Search the Community

Sure if you are just comfortable and have never really suffered in life I guess you can enjoy an "ignorance is bliss" state of the lower stages. But many advance up the stages because of deep suffering, they are seekers and "have no choice", with such an intense suffering that nothing external is enough to keep them distracted. Then the methods that actually heal are revealed and you start to see the limitations of your current stage/paradigm and advance to the next stage. If the suffering is deep enough, your seeking will eventually end up in turquoise as only the Truth will suffice, all delusion is revealed as the lies they are as they can't touch the deepest suffering. That people can live good healthy lives in lower stages is not something many disagree on, but haven't you seen these people still chase "the next thing" live relatively spoiled/privileged lives surrounded by lots of material comfort, or maybe a group of like-minded people that just confirm their comforting beliefs?

@EternalForest I think you've made a common mistake (one that I have made myself) of assuming that once you recongise non-duality, all you're left to do is just sit there in enlightenment and not worry about anything at all going on around you. In some sense this is true, if you so choose you could just sit on your ass staring at trees all day, but in another thats just a shallow way of looking at it. Because remember, non-duality is so non-dual that it even allows for duality within it. Look at Leo. He's enlightened and yet he runs a forum, has a girlfriend, talks about philosophy and politics, does the shopping, posts memes, and all that regular stuff. Another thing to note is that while Tier 1, as you say, is guided by some sort of "innocent bliss", it's an innocence thats dependent very strongly on how the world is around you, and how the world moves will push and shove you about whether you want it to or not. Sure if you're young and healthy with no major responsibilities life might seem fun and breezy, but if you get older and sick, or if you end up in bad relationship after bad relatioship, or you suddenly find yourself looking after sick family members, or you get into financial trouble, or if you find yourself in a warzone, or if a political party that makes life harder for you gets into power, etc. etc. then being at Tier 1 will make it just that much harder to navigate these trials. Being at Tier 2 lets you be pro-active in creating your reality, rather than reactive, which is a great place to be. To me, the whole point of Tier 2 is that it gives you the tools to create the life you choose, not the life you've been told to want or the life you can't seem to get. If at Tier 2 you still want to have a family and go to soccer matches and watch movies, you can choose to do all these things, but if you don't want to do these things either, then you can also choose not to. You're not being compelled to do these things by your conditioning, or your society, or your hormones, or anything else like that. You're coming from a place of wisdom and control rather than ignorance and compulsion, which is an incredibly powerful framework to operate form.

The more deeply I study Spiral Dynamics, the more I realize that the true juice of life is lived at Tier 1, and not Tier 2. I mean yes, at Stage Yellow or Turquiose you've accessed levels of consciousness that most people couldn't even imagine, you've gained a total understanding of the entire system, and you've obtained all the wisdom you'll ever need. But...then what? What's left for you to do? The answer is nothing. There's nothing to do, there's nowhere to go from there except to start anew. From my view, the people at Stages Blue, Orange and Green, although they might be going through their own dysfunctions and they have their own levels of ignorance about things, there's a certain bliss in that. There's a certain bliss in living your life simply to make your family happy, to make your friends happy, to go see a football game or an epic concert, to building a business that matters a lot to you, to going to church, to having your own passions, goals and dreams. There's a certain joyful simplicity in life at Tier 1, a genuine purpose and a certain wonder at how the whole system is constructed. Sure, you can still have the knowledge of how the entire thing works metaphysically at Stage Yellow and still get that juice out of life, but its more subdued. There's more joy in experiencing than simply being. Tier 1 gets to actually get dirty and appreciate the highs and lows and intensities of life first hand. Turquoise may be conscious, but at the level they're at, they can't unknow the fact that they are an observer. It's like asking someone: Would you rather watch a movie or be inside the movie? There's a certain pleasure to both, but if you ask me, I'd rather be in the middle of the action, I'd rather be inside the movie!

