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I dont know, I am just really confused of everything. Today I woke up and felt fine but still I had this damn crippling feeling (which felt very very real!) that killing myself wouldnt have been different from what I experienced last days. It is like I completely ignore the idea of suicide my mind wants me to act on. It feels like again I am continue living whilst my mind doesnt want me to live. Is this interpretation just another delusion?

God dam... That made me cry... But you're right..no matter how furious and hurt I am... I know it's not about me.. he's been going through a lot lately.... Found out a friend he knew since middle school committed suicide... And now his grandfather that he doesn't really like (because he asked if our daughter came out white) is dying... And he hasn't seen him yet... I don't know what to do...

@Mikael89 Well suicide involved the body dying as well, like the heart stops beating and all that. The death I experienced, I died as an ego and the body kept running its course. The best description I can come up with is, imagine being dead but being able to still see through your eyes and use the body. It kind of does not make sense, that is why experiencing it for yourself helps a ton. Whatever I say, won’t help too much. But I do get where you’re coming from. The psychadelic high is a hallucination inside the hallucination (life) itself. For example when you’re sober how do you know your brain is not hallucinating reality? How do we know for sure anything really exists? All we have is our human senses thats it, its never a DIRECT experience. I feel that I went beyond human perception with psychadelics. But thanks for the feedback it is true we should question everything! ☺️

Update: He comitted suicide. Said he couldn't take it any longer. Some people are just not meant for success and being in the spotlight. He hated the fame, but always loved making music.

What I can say is that this message is very important to me. I remember clearly when I was in my bed thinking on suicide more than two years ago. I remember I was thinking on how my mother would be sad if I killed myself. But just thinking on your mom is not what makes you overcome suicidal thoughts. You can't relieve your suffering with the suffering of other people. You can't relieve your suffering with pity. I can't remember exactly when, but there was a moment when I thought: "I have a purpose and I won't give up. I can overcome it because I always believed it's possible." It's kind my slogan in life: "you can overcome anything in life." I have many rants with people who say it's not possible to overcome anything in life. I remember when my grandma was sick and my father told me: "there is no way for her, she'll live this way until she dies." My grandma died unhappy. But I would argue a lot with my father telling him: "yeah, even with dementia, grandma can have a happy life." But he insisted on telling me that she was done. It was kind like: "just wait her die." I was young. I think I was 14 or 15 (can't remember). But it was very unfair with my grandma. No one defended my idea that was possible for her to have a happy life even with dementia. I'm feeling angry towards my family now because while I'm writing it, I'm realizing of how unfair and hopeless my family was. Yes, I'm sure it's my life purpose. I'll help people believe it's possible to overcome anything in life. I love my father anyway. But I had many rants with him of what's possible in this life. I recognize that he never told me it was not possible to overcome schizophrenia. I think he did his best to educate me and put food in my mouth. I haven't found my top 10 values in life, top 5 strengths and top 5 goals though. I don't know how is Leo's approach towards these things. I just had a talk with a person today who told me I can express my ideas clearly. Some strengths that I also have: writing, drawing, physicality and linguistics. Values and goals change with time, but I haven't assessed them yet.

You'll learn isn't true, infact Leo doesn't promote killing yourself for the truth through suicide. It can occasionally happen where people will "kill themselves in the name of truth" but this is stupid in my opinion. Realize if anything has "should" or "I need to" in it, that pretty much means its dogma. For example "truth is the only thing that matters, and look how all these silly things distract me!" He's also done a video on Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Which describe the need for sex and love, and if your smart you'll realize that working hard towards enlightenment will be hard if your not dealing with these other things in life, and that doesn't always mean "I need to satisfy my sexual need" but you need to deal with it responsibly somehow. I also chase emotions, but by practing do-nothing meditation, I've come to realize and accept that you won't always be feeling amazing. Which sounds shitty right? No, just realize that's there's two separate parts to it, you've got 'the need' and also the 'feel good' and your mind meshes those two together making "I need to feel good" but if you change the "I need" part by accepting you won't always feel good, then it will no longer tear you to shreds. that's sort of the theory anyway, but know that 'feeling good' is a material need, or in other words - a thing that exists that I need man this is just life, I know it probably seems unbearable and shitty, but your only in this life for who knows how long, and if there's a legitimate chance there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and coins along the way, then don't let the rain beat that hard on you that you want to quit. Contemplate, research, ask questions, just think. The rainy may be soggy and miserable, but you'll learn by looking up that its because of the rain, that the rainbow exists.

@Jed Vassallo Here’s something I wrote down today that I think relates: “When you’re dreaming, do you think you’re the one who’s controlling it? Doesn’t everything seem so real when you’re in the dream? But then you wake up and say ‘that was a crazy dream, it felt so real!’ And go on with your day. When we have bad nightmares, the subconscious urge to wake up becomes stronger. Doesn’t it always seem in our nightmares we wake up abruptly when we are in danger or about to die? Life is a dream within a dream, just wake up!” Life looks literally like an absolute nightmare to those who commit suicide. After my first experience with enlightenment, I fell into psychosis and thought that I would actually physically die if I fell asleep. My ego backlashed HARD. I was so desperate I went to the hospital and I made them give me drugs just to make me fall asleep because I hadn’t slept in days, and of course I awoke in a psychiatric unit. I guess this is the weird metaphor, things are finally seem to be coming full circle for me.

This thread gave me a thought. Most people think that people who commit suicide are cowards. But, it takes (in most cases I'd imagine) the strongest will possible to actually end your life. It takes that exact same strongest of will to purposely kill the totality of your Ego/Self. It's a shame for all those that have committed suicide. They were looking for a way out of the suffering. If only they knew that they could kill themselves, without having to end their life. I bet once this knowledge spreads, the suicide rate will drop drastically.

you talk as if avicii failed his life, he "couldn't" handle it avicii came here and did what he had to do, sharing beautiful music with people all over the world bringing joy and positive vibes all over the world, clubs might be what some refer to as 'low-consciousness' but its places where people gather to have fun, to dance, to have a good time, this is a million times better then people killing and exploiting each other music is so transformative, so personal for so many people, it might not look like it but avicii is a modern day shaman. it might not fit a traditional image of a shaman, but you make music, you make people dance, bring them to other vibrations, you're a shaman not to idolize him by no means, he had his own issues yes, just like everyone else on this rock and this forum right now, he did what he had to do and then he left the earth to continue other ventures, its not because he died earlier that he failed. people die early, by accidents, sickness, suicide, murder, some souls dont want to stay on earth growing old, they might just want to experience what its like being a child then leave, there's no failure in that. if you don't get that life on earth is a magical virtual reality simulator pretty much that our souls are playing right now you'll see death as failure

Sorry to see you leave us @Source_Mystic . I understand what you're saying, and I actually read your warning post about the shamanic breathing technique and its risks and decided against it. I respect Leo a lot because he's a true pioneer and an invaluable resource of experience and knowledge. I also, however, use discretion in anything Leo or other teachers recommend that I feel is unorthodox and potentially unsafe. People need to take responsibility for themselves. I don't think Leo intends for this forum to be a cult at all; but he's accepted to a certain degree that it's human nature for people united under a common goal or interest to form a collective ego at some point. There are a ton of sweet, encouraging people on this forum dedicated to improving themselves and assisting others along the way; how could we not to take up for each other every once in a while? I do wish Leo would warn about the psychological impact his videos may have upon viewers with preexisting psychological disorders; it kind of scares me the number of people on this forum who literally want to commit suicide. It's flat-out creepy.

Sometimes it's good to go back to the roots of personal development. I don't know how much you guys know about the famous, Swedish DJ by the name of Avicii, but he died two days ago (unknown cause so let us not speculate too much, but there might have been drugs/alcohol involved/perhaps even suicide)... Anyways. I was watching his documentary "True Stories" which is about his career and the reason to why he stopped touring. Now his career kicked off super fast when he was around 20 years old, so obviously he was not mature enough for the fame he received. He resorted to alcohol to cope with his extreme anxiety and stress he felt. All of this might led to diseases and maybe ultimately his death? What's even more convincing is that I've looked up old Swedish forum posts from him back in 2006 where he started to spread some of his early music, and he also made posts about his anxiety and stress. Now he did nothing really about this core issue for him, and along with the fame and the chase for stardom and all of those things – of course through massive passion and hard work – he wasn't able to handle it. So already here it's a fact that money/fame does not cure your problems. This shows the extreme importance of setting personal development and the mastering of one's own psychology as a standard in schools/society overall. Instead of the chase of fortune and fame. Not to say those things can't make you happy – anything can, but the core problem can never be solved by masking. This also lead me to a video from Leo where he talks about this:

(Sorry for the bad english )So let me tell you how I got to this hell. From early in my childhood I felt that I didnt belong here. My mother left me at her grandparents until I was 4.She visited me once at 2 weeks. She was into trial whit my dad for me and I started to hear some horrific stuff adout my dad and my other grandparents from her and her grandparents. My mother grandparents told me that my other grandparents wanted to cut me to peaces and throw me to the trash can and in fact they dindt even wanted me to be born.(HOW RETARDED YOU MUST BE TO TELL THIS TO A 4 YEAR OLD KID). The thing is that back then I felt that my dad grandparents were the only one who actualy gave a shit about me. My childhood was this constant battle to make sense of who loves me and stuff like that. Fast foward 2 years I m in a new home whit me mother and my stepfather and I start school. The first 4 years of school were hell I was the bullied kid even the professors were making fun of me.I had no friends .Then my stepbrother and sister apeared. And I was the "left behind" kid.All the love was going to my stepbrother and sister and I was just looking and thinking why my parent dont love me the way they love my brother and sister. Fast foward another 6 years I was 12 and I had finaly decided to ask my dad grandparents about that shit that told me back when I was 4. My grandfather almost started crying and he told me the the whole story.In a nutshell he told my that when he found out that my mother was pragnent whit me he knew that my dad and her will not he able to raise me properly and that I will be a kid whit no mother and father.And boy he was right... I understude back then what he meant and I cound see how he was right... Fast foward to when I was 16 I had my first girlfriend.It felt amazing only do go south in 1 mounth when I found out that she cheated on my whit one of my only 2 friends. At school I was doing horrible I was the dumbest kid in the class because I could not do anyting because of the deppesion. And on top on all of this when I went home I will just hear."You are a failure,you will not do anything whit your life "and all this kind of bullshit. After 1 week I had my first suicide attempt at 16.It was unsucceful thx god. Then I found out about Leo. I started to watch his videos, my life was going really well,for the first time in my life I was happy.After 2 years I purchases his course.Amazing stuff there. But then resistance started to kick in and life starded to "happen again to me." When I found out about elightement I went into deppresion again.Because I realized that all of the stuff I wanted to do were just a distraction from the truth. I really half-assined enlightenment and almost went into psichosis. 3 years into future and I am here.I discovered that I am a psichopath and I dont feel anyting for anyone.For example I know that my dad grandparents love me at the logical level but at the emotional level I dont feel anyting is just a void inside myself. The same is for my mother,father,brother etc. I m dead inside really and I feel like no one loves me ,so I decided to take LSD and to go deeper on the problem.Bad idea.... The trip was so intense that I think I have ptsd now. It showed me that my biggest fear is to die without loving anyone.It showed me that I must go and satisfy my need for sex and love because I was like. "Enlightenment is the only thing that matters fuck love and sex". The trip was like all of my loneliness and paranora and "no one loves you" were X1000. It was not all just pure hell it helped me overcome one of my biggest fears. My fear was that I will go crazy from this enlightenment work ,but the trip showed me that I will not go crazy. I had changed my life went from a victim to a newbie artist. The thing is I feel really lonely. Right now I have friends and a great carrier up ahead but the thing is that I m dead inside. I dont feel anyting and the lsd really fucked me up. I dont know what to do guys I don't wanna kill myself but the loneliness does... I feel like I'm extra in this reality. Yersteday was my birthday I made 20 years and it was the worst day of this year, I feel lost in life.I feel like no one loves me. I feel like no one undestard me, my frieds call me crazy when I tell them about enlightenment but I dont care. ( I dont understand the truth I just know about it right now) . This loneliness and the lack of emotions is killing me, for 4 years I'm doing self-help and right now I feel like I'm at ground zero again. I'm strong guys but I'm tired..

No, I don't believe he was, but your flippancy towards suicide is rather worrisome.

For the past few days, I have been struggling with the idea of 'choice'. How do you choose between two activities? Seems like a easy thing - but when you know that all paths lead nowhere, that death is inevitable, and more important, you can clearly see yourself feeling the things that you would possibly feel because you have played those roles in the past. For eg, you can feel a sense of accomplishment at doing something 'worthwhile', and before you do the activity, you remember this feeling. On the other hand, you can feel a sense of pleasure at doing something 'pleasurable', and you feel that before you do the activity as a sort of memory. And then you compare the two feelings - and you are lost. Because they both seem to go nowhere, mean nothing significant. Thus you cannot choose. So the decision of choice becomes arbitrary. But what kind of arbitrariness are we talking about here? Some things I will not go - I will not shoot myself with heroin, or commit suicide in the name of truth(at least not easily). So there is some criteria in my mind. These are the unconscious criteria. But you could have more definite criteria. For example, the kind of activity that I want to do could be based on what I want to achieve, if I want to have some theoretical understanding of my place in this world, then I would choose intellectually rewarding activities. But within those activities, there are some which are easy and some which are difficult. I would choose the difficult one, because I want mastery in what I do. https://medium.com/personal-growth/if-its-not-hard-it-won-t-be-rewarding-5a9f85b072d8 There aren't always paths that are so clear cut. Sometimes a choice is made for you and there is nothing you can do about it. The very idea of having choices goes against all manner of understanding of the self, if there is no you then there is no choice either.

@Leo Gura As far as I'm concerned, there is nothing to solve and nothing to escape right? Why all of the sudden the worry? Do you think actualized will get blame if someone here suicides? It's all just a dream, illusion, death is not real, nothing exists etc etc. I often thought about suicide myself. The only reason is didn't do it is because almost all philosophies and occult practices teach that there is punishment to the soul aka individual consciousness after this. I hope you can elaborate more on the suicide issue.

If you are talking about suicide, I hope most of these comments get through to you in time to see that there are people concerned about you. I don't know what is going on in your life to make you feel this way. We all have our own inner demons to battle, but if you kill yourself you aren't even giving yourself a fighting chance at happiness. You know what comes after the suicide? nothing, because you are no longer a factor in anyone's life equation, not even your own. There are people who live every second of their lives in pain and devastation all around the world, but they still find something to keep them going. There has to be something to keep you going. Even if it's just the support and knowledge that these strangers do care even if they don't know your name or even your eye color. However, if by "unplug" you mean to just disconnect from the Webb to allow yourself some quiet time of reflection, then I wish you the best of luck! I personally have not been apart of ANY social media network outside of Pinterest and Etsy and it can be very relaxing to get away from the screens. I hope you are still here to fight the good fight! But if we are too late, RIP...

LWAM, Season 1, episode 4 Disclaimer: the following story is a result of phenomena called purging on steroids. Symptoms include: shrieking, violent shaking, shifts of energy in the body and the sweet relief that comes after it. This is a full ( it's looong) version of Danielle's story. My first memories of being alive were connected to hatred and violence. My parents fought a lot and their fights weren't one of those minor quarrels that married people have, they fought with the intent to kill one another. I had this vivid image of my brother crying because of them for years playing in my head. I found peace in church of all places. Looking back, I had these weird experiences where I didn't know who I was and something about those moments intrigued me and I kept going there. I went there so often that everyone thought I'd become a nun. I spent most of my days playing on the street or in the mud. All my friends were boys and that effected my self image as a girl later on. My parents would buy me dolls and I'd tear them up beyond recognition. I might have looked like a girl, but inside I was a dude. Then middle school came. I could easily understand all my classmates, but very few understood me. Then that got me questioning: Why don't they get me? Maybe there's something wrong with me. It's like there's constant disconnect between me and most people. I began asking existential questions very early on, wondering about the nature of existence and myself and yet, nobody seemed interested in it.I couldn't understand why things seemed so crazy and everyone considered it to be normal. Why do they keep repeating actions that don't work? Am I really suppose to believe that this is normal? Everything they found meaningful, I found stupid and vice versa. The 'odd one out' narrative resulted in repression – I shouldn't think what I'm thinking, feel what I'm feeling and be so weird. My father was very emotionally abusive and my mother did the opposite – she killed me with love. My sister got married when I was 12 and I saw it as betrayal – she was my protector and i felt like she left me all alone to parent my parents. What was even worse, I saw her get into a shitty dysfunctional marriage like the one our parents had. Throughout all these years I felt like I knew too much, felt too much, was unworthy of love and not good enough to live. The belief in abnormality increased when i got deep into pubrety and realized I was attracted to girls as much as I liked boys. You can imagine how quickly my faith eradicated. From there, further repression and denial, hiding away of who I was from everyone while simultaneously soaking up people's emotions like a sponge and blaming myself for all of it. I was in so much pain all the time – I thought I deserved to suffer. I couldn't relate to my peers - felt too mature. It was like a cruel joke – i was born in the wrong family with reversed roles, in the wrong country whose medieval ideologies I could never buy, with a clearly abnormal personality which no one will ever understand. It always felt like I was backwards. I could have talked to my best friend, but he was so deep into gays are not okay paradigm, I didn't dare to talk to him about it until years later. At this point, I'm 14 and I just find out I'm bisexual, I lost all faith, I feel lonely and misunderstood and the pain is never ending. That was the first time I thought about suicide. It seemed like the most rational thing to do – I don't belong anywhere, I can't trust people and I'm uncapable of living, and the key thing - I can't fix everyone and everything, no matter how hard I try, I can't do anything besides feel their pain. Somehow I got through that year and found people who were like me in high school. Still, there was always this tendency to self destruct - to find a way to prevent what I want from happening. My logic was, I failed at being normal so I might as well try to succeed at being a misfit. I became a hardcore atheist and a social warrior, spending my time getting high, smoking and drinking. 2 edgy 4 u. How do you like that, mom and dad? When that failed, I tried couple of identities for size- the punk one, the nihilist one, the misanthrope one, the commie, the emo, the stoner, the liberal, the clown. Needless to say, none of them worked. And here comes the turn. After I've broken off a toxic relationship and went through that horrific healing period that only teenage heartbreak can bring about, hating people more than ever, I got tired of feeling so hopeless and I got into Buddhist philosophy. Still, reading about peace and compassion for mankind felt a bit dry until I stumbled upon the big E word, the promise land – to die without dropping the body – the thing I wanted to do for years. The quest began, or so I thought. My grandfather died and for the first time ever, I realized the significance of this work, it wasn't about being blissed out , it was about death. All those years of on and off depression was only a preparation for this death. Meditation brought back that peace I felt at church and I began to open up again. My personaliy is pretty much all or nothing, so when I heard about E, I got obsessed. I tried to create a new identity out of it so I can have all the peace and love without having to face my shit, but couldn't do it. It was too late - ups, the Pandora's box has been opened. For every release, dark night followed, up and down, from bliss to depression, from confusion to clearity. until I hit that breaking point. That breaking point build up over the years. And just when I thought that the pain couldn't get more unbearable, it got even worse and worse. I woke up one day, rather recently, realizing I'm going to die as a 19 year old and all of the things I i thought were true held no reality whatsoever. All I ever did was renew my story every step of the way, new layer of delusion, new ways to resist and to suffer. And that trauma and extreme suffering I endured for years was a perfect way to get me to surrender. To say: you know what? I can't do this anymore. I give up. I surrender. If I need to go through a this pain for another 10 lifetimes, I'll do it. I won't try to escape. From then on, it's like someone took off this enourmous baggage of my shoulders and dissolved the suffering. My body has been going crazy these last few weeks and that's when this trauma came to the surface. I was in a way protecting myself from those memories and feelings that were deeply burried for years and now they are free to come because I have no resistance. Most importantly, it's not only on a mind level, but on a body level. My family came to visit me the other day and the the first thing I noticed was the lack of tension in my body- it's amazing how I used to tremble when my father would touch me and now I feel open and welcoming. There's no need to protect anything anymore. Just a couple of months ago I wouldn't have even allowed myself to think about these things and now I fully accept them. If you're still reading this, good for you! Sorry I didn't make a dramatic coming out video like everyone else, guess i'm simply old- fashioned. End credits: And when darkness comes let it inside you. Directed by Bigger, Longer & Uncut.

Im quite aware. You mean OCD? If that is so, yes my arms would twitch, shake violently, i would have obsessive thoughts (even with me being mindful about them), my body would go from usual to really cold or hot, not as in a pleasant warm, my eyes would hurt. Now I live the same life and its all different. I dont know, I did some work such as meditating, disbelieving thoughts, contemplating, etc, etc. Nothing gave me this calmness, it all resulted in failure (which was very valuable because I could learn a lot, but failure is also apart of the progress which if you think about it, is it really that bad?). I watched a teal swan video, bla bla bla, pretty much said:"In the situation you are in (feeling suicidal) its either going to result in suicide or something else. So you have a choice, to quit this life or give your all". It had not reasonated with me yet. Then I watched some Douglas Bloch's videos about coping with with depression, I was feeling desesperate, so I decided to take a walk. da da da, there was the calmness.

Tip: We ride the EGO to make sense of what we feel, see, hear etc. Getting rid of the EGO is physical suicide, it is death in a literal sense. <3

I have been chasing truth for years, I have had enormous insights, my life became amazing after this process, I live in total peace and contentment but at this level where it feels like the next step is enlightenement, which is like physical suicide...

You see the world with your own eyes.If you are in peace then you will see others in peace.It is OK not wanting letting go.I am chasing truth and power.They come through the death of the ego and you are even more happier.I guess you don't refer to physical suicide!

* Carlos Castaneda. He wrote "The teachings of Don Juan" as his dissertation for his anthropology study. He claims it is all true, but there are theories that he was a con-man who mostly got his ideas from other books that were in libraries at that time. The book "Journey to Ixtlan" (mentioned above) is one of his later books in the series he wrote. He had a whole cult-following. Including 4 women that lived with him in a big house he bought with the money he made from The teachings of Don Juan. "The teachings of Don Juan" is mostly excerpts from his other books, and is difficult to follow (in my opinion) without reading his other books. I loved the first few of his books. The later books seem to get less interesting. - The teachings of Don Juan - A separate reality - Journey to Ixtlan - Tales of power - The second ring of power - The eagle's gift - The fire from within - The power of silence - The art of dreaming - The active side of Infinity * Also interesting to read are some books of the women he lived with: - Florinda Donner: "Being in dreaming" - Florinda Donner: "The witches dream" - Taisha Abelar: "The sorcerer's crossing" * Also good to watch the documentaries that talk about the cult phenomenon: * In the 90's, he and his "witches" started the Tensegrity company. When you search for Tensegrity videos on YouTube, you'll notice that the instructor women seem kind of drugged or emotionless. After his death, many people were disillusioned. The women went out in the dessert to commit suicide. Only Taisha Abelar was later found. The others are still missing. http://sustainedaction.org http://www.4missingwomen.com

Is enlightenment better than non-enlightenment? Could taking psychedlics be considered a form of spiritual suicide? If not, what preparation should be done before hand? Wondered if it might be like changing gears on a car without the clutch.

