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Both. Sometimes the moment ends and you find yourself in the presence of the person once more, and sometimes you part ways. Ultimately we part ways with everyone in some shape or form just so we can rediscover that everyone we've ever loved or been loved by lives in our heart, which is the essence of emotional oneness. It is a strange experience to have parted ways with friends I don't talk to anymore, and yet feel close to them just as much as I used to when we were in very frequent contact. There is no regret nor disappointment regarding the experience, just love and gratitude. I appreciate that question, however you are in the domain of trying to think it through and figure out. There is ultimately nothing wrong with thinking, but the belief is that if I can think this through enough, and know how this works, and understand the cycle of disappointment and sadness and whatever, I will be more prepared to feel the sadness within me and it won't hurt as much. Well that ain't gonna work :D. Sorry. Tragedy will always feel tragic, sadness will always feel sad and desperation will always feel desperate. There certainly are ways to take edge off the experience, such as enhancing self love, compassion and self-care, but there truly is no benefit in the anticipation of sadness. One of the benefits of any negative emotions is how sometimes surprising and inexplicable it can be. If it were all anticipated and predicted, we would be robbed of the joy of spontaneity that is bound to be born in the reality of every awakened heart. Is there a sadness and bliss theme? Yes, of course. It is very spontaneous.

PSA: The "work" works. Commit yourself to what you want. And you will get what you want. Be clear on what you want. Meditation works because we train our minds to stay focused on a single goal. For example, my goal is to feel bliss, love etc. But mind gets lost in fear, worry, anxiety etc. But goal is clear i want love bliss etc. Keep bring mind back to goal. Use feelings as guide. When we feel good we are on the path to our goals. When we feel bad we are off the path. All is actually good. So when mind gets lost in fear, and worry etc because mind is scared that maybe not all is good. Truth is all is good. So bring mind back to goal, and use your feelings as a guide to your progress. Be smart with goals. Don't be like dummy who asks for 1 billion dollars. Be like smart person who sais, what does this guy really want? What would the 1 billion actually get him. When we look we realize he just wants to feel good, he wants the feeling associated the 1 billion dollars. He is bliss chasing. Nothing wrong with bliss chasing. Bliss chasing works its how i got so far on the path lol. But always remember why you are doing what you're doing.

I just had a profound insight into my life purpose during my float tank session. Video Games. Competition. Love. Bliss. Flow. Happiness. These are many of the main values and interests of life. But how to combine them? I'm going to start a mental health/performance/happiness/performance website and write about all these topics and how they relate to video games and performance in video games. I'm also going to start playing very popular video games and getting really good at them so I can get free advertising for my website in high level matches. This stuff is flowing me to like crazy. Ever since i put life purpose on dream board i've had continual thoughts about video games, mental health, performance, and starting a website to share these teachings to people in these communities. I'm not even 10% done the LP course and i've already got these insights lmao. I'm so motivated to finish the course now and get this shit going. Dream Board, Law Of Attraction, Positive affirmations. This stuff is incredible.

