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The ego loves to take credit. I can look back on the portion of my journey when I first started having mystical experiences and awakenings. Many were sporadic, and inevitably the feeling was temporary. I remember experiencing bouts of depression and suffering where all I wanted to do was get back to that state of bliss. The only problem? The ego can't induce those experiences! I thought I had it all figured out- "OK, I did it once, I can do it again!" No... Because you didn't do it! The ego loves to take credit.

I have grown up in a household with parents who are both fine artists. My early childhood was just drawing, I never could wrap my head around video games, nor did my parents buy me any, and I would always have access to notepads, pens and paints, so that was what I did. As a result of this, I have always been a talented illustrator and painter. It comes very naturally to me, and I am able to fuse imagery. Yet this is not my bliss per se, but my talent for imagery extends to photography, film which I feel like I could explore as an outlet. I was always intrigued by spirituality and personal development from the age of 15, when I joined a small sangha, I was also passionate about philosophy which I valued over art due to language's ability to vividly portray, to convey a clear message and not a metaphoric one. Starting to watch actualized.org conveyed that to me, I love this no-bullshit approach to conveying a message. But on the other hand, I love nature so much, I deeply value simple observation; on account of this and my artistic strength I am now seriously considering becoming a nature photographer. I think that telling the world explicitly how they could change their life is more effective than showing them metaphorically. How do you think art services the world?

Its been over a month after the awaking, the extremely high level of consciousness has died down a little, but it is by choice. When you are truly free to be whatever you want, everyone has a different response. Some want to permanently stay in god consciousness, or be in a high state of being/bliss at all times. Some want to become aware of more things and deepen their understanding of god/infinite love. Some start to teach others and become a guru or sage. And everyone's path is so brilliantly unique and divinely chosen. There are infinite things to be aware of and awaken to. For me, I just want to live and be, and love. The ego or sense of separation can come back, but it doesn't matter because it is all love. It is like before awakening, you were a radio without the control over its frequency, but after awakening, you can tune the frequency to whatever you want. The whole radio becomes somewhat irrelevant because you are all the frequencies. However, suffering is still gone. Not in the sense that I can't feel pain or get hurt. But in the sense that I am the pain and the hurt. You can still experience suffering, but when you do, you are experiencing it in the perspective of infinite love, so you accept it, and thank it, and love it. Being separated is also infinite love; it is all part of the plan to maximize love. I can change my state of being at any time, but it doesn't really matter. You can experience being the ego and god at the same time, they are one. I just live with the flow of life and do whatever my intuition/infinite love tells me, and enjoy the experience of existence. The void of infinite love is always present in the background of your awareness. Feel it now, be it. I love you all.

@Gneh Onebar haha I know what you mean, but even 2-3 years was like hell to me, also didn’t help I had a B12 deficiency through part of it which added to the depression ? Youll eventually drop all the minds stories, along with the I-thought, which is at the centre of the entanglement of the mind. And, then, when you realize there’s no mind, thoughts and emotions and sensations will happen, but not to anyone as such, just in THIS, I mean it’ll feel like it’s happening to someone, but when you investigate the centre of these thoughts and emotions all that is there is Natural Pure Awareness. And, as you accept everything that arises, thoughts or emotions are no longer a problem to you, just clouds in the beautiful Sky of awareness, and guess what? Since all is The Absolute, thoughts and emotions are part of that too? @VeganAwake Exactly, no I-thought left, just THIS as it is, in all of its glory and perfection. Ignorance is bliss as a seeker, but I wouldn’t trade this in for the world if it meant going back to the old way of being Pre-Awakening, nothing can beat the spontaneous joy of being.

I will teach you how to enjoy The ways I employ: Remove you and me, That should come first, And then secondly How quenching your thirst No longer concerns you, Statement of bliss! No nothing quite so impressive as this, Then it is simple, Here's how it goes, The third part which everyone knows: Love, love, love, love, love, love ...

The big Cosmic joke is, when you reach LOC 1000 there won't even be a you left to enjoy it....lol Yay welcome to enlightenment.. are you sure...are you really sure...is this the mission you signed up for. If it happens it happens otherwise ignorance is bliss enjoy it while you have it..?