If you're able to- Work 1-1 with a teacher and receive Transmissions. Ramana Maharshi- “Silence is truth. Silence is bliss. Silence is peace. And hence Silence is the Self.” Read this- http://nomindsland.blogspot.com/2016/06/sri-ramana-maharshi-silence-is-most.html Silence is and always has been the highest teaching. Words are amazing when necessary, but eventually all concepts must be let go. Self Inquiry was 'invented' by Ramana Maharshi for those not ready for the power of silence, to help them get to that silence and rest there, in the stillness you will then find God/ Absolute/ The Self. Transmissions from an awakened being could be compared to this silence on steroids, it's a bit of a shit analogy but I can't think of a better one! And, just to add once you arrive at the ultimate silence, then thoughts, feelings, the play of life ceases to have the same effects it had on you before as you are no longer identified with it. So, you will still have thoughts, emotions, things happen etc, but these will be felt, thought, lived in the now and then pass through you, the resistance and 'stickiness' is what changes. You could then say Non-Duality and Duality merge in one 'explosion' and the rest in this peace is beyond beautiful.

It inevitably bubbles up if you go far enough. Jung had some amazing insights. Well worth going into unless you'd prefer to be blindsided. Both options have their own charms. In my experience meditation and consciousness work eventually opened me up to experiencing bliss states, and becoming susceptible to becoming fascinated with certain things. I had an experience in a cemetery that was too strange for my mind to make sense of. I followed it through as if I was connecting the dots or uncovering clues on a scavenger hunt and what it lead to completely "broke" my reality. Following both inexplicable impulses or impulses that feel good leads to synchronicity which ties into symbols and archetypes which digs up shadow work and purifies the mind (clears karma, etc). It all flows into one. Jung explained and uncovered all these things. Becoming conscious of the law of attraction is what actually allowed this to be brought to fruition in my experience, I only learned about Jung to further understand it intellectually after the fact.

As the goldfinch on my dream board, the thing, the "symbol" I picked out of the bliss experience, out of the field of vision of the literal expansive field of buttercups I ran by, focus is creation and God focuses. "So when you are alert and contemplate a flower, crystal, or bird without naming it mentally, it becomes a window for you into the formless. There is an inner opening, however slight, into the realm of spirit. This is why these three "en-lightened" life-forms have played such an important part in the evolution of human consciousness since ancient times; why, for example, the jewel in the lotus flower is a central symbol of Buddhism and a white bird, the dove, signifies the Holy Spirit in Christianity. "- Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth OR another person. The Image of God. If you love, you'll see the current perfection of them.

So I established a constant Self-Inquiry Session everyday. I feel like I reveal the true Nature of I. Therefore experiencing this unlimited Peace. Everything has been so good since then. I feel like I know what I truly want. Thing is: god I am so negatively conditioned that it gets tough in some situations that triggered me before my Sessions. Meaning in that moment I feel like I got unconsciously triggered, feel down but simultaneously feel like this is "not the way it should be" because I know "what it feels like to be unconditionally Happy" but then I feel suddenly dependent again and kind of chase a State of unconditional happiness. What means more misery. And I do it all unconsciously. I do not want it! I feel like I go down the Spiral: "oh no got triggered or why am I unhappy now, why do I feel down?" I feel like I resist something. I do not want to resist that thing. BUT STILL RESIST IT ANYWAY. LEADING MY WAY DOWN THE SPIRAL OF SEEKING "BLISS". Which I know cannot be found. Trigger (not always clear what it was)-->resistance-->try to let go-->knowing that trying doesnt work-->blaming myself why cant I just Stop resisting-->keep resisting-->feeling more down-->simultaneously, in the background of all: I do not want this hamster wheel. Why do I resist even though I do not want to? I hate being soaked into others arguments and feeling like I have to defend myself as a person. It feels so unnatural. Funny thing is: I DO IT UNCONSCIOUSLY!!! I do not want to be defensive, hurt, harmed. It just happens. But I dont know what to do in these situations. My mind declared it as a "State" I have to seek and desire for. But actually I know it isnt. So whenever I feel not present, I keep chasing. It is like going in circles. I just want to be unconditionally Loving. And free of suffering. Sadly I often feel guilty for Not being present or unconditionally loving and triggered. I want to be Love.

