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@Raptorsin7 It was all purely by accident, I had no intention or desire to do shadow work beforehand. I started a journal with another member here, titled "Is This Journal Mine or Yours" because we had a strong connection but I couldn't tell who was helping who. I had had a strange experience in which it seemed someone was communicating with me from the dead, desiring me to read his book, etc, and I told him about the experience because I thought I was getting wrapped up in a story and I wanted him to help me let it go or make sense of it. Starting the journal and his presence awoke a creativity in me and it was as if everything written there was channeled. Once I recognized this, I remembered that I had a novel in my head for a few years and I wanted him to help me write it. But instead of writing a novel about a character I made up, I ended up writing to him the story of my own life, sprinkled throughout with other spiritual insights. Then the inability to sleep or eat normally and strong channeling started in. There was a lot of physical pain, strange bodily sensations, but the entire thing was too enthralling to be bothered by it except for brief moments of recognition. The entire thing was very book/story themed. Don't look for it, it's been deleted long ago. I saved just the start of it. I can now on my own do shadow work that is left to be done. A week or so ago I did some on a small scale because I felt the need arise on its own and the next couple days were wonderful. Release = bliss. I do think there's value to intentional or organized shadow work as long as intuition and inspiration are honored and included in the process.

I have had very similar life decision like yours 2 years ago. I'm also a psychonaut, so here is a little technique of my liking. I'd say, try to think thid stuff through, be strategic about this decision. Literally reserve an hour a day for a week, where you will close everything off, be alone, take pen and paper and start writing stuff down - ask yourself a question regarding to this decision and try to answer it to yourself, use illustrations if you feel like. Some examples would be: Why am I currently studying the course I'm studying? Why did I start? What future opportunities does the knowledge I gain during the course ooen up for me? Am I satisfied with the university environment? Do I feel like I have already gained the basic understanding of this profession, so swapping to a different course won't necessarily be a waste (you wont get a diploma, but your mind has been expanded)? What could be better in the different course? Where do I see myself in 10 years, if I make the decision to swap? Watch Leo's videos on questioning and you will know, how powerful this exercise can be. Come up with your own questions (that is perhaps the most essential part) tailored towards your very own situation. To close this week of being strategic motherfucker. You can plan another psychedelic trip of low-medium intensity (for me this would be 2-2.5g of shrooms). Stay alone, just like you have been doing each hour every day and even in the same room if possible - to bring out that thoughtfulness you have built up. Now the intention for the trip will be to conclude your week, connect to your intuition and/or infinite intelligence, ask some deeper concluding questions and see, where the trance takes you. I have smoked nndmt in this way also and it is out of this world, how clear of an answer your can get. So simple yet so profound. Sometimes you might need more trips so it is ok, but space them out - dont rush this. Then make sure to act on that answer and don't let your monkey mind distract you. You will be given gold, so make it into a piece of beauty and don't let the monkey shit on it! Follow your bliss. Trust the Universe, Trust the process. When I now look back, it feels like a Hollywood movie for when I made these meaningful life decisions and I'm incredibly thankful for it. Take care and good luck!

