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Chapter 28 Foundational emotions. The emotions/instincts of hunger and fear,survival,possession, intimacy. When these are threatened its called abuse of basic human rights. Examples of this behavior would be, death threats, kidnapping the person, not letting the person to eat, keeping a person chained, false imprisonment, threatening to kill or rape, physical assault or attack, stalking, killing, suicide due to harassment, blackmailing, suicide threats, sexual abuse, attacking the person's children.. Such behavior is criminal. Foundational violation. Basic qualities and emotions of love, dignity, peace, trust, and happiness. These constitute the person's attachment to house, hearth, job, occupation,religion, marriage, children, family, neighborhood, etc. The threatening of such emotions is "violation of basic mental and emotional needs." I will call this principal violation. Since it is the violation of basic principles or premises on which the relationship between two people or between a person and a system or institution exists. When these basic emotions are threatened, there is a possibility for the other person to then have emotional agenda and that in some way is justifiable because their trust has been broken. Therefore such a person reacting out of emotion is not very unwise or being criminal or bad. They are just being emotional. Although such a reaction may not have been necessary the anger or outrage is understandable. There is a crucial difference. A person can behave a certain way when there is no cause. This is aggressor behavior. If the person freaks out or is acting aggressive or is having temper tantrum but because they were triggered and they were abused or they were provoked or pushed to the edge or enraged by bad behavior then this behavior is not aggressor or reactor behavior. This behavior is not to be judged.. Examples Foundational violations A mother intentionally starving a child or a boy being bullied with death threats in school or a child being thrown out of the house even if he hasn't caused any harm or sexual assault of a woman at the workplace or stalking, or a person's reputatio being endangered causing him or her loss of job and income. Principal violations A husband cheating on the wife, a husband being emotionally abusive to his wife, uncaring individual, uncaring parents, a religious cult that bullies the member, classroom bullying,. Cyberbullying, a neighbor threatening or spreading rumors, isolation and humiliation of an employee , The nature of the perpetrator of violation. Is he /she an aggressor Is he /she a reactor This should be taken out before deciding or differentiating wrong and right behavior.

He was certainly of high vibration Also enlightenment is not an on and off switch, it is a gradient Which explains why many on the path of enlightenment still embody a part of the collective misery, although in their own special way, even suicide done by someone of high vibration can carry a lot of meaning So I maintain that no one will fully enlighten unless the whole world is enlightened, it is a collective evolution, we all carry the world inside of us and its emotional plane, as long as a part of the world is sick so will a part of us reflect that

This is another fascinating idea put forward by mark hyman in the book. "Consuming too many omega 6 fats also increases the likelihood of inflammatory diseases and links to mental illness, suicide, and homicide. In fact, studies have shown a connection of mental health with inflammation in the brain." https://drhyman.com/blog/2016/01/29/why-oil-is-bad-for-you/

Fine? The only thing that keeps me going is that I have an easy method of suicide prepared and ready to go, a bunch of weights and ropes in my room, a city canal, in case things get really too intense, the option to be able to sign out gives me reassurance and control over the experience, I came really close to giving in a few times, at this point each day is a win I've tripped so far visually that people myself included look like aliens compared to what humans looked like before, yet somehow I'm able to somewhat function, yes, I'm glad for that I could try to write down how intrigate and hard this experience , believe me I didn't try, but I don't like to moan, which is why I like your attitude. You're right, the last shaman I went to who started my initial trip could offer me little advice, perhaps I could benefit from talking to another shaman, even if it is mere talking If I could push a button to reverse the experience , stop it, loss of insights included I'd push it, I would've pushed it a thousand times, thats how I know this experience is not exactly a gift, there is no value in power through self-destruction @Bryan Lettner Hey Brian, did your 6-8 months trip include visual evolutions? Or not at all

Hello Actualized.org, hello all who may visit. I decided to finally post a Self-Actualization Journal. My name is Paulina. I'm a very naturally curious and self-motivated person. I consider myself to be a natural explorer too. For the last few years in my life, I've lost a sense of direction and purpose do to various personal and economical problems. I fell into a deep depression and stayed there for years until one day I was on the brim of suicide. My family agreed I was crazy (or something) and I bought into this lie so I spent a lot of time and effort with shrinks... to little avail. I touched bottom, so I started digging into the root cause of my life's structure (rather, un-structure). I've found fascinating factors, I've gone through so many strange experiences and encounters and this is me trying to piece it all together. Feel free to comment, to share opinions and even contact me if you feel compelled, I'm quite open to people. September 26th, 2018. Cafe Tal - noon. I came here to read on the sociology of tourism, an article I downloaded a couple of days ago, and found some very interesting information which represented a huge relief to me: knowing that this thing named neo-colonialism exists and is acknowledged; I intuited a lot of what the article went on and now I have the vocab and references to back it up, if it ever comes up in conversation. https://www.jstor.org/stable/2083181?newaccount=true&read-now=1&seq=6#metadata_info_tab_contents https://www.ukessays.com/essays/tourism/tourism-is-a-neo-colonialist-activity-tourism-essay.php https://www.ukessays.com/essays/tourism/ Last week I began remembering and polishing my French skills on Duolingo. A friend brought it up and in a moment of procrastination I a gave it a go. I'm liking the App -I use the web page version- more than I thought I would, it's well programmed. I also began learning Japanese, for no good reason, probably a distraction. It's fun nevertheless and I feel at peace putting my mind to work rather than have it wander on its own. Ballet. I haven been to dance class for a while now. My muscles are resting but in the process they are probably losing strength. I also don't feel as energetic as usual. I don't feel like I should go back to my ballet lessons. It's not clear to me where I'm going, where the group is going, what is expected of me... why doesn't anyone talk about what's going on!! it's son unclear, the uncertainty stresses me out so much. There are other factors why I haven't gone back... I love the girls, the teacher.. the environment has become toxic for me though. I can't handle the drama right now. I'm not gaining anything.. people are nice-ish to me, at least they leave me alone, but I'm not treated like a ballerina, like a dancer, like an equal. Anyway, I'm working on flexibility, it's there, I still got it. Flute. I just saw a post of a flute master-class on Friday. I'm going for sure, just gotta think what to bring to the class so I may get a critique on it. I love my flute. I cried while playing the other day.. my memory goes so far back of when I began, and I'm finally starting to feel satisfied with my progress. Car problems. I finally took the car to the shop. I'd been having problems with it for the last month or two but well... ignored them, I didn't think they were _that_ serious..... but alas, they are, something got into the motor and the repair.... it may just be more expensive than I can afford right now. Self-actualization. I'm waking up early, around 5:30am. I'm learning how to relax my body. I'm not getting up until later though, sometimes I fall back to sleep. I'm getting up at around 7am, which is good for now, but not the objective. I don't get hungry until a couple of hours have passed after I get up. I like taking tea, walking, stretching and getting some sunlight in the early morning. Then I go about my daily activities. I'm also going to bed no later than 11, though sometimes I'll fall asleep at around midnight. I'm not where I would like to yet as far as sleep-wake discipline but I must remind myself that this is a huge progress in comparison to my former out-of-whack sleep-wake cycle. That is all for now. Forum topics I though of for future use: mocking to the death, a true story of cultural difference. society's catch 22's. distinguishing advanced creatures from retarded ones, impossible?. the trauma of cultural set-back. the trauma of societal set-back.

To me, this sounds like a perspective of the self. I would say this usage of free will is an illusion. It's very simple to recognize this, yet difficult since the ego will resist at any cost. There is nothing more dear to the ego than free will. If a person has reached the "observer-object" stage of meditation, it's fairly obvious that ego-based free will is an illusion. After reaching the "observer + object" space during meditation, observe thoughts. Focus on where they arise from. It's totally obvious that the self is not the author of one's thoughts. This awakening is devastating to the self, since it is obsessed with maintaining the illusion that it is in control of the narrative and is making choices. The next stage is to look for the "chooser". Exactly who/what is the "chooser"? If my self is not the author of my thoughts, how can it be a chooser? I spent about 3 months of meditation searching for a "chooser" and couldn't find one. The only thing I found was a subjective experience that there was a self making choices. For me, this was one of the most important awakenings I've had. It opened the door to a whole new world of spirituality. Living under the delusion of ego-based free will is a *major* block. It is a brick door preventing spiritual advancement. As well, so much suffering is caused by this ego-based delusion that it is a "chooser". Individuals and societies put so much emphasis and pressure about making the "right choices" - it causes so much stress, anxiety, regret and remorse. A person under the delusion that they are a self making choices will believe that they need to make choices which will lead to happiness in the future. As well, they will believe that they could have made different (better) choices in the past. Furthermore, this delusion will not be limited to the personal self - it is extended to others. The personality will believe that other people have a self that is making choices. IME, the biggest trap to self-actualization is the attachment and identification with self-based free will / choice. The VAST majority of people never escape this trap. For me, it was extremely painful for me to release myself from this trap. It was the only time in my life I considered suicide. Yet, it was also the most liberating process of my life.

Dude, there's no paradise. If someone kills himself he's going to disappear forever. And lose all life opportunites. There's no paradise and no female virgins awaiting you in the afterlife. I'm the same age as you and I was very hopeless and demotivated a few years ago. You can do it. Reconnect with nature, find bliss in just taking a break in the park with a bicycle, or walking. Feel the connection with pets, if you have one; bond with friends. You are just reinforcing the negative beliefs and this pattern is making your ego TRICK you into believing that suicide is good. It's not good, dude. It's just your ego subjugating you, and enslaving you with pessimism. This will help a lot. WATCH IT.

if you are a christian you know what your name means don‘t you - find that in yourself! stop being a wrong christ on the cross. jesus didn’t pin himself there. got it? suicide is not the only true choice we ever got - we can also choose to stop abusing ourselfs by choosing life! there is mutch more between life and death than darkness.

Did the first hour with Do-Nothing, the second hour with mantra repetition, and planned to just wing it after that . At about the 1:45 mark, I was a complete blank screen. No thoughts, no sense of presence, no identity. I was like a lump of coal that could sit there forever and ever. After a couple minutes of that, I felt a strange feeling of sadness and hopeless desperation creeping in like a fog, but it was from a memory that was taking shape, rather than my own mood/feelings at the time. The memory that took shape so vividly was a day when I must have been 18 or 19. I hadn't thought of this day in 25 years, yet recalled everything. I'd come home from work to eat my lunch, and I only had a short time before I had to go back to the store. It was, I think, the lowest time in my life. I was abjectly lost. Severe depression was a theme of my life in those late teen years. I was dangerously close to latching onto and following the call of suicide that came to me, and that day at lunch was the closest I'd come to simply giving in and doing it. My mother, my sweet mother, she knew I was down and wanted so badly to make her baby OK. She had no idea, though, the thoughts that I was entertaining. She made me a toasted cheese sandwich with tomato soup, and as I told her how good it tasted, I thought that this could be my last meal. I had a pheasant gun at the time, and knew that ending my suffering was a trigger pull away. I thought how all my co-workers would wonder why I hadn't come back from lunch. I stared at my soup and thought all this as I chewed. Sitting in meditation, never stopping my mantra, I relived this entire memory, but from a detached position. It was like I experienced the whole thing again, but from an observer's POV. I sat and cried. Silent tears running down my face and neck and chest in the darkness. The tears were an observer's sympathy and compassion for that poor boy. He was so inconsolable, so tragically lost. My whole body shook for probably 5 minutes. I calmed down and went on to finish the sit, but felt like I moved past some aspect of my ego and shadow that was hanging out in my subconscious. I feel lighter. Thanks for reading, and I hope you're having a good Monday.

so i've been thinking about suicide lately for the past couple of days and i believe on of the reasons is that i have the belief "i believe i will be happy when i die" so i did some work by byron katie and changed it to "i wont be happy when i die" now idk if its the belief its self but i got this feeling on my chest and its a weird sensation like a worry tightening sensation. not sure if its because its a change of believe that caused it. to change a belief you also need to change the emotion you attach it to. my question is it okay to have the belief "i wont be happy when i die" if it means you wont commit suicide or get a more neutral belief. also what happens when you change a belief? like do you get a sensation in the body or anything like that?

Suicide is easy. Did you do everything, literally everything possible to raise your happiness levels? If your answer is that no, because it's hard, then do the hard thing. Become the hardest of all. You will not be taken down easy.

Thinking about suicide and having thoughts of it are one thing, lots of people go through this, but aren't serious about doing it, which is a good thing. You don't sound serious about doing it, another good thing. Perhaps you should ask yourself what are the things you do like about being a live, and do more of those and dont worry about what it means to have some suicidal thoughts occasionally. If you are seriously considering and feel a lot of emotion to do so, then call a hotline or seek some help privately or with family, it can open up things.

@Nahm you're starting to see my point I guess. It has to do with my work here because it shows me the contradictions in what Leo and we are doing. If Leo is consistent with himself, he'll admit that the reason he wants to attain enlightenment is to get more energy ( strengthen his psychology) and connect to infinite intelligence so that he can achieve more in his life ( maybe not materialistic achievement) but some kind of achievement like being able to invent new technology or solve the world's unsolved mathematics problems. It's still a materialistic desire. It's contradictory to enlightenment. Because enlightenment means you simply live from moment to moment with no goal, no desire, no planning. I'm not saying enlightened people are lazy people but if you look at Osho's life in an honest way, you can clearly see the mentality like "go get a job or start a business, support yourself" never entered into his mind". He even said he would never get into business. He simply lived moment to moment his entire life. It's what laziness is according to common logic. But we know he was not a lazy man. He went on teaching and teaching. However, he had no planning at all. Just imagine what his life would be if no one fed him food unconditionally? no one bought his books? He'd just commit suicide because he wouldn't want to get a job. What we can say about that type of person? Again we'd just call him a useless human being. But that's what enlightenment is. About the juice: Do you mean I care about something we have no control over? Maybe, because we're not scientists. Just like the way a maths teacher probably knows the best way is to have his student take a pill that can make him smarter but because that method is not available yet so he needs to rely on a secondary method which is the student will solve more problems. But if the second method is actually useless what is the point of sticking to it? I myself have not found a solution yet.

karma's a ditch. I've been thinking a lot about karma lately. How sometimes, the most loving, helpful thing to do for a person is to leave them to their own devices. Reality will eventually slap them in the face, and it's their free will to go with or against the flow. And some people in this lifetime will continually go against the flow until the day they die. It makes no sense, but neither does Reality in general. The classic curmudgeon comes to mind. You know, the old fart that sits on his rocking chair holding a twelve gauge threatening kids to get off his lawn while the world around him gets bulldozed and un-dozed. The walls around his worldview are becoming brittle, and he will devote the rest of his life to rebuilding the walls in a Sisyphean struggle. I suppose it's noble, because good god, you've got to have some strong principles to go so deeply against the flow. And besides, what's the point in trying to change his mind? He is the legal suicide bomber, so completely entrenched in his ditch of beliefs that he wants to pull other people down, and nobody can pull him out. Karma's a bitch, but she has to be, in order to give the lessons that she needs to give. As Jed McKenna says, Reality can be a playful puppy... but when that puppy doesn't get proper attention, she can piss all over your carpet and rip your sofa to shreds. The reason I'm thinking about karma is because I am positively shocked at my level of acceptance towards the struggles of the people around me. The spiritual ego shut up almost completely. It's not angry at the parents or the clueless store clerks for being so unconscious, and it doesn't crusade for spirituality or personal growth. It's just sitting there in that silent corner of my psyche having a time out with no foreseeable end. I haven't been writing much lately either because there's so little to complain about. Life is miraculous and amazing and painful and uncomfortable and all the shades in between. And it's all good.

You haven't changed my mind. I believe people are being honest with the polls. I believe if people are truly suffering to a large degree they will not hide it, instead they will complain about it because they want to feel sorry for themselves. "And on some random poll they are going to be fully honest and disclose their true sentiments?" This wasn't one random pole. I read about 20 and then picked one that was closest to the averages that I saw. The suicide rate in the United States is definitely increasing. That I agree with.

So everyone is fully conscious of their levels of happiness and fulfillment within their lives? And on some random poll they are going to be fully honest and disclose their true sentiments? People try to hide their feelings and deny them. There is a spectrum of happiness and suffering, the two are not necessarily synonymous. One can be suffering some serious emotional pains but still very content and at ease in the grand scheme of their life. Meanwhile, someone can be super happy about their new car and hot girlfriend but a growing feeling in their core of meaningless and emptiness. Someone earlier explained this, the worst suffering is shutting yourself off from feeling because the pain is too much - this is what is happening largely throughout the world. Our modern society has people moving less and less and spending more time stagnant at work, in their commute, watching television, etc. and their bodies are becoming increasingly rigid and lacking of motility (i.e. energy and ability to feel and express emotions). If you look at the rates of depression, anxiety and suicide rates (and the corresponding BS pharmaceuticals prescribed) around the world it is increasing rapidly. It's like the pain inside gets worse and worse but your body literally does not allow you to experience it by contracting your musculature and inhibiting the flow of energy and emotions.

My goal is not necessarily to live as long as possible, but to be maximally healthy and able-bodied at any age, physically and mentally. I am also very optimistic that much new technology and ancient wisdom can prevent, or reverse diseases of aging. I'm not afraid of death itself, and the first world is becoming more accepting of compassionate suicide as an alternative to a slow and/or painful death. You've probably heard a recent news story of 104 year old man who went to the Netherlands to be euthanised, since he had declined so much he no longer enjoyed living. The best way to die would probably be in your sleep, but even if you have end-of-life care, you will be so high out of your mind on drugs you won't worry about anything.

I am confused about how animals view the world. Leo says, "don't fix what isn't broken" referring to e.g your cat, that you don't have to teach them about enlightenment. However. I have read some stories about elephants carrying traumatic events for years after someone dies, or they get mistreated etc. Or even a dolphin who committed suicide by drowning himself after they had sex with a human and the human just left them. Heartbroken the Dolphin swam to the bottom of the sea. (If you want I can post sources) So how do you explain this? If one is enlightened, then why carry lifelong trauma? Or commit suicide after the deed?

I think in the eyes of God all is equal. My my perspective is more like the following video........ Not that there isn't necessarily value in people/animals. Inequality, not sure what that even means, if reality/being just is. Got to be some element to it, I think it's mostly political, thought it was interesting listening to the history of the Peloponnesian War that the Athenian Democrats complained about exacting tribute from smaller states, "thinking that because we are a democracy, that they are our equals." Funny part later in the book when many of the men were freaking out from a particular town(more like village in modern numbers) allied to Athens, under-siege by arrow fire, trying to commit suicide with the arrow heads. Before they were all killed, and the women and children sold into slavery and the town turned into a colony of Thebes, didn't mess around then. Hilarious that they made a fairly well, although not well enough put together argument beforehand. The clincher being yeah Thebes sold out Greece to the Persians, but you guys were offered the opportunity to remain neutral, maybe it would have made a difference, maybe not.

@CreamCat good video. On a side note, Teal Swan is certainly somewhat interesting to me. I've only seen a couple of videos by her. Her suicide one was pretty cool. I don't mind her as a "new ager" compared to people like Ralph Smart.

@Gryner lol yes I had a similar experience, i was having constant spiritual experiences before i found actualized and the stuff on here just caused me psychosis, i didn't;t go to the hospital but i was going to see a therapist if i didn't get better. Except your feeling like god and fearless part, thats how I felt before but it felt amazing not like i was intentionally trying to kill myself for no reason lol, from this site i stated to believe i should commit suicide as soon as possible and that is enlightenment. which was 180 from the profound mystical experience life i was having before where every moment was like this profound dream i was having so idk, maybe he is just difficult to understand and is saying something in a way that we are having troublee understanding. but the way he says it makes it seem to me like he is saying that i should literally commit suicide right now and that is what everyone should do

in fact enlightenment seems anti-spiritual it sucks for me. i only care about spirituality aka my own individual energetic resonance at all costs, not some bullshit suicide.

@Leo Gura interesting. So what happens if you are convicted of murder. Sentenced to jail, life long. It'd be like a "game over" so what then? Do you keep being alive for the game to naturally end? Or do you commit suicide? (What would you do in this situation?) Secondly, I am just one of the characters of your game? Isn't it weird that every enlightened person sees the other person as not real? And you are just as not real as any other person? Hm. Don't think I'm ready for the truth yet.

How much does it shit in the woods? I think its a really good question, one as a 20 year spiritual practitioner have found myself blindly thinking suffering goes on more then it maybe does. I can see how this has formed a perhaps false idea of reality, and served as a reason to feel as though I have a solution to all this suffering (not to say the spiritual life and lessons can uplift or benefit humanity). Its also weighed on my heart in a belief that reality is a lot worse then maybe it actually. I mean if we are to take into account any use of happiness surveys that ask how much a person feels content for what ever reasons that feel they are content, or summarize how they feel during a question of if they are happy, who is to say thats not happy? From what I've read it seems like people stat being relatively happy/content 50-70%. Interesting though that this is across 100 or so countries (a really interesting side fact is all countries when asked what do they think is the average level of happiness of the general population, they answer 30-50% lower then reported). Its really easy to think everyone deep down is really just a mess and suffering, and perhaps it is this way, but the percentage of people that have psychological issues (anxiety, depression of all levels, bi-polar, suicide statistics, etc) It's maybe 20% of the population. Sure maybe people are "self" medicating via drugs, alcohol, and food, and what ever craving we can think of, but perhaps some of this is a projection onto a generalized whole from a spiritual slant. I mean I believe a lot of the people who get into spirituality and the ones that awakened to something greater, had a lot going on, perhaps more then the average joe, their experience of humanity may not be a actual reflection of the human condition. Im no expert, but if I had to guess the general okayness/not suffering/kinda content of the general population is 40-50%, 20-30% pretty happy (even if its not for reasons of self knowing, bliss, god recognition) and then a gradual gradation going down into the into unhappy/suffering levels. Still lots to improve, its just not what I think the people who are really suffering and seeking spirituality generally think. Again I'm talking about general feelings of ones life, not if there isn't impactful emotional moments or tragedies, I think these are more common and most people face stuff that is regarded as hardship, but I'm not sure if that makes "most" people not like their life

Sorry for this wall of text but it would mean alot to me if you read it. I cannot convey my situation in a simpler way than this. In short: Meditation have such a small effect on me im not sure there even is an effect, my spiritual life is so uneventful! - why is this and what should i do? My history with spiritual practice: Ive meditated a little/experimented the past 5 - 10 years The past year ive meditated 5 days a week, 20-50 min First i practiced chakra meditation (feeling energy flow through chakras), then moved onto som "tibetian buddhism" (watching the mind) and now went on a Vipassana retreat and done that the last year. Ive done a few psychedelic trips for spiritual growth. Ive read a few books and listened to lectures. Eat healthy and exercise regulty I´ve never had a small awakening experience or strong glimpse of non duality except on psychedelics. I hear people on this forum and elsewhere talk about experienceing the dark night or directly experienceing non duality, blizz or hearing voices etc. I´ve had nothing like that. "Just" small vibrations or warmth and some feeling of energy. For a long time i´ve tried maintaining a equanimous mind. Not seeking or rejecting any experience. My path is mine and i should not compare it to others. But to be honest I am doubting if im doing it right or if there is anything to meditation at all. It´s not like the worlds most contributing humans (writers, inventors, musicians or simply great people, great parents) are enlightened or even have a meditation practice. The mind/ego is great at justifying ones action in retroperspective. I know I do, I tell myself meditation is great because it´s now grown to be a part of my identity...which im trying to see is seperate from "me" and me doesnt exist. And im very open to this possebility...i just havenet had any experience that points to it. Even at my Vipassana retreat where I followed the schedule 90% meditating 10 hours for 10 days straight I didn´t get any noteworthy experience. Sure i became alot more aware of my body. Like when i drank coffe one day it felt like taking speed. But nothing non dual, nothing to hint that I don´t exist, that reality is infinite etc But it did make me more concsious. It did enable me to take life more "lightly" and at the same time make more out of it. It changed so many things in me but in such a subtle way that im not able to pinpoint one of them. And that´s mostly why I keep meditating, because it feels like it has an overall posetive impact on my life. And it does still hint at something beyond logic thinking, but its just a vauge hint. Also after a good meditation I feel great and it can be exciting. And sometimes boring and pointless. Overall in my life I have ups and downs. I have energy sometimes and tired sometimes....could this be an effect of meditation? I am what psychologist would label slightly bipolar and have a light ADD (i function ok in society). I tell myself meditation helps but im not sure to be honest. Again the effect of meditation on me is so subtle if it even existst. I have lived a very "happy" life here in secure Sweden with loving family and great friends. Many say meditation makes you deal with your shit on a uncounscious level. Maybe I simply don´t have alot of shit to deal with? I mean i have some shitty experiences....Like when my friend commited suicide or most women treats me badly and left me. But i´ve always had loving people around me to ease the pain. And if it would be the case that I don´t have alot of shit then would´t that make me progress faster? Maybe i have alot of shit im just in such a denial about it even unconsously, maybe its even deeper and more sublte than most other people because i really do think I have had a nice life. Im not sure what to do at this point Or maybe this frustration with lack of "progress" is the proof of progress? i just dont know. Maybe I should quit all practice for some months and see what happens. Or do the opposite. Maybe a heroic dose of pshycedelics. Maybe i am blessed with so little bad stuff happening to me? Maybe I should try another practice. But part of me believes it´s more important to pick one and stick with it, get deeper experience with one rather then a shallow experiences with lots of different practices. If you read this far or even partly, bless you Im open to hear any ideas!