Today I did a very low dose of a psychedelic early in the morning (10am). I had Therapy in the evening (8PM) so I thought it could be helpful to allow me to be open minded + receptive by the time of the afterglow. What I didn't expect is that I would Awake to I AM (to THIS, my true nature) from about 13pm to ~7pm. It wasn't a total AWAKENING. There wasn't bliss or non-dual awareness but clear freedom of choice between identifying with the mind or staying in I AM/This/TheNow. Fears would arise but nobody would identify with them. Ha! TheNow don't depend on the mind. TheNow had a "fun time" actually seeing that "I" am a total fiction and each one of my problems are created by loop-thought stories which make sense who @Javfly33 is. Anyway, I just came back from therapy and had an interesting time. I learned stuff but overall the final sensation I have now is that absolutely don't know shit about the world. I feel that there's no ground whatsoever, because apart from the sensation that a glimpse of Awakening gives you, also not even my false self is grounded because now his beliefs are being questioned too. This work is brutal.i just want to advice, if you mix psychedelics with introspection/therapy work, the result can be very very strong. Is tearing me apart . Although I'm less scared now that I see that the one who says "it's scary where this is going bro " is JUST a mental internal chatter that is intended to construct a "ground" to reality. There's no ground, though. Just THIS This who says "it's tearing me apart" it's actually me listening to fear and believing it. It just another story of @Javfly33 THIS doesn't have fear. Fun day I guess!

@Nahm no I agree with you. ive been using this whole psychoanalytic, attachment theory perspective for a while to figure things out and I think I’ve become less happy. The time for mourning about my past has ran its course. How many times will I keep replaying the same story over and over in my head? How many more days of my life will be lost holding onto this sadness, fear, resentment? I get it. I saw the movie enough times already to know. I started contemplating the drawbacks of feeling like this. Applying it to every thing. Every time mind creation started to make me miserable time and time again yesterday when was breaking down. When my mind became clear of all these chaotic waves, a profound bliss arose. I will continue to do so as this chapter has just begun.

Does pure evil exist? No, if it did, anyone failing to attain nirvana would be sent to hell forever. The paradox is that at the peak of a breakthrough dose bad trip (right before the switch to bliss/nirvana), it feels like eternal hell even though it actually lasts for 1 or 2 breaths at most. This is why people who have NDEs say they felt like they were in hell for weeks. Taken from my site here: https://www.reddit.com/r/speedruntonirvana/wiki/phase3 And to cite Epicurus: 'don't be afraid of pain, if pain is intense, it doesn't last too long; if it lasts for long, it's not very intense.' Anyway you can't have the good without the bad, even angels feel like hell for occasional short periods of time, I can't find the source but it was a channeling from the Micheal Teachings.

I don't know if there is such a thing as infinite or endless suffering (not referring even to time-span but to intensity). I of course hope not from my human perspective. I'd like to hope there is some limit in which if you were to go beyond that you would fall unconscious or pass out, or there would be some hard stop or a breakthrough, or some limit of suffering in which no form of consciousness has ever dares to trespass, or something like that. But it's a bit strange to think about it if you yourself were God and it was fully your choice to go and experience that deep, agonizing suffering or if you were to choose to step out of it. Now THAT is hard to reconcile. Some thought I do find comfort in is that what I regard to be the least favourable realistic scenario of how existence works is the idea that there can never be more suffering than there can be joy and happiness in the total experience through the course of what's perhaps an infinite lifespan of the soul. The idea that we as souls were to suffer more than we were to experience joy in the total sum of things, seems also from a rational perspective also just unrealistic. We then would come to experience an equal amount of peace and joy than we were to come experience suffering. And this scenario described here above would be pretty much the worst case scenario of what I regard to be somewhat realistic. Another possibility is that suffering are just very temporary, short-lived experiences and that most of the time in the lifespan of our souls we abide in the bliss and joy of God. That then seems a whole lot more comfortable to think about. Suffering in that sense would then be considered 'rare'. But honestly, we then could even ask what all of that would mean if we then were to say that 'time is an illusion' and those sort of things, making it once again another complete mindfuck, so in the end, I don't really know what to make of it or what to think about it, so it's best to just forget about it all instead of trying to seek some comfort in a thought and go with what Gnosis had said, which is this statement:

@Nahm Why is there discomfort or resistance to surrender? I understand your point here, I can just be present and allow whatever arises to just be. But it doesn't feel like love/bliss/joy. It feels uncomfortable, and there is a push to go back into thinking/distraction and away from the discomfort of the moment.

@Nahm I understand. I don't like these kinds of fake intellectual people I think they are idiot/bs pretenders. Why are you afraid to call people out for not being on the path? When I hear people talk about something that I can tell they clearly don't understand I mentally note that they are idiots. This habit has gotten magnified since I started on the path haha, but it's better than the alternative for me which is assuming people know what they are talking about, and others' opinions about reality should be trusted at face value. I clearly see the problem with their perspectives, and I have no desire to be like either of them. But again lol. I don't understand how this pertains to me, and the inspection work/emotional scale/thinking-feeling relationship. I clearly have misguided assumptions underlying thinking that is creating suffering, but how to see through it decisively is another story. I can puncture the narrative in the mind with presence pretty reliably now, but when i come to the present i don't feel bliss/love/joy etc. I just get relief from being lost in thinking about myself.

I have read a few of your posts since I am on the vipassana path as well. I read your post about the continued state of samatha/joy and was wondering about that. Daniel Ingram writes about a friend of his who was practicing jhanas for like 30 years or something and was sort of stuck there. Dan Ingram also has a chapter on how to use unpleasant/ unwanted experiences to further the practice. After I had experienced the first jhana on retreat, I felt I was always striving for this state during meditation and peace feeling off mat. But I think that one has to realize that joy, happiness, bliss are still experiences of sensations and mentality. I assume this is where equanimity arises. My last retreat was with a teacher from Pa Auk method and he always emphasized looking to who/ what is experiencing these sensations, shifting from experiencing to observing. I think I'm rambling a bit but would like to say, I enjoy your posts and look forward to reading about your progress on the path.

Yes can definitely try that thanks! When I try to put awareness on a feeling, and drop the thought about/describing the feeling, I go through multiple iterations of thoughts describing the feeling(oh I'm feeling bad about being fat! Oh no actually it's about me not accepting myself, oh no it's about me not being ok with being by myself, loneliness, etc). And each one feels like a different paradigm(different perspective). Is this what you mean by work your way up? I've been practicing the excersises (you guided me with) and have gotten a lot out of that. In fact this bliss state I believe is directly correlated to my kriya(inner effort) to do those excersises. After observing the emotion(rather than the thought) and basically recontexualising all of the emotions/feelings(because I use to believe thought about the feeling, rather than the feeling itself, so I was misinterpreting the feeling all my life) all of these different sensations are starting to come out: bliss, deep motivation, freedom. And this is making it hard to 'control' myself to do the spiritual practices. It's like the thoughts are telling me to do the spiritual practices(like meditation) but I'm loosing capacity to listen to thought...