@VeganAwake you completely missed my points, Desire will continue. are you telling me you no longer have any desire in life? without it you’d be dead and if you use spirituality as a reason to not workout, eat healthy, improve your finances, develop your career etc then that that merely seems like a form of spiritual bypassing. i never once said something NEEDS to be done or be different, everything is perfect as it is. Yet, if you’re overweight, on a RELATIVE level yes you should probably go workout and eat healthier, just because you have now awakened does not change that. This is nothing to do with doing this stuff = happiness, as you said when you realise Non Duality = Duality, and the distinction is shattered you are free to play the game how you like. If you don’t want to do any of these things, nobody is saying you have to, you can just coast through life, have a simple existence and be happy, again like I said this is very dependent on the person and their personality/ enneagram type. Maybe you’re a 9, if you just want to rest in bliss/ peace forever, that is fine you do you. However, just because someone is active in the world, does not for one second mean they suddenly aren’t awakened. Rupert Spira often talked about the inner and outer understanding. Inner is pretty self explanatory, but outer is bringing your understanding of The Self into all realms of life, such as work, sex, etc. It does not mean you’re doing these things to BECOME happy, you’re simply doing them as you WANT to and for the fun of it, to EXPRESs happiness so to speak, do you get the difference? desire also evolves as I pointed out in the last post, im Not gonna go over it again. You can’t and never will stop desire, otherwise you will die, if you have zero desires you would never feed yourself, drink, go to work, meditate, do literally anything, there is a common misunderstanding of desire in spiritual communities, a lot relating back to the Buddha being falsely translated. Please don’t try and remove desire from your life, it is beautiful to express desire that comes from love and The Self, and is beautiful to experience life in all its forms. Not everything that isn’t watching Non duality videos, meditating or talking about Awakening is Ego, it’s okay to do other things, when you go full circle you realize spontaneous joy of ordinary life is absolutely beautiful.

Actually, if you believed that the suffering is imaginary, it would stop being real. Not only that, you can turn things upside down. You can believe that the suffering is a good thing, and that it will pay off in the future, and it will certainly become as you imagined. You will literally turn the suffering into bliss. You just need to truly believe. Belief is a shortcut for consciousness. That's how powerful imagination is. Imagination is a superpower. God creates through imagination.

A couple of months ago I thought about making this Journal a part of my last Will and testament. That's on the condition that I keep making a Journal entries for a good while and Actualized.org stays online in the future. A link to my Journal won't amount to very much if the electrical grids around the world collapse in the next 50 years along with a large percentage of the human population. I would rather not be on this planet if that were to happen. No electricity would leave the world full of hungry, starving, and desperate people. A recipe for violence. I had typed the above into my browser last night but didn't enter it into my journal Been reading a little more in Jana Dixon's Biology of Kundalini today. Kundalini follows its own course through the body that is specific to each person, but it is definitely not a linear path "up" the body. Except during the conjunction experiences when enormous energy pours upwards through the body with the force of a concord. Since my awakenings I am adverse to saying that the lower plexuses (charkas) or centers open prior to the higher. In my experience they all open simultaneous to varying degrees. And since the linear body is all holographically represented in the brain, and it's activity in the brain that is expressed at various regions of the body, it is hard to say what is top and what is tail. Thus kundalini moving "upwards" is a misnoma--it doesn't start out at the base of the spine and eventually "reach the brain." It is happening in the brain from the start. Even the activation of the root chakra, and the tingling in the left foot is occurring in the brain. The brain is a hologram of the body and the body is represented holographically in the brain. The body and brain are nottwo. Whatever is going on in the body is simultaneously represented in the brain and vice versa. Kundalini cycles round and round, up and down, down and up and basically all over the chakra map. For example in childhood sexual development, there probably has to be a certain level of development of the prefrontal lobes before the genitals become energetically activated. The higher in-forms the lower. So say you want to work on opening your sex center, well you don't do this directly, you work on the solar plexus-(power) and heart-(love) centers. And if you want to evolve sex even further you work on the throat-(honesty), third eye-(psychic) and crown-(integrated whole) centers. Similarly if you want to open up the crown you need to simultaneously work on freeing the pelvis. There are the fundamentals and the panultimates but it's all basically just one flow of energy. Kink the hose at any point and you interrupt the flow to all parts. We cannot divide and distinguish the difference in bodymind, subtle and causal effects because they are part of the same thing. However there are grosser autonomic body reactions such as panic states, grounding, heart expansions, heat, tingles etc...and then there are the subjective experiences such as illumination, devotion, insight, telepathy, precognition, visions, profound dreams, eurekas etc.. There are lower periods say during a die-off where voices may occur without higher-spiritual content (hallucination), and other periods where the energy is cycling much higher in which the voices have something profound to say (illumination). Kundalini flows in different episodes; sometimes panic will force exercise and breathing, sometimes bliss and grounding will force lying down. If we understand the forces at play with the various autonomic (sympathetic/parasympathetic) responses we are not confused, resistant or fearful over what is happening. With an informed perspective we know beforehand that if we are down, we are going to go up, and if we are up we are going to go down. We know how to work-with the on/off switches, to not to suppress either, but to raise the energy of each into a healthy conscious embrace of whatever is happening now. The Perspective of Whole-Seeing--The key to mastery of kundalini is that when the bliss is acute it is imperative to draw energy up the spine or otherwise we find ourselves trying to run from it and push it away. If we wimp out and try to resist the bliss and energy rather than embrace it, then this will lead to inevitable compulsivity, addiction and regression. The radical amplification of normal sensory and emotional perception and of consciousness itself will inevitably draw us into fixation with whatever part of the hyperbolic curve of experience we might be on at the time. However there is a vantage point from which Whole-Seeing is made possible. From the Mind's Eye we can view the changing phenomena of kundalini without being carried away by it. The Mind's Eye is the connective current between the brainstem and the third eye. We obtain the seat of the Mind's Eye by the felt-sense of pulling energy up the body and into this inner connection in the head. This along with deep breathing, helps to keep our experience of kundalini conscious rather than being seduced by its ecstatic fires into a narcotic sleep. I also must relate the importance of the solar plexus in keeping the balance between the two sides of the nervous system. We can prevent morbid overextension of both the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems by conscious breathing into the largest plexus of the body--the solar plexus. If we find ourselves in either a high or a slump, then long walks while focusing on solar plexus breathing will help to integrate and balance the energy. This continues to be important for years after an awakening as an aid to integration and establishment of the spiritual will. Otherwise we may go through the entire ordeal of an awakening for no benefit to ourselves or others and actually be worse off than we were before. The Solar Plexus responds instantaneously to the brain. Every minute contraction and expansion of the solar-center of Life is in obedience to the brain. The Solar Plexus lies exactly behind the pit of the stomach. It may be energized by practicing a "drawing in" of the abdominal muscles. Draw the abdominal muscles "inward and upward" several times at each exercise. The closest parallel in normal human experience to mystic ecstasy of kundalini activation is sex sensations. One could look at the spiral of the growth in consciousness in terms of sex energy and its use, and see the pathological, conservative, post conservative and enlightened uses of sex energy. The body is a template of our conscious-proactive-love-Self-expansion VS. our unconscious-reactive-fear-Narcissus-contraction. Looking at the body we can see where we are at in our relationship to Self and our relationship to the world, for the body doesn’t lie. From: http://biologyofkundalini.com/article.php@story=DownisUp.html

@actualizing25 Many start at that place of wanting out. Eternal bliss and all that. That has to be dropped as all other delusions.

Why is it that you think the AL LAD is friendlier at lower doses but paradoxically is more out of control in higher doses? Maybe its missing a key element that makes it seem friendlier at first (whereas with a classic one would get into uncomfortable territory) but then that same mechanism is what puts you into bliss with the classical one at higher doses?

I've been struggling with this for the past few years after taking the LP course. There is a bit of a conflict between some of the top career authors out there: Follow your Bliss ala Joseph Campbell, or Master your Profession via Cal Newport. I struggle with this because I have just graduated from an expensive chiropractic school that has taken quite a bit of time and energy to get through. I generally dislike the career path I've found myself on, wishing instead to focus on art. Still, I understand the art field is littered with bullshit as well. So, the question I have for you all is, how important do you see medium in life purpose? Should I suck it up and plow through to master chiropractic (where I have established power and skills) or will I be wasting my time by not building skills in a more artistic medium? Thanks in advance for all the advice and opinions!

Glad to see some more fellow RASA recipients on here... Looks like @LfcCharlie4 has done a good job getting the message through! @wavydude Evaluating my own experience and putting on my ultra sceptic hat, I could possibly say that the relaxation and tingling I feel on my head, hands and feet whilst receiving the transmission could be placebo, but I wouldn't know how to explain away the moments of expansion I felt in the 700s. I wouldn't be able to say that the Divine Love that reduced me to tears on multiple occasions in the 800s was placebo. It'd be tough to argue that the Spiritual Heart on the Right awakening, along with the bliss that comes with Being in it, is placebo, or the natural dropping away of a lot of my desires. @Gneh Onebar the purging face is definitely no joke... The transition from the high 500s to the 600s absolutely kicked my ass. Well done for running the test guys!

Transmissions are far far from bullshit. Once you've received enough of it you will notice almost every true Master is transmitting high energy. These days i can get completely high on bliss by viewing gangaji and mooji on youtube. The highest teachings are transmitted through silence. The words don't mean anything.

Yes,...recently downloaded the book,...and reviewed much of it,...as some were bringing it up in dialogue, and wanted to see if it had any relevance for Conscious Awareness,...concluding that it doesn't. Agree,... many love this neo-advaita stuff,...very Wow! stuff for those transitioning away from Western Absolutist beliefs,...and yet, neo-advaita is itself Absolutist. As for myself, my background in books was in Mahamudra,...which did not contradict my own experiences,...that both duality and Oneness are illusory. Thus it could be said that I'm non-dual and non-One. “He who thinks of mind in terms of One or Many casts away the light and enters delusion” - Saraha Oneness is as an old Aristotelian construct,...and along with the meme of monotheism was for centuries imprinted upon the Collective. Look what they did to Hippasus for his blasphemy of the Greeks universal view by suggesting irrationals,...they killed him. Pythagoreans killed anyone who discussed any numbers other than rational numbers, for their universe was governed by ratios that arise from One. An absolute truth is,...if duality ceases its motion, the One Lever upon which it effects its motion also ceases. This is why Lao-tzu and Buddha considered Advaita concepts as useless. "The Tao gives birth to One. One gives birth to yin and yang. Yin and yang give birth to all things....The Tao gives rise to all form, yet it has no form of its own." Lao-tzu Oneness is akin to being stuck in a paradigm,...an energy Loop,...with the loss of individual Conscious Awareness after death. This is why Naropa taught that "By learning to recognize Clear Light during one's lifetime, an adept may return to it without difficulty when the shock of death threatens to disorient them.” - Naropa. To retain one's Conscious Awareness after death. The Advaitist cannot realize that,...because of their belief in Oneness. The Great Juncture is uncover the Fulcrum, upon which the One Lever and Duality moves,...I call it Undivided Light. Imagine joining me for a trip in an amazing LightCraft, a vehicle that can reach the speed of light. We are about to accelerate to so called light speed, that is 299,792 kilometers per second (186,282 mps). If you are unfamiliar with Einstein’s theory of relativity, as we approach 299,792 kps, time slows to zero, space no longer exists, and mass cancels itself out. You do not enter a new dimension, but a dimensionlessness within the Still Bliss of undivided light. For those who have already ventured there, an immediate inner inquiry comes to our attention if we allow it: "How did we reach a velocity of 299,792 kilometers per second and arrive at stillness?" You just stepped into light’s shoes, connecting with light’s own point of view, a view, to paraphrase Peter Russell, that light travels no distance in no time, and thus it has no need for speed. In fact, undivided, clear light has not traveled a meter in all eternity. Don’t worry if you don’t grasp this yet; it took Tilopa nearly three years to grasp the dakini secrets through grinding sesame seeds. Our duality reality of divided, projected, simulated light is 299,792 kilometers per second slower than the Stillness of what Mahamudra calls the Clear Light of Vajra (and Gabrielle Roth pointed to through the Silver Desert). When you realize that, you begin to gnow Who you are because you directly understand When you are. In duality, everything is in the past. All divided light, the whole electromagnetic field is in the past. It makes no difference how fast energy equal mass square divided light (E=mc²) is moving, for even at 299,791 kilometers per second, undivided light is perceived as moving 299,792 kilometers per second faster. That’s why Einstein called it relativity,...not Absolute. Energy–mass is relative, conditional, and in the past (mc² < c). Buddhism has stories of this,...for example,...Shakyamuni Buddha and Angulimala, the wearer of a garland of fingers. Angulimala was a notorious bandit who cut off a finger from each of his victims and wore them all around his neck. Although there are several variations of the story, the punch line is nearly the same. One day, Buddha, the light of Asia, was walking calmly along a road in the Kingdom of Kosala, where Angulimala was seeking his next victim. Seeing Buddha, Angulimala ran up to bash him from behind, yet he could not get close enough, and the faster he went, the Awakened One seemed to go that much faster. Infuriated and bewildered at not being able to catch him, Angulimala shouted for Buddha to stop. The light of Asia replied, “But I’m standing still. If you desire to catch me, you too must be still.” This is where oral traditions, especially Theravada ones, go off into different invented morals. The true pearl in the tale is that no matter how fast you move to catch light, light will always be 299,792 kilometers per second faster. Undivided light can only be caught through stillness,...it cannot be realized through non-duality. And what does Oneness look like? There’s a story in the Kevatta Sutta of a talented monk who wanted to find out the answer to the question, “Where do the four elements cease without remainder?” Through meditation he reached the Heaven of the Four Great Kings, who did not know the answer. Next he went to the thirty three gods in a higher Desire Realm heaven, but none of these rulers knew either. He then asked King Sakka (Indra), the king of these gods, but Sakka did not know the answer. Up and up he went asking all sorts of gods at each and every higher level. Finally he came to Great Brahma, the Creator, the One Uncreated, Knower of All. When the monk finally achieved an audience with Great Brahma, Brahma appeared in all his majesty and glory announcing, "I am Great Brahma, the Conqueror, the Unconquered, the All-Seeing, All-Powerful, the Lord, the Maker and Creator, the Ruler, Appointer and Orderer, Father of All That Have Been and Shall Be." The monk then humbly and respectfully asked his question, but all Great Brahma did was repeat, "I am Great Brahma, the Conqueror, the Unconquered, the All-Seeing, All-Powerful, the Lord, the Maker and Creator, the Ruler, Appointer and Orderer, Father of All That Have Been and Shall Be. The monk eventually got frustrated and said, “I know you are "Great Brahma, the Conqueror, the Unconquered, the All-Seeing, All-Powerful, the Lord, the Maker and Creator, the Ruler, Appointer and Orderer, Father of All That Have Been and Shall Be," but I asked you a question about where the four elements cease without remainder. The Great Brahma replied, “Listen little monk, don’t embarrass me. All these other gods are listening and think I know everything. If you want to know the answer to a question like that, don’t ask me. I don’t know the answer. For a question like that, you have to go ask the Buddha. Buddhists have a saying,..."Contradictions in perspective among those Seeing the profound do not occur" – Taranatha. The differences between Prajnaparamita and neo-Advaita are irreconcilable. Even Ramaji's kinesiological divination cannot bring them into harmony.

2g Psilocybe Cubensis Trip Insights: -all fear is imaginary -insanity/sanity is just a groundless distinction -language is extremely limited -the inner child is still inside of you at all times, the innocence and bliss is still there and has never left -the human form is a representation of duality (symmetry-right eye, left eye, nostrils, ears, limbs. ect) -I asked about my emotional baggage and I got an answer saying that I already have healed a lot of traumas, I need to take a higher dose to go deeper next time. Felt like I was on the brink of interacting with entities but couldn't quite channel them, although the whole time it really felt like I was only with myself, except my ego took a huge backseat and all neurosis were gone.

@Raptorsin7 It was all purely by accident, I had no intention or desire to do shadow work beforehand. I started a journal with another member here, titled "Is This Journal Mine or Yours" because we had a strong connection but I couldn't tell who was helping who. I had had a strange experience in which it seemed someone was communicating with me from the dead, desiring me to read his book, etc, and I told him about the experience because I thought I was getting wrapped up in a story and I wanted him to help me let it go or make sense of it. Starting the journal and his presence awoke a creativity in me and it was as if everything written there was channeled. Once I recognized this, I remembered that I had a novel in my head for a few years and I wanted him to help me write it. But instead of writing a novel about a character I made up, I ended up writing to him the story of my own life, sprinkled throughout with other spiritual insights. Then the inability to sleep or eat normally and strong channeling started in. There was a lot of physical pain, strange bodily sensations, but the entire thing was too enthralling to be bothered by it except for brief moments of recognition. The entire thing was very book/story themed. Don't look for it, it's been deleted long ago. I saved just the start of it. I can now on my own do shadow work that is left to be done. A week or so ago I did some on a small scale because I felt the need arise on its own and the next couple days were wonderful. Release = bliss. I do think there's value to intentional or organized shadow work as long as intuition and inspiration are honored and included in the process.

I have been led to a seemingly undeniable conclusion that reality as we know it must be the manifestation of an infinitely intelligent mind. After an extremely thorough investigation towards the metaphysical implications of certain 'existential plot-holes' that I will address, it seems outright incontestable that reality could be anything other than an infinite singularity of consciousness that can intelligently arrange itself. The philosophical "mind/body problem" invites your intuition to assume that consciousness arises from physical processes occurring in the brain. Similar to the intuitive nature of the earth being perceived as flat, the exact opposite becomes blatantly apparent regarding the mind/body problem when examined from a more nuanced perspective. The brain and other physical objects are actually being generated within the infinite consciousness, and because the consciousness is infinite, it possesses all characteristics including intelligence, which is precisely how you are able to comprehend this text. The apparent nature of living in a biological ecosystem of interacting organisms through a physical environment is merely a deceitfully calculated aspect of your personal simulation designed by the intelligent consciousness. It is an absolute mind-fuck to comprehend why this must absolutely be true. The 'existential plot-holes' that led to this conclusion range from the observer effect, which occurs in quantum mechanics (best demonstrated by the double slit experiment), to the profoundly improbable nature of existing as intricately designed beings who just happened to evolve towards developing the exact synaptic wiring necessary to facilitate such rich and complicated social interactions. People in this community obviously give credence to this sort of "God" worldview already, but I've never heard it expressed that this may actually be a bad thing. I have never had a "mystical experience", but I'm certainly planning to get my hands on as many psychedelics as possible, so I can see for myself what all the mystical speculation is about. Perhaps such an experience is necessary to see "God" as anything other than a delusional cosmic psychopath, because from my perspective the world is too miserable for this reality to be a manifestation of pure goodness. Here are my reasons why I suspect that "God" is actually an unholy piece of shit. Suffering (obviously) None of us asked to be born. It appears as though this godlike intelligence that imagined us into being is out to fulfill it's own agenda at the cost of us lesser life forms who merely serve as non consensual subjects in it's careless cosmic playtime. Obviously I can consider the idea that an infinite intelligence has far greater means of calculating goodness than I could ever hope to, so it's possible that my perception of suffering is haplessly myopic and painfully short-sighted, but on the other hand my life is the only frame of reference I have to judge reality and it's goodness, and from my perspective I see an onslaught of misfortune of negativity. The positive aspects of life come nowhere close to overshadowing the darker facets of reality, so this idea that I am not sufficiently equipped to assess goodness is not something I can give merit to. Delusional bliss Ever since I've intuited this view of reality I have heard from and sought out many experts in the field of non-duality, and the ones who claim to have had the most direct experiences of "God" often mention that what they experienced was "infinite goodness", or a liberating overload of "love" commonly described as unspeakably good. If it's true that ego death evokes such states of consciousness where the subject seems to merge with absolute infinity (or "God") and that it feels like overwhelming goodness and euphoria, then how can one be certain that their reality was manifested under a sober temperament? Perhaps the reason why life can be miserable is due to a blissful, deluded state of overconfidence that you as "God" are not logically receptive to, due to your infinite capacity to endure harm precluding your necessity for carefulness in your deluded state when merged with "absolute infinity". If I was on ecstasy all day and believed myself to be invincible, and had infinite means of manifesting realities, I would most likely end up creating a fair variety of monstrosities along the way. How can you be sure your life isn't a manifestation of this sort? To me this seems to be a plausible explanation for life as I know it. Our supposed safety net of "death" So far, Leo Gura is the only person who I've heard describing death as an "infinite safety net", although others have likened death to ultimate freedom, seemingly addressing the same experienced phenomenon with different words. I fully believe it could be true that once you have transcended egoic awareness (or have died) you are free of all suffering. There is not much to doubt there, but what I detest is the notion that such a "safety net" makes all of reality good without opposite. Contrary to intuitive reasoning, Leo commonly says their can only exist goodness without opposite, such that if a thing is not good it cannot exist. The supposed rationality behind this idea is the fact that death will remind us that we are actually invincible, once we have awoken form the dream of life, making all experience a net positive to take back home, no matter what the outcome was. So if my life was 100 years of agonizing torture and that was literally all I ever knew, it would supposedly be a good thing merely because at the end of the day it was all an illusion that eventually transcends to nirvana? What if it were 1,000 years of torture? Or 1,000,000 years? Just because death is an inevitability does not mean that all experience is tantamount to a net positive. If 99.9% of your existence is suffering, and 0.1% is unspeakable bliss, this to me seems like a horrible trade-off. A typical life is around 80 years with tolerable suffering, but the same principle applies. Reality cannot just be considered "all positive" no matter how insignificant the negative experiences were. Hopefully somebody here has some relevant insight that can rationally encourage a more positive outlook on "God" but I remain very skeptical that such an outlook is logically possible.

