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Why start with a high dose of any psychedelic? If you're doing it to show off how "good you are at letting go" or being "spiritually hardcore", it's going to kick your ass. I'm still integrating the experience of Ayahuasca, and the day after 22 grams of magic truffles, taken 6 months ago. Rediscovering what meditation and breathing techniques actually is trying to open you up to, bliss is already here, available even without psychedelics, they are just effective at showing you glimpses and revealing entangled barriers/delusion/fear. And 22 grams of truffles isn't even a mindblowing dose when comparing the psilocybin dose to dried mushrooms, no machine elves or cosmic surgery by aliens, still it was enough to synchronize mind/body/consciousness and make me roll around in orgasm for 3 hours just by pinching my ear tips. There i so much to discover between the beginning stages and the other-worldly dimensions you read in high dose reports. For example, after that first magic truffle trip I naturally felt like forming different kind of Mudras with my hands, even though I've never been trained in any religion, or Hindu/Samurai/Egyptian/Indian culture and symbolism where they do that all the time, I come from a mechanical/calculated/materialistic 1st world culture. But when you feel there is an energy in your body that want to flow through your hands in specific ways, you surrender to that and let it, and the field of Mudras is something you can study and experiment with for a long time. What if you take a higher dose than your level of development, and all these discoveries blast over your head, and you get no insight to contemplate or take with you when you do non-psychedelic inner work? And after reading lots of reports I think I was overly prepared compared to the average first timer, even though I had a complex PTSD diagnosis from a hellish childhood. Very little fear like you describe. Absurd levels of open-mindedness. Years of different kind of intense exercise, building discipline and getting to know my body. Hundreds of hours of intellectual/conceptual research on psychedelics and non-duality in general, which is still important even though the experience is beyond words, as your starting point is only made up of concepts and intellectual delusion. And during the 12 months before my first psychedelic, I had 5 months of solo "retreats" in Norwegian national parks and mountains, where I just walked without any clear goal, breathing and being mindful and living simply in silence, that also prepares your whole being without directly "doing" an advanced technique, getting away from distractions so you can discover what it is to just be, maybe some bad habits or resistance surface during such a hiking trip, and you can meditate on it or even scream it out in the mountains, working through the intense negativity without psychedelic influence first. So even I with all this preparation got profound heavenly insights and experiences from just a medium dose of psychedelics. And if you know you carry a lot of fear and negativity WITHOUT the psychedelics, you can easily pull this shit out in a simple meditation session, try sitting for 1 hour and see if you go crazy, if you can't deal with 1 hour of simple meditation in your normal state, how do you expect your psychedelic trip will be.

This is is a trap dynamic that can arise with psychedelics, yet I wouldn’t call it an “awakening trap”. I think calling it a mystical experience trap would be more accurate. When I first used psychedelics, it was like being rocketed to a higher conscious state. Some states were pleasurable, some were not - yet they were all mystical experiences that revealed insights and new abilities. It was like having the greatest enlightened teacher or being able to travel to different realms. There was an energetic shift from figuring things out and reading literature and spiritual teachers - to the actual direct experience - and they only way to get there was through psychedelics, which created a cycle of expansion and contraction. The more blissful the experience, the higher likelihood of experience chasing. Ram Dass explains this cycle well in the below article. . . For me, some of my trips were very unpleasant. I entered anxiety and insanity zones that would take me days or weeks to recover from. This reduced the blissful experience chasing. For me, there was attraction, yet also trepidation with trips. Part of me didn’t want to revisit those uncomfortable places and there was some resistance/trepidation when approaching a new trip. At a personal level, one thing with psychedelics is that one’s baseline conscious level increases. When I was a newbie before my first Ayahuasca ceremony, I was asking the guy next to me a bunch of questions. I saw reality as if there is my normal sober state and a higher psychedelic state. One thing he told me was “those two worlds gradually come together”. In a way this was intriguing. In another way, this was scary. I couldn’t imagine it at the time, yet I now know what he meant. I’ve been through cycles of psychedelic states - not so much to escape a sober reality - more so to gain new access to high states. For a while it was like psychedelics gave me a magic wand. I got new super powers of hyper empathy, omniscience and extremely high level imagination and integration. And there came a time, I wanted to be able to do it without psyches. I would go hiking in the woods and everything felt bland - I couldn’t communicate with trees, wind and birds. I couldn’t become the creator of the forest. It was like I didn’t have my magic cape. A couple things I would keep in mind. The way you talk about psychedelics and how amazing they are does not sound like an awakening dynamic. It sounds like a mindstate/experience dynamic to me. There is an attachment/identification that psychedelic states are “amazing” relative to sober states. And there is a seeking to leave sober states and enter psychedelic states. The larger the bad to good distance in the cycle, the stronger the seeking. As the two world grow closer together, the intensity of this seeking declines. For example, I started experiencing amazing psychedelic-like states while sober and experienced crappy sober-like states tripping. As I would go into the woods, it didn’t really matter if I took a psychedelic or not. I felt like I was already half-tripping and I thought “I kinda like the present moment as it is. Why try to change it?”. There would then be months that went by without tripping. I was neither grasping or pushing it away. The present moment is the present moment, whether it is sober or a psychedelic. It’s both ISness. Psychedelic and sober mindstaes - both ISness. And what is psychedelic or sober starts to break down. Experiential states can be very insightful, yet it is not awakening. An awakened state vs an unawakened state is a duality. Absolute Awake is unconditional. It is not dependent on any mind state. It is eternally present Here and Now. In the essay below, Ram Dass talks about the cycle of chasing blissful psychedelic states and associating “there” with a psychedelic state. Ime, this is certainly a dynamic with psychedelics and I think he explains it well. Yet I would say he over-generalizes that this is the only relationship with psychedelics. What he describes is just one dynamic, there are many others with psychedelics and I’m a bit surprised Ram Dass never experienced outside this dynamic. He did a lot of psychedelics, yet stayed within this dynamic. Each of us has our own resonance and relationship with psyches, yet it’s still perplexing. It is like someone living in Australia for years and only talking about the dangers of the Australian outback. While that is certainly true, there is much more - The Sydney Opera House, kangaroos, koala bears, the coral reef etc. And for someone to travel around Australia for years and never see this other stuff is a real head-scratcher for me. At any rate, he does describe the cycle of bliss chasing well, imo. https://www.ramdass.org/the-trap-of-psychedelic-experiences/

we need the darkness to appreciate light. we need the pain and suffering to appreciate bliss and happiness. our mind works with references. Without bad how we know something is good? and all is necessary.

I find some of my deepest insights in comparing dreams to real life. I've been obsessed because I can't really prove how reality is any different. If you smoke weed for a while, then quit, your dreams become more vivid, this helps. When you are lacking sleep, as long as you sleep on your back you'll most likely enter sleep paralysis which is scary as fuck, but you can learn so much from that too. I feel like we just sleep to maintain this current dream (reality). Where if we didn't sleep, we start hallucinating and breaking down reality to see what it really is. I think its amazing how you can dream of someone and in the dream you know their body language, how they laugh, how they talk and their voice even if you never heard them say those words before. Obviously with non-duality everything is connected. It's been making me wonder, is there consciousness in the other people when we are dreaming??? Why wouldn't there be if there is in real life? Dreams give me the ultimate mind fucks. Then I just came across this post on reddit extremely related: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ewl0hj/what_is_your_scariest_paranormal_experience/fg2z1mm?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x insane! I too have had plenty of dreams with Leo in them, always really crazy. Had a lot of dreams of people who are passed away too. I had a couple that felt like I 100% time traveled, like watching a Jimi Hendrix live show that just felt so fucking real, even after waking. Dreams weeks and months long when i'm only sleeping for an hour, somehow still finding a way to get months of details in 1 hour. Time really doesn't exist. The other night I had a dream where I was killing myself and coming back to life as the same person/avatar but different properties/circumstances. When you realize you're dreaming everything up, its all bliss in the dream, you don't want it to end, I highly doubt "reality" is any different at all.

This is the result of an orientation toward an outcome. We can create a destination called "enlightenment" that is peaceful and lacks fear. We can create an imagine in which this peaceful, fearless place is permanent. This is a relative construct: a place without fear is relative to a place with fear. This is conditional. Enlightenment is conditional on being happy, joyful and peaceful. This is a super common orientation and leads to seeking. This orientation will limit potential. If I am seeking a peaceful, joyful state of being, I am avoiding a non-peaceful, non-joyful state of being. When potential insights involve fear and discomfort, I will recoil and say "This is awful! This isn't what enlightenment is about!". . . Notice the mind-body's reaction to the fearful situation. The mind and body recoiled away yelling "Enlightenment and self-actualization is bullshit and a waste of time!!". . . According to the meaning you give "Enlightenment and self-actualization", I would agree it's bullshit. Yet, I would say the bullshit is the meaning that enlightenment is an experience of perpetual peace and bliss. That meaning doesn't resonate with me. Now that you have decided the your old construct of enlightenment is bullshit, a couple options have opened up. We can say that the idea enlightenment is a never-ending feeling of comfort, peace and bliss is bullshit. We can put that idea aside and allow space to open up. . . At this point, we can maintain our orientation toward seeking never-ending feeling of comfort, peace and bliss. Since we trashed our old, outdated idea of enlightenment, we would need to seek this in new ways. Perhaps we could seek never-ending feeling of comfort, peace and bliss by making a lot of money, buying an island and living there. There are many other ways to seek perpetual comfort/peace/bliss. Trashing our old idea of "enlightenment" also allows an opportunity for an energetic shift. This is a deep/advanced shift that is very difficult for a person because the person is no longer the source of energetic motivation. At a personal level, we are motivated to find a place of "enlightenment" in which we no longer personally feel fear and other negative feelings. What if there was an energetic shift in which the source of motivation is to discover Truth for it's own sake. This is a radical shift. Now we are unconditionally seeking truth, regardless of whether it benefits us at a person level. With this orientation, the mind would not reject an experience of fear. There would be space for insights to be revealed within that fear. The ISness of fear and fearful situations has deep insights of truth, just like the ISness of a peaceful meditation retreat in a forest. . . . At a personal level, I have experienced terror and panic so intense that I wanted to kill myself. I couldn't make it stop. The only way I could regain control and make it stop was to kill myself. Yet I couldn't make it stop that way either. There was no escape and that made the terror/panic even worse. . . These experiences were among the most "enlightening" in my life, because there was space for deep truth to be revealed. Those moments of terror/panic were just as much "enlightenment" as my deeply peaceful, blissful experiences. There are deeper truths that transcend personal experiences - there are deeper truths that are not dependent on conditions. Yet these truths will not be revealed if the mind is seeking conditional states, such as feelings of comfort, peace and bliss. To me, it sounds like there is a wonderful opportunity for an awakening here. You can toss your old conditional idea of "enlightenment" as a never-ending state of fearlessness and re-orient yourself toward truth for its own sake.

Substance: Panaelous Cyanescens (wild) Amount: 2 grams Date Consumed: 29/1/20 Insights: Suffering is just a story created in order to entertain the mind. Its all just a story told to maintain something that never existed. Fear is just a pointless amusement of the mind. Time just becomes whatever you want it to be. What we call human life is fundamentally meaningless, there's a bigger picture to be experienced. What we call life seems to be just a separated sphere of mind. Life is whatever I create to be, quite literally. When the space is allowed, there is this ethereal ever-present light always there for all to experience. This warmth where all things come together and unite ever so seamlessly. There's no reason to fear, its all just a story to occupy the mind. There's something more fundamental going on. There's this smoothness to experience, as though all things are constantly merging with one another. Life is a maze, not a maze in and of itself but a maze purely of mind. Humans are inherently vulnerable and fragile. Vulnerability is okay, in fact, its an empowerment. In-trip Symptoms and Pathologies: Hypersensitivity in sensory experience. Minor visuals (particles in objects moving like sand, objects slightly warping). Hysteria with laughter and utter amazement. Fear, anxiousness and paranoia. Fidgetyness and inability to sit still. Emotional fluctuation from positive to negative, like a radio wave pulsating up and down. Yawning and weird sensation in the neck. Disbelief and nihilism. Catharsis met with sadness and crying (tears of purification). Complete surrender to emotions and vulnerability. Lengthened depth perception (arms appearing exponentially further away than usual, felt taller as a result). Uncontrolled twitching and flinching while laying down (minor convulsions almost like a purging sensation). A need to wave and move the body. Child-like behaviour. Absolute bewilderment and amazement. Psychological fearlessness Post Trip Report: Where do I begin? So to start with, I clearly laid out my intentions, set and setting the day before. Set: explore the mechanics of self and suffering, consume on empty stomach dried with tea, have no commitments for the next two days. Setting: at home in my room, blinds closed, all distracting imagery hidden. In the morning I rewrote my intentions out in texture at a larger font and sat them next to where I would sit. At 7am I made a liquorice tea and then weighed my mushrooms, 2 grams was my target. I added the panaelous cyanescens to my tea and waited for 10-15 mins, then consumed the tea. One regret I have is not bothering to grind the mushrooms into a powder, this made it much harder to consume. I just ripped them up into smaller pieces before putting them in the tea then chewed them as a drank (not nice). So by 7:15am I began consuming the mushrooms in the tea and they were fully consumed by 7:30am. I began meditating and within 10-20 minutes it was on. I began to feel sensory fluctuations and changes to my perceptual acuity. My body started to pulsate and a strong throbbing coursed throughout the centre of my body. I wasn't awfully fond of the feelings to be honest, it made me feel slightly nauseous and trapped; as if I was being compressed by my own experience. I was going in and out of hysteria and paranoia. I would laugh at the pure tactile sensation I was experiencing or I would hear sounds and assume it was something in the house that required attention. At this point anxiousness and regret began to kick in. I starting questioning whether I should have been tripping. Lucky I mentally prepared my self for such thoughts and reminded myself there's a bigger game being played here. Not long after within the hour, I went straight to my intentions and began asking my initial inquiry "why do I continue to suffer?" and "what is suffering?" to which I was met with no response. I persisted and kept asking the question but my body just couldn't sit still and get comfortable. A part of me feared to close my eyes due to the incessant mental noise that would flood my experience when I did. So I was continuously going in and out of asking the question and trying to get comfortable. Each time I opened my eyes I was transfixed by morphing visual stimulus, fascinating as it all was I knew I knew needed to continue exploring my self, that was the purpose of my trip. Even though I wanted to explore myself I remember still finding it increasingly overwhelming to close my eyes between the 1-2 hour period. I couldn't sit still and as much as I wanted to lie down on the quilt I earlier prepared, I was feeling too nauseous to do so. I kept telling myself "not a good idea". So I propped myself up on the bed on a slight angle with a pillow under my head and grabbed a singlet from my wardrobe folding it to place over my eyes. After the fluctuating streams of negativity and positivity along with nausea subsided, I felt comfortable enough to lay down - finally. I went and laid down on top of my quilt. It was 3 hours in and things began to dramatically change. I began to express deep saddened emotion, emotion like never before, quite difficult to articulate. It was almost like purging emotions, followed by tears expressing full acceptance and surrender. It was blissful and cathartic in a way. That's then when the realisation then hit. I continued to precisely ask my question and in fits of interchanging tears, laughter and sadness I came to the response: "suffering is all just a story - a story concocted by the mind in order to entertain itself". I fell into full hysterics and began laughing uncontrollably. I was pointing at myself in the mirror spurting with laughter saying "you idiot, you created, you created it all". Deep bliss and liberation poured throughout my entire being. I began to feel warm and impenetrable. Not in an elitist way but in a psychological way. I kept saying to myself "there's nothing to fear". I noticed fear was just as a pointless amusement of mind and just settled into my experience. From that, a sense of imperturbable fearlessness overcame me. I felt like nothing could destruct me in that moment. Even though this insight was a fully felt embodiment that was truly powerful and liberating, I continued to fall in and out of it. I wanted to see if this realisation had penetrated my experience so I tested that very inquiry by examining my sense of self. I looked at my experience as a self and noticed that all my concerns and attachments still remained. How ignorant of me to think it was going to be that easy haha. So I concluded that the insight was a transient moment of deep realisation opposed to a radically permanent shift in consciousness. After roughly 4-5 hours in I was contemplating a lot more on the idea of "suffering as a story". I wasn't convinced that's all there was to it. I further asked questions such "who am I?" "who is the one that experiences I?". It came to my direct attention that 'experience' just continues on and 'mind' makes up stories in order to fill in the emptiness it struggles to withstand. Not what I was after but powerful nonetheless. It wasn't long after this the effects began to wear off quite significantly. I was finding it easier to write and my visual acuity was beginning to rebalance. I finished up the trip with a Rupert Spira mediation then went downstairs and had some food around the 6-hour mark after indigestion (found that out to maybe not be such a good idea). So overall the experience was fruitful in that it gave me insight into the prevalence of the narratives and commentaries of the mind that it overlays experience with. The main things I feel I've been left with is: An experiential insight into the utter fabrication of the mind. Human experience is just a story and film segment use for pure amusement purposes. Most pain and suffering if not all, is created by stories which we have attached to. We are quite literally puppeteered by the mind. There exists something more fundamental in reality and the clinging to stories keeps us from immersing within it. We are innately more fragile than we initially assume. Its definitely left me with some deep insights to ponder. However, I do feel like I've been left with quite a lot of confusion. Throughout the duration of the trip, I had repetitive moments of confusion. I remember my questioning being met with unresponsiveness, as it seemed as if I was completely just talking to myself. This left me with a sense despondency. When the insights did come they felt as though they were completely derived from my own consciousness. My questioning did not feel accompanied by any other entities. So I was sceptical as to whether the insight was just a mere epiphenomenon assisted by the mushroom or a higher state in consciousness in and of itself. Nonetheless, I do feel shifts in my perspective. I feel the full message of the trip is yet to be understood and its significance will take time to fully comprehend experientially. Downsides, I had a roaring headache afterwards that stayed consistent until about 2-3 in the morning the next day. I vomited and had immense nausea 8 hours after ingestion. That may have had something to do with eating just after the effects wore off (6 hours after ingestion) or that the mushrooms were wild and possibly aged/contaminated. So the comedown was terrible and felt similar to that of an alcoholic one but overall it was an eye-opening experience. Finally, I've spent the day integrating today and reflecting on questions regarding the trip. Apologies if this trip report is too excessive in its words count, I just wanted to ensure I conveyed the experience to the utmost accuracy that it occurred without depreciation. Would love some feedback! If anyone one has any comments or critique open to hearing it

@Raptorsin7 There is something crucial though - in a non-dual state where one's self or ego dissolves and they are Infinite, once the immense bliss, tears, etc subside, to where You can speak, you can continue to communicate through the avatar or form You are in. But it is God speaking through the form..Believe it or not one of my earlier awakenings happened just like that while on this forum and the words flowing from my fingers were not mine. @Serotoninluv It was during one of my conversations with @David Hammond. I hit a mystical state right there and was still communicating. But the words were not of the avatar. @Raptorsin7 So don't be so quick to doubt Leo's awakening. (If you are) From your perspective you can't tell and i think he mentions that.

I just saw forum post which gives explanation on why it is impossible that suffering exists. Very interesting, because God is impossibility and God promised hell, suffering in the hereafter, in the Horror Judgement. It is when 'possible' (human being as a mode of infinite possibilities or reality) meets impossible (God) - the horror occurs, so its called Horror Judgement. And second, suffering occurs, or hell, because suffering's existence is impossible, as forum user said, precisely impossible happens - hell with suffering. Bliss in this life leads to suffering in the next because bliss is the quintessence of sum of all possibilities, and sum of all possibilities will be canceled as 'metaphysically unjust' (evil?) due to its meeting with impossibility, and thus judged and put into hellfire. this is metaphysical take on the problem of evil

Hello all, this is my kundalini awakening experience that occurred about 2 weeks ago. I have been meditating for 2 years off and on, but more consistently the last 6 months. I am also a energy practitioner. I occassionally smoke marijuana and meditate because I find that I am more sensitive to prana after smoking a joint, so after smoking with my friends I went to my dorm and laid down on my bed and decided to try a guided kundalini awakening meditation. After about 5 minutes I began to feel an energy in the form of a snake slithering intensely throughout my body throughout my spine. I could feel it rising up throughout my individual chakras and opening them up. The energy felt like it got stuck at my solar plexus, so I imagined a gate opening to let the energy flow through, and it did. I saw a huge flooding of fire and energy rushing through me. I immediately surrendered to the energy and allowed to rush through my third eye and crown chakra. During this experience my awareness seemed to be split from my body and in a deep vision where I was seeing all sort of dimensions from my third eye. It got stuck again at the top of my head and so I visualized the energy flowing and I surrendered to divine love and allowed it to flow through me. After the experience I felt a supercharge effect, where my energy field was stronger and I saw my aura clearly in the bathroom mirror. I also felt the observer awareness that allowed me to look at reality where it is completely divine and beautiful. Everything looks heightened and almost visually enhanced, similarly towards on LSD, but less distorted. After this experience I have become much more sensitive to energy, and have committed to the spiritual path. Before i felt like I was walking the middle path, but this experience has convinced me to stick with the spiritual path and now I am split about 80% spiritual and 20% nonspiritual. I also see what it means to be asleep in this reality, meaning I feel as if I have awoken and that it would be nearly impossible to go back to sleep. This experience changed me permanently, and i have had following experiences where the kundalini raised again to my head. My third eye has opened as I now see and hear spirits if I choose to concentrate on them. I have also started to have more OBEs and psychic abilities like telepathy. Meditation is beautiful, because for the first time when I close my eyes I feel that I can tap into the stillness because the energy runs smoother throughout my vessel. These are the following symptoms that have occurred since my awakening. Also I want to add that I realize that this is just the start of my spiritual journey, and that I want to very clear to readers that I realize I have A TON of work to do regarding my ego and transcending it if I wish to reach enlightenment. This experience however has allowed me to concretely say that spirituality is REAL and that I have finally accomplished something after aimlessly meditating for 2 years. Symptoms: - lighter body -feeling of a higher vibration -more prana running throughout the body - less need for sleep and food -alertness that seems to be behind my thoughts 24/7 -distance from thoughts -feeling that I am the soul and not the body -cleansing of the chakras -increased intuition and connection with feelings -alienation from others and feelings of not being able to relate with others -feelings that reality is magical and that everything is according to a divine plan -deeper connection to nature -profound states of bliss, joy, contentment, and beauty while simply being -a straighter spine -auric field is much stronger and feeling of being the etheric and physical body at the same time -awareness of emotions and ability to "direct emotions" I also purchased the book that Leo recommends for Kriya Yoga, and have been practicing it for about 4 days. The techniques so far have proven very powerful, and I am excited to see how I progress in the future. Let me know what you guys think, and also if you have had any similar experiences. Eternal love!

I had my first awakening experience a few month back that really catapulted me into rapid spiritual growth... And since then I’ve regularly experience very deep states of bliss and unobstructed presence followed by very dramatic states of depression and turmoil. Then repeat. How are the highs, lows, insomnia, rhythms, etc connected? I have no idea but I’m sure they are. The deeper into this path I get, the more I realized everything is preordained. Everything is flawlessly executed or “meant to be” if you will. In regards to nootropics, I like to take huperzine a before bed because it helps with my lucid dreaming but I haven’t taken any recently as I ran out. Other than that I don’t take nootropics often. I’m young (23) and healthy so they don’t seem to do much for me. For example, I can take 150mg of armodafinil and hardly notice a change in my mental state??‍♂️

For the past few weeks, I've experienced some cool insights due to my meditation practice so I wanted to share 3 of them and explain how they occurred. To clarify, these are insight experiences. Insight is any direct experience realization that challenges your existing worldview of self and reality. Insight experiences are moments where you become conscious of these insights to a degree. They can be temporary or permanent. All these 3 were temporary in my case. But they are realizations I can contact in the present moment as long as my intention is strong. Everyone has insight experiences but being able to realize them and be conscious of them as they are occurring is not an easy task. Repeating them at will is even more challenging. The more you repeat these consistently, the insights percolate deeper into the psyche and completely transform your existing belief systems and daily experience. Partial transformation has occurred in my case but the capacity of these insights to transform one's life (as far as I'm able to see) is massive and potentially infinite. 1- Life is a form of dream: This insight was realized through hypnagogic states one experiences while waking up or going to sleep. Eventually, mindfulness cracks through the sleep cycle and certain insights become available to the meditator. One of these was how the internal thought and images was active in the dream state. Basically the same monkey-mind you experience in daily waking life (both internal talk and memory images) are what constitutes your dreams. Your dreams are literally made up of mental talk and mental images you use in daily life. I've realized this at the end of a dream where the waking life 'monkey mind' and dream life memories have clashed together in a hypnogogic state. The mechanism was realized to be the same due to metacognitive awareness one develops in meditation. The insight challenges your exisiting worldview because you believe that you are relatively alert and awake in daily life but as long as there are mental commentary, images, thoughts that pertains to non-present moment experience, you are dreaming. You are not fully conscious. Just as you create a story, body and a self in a dream, the same mechanism continues when you wake up in the morning. True 'waking up' arises out of greater mindfulness, silent mind and un-mediated contact with direct experience. So this insight experience makes you suspicious of what reality is on a deeper level and attunes the psyche to be more mindful automatically. 2- Literally Missing The Richness of Reality Without Mindfulness: This is seemingly a very obvious insight experience for many people. But the ramifications are quite deep. It is deceptively simple. I was watching a TV show at the time and all of a sudden, I had a thought about a trivial thing. My metacognitive awareness was not that strong at the time so after a few minutes, I've realized that I've completely missed what happened in the tv show as my mind was in a subtle state of following a thought pattern. The reason why this insight experience was profound is that I've rewound the show and realized I was not even conscious of the subtle movement that guy made as he said this or that line. Or how a particular emotion was conveyed with a body language cue. These profound moments were completely missed due to unconscious movements of attention and thought activity. My metacognitive awareness was there at that moment with the importance of present moment realization. The realization was that you are LITERALLY missing the richness of reality due to lack of mindfulness. This, again, re-programs the psyche to be more mindful in the following present moment experiences. Because there is no moment other than the present moment. 3- The Importance of Metacognitive Awareness + Joy + Body Awareness in Daily Life I've already realized this before but as time goes on, you realize how much distortion occurs in consciousness when you start to move around, talk to people, write comments, and do stuff. Without metacognitive awareness, every single moment is tainted with craving and as a result, massive amounts of subliminal suffering arises. You might bliss out in a meditative or psychedelic state. A lot of profound insights can occur from these experiences. But the tendency to compartmentalize your spiritual practice and 'end' meditation sessions as soon as you need to go to the bathroom is very great. The key to radical reductions in suffering in daily life lies in the combination of metacognitive awareness + Joy + Body awareness. A quick explanation of these terms are: Metacognitive Awareness: This awareness is knowing the overall state of the mind, fixation/craving levels, the location of where attention is, what its doing, intentions, body awareness, emotions, thought activity of the mind. So this is a very inclusive meta-skill of awareness. It is the pillar of mindfulness. And this one skill gets you to adept meditation stages. So the content (like the joy) loses its importance and things like the mind's mental reaction towards the joy/pain become central to your practice. You monitor these elements in real time. It sounds really hard and a lot of work but it is fairly effortless once you are actually there. Joy is very alluring to the mind. So it becomes easier to develop metacognitive awareness. That is why many meditators rank jhana practice as a foundational technique in Samatha circles. In daily life, the demands of activities require metacognitive awareness. Otherwise, joy and body awareness goes away. and you get fixated on the activity. Walking meditation is the key to making this work. Once you get the joy there and maintain it, that is really good progress. Then you need to do that while talking which is really hard. But it is possible with more practice. So in stage 8, you'll realize that daily life practice is just perfect for the development of metacognitive awareness. Joy and Happiness: Both the pleasant sensations and being in a state of joy highly reduces suffering and invites equanimity to consciousness. Being able to maintain these qualities in daily life is a key skill in making your life sweet and strengthening metacognitive awareness further. Body Awareness: To maintain this in daily life, an ability to slow your movements down and get in touch with the body as a whole in a state of comfort and relaxation is key. You already develop this skill in meditation but bringing it into daily life while you are walking etc. is a challenge. The tendency to rush towards activities is huge. To develop this skill in daily life, walk and move like an old man. Very slowly. Walk slowly. This enables metacognitive awareness and joy to be maintained. As you get better at it, you can do it with speed as well. But quality matters here. Stop your general tendency to pick up the pan and cook stuff in a state of craving. That entire paradigm needs to go away. Just throw it out. Commit to never move without mindfulness. The natural result will be slightly slower movement but greater joy, awareness, bodily comfort and mindfulness. Get used to living like this. Don't type out comments with speed. Feel into every click and button slowly and only increase the speed as far as mindfulness can keep up. --------- These were my recent insight experiences. Feel free to contact me and ask questions. I wish all of you well being and happiness

@Javfly33 an easy way to save a lot of mistakes is to just believe nothing, disbelieve nothing. When your listening to leo and me let it go in one ear and out the other. What the spirit wants you to remember, you'll remember. Don't believe anything. Don't move in any direction. Only look for yourself. And in this process *the* most important thing is following your intuition. I call it the voice of God. Some people say "follow your bliss". If you choose to, you can hear and feel where you are meant to go. Even during self enquiry, relax all your efforts and thoughts every now and again and operate *purely* by intuition. This is of instrumental importance.

The Preface I have worked out a preliminary protocol to support the fire of kundalini without getting fried and to prevent the years of depression-like fallout that often happens after an awakening. As the science of kundalini progresses such a protocol for adaptation or higher homeostasis will be refined and expanded. Till then, please be aware dear reader that this is an experimental book, the research that will give us the definitive answers to this mystery has yet to be done. In the past we have had no scientific understanding as to what was actually happening to us during kundalini. Now in with modern science we can begin to understand what is really going on. The Biology of Kundalini is a revolutionary book, long overdue. It will change the way we look at spiritual evolution, medicine and ourselves. With this book I offer a theory of the biology of kundalini, which explains all the symptoms, suggests a protocol of adaptation, and encourages research into a new branch of medicine...Evolutionary Medicine. It is part Self-help book and part notes for scientists and medical minds with an interest in consciousness. It also honors the often difficult process of spiritual crisis in a way that hopefully will reduce the suffering for those undergoing the cruxification, and for those around them watching. This information will be invaluable for anyone going through an awakening, for their family and therapists both medical and psychological. I recommend you pass over areas you find dry on the first couple of readings. If the subject of metamorphosis in anyway inspires you then eventually even the dry areas will become juicey. The Exhaustion Phase is the seed of BOK which you can use along with the skills and protocol to construct an adaptation or recovery program that is personally suited to you and your symptoms. Writing this book has been the most incredible ride...the information arises on a wave of energy and bliss. When I am hot on the kundalini trail Spiritual Presence is heightened, the muse is tangibly potent and the pieces of the puzzle formulate themselves around the "pull" of the Holy Spirit. It is very important to grasp the distinction between “damage” (pathology and disease) and the transformative process of “metamorphosis.” Certain phases of metamorphosis include cellular necrosis and catabolic breakdown, for the new cannot grow without the removal of the old. Kundalini with its amplified metabolism and nerve activity, and increased oxidation will tend to down-regulate neural and hormonal receptors and rewire the nervous system. However even if we are in the between-slump, when the hyper-functioning has backed off, but our receptors have not yet regrown, we cannot really consider kundalini as being “brain damaging.” We must see all phases of metamorphosis as necessary allostatic changes in the transformation of our organism and the human collective. Once we understand this and intelligently adapt, we can avoid burnout and regression, and thereby learn to keep the gains made through heightened kundalini. I don't recommend that anyone should pursue the raising of kundalini energy...I recommend detoxification, supernutrition, strengthening, plus self-discovered spiritual practices and adventures. I recommend following your Muse and working on giving your greatest gift for the widest distribution. If you do these things then an awakening is likely to occur. If you don't do these things then you will not be prepared for a kundalini awakening and so it probably is not going to serve you. So I don’t tell people directly how to raise their kundalini, but encrypted throughout BOK are ways that you can use to raise kundalini. However if you cannot find them, then you are not really ready for an awakening. Disclaimer: If you are not a solutions orientated, original thinker then BOK is probably not for you. If you have an infatuation with external authorities, orthodoxy, and traditions, or find that you tend to fixate on problems, then avoid this book. Also please be aware that I am not a spiritual teacher or a medical doctor and the only authority I have comes from my own experience and research. Nothing contained in this book should be construed nor is intended to be used for medical diagnosis or treatment. You should never disregard medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in BOK. From http://biologyofkundalini.com/article.php@story=Preface.html

I started doing trips in summer 2017. I started with 3 AL-lad trips and since then I have been doing Lsd analogs (Ald 52 and 1P) about every 2 weeks. I had my 5 meo dmt trip in april 2019, so I had about 40 LSD trips before that experience. I used to have a lot of anxiety in the come up, so I used the plants I mentioned above and the wim hof breathing technique + cold showers, which helped a lot (if you start having a bad trip, take a cold shower!). I started having ego death experiences once I started using the specific binaural sound I mentioned above. Not the first time though, but the second time I think. It takes some practice for your mind to reach the Lambda, transcendent brainwaves (I have listened to that 1h track like 500 times by now). Also I feel like the mind is more receptive to binaural sounds when tripping, so this is such an amazing combo! Like they should use them in therapy context and scientific studies, instead of just listening to music. That is such a powerful tool ! The last 10-15 trips before my 5 meo trip I was having an ego death experience pretty much every time. To describe what those felt like this is an extract from the email I sent the sitter to convince him to do a session with me: "The non dual experiences I had using 1p-lsd were incredible and I sometimes have tears in my eyes thinking about them. I remember when it happened that I could not stop crying and saying "oh my god, oh my god..." or just laughing hard. I also remember the shock and awe of looking at the world around me in that state, as well as the connection with and love for everything around me. From having these experiences, I feel more at peace in my life somehow, but this non dual state is still mysterious to me, and I still live in my ego." By the way, the sitter wanted to know a lot about me before deciding to meet me and he is quite selective. This is my testimonial of the 5 meo experience that you can find on his site. It was just a copy and paste from the email I sent him after : "This experience with you was really life transforming for me. I feel so peaceful now. Several times a day I have tears in my eyes just looking around me, it’s beautiful. All my life I was a bit uncomfortable socially and now I feel so at ease :). I also aways had trouble focusing. I don’t have that problem anymore. I remember during the experience when I started to panic, you were there for me. I was starting to think, "this is the biggest mistake of my life » and in what felt like just a few seconds I was completely relaxed. I find that amazing. Thanks to you I had the most life transforming experience of my life, so thank you so much!!" Since this experience I had so many absolutely amazing experiences, it's just unbelievable. I realised during one trip that I could focus my consciousness on itself and then feel incredible ecstasy, which leads most of the time to a deep awakening. 3 times I was so utterly shocked after the peak of the experience, that I stayed awake for 1-2 weeks after, but my ego always comes back for now. But damn life is so magical in that state, I was crying of bliss pretty much every day edit: I should mention that I cannot focus my consciousness on itself when I take 2cb fly. I tried the combo with Lsd and it's amazing, but I was blocked for some reason. Same thing with Eth-Lad. Both these drugs make me sleepy, just like valerian, so maybe that's the connection. Also I want to mention that I met an amazing woman who did this Kundalini activation process with that guy, and it was more powerful for her than any psychedelic trip. So check it out! I can't wait to try it.

@LessonsSavesLifes Life purpose is what you're going to do to serve the world. We only have so much time on earth, and so what we do with most of our time, our jobs, has to be meaningful to us. I was hardcore into spirituality right about the time i began the course, and through 2 LSD trips, I found god and I have a clear purpose now. Through purpose you will make money because your motivation will be different. Most people do jobs solely for money, they don't actually care. But when you have purpose your motivation is completely different. You are doing it to serve others. My purpose moving forward is to start a mental health/video game/performance website to help unhappy gamers find more happiness through gaming. I am going to play popular games, get really good and use the games to spread my website, and use high level streamers as free advertising. I was already naturally good at games and sports growing up, so the idea of doing something in line your with past experience made sense to me, and I think there is bliss in gaming, so the notion of following your bliss also makes sense. My purpose for playing is completely different from gamers. The only reason i'm playing games is because I know how miserable gamers are, because I was once a miserable gamer. I am going to shatter everyone and get really good fast because my drive is different. How many pro gamers/high level gamers are playing the game to help people and raise consciousness. I'm pretty sure close to none. That's why life purpose works. I have a life purpose. So i will out compete everyone in the gaming industry and there's no way I won't be successful.

I have tried for many hours, to contemplate and meditate on the fact that everything that I love in a woman is already within me. While I'm aware that all of the infatuation, bliss and love is happening within the present moment, it just does not have that same level of energy you get with doing it "for real". What am I doing wrong here? How can I channel all that love I have for others into myself so that I don't need women to get all the satisfaction I want from women? How can I put the women within me? When my relationship ended with my ex girlfriend, I suddenly felt no more desire to talk to her, or to be with her. It gave/gives me no satisfaction. I only have a desire/am drawn to supporting her and caring for her in the breakup to ensure that she feels loved, cared for and is happy. But i don't want to be in a relationship with her anymore. According to your post, should i be feeling/drawn to talking to her and being best friends with her? Your post is very inspirational, and i would love to have that sort of committment to the one that Ive just been broken up with, but I have no desire to. What should i do to cultivate that sort of commitment? Can you have this sort of relationship with someone you commit to, but the other person doesn't commit to back? If the other person still imposes constraints on you?

Both. Sometimes the moment ends and you find yourself in the presence of the person once more, and sometimes you part ways. Ultimately we part ways with everyone in some shape or form just so we can rediscover that everyone we've ever loved or been loved by lives in our heart, which is the essence of emotional oneness. It is a strange experience to have parted ways with friends I don't talk to anymore, and yet feel close to them just as much as I used to when we were in very frequent contact. There is no regret nor disappointment regarding the experience, just love and gratitude. I appreciate that question, however you are in the domain of trying to think it through and figure out. There is ultimately nothing wrong with thinking, but the belief is that if I can think this through enough, and know how this works, and understand the cycle of disappointment and sadness and whatever, I will be more prepared to feel the sadness within me and it won't hurt as much. Well that ain't gonna work :D. Sorry. Tragedy will always feel tragic, sadness will always feel sad and desperation will always feel desperate. There certainly are ways to take edge off the experience, such as enhancing self love, compassion and self-care, but there truly is no benefit in the anticipation of sadness. One of the benefits of any negative emotions is how sometimes surprising and inexplicable it can be. If it were all anticipated and predicted, we would be robbed of the joy of spontaneity that is bound to be born in the reality of every awakened heart. Is there a sadness and bliss theme? Yes, of course. It is very spontaneous.

PSA: The "work" works. Commit yourself to what you want. And you will get what you want. Be clear on what you want. Meditation works because we train our minds to stay focused on a single goal. For example, my goal is to feel bliss, love etc. But mind gets lost in fear, worry, anxiety etc. But goal is clear i want love bliss etc. Keep bring mind back to goal. Use feelings as guide. When we feel good we are on the path to our goals. When we feel bad we are off the path. All is actually good. So when mind gets lost in fear, and worry etc because mind is scared that maybe not all is good. Truth is all is good. So bring mind back to goal, and use your feelings as a guide to your progress. Be smart with goals. Don't be like dummy who asks for 1 billion dollars. Be like smart person who sais, what does this guy really want? What would the 1 billion actually get him. When we look we realize he just wants to feel good, he wants the feeling associated the 1 billion dollars. He is bliss chasing. Nothing wrong with bliss chasing. Bliss chasing works its how i got so far on the path lol. But always remember why you are doing what you're doing.

I just had a profound insight into my life purpose during my float tank session. Video Games. Competition. Love. Bliss. Flow. Happiness. These are many of the main values and interests of life. But how to combine them? I'm going to start a mental health/performance/happiness/performance website and write about all these topics and how they relate to video games and performance in video games. I'm also going to start playing very popular video games and getting really good at them so I can get free advertising for my website in high level matches. This stuff is flowing me to like crazy. Ever since i put life purpose on dream board i've had continual thoughts about video games, mental health, performance, and starting a website to share these teachings to people in these communities. I'm not even 10% done the LP course and i've already got these insights lmao. I'm so motivated to finish the course now and get this shit going. Dream Board, Law Of Attraction, Positive affirmations. This stuff is incredible.