@VeganAwake I am not talking about Ego, I am talking about Human integration, maybe it will help if I explain in terms of Psyches? You have an insight say that you are God, but then you need to integrate this insight into your life and way of being, there can be habits that have unreal momentum from years of reinforcement, this is more about the Human side of things than existential. I know you're just going to say this is Ego, but yes while when you have thoughts, feelings, sensations there is NOBODY at the centre just pure awareness, it will still FEEL as if there is someone and unless you go live in a diaper and want to actually participate in the world, being 'detahced' from relationships, people, if you have children etc is a very dangerous thing imo, almost a numb state. What 1000 represents is complete self realization, the END of seeking, I have arrived home in the kingdom of heaven, and know myself to be The Self alone. However, this is a key point of going full circle, I know while in this body I will still be human, have a personality and interests and still be 'Charlie' which in my opinion is beautiful, unique expressions of awareness as our individuals is to be embraced and enjoyed, what fun would life be if we were all blank canvasses? As much as you won't want to admit you still have a personality, things you like, girls/ boys (idk you and don't want to offend) you are attracted to more than others, hobbies you enjoy more, however yes you no longer IDENTIFY as just that, but individuality will continue after awakening. It is nothing to do with seeking spiritually speaking. I can guarantee you, you have a shadow to integrate especially as your awakening is fresh, I can't say what lies in your sub/ unconscious but there will be 'shit' you as a Human need to deal with to fully integrate your awakening. Maybe you don't get what I mean by integration I'm not sure, but it is NOT seeking, it is more of an inner clearing of all everyone has suppressed over the years, WinterKnight touched on this with his talk on PsychoTherapy. I myself was lucky in terms of my childhood, however, there could be past lives Karma to deal with idk yet, I'm still in a honeymoon phase. As I said 1000 is a complete end to the journey of seeking. I feel completely stabilized in happiness and peace, compared to this time last year was constant overthinking and low level of depression. But is only the beginning of the journey of life and deepening, that never ends, to me life truly begins at 1000, as you are now free, as any resistance to life has evaporated, and all there is is the spontaneous joy of living life moment to moment, I have no idea what the next moment will bring, but all I know is there will be complete acceptance and enjoyment whatever arises. This article could help, only decent one I could find aside from paid Satsangs that I cannot legally share. https://www.scienceandnonduality.com/article/integrating-the-shadow-in-awakening @WelcometoReality During earlier awakenings integration of the shadow happened slowly, such as integrating deeper love into my personal relationships, and treating everyone as The Self, as me. In terms of my shadow, I still have a fair amount of work to do, 1000 represents home existentially, seeking is over. There then arrives a 'clearing' period, often Enlightenment is called destructive and I can see why. @Haumea2018 can shed more light on this as he has actually been through the process. @zeroISinfinity It's merely limits of language, you're right there is no 'I' to be enlightened. If you know of a better way to say it please inform me, I am not meaning to say my 'self' has awakened, it is merely awareness becoming aware of itself. However, I feel saying things like that just adds concepts and confusion to many. The Self has realized itself and has now taken center stage. @Nahm I don't think I'm ready just yet, this thread is exposing how poor I am at articulating in words these things, I would need to become much more concise and direct, as I can hardly explain basic Maths concisely to people when they ask, let alone the Absolute lol. I would also want to be able to give a form of transmission, ideally RASA, and would like a deeper understanding of the Enneagram, as each human has a unique path to awakening, and personality type plays a huge role in this. For example, a 7 (me) hates negativity and being bored, therefore, I would constantly read and watch instead of facing my feelings and the silence. Whereas, a 9 (Tolle, Ramana) is addicted to peace and bliss, therefore can become lazy and just bliss out all day long, so instead needs to and meet people and socialize and stop using their bliss or peace as a way out to face their fears. Hopfully you get what I mean & How are you finding coaching so far?

@Florian It resonated with me a lot, and I wasn't sure if it could help you. I am seeking a "better' life. Happiness, love, bliss, etc. Not sure if you're a "seeker" too, just thought i would share the resource.

Apportioning blame for suffering to God is analogous to the characters in a film blaming the screen for their misfortunes. There is a difference between the content and the medium which conveys it. The medium in our cases is consciousness (a.k.a. God). Consciousness is resolutely neutral, in fact it is outside all suffering and it is meta to its content. In my opinion to be enlightened is to be at one with the meta-nature of consciousness and hence above all suffering, but also above all ecstasy. In this context to say that being enlightened is this or that experience is to miss the point or more accurately to be still caught up in the content of consciousness. The meta-nature of consciousness is without description or attributes, but it is directly knowable. The analogy with film characters is that the characters can get to understand their screen. Consciousness can know itself - that is its nature. But it is also powerful enough to indulge itself and to get caught up in its own content. How does the content then differ from the medium? This is like the difference between the knot and the string that makes it. Because consciousness is reflective or recursive (it knows itself) it can tie a knot in itself – like a string that is able to tie itself into a knot. Why is suffering in the content and not the medium? The first clue is the transitory nature of suffering. Suffering has a characteristic ebb and flow and so suffering is by nature impermanent. Any experience which is transitory must be unreal or imaginary because it happens on the knife-edge of the present moment. No sooner has it happened than it becomes “lost” to us again. In other words the entire content of consciousness is transitory and ephemeral – it is all “appearances” never again to be repeated in exactly the same way – yesterday’s suffering is not today’s suffering. Suffering is an appearance like a knot in consciousness. The meta-nature of consciousness is on the other hand not impermanent, because it has no attributes to change. Because it has no attributes it is indifferent to suffering and not the cause of it. The screen of the film does not care about the suffering of the characters playing out on it. God does not directly cause suffering or cause bliss.

