Search the Community

As the goldfinch on my dream board, the thing, the "symbol" I picked out of the bliss experience, out of the field of vision of the literal expansive field of buttercups I ran by, focus is creation and God focuses. "So when you are alert and contemplate a flower, crystal, or bird without naming it mentally, it becomes a window for you into the formless. There is an inner opening, however slight, into the realm of spirit. This is why these three "en-lightened" life-forms have played such an important part in the evolution of human consciousness since ancient times; why, for example, the jewel in the lotus flower is a central symbol of Buddhism and a white bird, the dove, signifies the Holy Spirit in Christianity. "- Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth OR another person. The Image of God. If you love, you'll see the current perfection of them.

So I established a constant Self-Inquiry Session everyday. I feel like I reveal the true Nature of I. Therefore experiencing this unlimited Peace. Everything has been so good since then. I feel like I know what I truly want. Thing is: god I am so negatively conditioned that it gets tough in some situations that triggered me before my Sessions. Meaning in that moment I feel like I got unconsciously triggered, feel down but simultaneously feel like this is "not the way it should be" because I know "what it feels like to be unconditionally Happy" but then I feel suddenly dependent again and kind of chase a State of unconditional happiness. What means more misery. And I do it all unconsciously. I do not want it! I feel like I go down the Spiral: "oh no got triggered or why am I unhappy now, why do I feel down?" I feel like I resist something. I do not want to resist that thing. BUT STILL RESIST IT ANYWAY. LEADING MY WAY DOWN THE SPIRAL OF SEEKING "BLISS". Which I know cannot be found. Trigger (not always clear what it was)-->resistance-->try to let go-->knowing that trying doesnt work-->blaming myself why cant I just Stop resisting-->keep resisting-->feeling more down-->simultaneously, in the background of all: I do not want this hamster wheel. Why do I resist even though I do not want to? I hate being soaked into others arguments and feeling like I have to defend myself as a person. It feels so unnatural. Funny thing is: I DO IT UNCONSCIOUSLY!!! I do not want to be defensive, hurt, harmed. It just happens. But I dont know what to do in these situations. My mind declared it as a "State" I have to seek and desire for. But actually I know it isnt. So whenever I feel not present, I keep chasing. It is like going in circles. I just want to be unconditionally Loving. And free of suffering. Sadly I often feel guilty for Not being present or unconditionally loving and triggered. I want to be Love.

Today I did a very low dose of a psychedelic early in the morning (10am). I had Therapy in the evening (8PM) so I thought it could be helpful to allow me to be open minded + receptive by the time of the afterglow. What I didn't expect is that I would Awake to I AM (to THIS, my true nature) from about 13pm to ~7pm. It wasn't a total AWAKENING. There wasn't bliss or non-dual awareness but clear freedom of choice between identifying with the mind or staying in I AM/This/TheNow. Fears would arise but nobody would identify with them. Ha! TheNow don't depend on the mind. TheNow had a "fun time" actually seeing that "I" am a total fiction and each one of my problems are created by loop-thought stories which make sense who @Javfly33 is. Anyway, I just came back from therapy and had an interesting time. I learned stuff but overall the final sensation I have now is that absolutely don't know shit about the world. I feel that there's no ground whatsoever, because apart from the sensation that a glimpse of Awakening gives you, also not even my false self is grounded because now his beliefs are being questioned too. This work is brutal.i just want to advice, if you mix psychedelics with introspection/therapy work, the result can be very very strong. Is tearing me apart . Although I'm less scared now that I see that the one who says "it's scary where this is going bro " is JUST a mental internal chatter that is intended to construct a "ground" to reality. There's no ground, though. Just THIS This who says "it's tearing me apart" it's actually me listening to fear and believing it. It just another story of @Javfly33 THIS doesn't have fear. Fun day I guess!

@Nahm no I agree with you. ive been using this whole psychoanalytic, attachment theory perspective for a while to figure things out and I think I’ve become less happy. The time for mourning about my past has ran its course. How many times will I keep replaying the same story over and over in my head? How many more days of my life will be lost holding onto this sadness, fear, resentment? I get it. I saw the movie enough times already to know. I started contemplating the drawbacks of feeling like this. Applying it to every thing. Every time mind creation started to make me miserable time and time again yesterday when was breaking down. When my mind became clear of all these chaotic waves, a profound bliss arose. I will continue to do so as this chapter has just begun.

Does pure evil exist? No, if it did, anyone failing to attain nirvana would be sent to hell forever. The paradox is that at the peak of a breakthrough dose bad trip (right before the switch to bliss/nirvana), it feels like eternal hell even though it actually lasts for 1 or 2 breaths at most. This is why people who have NDEs say they felt like they were in hell for weeks. Taken from my site here: https://www.reddit.com/r/speedruntonirvana/wiki/phase3 And to cite Epicurus: 'don't be afraid of pain, if pain is intense, it doesn't last too long; if it lasts for long, it's not very intense.' Anyway you can't have the good without the bad, even angels feel like hell for occasional short periods of time, I can't find the source but it was a channeling from the Micheal Teachings.

