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@Mongu9719 The difference of no self vs ego self is detachment. Everything is the same except you see things as they are. Reality feels like a dream. I have seen the infinity and nothingness, but not God, so I cannot tell you my perspective on that. Infinity can be really painful. It is what killed my ego. What's the difference between you sober and you high? amplify that by a 20 000, there is no difference except perception.

@Johnny5 Because he is not disproving their arguments by giving only orange arguments, but by showing that he can emphasize their points of view and showing them how they think, and what is wrong, and how you can argue the opposite with the same kind of reasoning. That's not orange that's Yellow. Its insane how good he is at it... @Roy Psychedelics don't make yellow people more yellow was my point. But open the doors to turquoise right... Without radical open mindedness, psychedelics don't change anything. I have been lucky to be open minded enough to question Orange as a 16 year old boy, when I was in the dark night of the soul. That jumps directly to turquoise if you are open minded. There is no ego death -- nothingness -- infinity that leads to planting trees, socialism and social justice. It goes straight up to turquoise questioning reality. Believe me. Yes you are right. I have made up my mind before posting this thread, but I already changed my mind. Went from 100% to 75%. I just watched more interviews being sceptical it tends even more to yellow in my opinion. If he talks 90% moralistic and rational and 10% systematic ethic philosophical problem solving doesn't mean he is more orange than yellow, just that he emphasizes more on Orange as a means to an end. Yellow is his strategy and orange is his marketing. Green people don't care about how to solve a problem that doesn't seem to be a problem in their opinion. He is not criticising because of his arrogance, but as a means to an end. Imagine you had to convince a blind person that his lightbulb at home wasn't working and he didn't believe you. Changing the lightbulb would take 5 seconds. But explaining the problem, for instance that his dog cannot see anything (lets take a funny example hehe), he would need to make him switch the light on, let him feel the broken lightbulb with his hands, until the blind guy realises that the lightbulb doesn't produce heat. This would take more than 90% of his time. That doesn't make him an electrician. Then he can convince him to change the lightbulb. However you need experience with lightbulbs to know that they heat up after a few minutes, so by being an experienced electrician he can put himself in the position of a blind guy and show him that it doesn't heat. So that he can convince the owner to replace the lightbulb. That's what he does with green people. Watch his "interviews"/"debates" that guy is never wrong. He went through every possibility and comes up with perfect responses in an instant. That's why I would love to see him talk to turquoise enlightened gurus.

@Preety_India So sadhgurus business is also orange? Sadhguru claims his business is only there to fullfill its job (selling YOGA) His statements are not turquoise. Most gurus don't use turquoise statements. Turquoise statements are for example "everything is a hallucination", "The self is God", "existence is nothingness" Leo Gura uses turquoise statements in his videos about enlightenment. "life is a dream", "The self is an illusion" etc. He is making money from his products fine, Yes that's orange from a simplistic perspective. But that just proves that money corrupts his yellow teachings. Dalai Lama is fully enlightened and still has a fortune of 140 million dollars. I am not saying he is turquoise but YELLOW. Yellow doesn't mean philanthropist or Humble.

@TDW1995 Was your social anxiety there before Meditation? Because Meditation increases your Awareness of your Body and emotions. For example you realise how much you sweat you blush etc. And being aware of that is a vicious circle of fear realising that you have fear increases your fear which fuels adrenaline which fuels fear. Enlightenment cures your social anxiety, but its like building a nuclear bomb to solve a rat infestation problem in a house. You can do it, but maybe it would be smarter to work on your social anxiety to make your life easier first? Enlightenment is not an escape. If shoots everything up until you surrender to it. If you want to do both, I recommend Shadow work, shadow work helps with social anxiety and it is absolutely necessary for enlightenment. Also, there is nothing wrong with social anxiety therapy or even psychiatric help like medication. If you force awakenings, your fear of people will be replaced by the fear of the nothingness. (Dark night of the soul) It is like quitting smoking by replacing it with heroin. It will work instantly, but the fear of the nothingness is so bad, that you forget about social anxiety. Been there done that. So I recommend: Shadow work, psychiatric help. You can take pills that take away your social anxiety instantly. Don't just take pills, but do the psychological work too. Combining both gives the best results. If you continue meditation, this will increase your growth drastically, your psychiatrist wont believe it. Meditation on Infinity take all your fears away for a while too. It worked for me, but its not the best/fastest way for social anxiety.

I know this isn't anything new but I wanted to share anyways. I was laying on my couch feeling so free, so light, so wonderful, so at peace...I questioned where did this feeling come from or what caused it. Then the word EMPTY popped into my mind....I felt Empty. But not the bad or lacking Empty that most would typically associate Empty with. This is like an Empty Fullness, a Pregnant Nothingness, an Everything and Nothing Emptiness. It's not having any belief systems, attachments or idea's of the way anything should be.... it's the Wayless Way...or No Way. I realized, I don't believe in anything except BEING. And anything and everything is welcomed in BEING. I would describe it as in natural surrender to what being reveals. ❤

Good luck man after like 50 minutes my hands and arms started curling inwards like a fetus... it was really trippy and totally relaxing... felt like I was floating in nothingness. Yeah focusing on the breathing is good advice ?

@Johnny5 I think you are hinting at nothingness

I chose this quote because at that time I was continuously looking forward to the future. This quote reminded me to appreciate the present moment instead of fantasising about the future all the time. I wouldn't call it a belief, it's more like an observation. The future doesn't exist. Nobody has ever experienced the future. The only thing that we can experience is the present moment, the here and now. "Nothing happens next. This is it." for me this emphasizes that nothing is gonna be more important than the present moment. Right here, right now, Nothingness is existing and Existence is being nothing. What could be more extraordinary than this?

This afternoon i decided to do yoga at home. When i was in my 3rd exercise my ego disppeared and the only thing I could percieve was my body sensations, my hands and feet melting with the floor. Nobody was making yoga, for half a minute I was like in a movie/illusion thas was happening to nobody. Its like the unified field of conscousess that quantum physicist refer to is a big global movie with no main characters. Then ,after the experience, my ego started to dislike this illusory nature of reality, because in the movie he wasnt in control. And he started to wonder: "-What is behind the scenes, who is the director then? -Maybe a mind is imagining everything from nothingness? Leo droped some bombs of truth but never explained how it looks like to be behind the movie. -Definetly i need to try psychedellics sometimes to find it out! But now I work a lot and have no time."

In Buddhism there are the concepts of emptiness and impermanence. I haven't checked yet how accurate the translation of those terms are, but I can explain them with my model. My amateurish interpretation is that Nirvana is the unmanifested reality, which is infinite and changeless. Manifested reality is a finite subset of the unmanifested reality. So manifested reality is nothing, or nothingness, in itself. And manifested reality is an ever larger subset giving the appearance of change and impermanence. A subset is nothing (emptiness) without the superset. What ACIM calls God I have called infinite intelligence. And that infinite intelligence is a property of Nirvana, the unmanifested reality. And the Holy Spirit in ACIM is the Dharma in Buddhism. Dharma has many meanings but the main explanation for Buddhism in Wikipedia is: It sounds similar to how in Christianity the term Word of God can both mean the Bible and also the larger meaning given in John 1. And if Nirvana means the unmanifested reality, which is the same as the Word of God, and with Dharma as a different term, then the Holy Spirit can be equal to Dharma.

Hello guys, TLDR: Weed put me in the dark night of the soul (infinity, timelessness, nothing seems real (DR), dying sober, nothingness), and I am so terrified of uncontrolled changes in consciousness, that I am not able to take small doses of psychedelics/weed and anxious about Kundalini changes in perception too. How can you guys help me overcome this? I am somehow experiencing infinity since I am a child, maybe because of genetics. Mystics would say I was a mystic in previous lives. I don't know if it shows up once I am suffering, because I experience it during fever at night, and was somehow trapped in it as a child, even after waking up. My mother of course didn't understand what was bad about a random neutral dream with infinity. I am not conceptualising infinity, because I experienced it shortly before my Kundalini got activated this year during meditation. Without suffering this time for the first time. That's when I realised that its not the first time I experience infinity. When I was 16 (I am 21 now) I didn't feel that good because I felt the infinity and wanted to ground myself with a cigarette and decided to smoke a blunt (weed) instead. What followed was a panic attack with lots of weird energies in my Body, time standing still and this lasted for hours. The following 6 months was some Dark night horror. I was sober and died every day(evening). nothing felt real, and I believe the feeling of "I am nothing and people are just flesh-robots, there is no perceiver" is called the nothingness? That of course led to a existential crisis, and I am to this day trying to make sense out of it. The video "factettes of awakening" made me realise that I wasn't just wishfully trying to explain it as ego death, but it is actually more than one awakening at once. Weed alone didn't put me in there, so I don't think you guys should take weed and hope for formless things to come up. My best theory is that I felt the infinity before, and not having concentrations skills, the incredible fear gave me the focus necessary to concentrate. Now I can not take more than 3 puffs of weed because of the fear of the nothingness coming up, and wouldn't even imagine stronger psychedelics. I realised all the fears I had were based on the psychotic fears I developed from the "awakening". I was also really shaking and afraid the moment Kundalini started rising once I realised I couldn't control it. I am not afraid of the physical "pain" from Kundalini, but from the psychotic Dark Night shit that might come up. I tried to just smoke a little weed every day, like a few puffs, but I stopped once fear started to rise. Some medication that makes me high is also making me anxious. Benzos and selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors don't though. I have to face my fear of the dark night and I believe that you guys can help me do it. If I don't face that fear other fears will come up and in the end I will still have to face it. Note that if I end up high and panic a little, this will be counter-productive and probably trigger my Kundalini. So facing the fear head on might not be the best idea, but would put me right back into the dark night of the soul until I entirely give up. I heard that most people don't have hallucinations from weed, but I do have visual and acoustic hallucinations from it. Long before the dark night. My stoner friends would just say: Man don't think about your psychosis and listen to some music, it s all in your head. I would be eternally grateful if someone could just write down that miracle solution I have been waiting for years. Keep in mind, I want to face that fear and not run away from it like I did the last few years. If it is possible without going through some infinite-timeless-nightmare that would be great.

Hello everyone, I have always noticed how everybody always do trip reports but I never see nobody talking about how radical and life changing are the experiences you get from what I call "conscious dreams", I want to share now one of my most curious dream trips. To be honest some time ago I couldn't even remember my dreams but since like nine months ago I have been going through a process of awakening that has changed everything and since this process began I notice how I remained more aware of the dream state of reality. In this particular occasion I did not plan it, it happened around 12:30 am before going to sleep I did my daily one hour meditation and then I see how consciousness shines as a sun as I began the sleeping process and fall sleep in that state but just contemplating its beauty at the moment I had no intention of going into dream land. There comes this moment in which I go into deep sleep for some time and then wake up in my apartment, everything looked pretty normal at this point, I think we were preparing something but I am not sure exactly what, since the beginning of it what we call "I' felt something was off and then I noticed a friend of mine that should not be in my house and at that moment I realized that I was dreaming once I became aware of that the dream starts to collapse I entered into sleep paralysis and for some moment I tried to like meditate (what I mean with meditation is to focus only in consciousness and not pay attention to the content) and I do that because the whole dream starts to fall apart and I go into sleep paralysis which has been troublesome in several experiences of this. I ended up going back into deep sleep state thanks to resting in meditation and instead of waking up to this dream in which I am writing this I woke up to another dream and I have forgotten once again that I am dreaming and everything is going quite normal but I remember that the visuals or the way that everything appeared looked with a different resolution and some things were quite different to this state of consciousness I'm in right now but at the time I did not remember the existence of this state of consciousness called "waking state" but then I remembered that I went to sleep in this dream and woke up living life in the other dream and I was fully aware of my consciousness during the dream and once again went into sleep paralysis but as always when the dream falls apart and this happens instead of forcing myself to wake up which i have done several times out of fear. What I have been doing lately is fall into relaxation and this time some times after meditating in my sleep paralysis state and I seemingly went back to deep sleep but at this time I wake up once again and this time I am floating in pure darkness literally I was floating in circles and it was endless totally dark and I became aware that if I wanted I could wake up right now but I decided to relax into the experience, it felt nice to be there, time is not something conceivable there but I still had memories of my life in the waking state so I would say I was like that for a while so going in circles floating into nothingness, then I began to do self inquiry in that state and saw how thoughts come by themselves ALWAYS there is no thinker then I start to relax myself into consciousness the presence that lights up worlds and once I do that I stopped going in circles and start to fall but very slow and then when I am letting go of everything surrendering into my most mysterious and infinite form I feel this hard vibration it felt like an earthquake it was fucking strong and then in the area of vision where only darkness was some small colorful geometrical patterns start to like rain into my perception and I started to feel very overwhelmed I was being confronted with my real from, the real form of I, the Glorious, Immortal, Infinite God that permeated the whole universe, I am very intense to feel, so I thought for a second that I wanted to stop and so it did and I came back to my bed. I came back feeling very relaxed, when you see the infinity your eyes are burnt you will never live the same world or be a "person" anymore, I felt grateful for the experience but shocked to see what I really am, it brings me to my knees to see my own nature. Hope you guys enjoy the reading, I would love to know what are your thoughts on this type of trips and if you have any questions on how to induce the state of consciousness or what have I done to do it, feel free to contact me.

@Inliytened1 Don't worry, I am only stopping the path once there is nothing left to question, and nothing left to experience. Fortunately Leo s Video on the factettes of enlightenment showed me that I could experience infinite love. Apparently this is actually beautiful and not as terrifying as the nothingness. But only out of curiosity: Can I now be arrogant around religious people and tell them that I saw that I am God? (Just kidding) I wouldn't call it Void, I prefer calling it the nothingness. Its not like empty space... Your green pseudo suggests that you probably know what I mean. What makes me question the fact that the nothingness is not God is because people who experience God, apparently don't say "Oh the nothingness" or "oh buddha nature" but God. Nothingness is what I would call it. Infinity is also not distinguishable. There is no other word for it. Believe me, my Ego is fighting with fear as its main weapon. Back then when I experienced the nothingness it had no other choice, like the one second that was needed, Infinity ripped apart my ego by trapping me in infinite timelessness until it gave up.

@Inliytened1 Okay, that answer convinces me. I heard Leo talk about God being so infinite that he can only experience himself by limiting himself into the forms. I already had ego death experiences. So that's it? God is what comes after ego death? The nothingness? Everything seems unreal and there only exists what is perceived in the moment? Nothing outside of perception exists. I called that the nothingness, because I realised there is nothing there (No "ME" in my brain as what I thought previously). No perceiver in people. Really terrifying. Just pure consciousness/perception and nothing else. I was okay with calling that the nothingness, but if people call that GOD, then it is kind of... weirdly disappointing. I heard about people post awakening being disappointed. I find it also hard to believe that the other formless thing I experiences was infinite consciousness, because that just overshadows everything during meditation, but there is no point in starting a religion from that realisation lol.

@AlphaAbundance I had a few awakenings, Is that what you are referring to as "enlightenment experience"? You are curious, so Nothingness, dying, Infinity, life is a dream were my awakenings. There are a few stages of enlightenment and liberation. Take sadhguru for example, he claims that he doesn't know how to meditate anymore, if he closes his eyes the world disappears. That's probably absolute enlightenment. I have talked to people who are able to only have thoughts if necessary, and able to perceive the formless within a second. Another guy just told me that he was everything, not explaining how or if he switches. Those 2 people I described STILL meditate, that's kind of enlightenment, Sadhguru is absolute enlightenment if what he is describing is true.

@Leo Guraokay But for example can I /you imagine a better world with less suffering and make it real? Let's talking about an altruistic context,not a devilish one per se. And stop calling us Devils :)),what else can God do than embody a devil? Live in the nothingness full possibility realm aka boringness? Don't you think that God wants to have fun,fuck and enjoy life? I mean,this is what He is doing right now.

Yea, for some reason sabbath never grows old to me. Here is something sabbath related Before us lays dreams A light no one sees Hail to nothingness

@Francis Trach Just my own 2 cents. For anything to have sentience it must have what can be termed "reality sentience". This means that to the extent that there is sentience, the person is aware of and can make adjustments to reality. This is the definition of free will. You are an aspect of reality, which is to the extent that you have sentience, free to transform reality. To this extent, you as reality, are responsible for every decision that is bound up and made within sentience, outside this, you are excused. Free will and sentience have a coupling which cannot be uncoupled, this is because sentience itself exists as a kind of freedom, this is why awareness appears as a kind of "nothingness", this is because this is the encasing by which contents can flow through and you can make changes to the universe through the synthesis that your consciousness engenders in its interaction with those contents. This doesn't mean we're "all powerful free will universal changing beings" of course, meaning free will exists on a spectrum and we exist somewhere to the right in the animal kingdom as well as individual differences existing right across the human population. Free will resides in the prefrontal cortex mostly, thus it is the place where people should concentrate most if they wish to improve their free will incrementally over the long term rather than have it diminish more and more with age due to misuse and lack of use. There's really no way out of free will unfortunately, and I seriously doubt anyone here would be able to logically falsify the statement. Reality exhibits ultimate sentience and therefore ultimate free will relative to that sentience, we are like tiny microbes as reality which have been granted with awareness to reconfigure along with reality in the larger picture of realities ongoing transformation and understanding of itself.

Thank you. ?? I feel like I had a major realization about my psychedelic path that Ive yet to notice thus far. Maybe it’s because of the tools Im using (LSD and mushrooms) not being as powerful as 5MeO or DPT however it seems to me that in these wildly altered states of consciousness not only am I able to gain insight, but what Ive noticed is that these insight’s transformative capabilities have been inconsistent to say the least. On the one hand, I am forever changed after as much tripping as Ive done. Ive felt oneness, love, truth, nothingness and consciousness in ways I never thought possible... Ive literally felt the love of god and infinity. It’s nut. But I still come down. The energy that is this ego/body/mind returns and a contracted self energy resurfaces. Yet in a sense... it doesn’t return. From a certain pov, I can walk around dead sober and slip back into what I can only describe as psychedelic states of consciousness. I can tear up on a train going home from work because of the empathy and compassion I feel for complete strangers, I can look nowhere and see how all of this is spontaneously coming from nowhere... but I still come back. Attention still “sticks” to the imagery and story of me, as if there’s true authentic legitimacy. I don’t feel enlightened and yet enlightenment never feels separate from who I am, what I am. So what are psychedelics really doing? It feels like they are pushing possibilities forward, they are pushing the boundary yet the boundary snaps back. The transformational process seems to certainly be occurring but it feels like it’s only being sustained because of how much other work Im doing besides psychedelics. I see possibilities, I go super saiyan, and come crashing into ego, only to finally see that this distinction between tripping and sobriety is utterly arbitrary. Psychedelics are a high, a state change in which truth seems to become so much clearer but more than that, they present a possibility for how life may be lived but these possibilities are as temporary as the altered state. Until the possibility is integrated through the slow transformation and evolution of this mind/body/ego system, it will be entirely fleeting. But until transformation is seen as 100% available right here right now, how can one hope to transform? Moreover, what does truth have to do with transformation? Sort of rambling at this point... essentially I feel these tools have so much to teach, but after this last trip, I feel the weight of responsibility of the integration/transformation work. The psychedelics don’t promise change, they can almost guarantee massive, powerful insight but even these insights aren’t enough to produce the changes in experience you’d expect from becoming conscious of certain facets of truth. Why is that so? I truly wonder. Habits that seem to help: - 1 hour meditation per day following tmi system - constant passive contemplation “who am I?” “What am I?” - keeping my body healthy - sleep - no pmo - using weed very sparingly - practicing metta - journaling - watching actualized.org videos - reading books - moving towards situations that create fear like approaching strangers or holding eye contact - following principles like keep going and patience etc.

The Shocking Truth about Meditation:Most People Get This Wrong (eric ho, youtube video) video's main points = meditation is about nothingness your mind at that moment clears everything and thinks about nothing a lot of people use what they call meditation to get rid of stress today but when you're trying to think about nothing and you're stressed, it's virtually impossible to get into nothingness so it's your worst time to get into that meditative state the world looks at meditation as a process for an outcome but in actual fact meditation is the outcome not the process a lot of people use meditation as a process to try and de-stress but in fact meditation is the outcome if you get to that place of bliss and connection with the divine it's absolutely amazing how do we actually practice meditation and when should we practice it ? you practice it when your mind is most calm when you are most at peace once you've calmed the mind then you practice meditation keep your hands in receiving mode meaning palms facing up keep your spine comfortably erect this is your channel the spine starts from what we call the base chakra down on the bottom all the way up the spine to the top towards the crown chakra see this as your channel from the earth towards the rest of the universe so to connect to the divine this is your channel close your eyes, take a slow gentle deep breath in and out, in and out and when you're breathing make sure it's the deep abdominal breathing in and out in through your nose out through your mouth just breathe and while you're breathing what will naturally happen is your senses will connect to things and start a dialogue if I say close your eyes think about nothing it's likely that you're gonna think about something do not try to think about nothing because when you do you think about something it's like if I say don't think of the purple elephant you'll have the purple elephant going on in your head so don't try to not think about anything instead what you want to do is practice witnessing what does that mean? why does your mind become cluttered ? it only becomes cluttered when different dialogue starts and dialogue only starts from your sensory so for example you can close your eyes, yeah okay don't think about anything then you think oh the light maybe if I turned it off it would be better you're sensing light that's why you start dialogue the next thing is oh car door closes, maybe somebody's outside has somebody arrived? you sense you hear something you feel something you feel cold you feel warm you feel the sun rising all of these senses kicks off a dialogue so how do we practice meditation and getting into nothingness? very simple you practice witnessing witness sound, allow it to pass car door, allow it to pass movement, allow it to pass without asking what is the movement? who is the movement? because the moment we allow the sequence to kick off we're gonna go on forever our mind is very powerful like that, it keeps connecting so instead, just witness and as a rule of thumb for beginners getting into meditation what I recommend you it's just practice one minute two minutes a day don't go over the top trying to get into ten minute half an hour meditation why? because then it will counter it will do the opposite you will get so frustrated and annoyed that you're not doing it right and you're like oh I'm still thinking about something or I'm starting some dialog then you get frustrated and it does the opposite to meditation so start small work your way up from 30 seconds to a minute and you can practice it throughout the day it doesn't just have to be in the morning even if you're sitting on the train even if you're sitting at work whenever you're doing different things just practice just breathing and allow your sensory just to witness everything that's passing by what will happen is you will get through days and through months more and more things can pass by and then you'll be able to allow them to pass by one by one and actually witness and when you get into that part of peace which is the connectivity points to the divine to the universe what will actually happen is you will get to that point when you get to oneness with the divine that place of bliss where you see everything but do not hold that expectation to wanting to get there because if you do with that expectation you will keep getting disappointment so instead just focus on nothingness that's all just focus on witnessing practice and some of you it may even take months it may even take yours some of you may even take decades to actually finally get into that place of bliss but when you do you will start understanding and you start witnessing enlightenment and actually this whole out-of-body experience when you shift your consciousness once and for all

How would you guys recommend people to get out of the dark night of the soul? There are so many. I was in it too, died nearly every day for 6 months and then the nothingness went away. It is for the same reason I can not take drugs, this would probably give me a panic attack and get me right into the DN. Meditating on infinity is no problem though, I am okay with the small detachement. How do you overcome the fear of the nothingness/dying? Or is it normal to feel a little afraid and weird when it is happening? Is it also normal to experience Depersonalisation in between the "dying". Like experiencing the nothingness just a little bit? I am not in it right now, but there are a lot of people who are, and I will maybe fall back into it. I guess that with love this process would be beautiful and not strange and painful?

@PenguinPablo Its basically everything that Leo explained about enlightenment and the formless. It depends on luck, apparently some people are more frequently aware about the formless. That's why you need to label every sensation/object, like emotion, sight, feeling, thought etc, so once the formless comes up you realize it is something that is different, has no form. Then you need the right meditation/concentration skill to be able to focus on it. However if you have a panic attack, that gives you the concentration of a monk, because it is fuelled by fear. I was feeling the formless and decided to smoke a blunt to "come down", no psychedelic just weed. Then I had a panic attack for 2 hours, weird pulsations in my Body too. For the next 6 months I died every day. None of that would have been possible if I hadn't felt the formless before lighting this blunt. No even if I smoke a little bit of weed, I feel the nothingness. I however don't believe it is possible for everybody, weed wont give you ego death without sensing the formless prior to that. I would also not recommend inducing a panic attack on the formless. I was 16 back then and never heard anything about spirituality or enlightenment.

What is the difference between nonduality and the formless? The formless includes nonduality, but apparently nonduality is also possible without experiencing the formless in the present moment. I have had psychotic states of the nothingness and was also able to meditate on infinity and keep up the nothingness throughout the day. It s clear to me that the formless comes with nonduality, but right now for example I believe I can just become an observer (nonduality?) without experiencing the formless. Is that correct?

So again. There are 3 things for me. The formless (like the nothingness, infinity and more), being the ego, and just being the observation and being laid back in trance/flow and just letting things happen. For example right now, I am just observing myself typing this. I hear my voice, I feel my fingers tiping it, but I am not doing this. It s like being in a deep meditative state where things just are. Then there is the formless. Infinity overshadows ever other perception, but the nothingness feels like dying, and realising there is nothing there. But I am able to become an observer without perceiving the nothingness in that specific Moment. If I am aware of the nothingness, then sure, but this state can also happen without the intense feeling of dying right? When I am in a room with a lot of people, I feel their energy and I suffer If I don't go into the trance state of being the observer. No need for the formless. So I was told this was nonduality? Or do I actually need to experience the formless 24/7 first? I know an enlightened woman, she told me that I am able to switch between duality and nonduality. She can switch from duality to nonduality and the formless within a second, and not have thoughts at all when she wants to. That for me is enlightenment. However She told me the formless isn't needed to go into nonduality. She said if she wants to feel the formless she goes into nonduality first and then into the formless. She is basically referring to a state of "Flow/trance" and it really helps me when I am around people. She called that state of pure observation nonduality. Now that's semantics... it helps me. What do you call the state enlightened people remain in when they are the observer but want to function? They cant stay in the infinity if they want to have thoughts or have a conversation with people... I am apparently able to enter that state of being the observer, how is that called? I feel it when I see enlightened people, I just sense that they are being the observer, which kind of fills the room with purity... However I feel the people acting a little anxious-weird when I am the observer. (I don't want to make them feel weird though) Its like they look in a mirror while talking to me.

Just wanted to write an update related to this report. So this past half week has been one giant ego backlash I pmo'd for the first time in like 3.5 weeks, and smoked weed 3 times. And I have to say, watching the energetic dynamic play out in such a way has been very fascinating. Even though these behaviors are really counter productive for the vision of my life I have, they still felt authentic in the moment... But I only realized this after I took such a dip. The last weed session I started feeling guilty. I started feeling anxious and frustrated that I'd let myself down after such a badass mushroom trip, I started feeling needy towards women and relationships, I felt low amounts of depression even which is really odd, and that the whole integration process felt botched. I then went into a state of deep confusion where I know longer knew what to do, I just literally sat on my floor paralyzed by not knowing what behavior made sense. Clearly the action I had been taking the past couple of nights wasn't really working out lol. But then the thought popped into awareness, "What am I?" I realized that I am nothing. I am literally nothing. And this insight is something I've been directly conscious of in the past, but sometimes it feels unaccessible in certain states of consciousness, which tells me the insight hasn't penetrated as deeply as it can, but in this particular moment, the awareness of this truth came crashing into consciousness. What @Raptorsin7 mentioned about how we are literally creating our emotions from thoughts became perfectly clear. I then spontaneously stopped generating all negative emotions and entered into a state of happiness and joy, while still conscious that these states where not ME. I started laughing hysterically lol. I saw how I was creating the survival of these mental states because I had been identified with them. I realized that because survival is the operating principle of the ego, certain egoic tendencies will continue to persist and be projected into consciousness precisely because there is survival at play, but that these projections are truly emanating from this nothingness that I am, and that "I" am perfectly free to shift perspectives on any state, and see the happiness and joy rather than anxiety and depression. The idea that an ego is surviving is an illusion, and thus this ego's states are 100% free to transform in any moment. You want to know what free will is? It's this freedom playing out in your experience as a human. So anyways, I feel ready to stop smoking weed again, go back to just not using porn at all, and contemplate this matter of spontaneously producing emotional states... Lol. Basically still just trying to understand what I am.