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@Inliytened1 I think something along that theme was addressed in the first couple pages. Too often the spiritual 'path' as presented by so many of the 'no-self/nothingness' teaching is just a rejection of everything physical which isn't an accepting way to live life but it also presents a conflict with actually living life. What I speak about is embracing life in it fullest but isn't dependent on the circumstances of life to be fulfilled. Don't seek it.... be it.

An excerpt from Conversations with God, on reaching a state of total awareness and tools such as meditation. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Now some beings even choose to experience both the forgetfulness of being with the body, and the oneness of the soul, at once. These beings can train a part of themselves to not identify with the body while they are still with the body, thus experiencing the ecstasy of knowing Who They Really Are, without having to lose human wakefulness in order to do it. How do they do this? How can I do this? It is a question of awareness, of reaching a state of total awareness, as I said before. You cannot do totally aware, you can only be totally aware. How? How? There must be some tools You can give me. Daily meditation is one of the best tools with which to create this experience. With it, you can raise your life energy to the highest chakra.....and even leave your body while you are “awake.” In meditation you place yourself in a state of readiness to experience total awareness while your body is in a wakened state. This state of readiness is called true wakefulness. You do not have to be sitting in meditation to experience this. Meditation is simply a device, a "tool,” as you put it. But you do not have to do sitting meditation in order to experience this. You should also know that sitting meditation is not the only kind of meditation there is. There is also stopping meditation. Walking meditation. Doing meditation. Sexual meditation. This is the state of true wakefulness. When you stop in this state, simply stop in your tracks, stop going where you are going, stop doing what you are doing, just stop for a moment, and just "be” right where you are, you become right, exactly where you are. Stopping, even just for a moment, can be blessed. You look around, slowly, and you notice things you did not notice while you were passing them by. The deep smell of the earth just after it rains. That curl of hair over the left ear of your beloved. How truly good it feels to see a child at play. You don’t have to leave your body to experience this. This is the state of true wakefulness. When you walk in this state, you breathe in every flower, you fly with every bird, you feel every crunch beneath your feet. You find beauty and wisdom. For wisdom is found wherever beauty is formed. And beauty is formed everywhere, out of all the stuff of life. You do not have to seek it. It will come to you. And you don’t have to leave your body to experience this. This is the state of true wakefulness. When you "do” in this state, you turn whatever you are doing into a meditation, and thus, into a gift, an offering, from you to your soul, and from your soul to The All. Washing dishes, you enjoy the warmth of the water caressing your hands, and marvel at the wonder of both water, and warmth. Working at your computer, you see the words appear on the screen in front of you in response to the command of your fingers, and exhilarate over the power of the mind and body, when it is harnessed to do your bidding. Preparing dinner, you feel the love of the universe which brought you this nourishment, and as your return gift, pour into the making of this meal all the love of your being. It does not matter how extravagant or how simple the meal is. Soup can be loved into deliciousness. You don’t have to leave your body to experience this. This is the state of true wakefulness. When you experience sexual energy exchange in this state, you know the highest truth of Who You Are. The heart of your lover becomes your home. The body of your lover becomes your own. Your soul no longer imagines itself separate from anything. You don’t have to leave your body to experience this. This