Follow your bliss

I have been led to a seemingly undeniable conclusion that reality as we know it must be the manifestation of an infinitely intelligent mind. After an extremely thorough investigation towards the metaphysical implications of certain 'existential plot-holes' that I will address, it seems outright incontestable that reality could be anything other than an infinite singularity of consciousness that can intelligently arrange itself. The philosophical "mind/body problem" invites your intuition to assume that consciousness arises from physical processes occurring in the brain. Similar to the intuitive nature of the earth being perceived as flat, the exact opposite becomes blatantly apparent regarding the mind/body problem when examined from a more nuanced perspective. The brain and other physical objects are actually being generated within the infinite consciousness, and because the consciousness is infinite, it possesses all characteristics including intelligence, which is precisely how you are able to comprehend this text. The apparent nature of living in a biological ecosystem of interacting organisms through a physical environment is merely a deceitfully calculated aspect of your personal simulation designed by the intelligent consciousness. It is an absolute mind-fuck to comprehend why this must absolutely be true. The 'existential plot-holes' that led to this conclusion range from the observer effect, which occurs in quantum mechanics (best demonstrated by the double slit experiment), to the profoundly improbable nature of existing as intricately designed beings who just happened to evolve towards developing the exact synaptic wiring necessary to facilitate such rich and complicated social interactions. People in this community obviously give credence to this sort of "God" worldview already, but I've never heard it expressed that this may actually be a bad thing. I have never had a "mystical experience", but I'm certainly planning to get my hands on as many psychedelics as possible, so I can see for myself what all the mystical speculation is about. Perhaps such an experience is necessary to see "God" as anything other than a delusional cosmic psychopath, because from my perspective the world is too miserable for this reality to be a manifestation of pure goodness. Here are my reasons why I suspect that "God" is actually an unholy piece of shit. Suffering (obviously) None of us asked to be born. It appears as though this godlike intelligence that imagined us into being is out to fulfill it's own agenda at the cost of us lesser life forms who merely serve as non consensual subjects in it's careless cosmic playtime. Obviously I can consider the idea that an infinite intelligence has far greater means of calculating goodness than I could ever hope to, so it's possible that my perception of suffering is haplessly myopic and painfully short-sighted, but on the other hand my life is the only frame of reference I have to judge reality and it's goodness, and from my perspective I see an onslaught of misfortune of negativity. The positive aspects of life come nowhere close to overshadowing the darker facets of reality, so this idea that I am not sufficiently equipped to assess goodness is not something I can give merit to. Delusional bliss Ever since I've intuited this view of reality I have heard from and sought out many experts in the field of non-duality, and the ones who claim to have had the most direct experiences of "God" often mention that what they experienced was "infinite goodness", or a liberating overload of "love" commonly described as unspeakably good. If it's true that ego death evokes such states of consciousness where the subject seems to merge with absolute infinity (or "God") and that it feels like overwhelming goodness and euphoria, then how can one be certain that their reality was manifested under a sober temperament? Perhaps the reason why life can be miserable is due to a blissful, deluded state of overconfidence that you as "God" are not logically receptive to, due to your infinite capacity to endure harm precluding your necessity for carefulness in your deluded state when merged with "absolute infinity". If I was on ecstasy all day and believed myself to be invincible, and had infinite means of manifesting realities, I would most likely end up creating a fair variety of monstrosities along the way. How can you be sure your life isn't a manifestation of this sort? To me this seems to be a plausible explanation for life as I know it. Our supposed safety net of "death" So far, Leo Gura is the only person who I've heard describing death as an "infinite safety net", although others have likened death to ultimate freedom, seemingly addressing the same experienced phenomenon with different words. I fully believe it could be true that once you have transcended egoic awareness (or have died) you are free of all suffering. There is not much to doubt there, but what I detest is the notion that such a "safety net" makes all of reality good without opposite. Contrary to intuitive reasoning, Leo commonly says their can only exist goodness without opposite, such that if a thing is not good it cannot exist. The supposed rationality behind this idea is the fact that death will remind us that we are actually invincible, once we have awoken form the dream of life, making all experience a net positive to take back home, no matter what the outcome was. So if my life was 100 years of agonizing torture and that was literally all I ever knew, it would supposedly be a good thing merely because at the end of the day it was all an illusion that eventually transcends to nirvana? What if it were 1,000 years of torture? Or 1,000,000 years? Just because death is an inevitability does not mean that all experience is tantamount to a net positive. If 99.9% of your existence is suffering, and 0.1% is unspeakable bliss, this to me seems like a horrible trade-off. A typical life is around 80 years with tolerable suffering, but the same principle applies. Reality cannot just be considered "all positive" no matter how insignificant the negative experiences were. Hopefully somebody here has some relevant insight that can rationally encourage a more positive outlook on "God" but I remain very skeptical that such an outlook is logically possible.