All breakthrough trips go from hell to nirvana unless you're an high-level old soul (a Michael Teaching concept), in which case you go directly to Nirvana like it happened to Grof (even sub-breakthrough doses seem to work for them, see Leo and many others, although this fact is misleading lots of people who think they can just drop an acid and many even think that they experienced nirvana just because they felt a bit high and some "spiritual thought" they read somewhere before came in their mind in that moment). I speculate that higher-level old souls spend less time in hell before the switch to bliss but I'm not really sure about this. Anyway Martin Ball says that you can vape up to 30 mg, so 60 mg plugged is far from an overdose, how longer is the effect when plugged? We might make some calculation to establish safe non-OD rectal doses.

Oh shit, that might mean that we need quite some more because if one breakthroughs for a too-short period it doesn't switch from terror to bliss/nirvana. Keep us posted please, thank you.

People even on this forum have no idea what the actual in-between lives process is like. The Michael Teachings channelings and other sources explain it in details and it's kinda terrifying actually. For example, the soul doesn't cut its tie to the physical body after the modern-era usual drug/pain killers assisted clinical death, so in short you feel the emotional and physical pain of your body being cremated/slowly decaying in a coffin, then (I imagine) you have a long period of PTSD, plus the inability to interact with physical matter (try dry-fasting alone with no internet, nicotine, etc, for a day only and tell me how it feels... I tried yes, add the ptsd to that, also: you can't just go to sleep like we do here 1/3 our time); then it doesn't get better for a long time unless your beliefs/knowledge tell you that the friendly angels trying to make you move on to your next incarnation aren't just some devils in disguise trying to trick you and bring you to hell forever; then there's the life review, which can be really bad if you have made significant bad karma in this life. Sources can be found here: https://www.reddit.com/r/speedruntonirvana/wiki/phase3 This fear is not all bad though, it's the most powerful pull to try to reach enlightenment, and if you know how bad psychedelics breakthrough doses can be (right before the switch to bliss/nirvana) for "non high-level old souls" (another Michael Teaching concept), you know you need a strong pull like that to get the courage to take them (this assuming "non high-level old souls" can't reach actualization without psychedelics breakthrough doses, which I'm sure of, the why is explained in my site linked above).

I posted a week or 2 ago about this issues. Got some great replies, helped me overcome issues that were completely unrelated to the original post - while helpful, I would like to overcome this issue. Ok so the problem is, in the previous post I said I get an ego backlash every 2 weeks. After further inspection, that may have been an incorrect diagnosis. I will describe the symptoms in more detail. Every 2 weeks, I enter an alternative state of consciousness which seems like an ego backlash but may not be. In the experience, the following happens: - massive body high, bliss. Body feels like a ball of bliss energy. - social anxiety and worrying about what others thing completely goes away. Can do cold approach with 0 negative experience or thought, anytime, anywhere. - feel deeply powerful or deeply movtivated and energetic to get things done, overcome fears and exit comfort zone. - Consciousness of feelings and thoughts remain the same as sober. - smiling all the time. It's sort of like mania but highly conscious. It's sort of like being drunk on alcohol, but highly conscious. It reminds me of how I felt on San Pedro. Whenever I experience these states, I don't feel like meditating, or doing my goals. This experience essentially knocks me off my trajectory. Because of the frequency, this causes disruptions in my trajectory. Do you guys experience this? Is this the right way to look at it? This is a concern for me. Is this my ego tricking me? Is this concern not warranted for someone who is deeply motivated?

@Tanz yeah that dude is pretty Effin enlightend though, he told one story of not moving for a week or something he was in some kinda state of bliss. Crazy. there are different levels of enlightenment they say, stream entry & then walking masters. I didn’t realize this for a long time but it like anything there are brand new professional Basketball players then there are the Michael Jordan’s of the world, apples & oranges.

@Tony 845 Thanks for sharing your experience and happy to read your story of bliss. Ive had multiple awakenings including through kundalini and various methods without the use of psychedelics. When you really tap into yourself you become the spirit molecule. To my knowledge permanent non-dual state is impossible to obtain. Even masters like Sadhguru arent full-blown there, however they have done enough training to be able to tap into it anytime they can focus in a short amount of time. On that note, getting there is one thing and finding a way to do something with what you know or become are two different things.