is the state of true wakefulness. When you are in readiness, you are in wakefulness. A smile can take you there. A simple smile. Just stop everything for one moment, and smile. At nothing. just because it feels good. Just because your heart knows a secret. And because your soul knows what the secret is. Smile at that. Smile a lot. It will cure whatever ails you. You are asking me for tools, and lam giving them to you. Breathe. That is another tool. Breathe long and deep. Breathe slowly and gently. Breathe in the soft, sweet nothingness of life, so full of energy, so full of love. It is God’s love you are breathing. Breathe deeply, and you can feel it. Breathe very, very deeply, and the love will make you cry. For joy. For you have met your God, and your God has introduced you to your soul. Once this experience has taken place, life is never the same. People talk of having "been to the mountain top,” or having slipped into sublime ecstasy. Their beingness is changed forever. Thank You. I understand. It is the simple things. The simple acts, and the purest. Yes. But know this. Some people meditate for years and never experience this. It has to do with how open one is, how willing. And also, how able to move away from any expectation. Should I meditate every day? As in all things, there are no "shoulds” or "shouldn’ts” here. It is not a question of what you should do, but what you choose to do. Some souls seek to walk in awareness. Some recognize that in this life most people are sleepwalking; unconscious. They are going through life without consciousness. Yet souls who walk in awareness choose a different path. They choose another way. They seek to experience all the peace and joy, limitlessness and freedom, wisdom and love that Oneness brings, not just when they have dropped the body and it has "fallen” (asleep), but when they have risen the body up. It is said of a soul which creates such an experience, "His is risen.” Others, in the so-called "New Age,” term this a process of "consciousness raising.” It doesn’t matter what terms you use (words are the least reliable form of communication), it all comes down to living in awareness. And then, it becomes total awareness. And what is it of which you eventually become totally aware? You eventually become totally aware of Who You Are. Daily meditation is one way you may achieve this. Yet it requires commitment, dedication—a decision to seek inner experience, not outer reward. And remember, the silences hold the secrets. And so the sweetest sound is the sound of silence. This is the song of the soul. If you believe the noises of the world rather than the silences of your soul, you will be lost. So daily meditation is a good idea. A good idea? Yes. Yet know again what I have just said here. The song of the soul may be sung many ways. The sweet sound of silence may be heard many times. Some hear the silence in prayer. Some sing the song in their work. Some seek the secrets in quiet contemplation, others in less contemplative surroundings. When mastery is reached—or even intermittently experienced—the noises of the world can be muffled, the distractions quieted, even in the midst of them. All of life becomes a meditation. All of life is a meditation, in which you are contemplating the Divine. This is called true wakefulness, or mindfulness. Experienced in this way, everything in life is blessed. There is struggle and pain and worry no more. There is only experience, which you may choose to label in any way you wish. You may choose to label all of it perfection. So use your life as a meditation, and all the events in it. Walk in wakefulness, not as one asleep. Move with mindfulness, not mindlessly, and do not tarry in doubt and fear, neither in guilt nor self-recrimination, yet reside in permanent splendor in the assurance that you are grandly loved. You are always One with Me. You are forever welcome. Welcome home. For your home is in My heart, and Mine in yours. I invite you to see this in life as you will surely see it in death. Then you will know that there is no death, and that what you have called life and death are both part of the same unending experience. We are all that is, all that ever was, and all that ever will be, world without end. Amen.