I don't know if there is such a thing as infinite or endless suffering (not referring even to time-span but to intensity). I of course hope not from my human perspective. I'd like to hope there is some limit in which if you were to go beyond that you would fall unconscious or pass out, or there would be some hard stop or a breakthrough, or some limit of suffering in which no form of consciousness has ever dares to trespass, or something like that. But it's a bit strange to think about it if you yourself were God and it was fully your choice to go and experience that deep, agonizing suffering or if you were to choose to step out of it. Now THAT is hard to reconcile. Some thought I do find comfort in is that what I regard to be the least favourable realistic scenario of how existence works is the idea that there can never be more suffering than there can be joy and happiness in the total experience through the course of what's perhaps an infinite lifespan of the soul. The idea that we as souls were to suffer more than we were to experience joy in the total sum of things, seems also from a rational perspective also just unrealistic. We then would come to experience an equal amount of peace and joy than we were to come experience suffering. And this scenario described here above would be pretty much the worst case scenario of what I regard to be somewhat realistic. Another possibility is that suffering are just very temporary, short-lived experiences and that most of the time in the lifespan of our souls we abide in the bliss and joy of God. That then seems a whole lot more comfortable to think about. Suffering in that sense would then be considered 'rare'. But honestly, we then could even ask what all of that would mean if we then were to say that 'time is an illusion' and those sort of things, making it once again another complete mindfuck, so in the end, I don't really know what to make of it or what to think about it, so it's best to just forget about it all instead of trying to seek some comfort in a thought and go with what Gnosis had said, which is this statement:

@Nahm Why is there discomfort or resistance to surrender? I understand your point here, I can just be present and allow whatever arises to just be. But it doesn't feel like love/bliss/joy. It feels uncomfortable, and there is a push to go back into thinking/distraction and away from the discomfort of the moment.

@Nahm I understand. I don't like these kinds of fake intellectual people I think they are idiot/bs pretenders. Why are you afraid to call people out for not being on the path? When I hear people talk about something that I can tell they clearly don't understand I mentally note that they are idiots. This habit has gotten magnified since I started on the path haha, but it's better than the alternative for me which is assuming people know what they are talking about, and others' opinions about reality should be trusted at face value. I clearly see the problem with their perspectives, and I have no desire to be like either of them. But again lol. I don't understand how this pertains to me, and the inspection work/emotional scale/thinking-feeling relationship. I clearly have misguided assumptions underlying thinking that is creating suffering, but how to see through it decisively is another story. I can puncture the narrative in the mind with presence pretty reliably now, but when i come to the present i don't feel bliss/love/joy etc. I just get relief from being lost in thinking about myself.

I posted a week or 2 ago about this issues. Got some great replies, helped me overcome issues that were completely unrelated to the original post - while helpful, I would like to overcome this issue. Ok so the problem is, in the previous post I said I get an ego backlash every 2 weeks. After further inspection, that may have been an incorrect diagnosis. I will describe the symptoms in more detail. Every 2 weeks, I enter an alternative state of consciousness which seems like an ego backlash but may not be. In the experience, the following happens: - massive body high, bliss. Body feels like a ball of bliss energy. - social anxiety and worrying about what others thing completely goes away. Can do cold approach with 0 negative experience or thought, anytime, anywhere. - feel deeply powerful or deeply movtivated and energetic to get things done, overcome fears and exit comfort zone. - Consciousness of feelings and thoughts remain the same as sober. - smiling all the time. It's sort of like mania but highly conscious. It's sort of like being drunk on alcohol, but highly conscious. It reminds me of how I felt on San Pedro. Whenever I experience these states, I don't feel like meditating, or doing my goals. This experience essentially knocks me off my trajectory. Because of the frequency, this causes disruptions in my trajectory. Do you guys experience this? Is this the right way to look at it? This is a concern for me. Is this my ego tricking me? Is this concern not warranted for someone who is deeply motivated?

I have read a few of your posts since I am on the vipassana path as well. I read your post about the continued state of samatha/joy and was wondering about that. Daniel Ingram writes about a friend of his who was practicing jhanas for like 30 years or something and was sort of stuck there. Dan Ingram also has a chapter on how to use unpleasant/ unwanted experiences to further the practice. After I had experienced the first jhana on retreat, I felt I was always striving for this state during meditation and peace feeling off mat. But I think that one has to realize that joy, happiness, bliss are still experiences of sensations and mentality. I assume this is where equanimity arises. My last retreat was with a teacher from Pa Auk method and he always emphasized looking to who/ what is experiencing these sensations, shifting from experiencing to observing. I think I'm rambling a bit but would like to say, I enjoy your posts and look forward to reading about your progress on the path.

Yes can definitely try that thanks! When I try to put awareness on a feeling, and drop the thought about/describing the feeling, I go through multiple iterations of thoughts describing the feeling(oh I'm feeling bad about being fat! Oh no actually it's about me not accepting myself, oh no it's about me not being ok with being by myself, loneliness, etc). And each one feels like a different paradigm(different perspective). Is this what you mean by work your way up? I've been practicing the excersises (you guided me with) and have gotten a lot out of that. In fact this bliss state I believe is directly correlated to my kriya(inner effort) to do those excersises. After observing the emotion(rather than the thought) and basically recontexualising all of the emotions/feelings(because I use to believe thought about the feeling, rather than the feeling itself, so I was misinterpreting the feeling all my life) all of these different sensations are starting to come out: bliss, deep motivation, freedom. And this is making it hard to 'control' myself to do the spiritual practices. It's like the thoughts are telling me to do the spiritual practices(like meditation) but I'm loosing capacity to listen to thought...

All breakthrough trips go from hell to nirvana unless you're an high-level old soul (a Michael Teaching concept), in which case you go directly to Nirvana like it happened to Grof (even sub-breakthrough doses seem to work for them, see Leo and many others, although this fact is misleading lots of people who think they can just drop an acid and many even think that they experienced nirvana just because they felt a bit high and some "spiritual thought" they read somewhere before came in their mind in that moment). I speculate that higher-level old souls spend less time in hell before the switch to bliss but I'm not really sure about this. Anyway Martin Ball says that you can vape up to 30 mg, so 60 mg plugged is far from an overdose, how longer is the effect when plugged? We might make some calculation to establish safe non-OD rectal doses.

Oh shit, that might mean that we need quite some more because if one breakthroughs for a too-short period it doesn't switch from terror to bliss/nirvana. Keep us posted please, thank you.

People even on this forum have no idea what the actual in-between lives process is like. The Michael Teachings channelings and other sources explain it in details and it's kinda terrifying actually. For example, the soul doesn't cut its tie to the physical body after the modern-era usual drug/pain killers assisted clinical death, so in short you feel the emotional and physical pain of your body being cremated/slowly decaying in a coffin, then (I imagine) you have a long period of PTSD, plus the inability to interact with physical matter (try dry-fasting alone with no internet, nicotine, etc, for a day only and tell me how it feels... I tried yes, add the ptsd to that, also: you can't just go to sleep like we do here 1/3 our time); then it doesn't get better for a long time unless your beliefs/knowledge tell you that the friendly angels trying to make you move on to your next incarnation aren't just some devils in disguise trying to trick you and bring you to hell forever; then there's the life review, which can be really bad if you have made significant bad karma in this life. Sources can be found here: https://www.reddit.com/r/speedruntonirvana/wiki/phase3 This fear is not all bad though, it's the most powerful pull to try to reach enlightenment, and if you know how bad psychedelics breakthrough doses can be (right before the switch to bliss/nirvana) for "non high-level old souls" (another Michael Teaching concept), you know you need a strong pull like that to get the courage to take them (this assuming "non high-level old souls" can't reach actualization without psychedelics breakthrough doses, which I'm sure of, the why is explained in my site linked above).

@Tanz yeah that dude is pretty Effin enlightend though, he told one story of not moving for a week or something he was in some kinda state of bliss. Crazy. there are different levels of enlightenment they say, stream entry & then walking masters. I didn’t realize this for a long time but it like anything there are brand new professional Basketball players then there are the Michael Jordan’s of the world, apples & oranges.

@Tony 845 Thanks for sharing your experience and happy to read your story of bliss. Ive had multiple awakenings including through kundalini and various methods without the use of psychedelics. When you really tap into yourself you become the spirit molecule. To my knowledge permanent non-dual state is impossible to obtain. Even masters like Sadhguru arent full-blown there, however they have done enough training to be able to tap into it anytime they can focus in a short amount of time. On that note, getting there is one thing and finding a way to do something with what you know or become are two different things.

I'm gonna be talking from my experience of discovering repressed unconscious material. So I confronted, or more pessimistically put stumbled upon, contents of my mind I've suppressed from conscious awareness. There is an intense fear like no other. A fear at the absolute malevolence of the world. The malevolence which seeks to violate and rape everything innocent. And in my personal case, there are images of the ethereal tribe which demands conformity and crushes everything sacred and special. I just imagine shaded, detail-less humanoid figures with evil grins on their faces. Malevolence seeks to destroy goodness and innocence for the sake of it. I imagine the serial killer who ruthlessly tortures the infant to death. Is this feeling of violation the root of so much trauma I and others have, I wonder. The perception of pure evil, and the terrifying feeling of trying to run away from it but not succeeding. And worst of all is neither the fight or flight, but the freeze reaction. The despondency of being violated. There are traumas I imagine which can generalise beyond the specific form of human malevolence and violation. I can imagine the some ancient humans living in the jungle and a child has their dad eaten in front of them by a Lion. In which case the blame shifts to reality and nature itself quite directly. But nonetheless, you feel violated by nature. Well I frame it like that for now since inquiring and contemplating this word "violation" is extremely interesting and fascinating for me in this present moment. For some strange reason the contemplation/inquiry of the intense fear I felt has turned into bliss and amusement for now.

@Yonkon I recommend some of the Tantrik Yoga meditations on gaia.com by Christopher Wallis. There is one called Opening The Heart Center or Lotus of the Heart or something like that. Very powerful and simple and if you are willing to be open you will feel the base of the heart, actually located closer to the solar plexus. There is a firm point there where you can rest. You get better at accessing it with practice. When you find it is bliss. Also Matt Kahn's transmissions on youtube are very powerful if you allow yourself to be open.

Hello there fellow seekers of the Absolute. Sorry for the click-bait guys, but there is no shortcut to absolute truth . Instead of giving you false perceptions I will be giving a summary of my journey to absolute truth, not for approval, but to help making you more aware of the false reality you are living in due to lower consciousness. Along the way I will hopefully be triggering your subconscious soul-memory. So DO NOT dismiss or judge this story, for the Source/God has given each and everyone of us life to seek the absolute truth and when found to live and expand this greater understanding onto the seekers. Of course this knowledge cannot be understood by the believer through words or concepts, (it can only be communicated and understood by the knowers, because only they will find the deeper understanding/meaning behind the words or concepts) let alone through a thread on a forum. That's why you have to seek yourself and if you truly, from the depths of your existence, SEEK for absolute truth and intensely want it, that's when you will arrive at your (next) truth (keep in mind truth can change, not the absolute, but rather your truth). That is how the Light will eventually sprout inside of you by experience and sensation, it is not something you can link together like connecting the dots. (Seek and you shall find). So If you wish to trigger this absolute truth unto yourself I advise you not to fast forward scroll through this thread, but rather to read everything with intend. I also tend to share some more personal things to help give you an understanding about the individual (me). My personal self Up until the 19th year of my life, It wasn't really great, I had a hard chilhood and had to leave the house with no contact when I was 16. I started facing the world alone without having any Idea where I was headed or where I would stay, standing with my back against the wall trying to survive day to day. Also I did what I wanted to do because I was living my own life, when I reached rock bottom at 19 I started smoking weed (Funny since I always told myself that I wouldn't ). That is when I truly started to know my worldy self, also my personal horizon on everything expanded greatly. This was an uplift to my emotions and my life overall. I came from a spiritual family with a spiritual mother and aunt that had a bond that even twins can't connect like. Also, they were so far ahead of me spiritually, my worldy self couldn't even comprehend the deeper understanding behind their doings/sayings, and just thought of them as my slightly strange but o so loving and giving family (Oh how I was the strange one in the end). My aunt was like a mother to me, that taught me things my actual mother didn't or couldn't, but she passed away a couple of years ago due to lung cancer, this was a fallback for me with lots of emotions up until my Awakening. The start of the journey This journey began in approximately 2017 when my muslim friend Adam who I met in elementary school came to me with tears in his eyes (we're both 25 now and stayed friends) and said that he had a vivid dream about us and everyone standing at judgement day. He saw me getting taken into Hell while he was going to Heaven (probably because he still lived at home with dinner being served every day and living according to his religion). He also cried in the dream because there was nothing he could do to help me. Keep in mind my friend grew up in a muslim household and everything other than that what he believes in is complete false, simply because Islam is 'the truth'. I don't even judge him now because we've all hold false perceptions of reality at first, I didn't even believe in the Source/God and was a total Atheist, who used logic and science for truth. He practically begged me to learn about Islam because he believed it was a sign from 'Allah'. However, back then I didn't know much about the details of this religion, but he showed me some things in this book and compared it to science, which seemed pretty convincing and made me think, but I still didn't believe there was a God. So there is a God ? This was until I started scientifically looking for mistakes in the evolution theory and I found out how complicated our DNA actually is. This can't just come from nothing. But the biggest switch was when I learned about the formula that came into existence when the Big Bang happened called 1.618, better known as the Golden Ratio or the Spiral of life. I thought if I take apart my phone and throw it into the cosmos we could wait a million years, but it would never be a complete phone in the end. Or I could smash my keyboard for a bazillion years and in the end I wouldn't all of a sudden get a quantum code designed to create new universes or something, so basically you could say that I found out life doesn't just happen to be. This was a definite eye opener that there was indeed an intelligent designer behind our existence. So I began to inquire into Islam, because if this was the truth I wanted it! But if it wasn't then I wanted to save my friend from this false perception! At first they show you all these 'miracles' of the Q'uran that are so convincing, because you are still thinking in concepts and words to comprehend this so called 'truth'. Soon I found out how this cult actually worked and how these so called 'scholars' of Islam are changing words in the translations of the Q'uran/Hadiths in the benefit of Islam. Then I found out (as they (muslims) all say) you can only really understand this book if you read it in the original Arabic language, but my friend didn't even know how to read Arabic. I looked for someone who could help me with translations and it turned out to be even worse than I thought (not going into further details because this truth doesn't even matter). This couldn't be the word of God, this couldn't be Absolute truth, I refused to accept this tyranny, never the less Adam asked me to come to the musk one time just for the experience, so I went. There I found their Imam totally working on the emotions of these people, on the fears and desires (otherworldy desires), He told us to fear Allah! He said to be scared of Allah, how Allah would punish you if you didn't live according to the Q'uran or the Prophet, this went on for about 20 minutes. Before I decided to come with Adam to the musk I found a giant scientific mistake in their scripture. I decided to confront him with it after the gathering ended, to see what his reaction would be. After I showed the imam the error in their scriptures, they were all looking flabbergasted as if they had never heard about this before. After 45 minutes of the Imam browsing through their scriptures, he came to the conclusion that this wasn't a mistake,. It was just me who was an idiot basically and didn't understand their scriptures. That's when I was sure.. These were NOT the scriptures of the Divine. Of course Adam also refused to see this as a mistake, but I knew that it was a done deal for me, even though he still tried to make me see his truth. Emptiness So there I was, knowing evolution wasn't the answer and religions weren't the answer. I was aware that I knew exactly nothing of our existence, the things I was so sure of most likely weren't true as well. I deeply asked myself these questions over and over again, why are we here ? Were we just born to die ? What happens after 'death'? After a month of being pointblank and still seeking for Absolute truth, I came across a book called The Universal One by Walter Russel (http://educate-yourself.org/cn/TheUniversalOne1926WalterRussell.pdf) If you haven't awakened yet, or even if you have, I advise you to read this book even if it takes you 2 days to understand 1 page. This book is full of true knowledge about our universe and will benefit YOU, the reader, greatly. Of course you don't have to believe me! Just open the book and look for yourself. With some of this knowledge inside my head and actually starting over with everything I thought was truth I had some sort of a different view of the world. I still wanted Absolute truth, but I knew that I knew nothing. SPIRITUAL AWAKENING! My girlfriend was having a small party with some friends, in the end (about 5 hours later) only 2 friends of mine stayed. My girlfriend was sleeping and we smoked some blunts while talking about divinity and such. We put on some chill music, started filling balloons with Nitrous Oxide and began inhaling them (It's a thing here in the Netherlands). This wasn't the first time, so it wasn't a big deal or anything. A couple of rounds later my friend put on ASAP Rocky - L$D, as I inhaled my filled balloon again, I started to flow away further and further. I focused on my breathing and thought of nothing (unintentionally), I felt I went further away from my individual self yet I was still there in the Now. Then IT happened. It was as if my humanity got taken off layer by layer, The Ego, my Desires, My Fears, my Emotions. For once I was able to completely let go of the past and was fully in the present, It really felt like I was dying, as I was thinking that I was dying It was as if the universe downloaded data inside my head, because all of a sudden I felt and experienced (NOT HEAR) someone giving me a feeling that it's okay to let go and that reincarnation was a fact, so I would come back, Then finally all my attachments in the world were gone and I was aware that all that was left over was consciousness. THEN I REALIZED all I am IS consciousness. After that, I felt a LOVE which was so BIG and SO POWERFUL, I've never felt anything like this before in my life. This love could only be from the Source/God (what I knew the moment I felt it), and it kept on going, After this great sensation of love I was given this sense of UNITY with everyone and everything that's in this universe. I quickly became aware that I am you, you are me, I am the trees, the trees are me, we are ALL ONE. We are not in nature, we ARE nature, we are not in the universe, we ARE the universe. Then I was given the knowledge that RELIGION WAS NOT THE ANSWER INDEED and that NOTHING TRULY MATTERS EXCEPT CONSCIOUSNESS! I felt this deeply intense feeling of happiness and bliss, like I've never felt before. Soon after I came back, I stood up shocked/surprised and said "GUYS NOTHING MATTERS IN THE WORLD, ONLY CONSCIOUSNESS and leveling that truly matters" and they were looking at me all weird, I still see their faces haha . My perception of reality got changed to Absolute Truth for good! The day after, I wanted to find out what happened that caused this great but weird experience, that's when I found out it happened because the brain always needs and gets oxygen every second of the day. The Nitrous Oxide causes 'Cerebral hypoxia', this occurs when not enough oxygen can get to the brain, that gave me a Near Death Experience. So, my mind thought it was actually dying, that's when enough Dymethyltryptamine was released to cause my Spiritual Awakening. Even the day after this experience I was still feeling this insane love and empathy towards other people, also this feeling of unity just kept hanging by and the thought that all I am is consciousness. I felt I couldn't talk to anyone about this, because they would think I was crazy, but I knew there was one person who would listen without prejudice for sure, that was my mother. I called her and told her; "Mom there's something really weird that happened to me", she replied with "What happened !?", thinking something bad happened. That's when I started explaining my experience to her, when I was halfway she just stopped me and said "Really honey ? Congratulations, I'm so intensely proud of you!" SHE KNEW! SHE KNEW about Absolute Truth all along, she knew this would happen one day, and as she told me "Congratulations", all of a sudden a memory came back to me. When I was 12/13, she told me that when I was 3 years old she closed my 3rd eye, because I was bothered by entities (positive though), but I couldn't sleep because of it. Then I remembered she also said it would open when I would be 24 years old............. This awakening happened 2 months prior to my 25th year old birthday, believe it or not. I started crying because I was happy, for the first time in my life I cried because I was happy and because of everything that was changing around me. All of a sudden I didn't just care about myself, but I started to care about all beings in the world, even animals and even strangers, My whole world got filled with light and I started to feel this bliss and happiness throughout the whole day, even a week later still. Even up until now, moments of happiness and bliss come and go. I know now what my task is in this world, to become more aware live in constant awareness of Absolute truth and to help others planting seeds for their awakening. To the reader Please try to understand that the key to peace on earth is inner peace (self-realization). Be conscious and conscious about consciousness. Awaken your true self (your spiritual self) in order to obtain enlightenment. You may stop trying to fill the whole with earthly desires, because you are the one you've been searching for all along. Meaning, this eternal sense of bliss and happiness cannot be found when you reach outward, but rather reach inward. Don't look external, look internal. While I'm talking about knowledge, that is beyond this phenomenal world, please don't try to understand absolute truth through worldy/earthly concepts and words. Give up all these concepts and inquire into the nature of your being (the true self). Ask yourself the right questions: how did we all happen to be? And if you continue in the realm of intellect (trying to understand the divine through these concepts and words) you will become entangled and lost in more and more concepts. We must all give love in order to receive love, Hell is on earth and it's a state of mind that's why the world is so desperately in need of love. We must all enter into the kingdom of the one infinite source which is heaven and you enter that kingdom once you have become enlightened by the divine itself, I say this once more, the Absolute truth must stumble upon you, you cannot stumble upon it. I've added a diagram for the believers to give a deeper understanding of the surfaces of consciousness. I'm giving you all love and peace into your journeys, if anyone has any questions i'd be happy to answer them

@Red-White-Light Yeah when I had my awakening experiences I knew instantaneously that it was the same thing - i was like holy fuck this is Depersonalization! however i believe it is lacking the Bliss and the Love and the realizations that come with enlightenment and the elevated consciousness levels. Shinzen Young calls it enlightenment's evil twin because it's like only half the story.

It’s been less than 24 hours and it’s already hard to remember all the intricate details of my mushroom experience yesterday, but I will try my best to recall as many details as I can Set: Calm mind for the most part, had tripped on 1g of Psilocybe Cubensis 2 days prior. Some background anxiety and fear (about life in general) going on but not pronounced. Was unsure of how 2g would affect me since of potential tolerance to my recent mild dose which only brought about subtle trip effects, mainly a body high with a slightly trippy headspace. Setting: Secluded beach north of San Francisco, near Point Reyes National Seashore. No crowds of people here, empty for the most part since it is so far off the main drag. Intention: -Be more present during the deep parts of the trip -Question the mushroom more, be more open to new answers -Become conscious of how reality is being constructed -Transcend my everyday thinking patterns that cause unwanted suffering *Times are rough estimates mostly: 3:00pm- Dosed the mushrooms in the car before arriving at the beach, 2 whole dried mushrooms weighing roughly 1g each, with a ginger tablet for digestion. The mushroom taste never bugs me like others report. It doesn’t taste good per say, but I have no problem chewing them thoroughly. Set up a towel with some snacks on the beach by some sand dunes. 3:30pm- Was walking near the ocean with my bare feet, I began to feel weird sensations in my body. The wind felt very strong blowing by the water, I began to feel uncomfortably cold, with a little background anxiety coming on. Really was focusing on deep nasal breathing which calmed me a bit. When I walked further inland to my towel, it was the opposite, no winds, just extreme silence, this transition was borderline overwhelming for my psyche knowing the mushrooms hadn’t really started to kick in fully yet. 4:00pm- Walked up on the sand dunes behind my towel, peed by some bushes, I remember I started having thoughts about what my “story” would be writing my trip report later. I would think how I would most accurately recall this experience into words to express it best I could. Then I started feeling guilty about this. I started feeling guilty thinking about the forum, like I was “confusing the map for the territory” I began thinking and saying outloud “fuck that shit” over and over and just desperately wanted to be present and forget everything else. Problem is I couldn’t do this. This was a prevailing theme for the trip, that my ego mind, identification with my thoughts, could not silence. 4:30pm- Laid down on my beach towel, and started becoming so thankful and appreciative about the emotional difficulty and background fears I had just faced during the come up phase. I was like “thank you so much” saying out loud, feeling like this was the mushrooms gift to me, making me stronger this way. So I layed back on my towel, put my arm over my eyes and started to watch the fractal patterns. Every time I eat mushrooms I see the SAME PATTERNS! Mechanical fractals, almost flower-like, spiraling and transforming in the blackness. Almost a faint gold color. The weird thing is, after my first time noticing these on mushrooms, I can see them in my day to day life with my eyes closed if I focus hard enough, although they are extremely elusive. When tripping, they just become extremely pronounced and even project on to surfaces, such as becoming tattoos all over my skin during previous trips. Anyway, back to the current experience. As I layed with my eyes closed watching, I felt no fear, and was thinking about how this beautiful psychedelic imagery is something I love so much and am intrigued so deeply by, but at the same time am usually fearful to be present with and observe. Why? I think my ego is always scared of getting sucked in too deeply. I suddenly open my eyes to look at the beach, and I become overwhelmed with the transition to the external scenery. I began to feel fear when I checked the time and realized it was only an hour and a half after dosing, and it had felt like so much longer. Again I return to my breath and my vision starts to slowly adjust to the bright sunlight. 5:00pm- I began contemplating a sea dollar I found. I was questioning how the flower-like pattern could be there, so symmetrically placed. It seemed so much like a human design, but yet it was completely untouched by man. I was thinking “what is this” over and over. 5:30pm- This is when I entered the deepest levels of consciousness. The sun started setting and began walking toward it on the beach, again barefoot, feeling the cold energy of the earth. I started questioning my life purpose. I wanted to communicate with the mushroom, like Terrence Mckenna had always talked about. In the background I knew this is just communication to my higher self. I began thinking questions in my mind, almost pleading for answers, “what is my life purpose”? I heard nothing. “Why can’t you tell me what my future holds?” And I just waited for a split second trying to be as open as I could to a higher answer. And boom, I got a sudden “download” along the lines of “If you knew your path already, there would be no point of life playing out. That's the whole point and beauty of life, not knowing what the future holds but having it play out organically as time goes on”. Then this is when words can’t describe what I was feeling, I didn’t feel like a human anymore, I was contemplating so deeply what reality was and how it was being constructed, and I got another download “You don’t know anything at all”. And I just accepted that. I just felt like such a limited, finite animal being. I felt so limited in my human body, almost like a primitive caveman. All the dualities of animal and human went out the window. From here the trip got less intense, but overall it left me with way more questions than answers. I couldn’t transcend my ego mind at all. I never entered a deep fear or state of panic, but it was like all my subtle background fears in life were pronounced and I couldn’t enter a state of peace or bliss. While I know I shouldn’t get down in the dumps about this, it's hard not to feel a little disappointed in myself that I was such a slave to my negative thoughts. I know the answer here is loving myself more, as much as an uphill battle as that seems at times. There was so much profundity in my deepest state staring at the sunset, but trying to capture what I was feeling in this report seems futile. So many details have left my mind already, but I feel it was the closest I ever came to transcending my human form. Maybe I just wasn’t ready for the next level of higher understanding. Heres some pictures of my scenery during the trip: Didn't take these, found them on the web. Was too busy in the trip to take pictures or work my phone. Up on the dunes, my towel was just below the hill on the beach side: Sunset (almost exactly how it looked yesterday) when I was standing by the shore looking at it and questioning deeply:

The Shocking Truth about Meditation:Most People Get This Wrong (eric ho, youtube video) video's main points = meditation is about nothingness your mind at that moment clears everything and thinks about nothing a lot of people use what they call meditation to get rid of stress today but when you're trying to think about nothing and you're stressed, it's virtually impossible to get into nothingness so it's your worst time to get into that meditative state the world looks at meditation as a process for an outcome but in actual fact meditation is the outcome not the process a lot of people use meditation as a process to try and de-stress but in fact meditation is the outcome if you get to that place of bliss and connection with the divine it's absolutely amazing how do we actually practice meditation and when should we practice it ? you practice it when your mind is most calm when you are most at peace once you've calmed the mind then you practice meditation keep your hands in receiving mode meaning palms facing up keep your spine comfortably erect this is your channel the spine starts from what we call the base chakra down on the bottom all the way up the spine to the top towards the crown chakra see this as your channel from the earth towards the rest of the universe so to connect to the divine this is your channel close your eyes, take a slow gentle deep breath in and out, in and out and when you're breathing make sure it's the deep abdominal breathing in and out in through your nose out through your mouth just breathe and while you're breathing what will naturally happen is your senses will connect to things and start a dialogue if I say close your eyes think about nothing it's likely that you're gonna think about something do not try to think about nothing because when you do you think about something it's like if I say don't think of the purple elephant you'll have the purple elephant going on in your head so don't try to not think about anything instead what you want to do is practice witnessing what does that mean? why does your mind become cluttered ? it only becomes cluttered when different dialogue starts and dialogue only starts from your sensory so for example you can close your eyes, yeah okay don't think about anything then you think oh the light maybe if I turned it off it would be better you're sensing light that's why you start dialogue the next thing is oh car door closes, maybe somebody's outside has somebody arrived? you sense you hear something you feel something you feel cold you feel warm you feel the sun rising all of these senses kicks off a dialogue so how do we practice meditation and getting into nothingness? very simple you practice witnessing witness sound, allow it to pass car door, allow it to pass movement, allow it to pass without asking what is the movement? who is the movement? because the moment we allow the sequence to kick off we're gonna go on forever our mind is very powerful like that, it keeps connecting so instead, just witness and as a rule of thumb for beginners getting into meditation what I recommend you it's just practice one minute two minutes a day don't go over the top trying to get into ten minute half an hour meditation why? because then it will counter it will do the opposite you will get so frustrated and annoyed that you're not doing it right and you're like oh I'm still thinking about something or I'm starting some dialog then you get frustrated and it does the opposite to meditation so start small work your way up from 30 seconds to a minute and you can practice it throughout the day it doesn't just have to be in the morning even if you're sitting on the train even if you're sitting at work whenever you're doing different things just practice just breathing and allow your sensory just to witness everything that's passing by what will happen is you will get through days and through months more and more things can pass by and then you'll be able to allow them to pass by one by one and actually witness and when you get into that part of peace which is the connectivity points to the divine to the universe what will actually happen is you will get to that point when you get to oneness with the divine that place of bliss where you see everything but do not hold that expectation to wanting to get there because if you do with that expectation you will keep getting disappointment so instead just focus on nothingness that's all just focus on witnessing practice and some of you it may even take months it may even take yours some of you may even take decades to actually finally get into that place of bliss but when you do you will start understanding and you start witnessing enlightenment and actually this whole out-of-body experience when you shift your consciousness once and for all

May you find child again, playful and simple, exactly crime to them, quite crime; they despise rhyme, and spit on soul; who control, who shouldn't like I should, because I wouldn't if I could. Take hold of your breath and then release it. Take hold and release. Take hold, release. What I know about th'available, Th'advance, the bliss, the trance, Is knowledge for th'assailable Who'd fall from their prance, Into that is stable, that is permanent, that lasts.

Why is there something rather than nothing? Why is there duality? Why must everything have an opposite? What was (are? I wrote "was" instead of are, which is era spelled backwards, btw) we doing here, realizing the underlying transcending oneness of duality itself? The nondual and the dual can never be separate. The one is many, it's always many, it can never NOT BE MANY, just as it can never NOT BE ONE. Is this true, or am I bullshitting myself? Did I not choose to bullshit myself, am I not the magician putting on a show and the audience together for the purpose of entertainment? DOCTRINE says it's ONE. It's ONE MOTHER FUCKERS. (doctrine, the doctor's in, and it's been doctored. No illness, no doctor) Why the back and forth? Why the good and bad? Why when I got sick when I was a kid, really sick, all my desires and identifications disappeared and there was suffering. There was studying the patterns on the linoleum of the floor, and existential questioning, a desire for death over suffering. And when it lifted there was a bliss state. Or when I had my wisdom teeth out, 18 hours later, there was a bliss state. Is the bliss state just a "goody" as Preetom says? Is it something more or is that wishful thinking? Is it like the cork shooting back to the surface after it's been held down, far under the surface of the water? The further you hold the cork down, the higher it shoots out of the water from the pressure, it's like loading a gun. Fear is a tricky thing. It's afraid to be wrong. Where does wrong start and right begin? Fear is afraid to venture out for fear that it will suffer because of it. The desire to transcend conditions itself CANNOT come out of fear. It must come out of love. Fear is resistance, cutting itself off. It is afraid of itself, and yet it serves itself. This flip state seems to be the entire purpose of our existence. No fear, no courage. So then, what is the difference between fully accepting conditions and transcending them? Is not fear and depression a beautiful building up to their opposites, and then, where does the fear end and love start? Does not the view from a high cliff on a mountain stun and awe, where fear and beauty merge and are felt fully? Where does depression end and happiness start? Where do they meet in the middle? Do they cancel each other out? So then, how can there be opposites at all if one does not have a beginning or end, if they cancel themselves out in the middle, what is the middle called? What is the opposite of energy? Where does the question stop and the answer begin? So why is there something rather than nothing?

OK, this enlightenment business is REAL. I am not creating this thread in an attempt to prove what I have experienced, or indeed to boast (that would obviously be egotistical), but in all honesty I am in such a state of bliss right now (and have been for the past two weeks) that it seems almost too good to be true. I have been meditating EVERY SINGLE DAY for an average time of about 5 hours a day, for the past 2 YEARS. The first few months it felt like torture and I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere, then at the 7 month mark I had an awakening of no-self. I was in a state of peace for 10 days. Alas, I had a very strong ego backlash, which sent me spiralling into depression and alcoholism. I never really recovered the sense of bliss I had found for that short period....Until two weeks ago. I re-watched a bunch of Leo's videos on enlightenment (which I would highly recommend) as well as some other masters such as Peter Ralston and Rupert Spira. My self inquiry became very intense, and just before my awakening two weeks ago, I was meditating and practicing self-inquiry solidly for 10 hours a day (no breaks). Pretty intense eh? My first awakening two weeks ago felt like a full body orgasm, culminating in hysterical laughter which lasted for minutes. Then hours later, it happened again. Then, keeping up my practice, the next morning it happened AGAIN. I lost count of all the awakenings that happened, but during them, all I could say to myself was "OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD". It was a mixture of joy, awe, bliss, and just pure simple laughter. It's like getting the joke. Laughing at nothing like you did when you were a kid. So this is my reward for putting in the hours. I don't feel a sense of pride, and I didn't even feel like sharing my experience with anyone...until now. I didn't at first think it was necessary, and I figured my actions would speak louder than words. But here I am. Am I enlightened? It won't put me up nor down if people think I am enlightened or not, but I decided to create this thread in order to possibly help others. So if you have any questions, then fire away.