I'm gonna be talking from my experience of discovering repressed unconscious material. So I confronted, or more pessimistically put stumbled upon, contents of my mind I've suppressed from conscious awareness. There is an intense fear like no other. A fear at the absolute malevolence of the world. The malevolence which seeks to violate and rape everything innocent. And in my personal case, there are images of the ethereal tribe which demands conformity and crushes everything sacred and special. I just imagine shaded, detail-less humanoid figures with evil grins on their faces. Malevolence seeks to destroy goodness and innocence for the sake of it. I imagine the serial killer who ruthlessly tortures the infant to death. Is this feeling of violation the root of so much trauma I and others have, I wonder. The perception of pure evil, and the terrifying feeling of trying to run away from it but not succeeding. And worst of all is neither the fight or flight, but the freeze reaction. The despondency of being violated. There are traumas I imagine which can generalise beyond the specific form of human malevolence and violation. I can imagine the some ancient humans living in the jungle and a child has their dad eaten in front of them by a Lion. In which case the blame shifts to reality and nature itself quite directly. But nonetheless, you feel violated by nature. Well I frame it like that for now since inquiring and contemplating this word "violation" is extremely interesting and fascinating for me in this present moment. For some strange reason the contemplation/inquiry of the intense fear I felt has turned into bliss and amusement for now.

@Yonkon I recommend some of the Tantrik Yoga meditations on gaia.com by Christopher Wallis. There is one called Opening The Heart Center or Lotus of the Heart or something like that. Very powerful and simple and if you are willing to be open you will feel the base of the heart, actually located closer to the solar plexus. There is a firm point there where you can rest. You get better at accessing it with practice. When you find it is bliss. Also Matt Kahn's transmissions on youtube are very powerful if you allow yourself to be open.

@Red-White-Light Yeah when I had my awakening experiences I knew instantaneously that it was the same thing - i was like holy fuck this is Depersonalization! however i believe it is lacking the Bliss and the Love and the realizations that come with enlightenment and the elevated consciousness levels. Shinzen Young calls it enlightenment's evil twin because it's like only half the story.