Saturday January 25th Just went to a public sauna. I noticed that it triggered some things in me. Seeing many naked women makes me feel in a way uncomfortable. I suppose it still has to do a lot with sexually repressed energy. I also felt a bit uncomfortable glancing at myself in the mirror. I have a bit of a pot belly. Seeing the other men there, I am certainly not the only one, and I certainly don't have the biggest belly, but of course you have the tendency to exaggerate your own imperfections, or what you judge as 'imperfections'. And I also noticed that I started judging myself for not wanting to confront the cold water there. I really don't come for the 'official' sauna routine. I am just there to chill and relax a bit in the hot tubs. I have for some reason a bit of fear for cold water. I don't like the idea of for instance jumping (or even stepping) into a cold pool at all. Only the idea makes me feel really uncomfortable. I can only imagine what drowning in an icy lake must feel like... I don't even want to imagine. As a form of retribution for what I felt to be some form of cowardice, I stepped into one of the cold showers. The interesting thing was that it wasn't even a matter of gathering courage. For some reason, I found myself just hauling straight into it with no hesitation. Probably because I wasn't trying to make it a challenge or a goal, but it was more of a deeper sense of responsibility. It's interesting because I'm not very used to overcoming challenges like that. in the past, I usually had to spend many many minutes gathering courage, sometimes even surpassing the hour mark on rare occassions. I can pride myself in the fact that in the end I always did it, but such situations were totally different than this sort of no-mind, no-hesitation form of just hauling myself straight into it. I guess the only way I would've been able to do that if it was coming from a deeper place. And it's not to say that I was very courageous because I did that. You are courageous if you overcome a challenge despite of your fears or anxieties. In this instance, in the moment itself there wasn't as much fear —certainly not enough to stop me in my tracks— so therefore you can't say that there was that much courage either. Honestly, it may also have had to do with the fact that at that same moment there was a pretty girl also in that shower and I didn't want to look stupid or otherwise creepy by hesitating and dabbling in front of her. Thinking about it, I probably would've dabbled or hesitated if it wasn't for her presence. This whole trip to the sauna got me thinking about my warriorhood. The sexual frustrations and disturbances got me thinking about if I perhaps should work harder at dealing with them. The pot belly got me thinking about why I am not going to the gym anymore/more often. The fear of cold water and my initial unwillingness to deal with it reminded me of my cowardice. And it all got me thinking about what has happened to the warrior in me. What happened to this guy, thinking primarily about 2013, who used to push himself to the limit to try and approach a girl, pushing thorugh massive amouns of approach anxiety. The guy who tried to force himself in very painful leg positions whilst meditating because I thought I had to. The guy who never accepted a cowardice choice as an option and who had military discipline on some matters. What happened to that guy? Of course, I have gained a lot of wisdom in between now and then. I have come to understand that just because you are being 'courageous' and challenging yourself, that it's not always the right thing to be doing. But sometimes I miss that warrior, and I wonder where he's at. Sometimes I long for him, because I become somewhat ashamed in indulging so much. Is it true that he's truly gone? Well, not really. I use my warrior for instance to basically force myself to brush my teeth right before sleeping where I rather just doze off into a comfortable slumber, or to get up whilst I'm still sleepy because I have a certain appointment. I have also used my warrior lately to create a structure of trying to practice guitar and singing every single day at a certain time (something I've stopped doing again recently). And also some time ago, like 1-3 months ago, I also used that warrior to take up certain challnges for myself with a to-do list. He's not gone, but he wants a proper amount of rest. He only wants to act if he really feel like acting up is the right thing to do. It's about conviction. If I can't convince myself fully that I should do something, then there is just no way it's going to stick, or even get started. For instance the idea that I should be working out... Well, I can do it, but with what energy? With what motivation? I can tell myself a story about how it would be good for me, but I know I have counterarguments that can be equally convincing as why I shouldn't do it. And even if the reasons seem solid enough to not doubt it (which I feel rarely every happens anymore, if at all), then still argumentation alone does not provide enough power of conviction for me to be able to be sold with the idea and to actually get myself to do it. I've talked about it before, that there needs to be a certain space, a certain opening for me to be able or willing to do it. There has to be some form of intrinsic motivation, some energy that comes from deeper. If the energy comes from the (ego-)mind alone, it's not enough. It has to hit something deeper, otherwise it just won't go. Yeah, so I have a pot belly, I'm maybe slightly fat, but at the sauna complex I realized that I just really need to stop judging myself for it. I am what I am. Call it fat, or chubby, or call it whatever you want. But I realized that taking another glance at the mirror as if the chubbyness was suddenly going to disappear if I were to look again or something... That doing that wasn't going to serve me anymore at all. I don't know why I have allowed myself to judge myself in the mirror that way for so long. So at the sauna complex, I just started using this 'stop-technique' to stop the momentum of me wanting to judge myself for that, and I really wanted to make a start at just completely letting go of needing to have any particular body whatsoever. For me it also helps to see if I can get some rational argumentation as to why being a bit chubby or having a good-sized belly may perhaps not be so unhealthy after all. I have an intuition that being a little bit chubby or having a big belly may not be so unhealthy after all. In fact, many great sages have far from a lean, muscular body. You can take for instance a look at the body of sri ramana maharsi. Not particularly a very impressive shape that he has. Yet, he is seen as one of the greatest saints that has ever lived, living in deep peace and bliss with existence. And I feel that for instance the laughing buddha statues, of a big, fat buddha, also depict that being fat is not the same as being imperfect. Having a big belly feels to be a bit more sensual. It also feels to me that it makes me a bit more centered, a bit more grounded. I haven't been able to find proper scientific research on this so far or even empirical documentation or even suggestions (to be fair, I haven't searched that deeply), but I feel like it holds some truth to it. I have that intuitive sense. I don't think being lean and muscular or otherwise skinny and stuff like that means that you necessarily have a healthier body. Or otherwise, it may not be worth the struggle in trying to get it. I may hit the gym again, but I think the main priority now should be to stop trying to live up to a certain body ideal, and just feel more into what my body desires intuitively. Part 2 (Later edit): I'm getting a bit frustrated with this whole dating and tinder thing... The thing is... it appears that women generally have very little openness and willingness to yield for dating a man who expresses his sensitive and vulnerable side right off the bat. It appears that generally speaking women desire to date a man who seems powerful and strong and assertive. And it puts me in a bind... Because I feel like I have the capacity to be strong —especially when it comes to protecting boundaries— but at the same time I don't feel pleasant with the idea that I were to express only the side that women would like to see. This R. woman I had been talking about some time back, this 37-year old... Well we have been continuing our conversation. She's been a bit slow with responding, partially because she is/appears to be busy, but she has been responding and I gotta give props to her for always getting back at me. Only so far she has not shown a real eagerness to meet, or she at least hasn't as of yet agreed to my proposals to meet up. One thing she mentioned was the she appreciated my authenticity and that with this authenticity I would much easier attract other women. And I didn't like that comment, because I feel like it's not true. In fact, I think such advice can be very harmful to men. Women from a biological standpoint are not sexually attracted to sweet, sensitive souls. I had some gay fantasies last week (yes I know, that's a curveball, right?), and in those fantasies I fantasized about being the submissive male. I got some enjoyment out of the idea that I was the one that would fully surrender and yield into the desires of others. I wanted to in a way feel like I was the woman in the situation. And with those fantasies it became also clear to me that the idea of encountering a man who was insecure and a sweet sensitive soul, wasn't going to be an appealing idea at all. I wanted a man who would be very assertive and would know how to take charge and lead. I get that women want the alpha male. I feel like there certainly is some alpha male within me. I feel like that's authentically somewhere a part of me. At the same time, I don't want to hide the fact that I am insecure about some matters. I really value open and honest communication with one another, in which we don't play games and we have nothing to hide and we still respect and love each other despite all of it. When I initially opened up tinder for the first time in a long time a couple of months ago, I created a profile that had the profile picture that I have now on this forum (it might be a different one at the time you're reading this, basically the profile picture to my idea represents me showing power and strength with my facial expression and my somewhat fierce gaze), and that profile picture alongside a description that I wasn't interested in women not wanting to respond to me ("if you're not willing to respond to me, please swipe left"). I took a very firm and assertive stance there. And in this way, I got quite a couple of likes and eventually matches also. And now I have created a profile in which I show a (first) profile picture which doesn't look as strong and powerful as the one I'm using here on the forum right now, and a description that is less assertive and shows a bit more sensitivity, and now I don't seem to be getting these likes anymore. And neither profiles are necessarily inauthentic. They're just different parts of me All of this just puts me in a certain conflict... I don't feel like being very open and honest is in my case rewarding, because I also have to open up about my insecurities and women don't feel attracted to a man who doesn't showcase strength, but at the same time it's like I almost can't help myself but to be frank and sincere about the fact that I'm not just all that powerful all the time. So... Do I have to start playing a role to get my desires met? Again, I don't feel like taking on such a role is necessarily something that I would be unable to do (or perhaps I would be unable to, who knows?), but I don't want to feel like I would have to hide another part of myself —my sensitive, insecure side— in order to be effective. I want someone who accepts me for the totality for who I am, not just a part of me. I also strongly dislike the fact that many women appear to be so reluctant to just taking a dive into the deep and decide to meet up straight from the bat, without first trying to gauge what the other person would be like using online means. But that's my attitude. I don't like the whole online play because it is prone to so many projections and judgements. If we get to meet each other in real life, we will get a much better impression of each other and there wlll be no or very little margin for pretensions. Because I haven't really actually dated anyone so far in my life (except once over 6 years ago), my assessment of that I would be a lot more succesful meeting each other in real life, might be an incorrect assessment. I imagine that it would be far more successful than trying to attract someone online, but I don't really know this for sure because I don't really have the experience to be able to back up such a statement. And to be fair, when I said that I felt that many women are reluctant to taking that dive into the deep and are willing to instantly meet up, this also wasn't based so much on actual experience. I feel like from many years ago when I was still trying to date back in 2013 that this assessment was probably true, but I don't remember it so well anymore. But to be fair, I also was a much different person then. Basically I actually haven't really proposed to anyone to meet up right off the bat in a long, long time. I'm actually gonna have to try it like that. I will just write this: "Hey I don't really like all this online chatting thing. I feel like we can get both a much quicker and better impression of who we are if we were to actually meet up. How about we have a drink somewhere?" That would put my theory to the test. It may seem like I'm failing a whole lot in this trying to attract women thing, but honestly, there is not so much you can actually fail if you don't try that much. I am very slow in wanting to take action in this process. I have a match with a girl that I quite like on one of my phones, but I haven't contacted her because I had still been continuing the chatting process with this R. woman I had been talking about, and I just haven't felt the openness to be willing to contact this other girl as well. I just feel like there's a lot of inner work I have to do in between before I am willing to take the next step. I could be far more scrutinous and proactive in trying to date other women. I just feel like I need to take the time for it, and develop myself psychologically into it as well. I'm just going to have to experiment with it a little bit. I think it's probably best to be initially a lot more assertive and come across as strong, and once we get to actually meet that at that point I will also show that I have a lot more sensitivity to me. But I think it's important to show her first that I do have this masculine assertive power and strength, and that once she knows what I'm capable of, that at that point I will show my vulnerability. That's the way Elliot Hulse had put it: "Once she knows what darkness you're capable of, then, show your light" But... I might be deluding myself by saying that I do have this assertive strength and that I know how to use it. I might just be befooling myself. I know I have strength in defense. I know based from experience how to say "No!". I know how to protect my boundaries. I know how to be direct and sincere and even blunt. I am not shy to speak the truth as to how I see it, or at least I know I'm capable of doing so in the right circumstances. I know I have these powers within me, because I have used them before so I have the experience to back it up. But do I have strength in what you could call 'offense'? That basically means: Do I know how to take charge? Do I know how to lead? Am I capable of making decision for us both without being insecure about what she wants? Am I willing and capable of deciding the direction of our relationship? And even if I would be able to, would I want to do that? Would it feel appropriate? And if I don't want to do that (or am not able to), how will she react to that? These are all questions which are hopefully all going to be clarified in 2020.

@Chintan desai Depends where you go & who you see, but my experiences with Reiki sessions and the classes have been chalked full of learning, healing and mystical experiences. The first session, the woman sweat through all of her clothes and the power of the building went out until I left. ??‍♂️. In the classes I experienced ‘thought block downloads’ of entire past lives simultaneously with other people, mediumship / communications with deceased people, and metamind imagery which conveys / contains a bunch of intellectual & emotional intelligence in a symbol. The classes & experiences pushed my intuition through the roof and was a big part of discovering & experiencing channeling. You might consider trying a few sessions to experience it for yourself, trying psychedelics, and then see if taking the classes appeals to you. If you do, hopefully you’re lucky enough to find a facilitator like I did. Lady changed my life really. Amazing stuff. Good luck to you. Also...similar to realizing the pointer of this quote “When they find it, they will not say here it is! Or there it is! As the kingdom of heaven is within you” upon awakening points to the literal realization that the universe is transpiring within you........this quote “Again, I tell you truly that if two of you on the earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by My Father in heaven. For where two or three gather together in My name, there am I with them.” just blew up in the best possible way. In one of the classes, the entire group would do Reiki for one person at a time...and the experience was full of visions and entire body bliss blowout on par with a 4 gram mushroom trip.

You may have heard the term Bliss before. Well, this is the Bliss that is spoken of. The Bliss of Being. That's the essence of meditation. Abiding in the Self or Self Abidance. Which means to abide or rest in the awareness of your own being. Bring this simple "being aware of being" or awareness of being, into your waking hours also and "the insanity" will begin to fall away.

Two if the english poems I have always liked. I wandered lonely as a cloud That floats on high o'er vales and hills, When all at once I saw a crowd, A host, of golden daffodils; Beside the lake, beneath the trees, Fluttering and dancing in the breeze. Continuous as the stars that shine And twinkle on the milky way, They stretched in never-ending line Along the margin of a bay: Ten thousand saw I at a glance, Tossing their heads in sprightly dance. The waves beside them danced; but they Out-did the sparkling waves in glee: A poet could not but be gay, In such a jocund company: I gazed—and gazed—but little thought What wealth the show to me had brought: For oft, when on my couch I lie In vacant or in pensive mood, They flash upon that inward eye Which is the bliss of solitude; And then my heart with pleasure fills, And dances with the daffodils. -William Wordsworth -------------------------- She walks in beauty, like the night Of cloudless climes and starry skies; And all that’s best of dark and bright Meet in her aspect and her eyes; Thus mellowed to that tender light Which heaven to gaudy day denies. One shade the more, one ray the less, Had half impaired the nameless grace Which waves in every raven tress, Or softly lightens o’er her face; Where thoughts serenely sweet express, How pure, how dear their dwelling-place. And on that cheek, and o’er that brow, So soft, so calm, yet eloquent, The smiles that win, the tints that glow, But tell of days in goodness spent, A mind at peace with all below, A heart whose love is innocent! -Lord Byron

@Salvijus @Chintan desai It's a jaded perspective but i don't know if he's right or not. @Nahm recommended Reiki to me. So I wonder how Nahm would view the statement that no legit guru would recommend it. @Salvijus What is your existential experience? What do you feel and experience on a daily basis? Is it love, bliss joy,? Or are you experiencing fear, hatred, boredom, irritability?

Kundalini Awakening upgrades the body-mind and perception. All Yoga is based on working with Kundalini, at different levels. The aim is always the same, Union with God. In more complicated terms, Kundalini is Shakti, the divine feminine. She rises to the top along the spine in a fiery spiralling dance. When She breaks through to the crown, the Sahasrara, Shakti and Shiva unite. It is the destruction of duality and the resumption of Oneness. Separation ceases to be and unity is regained. In Unity consciousness, there is just the One. The light and love in this state is almost too much to bear. There is bliss and joy in infinity, unceasing. We are Heaven and there is nothing beyond us.