Saturday January 25th Just went to a public sauna. I noticed that it triggered some things in me. Seeing many naked women makes me feel in a way uncomfortable. I suppose it still has to do a lot with sexually repressed energy. I also felt a bit uncomfortable glancing at myself in the mirror. I have a bit of a pot belly. Seeing the other men there, I am certainly not the only one, and I certainly don't have the biggest belly, but of course you have the tendency to exaggerate your own imperfections, or what you judge as 'imperfections'. And I also noticed that I started judging myself for not wanting to confront the cold water there. I really don't come for the 'official' sauna routine. I am just there to chill and relax a bit in the hot tubs. I have for some reason a bit of fear for cold water. I don't like the idea of for instance jumping (or even stepping) into a cold pool at all. Only the idea makes me feel really uncomfortable. I can only imagine what drowning in an icy lake must feel like... I don't even want to imagine. As a form of retribution for what I felt to be some form of cowardice, I stepped into one of the cold showers. The interesting thing was that it wasn't even a matter of gathering courage. For some reason, I found myself just hauling straight into it with no hesitation. Probably because I wasn't trying to make it a challenge or a goal, but it was more of a deeper sense of responsibility. It's interesting because I'm not very used to overcoming challenges like that. in the past, I usually had to spend many many minutes gathering courage, sometimes even surpassing the hour mark on rare occassions. I can pride myself in the fact that in the end I always did it, but such situations were totally different than this sort of no-mind, no-hesitation form of just hauling myself straight into it. I guess the only way I would've been able to do that if it was coming from a deeper place. And it's not to say that I was very courageous because I did that. You are courageous if you overcome a challenge despite of your fears or anxieties. In this instance, in the moment itself there wasn't as much fear —certainly not enough to stop me in my tracks— so therefore you can't say that there was that much courage either. Honestly, it may also have had to do with the fact that at that same moment there was a pretty girl also in that shower and I didn't want to look stupid or otherwise creepy by hesitating and dabbling in front of her. Thinking about it, I probably would've dabbled or hesitated if it wasn't for her presence. This whole trip to the sauna got me thinking about my warriorhood. The sexual frustrations and disturbances got me thinking about if I perhaps should work harder at dealing with them. The pot belly got me thinking about why I am not going to the gym anymore/more often. The fear of cold water and my initial unwillingness to deal with it reminded me of my cowardice. And it all got me thinking about what has happened to the warrior in me. What happened to this guy, thinking primarily about 2013, who used to push himself to the limit to try and approach a girl, pushing thorugh massive amouns of approach anxiety. The guy who tried to force himself in very painful leg positions whilst meditating because I thought I had to. The guy who never accepted a cowardice choice as an option and who had military discipline on some matters. What happened to that guy? Of course, I have gained a lot of wisdom in between now and then. I have come to understand that just because you are being 'courageous' and challenging yourself, that it's not always the right thing to be doing. But sometimes I miss that warrior, and I wonder where he's at. Sometimes I long for him, because I become somewhat ashamed in indulging so much. Is it true that he's truly gone? Well, not really. I use my warrior for instance to basically force myself to brush my teeth right before sleeping where I rather just doze off into a comfortable slumber, or to get up whilst I'm still sleepy because I have a certain appointment. I have also used my warrior lately to create a structure of trying to practice guitar and singing every single day at a certain time (something I've stopped doing again recently). And also some time ago, like 1-3 months ago, I also used that warrior to take up certain challnges for myself with a to-do list. He's not gone, but he wants a proper amount of rest. He only wants to act if he really feel like acting up is the right thing to do. It's about conviction. If I can't convince myself fully that I should do something, then there is just no way it's going to stick, or even get started. For instance the idea that I should be working out... Well, I can do it, but with what energy? With what motivation? I can tell myself a story about how it would be good for me, but I know I have counterarguments that can be equally convincing as why I shouldn't do it. And even if the reasons seem solid enough to not doubt it (which I feel rarely every happens anymore, if at all), then still argumentation alone does not provide enough power of conviction for me to be able to be sold with the idea and to actually get myself to do it. I've talked about it before, that there needs to be a certain space, a certain opening for me to be able or willing to do it. There has to be some form of intrinsic motivation, some energy that comes from deeper. If the energy comes from the (ego-)mind alone, it's not enough. It has to hit something deeper, otherwise it just won't go. Yeah, so I have a pot belly, I'm maybe slightly fat, but at the sauna complex I realized that I just really need to stop judging myself for it. I am what I am. Call it fat, or chubby, or call it whatever you want. But I realized that taking another glance at the mirror as if the chubbyness was suddenly going to disappear if I were to look again or something... That doing that wasn't going to serve me anymore at all. I don't know why I have allowed myself to judge myself in the mirror that way for so long. So at the sauna complex, I just started using this 'stop-technique' to stop the momentum of me wanting to judge myself for that, and I really wanted to make a start at just completely letting go of needing to have any particular body whatsoever. For me it also helps to see if I can get some rational argumentation as to why being a bit chubby or having a good-sized belly may perhaps not be so unhealthy after all. I have an intuition that being a little bit chubby or having a big belly may not be so unhealthy after all. In fact, many great sages have far from a lean, muscular body. You can take for instance a look at the body of sri ramana maharsi. Not particularly a very impressive shape that he has. Yet, he is seen as one of the greatest saints that has ever lived, living in deep peace and bliss with existence. And I feel that for instance the laughing buddha statues, of a big, fat buddha, also depict that being fat is not the same as being imperfect. Having a big belly feels to be a bit more sensual. It also feels to me that it makes me a bit more centered, a bit more grounded. I haven't been able to find proper scientific research on this so far or even empirical documentation or even suggestions (to be fair, I haven't searched that deeply), but I feel like it holds some truth to it. I have that intuitive sense. I don't think being lean and muscular or otherwise skinny and stuff like that means that you necessarily have a healthier body. Or otherwise, it may not be worth the struggle in trying to get it. I may hit the gym again, but I think the main priority now should be to stop trying to live up to a certain body ideal, and just feel more into what my body desires intuitively. Part 2 (Later edit): I'm getting a bit frustrated with this whole dating and tinder thing... The thing is... it appears that women generally have very little openness and willingness to yield for dating a man who expresses his sensitive and vulnerable side right off the bat. It appears that generally speaking women desire to date a man who seems powerful and strong and assertive. And it puts me in a bind... Because I feel like I have the capacity to be strong —especially when it comes to protecting boundaries— but at the same time I don't feel pleasant with the idea that I were to express only the side that women would like to see. This R. woman I had been talking about some time back, this 37-year old... Well we have been continuing our conversation. She's been a bit slow with responding, partially because she is/appears to be busy, but she has been responding and I gotta give props to her for always getting back at me. Only so far she has not shown a real eagerness to meet, or she at least hasn't as of yet agreed to my proposals to meet up. One thing she mentioned was the she appreciated my authenticity and that with this authenticity I would much easier attract other women. And I didn't like that comment, because I feel like it's not true. In fact, I think such advice can be very harmful to men. Women from a biological standpoint are not sexually attracted to sweet, sensitive souls. I had some gay fantasies last week (yes I know, that's a curveball, right?), and in those fantasies I fantasized about being the submissive male. I got some enjoyment out of the idea that I was the one that would fully surrender and yield into the desires of others. I wanted to in a way feel like I was the woman in the situation. And with those fantasies it became also clear to me that the idea of encountering a man who was insecure and a sweet sensitive soul, wasn't going to be an appealing idea at all. I wanted a man who would be very assertive and would know how to take charge and lead. I get that women want the alpha male. I feel like there certainly is some alpha male within me. I feel like that's authentically somewhere a part of me. At the same time, I don't want to hide the fact that I am insecure about some matters. I really value open and honest communication with one another, in which we don't play games and we have nothing to hide and we still respect and love each other despite all of it. When I initially opened up tinder for the first time in a long time a couple of months ago, I created a profile that had the profile picture that I have now on this forum (it might be a different one at the time you're reading this, basically the profile picture to my idea represents me showing power and strength with my facial expression and my somewhat fierce gaze), and that profile picture alongside a description that I wasn't interested in women not wanting to respond to me ("if you're not willing to respond to me, please swipe left"). I took a very firm and assertive stance there. And in this way, I got quite a couple of likes and eventually matches also. And now I have created a profile in which I show a (first) profile picture which doesn't look as strong and powerful as the one I'm using here on the forum right now, and a description that is less assertive and shows a bit more sensitivity, and now I don't seem to be getting these likes anymore. And neither profiles are necessarily inauthentic. They're just different parts of me All of this just puts me in a certain conflict... I don't feel like being very open and honest is in my case rewarding, because I also have to open up about my insecurities and women don't feel attracted to a man who doesn't showcase strength, but at the same time it's like I almost can't help myself but to be frank and sincere about the fact that I'm not just all that powerful all the time. So... Do I have to start playing a role to get my desires met? Again, I don't feel like taking on such a role is necessarily something that I would be unable to do (or perhaps I would be unable to, who knows?), but I don't want to feel like I would have to hide another part of myself —my sensitive, insecure side— in order to be effective. I want someone who accepts me for the totality for who I am, not just a part of me. I also strongly dislike the fact that many women appear to be so reluctant to just taking a dive into the deep and decide to meet up straight from the bat, without first trying to gauge what the other person would be like using online means. But that's my attitude. I don't like the whole online play because it is prone to so many projections and judgements. If we get to meet each other in real life, we will get a much better impression of each other and there wlll be no or very little margin for pretensions. Because I haven't really actually dated anyone so far in my life (except once over 6 years ago), my assessment of that I would be a lot more succesful meeting each other in real life, might be an incorrect assessment. I imagine that it would be far more successful than trying to attract someone online, but I don't really know this for sure because I don't really have the experience to be able to back up such a statement. And to be fair, when I said that I felt that many women are reluctant to taking that dive into the deep and are willing to instantly meet up, this also wasn't based so much on actual experience. I feel like from many years ago when I was still trying to date back in 2013 that this assessment was probably true, but I don't remember it so well anymore. But to be fair, I also was a much different person then. Basically I actually haven't really proposed to anyone to meet up right off the bat in a long, long time. I'm actually gonna have to try it like that. I will just write this: "Hey I don't really like all this online chatting thing. I feel like we can get both a much quicker and better impression of who we are if we were to actually meet up. How about we have a drink somewhere?" That would put my theory to the test. It may seem like I'm failing a whole lot in this trying to attract women thing, but honestly, there is not so much you can actually fail if you don't try that much. I am very slow in wanting to take action in this process. I have a match with a girl that I quite like on one of my phones, but I haven't contacted her because I had still been continuing the chatting process with this R. woman I had been talking about, and I just haven't felt the openness to be willing to contact this other girl as well. I just feel like there's a lot of inner work I have to do in between before I am willing to take the next step. I could be far more scrutinous and proactive in trying to date other women. I just feel like I need to take the time for it, and develop myself psychologically into it as well. I'm just going to have to experiment with it a little bit. I think it's probably best to be initially a lot more assertive and come across as strong, and once we get to actually meet that at that point I will also show that I have a lot more sensitivity to me. But I think it's important to show her first that I do have this masculine assertive power and strength, and that once she knows what I'm capable of, that at that point I will show my vulnerability. That's the way Elliot Hulse had put it: "Once she knows what darkness you're capable of, then, show your light" But... I might be deluding myself by saying that I do have this assertive strength and that I know how to use it. I might just be befooling myself. I know I have strength in defense. I know based from experience how to say "No!". I know how to protect my boundaries. I know how to be direct and sincere and even blunt. I am not shy to speak the truth as to how I see it, or at least I know I'm capable of doing so in the right circumstances. I know I have these powers within me, because I have used them before so I have the experience to back it up. But do I have strength in what you could call 'offense'? That basically means: Do I know how to take charge? Do I know how to lead? Am I capable of making decision for us both without being insecure about what she wants? Am I willing and capable of deciding the direction of our relationship? And even if I would be able to, would I want to do that? Would it feel appropriate? And if I don't want to do that (or am not able to), how will she react to that? These are all questions which are hopefully all going to be clarified in 2020.