It’s been less than 24 hours and it’s already hard to remember all the intricate details of my mushroom experience yesterday, but I will try my best to recall as many details as I can Set: Calm mind for the most part, had tripped on 1g of Psilocybe Cubensis 2 days prior. Some background anxiety and fear (about life in general) going on but not pronounced. Was unsure of how 2g would affect me since of potential tolerance to my recent mild dose which only brought about subtle trip effects, mainly a body high with a slightly trippy headspace. Setting: Secluded beach north of San Francisco, near Point Reyes National Seashore. No crowds of people here, empty for the most part since it is so far off the main drag. Intention: -Be more present during the deep parts of the trip -Question the mushroom more, be more open to new answers -Become conscious of how reality is being constructed -Transcend my everyday thinking patterns that cause unwanted suffering *Times are rough estimates mostly: 3:00pm- Dosed the mushrooms in the car before arriving at the beach, 2 whole dried mushrooms weighing roughly 1g each, with a ginger tablet for digestion. The mushroom taste never bugs me like others report. It doesn’t taste good per say, but I have no problem chewing them thoroughly. Set up a towel with some snacks on the beach by some sand dunes. 3:30pm- Was walking near the ocean with my bare feet, I began to feel weird sensations in my body. The wind felt very strong blowing by the water, I began to feel uncomfortably cold, with a little background anxiety coming on. Really was focusing on deep nasal breathing which calmed me a bit. When I walked further inland to my towel, it was the opposite, no winds, just extreme silence, this transition was borderline overwhelming for my psyche knowing the mushrooms hadn’t really started to kick in fully yet. 4:00pm- Walked up on the sand dunes behind my towel, peed by some bushes, I remember I started having thoughts about what my “story” would be writing my trip report later. I would think how I would most accurately recall this experience into words to express it best I could. Then I started feeling guilty about this. I started feeling guilty thinking about the forum, like I was “confusing the map for the territory” I began thinking and saying outloud “fuck that shit” over and over and just desperately wanted to be present and forget everything else. Problem is I couldn’t do this. This was a prevailing theme for the trip, that my ego mind, identification with my thoughts, could not silence. 4:30pm- Laid down on my beach towel, and started becoming so thankful and appreciative about the emotional difficulty and background fears I had just faced during the come up phase. I was like “thank you so much” saying out loud, feeling like this was the mushrooms gift to me, making me stronger this way. So I layed back on my towel, put my arm over my eyes and started to watch the fractal patterns. Every time I eat mushrooms I see the SAME PATTERNS! Mechanical fractals, almost flower-like, spiraling and transforming in the blackness. Almost a faint gold color. The weird thing is, after my first time noticing these on mushrooms, I can see them in my day to day life with my eyes closed if I focus hard enough, although they are extremely elusive. When tripping, they just become extremely pronounced and even project on to surfaces, such as becoming tattoos all over my skin during previous trips. Anyway, back to the current experience. As I layed with my eyes closed watching, I felt no fear, and was thinking about how this beautiful psychedelic imagery is something I love so much and am intrigued so deeply by, but at the same time am usually fearful to be present with and observe. Why? I think my ego is always scared of getting sucked in too deeply. I suddenly open my eyes to look at the beach, and I become overwhelmed with the transition to the external scenery. I began to feel fear when I checked the time and realized it was only an hour and a half after dosing, and it had felt like so much longer. Again I return to my breath and my vision starts to slowly adjust to the bright sunlight. 5:00pm- I began contemplating a sea dollar I found. I was questioning how the flower-like pattern could be there, so symmetrically placed. It seemed so much like a human design, but yet it was completely untouched by man. I was thinking “what is this” over and over. 5:30pm- This is when I entered the deepest levels of consciousness. The sun started setting and began walking toward it on the beach, again barefoot, feeling the cold energy of the earth. I started questioning my life purpose. I wanted to communicate with the mushroom, like Terrence Mckenna had always talked about. In the background I knew this is just communication to my higher self. I began thinking questions in my mind, almost pleading for answers, “what is my life purpose”? I heard nothing. “Why can’t you tell me what my future holds?” And I just waited for a split second trying to be as open as I could to a higher answer. And boom, I got a sudden “download” along the lines of “If you knew your path already, there would be no point of life playing out. That's the whole point and beauty of life, not knowing what the future holds but having it play out organically as time goes on”. Then this is when words can’t describe what I was feeling, I didn’t feel like a human anymore, I was contemplating so deeply what reality was and how it was being constructed, and I got another download “You don’t know anything at all”. And I just accepted that. I just felt like such a limited, finite animal being. I felt so limited in my human body, almost like a primitive caveman. All the dualities of animal and human went out the window. From here the trip got less intense, but overall it left me with way more questions than answers. I couldn’t transcend my ego mind at all. I never entered a deep fear or state of panic, but it was like all my subtle background fears in life were pronounced and I couldn’t enter a state of peace or bliss. While I know I shouldn’t get down in the dumps about this, it's hard not to feel a little disappointed in myself that I was such a slave to my negative thoughts. I know the answer here is loving myself more, as much as an uphill battle as that seems at times. There was so much profundity in my deepest state staring at the sunset, but trying to capture what I was feeling in this report seems futile. So many details have left my mind already, but I feel it was the closest I ever came to transcending my human form. Maybe I just wasn’t ready for the next level of higher understanding. Heres some pictures of my scenery during the trip: Didn't take these, found them on the web. Was too busy in the trip to take pictures or work my phone. Up on the dunes, my towel was just below the hill on the beach side: Sunset (almost exactly how it looked yesterday) when I was standing by the shore looking at it and questioning deeply: