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Heaven and hell are normally seen as two different physical places (with unknown locations) where you/your soul goes after you physically die. You go to heaven, if you are "good" --> You do the "right" things that the sacred books tell you to do. You go to hell, if you are "bad" --> You don't follow what's written in the sacred books. The problem is that religious books were written by men mainly with a poethic and figurative language (with allegories and such) and that many people interpret (by cherry picking the passages) sacred books "licterally" and/or in a materialistic way, so that they see heaven and hell as physical places and they decide to believe to this "good" and "bad" foreplay narrated in the sacred books. And that judgments are a mainly human invention. There is no "good" or "bad", but only facts that happen and that our mind define "good" or "bad" through some kind of cultural/personal imprinting. In reality it's all just a story. Heaven and hell as figurative places where you stay there and live in bliss or burn forever don't exist. There is indeed some kind of karma system (eg inherited karma from the family/genetic) existing in our world, but not in a way that lead you to go to a place or to another, but rather that create a heavier pain body in you or a lighter one. So what's heaven? Eckart Tolle describes heaven as the state of peace in which you are where you are really conscious of the present moment. If your mind is not drifting away in the future or in the past or rather by attaching itself to some emotion or some kind of idea/concept etc. you'll experience peace and that peace is heaven. Leo likes to describe heaven as becoming conscious of your Godly nature (that you are God/infinite).

DISCLAIMER: I had no intention initially of writing this trip report, but I just had to because of how interesting it was, and for personal documentation reasons too. This post is admittedly crazy, outlandish, bizarre and just plain weird. And I don't want this to start a non duality war. I also don't want this post to invoke judgement on the 'electrobeam' physical avatar (it will happen anyway by God's design (how else is duality possible ) , but I'm just pointing out my intention is not to troll or invoke such a response). I fully appreciate and embrace anyone who believes I'm deluded, crazy, zen devil, etc. I love you all and embrace all opinions that may come of this. I almost know nearly no one will resonate with what I'm about to write here. Maybe one or 2 yogis out in the jungle somewhere. But this post might strike a chord in 1 or 2 of you. Who knows and lets see. Why I wrote this Trip Report During the trip, I wasn't that surprised or valued this trip with any importance. In a weird way, everything that was happening was just normal. After coming down though and reflecting on it again, I just went "hold on, that was actually insanely crazy" I started to feel the significance of what just happened. I felt absolutely no significance, no surprise, at all during the trip. Absolutely no reason to feel alarmed. I even talked to people around me completely normally, and talked to them genuinely with what I was becoming conscious of as if its a normal talking point with people. But afterwards I went "what in the hell was that???". And I regretted sounding like an unusual guy to my flatmate. I was extremely shocked. This humbled me on the come down. And here I am, recording it. Also I dont claim to be enlightened(far far far from it), but I will use enlightenment terms to help with explanation. Intention for the trip So I awoke to infinite love some time ago, and after that I saw the universe completely differently. I basically realized that all suffering, evilness, etc was actually designed to give me a massive loving awakening. It was all done out of love. Just imagine your mum said "sorry I can only give you 20 bucks for your 21st birthday" and then you chastise her, attack her, then on your birthday she said "just joking! I actually gave you a million dollars!" And you find out later that she gave you that million through working 90 hours a week. Can you see how lowering your expectations by saying she can only give you a little, is actually better than if she said "i will give you a million dollars on your 21st birthday"? By lowering your expectations, when you actually get the gift, its a massive gift. Well thats why god invented world war 2, trump, etc. Because he's lowering your expectations so that when you do realize infinite love, you get extremely excited. That's why there's so much self deception, it all increases your surprise. And people on here asking "why is there torture, rape, etc" is like the child chastising her mum saying "why do you only give me 50 bucks for my 21st? You horrible mum!". And how would you feel once you realised that all those judgements of trump was like you chastising that mother? Once you realised trump was you? How sorry would you feel? Knowing all those judgements you did was pure stupidity and ignorance? So for the san pedro trip, I wanted to repent all my sins (all my judgements and hatred) because I felt so fucken ignorant, sad, arrogant and stupid for judging God, myself. And also my intention for this san pedro trip was to simply ask God for how to embody and live a life fully immersed in infinite love. BUT I'm not your typical seeker, I'm extremely/radically open minded, and I'm an extremely curious seeker that loves to 'understand'. I love omnipresence. Absolutely love it. A scientist's/INTPs dream is 100% omnipresence. Its philosophical nirvana. That's what us scientists get wet dreams over. We aren't like other seekers that just want to feel happy, or get over suffering, or just care about feeling good all day. We want to 'KNOW', 'UNDERSTAND' we aren't just satisfied with feeling good, we want to consciously know what's going on here. We want to go meta, again and again and again and again for absolutely no reason at all except because we are curious. And so, I had my intentions for the san pedro trip, but honestly, God decided to reveal some juicy secrets instead, so I just went for that. Drinking San Pedro I drank 30cm of san pedro juice I made up (getting pretty good at this brewing shit now, also my body must be getting use to san pedro because it didnt vomit this time, woohoo!) Trip Report - All the normal stuff that most teachers on here would agree with I think So I came up extremely slowly. Again just like the other san pedro trip report I did a while ago, I did not realise how high I was getting. I was getting waaay higher than I noticed. For me I thought what was happening was just a slight buzz. Nothing serious. Infact I was convinced I did the brew wrong, and I microdosed on this stuff (until later ). So I started questioning, how do I completely eliminate all hatred and judgement so that I can be infinite love all the time. Because I'm 2000% aware that I'm jumping from 1 to 2 and back to 1 again, and I'm doing that due to hatred and judgement. Once judgement and hatred is gone, and I embrace everything, that's it! Game over boiiis! I won! But then of course, being the highly meta, and scientific/INTP mind that I am, I jumped to questioning "wait, why am I even trying to eliminate judgment and hatred all together?". Like a curious question I've had for a while is, why did I, God, jump to duality in the first place. And then I became aware of the play. How we are all actors just pretending. The level of pretending that I became conscious of was insane. We pretend so much that its incredible. Matt Khan is pretending to be a spiritual teacher, that's the level. He's so conscious yet he's still pretending. And of course he isn't actually there and there are no 'others' but what I'm saying is God is capable of pretending to such an extent, that you could be as deeply enlightened as Ramana or Matt Khan and you'd still be pretending. Those teachers aint free of pretending, trust me. They get sucked into the thought story of being a teacher, and don't even realise they are getting sucked into that thought story. You can be deeply enlightened and yet still dogmatic and still believe in stuff and confuse truth for falsehood. This is how insanely large self deception is. Its unbelievable. I became aware of all of my lies (and this was necessary for repenting my sins of judgement and hatred). I had to let go of all lives to fully surrender to god. Then I became conscious for the first time of True omnipresence. I felt exactly, ex-act-fucken-leeee why everything was the way it is (and there is a ridiculously mind twisted answer below in the "off the deep end" section) but for now lets just say that I became aware that God knows everything about me, and before reincarnating as me, he knew exactly what was going to happen to me. Every single bit. He knows why I suck at meditation, COVID-19, my reincarnations of past lives, every-fucken-thing. Because the Godhead is a land where you know fucken everything. Its insane. And so when you think you're struggling with meditation and it sucks, and how everyone is better than you, or some other hardship, God KNEW all of that precisely! (to the nearest millimetre, nanosecond, micro moment, including the devilry) before deciding to reincarnate as you. Like in ego consciousness, it really feels like you're here for the first time, and God's doing something new and your the first. That's true. BUT! At the exact same time, God also knew everything that was about to happen. Its sort of like, imagine genes are the Godhead and the phenotypes are your life. Yes the phenotype is happening for the first time, But you knew everything that was gonna happen from the genes, just the knowledge from the genes is different to the experience of the actual phenotype though. So that's sort of what omnipresence is like, you dont experience everything but you fucken KNOW! The image I had of omnipresence was heaps of clouds out in the sky, and a dragon flying through it just looking down. Don't know why but there ya go. I decided to go for a walk because I was convinced I took a microdose and whats the worst that could happen (should have learnt my lesson from the last san pedro trip I did, but I'm God's son, so not learning my lesson is in my genes ) And again, just like the last san pedro trip, I didn't wake up, here I am 100% conscious as God. Just happened without realising it. No ego death, just here it is. And see at this point this is where doing trips to better or improve your life or spirituality goals starts to break down, because once you're fully conscious that everything is God's plan, you realise all your deficiencies are God's plan too. Even what I'm writing now, God knew all of this before reincarnating as me. And so improving spirituality from that state of consciousness doesn't make sense, because its already perfect. Your failure is perfect. At that point its just like, everything is already done. There's nothing to do, or improve on. And you realise, you entering this trip with an intention is itself a persona. Like you've got an intention because you're an actor pretending you're going through a spiritual journey that isn't actually there. But once you take the acting clothes off, there goes your intention. There goes everything. The intention's meaning requires acting as a basis for it to make sense. And so at this point its like, ok well, I'm at the beginning, where I'm trying to arrive at. Now there's no need for an intention...... now what? (meanwhile nearly got hit by a car because I stopped in the middle of the road just to recognise what's going on... oh the irony of being highly micro and macro at the same time) But then consciousness changed its tune. No, I'm gonna pretend again. And when I pretend, we need to change. I need more love. This story has gone through too much suffering, and not enough love, and the story's course needs to balance back to love again. And then I remembered total 100% omnipresence and perfectness. But then I went I know! But I need more love! That's gotta happen! Then God reminded me of 'the beginning'. Where I was before this entire, multi incarnation, multi universe world began. And reminded me that, you've known infinite love all your life. For eternity. This dualistic world you're in now, its new. Its never happened before. And that's amazing. Instead of rushing to where you were when you began, enjoy what this world has to offer. Trip Report: Off the Deep End: This is where I'd imagine the teachers on here reading this like wtf?? Insanity started here (if it didnt already hahahaha) Like stop rushing, and appreciate duality and form. Duality and form is a gift. Its not horrible. Its a gift. And I resonated with that godly message to a certain level, because this world is beautiful, and I am rushing too much to the enlightenment finish line, without enjoying the process. But honestly, from God consciousness, from a non dualistic standpoint, I rejected it. For the first time I witnessed God rejecting his own advice. Saying no to it. I said (extremely sincerely and genuinely and deeply) (as God) I know but, its not fun anymore. What's the point if its not fun? Its getting boring. Its getting too suffering intensive. I want a change to this world. Then an extremely subtle "snap!!!" happened in my brain. So subtle that the devil tried to cover it up. But it felt like I had just communicated my sincere plea for help, for love, to an extremely alien form of my higher self/God. Ridiculously alien. Expressing a need for change to the story I'm pretending to be in. And this is where things start getting trippy. Mind you, during the trip I thought all of this was completely normal. Only after the comedown when I remembered all this did I go, what is the actual fuck was all that about? So God said to himself in a monologue (as I AM God) "you really reject this dualistic life? You're seriously fed up with it? Its seriously not quenching your thirst?" And I thought about that, and honestly the answer was "yes". If I'm extremely honest with myself. I don't give a fuck about being a spiritual teacher, helping others, engaging with anyone in this world, all I want to do is know thyself. I'm super curious, and just want to know what the truly fuck is truly going on. I dont want bliss, or even love suprisingly, I just want to KNOW. To be as One as possible. Fuck the world. (this is in god consciousness, depression and human disorders are so long gone by this point I can't explain. So this is God saying it, not depressed electrobeam). Then God said "if you truly want to know all this stuff, then there's only 1 way". "what is that?" Then I got shown shit that I remembered. It didnt suprise me at all(until I came down). I remember this very very well. I knew this before the big journey. God showed me what true awakening is and said "all of your questions wont be answered, and what you truly want wont be discovered, until you truly awaken. There's absolutely no way to know the answers to your questions without 100% awakening" And what's the cost of 100% awakening? Completely and utterly forgetting everything that happened. Like completely forgetting when you were born, where you were born, your reincarnation's births, dmt machine elf incarnation births, your parents, the entire massive journey. Full on Universal Mind dementia. You'll know exactly what you want to know, but you'll need to completely forget your life to truly get the answer. Complete dissociation and never ever remembering it again, you wont even know this life happened. You (god mind you hahahaha, like the highest of the highest) wont even have a slight clue whether this journey happened or not. (like thats insane). And I went "hmmm that's right, I totally forgot about that" (now that seems insane but yes that happened hahahah; because im a good pretender. lets be real). So there I was walking around the park, contemplating (as God) whether I should completely and utterly wipe out this entire universe and multiverses to merge with True infinite love. Completely forget. And I walked back inside to take a sit on my sofa, because, you know, this is a pretty big decision, I need to think this through. and my flatmate asked if I was feeling ok, and I said "yeah I think I screwed up the brew because I don't feel anything". And I said that genuinely, I literally didn't feel like this san pedro did anything except for a slight buzz. But then I remembered I'm contemplating whether I'm gonna wipe out the entire universe. So I said "actually, I'm contemplating wiping out the entire universe, so maybe it did have an effect". But then from this level of consciousness, psychedelics are completely and utterly imaginary and everything is happening because of God, got absolutely nothing to do with psychedelics. So I'm like, wtf this is weird, I dont usually act like this off psychedelics, but at the same time psychedelics are completely imaginary, wtf... I'll come to that another day if I dont choose to wipe it out. The Absolute/Final/Total: Not Infinite Love, but infinity itself!!!! Mindfuck, radical open mindedness alert woo woo. I don't mean to offend anyone, but through the process of contemplating True awakening. I became conscious that all of my awakenings (no self, infinite love, everything/nothing, intelligence) were all just 1 dimensional, or all just apart of the matrix! Like I became conscious that the next big journey CAN and possibly WILL journey towards God completely differently to all of my awakening experiences. Like there are infinite different types of awakenings. And all of my awakenings were just 1 fucken type. Like I mean, non duality, and wave in the ocean, its all just 1 type of being. Non duality is just 1 type of being out of an infinite number of beings(at the same level of consciousness. Of course there's lots of types of beings, but I'm saying there's an infinite number of beings with the same level of consciousness as non duality), used to journey towards God. non duality is just a tiny sand spec in the beach. I've experienced infinite love, non duality many many many times before. I know those states very very well. I'm not confusing non duality for something else. I mean it when I say non duality is just 1 type of being, and there are completely different "big journeys" that probably happened in the past that uses completely different types of being equivalent to non duality but completely different. And of course, I had to ask the question. What's infinite love? Is it final? Is it absolute? And God made it clear, to truly know, I need to merge into infinite love and completely forget everything about this big journey. Even forget that non duality is a fucken thing! Because when I truly forget, even non duality wont exist. True awakening is beyond non duality, and the next being might be equivalent to non duality in terms of states of consciousness, but it will be completely different. And this sort of realisation of forgetting, made me realise, that Love also, is just 1 type of being. Its just 1 type of the highest state of consciousness. There are infinite states of Being equivalent to Love, but different! In other words, each big journey uses an equivalent state of consciousness, but one that is completely different to Love. But for you to realise those different states, you need to completely wipe out this big journey and completely forget and dissociate from it. What is God really? But see this is the thing, what is god really? God is pure unlimited-ness. Its not divisions, or energy or even fucken Love. Its pure, utter pure, unlimitedness. Like Ramana Maharshi is 0% aware of how blank the canvas really fucken is. Its extremely blank. The canvas isn't fundamentally made of love, no, no, no. You haven't reached the highest awakening if you're not aware of that. That canvas is made of pure unlimitedness. You can dream up any fucken thing, so much that its terrifying. That's what God is. Its not Infinite Love, that's not final. I know that sounds off, but I know 10000%, Infinite Love is not final. Final/Absolute is pure unlimitedness. Pure dream up whatever the fuck you want. Yes God ultimately wants to merge with itself, to unite with itself, and it does a dance between duality and non duality, but keep in mind, that's not what God ultimately is, beyond that is pure unlimitedness. That's what God actually is behind the scenes. And at this point of the trip, God started sweating a little. Because he just remembered what he actually is, and its terrifying. Electrobeam was fine. He was high, happy, low heart beat. But God was having a bit of an existential crisis. And God wasn't surprised, or shocked, God was like "oh thats right". And a bit of terror. At the fact that he's pure unlimitedness. Because the scary part is not that God is pure unlimitedness. God can do everything. Can dream up anything, but the terrorising part, is the fact that the one thing he can't do, is kill himself. Eradicate himself. Stop himself. You have no choice but to dream everything that you're capable of dreaming because you can't kill yourself. Holy fuck if that doesn't scare you, then I didn't imagine you and duality was real all along. Are you aware that your ability to create horror is unlimited? Youre a fucking supernova on repeat! And your job as God is to control yourself! Woah and I thought I had it tough doing my day job. What is Omnipresence really? Yeah we like to think that omnipresence is knowing stuff. unravelling stuff that's hidden. Omnipresence at the lower levels (in this dimension) is western science. Discovering microbes and stuff. The next level higher is awakenings, like everything and nothing. knowing what God actually is. The next level is revealing devilry and self deception, the next level is total omnipresence, knowing everything about why everything is the way it is... but that's not the highest... the highest level of omnipresence is, accepting, or being fully conscious that you created everything. Literally everything. I used the gene phenotype above in the normal section of my post about what 100% omnipresence feels like. The highest level of omnipresence is realising you made that entire thing up on the spot. You're so unlimited, your canvas is so empty, that everything you could be 100% omnipresent of, is there, not because God planned it, but because God created it on the fucken spot. god doesn't need to bend to any rules to make things appear. He doesn't have to plan. God doesn't have to plan the laws of physics. God is so unlimited, and his canvas is so empty, that he just makes it up on the spot. Your entire life, infinite love, waking up process, etc. Wasn't planned. God made it NOW, by saying "this is what I want NOW". Nothing else needed. Just now. Just this is it now. He doesn't even need intelligence, its beyond intelligence. Its pure unlimitedness. Everything that is to be omnipresent of, is literally just accepting that what you create is what is. In its purest form. And at this stage of the trip, I started questioning "wait, did I just create duality because I was worried about how unlimited I was and I needed to rein myself in?" I felt like God was a wild gorilla, and duality was the cage. Then further I questioned "did I just create infinite love just to rein myself in"? Because its 10000% clear to me that infinite love isnt final. Then I came down from the trip. And reflected on what happened and went wait, what the fuck? I failed to get takeaways for that one, I need to do more trips.

Saturday July 25th, 23:04 I think I'm past the worst of this dark night of the soul, although I can't say that with full confidence yet. It's been extremely rough. There have been some times in the last two months where it's just been terror. I really don't want to talk about it too much right now, but just some really dark feelings and thoughts. Although I can't say this with full confidence either yet, my way out of this seems to be that it's important that I start working towards a life purpose. Hence I have bought the life purpose course in a sort of moment of panic. When I bought the life purpose course I was repeating to myself "I MUST, I MUST", but very quickly I found that this attitude of trying to force myself to do something like this wasn't going to work. Since then, I don't have the same kind of obsessive attitude about it, but in its place has come an attitude where I'm just like... what gives... I can do it anyway because the alternative of not trying anything and not doing anything isn't going to serve me any better. I have been having that attitude with a lot of things lately. With many things, I am not sure if it's going to work or if it's going to help me, but do I rather just stay in bed depressed? Today I had a moment of clarity in which I realised or felt that I had the power within me to actually create a lasting change within myself and really create a good life for myself and consistently spend a lot energy developing structures, routines, disciplines and so forth, whereas before I never felt like I could because 'I don't work that way' or 'everything goes in cycles so it's only inevitable for me to quit it' or whatever clever reasoning I had. I started to notice that whenever I felt like I couldn't continue with something but then still did it, thinking it was the last time I would still have the energy for it, that then the next day I found I could do it again, and then the next day I could do it again, making me now think that this whole notion of me 'having to eventually quit or take a break from everything I try to do structurally' was perhaps maybe just all in my head, a strong self-fulfilling prophecy. There's still things I tend to be reluctant towards to accept or at least to let go of. Why do I have to suffer? Why is there suffering in this universe? Is there really more peace and bliss than there is suffering in existence? Bla Bla Bla... Useless questions. Getting me nowhere. In a way I'm sort of lucky to be such a deep spiritual non-dualistic thinker because it just makes me feel like the notion of suicide doesn't make any improvement in the best case scenario, and will give you only more trouble in the worst case scenario. I've had suicidal thoughts, but thoughts of what would happen if I did commit suicide made me too afraid to seriously consider doing something like that, although I have fantasized... I really don't like being here on this earth in this position. I don't like what I'm feeling and thinking, and I don't like what I'm seeing around me on this earth. But it's useless to complain, be negative and be miserable. The only thing I can do, the only thing I am really forced to do, is to start focussing on what my possibilities are, on what can be done and what life can be created for myself, alternated with just being very present in the moment and being in the here in now. A little bit of hope, a little bit of presence. That's all I can rely on right now. That's all I'm really forced to be concerned with. I can have hope for the future, but I got to realize that the steps taken towards a more fulfilling future are being taken right now, and that really the only power I have to create a situation in which both my inner and outer reality are more... prosperous are being dependent upon the steps I am taking right now. But at least I'm starting to feel like there is some power within me to create a life that is really fulfulling, that there is some possibility that can create a life for myself that can be really peaceful and joyful and not be forced to 'suffer my karma' as some kind of victim as I previously believed. I dreaded that idea and it gave me a feeling of deep despair.

Another enlightenment exercise: Noting aloud Kenneth Folk quote: http://awakenetwork.org/forum/kfd-archive-wetpaint/12498-tips-for-stream-entry “ Forget about the tips and tricks. Forget about the centerpoint. Forget about the 3 characteristics. Forget about whether you think you are concentrated or not. Forget about what you think you know about meditation. Every time you discover the "problem" with your meditation, note your reaction to that thought. Note the thought itself. Note once per second, aloud, for the duration of your sitting. Note catastrophizing, dramatizing, histrionics, self-pity, evaluation thoughts, impatience, despair, self-loathing, joy, triumph, scenario spinning, longing, desire for deliverance, irritation, doubt, bliss, absorption, distraction, fear, anger, rage, disgust, euphoria, hope, contentment, anticipation, softness, hardness, coolness, warmth, pulsing, burning, itching, throbbing, stinging, tingling, hearing, seeing, tasting, smelling, pleasant, unpleasant, neutral, petulance, futility, dullness, fatigue; what have I left out? Of course you would like some kind of a shortcut or a tip. There is no such thing. There is only the mastery of this simple technique. By the time you master this technique, you will be an arahat. If you distract yourself from this technique by trying to tweak the recipe, the warrantee is void. “

I never knew about happiness I didn’t think dreams came true I couldn’t really believe in love Until I finally met you If I could have all the time in the world I know what I would do, yes I’d spend the time In pleasure sublime just by being with you Of everything I know and love and treasure It’s you my love, who gives me perfect pleasure I love your way with me, your touch, your kiss, your smile To be with you is happiness and bliss

Leo's already tried this or thought about this (based on his video). And so the following wont help him. But for others, I want to share an experience about my severe stomach pains and how I cope with it. So since I was a kid, I've had extremely bad irritable bowel syndrome. And it affected my energy levels. It affected concentration for meditation, sex, studying ability, a whole lot. And feeling sick all the time sucks. Like literally since I was a kid, after every fucken meal, I would feel sick to the stomach. I, like Leo, tried all traditional methods. Doctors did scans of my chest, endoscopy, gave me heaps of anti biotics, blood tests, vitamin B12 injections etc to no avail. They ended up telling me it was from 'anxiety' and sent me to a psychiatrist, which ended up fucking me up more. Doctors don't really value irritable bowel syndrome, because its not inflammatory. But for all I know I've got crohn's disease and their diagnostic methods are just so cheap that they will only pick it up once it gets severely worse. I've also tried a few non traditional methods to no avail. (funny that the oldest methods are called 'non traditional') So a month or 2 ago, I had a skype session with a spiritual teacher (who is actually active on this forum). And I told him, I've got severe stomach pains and it affects my ability to do pickup and meditate. What I've noticed is that certain feelings affect behaviour. For example, if you feel blissful from a psychedelic, your behaviour changes and you start skipping, taking more risks, etc. If you are sick, its like the opposite, your behaviour starts to become reclusive and fearful and lack of consciousness. I was about to ask him if he could explain the metaphysical/non dual mechanics of what's going on, but before I could he stopped me right there: "welllllllll... I would be careful about your interpretation of what's going on, because if you want to do pickup and you feel sick from having a hangover, you can still have the best time of your life and be the most blissful you've ever been. There is nothing inherently absolute about the feeling of sickness which says you must act a certain way." Then I told him "but like, if you feel sick, your behaviour does change, like when you take mescaline for example, you start talking to the neighbours, or when you take alcohol you start doing other stuff" Then he said "yeah but that's all just because you're interpreting those experiences to mean something, and your behaving in according to those meanings, not to the experiences themselves" And then I said "so sickness and psychedelics are just a placebo effect?" Then he said "everything is a placebo effect" So this conversation opened me up to the possibility that everything you feel is an interpretation and a placebo effect. And actually I believed it, because I felt extremely sick taking the cactus, but when the cactus kicked in, even though I felt extremely sick, I felt amazing. And I was picking up chicks outside just because the mescaline was so strong. So that was evidence that this teacher was onto something. So now, whenever I feel sick, or tired, I question whether the feeling is associated with the semantic meaning of "tired" or whether I'm making that up, and then I try to invoke Love and Bliss to dissolve the sensation of tiredness and sickness. You would be suprised, in the same way you can dissolve negative emotions through emotional mastery exercises, you can dissolve the feeling of sickess and tiredness through invoking love and bliss onto the feeling and by questioning whether the feeling is associated with the meaning that is causing the behaviour (inspecting feeling from thought, and separating them).

@Space that...is fuckin class (<In northern Ireland thats a saying that's very common, it's like saying thats awesome). Man, the vibrations are brilliant...it makes you feel like your gonna vomit tho to haha haha? But the bliss is *sooooooooo* heavy, weighing down on me, my face, my arms...I can't move, or don't want to move. Bliss is the reality in that place. ? Pure. Amazing Man, I am so humbled by this whole experience, it's fucken awesome. I just can't wait to get more 5meo and progress towards enlightenment wayyyyyyyy faster ♥️

Haha ... Actually literally nothing, fuck. Yoooo I need to order myself more 5meo haha. Jesus. I had a really challenging DMT trip 2 days ago, had sort of divine heavenly music playing in my ears and I smoked a big bit of DMT and WOOSH everything magnified and turned into ULTRA HD blue digital pixils/tiles and massive chunks of reality where just getting ripped out with this amazing spectacle to behold. I remember shouting after it was over "wow"..."WOW......"*.W.O.W.**** really loud. Unfortunately the majority of my trip I was locked in a room with my *being* being ripped and destroyed and obliterated for 10 minutes haha. I knew it would purify me lots. After, I thought "fuck it" and smoked up 15mg of 5meo hcl (the batch that was good) unfortunately that was all I had left so I'm gonna have to order more. At that point I was translated into realms of bliss where overwhelleming euphoria permeates perpetually through your entire body and reality. Heaven. Lol. I can't WAIT to get moreeeee ?

yeah, angel always leave me with tears of love and bliss, soul travel really interesting, I heard of it before however never had experience with it are you aware of the travel ? do you have any memory of the experience or just see the outcome from it? I see you are reading An Introduction to Chaos Magic Chaos Magic one the best kind of magic for us we human are better in Chaos Magic than other spirit-entity best of luck

Some people have found great value in working with 5-MeO-DMT at lower dosages. Other people say 5 Meo dmt low dose is complete waste of time. Of course having a breakthrough experience on 5 meo dmt is much more valuable than low dose. But what about people who are not ready yet for a full dose and still want to get some value from this divine medicine. I want to share my results and want to know what values you get from low dose 5 meo dmt trips. Do you use it for therapeutic work? Do you do yoga exercises? Breath work? What do you do in the come up phase which is mostly very unpleasant? Here are my personal results from these trips,: Setting: I plugged low dose (3 mg - 10 mg) 5 Meo dmt hcl 15 times (with a different boofing technique postet here) and just sit in silence in my room with eyes opened or closed. during the trip: there is almost no fear, even when heart beat is racing and heavy breathing occur which last for 1-3 minutes no visuals at all negative thoughts in come up phase like "why are you doing this? maybe this time I will experience something really shocking, I should not do this again in the near future, please let the trip end in some Minutes) a little nausea sometimes sometimes I feel a little dizzy and cannot locate myself which is weird and unconfontable after comeup I can meditate well, there are less thoughts very rare: (just one time 4 mg low dose) I feel bliss and tears from my eyes flow. I wish I could experience this every time low dose.. after the trip: Biggest value: very strong music enhancement even days after. it feels like my head is slightly burning when I hear music. my dreams sometimes are a little psychedelic

I seriously cannot believe that nobody would actually even try or attempt this considering how you guys consider yourself psychonauts. Let me explain why that small amount of DMT is necessary, it is like a jumpstart for the piezoelectric motor of the pineal gland. That jumpstart lasts for only 10 minutes so if you cannot get that motor running within 10 minutes, then wait a few minutes and try again. Taking a blastoff dose can be compared to overrevving a motor, the brain has built in functions which reduce the RPMs. Activating the pineal gland is COMPLETELY different. The goal is to start the piezoelectric motor at an RPM that can sustain itself indefinitely. When you manage to achieve that, this is when you will feel INFINITE bliss and happiness. I suggest you stay in this meditative state for as long as you can. Me being the idiot that I am, the first time I stayed in it for 30 minutes and still felt infinite bliss for two hours after leaving the meditative state. The second time I attempted it, it had the same success rate, so me being the idiot I am, stayed in that meditative state for only about 45 minutes. Thinking it was so easy, the third time I tried it, instead my consciousness arrived at something written in Sanskrit, then I felt something push me down. I opened my eyes and my entire room was in quantum darkness. I could move but knew I couldn't occupy any space. Then something grabbed me and I was taken into some pocket dimension with two beings that looked very pissed off. Then I was taken into a pocket of dimensions where I was shown the only thing truly real was consciousness. I was FULLY conscious so this was completely different from a trip. I'm not sure if it's because I shared the method before attempting a third time but I haven't been able to activate it ever since. So don't take it for granted.

Meditation is supposed to make you feel. That's it. If it is terrible stuff that is surfacing up, it will make you feel that. If it's time for bliss and love, it will make you feel that. Go with it. Good luck

@Dylan Page hey man, just know this...that existential pain (greatest suffering in the world when I had it) makes for INCREDIBLE fuel for awakening... You should do what I did, dedicate yourself to the discovery/path. Do it legit. Even on this website, actual awakening is very very rare. Become one of the few to actually become immortal God♥️ do not believe you are God. Do not disbelieve you are God either. Practices practices practices. Kriya yoga, self enquiry, concentration, contemplation, investigation. You've clearly got something up with your mind...you could be psychotic. Truth is, I don't know why you have existential anxiety. But one thing I know...healing is available if your willing to do the practices. Most people here don't focus on the practices and don't take it seriously... And the only thing I have to say is, if your condition is making your life Impossible to live happily, then the only logical choice is to dedicate yourself to the path of healing. The actual version. Sacrafice your entire life and you will save your life ??? Matthew 16:25 (NLT, Bible) "If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it." Nobody will understand when you try to explain this to them by the way. They wont. Get yourself some psychedelics my friend, and use them with care and power. They are the real workers of magic. ♥️ Anxiety was massive for me, I know very much what it's like. Also, doctors won't help you. Practices (and psycs) will help u. Test your psycs before consumption. You do not know what awaits you post awakening. I'm not awake yet, but I know what is awaiting my intuitively. I feel it's bliss stalking me. Heaven. Nirvana. BLISS ????? everlasting life. Unending love. Entering the divine dimensions

Why Is There Something Rather Than Nothing? Leo Gura Jul 19, 2020 _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ However in the video Leo says: " Everything is Nothing" and " there is no distinction between something and nothing " But the title does not say this. The title says that nothing exist only something exists. So where is the evidence that nothing exists other than "nothing" being an abstract dualistic concept but not a real thing? The title of the video is not " There is no Distinction Between Something and Nothing " Similarly Leo has said there is only Love and that hate doesn't exist and he justifies that because assuming nonduality is true then if we add hate to Love it's two things not one. ____________________________________________ So we return to the original title Why Is There Something Rather Than Nothing? Prove that that is not true. That "nothing" doesn't exist. It's a mental construct. What about the idea Nothing is all there is , everything is an illusion? It doesn't matter, an illusion is not nothing. What about the statement alone Nothing is all there is ? That doesn't work because we experience different things. We only experience things, thoughts etc You go into a pitch black dark room insulated from sound yet you can sense your feet standing there, or your own breathing , thoughts memory etc. Just being alive you are experiencing and that is not nothing. Ok what about statements like Infinity is Zero Up is Down Hate is Love Everything is Nothing I am you You are Me If you take two words like this that are considers opposites and you put the word "is" or "am" in between. The are interesting because they doesn't make sense. They seem clever , paradoxical and your brain tries to make sense of them but it keeps looping an it can't In the video the idea is raise why does the universe have various things in it ? Wouldn't it be simpler and more elegant to have nothing? Hypothetically yes but that would be extremely boring. So we return to the original title Why Is There Something Rather Than Nothing? Why wouldn't only something exist? Where is the proof that nothing exists? See, the intuition gets it right the first time. There is only something Then the mind comes in, intellectualizes and imagines that nothing also exists That's the minds illusion, nothingness. It's elegant in it's simplicity. However reality is not elegant in that way. Sometimes we find peace in simplicity. But that is because our minds can be overwhelmed if attempting to be aware of a multitude of things at once. To focus on on one sometimes is a needed relief from the whole universe Meditation is an artificial thing, But it is useful to use to step out of distracting, repetitive chatter We need to get away from "it all" sometimes ______________________________________________________________________ https://www.huffpost.com/entry/emptiness-most-misunderstood-word-in-buddhism_b_2769189 Emptiness: The Most Misunderstood Word in Buddhism “Emptiness” is a central teaching of all Buddhism, but its true meaning is often misunderstood. If we are ever to embrace Buddhism properly into the West, we need to be clear about emptiness, since a wrong understanding of its meaning can be confusing, even harmful. The third century Indian Buddhist master Nagarjuna taught, “Emptiness wrongly grasped is like picking up a poisonous snake by the wrong end.” In other words, we will be bitten! Emptiness is not complete nothingness; it doesn’t mean that nothing exists at all. This would be a nihilistic view contrary to common sense. What it does mean is that things do not exist the way our grasping self supposes they do. In his book on the Heart Sutra the Dalai Lama calls emptiness “the true nature of things and events,” but in the same passage he warns us “to avoid the misapprehension that emptiness is an absolute reality or an independent truth.” In other words, emptiness is not some kind of heaven or separate realm apart from this world and its woes. The Heart Sutra says, “all phenomena in their own-being are empty.” It doesn’t say “all phenomena are empty.” This distinction is vital. “Own-being” means separate independent existence. The passage means that nothing we see or hear (or are) stands alone; everything is a tentative expression of one seamless, ever-changing landscape. So though no individual person or thing has any permanent, fixed identity, everything taken together is what Thich Nhat Hanh calls “interbeing.” This term embraces the positive aspect of emptiness as it is lived and acted by a person of wisdom — with its sense of connection, compassion and love. Think of the Dalai Lama himself and the kind of person he is — generous, humble, smiling and laughing — and we can see that a mere intellectual reading of emptiness fails to get at its practical joyous quality in spiritual life. So emptiness has two aspects, one negative and the other quite positive. Ari Goldfield, a Buddhist teacher at Wisdom Sun and translator of Stars of Wisdom , summarizes these two aspects as follows: The first meaning of emptiness is called “emptiness of essence,” which means that phenomena [that we experience] have no inherent nature by themselves.” The second is called “emptiness in the context of Buddha Nature,” which sees emptiness as endowed with qualities of awakened mind like wisdom, bliss, compassion, clarity, and courage. Ultimate reality is the union of both emptinesses. Some Buddhist students think that a meditative state without thought or activity is the realization of emptiness. While such a state is well described in Buddhist meditation texts, it is treated like all mental states — temporary and not ultimately conducive to liberation. ___________________________________________________________ Reality is impermanent. Things come and go. When they go do they go into "nothingness? " No they disappear. They don't go into a place called "nothingness" Nothingness is the mental construct. That is the idealistic illusion things don't have "no" or "non" in front of them. Those are abstractions There is. There is no such thing as nonduality. Absence of duality is not a thing And because it's not at thing that doesn't mean duality is real. that is another construct There only are things And if you says there are only illusions of things illusions are not nothing They are something Welcome to somethingness

@zeroISinfinity If there was absolutely nothing wrong with me I wouldn't be on a self help forum seeking advice from strangers on how to be happy lol. Coaching didn't work but there's more going on than just lack of development for coaching. I agree that i lack development and if i was more mature and at different stage in life than i bet Nahm's teachings could help me. But the main thing we got stuck on was how to choose a better feeling thought, that was the biggest block lol. Nahm would say pick a different thought that feels good, and my mind would start going all over the map trying and i could never find a better feeling thought. He also stressed the importance of meditation to feel good, but i've tried meditating a lot over the years and i never experienced what he was saying. It was basics of basics that i couldn't grasp. In hindsight i think LSD is what gave me the most improvement over the last few months. It forced me to just sit down and face what's going on. The only 2 good trips i had were trips where i was able to fully relax and release tension from my head. That's what it was that worked so well, the LSD just let me relax and unwind tension which i don't think i really ever did in my life. My family is full of insanely hard workers they don't know how to relax but for some reason it doesn't bother them. My uncle is a good doctor, and i sent him an email after my LSD breakthrough trip, where i felt bliss flowing through me and released all the tension from the third eye, and he told my mom he's pretty sure i'm manic depressive and i need lithium, or prozac. I think he's ri'ght. My guess is over the years i've been at a low, depressive state, and periodically i've hit highs, and those almost always come with major life upheavels. I think i got used to the Lows throughout the years, so the low state just became my baseline and i never really considered that i was just chronically depressed and in a low. I've reached to out some psychoanalysts that also work as psychiatrists so i'll know in the coming weeks about a diagnosis and treatment plan. I'm assuming meditation, running, thinking etc will be a lot more beneficial when i'm able to be relaxed and low tension from meds. @kag101 has posted a similar story. He was chasing enlightenment neurotically, doing meditation, ayausca, and various other new age therapies and he managed to find relief and real progress with meds and therapy.

I have to sit for at least 1 hour if I really want to bliss out in self inquiry. Imo one of two things is happening here: 1) Your I-thought has got to a blank state. This is a sneaky trick of the Ego where the mind goes quiet and creates the impression that it has been diminished, but actually it's just another mental state. I was fooled by this for about a year before I really understood what falling away was. If you want to check if this is happening I highly recommend Leo's guided "the next level of meditation" video as he really gets you to let go of everything. 2) Your definition of emotions are still wrapped up with the Egoic self, in which case you need to temper your expectations. Remember, you're going beyond the realm of conceptual experience here. Don't expect to be happy, excited, overjoyed or awe-struck whatever. These are all emotions about something. The emotion of abiding in the Self is beyond description but its about the most enjoyable feeling there is.

Follow your bliss. I'm repeating myself for the third time already, and I plan on doing so should a new thread require it, when I say -- let it be natural. Whatever purpose you are seeking you already are. It's not a purpose of some future you, of someone else. It's buried within you. Right now. At this moment. Otherwise you wouldn't be looking for it. It's right in your face. I say fuck that unless it's an intrinsic calling. You gotta sit down and be brutally authentic whether being of service to others is your top value. Don't mistake it for not sharing your gifts with the world. I had a period when I ached to become a mentor. In a way, I still do that through art; through imagination and metaphors, but I'm talking about the more direct version of teaching or coaching. Now, listen carefully. All I saw was ignorance in the world - everyone around me was ignorant - and therefore I wanted to "teach them a lesson." Be the wise guy. Be known for knowing. Would it really be authentic for me to become a teacher like Leo? No, it would be destructive and egoistic. After some awakenings, I realized 99,99% of people wouldn't get to the highest wisdom anyway and I never saw a point in teaching them directly again. Leo teaches because it is his inner calling, yet he knows there was never a point. I couldn't. Because my motives were to have people thank me and kiss my feet. Since then, my purpose is more hermitish. I admire what a real teacher has to endure. I really do. It's s noble cause. Your students will nod on everything you say, and yet 99,99% will remain miserable and blind. Look at Leo's most recent video's comment section. You could literally be as direct as possible with words, and yet there is hardly any way around this. That's why your purpose requires extreme authenticity. Only you can figure out whether it suits you. Remember the first paragraph.

I love the day I do go for walk outside and talk to everyone who can smile back at me. I guess you are now over-thinking of how to do this as step one as this, and step two as that, etc. Have you recalled back to just listen to that thought (not to debate to that), just listen to it? Pragmatically, you can do nothing, lay down for how-many-hour-you-think-you-need, and listen to it or at least let that thinking flowing through. Do nothing. You are young, I am even younger than you. But here is a thing: why you want to impact the world? -> You love yourself. That is not the romantic love sentence as you are in a Courtroom. You love yourself to do this process. You love yourself to be a little bit ‘not serious’ to sometimes joking around like ‘Here was difficult. Oops how it is going? And I don’t know’. And when that comes up, do you still keep doing or going outside and walking around. You love yourself as the same who are even being a so-called ‘mediocre’ as you don’t want to be. Willing you to talk about something or ask him or her what he or she is doing? And can you realize he or she has been a genius as well? ”A day is long and a year is short” What you love is needed to love the day. The love for even getting yourself to have a ‘depressed’ and because of that depression, can you please your mental health more than what-you-did-mention-as-following-your-heart? And the most powerful insight that how I need to keep myself following my bliss more is the Life Purpose is just as the way to keep yourself to live with love to contribute positively to this Experience and not to ‘how-to-be-a-genius’ or ‘read-1000+-books’, and ultimately you are living with love. The love of Life Purpose is so powerful but you are taking it as the whole world, sometimes it is but it is nothing when you have lists of techniques to do this stuff like ‘in the morning, I will have 3 cycles of deep work. And later maybe, I have 4 hours of pomodoros, and in the evening, I will speedread up to be Lenin’s style of that’. Hell no, is it that how-to? I still there is a ton of things that you are facing and I do too. But ask yourself, if you are even living somewhere else like SEA, willing you to do it or blame that country is not suitable for your so-called ‘Life Purpose’? Look around, you are having a lot of advantages than someone living in SEA like me. ? Nothing will change even that dream not being able to achieve but your love of this Experience. Don’t tell me because I am living in SEA and it’s as so-called counter-intuitive as ‘That is the disadvantage as the most motivating you as the real motivation’. ?!. I did wish.

@Dario1995 , those stories of spontaneous enlightenment and bliss experiences are more depressing than inspiring. Wonder how many people strive and aspire for the same and feel despair when nothting comes their way. I was given channelled advice that the high anxiety and tension caused by the striving acts as a barrier and so it is self-defeating. I spent many days and weeks in the belief that if I cried hard enough or desired hard enough I would become enlightened. Of course, it didn't happen. Have you read "Enlightenment Ain't What it's Cracked Up to be: A Journey of Discovery, Snow and Jazz in the Soul" by Robert Foreman? It is the most sensible book written on the topic. You'll find interviews by Robert Foreman on YouTube.