@Chintan desai Depends where you go & who you see, but my experiences with Reiki sessions and the classes have been chalked full of learning, healing and mystical experiences. The first session, the woman sweat through all of her clothes and the power of the building went out until I left. ??‍♂️. In the classes I experienced ‘thought block downloads’ of entire past lives simultaneously with other people, mediumship / communications with deceased people, and metamind imagery which conveys / contains a bunch of intellectual & emotional intelligence in a symbol. The classes & experiences pushed my intuition through the roof and was a big part of discovering & experiencing channeling. You might consider trying a few sessions to experience it for yourself, trying psychedelics, and then see if taking the classes appeals to you. If you do, hopefully you’re lucky enough to find a facilitator like I did. Lady changed my life really. Amazing stuff. Good luck to you. Also...similar to realizing the pointer of this quote “When they find it, they will not say here it is! Or there it is! As the kingdom of heaven is within you” upon awakening points to the literal realization that the universe is transpiring within you........this quote “Again, I tell you truly that if two of you on the earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by My Father in heaven. For where two or three gather together in My name, there am I with them.” just blew up in the best possible way. In one of the classes, the entire group would do Reiki for one person at a time...and the experience was full of visions and entire body bliss blowout on par with a 4 gram mushroom trip.

You may have heard the term Bliss before. Well, this is the Bliss that is spoken of. The Bliss of Being. That's the essence of meditation. Abiding in the Self or Self Abidance. Which means to abide or rest in the awareness of your own being. Bring this simple "being aware of being" or awareness of being, into your waking hours also and "the insanity" will begin to fall away.

Two if the english poems I have always liked. I wandered lonely as a cloud That floats on high o'er vales and hills, When all at once I saw a crowd, A host, of golden daffodils; Beside the lake, beneath the trees, Fluttering and dancing in the breeze. Continuous as the stars that shine And twinkle on the milky way, They stretched in never-ending line Along the margin of a bay: Ten thousand saw I at a glance, Tossing their heads in sprightly dance. The waves beside them danced; but they Out-did the sparkling waves in glee: A poet could not but be gay, In such a jocund company: I gazed—and gazed—but little thought What wealth the show to me had brought: For oft, when on my couch I lie In vacant or in pensive mood, They flash upon that inward eye Which is the bliss of solitude; And then my heart with pleasure fills, And dances with the daffodils. -William Wordsworth -------------------------- She walks in beauty, like the night Of cloudless climes and starry skies; And all that’s best of dark and bright Meet in her aspect and her eyes; Thus mellowed to that tender light Which heaven to gaudy day denies. One shade the more, one ray the less, Had half impaired the nameless grace Which waves in every raven tress, Or softly lightens o’er her face; Where thoughts serenely sweet express, How pure, how dear their dwelling-place. And on that cheek, and o’er that brow, So soft, so calm, yet eloquent, The smiles that win, the tints that glow, But tell of days in goodness spent, A mind at peace with all below, A heart whose love is innocent! -Lord Byron

@Salvijus @Chintan desai It's a jaded perspective but i don't know if he's right or not. @Nahm recommended Reiki to me. So I wonder how Nahm would view the statement that no legit guru would recommend it. @Salvijus What is your existential experience? What do you feel and experience on a daily basis? Is it love, bliss joy,? Or are you experiencing fear, hatred, boredom, irritability?

Kundalini Awakening upgrades the body-mind and perception. All Yoga is based on working with Kundalini, at different levels. The aim is always the same, Union with God. In more complicated terms, Kundalini is Shakti, the divine feminine. She rises to the top along the spine in a fiery spiralling dance. When She breaks through to the crown, the Sahasrara, Shakti and Shiva unite. It is the destruction of duality and the resumption of Oneness. Separation ceases to be and unity is regained. In Unity consciousness, there is just the One. The light and love in this state is almost too much to bear. There is bliss and joy in infinity, unceasing. We are Heaven and there is nothing beyond us.

@Bno How happy are you with your current lifestyle of following and being involved in politics? Is it love, joy, bliss? What are your pre-dominant emotions and feelings?

@Patrick Lynam Sexual energy can be experienced in any part of the body... the heart included. And with an open heart, it feels like bliss and love... usually directed to one's partner, as it is an expression of love instead of just pleasure. For men in general, there is a particular challenge because their sexual energy goes from the bottom up. So, it starts in the loins and then travels upward, where women's sexual energy begins in the head and travels downward. But the loins have the most gravity. So, a woman's sexuality begins in her mind travels to the heart and then to the loins. For a man, his sexual energy has the opposite path... starting in the loins, traveling to the heart, and then to the head. So, the energy works against "gravity" to reach the heart and head. What it may be is that your sexual energy is trying to move to the heart, but that there is either too much density to your energy... so "gravity" brings it down. Or the sexual energy could be beginning to reach your heart, and the discomfort you feel is a symptom of the heart opening... and the experiencing residual traumas from past events.

Recently Ive been going through what I feel is called emotional release where I have tears from beauty and it feels healing. have been experiencing this most days for the past week especially. And after this happened yesterday I felt a sense of loss once the bliss went away so i went for a walk and chanted om mani padme hum for a leat 30 minutes this calmed me down allot and then today at work i spent most of the day chanting this mantra in my head and realised it is quite good at dealing with my overactive mind. This afternoon whilst masterbating it felt good in the groin area but my chest had what felt like a massive hole in it. I'm wandering if this something to do with guilt about pleasure or is this my higher-self telling me that I am objectifying and masterbating without the love/ joy component? I've heard Leo say "guys really need to get over this thing about sex being a bad thing" so I figured maybe this is my body bringing this to my attention so it can heal and I just need to feel it. But could this be my intuition telling me to stop? I kept going before I was interrupted and had to stop. I have felt this feeling throughout my life for burst of maybe 10 or 20 seconds for as long as I can remember every month or so kind of just randomly, not just while masterbating. I know it used to be associated with the words "i want my mommy" in a very scared child voice. The words have stopped since I was an adolescent but the feeling has continued randomly for the small little bursts. Today I felt it for a long time like a full 2 or 3 minutes while masterbating because I wanted to see if it would move. It stopped once i stopped masterbating however. Is feeling this feeling healing or is it me ignoring something or doing something wrong and my higher self or whatever is trying to get me to stop some behaviour?

Recently Ive been going through what I feel is called emotional release where I have tears from beauty and it feels healing. have been experiencing this most days for the past week especially. And after this happened yesterday I felt a sense of loss once the bliss went away so i went for a walk and chanted om mani padme hum for a leat 30 minutes this calmed me down allot and then today at work i spent most of the day chanting this mantra in my head and realised it is quite good at dealing with my overactive mind. This afternoon whilst masterbating it felt good in the groin area but my chest had what felt like a massive hole in it. I'm wandering if this something to do with guilt about pleasure or is this my higher-self telling me that I am objectifying and masterbating without the love/ joy component? I've heard Leo say "guys really need to get over this thing about sex being a bad thing" so I figured maybe this is my body bringing this to my attention so it can heal and I just need to feel it. But could this be my intuition telling me to stop? I kept going before I was interrupted and had to stop. I have felt this feeling throughout my life for burst of maybe 10 or 20 seconds for as long as I can remember every month or so kind of just randomly, not just while masterbating. I know it used to be associated with the words "i want my mommy" in a very scared child voice. The words have stopped since I was an adolescent but the feeling has continued randomly for the small little bursts. Today I felt it for a long time like a full 2 or 3 minutes while masterbating because I wanted to see if it would move. It stopped once i stopped masterbating however. Is feeling this feeling healing or is it me ignoring something or doing something wrong and my higher self or whatever is trying to get me to stop some behaviour?

@wesyasz It's curious how this works, isn't it? What is especially fascinating about mushrooms is the fact that different dosages tend to lead to totally different results (at least that's been the case for me). In my experience, LSD is a very reliable and sort of linear acting substance, meaning that higher doses just give me more of the exact same thing; mushrooms on the other hand are kind of like those candy grabber machines at a funfair: You might reach for the cool digital watch but get one of those butt ugly troll dolls instead. In my case, the last high dose mushroom trip I had embarked on had been almost exactly one year ago, and let me tell you, it was a vastly different experience. I had taken five grams, which frankly doesn't seem to be a good dosage for me; it was just enough to send me off into twisted hyperspace limbo, but not enough to make my ego raise the white flag and let go of the reigns --- in short: I did NOT have a fun time at all during that particular trip; it was actually one of the most sobering trips I ever subjected myself to. So when I finally decided to revisit my little fungi friends, I was definitely a little bit nervous and totally unsure about what to expect; but something told me that now was the right time to be shroomin' again. This time around, I did not even weight the dose... - I know, I know, I am probably not giving the most stellar example for responsible tripping here, LOL. Just let me say in my humble defense that it was probably for the best that I didn't put 'em on the scale since I would most likely have chickened out had I known exactly how much it was that I so foolhardily decided to gobble down; sometimes ignorance IS bliss. By my estimation, it must have been something in the neighborhood of six to seven grams, and DAMN if I didn't hit the sweet spot this time! I think that I have been really lucky with the timing as well. Just two days before the trip, I entered this weird state of I-don't-give-a-fuck-ness while I was hanging out in the park; as I sat there ruminating about my cruel fate in life and all that usual BS, I suddenly sort of stopped dead in my mental tracks and thought "You know what? I am tired of this fucking game. I just don't want to play no more. Yup, that's it, I am DONE. Over and out." Not in a bitter way, but with the calmness and serenity of a fisherman who just reels it in, packs up and goes home. And I pretty much managed to keep this spirit until it was time for mushroom takeoff, which I think was definitely a contributing factor for my blissful annihilation.

I'm assuming you're either from a middle eastern, African or Indian culture as that train of thought seems particularly prevalent here. Watch Leo's video on Masculinity and Feminity. Your attitude is precisely what's making you not masculine, not the hidden desire to take it up the butt. He suggests that being a true man is not being afraid of being yourself or looking "feminine" and he uses the example of openly crying in front of someone. Think about it. You're literally scared of yourself and your emotions. How can you be a strong, fearless masculine force when the first thing that scares you in the morning are your inner thoughts? I'm not judging you, just giving you something to think about. Fear of "gayness" is one of the most hilarious male ideas. I saw a guy on Reddit that took it to the extent that he didn't wash his dick because touching a Penis, even if it's your own, is gay. Just own yourself. You'd be surprised how common this is. I've had bisexual thoughts before and somewhat acted on them and found out I really like women but I have repressed parts of my sexuality. Why do you think it's so common for conservative politicians to publicly demonize homosexuals only to turn out to be Gay or Bi themselves? Watch Leo's video on self-love again, you're literally shaming and hating yourself. Accept yourself fully and your life will be bliss.

Human is enemy of Allah. says Quran. 'We've created human from drop and, look, human is opposing us, being a clear enemy to us.' the term used in quran - hasim mubin - clear opponent. Human neglect thy Lord, instead human wants Infinite, wants Being, wants Bliss. In other words, human wants devil. -------------------- To anyone who speaks russian - http://kontrudar.com/lekcii/islam - full explanation on what is infinite - what is individual perception (ego) - and why you are deluded by nondual movement.

It has been 6 days since my last mushroom trip (3g). No real powerful insight came during the trip (i don't remember much of it but I did have ego loss) but now I'm starting to get some real weird reactions. I have had some "awakening experiences" in the past but nothing like this. Context: I've been meditating for 1,5 year; I have a history of depression, anxiety, demotivation and nihilism. I have tripped on 1g mushrooms before(on December). On Sunday, after the trip ended I felt like I was born again. Everything was so beautiful. I looked around and my life seemed perfect, no problems whatsoever. The thing is: this feeling didn't go away. It's now so easy to be authentic and I'm so much more disciplined to do everything I always planned to do. I stared at a pillow on Thursday and it felt like total bliss. Even pain now isn't unpleasant. Anxiety and anger come up and I can just bear with it. Even past "negative emotions" are pleasant now. I used to suffer a lot to meditate and don't even think about doing strong determination sitting. Now it's just effortless. Actually, everything is effortless. Now, about the dying part. Everyday when I exercise those behaviors that I didn't use to practice I have a strange feeling of something dying inside of me. I used to repress anger so much that now when it comes up fully I feel like I am dying. I'm becoming so much more loving and assertive. I know this was possible but didn't believe it could happen with me. All the theory I have accumulated when watching to Actualized.org and reading books seem to be so easily applicable now. Why it was so hard before? Okay. Actually, I know the answer. I used to resist the present moment so much. When meditating I couldn't go futher than 30min without becoming super restless. I created a spiritual ego around the teachings I listened to on Youtube but didn't make them happen. I created my own depression and anxiety by resisting what was happening (now I understand the video "you're not happy because you don't want to be"). Even by not browsing social media I managed to waste a lot of time on my cellphone. I listened to a lot of theory and thought that I was growing when I was just procrastinating and wasting my time. I resisted working because it seemed boring, forgetting that I chose to do what I wanted to do and my vision for the future.How could I be so ignorant of all those things? Well... I chose to, but I wasn't aware that I did. Now it's the time to actually implement most of the fucking theory I half-assed through. I won't promise doing anything here because, you know, talk is cheap. I'm fucking grateful for life and existence with all it's shit and whatever thanks

Of course you will; it is absolutely inevitable. Such is the glory of death: It is the ultimate equalizer, the bringer of bliss, justice and salvation, and he comes to every single creature in the end - 100 % guaranteed, no exception. Just let the universe take you by the hand and work its magic! Do I sound like a manic street preacher already? Bwahahaha! As far as my background goes, I have been meditating very regularly for three years now, and two years ago I started taking psychedelics. I thought I had a couple of "amazing ego deaths" under my belt already, but HOLY FUCK - what I experienced almost twenty hours ago makes all of my previous trips look like a fucking joke in comparison. I am still kind of floored.

Hello i want share with you my most shocking trip. Im sorry if there are any mistakes in grammar, i dont speak english I took 1 tab of LSD wait hour and half And than took 60mg of MDA. I got stuck in strong thought loop which i can't really explain. Than it wasn't only thought but whole reality become that loop And i was just stuck in It again and again. I can't do anything. I saw only fractals everyvhere. Most interesting thing hapend when the trip was ending, i still saw how everything is like Infinite fractals somehow conected to the loop. Than i was like ,,wait who am i?" Boom at that moment i become that strange loop, everything startet making sence. It feel like i broke my mind, it was crazy Infinite mind fuck and that was reality, i was reality. I started crying and feeling love and bliss. Now i can see the beauty of everything, from that day everything look diferent and same at the same time. Soo the trip wasn't comfortable but it was what i needed for my Journey which isn't Journey.

This is my first “trip” report so be nice. I bought a pack of Kratom powder from an online vendor, since the plant itself is legal in my country (although the mitragynine is not) I thought I might aswell try it. About a week later two black ziplocks of Red Borneo and Maeng Da came in my letterbox. Since I quickly realized that pouring this powder from a zip would be really clumsy I put it in a tea container for future use. Take it from me, this stuff is like dust, hold your breath while you pour it up so you dont cause a sandstorm in your kitchen. To be cautious I did an allergy test first by taking a miniscule amount, the size of a pea and drank that in water before anything else, Im allergic to cut grass, you never know, right? No negative reaction, perfect. Experiment 1: 2 teaspoons, I flattened or scraped off the heap of powder with a knife to make sure I actually got the right amount. I put the stuff in a glass of water and had a taste, not too bad, thought it would be worse, it tastes like grass and the consistency is a bit like dirt or sand, all the horror stories I heard about the foul taste were greatly exagerrated. About an hour later I felt a little spacey, sort of like mental tunnel vision, I could focus on whatever I was doing really well but I wasnt hyped, just calm, no bliss or ecstatic pleasure. Two hours later, its hard to focus on my computer now, I dont care about what Im watching, Im zoning out alot, every 10 minutes, its like a camera lens shifting focus, it feels really good, still calm, albeit more sleepy, I kind of like this but I could definitely do more. Experiment 2: 4 teaspoons, took longer to kick in this time, still the same spacey feeling as before. Two hours later, I feel really calm now, my mind is pretty sharp, Im plastered to my couch, the more couchlocked I am the better I feel, my legs feel really good if I keep them still and focus mindfully on them. My mind is pretty quiet, would be cool to meditate with this if you wouldnt become so sleepy. I like this, I should do more some other day. Its not exactly Nirvana but its pretty cool. Next morning: My breath smells like dog-shit, apparently Kratom breath is a thing, my stomach feels a bit queasy, Ill wait a couple days to do this until I feel better again. Ive read that Kratom can be hard on the liver for certain individuals. Safety first. Experiment 3: 5 Teaspoons, I know the drill, just wait for it to kick in and peace is round the corner, except... it really doesnt kick in... Two hours later, spacey... Its uncomfortable to stand up... I feel dizzy and Im usually never dizzy, I guess this is what the call the wobbles. No feelings of intense pleasure, just kind of nervous and chill at the same time... Six hours later I go to sleep, Its reaaallyy hard, I keep waking up all the time, my arm feels like its floating just as I wake up for the tenth time again, weird uncomfortable semi-lucid feeling, nobody told me about this phase, I pass out at 3 or 4. I came to the conclusion that the tiny amount of relaxation I get is not worth the weird sleep, bad breath and general queasiness I get from the huge amounts of difficult-to-digest plant matter I have to drink, so that concludes my Kratom journey. I threw away my Maeng Da as I have no more use for Kratom, I will try anything once though, except for Datura??‍♀️.

I'd like to give interpretation on one verse in Quran, forgive me my grammatical mistakes. Human is reflection inside the mirror of someone who stands in front of the mirror. Human is bound to repeat every action after the original one. Of course, he is reflection, and reflection reflects. And human naturally wants to become the one who is in front of the mirror. Human wants to lose heaviness of being a reflection, and just to be the original one, and not a reflection. He wants to simply be... Because the original one is pure being and it is so easy. And for some its even more than that, it is blissful, it is satchitananda. It is joy and love and goodness. Human then calls his reflection nature as ego, illusion, avidiya, ignorance. He spends years to dissolve it, and to become nothingness. What can he do, all gurus he saw taught exactly same thing. But who is that one (the original one) who stands in front of the mirror and sees its own reflection in the mirror? That original one is what people on this forum call God. Echart Tolle calls him God. Mooji calls him God. Rupert Spira and Adyashanti calls him God's Infinite Being. That's why they keep saying that God = you, reality = God, Being = God. But then prophets come and give us text, and then we know - this original one in front of the mirror - it is God of this world, God of this reality, King of this world, or Devil, Iblis. It is The Great Being. It is also an archetype of all worlds. All worlds are reflections of this one original archetype. Also: Ishvara, Shiva, 'Father', Apollos (in arabic - Iblis), Ahura-Mazda, God of light and beauty. And we are his reflections. Our task, prophets say, is not to become him, and not to dissolve our egos in him, but we are ought to emancipate consciousness from him, from Being. We are to oppose him. Because the true God is not him and we receive text about who is that true God. We receive method to emancipate consciousness. This task exists not for us, but we exist for that task. Solving that task will define the meaning of existence. Wait a moment, how can good-love-bliss-truth be the Devil? I don't get it. Good question. The thing is that, God intentionally created reality upon the error. It is made so as a test for people. So people will fix it. The core of the error is good and evil. Verse says: Maybe you love something but in fact it is evil for you, and maybe you hate something but in fact it is good for you. Or in other words, what you think is evil - that is good, and what you think is good - that is evil. What seems like good in this reality, and what you naturally love - this is evil. And what seems like bad and what you naturally hate - this is good. Let's stop on first part - the Good declared as Evil - it is knowledge about that one in front of the mirror - he presents himself as Goodness and Love. But in fact it is Devil. Apollo in Greek tradition is God of Love, Beauty, Harmony, Light. And also he presents himself as Consciousness. But in fact he is not Consciousness. Consciousness exists only as opposition to Being, as a contrast to Being, but not as part of Being, not as equal to Being. Only as opposition and not in oneness, and not in just being. Witness is not is-ness, Witness is separate and opposite to is-ness. Is-ness by its very nature is pointing that it is not witness. Witness cannot be what is witnessed. But this Devil tricks people and presents Consciousness as his own nature by saying some illogical thing like witnessed = what is witnessed. That's not an illusion, its not an illusion that it seems like they are same thing, but it is the result of the fact that Consciousness is suppressed by Being. And, returning to what is previously said, we are to emancipate Consciousness from Being. We receive method, the scripture is that instruction. One of the instructions is: To put names of Allah, the one who is absent, the one who we call Huwa (Kul-huwa-Allahu-ahad), HE, or absent one, to put his names in the focus and centre of our spiritual attention. Graceful, Merciful, Giving, Forcing, Almighty etc. We are interested in putting these names in the centre and in focus of our spiritual attention. To be able to do that, to perform that - leads to emancipation of consciousness. It leads to immediate and to correct awakening, or providential awakening. Its just one of the methods. So this -TRUTH-CONSCIOUSNESS-LOVE - or absolute infinity, or infinite goodness-love, is false orientation, false value and false 'God', an idol. Thats why the witness of faith is la ilaha illallah (there are no gods except Allah) - Except and besides the one whose name is Allah who is radically Separate from reality, Opposite to Infinity, Opposite to Absolute Everything-ness, and radically Transcendent and yet is active here and now through his absence, besides him there is no other immanent Gods. It is denial of idea that any immanent gods including The Great Being are Gods, they are denied as orientation and value. This one, this infinity, or this thing in front of the mirror, or this pure being, or this love, light, truth - is denied. Instead of that, there is Allah as your orientation. And we can know about him and 'get towards' him only through what prophet's scripture revealed (Muhammadar rasulullah). Besides that we don't have tools. Because when we use our natural tools, we almost always reach The Great Being and then call him God and then we try to dissolve into him. Without abrahamic and only abrahamic holy scripture as a method, we fall for idols. Real idol is not statue or image, real idol is that infinite which presents itself as infinitely good Being. But in reality it is just the big candy who said in Quran: 'I will come to them from right,left,back,front and will surely mislead all of them from your path, except thy righteous slaves'. Btw, that's one of the reasons why Moses-Pharaoh collision is so often given in Quran - Pharaoh declared: I am God (things didn't change ever since then as we can see), while his Egyptian priests based their metaphysics around pantheism/nonduality, oneness of Being where Being = God. They were enlightened. And Pharaoh too. And the whole tyrannical Egyptian pyramidal order had roots in their nondual metaphysics. Paradoxically, the metaphysics of 'infinite goodness of the great being' led to tyrannical order, enlightened avant garde created tyranny. Then Moses was sent by true God, he was sent to destroy this pantheistic ideology and political tyranny. But I think the main problem here is this: all or many gurus are advocating for so-called 'positive experience'. They say: to experience, to be spontaneous etc. is positive thing and our main goal in spirituality is experience, and this experience is to be positive. Look, you breath, you walk, you love, you have highs and lows, it is positive. They advocate for positive experiential nature of reality. Because for them, Reality = God. And people fall for that idea of good, they try to find spiritual state where experience will be positive. But la ilaha illallah is advocating the opposite - you should know that there is no positive experience in the field of immanent, even though it feels positive but its not positive from the perspective of Consciousness. You should know that reality is not God. That doesn't put God somewhere away, we wilfully put him in the centre of our attention (through his names) even though he is absent.

@Kshantivadin primarily because it is suffering that at all allows you to know there is bliss. You would not know the primacy of bliss without it’s opposite, it would be near impossible. So suffering and pain is your opportunity to cultivate within it and transmute it into its counter part, which is bliss. Much like consciousness is made known through becoming separated through the duality of self, bliss is known through being dichotomously contrasted by suffering.

Hi guys, so basically Im searching for some advice on this forum, especially I want to know what Leo thinks should be the best way for me. So heres my situation: Im currently 23 years old, and Im really realizing that nothing in this material world makes me really happy nor will it ever in the future. Things like food, sex, relationships, money, success, socializing, working a job etc. nothing of this gives me happiness( a few years ago I thought they would, but I grew and developed myself and realized that I really dont need them for my happiness). Of course having some good friends or eating some good food can be a enjoyable, but it doesnt really make me happy. I really could live without all of these things. So I really got interested in finding a way out of all of this and I stumbled upon spirituality, awakening etc. and got interested in pursuing it (havent done any spiritual practice so far). On the other hand to be honest, I really dont care that much about questioning reality and contemplating things like reality, time, reason, consciousness, god, truth etc. I am not that much intereseted in metaphysical questions, so contemplation as a spiritual practice would not work for me. I really just want to find a way out of this "rat race" and want to experience bliss, joy etc. Its not that Im totally not interested in metaphysical questions, I am to some degree, but it is really not that much, that I could sit down and contemplate the nature of reality for the next hour. Maybe if I start the pursuit of awakening, the curiousity and desire for these questions will come? I dont know. So is it possible to get awakened if you are not interested in these questions, but just want to find a antoher a way out? Thanks guys, appreciate all of your answers.

So this morning I had some kind of sleep paralysis experience. I woke up very early for some reason and decided to do some body awareness exercises and relaxing my body to maybe fall back asleep. When I finally started falling asleep again, I suddenly found myself stuck in some state between sleep and wakefulness. I was filled with absolute terror as I heard someone moving around in my room. I was absolutely convinced that some man was in my room and he was just about to kill me. I couldn't really move my body and I felt the man walking behind my back in my room. This felt like absolute true reality, not at all like a dream. As I was being filled with this powerful fear of death I remembered some of the advice I had been given in regards to psychedelic trips and Leo's videos on Death. I just said "fuck it" and decided to compeltely let go and dive in to the terror and let the man kill me. I just trusted what I had learned about death and what happened was truly magical.. Immediately after giving up the struggle, I was filled with this powerful sense of bliss. It was similiar to the the deepest peace I have ever experienced through meditation. Everything kind of dissolved into this white light of pure being and all of the fear immediately vanished. In an instant, I was no longer afraid, everything was perfect and at peace. After this I quickly woke up to my everyday consciousness. This experience gave me a powerful insight into death and I realized these nondual teachers are right. There's nothing to fear except fear itself. Once we give in to the fear, no matter how terrifying it is, we will be released from all the suffering and it will lose all of its power. "This is how magic is done. By hurling yourself into the abyss and discovering it's a feather bed." — Terence McKenna

Hi danilofaria, Please bear with me, I have a lot to say on this topic of having children. First of all, I always wanted kids as a young child and later a young woman but I was aware that I was pretty fucked up in a lot of ways and I blamed my parents for that as well as my own selfishness and helplessness in the face of a lot of self-destructive things that I wanted to do. I was unrelenting in my accusations to my parents of their having taken easy ways out and selling themselves out for material things and on and on. And the truth is that I have not actually met any parents that did more, gave more, achieved more, or were just great parents than mine. So I was setting the bar pretty high for myself cause I knew that the day would come when my own kids would confront me with my bullshit and blame me for their miseries. So first and foremost it became very important to cut out my bullshit. And I couldn't. Next came the issue of a father to my hypothetical kids. Being a woman with authority issues, how ever was I to find a partner that wasn't going to pull the control shit that many men think that they have to pull? Granted, there are blessed souls out there that are actualized and aren't controlling. I just had never met one. So my solution was to "seek lower companions", guys that were pretty much more fucked up than me. On top of that, I didn't trust men who hadn't stepped out of the box AND I didn't trust men who had. At least the "Bad Boys" were fun and weren't on my case with disapproval and control. I was really conscious that finances and kids are major factors in breaking up relationships. A good rule of thumb that I thought of was that a person should be able to support themself and one other before they have a child. Shit happens in life and most marriages break up. All the sad stories about the long-suffering single mothers, the custody battles, the child support. What a nightmare to be shackled to a man for the rest of my youth, that I once thought I loved, until my child could support himself/herself. In my thirties, I finally put a lot of the bullshit aside and became a primary school teacher. It immediately was apparent that the kids with a fighting chance of progressing in academic learning were the ones who had someone at home that was ACTUALLY DOING THEIR HOMEWORK WITH THEM. And I am not talking about, 'kid at the table while Mom is cooking dinner or doing laundry, or bathing another kid, or, or, or....' And homework just keeps getting harder and harder. By 5th grade, kids are getting several hours of homework now. As a teacher, I hated assigning homework because I knew the havoc that it was causing in many of the homes. "Do you God Damned Homework! "I can't!" "What do you mean you CAN'T? Aren't you paying attention in class?" "But she didn't explain it!" "Well then ASK her!" "I did but I still didn't understand!" In some homes, this battle goes on every night FOR YEARS. People in nuclear families begin to HATE each other due to homework wars. I have LOTS more reasons NOT to have children. But let's say a couple genuinely love one another and can demonstrate it on a daily basis so their kids know what love is. Let's say the reason that they decide to have kids to love the kids, not to be loved by the kids. Let's say they are well on the road to actualization and have developed themselves enough to be able to use their talents to do satisfying and profitable work and are generally happy within themselves. Hard times are coming. I wouldn't want to raise cannon fodder. Nor would I want to raise a hero or a martyr. I am still too bloody selfish to risk that kind of pain. The loss is that I don't get to experience that unconditional love that I would feel from and for another human being. I'm struggling enough with whether or not I am coming back to help out cause I know I'm God and that I will have a choice. I'm not real happy about that either though. I was really hoping that enlightenment was going to fix this BLEEDING compassion of mine. I'm still hoping that I won't be bleeding with it all the time. That's how I personally will know I'm thinking. Bliss and bleeding may both start with bl but I'm thinking that the blood has to go yet and still! "God forgive them, they know not what they do!' He wasn't talking about the nails and the cross. He was talking about IT ALL. Love and forgiveness is the context. It's the fucking painful content that one can do a bit better overall with, while remembering the context. Am I my brother's keeper? I mean, AM I MY BROTHER'S KEEPER? So how much pain can you handle? How much love do you manifest? How much money do you have? How happy are you? How well can you guide without controlling? How open can you keep your hand? How open can you keep your heart? I used to say that I'd have grandkids if I could skip the mother part. In a least expected way, something like that occurred but even then, to be able to pursue my path, I have left those kiddos in California and am gradually shifting my world to Kalamata, Greece. Come visit me sometime. This is my land of miracles. rebasin3@gmail.com