If you are strong into visualizations, I have found something that has worked for me. Note that I already experienced ego death, nothingness and infinity without psychedelics and visualisation, however its worth a try. Keeping it simple: First you need to visualise a story, best is to say everything you see out loud. You start somewhere go up a stairway to the soul etc. etc. Once you are deep into your story, fall down into the darkness until you don't fall anymore, imagine being in the darkness in space (no stars, just darkness/room). Then question that darkness/room, until you realise that there are no directions, no movements, "look around" until you realise there is no around, no up, no down, no left, no right. Then look at your Body and realise there is no Body. You can do this for a few minutes. Really feel the mind fuck of that paradox, try to move, look around etc. even though its pointless. FEEL THE INFINITE ROOM. Most important part is, once you start to feel "something", try to become the room. fill the entirety of the infinite room with your sense of self. Your are probably going to feel the infinity, don't focus on that. There is no possibility to grab infinity with your attention. just fill, feel and become the room. If your heart starts pounding, congratulations. Try this and tell me if it works for you.

Insanity doesn't exist. What seems to be insanity is the concept, mental construction of it. It felt so good going through it. Letting it go. Every trip I do lately gets me to a point where I literally feel like I am going insane. Automatically the question arises, what exactly is going insane and this just doesn't stop. The question is asked and it pulls me deeper into it. It's becoming harder and harder letting it go, symptoms of panic start coming up, these are hard to let go of too. It's like I reach "the line" of insanity, ask myself who reached it and what is this line, get past it and automatically ask the same again. This crazy loop. I was about to lose my shit, but am proud of myself I got through it.? Damn, so much heavy shit came to surface this time. All of my loved ones, characters that I am still attached to. My mother, my grandmother, my dearest friend, my ex.. All I had to detach from. This was very painful, however bliss is what I've found in doing so. I started contemplating after a while the appearance of other. This was so profound. I got revealed to a show, where first I was this being that realised it's existence. I was that for a while before I became everything I observed. Also, in that state there was no observer. Felt like I was looking back at myself and myself looking back at me. This state felt so powerful. Not long passed before this bliss started turning into deep, deep sadness which lead straight to Nothingness. I became absolutely nothing. And from this nothing, misinterpretations of it started appearing and before long I was asleep again. Everything just slipped away like nothing ever happened. This repeated some number of times. It was ridiculously beautiful and profound. What caught me off guard was that just 50ug LSD got me this deep. Had sample of 10mcg DMT mixed with vape juice, gave it a go too, that had to affect the trip I suppose. Thank you for reading. Something different is happening lately. Absolutely Love it.?❤️

You just have too much ego. Reduce that ego to nothingness and you´ll have absolute peace.

I believe I understand what you are say, and your intentions are in the right place. Everyone has something to offer in this physical reality that we are experiencing as individuals and as a collective. There are no right or wrongs, better or worse, it just is. Everyone needs to travel their journey on there own and make “Mis-take(s),” as they say in Hollywood, along the path to consciousness. You, Leo, myself and everyone else here likes to share their thoughts, ideas, and beliefs because we all care deep down, not only for ourselves, but for others that are on the path and those that are not. We learn by sharing, we show Love and Compassion by sharing, even if it means someone’s sharing can be more conscious, or less conscious or even unconscious in nature. The intent remains the same, it’s neither better or worse. “It’s all good.” Having said that, this is what I would like to share; I have read hundreds of books about consciousness, Love, compassion, spirituality, reality, nothingness etc. If I had to do it all over again, I would start with “Seth Speaks” by Jane Roberts and take it from there. It’s over fifty years old, but it's advanced material. It can be difficult to understand if you are new to spirituality and not had any conscious break throughs that left you questioning what reality is, who am I, and how do my thoughts, ideas, and beliefs create my reality. I have listened and read many forums and watched a lot of videos, and it all helps. Having said that, if you feel like you are spinning your wheels and feel stuck, give Seth Speaks, a try. You may resonate or may not resonate with the knowledge. I have nothing to gain by giving this book a recommendation other than sharing a gift that someone shared with me a while ago. I’m just passing the gift on. Nothing more and nothing less. Humbly sharing some thoughts, ideas and beliefs!

but where does experience happen within? and where does the extension happen within? a black hole is not eternity it’s ultimate christallisation black hole is loaded matter it’s the absence of light but eternity/infinity as such is also the absence of light both are the colour black - when black contracts into black and even eats up black you encounter another form of nothingness it’s not eternity it would be the end of it. there is no guarantee for recreation - this is dark matter stuff.

Its a brainfuk concept. God is the mind that projects reality from nothingness.

I like how you made the analogy of a black hole. This is also how I like to think of it. During one of my first awakening experiences, I felt being the singularity that is reality. It felt to me analogous to a black hole: That when looking out from inside the black hole, I see everythingness, but when looking IN to the black hole, there is nothingness: The nothingness from which everything springs. I realized then that reality was simply nothingness inverted into everythingness through the strange loop that is consciousness. Zero and Infinity, two sides of the same coin, United. Hands down one of my favorite trips.

I have to agree with most of your thoughts, not all. I would also like to say that I have benefited a lot from Leo’s videos and these forums, they have helped me see many levels of consciousness and awareness’s from many perspectives. I can also say that I have done several Ayahuasca ceremonies and other teacher plants, and yes, I reached what Leo calls God consciousness, the void, nothingness, love, and several multidimensional realms and dream states. But that’s just the beginning, there’s more to life than reaching those states of nothingness and God consciousness. We are all here to live a fully creative life in this physical reality. Exploring all of this physical creation that we have created with love and wonderment, using our full awarness and consciousness. As for Leo reaching a higher level than any other human that ever existed, Not likely! I have had the pleasure to meet some Authentic Indigenous Shaman that would dance circles around most of the topics discussed here in this forum. They can take you to depths of consciousness and multidimensional realities that your imagination has never touched or heard of. That's not to say that Leo's work is inferior, because it is not. He has done a lot for many people on the path to become conscious and awake with practical discussions and topics of mindfulness and awareness. There is a lot of wisdom within his teachings. Having said that, if anyone is interested and wants to really dig deeper in what it means to be a “Spiritual Being having a Physical experience in this physical reality”, keep in mind there are infinite other physical realities than our very own, may I suggest reading several “Seth” books that Jane Roberts and her partner put out in the 60s and 70’s. You may be pleasantly surprised what you will learn. The "Seeking" never ends! Just sharing some thoughts ideas and beliefs! Take care!

hahahahahha good one. The fear also comes from knowing its all you, and you have to take responsibility for all of it. Literally everything, which is fucken huge. Cant blame anyone anymore And because you need to drop this idea that youre going somewhere, that youre growing... I dont know, growing doesnt quite make sense. Yes your thoughts and beliefs and paradigms might change, but you cannot grow, youve already grown. How can the universe grow hahahahahaha In my current mental state(which may change) the universe isnt even working through you. You are directly the universe working through the body. The ego was actually the universe and somehow got confused as the body. Which twists the whole notion of 'do' hahahahahahahhahahahha the ego = human -> ego = universe is a ridiculously, ultra subtle change of perspective. Its almost as if nothing changed, yet because something ultra small has changed, everything has changed. It was like that all along, but yeah. Its different. I think one big teaching Leo did was differentiate from you and You, little self vs higher self. This made me think I, like who I actually am, is different to the universe or I must be different to the universe. and I thought(from this teaching) that I am an ego, and the real I must be something Im not experiencing right now, and have to meditate to get into a state of consciousness where i do experience im the universe. I think this is a slightly misguided teaching. You should say, no you(little you) is the universe. There is no difference between you and You. Thats impossible. little self was the universe all along. There is no you is human, and big you is god, that separation is non sensical. The ego is the universe, youre just confused and hence dont get it. it doesnt exist, its not real, it doesnt make sense, thats just impossible. What the ego actually is, is not that feeling of 'who i am'. No No No. Thats the universe, no matter what state of consciousness youre in. You could be a monkey and the I is the universe, not the ego of monkey or whatever. What the ego actually is, is the subconscious(subconscious = youre half aware of them, thoughts you(universe) has which you slightly notice but dont have a full grasp on or got that thought fully under control) habits, patterns of behaviour, etc. The universe sometimes gets sucked into these patterns of behaviour and accidentally thinks that these are real. Very Very subtle and small. THIS is ego. You don't ever experience being an ego. Never ever. Thats not true. Thats a very misleading teaching. Omg everyone on the forum saying "im an ego, im an ego, am i an ego talking about an ego" have it so fucked up and wrong. That is just so wrong on so many levels. You are not an ego. You are NOT experiencing yourself as an ego. You are always experiencing yourself as the universe. Its impossible to experience yourself as an ego. when you ask 'who am i' no matter how deluded and dualistic you are, could be a fundamentalist christian, the thing or answer you get, answer you feel, is ALWAYS the universe. Yes that feeling IS UNIVERSE. Dont let anyone tell you thats ego or human. Thats is very very untrue. While it is clear that you = universe, literally. This just cannot be changed, this must be fundamental. Cannot imagine something more fundamental than this. But I feel that this whole universe is nothingness is the tip of the ice berg. And hence i will call it a mental state to signify a modest tone to how much I think ive experienced of reality. To show that i expect or am open to things changing.

Seem to be equating nothingness to a mental state. Intuition seems to be saying, that’s not quite it.

This is common in an early awakening breakthrough to feel despair and fear. It's like visiting the biggest city in the world alone, with no maps, no idea where you are and no idea where you're going. My advice would be to keep going, realize that nothingness = complete freedom, and then allows you to live from a place of absolute love and joy. You can still take action, except it is the universe/absolute working through you, as you ad the SMall I are not the Doer, it is the absolute that is taking care of everything. Paradoxically it frees you up to do whatever you want, and in an even more amazing way as you now have 0 demands on anything or anyone to make you happy, meaning you can actually enjoy them way more than you ever did, as there is 0 fear of losing them, you can just purely enjoy life as it is, here, now.

@Chakra Lion I am just going to meditate on it until I experience ego death while meditating on it again, then there should be understanding, because right now it is not really a life-changing thing, Its not even close to be as crazy as the nothingness either.

@Leo Gura I am interested in what is the difference between, every part of the awakening I have experienced and God. I felt the nothingness, the all-aloneness, the absence of an external reality, life being a dream, but it was more like being trapped into it and not creating it. The absence of love might have played a role into this, but I doubt that being trapped in all what I have listed with or without love would give me the impression of God creating it. I also experience infinite consciousness once in a while. It is not possible to communicate it, and I wasn't fully into it either, but I am somehow not able to make the link between infinite consciousness while meditating and what is supposed to be God experiencing itself. Or maybe there is just not more to it, and if I had known what mystics called god back then, I would have called that God? Might just be a word thing though. I am definitely missing something for "GOD" (love for sure), and I am sure there are other things to experience.

@Nahm @Peter124Realized... I can't effing lose! I cheated and fixed the universe when making it all so that it GUARINTEES that awakening will happen no matter what. Then it returns and becomes Maya and becomes egoic only to apply pressure on it self to evolve into greater consciousness. As we evolve in awareness GOD IS GROWING AND MAYA IS BEING REVEALED AS MAYA. To preserve and defeat Maya. We are in a time of celebration because the worse things seem the more God consciousness is exploding and merging with human form. Possibly God is the union of form and naked emptiness or incorporeality expressed as self or pure consciousness. The conscious intellect of God becoming from invisible to a complete perfect merge with form only to completely destroy everything and start all over with a new beginning to a new spiral starting from the vantage point of emptiness. And I made it like this be cause I'm a gamer and so why play only once and make it perfectly fair balanced and winnable. However unlike... (I'm internally screaming rn) most videogames, Every time you restart it's never the same and yet it seems so familiar and the differences are subtle but RAGE INDUCING! Or causes sadness as a struggle to figure out so god is going what we are going through every single version of the Universe Simulators. Also the laws of thermodynamics and our universe of form is finite therefore a closed system. It is all going to be destroyed soon enough. The entire universe. Yet I because I'm God. No not me as flesh and blood or a symbol ideology but as God God. Invisable incorporeal in of and out of and separate and all and none as well as holiness nakedness nothingness purity and absolute love power consciousness wisdom beauty awesomeness and wholeness holy is God. Also most of the old testament writings of God reflects this as I as past forms awakened to God consciousness and wrote it in Psalms and songs.

@StripedGiraffe Ego death and nothingness doesn't end consciousness or awareness. This sounds like you had a glimpse at the nothingness. However I it literally feels like dying... nothingness doesn't mean there is no awareness or consciousness, you might be referring to the state of neither perception or non-perception. Infinity, time standing still, no-thing-ness, reality being an illusion, the self being an illusion, other people being just like me: "meat robots without a self", no difference between a dream and the waking state, Seeing things as they are, time not existing, realisation that nothing outside of my awareness exists, seeing reality without filter is what I experienced by dying (sober). It also felt like I changed perspective, from the one of an ant to a giant, everything was HUUUGE. Not disproportionate, everything was the same, but just the perspective of it changed. The infinity always came first, I would love to say that. You seem to be pretty okay with it and not terrified of it. The most painful experience I had with the ego death was the realisation, that I am all alone. That's the fucking worst existential fucking pain I could experience. I was told that this pain was the pain that led God felt as he divided himself. I am telling you this, because sober this was a hard pill to swallow, so don't freak out once you experience this after dying.

I've transitioned to a new phase or mental state which is radically different to the past. Its affected my career and relationships and basically everything. It started after realising that there is no substance or meaning within the words we use on a daily basis, and materialist paradigm. I feel like a whole new world has opened up to me. When someone tells me a statement or some concept, I can instantly realize that its got absolutely no substance, and its just void. I'm barely interested in concepts, or reading, or intellectual knowledge now. If you tell me for example that smoke causes higher co2 emissions, I can instantly realize that this statement is completely untrue because if you contemplate what smoke, cause and co2 is, its just void. Nothingness and just appearance. And this is everything. Its one big seem/appearance. I cannot take any conversation serious now, because I know this person is talking about Nothing, but doesn't get it, he/she thinks he's/she's talking about something of substance, rather than Nothing. This has led to a lot of positive things. But I'm finding it challenging with my career. I use to care about solving problems and making a better place, because I believed in those problems actually existing, but now I'm aware that those problems don't have substance, and are just appearances. And we are all pretending these problems are real when they aren't. This has changed my orientation and perspective as an engineer/inventor. Instead of having an agenda to manipulate the world (solve a problem), I now have a desire to understand reality more metaphysically. I'm super curious about the world, now that I realize I got everything completely wrong. I want to metaphysically explore and relearn everything. This has shook my whole life purpose plan (developed in the life purpose course) because I now do not have a desire to be anyone, but who I wanted to be is simply Nothing. No matter how I explain it. Helping the world is less about (for me now) solving their problems, but expression God's beauty and love. Its about creating for the sake of creating, and BEING apart of the beautiful creation that I am now rediscovering and admiring. This is such a different mindset, and I don't know how to make money from this POV. Its very easy to make money from the problem solution mindset, but how do you make money expression creation beautifully? I feel like the carpet has been ripped from underneath me massively. How do I now make money? What do I do now? Still be an engineer? What girlfriend do I get? I feel like I'm incapable of surviving in such a mindset. I don't know how to make money. This is the biggest thing I'm suffering. Surviving in this mindset. And the intellect just does not work here. So I can't even think about how to solve it, only observe metaphysically. Any insight on coping with this would be appreciated, thanks!

@Adodd When someone says to detox the pineal gland. They mean to open it. We can assume that they are referring to spiritual awakening and the third eye. The pineal gland organ is mainly responsible for regulating sleep. So, logically speaking if your sleep is being regulated, your pineal gland is functional and doesn't need detoxification. Opening the pineal gland/third eye is a metaphor refering to an increase in conciousness where you are able to perceive Nothingness.

@Ero I persist and seemingly contradict your points of views simply because I know I went through the same phase of evolution that I recognize you to be in. I'm offering an opportunity for you to expand your views and understandings. Just as you are by sharing with me what you've realized. From my pov; you're the ones who are stuck and unwilling to move along. You are simply too afraid of embracing anything that's not "the absolute truth". Not realizing that everything is the truth. No matter how you slice it. I embrace my standpoint by sharing my views with confidence. I also embrace my human nature. I do not hide behind or hover above. Exactly that is what's the next step you are avoiding. That's what one does once God is realized. It does not stop anything. The circle never ends. @Codrina Thank you. Only nothing knows about nothingness ? @Anna1 I ask you not to believe me or adopt my views. I'm just explaining why I wrote what I wrote. And I respectfully disagree with what you wrote. I think that's not a crime.

I think that I have understood a lot of what Leo talks about. I think that I understand absolute infinity and that I am God, that life is a dream created from nothingness, etc. I have been on this path for years now including 50+ psychedelic experiences and multiple 10 day meditation courses. But I still feel tired and frustrated with my life on the relative level. I have had periods of time in which everything feels magical and the whole world is incredible as I see beauty in seemingly the most mundane of things. However, I still don't want to deal with life. It feels like a huge burden to live in this modern society. I can't find a job that does not feel mundane and pointless. I can see the joy in social interaction related to the job. But the job itself feels like part of a pointless and harmful system. I want to die. I don't want to deal with this. I'd just rather not. I'd rather not have to contribute to this toxic society we live in. I have very few people that I can deeply relate to. Most people are completely sucked into the system and don't really think for themselves and so I find it hard to connect. I feel the pressure to get a university degree, get a "real" job, and start a family. But why? Society overall seems to be very harmful. It seems like only a minority truly benefit and even then they seem to be in poor mental health. My instinct/intuition has remained mostly the same for most of my life. That is to move out deep into the forest in a remote location and live off of the land in a somewhat peaceful manner. Is this my life purpose? It does not seem to directly help others. In fact, it seems to harm my family and friends who I abandon. It genuinely feels like the right thing to do though. Learn the necessary skills to hunt, forage, and generally survive. My energy will be put into direct usage for my own survival needs. It will become work or die. Is this naive? Ordinary life makes me want to kill myself. I wonder if I am still lacking metaphysical/ontological understanding of reality and that if I obtained this understanding I could act in the world without this depressive tone. Please let me know if you think I have posted in the wrong part of this forum; this feels like a serious emotional problem to me. I feel empty and depressed, even with my seemingly high level of consciousness.

Yeah, i'll try, not sure If I would be able to write anything....ha.. Yesterday, 6AM, at a friends house, after a long night of alcohol and weed I decided to hit the changa pipe. Just one normal toke. Sounds very irresponsible and it probably was, still I felt the effects of all the other stuff were fading to acceptable degrees. The remaining alcohol gave also gave me some balls, which I didn't have previously. The smell of DMT alone reminds me of Absolute Death. Not sure how much was in the pipe, we have a good trust with my friend, so I told him not to put too much. It probably wasn't, I am just very intolerant to it. So I'll try to explain. Laid back on a couch, while my friend was holding the pipe and steaming the changa. Phase one: Took all the air out of my lungs and after a minute of that, started pulling that huge toke. The intent was, get filled and hold it as much as you can. So I did that. Phase two: The glass pipe becomes 4k, having tints of blue and orange at some places. Its very still, as if everything came to a halt, I was still pulling. Phase three: I started to lose the grip over the body, not sure If i released that toke, because my will was trying to get a hold of the concept of holding/releasing and lost it on the way, so I have no clue for how long I held that breath. Meanwhile the body felt like it was dissolving from the torso region outwards towards the extremities of the body. All of this was happening as I was aggressively falling backwards, in a wavy or even swirly motion away from a clipping plane that had a closing hole in the middle (it didn't feel like a deep portal, just a plane), the plane was becoming whiter and had blueish flower patterns emerging on-top of it, as the intensity was growing so did the visibility. Regardless of the falling feeling, it felt like this plane was constrained to me, as if it were falling along with me. Nevertheless, I got the message, time to say good-bye to all of this, you are done, this is how it ends, accept!, but i want to get a hold of this leg a bit, accept!, but.but..... accept!. As this swirly failing thing was happening I was actually kicking around on the couch like a baby, as someone who had no control over the dynamics and weight of things. My friend said that he has never seen anyone react like this to dmt. I knew I was kicking , but no clue why, it's like that wavy falling did something to my legs. It didn't feel like fighting . Phase four: After that panicky falling eased up, it didn't feel like I traveled somewhere, it felt like I fell from 1 meter height and and I am into this not really new place. It wasn't even a place, it was bizarre nothing. Mostly the room, which was blured/muddy at most places, friends were missing, the one that held the pipe was at more places at the same time and was stretched in a harmonica like motion, most things were 2D planes inside a 3D space, that didnt felt even feel like space, objects were missing, some were replaced with, 2d planes of yellow, dark green and dark red colors. If you want to call these even visuals, I would call them extremely stupid stupid and bizarre visuals. My eyes were open all the time, I didn't know this, didn't know I had eyes, was biped ect.. I sat up, but I didn't know I did it. I just willed my ..camera...to move to a different place in this mess and so it did. I tried to will other parts of this space to do things, so they did, It turns out that the ones reacted to this will were my hands, and I was touching my teeth and face. Some of the objects were exactly the same, but all the memories that defined the way they would be perceived were gone. So they were weird things in ....space, ones that I was trying to separate from others by attempting to understand them and find the ways in which they were different, so I can at least orient myself. It is than that it clicked to me....oh, this is how i created myself, its the attempt of nothingness to see itself ,it created otherness and it will do this forever... it wants to see things and in order to see a thing,there has to be something it is not. This ever-present tense feeling was all around, the feeling of - its alright, chill, everything is fine, its fine of anything to be as it is. This fucked up mess that you see is fine no matter how fucked up it looks to you and both you and it are loved. It did feel like love, but it wasn't anything near joy, it was intense and harsh. Phase five: DMT started to exit the system, I was still not sure where in the room was I positioned or if I was talking or thinking, touched myself all the time to make sure that I am here. Even the word "here" can get quite bizarre. Stuff started come together, it was wavy, irrie and vibrating. I was coming .... home. When I got back I was amazed of how the things I see around are so ...beaten,chewed,morphed,beaten... in order for them to conform to the human perception, but still, they have never lost their beauty, no matter how limited this type of perceiving makes them look. It was a healing experience in an unknown way and I did come out with answers of how perception works and how this whole thing..... came to be..... It may be chaotic and I do not know if you would be able to take anything out of it. But here it is. Wow this turned out long, thought I was going to write 5 rows haha.

@Barna Alright. But why even point out something is imaginary? That's simply the nature of reality. It's innate. What do you have to compare imagination to? What do you have to compare Light to? Or consciousness? There is nothing aside from it. So it seems rather pointless to even point that out, imo. What's your argument about, really? I'm not sure if I get it. Is it about exposing "the highest truth" ? Eliminating all else that is not pure nothingness and eternal silence? If so, then there's not much to say about that, is there? I am clearly taking into consideration everything here. The whole mountain - not just the top of it. I do not care about what's illusory and what not. Precisely because I've seen through it and it does not bother me at all anymore. Illusion, if there is any is beautiful and it should be exactly as it is. Learning how to master reality is something totally different. It has nothing to do with finding out what's true or untrue, real or imaginary. At that point everything is recognized as Truth. Everything is a flawless expression of Truth. So why try so hard to eliminate anything? Why not feel into what's actually going on, regardless of all conceptualization? And what's going on is constant shifting and frequency alteration. Does not get any "realer" than that. Source is energy.

Yes empty nothingness Pure actual Love. Real as it real gets. Nothing nihilistic or neutral or bad. For you to avoid ? traps. Your desk is made of it your body is made of it your computer is made of it etc and that Love is You. (helping them helping myself, beating my ego up I guess)

My attention always seems to automatically drift to my breath after i'v stabalised it on nothingness/emptiness/"true self"/choiceless awareness during my self-inquiry practice. I'll focus on my self & get that unique/weird self-inquiry-ey feeling u get when u flip awareness back on itself, but then once im sitting there in that thoughtless/concentrated state my attention always seems to just drift back to my breath. I'm still holding my attention on awareness itself/emptiness & getting that self-inquiry-ey feeling, but its as if, within/during that state of concentration, a part of my attention automatically drifts to the breath. This always happens anytime i practice self-inquiry, choiceless awareness, thoughtlessness or 1-pointed concentration on an object in my visual field. It feels like once i bring my attention to my object of meditation & it settles comfortably on it then it has nothing else to do & nowhere to go so it just drifts to my breath seemingly all by itself. Then it's as if my attention/awareness is split between the chosen object of mediation & then also my breath. Is this a bad thing? Have I gone astray? Should i be trying to ignore the breath somehow? Any advice on stopping this from happening if it's a bad thing? Thanks.