I have had very similar life decision like yours 2 years ago. I'm also a psychonaut, so here is a little technique of my liking. I'd say, try to think thid stuff through, be strategic about this decision. Literally reserve an hour a day for a week, where you will close everything off, be alone, take pen and paper and start writing stuff down - ask yourself a question regarding to this decision and try to answer it to yourself, use illustrations if you feel like. Some examples would be: Why am I currently studying the course I'm studying? Why did I start? What future opportunities does the knowledge I gain during the course ooen up for me? Am I satisfied with the university environment? Do I feel like I have already gained the basic understanding of this profession, so swapping to a different course won't necessarily be a waste (you wont get a diploma, but your mind has been expanded)? What could be better in the different course? Where do I see myself in 10 years, if I make the decision to swap? Watch Leo's videos on questioning and you will know, how powerful this exercise can be. Come up with your own questions (that is perhaps the most essential part) tailored towards your very own situation. To close this week of being strategic motherfucker. You can plan another psychedelic trip of low-medium intensity (for me this would be 2-2.5g of shrooms). Stay alone, just like you have been doing each hour every day and even in the same room if possible - to bring out that thoughtfulness you have built up. Now the intention for the trip will be to conclude your week, connect to your intuition and/or infinite intelligence, ask some deeper concluding questions and see, where the trance takes you. I have smoked nndmt in this way also and it is out of this world, how clear of an answer your can get. So simple yet so profound. Sometimes you might need more trips so it is ok, but space them out - dont rush this. Then make sure to act on that answer and don't let your monkey mind distract you. You will be given gold, so make it into a piece of beauty and don't let the monkey shit on it! Follow your bliss. Trust the Universe, Trust the process. When I now look back, it feels like a Hollywood movie for when I made these meaningful life decisions and I'm incredibly thankful for it. Take care and good luck!

I feel like I’m going mad. I just don’t care any more. When I’m being completely honest... I don’t care about my friends. I don’t care about my past lovers. I don’t care about my family members. I don’t care about the starving children in Africa. I don’t care about how we’re decimating the seas and literally causing 100+ species of life to go extinct on this earth every day. I don’t care about my favorite sports team any more. I don’t care about breakthroughs in science. I don’t care about accumulating money. I don’t care about my coworkers... the list goes on and on. I just don’t give a shit any more. I don’t care about anything but myself. I’m so selfish. I’m so egoic. I’m such a fucking devil and I’m struggling not to judge that. I’m waking up to my unconsciousness (Or rather being bitch slapped by it) and all the suffering its facilitated my entire life. It’s causing me these waves of depressed and hopelessness. I oscillate back and forth between these extraordinary states of bliss and self love and acceptance to these deep dark lows of meaninglessness and feeling alone. i feel like I’m going crazy... and that there’s no one out there that I can reach out to. Because nobody else gets it. The people around me haven’t experienced this existential angst. And even if they have, it makes no difference. I’m alone in this. Just me. Is this normal on the spiritual path? Is this something y’all experience as well? And what do you do to even out the highs and lows?

@VeganAwake I am not talking about Ego, I am talking about Human integration, maybe it will help if I explain in terms of Psyches? You have an insight say that you are God, but then you need to integrate this insight into your life and way of being, there can be habits that have unreal momentum from years of reinforcement, this is more about the Human side of things than existential. I know you're just going to say this is Ego, but yes while when you have thoughts, feelings, sensations there is NOBODY at the centre just pure awareness, it will still FEEL as if there is someone and unless you go live in a diaper and want to actually participate in the world, being 'detahced' from relationships, people, if you have children etc is a very dangerous thing imo, almost a numb state. What 1000 represents is complete self realization, the END of seeking, I have arrived home in the kingdom of heaven, and know myself to be The Self alone. However, this is a key point of going full circle, I know while in this body I will still be human, have a personality and interests and still be 'Charlie' which in my opinion is beautiful, unique expressions of awareness as our individuals is to be embraced and enjoyed, what fun would life be if we were all blank canvasses? As much as you won't want to admit you still have a personality, things you like, girls/ boys (idk you and don't want to offend) you are attracted to more than others, hobbies you enjoy more, however yes you no longer IDENTIFY as just that, but individuality will continue after awakening. It is nothing to do with seeking spiritually speaking. I can guarantee you, you have a shadow to integrate especially as your awakening is fresh, I can't say what lies in your sub/ unconscious but there will be 'shit' you as a Human need to deal with to fully integrate your awakening. Maybe you don't get what I mean by integration I'm not sure, but it is NOT seeking, it is more of an inner clearing of all everyone has suppressed over the years, WinterKnight touched on this with his talk on PsychoTherapy. I myself was lucky in terms of my childhood, however, there could be past lives Karma to deal with idk yet, I'm still in a honeymoon phase. As I said 1000 is a complete end to the journey of seeking. I feel completely stabilized in happiness and peace, compared to this time last year was constant overthinking and low level of depression. But is only the beginning of the journey of life and deepening, that never ends, to me life truly begins at 1000, as you are now free, as any resistance to life has evaporated, and all there is is the spontaneous joy of living life moment to moment, I have no idea what the next moment will bring, but all I know is there will be complete acceptance and enjoyment whatever arises. This article could help, only decent one I could find aside from paid Satsangs that I cannot legally share. https://www.scienceandnonduality.com/article/integrating-the-shadow-in-awakening @WelcometoReality During earlier awakenings integration of the shadow happened slowly, such as integrating deeper love into my personal relationships, and treating everyone as The Self, as me. In terms of my shadow, I still have a fair amount of work to do, 1000 represents home existentially, seeking is over. There then arrives a 'clearing' period, often Enlightenment is called destructive and I can see why. @Haumea2018 can shed more light on this as he has actually been through the process. @zeroISinfinity It's merely limits of language, you're right there is no 'I' to be enlightened. If you know of a better way to say it please inform me, I am not meaning to say my 'self' has awakened, it is merely awareness becoming aware of itself. However, I feel saying things like that just adds concepts and confusion to many. The Self has realized itself and has now taken center stage. @Nahm I don't think I'm ready just yet, this thread is exposing how poor I am at articulating in words these things, I would need to become much more concise and direct, as I can hardly explain basic Maths concisely to people when they ask, let alone the Absolute lol. I would also want to be able to give a form of transmission, ideally RASA, and would like a deeper understanding of the Enneagram, as each human has a unique path to awakening, and personality type plays a huge role in this. For example, a 7 (me) hates negativity and being bored, therefore, I would constantly read and watch instead of facing my feelings and the silence. Whereas, a 9 (Tolle, Ramana) is addicted to peace and bliss, therefore can become lazy and just bliss out all day long, so instead needs to and meet people and socialize and stop using their bliss or peace as a way out to face their fears. Hopfully you get what I mean & How are you finding coaching so far?

@Florian It resonated with me a lot, and I wasn't sure if it could help you. I am seeking a "better' life. Happiness, love, bliss, etc. Not sure if you're a "seeker" too, just thought i would share the resource.

Apportioning blame for suffering to God is analogous to the characters in a film blaming the screen for their misfortunes. There is a difference between the content and the medium which conveys it. The medium in our cases is consciousness (a.k.a. God). Consciousness is resolutely neutral, in fact it is outside all suffering and it is meta to its content. In my opinion to be enlightened is to be at one with the meta-nature of consciousness and hence above all suffering, but also above all ecstasy. In this context to say that being enlightened is this or that experience is to miss the point or more accurately to be still caught up in the content of consciousness. The meta-nature of consciousness is without description or attributes, but it is directly knowable. The analogy with film characters is that the characters can get to understand their screen. Consciousness can know itself - that is its nature. But it is also powerful enough to indulge itself and to get caught up in its own content. How does the content then differ from the medium? This is like the difference between the knot and the string that makes it. Because consciousness is reflective or recursive (it knows itself) it can tie a knot in itself – like a string that is able to tie itself into a knot. Why is suffering in the content and not the medium? The first clue is the transitory nature of suffering. Suffering has a characteristic ebb and flow and so suffering is by nature impermanent. Any experience which is transitory must be unreal or imaginary because it happens on the knife-edge of the present moment. No sooner has it happened than it becomes “lost” to us again. In other words the entire content of consciousness is transitory and ephemeral – it is all “appearances” never again to be repeated in exactly the same way – yesterday’s suffering is not today’s suffering. Suffering is an appearance like a knot in consciousness. The meta-nature of consciousness is on the other hand not impermanent, because it has no attributes to change. Because it has no attributes it is indifferent to suffering and not the cause of it. The screen of the film does not care about the suffering of the characters playing out on it. God does not directly cause suffering or cause bliss.

Follow your bliss

After eating the avocado salad with spinach, for the FIRST TIME in these couple of days I felt good, as in 7/10 good ( for the next couple of hours ) Despite I was feeling weak, I also felt relaxed and content, as if nothing was missing in my body. Mental clarity also kinda improved but it's tough to measure results. Story time. One of my motivations to do to this challenge ( besides turning 22 and feeling somewhat petty for wasting any more lifetime) was that even though I had comprehended quite profoundly the "meaningless" facet of life down to my bones by a more than 1 year long Dark Night of the Soul, nutrition was still a source of suffering per se. Let me explain. I was capable of completely blissing out during meditation by accepting everything exactly as it is and being in the present moment, or even lying in bed for 15 hours quite often, either just being in the moment or getting lost in fantasies. I was okay with that. During that year my diet went from quite standart mainstream diet, to really sh^t. I'm talking water or dry fasting for 16 hours a day really often, not eating anything and then just binge eating junk food at night like donuts, Mcdonalds, Burger King, cereal, sandwiches, chocolate, muffins, Doritos, Bollicaos. . . etc , besides eating one dish a day during the weekends as I used to work just on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. ( Two side notes: I'm noticing my mouth watering while thinking about all of this, and also the fact that I feel I'm struggling to articulate all of this and I'm sensing this impulse to alt-tab to YouTube and zone out rather than putting the effort to write and share this. So I was okay with anything happening and pretty much blissing out no matter what would happen to me, my stuff, or others, as in just surrendering completely ( at least in theory ) I had stopped inhibiting most of the impulses. And the result is that even though you become a quite more spontaneous person, you also turn into a wild chimp that's guided by what feels best in the moment while avoiding pain and discomfort. You know, the usual things introverts indulge in these days: video games, binge watching YouTube, fapping too much, porn, junk food. . . It felt as if my willpower muscle melted away during this period. I just didn't smoke or drink, I guess because this are habits that I resent because of my parents. But all of this behaviour had their consequences. It gave you a highs and then crashes, mood swings, depressive thoughts, withdrawal syndromes, and it would really deep fry your capacity to focus, meditate or introspect, besides other obvious health dangers. Sooo. . . my ability to bliss out came and went as my body was sending actual physical withdrawal signals of " SOMETHING IS MISSING IN YOUR BODY!!" and creating misery. Yeah, I could have surrendered to the feeling of " misery " and just dettach and observe, but since now I have a different outlook on life I decide not to be like that and do a few things while I'm alive. Also intuition is telling me that this is the correct path and it will be worth it. Lets try it out. At least I can't say that I haven't tried Hedonism lol. *sigh* - It made me somewhat uncomfortable going through this mentally again. Anyways. Made a soup with pink salt, olive oil, black pepper, 5 carrots, 3 garlic cloves one sliced onion ( I luv these last two :> ) and 3/4 squeezed lemon juice cos' 1/4 fkin fell to the ground. Also why do my lemons have more seeds than sunflowers?? having to pick them outta my dishes pisses me off (mindfully) -__- I ate half of the soup with no remarkable gut issues or sleepiness. I'm aware both onions and carrots have some carbs and therefore sugar. I'm experiencing with different vegetables and how they make me feel but I doubt this would give me a sugar crash. Also noticed that eating veggies in soups makes me eat faster and less mindfully since I don't have to put that much effort into chewing the soft pieces of food. Nevertheless it went into my stomach gently. I keep forgetting of the rubbing hands ritual before eating lol. I allways catch myself when I'm already having the first bite. Lastly, now I'm feeling somewhat tired and stiff but most likely that's because I've been a couch potato during this whole evening. Shops are closed tomorrow and I forgot to buy water. GG dehydration. Hoping to get some good sleep tonight. GN y'all.