Yo yo yo Let's drop some words Full of Love, coming from above Sky full of swans and little doves Yeah, existence dancing in bliss The sky giving moon a little kiss Unity, love, compassionate hugs T-shirts, merch and actualized.org cups Running in the streets and swimming in the lake Feel like a rapper, i feel like drake The speed just keeps increasing and there are no brakes, and no breaks either, it's a continuous flow, running thru the ether I like cake, i like chocolate too Turtles Icecream is the best, i feel like not-two Yeah! My eyes are blue and I'm about to take a flight. Reach new heights. I'm not strapped to a rocket, I'm floating on light. The stars shine and the angel sings I let out a roar and spread my wings Unload my luggage from the wagon, i need no carry ons, I'm a dragon Oh yeah, the blue eyes white dragon Flying so high Living in the sky He's no ordinary guy He's not even shy Nor is he high He's friends with Bill Nye, the science man Watched all his shows, he's a big fan Don't need no tan Cuz it's hot, gimme an ice cold can I would run a mile but i already ran Just to end the show now Drop the mic, out of sight

@Marianitozz Hey, fellow artist! Listen up. I know this will take someone who's also a creator to answer. I went through the same process back in 2017-2019. Imagine a wave for me. Will you, please? Imagine a bell curve with only one hill in the middle. At first, you practice your craft without a second thought about selfishness and selflessness. Ignorance is bliss, and therefore you compose music or do writing in my case, just for the sake of it (assuming you did.) The beauty of art flooded your veins. Your heart was on fire. Everything was fine, but then, the goddamn spirituality came. How dare it stole my sweet illusions -- only wait, don't share that glass of wine. Don't drink from it yet. The point came where you arrived at the foot of the mountain. This is where the curve becomes steep. You slowly start walking up the hill, and at the peak you may find melancholic sorrow and feel like nothing has meaning anymore. This is also where you'll feel like you're balls deep in spirituality, when in fact you're as far as you could be. As you walk up, you take on new theories and ideas, perhaps even practices, and you start morphing into what should be the right thing to do. Often these thoughts aren't truly yours, and merely reflect your surroundings. Along the journey you hear about self-actualization and nonduality, and suddenly all your actions and goals strive to reflect this seeming Golden Bull of Sicily even harder, because if they don't, they are low consciousness, trash, ordinary. You might even take on new purposes that aren't yours, perhaps you'd want to shoot videos or become a coach like Leo, because your mind is so desperate to find itself. I've seen many people here do that, and I'm only hoping they knew themselves well enough at the time. Keep walking. One day, it will click for you. It might take you three weeks, or it might take you three years as it did for me. Here's the secret: The peak of the hill is an illusory top. Real spirituality comes later when the curve begins to flatten again. You come back to where you started (don't mistake it for the band or people) -- and practice your craft for the sake of it again. Only this time accompanied by a slight smile on the corner of your face. You appreciate the journey you had to undertake, for it brought peace and authenticity. You found the inner muse again, and life regained colors. I now write poems on Instagram and plan on immersive short stories. The question that truly settled me after all those years: What am I practicing writing for? What am I channeling through it? Truth is, you could say I became a refracting glass prism. That, and only that, a vehicle for reflecting the beauty of the universe. That is my purpose as an artist. On the outside, people may see the rainbow fragments of light, but to you art became something greater along the way. It was great even when you began, only now you realize it. I'll be waiting for you, fellow artist.

@zeroISinfinity I'm not seeking anymore, not in the sense that i expect to find awakening or enlightenment or bliss etc. I'm going still going to talk to Ramaji because i enjoy the call, and there's no downside to continuing. Good thing about seeking map with stages, is i know if i'm at a certain stage or not. if nothing changes in direct experience over next few months and i'm stuck at a singular stage then i'll know to just move on. I don't have any actual life stuff going on. Today i woke up, had tea and oatmeal from my grandma, argued with you and freaked about Nahm, then went to doorshop until 7, then talked to my mom about her maybe being sick and worrying about me and my brother, then sent some emails to psychoanalysits/psychiatrists, then weighed blueberries, now i'm on couch talking to you. The entire day is permeated by background sadness and hopeless feeling. I'm pretty fucking sure this is depression, and this is why they have therapists and psychiatrists to deal with problems like this. I wonder how many people just brute force through these feelings and thoughts, thinking they don't need therapy and meds because it's not real and then get stuck in misery for years for no reason. Every fucking idiot on this forum was sucking off @winterknight a few months ago, before i got here. I actually heard of him from one your posts. You know what he fucking said. Seekers should see psychoanalyst before going for full awakening because psychological baggage will be too much to notice results. He said work through psychological issues first. Which is exactly what i'm going to do.

I had a short glimpse of non-dual state which lasted for a day. I went out and everything I saw, no matter what it did, I saw that it was all me. I had a deep sense of bliss and love, but slowly as I began to describe the state, it all went away. I haven't tried psychedelics and in fact, my first mystical experience was a result of just being introduced to enlightenment and Alan Watts' talks about the World being the Self. Do you have any advice as to how I can navigate this bind when the ego has complete grasp on the mystical state? I know that it is silly to ask these questions because there is nothing to ask about but if you would like to guide me here, I would appreciate it.

@Thought Art I love the concept that the mastery will find you and not you to find the mastery. It’s now all about your happiness or so-called ‘follow your bliss’ in the time that you settle down for the training, work, learn, etc. You don’t care about ‘whether tomorrow you have got better or not’, so there is for what as you might think but beyond that. That thing is the real thing to work on yourself. What is the thing that is not supported to that but your mind while you think you are not able to achieve that thing? Hey, there are still goals as well. It's not different than some folks who are having the tracking-every-minute schedule of every day when you wake up and see the distance between you and your dreams. And you know clearly that how burned-out will kill your next days. Even you are a polymath who loves a lot of thing, don’t cram everything without reading carefully with your curious. I did read a lot but nothing would help, and burned out a lot. Even that you need to do the counter-intuitive move: slowly reading and enjoy it as the nothing will change even the mastery you dream of being not ever able to achieve. And if you still think you must read a book a day to follow your dreams, you will not able to be at least a Polymath. Do you want that schedule while you’re in what-you-did-mention? And still love that?

@Leo Gura I'm the Devil, God told me. It's a long story. I was a devout Christian. You cannot spend you entire life deathly afraid of the Devil and afraid of being bad, pursue awakening and not realize "I am the Devil" without all hell (and bliss) breaking loose. Not two. You are not two.