@Thanatos13 It’s not something that is learned or understood. It just “IS”. It is repulsive to the self. It’s no-thing and every-thing. Every idea and thought you have just “IS” and has no more relevance than any other thought. The self and all it’s thoughts is all WITHIN it. For my self, moments of awakening came with self dissolution. Everything I thought and believed was stripped away. Early on, the loss of mental control was so terrifying my self wanted to commit suicide since that was the only way to regain control. If one is immersed in debating and “figuring it out”, they haven’t even encountered the rabbit hole yet. As the self dissolves, there are not the same highs and lows. The character still goes on, but there isn’t the attachment to the story or the chase for completion. The self gains nothing, it gets jack squat. The self gets exposed and loses all. There is no way to sugar coat it: the process involves brutal and terrifying moments to the self. Yet, its also beautiful and liberating. With that said, there are some beautiful duality teachings. And a reminder to all: dual vs nondual wars are against the TOA - so keep it civil.

Suicide comes up a lot here, and understandably so, our lives are often difficult and unnatural as well (no living community, we even work more than we did back in our hunter-gatherer days, we live in cities/small boxes) etc. And suicide is even the goal you could say, but not of the body, but of our attachment to ourselves as a separate body. So here's why the body/physical universe from my understanding has a purpose: - It exists. - You cannot kill the mental body (www.evidenceforthesoul.weebly.com) - In a physical body you can experience the collective human path of transformation/awakening, live a unique enlightened physical life and help and love others. - If you kill the physical body, you will be faced with the still unresolved subconscious: like the potential you still have for bad dreams: So you will then be faced with yourself, a mind reality composed of the mental tendencies of bodily/mental identification of attachment and fear. So if you cannot let go of yourself, you will probably reincarnate anyways. Not as a judgment or punishment, but out of your choice to resist the fullness of God/Self, and you'll come into another body to complete your growth process. (I once asked before I went to sleep about why I shouldn't kill myself with the intent to learn more on this: I had a realistic nightmare of being in a cathedral. Yet I knew it was also a mental realm, so I could use my power to alter the dream. Though I didn't like it there all together, the cathedral reminded me of the fear of God I think, and the raw stone of the raw reality. Then I saw a guy, and I got scared, I thought maybe he would kill or hurt me. So I tried to burn/freeze him with my mind to scare him off/kill him. I got spooked by that realization of me being a killer and I tried to run, and the people came after me imagined. Then I chased women to have sex (though I never have to rape for it in my dreams), for pleasure and it was unsatisfactory because I was still not at ease/afraid.. When I asked this again later, I also had a dream of a grown man in a baby's body, but the man was looking unconscious and a bit dumb, bewildered, frozen in unconscious fear. Which explains why some children are born very bright, and some are not. and of course Buddhism/Hinduism also talk about reincarnating depending on your level of consciousness). One last thing, a teacher I trust based on direct experience as well, namely Bashar, also says that physical life has the purpose of shaping your spirit. You have the physical life experiences under your belt after the life, and that grows you into a unique being, 'like fire to solidify clay'. And so after the physical shaping you can live forth as an (evolved) human spirit. -- Here's a cool excerpt from an awakening and of really amazing life story: And I just heard: 'For this, you're born.' I think btw suicide is different if the body is like old and sick and stuff and you do it with consciousness, you can say your goodbyes and love properly too. After all, everything is Self created, there will never be an outside source judging you. Peace