After eating the avocado salad with spinach, for the FIRST TIME in these couple of days I felt good, as in 7/10 good ( for the next couple of hours ) Despite I was feeling weak, I also felt relaxed and content, as if nothing was missing in my body. Mental clarity also kinda improved but it's tough to measure results. Story time. One of my motivations to do to this challenge ( besides turning 22 and feeling somewhat petty for wasting any more lifetime) was that even though I had comprehended quite profoundly the "meaningless" facet of life down to my bones by a more than 1 year long Dark Night of the Soul, nutrition was still a source of suffering per se. Let me explain. I was capable of completely blissing out during meditation by accepting everything exactly as it is and being in the present moment, or even lying in bed for 15 hours quite often, either just being in the moment or getting lost in fantasies. I was okay with that. During that year my diet went from quite standart mainstream diet, to really sh^t. I'm talking water or dry fasting for 16 hours a day really often, not eating anything and then just binge eating junk food at night like donuts, Mcdonalds, Burger King, cereal, sandwiches, chocolate, muffins, Doritos, Bollicaos. . . etc , besides eating one dish a day during the weekends as I used to work just on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. ( Two side notes: I'm noticing my mouth watering while thinking about all of this, and also the fact that I feel I'm struggling to articulate all of this and I'm sensing this impulse to alt-tab to YouTube and zone out rather than putting the effort to write and share this. So I was okay with anything happening and pretty much blissing out no matter what would happen to me, my stuff, or others, as in just surrendering completely ( at least in theory ) I had stopped inhibiting most of the impulses. And the result is that even though you become a quite more spontaneous person, you also turn into a wild chimp that's guided by what feels best in the moment while avoiding pain and discomfort. You know, the usual things introverts indulge in these days: video games, binge watching YouTube, fapping too much, porn, junk food. . . It felt as if my willpower muscle melted away during this period. I just didn't smoke or drink, I guess because this are habits that I resent because of my parents. But all of this behaviour had their consequences. It gave you a highs and then crashes, mood swings, depressive thoughts, withdrawal syndromes, and it would really deep fry your capacity to focus, meditate or introspect, besides other obvious health dangers. Sooo. . . my ability to bliss out came and went as my body was sending actual physical withdrawal signals of " SOMETHING IS MISSING IN YOUR BODY!!" and creating misery. Yeah, I could have surrendered to the feeling of " misery " and just dettach and observe, but since now I have a different outlook on life I decide not to be like that and do a few things while I'm alive. Also intuition is telling me that this is the correct path and it will be worth it. Lets try it out. At least I can't say that I haven't tried Hedonism lol. *sigh* - It made me somewhat uncomfortable going through this mentally again. Anyways. Made a soup with pink salt, olive oil, black pepper, 5 carrots, 3 garlic cloves one sliced onion ( I luv these last two :> ) and 3/4 squeezed lemon juice cos' 1/4 fkin fell to the ground. Also why do my lemons have more seeds than sunflowers?? having to pick them outta my dishes pisses me off (mindfully) -__- I ate half of the soup with no remarkable gut issues or sleepiness. I'm aware both onions and carrots have some carbs and therefore sugar. I'm experiencing with different vegetables and how they make me feel but I doubt this would give me a sugar crash. Also noticed that eating veggies in soups makes me eat faster and less mindfully since I don't have to put that much effort into chewing the soft pieces of food. Nevertheless it went into my stomach gently. I keep forgetting of the rubbing hands ritual before eating lol. I allways catch myself when I'm already having the first bite. Lastly, now I'm feeling somewhat tired and stiff but most likely that's because I've been a couch potato during this whole evening. Shops are closed tomorrow and I forgot to buy water. GG dehydration. Hoping to get some good sleep tonight. GN y'all.

Can experience be dependent upon what it is inseparable from? Does experience require an experiencer ? If so - says who? What could be so magic that this could be the case? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyzYKVL5CB0 Yes, Nothing is real. But Nothing is not a thought about nothing. Nothing is Everything. Nothing is infinite being, love, intelligence, pure joy, bliss, unequivocally unattached to thoughts supporting falsities; absolutely free self-love. If the set up is a thought that nothing is “non existence”, or an absence of anything....the punchline is that is a thought. ”What’s” aware of that thought? Your thought of real...is a thought, a veil to let go. Real doesn’t need clocks, black holes, white holes, paths & maps, and spinning totems. When all is let go... nothing.

Im feeling the exact same or at least from what u described i relate to. I feel absolutely indifferent to everything, including myself and my wellbeing and feelings and others as well. It hard to even see the significance of love or life at all for me. Its super confusing and i totally get what u mean by feeling like your going mad. I dont know how to get out of this lack of meaning or care. Except maybe to remember just how important love is...which is hard to do when u arnt capable of feeling it at the moment. I also fluctuate between moods of bliss and acceptance and then impossibly low moods of meaninglessness. I keep thinking that i need to care but i keep getting the feeling that non of this matters at all and it just seems impossible alot of the time to want to live. Edit: Also yes i think this is normal for those going through whats called the dark night of the soul which seems o happen frequently on the spiritual path.

@Recursoinominado haha thank you - it has been interesting lately. I am advancing at depths with it awakening my kundalni i think. I vommited after my first deep trip all the way through the entirety of my being lol and ever since then i feel bliss all the time

The very fabric of reality is Love. Love , consciousness and nothingness are synonymous. Divinity is synonymous. That's why if you ever become consciousness itself (you already are, but by becoming directly conscious of it) you will become Bliss/Love/Divinity.

Greetings! Since i have become more sensetive to other people and to the way i feel i have noticed a common pattern. I had this one girl a class higher than me and i performed in some school event before her or whatever and i remembered her recently and tried to contact her, she didn't respond. I have never been in contact with her, tho i have all kinds of dreams with her, usually us talking or being in a family, brother and sister type of thing, i am not sure what to think of that, i have this thing with musicians, this girl and another guy way back. This started happening as i got very interested in music. Sometimes images of her pop in to my vision, i can feel she is thinking about me from time to time and i feel bliss in my left side of heart mostly, altho there is alot of pain, especially when i meditate so... If anybody has some experience on this, let me know.

Thank you for creating this post about being socially awkward. I have been a hermit since doing this work and funny thing is I didn't even know what kind of work I was doing. I was just trying to figure myself out. Then suddenly, I had a cancer scare in the beginning of the year. That was apart of my spiritual awakening process. I finally knew what I met to love myself and completed felt it in my heart. The moments of bliss left after a few weeks and I'm being on the path to find out who I really am now and embracing my spiritual gifts that I been denying my whole life. I have 10+ sales experience and feels like it all went down the tubes in 1 night. I have been socially awkward since. So, I totally understand what you're going through. I even hired a therapist to make sure I stay grounded because I have no idea what's going on... I wish you the best of luck. All I know is, I've gotten more answers in this forum then most places, so you're in the right place to ask these questions.

It feels like I just need to figure out who I am now and just start from there. Make sense with what you're saying. Bliss won't last but that's everything is life. Thank you for your support and advice. =)

Today was a much better day. I did around 2 hours total of meditation, and my new meditation cushion has really changed my practice. I am able to keep my back much straighter, and i even felt a weird tingling energy moving up my spine during my meditation. I looked up how to lucid dream and i am going to begin recording my dreams and doing reality checks throughout the day to get this habit going. Hopefully I can automate this habit and just make it apart of my normal routine. I also referenced the emotional mastery concept Nahm always talks to me about. Aligning thought with feeling. So i'm not sure about the whole choose a thought thing. But i can see how different thoughts are associated with different emotions. I'm going to start referencing the chart throughout the day to get my thinking right. I think I can always get myself to a feeling of contentment from meditation, from that point it's about optimism and hopefulness I think for my next steps after my meditation. I am thinking i'm going to put off doing Leo's life purpose course for now. I need to get my happiness and satisfaction in check first. I want to be happy. Full stop. Then i will deal with my life purpose. I know it's possible, i've done it before. Cold showers are amazing. So pumped to have them back in my life. My family is going to think i'm crazy but im thinking of doing like 3 or 4 showers a day just so i can get that rush from the cold shower. I wasn't in there long today, but over time i'm going to just stay in longer and longer until i can sit with the pain and the cold. Feeling hopeful and content today. Pretty solid. But i have much more to go. I want bliss and joy. I will not get complacent. But a strategy to apply when i get out of alignment.

I feel like I’m going mad. I just don’t care any more. When I’m being completely honest... I don’t care about my friends. I don’t care about my past lovers. I don’t care about my family members. I don’t care about the starving children in Africa. I don’t care about how we’re decimating the seas and literally causing 100+ species of life to go extinct on this earth every day. I don’t care about my favorite sports team any more. I don’t care about breakthroughs in science. I don’t care about accumulating money. I don’t care about my coworkers... the list goes on and on. I just don’t give a shit any more. I don’t care about anything but myself. I’m so selfish. I’m so egoic. I’m such a fucking devil and I’m struggling not to judge that. I’m waking up to my unconsciousness (Or rather being bitch slapped by it) and all the suffering its facilitated my entire life. It’s causing me these waves of depressed and hopelessness. I oscillate back and forth between these extraordinary states of bliss and self love and acceptance to these deep dark lows of meaninglessness and feeling alone. i feel like I’m going crazy... and that there’s no one out there that I can reach out to. Because nobody else gets it. The people around me haven’t experienced this existential angst. And even if they have, it makes no difference. I’m alone in this. Just me. Is this normal on the spiritual path? Is this something y’all experience as well? And what do you do to even out the highs and lows?

Have read different perspectives about it. Like the instant awakening is that, instant and "accidental" . Meditation will make you more accident prone to it (think It was ken willber that said it) As I read somewhere that meditation itself is connected with an effort of the physical brain and needs to be transcended in order achieve spiritual meditation, as a disciple needs to transcend his Master in the end. Whatever that means. For me its the way to connect deeper with Self or "I am" . Although if someone wants to experience some more. A group or even better a mass meditation (some are organized on the internet) can be highly recommended. There is this meditation that goes on every sunday same time that i do. Some hours or even days prior to it I experience some mental churning, then a hightened state of energy or bliss, there are those days that i cannot handle this positive collective energy that i get "blissed out" and drowsy that i fall peacefully asleep an hour prior this meditation and wake up an hour after its done, sort of feels im with the meditation but in a sleep state(?), it can become a very healing experience unlike a regular solo meditation.

I exchanged journal time with sauna and thai massage so I was in bliss afterwards. I become aware of the fact that all what I'm going to write might be used against me in the future. Despite that I'm going to keep honest posts. One of the goals is finish Leo's LP course, it might fill gaps that I might have in my current journey. I listened to 10-20 percent of videos long time ago, I realized that I do not need it per se and Leo has lots of stuff already in his videos from the past. So I started to review all core concepts and I plan to finish it this weekend.

I'm not kidding, I've only just started meditation and I'm already feeling different, more productive, more self-confident, etc.❤️ I've even miraculously stopped the wine just like that, which beggars belief. Huh, and that's only with a lousy 20 minutes every day. I hate that it has taken me this late in my life to discover it. Leo's a pretty persuasive guy! Nobody (including myself) has ever been able to convince or galvanize me enough to do meditation before. I've had this book on my bookshelf eyeballing me for donkey's years: "Peace of Mind" by Dr Ian Gawler. He actually has a website and does meditation retreats. He overcame terminal cancer through meditation and wrote about it. I had read the book, as you do. And then put it back on the shelf, as you do. And then the wasted years go by, as they do. So glad I came across Leo's videos and this site. I was just innocently googling "karma's a bitch" two Sundays ago, and there was Leo. I loved his explanation straight away. It seems Karma has more to do with the ego (who sounds like the real bitch around here!) than any "carrots and sticks". The only problem now is my addiction to this site. A site with all these resources pooled together and an active forum like this just doesn't exist anywhere else, it's unique. Now I wanna know everything. I understand though the need to vary one's sources and not just fetishly stay on this one site. I started reading some of your journals @zeroISinfinity, sorry I don't "get" them much yet. I'll probably understand them better when my "colour's changed". It looks like a great and crazy party though, haha!! It's actually starting to give me a bit of FOMO. Before coming to this site, I was kinda agnostic, even if my upbringing was solid catholic. I've always been afraid of ghosts and the paranormal so was perfectly happy deciding to just believe "what you see is what you get". You just die after three score years and ten, and kaput, you are no more. No reincarnation, no after-life, no hell nor heaven, nada. I was SO happy believing that. Ignorance is bliss as they say. So as you can imagine, I'm going through a major paradigm shift at the moment, lol. But it's all good. The Real Bliss will come later. Still scared of ghosts though. My dad frightened us when we were kids, threatening to lock us in the attic with the ghosts if we were naughty. Discovered years later that's where he'd kept all his porno mags. Go figure! No wonder he'd frightened everyone away from ever snooping around up there. Still the damage had been done, the phobias created. Since I've been on this site, I've had to put the light on again when I go for a pee in the middle of the night. In case I see or bump into something scary. I'm just going at my own pace right now. Slow and steady wins the race. And starting at the bottom of the heap dealing with the "easy stuff" (the physical stuff) first. My goals are more to do with the body at the moment. And yeah, I'm getting the meditation sessions in. Am even feeling optimistic I may really get a sense of "God" one day. Ha, I'll be able to join in the same "party" then, or at least understand some of the more "cryptic" posts here better. But if I don't, no pressure, maybe in my next life haha. I don't want to spook myself out by running before I can walk. Damn, if only I hadn't put that Meditation book back on the shelf all those years ago! I'd have been way more advanced by now. So yeah, feeling really indebted to Leo for all he's done and is doing!! ❤️ I'm going to honor his generosity by doing the Work.

Has any one seen this movie? I think its the perfect analogy of platos cave, the way truman discovers his fabricated reality not out of being motivated by pleasure, his drive for truth comes from an inability to stand being false, he couldn't live his fake life when it didnt seem real. I feel people think enlightenment is a state of bliss, its not but its a state of being true. I feel like i would go mad if i was truman if everything in my town that i was trapped on all started to revolve around me, maybe thats what enlightenment is like going mad for unravelling truth ps i feel its great they called him truman, ie hes becoming 'a true man'

Read this about Carl Jung this morning. "One sunny day, when Jung was twelve, he was traversing the Münsterplatz in Basel, admiring the sun shining on the newly restored glazed roof tiles of the cathedral. He then felt the approach of a terrible, sinful thought, which he pushed away. He was in a state of anguish for several days. Finally, after convincing himself that it was God who wanted him to think this thought, just as it had been God who had wanted Adam and Eve to sin, he let himself contemplate it, and saw God on his throne unleashing an almighty turd on the cathedral, shattering its new roof and smashing the cathedral. With this, Jung felt a sense of bliss and relief such as he had never experienced before. He felt that it was an experience of the “direct living God, who stands omnipotent and free above the Bible and Church.”

45 min sitting today. Many of the same qualities as yesterday, but it didn’t quite catch fire the way it did yesterday, so I feel a bit disappointed in one way, but it is also very interesting to surrender into this disappointment, and there is something very grounding about it. So whereas before I would have craved to get back what I had yesterday, and felt like a failure for not, it is a huge success to see that my attitude is getting much more mature. I’m working on creating a stable platform for this deepening to happen, and finally I’m getting process-oriented, instead of result-oriented. I guess ultimately meditation is this freedom to let go of any craving for the present moment to be anything else than what it is - total surrender into what is. But it is really interesting that I have to learn how to navigate these addictive mind-states as part of that process. They come as a by-product of learning to let go, but experiencing them can trigger some really painful patterns of clinging, which I guess is a really potent opportunity of studying the minds tendencies of exactly this tendency. As the mind learns to rest in itself it will naturally starts to gather and focus all this energy that is usually wasted on chasing something outside of itself, and this energy then turns into bliss, well-being and healing.

One sunny day, when Jung was twelve, he was traversing the Münsterplatz in Basel, admiring the sun shining on the newly restored glazed roof tiles of the cathedral. He then felt the approach of a terrible, sinful thought, which he pushed away. He was in a state of anguish for several days. Finally, after convincing himself that it was God who wanted him to think this thought, just as it had been God who had wanted Adam and Eve to sin, he let himself contemplate it, and saw God on his throne unleashing an almighty turd on the cathedral, shattering its new roof and smashing the cathedral. With this, Jung felt a sense of bliss and relief such as he had never experienced before. He felt that it was an experience of the “direct living God, who stands omnipotent and free above the Bible and Church.”

I had while light experience few days after 5-meo trip while meditating, it was total bliss. Since then nothing :).