or other. Shadow is perhaps the separate-self-sense's blind concern and focus on that which stops the heart from expanding to infinity. Kundalini and our beliefs about God and spirituality are not important. What is of ultimate value to us is Life, love and relationship. If our kundalini and our beliefs are interfering with our Life, love and relationship then we must do everything within our power of awareness to rectify this situation. 1-Pathological Regression Retreat into infantile prerational uroboric fusion. Indulgence in dissolution and fragmentation; often due to lack of modeling, support, structure or clearly defined developmental framework of ascent that covers all sides of the whole human (survival, somatic, emotional, social, spiritual). Desire to let ones life collapse in the hope of being rescued. Retreat into depression and grief to escape more expansive perception and profound sense of being 2-Running Away Retreat and evasion through dissociation and denial. Inertial holding back to former modes of perception and being. Effort to pull energy down, back and in through substance addictions, heavy food, sedentary lifestyle and through avoidance of "opening" practices and therapy. Secondary fear chemistry due to negative interpretation of kundalini events resulting in panic, paralysis, stagnation, isolation and avoidance. Even running away from bliss and increased wellbeing with various forms of anaesthetization, self-repression and self-destruction. 3-Oblivion Bliss obsession is a preoccupation and addiction to blissful energy, using it as a form of narcotic anaesthetization to avoid real world obligations, survival and development imperatives. Hazy, diffuse, forgetful, preoccupied, heedlessness, day dreaming, castle building, directionless. Lost in fantasy, trance, myth, symbol, story, meaning making, synchronicities and connections. Creativity at the expense of survival, through avoidance of rational discernment. 4-Diffusion Loss of left-brain focusing and hierarchical prioritization. Chain of Being collapsed. Codependency, dependency, false security in catering to the egos of others, coupled with lower-order giving through forms of slavery whereby ones highest contribution is lost in obscurantism, confusion, ambiguity, paradox, double-binds due to the collapse of the hierarchical prioritizing faculty. Indistinct, labyrinthine, vague, leaky boundaries, jumbled, enigmatic. 5-Fixation on Internal Processes Overly fascinated, morbidly curious, distracted by and absorbed in kundalini symptoms, psychic phenomena and newfound spiritual powers (siddhas). This compulsive obsession with symptoms and phenomena feeds inflation and interferes with relationships and functional utility. Possible secondary fear or depression over the temporary loss of adaptive functions and left-brain sharpness. Inability to disembed to perceive emotional storms as psychosomatic events of alchemical cycles. Excessive reactivity to conditions both internal and external. 6-Chasing the Dragon Blindly engaging in practices, stimulants, relationships and events with the aim of rapidly increasing the intensity and speed of the trajectory of kundalini opening. Thereby increasing the danger of more extreme peaks and valleys, which could result in tissue damage, depression, regression and burnout. Self destructive use of the alchemy for thrills, novelty and status. 7-Inflation Expanded psychic ability, high energy and siddhas inflate the ego to feel overly special, superior and unique. This feeds into the separate-self-sense's illusion of an independent existence and promotes selfishness or "my enlightenment for me." World savior, grand mission, martyr, new religions, global ideas, evangelical crusade. Visionary over-estimation of reality and potential, generating the propensity to forcibly impose ones will on the world. 8-Internal Exploitation Turning the sacred into the profane. Lack of integration between the levels, coupled with disillusionment about achieving "higher goals." Hence exploitation of sex/kundalini/muse energy for "worldly goals" of power, status or monetary gain. "Using" oneself is an introverted symptom of inflation. The more we exploit ourselves the more others exploit us. Treating ourselves as a resource without regard for our spiritual welfare. 9-External Exploitation Using powerful psychic and siddha powers to exploit others in order to fulfill ones own drive for power, status or monetary gain. Lust, usurpation, manipulation, dominator-hierarchies. Power mongering is an extraverted symptom of inflation. The more we exploit others, the more we exploit ourselves through turning the sacred into the profane. Treating others as a resource without regard for their spiritual welfare. 10-Projecting Spirit Transference onto Gurus, lovers, alien or channeled entities, angels, saints etc...in disownership of ones own alchemical process, soul and muse. Feels like a powerful force enacting on us from outside, sometimes seeming too great for mortal endurance. Externalization of internal archetypal aspects (Great Attractors) ultimately resulting in our reclaiming them as our own through the pain generated by the projection. 11-Formalism Entrenched preoccupation with appearances, rules, forms, formulas, dogmas, details, rituals and traditions of religious sects. Fanaticism, orthodoxy, fundamentalism, letter of the word, conservatism, conventional, spiritual materialism, elitism/exclusion, need to "belong." Feeds into power, pride and defense systems of the psyche. 12-Perpetual Seeker Looking for wholeness and Self outside oneself. Fragmentation due to lack of coherent integration, individuation and boundary definition. Spirit always over the horizon, without serious intention of achieving Self, due to resistance to sovereignty and autonomous choice. Tendency toward projecting Spirit and formalism. Need for parental figures as there is an unconscious commitment to remain immature, obsequious and surrender ones personal power. Bottom dog trying to gain power through connection to a Guru or power figure. 13-Addiction to Cognition Inability to relax into the spaciousness of the transrational due to tenacious drive of the mind to "know." Unwilling to let go of focal, associative, analytic mind in order to transcend and include it in "whole-seeing" and full spectrum consciousness. Resistance to relinquishing the myopia of the representational mind and thus avoid uniting the relative will with the Absolute Will; perhaps due to lack to lack of faith or knowledge that there is anything higher than intellect. 14-Absolute Knowledge Loss of growth potential by closing off to new information due to the hubris of a premature claim to enlightenment. Rigidified bubble of the known as a defense against chaos, dynamism, dissolution and breakdown--thereby preventing resurrection to a higher order. Bombastic grandiose omniscience. Cults, obdurate, implacable, inflexible, rigid, unshakable, stagnant. Arrogance, self-righteousness, self-justification, vanity, pride, top of the heap. Forgets beginners mind due to inflation hence is ignorant of ones ignorance. 15-Spiritual Bypass "Premature transcendence--high level denial. Avoiding painful psychological issues by immersing oneself in a rigorous spiritual practice, or focusing on experiences of transcendence within the Kundalini phenomena to the exclusion of processing trauma from the past." - Michael Dubois 16-Abiding in the Absolute "Holding the absolute dimension so tightly that we can't see all the relative learning that we still have to do. Trivializing the sense of relative impermanence amidst the artificial perfection of what can seem like a permanent awakening." - Michael Dubois 17-Blinded by Clarity "When inner Vision and Intent become so clarified and overpowering, that the clarity itself fixates attention on a limited range of perceptions/interpretations/possibilities. Polishing the interpretive lens so thoroughly, that the lens itself becomes invisible as an object of perception." - Michael Dubois 18-Cosmic Paradox Religious forms kill the human spirit or stop it evolving, because religions, churches and ashrams are attempts to legitimize that which needs no legitimization (I am That). And in so doing, a defense against illegitimacy (evil) is set up, which perpetuates evil (self/other separation). Rather, what needs to occur is education in inclusivity, global embrace, We-thinking and the observation that the ego will always try and separate and elevate itself above the crowd in an attempt to acquire legitimacy (good), power and significance. From: http://biologyofkundalini.com/article.php@story=PitfallsonthePath.html